Vice Academy Part 2 (1990) - full transcript

Two rookie cops pose as strippers to get the drop on a villainess plotting to spike L.A.'s water with aphrodisiacs

- Hi, it's me Ginger.

Now I understand that
in Vice Academy part two

you want more sexuality
than you did in part one.

(upbeat rock music)

Which of course I
have no problem with.

- New in town?

- You could say that.

So you had much luck so far?

- I've seen better.

- So what's your price?

- 50 bucks, if it's
any of your business.

- You know any
other good corners

around here for girls like us?

- You know you ask
a lot of questions.

What's your story?

- Nothing, I'm just a girl
trying to pay her rent.

You should be able
to understand that.

I mean we are all
sisters in this.

- [Dispatcher] Come
in, any officers

in the vicinity to
Honk and Whore Park.

Backups are needed to
apprehend a suspect on foot.

Come in any officers in the
vicinity to Honk and Whore Park.

Backups are needed to
apprehend a suspect on foot.

- What the hell is that?

- What, I didn't hear anything.

- [Dispatcher] Come
in, do you read me?

- Well it's coming
from your purse.

- This is Holly,
I'll be right there.

- You set me up.

You know, I thought
you were a sister.

- Honey I'm not
even your cousin.

(upbeat music)

- I been waiting for this
massage for a long time, baby.


- And I'm sure you'll remember
it for a long time too.

(liquid squirting)

(man groaning)

- Ooh.

- Feel good?

- Yeah, hey let's say I
just roll over onto my back

here and we get
down to business.


I paid double at
the door, darling.

- [Dispatcher] Come
in, do you read me?

Officers in the vicinity to
Honk and Whore Park come in.

- What the hell is that?

(handcuffs jingling)

- I don't have time to
explain, just read yourself

the bill of rights
until I get back.

- Cop, huh?

Well what the hell, if
you're gonna bust me anyway,

what's say with go on
ahead and get naked.


What do you think?

- Well you are kind of
cute but I don't have time.

What's your name?

- John, John Riggers.

My friends, my lady
friends, you know

they just call me Long John.


- I'm Didi, ask for my
number at the station

and call me after
you post bail, okay?

- Didi and hey,

just be careful out there.

(dramatic music)

(sirens blaring)
(gun firing)

- Hey were are you going?

- Vice, am I the first one here?

- It looks like it, he's inside.

- Okey.

- Vice cop.

- Go right in.

(cat meowing)

- [Both] Freeze!

- Didi, what are you doing here?

- I received an
urgent police call.

- Yeah, well I can handle
this one by myself.

Why don't you go back to
your other so called case?

- No, why don't you?

- You know you're really
making a fool out of yourself.

Everyone knows the
only reason the academy

let you graduate is
because out of pity.

- Out of what!

- You heard me.

(cop shushing the ladies)

- What is that?

- Would you two keep it down?

- Oh great, another one.

(gun firing)

(dramatic music)

- Stay clear, just let
me get a shot at him.

- No way, this is my arrest.

- Says you.

- Just get out of my way.

(loud smacking)

(body thudding)

(upbeat rock music)

♪ Huh

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby you can cock it

♪ Put your finger
on the trigger

♪ Feel it getting bigger

♪ Move a little closer

♪ Let me dig it
in your holster

♪ Shoot my bullet

♪ I got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby you can cock it

♪ It's got a twelve inch bang

♪ And you can make it ring

♪ Blow me away just
give it to me right

♪ You better do it

♪ Shoot my bullet

♪ When you roll up in Levi's

♪ You can feel my
colt, yeah, .45

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby you can cock it

♪ Get fresh from undercover
but don't you hit the buzzer

♪ Looking for a put away, blow
my intentions, let's do it

♪ Bite my bullet

♪ Well you better
stop stripping

♪ Or you're gonna get
a pistol whippin

(dramatic music)

- Now let me get this straight,

which one of you got
in the way first?

- It was her fault.

- The hell it was.

- It was both their faults.

I've never seen such
unprofessional ethics before.

- Calm down now, it's
their first assignment

since they graduated
from the academy.

They're still new at this.

- Mm-hmm.

- And you wouldn't want to
make me look bad would you?

- Oh no, no, no, of
course not Ms. Devonshire.

There's always a place for
your girls on the force.

The question is, we
need to find something

a little more suited
for their talents.

- Thank you, sir.

- We were so close, you know
I could have had a clear

shot at him if it
wasn't for these two.

- [Both] Please.

- And they injured me too.

You know it's a good thing I
didn't file for workman's comp.

- You're right, you better
see a specialist about that.

- That I Will, sir.

Excuse me.

- Mm-hmm.

Ms. Devonshire, I want
you to go into my office.

There's a file on my desk,
it will have the starting

positions for your girls here.

You can brief 'em on it and then

I'll see you later on at
the introductory meeting.

Good day.

- Good day, sir.

- Bye.

(dramatic music)

(upbeat music)

- [Trucker] 32, 32.

- Breaker one nine for
that Big Daddy Trucker.

You out there?

- [Trucker] Is that
you little Jeannie?

- The one and only.

Now listen real
closely, I'll be faking

my next orgasm just for you.


- [Trucker On Radio] 22, 34.

- That's a big 10-4.

Petrolino, what
can I do for you?

- Well I had a little
accident on the job

and I was wondering if
you'd help me work it out.

- For you, anything.

(romantic music)

(Jeannie giggling)

(Petrolino sighing)

(Jeannie purring)

- Ooh.

- How does that feel?

- That's a start.

- Thank you girls, in your
first five minutes here

you've already managed to
humiliate me completely.

- We've been here more
than five minutes.

- Shut up, your
positions on the force

have already been decided
for you so get used to them.

You will be working
together as a team.

- What, that's impossible.

- I am not working with her.

- There is one other
assignment available

if you decide not to
work together as a team.

- [Both] I'll take it.

- It involves detailed
undercover work.

- [Both] I'll do it.

- Extensive research.

- [Both] I want it.

- The assignment is going
undercover as a prison inmate.

- [Both] She can have it.

