Waydowntown (2000) - full transcript

[radio]: Ah!

- I guess you can't see me
rubbing my nipples on the radio.

- It's a great visual, Bob.
Thanks for that image.

- All right, 7:25, CJ92.

You know what day it is today?
- What?

- It's "Start-a-rumour Day."
- Oh, is it?!

- Start-a-rumour day. You got
a rumour you wanna start,

get on the phone here,

249-CJ92. Start-a-rumour Day,

and I happen to have
a couple of rumours here...

[radio banter]



- Oh, really?
- Just a rumour! Just a rumour.

- Hell no, we can't go!
Hell no, we can't go!

You want to start
your own rumour there, Joe?

- Rumour has it the boss
is gonna give me a big raise

because of that last rumour.
- I like that.

- Rumour has it Bob's
becoming a vegetarian.

- Ha! Ha! Ha!
- Oh, that's just a rumour.

[mixed radio conversations
and background music]

- If there's a rumour
you wanna share,

give us a shout, 249-CJ92,

and we'll get to some more rumours
right after these.

- You got a rumour
you want to start?

Get on the phone here at 249-CJ92.
Look, the phones are just going nuts.

We'll take a call here. Hi, CJ.
- I heard a rumour...



- When I was a kid, I thought

it was a pretty bad idea
to group all the downtown

office towers in one place.

My reasoning then was that it made it
too easy for the supervillains

to pick up the whole of downtown
in one big clump

and hold it hostage,
as supervillains will.

You know, shoot it out into space
or make it hover over the city

with all the underground
plumbing and wiring

hanging precariously from below.

This left it up to the superheroes
to come to the rescue

and put things back to normal.

A scenario most superheroes
had to deal with

at least once in their career.

The thing I never understood

was when our superhero managed
to save the day,

and plop the city
back down to earth,

everything seemed
to go back to normal.

As if all the plumbing
and wiring

and phone lines would just magically
get all hooked back up again.

- So, ready for your daily grind?
- Oh, yeah.

- A pun. That was a pun, man.

- A pun?
- Yeah.

Well, I could go
for a coffee myself.

I'm dying for a cup here.

- Knock yourself out.
You're living in the land of plenty.

- Can't.

Not on the job. The boss thinks
it looks bad. You believe that?

- Really?
You'd think it'd look good.

- Yeah, well, he's a little...

So I gotta wait
till my friggin' break

and boot it over to Joe Time.

- Joe Time?
- Yeah.

You know, it's better coffee,

and it's cheaper, too.
- Hmm.

- Oh. Hey, listen.
I got a joke for you.

- I gotta go, man. I'm late.

- This is a good one.

- I gotta go. Ha! Ha!

- This is good,
I'm telling you.

- It might be fun to be
in your office when the downtown

is picked up
and held in space,

high above the planet,
under some protective bubble.

There'd be tons of battling,
looting and raping and so on.

Not from the supervillain
or his henchmen,

but from the inhabitants.
The people I work with.

Under their calm facade,
I think most of these people

would love to get back
to the jungle.

Although you gotta wonder

why a superhero would bother
saving us, anyway.

Superheroes have morals,
a sense of honour and decency.

So he'd be disgusted
by our behaviour

and he'd boot the works off
into the sun,

which would be a shame,

considering I'm just
getting settled in here.

- On course?
- Holding fast.

- In 24.
- Twenty-four.

- Headaches?
- Headaches.

Give me some of that.

- You buying lunch?
- Maybe. Where?

- I don't know. Five?

- I don't like Five anymore.
- You don't like Five.

- I don't know. It's starting
to feel like a poor man's Three.

- You buy, you decide.
- All right.

[intercom]: Day 24.
Honour system.

- Honour system.
Will dib, dib, dib, sir.

- Dib, dib, dib.
- Good morning, Todd. I mean Tom.

- Oh, sorry.
- Okay.

Ugh!

Dub, fucking dub.

Good morning, boys.

Dib, dib, dib, dib, dib.

Dib, dib, dib.

Dub, dub, dub. Du...

Hey, hey, hey!
Good morning, Bradley.

Is the field trip today?

Say, Bradley,

I calculated. For me to work
here to my retirement

in 40-odd years,
I'm gonna have to come down here

approximately 10,000 times.

You've worked here for what,
20 years?

That means this is, like,
your 5,000th visit.

Guy, you're halfway home.

Guess you can't go
halfway home again.

- Sandra West.

- Still in?
- Yeah, yeah.

- Are you sure?
- I'm in. I'm in.

- Randy's in with a capital "I".
- Yeah. Well,

remember whose idea it was.
What about Curt?

- Haven't seen him. What's going on
with Vicki? She was all weepy

this morning.

- Uh, the usual.

You know kittens,

they're vulnerable.

- She still engaged?
- It's hard to tell.

- Hmm.

- Say,
are you getting headaches?

- Headaches? No. Why? Should I be?
- This whole building

is one big sealed unit.

I mean, the air is recycled.

- Tom! Don't put such ideas
in my head.

- You're absolutely right.
You don't want to think about it.

It'll drive you nuts. It's not
like they start with fresh air.

They start with polluted downtown air.
- What'd I just say?!

Fuck.

- Looking for something?

- Oh. Brad. I was just...
stealing your lunch.

Brad, come on. Come on.
Your pack almost fell

off your desk.
I just stood it back up again.

