Vampire on Bikini Beach (1988) - full transcript

Two teenagers find a book called "The Book of the Dead," and soon they discover that a vampire cult, which needs the book to raise the dead so they can take over the world, is after them.

This is your KKLA
news update,

Jay Stephens reporting.

In Venice, California,
last night,

a teenage couple
was found mysteriously

There seems
to be
a hysterical cry

from the Venice
of vampirism,

which leads us
to some speculation

in regard
to the current
series of murders

in the Southern
California area.

In this reporter's

after reviewing
all of the legends
concerning vampires,

there are not,
there are not the facts
to support these stories.

So put your stakes
back in your tomato plants,

take that silver bullet
out of your gun belt

and put that garlic back
in your spaghetti sauce

because there are
no such creatures
as vampires.


I'm okay, I'm okay.



We certainly didn't
mean for this to happen.

We were just
having a good time.

What the hell happened?

That day at the beach,
we were just cruising.

Just cruising.

What the hell happened?

BOB: Hey, ah,

So, what's up, guys?

Just out driving around.

Yeah, the waves
are really happening.
You want to catch a few?

Hi there, Bob.

Hi, Clarke.

You guThanks. my car.

You guys, it is happening
today, the most gorgeous

You guys.

Get your beach bunny
All right!ere.

Let's go, let's go.

Bye. Bye.
See you.

Let's go. Whew!

Kim, good going.

Man, if you got it, you might
as well use it, girl.

You know it.

What was
that all about?

Well, you see, I got
this hot little body
that guys would just kill for.

But, the only one
I'm interested
in is you, Bob.

JUDY: He was too cool.
What time did you tell Kim
we'd have the car back today?

Oh, God, I don't remember.
Sometime this afternoon,

we'll just meet her
back down at the beach.


Check you this car.
Is that hot or what?

I don't know about you guys,
but I got to meet the guy
that owns that road sled.

JUDY: Well, we never met
any radical dudes,

but we did run into Harold.
Weird Harold.

That's what Clark calls him.



No, no, it's Harold.

No, no, it's Judy.

I guess you didn't recognize
me. I met you at Bob's party
the other night.

Yeah, I must have had
the smoke fogging my eyes.

And my brain.

So, hoGreat.ou doing?

A lot better than you,
I guess, huh?
You need a lift?

Nah, a couple of more minor
adjustments and I should
be back on the road.

Where are you guys headed?
To or from the beach?

We just got back from the
beach. We just finished
dropping off a friend of ours.

How about you?
You heading for the sun?

Looks like we're headed
for a parking lot.

Oh, ah, Clark, Wynette,
this is Harold.

I met him at Bob's
party the other night.

BOTH: We know.

Hey, if you guys want
to go to the beach
or talk or something,

we'll catch you
later, all right?

We'll come back.

Hey, that would
be a great idea.

You need a unique
driving experience.

I just got to stop for
a newspaper on the way
if you don't mind the stop.

Are you kidding?
I could make stopping
a career in this car.

Let's go. Want to just grab
that othYeah. for me?

HAROLD: Man, I'm starving.
Let's stop for
another sandwich.

JUDY: Again? Harold,
let's get back to the beach,
they're waiting for us.


Boy, this sure
is weird. Look what
happened last night.

Let me see that.

"Police discovered
the bodies of two young
women in Venice."

It says that their necks
were punctured
by two vampire-like wounds

and the blood completely
drained from them.

You're such a jerk, Harold.

God, there sure
are some sickies
out there.


Hey, what are
you reading?

That's that rag with all that
stuff about Martians
and ghosts, isn't it?

Yeah, but these murders
really happened.

He's right. It was
in the Times
this morning.

KIM: This killing stuff
is really making
me feel weird.

Can we change the subject?

Hey, you guys, you want
to go see Bob play tonight
at the "Pawnbroker"?

I can get you in for free,
maybe a pitcher of beer.

Sounds like a great night.

Then, we're on.

Goodbye. Bob.

Bye, Bob.

Later, champ.



See you later, jerk.

JUDY: For no reason
this punker starts
up with Harold.

Here is where things
start to get pretty weird.

You're really
good, Bob.

I'm Thanks.ed.

Hey, I'm glad you guys
could make it.

You are really hot
on those drums.

Yeah, I love pounding
the rhythm.

Harold! Harold!
Save it for the stage.

Hi, do you guys want
something to drink?

