Wacko (1982) - full transcript

Cops try to track down the infamous "Lawnmower Killer".

Death to all teenagers who fuck.

This is me 13 years ago.

Hi, my name is Mary.

This is my big sister Pam.

She's getting ready for the
Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

Damn it daddy, what
are you doing?

Nothing dear.

I was just mowing the lawn.

Sure daddy, that's what
you always say.

Well, here we are.

Guy, you're such an adult.

When my mother told me
I'd have to be

taking care of my sister
and her friends,

I thought I'd have to miss the
Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

Oh not on your life.

They won't be any trouble at all.

Now Mary, you're in charge.

And I want you to make sure that

Bambi, Rosie, and Johnny don't
get into any trouble.


Have a good time!

Halloween has
always been a special

time of the year for me.

You may think I'm crazy,

but there really is a pumpkin
headed lawnmower killer.

And he really did chop up
my big sister Pam

with a power lawnmower.

I still have nightmares.

It all happened 13
years ago today.

Damn it daddy, what are you doing?

Nothing darling, just,
mowing the lawn.

Sure daddy, that's what
you always say.

I don't have time for breakfast.

I've got a hysterectomy at nine.

Has anyone seen my scalpel?

Damian sweetheart, have you
seen daddy's scalpel?


This one?

No, not that one.

Where did I put that?

Dad, don't forget.

You and mom promised to chaperone

the Halloween Pumpkin
Prom tonight.

Of course I'll be there.

How could I forget my little girls

Halloween Pumpkin Prom?

Where is the scalpel?

Will this do dear?

What would I do without you?

I don't wanna upset you,

but if anything happens,

I just want you to
know I love you.

And I love you too!

So long pops!

Oh your father's been under a
terrible strain lately.

I think it's beginning to show.


He's acting like he just
killed somebody.


Your father is a doctor!

He kills people every day!





Yeah, where?

Oh, yeah.



Arm severed.

Yeah, actual pieces.

Yeah, yeah, I get the picture.

No, no it's not a pretty one.

I'll be right there, yeah.



Alright, who is she?

One of our night shift people,
a nurse.

What was she doing out here?

She worked here.

The hospital.

Detective, there's
something you should know.

One of your crazies
escaped last night.

How did you know that?

Well it's obvious,
look over here.

Any damn fool can see that.

Look it here!

There's a rope hanging
out of the window!


One of the other
nurses heard her say,

"I think I'll take a shortcut

"through the woods tonight."

Typical nurse move.

No human could have done this.

Must be the work of a wild animal.

Maybe a werewolf.

Or maybe the Lawnmower Killer.

Go ahead kid laugh,

but you're too young to remember
those ghastly, grizzly,

ghoulish, god awful murder in
this states history!

I was four when it happened.

I wouldn't sleep until the
murderer was brought to justice.

You mean you haven't
slept in 13 years?

I'm 31 years old doc,
you tell me.

No forget it.

I wanna know about this
crazy who escaped.

Who was he?

We don't know.

Rackets were burning a fire.

Is he dangerous?

13 years he's been
locked in his room

watching TV talk shows.

The only people he
knows are Moreau,

and Mike, and Phil, and
Dina and Johnny.

Answer your question?

Poor bastard.

We found this in his room.

It's a calendar.


And today's date circled.

In blood.

He's back.

After 13 years he's back

and I'm gonna nail him this time.


No, who.

I don't know, I'm asking you.



Who what?

I don't understand.

Forget it!

All I know is today is
October the 31st.

31 backwards is 13.

It's Friday, it's Halloween.

It's the 13th anniversary of the
Lawnmower Killings.

There's a crazy loose.

It's prom night.

I'm gonna need coffee.

Hi Mary.

Hi Norman.

How are you this morning?

I'm fine, how are you
this morning?

Well, I am so excited about,

well, about-

Making love for the
first time tonight?


Oh I know Norman.

I can't think of
anyone in the world

I'd rather lose my virginity to.


I know what you mean.



Stop that right now!

Mary, I can't help it

if I sound like a lawnmower

every time I get excited.

Can you stop that!

I'm okay, it's okay.

It's okay now.

Oh Norman, how are we ever
going to make love?

I'm the only virgin in
the whole school.

But every time I hear that
lawnmower sound I, I, I...

I think this might
turn the trick.

Oh Norman.


How thoughtful.

I love you Mary.

I love you too Norman.

Don't you think we should be
getting on to school now?

I'd rather get onto you Mary.

