Vampires vs. the Bronx (2020) - full transcript

A group of young friends from the Bronx fight to save their neighborhood from gentrification...and vampires.

- Have a good night.
- Thanks.

Oh, come in.

Thank you so much for squeezing me in.

Oh, sure.

I'm so happy I found this spot.

- I just moved here.
- To New York?

No, to the Bronx.
I got priced out of my old neighborhood.

Oh, I hear you.
Same thing's been happening here.

You know, they offered me
a stupid amount of money for my salon.

- Agh.
- Yeah, so I took it.

Hey! Wow, that's great.

In fact, this is Becky's last mani ever.

This cuticle pusher's
about to go out of business… now.

This is the best manicure I've ever had.
Don't sell.

Good evening. Frank Polidori.

It's too late now.

We're finishing up
all the paperwork tonight.

- Come on, Frank. Let's go.
- Come on.

Now, right there.

Okay. And… great.

Now you got the money
for you and your husband,

- if you wanna...
- Aagh.

I'm not married, Frank.
I don't have a boyfriend either.

- I don't need no man to know my worth.
- Course not.

So, it's just you, then.

Yeah, it's just me.

Well, Becky,
let's get you on your way to the suburbs.


You can come too if you want sometimes.
You can come visit.

Course I will.

- That's it?
- Mm-hm.

Yeah, I'm leaving for the suburbs!

Shoot it! Shoot it!

Hey, Lil Mayor!

Yo, Lil Mayor, what's up?

- Yo, what's up Carl? Nice to see you.
- What's poppin', kid?

- Coming to the block party?
- You know it!

What's up, Perez?

What's up, papi?

You know what's up!

What's poppin', y'all?
It's your girl Gloria, live,

on this beautiful 95-degree day,

but trust me, this ain't sweat.
This is glow. Get it.


Summer's almost done,
so make sure to step outside

and catch that tan
while you can, you heard?

Oh, and if you see a kid that's riding
a bike two sizes too big for him,

that's just Lil Mayor trying
to save the neighborhood all by himself.

Oh, and speaking
of saving the neighborhood,

what's up
with all these missing person flyers?

I thought this new construction
was supposed to make it safer.

Something to think about, y'all.


Lil Cool, where you been, man?

Hanging posters. I'll be right out.

What do you think, Tony?

- Looks good, bro. You a good artist.
- Thanks.

Listen, I appreciate
what you're trying to do,

- but to be real…
- No, don't say that. This is gonna work.

- All right, Lil Mayor. Mm-hm.
- You'll see.


you ever wanna get rid
of that Sammy Sosa bat,

you let me know.

Bro, would you ask
King Arthur for his sword?

Let it go? That junk's going on eBay
after they shut me down.

Can you put this on my tab?

And this on your tab.

Yeah, I already know.

- Don't worry. I'll pay you back.
- Course. Go ahead.

- What you doing, Miguel? Come outside.
- Bobby, what's good, bro?

- Tony. What's up?
- Getting into trouble?


- Outta here.
- Bye.

Later, bro.

We gotta go, Bobby.

Luis is waiting, and I got
a bunch more posters to put up.

- Hi, Rita.
- What's up, Lil Mayor?

Oh, yeah.

Kid trying to get his play on. I bet you
a beer he strike out. Watch this.

Miguel, I was telling these ladies

about that block party
we putting together Friday night.


Yeah, your boy said
he was gonna hook us up

with some VIP passes.

VIP? What VIP?

Rita, let's go. I'm done with these kids.

Yo, Lil Mayor, I wanna keep my beers!

Hey, hold up!

Um, I'll see about the VIP. Just…

contribute something to the bodega fund.
It's important for the community.

Y'all love that place.

Yeah, we basically grew up there.

So, um…

see you there?


Don't get home late.

Is that your mom?


Why are you ignoring me?

It seems like she knows you.

No, that's just some random lady.

I'm working late tonight. Are you sure
you don't want me to call a babysitter?


And strike three!

Kid, you're out.

Run that beer, baby. Run that beer.

Yo, we gotta get those girls
to show up to the party.

Bruh, they, like, 16.
They were not feeling us.

They'd be feelin' us
if we had some cash, man.

- We wouldn't look so broke.
- Yo, what the hell is this?

- Another one.
- They got Becky's too.

Yo, I bet she got hella paid, man.

Everybody's cashing out.

It's all about getting
that macchiato and gelato money.


These Murnau guys
are chewing up our neighborhood.

What was that?

- You see anything?
- Nothing.

- Yo, move over, man.
- Chill.

Are you for real right now?

- It's just dark.
- Can you let me see?

- Yeah!
- Damn, girl. What the hell?

What's wrong with you?
You almost gave us a heart attack.

- That's how people get shot in the hood.
- You ain't shooting nobody, Lil Mayor.

