Vice (2018) - full transcript

The story of Dick Cheney, an unassuming bureaucratic Washington insider, who quietly wielded immense power as Vice President to George W. Bush, reshaping the country and the globe in ways that we still feel today.

The following is a true story.

Or as true as it can be
given that Dick Cheney

is one of the most
secretive leaders in history

But we did our fucking best.

How you doing tonight?

I need you to get
out of the car.

C'mon, let's get out.

Move, get cleared!

Move, clear.

- Move, move, move.
- Clear.

A plane just struck
The Pentagon.

Let's make sure
those phone lines

- are working.
- Phone's are a go sir.

SIVITS. Let's contact the FAA. Find
out how many planes are in the air.

- Yes.
- Let's get these televisions working.

May I get the President
on the line, please?

That's right. We've got planes in
the air nowhere for them to land.

I need permission for them to
land at the Canadian airport.

If I go to Pennsylvania on course,

and three other planes
are unaccounted for.

I am seeing five planes unaccounted for.

No, no. Scratch that,
I am seeing four.

I have got three in
international air.

I have NOID on the line.

That is correct, he
has, that is correct.

Mr. Vice President,
POTUS, line 1 sir.

Mr. President.

This situation is
extremely fluidic.

Strongly recommending
you stay in the air.

I've sequestered
Congressional leadership.

Okay then.

Sir, Don Rumsfeld is at
The Pentagon, on line 3.

- That?
- Uh huh.

Yes sir.

Dick, are there still passenger planes
in the air? I need rules of engagement.

Let's get to President back on line sir.

You have authorization to shoot
down any aircraft deemed a threat.

- Presidential authority?
- That is correct.

- All orders are UNODIR.
- UNODIR sir?

Unless otherwise directed.

By all accounts of what
people saw in that room

on that terrible day,

there was confusion,



but Dick Cheney saw something
else that no one else did...

he saw an opportunity.

As the world becomes
more and more confusing,

we tend to focus on the things that
are right there in front of us.

While ignoring the massive
forces that actually change

and shape our lives.

With people working longer and
longer hours,

for less and less.

When we do have free time,

the last thing we want is complicated
analysis of our government,

lobbying, international trade
agreements, and tax bills.

So it's no surprise that

when a monotone bureaucratic
Vice President came to power

we hardly noticed.

As he achieved

a position of authority
that very few leaders

in the history of
America ever have.

Forever changing the
course of history

for millions and
millions of lives.

And he did it like a ghost.

With most people having
no idea who he is

or where he came from.

How does a man...
go on to become...

who he is.


it starts in 1963.

Dick's best girl Lynne was getting
straight A's at Colorado College.

Lynne had helped Dick get
a scholarship at Yale,

where he did way more
drinking than class attending.

Pretty soon Dick got the boot.

Then he went back
home to Wyoming

where he got a job
working as a lineman

for the state.

Back then, they would have called
a guy like him a nerd-do-well.

In today's parlance

I think they would just
call him a dirt bag.

Man down!

His leg looks like
an Elvis dance move.

Somebody give that poor son
of a bitch a shot of whiskey.

Alright, back to work.

I said, back to work!

Take him into town,
put $5 in his pocket.

Find another man for tomorrow.


You got a problem Cheney?

- Help me please.
- No sir.

Are we becoming friends?

Will you stop touching me?

What? What you gonna do
about it, Mr. Yale?

The fuck you gonna do about
it, Mr. Yale? Come on!

Two times...

Two times!

I have to drag you out
of that jail like a...

filthy hobo!

- I'm sorry, Lynne.
- What?

- What did you just say?
- I'm sorry, Lynnie.

You're sorry? Don't
call me “Lynnie!”

You're sorry.

One time is “I'm sorry.”

Two times makes me think that
I've picked the wrong man!

You already got your ass thrown out
of Yale for drinking... and fighting.

And now you are just gonna be a lush
that hangs power lines for the state?

Are you gonna live in a trailer
and we're gonna have ten kids?

- Is that the plan?!
- Can we discuss this later... Please?

No. We are gonna discuss this right
now, while you smell like vomit

and cheap booze.

- Does Dick want some coffee?
- What?

Mum, get out!

Get out! Does Dick want some coffee?
Jesus Christ!

OK. Here's my plan.


Either you stand up straight,

and you get your back straight

and you have the courage to
become someone, or I am gone!

I know a dozen guys and a few
Professors at school who would date me!

I love you, Lynne.

Then prove it!

Prove it!

I can't...

go to a big Ivy League school!
And I can't...

run a company or be Mayor! That's
just the way the world is for a girl!

I need you.

And right now you're a

big fat piss soaked ze-ro!

I've seen my mom waiting up all
night for my father to get home

and I've seen my father drunk in
this house and raising his voice

and way worse and I'm not dancing
that dance anymore... I'm not!

Do you know why I fuck her?

I'm not.

So, can you change?

Can you change, or am I
wasting my goddamn time?

I won't ever disappoint
you again Lynne.

“Beware the quiet man. For while others
speak, he watches. And while others

act, he plans. And when they finally
rest... he strikes.” - ANONYMOUS

Subtitled by CLARITY


Fellowship, you're a train
goes back one hundred years.

You were chosen because
of your hard work,

your diligence and dedication.

State it simply,

you are America's
best and brightest.

So, let's go forward and
learn and be of service.

God bless you all...
and God bless this great


And now, I would like to introduce
some young man from Illinois

who's done quite well for
himself here in The Capitol.

Representative... Donald Rumsfeld.

Did Bob tell you
that this internship

is a great honor?


Did he?

Huh? Yeah?


it's not.

It's what we called in
the Navy “a shit detail.”

Donald Rumsfeld, or
Rummy as they called him,

was the former captain of the
Princeton wrestling team...

and an elite navy jet pilot.

Most Congressmen used
their power like an axe,

Best and brightest.

Rumsfeld on the
other hand, used his

like a master of the
butterfly knives.

And like any master if you got
in his way, he would cut you.

This can be a great opportunity.

An opportunity, to work in the

hallways of decision making in the most
powerful country in the goddamn world.

And if that doesn't give you a hard
on, I don't know what will.

Sorry to the,

few ladies in the room.

This program didn't use to
have girls, now it does.

Anyway, I'm done,
whatever you do...

Don't work for Bob over here.

He's the most boring son of a bitch in DC.
Isn't that right Bob?

Alright. That's it. Go, get a
Congressman a cup of coffee!

And if his wife calls, he's
always in a meeting! Alright?

That's it. Scat.

Hey, I'm Alan.

You're the other guy from the
university of Wisconsin right?


So, one of us is supposed to start with
a Democrat, the other, a Republican.

Do you care if I go
with the Dem cause

I did a lot of work with
the DNC on campus. Umm...

What party is uh...

The guy we just heard?

- Three penises walking down the street.
- Yeah, you know who are the other two.

Rumsfeld is a Republican.

Perfect, cause uh...

It's what I am.

Don't lurk. Come in dammit.

Dick Cheney...
Reporting for work.

You're Congressional relations for
my Office of Economic Opportunity.

And you'll assist me in my job
as councilor to the President.


Jesus Christ. You want
me to pin your mittens to

your sleeves, so you don't
fucking lose them? Go!

Oh Cheney,

your two DUls came up on your transcript.
Don't worry. I vouched for you.

Thank you sir.

No. Thanks are when your neighbor Dottie
pulls your pud for the first time.

You owe me.

- Yes sir.
- Go!

The first thing our department did

was to conduct a sweeping audit.

At the population distribution
across the nation.

You'll see the office of
economic opportunity


You're Rumsfeld's lackey right?

Make sure he sees this.

You gotta get that
on Nixon's desk, huh?