- Wait a minute, my
father would never

let me go undercover
in a prison.

- Is that so?

- Whew, that's a
lot off my mind.

When your father's the chief

of police it does
have it's advantages.

So Didi I hope that
second assignment

won't be a problem for you.

- That's not fair.

- Well Holly, as
a matter of fact,

your father left me a note
concerning your career.

Would you like me to read it?

- Go right ahead.

- Dear Ms. Devonshire,
now that my daughter

is working on the force,
she is on her own.

No more special treatment
from me, you go right ahead

and give her any
assignment that seems fit.

I stand behind your
decisions 100%.

- You want to tell me about
some of those advantages?

- Shut up, Didi.

- Well what'll be, girls?

Teamwork or prison duty?

- Teamwork.

- Teamwork.

- What's that, I can't hear you?

- [Both] Teamwork.

- Very good, and remember,
if either of you fail

at working as a team,
you will automatically

be given the second
assignment, got that?

- Yeah.
- Yes.

- Now follow me, I'll show you
where you'll be working here.

(bell ringing)
(upbeat music)

- Excuse me, where's
your water cooler?

- Right down that hall.

- Thank you very much, madame.

- My pleasure.

- Give us a clue, what kind
of work are we going to get?

Riding around in a patrol car?

- Maybe a supervisory position

with others working below us.

- No something a
little more suitable.

(jazzy music)

(Jeannie yelling)

- Whoops.

(both laughing)

- That's not the first
time that's ever happened.

- Now you realize that resisting

an officer is a
criminal offense.

- Don't I know it.

(both giggling)

(Ms. Devonshire clearing throat)

- Well thank you very
much for that information.

- Sure no problem.

(clearing throat)

Excuse me.

- Jeannie, this
is Didi and Holly.

They'll be assisting you
with the switchboard.

- Hi, nice to meet ya.

- The switchboard, you
gotta be kidding me?

- The switchboard,
any problem with that?

- No.

- No.

- Good, I'll be back later
after you three get acquainted.

I'll be working on my speech.

Commissioner and fellow
officers of the law,

may I present the two graduates
who have made my life hell.

No wait, that's not it.

- So Jeannie, I
guess you're gonna

show us how the
switchboard works.

- Huh?

Oh yeah, sure.

See police calls come in on
this station and I dispatch

officers out to wherever
they're calling from.

- I see.

(loud buzzing)

- [Woman] Help me,

there's a man outside my window.

- Well if he's cute
get his number for me.

That gets boring really fast.

If you really want
to have some fun,

here's a frequency that
all the truckers use.

- What about that woman?

(static hissing)

- If it's important
she'll call back.

- [Trucker On Radio] 15, 39, 15.

- [Trucker On Radio] Little
Jeannie, you still out there?

This is Daddy Trucker calling.

- That's for me.

This is little Jeannie again.

I've got two new friends with
me, you want to meet them?

- [Trucker] Honey does a
bear shit in the woods?

(Jeannie giggling)

- Jeannie, what about
the police call?

- Shh, I want to introduce you.

I get a lot of dates this way.

Now think of two
handles that you

guys can use for for your name.

- Like what?

- [Trucker] Hey, what
happened to your friends?

- Oh they're still here.

I want you to meet
Begging For More

and Getting It All Night Long.

- That's disgusting.

- Well come on, say hello.

- Hello.

- [Trucker] Which one are you?

- Begging For More.

- [Trucker] Ooh-wee.

- Come on, it's your turn.

- No thank you.

- [Trucker] What
happened to your friend?

- She's a little shy.

- [Trucker] Sounds
like just my type.

- I don't think so.

(alarm buzzing)

- What's that?

(alarm buzzing)

- Oh it's a police
call coming in.

I better switch back.

You still out there,
Big Daddy Trucker?

Now don't forget to make a pit

stop next time you're in
town, I'll be waiting.

- [Trucker] Maybe I'll
bring some of my buddies

along for your friends
and we can party.

- Sounds good to me, also
don't forget to bring--

- Jeannie, the police call.

- [Jeannie] Oh.

- [Trucker] 10-4.

- Police station,
how may I serve you?

- [Lady On Phone] Yes, please
don't put me on hold again.

There's shooting going on,
out in front of where I live.

Please send an officer out.

- Ma'am, are you sure it's
just not a car backfiring?

- [Lady On Phone]
I'm pretty sure.

All of my front windows
have been blown out.

Can you please send
someone out now?

- Okay, all right, all right.

Tell me where you live.

- [Lady On Phone]
I'm at the corner

of Cowanga and Lancerscot.

- Okay, if I send someone
out, will you promise

not to call me back, how's that?

- [Lady On Phone]
Oh yes, thank you.

- Oh hold on a minute.

(upbeat music)
(all chattering)

- So, after she finishes taking
care of me and my friends.

She says, "I'm getting tired."

I didn't care, I
passed her around

the room like a dirty magazine.

You know what I'm saying?

(officers laughing)

- [Officer] Oh my.

- Anyway, Jeannie, we were
just talking about you.

- Really, well I hope
it was something nice.

Oh I got a call for you,
Cowanga and Lancerscon,

some woman thinks there's
shooting going on.

Why don't you go check it out?

- Sure thing.

Hey, don't forget our
date later tonight right.

- How could I, Big Night Stick?

(officers laughing)

Excuse me.

- Jeannie, how well
do you know Petrolino?

- How well do I know him?

Honey, he's the one that makes

all the promotions around here.

- You're joking, right?

- Yeah, you're not serious.

- Dead serious.

Honey, if you ever
expect to move

up the ladder in this place,

that's the hiney you
better start kissing up to.

- Goodbye, Jeannie.

- Bye.

(seductive music)

(phone ringing)

Oh, would you get that for me?

- Hello, it's a free clinic?

No, I think you have
the wrong number.

There's nobody here
named Bambi Jo Creamshe.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, that's
for me, that's for me.

It's just a little
name I use down there.

Yes, speaking.

It's today, really?

Well I'll be right down.

I've got to run,
the two of you can

handle things around
here, can't you?

- Well I don't know.

- Well good, it puts
my mind at ease.

