Wai Gor dik goo si (1998) - full transcript

A porn star and a resident of the New Territories use bottles of Viagara to help their respective performance problems.

From a recent survey report
done by foreigners...

it was found that Hong Kong men
don't have much sex.

The average is less than
two times per week.

And their sexual performance is very bad.

Their ranking is very low
among all the countries.

Well, you can't blame them.
They work very long hours...

and they have to be fast in everything.

So how can they afford
to spend more time on sex?


a thing called Wai-go (Viagra)
was invented.

Viagra is a godsend to men.

Even men in their 70s can have sex
now that they have Viagra.

With Viagra, you may now focus
when watching soccer matches.

With Viagra, you'll have
much more confidence.

Let's hear what the general public
have to say about Viagra.

Ma'am, how do you feel
about Viagra (Wai-go)?

You mean Tony Leung or Eric Tsang?

Wai-go is a kind of medicine.

It helps to improve
a man's sexual performance.


I thought your television station
was giving out free gifts! Go away!

Sir, how do you feel about Wai-go?

It's great!

I'm going to Shenzhen
two to three times per week now.

But I need to spend more money though.

Sorry, I've got to go now.

How do you feel about Viagra?

I'm not sure, but I've heard men say that
it improves their sexual performance.

So have you slept with a man
who has taken Viagra before?

A man wouldn't tell you if he took it.

Which man would admit that
he needs it to have sex?

Have you come across a sex partner who
could suddenly perform better than before?

My man's performance in bed
is getting worse by the day.

Do you have one to spare?
He can give it a try.

- Did you just take Wai-go?
- Yes.

How do you feel now?

It's stronger and harder now.

Is it easy to buy it? I heard
you need a prescription to get it.

Not true, it's easily available.

Are you worried about
becoming dependent on it?

Yes, I'm worried.

Actually, Hong Kong
is a pretty boring place.

This new invention...

has become the talk of the town.

More people are calling in
to the sex talk show on the radio.

Our talk show today...

has invited the best AV actor,
Brother King-chau, to be our guest.

And I'm the host, Ngan Saisai.

Hello to all brothers and sisters,
I'm King-chau.

Here's wishing all men are able
to hook up with girls every day...

and all women can get laid every night.

You've just listened to
my interview with him just now.

It's time for you to call in now.

Hello, who is it?

Is it my turn now?
It's finally my turn to speak, right?

Yes, what's your name?

My name is Wai, everyone
calls me Wai-go (Brother Wai).

You should be very good in bed then.

I'm not, I've been impotent
for a long time.

Well, why don't you take some Wai-go then?

I wanted to, but my doctor told me
that I'm taking heart medicine...

so I can't take Wai-go.

So what can we do to help you?

Well, although I've been
impotent for a long time...

I could suddenly do it again recently.

That's great then, congratulations.

So how did you do it?

Although I can't take
the actual Wai-go pills...

I've found a special kind
of Wai-go for my mind.

What do you mean by that?

I make dirty phone calls.

This village is a very boring place.

The men here do not have
any interesting places to go to.

So they gather and chat
in this bar every day.

And their conversation topics
are very boring too.



By the way, did you do it
with your wife last night?


How many times?


How many positions did you use?


- Did you turn on the light?
- Yes.

- Did she scream?
- Yes.

What did she scream?

"Why are you taking so long?"

"Hurry up, my favourite television
drama is coming on soon."

Did you reply her?

I told her, "You've been
married to me for ten years."

"You should know that
I always take very long."

You're lying!

Why did you say that I'm lying?

When you replied, "You've
been married to me for ten..."

it was already over, how could you
still have said so many things?

Darn it, we're repeating
the same joke every day...

we really feel very bored...

Until one day...

Ka-kui, the son of our village leader,
came back from England.

He even brought his new wife back.

Have a seat.

What do you want to drink?

Two glasses of tequila please, thank you.

Honey, I didn't expect a bar in
New Territories to be so stylish.

Yes, this is quite a nice bar.

But why are there so many
retarded people here?

They are not retarded,
they are just lecherous.

Actually, I've been impotent
for a long time.

But Bobo is like the oil
to get my engine going again.

My engine can suddenly function again.

Bobo... you're my Wai-go!

The light has been turned off...

- Let go...
- Sorry...

Cigarettes and beer for sale.

You're a shrewd businessman!

Give me some...

Bobo and Ka-kui have sex every night.

Their moaning nourished the hearts
of every man in the village.

That's why we would be here
every night without fail.

Use all your might...

Use all your might...

Too tight.

What are you talking about?

I'm telling you, it's too tight.

What does it have to do with you?

You're grabbing my penis
too tightly and it hurts!

I'm grabbing your penis?


Wai-go, I...

Don't worry, I won't laugh at you.

Wai-go, thank you,
you're really my good buddy...

Don't worry, you'll recover
in about a month.

How did you know that?

I know the doctor who treated you.

