Vinci (2004) - full transcript

After several years of serving his sentence, Cuma - a notorious art thief is released from prison due to his poor health. It was all arranged by dealer Gruby who plans a heist of the famous 'Lady with an Ermine' by Leonardo da Vinci. Cuma is contracted to steal the painting. He invites his former partner Julian to join the team, not knowing that his best friend is now a policeman and will do anything to prevent the heist. Julian seeks cooperation with an old forger Hagen and a beautiful young art student Magda.

Come out.

Hands on the wall.

Let's go.

Set it off!

- Fan-fucking-tastic chess.
- Leave it!

- Miss Mariola.
- Yes, doctor.

- Get me today's paper.
- Right away, sir.

Sit down.

It's obvious that you've been ailing.

Any further incarceration
is dangerous to your health.

What's the trouble, doc?

It's written out here.
Follow the directions closely.

You'll stand trial
and will be released.


The digs?
Everything super-duper?


When can you start?

- Right away.
- You've looked in the fridge?

- Pull over. I really gotta go.
- We'll hide the loot first.

- I must or I'll bust!
- A shitsky, aren't you?

Pull up here.

- Howdy, Tsuma. Surprise!
- Hello, officer.

- Filling 'er up with gas?
- It's a diesel.

What a coincidence!

They've just radioed us about
a burglary at one Lehmann's.

I thought Tsuma would know...

Lehmann? The coin collector?

Uh huh!

- Let me pay first.
- Open the trunk.

- The wrong time?
- To get the shits? Yes.

Come on in.

Tunga! Hi, doggie.
Don't you know me?

- Want him back?
- Why? He's yours now.

I knew you'd call... Come.

- How's mama?
- Got married.

- The third time?!
- Yeah. She's gone to Canada.

- When did you walk?
- I didn't.

I still got one year.
On a sick leave now.

You ill? With what?

No one's healthy.
Just not diagnosed yet.

That's right.
What will you have then?

- You got tomato juice?
- Yes.

I forgot about your
picture postcard view.


- Want to know why I've come?
- No.

Good. So I'll tell you:

- Someone wants to buy a picture from me.
- Sell it then.

Well, the picture's
on somebody else's wall.

What's the need?
So little time in jail left.

They'll collar you. With your record
it's three times as much.

They won't.
I won't do time anyway.

I'll go abroad and start over.
You'll help me.

After three years,
you come over with an offer...

as if nothing changed.

- What changed?
- No idea how folks change?

Rather than ask you how much
folks change, here's a question:

- Will you help me the last time?
- No, old man, I can't.

Not gratis. You'll earn some
to start over.

- I have already.
- So you'll understand me.

Here you are.

I'm a security guard now.

Where's the other one?

- What other one?
- When will you wise up?

- Take this.
- Not sold yet?

They're yours...
worth twice as much now.

- And your cut?
- You behaved perfectly then... They're yours.

- A debt of gratitude?
- No, no... Yes, that is.

- But I won't help you.
- All right.

Let's not spoil the meeting
after all those years.

But you won't refuse a lunch, huh?

- Sure. That's a fine spot.
- No. My place tomorrow 3p.m.

6 Smocza St. Apt. 65.
Think it over.

Bye, Tunga. That's a good dog.

- Hello, Mrs. Nowak.
- Hello.

- How's Mother?
- She's in Toronto.

The most famous in Polish
collections: Lady with Ermine,

a.k.a. Lady with Weasel,
painted by Leonardo in 1490,

brought to Poland in 1800
by Count Adam J. Czartoryski.

Gorge your eyes on it,
as it's off to Japan tomorrow.

The lady's real name was
Cecilia Gallerani.

Her picture was commissioned
by the Count of Milan

Lodovico Sforza a.k.a. Il Moro.

Holy shit! Fatso!

You aren't happy to see me, eh?

- I am.
- Look at the shape you're in.

Jail serves you well.

- Piss off!
- Oh, naughty you...

- Did you like Dr. Wiaderny?
- Very much.

Reliable, he. Deeply in debt to me.
Gambling losses at the track.

When's the other installment?

When it's all over.

- One million Euro.
- 915, 000.

Sixty in the fridge and
twenty-five for the car.

- I wanted a red one.
- There was no other.

And the passport?

Stefan Padlo?
What kind of name is this?

There was no other. Gimme.

You think I'll bolt?

But why now?
You'll get it later.

I keep my word, no?

- And we'll be squared.
- Sure thing.

- And you won't look for me?
- What for? Gimme.

Your key to this digs.

You're talking the heist
while Vinci is off to Japan?

For two months. It'll take time,
so you can get ready.

Get the day and the hour
the Vinci's back here.

No way. It's a secret.

