Vice (2018) - full transcript

The following is a true story.

Or as true as it can be

given that Dick Cheney

is one of the most

secretive leaders in history

But we did our fucking best.

How you doing tonight?

I need you to get

out of the car.

C'mon, let's get out.

Move, get cleared!

Move, clear.

- Move, move, move.

- Clear.

A plane just struck

The Pentagon.

Let's make sure

those phone lines

- are working.

- Phone's are a go sir.

SIVITS. Let's contact the FAA. Find

out how many planes are in the air.

- Yes.

- Let's get these televisions working.

May I get the President

on the line, please?

That's right. We've got planes in

the air nowhere for them to land.

I need permission for them to

land at the Canadian airport.

If I go to Pennsylvania on course,

and three other planes

are unaccounted for.

I am seeing five planes unaccounted for.

No, no. Scratch that,

I am seeing four.

I have got three in

international air.

I have NOID on the line.

That is correct, he

has, that is correct.

Mr. Vice President,

POTUS, line 1 sir.

Mr. President.

This situation is

extremely fluidic.

Strongly recommending

you stay in the air.

I've sequestered

Congressional leadership.

Okay then.

Sir, Don Rumsfeld is at

The Pentagon, on line 3.

- That?

- Uh huh.

Yes sir.

Dick, are there still passenger planes

in the air? I need rules of engagement.

Let's get to President back on line sir.

You have authorization to shoot

down any aircraft deemed a threat.

- Presidential authority?

- That is correct.

- All orders are UNODIR.

- UNODIR sir?

Unless otherwise directed.

By all accounts of what

people saw in that room

on that terrible day,

there was confusion,

fear,

uncertainty,

but Dick Cheney saw something

else that no one else did...

he saw an opportunity.

As the world becomes

more and more confusing,

we tend to focus on the things that

are right there in front of us.

While ignoring the massive

forces that actually change

and shape our lives.

With people working longer and

longer hours,

for less and less.

When we do have free time,

the last thing we want is complicated

analysis of our government,

lobbying, international trade

agreements, and tax bills.

So it's no surprise that

when a monotone bureaucratic

Vice President came to power

we hardly noticed.

As he achieved

a position of authority

that very few leaders

in the history of

America ever have.

Forever changing the

course of history

for millions and

millions of lives.

And he did it like a ghost.

With most people having

no idea who he is

or where he came from.

How does a man...

go on to become...

who he is.

Well...

it starts in 1963.

Dick's best girl Lynne was getting

straight A's at Colorado College.

Lynne had helped Dick get

a scholarship at Yale,

where he did way more

drinking than class attending.

Pretty soon Dick got the boot.

Then he went back

home to Wyoming

where he got a job

working as a lineman

for the state.

Back then, they would have called

a guy like him a nerd-do-well.

In today's parlance

I think they would just

call him a dirt bag.

Man down!

His leg looks like

an Elvis dance move.

Somebody give that poor son

of a bitch a shot of whiskey.

Alright, back to work.

I said, back to work!

Take him into town,

put $5 in his pocket.

Find another man for tomorrow.

Help.

You got a problem Cheney?

- Help me please.

- No sir.

Are we becoming friends?

Will you stop touching me?

What? What you gonna do

about it, Mr. Yale?

The fuck you gonna do about

it, Mr. Yale? Come on!

Two times...

Two times!

I have to drag you out

of that jail like a...

filthy hobo!

- I'm sorry, Lynne.

- What?

- What did you just say?

- I'm sorry, Lynnie.

You're sorry? Don't

call me “Lynnie!”

You're sorry.

One time is “I'm sorry.”

Two times makes me think that

I've picked the wrong man!

You already got your ass thrown out

of Yale for drinking... and fighting.

And now you are just gonna be a lush

that hangs power lines for the state?

Are you gonna live in a trailer

and we're gonna have ten kids?

- Is that the plan?!

- Can we discuss this later... Please?

No. We are gonna discuss this right

now, while you smell like vomit

and cheap booze.

- Does Dick want some coffee?

- What?

Mum, get out!

Get out! Does Dick want some coffee?

Jesus Christ!

OK. Here's my plan.

Right.

Either you stand up straight,

and you get your back straight

and you have the courage to

become someone, or I am gone!

I know a dozen guys and a few

Professors at school who would date me!

I love you, Lynne.

Then prove it!

Prove it!

I can't...

go to a big Ivy League school!

And I can't...

run a company or be Mayor! That's

just the way the world is for a girl!

I need you.

And right now you're a

big fat piss soaked ze-ro!

I've seen my mom waiting up all

night for my father to get home

and I've seen my father drunk in

this house and raising his voice

and way worse and I'm not dancing

that dance anymore... I'm not!

Do you know why I fuck her?

I'm not.

So, can you change?

Can you change, or am I

wasting my goddamn time?

I won't ever disappoint

you again Lynne.

“Beware the quiet man. For while others

speak, he watches. And while others

act, he plans. And when they finally

rest... he strikes.” - ANONYMOUS

Subtitled by CLARITY

REVIEW by PREPARAT.

Fellowship, you're a train

goes back one hundred years.

You were chosen because

of your hard work,

your diligence and dedication.

State it simply,

you are America's

best and brightest.

So, let's go forward and

learn and be of service.

God bless you all...

and God bless this great

nation.

And now, I would like to introduce

some young man from Illinois

who's done quite well for

himself here in The Capitol.

Representative... Donald Rumsfeld.

Did Bob tell you

that this internship

is a great honor?

Huh?

Did he?

Huh? Yeah?

Well...

it's not.

It's what we called in

the Navy “a shit detail.”

Donald Rumsfeld, or

Rummy as they called him,

was the former captain of the

Princeton wrestling team...

and an elite navy jet pilot.

Most Congressmen used

their power like an axe,

Best and brightest.

Rumsfeld on the

other hand, used his

like a master of the

butterfly knives.

And like any master if you got

in his way, he would cut you.

This can be a great opportunity.

An opportunity, to work in the

hallways of decision making in the most

powerful country in the goddamn world.

And if that doesn't give you a hard

on, I don't know what will.

Sorry to the,

few ladies in the room.

This program didn't use to

have girls, now it does.

Anyway, I'm done,

whatever you do...

Don't work for Bob over here.

He's the most boring son of a bitch in DC.

Isn't that right Bob?

Alright. That's it. Go, get a

Congressman a cup of coffee!

And if his wife calls, he's

always in a meeting! Alright?

That's it. Scat.

Hey, I'm Alan.

You're the other guy from the

university of Wisconsin right?

Right.

So, one of us is supposed to start with

a Democrat, the other, a Republican.

Do you care if I go

with the Dem cause

I did a lot of work with

the DNC on campus. Umm...

What party is uh...

The guy we just heard?

- Three penises walking down the street.

- Yeah, you know who are the other two.

Rumsfeld is a Republican.

Perfect, cause uh...

It's what I am.

Don't lurk. Come in dammit.

Dick Cheney...

Reporting for work.

You're Congressional relations for

my Office of Economic Opportunity.

And you'll assist me in my job

as councilor to the President.

Right.

Jesus Christ. You want

me to pin your mittens to

your sleeves, so you don't

fucking lose them? Go!

Oh Cheney,

your two DUls came up on your transcript.

Don't worry. I vouched for you.

Thank you sir.

No. Thanks are when your neighbor Dottie

pulls your pud for the first time.

You owe me.

- Yes sir.

- Go!

The first thing our department did

was to conduct a sweeping audit.

At the population distribution

across the nation.

You'll see the office of

economic opportunity

benefits...

You're Rumsfeld's lackey right?

Make sure he sees this.

You gotta get that

on Nixon's desk, huh?

Roger Ailes,

founder of FOX News.

He first pitched the

idea as conservative news

when he worked for

Nixon as a media consultant.