- He's your old classmate?
- No.

You've known him for a long time?

- I got to know him this morning.
- This morning?

Actually before the snake
bit you last night...

it had already bitten me first.

The doctor said that it had
injected most of its venom into me.

So your injury isn't serious at all.

Wai-go, your penis is so much more
swollen than mine!

I take the train to the city every day...

to check out the business
of my shop in the city.

And I will pass by this pier every day.

That morning at the pier...

I saw Bobo and her husband
going out to sea to fish.

I'm really envious of her husband.

But what can I do?

I can only treat her like
another person's newspaper...

watching and peeping at her secretly.

But I really didn't expect that...

when I passed by the pier that afternoon...

- Honey...
- My son, wake up...

- My son...
- Please help me...

Please, I beg you, please help me...

Return my husband back to me...

Return my husband to me...

- Return my son to me...
- Return my husband to me...

- Return my husband to me...
- Return my son to me...

Return my son to me...

Bobo's husband fell into
the sea while fishing and drowned.

From that day onwards...

we could no longer hear Bobo's moaning...

behind the village leader's house.

After Ka-kui's death, the village
became boring again.

We're leaving...

She switched off the light...

So what? She's all alone now.

Do you expect her to open
the window and perform a striptease?

Maybe she might come out
and tell us to go in.

I'm going back to watch TV.

Don't be scared,
I'm still here to support you.

But you're so pretty...

you can definitely find
another man to comfort you.

How about Big Snake? He's a good man.

But don't come to me,
I've been impotent for a long time.

I think you will definitely find
a good man in the future.

I'll be praying for you. Bye.

Why are you sneaking around here?

I'm trying to catch fireflies.

What did you say just now?

I was just praying.

Why are you still up at such a late hour?

That's none of your business.
You should get lost now.

- Good night.
- Hold on!

Your voice sounds very familiar.

Yes, because I'm a radio DJ.

Perhaps you've listened
to my radio program before.

What program?

Sammy's Perverted Paradise.
Have you heard that before?

So you look like this.

You really can't judge
a person by his voice.

Is that so? Goodbye then.

At that moment, I really had
the urge to force myself on her.

Because I realised that I was aroused.

For an impotent man to
suddenly get aroused, it felt like...

- It's impossible!
- What is impossible?

How could a horny woman like her
stand being a widow?

How does that concern you?

Do you want to tell her to seduce you?

If the village leader hears this,
he'll put you in a cage and drown you.

That's right...

I was just talking.

A glass of tequila, please.

What did you say?

I... I didn't say anything.


The village leader gave us orders.

Whoever says anything bad about
his late son or his daughter-in-law...

we'll teach that person a good lesson.

Everything's fine then!
Because he only said that...

her breasts are very big...

and she might be the woman with
the most pubic hair in the world.


I didn't say that...

Oh no, I said the wrong things again.

I didn't say that...

Hey, babe!

You're alone? Can I buy you a drink?

- Get your dirty hands off me.
- What? Why can't I touch you?

A decent woman wouldn't come to a bar.

So what happened? Did your husband die?

You must have asked him
to do it with you every night.

Stop hitting me!
I won't dare to do it again!

Finding trouble, eh?

Stop hitting me!
I won't dare to do it again!

What are you looking at? Get out of my way.

She's already gone,
what are you still looking at?

Our village leader is a man who
values his reputation very much.

So no matter how lonely
his widowed daughter-in-law is...

he won't let anyone have her.

So although all the men in the village
want to sleep with Bobo...

none of us have the guts
to make a move on her.

It's really pitiful for me
to face my wife at home every day.

She only cares about watching
the television and not about me at all.

She's more concerned about
the characters in the television than me.

You don't believe me?

Let me demonstrate it to you.

Honey, I don't want to live anymore.

Don't block the television.

I really don't want to live anymore!

Get out of the way.

That woman is really awful.

How could she bully her husband like that?

There's no justice in this world.

I said I really don't want to live anymore!

Get out of the way!

Did you see that?

Facing a wife like that every night,
it's hard for me not to be impotent.

I really don't want to live anymore.

I asked a friend who's working
in the telephone company for help...

to get the private number of Bobo's room.

I really want to call her
and chat with her.

But I'm worried that she knows who I am.

Honey, we've not done it for a long time.

Done what?


You sleep every night.

I mean make love.

I do it every day, but not with you.

Really? You can do it now?

If only you could really do it!
You're useless!

You're a useless and impotent moron!

My wife has found a more
enjoyable activity than making love.

And that's playing mahjong.

And I can only continue talking
to you about boring things.

But I've finally decided to
gather up my courage and call Bobo!


Who are you?

It's me. Are you feeling lonely?

What are you talking about?

Go ahead and hang up,
I know you will definitely hang up.

Why should I hang up? Go ahead
and say what you want to say.

I want to...

do it with you.

Who exactly are you?

