Warmed-Over Krautrock (2016) - full transcript

It's not enough.

You have to buy more.

What should I get?

Have you seen our lovely
collection of CDs for a dollar?

This whole section's
only a dollar?

- Yeah.
- We prefer to think of it

of an installation.

'Cause nothing here ever moves?

It's our statement
on the music industry.

Mm.

You can't leave
until you find at least one CD



you want to buy for a dollar.

Guys, this is really depressing.

Hey, imagine if you'd signed
those bands.

You know, we can actually
stay open till midnight

if you need some more time.

You got this.

Hey.

So it's kind of slow today.

Rub it in.

Yeah.

Would it be okay
if I set up my laptop back here

after I got off?

I'm trying to avoid
my roommates.

How long is this
gonna go on for, Duane?



Just till the end of the month.

Okay.

I'm so glad I'm not
in my twenties anymore.

Thanks.

- Duane.
- Yeah?

What is it you're always working
on on that laptop of yours?

Just more playlists.

Like right now
I'm working on one

that's a history
of New York rock.

Like the one definitive track
for each band.

You ever thought about a blog?

Uh...

Seriously,
you should post it online.

I don't know, I mean,

everyone has one, so,
who would ever read it?

You never know, do you?

It might lead to something,

give you an outlet.

Yeah, I'll think about it.

Thank you for your patronage.

You should come with me
to Coachella this year.

Hang in the VIP tent.

I only listen to
the LA Philharmonic.

Are they playing Coachella
this year?

- The Sahara tent.
- No.

No, come on, man.

Don't tell me you like that,
you of all people.

- What does that mean?
- You're the one that's saying

that you can't stand those bands
that have the...

hold on, what was it...

the Williamsburg Testicle-Free
Seal of Approval.

Was that me that said that?

Come on, dude, all I'm saying
is if we open up for them

at the Palladium,
that's huge for us.

They have a following!

Come on, man,
they've been dishing out

that Warmed-Over Krautrock
for years now.

I can't believe the hipsters
are still buying it.

Are you listening to yourself
right now?

Warmed-Over Krautrock?

What does that even mean?

Yeah, Duane speaks in rock
critic, you need subtitles

in front of him so you
understand what he's saying.

- I do not speak in rock critic.
- Yeah, you do.

You guys coming to my show
on Tuesday by the way?

I've seen you play
like seven times.

I have actually seen you play
in every place

that you've ever played.

But I need you there,
you're objective.

- I need your opinion.
- Aw.

Wait, did you get another show?

Yeah, yeah, another out of work
actor is putting on a showcase

and he needs set design
that he can't afford to pay for.

Right on, well,
I hope somebody comes

and shows up and digs your work.

Well, I'll be there.

You guys going on first again?

No, man, third,
11 o'clock start time.

Nice, look at you guys!

- Moving up in the world.
- Mm!

- Ow, ow!
- Oh-ho!

Again with the tie!

Look, I've got
to leave again early.

Can you guys lock up for me?

Yeah, we're good.

Where you going all
respectable-like?

Sex addict support group.

It's a terrible affliction.

Hey, are you off the clock?

Uh, yeah, no,
I'm just hanging out.

You know, six hours
of used record time's

- just not enough for this guy.
- Yeah, I caught him sleeping

in the easy listening section
last week.

Oh yeah right,
the easy listening.

- Loving the t-shirt.
- Thank you.

Yeah, a friend of mine
made it for me.

We should sell them
in the store.

I'm gonna say one person
in the next three hours.

Ooh, oh,
let's not get crazy now.

No, no, no, no, he's right.

Today is the day
it all turns around.

There is a huge pent up demand
out there.

I can, I can just feel it.

Hm.

I do think though if somebody
comes in and buys something,

- we should give them a beer.
- Probably.

Speaking of which,
is it my turn to buy?

- Yeah.
- Yes.

All right.

See if you can find that beer
that tastes like banana bread.

No, no, no, no, no, the cut off
line is Some Girls.

After that, the iron gate
comes crashing down.

That's it, period.

Come on, you gotta give 'em
Tattoo You.

- Start Me Up?
- Come on,

most of that album was Mick
dubbing in vocals over tracks

they've had in the can
for years.

Hey, Mick Taylor is all over it.

Mick Taylor's
my secret boyfriend.

- Good one.
- Right?

How do you know
who Mick Taylor is?

Dude, my dad
has all those records.

Condescend much?

- I wasn't being condescending.
- Uh...

Was I being condescending?

How long have
we worked together?

I'm sorry, it's just most girls
your age don't...

Dude, d... d... d...

since when has Lysette
done anything

- like most girls our age?
- Thank you.

Yes.

Oh God, it's so sweet that
you're so upset about it.

- It's easy, Elvis.
- Oh, lame.

- Why?
- It's obvious!

It's not... who could fault me?

Wait, okay, why, why do guys
always have to say Elvis

when they're asked
who they would sleep with

if they had to sleep with a guy?

- Why wouldn't ya?
- Why, because it's

the easy choice for
straight guys, that's why.

Oh, the easy choice, fine.