And your plants
in the museum and at the airport?

Why these questions?
Our deal is about a delivery, Tsuma.

I'm interested in the delivery.
You learn the date!

Why Vinci?
Not enough dough, Fatso?

Only dough on your mind.
I like what I do.

Mr. Greg, GPS, please.

- Got your passport?
- Of course.

- I wonder if it matters, Luke.
- Yes?

- I must've seen Tsuma.
- You must have?!

In front of the museum yesterday.

No, he's holed up in Huta.

That's why 'I must have.'

Good bye.

Have a nice trip.

Renault Traffic...


- Is this your address?
- Yes.

- You're living there?
- For the time being.

- And you're ill?
- It's all written out there.

Will you need me any more?

Sit down!

Four on one?

- What're you up to?
- Pardon?

Why not in jail?

I'm serving time... but I have a
break now and promptly report when asked.

- Up to something? I'm ill.
- Ill?!

That's what the doc said.

Wiaderny? He's been fired.

I still have his prescriptions.

I want you to know that I know're up to something.

But I'm not up to anything.
Jail's taught me crime doesn't pay.

- If you're nabbed now you'll walk... 2011.

Like I say it's no bargain.

See you in two days.

I was to report once a month.

Every second day.

My pleasure, Commissioner.

Don't you even think of the da Vinci.

- I don't get it.
- Oh, really?

Good bye.

- Wow! Spaghetti.
- You call it pasta.

That's for wops; for us, spaghetti.

- Parmesan?
- Sure.

- Remember the booze in Murzasichle?
- Why, it was Jasmine vodka.


Wine, cheese? Here you are.

Down the hatch.

Dig in.

The painting's in
the Czartoryskis Museum.

The sauce too hot?

- Da Vinci?
- How did you guess?

There's only one like that here.

- To Vinci.
- I'm not drinking to that.

Why? For one million Euro?
You can.

Doesn't it bother you
it's the most precious in Poland?

Cut that patriotic shit, will you?
Positive thinking, please.

It's no use to you.
You won't sell it.

What asshole's idea is that?

It may land with a coke planter
in Bolivia who can't launder his dough.

So he buys what he can.

What's lifted from European
Museums shows up in La Paz.

You won't break in this one.

They have cutting edge security,
blockades, cameras...


Why relax? The one who got you
then is in the Painting Squad.

They've been trained in the States.
A lot has changed now.

- Yeah... That's what you said.
- But I didn't tell you all.

- Be my guest, Hornet, shoot.
- I go to law night school.

Bravo! So you're free
in the daytime.

- No, I'm busy too.
- Yeah... What do you do?

You're a pig now?

Fuck it.

You gave me a chance then,
and I put it to good use.

You a pig?! What came over you?
An identity crisis or what?

It's the same adrenaline rush,
but I won't land in jail.

Then you must either collar me
or do the heist with me.

- Fuhgeddaboudit.
- This from a cop or an old pal?

An old pal cop.

Your new pals know
you've been a thief?

You won't do it to me.

The Vinci is back in May.
So you think it over till tomorrow.

Nothing to think over.

Without you, then.

Did you have to become a pig?


Tunga, you'll have
to stay with me. Come.

- I lost. Here.
- Thank you.


May I try?

Remember me?

No. 100 ZI a game.

I used to be a junior champion.

Here's a rook for your head start.


Ever lost a game?

Once in '68...
and once in tennis.

Mr. Tadeusz Hagen, right? /The notorious one.

Notorious for what?

For forging paintings.

- You owe me a century.
- Yes, indeed.

You did something for me
four years ago. Remember?

I commissioned Wyspianski.
You offered your services

if something serious would turn up.
I knew you right away.

- A never-ending Xmas?
- What? Aha!

Come Easter I'll hang up
Easter eggs on it.

I'm listening intently.

A man wants to steal
a very famous picture.

How famous?
The Battle of Grunwald?

Smaller a bit.

Lady with Ermine.

Would you have it land
with an arms merchant in Monaco?

- Is there a contract?
- Yes. I know who'll do it.

This picture can't be stolen.

One I know like my own brother.
If he sets to, the Lady is gone.

I don't get it, but... congratulations.
Why me?

In '62 you made a copy of it
for the Czartoryskis Museum

If I had it,
I'd louse up the heist.

The copy is in the museum,
as hard to get as the original.

Could you make one again?

There was a similar story
in Wilno before the war.

You're into wines too.

- Pardon?
- This is about wine.

Dammit! I was sure
it was about Wilno.

You were asking...

Could you make
such a copy once again?

These are not the same hands;
and eyes either.

But I know someone who could.

Wine not Wilno.
I forgot to give you tea.

- First, we don't enter the museum.
- We don't?