Hey Don.

Roger wants Nixon to start a

republican news TV network.

Forget it. Roger knows TV.

But he doesn't know politics.

So I would do this flaming

baton trick and Dick

would wait backstage

with a bucket of water.

So I'm at the State Finals and I throw

up the baton... and it doesn't come down.

Shady.

Oh, where did you find her?

It is doing nothing but damage to

our private healthcare institutions.

But I still got second place.

White families, males,

women, Hispanics, minorities.

You're quiet. I like that.

You don't go blabbing

about what cards you have.

I missed my flush

draw about a month ago,

but everybody still thinks

I have pocket kings.

Except maybe fucking Haldeman.

I mostly play

hearts, so I'm not...

No, no...

For a man like Donald Rumsfeld,

he only wanted three

things from his lackey.

He had to keep his mouth shut,

do what he was told

and always, always...

be loyal.

What it means is, Nixon likes

me, but his circle hates me.

- No, I'm sure that's not true.

- So...

What's it gonna be?

Is it a yes, or a no?

It's a yes.

You don't even know what

the question is, do you?

- I am assuming...

- No, no, no. It's OK.

That's exactly the kind of

“yes” I was looking for.

Cheney had always been a so so

student and a mediocre athlete,

But now finally he had

found his life's calling.

He would be a dedicated and

humble servant to power.

Here's your new office.

No windows, but all you'd see are a

bunch of hippies flipping off Nixon.

Alright then.

Now,

at this point, you're

probably wondering

who exactly I am.

Well, let me introduce myself.

My name is Kurt.

My favorite football

team is The Steelers.

And me and my son,

we love Spongebob.

And if you are wondering how I

know so much about Dick Cheney,

well, let's just say we are...

kind of related...

We'll get to that later.

- Hello.

- Lynnie... guess where I'm calling from?

I am so proud of you right now

Dick Cheney...

I knew I picked the right man.

I knew it even when I didn't...

We did it.

Have you seen Nixon?

I did. I met him.

- I shook his hand.

- Oh my gosh.

He gave me that...

That impish smile of his.

I gotta pinch myself.

Pardon my French.

It is the best...

fucking feeling...

in the world.

I can only imagine, I am so proud of you.

- I love you.

- We are proud of you.

Girls are proud of you.

Are you proud of your daddy?

- Yes.

- You say you're proud of your daddy.

Proud of my daddy.

Proud of your

daddy, oh my goodness.

Dick Cheney's office.

So now, that I'm not

just flipping cards

- I have a few ideas...

- Stop.

See that door?

To Kissinger's office?

That's right.

I happen to know that Nixon's

in there right now. Now why

would Nixon not be meeting

Kissinger in the Oval Office?

He's having a conversation he

doesn't want to go on the record?

Very good.

What is the conversation?

They're going to bomb Cambodia.

No, no. That's impossible.

That needs approval by Congress

- No.

- And I go there everyday.

Fuck Congress.

Unless you're in it.

Then it's the greatest

deliberative body on earth.

But we're not, so fuck it.

But didn't the President

campaigned on ending the war?

Shhh, listen to me.

Because of the discussion that Nixon

and Kissinger are having right now

behind that door,

five feet away from us

in a couple of days, 10

thousand miles away...

a rain of 750 pound bombs

dropped from B-52s,

twenty thousand feet

will hit villages and

towns all across Cambodia.

Thousands will die...

The world will change

for better, or worse.

That is the kind of power that exists

in this squat little ugly building.

Screw Kissinger, he's overrated.

Let's go.

So... what do we...

Spit it out. What

are you trying to say?

I mean aren't we against

spending... What do we believe?

What do we believe?

What do we believe?!

Oh, that's very good!

What do we believe?

Oh, shit!

Like that, through

there, you wanna try?

- Yeah.

- You find out what the

fish want, in this

case it's a worm

and then uh...

we use it to catch them.

Look here, look here, dad, dad, look.

Family gets to eat.

Is it a good trick we're playing?

With the worms?

It's not good, or bad.

It's fishing.

I don't want this one hurt.

Dick had taken a job as a political

consultant for a large financial firm.

Where he was finally

making good money.

He took the job because Nixon's inner

circle have had enough of Donald Rumsfeld.

I'm out.

They're sending me to Brussels.

- What?

- Nixon is making me

permanent ambassador to NATO.

Or as he called it,

a fuck off assignment.

Kissinger and Haldeman won.

I want you to come with me.

I got a four and

a seven year old, Donald.

Tell Don we're not moving just because

everyone at the White House hates him!

Good boy. I taught you well

these past couple of years.

I am sorry Don.

I really am.

Don't worry. I'm like bed bugs.

You have to burn the

mattress to get rid of me!

Dick was becoming sharper and

sharper as a D.C. insider.

And Lynne had started

to write articles

and explore ideas

for her first novel.

Dick.

Dick.

Then...

she received news from

back home in Casper.

Lynne's mother Edna,

who had avoided the water her whole life,

was found drowned in the local Casper Lake.

They said her and

Wayne, Lynne's Dad,

they had had a nasty

argument an hour before.

She doesn't swim, Dick.

- My Mother doesn't swim.

- What happened?

She never swam.

I don't know. She

just never swims. And then...

There was never a serious

investigation into Lynne's mom's death.

So listen, after this... What should we do?

Should we go get some food?

Girls, Lynne. Why don't

you go to the car?

Come on girls. Let's... Listen

to your Father. Alright?

They getting so beautiful Dick.

It's amazing.

You catching any fish?

How are you Dick?

Things going good in DC?

Don't ever go near my

daughters, or my wife again.

Big shot!

Big shot in D.C. Dick!

Sir?

Thanks.

So...

- What do you got?

- Page eight.

Hassan Mustafa Nasser.

A cleric based in Milan, Italy.

He's a member of

Al-Gama'a Al-Islamiyya,

- the group that killed Anwar Sadat.

- That's The Blind Sheikh, right?

There's some debate

at Langley on

- whether they're a threat, or not.

- They claim to be peaceful now.

I “claim”

to be eating healthy.

Okay...

You'll pick him up.

What's the next name?

Well Mr. Vice President,

there's been some chatter about

an engineering

student from Berlin...

I have never been a quitter.

To leave the office before

my term is completed,

is of harm to every

instinct in my body.

But as president,

I must put the interest

of America first.

America needs a

full time president.

Nixon forgot about the voice

activated recorders.

He got sloppy.

- Is the President being punished?

- No, no. The President has lot of enemies.

Brussels please...

You need to remember

Lizzy...

that if you have power, people will

always try to take it from you. Always.

- Yes Ma'am.

- Remember that.

- Donald Rumsfeld please...

- This is a tragedy.

That is our president.

- This is ridiculous.

- I actually think this could be

very, very good news.

The way I see it,

any Republican not touched by

Watergate is golden right now.

Ford called me before my plane took off.

I think we're in.

Still...

driving this chick magnet, huh?

You can always take the bus.

Therefore, I shall resign the presidency

effective at noon tomorrow.

Vice President Ford

will be sworn in as President

at that hour.

- So what's the plan?

- Well, the plan...

is to take over

the damn place...

Who lit a fire under your ass?

I haven't flipped cards

for a long time Don.

They gave me

the keys to the damn palace!

Chief of Staff.

Holy shit!

You salty son of a bitch.

You did it.

Part, we have work to do.

Kissinger is trying to kiss

and make up with the Soviets.

Well,

let's make sure that

shit doesn't happen.

Yeah.

If I may, I believe

I may have a way

to put an ore in the

water, on Russia.

What if...

- We create...

- Mr. President.

Come on Henry, let's

hear Dick out.

One of Dick Cheney's

special super powers,

was the ability to make the

most wild and extreme ideas

sound measured and professional.