The thing they don't teach
you in university -

and it should be a course,
it should be mandatory -

is how to work
in close proximity

to coworkers that you have nothing
in common with. And who you may,

in fact, dislike. Having to work
elbow to elbow with someone

like "Sadly, I'm Bradley" here
requires training.

You need to appear friendly

and personable,

even if it goes against
your natural instincts.

Even if your natural instincts
would have you lean toward rudeness.

- Hey, Dinkus.

Found one of your little friends
crawling across my desk.

- And so...

you killed him?

- Listen, Dinkus.

I want to ask you something.
Just between you and me, okay?

- Sure. What?

- What I'm finding
hardest about all this,

and I'm sure you're struggling
with it too, is, uh...

Well, I'm not getting any.
If you know what I mean.

And I'm having a pretty hard
time arranging for any.

- Aren't you engaged?

- No juice until we're married.

- You're kidding.
- Scout's honour.

- Well, how do you...

you know, how do you cope?
- Oh. Strictly a one-sided

arrangement.
I could never do that.

- Wait a sec. You and her aren't,
but you and other women...

- Are. Yeah.

- Well, how do you know she isn't also?
- What do you mean?

All right. Listen, Dinkus.

The way I see it, Randy
has absolutely no self-respect.

So he's probably
jerking away himself.

Sandra's a block of ice.
She's not even a factor.

But my question is, Dinkus,
what are you doing?

Not embarrassing
yourself, are you?

- I'm using a little dope.
It takes the edge off.

- Hold on a second. Dope?

That's not allowed.
That's in the rules, right?

- There's no rule.

- That's not fair.

If you're half-baked
all the time,

you're just gonna cruise
all the way to the finish line.

[chortling]
- There's no rule about dope.

- That's fucking cheating.

- Retard.

- Tom. Tom! You got a minute?

- Millions.

- Is he listening to music?
- Mm-hmm.

- You're picking up

Mr. Mather's gift, right?
- I guess, yeah.

- I phoned. It's ready. Birks.
It's paid for.

Just pick it up.
Ask for David in Collectibles.

- Okay.
Why am I picking this up?

- I'm not a trainee anymore.
It's a trainee's job.

- Wait a second.
You're not a trainee anymore?

- Practically speaking,
I'm still in training.

But officially,
I'm no longer a trainee.

- When do I get to be not
a trainee officially,

but not practically, speaking?

- Ask Mrs. Drysdale.
- Check with the "Clivesdale".

So you don't run errands
anymore?

- No, I'll run errands.
Just not gift-running errands.

- Do I have to wait
till it's lunch?

- You'll have to ask Mrs. Clives--
I mean, Drysdale.

Mrs. Drysdale!

- Okay. Forget about it.

- No, no, no. It's good to ask.

Tom's running a gift errand
during his lunch.

He'd like to know
if it's company policy

to leave early for lunch
to make up for the time lost.

He's picking up Mr. Mather's
retirement gift.

- And I was just wandering if--
- Gift! The origin of the word,

from "to give".

Mr. Mather started this company
from nothing,

56 years ago. He has given over
half his life for this company.

He is the sole reason you are
gainfully employed by this company.

Are you prepared to give
anything beyond the five months

you've been with this
organization, Mr. Bennett?

Good. You can start by giving up
a portion of your lunch hour

to pick up a retirement gift
for the founder of this company.

How does that sit with you?
- Uh, fine.

- And you know
what you have to do.

- Yes, of course.

You should really check with her
on your trainee status.

- Yeah, some other time.

- You're going down?

- Hey!
- Hey.

- How are you doing, man...
Vicki Strayhorn.

- Strayhorn...
Yeah, that's an idea.

I don't usually like
to dip my pen in company ink,

but in this case, I'll make
an exception. Right, Dinkus?

- She's vulnerable.

- Really.
- Hmm.

- Shit. Shit, shit, shit.

I missed him.

- Ah!

[Curt]: What the fuck?!

[chuckling]

- What?
- Is it supposed to show?

- Oh. I don't know anymore.

- So what's with Mather?

- Oh, you know. His thing.
- His thing?

- You don't know?
- No.

- Well, they like to keep it
a little quiet.

It's kind of an embarrassment
to the firm.

- Yeah?

- He's like a serious clepto.

- What?
- Yeah.

Someone has to keep an eye on him
during lunch

in case he picks something up,

like shoplifts.
- And that's you?

- I have to follow him around to see
if he, you know, swipes something.

Today is my first day.
- Ha! Ha! Ha!

It's way better
than gift errands.

- He founded the company.
- Yes, he did. Yes, he did.

So what if he, like...
what if he, like, steals something?

- Well, if you ask him and
he gives it to you, you return it.

But sometimes, he gets a bit weird,
or a bit weird-violent,

so you let him keep it.
And then, you pay for what he took.

And then, they reimburse you
in petty cash.

What's wrong?
- You don't know?

- Don't start.

- What are you talking about?

- Remember. Birks.
David in Collectibles.

- Oh, my God.
- Fuck off with that.

- There's the four of us
in on the bet.

Randy, Sandra, Curt

and myself.

The deal is who can go the longest
without going outside?

The four of us all live in apartments
attached to the downtown core.

We stay in our apartments
at night and in the office

by day. This is made easy

since the downtown clump
is all connected

by walkways.
You could probably

spend years at work without even
going down to street level.

In theory, we could go without
fresh air till we retire.

We've each got a month's salary
on this misguided challenge.