- Bobby, on the other hand…
- Shut up, Gloria.

- Know what happened to Becky's?
- She dipped. Duh.

Got that good money and got outta here,

and now we getting
yummy nine-dollar cappuccinos.


- You live now?
- Twenty-nine hundred followers,

- what's poppin', GloTV?
- Hey! Block party, Friday night.

- Admission's ten...
- Get outta here, nerd.

Yo, Drake's gonna be there.

- Know what I'm saying?
- Drake?

Yeah. Drake's gonna be there
with you Friday night!

Don't listen to those fools.

Drake ain't coming nowhere
near that block party. Cardi neither.

It's your girl Gloria signing off. Get it.


Finally. I've been waiting an hour.

Relax, Tampa.

No, don't start with that.
You know I didn't wanna leave.

Don't see the kid six months,
that's how he says hi. Bam!

Well, well, well.

Hey, Father Jackson. How you doing?


Keeping good company, I see.

"Enter not into the path of the wicked,
and go not in the way of evil men."

- So dramatic.
- Miguel...

Okay, Bobby got into a minor,

minor altercation in biology, and…

- Father Jackson kicked him out of school.
- You got kicked out?

- Damon started it.
- You're only telling me now?

We didn't want you to worry.

Listen, you worry too much.
I mean, look at yourself.

You're eating your hand off.

This is it. It's finally happened.

I'm out of the crew.

Everything's different now.
Miguel's a politician.

Bobby's voice changed all of a sudden.

He sounds like Denzel now.

I bet you even got leg hairs.


Who is that?

What up, fellas?

Bobby, I ain't heard from you.
We doing this, or what?

Nah. I'm good for now.

All right.
You change your mind, you let me know.

Hey, hey, hey, yo.

Those are nice, son. What size are they?

Uh… nine.

That's a little tight,
but I think we can make it work.

- Actually, maybe an eight and a half.
- Come on.

- Just leave him alone.
- No one's talking to you.

I'm talking
to Puerto Rican Harry Potter here.

Let him be, Slim.
All right, boys. I'll be seeing you.

Ah, this kinda stress
makes my blood sugar go nuts.

- What was that all about?
- Luis, you really making us look soft.


Henny asked me to do something.
I said no. That's it.

Let's forget about it.

Luis, I'm sorry I dissed you.

Come on.

- Y'all ready?
- Yeah.

- Listen. I'm gonna spit some.
- Okay.

- Okay?
- All right.

- No. No knap. That's bad.
- Oh, my goodness!

I'm so sorry. Pardon me.

You must be lost.

No, I just moved here.

To the Bronx?

Yes. Why does everyone keep saying that?

Oh, I know. You think I'm gonna, like,

call the cops and say it's too loud,
but that's not me.

I wanna get to know my neighbors.
I'm Vivian.

Miguel Martinez. Nice to meet you.

You should come
to our block party Friday night.

We're raising money for Tony's bodega.

Landlord jacked up his rent,
so we're trying to help out.

Here is a flyer.

Oh, my gosh. Wow.

Give me some more flyers,

and I can hand them out to my neighbors,
and we can keep this bodega open.

- Have a bunch. Thanks. It means a lot.
- Okay.

Cool. Well, it was nice to meet you.

You, too. Nice meeting you.

You know she's gonna call the cops, right?

No one says they're not gonna call the
cops unless they're gonna call the cops.

- You paranoid, man.
- Come on.

- Let's go.
- That white lady is bad news.

- Yo. Check out the courthouse.
- What's up with that red light?

They're turning it into apartments?

Y'all know how this starts.
Them white people with canvas bags?

That's always the first sign.

It was the same dudes who got Becky too.

- You got it out for these guys, huh?
- Yeah.

Y'all gonna help me
put up these posters, or what?

Our boy's back in town
to get away from the hell that is Tampa,

and we gon' spend the night
putting up posters for a lost cause?

Lost cause? This is not a lost cause.

Do your thing.

Luis. Xbox at Tony's?

Do whatever you want.

Come on. It'll be good. Let's go.



- What the...?
- So sorry!

Lil Mayor messed you up.

Yo, man. It ain't funny!
Yo, I'mma kill you!

Pedal hard, Lil Mayor. He mad!

I'mma get you later.

You better watch your back.

Hey. What you doing down here, bro?

Yo, Hamilton.

You lost or something?

Just walking.

Yo, what the hell are you wearing?


It's a Belle-Époque
hand-embroidered jacket.

Thank you very much.

Didn't say I liked it.

Hey, stop right there, Mozart.

It's too late to fight back now.

We are going to wipe you out

like the vermin you are.



- Embarrassing you in your own home.
- Bro, this is the wild bootleg controller.

- Made in Uzbekistan or something.
- Whatever.

Where Miguel at?

Who knows, man? That dude acting crazy.