Oh by the way, the
clinics running

a two for one special today.

Either one of you
want to join me?

It'd be my treat.

- Thanks anyway.

- No, okay.

(light synth music)

Bye now.

(dramatic music)

(gun firing)

- Shit.

Come in, do you read me?

(gun firing)

Come in.

(alarm buzzing)

- Listen, a call's coming in.

- Hey, do you read me?

This is Big Night
Stick, do you read me?

- Big Night Stick, it sounds
like one of Jeannie's friends.

Don't real police calls
ever come in here?

- I'm gonna talk to him.

- That figures.

- We hear ya, Big Night Stick.

- Jeannie, is that you?

Listen I'm in my car right now.

I've just been met by an unexpected
visitor, I need backups.

- Yeah right.

- This isn't Jeannie,
this is Begging For More.

- Whoever this is,
I need backups.

(gun firing)

- What is that, I can't hear
him over all that noise.

- I don't know, I think he
said he needs a backrub.

- Why don't you talk to him?

- No.

- Go on, have a little fun.

Big Night Stick, here's my friend
Getting It All Night Long.

- Can you hear me?

I don't know how much
longer I can hold out.

(gun firing)

- Sounds like a party, go on
and flirt with him a little.

- I'd rather not.

- Well if you think
you can't do it.

- Hey Big Night Stick, this
is Getting It All Night Long.

Why don't you hold out and
save it for me big boy.

(dramatic music)

(officer groaning)
(loud smacking)

- [Criminal] Here's your backup.

- Big Night Stick,
where's your party at?

Give me the scoop and
we'll join your group.

(officer groaning)

Treat me right and we
can party all night.

Let's drink a little potion
and start a commotion.


- You're pretty good at this.

- It's just like my old job.

- Yeah, what you do before?

- Phone sex.

Hey everybody out there within
a 30 mile radius, listen up.

This is Begging For More,
there's a party at my place

at 625 Clinton Way, if I'm
not home when you get there,

the keys right under the mat.

- How did a bunch of hookers
get ahold to our frequency?

- I don't know, sir.

(suspenseful music)

- Well you, Pet.

(dramatic music)

Petrolino, what happened?

- Who was working the
switchboard today?

- I think Jeannie is.

- No it's not, whoever it
is almost got me killed.

(dramatic music)

- Yoo-hoo Big Night Stick,
are you still out there.

Get a listen to this.

- Here's my mating call.


(panting heavily)

(officer clearing his throat)

- What do you two
think you're doing?

- Commissioner.

- I knew it had to be them.

- But, we were just doing
what Jeannie taught us.

- And who were you
just speaking to?

- No one important, just some
guy named Big Night Stick.

Sounded like he
was having a party.

- Yeah, and what a dweeb.


- Girls, you were talking
over the police radio.

- And I'd like you to meet,
Big Night Stick, sorry.

(dramatic music)

- What, that's you?

- I was right in the
middle of gunfire

and these two are
screwing around.

They're trying to get me killed.

- This is a police station,
not a dating service.

- Sir, it's their
first day, I'm sure

it was just an innocent mistake.

- No, no, that's it, I
want these two fired.

And you know my feelings about
having women on the force.

- What's that about
women on the force?

- They're not good for nothing.

- That's anything,
and you're wrong.

- I want 'em out of here.

Hey, I'm warning you,
it's either me or them.

- Commissioner, the
ceremony's starting.

They're waiting for you.

- I'll be right there,
Petrolino, come on.

- Come along, girls.

(dramatic music)

- Take it easy, slime bucket.

(phone ringing)

- Excuse me.

- No damage done.

(water bubbling)

- [Lady In Car] How did it
go, did anyone spot you?

- Nope, and
everything's in place.

- Ah, perfect.

I hope they're ready for their
first taste of Spanish Fly.

(both laughing)

- Mmm.

- Oh good, our first victim.

(both laughing)

(all chattering)

(officers laughing)

(light synth music)
(Ms. Devonshire laughing)

- Excuse me.

(clearing throat)

- Yello, welcome
to our assembly.

May I present Ms. Devonshire.

(Ms. Devonshire laughing)

Now she's here to
introduce two of the finest

Vice Academy students
who are about

to become new additions to
our force, Ms. Devonshire.

(all clapping)

(light synth music)
(Ms. Devonshire laughing)

- Thank you Commissioner and
fellow officers of the law.

Ooh is it getting warm in here?

(Ms. Devonshire groaning)

Oh Commissioner,
fellow officers,

oh may I present
the two graduates

who made my life, oh is
it hot in here or what?

Oh, does anybody want to dance?

Oh yes, oh it's so warm.

(jazzy music)

Oooh, ooooh.

- Ms devonshire, Ms.
Devonshire, Ms. Devonshire,

perhaps I can finish your
speech for you all right.

- Oh dip me, dip me.

- Dip you.

- [Didi] What's the
matter with her?

- [Holly] I don't know, go
get her some more water.

- Yeah.

- Oh.

(water bubbling)

- Here.

- That's good, that's good.

(both laughing)

- Hand me the walkie-talkie.

(dramatic music)

Come on.

Oh come on.

Attention fools,
attention fools.


You've just had your first
demonstration of my power.


I've tainted the
water in your cooler

with my very special formula.


This is your first
taste of Spanish Fly.

And in heavier doses it can
destroy an entire population.

And if I don't get

in the next 48 hours, oh I'm
gonna have to contaminate

the whole water
supply in the country.


I'll call you later with my plan

of where I want my
money delivered.

Heed my warning, fools.


Come on, burn rubber.

(suspenseful music)

(tires screeching)

- This is an outrage.

Oh she's beyond reasoning.

In the past I thought all her

warnings were just idle threats.

Imagine contaminating the water

supply in the police station.

Is there no justice?

- She's right, she's right.

Go over there and make sure
nobody uses that water cooler

until there's a
full investigation.

- Yes, sir.

- It's rumored that
Spanish Fly's headquarters

are hidden within the
Vicearama, the sleaziest,

seediest, and vilest
nightclub in town.

