Water (1985) - full transcript

Water

Water

Look what you brought into my life

Water

Water

You're a misery to me

Water

Water

Look what you brought into my life

Water

Water



You're a misery to me

Seems like yesterday

Never knew nothing about love

I go out just to play

And keep my little belly
from hunger

Please don't fight no one

Till you come running to me

Water

Water

Look what you brought
into my life

- Governor?
- I'm over here, Pepito.

Enjoying the fruits of my labours.

Ah.

It looks as though we'll have
some splendid pineapples this year.



Never mind the pineapple, old sport,
wrap your lips round that.

I took a bit of a chance.

I crossed the pokacheeka
with the Bolivian red leaf.

Hmm.
Possibly as promising as the '79.

These are heavy-duty herbs, boss.

You changed my destiny

Now that you've fooled everybody

And it'd be good to see

Everybody drilling for money

Please don't see no one

Till you come running to me

Water

Water

Look what you brought into my life

Water

Water

You're a misery to me

You bring down company

Put you away in a bottle

And sell you back to me

Soon them applying a shovel

7.45 here on Radio Cascara,
home of the stars,

with the tall, tan and talented one,
Jay Jay Johnstone.

In the back of the shack
where it's all at.

Your number one for fun in the sun.

Eight o'clock, BBC World News.

But before that,
a man who speaks with God everyday,

the most reverend Eric McNab
and his Thought for the Day.

But first, the weather.

It's hot!

And windy here in Cascara, as usual!

Whoa, you got me

Living on the frontline

Oh, you got me, mamma

Living on the frontline

Whoa, mamma

You're gonna mourn me
in the wrong time

Oh, you got me, mamma

You're gonna mourn me
on the frontline...

Argh!

Hey, Delgado, man!
Look what you did to my roof!

Have you taken leave of your senses,
my son?

We're seizing this station

in the name
of the Cascara Liberation Front.

Alright, me wanna speak
to the people right now.

Which one of these things
is the switch?

This is the voice
of Radio Free Cascara!

Not so loud!
You'll blow the transmitter.

- Sorry.
- Easy. Easy.

This is the voice of your leader,
The Singing Rebel.

Three, four.

People of Cascara, wherever you are

Listen, please, to my song

- Right now
- OK

Time to get rid
of the colonial oppressor

Send them back where they belong

- Right now
- OK

Time for the people
to rise and shout

- Out with the colonialists
- Out! Out! Out!

- Right now
- OK

Time for the people
to make a choice

Let me be your leader

Let me be your voice

Right now

Oh!

Oh! What are you doing?
Are you crazy?!

Sorry to disturb your beauty sleep,
Dolores,

- but we have a crisis.
- Ah!

Listen. It's Delgado.
He's never gone this far before.

And you wake me for this?!

I know it's terribly inconsiderate,

but if I'm to subdue a revolution,
I'd rather wear trousers.

Have you seen my other boot?

- OK!
- Thank you, darling.

Shit!

Blow off your chains and follow me

And I will lead you to liberty

- Right now
- OK

It's Lenny Delgado.

Newsflash!

In a daring raid early today,

Delgado Fitzhugh and Garfield Cooper

seized Radio Station Cascara

and urged the people
to take to the streets.

- They didn't.
- Delgado!

They were later arrested
and presented no problem.

- Move on!
- Hey!

For the finest fresh fish in town
get down to Phil's,

for a square deal
and a very, very good meal.

Prisoners will rise.

Delgado Fitzhugh, Garfield Cooper,

you have been found guilty
by this court.

Have you anything to say
before I pass sentence?

I don't care, I don't give a damn

British justice
is a farce and a sham

I'll not have singing in this court!

If you have something to say,
it must be spoken.

The rebel has vowed never to speak
until it is in a free Cascara.

Show me no mercy, give me no bail
I'm ready and willing to go to jail

Right now.

Delgado, I am not going to send you
to jail, for two reasons:

One,
I refuse to make a martyr of you,

and two,
it is still being redecorated.

I can't get the paint, boss!

Six months suspended sentence.

Next case.

Delgado has some
rather strange toys in his attic,

but he's right, this island should've
been given independence years ago.

No, no, no.
The reason for his erratic behaviour

is to punish his father.

- Why should he want to punish you?
- For not marrying his mother.

Things were different years ago.

A Presbyterian minister
couldn't marry a young island girl.

Especially when he already had a wife
in Edinburgh.

Am I never to be forgiven
for one moment of weakness?

According to our latest census,

you've had at least
14 moments of weakness, Eric.

Dear Minister,
I have still had no response

to my most recent
memorandum entitled,

Cascara: A Plan For Economic Aid
And Development,

Our situation here has been grave
since the banana blight of '79,...

..which reduced production by...?

- 83 percent.
- Then the coconut crop failed...

- 74 percent.
-..as a result of Hurricane Alice.

What tobacco and sugar cane
survived these catastrophes

were subsequently devastated
by the eruption of Mount Pestilence.

During this period,

Britain's financial assistance
to the island amounted to...?

Zero.

It would seem in the eyes
of the British government

that Cascara is the dot
above the "I" in the word "shit".

- You can't say that, governor.
- Why not?

It's hardly diplomatic language.

That's precisely my point.

Everything I've said
is filed under "Forget it".

It's time to stick a rocket
up their arse. I'm sorry, Lucille.

It could cost you your job, governor.

Why don't you speak English,
you idiot?

My job is a somewhat
outdated institution.

Rather like my marriage.

This place is perfect!

What about the rig?
Hasn't been used since the '50s.

Yeah, well, I'll get a new cali
and a rotary table in from the Gulf,

I'll have her running again
in a coupla weeks.

Ah, no.

We are not alone.

Hi, guys.

How you doing?

Do you... speak English?

I do. But my comrade will not speak
until he can say Cascara is free.

Is that a political posture
or a speech impediment?

It's a promise to our people.

Hey, that's terrific.

I'm Rob Wearing. This is Ben Branch.
We're with SPENCO.

The ruthless Yankee capitalist.

Of Houston, Texas.

If we were to come back here,
on a project,

who would be the person to contact?

Governor Thwaites,
the symbol of British oppression.

Sounds like our man. Thanks.

Nice talking to you.

Have a nice day.

This is very gracious of you,
Governor.

Not at all, old sport.
We don't get too many visitors here.

Except people
whose ships have run aground.

Almost the entire population
is descended from shipwreck victims.

Don't underestimate
your own contribution, Eric.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

Ah!

May I present my wife, Dolores.
This is, er...

- Rob Wearing.
- Enchante!

- And, er...
- Ben Branch.

Howdy!

So, did you come to look for oil
and sink some pipe?