No, thanks.


Vodka tonic with a cherry.

One tap okay?


Did you guys hear
the six o'clock news?

What now?
More morbid trash?

I'm sure, Kim,
it's not trash.

Another body was
found just like
the other ones.

Do they let people
tour the morgue?

That'd be great to see
what the victims
look like?


Harold, you are so weird.

Hey, I've just got
a natural curiosity.

I mean, wouldn't you
like to see a murder
victim's body?

I would.


Most people would
love to see something
like that.

But, just too afraid
to admit it.

Why do you think people
go to see horror films
and murder mysteries.

There's a section
of our beings that
I call gorehounds.

Yeah, yeah,
I know what you mean.

I know a lot of people
that are just plain
ascinated with the grotesque.

Yeah, yeah, it's like
the challenge
of facing death.


Well, I like
the challenge
of a good tennis game.

But, the police don't let
people tour the morgue,
do they?

I don't know. Let's go call
and makeYeah.ations.

I apologize for
my crazy friend.

No need.
Judy's just as bad.

They'll make
a great pair.

Are you going to wait
for me to finish
this gig tonight?

Sure, if you
want me to.

I see you have a lot
of interested fans already.

Boy, oh, boy, let's talk
attitude problem
with the LAPD.

I know, how rude!

I mean, especially when
you told them there's
a vampire loose in the city.

You'd think they
would just

You guys better be
careful screwing around
with the police.

I mean, they don't have
a sense of humor when it
comes to serial killers.

Yeah, yeah.

Excuse me!


Could I have
a screaming

I doubt it.


Master, another flower
for your pleasure.

It is not
a pleasure
I seek.

It is a quest
I pursue.

It is a life I wish
to bestow upon

and it is a death
I wish for myself.

I was born
hundreds of years ago,

the seventh son
of the seventh son.

By my birthright,

I was to roam eternity.

I have but
one path I can travel

if I am ever to
know eternal rest,

a path so strewn with evil

and terror that
in all those lifetimes

I am still searching
for my one means
of escape.

One woman

so strong that she will
be able to fall deeply
in love with me,

all the while knowing
that one day she will

have to plunge a stake
in the heart of love.

Come to me,
my queen.

Be strong.

Let my lips touch yours
if only for a moment.

Be my beloved.

She was not the one.

The moment has
sapped even
my eons of strength.

Take her,

take her to Demos
and let him use
her to further

his plan to conquer
this world and make it
a place where only

tormented souls
roam forever.

For if I cannot
find rest,

I must live where
all are like me.


KIM: I love the beach
this time of day.

So, how long have
you lived in California?

BOB: I was born here.

My Dad came out
during World War 2.

He met my mom
and she got him to
settle down out here.

What about you?

My parents moved
out here several
years ago.

I've really gotten
to love it out here.

I can't imagine growing
up any place else.

I suppose California
is pretty special.

One day, though,

I'm getting in my jeep
and head out
across this country.

There's so much of it
and I want to see it all.

Do you have any
brothers or sisters?

Yeah, I'm the youngest.

My brother's in construction

and my sister
is married back East.

Do you live at home?

No, I left home
a few months ago.

Do you live at home?

Yeah, my parents have
a place in West L.A.

They're away
for a few weeks.

Maybe you'd like
to stop over some time?


But, want to
see my place?

No roommates,
real private.

AhNow?. Mm-hm.

Toss your hair.

Right. Good.

I've never done
a photo session before.

That was fun.


Just give me a minute
to, ah, wrap this up.

Okay. Do you mind
if I look around?

No, go ahead.

All these are yours?

Yeah. This is how
I make my living.

The music's just
a hobby so far.

This was a hobby
'til I made it pay off.

Ah, be back

You're something.
You know that?

Come over here.

Come on.


Good. Great.

So, how are you
and Bob getting along?

You two just, ah,
disappeared into
the night last night.

Let's just say
we disappeared.

Aren't we secretive?

You were pretty good.


It's kind of warm in here.
Do you want to get some air?


See you
guys later.

Those two are
getting awfully cozy.

Oh, Clark,
don't worry about it.

Well, what do you think?

I really liked it,
especially the last song.

DiYeah.rite it?

Well, I wrote the music
and Harold wrote the lyrics.

I loved it.

Does it take you
long to write a song?

I don't know.
Well, sometimes.
But, it depends.

What was that?