- That place isn't so
bad, they have good

drink specials at happy hour.

- Shut up!

Commissioner, I want
you to make an exception

and let these girls
get jobs there.

If anyone can go
undercover in that

sleaze pit, it's these two.

If that is Spanish
Fly's hideout,

she's got a big surprise coming.

- Anything you say,
Ms. Devonshire.

- We'll get right on it.

- You can count on us.

(upbeat music)

- You must have a lot of
faith in those two girls

to give them such an
important assignment.

- Yes, I think
the world of them.

Thank you.

- I really like your suit.

- This old thing?

(upbeat music)

- Come on, I'll drive.

- Can I trust you?

- Sure.

- You still listen
to 8-track tapes?

- No, I have a CD player.

I just keep those on the dash
so nobody'll steal my radio.

Wait 'til you hear
my sound system.

(rock music)
(tires screeching)

Oh come on, it wasn't that loud.

- What!

(upbeat electronic music)
(club goers cheering)

- Can I help you two?

- Yes, we're here to
apply for the job opening.

- Oh I see, come in, meet me

in my back office
in a few minutes.

- We got the interview, come on

the place should
be cooking already.

- What?

- Hey, we're dressing in here.

- I need this room, hurry up.

- And close the door,
people can look in here.

- It's nothing they're not gonna
see in a couple of minutes.

- Hey, fuck you.


- Hey, ah.

- I don't like
this place already.

I feel like all the men here

are undressing me
with their eyes.

- It's just your imagination,
try to look like you fit in.

- What are you trying to--

- [Waitress] Coming through.

- What, are you trying
to say it doesn't

look like I can
fool these people?

- No, it's just you're
always so uptight.

- Is that so?

(upbeat electronic music)
(club goers cheering)

I can't find my wallet.

- Didi.

- You know this is illegal.

- Have a seat.

I hope you girls realize that

there's only one
position available.

- Good, may the best one win.

(body thudding)

Remember, working as a team.

- What makes you feel that
you're qualified for this job?

- My morals are low
and so is my IQ.

- And what about you?

- I'll do anything
to get this job.

- So Will I.

- Are you two sure you know
what we're looking for?

- No, but whatever
it is, I'll do it.

- I was born doing it.


- Listen girls, I
think there's been

some kind of mistake here.

- What do you mean?

- The job that's available
is for a bookkeeper.

Neither one of you
two are qualified.

- [Both] A bookkeeper?

(upbeat music)

- This was all your fault.

- My fault, what about
your vulgar display?

- What you did was low.

- I wanted to be
that bookkeeper.

(crowd cheering)

(upbeat music)

- You mean out of
the two of you,

neither one was
able to get the job?

- We tried.

- This is unbelievable.

Do you realize how bad
you're making me look?

What am I supposed to
tell the commissioner now?

- It wasn't my fault.

I didn't know the job
was for a bookkeeper.

I was just trying to
act cheap like Didi.

- That's enough.

I hope you realize that
Petrolino has already

put in a request to have the
two of you taken off the force.

And with both of you out of
here, I'll lose my job also.

(dramatic music)

Taken off the force, taken off

the force, taken off the force.

That's right, we're gonna
break out of here tonight.

And if you aren't with
us, we're gonna shoot you.

(girl screaming)
(gun firing)

Both of you out of here,
both of you out of here.

Both of you out of here.

I'd like you to meet
your new cellmate.

- She's cute.

- I lose my job also,

lose my job also,
I lose my job also.

(festive music)

That's enough.

Now, you little
monsters are gonna

play pin the tail on the donkey

whether you like it or not.

Now begin.

(gun firing)
(kids screaming)

Oh, either the two
of you start working

together as a team or
suffer the consequences.

(dramatic music)
(Petrolino laughing)

- Well I'll see you
later for our date.

- Sure thing, babe.

Hey listen, I'll get
you off the switchboard

and have you a better
job before you know it.

- You're so sweet.

- Oh I know.

- I just remembered, I have
a very important appointment.

- Oh, me too, likewise.

(upbeat music)

- Hi there.

- What the hell do you want?

- I wanted to apologize
for my previous behavior.

Took me a while to
come to my senses.

- Yeah, so what are
you trying to say?

- Well I finally
realized what a hunk

of man you are
and I'd be foolish

not to take a sample
of that Grade-A beef.

- I see, so you got
anything in mind?

- You tell me when and where.

(upbeat music)

- Hmm, I think I
can squeeze you in

tonight about eight o'clock.

How does that sound?

- I'll be there with bells on.

- Great, look up my
address in the white pages.

I deliver.

- Officer Petrolino, where
have you been hiding yourself?

Got any plans for
dinner tonight?

(jazz music)

- Didi, right on time.

- Hi.

- I guess you don't like
to keep your studs waiting.

- What a lovely table
setting, I'm impressed.

- Oh thank you.

- What's for dinner?

- Well see it's a special
one of a kind dish.

I call it beef Petrolino.

- What are the ingredients?

(Petrolino clears throat)

- You're looking at 'em.

- Where's your bathroom?

- Oh it's right inside.

- Excuse me.

- Sure.

(Didi retching)

(toilet flushing)

Hey, I got a surprise for you.

- Really?

- How'd you like to wear
this and make me happy?

- I'd love to.

- Great, my bedroom's
right in there.

Why don't you change and
I'll meet you in a minute?

- I can hardly wait.

(phone ringing)

- [Petrolino] Hello
you lucky girl you,

I can't take your
call right now.

Leave me your name and number
so I can make your day.

- [Jeannie] Hi, this is Jeannie,

I just wanted to tell you what

a great time I
just had with you.

I'm really sorry that
I had to run off.

I would have loved to have
spent the whole night.

Oh by the way, I left my
underwear with you by mistake.

You can't miss it, it's
the green sparkly ones.

They're probably still warm.


- They are still warm.

Eww yuck!

- [Jeannie] I'll just get
it back from you next time.

Just remember that
they're mine, bye now.

- I can't stay.

- What's the matter?

- I'm going to the hospital to
have a severe conniption fit.

(Didi sighing)

(door clicking)

- What a pity.