Roger Ailes,
founder of FOX News.

He first pitched the
idea as conservative news

when he worked for
Nixon as a media consultant.

Hey Don.

Roger wants Nixon to start a
republican news TV network.

Forget it. Roger knows TV.
But he doesn't know politics.

So I would do this flaming
baton trick and Dick

would wait backstage
with a bucket of water.

So I'm at the State Finals and I throw
up the baton... and it doesn't come down.


Oh, where did you find her?

It is doing nothing but damage to
our private healthcare institutions.

But I still got second place.

White families, males,
women, Hispanics, minorities.

You're quiet. I like that.

You don't go blabbing
about what cards you have.

I missed my flush
draw about a month ago,

but everybody still thinks
I have pocket kings.

Except maybe fucking Haldeman.

I mostly play
hearts, so I'm not...

No, no...

For a man like Donald Rumsfeld,

he only wanted three
things from his lackey.

He had to keep his mouth shut,

do what he was told

and always, always...

be loyal.

What it means is, Nixon likes
me, but his circle hates me.

- No, I'm sure that's not true.
- So...

What's it gonna be?
Is it a yes, or a no?

It's a yes.

You don't even know what
the question is, do you?

- I am assuming...
- No, no, no. It's OK.

That's exactly the kind of
“yes” I was looking for.

Cheney had always been a so so
student and a mediocre athlete,

But now finally he had
found his life's calling.

He would be a dedicated and
humble servant to power.

Here's your new office.

No windows, but all you'd see are a
bunch of hippies flipping off Nixon.

Alright then.


at this point, you're
probably wondering

who exactly I am.

Well, let me introduce myself.
My name is Kurt.

My favorite football
team is The Steelers.

And me and my son,
we love Spongebob.

And if you are wondering how I
know so much about Dick Cheney,

well, let's just say we are...

kind of related...
We'll get to that later.

- Hello.
- Lynnie... guess where I'm calling from?

I am so proud of you right now
Dick Cheney...

I knew I picked the right man.
I knew it even when I didn't...

We did it.

Have you seen Nixon?

I did. I met him.

- I shook his hand.
- Oh my gosh.

He gave me that...

That impish smile of his.

I gotta pinch myself.

Pardon my French.

It is the best...
fucking feeling...

in the world.

I can only imagine, I am so proud of you.

- I love you.
- We are proud of you.

Girls are proud of you.
Are you proud of your daddy?

- Yes.
- You say you're proud of your daddy.

Proud of my daddy.

Proud of your
daddy, oh my goodness.

Dick Cheney's office.

So now, that I'm not
just flipping cards

- I have a few ideas...
- Stop.

See that door?

To Kissinger's office?

That's right.

I happen to know that Nixon's
in there right now. Now why

would Nixon not be meeting
Kissinger in the Oval Office?

He's having a conversation he
doesn't want to go on the record?

Very good.

What is the conversation?

They're going to bomb Cambodia.

No, no. That's impossible.
That needs approval by Congress

- No.
- And I go there everyday.

Fuck Congress.
Unless you're in it.

Then it's the greatest
deliberative body on earth.

But we're not, so fuck it.

But didn't the President
campaigned on ending the war?

Shhh, listen to me.

Because of the discussion that Nixon
and Kissinger are having right now

behind that door,
five feet away from us

in a couple of days, 10
thousand miles away...

a rain of 750 pound bombs

dropped from B-52s,
twenty thousand feet

will hit villages and
towns all across Cambodia.

Thousands will die...

The world will change
for better, or worse.

That is the kind of power that exists
in this squat little ugly building.

Screw Kissinger, he's overrated.

Let's go.

So... what do we...

Spit it out. What
are you trying to say?

I mean aren't we against
spending... What do we believe?

What do we believe?

What do we believe?!

Oh, that's very good!
What do we believe?

Oh, shit!

Like that, through
there, you wanna try?

- Yeah.
- You find out what the

fish want, in this
case it's a worm

and then uh...

we use it to catch them.

Look here, look here, dad, dad, look.

Family gets to eat.

Is it a good trick we're playing?
With the worms?

It's not good, or bad.
It's fishing.

I don't want this one hurt.

Dick had taken a job as a political
consultant for a large financial firm.

Where he was finally
making good money.

He took the job because Nixon's inner
circle have had enough of Donald Rumsfeld.

I'm out.

They're sending me to Brussels.

- What?

- Nixon is making me

permanent ambassador to NATO.

Or as he called it,
a fuck off assignment.

Kissinger and Haldeman won.
I want you to come with me.

I got a four and
a seven year old, Donald.

Tell Don we're not moving just because
everyone at the White House hates him!

Good boy. I taught you well
these past couple of years.

I am sorry Don.

I really am.

Don't worry. I'm like bed bugs.

You have to burn the
mattress to get rid of me!

Dick was becoming sharper and
sharper as a D.C. insider.

And Lynne had started
to write articles

and explore ideas
for her first novel.




she received news from
back home in Casper.

Lynne's mother Edna,

who had avoided the water her whole life,
was found drowned in the local Casper Lake.

They said her and
Wayne, Lynne's Dad,

they had had a nasty
argument an hour before.

She doesn't swim, Dick.

- My Mother doesn't swim.
- What happened?

She never swam.

I don't know. She
just never swims. And then...

There was never a serious
investigation into Lynne's mom's death.

So listen, after this... What should we do?
Should we go get some food?

Girls, Lynne. Why don't
you go to the car?

Come on girls. Let's... Listen
to your Father. Alright?

They getting so beautiful Dick.

It's amazing.

You catching any fish?

How are you Dick?

Things going good in DC?

Don't ever go near my
daughters, or my wife again.

Big shot!

Big shot in D.C. Dick!




- What do you got?
- Page eight.

Hassan Mustafa Nasser.

A cleric based in Milan, Italy.

He's a member of
Al-Gama'a Al-Islamiyya,

- the group that killed Anwar Sadat.
- That's The Blind Sheikh, right?

There's some debate
at Langley on

- whether they're a threat, or not.
- They claim to be peaceful now.

I “claim”

to be eating healthy.


You'll pick him up.

What's the next name?

Well Mr. Vice President,
there's been some chatter about

an engineering
student from Berlin...

I have never been a quitter.

To leave the office before
my term is completed,

is of harm to every
instinct in my body.

But as president,

I must put the interest
of America first.

America needs a
full time president.

Nixon forgot about the voice
activated recorders.

He got sloppy.

- Is the President being punished?
- No, no. The President has lot of enemies.

Brussels please...

You need to remember


that if you have power, people will
always try to take it from you. Always.

- Yes Ma'am.
- Remember that.

- Donald Rumsfeld please...
- This is a tragedy.

That is our president.

- This is ridiculous.
- I actually think this could be

very, very good news.

The way I see it,

any Republican not touched by
Watergate is golden right now.

Ford called me before my plane took off.
I think we're in.


driving this chick magnet, huh?

You can always take the bus.

Therefore, I shall resign the presidency
effective at noon tomorrow.

Vice President Ford

will be sworn in as President

at that hour.

- So what's the plan?
- Well, the plan...

is to take over
the damn place...

Who lit a fire under your ass?

I haven't flipped cards
for a long time Don.

They gave me

the keys to the damn palace!

Chief of Staff.

Holy shit!

You salty son of a bitch.

You did it.

Part, we have work to do.

Kissinger is trying to kiss
and make up with the Soviets.


let's make sure that
shit doesn't happen.


If I may, I believe
I may have a way

to put an ore in the
water, on Russia.

What if...

- We create...
- Mr. President.

Come on Henry, let's
hear Dick out.

One of Dick Cheney's
special super powers,

was the ability to make the
most wild and extreme ideas

sound measured and professional.

