Vampire Party (2008) - full transcript

Around the country,
temperatures are above average.

We expect 27 degrees Celsius in Lyon,

19 degrees in Bethune,
31 degrees in Cagnes-sur-Mer,

23 degrees in Dunkirk.

Violent storms are expected...

The following strange story
is that of Sam Polisatokoniminsky.

Sam's a normal guy, Capricorn,
size 9 shoes.

But he has an idiosyncrasy:

He's a confirmed party animal.

Night after night, Sam parties...
a friend's birthday party...

A shower gel launch...



A restaurant opening...
An IBM farewell bash...

Sam can smell a cocktail
even with a bad cold and in a storm.

Sam never parties without Alice,
his friend from high school

and physical education.

She's forgotten Phys Ed

to concentrate on her physique
and teach aerobics.

Day after day,
creating a dreamy silhouette,

dynamite legs, pert little breasts,

luscious thighs, and tight,
Burkina Faso coconut buns!

Hello?

Mom! Of course I'm coming Sunday
with the meringues.

Gotta go. I'm at work. Big hug.

Where was I? Oh, yes...

Guys like Alice. As you can see,
they love her classes.



As a result, Alice accumulates
love affairs that all end...

Badly!

Let's take a break.

Hello?

Alice, it's Sam.

Hi, Sam.

- What's going on tonight? Any ideas?
- Not tonight.

Prune's lined up a cool bash.

By "cool," I mean open bar.
No big deal.

Any chance I can come?

- Maybe after?
- I'm seeing Alban afterward.

Listen, I must get back to work.

Let's go, guys.

That's it, yeah!

When it comes to parties,
there's Prune.

I'm sorry.

They met in high school.

But it was at the Stardust
that Prune won Sam's eternal devotion.

She makes the best Daiquiri in the world.

But the gift is a secret.
Today, Prune works at a bank.

Though Prune loves her job,
she hasn't stopped partying.

Only through professionalism
can she combine them perfectly.

One could say that, over time,
she's become an expert.

Hello?

It's the hospital.
My father's had a terrible pony accident.

He's at death's door.

Shit, Sam!
I said not to call me at work.

Last time my aunt was dying.
Today it's my dad.

If this continues, I'll be an orphan.

Is there a party tonight?
Alice said there was.

We only get to go because we're girls.

Fine, I get it.
I'll manage on my own.

Right. Ciao.

That moment sealed the fate
of our three friends.

Sam could have skipped this night
and avoided the trouble that ensued.

But nobody stops Sam Polisatokoniminsky
from going to a party.

Nobody!

VAMPIRE PARTY

How are you?

Not good.

What happened?

It's all over with Alban.

The asshole dumped me!

- And you were in love with him?
- Madly.

We met at an aerobics competition
in St. Leu.

We chose the same choreography...

We were connected!

Definitely.

I'll be like you. You're always alone,
never with anyone.

In the end, you're happier than me.

- Definitely.
- Surprise!

Well, girls, no bouncer
was gonna keep me out.

You don't look so hot!

I'm going to dance.

What did he say?
Did he say why?

Well, he said I'm...

He said I'm a nice girl.

In other words, a pain.

Am I a pain?

No! You're decent, balanced,
responsible, hard-working...

A pain, in other words.

If this goes on, I'll end it all.

But the sales are in three weeks!

- Really?
- Yes!

Hey, Sam, how would you describe Alice?

You're a nice girl.

I need a tissue.

I don't know what cad hurt you.
Your tears must be dried.

Thank you.

Here...

It's a party my friends are giving soon.

I'd be very happy to see you there.

You'll soon forget Alban.

Who?

- Holy shit!
- What?

You hit the jackpot.

- Medici Night.
- First invite I've seen.

Have you heard of it?

It's an urban legend.

We've all heard of it,
but no one's been invited.

Your invite's worth a fortune.

See? I told you.
And he's just invited you!

Gentlemen don't like seeing
a lady cry, that's all.

Have you still got your pepper spray?

Who's the boss?

- Great!
- It worked?

- Your tears upset him?
- He didn't give a shit.

I stole them from his jacket.

Medici Night. Shit!

Medici Night!

I see you studied at Princeton University.

Very good résumé.

English, German, Spanish, Chinese...

- You'll go far.
- Thank you, Sir.

First, go get me some coffee.

Espresso. No sugar. Many thanks.

Journiac?!

I hope I've not come at a bad time.

Impressive office, Lefranc.

Your new job seems to suit you well.

Tell me what you want.

I've come to help you.

I imagine it must be torment for a man
of your standing to be indebted to us.

You'll finally show us your gratitude
for putting you here.

