Waiting in the Wings: The Musical (2014) - full transcript

WAITING IN THE WINGS: THE MUSICAL stars two entertainers, destined for the big time, who are mismatched in a casting office from two very different online contests. Tony (Adam Huss), a stripper from New York, is cast in an Off-Broadway musical and needs to trade in his tear-away trunks for tap shoes and tights. Anthony (Jeffrey A Johns), a naive musical theatre enthusiast from Montana, needs to decide if he can strip all the way down just to stay in town. Hilarity ensues as they realize that in order to "make it" they're going have to learn some new tricks. Shirley Jones, Sally Struthers, and Lee Meriwether round out this heartwarming homage to Broadway with some delightful cameos.

♫ A mighty fortress is our God

♫ Of mortal ills prevailing

♫ For still our ancient foe

♫ Doth seek to work us woe

♫ His craft and power are great

♫ And armed with cruel hate

♫ On earth is not his equal

♫ Amen

- Praise ye the Lord, praise
him with stringed instruments

and organs, let all that
hath breath praise the Lord.

And all God's people said.

- Amen.

- Very inspirational, thank you very much.

- Oh thank you, you were great,
you were terrific thank you.

Remember Anthony this is
the house of the Lord.

- I know that, his names
on practically everything.

- That's an alter, not a stage.

- Not a problem.

- No unapproved guests.

- Nope.

- No eating communion for snacks.

- Got it.

- And definitely no pyrotechnics.

- Pyro.

- Don't worry Father Burt,
I'll keep my eyes on him.

- Thank you Ethel.

I knew I could count on you.

- What about me?

- Trevor nice job with the props,

make sure you go get the camera.

- Oh I got to fix these doves.

- Oh I have to go get the pink
lights from the baptismal.

- Don't touch the holy water,

I have a feeling you're allergic.

- Trevor.

- You know I think its
terrific that you can audition

for an off Broadway show
by just sending a video.

- I know, I never thought
I'd have a chance to audition

for a show in New York.

- It's not an audition, it's a contest.

- Oh Trevor it's all the same.

- Anthony must I remind you
that you've submitted to

every talent scout known to man?

- This is different, it's
a legitimate competition.

- With a $25 entrance fee?

- Your negativity is not affecting me.

Everyone will be singing the
same show tunes you always

hear, I thought of something so creative

and so unique they'll have to take me.

- Oh you'll be taken alright, for $25.

- Again, your negativity
is not affecting me.

- Oh va va voom.

Oh that's gonna knock their socks off!

- Wow.

- Oh ah ah ah ah.

And action.

♫ Living in a castle

♫ Where all the birds and
rats will do your chores

♫ Even more they'll
design and craft couture

♫ Chatting with the mirror

♫ Who thinks that you are fairer

♫ Oh and then get a prince
and seven short adoring men

♫ I don't care if it's all fake

♫ Or if it's one cheese-ball cliche

♫ Cause believing in the magic
gets me through another day

♫ I admit it

♫ I love Disney every Disney-licious part

♫ I turn around and damn

♫ I look up and there I am

♫ Wishing on a shooting star

♫ Oh I know it might sound crazy

♫ But when the wind begins to shift

♫ I look up to the sky and
hope Miss Marry pops on by

♫ So I can ask her for a lift

♫ I admit it I'm a Disney whore

♫ Oh you know would go dingy

♫ Flying on a magic thingy

♫ Flying high through the sky

♫ Whoa an enchanted carpet ride

♫ Hanging out with Tarzan

♫ And walking round the pride land

♫ Feel the breeze the trees

♫ Look for the bare necessities

♫ Every night I light a candle

♫ Say a bedtime pretty please

♫ To dear sweet Mr Disney

♫ The patron saint of dreams

♫ Oh watch those fireworks

♫ Climb for a mile

♫ I don't care how butch you are

♫ That crap will make you smile

♫ I admit it I love Disney

♫ And all the colors of the wind

♫ I'll grab my best canoe

♫ Hop in with my pet raccoon

♫ Then go 'round the river bend

♫ With a little pixie dust

♫ And if I can just believe

♫ They might make an
animated feature about me

♫ I'll fly to Neverland with Peter

♫ And I'll swim with Ariel

♫ Gonna climb a magic bean stalk

♫ And I'm gonna dance with Belle

♫ I can go the distance

♫ Shooting like a meteor

♫ I will show them what a dream is for

♫ I admit it

♫ I'm a Disney whore

- Oh don't answer that.

- You've
reached Tony Richardson

and my brother Aaron lives
here too, you know what to do.

- Hey Tony, it's Candy.

I think I might have left
one of my unmentionables

on your fire escape.

- Close one.

- Close one, close two.

- Hey Tony, it's
Claudette, I was unawares

of your sleep walking condition,
as when I woke up you were

no where's to be found.

- And close three.

- It's Nicole,
that rash I warned you about

was just a reaction to
bad shellfish, yeah.

- Oh my God, thank you.

- Can you start giving
out your cell number?

- I don't want them to call me.

- Then give them a fake number.

- That would be rude.

- Yeah, that would be rude.

Can you at least sift through this crap?

- Totally.

- Tony, do you have any motivation at all?

- Yeah when working out.

- There's more to life then working out.

- Hey this body pays
for half your mortgage.

- Yeah it's a very sad
world we live in when a

social worker from New York
has to rely on income from

his brother, the stripper.

- Hey, wait a minute, I just
won this online contest.

America's Strip Search, watch this.

Hi, I'm Tony from New York.

I look good on camera.

- Ugh.

- Girls want me, guys want to be me.

Mom's love me and don't even
get me started on the grandmas.

- Not Mrs Delvecio.

- I'm dogs best friend,
conserving water's important

to me, I am America's hottest stripper.

Oh watch this, the best part, ready?

I could be good or I could be oh so bad.

The end.

- Tony how long do you think you can

make money using just your body?

- Look I know this is hard to believe

but I'm not a complete idiot.

- I never said complete idiot but when you

apply for your first professional job

what are they gonna think of your resume?

- It's always gotten me work

- In strip clubs.

- Four across, oh that's gotta be tutu.

- After shower wear, I think it's robe.

I don't think most people wear
tutus right after the shower,

most people.

- Calling all off Broadway actors.

- Oh I wonder who that could be.

- Ethel!

- There's my shining star.

- Ethel.

- Honey how you feeling?

I can't even imagine, I haven't
been able to sleep at all.

Ever since I heard you
got that off Broadway show

I had a little something I
wanted to give you, open it.

Open it, open it.

- Okay, oh this is the picture from the

first show we did together.

- Peter Pan.

- And it's a map.

- Of the New York subway.

I got this the day I moved to New York,

on my 21st birthday.

Now Anthony I went to
New York with big dreams,

and a small pocket book,
I never booked a show

but this map represents
the best year of my life.

- Well I can't accept this.

- Oh no no, I want you to have
it, it'll be like a little

piece of me is there with
you while you're gettin' a

bite out of the Big Apple.

- Thank you Ethel.

- Oh you're welcome.

- Trevor you just have to look at this.

- Oh.

- What's this?

- Looks like a contract to me.

- Oh business, I'm more
the creative side you know.

Which reminds me I've got
to start working on the

church talent show.

We cannot let Saint Augustine win again.

I'll see yah, toodle doo.

- Bye Ethel.

- Priceless.

- I can't believe this
is actually happening.

- You know I honestly
think they might have heard

about your award for best
three minute comedy monologue

for all high school
seniors representing the

south central region of the
greater Montana state division.

You know even though it was
almost two decades ago it still

really is an impressive feat
when you think about it.

- Hey that was a big deal, my reenactment.

- Stop, don't you think
it's time to take this down

and replace it with a mirror?
- No!

Some dogs playing poker.

- Or the opening night
Playbill you get from my new

off Broadway show?

- Anthony I don't think
I'm gonna be able to make

it to New York.

- What?

- It's not that I don't want
to see your show but I just,

I got my new promotion and they
probably won't let me leave.

- But the show runs for three months,

I mean can't you squeeze
in a long weekend?

Tom your boyfriend.
- Ugh.