What if on a unilateral basis,

we all put miniature

wigs on our penises

and we walked out to

the White House lawn,

and jerked each other off.

So, like a puppet show,

but much more enjoyable?

I do like a good puppet show.

I say we do it.

Henry Kissinger has been

relieved as National

Security Adviser and

replaced by Brent Scowcroft.

They're calling it the

Halloween Massacre.

- Mr President.

- Hold on...

Donald Rumsfeld has replaced

Secretary of Defense James Schlesinger.

And Dick Cheney has

been chosen, as the

the youngest Chief of Staff in history!

It's amazing. It's a dream.

It's real.

Don...

is the youngest Secretary

of Defense ever.

Well, I'm not talking about

Don, I'm talking about you

And I'm going to give you

a kiss, right here

in the White House.

Excuse me Mr. and Mrs. Cheney. These girls

were trying to enter the Oval Office.

Oh dear, oh dear.

- Girls...

- Hey you!

Girls this is not a

playground, please do not...

Is this where Santa lives?

It's even better,

it's even better.

This...

is where

the leader

of the greatest

nation on earth lives.

- Are you one of his elves Daddy?

- In a way, yes.

No he's not Mary. Your

Father is Chief of Staff.

Chief... Of Staff.

If you're silly with her

she'll grow up to be a silly woman.

Right, of course.

I forgot, that's just

that's just silly, Mary.

And as the new Chief of Staff

and with the Presidency

weakened by Watergate,

Dick Cheney wanted to find out exactly

how much power did the President have.

I would like to reinstate

Executive Authority

Now.

Antonin Scalia,

a young lawyer with the

justice department

who would later go on to serve

on the Supreme Court,

rocked Dick's world.

Interesting you should ask.

Are you familiar with the

theory of the unitary executive?

No. Tell me about it.

There is an

interpretation that few

like myself happen to believe, in

Article two of the Constitution

that vests the President

with absolute

executive authority.

And I mean absolute.

Baby, baby...

you wanna take Cole

to the high chair?

- Come on buddy.

- I've gotta try

and explain this

thing to the people.

Aren't you hungry?

The Unitary Executive Theory.

Certain legal scholars believed

that, if the President does anything

it must be legal, because

it's the President.

To hell with checks

and balances,

especially during times of war.

This was the power of kings,

pharaohs, dictators.

This is perfect.

Dick Cheney was a foot soldier in

the power games of Washington DC.

But with the Unitary

Executive Theory,

he could become Galactus,

devourer of planets.

But then, it was Election Day.

- And there was one big problem...

- Carter is the winner with

two hundred and seventy

two electoral votes...

we have wondered which of us

gonna make this announcement

James Earl Carter, the next

President of the United States.

And just like that...

it was all over.

Dick Cheney, the president's chief

of staff, he does not have a job.

It can't be. It's got to be some

sort of a mistake, or miscalculation.

There goes the neighbourhood.

Well, thank you all.

The Republicans have

lost the Presidency.

They are the minority in Congress in most

states. With America demanding change

And President Carter went up on

the roof of The White House today,

to show off the new solar

water heaters installed there.

Today, and directly

harnessing the power of the

sun, we are taking the

energy that God gave us.

The most renewable energy

that we will ever see.

And using it to replace our

dwindling supplies of fossil fuel.

There is no longer any

question that solar energy...

Well, not me, not me, sir.

I will become the

gentleman from Wyoming.

Most of all, and hear this...

Taxes must go down.

I'll say it again,

taxes must go down

we must ameliorate pain of

taxes for the working man...

and bring...

perspicacity to the fore.

Thank God for name recognition.

Well, enough of

the horsing around.

Although, that is of course,

what us cowboys do.

Vote for Cheney in Congress.

I will not let you down,

you can count on me.

And uh, thank you,

and vote for Cheney...

in congress.

Either he drinks

next time, or I do.

I, uh...

I don't want anyone

to panic, but...

But I do believe I have

to go to the hospital.

Now.

It's an inferior wall infarct.

But that can be fixed, right?

If it was up to me you'd

drop out of the election.

But you've both made that

clear that it's not an option.

So you must have a minimum

of two weeks bed rest.

Two weeks off.

We'll lose our lead.

Like hell we will.

Dick Cheney has an illness,

so he can't be here today.

But we got his his wife.

And she's a darn pretty girl.

Lynne Cheney!

Hello!

Hello, how are you today?

Good, good, good to hear.

It's really nice...

to be back in my home state.

See, I grew up in Wyoming.

But it seems that somewhere

along the line...

Washington DC stopped listening

to real folks like us!

And started only listening...

to liberal snobs who want us all to

lose our jobs to affirmative action!

Okay Lynne...

That's right.

You know, I am...

went to New York City, women in

New York City are burning their bras.

Well you know what women in

Wyoming do with our bras?

We wear them!

We wear them.

Here in Wyoming we believe

there is a right and wrong.

Because I'm a mom and

a wife from Wyoming.

And I know how it feels

to make every penny count.

Not only do I speak for you,

but my husband Dick Cheney...

A hard wind of change had been

blowing through America.

Civil rights, Roe versus

Wade, environmentalism.

But there was a part of the country

that was angry about this change.

Thanks to...

My amazing wife...

It's good to be joining

you all here in D.C.

as Wyoming's sole

Congressional Representative!

And then...

big money families like

the Kochs and the Coors

that were sick of paying

income taxes, rolled

right into Washington DC and

started writing fat checks

to fund right-wing think tanks.

That would change the way many

Americans looked at the world.

Finally in 1980,

this unlikely revolution

of the super rich

and white conservatives

found its face.

For those without skills,

we will find a way to

help them get new skills.

For those without

job opportunities,

we will stimulate new

opportunities particularly

in the inner cities

where they live.

For those who have

abandoned hope,

we'll restore hope, and we'll welcome

them into a great national crusade...

to make America great again!

It was...

The fucking 1980's...

and it was a hell of a

time to be Dick Cheney.

Vote on HR4445 the

undetectable fire arms act

to ban plastic guns that

can evade metal detectors.

Thank you Congressman Cheney.

I hear you have

been quite the ally.

Someone call an ambulance!

- Can you breathe?

- I'm having a heart attack, you idiot...

Very nice to see you.

Thank you.

They're both

brilliant, but broke.

Hey Dick!

Hello Lynne!

- Congratulations on your appointment.

- Well, thank you Mr. Vice President.

How is your lovely family?

Well, we think our son Jeb

seems cut out for office.

We may be asking you for

endorsements in a few years.

Oh well, if he's half

as charming as you are

George, then he'll

have both of our votes.

- Ah, can I get that in writing?

- Yeah, yeah, of course.

Dick, I just wanted to say

thank you for getting the House

not to override the President's

veto the fairness doctrine.

Not a problem. Happy to get rid

of any big government regulations.

Thank you.

The fairness doctrine was

a law from the forties

that required any

broadcast TV, or radio news

to present both sides

of an issue equally.

Its repeal would lead to

the rise of opinion news.

Let me tell you something, you

skinny, human prophylactic.

Love is the only human

emotion that you can't

fake except women, and

thank God they can.

And eventually to the realization

of Roger Aile's dream.

FOX news,

which would go on to become the no.

1 news station in the United States

and swing America even

more to the right.

Alright. Lighten up sweet heart!

It's a party!

Let me go see, if I can see, if

everything's okay over there.

Great to see you both.

Love to the girls...

- Love to Barbara.

- Will do.

- That's his son.

- Oh, crap.

George W, the black

sheep of the family.

A little too much

unconditional love there.

Can you feel it Dick?

Half the room wants to be us

the other half fears us.

I know George is

next in line but,

after that, who knows?

I respect the hell out of Reagan.

But no one has shown the world the

true power of the American Presidency.

Excuse me Miss Mary!

You cannot leave the grounds

during school hours! Mary!