Are you and Norman
really gonna do it tonight?

After the prom.

So you're finally gonna picnic
on Normans hot dog.


I'm not gonna picnic on
anyone's hot dog!

I'm nervous enough about
tonight already.

Still thinking
about your sister?

I don't know about you guys,

but I still have nightmares.

You know, I wonder whatever
happened to Johnny.

Just think, a little guy like that

running away at four-years-old.

Yeah, must have been a real
nightmare for him

trying to find a job and
being so short.

Could we change the subject?

It's giving me the creeps.

Did you get a date yet Bambi?


I still have a full school
day to work on it.

Are you still going with
Tony Schlongini

or did he get kicked out of school

for wearing his pants too tight?

Very funny.

Maybe I could ask Norma to fix
you up with someone.

Oh, I don't know.

I don't wanna end up with
some mystery date.

Watch this.

Oh leave him alone.

He's already gone through two
pairs of pants this week.

Hi gorgeous.

You know, you got champagne
taste sweetheart.

How ya doing?

I'm just burning some homework.

Sneak preview.

Guess what?

I'm not wearing any panties.

And I'm not gonna be wearing
any tonight either.

What do ya think about that?

See ya tonight.

Come on girls.

Oh my god.

Don't be embarrassed by
Rosies crass attitude.

Why, I bet half the girls
in this school

don't wear panties.

But Tony, I want you to know

that not all girls are like that.

I'm wearing mine, see.

Oh my god.

So, forget about it.

My god Harbinger.

Look at you, you're a mess.

You haven't shaved in a week,
you need a haircut.

And what's with the suit,
you sleeping in it?

Chief I gotta talk to ya.

Harbinger, every
Halloween for 13 years

you've come in here screaming
about a lawnmower murder.

Chief, this time it's different.

It's the 13th anniversary.

I don't give a damn if its Jack
The Rippers birthday.

Now look, I'm not
sending three cops

to some pumpkin prom
looking for a psycho

with a pumpkin head, a big nose,

and a bunch of garden tools!

If you don't believe me,

maybe you'll believe this guy.


Chief, this is Dr. Denton.

The way you dot your I's,
it's very anal.

I love you.

How do you do?

Your secretary has a
magnificent butt.

Who is this guy?

He happens to be one
of the fine-

I can speak for myself.

I happen to be one of the
finest psychoanalysts

in the state mental facility.

Ask me again and I'll
tell you the same.

Nice haircut, you repressed?

Who is this clown?

He called me a clown.

That upsets me.

Get him out of here.

I feel unneeded.

I can't function as an
unneeded person!

Chief, we need this guy.




No, it's too late!

You've inflicted emotional wounds

which may take year to heal!

Get him out of here!


I understand your problem.

And your haircut.

So I will be a good
citizen and cooperate.

Just tell the chief
what you told me.

I love black women.

No, about the
patient who escaped!

Well the guy was a wacko.

They brought him in 13 years ago.

His records were
destroyed in a fire.

All I know is that he saw
something horrible and violent.

And retreated completely
into a psyche.

Is he capable of murder?

Well, he's
catatonically introverted

with undertones of
psychotic schizophrenia.

What does that mean?

If you piss him off, run.

That's it.

Thank you doctor.


No, on the other hand
there could be a-


Now on the other hand I
might have a few

other theories that might be
of interest to you.

You're a great help!

Damn it Chief, the
Lawnmower Killer is back

and I'm gonna get him.

Now I've got Olsen and Johnson
waiting out in the hall

waiting to stake out that school.

All we needs a sign from you.

Will you give me that sign Chief!

Does that mean no?

Hey Harbinger, are you gonna get

the Lawnmower maniac this year?

Harbinger, bust any
lawnmowers lately?

Shouldn't you be staking out

the pumpkin patch about now?

Harbinger, mow this!

Excuse me!

What do you want?

I need to talk to you
about something

that happened 13 years ago.

It involves Halloween,
and prom night,

a lawnmower, a pumpkin head,

and a large nose.

Buzz out of here wise guy!

No wait!

Doesn't this ring a bell?

Laugh it off nimrod!

Alright, I'm warning you guys now!

I've got your home address!

I know where you live!

Get out of here you weirdo.

No one ever listens to me.

They'll be sorry.

They'll see.

They'll all see.

Science is a discipline
which involves

observational procedures,
patterns of argument,

and methods of presentation,

and of course, careful
calculations that are logical.