Fine Tom your best friend
just got a show in New York

and you just can't miss it.

Trevor it's the first big
thing I've ever checked

off my dream list.

- Don't be so disappointed.

You know if it wasn't
for my job you wouldn't

have the opportunity to
live the actor's life.

- Hey, I work.

- Yeah yeah and on your
pay we could live out our

soda pop wishes and Mac and Cheese dreams.

- Well my forms are
complete, it's official.

- And you read everything before you just

signed your life away?

- Yes daddy.

- Okay I've got all the
contracts returned and signed

by the performers.

- Strippers and the off
Broadway performers?

- Yeah, you know after looking
at the revenue from the

application fees I can see
why we're casting these

shows with online contests.

- That's why we call it show business.

Having strippers from all
over the country's a perfect

gimmick for this club, now what
I'm concerned about is this

little off Broadway thing
you've convinced me to do.

- Well if you would let
me sit in on casting.

- Now you want to be a casting director,

what do you want to be a
producer or a casting director?

I hired a professional to cast the show.

Do not touch the casting.

- By the time we sit in on a
dress rehearsal it's gonna be.

- I don't need to see shows,
I need to see revenue.

- Well of course but as
producer you will be.

- Out of town for the next
three months fundraising.

- You're not even gonna be here?

- You make these two shows successful,

I'll make you a partner.

Then you can keep producing your art.

- You really mean that?

- Make me money.

- Okay, okay, okay,

- Then we'll talk.

- I got it all under control.

- Money.
- Money!


Oh balls.

Theater, stripper, Anthony Richardson.

♫ When I was young I thought of love

♫ As something like a dream

♫ I'd meet a man

♫ A man who'd make my heart sing

♫ So foolishly I waited for
my prince to finally show

♫ But when no one ever
came I vowed to just let go

♫ And then one day I met your eyes

♫ And there was something more

♫ A feeling that I had not felt before

♫ My knees went weak

♫ I couldn't breathe

♫ I thought this can't be true

♫ I found true love the
day that I found you

♫ I found true love the
day that I found you

- Hey sorry I'm late but
I can just jump right in.

- You're not late
gorgeous, we're just early.

- Now that we've all
finally arrived I'd like to

welcome the original
off Broadway cast of the

complete and unabridged history
of American musical theater

in 90 minutes or less, the musical!

I'm Bob your producer
and this is your director

and choreographer Michael.

- Thank you, we have a lot
of work to do before we open,

so everyone get ready to dance.

- I love that motivation,

can't wait to see you all opening night.

- Rita, we'll stage your number tomorrow.

Everyone put on your dancing shoes,

I know you were all cast
by online submissions

but I can't wait to see what
we actually have to work with.

Everybody get your tushes on stage.

Yeah, yeah.

Cute kicks.

- Oh thanks.

- Where's your dancing shoes?

- The dog ate them?

- Alright, here we go.

Starting on the right foot and
step, shuffle, step, shuffle,

step, shuffle, step.

Flap, ball change, flap, flap.

Step, shuffle, ball
change, step, step and wing

and paddle and paddle,
step, step, pull back,

and step shuffle, step
shuffle, step shuffle, step.

Flap, ball change, flap, flap,
step shuffle, ball change

and wing and paddle,
paddle, step step, and wing.

Good, again.


Are we not dancing today?

- I'm just soaking it in.

- So am I honey, so am I.

- Okay can I have your attention please?

Come on, thank you, thanks.

My name's Bob and I'd like
to welcome all of you here.

- Are you our director?

- Actually I'm one of your producers.

Kelsey is your director
but he's busy finishing

another project across town today,

however I'm leaving you
in very capable hands.

This is Lee.

Lee's worked with Kelsey before
and he's agreed to get you

situated, they're all yours.

- Thank you.

- Hey guys, congratulations
to you and me for being

America's hottest strippers.

Now Kelsey wants you to
remember that when you're

themeing your strip numbers
that we're from all over

the country so really play
up something that your

specific state is known for.

- What does this have
to do with the musical?

- He's funny.

- I have a problem.

- Yes, malnutrition.

- You're Anthony
Richardson, is that right?

- Yeah but this isn't
what I auditioned for.

I didn't even feel comfortable
taking my shirt off

in South Pacific.

- I'm not really sure what that means

but you read your contract.

- Well I read all the
rules to the contest.

- Most strippers do, strip.

- Don't worry Anthony,
it's just rookie jitters,

I'll help you out.

Alright guys, Kelsey wants us
all to remember your numbers

have to have something about
your state pride in them

and Kelsey will need the music
for that number in tomorrow's

rehearsal and the Broadway Barn
is having a warehouse sale.

Check them out, we'll see you tomorrow

and welcome to New York.

That's good, it's good deal.


Alright first we have to
pick a stripper name for you.

- I don't even think we have strippers

in Big Timber Montana.

- Big Timber, are you serious?

- Huh?

- Oh you don't get it, well
let's think, Big Timber,

big, long, long wood, Anthony
Longwood, it's perfect!

- You know I just don't know
about the stripper thing.

- You don't really have a
choice unless you want to

pay your contract penalty
and buy your own ticket home.

- I can't go home, everyone
thinks I'm in a show

for the next three months.

- Well if you're not stripping

how are you gonna afford New York?

Rent alone is like 1.500 bucks.

- Well maybe I could
audition for another show.

- How many shows have
you booked in New York?

Exactly, just come to the
costume warehouse with me.

I'll take care of you.

- Well I do need a new top hat.

- How's your new stripper job going?

- I think you mean how's
my new musical job going.

- Musical?

- Yep.

- Like musical musical?

- Uh huh.

- Why?

- Shit I'm out of beer.

- Okay for every answer you
give me I will give you a beer.

- Go on.

- Alright, how did you get cast?

- Not sure, I think my video submission

got somebody's attention.

- Have they heard you sing?

- Not yet, it'll be a surprise.

- These are professionals,
don't you think they're

gonna catch on to you eventually?

- I had them eating out
of the palm of my hand.

- Why are you insisting on this?

Where are you going?

I am not done.

- Yeah you are, all I
wanted was three beers.

- I wish I had this costume
access at the church in Montana.

Oh my gosh, this place is incredible.

Oh oh, a sailor suit!

- That's not what we're
here for Anthony, focus.

- I could do something from Anything Goes.

Cole Porter?

It's a musical.

- Oh sorry, I don't know
that much about musicals

but what I do know is there
aren't many sailors in Montana

being that it's a
landlocked state and all.

- Oh but you're from California,
you could be a sailor.

- I already have my number.

- Well if you change your
mind you'd be perfect.

There's so many great sailor
songs out there to sing.

- I can't really sing.

- Everyone can sing, it just
takes finding the right song.

♫ The world needs music

- It has music.

♫ No as in a musical

- Oh.

♫ Like food and water

- Shh, people are staring.

♫ It is intrinsical

- That's not even a word.

♫ Everyone knows human beings have certain

♫ Essentials in order to live

♫ But beyond just the minimal day to day

♫ Stipend of eh I am positive is

♫ That this world needs

- Music.

♫ Yes but in a constant stream

♫ Alive in daytime

♫ Not simply lost in dreams

♫ And then someday when
everyone's handed their score

♫ In libretto then maybe you'll find

♫ This almost whole world

♫ Embrace all human kind

- Very nice, are you done?

♫ No quite this world needs music

♫ Each day I live to
see would just be better

♫ With four part harmony

♫ Oklahoma is probably not the first state

♫ That a musical brings to your mind

♫ Yeehaw

♫ That in the first truly American musical

♫ Comedy you're sure to find

♫ That oh what a beautiful morning

♫ Music queue in the oohs
and ahhs of backstage chorus

♫ Is sure to cure the blahs

♫ So that on the day
everyone's handed their score

♫ In libretto we surely will see

♫ Altos and bases

♫ Tenor sopranos

♫ Live in harmony

- Oh my God oh my God

♫ Sing my angel of musicals

♫ Play a pipe organ then

♫ Light some more candles ha ha

♫ To brighten up my den

♫ Andrew Lloyd Webber
knows writing a musical

♫ Can be an art form which that

♫ Isn't limited to
struggling dictators wives

♫ Deformed phantoms or trains even cats

♫ Meow meow meow meow meow

♫ Meow meow meow meow meow

♫ I love musicals

♫ Meow meow meow meow meow

- Ow!

