Vice Academy (1989) - full transcript

- You're late, you think
I got nothing better

to do than sit around
and wait all night?

Hey, sorry, Snake,

I just wanna make sure
I wasn't followed.

Shut up, let me see the stuff.

- Right, I see where
you're coming from.

Check this out.

- Top grade, I can
make a killin' on this.

How much more can you get me?

As much as you want, babe.

I got a new source, unlimited.



Don't call me babe,

I told you about that
before, I hate it.

Gotcha, no problem.

I remember you telling
me that before.

What the hell is that?

Are you sure you
weren't followed?

I'm positive.

I'll take care of this.

All right, what do you want?

I'm lookin' to party.

- Yeah, well there's
no party here

so why don't you just beat it.

- Well, that's too bad,
maybe we could start our own.

- Hey, get her to shut
that thing off, will ya?



You wanna wake up the
whole neighborhood?

Hey, baby, would you mind

finishing your
aerobics elsewhere?

We're trying to conduct
a little business here.

What kinda business, big boy?

- None
of your business.

So why don't you just move on.

I said I was lookin' to party.

- Yeah, well it looks like
you got an early start on it.

Why don't you just
get back in your car

and take that portable
disco with you.

Listen, I got money with me.

So if you just tell me
where I can find the party,

I'll be on my way.

She's got money.

What the hell?

- Shut up, what kinda
money you talkin' about?

- I ain't talkin' about
change for the parking meter.

Yeah, there's a party here,

we just sorta forgot
to buy the streamers.

- Screw the streamers,
show me what you got.

- Ooh, I knew you
could help me out.

- Yeah, I just might
let you party with me.

There's just one little thing.

What's that, sweetness?

- You're busted, get
your hands up now!

You gotta be kidding.

♪ Huh

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ Put your finger
on the trigger

♪ Feel it getting bigger

♪ Move a little closer

♪ Let me stick it
in your holster

♪ Let's do it

♪ Shoot my bullet

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ It's got a 12 inch length

♪ And you can make it plank

♪ Blow me away, just
give it a yank

♪ Let's do it

♪ Shoot my bullet

♪ When you roll
up in my Levi's

♪ You can feel my
Colt, yeah, 45

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket.

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ It's straight
from undercover

♪ But don't show it mother

♪ Looking for a sexy way

♪ To blow my ammunition

♪ Let's do it

♪ Bite my bullet

♪ Well, you better
start strippin'

♪ Or you're gonna get
in the way of love

Hurry!

Good morning, students.

- Good
morning, Miss Devonshire.

- I see we're all here
bright and early today.

Let me just take
our roll call and,

yes, Holly.

- I'd like to say
that the drug bust,

which I took on
single-handedly last night,

went off without any flaws.

- But we've never studied
their set-up and operation.

We don't even know who
their main supplier is.

- Well, since my father
is the chief of police,

he did give me all
the inside information

that he had uncovered.

He thought that maybe if I
had the case all to myself

I could pick up some
extra credit in the class.

- I've warned you about
this before, Holly.

What if something had gone wrong

and your life would
have been in danger?

- Daddy had every surrounding
block manned by patrol cars,

if I had let out
one little scream

the entire area would
have been crawling

with black and
whites in seconds.

- Sounds like an
expensive operation

to catch one drug dealer.

- You know, that's
what Daddy said,

but after I talked
it over with him,

he didn't seem to mind.

- Hm, I'll remember
that next time

I need to ask him
for any expenditures.

Oh, and I do have a full copy

of the report from last night.

Watch where you're going!

- Why don't you say
it a little louder,

I'm sure there's
a few people here

that didn't notice
we came in late.

You're late.

See what I mean.

I don't suppose any of you

have excuses for your tardiness.

Class started without us?

I've heard that one before.

And you?

No comment.

You three are going to need

to show more interest
in this class.

Showing up late
is hardly any way

of going about getting
your place on the force.

- Don't most vice arrests
take place at night?

How is getting up early in
the morning gonna do any good

when all the low-life
in this city is asleep?

Not all the low-life.

Vice is a 24-hour a day job.

While you were
sleeping last night,

Holly managed to pull off
an arrest all on her own.

That brings her arrest quota

to the highest of
anyone in the classroom.

- Big deal, if I had
an entire police force

at my beck and call,

I'd have the highest
arrest quota also.

Dream on.

Just shut up already.

- Girls, please, we have
other things at hand today.

Now you all realize
that graduation

is just a few weeks away.

And each of you must
make 1 O arrests in order

to get a position on the force.

My father says that my badge

and uniform are
already waiting for me.

Well, that's fine for you,

but let's see what
everyone else can do

before graduation
day comes around.

Now, would anyone
like to tell us

where we left off
in our last lecture?

Yes, Dwayne?

- We were about to watch
some X-rated videos

so we could study the craft
in which they're made.

No, I'm sorry, that's not it.

