Virgin Cheerleaders in Chains (2018) - full transcript

A bumbling young film crew, shooting a low-budget horror movie in an abandoned orphanage, discovers that a family of sadistic killers has rewritten their script.


What the fuck, Billy!

My arms are tired, mon.
Can we please take a break?

Your arms are tired?

All right. Five minutes. Okay?

- Have you been smoking?
- No, mon. It’s in my clothes.

You know the deal. If you stay stoned,
you can’t stay on the set.


Akasha! Where the hell’s Akasha?

She’s making blood for you. Right now.

Jesus! Okay. You all right?

There’s this one shot and we’re done for the day.

I wish. I still have a twelve to
two shift at the club tonight.

Te levo lá. Não se preocupe.

I’ll get you there. Worry not.

Hey, Shane. Do you want to go ahead and get another one?

Yeah, okay.

Okay. And ... ACTION.

Acordou cedo.

What está fazendo?

Revisando diálogos.

It’s too “on the nose.”

Who says?

Someone in the writers’ group.

How many scripts has he sold?

She. And maybe none.
But she talks like she knows a lot.

Yeah, well, talk doesn’t always equal talent.

She says that readers will shit-can a script
if it doesn’t have enough white space.

Isn’t that the stupidest thing you’ve ever heard?

I’m gonna make coffee. Do you work today?

Yeah. You?

Yeah. Until five. Do you want to eat out?

Can we eat in?

Sure. And when you’re done
venting, keep revising.

You’re not beautiful when you’re rational.

That’s good.

Chloe, sweet sistah!

What ‘cha doin’ knocking down me door at daybreak?

Umm. Can you give the rent to Nelson today?

Yeah. All right. I’ll hustle it up by noon.

Aah! Sweet sacrament. (kissing sound)

And … sent.

Morning. You want coffee?

Thanks, but I gotta run.

Economics is kicking my ass.

Plus I gotta meet up with my professor before the test.

- Good Luck.
- Thanks.

Oh, we’ll have rent for your dad tonight.

Oh, it’s no problem. My dad’ll pay the owner.
I can pay him later.


What’ll it be, ladies?

Hi..uh..can I get a …uh… two.. no….I’ll have the ….

the blue organic corn tortilla.

Wait, no.

Yeah, that’s it. What do you want?

Let me see..

Oh my God! Stop!

I want the black bean, baja cheese...


- Take the order please, thanks.
- Right away.

Shane! Ai meu deus, Shane!

Shane. Shane, my cat Bebe is up on the roof. (Unintelligible). She’s been up there for a day and a night with no water and no food. Can you please, please, please go up there and get her?

Sure, Ms. K., I’ll save your cat.

Okay. Put on these gloves. You’re gonna need them. And these goggles. Oh, and I’ve got some oysters. She loves oysters.

Okay. Bebe! You’ve got this. You’ve really got this.

Here kitty kitty kitty kitty.

Here kitty kitty kitty kitty.

Do you see her?

Uh no, not quite.

She’s a black with white. Kitty!

Uh, yeah I see her

What’s the look on her face?

Uh… vengeance.

dear sir.

Big House Pictures, LLC, does
not accept unsolicited blah blah blah.

Hey. What happened? So? It’s not your first. Thought we were going to start using these as wallpaper. Come on! You know it’s good. You made the finals at the New Orleans Horror Film Festival. We just have to keep sending it in.

Hey. What happened? So? It’s not your first. Thought we were going to start using these as wallpaper. Come on! You know it’s good. You made the finals at the New Orleans Horror Film Festival. We just have to keep sending it in.
Why? No one’s gonna read it. I’m unrepped

Why? No one’s gonna read it. I’m unrepped

- What about more festivals?
- At fifty bucks a pop?

- Yeah… How’s the new piece coming?
- Well…

Enough with the self-pity. I hate seeing you like this.

Yeah. Sure. Whatever.

Start something new.

- Trust me on pizza?
- Sure.

Yeah. Sure. Whatever.

I figured what the hell

I couldn’t sit around waiting for Hollywood to call.

I knew I had a solid story.
I just decided to do it myself.

And that’s how the Maine Machete Massacre
came to be. The rest as they say …

The rest as they say …

Chill, Brah.

What happened?

- Your imbecile brother nearly got us arrested.
- It was nothing.

We was at a fucking red light. This motherfucker
took a goddam toke just when a cop car pulls up.

He didn’t look at us.

No harm, no foul, mon.

You know what? I don’t understand. If that’s nothing,
I damn sure don’t want to see something.