♫ No matter how this world attacks us

♫ And no matter what they say

♫ We can warm up stretch and belt out

♫ I sing another day

♫ When the hills are alive
with the sound of music

♫ Of all life's moments

♫ Then even our off days

♫ Would soon become a 10

♫ Thank you Rodgers and Hammerstein

♫ Who would have thought

♫ That a winning equation would be

♫ Seven motherless children
a heartbroken captain

♫ A nun and a singing Nazi

♫ Nothings off limits

♫ Like as in cabaret

♫ Although there's Nazis

♫ The end seems bright and gay

♫ No matter how this world attacks you

♫ And no matter what they say

♫ We will form a

♫ We sing another day

♫ The world needs music

♫ 'Cause you're not fully dressed

♫ Until some orphans

♫ Have sung and danced their best

♫ Infused with magic

♫ And life is better 'cause

♫ The vocal soundtrack

♫ Is sung by folks from Oz

♫ Now add some muppets

♫ From Avenue A to Z

♫ Then just mean curse words

♫ Come on play on for me

♫ Despite the threat of war or famine

♫ Against all the bourgeois

♫ We will not be miserable

♫ We sing anther

♫ Do you hear the people sing

♫ Ah

- I don't know what just happened but.

- I know, I don't usually get
such great backup in Montana.

- Can we please just
focus on your costume?

- Oh sure,

is there anything specific
I should be looking for?

- It just needs to be made of fabric

that we could put Velcro on.

Well yippee yo ki yay.

- In our 2002 Our Lady of
the Plains annual talent show

I brought down the house with
the song Ragtime Cowboy Joe.

- I'll listen to it and
I'll see what I can do.

- Oh it's my boyfriend
Trevor, I gotta take this.

Hey Trevor, I was just
getting ready to call you.

- Is everything okay?

- Yeah, yeah I'm great, super even.

I hate to ask you but could
you send me some money?

- How much money do you need?

- Well $1.500 should do it.

- What exactly will $1.500 be doing?

- Oh I've been mugged.

- Oh my God, are you okay?

How are you even getting around the city?

- I still have my wallet,
they just stole my suitcase.

My screaming scared them away.

- Do you still have your man bag with

Ethel's treasure map in it?

- As luck would have it yes.

- Good, I figured you might
have some kind of emergency

so I hid $500 in the inside pocket.

Just use that until your next payday.

- Yep there it is, um well crisis averted.

- Crisis averted.

- Oh you know my break
is over, I have to go.

- I miss you Anthony.

- I miss you too.

- Well you have enough money to go home,

I guess you're all set then.

- Yeah right this is home,

at least for the next few months.

- What if you just told
your boyfriend the truth?

- Trevor, oh no, he'd never
trust me to do anything again.

Besides I'm in New York City,
I have one chance to make it.

- How are you gonna pay for it?

- I have my ways.

Thanks for your help.

- You're welcome.

- Quick cash?

- Sperm.

- No, really?

- We are a sperm bank so we
pretty much just collect sperm.

- Is there anything else
I could donate instead?

- Sperm bank.

- How much does it pay?

- Well that depends, is your
junk highly sought after.

- How would I know that?

- Let's file a quick evaluation shall we.

- Social economic level, upper lower.

- What are you doing?

- Filling out your
application like you asked.

Ugh, you must have a bad
memory, minus three points.

- You're grading me?

- Just a standard form, how tall are you?

- Five foot three.

- Oh.

- What?

- Well you say baby making is primal,

it goes back to caveman times
when a woman looked for the

strongest mate to ensure the
survival of her offspring.

So we're looking for
tall, dark and handsome,

well you're short and pale and minus five.

- But but, I.

- Stuttering, oh that's gonna cost yah.

- I don't stutter, you
just made me nervous.

- Anxiety issues, oh
we are not doing well.

- I'm sure I have positive qualities

people would want in a kid.

I have a background in the arts.

- Oh an artist, in New York City.

Go on, do you have any special talents

or awards that I should know about?

- Well I did win an award for
the best three minute comedy

monologue for all high
school seniors representing

the south central region
of the greater Montana

state division.

- Oh you're serious.

Oh well that is practically
like you won an Emmy.

- Can you just tell me
how many donations I need

to make $1.500?

- $1.500, here fill a hundred of these.


♫ I love you with a song that's true dear

♫ I love you with a song that's new

♫ Hear my song

♫ I sing of love that's pure

♫ My songs an overture unto a symphony

♫ Of life long love

♫ I freaking love you did I mention

♫ I really like a lot love you

♫ Love love

- Oh come on!

- Love it, love it, love it!

Thanks everyone.

- I think I'm hurt.

- Take a 10, everybody!

- Help.

- Hate it, hate it, hate it.

What are you doing Michael?

- Well don't look at me, I
didn't cast this abomination.

With a few casting tweaks.

- No no no, no tweaks.

Look Michael, you're brilliant,
you know you're brilliant,

I certainly know you're
brilliant, however what you're

doing with the show is not brilliant.

Make it work or you'll
be looking for work.

- Tony!

Can I talk to you for a minute?!

- What do you need?

- Tony, you look good.

You know you look good,

I certainly know you look good.

However you're not making
my choreography look good.

I love you kid, but I
love my choreography more,

make it work.

Dear God make it work.

- Hey, so you're a pretty good dancer huh?

- Oh you think I'm pretty.

- You're only best in the entire show.

- Oh well flattery will
get you everywhere.

You know if you ever need help.

- How are my show boys doing?

- Oh you're barking up the wrong
tree sweetheart, we're gay.

- I'm straight.

- A straight male musical
theater performer?

A straight hot male
musical theater performer?

- Yeah.

- Too bad, I was gonna offer you some

personal dance instruction.

- Oh well I'm bi, yeah, I'm bi.

- Bi huh?

So you're saying you can't decide between

the melons and bananas?

- Well I know sexy when I see it.

- Okay, I'm gonna get some water.

- Flitter away ballarino.

- Oh but hurry back.

- Weren't you getting water?

- Yeah, but I'll be back.

Tony would you like some water?

- Sure.

- I'm fine, all good thanks.

- Wow, well um, how exactly
long are rehearsals.

- I'm guessing you haven't
done many musicals.

- No.

- How tragic.

- I'm more of a dancer.

- I'd say you're more
of a hottie mchotterson.

I can help you privately
with the vocals, call me.

- You're a fire eater?

- I can swallow anything.

- Here you go.

- So you said you can help me with

some private dance instruction.

- I did, tomorrow you buy me
lunch, well have a manicure

and we'll fix your eyebrows.

It'll be fabulous.

- Well could we maybe start
on stuff with the show first?

- Eh, sure sure, good idea.

- Good.

Look you're the one who told
me to make a career change.

Okay this was handed to me
so I figured why not take it?

- When I was talking
about a legitimate career

I really didn't mean the theater.

- I'm gonna make this work.

- But why this?

- 'Cause I don't want to end
up being a 40 year old joke.

Peter's a really good dancer.

- So you're using him?

- Whatever.

- It is one thing to bounce
from girl to girl every night

but you have to work these people.

- It's harmless Aaron.

- Your victim is here.

- Hi Tony.

- Thanks for coming.

- Well looks like somebody's
ready to rehearse.

- You don't think it's too tight?

- I think it's perfect.

- As long as you say so,

I'm new to this whole dancing thing.

- Well you're not a strong
dancer but you are strong.

Now we need to work on your pirouette.

- My pair of what?

- A pirouette, watch and learn.

- Oh the spinny thing.

- Yeah.
- Yeah I got it.

- Oh hi.
- Thanks.

- You gotta spot.

- Where?

- No, oh skip it, let's do the
choreography from the show.

Love Song, and five six seven eight.

In out, yes.

- Shit, she's early, you gotta go.