We were about to study how
to disarm an assailant.

Close enough.

- Shawnee, Dwayne, would
you come up here, please?

Now, Dwayne, you
be the assailant.

Take this gun and
act threatening.

Your money or your life.

- Now, what would you
do in your defense?

No, no, no, that's hard,

hardly the way to do it.

I'll show you the proper method

and put your clothes back on!

Man has several pressure
points on his body.

One of these being the groin.

A kick to this area
will easily make him

release his grip on any object.

Any questions?

- Yes, do you think that
each of us could try that?

- Certainly, line
up, all of you.

You can each have a
chance to practice.

Very good, next.

No, not quite, go to the end
of the line and try again.

We'll do this all clay until
each of you gets it right.

Very good.

Yes, keep the line moving.

Good, excellent,
very good, very good.

No, try again, very
good, that's right.

Excellent, knees up, good.

Very good!

Miss Devonshire.

Yes, sir?

- I was wondering if
you could spare a moment

of my daughter's time.

I need her to make a
positive identification

of the dealer she
arrested last night.

- Certainly, line
them up, Daddy.

Scum.

. Pig-

Bitch.

You're gonna pay.

- You ruined our operation,
I oughta ring your neck!

Which one is it, Daddy?

The two on the left.

- Maybe I just
need a closer look.

Those are the guys, right there.

Daddy, you let them get away!

After all my hard work!

- Don't you worry,
pumpkin, we'll find them.

- Honestly, does
she really think

we're ever gonna chase anybody
over one of these things?

- Faster, stop
holding up the line!

- This is even stupider
than the last one.

- Really, it works
for me.

- All right, Dwayne,
one more stunt like that

and we'll try the disarm
the assailant trick again.

How does that sound to you?

No, thanks.

- Remember, always make
your opponent submit.

And begin!

Very good, next.

And begin.

Dwayne, at least make
it look convincing.

Much better, next!

And begin.

- Really, I wish Miss
Devonshire would have given me

a partner who was
somewhat of a challenge.

Look, isn't that your father?

Where?

- Now, after you fire
the warning shot,

the actual shot you fire
next is the one that counts.

I prefer to aim for
between the eyes.

Really?

Yes, really.

Now, Shawnee, you
have six shots here.

Let's see if you
can make them count.

And try and keep
your clothes on.

Sorry.

Go on, keep trying.

Keep trying, you'll
eventually hit a target.

Sorry, Mister.

- I wonder if she got
him between the eyes.

- Go on, you only
have one shot left.

One out of six, at least
it's better than last time.

And now, let's
continue our studies

with something much safer.

Ooh!

Miss Devonshire, I didn't know

you sold makeup in
your spare time.

- Hey, I could use
some new nail polish.

Silence, you imbeciles!

I'm not selling this makeup,

this is a demonstration
of what you may need

when you go undercover.

- Really, I never seem
to find a use for it.

- Frequently you
may have to pose

as prostitutes when undercover.

I'm going to show you how
they wear their makeup

so that you can learn.

Didi, Shawnee, come
up here, please.

- Miss Devonshire, wouldn't
it be more beneficial to us

if you tried it on girls

who weren't so cheap
looking to begin with?

- No, Holly, that
will be enough.

Now remember, time
is everything.

No pimp is going to wait an hour

for his whore to
put on her face.

Didi, I want you to take
this stopwatch and time me.

Now, watch carefully, here I go.

21 seconds!

- Now, let's see
what she looks like.

Ooh!

- Now, Shawnee, let's see
if you've learned anything.

Let's see what you
can do for Didi

in the same amount of time.

And begin.

19 seconds, a new record.

Well, let's see
what you've done.

Didi, it's you.

And, class dismissed.

- This just goes
to prove something

I've suspected for some time.

What's that?

- Only a witch could put
on make-up this quickly.

- You know, you two
really surprise me.

What do you mean?

- I thought that I was
the only one in class

who took the time to go
out undercover every night.

I had no idea that we
shared the same interests.

- Holly, you might be
going out undercover,

but we're just going
out to have some fun.

I should have known.

Isn't there anything in life
that's important to you?

Do you just wanna
have fun all the time?

Give it a rest, school's out.

- No, you just name
one important cause

you have ever fought for!

- We once petitioned
for the legalization

and the decriminalization
of a, nevermind!

Forget I asked.

You're right, Holly,

we're gonna give that
some serious thought

and when we think
of what we can do,

you'll be the first to know.

- Well, I'm glad that
you see it my way.

I do.

I don't understand it, Daddy.

I have been out here
for over three hours

and no one has
even come up to me.

- Keep at
it, pumpkin, we'll get 'em.

- Honey, we are
going out tonight.

Yes!

You look really good.

Did you say something?

No.

Hey, are you all right?

What happened to you?

Leave me alone!

Let us help you.

How can you help me?

We're cops.

Are you sure you're cops?