Oh, no, ma'am. That well is dry.

Oh!

We're here to shoot
a television commercial.

Our spokesman is Deke Halliday.

Deke Halliday? The movie star?

The one and only.

That's wonderful.

Ah! Do you have any parts for me?

Oh!
Well, you'll have to ask the boss.

Did you know, in my country,
before I marry,

I was... in show business!

Do you remember
the Great Ernesto and Dolores?

- No!
- Yeah!

I was... Dolores!

I'm sure they didn't think
you were Ernesto, darling.

At the time,
this job was a big promotion for me.

Youngest governor in the Caribbean.

But over the years,

I think my wife has resented
the restraints the position imposes.

As you can see.

Buenas noches, darling.

Where... Where did you two meet?

On an earlier posting of mine.

I sometimes think she misses
the bright lights of Guatemala City.

Any time you're in Fort Arthur,
Texas, now, Dolores, you look me up.

We'll split a fifth of Wild Turkey,
put Waylon on the jukebox,

and boogie till we puke!

Fort Arthur! Whoo!

It sounds wonderful!

You know, he promised me Paris,
Washington, Rome.

Instead, he gave me the pits!

Oh, what a night it's gonna be

We'll be making history

Cuban brothers from across the sea

Bring Cascara to liberty

The answer is no.

Fidel says Cuba will shed blood

for revolution
of downtrodden peoples anywhere.

But you people are too downtrodden
even for Cuba!

That was then but this is now

- We're gonna change your mind...
- Please!

Can you just talk to us?

We nearly drowned getting here.

The rebel has made a vow.
He will not speak.

OK. As you were singing.

What would you think
if you were told

Cascara had a little black gold?

- What?!
- Cascara had a little black gold

- Oil?!
- SPENCO is back in Cascara.

That is why we ask you here.

This could mean mucho Yankee dollar
for us, see?

- Si,
- Chico,

If SPENCO strike,
you've got yourself a deal.

Sorry to drag you away from lunch,
Minister.

Not at all, Malcolm.
We don't see enough of each other.

- How's Margaret?
- Marjory's quite well.

Splendid woman, your wife.

- And the boys? Still at school?
- The girls have left school, sir.

- They're at secretarial college.
- Really?

Well, I've enjoyed our chat.

I did want to have a confidential
word with you about Cascara.

- Cascara?
- Yes.

- Remind me, who does that belong to?
- Us.

Us! Yes, of course.

The situation's still as volatile
as ever, is it, in...?

- In...?
- In the Caribbean, yes.

- Quite.
- We've intercepted a CIA report.

Apparently, there's a danger
of the Cubans invading Cascara.

- Another Falklands situation.
- Wonderful! Maggie'd love it.

No, the Falklands cost a fortune.

Once the dust settled,
it was hard to justify

the expense of defending
British lives, most of them sheep.

The alternative?

The Yanks will move in
like they did in Grenada.

- Not again. The Queen was furious.
- Yes, quite.

My recommendation is
we evacuate now.

The place has been running at a loss
for years.

Empty, we could make a tidy profit
using it as a dump for nuclear waste.

The place is one of the last remnants
of the British Empire.

I mean, if it's in the Caribbean,
surely we could encourage tourism.

- No beach.
- No beach?!

Apparently, there's a dreadful wind
that blows in all directions at once.

- Makes a hand of bridge difficult.
- Impossible, I understand.

- Yes, well, ... do as you see fit.
- Oh.

So long as they don't end up
driving our buses!

No. We'll make
alternative arrangements for them.

Jolly good.
Well, we'll have dinner sometime.

Give my love to Marigold
and the boys.

Will do, Minister.

He's passing on my recommendations
to the Prime Minister.

Oh, super, Sir Malcolm! Congrats!

It's so rare these days
that people in power have the courage

- to take tough decisions.
- Thank you, Sarah.

You'll have to nip over to
the Caribbean to break the sad news.

One of the burdens of high office,
my dear.

Tell me, do you have a bikini?

Big news.
Her Majesty's representative,

Sir Malcolm P Leveridge,

will be making an official visit
here in two days!

Let us all try to put
our best faces forward.

That means you, Delgado.

Show everybody we are all as one

Stand together

All together now

Band together as we sing the song

Work together

Hands together now

Show everybody we are all as one

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

Tell everybody we are all as one

No more sadness, no, no

No more sighing now

Only gladness from now on

Proud are we

Our flag is flying now

Oh, we are trying to be all as one

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

Tell everybody we are all as one

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

Tell everybody we are all as one

Hi. I'm Deke Halliday for SPENCO.

As I see it,
we Americans have two choices.

Sure, we can let OPEC put the screws
on us till our eyes water,

or we can do it the American way.

Get off our butts, stop beefing, go
out and find the oil for ourselves.

Ha-ha! That's why me and the guys
here are on Cascara.

That's right. Your travel agent
won't find it in any brochure.

We're not here on any picnic.

We're here on this forbidding,
Godforsaken windswept island

because we need to... Shit!
Can't you hold that cue card right?!

- What the hell is going on here?
- Cut!

You! The man has a twitch!
He has a twitch!

I cannot work under these conditions!

- It wasn't the kid's fault.
- Rob, it is never the star's fault.

You're fired.

- I need a drink.
- Drink!

Pete, we have to get this before
lunch, OK? So just take it easy.

Warm scotch!
Is it too much to ask for some ice?

- Deke, we're on an island.
- I know we're on an island.

There is no refrigeration.

Cascara is short of amenities.
That's why we're here.

Hellholes of the World,
That's the campaign, right?

But do we have to go
to the hellholes?

Let's go back to Burbank?
We can use back-projection.

When I shot Night Train to Rangoon,
I never left the lot.

- And you were terrific in that, too.
- Really?

Really.

- I wasn't too bad, was I?
- No.

I'm gonna get you all the amenities.

I'll have ice flown in,
I'll get you Champagne.

I need a woman.

- OK.
- I need a woman. Badly.

And how about some grass?
They grow some lethal weed here.

Make that two women, OK?

How was that, boss?

- It's... coming. It's coming.
- Thank you.

Shouldn't you play something more
appropriate, like Rule Britannia?

That was Rule Britannia, boss.

Oh, was it?

It needs work, Miguel.

Everybody on the shoot
is wearing a hat. It's the look!

Camera back.

Would you pay good money
to see me look like this?

You have a point.

People want to see my hair.
Half my charm is in my hair.

You have very charming hair.

We're not here to sell shampoo,
we're here to sell oil.

Oh, my God! I cannot walk on this!

- It will ruin my best shoes.
- I told you to wear boots.

How can I wear boots to meet
a movie star? Are you crazy?

- You must carry me.
- You can't be serious.

