Vice Academy (1989) - full transcript

- You're late, you think

I got nothing better

to do than sit around

and wait all night?

Hey, sorry, Snake,

I just wanna make sure

I wasn't followed.

Shut up, let me see the stuff.

- Right, I see where

you're coming from.

Check this out.

- Top grade, I can

make a killin' on this.

How much more can you get me?

As much as you want, babe.

I got a new source, unlimited.

Don't call me babe,

I told you about that

before, I hate it.

Gotcha, no problem.

I remember you telling

me that before.

What the hell is that?

Are you sure you

weren't followed?

I'm positive.

I'll take care of this.

All right, what do you want?

I'm lookin' to party.

- Yeah, well there's

no party here

so why don't you just beat it.

- Well, that's too bad,

maybe we could start our own.

- Hey, get her to shut

that thing off, will ya?

You wanna wake up the

whole neighborhood?

Hey, baby, would you mind

finishing your

aerobics elsewhere?

We're trying to conduct

a little business here.

What kinda business, big boy?

- None

of your business.

So why don't you just move on.

I said I was lookin' to party.

- Yeah, well it looks like

you got an early start on it.

Why don't you just

get back in your car

and take that portable

disco with you.

Listen, I got money with me.

So if you just tell me

where I can find the party,

I'll be on my way.

She's got money.

What the hell?

- Shut up, what kinda

money you talkin' about?

- I ain't talkin' about

change for the parking meter.

Yeah, there's a party here,

we just sorta forgot

to buy the streamers.

- Screw the streamers,

show me what you got.

- Ooh, I knew you

could help me out.

- Yeah, I just might

let you party with me.

There's just one little thing.

What's that, sweetness?

- You're busted, get

your hands up now!

You gotta be kidding.

♪ Huh

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ Put your finger

on the trigger

♪ Feel it getting bigger

♪ Move a little closer

♪ Let me stick it

in your holster

♪ Let's do it

♪ Shoot my bullet

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ It's got a 12 inch length

♪ And you can make it plank

♪ Blow me away, just

give it a yank

♪ Let's do it

♪ Shoot my bullet

♪ When you roll

up in my Levi's

♪ You can feel my

Colt, yeah, 45

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket.

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ It's straight

from undercover

♪ But don't show it mother

♪ Looking for a sexy way

♪ To blow my ammunition

♪ Let's do it

♪ Bite my bullet

♪ Well, you better

start strippin'

♪ Or you're gonna get

in the way of love

Hurry!

Good morning, students.

- Good

morning, Miss Devonshire.

- I see we're all here

bright and early today.

Let me just take

our roll call and,

yes, Holly.

- I'd like to say

that the drug bust,

which I took on

single-handedly last night,

went off without any flaws.

- But we've never studied

their set-up and operation.

We don't even know who

their main supplier is.

- Well, since my father

is the chief of police,

he did give me all

the inside information

that he had uncovered.

He thought that maybe if I

had the case all to myself

I could pick up some

extra credit in the class.

- I've warned you about

this before, Holly.

What if something had gone wrong

and your life would

have been in danger?

- Daddy had every surrounding

block manned by patrol cars,

if I had let out

one little scream

the entire area would

have been crawling

with black and

whites in seconds.

- Sounds like an

expensive operation

to catch one drug dealer.

- You know, that's

what Daddy said,

but after I talked

it over with him,

he didn't seem to mind.

- Hm, I'll remember

that next time

I need to ask him

for any expenditures.

Oh, and I do have a full copy

of the report from last night.

Watch where you're going!

- Why don't you say

it a little louder,

I'm sure there's

a few people here

that didn't notice

we came in late.

You're late.

See what I mean.

I don't suppose any of you

have excuses for your tardiness.

Class started without us?

I've heard that one before.

And you?

No comment.

You three are going to need

to show more interest

in this class.

Showing up late

is hardly any way

of going about getting

your place on the force.

- Don't most vice arrests

take place at night?

How is getting up early in

the morning gonna do any good

when all the low-life

in this city is asleep?

Not all the low-life.

Vice is a 24-hour a day job.

While you were

sleeping last night,

Holly managed to pull off

an arrest all on her own.

That brings her arrest quota

to the highest of

anyone in the classroom.

- Big deal, if I had

an entire police force

at my beck and call,

I'd have the highest

arrest quota also.

Dream on.

Just shut up already.

- Girls, please, we have

other things at hand today.

Now you all realize

that graduation

is just a few weeks away.

And each of you must

make 1 O arrests in order

to get a position on the force.

My father says that my badge

and uniform are

already waiting for me.

Well, that's fine for you,

but let's see what

everyone else can do

before graduation

day comes around.

Now, would anyone

like to tell us

where we left off

in our last lecture?

Yes, Dwayne?

- We were about to watch

some X-rated videos

so we could study the craft

in which they're made.