- Well, sometimes we're
not even sure ourselves.

- We're still in the
academy but we can help you.

Just tell us what
happened to you.

My name is Cherry Pop,

I ran away from
home when I was 15

and became one of the
highest paid porno queens.

- With a name like
Cherry Pop, no wonder.

No, that's not my real name.

I recently tried to get
out of the porno business,

I released my own
exercise video.

"Boning Up with Cherry Pop."

But the people I made the
pornos for didn't like it,

they said stop
making these tapes.

Who did this to you?

Was it one of the actors?

No, not the actors,

the director hired
someone to do this to me.

And now I'll never work again!

- Why don't you just come
down to the station with us

and file a statement

and testify to put
these people away.

- No, I'm afraid of
them, I can't testify!

They'll come after
me, they'll kill me!

No, no!

Wait, we wanna help you!

I hate to admit it,

but Holly might be right
about something for once.

What do you mean?

We have to grow up already.

We can't just waste away
the rest of our lives.

Yes, girls?

- We're going undercover
to investigate

phony roller derby matches.

- Well, I hope those weeks
of practice come in handy.

- And we're gonna try and shut
down a Mexican donkey show.

There goes my weekend.

- Miss Devonshire, we heard
about a porno operation

that hires underage girls.

We'd like to take a crack at it.

Girls, be serious.

No, we mean it.

I know the location
of the company

and the people in charge there.

Very well then,

I'll give you some equipment
you can use for your cover.

All right!

What's that?

It's your cover.

I'll just type your name
on this phony resume

and you'll be all set.

There, just stick a picture
of yourself on the back.

Thank you, Miss Devonshire.

- And remember, in
order to make an arrest,

you need to obtain
solid evidence.

You need to catch
everyone in the act.

Yes, I understand.

- There is one other
thing you can use.

It looks like a whore's purse.

But look inside.

It is a whore's purse.

No, no no, look at this.

It looks like a lipstick.

- It may look like a
lipstick but watch.

Simulated gun fire,
now, watch this.

Wow!

What's that?

It's a portable radio,

but combined with
these earrings,

it's also a receiver
and transmitter.

You can talk into
this earring for help

and listen from this one.

Your backup agent can
wear the headphones

and come to your aid.

These are very expensive
devices, just be careful.

Any questions?

- Does it come in
any other colors?

This is the place.

- Thanks for coming
along, Dwayne.

Yeah.

Well, how do I look?

Oh!

That good, huh?

Remember, this case
is important to me.

I'm not just doing
it for our quota.

Hey, don't worry,

with this transmitter we can
hear everything that goes on.

Good luck.

God.

Here.

Oh, 9:30.

9:30.

Can I help you?

- Word's out on the street you're
looking for a new actress.

- Great, get on your back
and let's see what we can do.

- Hey, listen, any work I do
is considered a day's paycheck.

So unless you're willing to
start me on payroll right now,

you just better keep
your clothes on.

You're a pro, aren't ya?

- I'm not just off
the bus from Omaha.

- Listen, I was just kidding
about the first part.

Really?

- This is great, all we need
is some solid evidence now.

- Do you think she should have
gone on the couch with him?

Shh!

I brought my resume with me,

it'll show you what I do best.

Quite impressive.

- Well, I like what I
do and I do it well.

- Is there anything you wouldn't
consider doing in a film?

- Well, I don't do
any animal acts.

Really?

It says here that you've done
quite a few in your picture

"if I Could Talk
to the Animals."

Looks like you made
it with half the zoo.

- Uh, well, that was
one of my earlier films.

Animal acts!

Who gave her that resume?

- Miss Devonshire
gave it to her.

- I think she should've
read it first.

Uh, I also don't do any S&M.

Are you sure?

According to this you enjoy it,

you've done everything
imaginable in your picture,

"Beat Me in St. Louie."

- That was a long
time ago, I, uh,

I'm looking for a new image now.

- Are you sure you want
to do a picture like ours,

I mean it's only straight sex.

Sounds fine to me.

Wow, who's that?

What about your fans,

what if they don't
like your new image?

Chucky, just in time.

Yeah, time for what?

- I'd like you to
meet the actress

who's auditioning lead opposite
of you in our next film.

Chucky Long, meet Didi Fluffer.

Hello.

- Didi might be
replacing the actress

that you usually work with.

- Um, what happened
to the other actress?

- Oh, we had to get rid of
her because she turned 19.

I never thought she passed 18.

- Hey, Chucky,
since you're here,

why don't you read
a scene with Didi.

Yeah, how 'bout it?

- I don't know, I've got
a full schedule today.

I've got an appointment
at my tanning salon

and then there's my facial.

Why don't you make time?

♪ Well, if you only live in it

♪ Everybody else will too

♪ Set on out to this mark

- This thing's
only 12 pages long.

- Our films aren't about
dialogue, you should know that.

Oh, yeah, right.