He's not crazy. He's just passionate,
with big ideas. You know?

He was floating! Oh, my God.

He was floating,

and... and then he killed Slim!

Yo, you see what I mean?

In the air, like… like… like…
and then he bit him with fangs,

like he was some kind of a, uh, uh…

Go! Get! Get! Get!

Yo, what the hell, man?

Welcome to Primo Bodega.

How can I help you?

Just looking.

What a lovely bodega.

Yeah. You know, I like to keep it clean.

You from around here?

- New to the neighborhood.
- Okay.

What do you, uh, do for work?

Real estate.

Murnau Properties.



There it is.

Hand sanitizer. Yup.

It's a dirty hood, bro.

Keep the change.


We got vampires in the Bronx.

There's nothing there, stupid.

- What?
- Yeah, go check it out.


No, he was there.

He was… he was… he was right here.

- I knew you was lying.
- I dead-ass saw him bite him in the air.

- You saw it too in the mirror.
- Uh, I don't know.

Okay? I have low blood sugar.

My eyes can't be trusted.

And yo, that mirror is dirty as hell.

My mirror?

- You got new mirror money?
- Look…

Second of all, my father gave me
that mirror when he opened back in 1978.

I'm sorry I offended your mirror.

- Listen. The vampire killed him.
- My grandfather came to...

We need to tell someone.

Nobody gonna care that Slim disappeared.

Why? 'Cause he's a gangbanger?

No, homie.
'Cause he's from the Bronx, like us.

Hey, let me take you home.

It's late, you're bugging,

and your mother's gonna whoop
your ass and my ass. And I'm a grown man,

and I cannot take
a chancletazo to the face.

Aight? It's embarrassing.
Let's get outta here.

You think the commander
is going to be pleased?

He's bringing bodies in here, Mr. Markus,

when he knows we need all the properties
acquired without raising suspicion...

Shut up, Frank.

Yes, sir.

Sun's coming up.

Let's get back inside.

Deal with the body, Frank.

What's poppin'?
It's your girl Gloria, live,

and I hope you got your bagels ready,
'cause I'm serving tea. Get it.

Becky that used to do
my nails on 165, gone.

Dude that used to sell empanadas
on the Concourse, gone.

I don't know what's going on,
but take heed from me,

sleep with one eye open,
and don't get got. Get it.




- What time you got in last night?
- I'm thinking about nine-ish.

Aw, that's funny because I was home,

awake-ish after that,
and you weren't here.

You were talking about last night.


I... there was these old ladies,

these, um, blind old ladies.

Tony told me everything.

Everything, everything?

I'm always one step ahead of you.

Look, I know how much you guys love Tony,

but things change.

The neighborhood changes.

It's our turn.

It's just what happens.

But I'm pretty sure they're not vampires.

Mom! This is serious stuff.

What's serious is you cleaning this room.

Miguel Antonio Martinez!

You said you was cleaning up
these nasty-ass shorts and underwear!

- Yo, mom's a savage!
- Yo, she said you got nasty underwear!

She mad at you.

- Sup, Lil Mayor?
- Sup, Lil Mayor?

I know, right?
Is it a clothing store or a restaurant?

Lil Mayor, I know you
gonna let me spin tomorrow night, right?

You know I got that…

Listen, stop.

There's a lot of things happening
in this neighborhood right now.

Keep your eyes open.

- All right.
- That was mad vague, dog.

Yo, where's Bobby?

Don't wave at him.

- Why you messing with Henny?
- Chill, man.

I was protecting us.

You should be thanking me.
He wanted to know where Slim is.

He hasn't seen him
since he took off after you last night.

Well, didn't you tell him
that a flying vampire killed him?

Right. That whole vampire thing.

Look, don't worry.

I covered for your crazy ass.

Said you went straight to Tony's.

Bro, we good.

Come on, man.

What is this crap, yo?

Hey, you gon' pay for that?

Yo, Tony. Where's the cat?

I got a sanitation violation, bro.
They took Vishu.

You got a copy of Blade here?

You got $14.99?


You see what he did?
He got in there. He put it in.

I can't let you watch this.
Your mother's gonna kill me.

Luis, you're the vampire expert.
You need to tell us everything you know.

The basics.

Vampires are undead immortals
that survive on the blood of the living.

They can only go outside at night.
Sunlight kills them.

What do they do in the day?

Enclose themselves inside
a protective coffin in total darkness.

Typically, the vampires
will group their coffins

in a secret and secure location
called a nest.

A nest.

A vampire can be killed
with a silver or wooden stake to the…

- To the head. Chu-hoo.
- …heart. They'll disintegrate.

You know those little round cookies

that don't taste
like anything they give out at church?

You mean the Eucharist?

You little heathen. If you was at church
once in a while, you'd know that.

Put one of those Eucharists
in a vampire's mouth, and he's toast.