They'll take it off the wall
and bring it out.

- Then we'll take it away.
- In Japan?

It'll take 15 min. On its way back.

You know what the red alert is?

The whole downtown comes
to a standstill for 3 min.

You may even have the picture
in your hands, but nothing doing.

Three-min. Is short. I need
at least half an hour to get out.

Or like we did in Krynica.

- What?
- Take the original and leave the copy.

- Must be very good to fool them.
- You know some magicians best.

- So what?
- You know them; you get a copy.

- Why me?
- I'm under surveillance.

I'll shell out 20... 25 grand
at the most.

Here's my plan...

You know why Nelson's sailors
were unbeatable?

They were paid for victory.

So rather than think of death,
they planned on buying something.

- What?
- A million Euro.

Good. Excellent. One day you'll
become a conservator, Miss Magda.

- Oh, Jesus!
- What's wrong?

- Where's the ranger?
- The who?

- The forest ranger.
- Oh, the hunter?

Truth be told, ma'am, the artist
botched the hunter... ranger.

Just look. Without the ranger
the landscape looks fuller.

It's no longer a cheap
Bavarian Landschaft.

Cheap? It was an 18th cen. Picture
from the National Museum.

If you're so attached to the hunter,
I can paint him for you.

Do you realize
what you are saying?

I know I've overplayed
my hand. Sorry.

What? Who? Let him wait.

Sorry. I can't talk now. I have
an important meeting... Bye.

You are suspended from now on.

The next senate meeting
will formally expel you.

Nothing can be done about it?


What's it going to be?

- Hi, I'm Julian.
- I know. What's the deal?

Hagen didn't tell you? Be seated.

What's that for?

Leonardo on the wall?
It's cool!

Why don't you hang up di Caprio?

You can make a pile, Kloss.

A big bundle.

How much time do you need?

- How much time do I have?
- Two months.

- Deal.
- Deal. Good!

Wait a minute! And the price?

- Shoot then.
- A million plus expenses.


- In old zlotys, yes?
- That's what you'll pay for my coffee.

One million new Polish zlotys.

We're talking 200,000 Euro
for one picture?

Labor-intensive like crazy.
More difficult than the original.

- More difficult? How come?
- Shcome!

Leonardo painted what he wanted
or what they paid him for.

And I'm to repeat the job
500 years later

on the same board with the same paints... forge repairs, putties with white lead,

crackling, retouching on the varnish,
eight undercoats. That's what it worth, pal.

Well, I don't know now.
I gotta talk to the client.

I don't know...
I'll call you tomorrow.

Talk to them or it's two
million more tomorrow.

Magda, wait! Your coffee!
All right. A deal.

I just wanted... to the toilet.

Nice that you agree.

How much for two copies?

Clock now.

Not this way.

It's here.

Five minutes. Too long.

- So what?
- Shmot.

Let's look for a closer exit.

- TNT then?
- A problem, this. I can't.

- So we need... a miner.
- The risk grows.

Not necessarily...

All right...

Let's try this way.

- Two minutes.
- That's it, Hornet.

- Call me by my name.
- Julian?

I could but it sounds queer, no?

- Where's this from?
- Mom sent me... from Canada.


- Look...
- Uh-huh.

It'll do.

The most difficult
is the board on which to paint.

The picture's at least 515 years old.
Where do we get it?

- From some ancient oak?
- Da Vinci's walnut... luckily.

Fifty years after a walnut is cut down,
you can't tell its age.

Maybe 51 as well as 600 years old.

- How do you know?
- Dendrochronology.

The snag is such large trunks
can't be found here.

Would you like some ice cream?

Concentrate. I'll need 50,000 ZI
for the preliminary expenses.


Where is he?
Why in such a Nowheresville?

He wouldn't find us any place else.
He's a bit odd.

What d'you mean?

Once, methane exploded in his
mine, which left him with a trauma.


- But he's... normal?
- Yeah...

But suffers from prosopagnosis.

What's that? Contagious?

He fails to remember faces.

- Proso... what? You kidding?
- No such disease!

But there is...
Doesn't remember his wife's face.

How does he handle... that?

She wears a special ribbon
or something.

Those are their private things.

- Pulling my leg, eh?
- God! Such things happen.

- Will he deliver the goods?
- And will help us too.

Most important: He won't tell us
by our photo if they show him.

Not even with a lie detector.
That's best about him.

- Where did you find him?
- A pal in jail did.

Hi, Verbus.

What happened on June 18, 1972?

I was born then.

You were...
I expected another answer.

There was a TV in the ward.

What was showing during
the hour I was born?

I know if it was at 4 p. M:
European Soccer Championship.

- Remember the players?
- Germans and Russkies.

West Germany and the USSR.
The names of players?