- All right, why
don't you go ahead

and start reading from
the scene on page three.

- Baby, it's been
a long, hard day

and I'm looking for some relief.

- It looks like you
came to the right place.

- Some things
were just meant to be.

♪ For as long as I need

♪ Come and purify the disease

Brilliant, you got the part!

- Oh, great, I'll
do it for free.

What did you say?

I said we'll discuss my fee.

9:45.

- Yeah, and I gotta
get out of here,

unless you want me to change
my stage name to Lily White.

Ooh, 9245.

I'll see you on your back.

- Congratulations,
you got the part.

I love this job.

I wish I knew what
slut this resume belonged to.

- So would I, I'd
like to meet her.

No.

- If you like it now,
you're gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're
gonna love it later.

If you like it
now, you're gonna.

How you doing?

Um, I'm a little nervous,

it's been a while since
I've done one of these.

There's too many people in here,

I think I'm gonna
go in the next room

and read a few lines by myself.

Where did she go?

She said she was nervous.

She had to go in the next
room and do a few lines.

Understandable.

- If you like it now,
you're gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're
gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're
gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're
gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're
gonna love it later.

If you like it now, you're
gonna love it later.

- I found a book that covers
all their illegal operations.

- Good, see if you can lift
it without anyone noticing.

No, he might look there.

- They're waiting
for you on the set.

Right.

Noon.

- Don't we have enough
evidence to take them yet?

- No, not yet, we have to
catch everyone in the act.

- Is it, if you like it now,
you're gonna love it later.

Or is it, if you like it
now, you're gonna love it-

- Didi, I want you to meet
Desiree, our director.

Pleased to meet you.

- Likewise, and you
probably never worked

for a woman director before.

I think it might be
a little different

than what you're used to.

Sex films used to be about women

on their knees in
a peep show booth.

Well, things aren't
like that anymore.

My films have a story,

all the women in my films
play powerful characters

that choose their sex partners.

You understand?

Yes.

Good, now take your places.

Oh, and Chucky.

Yeah?

In the scene,

I'd like you to degrade
her as much as possible.

Okay, everybody, places!

- I wish we could
make our move already.

- You wanna hear the latest
tape from Severe Tire Damage?

Severe Tire Damage?

They're my favorite
group, put it on.

Turn it up.

Woo!

- Okay, you two know
what to do, right?

Yeah, we got it.

- "Chafed Raw",
scene one, take one.

Action.

Who is it?

- I'm a horny stud,
open up and let me in.

I wanna rape you until
you're split in two.

No, no cut!

Didi, you're supposed
to be frightened of him.

You're not supposed
to so goddamn anxious

you rip the door off the hinges.

Sorry.

- Take it from
where you left off.

- "Chafed Raw",
scene one, take two.

Action.

I said action, Didi,
didn't you hear me?

- Yeah, I just wanted to make
sure everybody else did, too.

- I forgot something my
doctor told me to do.

Her doctor?

Hey, you never told me she
had any medical problems.

- She never told
me anything either.

- Uh, no, no, it's
about my back.

My doctor said that I should
just stay off my feet.

I mean on my feet!

- Didi, are you having
some sort of trouble today?

- She'll be all
right, won't you?

- I'm ready for my
close-up, Mr. DeMille.

- Take it from
where you left off.

- You shouldn't open
the door to strangers.

I'm gonna have to
teach you a lesson.

I wish he'd degrade her more.

- I heard from one of our
sources that some vice ring

might try to crack
down on our operation.

You think it might
be somebody in here?

Do you think it might be
one of the crew members?

- We've worked with this crew
before, we can trust them.

What about the new actress?

Are you kidding?

Wait a minute!

We forgot about Didi.

I think we're a little late.

A little late?

All right, cut.

- Freeze,
you're under arrest!

Sorry we're late.

- You lied to us, you never
had sex with any zoo animals.

Of course not, you fool.

- I'm appalled at the
way you betrayed me.

You're no sister.

Desiree, as a director,

you have a lot to learn
about a woman's needs.

A vice cop?

I feel used and violated.

Shut up, Chucky.

- Yeah, well I faked
my orgasm for you.

- Shut up, I might be able
to grant you full immunity.

All right, everybody outside.

Come on!

You're coming with me.

- Didi, there's something
I've got to ask you.

Sure, what is it?

Was it good?

Huh, the best!

Oops, I forgot something.

- Come on, put
your hands up, come on.

Put your hands up.

- What are we doing
at your place?

You'll see.

- Well, what're
you gonna do to me now?

Time to get back to work!

All right, scene two, take one!

- You've
got to be kidding.

- Ooh, oh, Chucky, scene
one, take two, take three!

Wait, I need some rest.

Scene two, take one!

Scene
five, six, seven!

Oh, scene two, three, four!

Oh, okay.

Oh.

After today I bet
we're finally gonna get

the kind of respect we
deserve around here.