(upbeat music)

- Hi.

- Oh Holly, well
you're the early bird.

- Well I wanted to
get it over with.

I mean, wild horses
couldn't keep me away.

(Petrolino chuckling)

- So, you made dinner.

- No, it didn't turn out right.

- Are you looking for something?

- Well I did have something
I wanted you to wear

but I don't see where it went.

- That's okay I brought my own.

Do you like it?

- Oh yeah.

- Listen I think
I'ma go freshen up.

- Oh wait, I have a
special present for you.

- Really, that's sweet.

- Here, your own
personal toothbrush.

- Wow, thanks.

I'll be right back.


11 years in private school,

two years at the police
academy and now this.

If my father could
only see me now.



- I bet you thought about me
the whole time you were gone.

- That I did.

Please let it be over
quick, please let

me be able to imagine that
I'm with someone else.

Please don't let him
leave the lights on.

- Did you say something?

- No.

- Ooh, ooh.

(phone ringing)

Hello you lucky girl you, I
can't take your call right now.

I'm sorry, I'll
just be a minute.

- Take your time.

- Hello.

(clears throat)

Shaunie, yeah long time no see.

Yeah, sure I got time for you.

What are you doing
in about an hour?

Yeah, oh no, no, no, I'm not
doing anything important.

Actually I can
hardly wait to have

your hot mouth on my body again.


Yeah, yeah, I'll see
you in a little while.

Oh and I'll have your special
toothbrush waiting for you.

Yeah, bye.

Hey, where you going?

- I have never seen
so much colossal

nerve before in my entire life.

How could you make
a date with her

when I was still
in bed with you?

- Yeah but you get the benefit
of her making me horny.

- Ugh!


- Hey wait, come back.

You haven't even
tried my hot tub yet.

(upbeat music)

- Hi y'all.

- Hi.

- I heard about the three ways

you two had with
Petrolino last night.

- What?

- I thought it sounded
pretty raunchy to me.

- Where did you hear this?


- Well in the men's locker room.

- The men's locker room, huh?

- How did you get in there?

- Oh I just throw my
hair up in a baseball cap

and wrap a towel around me and
no one even knows I'm there.

- Listen that story
is 100% fiction.

- Yeah, and I saw
Elvis at the mall.

- This is ridiculous, how can
you even listen to that shit?

- Well all the other officers
seem to believe it too.

- What?

- I can't believe you had the
nerve to go to his apartment.

- Oh, what's the difference?

It didn't work for
either one of us.

- Well I didn't let him
touch me, what about you?

- Oh get serious, if you
didn't did you think I would?

(men laughing)


(men laughing)

- First we went
around the world,

then I was the meat
in their sandwich.

- The things you see when
you don't have a camera.

- Yeah man, that Didi and Holly,

I never seen two babes more
happy with my body, my life.

(man laughing)

- That does it.

(dramatic music)

(door slamming)

- Hey, this is the
men's locker room.

- [Didi] Shut up.

- Hey what are
you doing in here?

- Ha, Big Night Stick,
more like cocktail weenie.


- Hey you know what, I never hit

a woman before in
my life but I'm--

- Go on, come on I dare you.

Slap me senseless,
punch my lights out.

- Hey, I'm warning you.

- Go on I dare you,
if you're man enough.

(Petrolino grunting)

(dramatic music)

(ominous music)

- The map is completed,
every major water supply

in the United States
has been marked.

And if they don't give
us the 20 million dollars

that we've asked
for, we're ready

to show them we mean business.

- 20 million bucks
is a lot of money.

- Yeah, I can hardly
wait to get my cut.

- Your cut, girls you make
400 bucks a week at the club.

If I have to share
this money with you,

I can't pay you your
regular salaries.

You wouldn't want to miss out on

your guaranteed 400
bucks a week, would you?

- Well, no.

- Me neither.

- Good, hand me the telephone.

Thank you.

Now be quiet, I don't want them

to know our location, okay?


(phone dialing)


(phone ringing)

- Devonshire here.

- All right Devonshire, this
is Spanish Fly, got that?

Spanish Fly, I'm ready to
give you my list of demands

and I expect every one
of them to be followed.

And remember, you
know who this is

but you don't know
where I'm calling from.

Hey got that, you don't
know where I'm calling from.


- [Operator] This
is the operator,

I have an emergency phone
call for Spanish Fly

at 555-3599, it's
from your mother.

Do you wish to release the line?

- No, I don't wish
to release the line!

- That was Spanish
Fly, I've just got

the phone number she
was calling from.

We can run a make on it and
get her exact location now.

- Good, good, good, 'cause
we're running out of time.

- Now that we know
her whereabouts,

I'm sure my girls can stop her.

- You know, Ms. Devonshire,

I've been meaning to talk
to you about those two.

- Well what about them?

- Well I'm afraid they're
just not up to vice squad par.

(paper ripping)

This case is too important
to me for any more mistakes.

Besides I've been
wanting to try out

this new secret weapon
I've been working on.

In fact, I'm revealing
it at the unveiling

ceremony in just 10 minutes.

Now I expect to see
you there, officer.

(dramatic music)

(all chattering)

- Get out of my way.

(quirky music)

(bones crunching)


(microphone feedback ringing)

- I'm sure that you all
understand the urgency

which this meeting
has been called.

Spanish Fly has proceeded
with her plans and up

until now there's nothing
we've been able to do about it.

We can make no more
mistakes on our part.

We need a new vice
cop on the force.

One who's fool proof, one who
won't make any more screw ups.

(dramatic music)

And now the final solution.

May I present the future
of vice enforcement.

Half woman, half
machine, all trash.

I'd like you to meet,


- [Crowd] Ooh.

(all clapping)

- You can't be
serious, this robot

isn't gonna replace my
girls on the vice force.

- Oh no, she'll not
only replace 'em,

she'll do a much better job too.

Myron, Myron, where
are you, come out here.

Myron, oh.

- And who is this?

- This is Myron, he is
the creator of BimboCop.

- And when did you
build this robot,

between watching cartoons?

- No, actually I built her

while I was watching
music videos.