What if on a unilateral basis,

we all put miniature
wigs on our penises

and we walked out to
the White House lawn,

and jerked each other off.

So, like a puppet show,
but much more enjoyable?

I do like a good puppet show.

I say we do it.

Henry Kissinger has been
relieved as National

Security Adviser and
replaced by Brent Scowcroft.

They're calling it the
Halloween Massacre.

- Mr President.
- Hold on...

Donald Rumsfeld has replaced
Secretary of Defense James Schlesinger.

And Dick Cheney has
been chosen, as the

the youngest Chief of Staff in history!
It's amazing. It's a dream.

It's real.


is the youngest Secretary
of Defense ever.

Well, I'm not talking about
Don, I'm talking about you

And I'm going to give you

a kiss, right here
in the White House.

Excuse me Mr. and Mrs. Cheney. These girls
were trying to enter the Oval Office.

Oh dear, oh dear.

- Girls...
- Hey you!

Girls this is not a
playground, please do not...

Is this where Santa lives?

It's even better,
it's even better.


is where

the leader

of the greatest
nation on earth lives.

- Are you one of his elves Daddy?
- In a way, yes.

No he's not Mary. Your
Father is Chief of Staff.

Chief... Of Staff.

If you're silly with her
she'll grow up to be a silly woman.

Right, of course.

I forgot, that's just

that's just silly, Mary.

And as the new Chief of Staff

and with the Presidency
weakened by Watergate,

Dick Cheney wanted to find out exactly
how much power did the President have.

I would like to reinstate
Executive Authority


Antonin Scalia,

a young lawyer with the
justice department

who would later go on to serve
on the Supreme Court,

rocked Dick's world.

Interesting you should ask.

Are you familiar with the
theory of the unitary executive?

No. Tell me about it.

There is an
interpretation that few

like myself happen to believe, in
Article two of the Constitution

that vests the President

with absolute
executive authority.

And I mean absolute.

Baby, baby...

you wanna take Cole
to the high chair?

- Come on buddy.
- I've gotta try

and explain this
thing to the people.

Aren't you hungry?

The Unitary Executive Theory.

Certain legal scholars believed
that, if the President does anything

it must be legal, because
it's the President.

To hell with checks
and balances,

especially during times of war.

This was the power of kings,

pharaohs, dictators.

This is perfect.

Dick Cheney was a foot soldier in
the power games of Washington DC.

But with the Unitary
Executive Theory,

he could become Galactus,
devourer of planets.

But then, it was Election Day.

- And there was one big problem...
- Carter is the winner with

two hundred and seventy
two electoral votes...

we have wondered which of us
gonna make this announcement

James Earl Carter, the next
President of the United States.

And just like that...

it was all over.

Dick Cheney, the president's chief
of staff, he does not have a job.

It can't be. It's got to be some
sort of a mistake, or miscalculation.

There goes the neighbourhood.

Well, thank you all.

The Republicans have
lost the Presidency.

They are the minority in Congress in most
states. With America demanding change

And President Carter went up on
the roof of The White House today,

to show off the new solar
water heaters installed there.

Today, and directly
harnessing the power of the

sun, we are taking the
energy that God gave us.

The most renewable energy
that we will ever see.

And using it to replace our
dwindling supplies of fossil fuel.

There is no longer any
question that solar energy...

Well, not me, not me, sir.

I will become the
gentleman from Wyoming.

Most of all, and hear this...

Taxes must go down.

I'll say it again,
taxes must go down

we must ameliorate pain of
taxes for the working man...

and bring...

perspicacity to the fore.

Thank God for name recognition.

Well, enough of
the horsing around.

Although, that is of course,
what us cowboys do.

Vote for Cheney in Congress.

I will not let you down,
you can count on me.

And uh, thank you,
and vote for Cheney...

in congress.

Either he drinks
next time, or I do.

I, uh...

I don't want anyone
to panic, but...

But I do believe I have
to go to the hospital.


It's an inferior wall infarct.

But that can be fixed, right?

If it was up to me you'd
drop out of the election.

But you've both made that
clear that it's not an option.

So you must have a minimum
of two weeks bed rest.

Two weeks off.
We'll lose our lead.

Like hell we will.

Dick Cheney has an illness,
so he can't be here today.

But we got his his wife.

And she's a darn pretty girl.

Lynne Cheney!


Hello, how are you today?

Good, good, good to hear.
It's really nice...

to be back in my home state.

See, I grew up in Wyoming.

But it seems that somewhere
along the line...

Washington DC stopped listening
to real folks like us!

And started only listening...

to liberal snobs who want us all to
lose our jobs to affirmative action!

Okay Lynne...

That's right.

You know, I am...

went to New York City, women in
New York City are burning their bras.

Well you know what women in
Wyoming do with our bras?

We wear them!

We wear them.

Here in Wyoming we believe
there is a right and wrong.

Because I'm a mom and
a wife from Wyoming.

And I know how it feels
to make every penny count.

Not only do I speak for you,
but my husband Dick Cheney...

A hard wind of change had been
blowing through America.

Civil rights, Roe versus
Wade, environmentalism.

But there was a part of the country
that was angry about this change.

Thanks to...

My amazing wife...

It's good to be joining
you all here in D.C.

as Wyoming's sole
Congressional Representative!

And then...

big money families like
the Kochs and the Coors

that were sick of paying
income taxes, rolled

right into Washington DC and
started writing fat checks

to fund right-wing think tanks.

That would change the way many
Americans looked at the world.

Finally in 1980,

this unlikely revolution
of the super rich

and white conservatives
found its face.

For those without skills,

we will find a way to
help them get new skills.

For those without
job opportunities,

we will stimulate new
opportunities particularly

in the inner cities
where they live.

For those who have
abandoned hope,

we'll restore hope, and we'll welcome
them into a great national crusade...

to make America great again!

It was...

The fucking 1980's...

and it was a hell of a
time to be Dick Cheney.

Vote on HR4445 the
undetectable fire arms act

to ban plastic guns that
can evade metal detectors.

Thank you Congressman Cheney.

I hear you have
been quite the ally.

Someone call an ambulance!

- Can you breathe?
- I'm having a heart attack, you idiot...

Very nice to see you.

Thank you.

They're both
brilliant, but broke.

Hey Dick!
Hello Lynne!

- Congratulations on your appointment.
- Well, thank you Mr. Vice President.

How is your lovely family?

Well, we think our son Jeb
seems cut out for office.

We may be asking you for
endorsements in a few years.

Oh well, if he's half
as charming as you are

George, then he'll
have both of our votes.

- Ah, can I get that in writing?
- Yeah, yeah, of course.

Dick, I just wanted to say
thank you for getting the House

not to override the President's
veto the fairness doctrine.

Not a problem. Happy to get rid
of any big government regulations.

Thank you.

The fairness doctrine was
a law from the forties

that required any
broadcast TV, or radio news

to present both sides
of an issue equally.

Its repeal would lead to
the rise of opinion news.

Let me tell you something, you
skinny, human prophylactic.

Love is the only human
emotion that you can't

fake except women, and
thank God they can.

And eventually to the realization
of Roger Aile's dream.

FOX news,

which would go on to become the no.
1 news station in the United States

and swing America even
more to the right.

Alright. Lighten up sweet heart!
It's a party!

Let me go see, if I can see, if
everything's okay over there.

Great to see you both.
Love to the girls...

- Love to Barbara.
- Will do.

- That's his son.
- Oh, crap.

George W, the black
sheep of the family.

A little too much
unconditional love there.

Can you feel it Dick?

Half the room wants to be us

the other half fears us.

I know George is
next in line but,

after that, who knows?

I respect the hell out of Reagan.

But no one has shown the world the
true power of the American Presidency.