The concepts that matter is
in continual motion

must reveal over the concepts

that matter is in a state of
static equilibrium.

Thus, as I am clearly

I've got to immerse

the molecular of starch of
atoms in molecules

may not be considered binding.

Lola, if you please!

Over here.


What's happening?

Dr. Moreau's a
great teacher.

He makes science so believable.

I hear he has his own island.

Not here Norman!

What would people think?

See you at lunch Schlong?

Nah, I can't eat before
the football game.

I get cramps.

I don't know what you're
so nervous about,

De Palmas creamed you guys for
the last 13 years.

Oh yeah?

Well tonight's gonna be different.

We're gonna tear 'em
limb from limb.

You know, Dr. Moreau was telling-

Dr. Moreau made us swear never
to tell living soul

about the secret serum
he's gonna give us.

The serum that's gonna turn
our team of pansies

into a pack of wild animals.

So shut up.


It's okay.

No, I apologize.

It's okay.

No, now I feel very bad-

Tony, it's okay.

We'll see you girls later.

Sure, they laugh now,

but they don't remember that fatal
night 13 years ago.

Something evil gripped this town.

I need a coffee.

That's when I started drinking.

I was just a rookie making
my nightly rounds

that evening when I
saw a beautiful

young girl in need of assistance.

Oh she couldn't of been
more than 15 or 16,

but she was a whole woman.

I looked over at her
and noticed her

pouting lips aching for mine.

As I drove along, we
didn't say much,

but apparently she liked me.

She hiked up her skirt inch
by inch by inch

revealing her creamy
statutory thighs.

I reached over and
gently tweaked...

No, no, no, that didn't
really happen.

The true story is this.

I was working on a vice.

Did some routine undercover work

at the local massage parlor.


"Bad Sergeant" she yelled
as she cracked

her whip across my back.

I begged her to stop
but she wouldn't.

Pain surged through my body.

Oh god, it was...

No wait a minute, no, no.

That didn't really happen either.

No, the true story,

and you gotta take my word for it
this time, was this.

The family was hysterical,
the Rabbi was dead.

I had to whip out my switch blade

and circumcise that kid myself.

God no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,
I'm sorry.


look, I'll give you the real true

honest to god flashback right now.


Now what happened was,

I was driving home late at night.

It was after the
policeman's Halloween Ball.

Boy was I depressed.

I had to go dressed as
a damn clown.

Maloni had stolen my
costume that year.

It was about midnight when
I got the call.

Some gruesome murder at the
local high school.

It was the most grizzly
thing I'd ever seen.

Blood was everywhere.

The bodies were unrecognizable.

The weapon of death was a large
gas-powered lawnmower.

I was revolted.

But you know what
really pissed me off

was Maloni standing there in
my kangaroo suit.

I was so upset that I volunteered

for the job of breaking the news

to one of the victims parents.

A doctor and Mrs. Graves.

Telling parents that
their child is dead

is about the hardest thing
I can think of.

I still haven't figured out an
easy way to do it.

That's why I thought I'd
ease on into it.


Well here's a nice
shiny red apple.

Police business.

I'd like to have a few
words with ya.

Oh I,


Look, if it's about
the razor blades

int he apples again, it
was an accident.

I was shaving over the fruit and
one of them dropped in.

I'm sorry about the little boy

and it won't happen again.

Get the apple back.

I'm afraid this is more
important than that.

Look out!

Over there!

I'm sorry, what were you saying?

About your daughter.

Pam, what about her?

Well I don't know how
to tell you this,

so I'll just have to be blunt.

Pam's been murdered.

And your other daughter Mary, she
saw the whole thing.

She's bound to be screwed
up by the terrible

images she must carry with her for
the rest of her life.

Look, I'm sorry.

If it's any consolation...


See, once again.

See, it's a giraffe.

Cute little devil huh?

That was 13 years ago

and I remember it just like
it was yesterday.

Let them laugh all they want.

I'm gonna solve this case
if it kills me.

I've got a picture of every dip

that's come into this
lawnmower shop

for the last 13 years.

One of these dips is the
Lawnmower Killer.

A man can only take so much shit

before he has to start
throwing some of it back.

I think I know just
where to start.

The perverted school
gardener Deke.

Have you ever seen
this man before?


Have you ever seen this
woman before!

Look, I'm not here to play
games with you Deke!

That's Zeke.

So don't pretend you don't
know what I'm here for!

Well, let me guess.

This is the classic cast suspicion

on perverted school
gardener scene?