Winner takes all.
Ten thousand dollars.

Plus an odd sense
of accomplishment.

Why attempt something
this juvenile?

Well for Randy and me, I guess
we are juvenile. Sandra?

I think for her,
it's a team-spirit thing.

I think she had second thoughts

after she realized the team
was just us bottom-feeders.

Now her competitive nature
is taking over. Curt?

Curt's got something wrong
with him.

And a... and a slice.

- What kind?

- Uh...

Hawaiian.
- We don't have Hawaiian.

- Could I have a straw, please?

- Okay. Ham and pineapple.

- There you are, sir.
Enjoy your lunch.

- Thank you. Aloha.

Mm...

- "I'm sick of Five.
It's just a poor man's Three."

-I got a hit.

Look at this.

It's so sad really.

- "I may have lost it
as you say,

but you're starting
to turn the wrong way.

You'll be following me down
someday." What's this?

- The guy's fucking pathetic.

- Who's it from?
- "Sadly, I'm Bradley."

- Bradley. He's been acting odd,
don't you think?

- Fucked is more accurate.
- He's asking for help.

- I don't know.
I don't think about him.

I don't notice him.
I just share an office with him.

- You're buying, right?
- No.

- You said you were buying.
- You said I was buying.

It's completely different.

- What's gotten into you, guy?

I mean, maybe Brad's right.

- You with her?

- What?
- You know her?

- Yeah. Actually, yes. I do.

She's my girlfriend.
- Your girlfriend.

- Yeah.

- Your girlfriend.

- Hey. Hey.

Guy, hey. Come on.
Hey, I was just kidding.

Okay, run.

Randy, did you see
the girl on the phone?

- No.

- You know where she went?
- No idea.

- Fuck.

- Ohh!

- Ohh... Oh, God!

- What's going on?
- Oh, God! Oh, God.

Look!
- Okay. Okay. Okay.

- Who would do something
like that?

- Okay.
- Oh, God.

- Some people go just a little
too far, don't they?

- That is... so gross.

Oh, God.

- You're not at lunch.

- Uh, month end.

- Month end. Right.

- Oh, God.
I have to go wash my hand.

- Okay, I'll take care of this.

- Curt's done this before.

- What? What's he done?
- In university.

At Carlton,
they have a tunnel system

that connects the buildings
to the residence.

And get this.
Curt Schwin went a full year.

Undisputed champ.

- Who told you this?

- I don't think
I could go a year.

- A year?
- That's what I heard, a year.

Thompson's a couple
of years behind him.

Apparently, there's still
a bit of a cult of Curt there.

- A year? Fuck that.
He's disqualified.

I never would've gotten into this
if I'd known that. He cheated.

- We asked him, remember?
- He lied.

He withheld information.
- Not really.

I'd kind of heard. But not really
and... I didn't think it was so wrong.

- You knew?
Are you fucking out of your mind?

A year? A year?

I dunno if I can go 30 days,
let alone a year.

- You said Curt couldn't stay
out of the pickup circuit

for more than a week.
- It's true. Fuck. Fuck!

I just gave him Vicki Strayhorn.
Give me a fucking quarter.

- For you, not likely.
- Randy, the guy is struggling.

If he nails Vicki,
he'll be good for months. Years.

Give me a fucking quarter!

Thank you - champ!

[dring!]

- Curt Schwin.

- Curt?
- Hey, Dinkus.

You phoning Vicki
to put in a good word for me?

- A year?

- Oh, yeah.
Them's the good old days.

Listen, Dinkus.

Thanks for the pet.
It worked like a "charmsky."

[sniffing]
Oof!

[computer]: One giant leap
for man...

and one small step for man,

one giant leap for, for, for...

- Excuse me, Miss.

I was, uh, watching you
on the phone. In the food fair?

- Uh-uh. I have a boyfriend.

- Yeah, I know.
You see, that's just it.

I was watching you on the phone

and some guy comes up to me
and he asks me if I know you.

And I told him that I did.
Even though, of course, I don't

So, uh...
- And?

- He got kinda in a...
in a funk.

He had on, like, this blue shirt.
He had curly hair.

I was trying
to straighten it out.

Not the hair, but the situation.

- Okay, so you said
that you knew me.

- Uh, yeah. Like... like...
but joking, you know.

- Yeah. Joking like how?

- Uh, I kind of told him
that you were my girlfriend.

- You told my boyfriend
that I was your girlfriend?

- I might of, yeah.
- How upset was he?

- I don't know. He ran...
he ran away. So...

- Hey, have you seen these?

[muffled screaming]

Okay, it's your turn.
- Is that what this is for?

- Yeah. You gotta try it.
- You just, uh...

- You're supposed to scream.

- Yeah, I don't really
feel the need.

- Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Come on!

Come on, come on!

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

- Where's that guy?
- Who? What? Oh, despondent boy?

I don't know.
He just got up and went inside.

- Really?
- Yeah.

- I thought he might've--
- Jumped?

- Yeah.
- No.

I told him he couldn't lay there,
so he got up and went inside.

- Wow. I totally thought--

- He jumped. Right?
- Yeah.

- No. From where, really?

You'd have to get up on the roof
or break a window.

That's harder than it sounds.

The roof's all secure,
so you can't get up there.

And breaking a window,
that's tough too.

You can't really
break that glass.

A few months back, a guy used
a pop bottle filled with marbles;

just broke the window
with it and pff...

- I gotta go.

- Sure you do.