All right,
Mr. I Live on the Edge then.

Come on, hit me,
what's your choice?

I'm gonna go
with George Harrison.

Agh, can't you guys get it up

for somebody
in the last 40 years?

- Somebody that's actually alive.
- Hold on, hold on, yeah.

Just explain your choice first.

First of all,
he just looks so cool

in every picture
with The Beatles.

Doesn't matter what year.

Second, he was such an admirable
person in real life.

- Hm.
- Hm, aren't you gonna

ask him how he knows
who George Harrison is?

God, I'm never gonna
live that down, am I?

- No.
- And you know what the thing is,

I don't even wanna sleep
with the guy.

I wanna have like a mystical,

spiritual union with him.

What?

A mystical, spiritual union?

What does that mean?

Haven't you guys
ever wanted to live

beyond the grasp
of material things?

No!

That's what he was all about.

Hm.

Who are you?

I mean, where are these
hidden depths coming from?

Stereotype much?

Look beyond the tattoos, dude.

That should be an album title

or like a lyric or something,
it'd be great.

Are we not drinking ourselves
into oblivion?

You can if you want,
unless you want a ride.

Twice now I've offered to bring
in my own speakers.

- And?
- He keeps putting me off.

He says he's gonna fix
the PA system himself.

He must not wanna spend
the money right now.

How much does it cost
to set up an iPod dock?

Have you ever heard of a record
store that can't play music?

What kind of a message
does that send?

It's not good.

We're not doing any in-stores.

Or record release parties.

Where do you guys think he's
going when he puts on that tie?

I mean, do you think
he's skipping out

on us for interviews?

Maybe he's going to
a speed dating service for,

like, middle-aged indie dudes.

I wish he could meet someone.

Seriously, I mean,
do you know where he's going?

Oh, I have no clue.

So when am I gonna get the
chance to show my hidden depths?

I mean, tell me that, my friend.

How long am I gonna keep
living like this,

like only halfway in the world?

I mean, the songs playing
in my head are so much more real

and intense than anything
going on in my real life.

Do you ever feel like that?

You must.

I just thought that when
my real life started, like,

music would just fade
to the background.

Like it'd be the soundtrack

to my exciting, fulfilling life.

You know, I can tell you
from every date in college

what song was playing

in the car, the club, bar,

whatever, I can name 'em all.

God, those poor girls though.

Did I ever shut up?

I don't know,
but music's my life.

But I don't play an instrument,
I don't sing.

I can't write or read music.

I don't create anything.

I don't add to anything.

You probably can't even imagine
what that's like.

Chris, Chris plays in a band.

They're a loud, heavy,
sweaty band.

"Ahhh" and all that.

But I don't know, I still

would love to know
what it's like

to live in that moment
of performance.

Like, where there's no gap
between being and creating.

A work of art isn't something

that you turn over endlessly
in your head.

It's just there.

And when it's done, it's gone.

But you did it.

So when am I gonna get
the chance to tell everyone

all the things
I need to tell them?

Tell me that, my friend.

Hey, man.

What's up?

Uh, so what's up with the shirt?

Oh, yeah,
this chick gave it to me.

It's a memento.

Isn't it a little early
for Twilight irony?

- Twilight irony?
- Yeah.

I mean, all the girls
that saw that movie

when they were 12
are like 18 now

and they're still probably
in love with the guy.

So you can pull
that t-shirt off.

If I wore a Twilight shirt,
if I was being ironic,

I'd look like an asshole.

And if not,
I'd look beyond pathetic.

Yeah, you would.

Hey, did you see that shirt that
Chris was wearing yesterday?

Let me guess,
you wanna make fun of it?

No, it actually got me thinking.

You know, in like
five or ten years time,

Twilight irony
could be big business.

Twilight irony.

You know that sounds
an awful lot like rock critic.

Didn't we talk about that?

I'm being serious.

Watch, in five
to ten years time,

Twilight irony
is gonna be a thing.

'Cause all those girls
that saw the movie

are gonna be old enough
to have their own bands

and club nights and things,

and they'll appropriate that
imagery from their adolescence.

Put a new spin on it.

You've got your finger
on the pulse.

Look, somebody's gonna make
a buck off it.

Maybe it should be me.

I didn't know
you were so ambitious.

I keep my plans for world
domination well hidden.

Very well hidden.

Sweetheart, do we really have
to document everything I do?

Don't be self-conscious.

Come on, you were gonna do
reality TV.

Don't remind me.

Look over your shoulder,
one more.

Now, you do know I'm not
a rock star yet, right?

You were born a rock star.

These are great,
we'll use 'em for your Tumblr.

Oh, great, my Tumblr.

My Facebook, my Instagram,
my Twitter.

What?

Nothing.

- Good morning.
- Morning.

I can use one of them,
thank you.

- Big day.
- Yeah, I was gonna pop out

during lunch and show my work.

Fine.

Onwards and upwards.

Do you know if Chris
has a gig this week?

I'm thinking about going
and checking it out.

Yeah, it's on Tuesday
but I'm not gonna go.

- Had enough?
- I've seen him like seven times.