What, I don't

understand you just...

left school? Why? It

doesn't make sense.

It was Susan...

Susan... Your best friend?

Oh, honey, did you get in

a fight over a boy, or...

She broke up with me.

Mom... Dad...

I like girls...

I'm gay.

It doesn't matter sweetheart.

We love you no matter what.

Daddy!

- I love you so much.

- I love you Mary.

This is going to make things...

so hard for you.

When George Bush Sr.

Was elected President,

Dick Cheney was made

Secretary of Defense.

Sixth in line to the Presidency.

And after a few years,

it was Dick's turn

to run for President,

so they decided to do some

early polling numbers.

Oh, yeah, that's it?

We can move those numbers...

just...

Go after the welfare state,

regulations, government waste...

I can't put Mary through that.

Every primary opponent

will go after her...

And we deny.

Shame them for going after

the family and...

Who is calling on

a Sunday morning?!

I don't know.

I'm coming.

Hello.

That's right.

Any way I can be of assistance.

Yeah. That should work... 3pm...

Of course...

That...

goes without saying...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Who is that?

It was someone from...

- George Bush's son's campaign.

- Jeb?

No. George W... Jeb's Florida.

Right. Right.

Oh, I still can't believe they've got

that poor boy running for President.

What they want?

They want to talk to me

about being his running mate.

What?

They didn't say it

outright, but...

I've made that call myself

that's what they want.

Vice President is a nothing job.

Gonna just hear them out.

I owe that to the father.

The VP just sits around,

and waits for the

President to die.

You've said so yourself.

- Yeah it's a credit job.

- Yeah.

That's just a meeting.

Is it just a meeting?

It's just a meeting.

Good.

Yes, Mr. Governor?

Of course.

The Governor will see

you now Secretary Cheney.

Sure.

Hey, hello Dick.

Hello, George.

- It's been a while.

- Last year...

foreign policy sessions.

That's right. Yeah, that's right.

Those meetings were...

very engaging.

Do you remember?

We both agreed my Dad

would have been reelected

- if he had taken out Saddam.

- Right.

Yeah... War time Presidents

very popular.

That they are. That they are.

So...

Congratulations on a...

successful primary.

I have...

been through a few myself and

they can be... Shall we say

- Fucking exhausting!

- Right.

It's a grind.

It's a grind, I tell you.

Buses, baloney sandwiches...

I like people, but I mean,

you know, enough's enough.

So...

- the call I received...

- I forgot

you're a brass tacks guy aren't you?

I like that.

Are you surprised I'm

running for President?

He wants to outrace his father.

More than anything.

After my, shall we say,

wild years?

Well, Gorge, I sowed some

oats myself back in the day.

And still enjoy a

cold beer on occasion.

I bet you did.

I bet you did you rascal. Well

I can't anymore. It got bad.

Yeah.

Good times.

What does he really want?

What does he need?

It's tough, I tell you...

Lost my first congressional

race, that was...

not good.

- How about some brisket?

- George... um...

Hey Theresa!

Hey Theresa!

Get some brisket?!

- I will find...

- Get the burnt ends!

- 'Course.

- So listen, I've got a...

lack of experience

problem in the polls

and you're one of the

most experienced guys around

you wanna jump

on board and be my Vice?

I'm honored.

Don't be honored. Fucking

say yes, Mr. Brass tacks.

I have to say no.

Dick c'mon, we'll

have a lot of fun.

What are you doing right now?

- You in the private sector?

- Yeah.

- Come on. I know you love politics.

- No. George.

- Let's go.

- Not gonna happen.

Come on now!

That's a shame. It is.

Perhaps I could...

help you find the

right running mate.

- Run my VP search team?

- No team. Just me.

Yeah, yeah, that could work.

I'll have to run it

by Rove of course, but...

if I lose maybe I can become

commissioner of baseball, you know!

But the...

idea...

is to win?!

I'm going to keep you

in the back of my mind.

So are you going to tell me

how it went today, or not?

It was... very interesting.

He is a...

green.

He's very green.

And you told him no?

I, uh...

I told him I would help

with the...

search.

What are you thinking?

I can tell you're thinking.

What was Dick Cheney thinking?

I'm thinking I've never

seen anything like this.

After his first

meeting with George W.

We've had a lot

of successes Dick.

The Vice President...

is a nothing job.

How many steps ahead

was he looking?

How did he feel about the

opportunity that was in front of him?

There are...

certain moments, so delicate...

like a teacup and saucer...

stacked on a teacup

and saucer...

on a teacup...

and saucer.

And on and on.

That this moment could

fall in any direction...

and change everything.

Sadly there is no

real way to know

exactly what was going on inside the

Cheneys at this history changing moment.

We can't just snap into

a Shakespearean Soliloquy

that dramatizes every

feeling and motivation.

It's just not the

way the world works.

My sweet Richard.

Dance'd nimbly round the

King's hearth thou hath.

Even whilst clamored I for more,

more!

Parched maw craned towards the

drip, drip of imagined waters.

But I say to you now,

rest, retire.

Thou hast honored thy vows to

wife and crown.

Has blindness usurped

vision in you my wife?

No mere treaty is our union!

Thou shared thy torch's flame with

mine revealing halls and spires of

long faded empires.

And now, I, may hold aloft

mine own fiery credit

to make flesh our bond of power.

Dare I?

Dare I let hope's peak place gathered

bramble upon my heart for future's nest?

Many winters past hath

I let this hope die,

cruel winds silencing

tiny birds needy cries.

Now that it hath

arrived I say yea, yea!

Yea!

Mine own blood and will

are yours,

til pierced be the last

soldier's breast plate,

spilling forth its

ruby jellied treasures!

So...

So... I think we... proceed.

What about Mary?

It's VP.

Not the same scrutiny.

He has allies Dick.

Connections. You're new to his world.

You don't know the landscape.

I had better

conduct a very thorough search.

Every stone. Hell,

every grain of sand

needs to be looked under

for this questionnaire.

Dick, we are asking for...

all financials, all medical,

all interviews, press, writings,

all legal records,

family medical and

family financials.

And?

Any more “comprehensive”

and we'd need a rubber glove.

Sorry Liz.

That wasn't offensive.

Should I be offended?

I'm offended. Dave didn't

worry, if I'd be offended.

Oh, a rubber glove.

Like a proctology exam.

- That's... that's disgusting.

- Hello!

Oh. Hello!

David, thoughts?

One... big one.

David Addington,

Dicks main legal adviser and a huge

believer in the Unitary Executive Theory.

He was known for telling people to

their face that they're stupid.

So the...

Vice Presidency is part

of the executive branch and

because the VP casts tie

breaking votes to the Senate

also part

- of the legislative branch, right?

- Right.

That means,

The VP is also...

not part of the executive,

or the legislative.

So...

one could argue that

neither branch

has oversight of the VP?

Not only could “one” argue that

I'm arguing you.

- That's brilliant David.

- I know.

Right?

Carl Rove want me

to buy this ranch.

Distance myself from my years

at Yale and Harvard.

Make me more of a man of

the people for the election.

Smart.

So, we gonna do this thing or what?

I mean, is this happening?

No.

I have found some very

interesting candidates.

If we could schedule,

three hour window to go...

No, I meant you. I want

you to be my VP.

- You're the solution to my problem.

- No.

I'm CEO of a large company.

I've been Secretary of Defense,

I've been Chief of Staff.

The Vice Presidency is mostly a

- a symbolic job.

- Right, right.

I can see how that wouldn't be

- enticing to you.

- However...

The Vice Presidency

is also defined by

The President.

Unless we were to come to a...

different understanding...

Uh-huh. Go on.

I'm listening.

I sense that...

you're a, kinetic leader. You

make decisions based on instinct.

I am. People have said that.

Yeah, yeah, very different.