Oh you got it Deke!



Let's just remember I'm onto you.

You step out of line
I'll be there.

You make a wrong move
I'll be there.

You take your clothes off,
I'll be there.

This day is lasting forever.

It seems like an eternity
until tonight.

- The hours seem like days.
- Oh yes.

The minutes seem like hours.

The seconds seem like, like-

A long time.

Mary, tonight'll be the
first time we've ever,

well, we've ever had a chance to-



I'm sorry, I'm sorry!

I just got excited for a second.

You didn't tell anybody about
my problem did you?

No, of course not.

What's the matter?

Don't you trust me?

Oh I'm sorry Mary, of
course I trust you.

And I'm really honored that
you're still a virgin.

Oh, Tony's in the pea soup again.

It's good stuff.

Well, well, well, Dick
Harbinger back again

this year to get all hot about
Lawnmower Killer I suppose.

Well I have a lot more
important things

to get all hot about then that.

Take a look at this
young man here.

Take a good long look
at the sinner.

Are you listening sinner?


A perfect example of
today's depraved youth.

Yes, reduced by
societies wanton lust

to nothing more than a
pleasure seeking animal.


When he's hungry he eats, when
he's tired he sleeps,

and when he gets aroused!

I don't even like to
think about it.

Yes, who can turn back
the tide of this

rising boys hot blood?

Who can quell his
thriving passions?

His parents couldn't clamp down.

Society couldn't clamp down.

But I, Harry Palms shall
clamp on down.

Yes we shall.

What better way to stop a
vice than rid a vice?

Are you a sinner!

Yes I am!

Do you repent of your sins?

Yes I do Mr. Palm.


Look at him now.

Yes, gentle as a lamb and
blank as a fart.

How'd a gonad like you ever
become vice principal?

That's a good question my boy.

It's a good question.

Because I'm a man who understands

the vice and corruption among our

young men and women today.

Yes I do.

Why I've read about it, I've
lectured about it,

I've taught about it, I've
watched it all over.

Yes, look it!

I've even confiscated
these 313 pairs

of delicious panties.

Yes, I have whips, chains,
leather garters,

and even my own flock of
adorable young sheep.

Yes, you ask me how this gonad got
to be vice principal,

I'll tell ya.

Experience, I know vice.

Damn it Harry Palms, we gotta
killer loose around here

and I wanna know what the hell
you're gonna do about it!

Can I be frank Dick?

Well sure Frank.

Let me tell you frankly Dick,
I'm just bored,

bored, bored, bored with
this lawnmower crap

you've been giving me every year.

I'm sick of it to death.

Yes you're not a believer.

I can see it in your eyes.

I know it all.

It's a wives tale this
lawnmower thing.

Why I know this school like I know

the back of my hand.

You don't have faith, you
just trust in me.

I could help you.

I could help you
become a believer.

I could lay hands on your head.

I'd love that.

Am I getting through to you?


Another lawnmower nightmare Ms.

Don't you think it's about time

you got over this silly
lawnmower phobia of yours?

I realize you're bound
to be screwed up

by the terrible images
you'll carry around

with you the rest of your life,

but if one can't sleep
in the library

without being disturbed,

where can one sleep?

I think you owe the entire
library an apology.

I'm sorry.


Hey, tell me what's
my combination?

Yeah, it's 13, 13, 13.

Can you repeat that?

13, 13, 13.

Okay, thanks a lot man.

Guess who?

Alright alright, who, guess who.

Go ahead.

No, guess who.

Who what?




I don't know where, I
don't know who,

the lawnmower killer alright.

Where! Where!

Boy Tony, you really pulled a
boner on that one.

How can you be such a geek?

That's Zeke!

Oh whatever.

How can you forget that it was
Mary's sister Pam

who got chopped up into
hamburger meat

by that fiend right
before her eyes

and she's bound to be screwed up

by the images she must
carry around with her

the rest of her life?

I really apologize.

That's okay.

I don't mean it.

I'm sick.

Forget it Tony.

I really feel sick that you're
sick about this so I'm-


It's alright!

I'm sorry.

Oh my god.

What, what, what!

My god!

Stand back!

Out of bullets.

What is it?

A baby lawnmower.

Who would do such a thing!

Oh darling.

You'd be surprised the
depths of depravity

some people would seem to...

Don't even mess with me hood.

Hey come back!

Come back, stop!



Most accidents are
caused by nothing

more than carelessness!

And a lack of respect for
common courtesy!