I want to check this out.

Do you think
we should?


Kim, wait here.

Bob, let 'em go.
It's not worth it.

Damn, I lost those creeps.

Oh, I'm sorry.

We don't usually
get weirdos like that
around here.

Look, they dropped this.

Looks like some kind
of antique book.

Let's go back inside.
I feel so spooky out here.

Hey, buddy,

ah, my girl and I just
got hassled by a couple

of weirdos just now.
I wouldn't go back there.

Hey, don't talk
to me, man.

You get my meaning, punk?

Sure. Sorry we messed
with you and your date.

Listen,...get the fuck
out of here before
I rip off your tits.


Come on, Bob,
let's get out of here.




I thought I told
you to get lost.

You're going to die.




Bob, can you come right over.

Something really bizarre
just happened.
I really need you.

BOB: I'll be right there.

I'll be waiting. Please hurry.

You still haven't told
me what's wrong.

I think it was a dream.

It was the book.

I woke up and it
just burst into flames.

That's silly.

What the hell!

It's like fire.

Then, I didn't imagine it.

That book is something evil.
I can feel it.

Well, there's definitely
something weird here.

Well, let's leave that
damn thing where it is
and we'll go back to my place.

We can decide
what to do tomorrow.

Let me just get my stuff.


JUDY: Can you believe it?

Kim and Bob decide
to learn more about
this burning book.

Now, ah, anyone
can tell you that

a burning book is nothing
for two fools to deal with.

Ah, excuse me.

Oh, may I help you?

Yeah, um,

could you tell us
something about
this book.

I'd like to, ah, take it in
thAh, do you have to? it.

I, I'll be just
a moment or two.

This stuff is great.

This book is about
dead insects that
come back to life.

Look at this.
Life Among The
Space Visitors.

This stuff is weird.

Makes me feel creepy.

Could be something
in all this.

What's taking
him so long?

Oh, here he comes.

No doubt about it.
This is the real McCoy.

Where'd you kids
come by this?

Well, we were out
behind the club...

Ah, we were out
at the auction and, ah,

well, we just thought it
would be fun to have.

Oh, fun isn't
the word for it.

This book is worth
quite a bit of money.

This is a, a real prize
you've got here.

Oh, no,

But, ah,
can you tell us
something about it?

Well, it's what you
call a book of the dead.

It was used by a cult
of demon worshippers
in the Middle Ages.

That's all I can tell you.

But, ah, this fellow
might be able
to tell you more.

Now, when you get
ready to sell that book,

please check
back with me.

It could be worth
a lot of money
to you kids.

Thanks for the information.
We'll keep
it in mind.

My pleasure.

Uh, Dr. Gower, please.

I'm Dr. Gower.

You must be the young people
referred to me by

Mr. Maxwell
from the bookstore.

You're a priest? .

Yes. Will you
come up, please?

I was hoping you
could help us.

The man at the bookstore
told me that you
might be able

to decipher some
of the symbols
in this book.

May I see it?


We feel that this book
represents something evil.

How would a priest
know about this?

I've taken an oath
to fight evil in this world.

And, I must say
this book does
intrigue me.

This stuff is really scary.

There is no reason
to be scared, young lady,

I think we can put
an end to these
evil happenings.

Leave this book
with me tonight.

I have some
old reference
materials here

that I think will come
in handy and relate to it.

Well, come on, Kim.

Thank you Dr. Gower,
My housekeeper will show
you out now.

Did you guys see what
Cindy Jacobs was
wearing last night?

It just looked so stupid.

How're you doing?

You guys really missed
the excitement last night.

What excitement?

Two more victims
in the series of killings.

Yeah, a biker
and his girlfriend
out behind the bar.

Their heads were like squished
together like jelly.

And his girlfriend.

Well, what was
that all about?

I don't know.

Look, Bob,
I'm scared out
of my mind.

We're dealing with
something supernatural here.

How should
I be taking it?


Have you talked
to the doctor?

Ah, doctor says
he's into the book

and maybe he can tell us
what's happening later.

What did he say
about the two murders?

Well, the doctor doesn't
know if the book

has anything to do
with the murders.

Listen, I should
be there in about
twenty minutes.

I'll eOkay?it all then.

I'll see you when
you get here.

BOB: Great. Bye.


What's this?

Just a piece of paper
that fell from the book.

And, it's got those
same weird symbols.