No, I'm sorry, that's not it.

We were about to study how

to disarm an assailant.

Close enough.

- Shawnee, Dwayne, would

you come up here, please?

Now, Dwayne, you

be the assailant.

Take this gun and

act threatening.

Your money or your life.

- Now, what would you

do in your defense?

No, no, no, that's hard,

hardly the way to do it.

I'll show you the proper method

and put your clothes back on!

Man has several pressure

points on his body.

One of these being the groin.

A kick to this area

will easily make him

release his grip on any object.

Any questions?

- Yes, do you think that

each of us could try that?

- Certainly, line

up, all of you.

You can each have a

chance to practice.

Very good, next.

No, not quite, go to the end

of the line and try again.

We'll do this all clay until

each of you gets it right.

Very good.

Yes, keep the line moving.

Good, excellent,

very good, very good.

No, try again, very

good, that's right.

Excellent, knees up, good.

Very good!

Miss Devonshire.

Yes, sir?

- I was wondering if

you could spare a moment

of my daughter's time.

I need her to make a

positive identification

of the dealer she

arrested last night.

- Certainly, line

them up, Daddy.

Scum.

. Pig-

Bitch.

You're gonna pay.

- You ruined our operation,

I oughta ring your neck!

Which one is it, Daddy?

The two on the left.

- Maybe I just

need a closer look.

Those are the guys, right there.

Daddy, you let them get away!

After all my hard work!

- Don't you worry,

pumpkin, we'll find them.

- Honestly, does

she really think

we're ever gonna chase anybody

over one of these things?

- Faster, stop

holding up the line!

- This is even stupider

than the last one.

- Really, it works

for me.

- All right, Dwayne,

one more stunt like that

and we'll try the disarm

the assailant trick again.

How does that sound to you?

No, thanks.

- Remember, always make

your opponent submit.

And begin!

Very good, next.

And begin.

Dwayne, at least make

it look convincing.

Much better, next!

And begin.

- Really, I wish Miss

Devonshire would have given me

a partner who was

somewhat of a challenge.

Look, isn't that your father?

Where?

- Now, after you fire

the warning shot,

the actual shot you fire

next is the one that counts.

I prefer to aim for

between the eyes.

Really?

Yes, really.

Now, Shawnee, you

have six shots here.

Let's see if you

can make them count.

And try and keep

your clothes on.

Sorry.

Go on, keep trying.

Keep trying, you'll

eventually hit a target.

Sorry, Mister.

- I wonder if she got

him between the eyes.

- Go on, you only

have one shot left.

One out of six, at least

it's better than last time.

And now, let's

continue our studies

with something much safer.

Ooh!

Miss Devonshire, I didn't know

you sold makeup in

your spare time.

- Hey, I could use

some new nail polish.

Silence, you imbeciles!

I'm not selling this makeup,

this is a demonstration

of what you may need

when you go undercover.

- Really, I never seem

to find a use for it.

- Frequently you

may have to pose

as prostitutes when undercover.

I'm going to show you how

they wear their makeup

so that you can learn.

Didi, Shawnee, come

up here, please.

- Miss Devonshire, wouldn't

it be more beneficial to us

if you tried it on girls

who weren't so cheap

looking to begin with?

- No, Holly, that

will be enough.

Now remember, time

is everything.

No pimp is going to wait an hour

for his whore to

put on her face.

Didi, I want you to take

this stopwatch and time me.

Now, watch carefully, here I go.

21 seconds!

- Now, let's see

what she looks like.

Ooh!

- Now, Shawnee, let's see

if you've learned anything.

Let's see what you

can do for Didi

in the same amount of time.

And begin.

19 seconds, a new record.

Well, let's see

what you've done.

Didi, it's you.

And, class dismissed.

- This just goes

to prove something

I've suspected for some time.

What's that?

- Only a witch could put

on make-up this quickly.

- You know, you two

really surprise me.

What do you mean?

- I thought that I was

the only one in class

who took the time to go

out undercover every night.

I had no idea that we

shared the same interests.

- Holly, you might be

going out undercover,

but we're just going

out to have some fun.

I should have known.

Isn't there anything in life

that's important to you?

Do you just wanna

have fun all the time?

Give it a rest, school's out.

- No, you just name

one important cause

you have ever fought for!

- We once petitioned

for the legalization

and the decriminalization

of a, nevermind!

Forget I asked.

You're right, Holly,

we're gonna give that

some serious thought

and when we think

of what we can do,

you'll be the first to know.

- Well, I'm glad that

you see it my way.

I do.

I don't understand it, Daddy.

I have been out here

for over three hours

and no one has

even come up to me.

- Keep at

it, pumpkin, we'll get 'em.

- Honey, we are

going out tonight.

Yes!

You look really good.

Did you say something?

No.

Hey, are you all right?

What happened to you?

Leave me alone!

Let us help you.

How can you help me?

We're cops.