I feel like I've done my duty
at this point.

I know what you mean.

They're really good though.

- Dude, the guitarist.
- Kyle.

- Kid can play.
- Yeah.

Him and Chris together,
they could really do something.

Yeah, but whenever
I go see them,

Chris has all those girls
hanging on him,

and then I go backstage
to say hi

and they're all like...

Agh, you can tell they're trying
to decide if I'm someone

they need to be nice to or not.

Last time I went,

some girl asked me
whose dad I was.

Ouch.

Kinda hate being
in that situation.

Backstage, yeah?

You know, like,
the girl hanging out

with all the stud musicians.

You're not a musician too,

they're never really
gonna respect you.

Chris is a really cool guy,
but at his shows

I feel like even he expects me
to be his fan club.

Ego fluffer.

You call that guy yet?

Who?

That guy I was telling
you about, Johnny.

- Johnny.
- What?

He knows everybody.

Johnny.

- He's a song doctor.
- So?

He could really help you guys.

Come on, you know
we're not that kind of band.

- You're not.
- What?

You and Kyle are like a boy band
for girls with tattoos.

You just don't know it yet.

Oh yeah, is that right?

Well, thanks.

I guess.

So, I have my own table
at Comic-Con this year.

You wanna come with?

You could be my booth babe.

I was just joking
about booth babe.

I think you'd be
a great booth babe.

Booth babe!

What's up, Walt man?

You okay?

Yeah, I'm just sorting out
some finances, you know.

So, tell us about the meeting
with the big time manager.

- Oh, yeah.
- How did that go?

Awesome,
you wouldn't believe it.

He has gold records
all over his wall.

Every day it's the same thing.

What, here?

No!

Chris has Walt hooked.

All he has to do
is come in and spin tales

about his band
trying to make it in the biz

and then Walt'll let him
show up as late as he wants,

make phone calls, leave early.

It's like Chris is Scheherazade
or something.

I know who Scheherazade is.

- I didn't say anything, I...
- Oh no?

But you were gonna.

But he was telling me,
he's like, he's like,

"You like albums, I like albums.

We all like albums,
I'm not talking about albums.

All I need is five killer tracks
that I can license."

Wow.

There it is.

The industry in a nutshell, man.

Yeah, no joke.

You know,
it's really not cool of you

to talk behind people's backs,

especially since Walt
is super cool

and he lets you hang out here

so you don't have to see
your roommates.

Was I being lame?

Would it help if I got beer?

That would be a start.

The wife and me split around
the time of the dot-com boom.

The store got priced out
of San Francisco

and I moved down here.

Couldn't believe how cheap
the leases were in LA.

Wait, so you and your wife
ran the record store up there?

We were just off
the Lower Haight.

It was when alternative rock
was really kicking in.

And for a while, it was like
the store was this...

Hey, boss, tell us again
how you saw Nirvana

before Nevermind came out.

Duane, are you being lame?

No.

That's her there.

Oh, so you were married
to Neko Case.

No, this one.

No way.

Damn, she's actually
kinda good-looking.

- Uh, thanks.
- No, I'm just saying

it doesn't look like
a green card marriage.

Yeah, well, didn't hurt
the foot traffic in the store,

if you know what I mean.

You should come with me
to Coachella this year.

I know people, we can party
in the VIP tent.

I'm more of a Stagecoach girl.

Oh, me too.

I mean, I love country music.

Tim McGraw is a god.

- Yeah.
- Hey, Lys,

did you ever show that director
your set designs the other day?

Yup.

Did he hit on you too?

Yeah.

All right, well just make sure
you give me the address.

I'll send Duane over there
to beat his ass.

I'll do it, I'll walk in
with a Japanese import disc

and take his head off.

Well, I kinda pictured you
talking him to death.

Thank you, guys, but um,

let's wait to see if I get the
job first before you off him.

Fine.

A more diversified portfolio.

You don't say?

401K?

I haven't even got half a K.

A more aggressive rate
of return.

So what would he suggest I do?

How about I could sell weapons
to the Hezbollah?

Open a car wash?

Music is all I know, man.

Music up to the year 2005.

After that, I'm lost.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, man, there's plenty
of days where living in LA

just seems like a big hassle.

It's always during the day
when you're like...

"Why do I put up
with this shit," you know?

Come on!

But at night,

it wasn't until I moved to LA
that I realized...

really appreciated
what magic hour meant.

I mean, sometimes I feel like

you can feel the whole city
just changing,

coming to life, you know?

After dark is the reward.

It's like all these people
just coming out

that you never see
during the day, you know?

No one you'd ever see
in an office.

Are we talking about girls here?

Well, not just the girls.

No, it's how it feels
when I go to a cool show.

It's that vibe, you know?

Kinda subterranean.

Yeah, actually.

And it's not just when we have
a cool show either.

You know, once I go to any show,
it's like,

this is what I live for,
you know?

Like it's amazing
how a great show can just...

just makes up for so much
in your life.

It's like kinda
chasing a high in a way.

So you let everything else
just slip away.

That's why I put up
with the bullshit.