That man is wound way too tight.

Não consigo a I can’t open it. It’s too tight.

What? What is it?

A nightmare. Oh, man.

It’s just a dream, babe. It’s just a dream.

Yeah. But a good one.

(book says)“Movie Making for Morons”

You take these cheerleaders to this really scary house, right?

And these murderers are gonna be there and they’re just gonna kill them off one by one.

The original idea was to break as many rules as possible,

but still make a movie that people wanted to watch.

It was kind of anarchic from the get go. We called out company Wing Films from winging it.

We wanted to completely throw away the three-act structure.

The whole idea of turning points, barriers pushing us into acts.

- And because we were using our own money.
- Mostly our own money.

And because we were shooting mostly with friends,

we didn’t have to worry about a bunch of suits
dictating to us. It was very liberating.

We could call it Virgin Cheerleaders in Chains.

Can someone get that?

Who’s coming? Are we expecting guests?

Damn it. Excuse me.

Woah! Just watch the bong, mon.

- Hey, look who’s here.
- Hey, Nelson.

Akasha. Brian.

Oh, got the red wine.

Hey, you guys!

- I didn’t know they were coming.
- I thought you’d want them here.

Brian. Akasha.

It’s nice to see you guys. It’s been a while.
What’s been happening?

Ah, making ends meet. I don’t know.
I got a commercial next week.

- Doing effects for a student film.
- That’s really cool.

I don’t know, man. What about you, right,
like, you’ve got to be writing something right now.

Gotta wait until after dinner for the big surprise.

Really!! Cool! I don’t know. Awesome.

Hey, how you doing? You all right?

Right on, mon.

You want to smoke a bong?

Why not? Yeah

Just got to find a lighter, mon.

- Hey, great meal, guys.
- Thank you.

- So, what’s the big news?
- Hold on, mon.

Let me prepare meself
for the revelation.

- You sold Creature.
- No.

What? What then?

First the bad news...

I’m not going to sell Creature.

It’s a hundred mil project. It’s not a sequel,
a remake, or an adaptation.

- Hollywood won’t even read it.
- But it'so good.

Now for the good news.

Chloe and I are writing a new screenplay.

Virgin Cheerleaders in Chains.

Boomshaka, mon.

- The title alone will sell it.
- We’re not going to sell it.

- We’re gonna make it.
- How?

- With all your help.
- Hoo hoo. Hell yes.

- All right. I’m in.

So, ladies and gentlemen, please raise your glasses.

To Virgin Cheerleaders in Chains.

And to Hollywood…

... Aw go fuck yourselves.

First impressions?

Well, I like it.

Good pacing, and I really like that Chloe

I do, too. Even more than I like Shane.

But who’s the protagonist?

You gotta have a clear protagonist
in the first fifteen minutes.

I don’t think the audience is
asking that question. I don’t.

I don’t.

Hey. You get points for originality.
You know, your weird structure.

It is that. Shane, if you’re gonna go all
Charlie Kaufman on us, don’t confuse us.

Say yeah, man, I am already lost.

Babe, this does not work for me.

Why not?

It adds an unnecessary level.

The whole point was to go meta.

Meta, yes. Meta meta, no.

Besides it’s too self-indulgent.

- That never stopped QT.
- We are not QT.

Okay. Where are we going for dinner?

What are we doing here?

What do you think? We’re casting.

Hey, Morris.

Cousin Chloe. How’s it going, Shane?

And it’s Mo now because
I got Mo of everything.

Umm .. How’s Aunt Mildred?

Oh, she’s doing great, still baking banana bread.
I’ll have to bring you some.

How’s the .. uh…harem?

You know. Same ol’ same ol’. They come. They go.

Jessica last week. Tiffany the week before.
I mean poof.

No call. No nothin’.

By the way, I ran into Brian last week.

Virgin Cheerleaders. It’s brilliant.

Actually, that’s why we’re here.

Do you have any strippers that have acting experience?

You kidding me? Every pole dance
is a one-woman show.

- You guys believe in serendipity?
- I guess. Why?

Eyes on the stage.

Rein your eyes in there, cowboy.

So we go to a gentlemen’s club
to find our lead actress.

- And she did not disappoint.
- No.

So Amber is a theater major. I gotta go.
I’ll be back.

So it’s a horror film. Would you be interested?

Yeah. For sure.

Awesome. Awesome.

You’ve seen my tits. You’ve heard me scream.

Do I get the part?

She told us do I get the part.

Just from one scream, and uh uh yeah.

What did your dad say?