Are you sure you're cops?

- Well, sometimes we're

not even sure ourselves.

- We're still in the

academy but we can help you.

Just tell us what

happened to you.

My name is Cherry Pop,

I ran away from

home when I was 15

and became one of the

highest paid porno queens.

- With a name like

Cherry Pop, no wonder.

No, that's not my real name.

I recently tried to get

out of the porno business,

I released my own

exercise video.

"Boning Up with Cherry Pop."

But the people I made the

pornos for didn't like it,

they said stop

making these tapes.

Who did this to you?

Was it one of the actors?

No, not the actors,

the director hired

someone to do this to me.

And now I'll never work again!

- Why don't you just come

down to the station with us

and file a statement

and testify to put

these people away.

- No, I'm afraid of

them, I can't testify!

They'll come after

me, they'll kill me!

No, no!

Wait, we wanna help you!

I hate to admit it,

but Holly might be right

about something for once.

What do you mean?

We have to grow up already.

We can't just waste away

the rest of our lives.

Yes, girls?

- We're going undercover

to investigate

phony roller derby matches.

- Well, I hope those weeks

of practice come in handy.

- And we're gonna try and shut

down a Mexican donkey show.

There goes my weekend.

- Miss Devonshire, we heard

about a porno operation

that hires underage girls.

We'd like to take a crack at it.

Girls, be serious.

No, we mean it.

I know the location

of the company

and the people in charge there.

Very well then,

I'll give you some equipment

you can use for your cover.

All right!

What's that?

It's your cover.

I'll just type your name

on this phony resume

and you'll be all set.

There, just stick a picture

of yourself on the back.

Thank you, Miss Devonshire.

- And remember, in

order to make an arrest,

you need to obtain

solid evidence.

You need to catch

everyone in the act.

Yes, I understand.

- There is one other

thing you can use.

It looks like a whore's purse.

But look inside.

It is a whore's purse.

No, no no, look at this.

It looks like a lipstick.

- It may look like a

lipstick but watch.

Simulated gun fire,

now, watch this.

Wow!

What's that?

It's a portable radio,

but combined with

these earrings,

it's also a receiver

and transmitter.

You can talk into

this earring for help

and listen from this one.

Your backup agent can

wear the headphones

and come to your aid.

These are very expensive

devices, just be careful.

Any questions?

- Does it come in

any other colors?

This is the place.

- Thanks for coming

along, Dwayne.

Yeah.

Well, how do I look?

Oh!

That good, huh?

Remember, this case

is important to me.

I'm not just doing

it for our quota.

Hey, don't worry,

with this transmitter we can

hear everything that goes on.

Good luck.

God.

Here.

Oh, 9:30.

9:30.

Can I help you?

- Word's out on the street you're

looking for a new actress.

- Great, get on your back

and let's see what we can do.

- Hey, listen, any work I do

is considered a day's paycheck.

So unless you're willing to

start me on payroll right now,

you just better keep

your clothes on.

You're a pro, aren't ya?

- I'm not just off

the bus from Omaha.

- Listen, I was just kidding

about the first part.

Really?

- This is great, all we need

is some solid evidence now.

- Do you think she should have

gone on the couch with him?

Shh!

I brought my resume with me,

it'll show you what I do best.

Quite impressive.

- Well, I like what I

do and I do it well.

- Is there anything you wouldn't

consider doing in a film?

- Well, I don't do

any animal acts.

Really?

It says here that you've done

quite a few in your picture

"if I Could Talk

to the Animals."

Looks like you made

it with half the zoo.

- Uh, well, that was

one of my earlier films.

Animal acts!

Who gave her that resume?

- Miss Devonshire

gave it to her.

- I think she should've

read it first.

Uh, I also don't do any S&M.

Are you sure?

According to this you enjoy it,

you've done everything

imaginable in your picture,

"Beat Me in St. Louie."

- That was a long

time ago, I, uh,

I'm looking for a new image now.

- Are you sure you want

to do a picture like ours,

I mean it's only straight sex.

Sounds fine to me.

Wow, who's that?

What about your fans,

what if they don't

like your new image?

Chucky, just in time.

Yeah, time for what?

- I'd like you to

meet the actress

who's auditioning lead opposite

of you in our next film.

Chucky Long, meet Didi Fluffer.

Hello.

- Didi might be

replacing the actress

that you usually work with.

- Um, what happened

to the other actress?

- Oh, we had to get rid of

her because she turned 19.

I never thought she passed 18.

- Hey, Chucky,

since you're here,

why don't you read

a scene with Didi.

Yeah, how 'bout it?

- I don't know, I've got

a full schedule today.

I've got an appointment

at my tanning salon

and then there's my facial.

Why don't you make time?

♪ Well, if you only live in it

♪ Everybody else will too

♪ Set on out to this mark

- This thing's

only 12 pages long.