You get one good night

and it makes everything
that was hassling you at noon

seem just so far away.

You're up by noon?

I remember what it was like.

So...

Do you have a boyfriend?

Yeah, whenever I want.

Hm.

Bye!

Good answer.

He walked right into that.

When you were growing up,

did girls ever call you
Brain Duane?

No.

Why not?

Seems like a wasted opportunity.

Come on, man, give me a break.

Those guys are like a dumbed
down California stoner version

of The Jesus and Mary Chain.

Is he always like this?

They're like The Cure
got stoned with Sublime

and lost all creativity.

You say of the name of any band
and it's like pushing a button

and out comes
a grammatically correct rant.

This girl at the bar told me
I was like a walking Shazam app.

I couldn't tell if she meant it
as a compliment or not.

Check one, one, two, one.

Check one, two, three.

Check, check.

You know it drives Kyle crazy

when you're taking pictures
the entire set?

He needs to get used to it.

Well, maybe you could just stop

taking pictures
after three songs.

No, I need to take pictures
the whole show

- to make sure that...
- You're not gonna get...

Chris, when you guys
are performing,

do you like completely escape
self consciousness?

I'm just curious as a civilian.

- That is the goal.
- Yeah.

Sometimes, like when I lock in
with Kyle, you know?

With the other guys, I feel like
I have to think about shit

that I feel like I shouldn't
have to think about.

Transcendence is hard
to come by.

That's another album title
right there.

Are you good?

Yeah, no, I'm good.

To transcendence.

Last call.

Walt knows exactly
what he's doing

when he leaves her
up at the counter all day.

And she knows
who Mick Taylor is.

- The perfect woman.
- Yeah.

Are you sweet on her?

I don't know.

Kinda.

Well she just blows me away
with some of the stuff

she comes out with sometimes.

There's no dude in the picture?

Not that I know of.

Well, she's always
texting someone.

Her theater people?

Maybe, I don't know.

I still can't get a read
on whether or not

she'd be into me or not.

Well, no offense,

if she doesn't wanna sleep
with you,

that doesn't really surprise me.

It's not really what's
intriguing about her.

Okay, and why wouldn't it
surprise you

if she didn't wanna sleep
with me?

Dude, don't you get it?

You're radioactive to women
because you're so needy.

Radioactive?

I'm not radioactive.

What are you...

what does that even mean?

You really didn't know?

Anyways, like I was saying,

what's interesting about Lysette
is that she doesn't even

show any signs of wanting
to sleep with me,

which is like,
what is she waiting for, right?

There is no such thing
as underground anymore.

The internet killed it.

Nowadays, everywhere you go,

it's the same overproduced
pussy-ass rock.

You know?

Yeah, so you only go for
the cutting-edge stuff, huh?

Cutting-edge is the life I live.

Come with me.

I have to know.

Are you for real?

Did you mean what you just said?

Yeah.

We wouldn't offer this
to just anyone.

The blogosphere
is on fire about this album.

The band's name
is called Ass Spatter?

You've never heard
of Ass Spatter?

Dude, he's never heard
of Ass Spatter.

I have, I've heard of Ass...
I dig their early stuff.

When was this made?

Just think of it as timeless,

and you've gotta go
for the vinyl.

You'd be missing out
on the whole vision

if you went digital only.

- Is this really rare?
- Dude.

Thurston Moore cannot get
his hands on this record.

- How much you want for it?
- We both know

that you can't put a price
on transgression, but...

we'll let you have it
for 20 bucks.

Twenty bucks?

Okay, I'll skip
pedicure this week.

- Sign me up.
- Right on, dude.

You got 20 bucks for that?

Unbelievable.

May I?

Take that,
go get a bottle of champagne.

Wow, it's that big of a deal?

Oh yes, I've had that thing
since like '94.

It was on the wall
in San Francisco.

People used to come into
the store just to laugh at it.

I can't believe you got rid
of the bloody thing.

- Thank you.
- It was my pleasure.

Right, I've got I Touch Myself,

She Bop,
and Dancing With Myself.

What else do you think
should be on there?

Wow, you're really making
a playlist about masturbation.

What else is there to do?

A subject much on your mind?

You just had to go there.

You couldn't let that one
just pass you by.

Well, of course, you've gotta
make the obvious play.

Wouldn't indie rock guys
be more likely to write a song

about masturbation
than classic rock guys?

Discuss.

- I do not hold forth.
- Yeah, you do.

You sit on your stool
all day and you hold forth

about music and about
television.

It's true, dude, you do.

Lock up for me, will you?

Will do.

Haven't you ever noticed how
much you scare the customers?

All right, no,
I do not scare the customers.

- Where are the customers?
- Yeah, that's on me.

Wouldn't go so far as to say
you scare the customers, but...

So this is it?

Hi.

You really spend
your afternoons here?

No, it's quaint.

An honest to God record store.

You should have DJs come in
for competitions.

We should.

You could have all this music
on a laptop or a phone.

Well, most people come in here
because they like

the tactile experience of vinyl.

Still, if you hadn't turned down
that reality show,

you wouldn't have to be here.