Meier, Hottges, Breitner,
Schwartzenbeck, Beckenbauer,

Wimmer, Honckess, Honess,
Muller, Netzer, Kremers.

Okay. You're Tsuma all right.

Nobody believes I recall
everything from the maternity ward.

Any fool remembers the Germans.
And the Russkies?

Rudakov, Baydachniy, Onishchenko,
Kaplichniy, Khurchilava, Konkov,

Istomin, Banishevskiy, Kolotov,

Khurchilava! A hell of a name.
It's gonna be our password.

- Okay! The response?
- Beckenbauer.

The reserve players?

Dolmatov for Khurchilava

and Kozhukevich for Kolotov...
in the second half.

- Okay, Verbus meet Hornet.
- Julian.

Julian or Hornet?
I get confused.

- Hornet.
- Julian.

- Julian... You got it?
- Santex?

No Santex... Plain dynamite.

- How much?
- Much.

Follow us.

34... 35... 36, dammit!

- Something wrong.
- Helluva lot of work.

Lotsa drilling. Luckily,
they have power. I can plug in.

- How long will it take?
- Gotta think about it...

...look around and count.
- Count then.

Give me an hour.

You may go.

But wear those hardhats,
so I can recognize you.

I get it.

That's what you wanted. Highway robbery!
I'll deduct... from your last payment.

We'll do it differently.

Lehmann's treasure?
I didn't know it was you.

Why so scared?

Plus a passport and it's yours.

- For one coin?
- Worth a fine sled.

- Don't you want to bolt?
- Without the money?

Why a passport?
You deliver; you get it.

It may be too hot later.

- I'll buy your ticket.
- I'll do it.

- You don't trust me.
- It's you who doesn't.

Write: I received my passport.
Today's date and sign it.

- You flipped out?
- Better save than sorry...

You can't forget your job
in the Security Ministry?

In a foreign trade enterprise!

The passport.

A microphotograph of the picture:
The client's demand.

What microphotograph?

Now you tell me?

It's harder to get
than the picture!

You'll do it. One last
effort and you're home free.

I guarantee the Vinci.
The photo is dicey.

The dough will be dicey too.

Don't you even try that
with me, Fatso.

See how scared I am?


Indian giver!

- Andrew Marvell. Ring any bells?
- That president?

All right.

We need
a microphotograph of the picture.


They take a microphotograph
of a fragment of the picture.

When it's back,
they check if they tally.

Where do I get it now?

The photo's on the safe in the museum,
harder to steal than the Vinci.

I know a guy worked there.

- His name?
- Hagen.

- That old forger?
- Second to none.

If he refuses,
that'll spell betrayal.

Let him alone.

Too late.
He's making the copy.

- What did you tell him?
- That it's for sale...

- He bought it?
- He did. I need dough.

Fifty thousand for starters.

- That's what you promised him?
- No, one hundred.

I'll give you thirty.

- Who are those kids?
- What's it to you?

Hey! Khurchilava! We're here!

I knew you right off.

How long and how much?

Thirty-six holes, 4-5 hours each.
That's 180 man-hours.

Eight hours a day
makes 20 days.

Minus the weekends,
It's a whole month. 500 ZI an hour...

- How much?
- 92,760.

- Will 100 do?
- Sure.

Those your kids over there?

Playing by the car? Mine.

Is today Thursday?

Off to the orthodontist. Bye.

- Where's Mom?
- At the hairstylist.

- Hello.
- Hello. May I help you?





- This is my workbench!
- I know. Sorry.

They're in the safe. Only
the director knows which fragment.

- You know him?
- Helen Antonczyk?

I don't, but Hagen does.


Wait a minute!

- We deliver the copy, yes?
- Yeah.

Why a microphotograph of the original?
We'll give one of the copy and they'll tally.

That's right.

Don't your brains ever tire you?

You're late.

Really? I thought I'd been
waiting for half an hour.

- You're late with Leonardo.
- I don't get it.

It's traveling in Japan.

You doubt the resocialization
potential of the jail you put me in?

- I'm a different man.
- You're a sucker.

Had you told us where the coins
were and who helped you,

you'd've served 2 years less.

Nobody regrets it more than
I that I don't know that.

Why don't you tell me now?

Logic, please, Commissioner.

Had I told then, I'd've served
2 years shorter, but I didn't know.

If I now told where it is, it'd mean
I served 2 years unnecessarily

and lied to you then.

See you Friday.

- Would he be taking chances?
- Depends on his cut. Where's my coffee?

- Maybe he's telling the truth.
- Tsuma? The truth?

- How long have you been here?
- Half a year after the academy.

The one-hundred and ten year-old
Juliusz Slowacki Theater,

with all its glorious past behind it,
has just been sold.