- Oh but I just got here.

- I know but there's some
stuff I need to take care of,

you know business stuff.

Can you come back tomorrow?

- I'll come back every single
day, what are you doing?

- You're gonna use the private staircase.

- Yeah but what's wrong with
the stairs that I came in?

- They're painting the hallway.

Rita, just use the stairs,

the elevators broken, fifth floor.

- Shit.

Hello new student.

- Wow, you look hot.

- What, this old thing?

It's just a, you have a piano?

- Yeah, great aunt Bea just
left it to my brother Aaron.

- Would have been nice
to know before dragging

this all over God's creation.

Stand up straight, spit out your gum.

Let's get started.

- Okay, I think I liked old Rita better.

- She just left, let's start with scales.

- Nicely done.

- No, repeat after me.

- You can sing it in your own octave.

Do me a favor, when they
give you a solo in the show,

pretend you have laryngitis
and it'll buy us a few days.

- I thought you were gonna teach me

how to sing a song with words.

- Are you saying you've
never sung a song before?

- Why would I do that?

- I don't know, out of happiness.

To express yourself!

To shine light in a world of darkness.

To impress the chicks.

- I usually just impress
chicks with my body.

- I can see how that might work.

But how are you going to
impress a cultured girl like me?

- Alright, here we go.

♫ There was a time a mythical time

♫ A time called the Golden Age

♫ And there were songs
such memorable songs

♫ That flowed from a Broadway stage

♫ Nowadays the performance
style is to never over do it

♫ The minute that you
get too big and cheesy

♫ Man you blew it

♫ If you want to add some emotional weight

♫ Just talk at a pitch

♫ 'Cause the pain is too great

♫ And the thing that
makes you sure to book

♫ Is to use a subtle distant look

♫ It's so fun performing in

♫ Contemporary musical theater shows

♫ You can stand real still

♫ And then occasionally
strike a little pose

♫ It's a bit like movie acting

♫ Broadway arms are just distracting

♫ From the information
packed in these contemporary

♫ Musical theater shows

♫ La la la la la la la la la la la la

♫ Wait

♫ Maybe having everything so scripted

♫ Has it's flaws

♫ But now's not the time or place

♫ To work that out because

♫ This is an example of

♫ Contemporary musical theater style

♫ Check your watch and you'll discover

♫ That this number has
been going for a while

♫ When the story keeps extending

♫ Every song is never ending

♫ And then there is the tag

♫ With a different musical theme

♫ The coda mustn't drag

♫ So I start to pick up steam

♫ For a finale that is certain

♫ A lowering of the curtain

♫ I big loud rift out

♫ Contemporary musical theater note

♫ Ah ah

- Anthony, what are you doing here?

- I still have a few details to work out

and then I'm out of here.

- Alright everyone, let's start rehearsing

the opening number.

- Just follow them, you'll get it.

- It goes like this, here we go and

march, march, up and down,
and scoot it and scoot it,

now show the muscles boys.

Now whip it, and turn it.

- He really knows how to dance.

- Of course he does,

he's won tons of awards in choreography.

You know strippers do dance.

I was a professional ballet dancer.

- Then why are you stripping?

- Because I needed some cash.

- Don't feel overwhelmed boys,
we have all day to get it.

From the top, five, six, seven, eight.

And march march, up and down.

- And I life from here?

Oh I don't even do this move in the show.

- Sorry I'm early I'm just so excited.

What's going on?

- Nothing, nothing at all.

- Peter and were just hanging out.

- Why are you wearing that?

- What?

'Cause Peter thought
that it would be perfect

for those things that I have to do.

- That's not important,
what are you doing here?

- I was just coming by for our date.

Aaron was leaving and he let me in.

I thought it was just
gonna be the two of us.

- You're dating Rita.

- He's crazy about me.

All I can say is that
the last time I was here

there were a lot of ohhs and
ahhs, weren't there Tony?

- Rita means is I was singing
and she was like ohh, ahh.

- I know what that bitch means.

- Back off Mary, he's mine.

- Rita, you better watch your back

because I believe in equal
rights and I will hit a girl.

- Hey.

- Oh with your big strong
muscles, I'm so scared.

- Oh!

- What?
- Ow!

- How do you like this, ow ow.

- Get off her nipple!

Peter, Rita you can't.

The two of you need to
just calm down okay.

And who do I protect from who?

- It's not important and
for future reference,

throwing water at us
doesn't actually do anything

except get us wet and not in a good way.

- Well maybe he thought
he'll be melting the witch.

- Look can we just please
get back to the show stuff.

Come on guys.

- Tony's right.

Peter to show you how much
this situation has disturbed me

and what a kind hearted person I am,

I'm gonna find you a nice hot guy.

- Oh it's okay, really.
I have plenty of guys.

- No it's time to move
away from those tourchate

kicking musical theater men.

I'm gonna take you to the Banana Peel.

The best all male strip club in town.

- Well I can always use some naked men.

- I love helping the unfortunate.

- Wait a minute, what
the hell just happened there?

- We resolved our differences
and moved on, keep up Tony.

And besides, I want to
make sure Peter starts

looking at other guys.

- Tony, are you coming along?

- Nah, I think I'll pass
but can you still come over

tomorrow and help me
with some more dancing?

- Well sure thing, even
if you're dating Rita.

I think you need me in your life.

The show depends on it.

- Thanks.

- Happily ever after, now get out.

- What?

- Get out, faster, why
are you taking so long?

You should have been out two minutes ago.

Goodbye, see you tonight.

Oh you owe me for that one.

- For what?

All you did was make shit
up and piss Peter off.

- Oh you can thank me later.

- Thank you?

- You're welcome.

Oh don't worry, Peter's
still gonna help you with the

dancing but you can drop
the whole bisexual crap.

- What do you mean?

- Oh you're heterosexual and you know it.

You just gave up the chance to
go to an all male strip club.

- Fine, okay I'm straight
but how long do we

have to pretend to be dating?

- Okay well if you insist I would

love to be your girlfriend.

- I don't think I'm really ready
for a commitment right now.

- Oh but we have to get to work.

I don't want an unemployed boyfriend.

- I'm so glad you're here, are you ready?

- Well I got my cowboy costume today.

- And I got a sailor suit.

I was told there's some great
sailor numbers out there.

- You'll be great, I
wish I was as prepared.

- Don't worry, I got you covered.

I brought Ragtime Cowboy Joe
into the 21st Century for you.

- Oh thanks darling, have a fun time boys.

- Thank you.

- Who was that?

- Kelsey, he's a drag queen.

- Oh but he's so talented.

No one's gonna take a
drag queen seriously.

- Not when you're Gloria Inexcelsis,

one of the greatest
drag queens in New York.

Let me tell you something little boy,

I worked my ass off, I've
choreographed on and off Broadway

and in my spare time I started
a non-profit organization

for runaway teens.

- I didn't know you did all that.

- What you don't know
can fill an encyclopedia.

You can't spend your life trying

to please everyone Anthony.

- I really didn't mean to offend him.

- I know, I'm just
really proud you're here.

♫ This man is your man

♫ This man is my man girl

♫ From California there to

♫ The New York island here

♫ From the redwood forest

♫ To the gulf stream waters

♫ This man was made for you and me

♫ As I was walking that ribbon of highway

♫ I saw above me an endless sky way

♫ I saw below me a golden shh

♫ Valley girl get your
head out of the gutter

♫ This man was made for you and me

♫ Over there over there

♫ Over there over there

♫ Send the word send the word over there

♫ That the Yanks are coming

♫ The Yanks are coming

♫ Yankee Yanks the drums
are drumming everywhere

♫ And we won't come back
until it's over here

♫ Well all around you

♫ Our voices sing

♫ This man was made for you and

- I'm Gloria Inexcelsis

and these America's hottest strippers.

♫ You're a grand old flag

♫ You're a high flying flag

♫ Don't drop that letter L honeys

♫ It's dangerous

♫ And sit your ass down

♫ We come in bed

- I salute you all.

I see that some of the
boys in the audience are

saluting me right back.