Very different from...

your father,

in that regard.

Now,

Maybe I can handle, some of the

more mundane jobs

overseeing bureaucracy,

managing military,

uh energy, uh, foreign policy.

That sounds good.

There won't be the kind of

team owner that pulls the starter

- in the 4th inning.

- Yeah.

That's the manager's job.

One more thing.

My daughter Mary,

Right... Rove told

me she likes girls.

Now, I know you'll have to...

run against gay marriage,

in the south,

mid-west and...

it is my daughter,

and that line is drawn concrete.

Don't you say another word.

So long as you don't mind

us pushing that messaging,

we're okay with you

sitting that one out.

I think it's

important for all the

all the Marys in

the world, you know?

No problemo. We got a deal?

Then I believe...

this can work.

Hot damn!

Well, good.

Hey...

let's celebrate!

Cheers!

I realized

best choices

standing by my side.

Please welcome, my friend

and my running mate,

Dick Cheney.

Dick never filled out his own

83 question questionnaire.

Full medical records

were never handed over.

No tax or corporate

filings, nothing.

Gore rescinded his concession.

They're claiming Florida

is too close to call.

He can't fucking

rescind his concession.

He just did.

- Russians are loving this.

- There is gonna be a recount.

- So...

- How you doing?

What should we do?

We play it like

we've already won.

Which means,

we need to staff

the White House.

Alright.

- Who's leading the transition team?

- I'll do it.

That's not something a Vice

President really does, is it?

Uh huh...

It is now.

Gore has called Governor Bush

and retracted his concession.

- No. No!

- What!

Wolfowitz.

State, or Pentagon?

Depends on who your

Secretary of Defense is.

- Rummy.

- Hundred percent.

- Rumsfeld?

- Doesn't Bush Sr. hate Rummy?

Not such a bad thing with W.

He wants to be his own man.

Rumsfeld believes in a robust Executive.

That's good for us on war powers.

Just keep him out of state,

he'll start World War three.

Halliburton just gave us a 26

million dollar exit package.

Twice of what we expected.

They're no dummies.

Sorry gang.

Thank God. Perhaps I should...

go to the hospital.

Oh my God! Are you kidding me?

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

All persons having business

with the Honorable,

the Supreme Court of

the United States,

are admonished to draw near and

give their attention, Oh yeah!

For the Court is now sitting.

God bless the United States

and this Honorable Court.

December 12th 2000. Antonin

Scalia, remember him?

And the Supreme Court stopped the state

of Florida from completing their recount.

George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were

going to the White House by a margin

of 537 votes.

Hey, hey, little Mary Claire.

Hey little Mary. My little Mary.

Hey, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

Ah, they're both doing really well.

Except I'm trying to

make this dinner and it's

it's a,

Macaroni and Cheese that you said

was easy but it keeps just coming out

like little watery.

It's the milk, remember.

You gotta add more milk.

Yeah, make it thicker.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah, it's much better.

So much, so much

I wanna say right now.

You just... You keep doing what

you're doing. You're doing so great.

You have earned something very special...

from your wife.

Listen! Listen! Listen!

I'm buying wine... and I'm

picking something up... Chinese?

OK I, I really love you.

I love you.

Yeah.

Good morning to you too!

We've met a few times,

it's nice to see you.

Of course.

Alright, listen...

We get this thing underway...

Scooter, why don't you let

everyone know the lay of the land?

Of course. As you all

know, I am Scooter Libby,

Dick's Chief of Staff...

I'm also his national security adviser

and a special adviser

to the President.

Technically, Scooter outranks

any of Bush's people.

Mary Matlin

will serve as councilor to

the VP and assistant to Bush.

David Addington

Dick's main legal counsel,

will play center field on all

matters relating to executive power.

The President has Alberto Gonzales,

Karl Rove,

Karen Hughes

as his team.

Quite frankly

Gonzales has no clue,

Rove is a hack,

Hughes should be

in double A ball.

So, we will have fairly

unobstructed access

to the Oval office.

We will be automatically

BCC'd on all e-mails that

the President receives,

or sends, as well as have

access to his schedule

the second it is set, or changed.

We'll also be receiving the daily

intelligence briefing before

the President and it gets us

inside the decision curve.

Which will actually be reading.

Bush approved all of this?

We have...

an understanding.

What about the e-mails? Paper

shredders don't work for e-mails.

The entire administration will run

off of the RNC's private server.

And we've deactivated

automatic archiving.

We're clean.

Okay, so over at The

Pentagon we have Don...

Secretary of Defense.

Paul Wolfowitz, who

worked with Team B

in the Ford days,

Deputy Secretary of Defense.

Let's check, see, what plans

they have to invade Iraq.

It's already in the works.

Got Ashcroft over at the DOJ.

State, seems to be the only tricky

department. That's Colin Powell

his guy Lawrence Wilkerson.

Collin Powell who never

run a camp he didn't like.

Wilkerson is a true believer.

We've got Bolton over there. He's

a loose cannon, but he's loyal.

I want to get Liz in there as well.

Let's make sure that happens.

OK Dick, consider it done.

And this list of

“our” people doesn't include

about 800 others

lobbyists, industry insiders that

we placed in the regulatory jobs.

What about Bush's friends?

Ridge, Pataki, Thompson?

I haven't heard their names.

No, they were not...

offered jobs in this

administration at this time.

“Not offered jobs at

this time?” Are you

even more ruthless, than

you used to be there Dick?

You're just not getting laid.

Alright, moving on!

We got Paul O'Neill.

You haven't been

here over 20 years.

Times have changed.

We have softer touch,

that's the norm now.

We have the conservative TV

radio, doing the yelling for us

Is your old friend embarrassing you?

Is that it Dick?

Soft touch.

That's all.

Alright. I have to go to my office

at the House of Representatives.

You mean the senate, Vice President,

tie breaker in the senate.

Nope, I mean the house.

Dick Cheney had used an old

connection with former wrestling coach

and speaker of the

house, Dennis Hastert

to get an office at the

House of Representatives.

The house is where

revenue bills originate

and he wanted to be

near the money faucet.

Hey Dick!

Will this work for you?

Two more offices

in the Senate...

Hey Dick. I found this extra office.

I hope it works for you.

One in the Pentagon.

Welcome to your new

home away from home.

I got you a little

house warming gift.

And later when Cheney needed

intelligence to invade Iraq,

a conference room at the CIA.

The room is

soundproof and secure.

Cheney was everywhere.

But the most powerful

place in all of DC was

a non descript conference room

for relatively new think tank

called Americans for Tax Reform.

Grover Norquist ran the anti-tax group with

huge funding from the Koch brothers network

big oil and big tobacco.

His Wednesday meeting

as it was called

had become the center

of the Republican world.

Well, let's go ahead and start

with the estate tax.

Now this has been

hard to eliminate

because the tax only affects

those estates with over 2 million.

But we have made strides

and marketing guru Frank

Luntz is here to help.

Hello all.

Getting regular people to support

cutting taxes on the very wealthy

has always been extremely hard.

We have had some

success in the past.

But these estate taxes has

always been very difficult.

However...

I think we may have

had a breakthrough.

Now, the Estate Tax

kicks in

on anyone inheriting

over $2 Million dollars.

How many of you have

a problem with that?

Okay.

How many of you would have a

problem with something called a

“death tax?”

Instead of global warming,

which we all agree

sounds very scary,

we call it

climate change.

Folks, the government is taking

your money after you die!

It's a death tax...

The death tax has to go.

The elite liberals at Washington would tax

us for laughing, or crying if they could.

So with one of the biggest

media and political machines

ever created behind him

Cheney was able to squash

action on Global Warming

cut taxes for the super rich and got

regulations for massive corporations.

And then there was Cheney's National

Energy Policy Development Group.

His first major test

to expand executive power.