- Mather Mather & Mather.
How can I help you?

I wish you wouldn't say sorry.

Please say "pardon me"
or "excuse me."

You're using the word
incorrectly.

Try and remember for next time.

Do you say "sorry" when you mean
"pardon me" or "excuse me"?

- Sorry. What? Uh, no. I...

Oh, I guess I obviously do, yes.

- Sandwich?

- Sure.

[breathing heavily]

So, uh, how's Pete?

- Pete?

- Fiancé Pete?

Or do you have a couple
of fiances waiting in the wings?

- No. No, no. Just... just one.

Pete.

- So how is Pete, anyway?

- Pete... he's... he's fine.

Fine.

- How long has it been?

The, uh, engagement?

- Oh... two years.
- Two years?

It's a long time.

Why so long?

- To save money for the wedding,
I guess.

I don't really know. I guess...

To see if we like it, I guess.

- To see if you like
being engaged.

- Yeah. Well, no. No, no.

Not engaged. Married. To see
if we like being married.

Sort of, like... a test.

A test run.

- And after two years,
you decide,

"Yes, we liked being engaged."

Or, "No, we did not like
being engaged."

And if you do like
being engaged, then...

why shouldn't you just
keep being engaged?

Why tamper with bliss?

Now, if you didn't like
being engaged,

then you'll have to consider
moving to a state of...

"non-engagedness."

Get married, or...

split up.

[sighing]
Two years.

- Aren't you engaged?

- Well... yeah.

- So, uh...

So we're both engaged.

- Yep.

- How long?

- Two years.

[bang!]

- All right. A guy jumps
from a window and kills himself.

So he didn't,
but I thought he did.

And I stayed inside because
of a bet. That's gotta fuck

with your sense of yourself.
I've only been working down here

for five months. And already,
I'm starting to turn.

Maybe Brad's right.
Maybe I am turning.

God, I think I'm becoming
completely desensitized.

Am I some kind of a monster?

An abnormality?
A psychopath of some kind?

They say that a hallmark of
psychopathic behaviour is fake charm.

turning it on for stuff
you don't like.

Sometimes, I think my job
now is saying hello

and making small talk
around the office.

I wonder how many times a day
I say hello.

There's all that stuff
about kids seeing

8,000 TV murders before
they're, like, four.

But hello is worse.
It's become meaningless.

It's a con. A way
to trick us into thinking

we're engaged in human interaction.
I could be saying hello to a plant

or my ant farm. Last week,

these two intense suits
were walking, like, full speed.

And they knocked heads
right in front of me.

They both landed
flat on their backs.

It was like I was watching it
on TV. One guy was knocked out cold.

I didn't even break stride.
I might as well have said hello.

- Have you seen Mather?

- Uh...
- I found him and I lost him.

This isn't good. It's the day
of his retirement party.

What if he gets arrested
or something? God, I'm doomed.

- Okay. So, what?

- I think he knows
he's being followed.

He's sneaky and he's fast.
Oh! He's fast.

- Where was the last time--
- It'd be just my luck

if he got caught.

Where's the present?
- Present?

- Mather's present?
- Right. I'm just... I'm on my way.

- If you spot him, let me know.
Okay? You keep an eye on him.

You call me on my cell and
let me know where he is.

. Okay.

- You look kinda out of it.

- Some nasty shit going on.

- How so?
- I dunno. You know,

I don't know if I've been
myself lately.

Or maybe I have.

- Hey, shit. Check out
this monitor right here.

This'll align your plane.

There we go. Right on.

Come on, come on, come on.

Jesus...

It's amazing how often
that happens, you know.

It's like they have
a sixth sense or something.

- Is that new?
- Yeah. It's a ton of fun.

- Okay. Listen.

Do I seem different to you?
- I don't know. Like what?

- Cold. Removed.
Do I seem cold or removed?

- I always thought
that was in your job description.

- That old guy. Where is that?
- Huh?

- That's my boss.
We've been looking for him.

- Ah. Busted!

- Oh, fuck. No, no, no, no.

Phil. Phil, let me...

Let me take this. Okay?
- Sure.

Slap his hand for me.
- Yeah, I'll handle it.

Il n'y a plus
dans cette ville

la joie qu'il y avait avant

Downtown

Je suis perdue
dans cette ville sans toi

toi qui m'aimais pourtant

Downtown

je m'en vais seule au long
des rues retrouver le passé

d'un amour qui n'existe plus

mais qui a commencé

dans cette ville

j'ai beau chercher

mais plus rien

j'ai beau chercher
dans les rues

mais pourtant
c'est en vain tu sais

Downtown

comme on s'aimait oh oui...
[dring!]

- Sandra West.

- I found him.
In the men's washroom.

Behind Something Significant.

- Oh, good. Where?

- Something Significant.
The store.

- Where is that? What is that?

- The store.
- Okay, okay, okay.

- Fuck.

Mr. Mather?

Mr. Mather,
can I have the bag, please?

Look, it's not your bag... sir.

It's not yours.

So, uh...

could I... have it?

Please?

- Is he in there?
- Yes.

All you have to do is be polite.

- Is he in there?
- Yes, he's in there. He stole this.

I wouldn't walk around
with it or anything.

He took it off some guy
in the mall.

- What am I supposed
to do with this?

- It's so stifling in here.

- Don't do that.
- What?

- You talked me into this bet.

So don't go playing
with my brain, okay?