Bob, you've got
to call the doctor.

You're losing it, Kim.

You've got to call
the doctor, now.


JUDY: Bob and Kim, still
working solo, decide to see
Dr. Gower in person.

But, it, ah, doesn't
look as though
he's expecting anyone.

There's something
wrong here.

The lights are out.

Here's some candles.

Okay, I'm going
to find a fuse box.


Dr. Gower.


Bob! Get up here.

Bob, we're got
to call the police.

We can't do that.

Remember what they said.

They'd just
throw us in
the loony bin.

No, we, we got to figure
out what the hell
is going on.

This is really
strange shit.

This isn't something
we should fool around with.

The doctor was a pro.

Look at him, he's dead.

Kim, trust me...

What about the book?

The book's been nothing
but trouble anyway.

They must have taken it.

The person or thing
that killed Dr. Gower.?

Well, do you think
the doctor could
have hidden it?

Maybe. Let's look around.

KiWhat, what is it?ng.

Notes. Notes from the book,
I'm sure of it.

And, look, he's attempted
to copy each one
of the symbols.

He's, he's made notations
by each one.

It's like code busting.

Exactly. The book
is the key to
what's going on.

I'm sure of it.

How are we going
to figure this out?

This is a job
for weird Harold.

Let's go.

What's he up to?

HeOh, this I got to see.ets.

What the hell
are you up to now?

Hey, what's happening?

This, my friend,
is my Star Wars
defense system.

We have lift off.

Okay, it's just
about in position


Ah, shit!
There goes
three weeks.

Tough luck, Harold.

Yeah, well, back
to the old drawing board.

So, what are
you guys up to?

We need to talk to you.
Um, in private.

Oh. Tammy, you want
to leave us alone?

Now, what we're going
to say is going
to sound crazy.

But, we have some
information on the killings.

And, that's what's
been happening.

Wow! Spooky stuff.

Yeah, and we need your help.

Now, we can't go to anyone
until we know exactly what
we're dealing with.

Look, we found
these notes
at the doctor's house.

Bob was hoping you could
figure it out on the computer.

Yeah, maybe I can.

I'll enter these
symbols with
his observations.

Sure it can be done.


Be on the lookout
for a huge bald man

with a sharp metal
shaped hook hand.

Well, this guy is just about
to get this girl's pants.

He was kissing her.

They're kissing
in the car

and she wants
to go home.

Well, understandably,
he's bummed.

But, no, she insists
she wants to split.

Well, this guy turns
on the ignition,

slams into reverse
and peels out of there.

And, he takes her home,
still pissed...

Then what?

This guy gets
out of his car,

walks around
to the passenger side,

reaches for the door handle

and there, dangling
from the door handle

is a sharp metal
hook torn from
someone's wrist.

That's scary.
That's gross.

It's getting late.
We should get out of here.

I got another story.

WherGetting laid.hil?

Someone should
go and get 'em.

It's time to hit the road.

Oh, here's the romantic
couple now.

Oh, look, Halloween.

You guys are a bit
early, aren't you?

You've pushed this joke
a little too far creeps.


Where's Harold?

He and the others
should be here soon.

Well, let's just hang
out 'til they get here.

You wait here.

I just want
to look around.

Bob, be careful.

I'll be okay.

Bob, where are you?

Come back.

I'm scared.

Where the hell are they?

They said to meet
them behind
the Pawnbroker in the alley.

Well, where are they?

Are you sure they weren't
pulling your leg, Harold?

Hey, Bob wouldn't
mess with me like that.

He and Kim were
scared out of their wits.

Yeah, right, then you
must be the one with
the practical jokes.

Hey, I don't know about
you guys, but this place
really scares me.

Well, then,
cut out if you want.

They should be here
any minute.

Don't get so uptight,
all right?

We'll hang with you.


Let go of me.
Let go, now!

Let's get out of here.

What time is it?

It's two-thirty
in the morning.

How much longer
do you think
we should wait?

Well, if they don't
show in a few,
we'll leave.

Maybe we should
just go now.

I can't believe how many
hours we sat in
the alley last night.

Thank God Kim called me.

Yeah, he called
me this morning.

I mean, I knew he wouldn't
stick me on the meeting,
you know.

But, I was just afraid
something happened
to him permanently.

Yeah, I know.

Ah, wasn't that
story awful?

I can't imagine
how they feel.