Hey man, what are you doing?

Go on man.

Hey man, stop!

What're you doing man?

Move out of the way!

Where the hell are ya going!


Pretty handy with
the car big guy.

I admire a man who
knows how to put

424 cubic inches of hot

pounding pistols in its place.

Oh, so do I little girl.

Oh Tony!

Get back down!

I guess a big guy like you

already has a date for the
Halloween Pumpkin Prom huh?

Yes sweet cheeks, I got
a date alright.

With destiny.

Tony it's never been that good.


Yeah, I'll give it a seven.

Alright sweetheart?

Damian, how many times
I have told you

this is not a toy!

Who is it?

Just a moment.

Darling, I'm very busy.

I'm stitching up Mr. Cooper.

He just had a hysterectomy.

Dr. Graves, Dr.

Mrs. Cooper is ready for her

hysterectomy in operating room 13.

We're waiting for you.

I'm sorry darling, go ahead.

It was thrown right
through the front window

with a note attached.

It says, "It's Halloween,
it's prom night.

"There's a psycho loose, so
don't open the door,

"don't answer the phone, don't
look in the attic,

"don't go to the bathroom, don't
go into the ocean,

"and don't go into
space 'cause no one

"can hear you scream.

"Signed a friend."


You can't go into a
tizzy every time

some nut throws a lawnmower
through the window!

Take two aspirin, call me
in the morning.

I don't know why we bother
to suit up anymore.

Yeah, I know what
you're talking about.

We haven't won a game in the

13 years I've been a
senior you know.

What is that coming out
of your locker?

What the hell?

Now stand back.

Don't touch it!

- Just stand back.
- What is it!

- Relax, stand back.
- Don't touch it!

What is it?

- Just stand back.
- Don't touch it!

What is it!

Stand back, it's my locker!


What is it?

It's just a pair of my
old gym socks.

I must of left them in
there too long.

It's just like you Tony.

I'm telling you Chief,
he's back.

I saw him and I chased him.

Now we gotta get some down
here right away.

Harbinger, I don't
want anymore of your-

Look Chief.

I pulled this lawnmower out of a
girls locker today.

I'll be off in a minute buddy.

Chief, now I've got suspects all
over the place here.

The Geek.

That's Zeke!

The Looney.

A weirdo.

A jock.

I even began to worry about my
own son, little Dick.

Chief, this is a matter of
life and death.

I don't know what's the matter
with you guys down there.

Harbinger, this is the
work of a werewolf.

That's right.

Now we're gonna find the werewolf

and get a conviction from him.

Fact is, tactical squad is out
looking for him in the woods.

What's wrong Mary?

I'm just allergic to
these damn pom poms.

I know that's not it.

I'm scared about tonight.

About making it with Norman

or getting hacked up by the
lawnmower killer?

Or both?

No, I'm gonna miss cheerleading.

It's our last game.

We're seniors guys.

We're young, pretty, popular,

white Anglo-saxon protestants.

Cheerleading is all we know.

But after tonight our
creamy white thighs,

sparkling smiles, and
pouting breasts

won't mean shit.

Let's not let our bleak future

put a damper on our spirit.

We're gonna go out there tonight

and come back a star.

Let's go.



I promised you that when I took
over this team last year

that our record of zero wins,

113 losses had to stop.

Tonight my pets,

I mean men,

I'm going to keep that promise.

You have received the benefit

of 25 years of scientific

Football is a game that
requires courage, guts.

Nein, nein.


But most important of all,

Savage, animal confidence.

To do a thing, you must first now

what that thing is.

Once you know what that thing is,

you must believe with
all your heart

and soul that it can be done!

Once you believe that
it can be done,

next, you must get up and do it!

And that it is this game!

We are going to win this game.


Because we have confidence.

We have the desire!

We have the determination!

And most important of all,

we have me, Dr. Mangler!

I mean Dr. Moreau.

Now, let's get out on that field

and show them what we are made of.

Are we tough?

Are we mean?

Are we animals!

Let's get out on the field

and tear them limb from limb!

Men, let's go.

Let's go, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go,

let's go, let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go, let's go!

I am not a mascot, I
am a human being!

Thanks for the lift!

Hi mom.

Hi dear.

Anything happen at school today?


I mean like, nothing.

Same old boring routine.

How was the game?

It was like totally totally weird!

I mean like, I just
couldn't believe it.

I mean you know, like,
we won for the

first time in 13 years.

Our boys ate them up.

That's nice.