Ah! Where has the magic gone?

Oh, it's magic you want, is it?

Well, when we get home,
I'm going to lay you on the table

and saw you in half. Now, come on.

Oh! You...!

OK, ready?

But yellow is such a faggy colour.

Wardrobe!

Get me one of these in plaid.

We're having a state visit tomorrow,

and we were wondering if you and
Mr Halliday could attend the lunch?

Mr Halliday? Where is he? Oh!

Oh, my God. It's true!
I don't believe it!

You finally got your ass in gear.
Get me a bottle of wine. Quick.

Mr Halliday, for me
this is a great pleasure.

Mmm, baby, for the both of us.
I hope.

Deke, have you met Mrs Thwaites?

- Later, Wearing.
- Ah!

- We'II be in my trailer.
- That is the governor's wife!

You mean she's not the hooker?

Baxter, did you hear this?!

I told you not to wear those shoes.

Hey, Tony, this is gonna blow!
Come on!

Jeez! It's a strike!

- Surely it can't be.
- She's gonna blow!

- What is it?
- Well, it sure ain't oil!

My hair's all wet.

Christ sakes! I gave up
The Love Boat for this shit!

You stink!

And so do your lousy movies!

Can you believe it?
Our first blow-out in six months

and it's gotta be water!

It is not like regular water.

It's got a kind of a
natural effervescence.

You're right.
With a kind of tangy, lemony flavour.

Er...

I want this site sealed off,
I want a fence put up

and signed affidavits
from all personnel

that if they breathe a word,
we'll have their ass.

Why?

Because we've struck fucking Perrier!

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

- We are all as one
- Come on, now

Tell everybody

Tell everybody

Oh, my God!

Paper napkins for an estate dinner?!
Are you crazy?!

Alright, I'll change them.

You smell like mothballs.

And you smell like tequila, dearest.

I'm more concerned with why
you've changed the place settings.

I wish to sit next to Sir Malcolm.

But that means that Eric
will sit next to our beauty queen.

How can we maintain
the dignity of the occasion

while our spiritual leader tries to
get his hand up Miss Cascara's skirt?

Oh! So, you like it better
he put his hand up my skirt, huh?

At least you're used to it.
You won't scream.

Oh, and, Nado?

Yes, ma'am?

I said the linen tablecloth!

I must say, Sir Malcolm, the coast
does look frightfully dangerous.

Throughout its history,

Cascara has only ever been
a navigational hazard.

I only wish my first trip
to the Caribbean

had been somewhere more romantic.

Once my painful duty is behind me,

I thought I'd show you the delights
of St Lucia for a couple of days.

Super.

- Good morning.
- Good morning, Eric.

Splendid, Baxter. Splendid.

I always feel as if I'm wearing
a live chicken on my head.

- Good morning, Martha.
- Good morning, Governor.

- Good morning, children.
- Good morning, Governor.

Five minutes.

Welcome to Cascara, Sir Malcolm.

Sorry about the tone of my last memo,
but it's nice it's brought results.

What memo was this?

- You didn't see it?
- No, but you saw mine.

I wanted a quiet word in your ear
and you've laid on a bloody carnival.

The people are rather excited, sir.

This is their first official visit
since 1898.

Sir, may I present
the first lady of Cascara,

- my wife, Dolores?
- How do you do?

- I'm so pleased to meet you.
- Yes. Quite.

- What's this now?
- It's the Cascaran national anthem.

- What are you all doing?
- The breaststroke, sir.

You see, these people are all
descended from shipwreck victims.

- This presumably is the backstroke?
- Yes, sir.

It's symbolic of the different
strokes that brought people here.

- Yes?
- Yes.

I think perhaps we should stand, sir.

- Care to address the nation, sir?
- Certainly not. Drive on.

Go straight to government house,
driver.

No, back to the boat.
Turn right here!

But we've arranged lunch.
After that, there's a cricket match,

and then we have to discuss
Cascara's future.

The point of my visit, Thwaites,

is to inform you
that Cascara has no future.

What?

You can't close down an island
like a bankrupt business.

Are you going to offer
these people independence?

Certainly not! We'll relocate them on
one of our other islands, St Michael.

We're putting in an airstrip, hotels
and a nine-hole golf course.

So we'll be needing labourers
and a lot of waiters.

What're you offering as compensation?
A bag of seed and a mud hut?!

Oh! I'm not sure we'll go that far.

Citizens, friends,

I don't quite know
how to tell you this,

but I have grave news.

The British Government has apparently
decreed that this proud nation

is surplus to requirements.

They want to evacuate the island.

They want all of you to pack your
possessions, leave your homes,

and go to another island.

Apparently,
they have jobs for you there,

but you have to leave in three weeks.

I'm prepared to fight this, Pepito,
but will the people back me up?

I'm not sure, Governor.

Going away will give them jobs.
Staying won't.

They should be taking to the hills
with Delgado. This is their home.

People have left
more beautiful islands

- to go and live in the Bronx.
- Aye. The grass is always greener.

They'll find it a lot more expensive.

I've no desire for pastures new.

I have avoided the real world
for 31 years,

and I'm totally unprepared
to return to it now.

I am leaving

On a jet plane

Don't know when I'll be back again

Oh, baby, I love to go

Do you know, mi amor,
when we get to England,

maybe the Queen,
she gives you reward.

She make you Lord Thwaites!

Ah! Lord and Lady Thwaites of London!

Mwah! Mwah! Mwah!

Then we go to discos! Parties!

Ah! Harrods! Vidal Sassoon! Oh!

It will be wonderful!

Mmm!

I'm leaving on a jet plane

Don't know when I'll be back again

Dolores is taking it awfully well.

What's the story?

Speak to me, Den.
How much water are we dealing with?

Well, we got over 2,00olbs of
pressure so, if I had to guestimate,

I'd say between
one and two billion barrels a year.

A billion! That's as big
as our offshore oil field in Baja.

This is it.
I'm flying to Houston to see Spender.

This is a seat on the board.

This is profit sharing.
This is stock options.

This is Sunday barbecues
at his ranch!

- Can I take this?
- Yes.

Mmm. Mmm.

Tennis ball? You offer me tennis ball
for this? It's Balenciaga! You crazy?

Confidential files, accounts,
office machinery.

- What's in this trunk?
- Mrs Thwaites' shoes, Governor.

I'm not taking those through customs.
Put it on a banana boat.

Hi. My name's Pamela Wynthrop
and I'm looking for the governor.

But before I meet him,
I don't know how to address him.

What do I say?
Your Excellency, or sir, or what?

You know how tight-ass
the British can be.

Yes. Erm...
why do you wish to see him, Miss?