(crowd murmuring)

- I don't like it already
and I won't stand for it.

- I agree completely, this
sets women back 100 years.

- Oh no, no, no, give it a
chance, give it a chance.

Myron, demonstration.

(electronic whirling)
(dramatic music)

(Commissioner laughing)

- Yes, but can she speak?

(metal squeaking)

- You're not deaf,
don't be dumb.

- [Audience] Whoa.

- I like her.

- She looks a lot
like you, Didi,

they must've made her
out of cheap metal.

(metal squeaking)

- Oh I forgot to mention,
the robot is very good

at detecting who
its enemies are.

- Tell us more.

- Well, the access
code box sets her mood.

(Jeannie laughing)

You can choose the
setting you want.

I can put her on
access code casual

if you'd like to have a
conversation with her.

(metal squeaking)

Or access code vengeful,
and she'll find her enemies.

(ominous music)

Of course there's always
access code rampage,

but I can't show
you that one in here

(head thudding)
(Holly whimpering)

- No, no, of corse not.

Myron remind me to
give your school

a special donation for
all this fine work.

In fact, Ms. Devonshire,
write out a check

for $100 now, huh.

- But sir, the robot has
over $10,000 in parts alone.

Not to mention the medical bills

after my accident
with the welding.

- Ah what the hey,
make it a 150.

- This doesn't prove anything.

I'd like to see a demonstration
of the robot at work.

- Well certainly,
I'll just change

her to access code work mode.

What job would you
like to see her do?

- I don't know, what
do you suggest, Myron?

- Would you like to see her
find and destroy her enemies?

- Oh yeah.

- No, not that.

- Let her do something easy.

- Yeah, that's a good idea.

I'll tell you what, let's
put her on the switchboard.

Why any dumbo can do that job.

- [Myron] She could
do that easily.

- Hey, wait a minute.

- Come on.

(dramatic music)
(metal squishing)

(alarm buzzing)
(electronic whirring)

- A call's coming
in, what happens now?

- I'll just start her up.

(electronic whirring)

- Police station,
how may I serve you?

(voice squeaking)

Yes I know where that is, I'll
send someone out right away.

Would you like to hold on the
line until they get there?

(voice squeaking)

Yes, thank you.

Attention, there's been a
breaking and entering reported

at the corner of
Effie ad Rowena.

Officers 211 and 214 please
report at once, thank you.

- Isn't that amazing?

- Yeah, real keen.

- I have another call, could you

please hold for just a minute?

Thank you.

Hello, police station,
how may I serve you?

Jeannie, it's Daddy Trucker.

I'll put him on for you.

- No wait.

Just take a message for me.

- [Trucker] Hey, little Jeannie,

I've got the party line waiting.

I've got my pants off already.

Have I got a little
present for you.

- And I also have a message
for you from your gynecologist.

He wants to remind you of
your appointment tomorrow.

He says he thinks
he has a new cream

to try on that rash of yours.

- Jeannie, I'd like a
word with you, right now.

(dramatic music)

- Fired, me fired?

How could you?

- Now, now, now, now, don't
think of it as fired Jeannie,

think of it as replaced.

- Replaced, by that
bucket of bolts?

You haven't heard
the last of this yet.

Fired, me fired.

That damn robot got me fired.

You know, I work
hard for my paycheck

and I give my landlord
a piece of that.

And now I'm gonna
be sitting on my ass

all month long, just what is
he gonna get a piece of now?

- All right, all right out.

- [Jeannie] Ooh.

- I want to make our move
on Vicearama tonight.

Now first, first we'll
call in the vice officers,

and then we'll
bring in BimboCop.

Oh Spanish Fly will
never know what hit her.


I want everyone
in tip top shape.

Come on, men.

(upbeat music)

(phone ringing)

- Commissioner, call
for you on line one.

- Hello, hello?

Hello, hello, hello?

(dramatic music)

- So take my job on the force,

well we'll just see about that.

(electronic beeping)

There now, let's just see
how much value you have

while you're set to
access code worthless.

There, I feel much better.

(dramatic music)

- Okay, we have an hour
to get into the club

and find Spanish Fly's hideout
before BimboCop gets here.

Are you ready to go inside?

- Let's just do it.

- And try to let me do
the talking this time.

- Don't start with
me again, Didi.

(upbeat electronic music)

- Yeah, what do you want?

- We're here to get to work.

- Oh yeah, none
of the women that

work here look as
cheap as you two.

Wait a minute, I
remember you two.

You don't work here, beat it.

- I told you to let
me do the talking.

- But I--

- Are you two still here?

- I think you misunderstood,
what she meant to say is

we're here to get to work
delivering a stripping telegram.

- Oh, well that's
different, come on in.

- Thank you.

- The things a girl's
gotta do to make a living.

- Check this place out.

Where do you think
her hideout could be?

(feedback ringing)

- And now, a special treat.

Tonight only, two new
broads are gonna do

a special strip tease
just for you guys.

(club goers cheering)

- What do we do now?

- I'm not backing
out of this one.

I don't know about
you but I'm prepared

to go all the way if necessary.

- Ha, you probably don't even
know how to shake your pelvis.

(record scratching)

(upbeat music)
(crowd cheering)

- Two grasshoppers, two
beers, and a Singapore Sling.

(glasses clanking)

(loud smacking)

- What the hell is this?

- Yeah I thought
our show was next.

- In a minute.

- We can do a lot
better than those two.

- I'll say.

- Yeah, well you got to admit,

they dance pretty good for cops.


- [Crowd] More, more!

More more!


Take it off!

(crowd cheering)


- Let me through.

Get out of my way.

Young man, put your
eyes back in your head.

Girls get off that stage.


Honestly, can't you two
ever keep your clothes on?

- Well the whole
thing was Didi's idea.

- Ms. Devonshire, what
are you doing here?

- Who do you think got the job
as a bookkeeper, you idiots?

(gun cocking)

- Welly, well, well,
look what we have here.

Not two cops but three.

- You're making a big
mistake, I'm a bookkeeper.

And I was just telling
these girls how much

I was disgusted by their show.