Oh, there was a phone
message for you.

From Norman?

Oh wow, he didn't say.

Oh come on mom.

What did he say?

Well, at first it goes like...

Well, at first he goes,

"Your daughters gonna
die tonight!"

Then he says,.

Far out.

Friend of yours dear?


It must be that devil in
the attic again.

I'll go all by myself
and check it out.

Oh, good idea darling.

Come on Mary.

Damn it Damian.

How many times have I told you

to stay out of the attic?


"Darling, have a wonderful time

"at the Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

"See you soon.

"Yours truly, El Diablo."

Oh shit.

What am I doing!

Hi big guy, you wanna go to the

Halloween Pumpkin Prom with me?

This is a defeated man.

A man at the end of his rope.

End of the line and
he's played out

his string to the bitter end.

How else can I put it?

You're on your last leg!

He's on his last lap.

I said leg!

Oh whatever.

He can't take much more of this.

He's on the fringe, the verge,
the brink.

He's hearing voices in the night.

All I know is if he doesn't get
some sleep pretty soon,

it's gonna be farewell
my lovely Dick.

Damn it daddy, what
are you doing?

Nothing dear,

mowing the lawn.

Sure daddy.

That's what you always say!

I think UCLA is a wonderful
college for Rosie.

That way she won't have
to leave home.

Nonsense Leonor, she'll be
attending Harvard

just like her father.

And what are your plans, Anthony?


You talking to me?

Yes Anthony.


Don't ever-


Stay out of this Rosie.

Don't ever, ever
call me Anthony.

Call me Tony.

Call me Mr. Schlongini.

My friends like to call me the
Schlong, ya know?

But never call me Anthony.

Do we understand each other?

Yes, Mr. Schlongini.


Gini, yes.

Dinner's delicious.


Why thank you.

And what have you two planned

after the prom tonight?


Not again.

Norman, I'm just
delighted that you

and your mother could
join us for dinner.

Well, it was very kind of you

to invite us Mrs. Graves.

I don't get out of the
house much Mrs. Graves

so this is a real treat for me.

Well it's a real treat for
us too Mrs. Bates.

I bet you didn't know
that my mom can sing

and drink water at the same time!


I'd like to see that Norman.

I'm not really thirsty Norman.

Oh yes you are mother.

No, no I'm not really thirsty.

Yes, yes!

Here we go, ready?

One, two...

What's with this yavo?

Mrs. Bates is singing!

I think it's time to
carve the bird dear.

Yes, yes.


The Lawnmower killer!


Now look at what you made me do.

Sorry mom.

Mary, this lawnmower phobia

of yours has gotten
completely out of hand.

I know you're bound to
be screwed up

by that terrible images
that you've gotta

carry with you for the
rest of your life,

but why does it have to extend
to the rest of us?

You look tired son.

Have you been getting
enough sleep?

Now realize that you're
old enough now

to make your own decisions son.

But you can't take the
job home with you.

You have to learn to let go.

Otherwise you'll find yourself
in an early grave.

Dick, you know I think
the problem is

is that you're not getting
enough exercise.

Why a key to a goodnight sleep is
physical exhaustion.

Dick, take it from me
older brother,

all you need is a good woman.

No, no, what he needs
is simply to-

You don't think it's too modern?

Really mom?

Dad did a good job.

It's one of the best
haircuts you've ever had.

Well how sweet.

Come on darling.

I want to take a good picture of
you in your little

Alice in Wonderland costume.

Mom, do we have to do this?

Oh you both look so gorgeous.

Now come on, smile.

Alright, now one more, one more.

Mom, we'll be late.

There's been an emergency
at the hospital.

I'll see you later.

You go on to the Halloween
Pumpkin Prom without me.

Alright dear.

Bye bye.

Goodnight Dr. Graves.

I guess we should be on our way.


Damian darling.


Mrs. Bates has been kind enough

to sit with you tonight.

So I want you to be a
very very good boy.

Mamas precious angel.

Okay ma.

Oh you know, just being here
with you kids tonight

sure brings back a lot of
fond memories.

I remember my first pork.

What Mrs. Graves?

The prom Norman.

My first Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

I'll never forget the first time
I saw your father.

He was so handsome in his
pink sport coat

and his white carnation.

Standing there, outside my
bedroom window.

If I'm rambling on too much,

just let me know.

Oh not at all.

Hey Dick.


One last dance, kids.

It's just a costume.

That's your story.

Police business.

Come on Tony, dance with me.