Oh, I'm an environmental... activist,

and as soon as I heard
the island was being evacuated,

well, I flew straight down.

I wanna save the bat.

I am referring
to the long-eared horseshoe bat.

This island is their natural habitat

and now that man is leaving, well,
the bats may once again flourish.

Oh, dear. That goat's chewing
one of my wife's dresses.

Erm...
I'll take care of it, Governor.

Governor?
I thought you were the moving men!

Baxter Thwaites.
I am that tight-arse.

Oh, Pamela, you've done it again!

The days of British rule
are just about to expire,

so we don't stand on ceremony here.

I can see that you're busy packing,
so I'll just come back later.

Where does one stay on Cascara?

The best we can offer is Aunt
Matilda's Guesthouse and Domino Club.

Hmm. Does it have air-conditioning?

I don't think it even has water.

I think you should stay here,

as the last official guest
of the British Government.

Well, I'd be privileged, Governor.

- Sir.
- Baxter.

We struck this stuff in the '50s.
That's why we pulled out of Cascara.

In the '50s, Mr Spender, we didn't
realise its commercial potential.

In the '50s,
nobody drank designer water.

The water has one unique quality

which separates it
from other proprietary brands.

According to our lab report,
it has an element

which makes it cathartic.

What is that in English?

It helps you shit like clockwork,
sir.

You're asking me
to market a laxative?!

This could be a marketing plus,
sir.

A situation has evolved in the '80s

where the combined effect
of junk food and urban stress

has er...
clogged up the bowels of America.

- I'm an oil man!

SPENCO bestrides the world
like a colossus,

with a barrel of crude
under each arm.

Not like some limp-wristed faggot
with a glass of mineral water!

Sir, this is our top-grade motor oil,
retailing at one dollar and 20 cents.

The equivalent amount of imported
mineral water sells for twice that.

And you don't have to refine water.

All you have to do
is stick it in a fancy bottle

and slap a pretty label on it.

I estimate that we could make
a clear profit of,

let's say, 600-700 percent.

Gentlemen, ...

..we're in the water business.

This is the Atlantic side
of the island.

Not the most hospitable of places.

Down there is Desolation Bay

and over here is Point Peril.

I love it.

The solitude reminds me
of Nova Scotia.

- What were you doing there?
- Saving the seals.

I wasn't there for very long, though.
After two hours of protesting,

they had to fly me to a hospital
in Halifax.

- Frostbite?
- No.

A hunter clubbed me on the head
and a mother seal bit me on the ass.

It seems that neither side
appreciated your intentions.

That's what Howard used to say.
Howard Wynthrop, my ex-husband.

Another one of my lost causes,
I'm afraid.

We met defending the rights
of the migrant grape pickers.

Then his values changed
and he went into cable television.

Howard's loss is the bats' gain.

What the hell is SPENCO
doing on the island?!

Oh, they're just using the old
oil rig to make a commercial.

Why do they have barbed wire
round the compound

- and guards with baseball bats?
- What?

Good Lord, you're right.

Now what the devil are they up to?

Hey, Pepito.

The governor wants to see you,
Mr Wearing.

Come on, we know each other!

Look, I gotta get out to the site
right away.

He insists.

What you overlooked, Rob,
before you scurried off to Texas,

was that SPENCO's drilling rights
expired in, when was it, Pepito?

October 17th, 1976.

Until you've negotiated an extension,

your case isn't very watertight.

And, I think you'll agree, old sport,
that we have you over a barrel.

Two billion barrels, to be exact.

My career is in the crapper.

Not necessarily.
Maybe we could do a deal.

- A deal?
- Yes.

You want to keep your job
and I want jobs for them.

Then they won't have to leave.

Cheap labour, right here on the spot!
No unions! Boy, can we make a deal!

You are not going to use them,
Mr Wearing.

They will get realistic wages
and social and health benefits.

It's only fair. After all, we're
talking about human beings here.

Some profit will go back
into things this island needs.

- Like a school and a hospital.
- And I'II throw in an arcade.

Now,
how do we fix the drilling rights?

Hopefully, with one phone call.

I don't want to be impertinent,
Sir Mal,

but aren't we rather overextending
our trip?

Not that I'm not having
a super time...

Sarah, my dear,
they don't expect us back

until the evacuation of Cascara
is complete.

- You typed the memo, remember?
- Oh, gosh, so I did.

Hello!

Yes.

Who? Thwaites, what is it?
I'm under savage pressure here!

A little lower, sweetie.

What? The Yanks...

The Yanks have found what?

Water?

Of course you have my authority
to extend their drilling rights.

Look, London takes the view
that everything on that island

is for sale or lease. Alright?

See if you can get a good price
for the volcano while you're at it.

That was really rather good.

- Is there a hiccup?
- No, no, no.

Nothing for you to worry
your pretty little head about.

Right. Why don't you run along

and make us both one of those drinks
with an umbrella in it?

And then perhaps you could
slip into that costume, hey?

The nurse or the naughty schoolgirl?

Oh, ... I think the latter.

Hang on! Sarah!
Don't forget the knee socks.

- To Cascara.
- To Cascara.

Baxter, I was walking along
Cape Despair and I saw my first bat!

Hello, Pamela.

What are you doing here, asshole?

- Have you two met?
- We've crossed swords, yes.

I think the last time
was when you picketed

our toxic waste dump
in West Virginia.

Thanks to me, fish may once again
swim in the Ohio River.

Thanks to SPENCO, the island's saved.
They've given us an industry.

- What?
- Water.

- SPENCO?
- SPENCO.

Then I'm going to fight you, Baxter.
I'm packing my things.

Pamela? Pamela, what's the problem?

You're in league with the devil.

I've been fighting their president
since I was three years old.

Why? What did he do?
Manufacture defective teddy bears?

Franklyn Spender
manufactured defective families.

Franklyn Spender is my father!

Water, water

Ladies and gentlemen of Cascara,

it gives me great pleasure to present
our governor.

Friends, I have great news.

Fortune has smiled upon us.

SPENCO,
an equal opportunity employer,

has jobs for all able-bodied men
and women right here on the island,

Top wages in US dollars,

bonus incentive,
Medicare and pension plan,

Sign up tomorrow at the Vasco
Da Gama Recreation Centre,

Recruitment begins at nine am,

Whoo!

Bas... Bastard!

Bastard!

Tell me you kid me.

Tell me you make joke.

You say we no leave this place?!

Very funny!

The situation has changed Dolores.
We have to stay.

Oh, no! Oh, I don't believe this!
I don't believe this!

- Once again, you lie to me!
- What do you mean once again?

You lied to me
when I was a girl in Guatemala!

You were never a girl!

I was innocent!

You put a spell on me.

You tell me I'd be wife of diplomat!