You never told us
about a reality show.

- Yeah!
- Oh, busted!

Your secret's out.

Can you see this guy
with a camera crew

following him around everywhere?

Please, my worst nightmare.

So, do you get, like,
commission for selling

these collector's items
or something?

No, no, no, no, not this guy.

See, he doesn't even
actually work here.

He makes a fortune selling

his exotic used porn
collection online.

I don't have
an exotic porn collection.

Oh, a real playa.

No, I, I don't have
any porn collection.

Don't be modest,
tell 'em about it.

That was mean.

I was trying
to help the guy out.

Listen, I gave you an opening,
you should've rolled with it.

Right, and how am I
supposed to roll with you

making me sound like
a total perv?

You just gotta be
less bottled up.

You should've,
should've went over there

and been like,
"Hey, let me show you, uh..."

Wait, what is it what you say?

It's uh, "Let me show you what
the tactile experience

of vinyl's all about."

Oh, your vintage soul collection

is making me feel
strangely flustered.

Those chicks would've
been totally into that.

Bottled up?

So are they your new fan club?

Well, it's... girls like that
are why I need you in my life.

So how's your photographer
friend these days?

Who, you mean Erin?

You'd know her name
better than I would.

I don't know, she's around.

She's around?

- Where?
- What?

- I don't belong to her.
- Is she behind me?

- You wanna meet her?
- Love to meet her.

Bottled up.

Bottled up.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
hold on, hold on, slow down.

I... hold on, give me a second.

Did we sell anybody a record
named Ass Spatter?

It's a 'epinoymous, '
it means that

the album was the same
as the band name.

You mean it was eponymous.

I don't know, I've only read it.

Besides, how do you know?

- Kidding.
- Okay, well,

he keeps ranting about
Ass Spatter, okay?

Thought it was some dude
with Tourettes prank calling us.

- So what's he want?
- He says we swindled him.

Oh.

Dude needs to smoke a joint.

Dude, we let you in on
the ground floor of Ass Spatter

and now you wanna wimp out?

Okay, you said that you wanted

to be part
of a real underground.

Well, now you are.

Yeah, yeah, you know

there were only 500 copies
of that record made.

Exactly, you're part
of a vanguard.

Do us proud, dude.

Well, call me crazy
but I think your talents

are under-used around here.

You don't think he's gonna
come back with a gun, do you?

Hey, man, what's so...

what, what?

You've gotta be kidding me!
Shit!

I should go see what's up.

No, no, no, let her go.

Goddamnit.

Goddamnit!

Hey.

What's wrong?

My guitarist quit.

Kyle.

I'm sorry.

Is that it for the band?

I don't know.

Maybe.

Probably.

He was really good.

No kidding.

I waited years
to meet a guy like him.

Do you know how rare it is
to meet someone

with their own sound,

someone who doesn't sound
like anybody else?

I mean, people don't stop
and listen to me when I sing,

but they do for him.

They shut up and they put down
their phones when he plays.

No, it's you as well.

No, it's me with him.

He makes everybody
he plays with sound better.

You know, I turn 28 this year.

I turned down a reality TV gig
for this band.

Why'd you turn that down?

Dude, seriously?

I didn't want Kyle to think
I was hedging my bets.

You'll find another guy.

Do you know how hard it is
to find a real guitar player?

In LA?

I mean, they're everywhere.

- Just...
- From now on,

I'm gonna have everyone
telling me,

"Hey, listen to this kid.

He sounds just like Jack White."

"Meet this guy.

He's gonna be
the next Jack White."

I'm gonna audition 30 people,

and they're all gonna sound
like Jack White,

except they don't have talent

and they don't have charisma!

Shouldn't someone be up front?

Like, in case
any customers come in?

Good one.

So why is Kyle leaving?

His girlfriend is
moving to Austin

for grad school
and he wants to be with her.

I was lining up a gig
at South by Southwest,

and now he's moving to Austin.

That's serious irony.

Hey, don't you have a blog
to work on or something?

Come on, man.

I mean, is losing this guy
really that bad?

Besides, the electric guitar
is a tired instrument.

That's like saying the voice
is a tired instrument.

It's a tired instrument
until somebody comes along

and plays and blows you away
with what he can do.

What?

Every conversation he's in,
he's just so loud.

He just fills all the space.

But he's good looking,
so, eh...

Oh, come on.

As if looks are
some kind of novelty in LA.

What did you move here for

if you can't deal
with guys like that?

Seriously.

Look, the girls love Chris

because he's passionate
about something.

Now what are you
passionate about?

- Lots of things.
- Besides 180 gram

vinyl reissues.

I'm not a Nick Hornby
character, you know.

I never said you were.

Look, what you care about
is all up here.

But no one can see what it is.

We can't read your mind.

Now drop the barriers.

You've gotta open up.

Fire. Fire is what people want.

No offense, but you spend
the whole time

just walking around
coolly disdainful.

Fine, you might meet a girl
who's the same way.

Do you think she'll wear
those cool cat-eye glasses?

'Cause I am a big fan.

But she will never
show you passion,

because you never show her
the passion.