Hey, what do you wanna start,
a riot in here?

People will go berserk.

Have you seen Bambi?

Sure, I guess Bambi
didn't get a date.

Golly, I hope she's not sitting

at home all alone.

Ah, don't worry about her.

She's probably just sitting
at home all alone.

Hey, ain't that Bambi?

Who's that bald
headed guy behind her?

I don't know.

Maybe the Lawnmower Killer.

Wait, come back!

Thanks a lot Mary!

I know he's a little tall

but you didn't have to scream!

I'm sorry, I thought he was,

I thought he was-

He was my date.

Now I'm gonna have to go find him!


You sure scream a lot.

I'm sorry.

I'm bound to be screwed up
by the terrible

images I must carry with me

The rest of my life.

Oh yes, this is definitely me.

This is me, this is me.

I've come on home.

Whoo, yes!

Oh party hardy to the sounds of
the mighty, mighty.

That's me.

Tonight is the night I'm
gonna party boy.

I'm on my way downtown.

Yes mama, fix me up with a cab.

Oh my gosh, literate.

Yes, just like in the
Lincoln Continental.

I forget my head.

Ooh, this in black glitter.

Ooh, it's too much!

Yes, if the silvers could
only see me now,

I swear boogie fever was a
nose infection.

Yes, I'm coming back
and get this on.

Love it!


What is that noise?

I think the village people have
come to audition me.


I believe in trick-or-treat.


Oh money.

Yes, you come over I
have a Mars bar.

Well maybe I have some

How about a little treat here?

Ooh yes, you've come to
be healed of sin.

You've come to the right
place my friend.

Why I can just squeeze
your head too

but I'd get pumpkin pie.

Ooh, put a little
pressure on me now.

Man I'm corny, I'll take care of
the thing you need!


Oh darling, it's you!

Where have you been?

I just got out of OR.

What happened to you?

It looks like you got
thrown out of a car.

I was just telling the kids

about the first night we met.

Oh you did get thrown
out of a car.



Where for art thou Looney?

Is that you?

Why'd you run away?

Look, I'm sorry if my
friend scared you.

That's just Mary,
she's a screamer.

Don't you wanna go to a Halloween
Pumpkin Prom with me?

I can't allow you to leave

if you're going out for
drugs or drink.

That's against the rules.

It's okay.

We're just having some kinky sex.

Oh, alright then.




Yeah food, alright.

Let's go.


This is crazy Rosie.

Real crazy.

I want cherries.

You got it.

Two of 'em.

You got it, you got it.

Just give me a second.

One, two.

I suppose you want nuts too?

That's right.


Oh yeah?

Well I'm more powerful
than a locomotive.

I hope you're not faster than
a speeding bullet.

What are you doing in here?

I got dibs on this sundae.

Hey, what you're
getting your kicks

from spying on people
or something?


This guys some kind of sicko.

Some psychologist.

Alright pumpkin head,
let's go right now.

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

I got a deal for you.

I got a deal.

I'll give you this gold chain,

if you let us go.

I'm desperate.

Not on a school day.


What do you think you're doing?

Run hot water if you're gonna
use the disposal!

Thanks a lot mom!

No respect for school property.

You gotta be kidding me.

They'll be sorry.

All of them will be sorry.

You wait and see you.



Yes Norman.

Have I ever told you how much I,

how much I-

Love me?


And no matter what
happens tonight Mary,

no matter what happens I'll still,
I'll still-

Respect me.

Yeah right.

And holding you in my
arms right now,

I am just so, so-

Horny you can taste it.


Well you just stay that way.

I'll be right back.

Mary, where are you going?

I'm going to look for Bambi.

I'm worried about her.

Well I'll go with you.

No, this is something I just
have to do alone.


Don't ask me why.

Well how come?


Look Mary, I'm not letting you
go out there alone.

It could be dangerous out there.

You think I'm afraid

just because its Halloween
and prom night,

there's a psycho on the loose,

it's pitch black outside

and I'm carrying around a
childhood images

that are bound to screw me up for
the rest of my life.

I'm not afraid.

Darling, you know we've
been married 30 years

and there's one thing I've
always wanted to ask you.

What is that?

What is your first name?


No, no, I mean really.

I'm not kidding, Doctor
is my first name.

I don't have a degree in anything.

My fathers name was nurse.




It's dark out here,
don't play games.

I'm sorry I scared your date.

Bambi is that you?

Is anybody there?

I'm not gonna scream and
I'm not gonna run.