- Oh, don't look now,
but here comes Holly.

- Good, she can be
the first to hear.

Holly, you know you're not
supposed to come to school

in the clothes your boyfriend
makes you dress up in.

For your information, Didi,

while you were sleeping
in this morning,

I was busy breaking up a high
school narcotics operation.

Is that so?

How many arrests did you make?

Four.

- Ha, while you were
busting freshmen,

we made twice as many arrests
cracking a porno operation.

A porno operation?

How did you hear about that?

I have my sources, too.

Really, what sources?

You'll find out,

just watch and see who's going
to be teacher's pet today.

In fact, here she comes now.

- Miss Devonshire,
would you like to hear

about the arrests that
I made this morning?

I got two high school
seniors for dealing drugs

and another two for
writing obscenities

on the bathroom wall.

Later, Holly.

Didi, I got a
report this morning.

It had something on it
that was so unbelievable

I had to hear it
from you myself.

What is it?

- You infiltrated that porno
ring yesterday, didn't you?

Yes.

- Well, here's what I'm
having trouble with.

It says that before
you made the arrest,

you had sex with a male lead
in front of the entire crew.

Now is that true?

Well, yeah.

How could you be so stupid,

don't you realize we can't
put these people away

until we get a conviction?

How is your testimony
going look in court

when it comes out that
you performed a sex act

before you made the arrest?

Well, I don't know.

It's worthless,

you might as well let
these people go right now.

No jury is going to convict
them based on your testimony.

Miss Devonshire, I don't think

you can blame Didi
entirely for this,

we're also to blame.

- Yeah, we were
late making arrests.

She had the choice between
blowing her cover or blowing-

Shawnee, that will be enough!

You three are a disgrace
to the entire academy.

Go on, Didi, tell us

how you were going to
be teacher's pet today.

Shut up, Holly.

No, go on,

I only had to do a few
cheers for my cover,

what did you have to do?

You're right, Holly,

I should have left
the case for you,

you make a much better
whore than anyone in class.

Ooh!

Girls, break it up!

This is against academy rules.

Watch out for the tires!

Girls, girls, break it up!

Cheap trash!

Spoiled brat!

That will be enough!

Didi, Shawnee, Dwayne, I have
a special assignment for you.

You three realize that
since you can't get

a conviction on this case,

I can't count it against
your quota of 1 O arrests.

- That's not fair,
we made the arrests.

- But since tomorrow
is graduation,

I'll give you one last
chance to make your quota.

But you have to do it
completely by the book.

There is a prostitution
ring working the inner city.

If you crack it, make the
arrests, and close them down,

you will be allowed to graduate
tomorrow with the others,

that's the deal.

You have 18 hours, good luck.

- Miss Devonshire, I
couldn't help overhearing,

my father's been working
on the inner city ring

for quite some time now.

It's one of the Queen
Bee's operations,

every time he sends an
officer out on the job,

they never come back.

He's lost five already.

Yes, I know.

- I better let that group
in the porno movie go.

We can't keep them
here any longer.

Excuse me.

Yes?

Well, speak up.

I heard on the street

that you arrested some
people making a porno movie.

- It's true, I was just
about to let them go.

Because of a
technicality though,

we can't get a
conviction against them.

That won't be necessary,

I'm willing to
testify against them.

This book will
back up everything

I have to say against them.

I don't know how we're gonna

pull this thing off in time.

Graduation's tomorrow morning!

- Don't worry, we
have all night.

Look, there's one now.

Let's get to it.

- Remember, you gotta
get her to say a price

before you can arrest her.

Right.

Watch this.

Hi, there, what's your name?

Hi, my name's Tinsel.

That's a pretty name.

Oh, thank you.

I just happened to notice

you were standing
here all by yourself

and I thought maybe you
could use some company.

- Oh, that's generous of
you, I like that type.

Why don't you give me an idea

on how generous I need to be.

Well, why don't you tell me.

I asked you first.

Hi, how ya doing?

He's doing fine and I'm busy,

so why don't you
find your own block.

- Listen, whatever
she's charging you,

I'll do the same and throw
in a continental breakfast.

What?

Continental breakfast?

- That's right, I'll
make it all by myself.

- Hey, look, what are
you lookin' for tonight,

a good time or short order cook?

- What comes with
this breakfast?

- Eggs, muffins, and
fresh squeezed juice.

Oh, this is ridiculous.

- I'll make 'em any
way you like 'em,

hard-boiled, scrambled,
or over-easy.

Hey, look, honey,

I'm sorry your waitress
job laid you off,

but this is my block.

- Enterprise is
the American way.

Which one of us?

- All right, I'll throw
in a dozen donuts.

Mm, glazed?

- Huh, whatever
she's charging you,

I'll do it for 10 dollars less.

- Why now that's
hitting below the belt.

Well, how much are you?

Well, I'm usually 40 bucks,

but I'll make an exception
and do it for 30.