Let's cast our anchors
away to the Pacific Ocean,

where the golden states
leading lover is swabbing

the poop deck.

♫ Oh hey sailor

♫ Aye captain

♫ Ahoy

♫ All hands on deck

♫ Fleets in

♫ Ahoy

- Wow, I mean wow.

- Thanks, it's almost your turn.

- I don't know if this is a good idea.

- You'll be great, besides
you make a really cute cowboy.

- Yellowstone isn't
the only natural wonder

that Montana can boast.

Those snow cap mountains
are gonna melt away

after our next performance.

Let's give it up for Anthony Longwood.

♫ Well howdy cowboy Joe

♫ Oh he's got a six shooter

♫ Action

- Is he actually getting booed?

- What the hell is he doing?

- He's nervous.

- This is so going on the internet.

- Ya'll feeding him moves?

- Get out of my way, I'll
show him a move or two.

- Shut up he did it.

- Hilarious.

- What an idiot.

- And we're tagging.

- Knock it off, he's trying.


- Bless his heart.

- Move.

- Very funny!

What a riot right.

- What the hell are you trying to pull?

I should fire you right
now but I don't want this

reflecting poorly on me.

So listen up, the cast is set.

You'll be in the show
tomorrow night buckaroo,

and you will dance like a stripper!

- Yes sir.

- Anthony, Anthony are you okay?

- Me?

Please that was crazy fun,
I'm going home to celebrate.

- Can I come with you?

- No no, I always celebrate
alone, have a good night.

- Peter, where are you?

You've missed half the show
and it's just getting good.

Oh, excuse me!
- Sorry, sorry!

- Whoa.

Anthony, you have some

pretty awesome theater credits.

- Thanks.

- I'm Rita, what happened in there?

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- You got booed off the stage.

- You know I shouldn't be in
there, I came to New York.

- To be discovered?

To become a star?

- Maybe, I'm just not all that

comfortable taking my clothes off.

- Oh please, sometimes as
an actor we have to take on

challenges we're not
completely comfortable with.

Besides there could be some big directors

in there one night.

- No big time directors going in there.

- Alright, yes no musical
theater directors are gonna

be caught in a male strip club.

- Not fair, you don't even know.

- 'Course boys are discovered
in strip clubs all the time.

- Really?

- It's like putting in your dues.

And you have talent so
eventually you'll get cast

in a real show but you
need to bring sexy back.

- That might be a problem.

- Oh I see, maybe you're just
not that good of an actor.

- Listen I happened to win an award.

- Turns out I speak sexy fluently

and I love taking on
insurmountable challenges.

To dream the impossible dream.

I'm gonna make you my new project.

- Really you don't have to do that.

- I know, that's what makes me so nice.

- But do you know
anything about stripping?

You speak Tagalog?

I'll see you tomorrow afternoon,

I have tons of ideas and
my boyfriend was a stripper

so he can help us out.

- I just don't.

- You're welcome.

♫ They say that theater will never die

♫ Here's how it survives

♫ No patrons are as loyal

♫ As those who need a mohel

♫ But as for the light loafer-ed fairies

♫ And discontented wives

♫ Whose attending matinees

♫ It's gays and Jews

♫ And girls who need love

♫ Who goes even to the plays

♫ Its gay and Jews

♫ And girls who need love

♫ Three different species
that somehow combine

♫ Lambasting lighting and costume design

♫ Raising Mantello LuPone and Lapine

♫ TKTS has one hell of a line of

♫ Gays Jews and girls who need love

♫ They say that theater will never

♫ Die

♫ We know that it's true

♫ We'll market to our niches

♫ The hebs and queers and bitches

♫ The locals and also the tourists

♫ And that will see us through

♫ Who wants Phantom just to close

♫ Some gays most Jews

♫ But not girls who need love

♫ Whose investing in the shows

♫ It's jews it's jews jews

♫ Come on you know you
are part of the squad

♫ You pray to Sondheim instead of to God

♫ Some men defecate you were the pawn

♫ We'll never judge or tell you it's odd

♫ No we'll raise our razors

♫ And quote Sweeney Todd

♫ So raise up your way
over priced cabernets

♫ A toast to the women
the dudes and the gays

♫ 'Cause we only work
when the audience pays

♫ We love you gays Jews

♫ And girls who need love

- No!

Bad, ugh, ugh!

C'nest pas magnific!

Deux minute, deux minute, s’il vous plait.

- Excuse me since her
number is so not magnific

maybe we could work on mine.

- It just so happens I have
your number, right here.

- Oh a duet, a trio, with Tony!

- I can't exactly have you
gimping around on stage.

- So you decided to put
me in a musical number

with the man that broke my ankle?

You're a sadist.

- What I do on the weekends
is none of your concern missy.

Tony, come sing.

- I don't think it's such a
good idea that I sing right now.

- What?

- Tony why don't you
tell everyone the truth.

- What do you mean?

- Well the doctor said
you shouldn't be speaking

and no singing for at least two days.

- Oh yeah, I forgot I was
trying to push through it

because I didn't want to
let everybody else down.

- It's the easiest number in the show,

Helen Keller could sing that
number, with laryngitis.

Is this the only number
I'm doing in the show?

- Just be thankful I'm not
allowed to touch casting.

Rita, let's run true love, take notes,

you might learn something.

- Can't learn pretty.

- Bitch.

- Show me what you got.

No you want to roll your
hips like this, forward okay,

forward yeah like you're riding a bull.

Nice, slowly, slowly, yeah smooth alright

and then you want to throw in
some thrusts and say uh uh.

- Uh!
- Uh!

- Yeah you're working it.

- Well you know I've
taken a lot of classes in

ballet, tap and jazz but this
is my first class in sexy.

- Okay.

- Anthony I finished your costume.

- Hey this is gonna go
perfect with my cowboy props.

- Hold up John Wayne, I didn't
say anything about props.

- Well I know a flaming
lasso may be gimmicky.

- I think you act is flaming enough,

now go try it on, it
should rip off real easy.

- Alright I have to be fast,

I have an audition this afternoon.

- Okay less talking, more changing.

- You know this whole helping people

thing actually feels good.

- Why do you think I do it?

What the what?

- Velcro.

- Wait how did you?

- Quick change.

- Oh they look great!

Now rip 'em off.

- Well I thought I should test.

- Rip.

- But I can't
- It.

- But I think.
- Off.

- But I want.
- Rip it off!

- Ahhh!

- Now that wasn't so bad was it?

- Can I put 'em back on?

- What's your problem?

- My problem is I'm more naked
then I though I would be.

I forgot about the naked.

- Well you better start remembering.

- I just remembered I gotta go to church.

- My boyfriend would not approve.

- He's gonna think you're hot.

- Trevor?

No he's much more conservative then I am.

- Not possible.

- He actually thinks I'm
out here performing in a big

musical, one of the
ultimate checks on my list.

- What list?

- My dream list.

I keep it with me all the
time, it keeps me inspired.

- Can I see it?

- No.

- Can I see it?

- It's personal.

- Can I see it?

- Fine.

- To see the world by
performing on a cruise ship, ew.

Be the voice of an original
animated feature, good one.

Sing a duet with a famous Broadway diva,

any particular diva?

- I have one in mind, but I'm not picky.

- You'd be surprised how
small the theater world is.

- Speaking of theater I'd really
like to come see your show.

- Oh, it's just a hole
in the wall production.

- Community theater?

- Practically now let's keep rehearsing,

come on, do your number.

- Again?

- Yes again.

- Rita you sound fantastic.

- Thank you.

- Ahem!


Yeah hi, when I said I
wanted to be featured

I didn't mean as a horse.

- And what would you suggest, Cinderella?

- Listen fancy man, your
fatal mistake was telling

me that you couldn't touch casting.

- You wanted to be
featured, you're featured.

I'm still the director.

- This is horse shit!

- I want everyone in places in 10!

- Girl these snickerdoodles
go straight to my thighs.

- Will wonders never cease,

never though we'd see you here again.

- Sorry about last night everyone,

I mean you were all gorgeous and I.

- Oh no.
- Shut up Beau!

Anthony we're glad to have you back.