Excuse me Miss Mary!

You cannot leave the grounds
during school hours! Mary!

What, I don't
understand you just...

left school? Why? It
doesn't make sense.

It was Susan...

Susan... Your best friend?

Oh, honey, did you get in
a fight over a boy, or...

She broke up with me.

Mom... Dad...

I like girls...

I'm gay.

It doesn't matter sweetheart.

We love you no matter what.


- I love you so much.
- I love you Mary.

This is going to make things...

so hard for you.

When George Bush Sr.
Was elected President,

Dick Cheney was made
Secretary of Defense.

Sixth in line to the Presidency.

And after a few years,

it was Dick's turn
to run for President,

so they decided to do some
early polling numbers.

Oh, yeah, that's it?

We can move those numbers...

Go after the welfare state,
regulations, government waste...

I can't put Mary through that.

Every primary opponent
will go after her...

And we deny.

Shame them for going after
the family and...

Who is calling on
a Sunday morning?!

I don't know.

I'm coming.


That's right.

Any way I can be of assistance.

Yeah. That should work... 3pm...

Of course...


goes without saying...

Thank you.

Thank you.

Who is that?

It was someone from...

- George Bush's son's campaign.
- Jeb?

No. George W... Jeb's Florida.

Right. Right.

Oh, I still can't believe they've got
that poor boy running for President.

What they want?

They want to talk to me
about being his running mate.


They didn't say it
outright, but...

I've made that call myself

that's what they want.

Vice President is a nothing job.

Gonna just hear them out.

I owe that to the father.

The VP just sits around,
and waits for the

President to die.
You've said so yourself.

- Yeah it's a credit job.
- Yeah.

That's just a meeting.

Is it just a meeting?

It's just a meeting.


Yes, Mr. Governor?

Of course.

The Governor will see
you now Secretary Cheney.


Hey, hello Dick.

Hello, George.

- It's been a while.
- Last year...

foreign policy sessions.

That's right. Yeah, that's right.

Those meetings were...

very engaging.

Do you remember?

We both agreed my Dad
would have been reelected

- if he had taken out Saddam.
- Right.

Yeah... War time Presidents

very popular.

That they are. That they are.


Congratulations on a...

successful primary.

I have...

been through a few myself and
they can be... Shall we say

- Fucking exhausting!
- Right.

It's a grind.

It's a grind, I tell you.
Buses, baloney sandwiches...

I like people, but I mean,
you know, enough's enough.


- the call I received...
- I forgot

you're a brass tacks guy aren't you?
I like that.

Are you surprised I'm
running for President?

He wants to outrace his father.

More than anything.

After my, shall we say,
wild years?

Well, Gorge, I sowed some
oats myself back in the day.

And still enjoy a
cold beer on occasion.

I bet you did.

I bet you did you rascal. Well
I can't anymore. It got bad.


Good times.

What does he really want?

What does he need?

It's tough, I tell you...

Lost my first congressional
race, that was...

not good.

- How about some brisket?
- George... um...

Hey Theresa!

Hey Theresa!

Get some brisket?!

- I will find...
- Get the burnt ends!

- 'Course.
- So listen, I've got a...

lack of experience
problem in the polls

and you're one of the
most experienced guys around

you wanna jump
on board and be my Vice?

I'm honored.

Don't be honored. Fucking
say yes, Mr. Brass tacks.

I have to say no.

Dick c'mon, we'll
have a lot of fun.

What are you doing right now?

- You in the private sector?
- Yeah.

- Come on. I know you love politics.
- No. George.

- Let's go.
- Not gonna happen.

Come on now!

That's a shame. It is.

Perhaps I could...

help you find the
right running mate.

- Run my VP search team?
- No team. Just me.

Yeah, yeah, that could work.

I'll have to run it
by Rove of course, but...

if I lose maybe I can become
commissioner of baseball, you know!

But the...


is to win?!

I'm going to keep you
in the back of my mind.

So are you going to tell me
how it went today, or not?

It was... very interesting.

He is a...


He's very green.

And you told him no?

I, uh...

I told him I would help

with the...


What are you thinking?

I can tell you're thinking.

What was Dick Cheney thinking?

I'm thinking I've never
seen anything like this.

After his first
meeting with George W.

We've had a lot
of successes Dick.

The Vice President...

is a nothing job.

How many steps ahead
was he looking?

How did he feel about the
opportunity that was in front of him?

There are...

certain moments, so delicate...

like a teacup and saucer...

stacked on a teacup
and saucer...

on a teacup...

and saucer.

And on and on.

That this moment could
fall in any direction...

and change everything.

Sadly there is no
real way to know

exactly what was going on inside the
Cheneys at this history changing moment.

We can't just snap into
a Shakespearean Soliloquy

that dramatizes every
feeling and motivation.

It's just not the
way the world works.

My sweet Richard.

Dance'd nimbly round the
King's hearth thou hath.

Even whilst clamored I for more,


Parched maw craned towards the
drip, drip of imagined waters.

But I say to you now,

rest, retire.

Thou hast honored thy vows to

wife and crown.

Has blindness usurped
vision in you my wife?

No mere treaty is our union!

Thou shared thy torch's flame with
mine revealing halls and spires of

long faded empires.

And now, I, may hold aloft

mine own fiery credit

to make flesh our bond of power.

Dare I?

Dare I let hope's peak place gathered
bramble upon my heart for future's nest?

Many winters past hath
I let this hope die,

cruel winds silencing
tiny birds needy cries.

Now that it hath
arrived I say yea, yea!


Mine own blood and will

are yours,

til pierced be the last
soldier's breast plate,

spilling forth its
ruby jellied treasures!


So... I think we... proceed.

What about Mary?

It's VP.

Not the same scrutiny.

He has allies Dick.

Connections. You're new to his world.
You don't know the landscape.

I had better

conduct a very thorough search.

Every stone. Hell,

every grain of sand

needs to be looked under
for this questionnaire.

Dick, we are asking for...

all financials, all medical,
all interviews, press, writings,

all legal records,

family medical and
family financials.


Any more “comprehensive”
and we'd need a rubber glove.

Sorry Liz.

That wasn't offensive.
Should I be offended?

I'm offended. Dave didn't
worry, if I'd be offended.

Oh, a rubber glove.
Like a proctology exam.

- That's... that's disgusting.
- Hello!

Oh. Hello!

David, thoughts?

One... big one.

David Addington,

Dicks main legal adviser and a huge
believer in the Unitary Executive Theory.

He was known for telling people to
their face that they're stupid.

So the...

Vice Presidency is part
of the executive branch and

because the VP casts tie
breaking votes to the Senate

also part

- of the legislative branch, right?
- Right.

That means,

The VP is also...

not part of the executive,
or the legislative.


one could argue that

neither branch

has oversight of the VP?

Not only could “one” argue that

I'm arguing you.

- That's brilliant David.
- I know.


Carl Rove want me
to buy this ranch.

Distance myself from my years
at Yale and Harvard.

Make me more of a man of
the people for the election.


So, we gonna do this thing or what?
I mean, is this happening?


I have found some very
interesting candidates.

If we could schedule,

three hour window to go...

No, I meant you. I want
you to be my VP.

- You're the solution to my problem.
- No.

I'm CEO of a large company.

I've been Secretary of Defense,

I've been Chief of Staff.

The Vice Presidency is mostly a

- a symbolic job.
- Right, right.

I can see how that wouldn't be

- enticing to you.
- However...

The Vice Presidency
is also defined by

The President.

Unless we were to come to a...

different understanding...

Uh-huh. Go on.

I'm listening.

I sense that...

you're a, kinetic leader. You
make decisions based on instinct.

I am. People have said that.

Yeah, yeah, very different.
Very different from...

your father,

in that regard.