It's being played with enough.
And where is Mather's present?

- Okay, okay. I'm going right now.
By the way, you're welcome.

So what do you get the boss
who's stolen everything?

I guess once you don't
have to worry

about the day-to-day monotony
of making a dime,

you can get bored. Your mind
wanders to other things.

Maybe problematic things
like shoplifting.

I guess you could be
doing worse things:

dismemberment things,
drunk-driving things.

I mean, it's not like you kill
someone every lunch hour.

But is that where this leads?

That's my question.
I mean, God!

The fish stinks from the head
down, right? Am I the tail?

Am I starting to smell?

- Hey, guy. Listen. You gotta
hear this one. It's brilliant,

I'm telling you.
- Hey, guy. Guy. No.

Hey. Hi. How is he?
- Who?

- Your boy--
- I'm so jittery. Do I seem jittery?

I am super hyper-sensitive
right now. Can you tell?

- I wanted to apologize. About
what I said to your boyfriend.

I mean, it's scary, isn't it?
It's scary what can happen.

I mean, one false move

and you can throw a whole lot
of things out of whack.

- You know what?
It's not a big deal.

Where'd you go?
I looked all over.

- Uh, I... I lost you.

Son of. Listen. How is he?

- I didn't find him.

God, look at these.
The colours for fall. Yuck!

- Uh, so...

Your boyfriend, how is he?

- Oh, he's fine.

- So... you think he's okay?
- Oh, no.

He's so fine.

Paul is one of the happiest guys.
Around here, anyway.

- Happy. He doesn't seem very happy.
- Oh no. You know what he does

for a living?
He delivers flowers.

Everybody loves getting flowers,
right?

Your lips are kissable.

Anyways,
I'm breaking up with him.

- You're breaking up with him?

Do you think that's a...

a good idea?
- I really need to calm down.

You wouldn't happen to have
any dope on you, would you?

- No.
- No.

- No, I don't have any dope.

Listen. I have to run
this errand for work.

Afterwards, I could talk to him.
Or right now. What do you think?

- He works at Floral Arrangements.
I really need to calm down.

- Okay. I have some pot in my car.
- Really?

- Yes. In my car.
- Well, let's go to your car.

- I have to run-- get this gift.
- Get the gift.

And then, we'll go to your car.
- Okay, we could do that.

- So what's that worth?

- $3,500.

- You know, I read somewhere
that infidelity

actually is healthy for relationships.
- Really?

- Especially for engagements.

- Where did you read that?
Playboy?

- Actually, I think
it was Playboy.

But I'm being deadly serious.

Plus, it's not like
we're married or anything.

- No, of course. We're... What?

- What what?

- What you just said.

- What did I just say?

What did you hear?

- You were getting at something.

- No. No.
Did you hear something?

- No. It sounded like something.

- You know, I'm innuendo-free.

Had all my shots.

- I've... I've... I've...
I'm sorry. I just... I have to...

I've gotta get this to...

- What do you think I suggested?

[dring!]

Hello.

- Curt? Christ.
- Make it fast, Dinkus.

I'm lining up
the game-saving play here.

- Okay, listen to me, Curt.
Listen to me.

You're using a coworker
in a less-than-honourable way.

And for what? For what?
A stupid bet.

Principles, man.
Think principles.

- Oh, come on, Bennett.
I've seen you work.

You're far less principled
than I am.

- So...

So where...

where were we?

- Oh. I, uh...

I think you were suggesting
something...

but you couldn't come right out
and say it.

[laughing]

- Did you see that guy?

Those guys never step aside.
It's like you're not even there.

- They ignore--
- The rules. I know.

Oh. Listen first,
talk later. Right?

- Are you gonna sit?
- I can't. I'm working.

So, how's that, uh...

How's the bet?
- It's good.

I mean, it's fine.
I'm sticking in there.

I mean, I'm keeping really--
- Focused. Yeah, I can see that.

- Well, as focused
as I can be, you know--

- Under these conditions, for sure.
- You're doing it again.

- Finishing your sentences.
Sorry.

- You know, once you settle
into the routine, it's easy.

I think I'm doing
pretty good, too.

This thing doesn't
even affect me.

- I, uh...

I work for
Mather Mather & Mather.

- Three Ms.
- Mm-hmm. Soon to be two.

- Oh, yeah?
You got a degree of some kind?

- Commerce.
- Ah, yeah? You like it?

- I dunno.
I'm just getting started.

- How's the atmosphere up there?
Is it all fresh and clean?

- It's pretty good.
It's... Whoa.

- What?

- Nothing.

- I don't know
if this is such a good idea.

- Don't worry about it. Just
read the names on the button

and transfer the calls to that
person by pushing that button.

- Ha. Ha.
- What's wrong?

- I was...

just thinking about
what happened to your boyfriend,

Paul.
- I don't know a thing about it.

- No, wait. No, no, no.
Listen. Listen.

See, when you went outside,
when I lost you,

I didn't actually... I didn't
actually, like, lose you.

I'm in this stupid fucking bet
with some of the people I work with.

Okay. And I can't...
I can't go outside.

- Oh, that's too bad.

Your lips are so kissable.

Wait a minute. For all you knew,
Paul could've jumped

to his death. And you don't
go outside 'cause of some bet?

- No, no, no, no.

- What kind of guy are you?
God!

- Hey, no, no, no.
Come on, wait. No.

Ah!

- Where's the present?

- Oh, fuck!