Before, the CEO of the buyer promised
to keep the building in character.

But it's going to be a megastore.

I hate to admit it
to having had a change of plans.

We can ill afford to keep
an unprofitable theater.

What this city needs is
something like London's Harrods.

Noblesse, as you've heard,
not always oblige.

Olaf Eysmont TV 6 Krakow.

Hi! The paints have just
been delivered.

I could start now,
but I have no board.

You do.

You're a genius! And it's cheap.

I've spent all my savings!

This had better pay off.

Here I am.

Is that you, Helmut?

Who else?
How much do you need?

About 20 kg.

Santex? Who's hired you?
Al Qaeda?

No, plain dynamite. Here.

Stop this nonsense
and put it in the bag.

Come out now.

Uncle will give you a ride
in an excavator.

No kidding?
You've got the dough?

Full fifty or do I count it?

Thirty-three is all I have.

You flipped out?
In installments?

You'll get all but after.

What can you do, Julian, at all?

I play chess a little...

study law evenings,
write poems...

Evening... poems, well?
Toot your horn.

Had we but world enough,
and time,

This coyness, lady, were no crime

- We would sit down, and think which way
- To walk, and pass our long love's day.

You know it?

I wanted it to sound romantic.

Why romantic?

Someone may be watching.
Let's make believe it's a date.

I have a very serious thing to do,
so no loving or dating.

- Can't I flirt a bit?
- Focus on the task.

The only thing I like about
you is your car.

- Rented, regrettably.
- Don't let me down.

If it's going to be romantic,
say it with flowers.

Come, Tunga.
We've been given a rebuff.

- A policeman, I have to ask.
- You know it well.

- A tiny investigation.
- Come on, Andy, talk.

- Which one was the cutest?
- The third one.

The third!
See how fast he answered? Thatta boy!


Sometimes the commissioner
stays up till 1 a.m.

And sometimes there's
nobody there at 3:30 p.m.

I have another wooer, lady.

What if he doesn't hear
the news in the office.

- Or if he keeps mum?
- There's always risk...

- In this way?
- How then?

In a frame.
Leonardo primed it along with the frame.

With the frame? Thanks.
Where do I get one?

Here's a 15th cen. Oak frame.

And finally we'll make one
of the two of these.

Excuse me.

Your fianc
You should've answered it.

No, no... just a bore.
I don't have a fianc?e.

This comes as no surprise.

You have a fianc??

No, I don't.

You don't?
What do you do in your time off?

I have a boyfriend.

Good. I got to be going...

When I'll have to paint
a black background

- plus those stupid corals, I just...
- No other way.

Whose mistress was she?

Of one Lodovico Sforza II Moro.

He did it with his left hand!

- Sforza?! What a pig!
- Da Vinci... The whisker.

Of course! Thanks
for reminding me.

What slobs! See?
Papers all around.

As if there were no basket!

When I was in the mountains
in September, no trash whatsoever.

- To pass the ball to Maciek Zurawski.
- Ucze in the penalty area...

Ucze... Frankowski, Szamotulski.
No goal!

- So you jumped there a little
- I did and sang such paskustva!

One to one at the 88th minute.


- Hornet?
- What?

We have a problem.

Aha... I'll try.

All right!

- Now wax it and finito!
- The imprint of the boot!

I know. In '39 while the Krauts
were plundering the museum,

someone tramped on it
and the board broke.

I have a Wehrmacht boot.

You crazy?
What if it breaks differently?

I'll do it with my hand!

I've fooled you.


- Tsuma!
- You checked it out?

- I couldn't.
- How come?

- You couldn't?
- They're sitting there all the time.

- You'll go there in two days and check.
- Maybe too late in two days.


Won't you tell me?

Tell you what?

- Say you aren't shitting me.
- Shitting you?!

That you're on my side.

I am. Always been.

Thanks, Hornet.
You've reassured me.

Be seated, Tsuma.

Why so impatient?

I want out for a few days.
Mom has her name day.

So I thought I'd report today
and you'd let me go.

- Name day? Aren't you ill?
- I won't drink.

- Where to?
- Near here. Kalwaria Zebrzydowska.

You may go.

- You've checked his mom's name?
- Sophia. It tallies.

She lives there. Her name day May 15.

Take Szymanski
and check out the situation.

Why did you let him go?

Our Japanese lands in the morn.
Better when Tsuma's out of town.

- You should've put him away.
- Don't you talk too much?

- Khurchilava.
- Beckenbauer.

The game's tomorrow.

Oh, dammit!

It can't reach farther.

- What do we do?
- I'm going.

Wait. You're ill... Chief.

Good. Call it a day.

- Why don't you answer?
- I can't. I'm in meeting.