I don't understand what

the goddamn problem is!

I want to hear what the energy

CEOs need and I'm not allowed to?

It's called FACA.

- The hell is FACA?

- It's the Federal Advisory Committees Act.

Congress got their panties

in a bunch that you know,

elected officials would

just let CEOs roll in and,

you know, write the laws.

The Act demands that

appropriate government employees...

be present.

Hold on a second.

What's your name?

Doug.

Doug, how long have you been working

reception at the Department of Energy?

Three months?

Perfect.

So what am I

supposed to do here?

Just sit there and be quiet.

Got it.

Gentlemen,

Hello...

...

How's... How's the

business at...

We're good. Our stock...

And California

has been really...

- since the regulation.

- Great to hear.

Oh...

He's with the Energy Department.

The details of Cheney's meetings with

the energy CEO's were never disclosed.

But, a freedom of information

request did provide some documents

including a map of

Iraq's oil fields

with all of the oil companies

that would be interested

in acquiring them if

somehow they were ever

to become available.

And then,

it happened.

Would you like to lower your

monthly mortgage payments?

Or use the equity in your home

to consolidate your credit

card or other debts?

Just log on...

Yeah, this just in, you are looking at

obviously a very disturbing live shot there

that is the World Trade Center and we

have unconfirmed reports this morning

that a plane has crashed

into one of the towers.

It does not appear that there is

any kind of an effort up there yet.

Now, remember, oh my God!

That looks like a second plane.

Vice President, we have

information that a plane

is headed to the White

House at this moment.

We have less than

a minute to get

to the secure underground bunker.

Let's go! Move!

Move!

Move, it's clear.

Move. The Capitol is being

evacuated, we're told. And

clearly that shot, that we

have on our screen now

this is the the

Pentagon, just across

the river from Washington D.C.

you gotta believe...

I need you to take me to Dick.

Mrs. Cheney, we cannot go

back to the White House.

I'm being told no one is to go to

the White House. It is not safe.

You got the Prime Minister yet?

Canada's Prime minister's on the phone.

That's right, we got planes in the air

nowhere for them to land.

Permission for them to

land at Canadian Airports.

International flights

into Newfoundland.

Sir, Don Rumsfeld is at

the Pentagon, line 2.

- That?

- Uh huh, yes sir.

You have authorization

to shoot down any

aircraft deemed a threat.

Presidential authority?

That is correct. All

orders are UNODIR.

- UNODIR sir?

- Unless otherwise directed.

Mr. Vice President are we sure these

are the proper rules of engagement?

The country's under attack,

the ROE is fluid. David?

Now we don't know what exactly what

the people in that room were thinking

but

it's safe to assume that at

least one person wondered why,

in the midst of the most

fateful day in American history,

was Dick Cheney

talking to his lawyer?

Mr. Vice President,

Mr. Vice President,

the Congressional

Members you sent to

Mount Weather Emergency

Operations Center

- want to leave.

- Nope.

Excuse me?

They're not going anywhere.

Just tell them,

we've all the helicopters.

Yes, sir.

Thank you very much for

your call Mr. Prime Minister,

we have the situation

under control.

Are we at war?

- Yes we are.

- With whom?

We've picked up chatter from

well known Al-Qaeda operatives

celebrating today's attack.

We shouldn't rule out Iraq.

- What's Al-Qaeda's Leader's name?

- His name is Osama Bin Laden.

But this is clearly Al-Qaeda.

I've been

tracking their movements for years.

They're fingerprints are all over this.

Iraq has all the good targets.

Iraq has nothing

to do with this, Don.

- Richard you don't know that for sure.

- I do know...

Mr. President, if I may,

Afghanistan is Al-Qaeda's headquarters.

That is where our focus should be.

And the CIA would be capable of

taking out the Taliban's

power structure?

Yeah, all due respect, George,

Mr. President, we

are the Pentagon.

- And this is what we do.

- Don...

OK. We'll...

We'll go with Tenet and the CIA.

I'll make some calls to our allies.

Thank you, sir.

Given the current

situation Mr. President

it is wise that we not

be in the same location for, COG.

Continuity of Government.

Of course.

We're gonna be alright on this...

Are we?

Yes sir.

Yes, we are.

Angler has taken off to an undisclosed

location. I repeat, Angler is airborne.

Angler? That's the VP?

I thought only the President could

land and take off from the south lawn?

What can I tell you?

Today's fucked.

This intelligence

has been edited

redacted and reduced.

Mr. Vice President,

usually we vet the daily

intelligence threat matrix

to eliminate unreliable

sources, non-players

Stop! Don't you dare.

Give me a damn disquisition

on what I cannot hear.

Mr Vice President, a lot of this

intelligence is not verified.

I'm gonna say this for the last time.

I want to hear everything.

Everyday,

- from now on.

- Yes sir.

Proceed.

We're tracking the possibility

of bio-attacks using sarin gas,

cow pox, Ebola...

There was a post

on a darkweb site

about mass beheadings

in residential areas.

Movie studios, museums, subways,

day care centers may all be targets.

A source has told me asset about

fire bombs targeting hospitals.

A video was captured

describing televised executions

interrupting

American network TV.

Water filtration plants

targeting bio-weapons...

I'm scared Dick...

I'll always take care of you, Lynne.

You know that.

What are you going to do?

So while Powell, the CIA

and their international

coalition

toppled the Taliban and took

Afghanistan in a matter of weeks

Cheney found something

much more powerful,

than missiles, or jet planes.

Mr. Vice President,

this is John Yoo.

It's a pleasure to meet

you Mr. Vice President.

So, David told me you're looking for...

executive authority.

John, here is definitely your guy.

Now, the war

we are now fighting

will require resources

and abilities that the

current interpretation of the law

impedes.

The Vice President believes

it is the duty of The Commander in

Chief to protect the Nation.

And that no other obligation whether

the Congress, or existing treaties

supersedes that duty.

How do you feel

about that statement?

I couldn't agree more.

John Yoo's first legal opinion

allowed the US government

to monitor every citizen's phone calls,

texts and e-mails without a warrant.

It was a giant legal leap

based on sketchy law at best.

But John Yoo's masterpiece,

his Moby Dick, if you will

was the torture memo.

What about the

Geneva Convention?

Geneva Convention

is open to... interpretation.

What exactly does that mean?

Stress positions,

water boarding,

confined spaces, dogs.

We're calling it

enhanced interrogation.

But torture and privacy laws weren't the

only laws Cheney rewrote with John Yoo.

They had a full menu

of legal opinions

stretching and challenging

Constitutional and

International law.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Tonight we are offering

the enemy combatant

whereby a person is not a

prisoner of war, or a criminal

which means of course he has

absolutely no protection under the law.

We are also offering an

extraordinary rendition

where suspects are

abducted without record

on foreign soil and taken to foreign

prisons in countries that still torture.

Well, that sounds delicious.

We also have Guantanamo Bay,

which is very, very complicated

but it does allow you to operate

outside the purview of due process

on land which isn't

technically US territory

but where we still

do have control.

And also we have a very

fresh and delicious

War Powers Act interpretation,

which gives the executive

branch broad power to attack

nations, or people who are deems

still possibly a threat.

We have the fact that under

the Unitary Executive Theory,

if the President does anything

it must be legal.

Which of course means you can

do whatever the fuck you want.

Sir, gentlemen,

which would you?

We'll... we'll have them all.

Excellent choice.

Look, Dick...

we've been working with these

focus groups, advertising

executives to try and

sell the war on terror.

To reiterate, we are still being

recorded and there still may

or may not be clients back

behind the two way mirror.

These guys are pretty sharp.

There's a problem. The results

show that people are confused.

You all support the President.

You hate terrorism.

Yet, you're still confused.

Can you tell me why?

Anybody?

Don't we just have to just get

Osama bin Laden? He did it.