He say he’ll match dollar for dollar for
whatever money we raise.

But that fucker’s rich like The Donald, mon.

I’m sorry, mon. I didn’t mean fucker.
I meant like he’s got the money.

Yeah, yeah. But he wants commitment,
and the commitment – that equals money.

Well, this is our guide.

We need eight thousand to make something
that will get us into festivals.

So how can we come up with the other four thousand?

Ladies and gentlemen, watch this and be amazed.

In the end they wwill need just one more thing.

To survive!

We’ll get it on YouTube and some crowdfunding sites.

Don’t you need a script to
show investors, though?

You would think, but the money
comes first, and then we write to our resources.

Yeah, and investors don’t read scripts anyways.

We’ll shoot some scenes as proof of concept, use that to raise the four, and then it’s festival time.

Aren’t you getting a little ahead of yourself?

Shane tends to do that.

We were adamant that we were no
t making a slasher film, no torture porn.

Mesmo se a gente quisesse,
e a gente não queria,

Even if we wanted to, which we didn’t,
we could never compete with the Saw or Hostel franchises.

So we made the decision early on to limit blood loss.

That was the original plan. As anyone who’s seen the
movie knows, events sort of conspired to change that plan.


Great job, everybody.

Damn. Akasha did an amazing job. This looks just like me.

- Yo, that could be you.
- Yeah, it could.

Hey, do you think we could use
this knife for the next shot?

It’s not a knife. It’s a machete.

Hey, guys, let’s head out.
Akasha’s waiting for us at the pub.

Okay, wait. Let’s break this all down first.

I’ll swing by after I drop Amber off at work.


We’ll save a pint for you.

But hurry.

Hey, that scream was really good.

Really. Holy crap. You know It’s really that scary.

Thank you.

I thought someone was dying earlier. I really did.
Clearly someone dies.

Where were you?

Amber asked for a ride after her shift.

Should I be worried?


No ..don’t … don’t worry.

Hey, Mike. How’s it hangin’?

Firme feito martelo.

Like a hammer, son. And, no, I do not have the obscure
fucking Bulgarian horror classic that only you and a couple of your friends know about.

I’m doing okay myself.

But I’m not here to rent.

Speaking of classics, Chloe and I watched M3 last week.

Well, thank you..

I’ll get a few pennies for that.

So, what brings you in?

- Chloe and I are writing a new script.
- That's cool

We were wondering if you might like to help.
I kind of had you in mind for a part.

What’s the part?

Well, you’d play yourself. Mike Beale.
You’d even have a shop just like this.

A horror movie?

Is there another kind?

What’s your budget?

Eight thousand.

For a feature.

Eighty-five pages. Ninety minutes with the end credits.

- That ain’t low. That’s no.

- Gotta be deferred payments.
- That or a percentage?

So you need me for distribution.

Can’t deny it.

But look, the story needs you. In fact,
it can’t work without you.

- Don’t bullshit me , Shane.

I’m not. Serious as a corpse.

- All right.

I’ll look at it.

This ain’t eighty-five pages.

It’s.. uh… work in progress?

Okay, Dad.

I understand. I’ll call you.


Okay. So I got this great idea.

What happened? Who died?

- My dad is backing out.
- Why?

- He can’t commit without a script.
= Then we’ll give him one.

Shane, do you know where
this thing is going? Because I sure don’t.

I know we have a third act.

Umm… sort of.

And I just found the person we need for it.

Mike Beale. The Man. The Legend.

Machete Mike?

I believe you just busted our non-existent budget.

He’s in for a percentage. Plus, here’s the kicker.
He’s got our third act location for us.

Hey, are you sure you know where we’re going?

I’m just following Mike’s directions.

Yeah, well we haven’t seen a house in miles.

I grew up in country like this. Loved it.

- Surely you jest.
- I’m not.

It's beautiful.

Fresh air. Quiet.

And don’t call me Shirley.

What did you do for fun?

Took long walks. Played with my dog. Swam in the pond.

And read like crazy.

- Really?
- What?

You don’t think strippers can read.
That is so sexist, Nelson.

Technically it’s only sexist if
I only thought male strippers could read.

I used to read, mon.

That’s it. I think we’re lost. I’m calling Mike.

- Shit. Still no cell reception.
- Mike said it might be spotty.

Okay. I give up. Let’s just go home.
We definitely need a location manager.

I've got something.

- How’s it going?
- It' going.

It’s cool, mon. It’s like Arts and Crafts class.

What do you think?

What is it?

Our poster.