I'd give cocktail parties,

I lunch. Jeeps!

You lie! You lie!

- You lie!
- Let's face it, Dolores,

you never
fitted into diplomatic life,

You say I have embarrassed you?
You are ashamed by me?

I am just saying that things
might've turned out differently

if you hadn't danced
the cucaracha topless

at the reception
for the Duke of Edinburgh!

He loved it!

So much we were sent to Cascara!

OK, OK, OK, OK!

Adios, Baxter!

Adios! Dondequiera. I go now.

I go forever! I kill myself!

Join the line and sign up today.

SPENCO has jobs for everyone.

The first 300 applicants
will receive a bonus.

Choose between a juicer,
a toaster or a blender.

SPENCO and Cascara
united for a great tomorrow!

Congratulations, Mr Wearing.

This will be the salvation
of our island.

SPENCO is all heart, Rev.

Cascara!

I feel shame

I feel sad

See how people act so bad

Right now

Way to go, rebels!
Listen to them! They're your boys!

Hear me shout

Hear me holler

You sell your soul
for a Yankee dollar

- Who the hell is that?!
- That is my son, my son.

You're his father, Father?

A moment of weakness many years ago.

I was driven to sin
by solitude and the wind.

Can't you shut that bastard up?

Under British law
singing badly is not a crime.

$100 cash to the first man
who nails them!

See my people run to me

All they want is liberty

All they want is our backsides, man.

Don't make me do this.

Give me your word you won't create
a public nuisance and you're free.

The Rebel says we would rather
stay here forever.

Very well, then, have it your own
way. You can finish the painting.

If those boys are locked up,
I should be, too.

- Yeah!
- Yeah.

We don't have women's facilities.

How typically sexist.

I've a good mind to deport you
as an undesirable alien.

Alright, we're contacting
Amnesty international and the media.

Soon everybody's gonna know your
name and will be singing your music.

- His lyrics don't rhyme.
- The truth rarely does.

Our recruiting
went off without a hitch,

and I killed them on the deal,

Rob, research shows that this could
be bigger than frozen yoghurt,

so I want that bottling plant
operational ASAP!

I hear you, sir,

Oh, Rob, don't take
any of that manana crap.

Do what we did to Aunt Naruba.
Spike their coffee with amphetamines.

Oh, yeah, that one.
Oh, and this bottle.

- Oh, Jesus Christ!

I can assure the house...

I can assure the house

that the terms due to our government

in exchange
for Cascaran mining rights

are both realistic and generous.

You will recall, Prime Minister,

that, due to the underhand methods
of the Americans,

we were, at the time,
unaware of their discovery.

- Quite.
- And this is, perhaps, reflected

in the somewhat disappointing revenue
which we anticipate.

How much?

One cent for every hundred barrels.

I take it you're asking
for my resignation, Prime Minister?

It's a little late for that.

I have been informed,
not of course by you,

that there is a subversive element
on Cascara,

one Delgado Fitzhugh.

- Just one person, Prime Minister.
- There was only one Ghandi once.

One anorexic,
little loony in a loin cloth

and we lost a whole subcontinent.

What Cascara needs is a revolution.

The first act of the new republic

will be to nationalise
all local industries.

In other words, Yankee go home.

I don't quite see
how that helps us.

Of course you don't.

Then, let me make this
absolutely clear!

You will return to Cascara and
secretly finance their revolution

in exchange for a promissory contract

guaranteeing us
the bloody bottling rights!

Wait!

Wait for me, please.
Take me with you.

Please don't go without me.

Wait!

Take me with you, please. Oh!

Who on earth is
that hysterical female?

My wife. She's a little overwrought.

Sonofabitch, come back!

- It's the strain of recent events.

That sort of thing doesn't do
in front of the natives.

- Here we are, Sir Malcolm.
- Thank you.

No, please, don't get up.

- Why aren't they under lock and key?
- It's their recreation hour, boss.

Quite right, too.
Can't cage men up like animals.

How are they treating you, then,
Delgado?

Got everything you need,
toothpaste, tobacco?

Oh, I see we're teaching you a trade.

All part of the rehabilitation
programme.

Sir Malcolm,
this is Delgado Fitzhugh.

Absolutely. Of course it is.
Jolly good.

How's the food, Delgado?
Looks jolly nourishing to me.

- What's this made from?
- Betel bark, sir.

A local crop from which
the people make soup or rope,

depending on their needs.

- Splendid.
- Would you like a bowl of it?

- Thank you, no.
- Rum?

I'd like a word
with these two gentlemen alone.

Would you and the constable
make yourselves scarce?

Thank you.

No, no, no!

1,000 times, definitely no!

- Shh!

Can't believe
I'm standing in the jailhouse

Can't believe my ears
is hearing what you say

God's sake, man!

There's no need to broadcast this
all over the island.

This is a highly secret discussion,
not The Pirates Of Penzance,

Look, let me...

Let me spell it out for you.
In exchange for independence,

all we ask is a 50-50 interest
in the water. Right?

You can be president, generalissimo,
witch doctor, whatever.

You name the costumes,
we'll provide the hats.

- Vice president?
- Absolutely, old chap. Yes.

Next royal christening,
you can pop over on a state visit.

Front pew in the Abbey,
tickets for Wimbledon.

- You offer me 50-50

You expect me to say yes

Well, I'm a man of integrity

- 60-40, no less

Done.

This deal has the sanction
of the British government?!

Perfectly orthodox ploy.
Bowing to public opinion,

we will be forced to release
the Rebel from jail.

He'll take to the hills
then we can propagate the legend.

- T-shirts, posters.
- This is beneath contempt.

Deciding the fate of a nation
without any regard for its culture!

You call rope soup a culture?!

Who is it?

I warn you, I'm armed!

- Shh!
- Mrs Thwaites, what are you doing?

Shh!

- Your Lordship.
- Pardon? Oh, no, I'm not a peer.

Not yet.
Plain Sir Malcolm will suffice.

- Sir Malcolm.
- Yes?

- I would rather die than stay here.
- Hmm?

Please, when you leave,
you take me with you!

I can do many things.

I can cook. I can sew.

I am still young.
My body is firm. Look!

Pull yourself together, Mrs Thwaites!

Really!

I am...

No, no, it's the heat, woman.

I saw this happen in Zimbabwe
to Cartwright's wife.

No, no, no. Cold bath's the answer.

- There, there, there, Please,

Psst!

Hey, Delgado.

Delgado!

Over here. Hey, comrade.

Cuba says, "Cascara, si!"

Plastic explosives.
I set timer for five minutes.

Take cover, comrade.

Shit!

- Shit!

- What is it?
- We're breaking out of here, man!