What do you think of that?

Okay, we're vice cops.

You're under arrest.

What?

- I don't know how to cook
any of those things either.

- Oh, you stinkin' piece
of trash, you tricked me.

You'll never get away with it.

Save it for the judge.

How'd it go?

- Beautiful, we did
everything by the book.

- Hey, you're just
wasting your time.

I'll be back out on the streets

before you even get a chance
to get around the block.

- By the time you get out you'll
be too old to do phone sex.

- You watch what
you're saying, you-

Get in there!

- Hey, look,
there's another one.

- Let's see how fast
we can bust this one.

- You working tonight or
just watching the stars?

- The only time I watch the
stars is when I'm on my back.

That's a good position.

- Watch out,
Sparkle, it's a trap.

Hey, keep it to yourself.

- You ready to go
gaze at some stars?

I couldn't help overhearing,

I have a telescope at my place.

Why don't you come
home with me instead.

What the hell is this?

I've never seen you here before.

- That's because
when you're good,

you don't spend much
time out on the streets.

- Yeah, well, you don't
know who you're talkin' to.

- What'll it be, I'd love to
see the Big Dipper tonight.

- Well, what kind of
telescope do you have?

Hey, screw this.

Hey, I'm $40, do
you want it or not?

Yeah, I want it.

You're under arrest!

Hey, you tricked me.

Honey, you must be good

because you're not gonna
be spending much time out

on the street either.

Uh, no!

Ow, ow, hey, ow, ow!

Oh, Tinsel, they got you, too?

Oh.

Join the party.

Nice.

Cheap floozies.

They're like scum.

Two-bit con artists.

Shut up back there!

Oh!

- This is easier than
I thought it would be.

What we need to do is

to start picking
them up in quantity.

How do we do that?

- Well, this one at a
time stuffs all right,

but I'm sure there's a
whole group of people

somewhere all in one place.

All we need to do is find
them and make one big arrest.

- That's great if
we can find them.

We will, come on, let's go.

Look, there it is,
a laundromat posing

as a front for prostitution.

Oh, no, they found it!

- I think I need a
special cover for this.

Hello, girls, I'm
looking to party.

I have a lot of money, here!

How much are we talkin' about?

I am looking for good prices.

You can have us all for $150.

- Up against the
wall, spread 'em.

Say what?

Look, here he comes.

Ow!

Get in there.

Sparkle, Tinsel?

Save the reunion for later.

We're half-way there.

What about the johns?

- You have to go
to the bathroom?

- No, now that the
laundromat is empty,

Didi and I can take over and
arrest some of their customers.

- Yeah, we can make
our quota right here.

Get to it.

Yeah!

- Girls, it's okay
of you wanna struggle

and try to get loose,
I like to watch.

Pervert!

What do we do now?

Look like we mean business.

- Oh, I'm just
looking for change.

- I think you came
to the right place.

So what are you doing?

My laundry.

- Aren't you
supposed to take off

all your clothes
before you wash 'em?

- Sometimes, but I like
to do two things at once.

Really?

- So what
brings you here?

A hot rinse, a fast tumble,

or something on the
more delicate side?

- Gee, I don't know,
what'll this get me?

- Ooh, that will get me
to wash all my clothes.

- So can we go in one
of the rooms in back?

- Sounds like you've
been here before.

I think the back's
a little crowded,

why don't we just
do it right here?

- Right here, in
front of everybody?

- Don't worry,
we'll have privacy.

A laundry bag?

- There's plenty of
room, look.

Now why don't you just join me.

All right.

- Here, you put it in place
while I get to work, huh?

Hey, what are you doing?

You're under arrest, Bozo!

This, this is entrapment.

- Huh, yeah and it
worked real well.

- I'll check the back to
see if we got 'em all.

Good, I'll take him outside.

Open up the back,
I got another one.

That was fast.

She's got a tire iron!

Uh, Dwayne, help, Dwayne!

I'm trying.

Help, Dwayne!

Get her, get her.

- Hey, get the keys
to these damn things.

I got 'em, I got 'em!

- Let's take them
back to our warehouse

around the corner, we'll
take care of them there.

- You're tampering
with police business.

You can't get away with this.

- Just
shut it up already!

- Oh,
call a tow truck.

Welcome to a theater

that's been closed for 50 years.

Hello?

- Oh, Chuck, we were in
the middle of an arrest

and something went wrong,

they've got Shawnee and Dwayne.

I need your help to save them.

- Oh, yeah, how am
I supposed to help?

You left me
handcuffed to the bed.

- I left you the key
under the telephone,

I thought you'd find it by now.

When the lights go down,

the body count goes up.

Great, thanks a lot,

now I'll see if I can
walk after last night.

- Chucky, please
don't let me down.

They took them to a warehouse
near Cahuenga and Lankershim.

Meet me there as
soon as you can.

Okay, okay, goodbye.