The game's tomorrow.

Excuse me... Excuse me.

Stop... It's gone.

You sure that's enough?

Remains to be seen.

There's always risk you know.


It even smells old.

Florence, 1490.

He painted it in Milan.

He was 38 then.
So I'm better.


Jesus, you're so like her!

- Really?
- Yes.

- And who are you... Julian?
- What?

Lone Ranger?
...Dirty Harry?

All right and that's that.

That's what I meant.

Oh... thanks.

A work of genius.

Turn it round.

Two meters forward.


Hornet, why that way?

Well, it was closer.

They should buy it.

The photo is in the package.

Where did you get it?

I have my connections, no?

You don't tell me
everything either.

Is that the Mona Lisa?

Yeah... in a sense. Her sister.

I wonder what folks see in her.

You don't have
to understand everything.

I have an exam tomorrow at 10,

It'll all have been over by 10.


- Attention!
- All right.

- What's the matter?
- A bus.


- Fuck it! Ever seen this?
- Yes, in a movie.

- We won't squeeze thru here!
- Block the sewers.

Red alert.

Shit has happened. Come on!

- It won't pass.
- Take it out of the bag!

- Dammit!
- We forgot about the frame!

You measured without the frame?!
On purpose, you prick?!

I told you the size: 37 x 49 cm!
You said OK. You should've thought!

- Let's take it out of the frame!
- No, you'll damage it!

You always get me in deep shit!

Just like then,
f'n poor man's Kasparov.

I can't just stand here.
There'll be pigs all over.

- How did you enter?
- The 2nd manhole by Jan St.

Verbus, to the parking lot!
We run to that manhole.

- We won't make it!
- You love risk, no?

That does it!
A car parked overhead.

Fuck it!

Good. Thanks.

- They escaped here.
- Measure it just in case.

- Where are you?
- 300 m away from you.

I have a signal
as if it still were here.

Let's hope.
Keep me informed.

Remind me the size.

- Of the picture.
- Sure. Not of yours.

- 37 x 49 cm.
- With the frame?

The frame is 62 x 73.

So it won't pass thru,
3 cm shy.

- It had a hidden GPS.
- I know.

Jesus! What shame on Poland!

The Inquiry Squad has found this...
in the ambulance.

The Japanese's camera.
It kept on shooting.

- Can you come here?
- Right away... Don't lose it.

- They left at this spot.
- Please let me.


The other side.

It's still here. We got it.

It stuck, so they hid it
to pick it up later.

Looks like it.
Measure the manhole.

- Well?
- 80 cm. It would've passed thru easily.

Why didn't they take it?

An asshole has parked
over the manhole.

Must be one of ours.

- End of alert then?
- We foiled them.

- If the expert confirms it, right?
- Of course.

In the morning hours,
something odd happened

in the center of the Old Town.

An ambulance on its way
literally sank underground.

A tunnel is said
to have been discovered,

thru which criminals tried
to get into the Czartoryskis Museum.

Luckily, the tunnel caved in,
which foiled the thieves' plans.

Dorota Berny TVN.

- What's happening?
- All under control.

- But TV says everything's fine.
- TV lies.

- When do we meet?
- Soon.

- Oh, shit!
- What?

He had to take ill.
Drop me here.

You crazy? In the midst of action?
And your leave?

I must fill in for Chief.
Drop me here. Come on.

Not bad.

Is this Commissioner Pociecha?

He's ill. I fill in for him.
Officer Paulewicz.

Take a look, Officer.

- A camera?
- Japanese.

- Check on Tsuma.
- Good.

Mace, fuses, and detonator...

you can get from
the Russkies... at the market.

The dynamite must've
been stolen from a mine.

So both the sources are
hard to ascertain.

Why not something new,
like Santex?

Must've wanted to be in control.
Santex is unpredictable.

Such a blast
must've been difficult.

Judging by the precision, yes.

- But how difficult, very, super?
- Very difficult.

- Would you pull it off?
- Me? No, rather not.

So they're pros
never to be tracked down.

Why? I know four guys
who could do it.

Yeah? You'll give me their names.
How about Tsuma?

He said he'd go to Mom.
He's in Kalwaria at the party.


Drive to Kalwaria.
They're coming for you.

Hello! Hornet! Hello!

Get out, Verbus.
I have business to do.

When are you back?

By nightfall.
If not, do it yourself.

All right.

Sorry, Sir.
I was on duty in town.

Thank you.

Looks all right to me.

Let's see if it compares
with the CD.

My God! This is a copy!

A work of genius!

Red alert again! So what?
Do it!

I have to report this theft.
Let the Board know...

Could you wait
for a couple of hours?

- But only for a few.
- Yes.