- Our films aren't about

dialogue, you should know that.

Oh, yeah, right.

- All right, why

don't you go ahead

and start reading from

the scene on page three.

- Baby, it's been

a long, hard day

and I'm looking for some relief.

- It looks like you

came to the right place.

- Some things

were just meant to be.

♪ For as long as I need

♪ Come and purify the disease

Brilliant, you got the part!

- Oh, great, I'll

do it for free.

What did you say?

I said we'll discuss my fee.

9:45.

- Yeah, and I gotta

get out of here,

unless you want me to change

my stage name to Lily White.

Ooh, 9245.

I'll see you on your back.

- Congratulations,

you got the part.

I love this job.

I wish I knew what

slut this resume belonged to.

- So would I, I'd

like to meet her.

No.

- If you like it now,

you're gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're

gonna love it later.

If you like it

now, you're gonna.

How you doing?

Um, I'm a little nervous,

it's been a while since

I've done one of these.

There's too many people in here,

I think I'm gonna

go in the next room

and read a few lines by myself.

Where did she go?

She said she was nervous.

She had to go in the next

room and do a few lines.

Understandable.

- If you like it now,

you're gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're

gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're

gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're

gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're

gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're

gonna love it later.

- I found a book that covers

all their illegal operations.

- Good, see if you can lift

it without anyone noticing.

No, he might look there.

- They're waiting

for you on the set.

Right.

Noon.

- Don't we have enough

evidence to take them yet?

- No, not yet, we have to

catch everyone in the act.

- Is it, if you like it now,

you're gonna love it later.

Or is it, if you like it

now, you're gonna love it-

- Didi, I want you to meet

Desiree, our director.

Pleased to meet you.

- Likewise, and you

probably never worked

for a woman director before.

I think it might be

a little different

than what you're used to.

Sex films used to be about women

on their knees in

a peep show booth.

Well, things aren't

like that anymore.

My films have a story,

all the women in my films

play powerful characters

that choose their sex partners.

You understand?

Yes.

Good, now take your places.

Oh, and Chucky.

Yeah?

In the scene,

I'd like you to degrade

her as much as possible.

Okay, everybody, places!

- I wish we could

make our move already.

- You wanna hear the latest

tape from Severe Tire Damage?

Severe Tire Damage?

They're my favorite

group, put it on.

Turn it up.

Woo!

- Okay, you two know

what to do, right?

Yeah, we got it.

- "Chafed Raw",

scene one, take one.

Action.

Who is it?

- I'm a horny stud,

open up and let me in.

I wanna rape you until

you're split in two.

No, no cut!

Didi, you're supposed

to be frightened of him.

You're not supposed

to so goddamn anxious

you rip the door off the hinges.

Sorry.

- Take it from

where you left off.

- "Chafed Raw",

scene one, take two.

Action.

I said action, Didi,

didn't you hear me?

- Yeah, I just wanted to make

sure everybody else did, too.

- I forgot something my

doctor told me to do.

Her doctor?

Hey, you never told me she

had any medical problems.

- She never told

me anything either.

- Uh, no, no, it's

about my back.

My doctor said that I should

just stay off my feet.

I mean on my feet!

- Didi, are you having

some sort of trouble today?

- She'll be all

right, won't you?

- I'm ready for my

close-up, Mr. DeMille.

- Take it from

where you left off.

- You shouldn't open

the door to strangers.

I'm gonna have to

teach you a lesson.

I wish he'd degrade her more.

- I heard from one of our

sources that some vice ring

might try to crack

down on our operation.

You think it might

be somebody in here?

Do you think it might be

one of the crew members?

- We've worked with this crew

before, we can trust them.

What about the new actress?

Are you kidding?

Wait a minute!

We forgot about Didi.

I think we're a little late.

A little late?

All right, cut.

- Freeze,

you're under arrest!

Sorry we're late.

- You lied to us, you never

had sex with any zoo animals.

Of course not, you fool.

- I'm appalled at the

way you betrayed me.

You're no sister.

Desiree, as a director,

you have a lot to learn

about a woman's needs.

A vice cop?

I feel used and violated.

Shut up, Chucky.

- Yeah, well I faked

my orgasm for you.

- Shut up, I might be able

to grant you full immunity.

All right, everybody outside.

Come on!

You're coming with me.

- Didi, there's something

I've got to ask you.

Sure, what is it?

Was it good?

Huh, the best!

Oops, I forgot something.

- Come on, put

your hands up, come on.

Put your hands up.

- What are we doing

at your place?

You'll see.

- Well, what're

you gonna do to me now?

Time to get back to work!

All right, scene two, take one!

- You've

got to be kidding.

- Ooh, oh, Chucky, scene

one, take two, take three!

Wait, I need some rest.

Scene two, take one!

Scene

five, six, seven!

Oh, scene two, three, four!

Oh, okay.

Oh.