You don't take a risk.

Who knows?

You may be very happy together.

Bloody idiot.

Look, dude, seriously.

Don't go to
the District Attorney's office.

No, just think about it.

You walk into the D.A.'s office

with a record
that says "Ass Spatter" on it.

You could get arrested.

You want me to audition
a guy named Shade.

Shade is his name.

No first name, no last name,

I just address him as "Shade"?

No, you don't want me
to go "Mr. Shade," right?

Just...

Oh, yeah.

I bet he's great.

I think he is going to be
the best guy

that we have available, huh?

Sure.

Amazing how shit
would sell in the '90s.

CDs would just go on forever.

One good track, 14 shit ones.

Right around 2000, I knew
our moment was gone forever.

Change in the zeitgeist?

People just didn't want to buy
overpriced CDs anymore.

Plus the wife left,

the store went tits up
in a ditch.

You guys, quit being morbid.

We're not being morbid.

We're just doing
some cultural archaeology.

You guys want to get lunch?

Chris can man
the battle station.

Go on.

So you think we're morbid, huh?

Yeah. Yeah, you guys want
to read the tea leaves

into every dopey-ass song
that comes on the radio.

Well...

Well, I'm glad
I have you in my life

to debunk my pretensions.

Aww, everybody needs someone
to take the piss.

Actually, I'm just glad
I have you in my life, period.

Well, thanks.

You know, I don't think you know
how much you mean to me.

Come on, don't tell me
you haven't felt it.

Felt what?

You know, the...

the vibe
when we're working together.

It's fun!

A little playful,

a little tense.

I just thought maybe
we should go deeper with it.

You know, take it
to the next level.

Wait, hold on,
I'm mixing metaphors now.

- I mean...
- Things are fun between us

because they're not tense.

You're my pal.

I want to feel
like you have my back

when goofballs come in
and they start hitting on me.

Lysette, could I have
a word with you?

- Yeah.
- Am I interrupting anything?

No.

Lysette, I need
to tell you something.

You don't have
a crush on me, do you?

- Me?
- Sorry.

You know, why didn't...

"Deeper with it," Jesus Christ.

Jesus f...
what the hell was that?

Look, you've been here
the longest,

so I thought you should be
the first to know.

The meetings I had with
the loan officer at the bank

didn't pan out.

I couldn't point to anything
to say business

is gonna pick up here
anytime soon.

I'm sorry, but I'm out of...

You know what?

I do have things
that move me in my life.

All right, things that stir
my innermost being.

And I'm not radioactive!

Why are you being
such a freak?

So glad I'm not
in my 20s anymore.

Hey!

Hey, man, hold on.

What is your deal?

You're being a jerk!

That's great,
I'm being the jerk?

What is this,
the world turned inside out?

Listen, man, when I told you

you were being
too needy around women,

I was doing you a favor.

Yeah, thanks a lot for that,
I really appreciate it.

You're so magnanimous.

God, "magnanimous,"
it means that...

I know what magnanimous means,
dickhead!

Yeah!

Kick his ass!

What is it with you, huh?

Is it so hard to believe
that a girl could be fond of you

without wanting to do you?

You're accusing me?

I respect woman, all right?

Oh, yeah, I'm sure
you respect women

in all those fantasies
of yours, no doubt.

My fantasies
aren't the issue here!

Listen, all I'm saying
is that this is the real world.

Why can't you just be happy
with what you have with Lysette?

What are you even talking about?

She cares about you.

Why can't you appreciate that
for what it is?

What are you,
the death metal Dr. Phil now?

Do you ever stop being clever?

Where is it getting you?

What was that guy's deal?

Oh, my God.

Hey.

Look, you guys,
before you say anything,

I'm really sorry about
the whole temper tantrum thing.

I swear that'll
never happen again.

We're closing.

Okay, cool.

Well, I can stick around
and lock up then,

if you guys want.

No, man, like closing
for good, closing.

We haven't come even close
to making our lease in months.

What? What about
the record store day?

I mean, we had the guy
buy a Noy box set

for 250 bucks alone.

One day doesn't make up
for the entire year, does it?

If you recall,
I used that 250 bucks

to take you all out to dinner.

I knew we were screwed
even then.

I knew this day was coming.

Ever since that
old Latina lady came in

and she was looking
for the Taylor Swift album

for her granddaughter,
and we didn't have it.

That day was like an avalanche
of bad karma, wasn't it?

Yeah.

Now, I don't want any of you
getting sentimental.

No tears.

What are you looking at me for?

This place had a decent run.

I knew the days of
the record stores were numbered

even when I opened the place.

To Essential Music.

Hear, hear.

Think of it as a relief.

No more sitting here
wondering when

the next Japanese collector
of our dreams

is gonna walk
through that door,

whip out his Black
American Express card.

Oh, well, I am glad
you're over that,

because we have never taken
American Express.

You have a point.

Seriously, though,
I know it's early,

but have you considered
what you're gonna do next?

Well, look, I've done
the Lower Haight,

I've done Silver Lake.

What should I do, keep moving?

Open up shop in more
and more edgier locations?