So why are they calling it a war?

A war with who?

OK, thank you, Mark. Uh...

Jasmine, jump in please.

I don't get what

this Al-Qaeda is.

Are they a country? Like

why can't we just bomb them?

That's really interesting. Um...

Is anybody else confused

about what Al-Queda is?

Show off hands please.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

that's a lot of you.

Right?

Would it be less confusing

if it was a country?

Damn right. I'm angry as hell.

We've gotta fuck someone up.

Got it, Marcus. Really

strong feelings from Marc,

I'm interested, does

anybody else feels the same.

They understand we are at war, but

they don't know against who.

They want a country.

It's cleaner, simpler.

That would certainly

help us legally.

Looks like it's time to take Iraq.

It is about goddamn time.

It's called the Office

of Special Plans.

Tenet is not yet serious enough

about the threat

that Saddam poses

the global war on terror.

But I can promise you

that this intelligence

group will be.

Wolfie, I got something.

I think that's an excellent idea.

Go on take that motherfucker

Saddam down for a long time.

Here's a report that

says Mohamed Atta

one of the 9/11 hijackers may have

met with an Iraqi spy in Prague.

It's really a strong statement, does

anybody agree with that statement?

Wait a minute, we

can't just bomb people.

It's from Czech intelligence and

they question its credibility.

I've been to Prague.

They question everything.

Who wants to be an

“anonymous source?”

Make sure you work in the phrase

“we don't want the smoking

gun to be a mushroom cloud.”

That focus group

through the roof!

There will always be uncertainty

about when he'll

acquire nuclear weapons.

But we don't want

the smoking gun

- to be a mushroom cloud.

- There is a smoking gun,

or a mushroom cloud...

if we're waiting too long...

There is no doubt

that Saddam Hussein now has

Weapons of Mass destruction.

We gotta get rid of this dictator. He's

got anthrax. He's got all these weapons.

There is no doubt, he is amassing them

to use them against our friends.

Against our allies...

And against us.

When and not if, but when

Saddam creates and uses

his nuclear weapons...

what will we tell

the American people?

Saddam Hussein will

continue to increase his

capacity to wage biological

and chemical warfare.

To show that we will stand up

for what we know to be right.

To show that we will confront

the tyrannies and

dictatorships and terrorists

who put our way of life at risk.

Tribe has spoken.

Polling for an invasion of Iraq

is at fifty three percent.

Focus groups show people still

aren't sure about a connection

between Saddam and Al-Qaeda.

And the France and

Germany have both said

that they will not

join our coalition.

And neither will Israel.

Harry and I, we went

to the wall together.

We conned. We prayed together.

Israel is one of

our closest allies.

They said an invasion

of Iraq would

destabilize the region, Sir.

And...

they don't believe Saddam

is an immediate threat.

That's not good.

I really want a strong

coalition for this.

I have an idea.

Secretary Powell has the highest

trustworthy ratings of all of us.

What if he gave an address to the U.N.

and the American people

to push this over

the finish line?

Karl, I've been very vocal,

very vocal, about my

reservations about invading Iraq.

No! Colin, you're such

a nervous Nellie.

We're talking about invading

a sovereign nation without

any provocation Don!

It's a sovereign nation, Don.

What's the exit strategy?

What about the intelligence.

Does the intelligence

matter to you at all?

You break it, you bought it.

You break it, you bought it!

Hey, hey, hey, alright.

Let's slow down.

That's enough of that guys.

Are you going to take

Saddam down, or not?

You are the President.

War...

is yours.

Not...

the U.N. or some coalition.

Do not share powers

that are yours alone.

George, make sure Powell

sees the intelligence.

- Sir.

- Colin I want you to make that speech.

I'm President and

I want this to happen!

Yes sir.

I look forward to being

briefed on that intelligence.

On another note, I've been

handed a credible report

of a small terrorist enclave

in Northeastern Iraq.

If we're going to invade we

suggest taking it out before.

Let it go, George, we

have bigger fish to fry.

Let me see that intelligence.

Of course.

That...

classified document

described a terrorist

named Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi

who had started as a

drug dealer and pimp

before becoming fully radicalized

in a Jordanian prison.

Zarqawi went to meet Bin

Laden in Afghanistan.

Did he, or did he not

meet with Al-Qaeda?

But Zarqawi had vowed

to kill all Shia Muslims

and Bin Laden's mother was Shia

so the meeting

didn't go over well.

- They had no operational contact.

- Hogwash.

Larry...

have you seen this speech?

Yes sir. It's beyond thin.

I saw at least five pieces of

disproved Intel in there.

Who wrote it?

They said it was the President, but I

think you can guess who really wrote it.

No, there's no need

to yell, Larry.

Yeah, look.

Well, we'll review the

speech and give some notes.

Powell really doesn't

have a clue. Does he?

After the US invaded Afghanistan

Zarqawi set up shop in Iraq.

It was the only connection Cheney

had between Al-Qaeda and Iraq.

The Security Counsel

will now begin

its consideration of

item 2 of the agenda.

I call now on the distinguished

Secretary of State of

the United States of

America, his excellency

Mr. Colin Powell.

My purpose here today

is to share with you

what the United States

knows about Iraq's weapons

of mass destruction

as well as Iraq's

involvement in terrorism.

Iraq today harbors a

deadly terrorist network

headed by Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi

an associate and collaborator of

- Osama Bin Laden.

- Powell's UN Address was seen by

millions of Americas.

But other people were

watching as well.

Collaborator of Osama Bin

Laden and his Al-Qaeda lieutenants.

Zarqawi's activities

are not confined...

The great general of America

saying his name over and over again

immediately made Zarqawi a star.

Allahu Akbar!

Within a day he had

gone into hiding

Allahu Akbar!

Allahu Akbar!

An Al-Qaeda source tells us that

Saddam and Bin Laden reached an

understanding that Al-Qaeda would no longer

support activities

against Baghdad.

By the time we invaded Iraq

70% of Americans thought that

Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11.

Later... Colin Powell

would call the speech

the most painful

moment of his life.

Thank you, sir.

I just push for it, and

it was Justin right?

- No, Kelly, right?

- And then Justin.

- What are you talking about?

American Idol, dad.

- You've seen it.

- We watched it at your house.

The singing and the mean judge.

Oh, I like him.

How do you stop a

fish from smelling?

You just cut off its nose.

Honestly, was I inspired because...

No, we are not

revisiting your father's

colorful conversations.

Yeah, yeah.

Bring it a little closer, yeah.

How's my hair?

We are five, four, three...

My fellow citizens,

at this hour,

American and coalition forces

are in the early stages

of military operations

to disarm Iraq,

to free its people and to defend

the world from grave danger.

On my orders,

coalition forces have begun

striking selected targets

of military importance

to undermine Saddam Hussein's

ability to wage war.

These are opening stages

of what will be a broad

and concerted campaign.

To all of the men and women of the United

States armed forces now in the Middle East,

the peace of a troubled world and

the hopes of an oppressed people...

The statement from

The White House

President Bush regards this

as an historic moment.

The scenes on TV show, the thirst

of freedom is unquenchable.

USA! USA! USA! USA!

Hi.

Seems like they've been

shipping men and equipment

out of Afghanistan into Iraq.

And at the moment we're a little

unsure of what's going on.

I don't want you

to worry about me.

Major Combat operations

in Iraq have ended.

In the Battle of Iraq

the United States and our

allies have prevailed.

We have concerns over Halliburton

KBR's billing practices.

As you know, the no-bid contracts

they received were quite sizable

- and now...

- Well...

- We're not concerned. Are we?

- Not at all.

The Secretary of Defense and the Vice

President just said they're not concerned.

Now can we please

talk about Iran?

To this day, Dick Cheney has never

apologized for this incident.

Jesus, Dick...

But, someone else did.