- Ohh, aww, what could it be?

- What's in the box.

- You don't want to know.

- It's what's gonna save my number.

- Is there a real stripper in there?

- Hey boys I hope ya'll.

What's this?

- It's a stripper in a box.

- Well make sure you pock some air holes,

live and learn.

- It's not a stripper,
it's the new pop to my act.

- You don't need pop, you need prayer.

- Don't let these boys
get you down Anthony.

I'm rooting for you.

- Thank you.

- Anthony somebody be
blowing your shit up.

Hello, Anthony's pants,
he's not in them right now.

- Give me that.

Hey Trevor, um yeah
I'm busy with the show.

- How's it looking?

- Great great, lots of dancing.

- Hey girlfriend.

- What was that?

- Oh they're just rehearsing a scene.

- You haven't told me
anything about this show yet,

you haven't even posted
pictures of it online.

- I've just been really busy
you know, all the parties.

- Parties, you don't party.

- Publicity parties, what do you want,

an apology for me a professional?

- Trouble in paradise.

- No but I would like an
apology for you blowing me off.

- He said blow.

- Who the hell was that?

- That's my stage manager, I gotta go.

- You're acting weird.

- You're acting weird.

- Is that you acting professional?

- I'll talk to you later.

- Ugh.

- Well God bless America.

It's time for some of
our national past times.

There's no fault when it
comes to our next performers

and if you play your cards right

they just might pull a grand slam.

From the twin cities, Garrett
and Gavin are ready to

knock your balls out
of the park, batter up!

♫ Hot dogs

♫ Get your hot foot longs right here

- Take it off!

- How you feeling?

- Uh huh.

- You're gonna be amazing, you're up.

- He got off to a rocky start last night

but ain't no mountain high
enough to keep him away from you.

Here's our little man
from the big sky state,

but not little where it counts.

From Montana, here's Anthony Longwood!

♫ Howdy Montana where the bad man are

♫ The only thing to guide
you here is an evening star

♫ The roughest toughest man by far

♫ Is ragtime cowboy joe

- What the hell is going on out there?

- They love him.

- He's killing it, he's using my moves.

- No he's been hustling us.

- You're just jealous Beau.

- Take it off!

♫ He's a highfalutin super shootin'

♫ Son of a gun from old Montana

♫ Ragtime cowboy

♫ Ragtime cowboy Joe

- Awesome, I cannot
believe how good that was.

- Try to do that.

- That was amazing.

- Thanks Lee, I couldn't
have done it without you.

Let's go out tonight
and celebrate, my treat.

- Perfect.

- Are you guys decent?

- They're more than decent,
Anthony you were amazing!

My friend Peter agrees, don't you.

- Friend, Peter, agrees.

It was theatrical.

- Huh thanks, hey Lee I'd like you to

meet my choreographer Rita.

- Oh hi.
- Hi.

- And this is her friend Peter.

- Hey nice to meet you
both, you guys were awesome,

thanks for helping him out.

- It's a gift.

- Let's go out and celebrate.

- Oh Anthony I were just gonna.

- Perfect the four of
us will have a blast.

Hurry up and get ready.

- Alright I'm gonna go lock my prop box.

- Okay well don't take all day,

Sunset Boulevard had a simpler set.

Oh there's musical Monday's at this

piano bar in the Village.

- Lee doesn't do show tunes.

- I don't do show tunes
'cause I can't sing.

- If I can strip, you can sing.

- I really can't.

- See you tomorrow at two.

- Well could you teach me
a song Anthony would like.

- Oh, gay gasp!

You're into him.

- What?!

No I'm not, I mean he has a boyfriend.

- That wouldn't stop Rita.

- Rude, true but rude.

- Well if I was into him,
I mean all he's into is

music and theater and theater and music.

His soulmate is probably someone like.

- Carol Channing.

- Carol Channing, raspberries.

My friend Ethel and I
used to do Carol Channing

impersonation contests.

- You're sick, get help, let's go.

Come on.

- Should I bring my head shot?

- You need new head shots.

♫ Many in the theater believe Oklahoma

♫ Was the very first American musical

♫ Well I'm here to tell
you that's not true

♫ Apparently here's how it really happened

♫ There once was a can-can girl

♫ Her name was Lulu

♫ Yeehaw shut up

♫ A dancer in the wild wild west of old

♫ And while some thought you can-can would

♫ This risque dancer thought she should

♫ Save her virtue for a heart of gold

♫ Well some of the girls
saw money in their future

♫ And others way to just escape their past

♫ For our Lulu you see she dreamed a day

♫ Of fancy dancing found a way

♫ To finally be an actress at last

♫ Oh la la la I dreamt
of life upon the stage

♫ Oh la la la now I'm a songbird in a cage

♫ And so she danced and kicked and wooed

♫ Praying for the cowboy who'd

♫ Would save her from her fate

♫ Enter our man

♫ Upon a sexy steed up a rode a stranger

♫ Thanks dressed all in white and silver

♫ And of green

♫ Whatever he said

♫ You are the angel I have sought

♫ And riden for you I have brought

♫ A play with music

♫ Oh my God you're him

♫ Ah ah ah

♫ The sound of romance filled the air

♫ Ah ah ah

♫ Across the room a scary glare

♫ For how on earth could these two know

♫ Across the room they'd crossed a foe

♫ Eugene McBadblood proprietor

♫ And shark

♫ You mean to say you
steal away my treasure

♫ And start a new life far away with her

♫ While I hate to be barer of bad news

♫ As I hate the sound of jeers and boos

♫ She signed a contract

♫ She belongs to me

♫ The villain laughed Lulu in tow

♫ Frozen in grief all urged him

♫ Go

♫ And so our hero grabbed his stead

♫ He'd vow unto the crowd that he'd

♫ Save the damsel

♫ I won't hold my breath

♫ Tied up on a railway track

♫ Begging for her life

♫ When gallantly our hero came

♫ To stop her pain and strife

♫ Boom ba boom boom pow

♫ And just like that the brawl was done

♫ And now my love let's have some fun

♫ To the saloon the whole crowd pranced

♫ To put on stage what just had pasted

♫ A dramaedy of song and dance

♫ They came from all across the land

♫ To see Miss Can-Can get her man

♫ And who'd have thunk or even guessed

♫ This mini opera of the west

♫ Would somebody be an art form

♫ Of which we owe all our fans

♫ The very genuine totally
original musical America

♫ Hallelujah

- So amazing, the show is
amazing, thanks for the comp.

- Of course

- It's a really fun show to do.

- Unless you're a girl.

- Unless you're an invalid.

- Oh my God it's like they
wrote the show for Rita.

- Whoa girl.

- Oh it's just this little
game I invented that every time

someone infects me with
the a compliment about Rita

I just wash it down
with a glass of bubbly.

- Oh my dear you were
marvelous, simply marvelous.

- Oh thank you so much.

- No, thank you, such poise, such humor.

That song about the contemporary
theater was spot on.

- Huh?

- Yes the chorus boys dancing behind you,

framing your every move.

- Oh that was Rita.

- But you were in the show.

- Yes I was the horse.

- Oh.

- Ouch.

- Attention c'est vous plais.

I would like to congratulate
all my rising stars

on this most momentous of nights.

- Bravo.

- You're all spectacular.

- Here here.

- But of course among all you rising stars

was a supernova who truly
has risen to the occasion

despite the many obstacles
this production has endured.

Please give a special
hand to your leading lady,

the very talented Miss Rita.

Miss Rita take your bow.

- Thank you.

- Well hey Gina.

- Well giddy up cowboy.

- Why you wearing a new boot?

- To keep my foot off the ground.

- Why?

- So I don't have to walk
barefoot through the subway.

- Oh yeah huh.

Hey I feel real bad
about like throwing you.

- Oh no no no, don't you even say

one more thing about it you stud-ion.

That's a combination of stud
and stallion put together.

- Oh nice.
- Yeah.

- I've never heard that one.

- Hey listen, do you
want to take this party

back to my place?

- Will you excuse me for one sec.

- I'm seeing Rita now so.

- Well maybe if you keep your eyes peeled

we might see a little bit more of me.