Getting ahead of yourself again.

My father would always say,
“You’re putting the cart before the horse.”

Horses. Carts. Nelson, you need to
drag your butt into the 21st Century.

- It means …..
- I know what it means.

No, mon. I think Nelson’s right.

You got to put the horse before the cart.

How’s our fundraising coming along?

We raised seventeen hundred.

Yes. Twenty-three hundred more and we are a go.

Twenty three hundred and a script.

Remember what Nelson’s dad said.

I’m thinking.

I’m thinking what if we did a fundraiser.

Chloe, your boss, Angela, she’s in a band, right?

- Yeah.
- Think she’s do a benefit for us?

I can ask.

And, Nelson, if we can set it up, get your dad to come.

Yeah. I guess.

Hey, Mr. Businessman. How’s it going?

Damn good. Check this out. We sold eighty tickets online. Not too many people showed up. But we did get a lot of money – thank you, Sir –


- Minus the expenses for the club.
- Enough with the expenses, Man. Let me enjoy sixteen hundred..

- Is your dad here?
- Yeah. He’s in the restaurant.

Oh oh, just so you know, Billy walked in there earlier.
I do not want him near my dad. He’s pretty …. fucked up. So….

…. just be careful.

We’ve got our actors, we’ve got our locations set, so we pretty much have our movie.

We can make it, and we can sell it. With your help, of course.

I like your plan. But you have to write it before you make it. And until I see
a script, all I can give you is my best wishes.

A what?



Thank you so much.

We are called SupeRette.

This next song is called Karma.

Yes! Yes! My gosh. Fantastic set, Angela.

- Thank you so much.
- You guys are awesome.

I mean play it loud. Yeah!

We like to do that. That’s for sure.

I’ll see you guys on set, okay?

You guys are awesome.

I don’t know how we’re ever going to repay you.

Did you not tell him?

Angela wants to be on the crew.

Sweet! What do you want to do?

Well, I’ve done location scouting before, so I thought maybe I could go to the property early and handle the catering or sleeping quarters.

That would be totally awesome.

- There’s one catch though.
- What?

I’d like my band to be in the movie.

Of course.

- Yeah, I don’t do that.
- She doesn’t do that, babe.

Nelson, what are you doing with those people?

Is Billy all there?

He’s not stupid. He’s okay when he’s …..

When he’s not smoking.

Come on. The man reeked of pot.

And Shane and Chloe. What? Guy works in a taco shack, and what does she do?

Oh, yeah, sells popcorn at the multi-plex.

Cut them some slack. They were English majors.

You’re a semester away from an MBA.

And I’m going to finish it.

I just think…

I just think they’re on to something.

And I want to be part of it.

Your name in lights. That’s what it’s all about, right?

- Don’t let it blind you, son.
- Dad, I won’t. I… I promise.

Focus on the finish line.

I will.

But will you still help us?

Not without a script.

And a good one at that.


You know I don’t take sugar.

4200 dollars.

- What did your dad say?
- He said he wants to see a script.

Come on, man. You said yourself
let’s give him one

- Yeah, well, we would if we could.
- I’ve never had writer’s block this bad.

Let’s just throw some shit down.
Maybe he won’t even read it.

Oh, no, he’ll read it all right.
He has a highly trained shit detector.

Well, how far into the script are you?

We’re almost at the midpoint.

- You said we had a third act.

Depends on how you define “have.”

I’m afraid we’re going to have to do something I never wanted to do.

There’s more in the fridge, man.

Damn. Please get rid of this shit.

Hey, man, somebody call about a refrigerator?

Anybody call for maintenance?

Yeah, mon, so glad you could make it.

I’m Billy.

I’m Tom. Tom Kendall.

This is my friend Nelson.


Don' mind me.

Refrigerator is the kitchen. Nelson will show you the way, mon.

What’s wrong with the refrigerator?

Chloe, sweet sistah,

please tell me you noticed the ice cream.

What’s wrong with the ice cream?

What’s wrong with the ice cream?
What’s wrong with you, mon?

The ice cream is way too soft.

Obviously the machine is not
operating at its full capacity.

You know I don’t know what the hell Billy is
talking about. Something wrong with the ice box.

Well, let’s have a look here, and see what we can find.

Phone’s ringing. Shane, can you handle that for me? Thanks.


Yes, sir, this is a real common problem this time of the year.

Little old filter here –

it’ll stop up and shut the whole freezer down.

Just about every six months or so, take it out of here, clean it up,

pop it back in place,

Bob’s your uncle.