After today I bet

we're finally gonna get

the kind of respect we

deserve around here.

- Oh, don't look now,

but here comes Holly.

- Good, she can be

the first to hear.

Holly, you know you're not

supposed to come to school

in the clothes your boyfriend

makes you dress up in.

For your information, Didi,

while you were sleeping

in this morning,

I was busy breaking up a high

school narcotics operation.

Is that so?

How many arrests did you make?

Four.

- Ha, while you were

busting freshmen,

we made twice as many arrests

cracking a porno operation.

A porno operation?

How did you hear about that?

I have my sources, too.

Really, what sources?

You'll find out,

just watch and see who's going

to be teacher's pet today.

In fact, here she comes now.

- Miss Devonshire,

would you like to hear

about the arrests that

I made this morning?

I got two high school

seniors for dealing drugs

and another two for

writing obscenities

on the bathroom wall.

Later, Holly.

Didi, I got a

report this morning.

It had something on it

that was so unbelievable

I had to hear it

from you myself.

What is it?

- You infiltrated that porno

ring yesterday, didn't you?

Yes.

- Well, here's what I'm

having trouble with.

It says that before

you made the arrest,

you had sex with a male lead

in front of the entire crew.

Now is that true?

Well, yeah.

How could you be so stupid,

don't you realize we can't

put these people away

until we get a conviction?

How is your testimony

going look in court

when it comes out that

you performed a sex act

before you made the arrest?

Well, I don't know.

It's worthless,

you might as well let

these people go right now.

No jury is going to convict

them based on your testimony.

Miss Devonshire, I don't think

you can blame Didi

entirely for this,

we're also to blame.

- Yeah, we were

late making arrests.

She had the choice between

blowing her cover or blowing-

Shawnee, that will be enough!

You three are a disgrace

to the entire academy.

Go on, Didi, tell us

how you were going to

be teacher's pet today.

Shut up, Holly.

No, go on,

I only had to do a few

cheers for my cover,

what did you have to do?

You're right, Holly,

I should have left

the case for you,

you make a much better

whore than anyone in class.

Ooh!

Girls, break it up!

This is against academy rules.

Watch out for the tires!

Girls, girls, break it up!

Cheap trash!

Spoiled brat!

That will be enough!

Didi, Shawnee, Dwayne, I have

a special assignment for you.

You three realize that

since you can't get

a conviction on this case,

I can't count it against

your quota of 1 O arrests.

- That's not fair,

we made the arrests.

- But since tomorrow

is graduation,

I'll give you one last

chance to make your quota.

But you have to do it

completely by the book.

There is a prostitution

ring working the inner city.

If you crack it, make the

arrests, and close them down,

you will be allowed to graduate

tomorrow with the others,

that's the deal.

You have 18 hours, good luck.

- Miss Devonshire, I

couldn't help overhearing,

my father's been working

on the inner city ring

for quite some time now.

It's one of the Queen

Bee's operations,

every time he sends an

officer out on the job,

they never come back.

He's lost five already.

Yes, I know.

- I better let that group

in the porno movie go.

We can't keep them

here any longer.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Well, speak up.

I heard on the street

that you arrested some

people making a porno movie.

- It's true, I was just

about to let them go.

Because of a

technicality though,

we can't get a

conviction against them.

That won't be necessary,

I'm willing to

testify against them.

This book will

back up everything

I have to say against them.

I don't know how we're gonna

pull this thing off in time.

Graduation's tomorrow morning!

- Don't worry, we

have all night.

Look, there's one now.

Let's get to it.

- Remember, you gotta

get her to say a price

before you can arrest her.

Right.

Watch this.

Hi, there, what's your name?

Hi, my name's Tinsel.

That's a pretty name.

Oh, thank you.

I just happened to notice

you were standing

here all by yourself

and I thought maybe you

could use some company.

- Oh, that's generous of

you, I like that type.

Why don't you give me an idea

on how generous I need to be.

Well, why don't you tell me.

I asked you first.

Hi, how ya doing?

He's doing fine and I'm busy,

so why don't you

find your own block.

- Listen, whatever

she's charging you,

I'll do the same and throw

in a continental breakfast.

What?

Continental breakfast?

- That's right, I'll

make it all by myself.

- Hey, look, what are

you lookin' for tonight,

a good time or short order cook?

- What comes with

this breakfast?

- Eggs, muffins, and

fresh squeezed juice.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

- I'll make 'em any

way you like 'em,

hard-boiled, scrambled,

or over-easy.

Hey, look, honey,

I'm sorry your waitress

job laid you off,

but this is my block.

- Enterprise is

the American way.

Which one of us?

- All right, I'll throw

in a dozen donuts.

Mm, glazed?

- Huh, whatever

she's charging you,

I'll do it for 10 dollars less.

- Why now that's

hitting below the belt.

Well, how much are you?

Well, I'm usually 40 bucks,

but I'll make an exception

and do it for 30.

