Voluntary Commitment (2009) - full transcript

Audrey volunteers to read at a senior facility, but quickly wants to drop out. Meanwhile, Russell finds a hard-working, motivated male personal assistant.

Ugh, that dress is awful.

Construction is so shoddy.

Yeah, but the design
is really fashion forward.

Look at that draping.

That's right,
I said "draping."

Hey, guys.

I need to borrow a book
a guy would like.

Is it for Adam?

'Cause we don't have anything
that pops up.

No. It's for my new friend,

I started volunteering
to read to the elderly.

Really? What made you
start doing that?

Was it court ordered?
A little glug, glug?

Little pow, pow?

Why do so many
of the titles start with.

The Big Bathroom Book of?

I find the Triple B series

to be entertaining
and succinct.

I will go with a novel
since I won't be reading

to Charlie in the bathroom.

If he's wearing a diaper,
every room's the bathroom.

It's the thing Jeff most looks
forward to about getting old.

Well, it's good to have goals.

See you guys later.

So Jen's off helping others

while we're spending
our Saturday in sweats,

watching mindless TV
and eating kids cereal

right out of the box.

We win.

I have all day.

* How many ways
To say, "I love you?" *

* How many ways
To say that I'm not scared? *

* With you by my side *

* There is no denyin' *

* I can't wait
For me and you *

Hey, I...

What is that smell?
Are you wearing cologne?

Cologne? Please.

It's pheromones
from a bull moose

in rutting season, dip wipe.

Yeah, 'cause you're interviewing
for a new assistant today.

Yeah. That last one
was such a whiner.

I was tired
of all her questions.

Well, "where am I?" and
"how long I've been out for?"

are legitimate questions.

Well, that's water and hush
money under the bridge.

So how's it looking out there?

Is the casting couch
filling up?

Oh, take a look for yourself.

what's with the meat locker?

Oh. Remember? You're not allowed
to hire women anymore.

What? Why?

Didn't you get
the 15-page reprimand

by company attorneys?

I thought that was a joke.

What am I gonna do
with a male assistant?

What do you do
with a female assistant?

I don't know. Sniff their hair,
tell 'em to bend over

and pick stuff up.
It's all in the reprimand.

Now I smell like moose whiz
for nothing.

I don't even know
how to pick a guy.

My normal interview questions
don't apply.

All right. "Question one:

Can I get you a cocktail?"

I don't like to drink alone.

Oh, my God. You actually
ask them the second question?

Well, presumably
they've had a cocktail.

Let's just start the
interviewing. Who's up first?


You. Come on in.

Mr. Dunbar.
It's an honor to meet you.

Here's my resume.
And your bagel.

Timmy, huh?

Did that bagel hit the ground?

No, just me.
Great. You're hired.

Uh, Russell.

What? He caught the bagel.


Get this. Guy on the elevator
just tried talking to me.

Just shut up
and look at the numbers.


What's all this crap?

Last night I had an epiphany.

I'm surprised,
it wasn't even my A game.

No. I don't mean that,

Although that would be
an epiphany too.

No. Jen's volunteering
made me realize

I don't do anything
to help other people.

You didn't know that?

I want to do more.

So I got the number from Jen

and I signed up to read
to the elderly too.

Oh. Here we go.

What does that mean?

Well, You have a habit
of getting on these.

"I'm gonna be
a better person" kicks.

And you always end up quitting

and then feeling bad
about yourself.

I do not always quit.

Being a vegetarian,

reducing your carbon footprint,


It was hard to meditate
with you

constantly trying
to feel me up.

Well, you were just
sitting there.

This time is gonna be

No. No, it isn't.

Yes. Yes, it is.

This time I'm committed
to helping an actual person.

Tell you what. If I'm wrong,
I will volunteer too.

But if I'm right and you quit,

you owe me one
"Jeff's Choice."

If you don't think
you can do it...

All right, all right,
you're on.

But trust me,
you're going down.

No, no. I said
"Jeff's Choice."

Hey, where's Timmy?

He's off doing
some assistant work.

Kid's got a sharp mind,
he's a real go-getter.

Okay, sir, I just finished
alphabetizing your erotica.

Above and beyond, I like that.

Seriously? You've got an MBA.
No. No, it's fine.

One must start at the bottom.

A rule clearly followed
by many of the actors

in your film collection.

I did have some thoughts

about the Brooklyn Shipyard

Yeah, and I wanna hear 'em.

But, quickly, can you just do
that thing for Adam?

Really, sir, I don't...
Come on. It's fun.

Bond. James Bond.

Never gets old.

Debatable, sir.

Well, I'm off to, uh,
pick up your prescriptions,

your dry cleaning,

and two giant gumballs
from the machine

in the Times Square arcade.

Yeah. And don't you quit
till you get a red one.

Naturally, sir.

Mr. Rhodes? Would you like
a giant gumball as well?

No, Timmy, I am not gonna make
you get me a stupid gumball.