Maybe I can handle, some of the
more mundane jobs

overseeing bureaucracy,

managing military,

uh energy, uh, foreign policy.

That sounds good.

There won't be the kind of
team owner that pulls the starter

- in the 4th inning.
- Yeah.

That's the manager's job.

One more thing.

My daughter Mary,

Right... Rove told
me she likes girls.

Now, I know you'll have to...

run against gay marriage,

in the south,

mid-west and...

it is my daughter,

and that line is drawn concrete.

Don't you say another word.

So long as you don't mind
us pushing that messaging,

we're okay with you
sitting that one out.

I think it's
important for all the

all the Marys in
the world, you know?

No problemo. We got a deal?

Then I believe...

this can work.

Hot damn!

Well, good.


let's celebrate!


I realized

best choices

standing by my side.

Please welcome, my friend
and my running mate,

Dick Cheney.

Dick never filled out his own
83 question questionnaire.

Full medical records
were never handed over.

No tax or corporate
filings, nothing.

Gore rescinded his concession.

They're claiming Florida
is too close to call.

He can't fucking
rescind his concession.

He just did.

- Russians are loving this.
- There is gonna be a recount.

- So...
- How you doing?

What should we do?

We play it like
we've already won.

Which means,

we need to staff
the White House.


- Who's leading the transition team?
- I'll do it.

That's not something a Vice
President really does, is it?

Uh huh...

It is now.

Gore has called Governor Bush

and retracted his concession.

- No. No!
- What!


State, or Pentagon?

Depends on who your
Secretary of Defense is.

- Rummy.
- Hundred percent.

- Rumsfeld?
- Doesn't Bush Sr. hate Rummy?

Not such a bad thing with W.
He wants to be his own man.

Rumsfeld believes in a robust Executive.
That's good for us on war powers.

Just keep him out of state,
he'll start World War three.

Halliburton just gave us a 26
million dollar exit package.

Twice of what we expected.

They're no dummies.

Sorry gang.

Thank God. Perhaps I should...

go to the hospital.

Oh my God! Are you kidding me?

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!

All persons having business
with the Honorable,

the Supreme Court of
the United States,

are admonished to draw near and
give their attention, Oh yeah!

For the Court is now sitting.

God bless the United States
and this Honorable Court.

December 12th 2000. Antonin
Scalia, remember him?

And the Supreme Court stopped the state
of Florida from completing their recount.

George W. Bush and Dick Cheney were
going to the White House by a margin

of 537 votes.

Hey, hey, little Mary Claire.

Hey little Mary. My little Mary.

Hey, what are you doing?

What are you doing?

Ah, they're both doing really well.

Except I'm trying to
make this dinner and it's

it's a,

Macaroni and Cheese that you said
was easy but it keeps just coming out

like little watery.

It's the milk, remember.
You gotta add more milk.

Yeah, make it thicker.

No, no, no, no.

Yeah, it's much better.

So much, so much
I wanna say right now.

You just... You keep doing what
you're doing. You're doing so great.

You have earned something very special...
from your wife.

Listen! Listen! Listen!

I'm buying wine... and I'm
picking something up... Chinese?

OK I, I really love you.

I love you.


Good morning to you too!

We've met a few times,
it's nice to see you.

Of course.

Alright, listen...

We get this thing underway...

Scooter, why don't you let
everyone know the lay of the land?

Of course. As you all
know, I am Scooter Libby,

Dick's Chief of Staff...

I'm also his national security adviser

and a special adviser
to the President.

Technically, Scooter outranks
any of Bush's people.

Mary Matlin

will serve as councilor to
the VP and assistant to Bush.

David Addington

Dick's main legal counsel,

will play center field on all
matters relating to executive power.

The President has Alberto Gonzales,

Karl Rove,

Karen Hughes

as his team.

Quite frankly
Gonzales has no clue,

Rove is a hack,

Hughes should be
in double A ball.

So, we will have fairly
unobstructed access

to the Oval office.

We will be automatically

BCC'd on all e-mails that
the President receives,

or sends, as well as have
access to his schedule

the second it is set, or changed.

We'll also be receiving the daily
intelligence briefing before

the President and it gets us
inside the decision curve.

Which will actually be reading.

Bush approved all of this?

We have...

an understanding.

What about the e-mails? Paper
shredders don't work for e-mails.

The entire administration will run
off of the RNC's private server.

And we've deactivated
automatic archiving.

We're clean.

Okay, so over at The
Pentagon we have Don...

Secretary of Defense.

Paul Wolfowitz, who
worked with Team B

in the Ford days,
Deputy Secretary of Defense.

Let's check, see, what plans
they have to invade Iraq.

It's already in the works.

Got Ashcroft over at the DOJ.

State, seems to be the only tricky
department. That's Colin Powell

his guy Lawrence Wilkerson.

Collin Powell who never
run a camp he didn't like.

Wilkerson is a true believer.

We've got Bolton over there. He's
a loose cannon, but he's loyal.

I want to get Liz in there as well.
Let's make sure that happens.

OK Dick, consider it done.

And this list of

“our” people doesn't include

about 800 others

lobbyists, industry insiders that
we placed in the regulatory jobs.

What about Bush's friends?
Ridge, Pataki, Thompson?

I haven't heard their names.

No, they were not...

offered jobs in this
administration at this time.

“Not offered jobs at
this time?” Are you

even more ruthless, than
you used to be there Dick?

You're just not getting laid.

Alright, moving on!
We got Paul O'Neill.

You haven't been
here over 20 years.

Times have changed.

We have softer touch,
that's the norm now.

We have the conservative TV

radio, doing the yelling for us

Is your old friend embarrassing you?
Is that it Dick?

Soft touch.

That's all.

Alright. I have to go to my office
at the House of Representatives.

You mean the senate, Vice President,
tie breaker in the senate.

Nope, I mean the house.

Dick Cheney had used an old
connection with former wrestling coach

and speaker of the
house, Dennis Hastert

to get an office at the
House of Representatives.

The house is where
revenue bills originate

and he wanted to be
near the money faucet.

Hey Dick!

Will this work for you?

Two more offices
in the Senate...

Hey Dick. I found this extra office.
I hope it works for you.

One in the Pentagon.

Welcome to your new
home away from home.

I got you a little
house warming gift.

And later when Cheney needed
intelligence to invade Iraq,

a conference room at the CIA.

The room is
soundproof and secure.

Cheney was everywhere.

But the most powerful
place in all of DC was

a non descript conference room

for relatively new think tank
called Americans for Tax Reform.

Grover Norquist ran the anti-tax group with
huge funding from the Koch brothers network

big oil and big tobacco.

His Wednesday meeting
as it was called

had become the center

of the Republican world.

Well, let's go ahead and start

with the estate tax.

Now this has been
hard to eliminate

because the tax only affects
those estates with over 2 million.

But we have made strides

and marketing guru Frank
Luntz is here to help.

Hello all.

Getting regular people to support
cutting taxes on the very wealthy

has always been extremely hard.

We have had some
success in the past.

But these estate taxes has
always been very difficult.


I think we may have
had a breakthrough.

Now, the Estate Tax

kicks in

on anyone inheriting
over $2 Million dollars.

How many of you have
a problem with that?


How many of you would have a
problem with something called a

“death tax?”

Instead of global warming,

which we all agree
sounds very scary,

we call it

climate change.

Folks, the government is taking
your money after you die!

It's a death tax...

The death tax has to go.

The elite liberals at Washington would tax
us for laughing, or crying if they could.

So with one of the biggest
media and political machines

ever created behind him

Cheney was able to squash
action on Global Warming

cut taxes for the super rich and got
regulations for massive corporations.

And then there was Cheney's National
Energy Policy Development Group.