I'm your tuition teacher.
Don't you remember me?

When I went to your house
to give you tuition that day...

you were so naughty.

You don't know how to read that?

Don't you think you should be punished?

Let me give you a revision.

How do you pronounce this?

- "Gao."
- That's right.

How about this?
How do you pronounce this?

- "Kao."
- That's right.

What about this?

- "Khao."
- That's right.

What about this then?


You're wrong. It should be
pronounced as "jiao" (penis).

So do you think you should be punished?


How many times should I hit you then?

Three times.

When I taught you about the word
"high" during the last English lesson...

I already hit you three times.

Well, five times then.

Get ready then.

Sir, you always punish
your students by hitting them...

aren't you worried that
they would "bao jiao" (hit your penis)?

What's "bao jiao"?

Take revenge.

I'm only hitting you a few times...

and you regard me as your enemy?

Don't talk so much now.
Get ready for your punishment.


How am I going to hit you like that?


When I was spanking your butt...

you must've had an orgasm, right?

Were you feeling very high?
Your whole body was drenched in sweat.

Do you know why you must
stay back after school?



Because I was playing
with water with my classmates.

That isn't a serious violation
of the school rules.

But I accidentally splashed
the water on you, and that's serious.

That's right! You splashed water on me
while you were playing with water...

so I'm going to punish you now...

by splashing water on you...

- No...
- How dare you splashed water on me!

Let's see if you dare to do it again!

I won't dare to do it anymore...

- Are you sure about that?
- I really won't dare to do it again...

No, sir, I won't dare to do it again...

- I'm going to call the police!
- Don't do that.

If the policewomen want me
to call them every day...

it would be very troublesome for me.

Do you feel good?

What an unlucky day.

I lost over HK$4,000 in mahjong.

Why are you looking at me like that?


That lewd man. Isn't he impotent?

What's come over him?

This is the first time I've got an erection
in three and a half years.

From now on,
if I want to sleep with my wife

I'll first give Bobo call.

I can't get an erection
without making those calls.

I became dependent on dirty phone calls.

- Cheers.
- Drink up.

By the way, did you do it
with your wife last night?


- How many times?
- Half.

How could it be half?

A friend came over for dinner last night.

My wife had to wash extra dishes,
so there wasn't enough time.

Then she went off to watch
her television drama.

- You're lying.
- No, I'm not.

You wouldn't do it with her
if the television drama was airing.

If the television drama had not aired
yet, then during the commercial...

you would... and it was already over.

Was it you?

Or you?

Or was it you or you?

I know one of you here must be the culprit.

You won't be able to bluff me.

She said who did what to her?

Who did what to her?

- Who and what?
- Who would dare to do what?

- Let's continue drinking.
- Cheers.

So you're all right now?

But I can only do it only if I call her.

If that's so, then it's pretty serious.
It's a psychological disorder.

But I believe that...

as long as you gather up your courage...

approach that widow
and have real sex with her...

you will become a real man again.


Doctor Kam Man-tai said that
the first step is always the hardest.

So as long as you're persistent,
go have a session of...

hot and passionate sex with her...

I guarantee that you will
no longer be impotent anymore.

All right, that's all for now then.
Let's chat again next time. Bye.

All right, we'll have
a commercial break now.

Who is Doctor Kam Man-tai?

How would I know? I was just lying to him.

You radio hosts are
always bluffing too, right?

Cut! Go to the bed now.

Condensed milk


Don't waste it.

Brother King-chau, you're awesome!

Grab some tissue for her.

I don't need to take Wai-go.
I'm tough and strong.

Fine, take a rest first.
We'll film another scene later.

Are you serious?
I'm supposed to knock off now.

Why am I suddenly
not able to do it anymore?

- Brother Chau.
- Boss! Have a seat...

- No, it's okay, you can sit.
- Okay...

You're going to be rich this time.


I just signed a contract with Takako,
the famous AV actress from Japan.

I'm planning to film an AV video
which will be released internationally.

And I even plan to nominate it
for the AV film awards in America.

That sounds great. Congratulations...

But you're the one getting rich, not me.

Well, I want you to star in this film.

No, I'm not going to do it...

Hey, don't you always do it for real
with the AV actresses?

That's different. That's for my own
benefit and to make myself happy.

But your film is going to be
released all over the world.

Hey, you're not that ugly,
and you can do it with Takako.

And I already have the script ready.

She's going to be a spy from Japan.

And she's here in our country
to collect confidential information.

And you'll be the hero of our country.

You'll need to check on her.

You're going to torture her
and do it with her again and again.

Don't waste your breath,
I'm not going to do it.

- You're not doing it?
- I'm not doing it.

Pay up what you owe me then.

Why are you so practical?

Fine, I'll do as you wish.

That's the way.
She will arrive tomorrow night.

And you'd better not
embarrass us Chinese men.

I'll make a move now.

Darn you, you're pimping me out.