I mean, we're
tired and everything,

but they must
be frozen with fear.

Well, I think they unfroze
enough to realize they need

a little balance
in their lives
right now.

Bob told me Kim was bent
on trying to relieve some of
the hysteria from last night.

Poor Kim.

Too bad she doesn't
have a release like you.


Food, yeah. Food!
Well, it helps me
to think, you know.

Helps me to conjure,

Yeah, release.

What do you say we release,
go get some breakfast.

Sure. I have to meet Kim
at the bikini shop later, but
I've got all sorts of time.

Okay, let's hit the road,
then, and...

BOTH: Release.

What can I get you guys?

Let's see,
I am totally starving.

I'll have a, ah,
triple burger,
orange slush,

large fry, extra ketchup,
eh, onion, chili dog with
saurkraut and onions, yeah.

What do you want?

What can I get
for a nickel?

Hey, I'm starving,
all right?

He's always hungry.

Ah, she'll have a double
burger, ah, fries and a coke.

Yeah. Let's go sit over here.

In the back?

Yeah, let's sit back there.

There's a couple of things
I want to talk to you about.

Are you sure?
I mean, before you eat?

Ah, come on, Judy.

You know, Judy,
I'm getting really worried
about this murder business.

I mean. Bob and Kim
came over my house last night.

They stumbled upon some
really bizarre information.

I mean, really frightening.

Am I going to be able
to eat my burger here

or should I wait?

Hey, come on,
I'm serious now.

I mean, I think
we can help them.

I know it's doubly
important now.

Another murder last night
right in the middle
of a beach party!

These morons
are getting a little too
aggressive for my tastes.

You're really concerned,
aren't you, Harold?

Yeah. I mean,
I hope we have
enough food here.

No, I'm serious.

Do you really think
you can help them?

Well, if my computer skills
are finely tuned,

which I know they are,
and with the doctor's notes
and the symbols,

ah, I think we
have a chance.

You know, well,
if I have enough
food and you,

I'll take over the world.

Me? If you have me?

Yeah, well, I kind
of thought we made
a good pair.

Did I have
my signals crossed?

Green lights over here.

Green lights all the way.

See, same size.

We just ate.ger.

Let's roll. I better
get you over to
the bikini shop.



This seat taken?

I've been saving
it for you.

If you really want to go on
and find out what the hell
is going on,

I'll go with you.

Okay, but we got
to look at this as
a military operation.

Okay, we're a hundred percent
behind you and Kim.

Gather around,
monster hunters.

Oh, boy,
high adventure.

Okay. Now, I've discovered
some interesting facts
from the doctor's notes.

It seems the doctor
discovered he
had vampire...

Book of the dead.

What does that mean?

It's a history book,
if you will,

of the vampires
through the ages.

It seems the book
is a recipe book

on how to bring
back all the foul dead
throughout history.

Bring back the dead?

Go on, this is getting good.

Okay, the book is a way
to resurrect the dead.

There's to be an army
from hell to take
over the world.

This is fantastic.

Who's in charge of the plan,
the leader?

The notes don't say.

Well, did the doctor say how
to stop these vampires?

It doesn't look like
he had the time.

Looks like this book was
pretty important to someone.

Hey, whoever has it now

probably has a mad scheme
to use the full power
of the book.

Well, what are
we going to do now?.

Well, we have to deal
with the facts.

We don't have
the help of anyone.

We gotThat's crazy.ok back.

Bob's right.

I'm not much into
black magic,

but I do know the book
holds some type of power.

And, in the wrong hands,
it could be bad news.

We've got one more set
and then let's all meet
at my place.


Take me to him.



What have you brought me from
the world of the living?

Master, here
is the fire of hell

and I bring you
the passion of love.

Drink, my

You have done well
this time, my Demos.

DEMOS: Thank you. Master.

Now, what is this I hear of
the mortal ones that escaped.

Nothing, Master.

Your eyes and ears
has reported nothing that
should alarm you.

Just two
young kids
that will die.

The girl,

I want her brought to me.

She will be mine.

You may leave.

Come to me,
my beauties

I will give you the
kiss of eternal love.

The best time to strike
would be in the daytime.

Yeah, it seems the only
time they do anything
is at night.

Right. Vampires can
only move about
at night.

I don't think we should
wait for anything
else to happen.

I want to go now.

All right. I'm going in.

No, you're

I'm not waiting behind.
If they get you, they get me.