- Yeah, and we
really are strippers.

- Save it, we got a metal
detector at the door.

It went ape shit when you
two walked through it.

You're packing enough
hardware, you got to be cops.

- No, you've got it all wrong.

It's just our cheap, our cheap
jewelry, that set it off.

(metal clinking)

- Aphrodisia, Felatia,
get me their purses.

Go ahead, look inside it.

Just as I thought.

All right, get going.

(dramatic music)

- Looks like you three won't
be anymore trouble tonight.

- Yeah and I can
dance better than you

with both feet tied
behind my back.

- And might I just
add that you look

flattering with these
ropes around you.

When you work in
a place like this,

it's women like you
that really turn me on.

- Shoot me if you must, but for

God's sake keep
your hands off me.

(alarm blaring)

- Well looks like somebody
else is packing some hardware.

Check it out, girls.

- You got it.

(alarm blaring)

(upbeat music)
(crowd cheering)

- Can we help you?

- Yeah, I'm looking for
some babes here tonight.

You two look like
you can satisfy me

for about the first hour or so.

- Oh really?

- Yeah, then you can
send in the second shift.

After you two catch your breath,

maybe I'll let you
come back for seconds.

- Oh lucky us.

- I can hardly wait to
get my hands on you.

- Me either.

- Girls, girls, come
on, there's plenty

of me to go around right.


Hey, yeah.

- I just can't help myself.

- [Felatia] Oh let me at him.

- Hey take it easy girls, huh.

- Don't move, asshole.

- How did you know I had a gun?

- I took one look at you
the minute you came in.

No one can be that
happy to see us.

- Come on, let's go.

(Petrolino groaning)

- Oh great.

- Yeah and we're gonna
tie this one up the back.

- And if he's anything
like he says he is,

Spanish Fly is gonna want
this one for herself.

(girls laughing)

(suspenseful music)

- Okay, now get undressed.

(ominous synth music)

- So look at what we have here.

Ooh Devonshire, so
we meet face to face.

So what have you got
to say now, hmm, huh?

- It's not over
yet, Spanish Fly.

- Ha, big words
from a small mind.

(Spanish Fly laughing)

- We've got another one for you

in the playroom, Spanish Fly.

- Yeah, and I think
you'll like this one.

- Oh good, it'll give me
something to do later.

Yes, I have plans for
you three right now.

Horace, bring me
my special formula.

- Yes, boss.

(Spanish Fly laughing
and squealing)

(liquid bubbling)

- Oh, here it is, Spanish Fly
in it's pure undiluted form.

One close is fatal, it'll kill
you through your own libido.

(liquid bubbling)

Yes, I do think I'm
ready to see it work.

Who wants to die from ecstasy?

How about you, girlie?

- No thanks, maybe later.

- [Spanish Fly] Oh
shut up, just get

ready for your taste
of Spanish Fly.

(whimsical music)

- It's been nice
knowing you, Didi.

(seductive music)

(Didi breathing heavy)

(Didi groaning and yelling)

- Oh, it should be
over any minute now.

- Somebody got a cigarette?

- It didn't work,
that's impossible.

- Can I have some more please,
I'm coming off it fast.

- You made a big mistake
picking her, Spanish Fly.

Her sex drive is so high that

your drug has no effect on her.

- Now we'll see when
I increase the dosage.

(alarm blaring)

What is that?

- Sounds like a hardware store.

- All right Spanish Fly, get
ready to meet your maker.

- What is Frederick's
of Hollywood here?

(gun cocking)

- What is that?

- Meet BimboCop, the newest
addition to our force.

Go ahead Spanish
Fly, it's your move.

- Jesus, is that
thing dangerous?

- Sorry I'm late, I was
going to come in the front

but I wanted to be
less conspicuous.

- What's wrong with her?

- I'm here to get to work,

don't you still have
a job here for me?

Wait a minute, I think
I said that backwards.

I know on second
thought, why don't I just

leave and come back
in a second time.

- So Devonshire, this is what
you've threatened me with?

- She has you fooled.

- Do you think you could
come over here and sit down?

There you go, there you
go, please sit down.

(Spanish Fly singing)
(dramatic music)

Oh there we go, comfy, yes?

To think my hard earned
tax paying dollars

went to build this pile of junk.

- Spanish Fly,
don't forget what's

waiting for you in the playroom.

- Yeah and his badge says his
codename is Big Night Stick.

(girls laughing)

- Oh thank you.

Well I'll just see if he
can live up to his name.

Oh fuck, will you
get back to work.

Look this group isn't going
anywhere, come on, Jesus.

(dramatic organ music)

So, what have we got here?

- I feel naked without my badge.

- Oh baby, my girls
really do have

good taste, they
know what I like.

- What are you doing?

Stop that.

- Oh honey even you should be
able to figure that one out.

Oh come on, I can't wait any
longer, get it up, come on.

I can't wait any longer,
come on, get it up.

(girls laughing)

Big Night Stick, boy it looks

more like a little
cocktail weenie to me.

(girls laughing)

- I don't understand it,
this afternoon that robot

was in perfect
working condition.

Now it's acting
just like you two.

What would make it so
worthless all of a sudden?

- Look, someone's
altered her control belt.

(belt beeping)

- She's right, it's
been set on worthless.

- What?

- Let me see if I can fix it.

(belt beeping)

(metal creaking)
(dramatic music)

Attagirl, BimboCop.

- Get 'em.

- So then the guy says, "No,
the drink is for my duck."

(both laughing)

- Oh it's only that lame robot.

(both laughing)

(metal creaking)

Dammit, what happened?

- I don't know but that robot's
sure upset about something.

(dramatic music)

(gun cocking)

- What's the joke?

(metal creaking)

- Here's the joke, get
ready for a big bust.

(Horace groaning)

(metal creaking)
(Horace groaning)

What are you waiting for?

Got get 'em.

- Come on, get it up!

- Spanish Fly,
run, the jig is up.

(dramatic organ music)

(metal creaking)

(Spanish Fly yelling)

She's right behind us.

(both yelling)

(bodies thudding)

(sirens blaring)

- Oh, don't hurt
me, don't hurt me.