- What the?

- You can call her if you
want, we're not married.

- You can drop the act Rita.

- What act?

- The one where you pretend
like nothing bothers you,

you'll get real tired of
it after a while trust me.

- You know, I think I do trust you.

- Good because I trust you too.

- I just read your review.

- And?

- And they loved you.

- Funny huh, I succeeded in something that

had nothing to do with my rockin' bod.

- I will admit you proved me wrong, ish.

- Good, if you want my
autograph just let me know.

- And fade to black.

Spotlight here, you ready?

- I'm nervous.

- Don't' be nervous, you sound so good.

♫ All my life I've had a way

♫ To say the things I've had to say

♫ In jazz or modern tap ballet

♫ A dance had got me through

♫ But suddenly you came along

♫ You changed my life

♫ You changed the song

♫ Now my dance alone is wrong

♫ For what I'm telling you

♫ So I'm dancing with my voice

♫ Choreography in harmony

♫ Realize no other choice

♫ Will show the truth in me

♫ So I'm dancing with my voice

♫ Oh Anthony why can't you see

♫ Your new improved singer stripper Lee

♫ Has found a voice that's new

♫ Forge a way to my heart today

♫ In tune my melody to you

♫ Hear my song

♫ Hear my voice

- That was beautiful, oh he's ready.

Isn't he Peter?

- Um hm.

- Good because I've
invited Anthony over right.


- Oh I'll get it.

- I thought you said I was
singing for him next week.

- Well that's why you're
not supposed to think

and go fix your hair, we
hear with our eyes first.

Not a word about our Broadway show.

- Off Broadway.

- Whatever, it's his dream to
perform in a Broadway style

musical like us and I don't
want to hurt his feelings right.

- You got it babe.

- Yes.

- Peter?

- Yeah sure.

- Welcome to the theater.

- Well I'm glad to be here.

Luckily my audition ran short,

apparently Dream Girls is not my show.

Lee, what are you doing here?

- We have a musical surprise for you.

- Are you gonna sing
something from the show?

- What you mean Rita
hasn't sung her soon to be

award wining song for you yet?

- Peter, don't plug the show.

- Well actually I've been
trying to get the information

from her since.

- Oh it's on 50th and 8th.

- That's the Broadway theater district.

I thought you said it
was a community theater.

- Ew community theater, I would never.

- Anthony moved to New
York to be in a musical

and I didn't have the heart
to tell him we were in one

but apparently you do.

- Um should I.

- Maybe next week sweetie?

- Beau we're all waiting on you.

- Well you got about seven more minutes

because I'm smoking my Slims.

And what can we do for you?

- I'm so sorry I must
be in the wrong place,

my friend Anthony Richardson's
in an off Broadway show.

- Oh the boring theaters are over.

Wait, did you say Anthony Richardson?

- Are you Anthony's boyfriend?

- What, why would you say that?

Anthony, ugh no we're just roommates.

- Right, well you found the right place

and since you're just roommates
I'm sure they wouldn't

mind if I snuck you in.

- Oh, thanks that's mighty nice of you.

- Yes, quite the boy scout.

- Just smoke your Slims.

- Show time.

- Trevor, what are you doing here?

I wanted to tell you.

- Yeah I can see how it
would be hard to tell me

you moved across the country
to prostitute yourself.

- That's not how it happened.

- Why should I believe anything you say?

- Listen I wanted to tell you.

- But you didn't.

I can't be with someone who does this.

- Listen if you'd just let me explain.

- It's not all about you
okay, I have a reputation too.

- How's this gonna effect your reputation?

We're just roommates, right.

- We both agreed that
everything would just be better.

- No, you agreed.

- We're not gonna have this fight.

I'm sorry.

♫ If you never take a chance

♫ If you never risk it all

♫ If you never take a leap because

♫ You're too afraid to fall

♫ If you never put it out there

♫ Just play and stay inside

♫ Then you'll never know
what might have been

♫ If only you had tried

♫ It's not perfect nothing's perfect

♫ It's a long way from ideal

♫ But you're here

♫ It's complicated but it's real

♫ It's brand new beginning

♫ It's a chance to start again

♫ It's a chance to
reach for all the things

♫ You've only dreamed of then

♫ And if we never make it happen

♫ Then we'll never get to see

♫ What never in your
wildest dreams believed

♫ Could be

♫ It's a brand new beginning

♫ It's our chance to start again

♫ 'Cause we're standing at the cross road

♫ And if not just now then when

♫ It's not exactly what I pictured

♫ Not the fairy tale I dreamed

♫ But it's real and so
much closer then it seemed

♫ And if we never make it happen

♫ Then we'll never get to see

♫ What we never in our
wildest dreams believed

♫ Could be

♫ This is our chance

♫ I can feel it

♫ What happens from here

♫ Believe it although it seems so far away

♫ All of my doubts stand aside

♫ 'Cause I owe it to me

♫ To find a way

♫ To find our brand new beginning

♫ To find our chance to start again

♫ Better take our chance right now before

♫ Our now has turned to then

♫ But if we never make it happen

♫ Then we'll never get to see

♫ What we never in our
wildest dreams believed

♫ Could be

- I got it, it's official,
my New York City head shots.

- Look at you.

- Shut up.

- What?

- It's an awesome head shot

but why's Tony's name all over it?

Shouldn't it say Anthony Longwood?

- No, that's not my name.

Lee picked that name out
for me the day we arrived.

No one uses their real names
when they're stripping.

- Well isn't it funny because
your name is Anthony Richards.


- Uh oh.
- Oh no.

- Eek!
- Huh?

- Don't you understand what this means?

- No.

- Were you dropped as a child?

Nevermind, you, my
boyfriend Tony Richardson

who was a stripper
miraculously got cast in a

musical from an online contest.

You, my project Anthony
Richardson, a musical theater

performer who never
stripped a day in his life

ended up dancing in a strip
club from an online contest.

- I gotta go.

- Wow Rita you are flexible,
you just put both feet

in your mouth at the same time.

- Oh no no, don't pin this on
me Mr I could clarify things

you just can't say.
- Oh let me take care of,

I'm just able to make it a.
- of the theater queen who.

Oh wait wait, everyone's gone.

- Still here.

- Quick we got to get to
the office and talk to Bob.

- Right we'll take the
private stairs, it's faster.

- Private stairs?

- Private stairs.

- Oh, private stairs.

- Get me some beer while you're at it.

- The gig is up mister.

- Oh you better have and no one's here.

- Bob I'm gonna give you a piece.

- Save it sister, he's not here.

- Where is he?

- Well if I knew that
I'd be talking to him

right now wouldn't I.

- Where is Anthony?

- Bob, excuse
me Bob are you there?

- Everybody hide.

- Hello?

- What's all the racket?

- Oh I'm sorry, do you have a moment?

- I suppose, come in.

Is this about the mix up?

- You knew?

- You didn't?

You're a smart kid, I thought
you'd pick up on it faster.

Well, faster then learning to strip.

Look I'm really sorry, I
didn't figure out anything

was wrong until two weeks
in when I was writing

your pay checks.

- Well then why didn't you just.

- Switch back?

With the musical opening that week?

Tony wasn't horrible and
you'd already proven yourself.

- So what now?

- I'll tell you what,

I think I have your headshot here.

- Here's my new one.

I thought I could be your assistant

until something opens up.

- I'll keep it in a special
file and if anything becomes

available you'll be the first to know.

- Thanks Bob, you have no
idea how much I appreciate,

what are you doing?

- I know you're from Montana Anthony,

but you can't be that naive.

- What do you mean?

- I mean we all have dreams.

My dream is to be a Broadway
producer and for that to happen

you'll both stay in your respective roles.

Come on Mr Longwood, I'll see you out.

- A-hole.

- Rude.

- His mama did not raise him right.

- Tell the drama to your mama.

- What drama?

- Bob told me you might be quitting.

- Listen, just 'cause my
dreams are dead doesn't mean

I'm gonna turn my back
on people living theirs.

- Oh baby, they're not dead.

They're just in a coma.

You'll get your chance.