All right.

Also garlic. What about that?

- Nah, that's not a thing.
- Yes, a thing.

Garlic is a vampire repellent.

Same with the crucifix.

Holy water is a repellent as well,

but you can also use it
as a vampire detector

because holy water boils
when a vampire is close.

What are you guys talking about?

- Vampires.
- Nothing.

Y'all really shouldn't be messing
with that kinda stuff.

Welcome to Primo Bodega.

Big sexy.

That's it.
It's happening right in front of us.

A vampire can only enter
your place if he's invited.

Tony let the vampire in last night
when he said, "Welcome to Primo Bodega."

Right, right.
Okay, okay. They can't enter bodega.

- All right.
- No, no.

They need an invitation to enter,

and it's not only a bodega.
It can be like a house or something.

A message from me. You tell him
it's open season on all suckheads.


I don't like that look.
You're about to say something stupid.

We are not going in there.

It's daytime.

Nothing to worry about.
They're all asleep, right?

I've gotta be out of my mind.

Come on, guys. We need proof.
We got this. We're Blades.

- Hello.
- May I help you?

Yes, I'd like to talk to your manager
about a sponsorship opportunity.




Is this your business card?

It's for charity.

Are you insane?

- We need to get out of here right now.
- I'm looking for evidence.

You know, I think
you're putting way too much faith in shit

that he read in a comic book.

It's a graphic novel.

Shut up.

Come on.

He'll be with you in a moment.

He will?

The afternoon sun can be murder.

Frank Polidori. Pleasure to meet you.

You too.

Step into my office.

So, what can I do for you boys?

Well, we're, um…

doing this event to benefit Tony's bodega,


- We need some sponsorship...
- I'm gonna stop you right there.

How's $2,000 sound?

- You serious?
- You know, you're right.

Let's make it three.

You know, Murnau…

is very committed to making the Bronx
the best place it can be for all of us.

That's very thoughtful of you.

To put it bluntly,

this place is a forgotten area.

Every last one of you could disappear,

and no one would even notice.

Although, I gotta say,

not everyone appreciates
what we're trying to do here.

Would you believe someone glued a flyer

just like this to our sign

outside the courthouse?

You boys wouldn't know
anything about that now, would you?

No, no, no.


- What's going on here?
- He has low blood sugar.

- Maybe we should call his mom.
- Nobody leaves this room.

But he's gonna…


What are you guys doing here?

Oh, my gosh. Are you okay?



I'm suddenly feeling much better.

We were just talking to Mr. Polidori
about sponsoring the block party, and...

You really should. These kids are great.

We have an appointment.
I'm sorry. My mind is…

Okay, well, thank you.
Nice seeing you. Nice meeting you.

We really must be going.

Let's go.

Thank you for the very generous donation.

It'll really help. Oh.

- Go! Go!
- Watch out!

What the hell is this?

A massive vampire nest.

Thirteen floors. Twelve coffins per floor.

- That's 300 and...
- One hundred fifty-six vampires.

- Bobby!
- Close enough.


Uh-uh. Don't you talk to me like that.

I ought to smack you upside the head.

And you, too.

You ain't fooling nobody.

I know what you doing.

I'mma check your cookies.

Where you going, Mom?

I'm going to see that man
at the real estate company.

Frank Polidori.

He came by last night,
wanted to know if we were selling!

Uh, you can't talk to him.

What the hell you doing?

- Don't go there, Ma.
- He's… he's a really bad man.

Of course he is. He's in real estate,

but as long as his money is also real,

- I'm gon' hear him out.
- Why?

Where'd you get that hat?

Bought it.

Henny better not have given that to you.

I see what he's trying to do.

Trying to pull you down
the same road to hell as your daddy.

This Frank Polidori,
he's gon' get us out of this house,

keep you away from that life.

Miss Gladys, please trust us.

Don't go there.

But we gon' leave
this mess before you screw up.

Y'all can go back
to your nudie search. Hmm.

So, Henny gave you that hat?


There are plans
for dozens of buildings here.

I… I say we take all this to the cops.

- We can't.
- He's right.

- Not enough evidence.
- Not what I thought you'd say.

If you don't already believe in vampires,
you're not gonna believe in this.

We need something more.

We need something no one can deny.

We need to find the nest.

Also, I stole this,
so we should chill with the cop talk.

Don't touch that.

Why isn't your phone on vibrate?

Who are you?

What's poppin', y'all? This is GloTV.
It looks like they got things started

at the courthouse. They got mad movers,
and it looks hella fancy in there.

Like, they got chandeliers.
Let's check it out.

Excuse me. What's in those boxes?

Uh, Sub-Zeros.

They trying to tell me
these big-ass boxes are Sub-Zero fridges.

Damn, these condos
are gonna be nice as hell.

Let me guess.

They ain't refrigerators.