Thank you, sir.

Unless they have
the speckled kind.

I'll take one of those.

"Her bosom heaved as Lance
whispered softly in her ear... "


"H-Her bosom heaved... "
Speak up!

"Her bosom heaved
as Lance... "

Take a lozenge.
Thank you.

Oh, God, there's hair on them.

All right, where were we?

Don't let me interrupt you.
I just have to...

I should step out.

No, no. Sit down.
Keep reading!

Keep reading!

"It's a dream being here
with you."

"I Hope this...

magical moment never... "
Be careful!

Oh, no. No!

Steven, get a mop!


if it isn't Leonardo DiCaprio

and the Titanic.

Who's this guy?

This is Russell's new assistant,

You got me,
I-I do look like Leo.

So where's Russell?
Running late, sir.

Would you mind sitting next
to Mr. Bingham?

Mr. Dunbar likes to see both
of your reactions

to his hilarity.

Seriously, who is this guy?

Well, see you guys met Timmy.

So, what'd you go with?
Leo and Titanic, sir.

Cut them to the core,
just as you predicted.

By the way, we have
a 3:00 meeting with...

Oh, all business matters
go through Timmy.

would you tell Russell...

I'm sorry,
Mr. Dunbar's at lunch.

He's right there!

We'll call back.
Where can we reach you?

I'm right here.

What's this?
We haven't even ordered yet.

I called in ahead. So, sir,
saltines, oyster crackers?

Surprise me.

Ooh, check her out.

Would you like me to pursue
that opportunity

and obtain her contact

While you enjoy your soup?
You would do that for me?

If you would take a look
at my idea

for the Brooklyn Shipyard
project. You did say you would.

Oh, yeah, yeah.
I will, okay, I promise.

Then it'll be my pleasure.

SpongeBob, squarehead.

So you don't love reading
to the elderly,

it's not the end of the world.

This is nothing
like I expected.

I mean, she is almost deaf.

I am not reading
to the elderly,

I'm screaming at them!

You're screaming at me.
Oh, what does it matter?

We're the only people
who can hear in this place.

I've been doing this awhile.

So I know how difficult
it can be.

Well, I can't quit.

Then I'd have to face Jeff.

He thinks it's just
another one of my "kicks."

Oh, like when you were gonna
start walking to work,

or read more, or stop
drinking so much wine...

Boy, you'd think
with all your volunteering

you wouldn't have had time
to make a list.

Anyway, if I quit,
he's gonna do his.

"I was right and you were wrong"
dance which, surprise,

is performed in the nude.

Jennifer, my dear,
there you are.

Oh, hey! Audrey,
this is Charlie.

A pleasure to meet you.

You're kidding?

This is who you got?

I know, isn't he adorable?

No, you're adorable.

Ha, ha.
Oh, Charlie.

Today he's reading to me.

Is he?

I thought we'd do so
while having lunch outside.

My dear.

Hang in there.

In there.

I got Timmy out in the plaza
scoping chicks for me.

Timmy, see the girl in the tall
boots by the hot dog cart?

You got her. Yeah.

See if she's single.

Oh, she has a boyfriend?

Uh, see if she wants to get back
at him for anything.

D-Don't you think you're taking
advantage of Timmy?

Taking advantage or mentoring?

Taking advantage.

Or mentoring.

Saying it slower
doesn't make it true.

Timmy, girl in pink sweater
across the...

Oh. Oh, he hit a hot dog cart.

Timmy, you down?

Listen, if you can move.

Get me a hot dog
with mustard and relish.

So, what are you saying, you
don't want to volunteer anymore?

Oh, no, no, no, no,
I am not quitting.

I can't quit. Or my husband...
Are you married?

No, I don't need that.

Well, it's just that,
you know, since I'm new,

maybe there's a patient
who's a little less challenging.

Actually, we assigned you Edie
because you're new.

Most of our other residents
have far more difficult issues.

Are you kidding me?
Her room is like a monkey cage.

I'm sorry, it's just...

I was hoping maybe
I could get somebody...

like Charlie, for example.

Charlie already has a volunteer.

We could trade.

I don't think we could do that.

Maybe we can.

Say, Charlie in exchange for...

Andrew Jackson?

Oh, hey.

So how was your picnic
with Jay Gatsby?

Why should I tell you,
geezer thief?

What are you talking about? I...
Save it.

Miss Alberts told me about
your lame bribe attempt.

Damn it.
I should've gone with a 50.

I'm sorry, I was desperate.

I'm just gonna have to tell Jeff
he was right and face the music.

And the disturbing dance
that goes with it.

Or you could buck up and realize
you're comforting someone

who probably doesn't have
much longer to live.

You're right.

You're right.


What, you got a cold?

No. I'm sad, Jeff.

Don't worry, it's just a cold.

I'm sad because...

my dear friend Edie, she...

This is hard.

Edie passed away.

She passed away? When?