His first major test

to expand executive power.

I don't understand what
the goddamn problem is!

I want to hear what the energy
CEOs need and I'm not allowed to?

It's called FACA.

- The hell is FACA?
- It's the Federal Advisory Committees Act.

Congress got their panties
in a bunch that you know,

elected officials would
just let CEOs roll in and,

you know, write the laws.

The Act demands that

appropriate government employees...
be present.

Hold on a second.

What's your name?


Doug, how long have you been working
reception at the Department of Energy?

Three months?


So what am I
supposed to do here?

Just sit there and be quiet.

Got it.




How's... How's the
business at...

We're good. Our stock...

And California
has been really...

- since the regulation.
- Great to hear.


He's with the Energy Department.

The details of Cheney's meetings with
the energy CEO's were never disclosed.

But, a freedom of information
request did provide some documents

including a map of
Iraq's oil fields

with all of the oil companies
that would be interested

in acquiring them if

somehow they were ever
to become available.

And then,

it happened.

Would you like to lower your
monthly mortgage payments?

Or use the equity in your home

to consolidate your credit
card or other debts?

Just log on...

Yeah, this just in, you are looking at
obviously a very disturbing live shot there

that is the World Trade Center and we
have unconfirmed reports this morning

that a plane has crashed
into one of the towers.

It does not appear that there is
any kind of an effort up there yet.

Now, remember, oh my God!

That looks like a second plane.

Vice President, we have
information that a plane

is headed to the White
House at this moment.

We have less than
a minute to get

to the secure underground bunker.
Let's go! Move!


Move, it's clear.

Move. The Capitol is being
evacuated, we're told. And

clearly that shot, that we
have on our screen now

this is the the
Pentagon, just across

the river from Washington D.C.

you gotta believe...

I need you to take me to Dick.

Mrs. Cheney, we cannot go
back to the White House.

I'm being told no one is to go to
the White House. It is not safe.

You got the Prime Minister yet?

Canada's Prime minister's on the phone.
That's right, we got planes in the air

nowhere for them to land.

Permission for them to
land at Canadian Airports.

International flights
into Newfoundland.

Sir, Don Rumsfeld is at
the Pentagon, line 2.

- That?
- Uh huh, yes sir.

You have authorization

to shoot down any
aircraft deemed a threat.

Presidential authority?

That is correct. All
orders are UNODIR.

- UNODIR sir?
- Unless otherwise directed.

Mr. Vice President are we sure these
are the proper rules of engagement?

The country's under attack,
the ROE is fluid. David?

Now we don't know what exactly what
the people in that room were thinking


it's safe to assume that at
least one person wondered why,

in the midst of the most
fateful day in American history,

was Dick Cheney
talking to his lawyer?

Mr. Vice President,

Mr. Vice President,

the Congressional
Members you sent to

Mount Weather Emergency
Operations Center

- want to leave.
- Nope.

Excuse me?

They're not going anywhere.
Just tell them,

we've all the helicopters.

Yes, sir.

Thank you very much for
your call Mr. Prime Minister,

we have the situation
under control.

Are we at war?

- Yes we are.
- With whom?

We've picked up chatter from

well known Al-Qaeda operatives
celebrating today's attack.

We shouldn't rule out Iraq.

- What's Al-Qaeda's Leader's name?
- His name is Osama Bin Laden.

But this is clearly Al-Qaeda.
I've been

tracking their movements for years.
They're fingerprints are all over this.

Iraq has all the good targets.

Iraq has nothing
to do with this, Don.

- Richard you don't know that for sure.
- I do know...

Mr. President, if I may,

Afghanistan is Al-Qaeda's headquarters.
That is where our focus should be.

And the CIA would be capable of

taking out the Taliban's
power structure?

Yeah, all due respect, George,

Mr. President, we
are the Pentagon.

- And this is what we do.
- Don...

OK. We'll...

We'll go with Tenet and the CIA.

I'll make some calls to our allies.

Thank you, sir.

Given the current
situation Mr. President

it is wise that we not

be in the same location for, COG.

Continuity of Government.

Of course.

We're gonna be alright on this...
Are we?

Yes sir.

Yes, we are.

Angler has taken off to an undisclosed
location. I repeat, Angler is airborne.

Angler? That's the VP?

I thought only the President could
land and take off from the south lawn?

What can I tell you?
Today's fucked.

This intelligence
has been edited

redacted and reduced.

Mr. Vice President,

usually we vet the daily
intelligence threat matrix

to eliminate unreliable
sources, non-players

Stop! Don't you dare.

Give me a damn disquisition

on what I cannot hear.

Mr Vice President, a lot of this
intelligence is not verified.

I'm gonna say this for the last time.
I want to hear everything.


- from now on.
- Yes sir.


We're tracking the possibility
of bio-attacks using sarin gas,

cow pox, Ebola...

There was a post
on a darkweb site

about mass beheadings
in residential areas.

Movie studios, museums, subways,
day care centers may all be targets.

A source has told me asset about
fire bombs targeting hospitals.

A video was captured
describing televised executions

American network TV.

Water filtration plants
targeting bio-weapons...

I'm scared Dick...

I'll always take care of you, Lynne.

You know that.

What are you going to do?

So while Powell, the CIA

and their international

toppled the Taliban and took
Afghanistan in a matter of weeks

Cheney found something
much more powerful,

than missiles, or jet planes.

Mr. Vice President,
this is John Yoo.

It's a pleasure to meet
you Mr. Vice President.

So, David told me you're looking for...
executive authority.

John, here is definitely your guy.

Now, the war

we are now fighting

will require resources
and abilities that the

current interpretation of the law


The Vice President believes

it is the duty of The Commander in
Chief to protect the Nation.

And that no other obligation whether
the Congress, or existing treaties

supersedes that duty.

How do you feel
about that statement?

I couldn't agree more.

John Yoo's first legal opinion
allowed the US government

to monitor every citizen's phone calls,
texts and e-mails without a warrant.

It was a giant legal leap

based on sketchy law at best.

But John Yoo's masterpiece,

his Moby Dick, if you will

was the torture memo.

What about the
Geneva Convention?

Geneva Convention
is open to... interpretation.

What exactly does that mean?

Stress positions,

water boarding,
confined spaces, dogs.

We're calling it
enhanced interrogation.

But torture and privacy laws weren't the
only laws Cheney rewrote with John Yoo.

They had a full menu

of legal opinions
stretching and challenging

Constitutional and
International law.

Good evening, gentlemen.

Tonight we are offering

the enemy combatant

whereby a person is not a
prisoner of war, or a criminal

which means of course he has
absolutely no protection under the law.

We are also offering an
extraordinary rendition

where suspects are
abducted without record

on foreign soil and taken to foreign
prisons in countries that still torture.

Well, that sounds delicious.

We also have Guantanamo Bay,

which is very, very complicated

but it does allow you to operate
outside the purview of due process

on land which isn't
technically US territory

but where we still
do have control.

And also we have a very
fresh and delicious

War Powers Act interpretation,

which gives the executive
branch broad power to attack

nations, or people who are deems
still possibly a threat.

We have the fact that under
the Unitary Executive Theory,

if the President does anything

it must be legal.

Which of course means you can
do whatever the fuck you want.

Sir, gentlemen,

which would you?

We'll... we'll have them all.

Excellent choice.

Look, Dick...

we've been working with these
focus groups, advertising

executives to try and
sell the war on terror.

To reiterate, we are still being
recorded and there still may

or may not be clients back
behind the two way mirror.

These guys are pretty sharp.

There's a problem. The results
show that people are confused.

You all support the President.

You hate terrorism.

Yet, you're still confused.

Can you tell me why?


Don't we just have to just get
Osama bin Laden? He did it.