King-chau's seminal vesicles

- What's wrong? A blackout?
- What's going on?

Hey, what's wrong with you?
Have you been possessed?

Are you all right?

I feel that it has shrunk.

Really? Let me take a look.

You're right, it has indeed shrunk.
What happened?

When boss told me to do it for real
with Takako, this happened.

It's probably just a psychological problem.

Can you help me with your mouth then?


Which idiot threw the bread in here?

Hey, watch out, be careful.

- You're really in trouble.
- What should I do then?

Get your wife to make you
some bull pizzle soup.

Are you sure that would work?

You will be out of job
if that doesn't work.

It has shrunk even more now.

Look at him, he's really good.

I saw his photobook before. It's this long!

It might have been edited by the computer.

- How would I know?
- How about I show it to you now?

Darn you! You kept talking
about me behind my back.

I've had it with you!

I can sue you for sexual harassment!

- You didn't bring your keys?
- No.

Here, change your shoes.

What's wrong? You're very tired?
Let me give you a massage.

You know which part of my body is tired.

Your massage will only
make me feel more tired.

Let me pour you some tea.

- I want Oolong tea.
- I know.


Why are you always looking at the road?

It doesn't matter
if there's nothing to see.

At least I'm luckier than your mum,
she's unable to see anything.

Did you go to the doctor
with her to check her eyes?

Yes, the doctor said that
it's incurable. She's blind.

It's good that she's blind. At least she
won't see you fooling around outside.

You're wrong, she's more
perceptive and sharp than us.

- Hey, Dad.
- What is it?

Are you still doing it with mum now?

- Do what?
- You should know what I mean.

What do you mean?

Well, you did that
and mum gave birth to me...

and I'm doing that now as a job
in order to earn a living.

I'm already an old man,
how am I still able to do that?

Are you serious? You can't do it anymore?

Even if I still have tea left in my teapot,
I need a teacup to pour it into.

Don't tell me you only have
one teacup for your entire life?

What's wrong with that?

Didn't you use some
disposable paper cups before?

I'm not like you, you're always
using other people's cups.

It's very unhygienic!
You'd better be careful!

You didn't even use one paper cup before?


This is really unbelievable.

Happy birthday.

You still remember my birthday!

Of course I do. I just didn't have
the time to buy you a present.

- But I do remember it.
- You naughty brat.

Go and buy a paper cup to use
when you're free.

I don't have time
to listen to your nonsense.

Sorry, excuse me...

Miss, are you all right?

I think I sprained my ankle.

Let me help you.

You're really a good man.
What's your surname?

My surname is Wong, and I live right here.

Really? My name is Manman.

I just moved in to the apartment upstairs.

Uncle Wong, since you're such a kind man...

can you help me
to carry my things upstairs?

- Sure, give them to me.
- You're really so kind!

- Walk slowly.
- Thank you.

I don't know why but although
I've done it with many AV actresses...

I don't really feel anything.

But whenever I see my unattractive
and naive wife ironing or cooking...

I will feel very aroused.

Look, she's there ironing again.

- What's the matter?
- Come on.

No, your mum is inside the room.

- Come on.
- Your mum is here!

It doesn't matter, she's blind anyway.
Come on!

The people outside can see us.
Let's go inside the room.

How can those pedestrians
out there see us?

- You're out of your mind.
- Yes, they can. Let's go to the room.

Let's do it behind the sofa...

Remove your clothes first.

Don't bother, just go down now.

Your skills have improved.

Yeah... don't stop...


Don't worry, my mum can't see us.
Carry on...

- Chau!
- Yes, I'm here...!

There's a rat in my room. Help me catch it.

I'm coming...

Quickly! I don't see you coming.

I am coming!

Come here.

What's taking you so long?

- Will you hurry?
- I'm coming...

Go help catch the rat.



You've to be more careful.
The rat ran over my feet just now.

I think it's a very big one,
so be careful, okay?

Go in then.

Mum, you understood
what she was talking about?

She said that after she's caught the rat,
she would put it in a plastic bag...

tie a dead knot, and throw it away
at the rubbish collection centre.

And she told me not to be afraid.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

You're mumbling to yourself.
I don't know what you're talking about.

I couldn't do it at the studio today.

But I could do it with my wife at home.

But if I'm unable to do it
when I meet Takako...

wouldn't I embarrass all Chinese men?

I can't take this risk. I must find
a way to make sure that I can do it.

Take Wai-go then.

Who's that?

I'm the smartest sperm
out of your 25 billion sperms.

Are you serious? I only have
25 billion sperms left?

You've had too much sex.

A man has enough sperms to fill up
six one-litre bottles in his lifetime.

Six bottles? I don't have to worry then.

You've filled up five point nine
bottles now.

So you only have a bit left
and it's very easy for you to exhaust it.

What should I do then?

- Do I really have to take Wai-go?
- Of course.

Hey, return it to me!
I'm running out of it!