(body thudding)

- [Man] Come on, you're
blocking my radar.

- I want you to tell
your friends about me.

(grand music)

- When will you insects ever
learn that crime doesn't pay.

(metal creaking)
(radio chattering)

(sirens blaring)

(ominous music)

- Hey, somebody
help me, let me go.

(girls laughing)

(girls laughing)

Good, I'm glad you two are here.

Unchain me, all right?

- What have we here?

- It looks like a turkey
all stretched out.

- It's not funny.

- Poor Petrolino, all tied
up in a room with two babes

who can't get enough
of his hot body.

- The things you see when
you don't have a camera.

- Hey come on, just
get me down okay.

- If we let you go are
you gonna take back

your request to have us fired?

- What?

- You know I think I do
have a camera in my purse.

- [Didi] Really.

- All right, all
right, all right,

I'll take back my request.

- So now do you think that women

can be as good a cop as men?

- Yes, just get me down
off of this, all right?

(girls laughing)


- Wait 'til the guys at
work hear about this one.

(dramatic music)

- Whoa, whoa, ah!

(upbeat music)

- Girls, today I
can stand proud.

Spanish Fly is behind
bars, the request to get

you fired has been
lifted, and we're about

to be honored at
an awards ceremony.

I wonder how long this can last?

- Ms. Devonshire, how much time
before the ceremony starts?

- About 15 minutes, why?

- I'll be right back.

- Me too.

- First she tied up
Petrolino so he was helpless,

then he couldn't
get it up and she

was really getting
upset with him.

- Really?

- Oh yeah, and you should've
seen what she looked like.

- Come on get to the good part.

- Well after he disappointed
her, Holly and I

had to come in and let him go.

And you should've seen
him, sniveling like a baby.

(all laughing)

- Petrolino, there goes
your reputation now.


(quirky music)

- Yeah right.

- Are you busy, sir?

- Hmm, oh no, no, not
at all, not at all,

come right in, what
can I do for you Hol?

- Well, since I was the one
who was most responsible

for capturing Spanish Fly, I
was just wondering if there

was some sort of an award being
given at today's ceremony.

- You know as a matter
of fact there is.

I'm gonna be honoring the best

new addition to the force, hmm.

- Good, I just hope
that you're fully aware

of my contribution to the case.

I mean getting an
award like this

would make me look very
good in my father's eyes.

- Oh I'm sure,
I'm sure it would.

But you know actually
Holly, you're not

the one I was thinking of
giving that award to dear.

- What?

- Well from what I
understand BimboCop

was the one that did
most of the work.

Now, BimboCop should be the one

that gets credit for
capturing Spanish Fly.

- That robot, you
can't be serious.

- I can't?

Well sure I can.

- Well try and reconsider.

When BimboCop showed
up at the club

she was the easiest
one to capture.

- Oh now, now, now, that was
merely a clever rouse, dear.

Uh, if you'll excuse me,
it's time for that ceremony.

Come on, you don't
want to miss it.

- Yeah right.

(dramatic music)

- [Lady On Phone] Your advisor.

(radio chattering)

- BimboCop, this
is gonna hurt you

a lot more than
it's gonna hurt me.

(belt beeping)

All set, see you at the awards.

(electronic crashing)

(upbeat music)

- Testing, test,
testing one, two, three.

Now, welcome and
greetings to our assembly.

I'm sure you all know
by now that Spanish Fly

and her cohorts were successfully
captured last night.

(audience clapping)

Now may I present to you,
the one most responsible

for bringing in Spanish Fly.

(audience murmuring)

Let's all give a
round of applause

to the finest new cop
on the force, BimboCop.

(audience clapping)
(meatal creaking)

- I want to thank you
all for your applause.

Capturing Spanish Fly
was my first mission

and I'm proud it went so well.

But most of all I
want to say this.

(steam blowing)
(dramatic music)

(explosion booming)
(audience screaming)

(dramatic music)
(audience murmuring)

- She's gone.

- It's all right, sir.

- Well, will I ever find another

woman who can fill her shoes?

- Well now that that's
over with, why don't we

get on with the awards ceremony.

Surely there must
be another officer

who's worthy of the award.

I mean there were several
of us on the case.

- I suppose you're right, Holly.

- I was the one that got
us into the club so easily.

- Actually I did that one.

- Girls, not now.

- And I was the one
that took charge

during the interview when
we went there to get jobs.

- Yeah but we didn't
get those jobs.

- Stop nitpicking,
Didi, it's clear

to see who deserves the award.

- Myron, what are
you doing back there?

- The access control box, I
think someone sabotaged her.

- You're sure?

- Why don't we worry
about this later?

- No, no, no, no, no,
there's some dirty work

afoot, I want to know about it.

- Just as I thought, someone's
tampered with her box.

- Hey, it wasn't me.

- Don't worry, the robot
had a built in memory.

It'll show us the last
person to sabotage her.

(dramatic music)

(box beeping)

(audience booing)

- Well, Didi I suppose
you earned this.

Come on, come on.

- Thank you sir,
but I would like

to share the honor of this award

with my partner, who's efforts
should not go unrewarded.

Because if it wasn't for her,
I wouldn't be here right now.

Let's hear it for BimboCop.

(dramatic music)

- Thank you everyone.

(upbeat music)

- Well, Ms. Devonshire,
I hope that you're proud

that one of your former
students received that award.

- Yes, I suppose Didi is the
one who deserved it the most.

- Mm-hmm.

- By the way, what happened
to the water cooler?

(dramatic music)

- John, it's Didi, I'll
be home in 10 minutes,

and I hope you're thirsty.

- And my last cell
mate, she wasn't

as pretty as you.


That's why I had
to strangle her.

Of course it wasn't my fault,
she kept telling me no.

- Excuse me.

Guard, I think there's
been a mistake!

Guard, can somebody
get me the warden!

- 10 p.m., lights out, ladies!

(Holly screaming)

(explosion booming)
(upbeat jazzy music)



(jazz music)

(festive carnival music)

(upbeat synth music)

(funky music)