Well, okay.

But, remember,
we're only going
in for the book.


Okay, we all have
our orders, Captain.

I'm splitting.

Judy, want a ride home?

Yeah, you guys,
I'm going with Harold.

Well, we'll see you
all later at the
gates of hell.



Where the hell
are Clark and Wynette?

Hey, this is pretty heavy

They probably came
to their senses and are
at home under their beds.

We can't wait for them.


That's the door.

Oh, I forgot the tools.

Hurry up.

JUDY: We should have never
gone back into those tunnels.

If only Clarke and Wynette
had waited for us, things
might have been different.

This is it.

Okay, you guys
got in last night,

we'll get in tonight.

Hurry up, let's go.

You heard the lady.

You sure this isn't
an afterhours club?

Real funny, Harold.

Cut the comedy
and let's get going.

Everybody stick


This place is just like
it was yesterday.

Wait a minute,
there's got to be more
to this place than this.

There's got to be
another way in and out.


You have brought
me fresh humans.



You little mortal fools.

Where'd he go?


You think you can stop
my master's power

of taking over this earth?

Who's your master? We thought
you were the king scumbag
around here.

Falto, master supreme
of the undead,

will take your girlfriend

as his love
mate in hell.

You're crazy.

Why don't you
just kill us now
and get it over with?

You time will come
soon enough.

Now, I have work
to attend to.

Take them below
to the devil.

Nobody even knows we're down


Nobody even knows that
we are down here.

Are you convinced now
that we're not crazy?

I wish you were crazy
and we'd all be laughing
about this.

We're going to die.

Don't worry, Judy,
we'll get out
of this somehow.

That maniac
up there has got
to be stopped.

Anyone can see that
his followers are just
a bunch of losers.

He's the only one
with demonic power.

How do you know that?

I haven't seen anyone else
use it other than him.

But, he does talk
about his master, Falto.

Oh, great, there's another
moron we've got to find,

the master vampire.

We've got to get out of here.
The old prison break.

Who's got matches?
I need some matches.

I don't smoke.

I got a couple of packs.

Oh, let's have 'em.

I'm making a bomb.?

I'm getting out of here.

Who are you going
to use it against?

You hear those
punkers outside?


One of us can get out
of here with this.

Throw it at their feet
and blow those guys
to smithereens.

We'll be set.

So how does one
of us get out of here?

No problem.

You've got guts, Kim.

Well, it's the only
plan we've got.

Hey, you party animals,
I want to dance.

I want to drink.

Come get me
you big slime bucket drooler.

What's your name,
you bit ugly sack?

My name is Richard.

My friends call me Richard.

The ladies call me Dick.

What you ask for
is what you get.

Well, you've got
to come fetch me first.

You've got to open
the door if you think
you're going to get any.

Oh, I'll open the door

and when I do,
I'll get everything I want.

Talk, talk, talk.

It's got nothing to do
with talking, lady,

I'll be right back.

I think he likes me.
I mean a lot.

I wonder how he kisses?

Here he comes
with his friend.

All right, everybody
move back

so I can take my date
out for a walk.

Where are we going?

We're going to the mud room.

That's where
we're allowed to do it.

Well, what if I told you I
wanted to screw all of you

right here, right now.

I told you.

It's not allowed.

Well, maybe
I can convince you
to break a few rules.

Watch this.

It's great, hah?

Hey, we're
not allowed do it here.

I told you.

This really pisses me off.

Yeah, well, it's better
to be pissed off
than pissed on.

Have it your way.

I don't believe it.
A pipe bomb from
a book of matches

and some junk.

It's a good thing those
guards weren't too swift.

The book.


You are a lot of trouble.

Now, you die.

You kids are
very naughty.

Guard, guards.

JUDY: Well, we got the book
back, but somehow
we lost Clark and Wynette.

Okay, let's see
what the old computer
can tell us.

This is gonna take some time.
Why don't you send out
for a pizza.

GIRLS: Yeah.

Okay, I'll do it.

You want to play
a game of backgammon?

Come on.

Come on, Harold.

Hello, yeah, I want
to order a pizza.

Ah, large, everything on it.

Ah, seven-eighty

Great, thanks.

Can't you hurry that up?

I'm burning through this
as fast as I can.

Will you just relax, Bob.

I'm getting totally

Bob, everything's
going to be okay.

I can just feel it.