I mean, right now.

Help, help,

help, help!

You can yell all you want

'cause there ain't
nobody around to hear ya.

- Oh, Chucky,
I'm so glad you're here.

- You know, I don't know
why I'm doing this for you.

- There's something
I wanted to tell you.

What is it?

- Well, this is kind
of awkward for me.

Even though I only
find you attractive

on a strictly physical level

and I could never take you
home to meet my parents,

I still think I love you.

- I sorta feel the
same way about you.

There's one other thing.

What?

- I lied to you before, I
didn't fake my orgasm for you.

- I kinda figured that
one out on my own.

Come on, let's go.

Follow me.

Okay, this way.

- The Queen Bee
will see you now.

Now just be quiet and wait.

So you're the two that thought

that you could
crack my crime ring?

But you didn't expect to run up

against the Queen
Bee, now did you?

Who?

The Queen Bee.

Are we supposed to know you?

- The Queen Bee,
the one who runs all

these inner city drug
and prostitution rings.

Don't recognize the name.

- I thought you
said they were cops.

Well, that's what I thought.

- Miss Bee, we're
not police officers,

we're students at
the Vice Academy.

The academy, the academy?

These people are rookies.

- Your people cost
me a thousand dollars

and I'm gonna take
it out of your hide.

And from what I can see
now, you're about 950 short.

- Didn't you realize
that our police force

has already sent out
five undercover agents

to pose as hookers in my ring.

We captured all five and we
haven't heard from them since.

What happened to them?

Well, we sent them overseas.

We sold them into white slavery.

They don't bother me anymore

and soon you'll join
them, very soon.

What about me?

What about you?

Oh, we have a special
assignment for you.

We need someone to watch
over all of those girls.

That's something I think
you could do quite well.

Watch a group of girls,

that doesn't sound so bad,
I might even enjoy it.

I doubt that,

because first we're
going to castrate you.

Help, somebody help us!

- Scream all you want,
no one can help you now.

- You can't capture
that entire group,

you might as well
call the police now

before we get caught also.

You heard what she'd do to us,

there are some things a man
won't sacrifice, no matter what.

Chucky, it's no time to talk

about major surgery,
I have a plan.

A plan, right.

- I still have a few
tricks left up my sleeve,

just trust me.

Okay, now I want you to
make a tape recording

of you sounding like a police
officer arresting everybody.

Now go on, try it.

- This is the police chief,
you're all under arrest.

- No, no, no, make it
sound more convincing.

Use the voice that you
use in your movies.

- This is the police chief,
you're all under arrest.

Put your hands in the air,

you have the right
to remain silent,

don't move or we'll shoot.

We have the building surrounded.

Anything you say can and
will be used against you

in a court of law.

Don't try to escape, we're
sending for backup units.

- That was great, where'd
you learn to say all that?

- Oh, I've been
arrested a few times.

- Hmm, hurry, we got to
get back to where we were

before the tape starts.

- Oh, get those shipping
crates over here, will you?

And don't forget to punch
some holes in them this time

so they don't suffocate
like the last group.

- This
is the police chief,

you're all under arrest.

What the hell is that?

It's a trick, Queen Bee.

Yeah, pack these two up.

- Put
your hands in the air,

don't move or we'll shoot.

- It is a trick, they wouldn't
shoot with two hostages.

- This is no time
to fix your make-up.

Sh!

- Oh my God, I forgot,
they're rookies,

they'll shoot at anything.

- We
have the place surrounded,

you have the right
to remain silent.

What do we do now, Queen Bee?

- This place is a
honeycomb of mazes,

they'll never catch
us, follow me.

Don't try to escape,

we're sending backup units.

Listen to that!

Which way now?

This way, B-Girls.

Didi, hOW'd you find us?

- Never mind, we have to catch
them before they get away.

What's he doing here?

- He was the only one I
could call to help us.

What's he done so far?

Don't move or we'll shoot.

Good work.

- Hurry, we have to get them
before they find their way out.

- I thought you said this
place was a maze of honeycombs.

- I am the Queen Bee
not the maze keeper!

This must be the way out.

Hurry, girls.

Faster, B-Girls, faster!

Hey, how did you get untied?

It's a professional secret.

- Oh, yeah, well, what
kind of professional secret

have you got for this?

(gun clicking

Dwayne, Dwayne!

Dwayne, the pressure point!

- I thought we were gonna
do everything by the book.

- We are, I'm just
using a different book.

Follow me.

Chucky Long, it's you!

Oh, Mr, Long, I'm
your biggest fan.

You can have it for free.

You like it kinky?

- Does the Queen
Bee sleep on her back?

- Now, wait here while
we catch the others.

Damn you!

This is the last
time I ever spend

a quarter to see
one of your films!

What the hell happened to you?

- Sparkle, how did
you get handcuffed?

- Oh, never mind, it was
just a brief infatuation.

Come on, come on, come on!