What do we owe you?


I’ll send the bill to Westgate Management.

Say, are you guys filmmakers or what?

We are in pre production

Hell, man, I’m an actor.


Yeah. Tell me about your film.

Of course.

Umm. Listen, I tell ya, man,

I’d really really like to be part of this now.

Hell I don’t mind deferred pay at all.
I’m a hell of an actor.

Give me that show reel.
We don’t have our bad guy yet.

I tell you what. You need somebody to chain up virgin cheerleaders,

I’m your man, buddy.

Oh, God, time flies when I’m drinkin’ beer.

I gotta book.

I’ll get you that reel though

Is that Tom the refrigerator guy?

- He is good.
- And cheap, too.

I’m gonna meet with him tomorrow.

I miss this.

Me, too.

- I heard a cool line today.
- Yeah?

Yeah, someone, some guy used it on Amber at the club.

He said, “How about some honey for some money?”


You really know how to kill a moment.


Hon, if you don’t know.

I just thought it was a cool line. We could have a scene where she’s leaving the club …

What is it with you two?

What do you mean?

I mean that you’re spending more
time with her than with me.

Her car’s in the shop.

Besides she’s got some good story ideas.

Oh, yeah, does she keep them right here
because that’s all I ever see you looking at.

Come on, you know I like small boobs.

Wow! You did not just say that.

No, I didn’t. I..I..I mean I did, but I…I didn’t mean,
you know what I mean.

I’m gonna go downstairs.

Vou encontrar com a Angela, ela vai na
locação, vou mostrar as instruções para ela.

I’m meeting with Angela to give her directions.

Can we talk?

I love you.

You sure you don’t want any?

No no no no. Don’t let me have any, please.

I hate that this is happening.

You don’t know that this is happening.

I think I know that this is happening.

Well, did you ask him?

Yes. He said that I had nothing to worry about.

Then you probably have nothing to worry about.

Why do I have these bad feelings?

Look, even if he, if he’s attracted to her,

it’s not going to last.

How do you know?

My husband looks at women all the time.

Most men look at women all the time.

It’s in their genes. They can’t help it.

Doesn’t mean he’s going to do anything about it.

A lot of men do.

Well, a lot of men are dirty, filthy pigs.

Shane, Shane loves you.

He really does.

Thank you, Angela.

For what?



Coma o sorvete.

Eat your ice cream.

Hey, how’s the house?

Yeah, so, we tried to find the place. We even had directions, but we still couldn’t find the house.

You couldn’t find the house?

Well, that’s why you need me.

It’s right out there by the 420 and 22.

There’s a Y.

There’s a huge cow with polka-dots on it.

And no clue.

Listen, this is why you hired me.

I’m your location scout. I’ll go up there right now.
And I’ll call you when I get there.


We were lucky.

Not everyone was.

No question it was …. a killer shoot.




Mr. Fish?

Wicked array, mon.

We’re using all of this?

We’re not sure. We’re still writing.

Oh, yeah. Hey, we can use mine. Boomshaka!

I think we have all that we need.

- Yeah, well, we’re definitely going to use this.
- Why?

What the fuck, Dude?

Cool, mon. You got me.

Let me see this thing.

Fuck you.

- What do you want to say to your friends?

Don’t. Don’t. Please don’t.


Fuck you. Fuck you.

I still can’t get ahold of Angela.

We know the service is crappy there.

Yeah, but she sent this weird text.
It just said, “Don’t.”

It can mean almost anything.

Are we still going up there.

Yeah. We’re all meeting here at three.

Then we’re a GO.

My indie guidebook says if there’s a problem in production,

work around it. Make it the character’s problem.

Fuck you.

- Are we rolling?

Is it okay to talk about that?

I’m not sure … uh…

I think we’re gonna have to stop here.

All right, guys. We’re losing light.

- All right. We’re locked and loaded.

Okay, everybody, let’s go wrap this movie.

Oh, Captain! My Captain!

Really creepy place.

I'm Ginger.

I'm a big fan.

Thank you. You know I started in
the drama department you’re in.

I know. I follow your career.

You know it’s funny. I always joke with my friend Julie who’s here that if

I were ever in any kidnapping situation, I would get Stockholm syndrome with you.

Get it up, Billy!

Hey, you dropped your knife.

It’s not a knife. It’s a machete.

Okay, everybody. Let’s get inside. We need to organize. We’re filming later.

Is angela here?

- I was going to ask you. She never showed.

I’m sure she’s all right. Probably got hung up somewhere.

I’m sorry. I just couldn’t help myself.