What do you think of that?

Okay, we're vice cops.

You're under arrest.

What?

- I don't know how to cook

any of those things either.

- Oh, you stinkin' piece

of trash, you tricked me.

You'll never get away with it.

Save it for the judge.

How'd it go?

- Beautiful, we did

everything by the book.

- Hey, you're just

wasting your time.

I'll be back out on the streets

before you even get a chance

to get around the block.

- By the time you get out you'll

be too old to do phone sex.

- You watch what

you're saying, you-

Get in there!

- Hey, look,

there's another one.

- Let's see how fast

we can bust this one.

- You working tonight or

just watching the stars?

- The only time I watch the

stars is when I'm on my back.

That's a good position.

- Watch out,

Sparkle, it's a trap.

Hey, keep it to yourself.

- You ready to go

gaze at some stars?

I couldn't help overhearing,

I have a telescope at my place.

Why don't you come

home with me instead.

What the hell is this?

I've never seen you here before.

- That's because

when you're good,

you don't spend much

time out on the streets.

- Yeah, well, you don't

know who you're talkin' to.

- What'll it be, I'd love to

see the Big Dipper tonight.

- Well, what kind of

telescope do you have?

Hey, screw this.

Hey, I'm $40, do

you want it or not?

Yeah, I want it.

You're under arrest!

Hey, you tricked me.

Honey, you must be good

because you're not gonna

be spending much time out

on the street either.

Uh, no!

Ow, ow, hey, ow, ow!

Oh, Tinsel, they got you, too?

Oh.

Join the party.

Nice.

Cheap floozies.

They're like scum.

Two-bit con artists.

Shut up back there!

Oh!

- This is easier than

I thought it would be.

What we need to do is

to start picking

them up in quantity.

How do we do that?

- Well, this one at a

time stuffs all right,

but I'm sure there's a

whole group of people

somewhere all in one place.

All we need to do is find

them and make one big arrest.

- That's great if

we can find them.

We will, come on, let's go.

Look, there it is,

a laundromat posing

as a front for prostitution.

Oh, no, they found it!

- I think I need a

special cover for this.

Hello, girls, I'm

looking to party.

I have a lot of money, here!

How much are we talkin' about?

I am looking for good prices.

You can have us all for $150.

- Up against the

wall, spread 'em.

Say what?

Look, here he comes.

Ow!

Get in there.

Sparkle, Tinsel?

Save the reunion for later.

We're half-way there.

What about the johns?

- You have to go

to the bathroom?

- No, now that the

laundromat is empty,

Didi and I can take over and

arrest some of their customers.

- Yeah, we can make

our quota right here.

Get to it.

Yeah!

- Girls, it's okay

of you wanna struggle

and try to get loose,

I like to watch.

Pervert!

What do we do now?

Look like we mean business.

- Oh, I'm just

looking for change.

- I think you came

to the right place.

So what are you doing?

My laundry.

- Aren't you

supposed to take off

all your clothes

before you wash 'em?

- Sometimes, but I like

to do two things at once.

Really?

- So what

brings you here?

A hot rinse, a fast tumble,

or something on the

more delicate side?

- Gee, I don't know,

what'll this get me?

- Ooh, that will get me

to wash all my clothes.

- So can we go in one

of the rooms in back?

- Sounds like you've

been here before.

I think the back's

a little crowded,

why don't we just

do it right here?

- Right here, in

front of everybody?

- Don't worry,

we'll have privacy.

A laundry bag?

- There's plenty of

room, look.

Now why don't you just join me.

All right.

- Here, you put it in place

while I get to work, huh?

Hey, what are you doing?

You're under arrest, Bozo!

This, this is entrapment.

- Huh, yeah and it

worked real well.

- I'll check the back to

see if we got 'em all.

Good, I'll take him outside.

Open up the back,

I got another one.

That was fast.

She's got a tire iron!

Uh, Dwayne, help, Dwayne!

I'm trying.

Help, Dwayne!

Get her, get her.

- Hey, get the keys

to these damn things.

I got 'em, I got 'em!

- Let's take them

back to our warehouse

around the corner, we'll

take care of them there.

- You're tampering

with police business.

You can't get away with this.

- Just

shut it up already!

- Oh,

call a tow truck.

Welcome to a theater

that's been closed for 50 years.

Hello?

- Oh, Chuck, we were in

the middle of an arrest

and something went wrong,

they've got Shawnee and Dwayne.

I need your help to save them.

- Oh, yeah, how am

I supposed to help?

You left me

handcuffed to the bed.

- I left you the key

under the telephone,

I thought you'd find it by now.

When the lights go down,

the body count goes up.

Great, thanks a lot,

now I'll see if I can

walk after last night.

- Chucky, please

don't let me down.

They took them to a warehouse

near Cahuenga and Lankershim.

Meet me there as

soon as you can.