[Kathy]: There are two kinds
of people in the world:

good people and bad people.

There's no in-between.

I have the vase.
I'm gonna go talk to Paul

at Floral Arrangements.
Meet me there.

- I can't do this. I... I...

- I know. Me neither.
I... I shouldn't be...

It's just...

- I can't do this.
I can't do this.

- Me neither. Me neither.
Me neither.

- Oh, my God.

Oh, Curt.

Oh! Oh wait. Wait. My foot.

Ah!
[toilet flushing]

- Hey. Hey,
you dropped something.

Hey! We all have to live here,
you know!

Or work here.

Fuck.

Shit.

[inhaling deeply]

- Can I help you?

- Yeah. Uh, I'm supposed
to meet someone.

What's he doing?
- He's just... standing in there.

He just had a fight
with his girlfriend.

- Do you know where she is?

- She left a little while ago,
then he went

and stood in there.
I gotta get in there

'cause I got orders to fill.
No, wait.

I wouldn't do that
if I were you. He...

he can be a little bit...
vigorous.

Not vigorous, but violent.
- Violent?

- He's been a little bit like
this before. But not exactly.

- Hey, guy.

What's his name?
- Paul.

- Hey, Paul...

Uh, so listen...

Your girlfriend told me I should come
up here and clear up the whole...

misunderstanding about what...
what happened in the food fair.

Because, uh...

It was a misunderstanding, man.
What I said to you, it was a joke.

Just a joke. I'd never met
your girlfriend before.

I didn't really know her.
And I still don't...

know her.
- You still don't know her.

- No. No, no, no.
I just met her.

Just recently.

You know, trying to clear
this whole mess up.

And... and, uh...

Because you ran, man.
You took off.

And then, I looked for you.

And then,
I couldn't find you or anything.

You know what, guy?
You know what? Maybe, uh...

Maybe, uh, this is none
of my business, but...

I was thinking that maybe
it's time to move on.

I mean, you know, maybe...

things aren't really working out
between you two.

- How would you know?
- Listen, did Kathy

leave this here for me?
'Cause, uh...

Okay. You know what?
That's kind of a present for...

Hey, you know what?
How would I know?

How would I know? You're right.

I mean, I don't know
what's going on between you two.

Maybe all you need is just,
you know,

to work at it
a little bit harder.

It's obvious to me that something
special is going on between you two,

because she really
was worried sick about you.

- She told you that?

- I could tell by the way
she was acting.

- How was she acting?
- Well, you know, uh...

worried.
- Worried?

- Super worried.

Guy... it's obvious to me
that she really cares about you.

- She just told me she wants
to break up with me

to go out with you.

- She said that?

[glass breaking]

- I'm just gonna...
- Cut it out!

Stop!

[sobbing]
- Kathy!

- He's normally not like this.

- Okay. Paul, that's it.
Your break

is over!
- Fuck off!

- Ahhh!

- Okay. So basically,

you're telling me your insurance
doesn't cover this.

- No. Well, sure it would.

If we broke it.
- Right.

I don't suppose we could pretend
that you broke it.

- That's not going to happen.

- No. Of course not.

Of course not.

- Sorry.

- I know where he is
and I haven't forgotten.

- Tortoise.

- You know, I was reading
this book. It was called...

- You wanna sit?

- Can't. I'm working.
Ooh, moose, baby, moose.

I was reading this book.
It was called... Crime.

Well, yeah, it's not the
same title. It's Crime and...

they get away with it.
They don't get punished.

- Maybe it's called
Crime and Getting Away With It.

- It's not called that. Hey,

speaking of small-mall fast...

- You all right?

- Yeah, yeah. I'm great.

- Great?
- Great.

- You sure you're all right?

- You know,
you look a little pale.

- Pale?

- Maybe you should try
doing some fast walking.

- Or try doing some stairs.
Yeah.

Oh, that'll help
oxygenate your blood.

- You think my blood
needs oxygen?

- Just a thought.

- Did Tom tell you to tell
me that about my blood?

- No.

- Listen, don't fucking worry
about me, okay?

I can hold my own.
[dring!]

[dring!]

Hello. Hello.

Hi, Mrs. Clivesdale.

Mm-hmm.

- I'm not stepping aside
anymore.

I'll share the ground. But for those
who won't give way, I'm standing firm.

These, these are my rules.

- Do you think
there's something wrong with me?

I've been having trouble
concentrating lately when I read.

I have to go back and reread pages
because... I can't concentrate.

- What was that?

- See, that's the great thing
about books.

If you're not paying attention,

you can go back
and reread what you missed.

But with conversation, you have
to pay attention the first time.

- I'm here. Where are you?
- You tell me.

- Okay. I'll write that down.

There's an engraved plaque
that needs to be picked up

right away from Trophyco.
Here's the address.

- Why me?

- 'Cause Mrs. Drysdale
mentioned you specifically.

- Hey, wait a minute!
Hey, where is this?

Hey, this is outside!

- Is that the way
it's supposed to work?

- Come on!
It's Tom you want, not me.

Oh, God!

- No. Behind you. Behind you.

- Mather & Mather.
Sorry. & Mather.

Mather Mather & Mather.

Listen, everybody's off at lunch.
Can you phone back when people are here?

- Who is this?

- I'm having trouble
with the phone system.

Could you call back
in a few minutes, please?

- I don't think I have
a few minutes. Where's June?

- She went to the washroom a while ago.
I don't know what she's doing.