You got us.

Why you all wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for this movie.

Made Mike here famous.

Mike, say grace.

Our father,

bless this food which we receive from your
bounty with humility and gratitude.

And bless our friends from the big city.

Help us to show them the time of their lives. Amen.



One mre thing.

No humans were harmed in
the making of this sausage.

Namaste, ya’ll

Save room for dessert. We’re having
fresh rhubarb pie.

…. Get away, Tom.


Not you. The dog.

They are beautiful, Mr. Fish.

Thank you, but I don't know how they got out.

Otto, come get these dogs.

I'm sorry, Mr. Fish. Tom, Harry, Venham.

They look well behaved. Do you train them?

To do what

Hello, you know, did they remind you

Let me answer that

You just saw Tom and Harry

They have a problem. Dick.
um until Couple of months ago.

I was shaving with my own striped razor as usual

Damned if I didn't going cut myself

I looked at Dick

He snarled at me preparing to leap

"Stay, Dick, stay"

He jumped at me and I had to gut
him with my own raisin


To answer your question

Yes, they will remind me, as long
as they don't smell any blood

You at dog person?

Yes. I love dogs.
And they love me

Like a bitch in heat

I'm sorry?

I said I pinched my hip.

You wouldn't pinch your hip
if you got out of the chair more often

So, you can walk?

Oh yeah, he can walk.

I can get around a little .
Maybe to the door and back

Dr. say I have some kind of nerve condition

- You got lazi-itis is what you got.

You’re a harsh taskmaster, Mike.

Speaking of tasks, who’s on kitchen duty?

I'm so full

Where is Angela?


Simmering pigs' feet

Not ready to pickle yet

I thought it smelled familiar

Young people. This old man is going to bed

Thank you for dinner, Mr. Fish. .

Thank Mike. Hit into cocaine.

Don't forget to turn on the fence

Don't know what good it does. Fence in the back got a whole you could drive a tractor through

Turn on the fence?

We had to electrify it

Keeps that drunken teens from town out.

And other critters.

Hey, what's that shed out therefore

That's uncle Al's inner sanctum

Where the keeps his

… Collection.

What does he collect?


I'll say.

Where is everybody anyway?

Setting up for those scenes.

One more thing.

After the shoot,

Don't go wandering around.

Easy to get lost

78 Alpha, take 01.

Attention. Everybody.

This is how our all-is-lost moment

Ginger and Julie, you are dead.

Oh, got it

You were great dead at the rehearsal.

Thank you.

I'm in the middle. Obviously

I still have some fight left in me.I know that
Tom is going to come through that door any moment

Jeez, Mike.


Mike, thank you.

Julie, raise your arms on towards the light.

Alright, guys, we're set




How was that?

- Ok. just to be safe do another one.
- Ok? That was fantastic!

Just to be safe.

We're going to do a reverse and
then break for tonight.

We can let them rest, and then
we'll talk later in the library


You guys want to see the playback?

This is a nice place for creepy house.

Yeah, I like it. It's a nice bed too.

- really nice bed
- really nice bed

- went to try out the bed?
- I do want to try out the bed

Unfortunately, I need to go downstairs.
Shane needs me right now

Does Shane need me?

I need you. No, Shane doesn't need you now.

Later. It's easy stuff like cuts and bruises.

A snap for you.

You're so full of yourself

So I'll see you down in a little bit

Yeah. I'm just going to take a shower
And maybe walk around a bit

Okay. Watchout.


You realize we have no backstory for this house?


How about this?

This is a phone for unwed mothers, ok?

‘cause back then getting knocked up out of wedlock
was like, you know, a badge of shame and shit

So, parents sent their daughters here

To raise kids

And then like, you know, while there are where
away they just tell the neighbors they're in Europe or something

What happened to the kids?

I don't know. They grew up..

It doesn't matter. It's a one line fix.

I hate exposition.

You think these dolls are haunted by the
ghosts of the kids who died here

Absolutely. This room is so freaking creepy.
It was right here

Actually, I saw and what those ghost shows
dolls are vessels for human spirits

You have been watching way too much TV

- really?
- that's true.

Seriously though, if I had known we were going to
be sleeping in the children of the corn bedroom,

I would have brought more Xanax.

This is so cool.

If by cool, you mean creepy

No. And actual movie. The real thing.

I feature.

And with Mike Beale.

Hey, why can't we see a script?

What script?

Just be glad you ladies to those improv classes.


Did you not take those improv classes?

I took three hours. It was amazing.
I was amazing.