Okay, okay, goodbye.

I mean, right now.

Help, help,

help, help!

You can yell all you want

'cause there ain't

nobody around to hear ya.

- Oh, Chucky,

I'm so glad you're here.

- You know, I don't know

why I'm doing this for you.

- There's something

I wanted to tell you.

What is it?

- Well, this is kind

of awkward for me.

Even though I only

find you attractive

on a strictly physical level

and I could never take you

home to meet my parents,

I still think I love you.

- I sorta feel the

same way about you.

There's one other thing.

What?

- I lied to you before, I

didn't fake my orgasm for you.

- I kinda figured that

one out on my own.

Come on, let's go.

Follow me.

Okay, this way.

- The Queen Bee

will see you now.

Now just be quiet and wait.

So you're the two that thought

that you could

crack my crime ring?

But you didn't expect to run up

against the Queen

Bee, now did you?

Who?

The Queen Bee.

Are we supposed to know you?

- The Queen Bee,

the one who runs all

these inner city drug

and prostitution rings.

Don't recognize the name.

- I thought you

said they were cops.

Well, that's what I thought.

- Miss Bee, we're

not police officers,

we're students at

the Vice Academy.

The academy, the academy?

These people are rookies.

- Your people cost

me a thousand dollars

and I'm gonna take

it out of your hide.

And from what I can see

now, you're about 950 short.

- Didn't you realize

that our police force

has already sent out

five undercover agents

to pose as hookers in my ring.

We captured all five and we

haven't heard from them since.

What happened to them?

Well, we sent them overseas.

We sold them into white slavery.

They don't bother me anymore

and soon you'll join

them, very soon.

What about me?

What about you?

Oh, we have a special

assignment for you.

We need someone to watch

over all of those girls.

That's something I think

you could do quite well.

Watch a group of girls,

that doesn't sound so bad,

I might even enjoy it.

I doubt that,

because first we're

going to castrate you.

Help, somebody help us!

- Scream all you want,

no one can help you now.

- You can't capture

that entire group,

you might as well

call the police now

before we get caught also.

You heard what she'd do to us,

there are some things a man

won't sacrifice, no matter what.

Chucky, it's no time to talk

about major surgery,

I have a plan.

A plan, right.

- I still have a few

tricks left up my sleeve,

just trust me.

Okay, now I want you to

make a tape recording

of you sounding like a police

officer arresting everybody.

Now go on, try it.

- This is the police chief,

you're all under arrest.

- No, no, no, make it

sound more convincing.

Use the voice that you

use in your movies.

- This is the police chief,

you're all under arrest.

Put your hands in the air,

you have the right

to remain silent,

don't move or we'll shoot.

We have the building surrounded.

Anything you say can and

will be used against you

in a court of law.

Don't try to escape, we're

sending for backup units.

- That was great, where'd

you learn to say all that?

- Oh, I've been

arrested a few times.

- Hmm, hurry, we got to

get back to where we were

before the tape starts.

- Oh, get those shipping

crates over here, will you?

And don't forget to punch

some holes in them this time

so they don't suffocate

like the last group.

- This

is the police chief,

you're all under arrest.

What the hell is that?

It's a trick, Queen Bee.

Yeah, pack these two up.

- Put

your hands in the air,

don't move or we'll shoot.

- It is a trick, they wouldn't

shoot with two hostages.

- This is no time

to fix your make-up.

Sh!

- Oh my God, I forgot,

they're rookies,

they'll shoot at anything.

- We

have the place surrounded,

you have the right

to remain silent.

What do we do now, Queen Bee?

- This place is a

honeycomb of mazes,

they'll never catch

us, follow me.

Don't try to escape,

we're sending backup units.

Listen to that!

Which way now?

This way, B-Girls.

Didi, hOW'd you find us?

- Never mind, we have to catch

them before they get away.

What's he doing here?

- He was the only one I

could call to help us.

What's he done so far?

Don't move or we'll shoot.

Good work.

- Hurry, we have to get them

before they find their way out.

- I thought you said this

place was a maze of honeycombs.

- I am the Queen Bee

not the maze keeper!

This must be the way out.

Hurry, girls.

Faster, B-Girls, faster!

Hey, how did you get untied?

It's a professional secret.

- Oh, yeah, well, what

kind of professional secret

have you got for this?

(gun clicking

Dwayne, Dwayne!

Dwayne, the pressure point!

- I thought we were gonna

do everything by the book.

- We are, I'm just

using a different book.

Follow me.

Chucky Long, it's you!

Oh, Mr, Long, I'm

your biggest fan.

You can have it for free.

You like it kinky?

- Does the Queen

Bee sleep on her back?

- Now, wait here while

we catch the others.

Damn you!

This is the last

time I ever spend

a quarter to see

one of your films!

What the hell happened to you?

- Sparkle, how did

you get handcuffed?