I hear there's
a record store vacuum

happening in Juárez right now.

No, it's time for me
to stand up

and embrace the monster
that is the World Wide Web.

I'm gonna sell stuff online.

Good luck with that.

Wait, so that's why you had us
doing inventory.

Yeah.

Seriously, can you imagine

another five years
of this place?

Me telling
the same old war stories

to a bunch of kids
who have no idea

what I'm talking about.

Oh, my God, I feel like it's
finally starting to sink in.

- What is?
- That I might never

have conversations
where people say things

like, "Warmed-Over Krautrock"
ever again.

Is that really
such a bad thing?

Look, you guys, I'm sorry
about the meltdown earlier...

Forget about it.

You guys know I'd crawl
through 10 miles

of broken glass for you, right?

Oh, yeah. Never doubted it.

Freak.

So, if we stay open
until Sunday,

will that be enough
for you to make your rent?

Yes. Thank you.

It's not about
prolonging the death throes.

I say stay open at the weekend,
let a few people in

to pick over the stock,
you know, experts.

Yeah, vultures.

Now we've got to wring out
every dollar, right?

Exactly.
And I'll tell you what.

If Ass Spatter guy calls again,

tell him to come back Monday,
we'll give him a full refund.

Perfect!

I still can't believe
he got away with that.

My proudest moment.

It might be all right.

I mean, come on,
selling that collection,

that could be like a steady
trickle of income.

I don't know, man,
I feel like we were watching

an Academy Award performance.

What do you mean?

You couldn't tell?

He obviously didn't want us
to see how bummed out he was.

You all right?

He didn't want us to know

he's been losing money
for months.

How did I miss that?

A lot of drama, huh?

Yeah.

Thank you for the ride home.

Of course.

We'll make the last
couple days fun, huh?

Make sure this guy
gets home all right.

Oh, I'll do my best,
but you know this guy.

He's a wild man.

Yeah.

Hey, Lys, hold up.

Hey.

Hey, look, I'm sorry
if I put you on the spot

earlier today.

Thank you.

- Duane.
- Yeah?

You know we would make
a terrible couple, don't you?

Terrible?

Why?

Because I don't know
what I want

and neither do you.

- I don't what?
- What?

I mean, I don't know
what I want

- or I don't know what you want?
- Both!

You're right.

- I'll see you tomorrow.
- See you tomorrow.

Nailed it.

Is it possible that
I just know completely nothing

about women?

It's not the end of the world.

Yeah, well,
it really feels like it to me.

And that's exactly
why I'm gonna be there Sunday

when you say goodbye, all right?

You know, just so you don't
do anything stupid.

Great.

And since when
did I become your project?

Did you actually want Lysette?

Or were you just...

I don't know.

What do you mean?

No offense, but it seems
like you don't have

a whole lot of positive things

going on in your life
right now.

Well, considering
all the other women in my life

are on my album covers...

Okay, promise me
you are not gonna go home,

stay up all night,
and have a pity party

with all your music.

You just think
I'm some dumb college kid,

don't you?

Seriously, do yourself a favor,
no pity parties,

no drowning
in your sorrows, okay?

Dude, we don't even have
any alcohol in the apartment.

Which is not to say

there might not be a moment
of mature reflection

with some sensitive
musical accompaniment.

Goodnight, dude.

My friends always
ask about you.

I think they thought
you were my mid-life crisis.

Can't think why.

It's that thing you got
on your head, Walt.

Well, if it's good enough
for Keith,

it's good enough for me.

Keith?

Never mind.

I'm sorry to hear
about the store.

Oh.

Alexis, if you could see
what some of these kids

are doing out there
in Silver Lake and Echo Park,

it would blow your mind.

They've got record stores
with art galleries in the back,

recording studios, cafes.

I can't compete with that.

- What happened?
- It's me.

I'm just not
feeling it anymore.

I've lost me mojo, man.

I used to get
this incredible buzz from music.

I'd read all the music press.

If there was an obscure zine,
I would know it.

I'd read about some band

whose records
you couldn't even find.

And I'd just spend days

imagining what
they would sound like.

The indie bands,
the little indie labels,

it was like poetry to me.

But now when I flip
through a music magazine,

it's like a foreign language
that I don't speak anymore.

It's a load of gibberish.

Did I just sound
incredibly middle-aged

- saying all that?
- Well, it was bound

to happen sometime, Walt.

I always thought
I was immune somehow.

I can't believe there's gonna be
no more Essential Music.

I mean, in my life,
there have been

three record stores:
Wallichs Music City,

Tower on Sunset,
your place.

Now music is just something
I listen to on the computer.

Well, there you have it.

I bet I drove you crazy

all the time I spent
in the store, didn't I?

Well, I couldn't drag you
out of there.

You had your office set up
like a man cave

before man caves
were the thing.

Forgive me?

So what are you gonna do?

I think it's time yours truly
got a Hollywood gig.

Hmm.

So any time
they're making movies

set between 1975 and 2005,

let me be the one
who picks the songs for it.

Nice!

You've been
saving yourself up for that.