I think we just found the nest.

Yo, am I bugging,
or do these boxes look like coffins?

Come on.

Yo, it's locked.

- Hey, check out the footprints.
- Word, bro.


This is it.
This is definitely it.

This is bad. This is definitely bad.

Can we please… can we please just go?

Can we just get our asses outta here?

Don't do it, man. Don't...


And we're prying the coffins open.

Seems unnecessary.


- Told you.
- We got it. Can we just go?

This is the same dude who killed Slim.
I remember his stupid-ass clothes.

- Go!
- Oh, my God!



Get out!

Open the door!


Go! Go!


Yo. We got 'em.

Yo, Bobby, how you not mute your phone?
You almost killed us in there.

You three are in deep shit.

Great plan, Lil Mayor.
I told you cops wouldn't help for shit.

Excuse me?

Um, Sanders,
it sounds like they want to go to juvie.

We expected more from you, Lil Mayor.


What are we doing here?

We need to see if Mr. Polidori's
gonna press charges on you three.

- Could this day get any worse?
- Yes.

What is wrong with you? Huh?

What's poppin'? It's your girl Gloria.
We are live and at the scene,

so let me give you all the deets.

Lil Mayor and his little friends
got caught up with 5-0 for trespassing.

Such fine boys, aren't they?

His mom had been on him
about some dirty-ass underwear,

and now he's in the back of a police car.

I bet this was your idea, huh?

You broke in. How could you do this?
You know how hard I work?

This man got some real crazy
Illuminati conspiracy theories

to drop with him and his boys,
and I'm ready for it.

Lil Mayor's about to say wild shit.
Let's go see what he say.

Okay, I know how this looks,
but just trust me.

Everything will make sense
after you see this.

See that?

That's the vampire nest.

Inside the courthouse.

Now, brace yourselves.

This is the part
when I open up the coffin.

Can we please…
can we please just go?


Uhh, what we supposed to be seeing?

- Vampires.
- What?

- Vampires?
- What?

Come on.

- That's wild, bro.
- Lil Mayor, what you smoking, man?

You got some more?

I don't understand.

Vampires don't have souls.

They don't have a reflection.

You can't see them
in mirrors, photos, or videos.

Know what?
Forget the video. We have their plans

to build deadly vampire nests
all over this neighborhood.

Have a look at this.

Where'd you get this?

Okay, we may have borrowed it,

but I'd gladly give it
back to Mr. Polidori if…

and only if he comes out here

and proves he's not a vampire.

Ah, kids.

They have the most wild imaginations.

I caught these three
trespassing at the courthouse,

and they confessed to stealing your file.

Hey, hey, hold on a second.

I can vouch for these kids, bro.
They're good kids.

They were just mixed up
with some crazy vampire idea. That's all.

Well, the file has been returned.
I suppose no harm was done.

Right, boys?

No need to make this a legal matter.

Thank you so much.

We're so sorry.

- We don't know what got into our boys.
- Boys will be boys.

What is wrong with you? Are you crazy?

I bet this was all your idea.
You're gonna end up like your daddy.

Who you looking at? Answer me!

Come on. Let's go.

Thank you.

Hey, hey, hey, Carmen.

You let him watch Blade, didn't you?

Blade? What's that?

I am Blade! Vampires…

watch out!

He paid for it.

So that's
how he's getting these crazy ideas?

You're not going
to that bodega ever again.

What? No, no, Mom.

Ma, Tony didn't do anything.

Go with your mother.
Listen to her. She knows best, all right?

- I know best.
- Forget the vampire stuff.


We're going to church to set you right.
And clean up this room!

Yo, open that gate.

Henny, my man.
Thanks for meeting me.

What's this business opportunity
you got for me?

So, my employer has become concerned

that people
in the neighborhood aren't responding…

expeditiously enough
to our financial proposals.

So, I need you to make some…

let's just call it "noise"
in the neighborhood.

Disturbances significant enough

to give the last holdouts
the push they need to sell.

Yeah. I ain't interested
in any police attention.

'Cause it would negatively impact your
business. I understand that. I can dig it.


what I'm prepared to offer you tonight…

is more money for a couple of days' work
than you've made in your entire life.

That's right.

Additionally, there's a matter
of a small piece of personal property

that's been stolen from us
by a group of neighborhood boys.

We'd like the stolen items returned

and the perpetrators…



Yo, why you ignoring me?

- What? I called you.
- Luis?

Yeah. Listen.
I figured it out. Dude is their familiar.

Who is their what?

Frank. The creepy real estate guy.
He's the vampires' familiar.

- What is that? Like, a sun vampire?
- No.

A familiar is a human servant

who protects his undead master
during the daylight hours.

He does a vampire's bidding in exchange
for eventually becoming a vampire himself.

He's making all the deals in the daytime
while the vampires sleep in the nest.