Hey, I'm making some real
progress here now.

What have you got?

A lot of reoccurring
phrases and symbols.

Judy, give me a hand.
Grab aSure.and pen.

Speed it up, I'm sure
they're not too
far behind us.

Oh, great, here it comes.


It's okay,
it's probably
the pizza man.

I'm coming with you.

Who is it?

Your pizza's here.

Excuse me.

Are you alone?
Is anybody with you?

Ah, no, I'm by myself.

How much is it?

Eleven dollars
and sixty-four cents.

Is that it?

Ah, no, could you
open the door

so I could give you
your double meat
and cheese pizza?

No, just shove it through.
It will fit.


And, don't call and
bitch about the mess either.

Shut up and Thanks. the pizza.

Oh, great,
I'm starving.

Okay, we open
to this page.

And everyone gather
around the book.

Zorastus, northrus,
domas, norty, damus.

Ah, shitus,
damn it to hellus.

Careful with those chants.

Okay, here goes..

Zorastus, northrus, domas,

norty, damus.


Is that it?

I don't think so.

I told you to be careful
with those chants.

How the hell was
I supposed to know
this was going to happen.

You have summoned
me from my very long sleep.

Oh, my God,
another vampire?

My children
do not be afraid.

Are you Gnordron,
high priest of the undead?

What have you
summoned me for?

I'm cold.

I can imagine.

How did you happen by this?

A priest by the name
of Demos had it.

We stole it from him.

And Demos stole
it from our temple.

Demos has not changed
over these thousands of years.

Tell me,
why am I here?

Demos has a plan to revive
all of the earth's undead
and take over the planet.

Then you must stop him.

You will die.


KIM: Oh, again?
Bob, Harold!


We must strike now while
Demos least expects it.


Demos is very powerful
in the black arts.

Do not grow careless.
Come let us go.

For all you have done
for me, my children,

you may have them.

JUDY: Once we got there,
Gnordron went after Demos

while we split up
to look for Clarke
and Wynette.

We, ah, found
more than we were
bargaining for.

Woo hoo!

Finally you have arrived.

Demos, you must leave
this place and give up
your evil plan.

I am on the threshold
of the greatest achievement
that God has ever done.

You are not a God.

You are a perversion
of all our people have
stood for centuries.

You are a disgrace and shall
be forever stricken from
the "Book Of The Dead".

Give that to me.
It's mine.

It belongs to the brotherhood,

and was not meant
to be the single tool
of a madman.

Don't anger me, Gnordron.

I am the servant
of one stronger
than either you or I.

You are too late.

Destroy them.

Children, you must flee
for your lives.

Who the hell are you?

You may leave us.

Who are you?


Your lord and master.

I have chosen
you to be
my death mate.

What have you done to Bob?

You will soon forget your
earthly joys, pleasure as well

as all the pain.

I will give
you eternal life

and death's passion kiss.


There is your kingdom.

Falto, you have used
your powers to gain entrance

to the mortal world.

It is forbidden as is written
in the "Book of the Dead".

You are old and your battles
are many,

but your strength
is no match.

Come and I will sell
your soul to roam eternity.

Yes, I am old,

but I still command
the cross of death.

Judy, get the lid.

Oh, my God.

Ugh! Sorry.

Let's go, get it, get it.

Oh, God.


Hitler! Let's go.

Last one. Come on now.

Bull's eye.

Oh, my God,
it's Clark and Wynette.

Let's get 'em.

Are you guys okay?

Hurry, we don't have time.

Hurry up, we have
to get out of here.

Hurry! Hurry! Hurry up,

we've got to get
out of here. Come on.


Are you guys okay?

What a finale?

It's the best party
I have ever been to.

Ah, I'm just too wired.

Let's go back
to Bob's and party.

No, I don't think so.

You want to go
back to my place.

And fiSure.e champagne.

Bye, you guys.

See you.

Well, what about you guys,
you party animals, let's go.

It is almost dawn.

We're kind of tired,
aren't we, Wynette.

Yeah, we're tired.

We'll see you
after the sun sets tonight.

You guys are going to go home
and go to sleep after
everything that's happened?

Come on, Judy,
the ladies obviously
need their beauty rest.

See you later, guys.


Look, why don't
you two just go home.

There is nothing more
you can do here.

We'll take good
care of him


Come on,
Judy, lets go

Judy, I'm starved.
Let's stop and get a bite.