- Oh, never mind, it was

just a brief infatuation.

Come on, come on, come on!

What happened to you?

- I don't know, when

that girl took off her blouse,

it had an effect on me like

I never experienced before.

Oh, really?

Well, we'll have to

discuss it, later!

This must be the way out.

Something's wrong!

Go!

Didi!

Yeah!

Oh, great we got them!

Oh, Chucky, we couldn't

have done it without you!

Hey, wait, what time is it?

- It's after seven

in the morning!

- Hurry, we're gonna

miss graduation.

Come on!

Go!

- Congratulations on

your commencement.

Graduating the Vice

Academy is an honor

that only we can

bestow upon you.

Soon you will be

working hand in hand

as proud members of

the police force.

Cleaning up our streets

of all the sleaze,

slime, and filth,

that make our academy strong.

Ancl now, Police Chief Wells

would like to say a few words.

Thank you very much

for those very kind

words, Miss Devonshire.

You said them just the

way I had them written.

I'm especially proud

of my daughter Holly,

and all of you for that matter.

Faster, Didi, faster!

Of the glorious graduates-

Miss Devonshire, wait!

What in the world?

- You can't start

graduation without us!

- How dare you interrupt

my father's speech.

- Shut up, you'll

wanna see this.

I don't believe it.

- The Queen Bee,

my own police force

hasn't been able

to bring her in.

- Yes, I know, we

got them to confess

to where they had

all of your agents

that they'd previously captured.

- This is the greatest sting

operation I've ever seen.

Better than anything my own

police officers have ever done,

better than anything my

own daughter is capable of.

Daddy, how could you?

Oh, but, pumpkin-

Don't touch me!

Princess.

Just leave me alone.

A- ha, just as I thought!

What?

- There are only nine

people in the van,

their quota was 1 O and

they failed to meet it.

But-

You know as well as I

that they can't be

allowed to graduate.

- But surely you can make

an exception in this case.

The Queen Bee

should count double.

Literally.

- We do things by

the book around here.

The requirement was 10 and

they failed to meet it.

I'm afraid she's right,

the requirement is 10.

I'm very sorry.

- You forgot to

count me, it is 10.

- Chucky,

what are you doing?

Be quiet, I owe you.

- Why aren't you in the

back with the rest of them?

- They let me in front on

account of good behavior.

- Chucky, how can

I ever repay you?

Post my bail.

- It looks like you

three are graduating.

Please reconsider,

this one can't even

keep her clothes on.

- This is the most arrests

we've had at one time

since we booked that

group in the porno movie.

- We were the ones who

brought in that group.

But since Miss Devonshire said

that we couldn't convict 'em,

it wouldn't count

against our quota.

What are you talking about?

We had a witness come

in here yesterday.

We've got a conviction

that's good enough

to put the whole group

away for some time.

What?

Oh, didn't I mention that?

Hi, you guys-

- Cherry Pop!

- Hi, Cherry!

- We have good news,

we're graduating!

I have good news, too,

my exercise video

just went platinum!

Germ, Shawnee,

and Cherry cheer)

- Get outta town!

- God.

- Oh, let me see now, our

arrest quota is actually 20,

that's the highest in

the academy's history,

do you know what that means?

Congratulations on

a job well clone.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

- How's it feel

watching us graduate

when there's nothing

you can do about it?

- Let's hear it for

our valedictorians!

- So, is there really money

in making exercise videos?

Are you kidding,

at this rate I'll be able

to retire at 18.

- This could be the new career

move I've been looking for.

Hmm, "Pump it up with Chucky

Long," got a nice ring to it.

- Come, Miss Devonshire, we

have a trip to make downtown.

You know, I have

to give you credit

for your class this semester.

I'm sure your

three prized pupils

will work very well

side by side with you.

You don't mean it.

Of course I do,

I think their best

place on the force

will be working

right along side you.

Shut up back there!

I mean, sure, they'll

make great partners.

♪ Huh

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ Put your finger

on the trigger

♪ Feel it getting bigger

♪ Move a little closer

♪ Let me stick it

in your holster

♪ Let's do it

♪ Shoot my bullet

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ It's got a 12 inch length

♪ And you can make it plank

♪ Blow me away, just

give me a yank

♪ Let's do it

♪ Shoot my bullet

♪ When you roll

up in my Levi's

♪ You can feel my

Colt, yeah, 45

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ It's straight

from undercover

♪ But don't show it mother

♪ Lookin' for a sexy way

to blow my ammunition

♪ Let's do it

♪ Bite my bullet

♪ Well, you better

start stripping

♪ Or you're gonna get

in the way of love

♪ Huh

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ I'm a gun fanatic

♪ Feel my automatic

♪ Grab my love rocket

♪ And then feel

my body rocking

♪ Let's do it

♪ Bite my bullet

♪ Now I've got you in my sight

♪ And I'm gonna hear

the full cry tonight