With me right there
at her bedside.


I just finished
the day's reading and...

and she reached out
and I took her hand, and...

this part just blew me away.

She smiled and whispered,

"thank you, kind angel."

And then she was gone.

It was a powerful moment.


I guess our bet is off.

Edie called five minutes ago.

You left your sunglasses.



She was only sleeping!

What a relief!
This is wonderful news!

That's what you're going with?


Not to be a pest, sir,

but have you had an opportunity
to look over my proposal yet?

You know what I haven't,
but it's on my to do list.

I keep your to do list, sir.

Why don't you take lunch?


Oh, hey, kettle corn. Whoo-ooh.

That's a good batch.

Mm. You know,
this would be a great cereal.

Pour some milk in a bowl.
You want to?

You want me to get bowls?

All right then,
see you in ten minutes.

Bye, bye.
Who was that?

Oh, after I ran
into the hot dog cart,

the girl in the pink sweater
helped me up.

My girl in the pink sweater?

Yes. We got to talking,
made lunch plans.

Timmy, can you close
the door for a second? Ahem.

Timmy, are you familiar
with Dunbar Company Policy?

Every word, sir.

Okay. Well...

I'm gonna guess that they're
pretty strict about conducting

personal business
on company time.

Quite frankly,
I am very disappointed in you.

I'm sorry, Mr. Dunbar,

I felt since I'd accumulated
so many numbers for you...

For me? Oh, right, for me,

because you work for me.

And I've done everything
you've asked of me,

including things
I find quite unsavory.

He's talking about
all the porn.

Yes, thank you.

Now, sir, I realize
I have to pay my dues,

but I don't feel
that I'm being taken seriously.

Can I try on your glasses?

I cannot continue
to be your assistant

if there's no chance
for professional advancement.

You will find my resignation
on your desk in the morning,

along with your final hot

Timmy, don't go.

You're right. I've been remiss.
I tell you what.

I'm gonna read your report
right now.

Where is that report?
It was right...

No. You stuck it under
the table leg here

so it wouldn't wobble.

No, no, no.

I didn't put the report under
so won't wobble.

I put the table on the report
so wouldn't blow away.

How stupid
do you think I am, sir?

I mean, you're clearly,
clearly, taking advantage of me.

Taking advantage or mentoring?


Or mentoring.

I suppose I hadn't thought
of it that way, sir.

You gotta be kidding me.

Why do you think I chose you?

I assume because
I caught the bagel.

No, no. I saw something in you.

Something that made me think:

"You're the guy."

You could be the guy
that could shine.

No, no.
Thrive at D-Dunbar Group.

But you know, maybe I'm wrong.

No, sir, you're not.
No, no. I'm wrong.

You're not wrong at all.

Here's the thing.
Perhaps being...

fresh out of Business School,
I was so focused on advancement,

I did not recognize your
unconventional tutelage.

No, Timmy, you didn't.

And you know how that
made me feel?

I guess I didn't take
into consideration...

Bad, it made me feel bad.

Now, lucky for you, I'm a big
believer in second chances.

Oh, thank you, sir.
Thank you ever so much.

I'll see you after lunch.


Mr. Rhodes.

I can't believe he bought
that mentoring crap.

Or can you?

What happened?
Is it Edie?

I'm very sorry
to tell you this,

but Miss Bennett passed away.

She couldn't have done
this yesterday?

Hey, you didn't happen to see

a pair of sunglasses
in there, did you?

Hey. Shouldn't you be
at the home?

You're not gonna believe this,

but Edie died.

Really? No, uh,

"thank you, kind angel"?

It's not a joke, Jeff.

She really died.

If she kicked one day sooner,

you would've been
sitting pretty.

Yeah. Trust me,
I did that math.

But then I started to think

that somehow, karmically,
this is my fault.

No, really.

When I was nine
I was so jealous of my sister.

I wished
she would hurt her ankle

so she wouldn't make
the pep squad. And she did.

You pushed her off the porch.

You didn't...

push Edie off the porch,
did you?

No. But looks like you win.

So nude up. Start dancing.

The "I was right and you were
wrong" dance is no fun

when you're already sad.

I should just accept it.

I am not a good person.

Hey, don't say that.
You are a good person.

Ah, I appreciate that
but it's not true.

Sure it is. I mean,
who else out there

would continue to try
and be better over

and over again
without ever succeeding?

And what do people
always tell children?

It's not whether you win
or you lose,

it's whether you try your best.

And you always try your best.

That is so sweet.

Thank you.

Feel better?
I do.

A little less sad?


* I was right
And you were wrong *

* Doo-dah, doo-dah *

* I was right
And you were wrong *

* All the doo-dah day *

* Doo-dah-doo-dah-la *

What's up, Timmy?

Mr. Rhodes.

What the hell?

I'm sorry, sir.
He's not in.

Yes, he is.

No, he's not.

But I can see him.

No, you can't.

Would you care to leave
a number?