Actually, I got a good idea.
I'm sorry.

- The phone system is simple.

I'm gonna tell you
what to do. Okay?

- I got it, I got it, I got it!
- Okay. Sorry.

Oh, God! Okay.

- I'm not saying competition
is a bad thing. Okay?

Certainly,
it's got its good points.

I mean, you don't want to turn out
like "Sadly, I'm Bradley" or anything.

- Sadly, I'm Bradley.
- Yeah. It's pretty funny, huh?

- Sadly, I am Bradley.

- Brad, hi. Listen.
The receptionist must've--

- Made a mistake.
- Yeah.

- Well, maybe you'd like
to talk to me instead?

- I kinda got...

- Did you, uh, read my note?

- I haven't always been selfish
and uncaring. I haven't.

I mean, I was a boy scout.
I cheated on a few badges, yeah.

But basically,
I was a good scout.

It must be the air.
Inside with all these people,

breathing the same air.
The very idea just isn't right.

- Fuck it!

I lost him again!

- Isn't he, like, 80?
- I think he likes it.

I think it's a big game to him.
He ducks down and he runs.

He fucking runs!

But I don't care.
Let him get nabbed.

Is it my problem? It's not
in my job description, is it?

Fuck it, fuck it, fuck it.
Forget him.

- Are you feeling okay?

- Fine. Fine.

Can you believe this?

- Staying inside for a month

is sort of like
the buzz you have

the day after a night
of heavy drinking.

You feel crappy and hung over.
But underneath that,

you're still a little drunk
and light-headed.

Which can kind of compensate
for the hangover.

- Mather Mather & Mather.
- Hey, guy.

How are you doing?

Listen, I need you
to do me a little favour, okay?

- Vicki and Curt.
Yeah, they just went by.

- One, two, three.

One, two, three.

- Oh, God.

- It's the ladies' bathroom.

[moaning and groaning]

- Ow!
[toilet flushing]

Curt, wait, wait, wait.

- Sounds like
something's going on.

- What kind of something?
- You know, something something.

- I need you to stop them.
- Stop them!

- Make a noise. Do something.

- But it's the ladies bathroom.
- Come on, knock on the door!

- I can't.
- Do it! Knock on the door.

Loud! Knock loud!

[barking]

- It's written here on the
bathroom stall, and I quote,

"Curt Schwin is a slut."

- Okay, well, what did he say?

- No can do. He says
you have to sign for it.

- So get what I have to sign
and bring it back here.

I'll sign it.
You take it back to him.

- I tried. The guy's super stubborn.
- Oh, man!

So this is how I'm gonna go out.
All because a stupid engraved--

- Plaque. I know.

What?
Look. I don't know what to say,

all right?
- You don't know what to say?

How would you?
You're a fucking security guard.

Look, I'm sorry.

Honest.

- That's what it said.

"Slutty, slutty, slutty."

[barking]

- Look here, Mr. Mather.

I'm sure you find this
pretty fucking funny,

scurrying around the aisles
on your hands and knees, but I don't

What are you looking at?

Is there an old man

crawling all over your feet
over there?

He's like eighty-fucking-five
years old

and he's got this twisted
expression on his face.

Like a smirk.

A fucking smirk.

Security, please.

- Glasswares.

They have really nice
glasswares.

- No, you don't understand.

I saw myself.
There's blood everywhere.

- You know, you're lucky
I'm a forgiving guy.

- I said I was sorry.
I'm not feeling well.

- I can get in a lot
of shit for this.

- You'll be back in two minutes.

- Hello.
- Yeah. What?

- Code 38.
- Yeah. I'll be right there.

- Hey! You're looking
a little out of it.

- Thanks.
- Okay, now here goes.

What is the difference between
the 15 bus and a bottle of marbles?

- I don't know.
What's the difference?

- The 15 takes you downtown,

a bottle of marbles
takes you way down town.

A bottle of marbles, man,
takes you way down town.

I made that up.
- I don't get it.

- Come on, man.
The joke is not gonna fly

if you don't know the reference.
All right?

It's what the workers use to break out
of their office windows, you know?

Pfff... splat!

It's like, what, the third time
in the last month?

You know what it is?

It's like the new fad
for depressed execs.

- They say you don't always
see it coming.

But the first time I met Brad,

I thought, "this is the kind of guy
that's gonna jump out a window."

Hey.

Hey!

What?

- One, two, three.

One, two, three.

- Hi, Todd.

- Tom.

- One, two, three.

- Bradley... Bradley...

Come on. Come on.
Come on, Brad.

Bradley. Come on, Bradley.

Come on, man. Bradley.

Come on, Bradley.

[knocking]

- Phil?

- All right, there you go.
Listen to me.

Guy, I'm so sorry
for not seeing the signs.

Why don't we...

put some of this...
whoa, on your...

Ow. Ow.

How is it? How's your head?

Listen to me.
You're in a bit of turmoil.

I see that. I see that, man.

You know, you got yourself
into something...

a career, say, that is...
that's leaving you cold.

Right? But guy,
you're like what, forty.

Forty? I mean, your life
is only half over.

I mean, you have half
your life to live. Right?

I don't really know
what I'm saying here, Brad.

Okay. Listen to me.

I won't pretend I know
what's going on in your head.

I'm not saying I have anything
to say that would change your mind.

I mean, fuck,
who am I to be telling you

what you should
or shouldn't be feeling. Right?