- Exactly.
- Miguel!

- You going to church tonight?
- Yes.

Titi's convinced
I'm possessed by el diablo.

El diablo! That's right.
That's why he's going to church tonight.

God will save him. The Lord will help him.

Told you.

See you there. I got a plan.

Come on, man.

Sup, little man?

Hey, look, you better go
before my mom spots you.

I got something.
Set you and your moms up real nice.

- Yeah, I don't know.
- I'm trying to help you, bruh.

You run out the money your pops left,
kicked out of school.

You gon' keep playing
with your little friends,

or you gon' finally grow up,
be the man of the house, get some respect?

- What?
- Meet me and Luis at church right now.

- No.
- I have a plan to take out these vampires.

But we need you!

Last chance.

I ain't asking again.

- Yo, is that Henny?
- That your boy Miguel?

Let me holla at him.

- I gotta go.
- No! Bobby, don't!

- You know how this is gonna end with him.
- End with him?

What about with you?

In the last day, you got me
into more shit than Henny ever could.

I'm done with all this.
And I'm done with you!

Yo, Miguel.

- Bobby coming?
- No.

He's with Henny.

But, uh… we can do this without him.

And what is it we're doing?

Well, well, well…

lost lambs returning to the flock.

I don't see you two
at Thursday mass very often.


It's tough with our responsibilities
in the community and so forth and...

Right, right, right.
And where's the other one? Hm?

The one that likes to start melees
and fraternizes with known drug dealers?

He couldn't make it.

So, can we, uh…

please go?


By all means.

I'll be watching you two.



What are we doing?


Hey, how you doing?
Welcome to Primo Bodega.

How can I help you?

Is this the famous bodega
Lil Mayor's trying to save?

Yes, it is. You know Miguel?

- Doesn't everybody?
- Yeah, it's true.

Actually, I want to help out
with the block party.

I was thinking of making maple scones.

- Maple scones?
- Yeah.

Yeah, that's a dope idea.

- Is it lame?
- No, nah.

Maple scones are dope.

Is, uh… is he around?

Miguel? Nah, man, that boy is bugging.

I taught him way better than that.
I practically raised them boys, man.

- I didn't know that.
- Yeah, man.

When their parents were working,
they were here in the bodega, hanging out,

doing homework, playing video games,
staying out of trouble.

Are you a baseball fan?

Oh, this right here?

This is the bat that Sammy Sosa,
the pride of San Pedro de Macorís,

used to hit 60 home runs in one season.

- Wow.
- Which had only been done four times

in the history of baseball.
You know how old baseball is?

It's old as shit.

But that was before he started bleaching
his skin, looking like Count Chocula

and one of these vampires
that Miguel thinks is in the neighborhood,

sucking on people's necks.

I heard about that.


But, yeah.
Check out the store. Peruse my wares,

you know?
I got some new stuff. I got some kale.

I got another type of kale,
some flaxseeds.

You know? Some organic aloe,

whatever you need, you know?

I just need this.

- That's it? Just the hummus?
- Uh-hm.

Okay. Um…

You know what? On the house.

Real talk?

Yeah. You coming through with scones,
I come through with hummus.

Thank you.

I can see why Miguel
thinks this place is so special.

Let me get you a bag. I don't want you
walking around with bare hummus.

What the…?

I'm out of bags.

I guess I'll see you at the block party.


Oh, uh…

Tell Miguel I'm looking for him.


You've reached Lil Mayor.
Leave a message.

Yo, shorty really is a vampire, dog.
I looked at the thing...


You'll never get them.

The body of Christ.

The body of Christ.

The body of Christ.

I got my eye on you.

The body of Christ.

The body of Christ.

Let's all pray.


This is like a top-five sin.

Yes! Holy water.

How do we get it out of here?

There we go.

Shh. Someone's coming.

Those shits stole my Sprite.

We got the holy water,
the Eucharist, and now... Oh.

Hey, hi. Hi, Rita. Hey.

I saw you two going into the sacristy.

- What were y'all doing back there?
- What? No. Um…

- We were busy doing…
- We were trying...

- …church stuff.
- Yes.

Church stuff.

- Why are you two carrying those bottles?
- This? Oh...

I have…

- low blood sugar.
- Low blood sugar.

- Can I have some?
- No!

No, you shouldn't.

See, y'all better tell me
what's really going on here

before I get Father Jackson out here.


You're gonna think I'm crazy.

Try me.



we talked about me doing, like…

messenger-type stuff.

We did.

Then, do we really need all of this?

What'd you think this was gonna be, bruh?

You wanna be in business,
be a big man and get paid,

this what it looks like.

Don't try telling me I'm good.

Aight, we going
to every store on the block tonight.

If they open, rob whoever's
at the register. If they ain't,

smash the place up,
loot it up, shoot it up.