Oh no! There's no more?

If other people find out that
I take Wai-go...

I'll become a laughing stock.

You can do it discreetly.

Miss. do you sell...


- Yes.
- That guy bought all we've got left.

What bad timing.

Any chance of getting more?
My dad needs it.

Sorry, we're totally out.

Are you Wong King-chau, the AV actor?

No, I am not. You're mistaken.

Whatever. You need to see a doctor then.

See a doctor?

Oh yes, see a doctor.

- King-chau!
- Yes?

I thought you said you were not him?

All of you are so early today.

Today is your birthday, so we're here
early to celebrate your birthday.

Thank you so much...

let me treat all of you to coffee,
milk tea and toast later.

We don't need you to treat us today.

All of us here
have prepared a gift for you!

You're too kind. You shouldn't
spend that kind of money.

Open it and have a look...

It's the perfect gift for you!
Go on and unwrap it.

- What is it?
- Quickly, unwrap it.

It's good stuff.

Come on, unwrap it.

It's great stuff.

Keep on unwrapping it.

It's great stuff, just keep unwrapping it.

- Medicine?
- It's Wai-go!

That's right, it's perfect for you!

Why are you playing such
a trick on me? I've no use for it.

You're the most energetic one
among all of us.

We're all too old and useless now.

We can only talk about it
but we're no longer able to do it.

That's right, you will be our
representative after taking the Wai-go.

When you're doing it, remember this...

you're representing me
for the first ten shoves...

the next ten shoves belong to Chan...

and the next ten shoves belong to Chu.

Stop dreaming, do you think
I can do it for so long?

Even if I can get it up, it will be
over in four or five shoves.

That's exactly why you should eat Wai-go!

With Wai-go, you can last
for as long as you want.

Actually I'm just being modest,
I can still do it.

But I'm old now...

and people in this world think that
old men shouldn't have sexual urges.

My wife is no longer
interested in doing it at all.

I'm afraid of getting venereal
diseases if I fool around.

And people would laugh at me
if I get a girlfriend.

When I have urges, I'm even afraid
to let anyone know about it.

So I can only take a cold shower
to cool myself down.

As an old and retired man,
it's better to be impotent than not.

All right, let me treat all of you
to one Wai-go each.

After eating it, let's meet here again
tomorrow to exchange information.

I'll count to three
and let's eat it together, okay?

One, two, three!

All right, that's all for now.

Go back and make yourself happy.

Remember to meet here again tomorrow. Bye.

They're so stupid, they're going
to embarrass themselves later.

Even if you want to eat,
you should eat it tonight.

Wong King-chau...

Are you Wong King-chau?

Miss, it's my turn?

Take away the paper first.

Stick your tongue out. Stick it out more.

Stick it out more...

Your tongue is really quite long.

I'm a loyal fan of your AV films.

I'm not an AV actor.

You're still denying it?

You painted your penis gold
in your photobook...

so people gave you the nickname
"Golden Penis Hero".

That's not me...

I'll let you go first if you're him.
Otherwise you can continue to wait.

All right, if you say I am, then I am.

I heard that you're very good in bed.

If you say I am, then I am.

Look at you, did you get venereal disease?

If you say so, then it is so.

Go in then, Golden Penis Hero.

What's wrong? Do you feel unwell?

Can you go out?

Doctor, I want to ask you...

So what should I do now?

I could only hear indecipherable
noises coming from this.

So how would I know what to do?

Why did you nod your head then?

Do you want me to shake my head instead?

Well, recently, my penis...

What happened to your penis?

Is it at 45 degrees?

60 degrees?


90 degrees?

At its worst, it's only four to five degrees.

You've to show it to me then.

This is really bad.

Are you sure you need
a magnifying glass to find it?

No, I'm just checking if that's a tattoo.

My ex-girlfriend was a sculptress.

She could carve the whole
Heart Sutra on a grain of rice.

So what did she carve on your penis?

Hey, how could anything
be carved on human flesh?

I went to tattoo a love letter
on my penis...

and I showed it to her every now and then.

The first sentence is
"I love you deeply and madly."

But I can only see the word "love" on it.

That's because you're the one
kneeling in front of me now.

If Shu Qi was kneeling in front of me,
she would get to see the whole letter.

This is very serious.

Your penis has shrunk until
only the word "love" is visible.

Don't bother to examine it anymore.

Doctor, please help me out.

My work tomorrow depends on it.
Please help me fix it.

How do you want me to help you?

Help me to blow it.

I mean help me get it up.

And how do you want me to do that?

Do you have Wai-go?

You should have said so earlier.
We're out of stock now.

But I can give you an injection.

Doctor, can I not have an injection?

An injection is the fastest way
to get it up.

What's wrong with you?

Hello? Daddy? Yes, I'm still awake.

But I'm waiting for a phone call,
so I must hang up now.


That darn moron,
he hasn't called for so many days.