You spoke.

- No, that was just a whisper.
- You broke your vow.

I couldn't find anything to rhyme
with bomb!

- Bomb? Whose bomb?
- The Cubans, man!

- We made a deal with the British.
- The Cubans got here first.

The Cubans will never give us
tickets for Wimbledon.

I know how to handle you.
I lived three years in New York.

- It's sweet, man.

Oh, my God, it's my perfume.

- One word and you die.
- Who are you?

- That's three words.
- We're comrades of the Rebel.

Oh! Delgado is a friend of mine.

I'm Pamela Wynthrop.
Nice to see you.

- Que?
- Oh, I house-sit for him.

- What you do here?
- I'm taking him a home-cooked meal.

Can you imagine
what the food tastes like in there?

- What are you doing here?
- Jailbreak.

Bang! Then we move into the hills.

Can I come with you?
Do I have time to pack a bag?

- Hey.
- Shake your ass.

It's Baxter!

The bomb go off in two minutes.

But he'll be killed!

Then he will be the first victim
of the revolution.

Miguel. Miguel!

Nice to see security's
as tight as ever.

Are you two digging a tunnel
or committing an unnatural act?

Go away, Governor.

Not until I've had a word
with your leader.

I'm disgusted with you, Delgado.
No wonder you daren't show your face.

- Get out of here!
- Oh, you're speaking now.

I'm not surprised.
You sold out your other principals.

Whatever our differences,
I've always thought

that you and I
cared the most about Cascara.

- I beg you on my hands and knees!
- I've brought jobs and security.

All you're going to bring
is chaos, violence.

- Ow!

What was that?

Que, mi amor?

How long has that volcano of yours
been dormant?

- As long as me!
- Oh.

But maybe...

-..you have awakened us both.

- Baxter, are you alright?
- Oh, hello, Pamela.

Shall I kill him?

- He's more use to us as a hostage.
- Move it!

This is great, eh, Baxter?
Plastic explosives, jailbreaks,

a band of desperados
forging their way through the bush.

I suppose I should thank you
for saving my life.

Call me a sentimental old fool.

We did play
in the same cricket team once.

Hey, silencio,
don't speak to the prisoner.

OK, pal. OK.

This is Ken Warden reporting to you

from the hitherto sleepy island
of Cascara,

where late last night
the man they call the Singing Rebel

made a daring escape from this jail.

Right, pay attention.
I want sandbags around the house,

every window boarded up,
and the roof fortified.

We're dealing with terrorists. This
house could be their next target.

Right, off you go.
What's this, you grubby child?

- I want dollar!
- How about a clip around the ear?

Go on, bugger off!

- Good Lord!
- What is it?

It's a ransom note from the rebels.

They're holding Thwaites
and some woman called Wynthrop.

Blah, blah, blah. Kill the hostages
unless their demands are met!

- Kill?
- Yes.

Come on, don't stand around gawking.
Come on! Let's be having you.

For years I agonised over
the burning issues of the day.

Social injustice,
the plight of the Third World,

the uneven distribution of wealth.

Then one day I realised
I was doing all of my agonising

over lunch at the Russian Tea Room.

So I said to myself,
"Pamela, it's time you got involved."

Is this involved enough for you?

I mean, that's why I had
so many causes and crusades.

My analyst said it's a need
to feel as if I'm playing

a meaningful role in life.
It's the guilt, too.

It's not easy being the seventh
wealthiest heiress in the world.

Pamela, can you move
your left hand at all?

A little. Why?

Reach in my pocket.
There's a lighter there.

We could burn through the ropes.

My one consolation is thinking
about the look on my father's face

when he finds out I'm a hostage.

- Pamela...
- He may not even take the call.

Pamela, if you can reach the lighter,
he won't even get the call.

- You mean escape?
- Yes!

Can you move this way a little?

- Is that it?
- No.

That's not it.

Oh, Baxter, I'm sorry.

Please don't apologise, but maybe
we should find the lighter first.

- Perfecto!
- Hey, what it is?

Tell me the three vital elements
we learn at Moscow University

for creating insurgency
in undeveloped countries.

Tit!

Ah! Si, T-I-T.

Terror, infiltration and television.

Si,

American television.
Just think, Garfield,

"Singing Rebel strikes.
Film at 11:00."

- Singing Rebels.
- Of course.

Coast to coast.

Sir Malcolm Leveridge, as spokesman
for the British government,

do you feel the jailbreak
and the taking of the hostages

indicates a growing measure
of support

for the Cascaran Liberation Movement?

There is no movement.

The only support the Rebel has
is a bongo player.

No, this is simply a localised
incident,

which you people, typically, are
blowing up out of all proportion.

No, under British rule, this island
has always been and always will be

a model of stability, common sense
and tranquillity.

- Hey! Viva la revolucion!
- Whoo!

Ken, get the burning building
in the background.

Come on, Ken, come on.

The Caribbean,

once known for its blue seas
and sunny beaches,

and now more noted
as a hotbed of political turmoil,

today gave us a new name to add
to its catalogue of trouble spots.

This is Ken Warden from Cascara,
island in ferment!

Wearing, we're about to launch
a multi-million dollar campaign.

I'm not about to let
some half-baked bunch

of Commie revolutionaries foul it up.

You've got some good ol' boys
who must be itching to kick some ass.

Turn 'em loose.

Sir, that might jeopardise
the lives of the hostages.

- Screw the hostages!
- That would be the preferred option,

but one of them is your daughter,
Pamela.

We were never that close.

Baxter, there's four of them
and they're armed.

Yes, I know, but we're going
to make you the diversion.

- Diversion?
- Yes, lie down against that tree.

- Lie down?
- Yes.

We want it to look as though
I broke free and attacked you.

Why would you do that?

The heat
might have inflamed my senses.

After all,
you are a very attractive woman.

Sit down. Lie down.

How would I look if I'd been ravaged?

- May I?
- Yeah.

- Your hair would be all ruffled.
- OK.

These would be gone and the necklace.
This would be gone.

And I think you would've done this.

- And maybe this. Yeah?
- Would I?

Sure, I mean,
you would've been surprised

by the intensity of your passion,

overcome by an insatiable hunger
and lust.

You once called me
an undesirable alien.

I lied.

- Oh!
- Argh! Oh!

Alright, let's have no martyrs
for the revolution.

Drop your guns
and put your hands behind your heads.

Now, follow the river.
Keep the volcano on your left.

With a bit of luck, you'll reach
Calamity Cove by nightfall.

If your boat is still there,
you can set sail for Havana.

And face Fidel after this fiasco?

We make for Miami.
I have a cousin there.

Ah, si, Pacheco,

We go underground
and spread sedition.