My fee will be very reasonable,

a low six-figure sum.

Do you ever think
of moving back to England?

England?

Last time I was in England,
John Major was Prime Minister.

- Who?
- I rest my case.

So seriously,
what are you gonna do?

Alexis, what is
all this questioning?

It's like the ex-wife.

What am I gonna do?

In the immortal words
of the great Joe Strummer...

Who the fuck knows?

Do you want money, Walt?

Me?

Duane's Blog.

Duane's Super Music Power Hour.

Duane's Ass-Kicking,
Blog-a-tastic...

Duane's Ass-Kicking,
Subgenre to Mainstream...

Duane's Blog.

This looks like
quite the project.

You wouldn't believe the shit
I've been finding in here.

Do you even remember those?

- Cassette single?
- Yeah.

It looks like it should be
played on a toy or something.

One more format
that fell by the wayside.

Yeah.

It really is the end of days.

Ah, now you're both here,
I've got something for you.

Don't spend it all at once.

Probably won't be getting
one of these for a while.

Probably use it
to buy some new CDs.

You guys know of any place

that's got
some rock bottom prices?

No, don't do that.

We've got something
for you, ready?

Thought you could use
some cheering up.

We figured it was
the one thing in the store

you'd most appreciate.

Well, thanks for
looking out for me, you guys.

Don't mention it.

Would you like
some free coasters?

Somebody took
all the psych albums?

Well, a couple of dealers
came by and sniffed out

the best stuff
in about three minutes flat.

- Sorry.
- What do you got going on

after this whole last hurrah?

Jeanine and I got a gig.

We're gonna be working on sets

up at the Santa Maria
Shakespeare Festival.

That is awesome!

A nice coastal town,
get you out of LA

- for the summer.
- Exactly!

I'm so excited to be away

from 99-seat
black box theaters for a while.

You'll have to let me know
when that goes on.

I'll make sure to check it out.

You know, it wouldn't be
the worst thing in the world

for you to get out
of this place.

Right.

Wait, what's that?

You're running out
on Ass Spatter guy?

Yeah, I don't think things
are gonna work out between us.

Too bad. He seemed
like the kind of guy

who's probably
carving your name

into his chest right now.

I'm so happy
you finally met someone.

Oh, both you guys,

we're having a party
a week from Saturday,

and I really hope you can come.

Walt, you gonna be there?

Yeah, I might make it.

Not sure I can handle
the new dynamic

where you guys
don't work for me anymore.

Seriously, I would love
to see you there.

We're hoping that Duane
might hold forth

for a few hours.

How can I say no to that?

It's a deal, we'll be there!

All right, well, uh...

See you later!

And Walt, please,
don't let me down!

You'll be seeing me, man.

A year from now,
Duane and me will be fighting

over who's gonna work
your merch table.

Oh, my God.

Please don't even joke
about that.

Yeah, I need
to get out of here now.

I'll see you soon.

Promise me you're not gonna
obsess about that party.

Man, figuring out how
I'm gonna pay rent this month

has pushed all of that
to the side, believe me.

So what's next for you?

Oh, I didn't tell you.

The band is down
to me and the bassist.

- What happened?
- Everyone's bailing.

Drummer quit to go play drums
for a Mexican goth band.

Huh.

It's like last week
I was fronting

this amazing rock army,

and this week
we're just a roots outfit.

I don't know, man.

Strike another match,
go start anew.

What?

Nothing, Dylan line.

Hey, I was thinking,
you should really

start that blog or something.

Like, you know a lot
about music,

and you know
how to turn a phrase.

- You may as well.
- Thanks.

I don't know, I mean,
it's such a cliché, though.

It's not a cliché
if you're doing it.

I mean, what's that famous quote
by that chick?

Martha Graham.

Seriously,
it's that famous quote

where she's like,
"If you have something special

to bring in this world,
it's your duty to bring it out

because nobody else has it."

That could be you
and your music knowledge.

You're quoting Martha Graham?

Who are you?

I had a vocal coach
in high school

I remembered it from.

This chick, by the way,
was totally into me.

Well, I never forgot it.

You should check it out.

I will.

Thanks, I appreciate it.

Wait, you took vocal lessons?

Yes, not very rock and roll,
I know.

Let's just say
that's my dirty little secret.

Literally in every
high school musical.

♪ Could it be?
Yes, it could ♪

♪ Something's coming,
something good ♪

♪ Long as I wait ♪

♪ Something's coming,
I don't know what it is ♪

♪ But it is gonna be great ♪

Yeah, I like it.

Do you need some help?

No, I'm fine.

You could handle
the last minute rush.

Shouldn't it be your fan club
broken up about this?

Not you?

You weren't planning
on a secret career

in retailing, were you?

No. Nope.

It's just, you know,
I've been working here

for a year and a half,

and it just... it occurred to me

that the type of work
that I want to do,

it's always going to be
a temporary situation.

At least you'll meet new people.

Yeah, but I'm really...

I'm really gonna miss
the old ones.

Right.

Fuck, man.

Dammit.

Why? Please!

You'll love jazz-country fusion,
it's the best!