I'm not gonna scream and
I'm not gonna run.

Help me!

Somebody please!

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, I never meant
to hurt anybody.

I take that back.

Ooh shit.


Help me!

Mr. Palms, let me in!

Mr. Palms.

Oh, Mr. Palms.

Don't just stand there, help me.

There's a Halloween Pumpkin Prom

Lawnmower Killer on the loose.

What's that on your head?

I'm in deep shit ow.

Hold it, I'll be right with you.

Okay, I'm ready now.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, but I never
meant to kill anyone.


You asshole!

Can't you stay dead?

Marge honey.

I think we need a drink.

Me too.

Thank god!


Hey baby!

Oh help me daddy!

Oh my baby, so pretty.

How did that happen?

Let me see if I can't
put that back.

You've been a big help dad.


Oh hi mom.

Hi there!

Don't do anything I wouldn't do.

I really don't know what
to say about this.

I'm really choked up.

But well, thanks for
electing me queen

in the Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

And thanks for giving me this
wonderful door prize.

In honor of this occasion,

I'd like to recite a little poem
that I wrote for Mar

just for this.

It goes something like this.

"She's lived in fear since
I've known her.

"The mighty roar of the
old lawnmower."

Help me somebody!



Mary, not now.

Can't you see I'm right in
the middle of my-

You're starting to piss me off.

Hold him down!

Hold him down, don't trust him.

Is he dead?

Get back, get back!

Give him room to breathe!

Nice costume.

Well thanks.

Just something I threw together
at the last minute.

It's a chance of a lifetime!

Good evening ladies and gentlemen.

You know, they locked me
up for 13 years

because I cracked after witnessing
the lawnmower killings

and my first day out was so bad.

How bad was it?

Thanks doc.

Well, it was so bad I saw a
nurse get mauled

by a werewolf, the lawnmower
killer returned,

and my first date in 13 years goes

and gets her head chopped off.

Anyway, we have a great
show for you tonight.

Although this monologue
isn't part of it.

It's Johnny!

So Johnny, how've you been?

Oh Mary.

I've been so bad.

An elephant at the
Halloween Pumpkin Prom.

What a cute costume.

It's no costume bitch.

Hi I'm Mary, who are you?

Bob the elephant.

Not you, him.

I'm the lawnmower killer.

Come on!

I am the Lawnmower Killer,
I'm not kidding.

Oh, you couldn't possibly be.

Yes, yes, yes, he really is

the Lawnmower Killer.

No shit.

I've come back after 13 years

to tell everybody that
I'm all better now

and it'll never happen again.

Oh so silly.

I just want you all to
know I'm very sorry.



A cop.

But why?

You naughty.

Why didn't you tell me
you were back?

I tried to tell you.

I told him he was back.

They wouldn't believe me.

They thought I was crazy.

I wasn't crazy.

I only killed those people tonight
just to prove a point.

That the Lawnmower Killer
could return again.

Anywhere, anytime.

Anywhere two men judge each other

by the color of their skin,

anywhere that people are not free

to worship the religion
of their choice,

anywhere that man is forbidden
to buy a lawnmower,

protects his home and his family.

After 13 years,

big sleep.

Goodnight sweet prince.

Flights of angels sing tonight.

Well, at least we
won't have to worry

about the Lawnmower
killer ever again.

Oh Mary,

oh Mary.

No my darling, you won't need
these earplugs anymore.



Norman is that you?

Mary, what is it?

What's wrong?

Oh nothing.

Oh, just another Lawnmower
Killer nightmare huh?

I'm so sorry Norman.

We still are unable to pork.

And we've been married
now 13 months,

13 weeks, 13 days,

and 1.3 hours.

But who's counting.

Oh it's alright.

With the terrible images you must
carry around with you,

you're bound to be screwed up
the rest of your life.

- Oh Norman.
- Oh Mary.

Damn it daddy!

What are you doing?

Just mowing the lawn dear.

Sure daddy.

That's what you always say.

Mr. George Kennedy.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we've made fun of a lot of things

during our show.

Some of which, under
other circumstances

would not be funny at all.

One very serious point.

Lawnmowers do not kill people.

People kill people.

Well they do.

Sure daddy.

That's what you always say.

Stand back!

Don't mess with me hood.




Cone head.

Oh yes.



Tell him to take it back.

Otherwise I'll hold it in

and be scarred for the
rest of my life!

Harbinger what the hell
is going on here?

Bye bye.