No, we deal coke,

like AI Pacino in Scarf ace,

Another fine mess you got me into.

- Can we go with them?
- No, we go to jail.

For real, this time.

Bread and water, solitary.
I shall probably write my memoirs.

Delgado Fitzhugh,
The Years Of Struggle,

- The struggle isn't over.
- Whose side are you on, man?

Cascara's.

This is my home.

If we don't move fast, we'll lose it,
either to the Cubans or the Brits

or the next bunch
that want their grubby paws on it.

We are the only ones
who can stop them.

We're with you all the way.
Aren't we, gentlemen?

But there's only four of us
and she's a woman.

I can't believe I'm hearing this
in the '80s.

- At least the Cubans had a plan.
- What was it?

We don't know. They never told us.

I have a plan. Are you with me?

Between ourselves,

London's delighted to have guerrillas
creating havoc in the hills.

And they think
I engineered the whole thing.

So I'm smelling of roses.

Of course, I do realise
that this is a time

of great emotional stress for you
with your husband captive.

But, you know, my life too
could be in danger.

- Yeah.
- Maybe I should go someplace.

- Like the Riviera.
- I'd rather you didn't.

It'd look better if you stay
for the press.

Loyal little wife
bravely choking back a tear,

quivering upper lip.

- I suppose I must do my duty.
- That's the spirit.

Why don't you slip
into that nun's habit again?

Go on, off you go.

Here in Cascara, the man they call
the Singing Rebel

is still at liberty.

In this remote
and inhospitable terrain,

he could be in one
of a thousand places.

Somewhere out there there's...

Why have you guys got your hands
in the air?

I mean, are we still rolling or what?

Your search is over, Ken.

Hey, you're Ken Warden!

Hey, everybody, it's Ken Warden!
Open up for Mr Warden.

How you doing, Ken?
You gonna do a piece on us?

You got it, buddy.

Do I have time
to trim the old fungus?

Hey, it's Ken Warden!

All you sons of imperiality

Never mind that, Delgado. Tell them
we're ready to die for the cause.

- We're ready to die for the cause.
- Yeah, right now.

If anybody moves, we'll blow up...
Blow up...

Blow up... the well.

Do as he says. Back off.

Great kick,
He's down to the 30-yard line,

Sanderson gets...

They ain't blocking, tackling.
They ain't doing a goddamn thing.

- It's your daughter calling.
- Ah, shit!

This had better be good. We're deep
in the fourth quarter and trailing.

I'm sorry if I caught you
at a bad moment.

Know what your problem is?

You never learned
to accept being rich.

All you ever did was try
to screw it up for the rest of us.

Look where it's got you.

You're probably being raped
and tortured by a bunch of bandits

when all that's mine
could've been yours.

Part of it is mine now, Daddy.

- What's happening?
- Interception.

You were saying, Pamela?

I said I have your water, Daddy.

If you don't call
your friends in important places,

I'll blow it all to hell!

Mr President, American business is
at stake. I recommend we move in now.

Here's an opportunity to show Castro
in his own back yard.

We send in the marines,
like we did in Grenada.

Seems to be unanimous, Mr President.

Shall I wake him?

Stop!

Four minutes and 16 seconds.

They rendezvous at the yacht,
back in Martinique before dawn.

I congratulate you, Kessler.
You have done well.

Hand-picked mercenaries, madam,
the scum of the earth!

Let me talk to them.

Gentlemen, I can now reveal
the purpose of your mission.

French mineral water
is the finest in the world.

But it is threatened
by the upstarts of Cascara.

You will destroy their well.

It is a dangerous mission
and some of you will die.

But remember, in a world gone mad,
you will die for the principle

that you all hold close
to your hearts. Money!

Vive le franc!
Vive le Deutschmark!

Vive le dollar!

Vive the numbered bank account
in Switzerland!

The British people will never bow
to the tactics of terrorism.

The Special Air Service
has already been dispatched,

willing to demonstrate once again

the gratuitous violence and mayhem
for which they are so rightly famous.

- Do it, do it
- Oh

- Do it
- Oh

- Do it, do it
- Oh

Do it

Looking through the morning dew

A smoking mountain's nothing new

Hi, guys in 82nd Airborne,

Moscow Radio has just described
your presence here

as an act of provocation,
detrimental to world peace,

Hey, man, don't kick down our doors
cos you won't find anybody,

They're all down at the well.
Why don't you head on down there?

They got pretty girls, dancing,

the T-Bone Jefferson Steel Band
and barbecued goat.

We'd love to see your face
at the place.

Renegade governor, Baxter Thwaites,
has called for a confrontation

with British authorities
to issue his demands.

As you can see
by the carnival atmosphere here,

this is not the isolated act
of some fanatical minority

but a movement that has caught
the hearts and minds of the people.

Once again American soldiers
have set foot on foreign soil

in a land which until last week
they had never heard of.

Many of them are searching their
hearts and asking, "Why are we here?"

Why are we here, Major?

Because we're a fucking
peace-keeping corps,

which means we can't squeeze
a trigger until those wise-ass,

pinko, media personnel
have shipped out of here.

Major "Mad-Dog" Hollister, isn't it?

Sandy "Take-No-Prisoners"
Charlesworth, SAS.

We'll have to move these civilians.

Can't see the target
for the limbo dancers.

- Those are innocent bystanders.
- There's no such thing.

They're all hand in glove
with the gooks!

We are not in Vietnam now, Major.
Those chaps carry British passports.

If any of them have to die,
it'll be by a British bullet.

Please give me a little room?
Thank you.

Go ahead. Do your best.

Delgado!

Delgado, your mother and I
are both here.

Oh, no! I can't handle this.

On television, too!

It's emotional blackmail, Delgado.
Don't go for it.

We're both appealing to you.
Lay down your arms.

It's too late for that, Eric.

Thwaites, I don't know
what you're hoping to achieve,

but before you do anything rash,

I'd like to remind you
of your duties to the Crown.

And, of course, your responsibilities

to Dolores, your distraught wife
of 14 years.

I know my responsibilities.

Let him through, Garfield.

- Will you people get out of the way?

I have nothing to say.
Thank you very much, no.

Don't worry, sir,
I have a sniper positioned.

Nod and he'll shoot
the bastard's pecker off.

Thank you, Major, but I'm sure
diplomacy will prevail. Excuse me.

What do you look like, Thwaites?

You haven't shaved.
You smell like a rancid goat.

You've thrown in your lot
with a bunch of guerrillas.

You've become the Patty Hearst
of the British Diplomatic Corps.

I'm helping to ferment revolution.
Wasn't that the British plan?

I see.
You have rather exceeded your brief.

So, my deal with Delgado still holds,
yes?

All deals are off.