You know Anthony, it took a
while for you to grow on me.

- Oh like a flower?

- More like a fungus but
didn't take Lee long.

- To what?

- You know, he's always encouraging you.

He redid your music, asked
for an advance on his salary

so you could stay in New
York and leave the show.

- Wonder why he would have done that?

- Hello honey he likes
you, he really likes you.

He wouldn't do that just for anybody.

And guess what Anthony, you like him too.

- Wait how do you know.

- Woman's intuition.

- I'll talk to him after the show.

- Oh.

- Are you crying?

- Oh honey you're sweet
for thinking I still care.

♫ This man was made for you

♫ I'm Gloria Inexcelsis and these are

♫ America's hottest strippers

♫ You're a grand old flag

♫ You're a high flying flag

♫ Don't drop that letter L honeys

♫ It's dangerous

♫ And sit your ass down

♫ We're coming back

- Anthony!

- Ethel!


- Oh honey, I am so proud of
you, why would you be sorry.

Listen I have not missed one
of your performances yet,

why would I miss one when
you're gonna show a little skin.

I wasn't born yesterday you know.

- Obviously.

- Hells bells, first Lee
went behind Anthony's back

and snuck his ex-boyfriend into the club

and now this hootenanny.

- Really Beau?

- The truth shall set you free!

- You did what?

- It's not what you think.

- Anthony why don't we meet
you outside when you're ready.

Ethel why don't you tell us
all about Montana and farms.

- And cows.

- And dirt.

- Anthony.

Anthony just talk to me.

- I have nothing to say to you.

- Oh the drama of the theater.

- Is everyone having fun without me?

- Oh come on no, as a matter
of fact I'm having a lovely

time getting to know your friends.

- Well I'm glad you got to
meet them before I leave.

- Where you going?

- Montana.

- Why Montana?

I mean there's nothing for you there.

Now honey, this is where you belong.

- This is where you belong.

You can stay with Tony
when your contracts up.

- Huh?

- I mean you took his job,
it's the least you can do.

- Well he took my.

- It's settled, why don't
you take Ethel for a night

out on the town, besides I'm exhausted.

- Exhausted?

- Shut up Peter, I'm tired.

Have fun tonight.

- They are fun.

You know there was a diner,
yeah I used to love to go there

when I first came to New York.

- Alright, what are you up to?

- Me?

Nothing, I'm not up to
anything, technically.

- So after about a week,
you when you, oh thank you,

in New York I started doing
research on your new musical.

- I know I
gave you the theater's

address to send cookies but how?

- Well I did a web search on the address

and I ran into Brian's stripper blog

Mr Big's in the city, oh wee.

Yeah, oh and I keep up
with all his updates,

'cause I certainly don't get any from you.

You know I did see your
version of Ragtime Cowboy Joe

long before tonight.

- It's online?

- 50.000 hits.

Gypsy Rose Lee would be so proud.

Unlike your ex-boyfriend Trevor.

- I should've told you
about him a long time ago.

- Oh honey, I've known for years.

- You have?

- I'm old but I'm not stupid.

No I figured he was pretty
good for you at first

but he never really
understood your dreams.

Hey but this Lee, looks
like he believes in you.

- He lied to me.

- Fibbed to you, I have a
friend who wasn't entirely

honest the whole summer
but I still love him.

- You know Ethel, if I stay
in New York we're really not

gonna see much of each other.

- Anthony Daniel Richardson,
we will never ever be

far apart and if you feel
like you're missing me

just listen to your heart.

Too much?

- Maybe a little.

- Boys, you look great.

Lee chill out, you're making me nervous.

- Are you sure it's not a little too much?

- Have you met Anthony?

- I see your point.

- Hello Rita!

- I'll be out in a minute!

- I brought my tap shoes but
I really don't think we're

the same size.

- Hi Anthony.

I'm sure I'm the last person
you expected to see here

but I have something for you.

We know I can't give you like an

off Broadway show or anything like that

but I wanted you to check
on dream off your list.

So just.

- Oh.

- Hello.

- My.

- Hello?

- God.

- HI.

- Oh my God!

You're Shirley Jones.

- Oh my God you're right.

- What are you doing here?

- I think the word your
looking for are thank you.

I'm your dream come true.

Sing a duet with a Broadway diva, check.

- When I was a little
kid I practically broke

my VCR watching you in
Oklahoma and The Music Man.

- And Carousal?

- Well that one was a little sad for me.

- If it's gonna be this way the whole time

I'm gonna have to charge more.

- Oh oh, did you say you were
really gonna sing a song?

With me?

- I don't think we have any other options.

Do we?

Hit it.

♫ Give my regards to Broadway

♫ Remember me to Harold Square

♫ Tell all the gang at 42nd Street

♫ That I will soon be there

- We.
- Oh we.

♫ Whisper of how we're yearning

♫ To mingle with the old time throng

♫ Give our regards to old Broadway

♫ And say that we'll be there ere long

♫ Give my regards to

♫ Give my regards to

♫ Give my regards to old Broadway

♫ And say that we'll

♫ Be

♫ There

♫ Ere

♫ Long

- I don't even know what to
say, can I touch your Oscar?

- I don't carry it with me.

- If I won an award for acting
I'd carry it wherever I go.

If fact I'd probably glue it to my.

- I carry it in my heart.

- Aww, so you have any advice?

- Let me think, perhaps you
should round up your height

for your resume.

- To the next inch.

- No the next foot.

And don't singalong with
the actors onstage when

you go to see a musical.

- But what if it's one
of your favorite songs?

- Don't.

Just try to be yourself.

- That's it?

- Anthony you have a long
list of dreams and goals,

I know someone who has a
list with one thing on it

and you're it.

Some things are better then a spotlight,

but not many.

- I just love her.

No one's ever done anything
like this for me before.

- Well maybe we could get some more

dreams checked off that list?

- It's a very long list.

- I have some time.

♫ The world needs music

♫ As in a musical

♫ Like food and water

♫ It is intrinsical

♫ Hear our voice

♫ Hear our song

♫ Who

♫ Who

♫ Who

♫ Many times our lives are spent

♫ Buying time and paying rent

♫ Waiting for that one bright day

♫ The good Lord shows the way

♫ Searching for the magic sign

♫ To unlock the grand design

♫ After all the time you'll find

♫ You've been waiting in the wings

♫ Waiting waiting in the wings

♫ Waiting waiting in the wings

♫ Take your mark and take a chance

♫ Take a breathe and get to dance

♫ With the voices we will sing out

♫ That we're not waiting

♫ Waiting in the wings

♫ Understudy goals are best

♫ While we wait our turn and rest

♫ Our performance will be great

♫ Til then just sit and wait

♫ But if you look around you'll learn

♫ The show has started it's your turn

♫ The one in which your heart has yearned

♫ Wasted waiting in the wings

♫ Waiting waiting in the wings

♫ Waiting waiting in the wings

♫ Take your mark and take a chance

♫ Take a breathe and get to dance

♫ With our voices we will sing out

♫ Waiting waiting in the wings

♫ Everyday is a new song

♫ Don't forget to sing along

♫ Every step or move you make

♫ Isn't always a mistake

♫ The secret is that the time is now

♫ Live your life and take that bow

♫ You'll be living life as how you'll stop

♫ Waiting in the wings

♫ Waiting waiting in the wings

♫ Waiting waiting in the wings

♫ Take your mark and take a chance

♫ Take a breathe and get to dance

♫ With the voices we will sing out

♫ We are waiting

♫ Waiting in the wings

♫ Time to light and curtains up

♫ All the world's a stage

♫ There's no small role
for all us out there

♫ Turn the page

♫ Turn the page

♫ Take the stage

♫ Take the stage

♫ Oh

♫ Waiting waiting in the wings

♫ Waiting waiting in the wings

♫ Take your mark and take a chance

♫ Take a step and dance the dance

♫ With our voices we will sing out

♫ We are waiting we're waiting

♫ Waiting in the wings

♫ No longer waiting

♫ No longer waiting in the wings

♫ So let's stop waiting

♫ Waiting waiting waiting

♫ Waiting in the wings