- Frank wants 'em wrecked.
- Frank?

We working for Frank?

- Like, the Murnau guy?
- Yeah, you got a problem with that?


Come here.

Got a special job for you.

Where Lil Mayor
and that Puerto Rican kid at?

- Why you need to know?
- Why I need to know?

This ain't a democracy, son.

I tell you what I need,
and you give it to me, understand?


Now, find out where they at.

Strap up.


I gotta use the bathroom real quick.

Boy piss his pants already?


- Vampires? Are you serious?
- I know how it sounds, but...

No, I'm saying,
are you seriously out at night

when there's vampires running around?

It's actually five vampires
based on the number of coffins we saw.

So, do you believe me?

We're Haitian, man.

My grandma's been preparing me
for this my entire life.

How you think I knew
why nothing was in your videos?

We're gonna need some garlic
and some wooden stakes

right the hell now.

Hey, what happened to Tony's?

Oh, no.

Let's pull it off.


What you doing here?

Helping you. What you think?

Oh, no. I thought you was with Henny.

Turn up like your dad,
shot in the streets.


Don't talk about my pops.

While you was off playing gangsta,
them vampires got Tony.

Yo! What are you two doing?

We're supposed to be best friends.

Um… are y'all done?

Because I'd like to get inside
before vampires try to eat us.

Can y'all open the damn door?

Oh, my God.

Maybe… maybe they just took him.

Vampires don't take hostages.

This is my fault.

I mixed Tony up in this.

I brought them in here.

Don't say that.

Listen, man.

It's not your fault…

at all.


Uh, look who just rolled up on us.

Yo, we gotta go.
Henny's working for Murnau,

and Frank hired him to find you.

My God, one night with you guys,

and I already have vampires
and thugs trying to kill me?

Let's go.

I see you.

Holy shit.

This way.

Vivian. There's vampires out there.
Come with us.


A little early for Halloween, ain't it?

What y'all supposed to be?

Why don't you four little freaks
empty your pockets for us?



I'm talking about!
We smoked them fools!

That's what's up!



I'm sorry. I'll put the music down.

Luis, Bobby…

Call your mother and your tía.
They're worried sick.

Call your mom too. Okay?

I'm so sorry for whatever they did.

Oh, they didn't do anything wrong.
I was just bringing them home.

Oh. Wow.

- First time for everything.
- Oh, I like your house.

Thank you.

All these colors are so cute.

Oh, thank you.

It's such a beautiful home.

You're too kind, Ms…

Oh, Vivian. Vivian. Yeah.

I'm sorry.
I feel so silly just standing out here.

Can I come in?

- No!
- Luis Acosta de la Vega!

Mom, don't let her in.

She can't attack without an invitation.

Lil Mayor,
why would I want to attack you?

Because you're a vampire!

- Bobby!
- This lady's a vampire, Ms. Martinez.

That's why she can't enter.
She needs an invitation.

I need my key back, Miguel.

Give it to me before I drain you
like I did your late friend, Tony.

What are you?

I'm Vivian Tyrell,

firstborn of the Master Murnau,

commander in the vampire expedition.

Expedition? What kind of expedition?

To find my people a home.

You see, I'm just like you, Miguel.

I don't want the Bronx to change.

It's easier to live somewhere
where no one cares when people disappear.

I'm nothing like you!

If you give me my key back,

I promise to make your deaths quick.


I'll give you your key.

Mommy, don't worry.
We're safe as long as we stay in here.

I'm calling the police.

You already saw with Frank.
The police are on their side.

We need to stay in here
until the sun comes up.

Call your families.
We're staying here tonight.

In the morning, we're out of the Bronx.

It's not worth it.


- Is it done?
- Yes, commander.

We had to go above-market,
and it was an all-cash deal,

but the building is yours.

No need for an invitation
to the kid's apartment.



I was just…

I was wondering
when I'd be getting the gift.

You know, I feel
like I'm… I'm ready for it.

Make another mistake,

you'll never get the gift.

You'll never be one of us.

- So good.
- Yo.

Yo, what are you doing?

Going to the nest.

I'm gonna take out
every last one of them.

We gotta defend ourselves.

We gotta show them
that Tony and everyone else matters.

If we do it together,
we might have a chance.


We're going with you.

I'm done being scared.

Yo, what you doing with that stick?

Hey, come back with that thing, man!


Thanks for the invite.

- We didn't know that...
- Here.

Welcome to the crew.

Thanks. Now, let's go kill some suckheads.

This way.

- This is the nest.
- Yeah, I know.

That's her sarcophagus right there.
If we strike her, we weaken the others.


You guys knew that, right?


That's why I told y'all
not to be messing with this stuff.

All right, three, two…

- What the hell?
- They knew we were coming.

They could be anywhere.

You gave that to Vivian.

We gotta go back and warn everybody.

- Bobby!
- The balloons.