The professor got me high.
What's hi going to say no?

I'm going to take care something.
You guys have fun.

Be right back.

Wait. What are you guys going
to do while I'm gone?

- We'll think of something.
- Definitely.

I'm sure you will.

Be good.

We will.

- I want that Maine Machete Massacre mask

- You think Billy and Nelson will help us?
- Sure they will.

Come in.

Shane isn't here. He and Brian are going
over the scenes for tomorrow.

I'm not looking for Shane.

Can I come in?


What are you doing?

Just reworking some dialogue.

Yeah. Because there are screams
and then there are screams

What is it you want to talk about?

I want to clear up any misunderstandings.

Like what?

Like that I'm interested in Shane.

Well, maybe you should tell him that.

Hi will. But I wanted to tell you.

Remember how I told you I was raised
in countries like this?

My grand parents raised me. I was homeschooled.

And the only other kids my age where these
two sisters that lived on a farm nearby.

And at night and we would sneak out
and go skinny-dipping


We would have a lot of fun.

If you know what I mean.

- I'm making you uncomfortable.
- no.

No, you are not making me uncomfortable.

Chloe, I never developed any interesting boys.


Man, you could have fooled Shane.

Holy cow.

When he first saw you at the strip club,
he was like...BOING!

I kind of get that a lot from men.

Hazards of the job.

Women too though.

- I am making you uncomfortable.
- No. No.

You are not making me uncomfortable.

You have read Henry James, right?

Yeah. Sure. Turn of the screw.

You know how he says:
“be one for whom nothing is lost. “

Shane loves you so much.

Surely you know that.

I know.

And don't call me Shirley.

That's my line.

Guys, we shouldn't be in here.

- What are you afraid of, Nelson?
- I'm not afraid of anything. I'm just saying.

Nelson is a good little Boy Scouts.
Always staying on the straight and narrow.

You should open up a bit.

You got any smoke?

Now. I swore off to herb
until the end of the wrap party.

Right, Brah?…

Hell no!

It was worth the try.

Come on. Let's check out the area.

Check out this oven.

Oh man, you could bake so many goodies in here.

What was that noise?

Is this still on?

Why does Mr. Fish needs something this big?

I don't know. Let's find out.

It's locked.

Well, I learned a few things in prison

Where you in prison?

No, but I've seen the movies.

Just open it.

Why are you trying to find Mike Beale's mask?
Can't we just go make out something?

Because it's the real mask. From the Maine Machete Massacre films.
An original prop.

Scoobie's here, mon.

My god.

- Are those real?
- Artificial, mon.

Found it!


Ok. Otto test chase Nelson and Billy upstairs.

Is got them cornered. He's got a knife.

How do we get these guys back downstairs?

Doesn't matter.

We'll fix it later

Shit! My glasses!

My ankle. I twisted my ankle

Let's go!

You go, man. I'll hold them back

I thought you were pacifist.

I am. But I don't think he is.

Let's go.


You got this. Come on Billy

Why the fuck is there a bear trap doing here?

Shit. Another one?

No pothead messes with my dog.

And then he's like: “it's not big deal, babe”

Do it again.

It's not a big deal, babe.

He would kill me if he knew I was telling you this story.

Oh my God.


The mysterious shed is open.

What does that old fart keep in there anyway?

Mike sad that he collects stuff.

You want to go find out what stuff?

That sounds stupid enough.

Let's do it.

There's nothing that makes you feel fresh and
new is a shave and a shower. I tell you that.

You looking for the bathroom?

Well, you go to the top of
the steps. Then you go left. You go right .

Thank you.

I do not like cutting that volleyball scene.

Right, but…

It's time.

It's money.

And we're arriving low on both.

I know.

What's a slasher movie without
sexy girls playing volleyball?

And we're losing that great line.

Get it up! Get it up!!

Well, you know what they say..

Sometimes you have to kill your little darlings.

Now quit flopping around like that.
You're gonna yourself.

Look what I found.

I found your little friend.

Man, I thought I had lost that one.

Yeah, I thought I had lost you, little fella.


… the fuck was that?

Hush. You push that screaming out now.
You save that for later.

Dammit. Don't sneak up on me.
You scared the shit out of me

I ain't even through playing with this one yet.

Let me get a damn souvenir.

That' tough.

That's tough.

I'm going to go check. Hello.

Work on that ending, alright, man?.


Akasha, are you..?

What the fuck...

You little shit!

What's that?

I don't know.

Do you think these are his collections?

I don't know.