So why are they calling it a war?
A war with who?

OK, thank you, Mark. Uh...

Jasmine, jump in please.

I don't get what
this Al-Qaeda is.

Are they a country? Like
why can't we just bomb them?

That's really interesting. Um...

Is anybody else confused
about what Al-Queda is?

Show off hands please.

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...
that's a lot of you.


Would it be less confusing
if it was a country?

Damn right. I'm angry as hell.

We've gotta fuck someone up.

Got it, Marcus. Really
strong feelings from Marc,

I'm interested, does
anybody else feels the same.

They understand we are at war, but

they don't know against who.

They want a country.

It's cleaner, simpler.

That would certainly
help us legally.

Looks like it's time to take Iraq.

It is about goddamn time.

It's called the Office

of Special Plans.

Tenet is not yet serious enough

about the threat
that Saddam poses

the global war on terror.

But I can promise you

that this intelligence
group will be.

Wolfie, I got something.

I think that's an excellent idea.

Go on take that motherfucker
Saddam down for a long time.

Here's a report that
says Mohamed Atta

one of the 9/11 hijackers may have
met with an Iraqi spy in Prague.

It's really a strong statement, does
anybody agree with that statement?

Wait a minute, we
can't just bomb people.

It's from Czech intelligence and
they question its credibility.

I've been to Prague.
They question everything.

Who wants to be an
“anonymous source?”

Make sure you work in the phrase

“we don't want the smoking
gun to be a mushroom cloud.”

That focus group
through the roof!

There will always be uncertainty

about when he'll
acquire nuclear weapons.

But we don't want
the smoking gun

- to be a mushroom cloud.
- There is a smoking gun,

or a mushroom cloud...
if we're waiting too long...

There is no doubt

that Saddam Hussein now has
Weapons of Mass destruction.

We gotta get rid of this dictator. He's
got anthrax. He's got all these weapons.

There is no doubt, he is amassing them
to use them against our friends.

Against our allies...
And against us.

When and not if, but when

Saddam creates and uses
his nuclear weapons...

what will we tell
the American people?

Saddam Hussein will
continue to increase his

capacity to wage biological
and chemical warfare.

To show that we will stand up
for what we know to be right.

To show that we will confront

the tyrannies and
dictatorships and terrorists

who put our way of life at risk.

Tribe has spoken.

Polling for an invasion of Iraq

is at fifty three percent.

Focus groups show people still
aren't sure about a connection

between Saddam and Al-Qaeda.

And the France and
Germany have both said

that they will not
join our coalition.

And neither will Israel.

Harry and I, we went
to the wall together.

We conned. We prayed together.

Israel is one of
our closest allies.

They said an invasion
of Iraq would

destabilize the region, Sir.

they don't believe Saddam
is an immediate threat.

That's not good.

I really want a strong
coalition for this.

I have an idea.

Secretary Powell has the highest
trustworthy ratings of all of us.

What if he gave an address to the U.N.
and the American people

to push this over
the finish line?

Karl, I've been very vocal,

very vocal, about my
reservations about invading Iraq.

No! Colin, you're such
a nervous Nellie.

We're talking about invading

a sovereign nation without
any provocation Don!

It's a sovereign nation, Don.

What's the exit strategy?
What about the intelligence.

Does the intelligence
matter to you at all?

You break it, you bought it.

You break it, you bought it!

Hey, hey, hey, alright.

Let's slow down.

That's enough of that guys.

Are you going to take
Saddam down, or not?

You are the President.


is yours.


the U.N. or some coalition.
Do not share powers

that are yours alone.

George, make sure Powell
sees the intelligence.

- Sir.
- Colin I want you to make that speech.

I'm President and
I want this to happen!

Yes sir.

I look forward to being
briefed on that intelligence.

On another note, I've been
handed a credible report

of a small terrorist enclave
in Northeastern Iraq.

If we're going to invade we
suggest taking it out before.

Let it go, George, we
have bigger fish to fry.

Let me see that intelligence.

Of course.


classified document

described a terrorist
named Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi

who had started as a
drug dealer and pimp

before becoming fully radicalized
in a Jordanian prison.

Zarqawi went to meet Bin
Laden in Afghanistan.

Did he, or did he not
meet with Al-Qaeda?

But Zarqawi had vowed
to kill all Shia Muslims

and Bin Laden's mother was Shia

so the meeting
didn't go over well.

- They had no operational contact.
- Hogwash.


have you seen this speech?

Yes sir. It's beyond thin.

I saw at least five pieces of
disproved Intel in there.

Who wrote it?

They said it was the President, but I
think you can guess who really wrote it.

No, there's no need
to yell, Larry.

Yeah, look.

Well, we'll review the
speech and give some notes.

Powell really doesn't
have a clue. Does he?

After the US invaded Afghanistan
Zarqawi set up shop in Iraq.

It was the only connection Cheney
had between Al-Qaeda and Iraq.

The Security Counsel
will now begin

its consideration of
item 2 of the agenda.

I call now on the distinguished
Secretary of State of

the United States of
America, his excellency

Mr. Colin Powell.

My purpose here today

is to share with you
what the United States

knows about Iraq's weapons
of mass destruction

as well as Iraq's
involvement in terrorism.

Iraq today harbors a
deadly terrorist network

headed by Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi

an associate and collaborator of

- Osama Bin Laden.
- Powell's UN Address was seen by

millions of Americas.

But other people were
watching as well.

Collaborator of Osama Bin
Laden and his Al-Qaeda lieutenants.

Zarqawi's activities
are not confined...

The great general of America
saying his name over and over again

immediately made Zarqawi a star.

Allahu Akbar!

Within a day he had
gone into hiding

Allahu Akbar!

Allahu Akbar!

An Al-Qaeda source tells us that

Saddam and Bin Laden reached an
understanding that Al-Qaeda would no longer

support activities
against Baghdad.

By the time we invaded Iraq

70% of Americans thought that
Saddam Hussein was involved in 9/11.

Later... Colin Powell
would call the speech

the most painful
moment of his life.

Thank you, sir.

I just push for it, and
it was Justin right?

- No, Kelly, right?
- And then Justin.

- What are you talking about?

American Idol, dad.

- You've seen it.
- We watched it at your house.

The singing and the mean judge.

Oh, I like him.

How do you stop a
fish from smelling?

You just cut off its nose.

Honestly, was I inspired because...

No, we are not
revisiting your father's

colorful conversations.

Yeah, yeah.

Bring it a little closer, yeah.

How's my hair?

We are five, four, three...

My fellow citizens,
at this hour,

American and coalition forces

are in the early stages
of military operations

to disarm Iraq,

to free its people and to defend
the world from grave danger.

On my orders,

coalition forces have begun
striking selected targets

of military importance

to undermine Saddam Hussein's
ability to wage war.

These are opening stages
of what will be a broad

and concerted campaign.

To all of the men and women of the United
States armed forces now in the Middle East,

the peace of a troubled world and
the hopes of an oppressed people...

The statement from
The White House

President Bush regards this
as an historic moment.

The scenes on TV show, the thirst
of freedom is unquenchable.



Seems like they've been
shipping men and equipment

out of Afghanistan into Iraq.

And at the moment we're a little

unsure of what's going on.

I don't want you
to worry about me.

Major Combat operations
in Iraq have ended.

In the Battle of Iraq

the United States and our
allies have prevailed.

We have concerns over Halliburton
KBR's billing practices.

As you know, the no-bid contracts
they received were quite sizable

- and now...
- Well...

- We're not concerned. Are we?
- Not at all.

The Secretary of Defense and the Vice
President just said they're not concerned.

Now can we please
talk about Iran?

To this day, Dick Cheney has never
apologized for this incident.

Jesus, Dick...

But, someone else did.