- Hello?
- Hi, it's me!

You darn moron! Why didn't
you call for the whole week?

You said it's your turn to tell a story
and you needed time to think about it.

So are you ready?

I'm your form teacher.

It's my duty to help you with
subjects which you didn't pass.

You scored very well
in all your other subjects...

but why did you fail your health education?

Our exam question this time
is how to perform CPR.

You don't know how to do that, right?

It's okay, I'll teach you.

First, I must teach you that
when someone is choking...

we need to perform an abdominal thrust
on that person.

You've to place your thumb...

on the area above that person's abdomen.

Then you press it down...

do you understand?

All right, show me how to do it then.

You can begin.

No, not here, go higher.

Don't press me too hard.

What's wrong? You can't stand straight?

It's all right, let me teach you how to
perform chest compressions now.

- Your heart is beating so fast.
- Yes.

Don't be nervous, just relax.
Let me teach you.

It's like this, just press down,
and again, and again.

Do you understand?

All right, it's now your turn
to demonstrate it to me.

- Me?
- Come on.

Do you know where
you should place your hand?

Here. Okay, start now.

Press down. Again.

And again.

(Japanese) Stop!

You're pressing it down so hard,
are you trying to kill me?

You told me to rescue you.

Then hurry up and perform
mouth-to-mouth resuscitation on me.

How do I do that?

It's very simple,
you just need to open your mouth...

Oh no, your mouth must be "O" shaped...

Bobo, I want to meet you!

Really? All right.

Great... where shall we meet then?
What time?

What do you look like?

A lot of people say that
I have Ekin Cheng's hair...

Leon Lai's eyes, Andy Lau's nose...

Jacky Cheung's mouth,
Aaron Kwok's muscles...

and Gong Li's skin!

All right, meet me at the back
of my house at midnight tomorrow.

I'll be waiting for you until you arrive.

All right, it's a deal then!

Honey, I lost more than HK$4,000
in mahjong again.

You darn gambling addict! You want
more money from me, right? No way!

I shall spank your butt as your punishment!

- You naughty girl! No way!
- Come on...

- I'll spank your butt...
- Come on...

Time passes really quickly.

In a blink of an eye,
it's already the next night.

10 minutes later,
Bobo will get to see who I am.

I'm really afraid that
after she knows who I am...

she will ignore me totally
and won't pick up my calls.

And I'm even more worried that...

she'll send her men to
ambush me, catch me, beat me up...

and put me in a cage to drown me.

Then I'd be dead for sure.

No, I can't drag this out anymore.

This matter between Bobo and I
must be settled by today.

I know what I should do.

I decided not to turn up.

So I went back to the bar
to continue drinking.

- Wai-go, what do you want to drink?
- Two glasses of tequila.

- Thank you.
- Who is the other glass for?

Can't I drink two glasses by myself?

Did something happen to you?
Why are you drinking two glasses?

It's none of your business!

I'm really useless. Bobo wanted
to meet me but I didn't dare to go.

But she is a widow after all.

I can't take advantage of her.

I'm a gentleman.

Oh no!

Wai-go, this is terrible! I've been raped!

Who raped you?

- Her!
- Who are you talking about?

I was on my way here,
and in order to avoid the snakes...

I went behind the village leader's house.

But a woman suddenly appeared
and pulled down my pants.

She covered my head and proceeded
to do it with me! She raped me!

- Who is that woman?
- Bobo!

It's true! Bobo really raped me!

Do I need to go to the police?

She raped me! Should I go to the police?

This proves that what's yours will be
yours, and what's not will never be.

From that day onwards,
I never called Bobo again.

Later, she went back to England.

And she even married a white man.

Then she went on to set up
a Chinese phone sex company.

She would occasionally
be a guest performer too.

A lot of Chinese men are her patrons!

Buddy, actually I've not thought of
doing this for a very long time.

But I heard from others that
you are really effective...

so it's a waste not to give it a try.

Uncle Wong's seminal vesicles

- Whose turn is it now?
- Hurry up!

- It's too big. I'll pass.
- Pass.

Hey, do you think he would take a Wai-go?

Do you think Wai-go is really so powerful?

So what if he takes it?
Chau's father doesn't fool around.

We haven't gotten the slightest chance
to go into a womb to meet eggs.

We sperms are always
in precarious situations.

When we do get out, we would end up
on toilet paper or towels

if our owner was masturbating.

If the women are on the pill,

we would end up in the womb
but we don't get to meet any eggs.

- If the owner is homosexual...
- Stop...

Fine, I'll just try one.

What's going on?

Hello, this is the seminal vesicles
calling the brain...

What's going on?

What? Our boss took a Wai-go?

Who is Wai-go?



I'm Wai-go!

All you lazy brats, get ready to start work!

Hurry up and start working! Move it!

You darn old man! What are you
trying to do? Stop this! Go to hell!

Honey, I may be old,
but I've not been castrated yet.