Tiffany / blood feast

Hannah / The Gore Gore Girls

Robin' worst nightmare?

So mundane

Shit!. Holy … I think these are snuff films.

No, that’s an urban legend, Amber. This is from
a Herschell Gordon Lewis movie. This is not real.

That's real.

Hey, girls!

Me and Akasha have a great idea for a scene.

When I see it?

This one's still alive.

I ate when I get that in my eye.

Catch you later.

What's going on, ladies?

Oh my god. That's blood, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Here. I know whether master fuse box is.

If I cut the power you can go out and go for help.

I'm not leaving you here.

Just go!


Well, looks like we've got a blown fuse.

I can give you a lot more pleasure alive than dead.

I'm sure you can.

Why don't you open that up and let's
see what you've got to play with.

You got three things I look
for most in a woman

Yeah, what's that?


… and perky tits.

Why don't you relax and let me
have a look at that zipper of yours?

I don't think that would be
a good idea after your last little stunt

You know I didn't mean anything by it.

Let me make up to you.

How's that zipper calming, baby?

Real good.


Where the hell is everybody?

What do you want to do?

I want to get the fuck out of here.

I guess we have to get Shane first.



Did you steal your movie blood all over the place?

Mr. Fish is going to kill us if we ruin floor.


Oh, Brian…

Shane, Shane...

You getting close that all-is-lost feeling?

That's what your movie has to go, right?

It sucks by the way

That looks painful.

Oh God, stop!

Where are the others?

Some of them are right here.

Well. Two and half of them.

I have to leave you for a minute, Shane.

But you can watch one of my
home movies while you wait.

See if you can recognize the male lead.

Not the fucking face. Get the thumb!

You some cold bitches.

Drop it.

You too.

Put these on.

Que merda é essa?

Version cheerleaders - the movie?

We're not virgins.

You ain't cheerleaders either..

But you will be in chains.


You guys gotta help.
They're killing everybody!

Whoa there, young fella.

Who's killing who?

Back at the house. They're
killing everybody. You guys gotta...

Is that your blood?

Some of it.

Hey you been smoking?

Now, it's in my clothes.

No. I had to kill a dog and Nelson
got stuck in a bear trap.

Explain this.

I was saving this for the wrap party.

Wow, rapper boy. Explain it to
the judge on Monday

No, Monday will be too late.

They will all be dead by then.

You girls are ready for primetime.

Mike, are you there?

I'm here. What do you want?

I want to know what the fuck is happening?

When I find out, I'll let you know.


I said I'll let you know when it's time.

Then get a move on, goddamnit!

I will. God damn you.

You girls be good now.


I'll be okay. Go!


Busy night.

That still hurts?

Where is Chloe?

Where is Amber?

Tied up at the moment.

Did you like my movie?

I know. Crappy production value.

Surprised you didn't figure it out.

A repairman who just happens to be an actor?

Coincidence? I think not.

I sent Tom to you, Shane.

I manage Fair Oaks Properties.


I'm going to take your mind off of that pain.

But like any good doctor.

I want to explain what I will be doing

I'll make an incision right here.

Stop, Mike! God dammit. Stop.

What the movies never show is.

How is the intestines just explode.

Out of any opening down here.

They're under so much fresher.

Fuck, Mike. Why are you doing this?

Let me see. How about this?

I'm a psychopathic sadist.

Will that do?

It's time to get to work.

We'll have to start without Tom.

Just like in your movie,

Which I don't see getting into any film festivals,

A small difference

I'm here

And this ...



Hello, little girl.

Where is Shane?

He's back in the shed with Mike.

Making a new movie for my collection.

It's a closed set.

Why are you doing this?

Killy is a lot more fun when you
make a game out of it.

It's not again.

Don't you know better and to
bring a knife to a gunfight?

It's not a knife.

It's a machete!

Stay, Harry! Stay!

Jesus, I have way too many machetes.

Don't be a pussy, Shane.

I've made that cut on dozens
of women and haven't lost but two.

But they all scream just like you, by the way.

You ready?

This is going to stink a little bit.

No. No. No.

Get away from him, you twisted fuck.

Chloe to the rescue!

Man, v you could make a young Ripley.

I'll be fair.

Much better.

You bastard!

Please. I just choked her out.

This is gonna be fun.

I'm going to cut you in half.

Beginning right here.

I don't think so, fuck face.

Wrong blade, bitch.

Hey, Mike?

See, Shane?

Just like I said.


Leave the gun.

Get the camera.

And… cut!

It's a wrap!

Really cut.

I want one more.