My family and I are deeply sorry

for all that Vice

President Cheney and his

family have had to go

through this past week.

We send our love

and respect to them.

And we hope that he will

continue to come to Texas

and seek the relaxation

that he deserves.

So, this...

Joe Wilson,

asshole,

is questioning our intelligence

in the New York Times?

What's his wife's name again?

Valerie Plame. I confirmed it.

She's undercover CIA.

Leak it.

Okay, okay, like... they don't

care about their dogs, man.

I mean, they shoot them,

they let'em run wild...

What kind of a man

don't love a dog?

People in India love cows.

They would look at us and how we

treat cows and think the same thing.

With all due respect

that sounds like some liberal

ass scratching bullshit.

Linda,

Look at this crap. Goddammit.

Hello Don.

That report says Zarqawi,

the same fucking Zarqawi

we talked up for months,

is now leading a major

insurgency in Iraq.

And the implication is it's

because we talked him up!

- Has POTUS seen this?

- No, no.

No I, I, intercepted it before

it got across the hallway.

- This is generated by an analyst.

- Get me Tenet.

This stops here.

Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi

had taken his fame from Powell's UN speech

and turned it into his own new thing.

The Islamic State

of Iraq and Levant

or ISIS.

And because that intelligence

somehow found itself on the

bottom of a stack of papers,

Zarqawi had a whole year to just

do whatever the hell he wanted.

And what he wanted

was carnage.

Shia versus Sunni,

the West versus Islam

and death versus life.

And on top of that

the US forces couldn't find any

WMD's or nuclear programs in Iraq.

Turns out that

Saddam and his son's

mostly liked cocaine and

American movies from the 80's.

Vice President Dick

Cheney is being sued

by Valerie Plame and her

husband Joseph Wilson.

The White House announced

four cabinet resignations

including that of Secretary

of State Colin Powell.

Dick,

Look, I hope there's no

hard feelings about us

investigating the no-bid Iraq

contract for Halliburton.

You know, I'm just doing my job.

Go fuck yourself.

Dick Cheney, emerges from the

dugout on the third base side.

Dick Cheney, a little

bit low on the outside.

Much of the intelligence from the

Iraq war now proven to be false.

There is a chorus of people calling for

Vice President Dick Cheney to step aside

and resign.

Go away!

I swear to God this whole

place is turning against me.

Where are you?

I'm in an empty office just trying

to get a clean phone line. Listen,

if we could just get an

air bombardment in Iraq,

I think it'll make a statement.

And it would give us

some political cover.

It's over Don.

What's that?

What is?

It's over. The President

wants you to step down.

He appreciates your service.

Don,

Well...

Does Bush's kid want

me out, or do you?

- I can't win every fight Don.

- You are a little piece of shit.

Wow, how did you become

such a cold son of a bitch!

Sorry Don.

I really am.

Well, you know how

I know you're not?

Cause I wouldn't be.

Think they'll prosecute us?

Okay then.

Okay then.

I Barrack Hussein

Obama, do solemnly swear

that I will, execute the office of

President to the United States faithfully.

A few years later

Dick's heart trouble

started up again.

With no donor available,

he finally found himself

at death's door.

I wish I had better news.

Your heart just isn't pumping enough

oxygen to keep your vital organs alive.

- Should I call for a Minister?

- No.

No. He's not going anywhere.

Okay then.

Dick Cheney,

you are not going

anywhere, do you hear me?

- You are not going anywhere.

- This may be the...

one time I can't do

what your Mother says.

Girls...

- I love you Dad.

- I love you Mary.

I love you Lizzy.

I love you girls.

So, Dick Cheney told his family

that he was ready to die

and that he wasn't afraid.

Told them he had

lived a full life.

And he had zero regrets...

Vice President Cheney,

cross your arms please.

There you go, OK,

on count of three

One, two, three.

They say my heart could

give him another ten years.

Cheney doesn't like to refer

to it as someone else's heart,

he likes to refer to

it as his new heart.

Which, even though I'm

dead, I have to say

it still makes me

feel pretty shitty.

And so,

when Liz decided to run for

one of Wyoming two senate seats

against Republican

incumbent Mike Enzi,

our Dick was right

there to hopefully

see the Cheney legacy

of power continue.

Are you aware Wyoming Senate candidate

Liz Cheney supports gay marriage?

Her sister is married

to another woman and Liz

Chenny refuses to support

a constitutional amendment

banning same sex marriage.

Instead she equivocates claiming

it's a state's right issue.

Don't you agree, Wyoming deserves

a Senator who believes marriage

should be between

a man and a woman.

These calls went to

every house in Wyoming.

Every single house.

I will never win!

What are we gonna do?

We're joined here

today by Liz Cheney

who is running for the Senate

from the state of Wyoming.

According to one poll

she is behind by double digits.

Welcome.

Thank you for having me here Chris.

Great being with you. And may

I point out there are other

polls that have me much closer.

Your opponent Senator Mike

Enzi claims that you support

gay marriage. In part

because you support your

gay sister Mary's union

with her wife. How

do you respond?

Let me be very, very clear

I do not support gay marriage.

I believe that marriage is

between a man and a woman.

But you've always claimed gay

marriage is a state issue.

Your opponent claims

this is an equivocation.

Cut me aorta.

Do you have the specimen bowl ready?

It's on the field.

Alright.

Here's the heart.

I know that Liz wouldn't have done any of

this if you and Dad didn't approve. So,

I can't believe you would do this.

I really thought there was a limit to...

No, now you're just

being hysterical.

I can't talk to you when you get this way.

You need to settle down.

Okay?

You're being hysterical.

Dad?

Patient's heart rate is stable.

Blood pressure increasing.

I'm gonna notify the family.

What should I tell them?

- Tell them the patient's doing well.

- Okay.

Mr. Vice President.

- This must be the right place.

- Yes.

- Hello Martha.

- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.

- Pleasure.

Sit right there.

So, um...

is it gonna be just

me on camera, or...

Primarily you. A'right,

cut back to me.

Eddie's got you on the “A” camera.

I'm just gonna bench.

Ready?

Two-thirds of Americans

say the Iraq war

is not worth fighting.

And their looking at the value gained

versus the cost of American lives.

And Iraqi lives.

So?

So... don't you care what

the American People think?

No...

I think you

cannot be

blown off course.

I can feel

your recriminations

and your judgment.

And I am fine with it.

You want to be loved,

go be a movie star.

The world

is as you find it.

You gotta deal

with that reality.

And there are monsters

in this world.

We saw

three thousand

innocent people burned to death

by those monsters.

And yet, you object,

when I refuse to kiss those monsters

on the cheek and say, “pretty please.”

You answer me this,

what terrorist attack

would you have let go forward

so you wouldn't seem like

a mean and nasty fella?

I will not apologise

for keeping your families safe.

And I will not apologise

for doing what needed to be done

so that your loved ones can

sleep peacefully at night.

It has been my honor

to be your servant.

You chose me

and I did

what you asked.

Sorry to interrupt, but Mark wanted

to share something with everyone.

Something's been bothering

me this whole movie

and I just figured it out.

The whole thing is liberal.

It's got a liberal bias.

Interesting. Does anyone

else feel that way?

One, two, three, four people.

Yeah, go ahead.

This is all facts.

Right? I mean, they

had to vet all this.

How does it make it what's...

You would say that libtard.

OK. I'm sorry.

So because I have the

ability to understand facts,

that makes me a liberal?

OK guys, let's just take it down.

You probably like Killary!

Let's just take it down

a notch, or two. OK?

OK, first of all, Hillary's not President!

OK, the orange cheeto that

you hired is the President.

And he's ruining the country

that you claim to love!

You chicken shit!

Stop the fight! Knock it off!

I can't wait to see the new FAST AND

THE FURIOUS MOVIE. That looks lit!