Or doing about
how you're feeling?

Brad, could you... could you

hold on one second?

Okay.

Mr. Mather.

Uh, Mr. Mather.

Hi. What do you have there?

Listen. Can I... can I have it?

Come on.

Please?

Okay. Yes. Thank you.

Thank you, sir,

very much.

Okay. So where were we?

- Who are you

to tell me what I should
or shouldn't be feeling

or doing about what I'm feeling?

- I know, Brad.
You're absolutely right.

- That's what you were saying.

- What?

- That's what you just
finished saying.

- Oh, right. Right.

Okay. Yeah.

So listen to me.
You might've thought this out

and figured out that this might be
the best thing for you.

And it might be. I mean,
how do I know, right?

But all I'm saying is...

I'm not leading up to some
really big point here,

but I'm just saying that lately,
I've been seeing things in me

that have totally surprised me.

I mean, I'm a nice guy.
I'm a nice guy.

But this place...

this place has been playing
some mean fucking tricks on me.

And I guess what I was thinking
is that,

Bradley, maybe all you need
is a change of scenery.

I guess what I'm getting at is,
you know, uh...

things have happened to me lately
that have surprised me about myself,

and that I have
to thank you, Brad,

in some small way,
or maybe even in a big way,

I have to thank you.
So, thank you.

You're looking at me
and you're thinking,

"Why should I be listening
to this fuckhead,

this selfish self-centred...
- Cruel.

- Cruel. Oh man, really cruel?

- Very cruel.

- Okay. Cruel.

- Yeah.

- Okay.

Paul. Hi.

Oh. You brought the...
I'll sign for those.

They're for my boss.

Listen, Paul, I want to thank
you for what you did for me.

Earlier this afternoon. You know,
straightening me out and everything.

I mean... guy, I deserved
much worse than that.

What I did, it was inexcusable.

Those... those aren't mine,
Paul.

They're for the boss.

But you know, feel free
to do that if that's, uh...

what you want to do.
Guy, you know what you need?

You need to sit down.
You need to sit down.

That's right.
You sit down. Relax.

I'm gonna take these from you.

You know something, Paul?
These things...

they happen in life.

But the best way
to deal with them

is just to move on.
Right, Brad?

Aw, Paul.

Paul, I hear you, man. I really do.
You know something?

You and Brad
might have a lot in common.

Can I borrow this?

- Have you seen him?

- Yeah. He just came in
a couple of minutes ago.

- Was he clean?
- Uh, yeah.

- You sure?
- Yeah, pretty sure.

- Here. Sign this.

- Why? He doesn't
even know who I am.

- Oh, yeah. I'm out.

- You're out?
- The bet. So's Randy.

- You're out?

- I'd just like you to know,
Tom,

I hope you can sleep at night
after all you've done.

Your little mind games
worked like a charm.

You got your way.
You're a winner.

- Hey. Hey, you take that back!

You take that back.
I am not a winner!

I guess everyone
has those days

that change
the way you look at things.

Maybe this is one
of those days.

Although usually, you're probably
not aware of the mechanics

that have changed the way
you look at things that day.

You probably can't put
your finger on the exact moment

your life changed
in a small or big way.

Of course, in the movies,

lives can change dramatically
over a short period of time.

Even over the course
of a lunch hour.

- I've been thinking
about you all day.

Maybe we've been engaged
long enough.

Maybe we should just do it.

Huh?

- Tom.

Get down here and help,
will you?

- All right. Farewell.

Good luck.

Brad...

Bradley. You know, that thing

that Neil Armstrong said
when he went to the moon?

"One small step for man,
one giant leap for mankind"?

Well, if you're thinking about
going out a window from up here,

it's the other way around.

And I don't think
that's your intention.

[computer]: It's one
small step for man,

one giant leap for mankind.

[Star-Spangled Banner]

- Vicki.
- Yeah?

- These are for you.

- You're giving these to me?

These are for me?
You're giving these to me?

- Thanks, Vicki.

- Is there something...?
- Thank you.

[big tremor]

- Todd.

The elevators aren't working
'cause the power's out.

Phones are out, too.

- So this is it.
We're gonna dangle in space

for who knows how long. Hell,
who'd care if I've quit or not.

The basic fabric of civilization
is about to break down.

Nobody's gonna be working.

It's probably already started.

People are probably already
terrorizing each other.

They'll think it's the end.
The apocalypse. The last blast.

Oh, man, I should've
gotten out sooner.

Here I was,
turning a new leaf,

making the big change.
And now it's too late.

I guess everyone
will handle it in their own way.

Breakdowns. Suicides. Denial.

Some of us will be contemplative,
others homicidal.

How do I react? Where do
I stand when it all breaks down?

Am I the voice of reason,
or do I start breaking windows?

The air would get pretty stale
in the bubble

if the downtown were lifted
high above the city.

It would probably become
a drag pretty fast,

despite all the wanton-
destruction possibilities.

Not that that's the direction
I would take. I wonder

what a superhero would think
of my decision to opt out

of this particular career path?
Would he approve of my actions?

I guess you have to trust
your instincts. Even if they are

a little cloudy.
Or in my case, really cloudy.

So I bailed on my first job
out of college

and there's probably not much chance
of getting a reference letter.

A reference letter would only
refer me down here, anyway.

Downtown. Too bad

it couldn't refer me to another
world, say, or another planet.

Somewhere where everyone behaves
the way you think they should.

[inhaling deeply]