- They were playing for time.
- And they succeeded. Where's his camera?

- Hello. Mrs. Sophia Tsuminska?
- No.


Hello, Mrs. Sophia.
Thank you.

All the best.

Is Robert home?

He came to my party.
He never forgets.

When did he come?
A while ago?

Last night.
Must be sleeping now.

Mommy, come to us.
What's the matter?

Oh, speak of the devil and
...he's sent you, right?

Come on in. Feel like one
of the family.

Let's raise a glass, gentlemen?
Won't you drink Mommy's health?

- Thanks, Mommy.
- Thanks to Mommy.

Thank you very much.
Good bye.

- Khurchilava.
- Beckenbauer.

- Everything's fine?
- Yeah.

- What took you so long?
- My Cadillac broke.

- Thanks for the call.
- You're welcome.

- At least two of them.
- You don't say!

So what?

We haven't learned much.



Show it again.
Wait, wait, wait...

Here they turned back.

- And returned...
- But why?

To take that.

- Where's the bag?
- That's how they did it. Come.

- What? What is this?
- Nix. Raise this.

Where is he?

I can't pretend that nothing
happened any longer.

The phone rings off the hook,
and I've run out of lies.

One day more, please.

Tomorrow Mrs. Barbara Sykalska
is here. A big patron of arts, she.

- She's refurbished our roof recently.
- Who?

That billionaire.

So we must cancel the meeting
and report the theft to the media.

Hang up the copy.

She's especially flied in
from the US... Pardon?

What should I hang up?

The copy. Didn't you say,
"A work of genius!"

We'll plant a virus
to trap the thieves.

The copy?! She's an expert
on Leonardo. She may notice.

It may never occur to her
that it's a copy.

Please do it to help
our investigation.

Mr. Tanaka is gravely disturbed
and feels responsible.

It's a disgrace to Japanese.

We're worried
he might do something.

- Khurchilava.
- Beckenbauer.

At last.
I can tell you're Tsuma.

I am Tsuma... Gimme the weasel.

- You're Julian, right?
- Unfortunately.


- It's more than one hundred?
- You deserve a bonus.

Thanks, man.
I'll show my kids Spain.

At your service in the future.

What future?
There'll be no more pictures.

- Will you drive me to town?
- Come.

Why da Vinci
if he can't brag about it?

Those rich wackos love
to keep something forbidden.

Just for themselves as shrines
at home.

- Why shrines?
- 'Cause they're wackos.

They go there in secret
to jerk off, possibly.

Fatso... you got the third key?

You want to kill me, yes?

Who'll buy that shit from you, then?

- You chose this place yourself.
- Why him?!

He has the right to be here.
The photo is thanks to him.

Tell him to beat it.

Move that.

Don't you trust me, Fatso?

I do.
But an ounce of prevention... etc.

- How do I know it's not a copy...
- Check.

...and it's its microphotograph?
- You crazy?

I have my connections too.
Let's check... what we've got.

The real one.

Straight from Japan.

A beautiful thing...

I wonder why the media keep mum.
I listen to the news and nothing.

- Aren't you surprised?
- I've done my job. The dough.


Tomorrow? Tomorrow?
In a pig's eye!

What? You don't trust me?

I was like a father to you,
and you don't trust me?

I didn't say up front,
but when they pay me.

Relax or you'll
lose Wiaderny's medicine.

What is it, Fatso?!



Fan-fucking-tastic! Hornet!


What've you done to him?

He must've died.

- How come?
- Died! He's dead!

Up and died?! Jesus!

This board is worth shit
if nobody pays.

- Jesus!
- Cool it!

Cool it?! Nobody has died on me!

Even in Kosovo nobody died on me!

Do something with him?

- Stealing from a dead man?
- Only his notebook.

A list of the 100 richest men,
patrons of the arts all.

Nothing doing.
What do we do with him?

Leave him here.

It's his apartment.
We'll call the police later.

Let's see whom he's called

Who's speaking, please?
Mr. Mieczyslaw?

A broad.

- Back to the museum?
- You mean Fatso?

I need dough, get it?
We must push it on some of those rich.

How? You'll make an appointment
with a Croesus as who?

Not me, but someone
above suspicion.

Who commands respect?
I may have such a man.

Up to something again?

You don't trust me again?!
Now you'll have to!

He lives.

Lucky he. But hasn't brought the dough.
Wanted to screw us. Let's beat it.

Take the photo!

A beautiful idea, but I hate to
admit it that our investment plan

has been overdrawn.
It's been $9,000,000 after all.

If it was just me and no other
members of the board...

It'll take more than a year to
refurbish 3 Secession-style houses.

I've seen them.
Put it away. I may smudge it.

You're a man after my heart,
but my HQ are in Hamburg.