What is it?

It's bubbling.

- They must be up here.
- Miguel, it's too dangerous.

Don't go up there.

We have 30 minutes to sundown.
If we can find their hiding place,

we can get a jump on them.

Well, we coming too.

Well, someone has to go warn everyone.

I'll go, and I'll get Father Jackson.

Listen, just promise me you
won't go in that room without us, okay?



Can you tell my mom that I love her…

and that I'm sorry about, um…

uh, about my room,

about lying,

about everything?

Listen, you tell her…

when you see her.

Yo, Rita. Like, what about the rest of us?

We all got messages, you know?

I guess you didn't need
to use them VIP passes after all, playa.

Let's go.

This is it.

- You ready?
- Yeah.

Let's go.

Where the hell are they?


What are you doing?

We definitely dying today.

- Ah!
- Ah-oh!

Not smart, Lil Mayor.

- What do we do now?
- Um…

Open the curtains! Let the daylight in!

Suck on this!

What do we have here?

How thoughtful of you.

I bought your building
so I could enter and retrieve this key,

but you just saved me the trouble.

What is that?

This is the remains of the first vampire.

My maker.

The maker of all of us.

His ashes have the power

to make new vampires.

One handful of this

in your mother's face,

a bite on her neck,

and she becomes one of us.


Body of Christ.

Luis! Luis! Come on. Let's go.

Yo! Did you just melt that guy's face?

- Yeah. It was crazy!
- Go!

Go, go, go, go!


Whoa! Chill, man. Chill.

Bobby, Bobby, where are you going?

Listen, Frank.

They're lying to you, man.

You might be rich…

and immortal,

but you'll never be one of them.

I know that for a fact.

You'll be their kid brother, right?

That means you gonna be their bitch.

Like, for all eternity.

That's what's up?



Go! Go!

Useless once again.

You hungry?

Let's find those boys.

- Pedal faster, Miguel!
- I'm trying!

Vampire! Go!

- Luis!
- Go!

Sneaking around
where you don't belong.

Little rat.


How you like that, suckhead?

Let's cut through here and get Luis.
Come on.


Bobby, Lil Mayor, Bobby,

Miguel, Miguel, Miguel, Bobby…



Bobby! You all right? Whoa!

Miguel, close your eyes!

You didn't really stand a chance.

I have survived
seven centuries, countless attacks.


I am
the most formidable creature on earth.

And you?

You're just a bunch of poor kids

from this shithole you call the Bronx.

Hey, yo!

Yo, fuck you say about the Bronx?

I know
you just didn't call the Bronx a shithole!

- Oh, shit.
- Oh, shit.

Yeah, but, girl,
did you see his girlfriend?

- Uh, she ugly, though.
- Look at her.

That's her?

- Her hair's even!
- Psst!

- Hell, yeah, she got a weave.
- Mm-hm. She ain't fooling nobody.

- She needs to take it back. How stupid.
- Psst! Psst!

- Jenny and Kendra!
- She...

- Who this bitch?
- I don't know, but she ugly.

- Gotta be going!
- Aghh!


That's nasty.

Anyone move, and I'll snap his neck!

It's time for some reinforcements.

And now, the finishing touch.



Thanks for the bat, Tony.

Yo, you don't mess with the Bronx!

You got 'em! Yeah!

Make some noise for Lil Mayor, y'all!

We got 'em!

- You're such a good boy!
- Mom!

Yo, y'all see that?

Lil Mayor and his crew
did some real action-hero shit!


Hold up. Wait. What are you doing?


- That wasn't that?
- No.

Sorry. I thought…

It's all right. It's... it's okay.

- Sorry.
- Bye.

Aight, lover boy.

- Slow your roll, man. She's 16.
- I don't know. I'm…

- Just don't forget your boys, all right?
- Man, you kidding?

I love you guys.

Oh, yeah!

Oh, my God!

Oh, yeah!
Let's hit it. You know what you doing?

- Hit 'em with it.
- We gonna hit 'em.

- You ready? You ready?
- Uh-huh. Let's go.

- You ready? They ain't ready.
- Yeah.

- Yeah. I think they ready.
- Ready? You ready?

- Rap.
- All right.

Let's make sure
people are having a good time,

but we gotta stay on the lookout.

Us daywalkers
gotta make sure everyone's safe.

- Daywalkers?
- Yeah.

That's corny, yo.

Daywalker, as in Blade the Daywalker
and greatest vampire hunter of all time?

Of all time.

I don't know about all time,
but we pretty damn good at this.

- Hell, yeah!
- Hell, yeah!

What's poppin', y'all? It's your girl
Gloria with a final GloTV update.

All is well in the Bronx yet again,
but we gonna keep grinding,

shining, and holding each other down.

Oh, and to all future invaders,

you don't want no smoke with the BX.

Get it.