You and the Americans have to agree

to let the Rebel appear before
the United Nations

and put the case
for Cascaran independence.

You can't do this. Think of England.
Think of your duty. Think of me!

Have you told him about us, Malcolm?

It is true, Baxter.

We were without the power to resist.

I want a divorce!

Oh, shut up!

Because I want to marry Sir Malcolm.

- Shut that woman up, Major.

Where's your bloody sniper, man?

Congratulations, sir. I hope
you'll both be very happy.

The United States supports the motion

proposed by the Soviet Union
that the Cascaran Liberation Front

be allowed to address the assembly.

Focus of attention

- Everybody knows your name
- Alright, boys.

Remember, don't come on
too strong to begin with.

I want you to build.
And the eyes, remember the eyes.

The fire, the passion, the feeling,
it's all in the eyes.

- Good luck, chaps.
- Bring us independence.

Bring me a Yankee baseball jacket!

Focus of attention

Delgado, you've got a great ass.
Move it!

Know how it feels on the breadline

Now you're the one
that's making headlines

- Whoo
- Focus of attention

- Breadline, goldmine
- Focus of attention

Breadline, shoeshine

Pay attention.
Two of us will mine the rig.

The explosions will be your signal
to blow the cliff face.

When they listen
to the Rebel's broadcast,

that is the time we strike.

Meantime, we eat.

Pierre, break out
the emergency rations.

The emergency special is carre
d'agneau with beans. French, of course.

Followed by green salad and cheese
and f raises des bois,

To accompany this,
we have a robust, young sensimilla,

which will refresh
even the most cynical palate.

30 seconds.

When the Rebel comes in,
I need reactions.

Get me France. Get me England.
Get me the US. Get me Russia.

Who's that? Sweden! Forget Sweden.
They wouldn't react if the roof fell.

20 seconds.

Honourable ambassadors,
please welcome the delegates

for the Cascara Liberation Front.

OK, everybody, stay sharp.
This is big.

This is bigger than the moon walk.
The world is watching this.

We're talking Emmys here.

Pan left. Hold it there.

Take one.

Out of Africa and Europe

Across many oceans

We came to Cascara

And the stars and the fates

- Is this dull?
- This is dull.

Unless that guitar turns out to be
a machine gun, we're in trouble.

And brother to brother

Sister to sister
As one people we stand

If independence depends on this song,
give the island back to the bats.

- It gets better.
- How do you know?

I have some friends in the music
business and I made a few calls.

Today

That's Ringo "Who's-This"!

And George "What's-This"!

"Who's-This" and "What's-This"
together again.

Isn't that Eric Clapton?

My God, it's the concert for Cascara!

You've invaded our homes

And our privacy

Taking everything
except the sun and the sea

We've come here to ask you

Most humbly

Please won't you grant us
our liberty

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

Whoa, whoa

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

Whoa, whoa

We are very poor people

Easily led

Have to scratch with our hands now

To keep our babies fed

You bring in your soldiers

Put a gun at our head

The way things are going

We'd be better off dead

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

Whoa, whoa

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

We want to live as we please

With strength and with pride

Make our own decisions

With no help from outside

Please let us be

Leave us alone

We need to be free

- You've tipped the scales, Pamela.
- It's only the beginning.

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

Set the fuses for two minutes.

I'm going to diffuse these charges.
Nobody's going to fight us now.

My father will.
He'll do anything he can to get even.

Pamela, I sometimes wonder
if you do what you do for humanity

or simply to get back at dad.

Give us tomorrow

And a future that's free

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

We are all different colours

Who stand here and sing

But the same hearts are beating

Under the skin

Our hearts are all hoping

That you'll turn the tide

Give us this joy of national pride

Give us our freedom

Whoa!

Who are you? Why are you here?

For the bloodshed and the money!

We are the dogs of war!

Who's paying you?
It's the bloody French, isn't it?

I can smell the garlic.

We want our freedom

Whoa, whoa

Give us our freedom

I have been trying to get back at Dad
but I have a good reason for it.

Dad's a prick!

- The bombs go off in 20 seconds!
- What bomb?

Where's the other one? Get the bomb.

Is this the bomb?

The water is destroyed.
My mission is accomplished.

If you have need of an army,
here is my card.

Thank you.

It's time to go home,
Baxter.

Face the facts, man.
The water's gone.

When they activated this drill,

they struck an underground well
they didn't know was there.

The explosion may have caused
some geological shift or fracture.

There could be oceans of it
still down there.

You've been telling us that
for a week.

It could take a week.
It could take a year.

It's not going to happen, Baxter.

They're only giving us independence
because we have nothing of value.

At least everything we don't have
is ours.

We've been offered a record deal.

I hardly think your royalties
will pay the national debt.

- I saw a lot of bats today.
- So?

Their excrement, called guano, is one
of the world's richest fertilisers.

Someday it could be
a very important export.

How do people eat
while we wait for bats to crap?

I'm only trying to be positive.

What's that noise?

With our luck,
it's probably the bloody volcano.

Holy Moses!

- It's oil!
- It's oil!

The rope also belongs to Britain,
Thwaites.

Then, you shall have it, sir.

There goes lunch.

Smile, Sir Malcolm,
as the cameras catch

the dying moments
of a British colony.

The dying moments of my career!
Thanks to this disastrous episode,

Margaret Thatcher
is gonna have my balls!

OK. Stop this screwing around!

I want to leave now!

And if she doesn't, Sir Malcolm,
Dolores certainly will.

I grew up bathing in sea water

But nowadays that is bare horror

If I only venture down by the shore

Police telling me
I can't bathe no more

Cos Jack don't want me to bathe
on my beach

Jack tell them
to keep me out of reach

Jack tell them I will never
make the grade

Strengthen security
Build barricade

That can't happen here
in this country

I want Jack to know
that the beach belong to me

That can't happen here
over my dead body

Tell Jack that I say
that the beach belong to me

Gonna celebrate

This day of independence

They can't take away

Our day of liberty

Like we all decided

So let us raise our voices

Thank the Lord
and count our blessings

Now the world can see

We achieved prosperity

Gonna celebrate

Now that we have our freedom

Whoa

No one can deny

That it was destiny

They fight us
Unite us

And now the people's voices

Thank the Lord
for all His blessings

And you all can see

Our happiness, prosperity

Gonna celebrate

Whoa

Our independence

- Gonna celebrate
- Celebrate

- Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate
- Our independence

Celebrate, celebrate, celebrate

- Celebrate, celebrate
- Our independence

Destiny, destiny,
prosperity, prosperity

Our independence

- Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
- Celebrate

Celebrate, celebrate

Our independence

Our independence

Celebrate

Independence, independence,
independence