If it depended on me, the houses
would be ready now,

as I'm indebted to you for
your art counseling.

By the way of art!
I have a sensation.


Suppose I could deliver something
priceless for your collection.

I'm all ears.

No more said or
you'll become an accomplice.

It smells fishy to me.
You got the wrong man!

This looks like crime to me.
I have a board meeting, so good bye.

Don't worry.
I'm not taping this talk.

Your CEO competitor foresaw
your reaction to a T.

He's zilch!

My rival? Did you tell him
you'd contact me?

Said you wouldn't buy it
anyway and I'd return.

He wants to buy it?

That's bluff and bluster.

He wants to buy it?
A pig in a poke?

It'll soon be an all media
sensation nationwide.

What's that pig in a poke?

After a 3-month-long tour
in Japan, Cecilia Gallerani,

a.k.a. Lady with Ermine is back home.

You can again admire this most
precious jewel of Polish collections.

The first admirer is Mrs.
Barbara Sykalska, a promoter

and patron of Polish arts
living in the States.

A very good copy, this.
Where do you keep the original?

The latest sensation from Krakow.
From the Czartoryskis Gallery

has been stolen the priceless
and most famous painting...

Turn up the volume.

...leaving a copy.
Mrs. Barbara Sykalska,

a patron of the arts from the States,
discovered the theft.




Sorry. I'll turn it off
right away.

- You were asking?
- How did you know it was a copy?

I'm a freak... fan, that is,
of Leonardo.

I know the picture by heart.

The weasel had six whiskers
rather than seven.

Congratulations on your eagle eye.

I've always been successful
no matter what I do.

I've bought the copy from the museum to
keep it as a souvenir in Florida.

Here are all the necessary papers to take
the picture across the border legally.

I gave the permission to take
away this piece of evidence.

So it was you?
I'm so grateful.


One question: Why so much?
What's the reason?

Picasso was sold for $104,000,000,
Cellini's salt shaker for 60,

Raphael's Madonna with Thorns
for forty-nine.

This is a promotional price.

The deposit... card.

The bus was stolen outside
the Piast Hotel a day before,

which was reported, of course.

How come they knew
the exact date and the hour?

Their plant at the airport?

No, the airport
knew at the last moment.

I haven't graduated from
your American schools.

But for 40 years in People's
Poland nobody stole the Lady,

let alone thought of stealing it.

Come in!


What do you want?

- We made an appointment...
- Beat it.

But I was supposed
to report here...

I heard the news.
Maybe I could help...

Don't you understand Polish?

Thank you.

So I won't be needed, right?

Good bye.

Stupid shits!

The third time this month.

Four million Euro.

For either of us.
More than you expected, huh?

Did you give it some thought?

- What?
- To that.

To live abroad on a false passport,
by the name of Padlo,

And an impending
extradition in store?

It's only a year.
Shall I sell your car?

Take it.
Vinci will buy me a Ferrari.

I wanted to ask you
why Vinci and never da Vinci?

Like the Russkies say dah Vinci?

Why don't you give it back
to Lehmann?

He may've lost hope.

In a clever manner...

You won't lead me to believe,

we've sold that CEO the real thing?

Rather sackcloth and ashes till my
dying day than stealing da Vinci.

I commissioned two copies.

When did you switch them?

While you were clearing
accounts with Verbus.

I'm getting old.

- Well?
- Nothing.

Tell me?

We missed
the one chance of a lifetime.

We should've made 10 copies.
All would've sold.

Four is not bad, Magda.
We met the deadline by a hair.

- I had to do everything.
- Pardon? I made one.

The one without the whisker.

Copies are never ideal.

Who hired Fatso?

Who knows?

Sykalska, yes?
You knew it all along.

She'd been pestering me
about the copy of '62.

And Fatso wanted
the microphotograph.

I joined those two facts together.

And you gave him
the photo of my copy?

was supposed to tally.

You're a fan-fucking-tastic
genius, Gramps.

I adore you.

I'd really like to
refurbish those houses.

- We can do it this way.
- What houses, Gramps, please?

I can do with my cut
what I please.

Aren't we playing?

White or black?

We can't call the end of this story
other than a miraculous find.

Commissioner, I address
the Chief of the Painting Squad,

how did you manage to get
back the priceless picture so fast?

Our whole team worked out...

Our picture is on TV!

Can't you lift the veil of secrecy?

The investigation is in progress.

The idiots say they've found it.

- What?
- They have!

Heard the good news?

Yes, I'm just
watching you on TV.

We have ascertained beyond
any doubt...

I gave... er...
I'd give millions for it.

You said a dilly of a chance.

Now neither da Vinci
nor a flight in space for me.


Characters in order of appearance