Can't you just let me do it with you
once every season?

Go to hell!

One, two...

What's going on?

No, this still doesn't work...

I need to get some fresh air
at the rooftop.

Hey... don't do anything foolish.

Don't stop me, I want to jump down...

I'm Uncle Wong, do you remember me?

My boyfriend dumped me!

It's all right,
he's going to regret it very soon.

But I really love him very much.

There are men everywhere,
you can always find a new one.

Let's go back... let me take you home...

- All men are scum!
- Where is the light switch?

- All men are scum!
- That's right...

- All of them are the same...
- Yes...

Come on... go to sleep now.

All men are scum!
They are all idiots! Am I right?

Yes, all men are scum. Go to sleep now...

Are you a man?

Not since a long time ago.

I don't believe it, I want to check it!

Please don't do this.
We can talk this over slowly.

One! Two! Three!

Everyone, get up!

One, two...

Our boss is giving us another chance now.

Let's get ready to set off.

Let's produce offspring for the human race!

Let's create an orgasm for our boss!

- Let's get to work!
- Let's get to work!

One, two...

You're getting aroused.

You lied to me. You're a man!

I used to be one.

I want to do it tonight.

I'm not a man who fools around.

I don't care! I want to do it!

One, two...

What's going on now?

Our boss has lost his erection.
The energy has been cut off.

But don't worry!
We'll manually control it. Follow me!

Why has it shrunk?

Although I'm not a man who fools around...

I've already maintained it for long enough.


I don't care, I want it...

I don't care...

Get it up...

Get it up...

I don't care...

I don't care...

I want it.

I don't care, I want it...


Are you kidding me? This is not happening.

What are you waiting for?

Hurry up!

- Let's get to work!
- Let's get to work!

- No, you can't!
- Why not?

Although men are horny by nature...

they must never take advantage of others.

This is not the right thing to do.
This is despicable!

Enough of your nonsense!
Everyone, hit him!

No, I can't do this.

What's the matter?
What are you waiting for?

I would rather let you down
than to let my wife down.

Little brother, I'm really sorry
for letting you down this time.

Don't say that. It's better for a man
to stand by his principles.

Who are you looking for?

I'm looking for Uncle Wong.

You're looking for Uncle Wong?

- Hey, she's looking for you.
- Uncle Wong... it's me!

Why do you look so scared to see me?

I didn't touch you last night.

That's why I'm here to look for you.

Here, take this back. There's no reason
for me to accept your money.

Dad, you really went
to look for a paper cup?

I work at a nightclub, do come
and patronise me when you're free.

My name is Manman.

This cup is really beautiful.
So you're a hostess.

That's right.

Please excuse us.

So did you do it with her?

I didn't dare to do so.

What? You didn't dare?
Are you telling the truth?

- Of course.
- Let me have her then.

- I need your help.
- What can I help you with?

- It's really so serious?
- Yes.

It's really very simple.

I just need you to help me
prove that I'm fine.

We can stop immediately
once it's verified that I'm fine.

Why are you asking me to help?

Because I feel something towards you.

Okay! Where shall we do it then?

- In my room!
- Hey!

Dad, help me keep a lookout, okay?

The ox ploughs the field
while the horse eats the grain.

The father gets the girl home
while the son gets to sleep with her.


What's wrong with you tonight?

It was your birthday last night
and I was wrong to treat you like that.

Tonight, I'll treat you better
as compensation.

- Are you serious?
- Let's go in and talk!

This really doesn't look good.

Yes, it's really bad.

Why don't we use our imagination?

You just need to imagine
whatever I say. It's really exciting!

Are you sure that would work?

Master, don't rape me...

No-one can hear you now
and no-one is coming to save you.

No, don't take off my shirt.

I'm not only going
to take off your shirt...

- I'm going to take off your pants too!
- No, don't take off my clothes...

- Hold on, I'm not prepared yet.
- What do you need to prepare?

- Don't take off my shirt!
- Come on!

Your wife is back.

Why should I be afraid of her?

If she's back, I'm going to tell her
to give you a massage.

That's great.

After the massage...

I'm going to make the two of you
have fun with me!


I'll have fun with your boyfriend, your
boyfriend will have fun with my wife...

my wife will have fun with you,
you will have fun with me...

I'll have fun with your boyfriend,
your boyfriend will have fun with you...

and I'll have fun with my wife.

- It's a deal then!
- It's going to be awesome!

It still didn't work.

Then you're really in danger.
You should get an injection.

Thank you so much.

You're welcome. I'm going home now.

Let me send you out.

Thank you.

If you need help again,
you can always come and find me.

- I live upstairs.
- Really?

- I'm going back now, bye!
- Bye.

She really didn't go to your place?

No, I've already asked
all her friends and relatives.

She should be at your place.

Did you hide her at your place?

Are you sure you didn't?

But you're her kindergarten
form teacher. It must be you.