My family and I are deeply sorry

for all that Vice
President Cheney and his

family have had to go
through this past week.

We send our love
and respect to them.

And we hope that he will
continue to come to Texas

and seek the relaxation
that he deserves.

So, this...

Joe Wilson,


is questioning our intelligence
in the New York Times?

What's his wife's name again?

Valerie Plame. I confirmed it.
She's undercover CIA.

Leak it.

Okay, okay, like... they don't
care about their dogs, man.

I mean, they shoot them,
they let'em run wild...

What kind of a man
don't love a dog?

People in India love cows.

They would look at us and how we
treat cows and think the same thing.

With all due respect

that sounds like some liberal
ass scratching bullshit.


Look at this crap. Goddammit.

Hello Don.

That report says Zarqawi,

the same fucking Zarqawi
we talked up for months,

is now leading a major
insurgency in Iraq.

And the implication is it's
because we talked him up!

- Has POTUS seen this?
- No, no.

No I, I, intercepted it before
it got across the hallway.

- This is generated by an analyst.
- Get me Tenet.

This stops here.

Abu Musab Al-Zarqawi

had taken his fame from Powell's UN speech
and turned it into his own new thing.

The Islamic State
of Iraq and Levant

or ISIS.

And because that intelligence

somehow found itself on the
bottom of a stack of papers,

Zarqawi had a whole year to just
do whatever the hell he wanted.

And what he wanted

was carnage.

Shia versus Sunni,

the West versus Islam

and death versus life.

And on top of that

the US forces couldn't find any
WMD's or nuclear programs in Iraq.

Turns out that
Saddam and his son's

mostly liked cocaine and
American movies from the 80's.

Vice President Dick
Cheney is being sued

by Valerie Plame and her
husband Joseph Wilson.

The White House announced
four cabinet resignations

including that of Secretary
of State Colin Powell.


Look, I hope there's no
hard feelings about us

investigating the no-bid Iraq
contract for Halliburton.

You know, I'm just doing my job.

Go fuck yourself.

Dick Cheney, emerges from the
dugout on the third base side.

Dick Cheney, a little
bit low on the outside.

Much of the intelligence from the
Iraq war now proven to be false.

There is a chorus of people calling for
Vice President Dick Cheney to step aside

and resign.

Go away!

I swear to God this whole
place is turning against me.

Where are you?

I'm in an empty office just trying
to get a clean phone line. Listen,

if we could just get an
air bombardment in Iraq,

I think it'll make a statement.

And it would give us
some political cover.

It's over Don.

What's that?

What is?

It's over. The President
wants you to step down.

He appreciates your service.



Does Bush's kid want
me out, or do you?

- I can't win every fight Don.
- You are a little piece of shit.

Wow, how did you become
such a cold son of a bitch!

Sorry Don.

I really am.

Well, you know how
I know you're not?

Cause I wouldn't be.

Think they'll prosecute us?

Okay then.

Okay then.

I Barrack Hussein
Obama, do solemnly swear

that I will, execute the office of
President to the United States faithfully.

A few years later

Dick's heart trouble
started up again.

With no donor available,

he finally found himself

at death's door.

I wish I had better news.

Your heart just isn't pumping enough
oxygen to keep your vital organs alive.

- Should I call for a Minister?
- No.

No. He's not going anywhere.

Okay then.

Dick Cheney,

you are not going
anywhere, do you hear me?

- You are not going anywhere.
- This may be the...

one time I can't do

what your Mother says.

- I love you Dad.
- I love you Mary.

I love you Lizzy.

I love you girls.

So, Dick Cheney told his family

that he was ready to die

and that he wasn't afraid.

Told them he had
lived a full life.

And he had zero regrets...

Vice President Cheney,
cross your arms please.

There you go, OK,
on count of three

One, two, three.

They say my heart could
give him another ten years.

Cheney doesn't like to refer
to it as someone else's heart,

he likes to refer to
it as his new heart.

Which, even though I'm
dead, I have to say

it still makes me
feel pretty shitty.

And so,

when Liz decided to run for
one of Wyoming two senate seats

against Republican
incumbent Mike Enzi,

our Dick was right
there to hopefully

see the Cheney legacy
of power continue.

Are you aware Wyoming Senate candidate
Liz Cheney supports gay marriage?

Her sister is married
to another woman and Liz

Chenny refuses to support
a constitutional amendment

banning same sex marriage.

Instead she equivocates claiming
it's a state's right issue.

Don't you agree, Wyoming deserves
a Senator who believes marriage

should be between
a man and a woman.

These calls went to
every house in Wyoming.

Every single house.

I will never win!

What are we gonna do?

We're joined here
today by Liz Cheney

who is running for the Senate

from the state of Wyoming.
According to one poll

she is behind by double digits.


Thank you for having me here Chris.
Great being with you. And may

I point out there are other
polls that have me much closer.

Your opponent Senator Mike
Enzi claims that you support

gay marriage. In part

because you support your
gay sister Mary's union

with her wife. How
do you respond?

Let me be very, very clear

I do not support gay marriage.

I believe that marriage is
between a man and a woman.

But you've always claimed gay
marriage is a state issue.

Your opponent claims
this is an equivocation.

Cut me aorta.
Do you have the specimen bowl ready?

It's on the field.

Here's the heart.

I know that Liz wouldn't have done any of
this if you and Dad didn't approve. So,

I can't believe you would do this.
I really thought there was a limit to...

No, now you're just
being hysterical.

I can't talk to you when you get this way.
You need to settle down.


You're being hysterical.


Patient's heart rate is stable.

Blood pressure increasing.

I'm gonna notify the family.
What should I tell them?

- Tell them the patient's doing well.
- Okay.

Mr. Vice President.

- This must be the right place.
- Yes.

- Hello Martha.
- Hi.

- Nice to meet you.
- Pleasure.

Sit right there.

So, um...

is it gonna be just

me on camera, or...

Primarily you. A'right,
cut back to me.

Eddie's got you on the “A” camera.
I'm just gonna bench.


Two-thirds of Americans
say the Iraq war

is not worth fighting.

And their looking at the value gained
versus the cost of American lives.

And Iraqi lives.


So... don't you care what
the American People think?


I think you

cannot be

blown off course.

I can feel

your recriminations

and your judgment.

And I am fine with it.

You want to be loved,
go be a movie star.

The world

is as you find it.

You gotta deal
with that reality.

And there are monsters
in this world.

We saw

three thousand

innocent people burned to death

by those monsters.
And yet, you object,

when I refuse to kiss those monsters
on the cheek and say, “pretty please.”

You answer me this,
what terrorist attack

would you have let go forward

so you wouldn't seem like
a mean and nasty fella?

I will not apologise

for keeping your families safe.

And I will not apologise

for doing what needed to be done

so that your loved ones can
sleep peacefully at night.

It has been my honor

to be your servant.

You chose me

and I did

what you asked.

Sorry to interrupt, but Mark wanted
to share something with everyone.

Something's been bothering
me this whole movie

and I just figured it out.

The whole thing is liberal.

It's got a liberal bias.

Interesting. Does anyone
else feel that way?

One, two, three, four people.
Yeah, go ahead.

This is all facts.

Right? I mean, they
had to vet all this.

How does it make it what's...

You would say that libtard.

OK. I'm sorry.

So because I have the
ability to understand facts,

that makes me a liberal?

OK guys, let's just take it down.

You probably like Killary!

Let's just take it down
a notch, or two. OK?

OK, first of all, Hillary's not President!

OK, the orange cheeto that
you hired is the President.

And he's ruining the country
that you claim to love!

You chicken shit!

Stop the fight! Knock it off!

I can't wait to see the new FAST AND
THE FURIOUS MOVIE. That looks lit!