What happened to you?

- I don't know, when
that girl took off her blouse,

it had an effect on me like
I never experienced before.

Oh, really?

Well, we'll have to
discuss it, later!

This must be the way out.

Something's wrong!

Go!

Didi!

Yeah!

Oh, great we got them!

Oh, Chucky, we couldn't
have done it without you!

Hey, wait, what time is it?

- It's after seven
in the morning!

- Hurry, we're gonna
miss graduation.

Come on!

Go!

- Congratulations on
your commencement.

Graduating the Vice
Academy is an honor

that only we can
bestow upon you.

Soon you will be
working hand in hand

as proud members of
the police force.

Cleaning up our streets

of all the sleaze,
slime, and filth,

that make our academy strong.

Ancl now, Police Chief Wells
would like to say a few words.

Thank you very much

for those very kind
words, Miss Devonshire.

You said them just the
way I had them written.

I'm especially proud
of my daughter Holly,

and all of you for that matter.

Faster, Didi, faster!

Of the glorious graduates-

Miss Devonshire, wait!

What in the world?

- You can't start
graduation without us!

- How dare you interrupt
my father's speech.

- Shut up, you'll
wanna see this.

I don't believe it.

- The Queen Bee,
my own police force

hasn't been able
to bring her in.

- Yes, I know, we
got them to confess

to where they had
all of your agents

that they'd previously captured.

- This is the greatest sting
operation I've ever seen.

Better than anything my own
police officers have ever done,

better than anything my
own daughter is capable of.

Daddy, how could you?

Oh, but, pumpkin-

Don't touch me!

Princess.

Just leave me alone.

A- ha, just as I thought!

What?

- There are only nine
people in the van,

their quota was 1 O and
they failed to meet it.

But-

You know as well as I

that they can't be
allowed to graduate.

- But surely you can make
an exception in this case.

The Queen Bee
should count double.

Literally.

- We do things by
the book around here.

The requirement was 10 and
they failed to meet it.

I'm afraid she's right,

the requirement is 10.

I'm very sorry.

- You forgot to
count me, it is 10.

- Chucky,
what are you doing?

Be quiet, I owe you.

- Why aren't you in the
back with the rest of them?

- They let me in front on
account of good behavior.

- Chucky, how can
I ever repay you?

Post my bail.

- It looks like you
three are graduating.

Please reconsider,

this one can't even
keep her clothes on.

- This is the most arrests
we've had at one time

since we booked that
group in the porno movie.

- We were the ones who
brought in that group.

But since Miss Devonshire said

that we couldn't convict 'em,

it wouldn't count
against our quota.

What are you talking about?

We had a witness come
in here yesterday.

We've got a conviction
that's good enough

to put the whole group
away for some time.

What?

Oh, didn't I mention that?

Hi, you guys-

- Cherry Pop!
- Hi, Cherry!

- We have good news,
we're graduating!

I have good news, too,

my exercise video
just went platinum!

Germ, Shawnee,
and Cherry cheer)

- Get outta town!
- God.

- Oh, let me see now, our
arrest quota is actually 20,

that's the highest in
the academy's history,

do you know what that means?

Congratulations on
a job well clone.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you.

- How's it feel
watching us graduate

when there's nothing
you can do about it?

- Let's hear it for
our valedictorians!

- So, is there really money
in making exercise videos?

Are you kidding,

at this rate I'll be able
to retire at 18.

- This could be the new career
move I've been looking for.

Hmm, "Pump it up with Chucky
Long," got a nice ring to it.

- Come, Miss Devonshire, we
have a trip to make downtown.

You know, I have
to give you credit

for your class this semester.

I'm sure your
three prized pupils

will work very well
side by side with you.

You don't mean it.

Of course I do,

I think their best
place on the force

will be working
right along side you.

Shut up back there!

I mean, sure, they'll
make great partners.

♪ Huh

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ Put your finger
on the trigger

♪ Feel it getting bigger

♪ Move a little closer

♪ Let me stick it
in your holster

♪ Let's do it

♪ Shoot my bullet

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ It's got a 12 inch length

♪ And you can make it plank

♪ Blow me away, just
give me a yank

♪ Let's do it

♪ Shoot my bullet

♪ When you roll
up in my Levi's

♪ You can feel my
Colt, yeah, 45

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ It's straight
from undercover

♪ But don't show it mother

♪ Lookin' for a sexy way
to blow my ammunition

♪ Let's do it

♪ Bite my bullet

♪ Well, you better
start stripping

♪ Or you're gonna get
in the way of love

♪ Huh

♪ Got a pistol in my pocket

♪ And baby, you can cock it

♪ I'm a gun fanatic

♪ Feel my automatic

♪ Grab my love rocket

♪ And then feel
my body rocking

♪ Let's do it

♪ Bite my bullet

♪ Now I've got you in my sight

♪ And I'm gonna hear
the full cry tonight