Darn it!

Hey, so did you find your wife?

No, I didn't manage to find her.

Don't worry, she will come back
sooner or later.

But I'm running out of time.

I'm going to film an AV video
with Takako later tonight.

So what?

I've to do it for real with her tonight,
but I'm impotent now.

I can only manage to do it
with my wife recently.

But I'm unable to do it with other women.

What's going on with you?

I'm in deep trouble, I think I really
need to take Wai-go this time.

But I didn't even manage to get any.

You should have said so earlier.
I have Wai-go!

What? Why do you have it?

Well, my friends bought it for me.

Your mum is now very keen
to do it with me again.

She wants to do it with me every night.

My back hurts so much now.

Those who shouldn't have Wai-go have them.

While those who need Wai-go...

Dad, don't talk so much.

Hurry up and get it for me first.
I need it urgently.

Where are you going? It's in my pocket.

- You're carrying it with you?
- Of course.

Just give me the whole bottle...

There's only one left? Where are the rest?

I've finished them all.
This is the only one left.

You're going down this time!

I should take the Wai-go now,
so that I can put my mind at ease.

Brother Chau!

Let me introduce you.

- This is Takako.
- Hello.

This is her manager, Takashi.

This is Hong Kong's best AV actor,
Wong King-chau.

I admire Mr Wong very much.

I feel really honoured
to be working with you.

Nice to meet you.

It's really big and it looks strong!

What did she say?

She said that you're awesome.

Of course I'm awesome.

Tell her to be mentally prepared.

I'm going to have fun with her later
until she drops.

I would like to have
a trial session with Mr Wong first.

- Okay...
- What is it?

She wants to have fun with you
before the actual filming.

She wants to see how good you are.

Of course I'm good.
Tell her I'm not free now.

She will know how good I am later.

I'm sorry for bothering you.


Please do your best later,
don't mess it up.

- It's already messed up.
- What?

Nothing, go out first.
I need to get myself ready.

Fine, I'll get Cat here to give you a hand.

Boss told me to come here
and give you a hand.

Shall I kiss it first?

Darn you! Go see a doctor
if you have the flu!

I'm doomed!

What's going on?

There's something wrong
with Boss's machine!

- Are you serious?
- Yes.

Even if you kill me...

there are still millions
of Chinese people out there!

The 450 million comrades of my country...

will never surrender!

You freaking spy from Japan!
You're shameless and despicable!

So you're the poisonous breasts of Japan!

You poisoned 30 million
of my comrades to death!

Don't come near me...!

I will not say a word.

Don't force me! I'll not say anything!

I won't betray my comrades.

No use forcing me to talk.

I will say nothing!

- What's going on?
- Boss's machine has broken down!

- Are you serious?
- Yes.

- Over my dead body...
- Hold on!

What's the matter?

What is it?

Takako said that he didn't have
any reaction at all.

What? Are you serious?

Hey, what's wrong with you?
Did you do it too many times recently?

I'm sorry, I'm under too
much pressure, I can't do it.

What pressure?

My wife ran away, and I love her very much.

Isn't that good?
You can now find another woman.

Filming AV videos is my job.

Having sex is my job.

But once I'm home, I'm my wife's husband.

I do not have sex with my wife,
I make love with her.

So what now?

What do you want me to do
when I can't do it? I'm sorry, I quit.

Hey, then what am I going to do?

Your dad told me
everything that you told him.



I feel that you're very sexy
when you're doing household chores.

I will feel very aroused
whenever I see you doing them.

You should go back to work now.

Forget it, I'm unable to do it now.
Let's go home.

I've a way to let you start work again.

Are you sure?

Boss's machine is working again!

That's right!

All right, brothers,
let's get ready to set off!


This way.
Tell the makeup artist to get ready.

- Makeup, get ready!
- Director, so quick?

We'll do it from another angle.

Follow the equipment this way.

Was it tough?

- It was really interesting.
- Have some soup.

Honey, you're really great.
I can do it again thanks to you.

And it's still going strong!

Brother Chau, the camera
will be up there later.

Then you shall carry her and turn her over.

It will look like a kaleidoscope.

The cameraman will hold
the camera up there, okay?

Won't it look like a tumour?

We would do some editing.
It won't be a problem.

- I want to eat this.
- Here you go.

It's bull pizzle?

Yes, and it's fresh.

Okay, action!

We're trapped in the condom!

Cut. Okay, it's a wrap. Thank you.

Everyone has his own special Wai-go.

My Wai-go is my wife.

Whenever I see my wife...

washing the clothes, cooking, washing
the dishes, sweeping the floor...

and doing other household chores,
I will feel very aroused.

I will feel great.

Thank you, honey.


Let's get to work!

So what did you do
with your wife last night?



Press your hand down.

Gosh, let me...


- Well... who's coughing?
- Darn it.

Don't buy it then.

I've finally found you!
I'm going to burst you this time!