It's an invitation to a party.

Be there, Lefranc. Without fail.

Don't give me gray hairs
from worrying about you.

Is the secret mystery party here?

No, but apparently,
we leave from here. Look.

Think we're going by helicopter?

Great!

Excuse me. Good evening.
Sorry to bother you...

I bought my invitation on eBay...

I was looking for a fondue set, actually.

I love it, and my grandmother's
from Chambery...

That's how I got my invitation on eBay.

I'm alone, so would you mind
if we went together?

No, not at all.

Cool! Time for a photo.

Ready? There you go!

My name's Edouard.

Prune. Delighted.

- Sam.
- Delighted.

Alice.

Oh, I get it, you sell souvenir photos
after the party.

Not at all.
Photography's just a hobby.

Before, it was hand-painted
clown figurines.

The biggest collection in all Europe.

Goodbye.

Mrs. Conti?

That's enough, George.
Stop following me!

I'm going to this party.

Listen, Mrs. Conti...

Call Carlos.
Tell him I don't need a bodyguard!

Sorry, Madam.
I can't let you run any risks.

With my heels,
I won't be running anywhere!

May I?

Good evening.

- Serge Krinine.
- Delighted.

I'm a dentist. Dental surgeon.
I mean, stomatologist.

In fact, I'm also an orthodontist
and prosthetist. But I'm oversimplifying.

- Do you know the difference?
- No.

I'll explain.

In dentistry,
there's a host of disciplines.

Each one is a specialty in itself.

Where are we going?

Who cares? That's the magic.

Just go with the flow!

Common facial dysmorphoses
are prognathism, or protruding jaw,

and retrognathism,
or the jaw goes too far back.

Another malformation often encountered:

the cleft palate,
commonly called "harelip."

Talk about international class!

- Look over there!
- Where?

There, the castle.
That's where we're going.

Then the anesthetist said,

"Serge, stop immediately,
or I'll give him some Rhinopal 200...

Instead of Niposilium."

We sure laughed!

Who's hosting? Martha Stewart?

This had better be good.
Imagine trying to get a taxi...

Damn, this is no joke.

- Shit!
- What?

- I can't find my invitation.
- That's dumb.

I must have left it in the helicopter.
See you inside, OK?

- Super.
- See you!

Wait!

Good evening.

- Your name, please?
- Krinine. Serge Krinine.

Serge Krinine?

I'll tell the Duke that you're here.
He adores you, as do I.

Have a nice evening, Mr. Krinine.

I hope you'll have a moment to tell me
how one becomes the star of dentists.

Want to know how I did it?

With pleasure.

A good dentist must always give
oral pleasure.

See you tomorrow.
Wait for me here.

And get me some croissants.

Mr. Carlos won't be happy, Mrs. Conti.

I watch my figure all year.
One croissant won't make me fat.

- Your name, please.
- Jessica Conti.

The party awaits you.

Oh, you could have started without me.

Have a good evening, Mrs. Conti.

Thanks.

Mrs. Conti?

So far, Carlos' money has been enough,
but from here, you'll need an invitation.

Bye, Georges.

I'll be back.

Good evening, Sir.
Invitation, please.

Thank you.

That's fine. You can park.

My invitation!

Don't you understand?

Stupid!

Let's speak the universal language.
Understand this?

A Beretta 92.

That's funny.
I have the same one at home. I love it.

Italian manufacture.

12 round clip.

9 mm... Light, precise.

Sir? You okay?

Mr. Carlos? I've got an invitation.

I'm going to look around.

Good evening, Sir.

Good evening.

Sir?

The VIP entrance is that way.

Have a good evening, Sir.

Your pin.

I don't know about you,
but I adore reggae.

Maybe my Prince Charming is here.

Haven't you given up on guys?

A leopard can't change its spots.

When do we meet yours?

I'm waiting for him.

He'll show up with a rose
between his teeth.

Want one?

I just cased the joint.

A babe told me
that it's really cool up there!

Go for it!

Dear brothers, dear sisters.

It gives me immense pleasure
to welcome you this evening.

All these faces, so familiar to me.

Never, dear friends, has our community been
so strong and prosperous.

We are everywhere, from politicians
to shampooers, big bosses to hairstylists.

Every day, new names join the long list
in the Book of Pacts.

In truth, I'm telling you,
and I won't split hairs,

the day we reign supreme on Earth is nigh!

Meanwhile, let's enjoy the festivities!

Open bar!

Hey, you forget to return my invitation?

Your Lordship.

- Yes?
- Lefranc has arrived.

Good.

Put him in my apartment,
and make sure he stays put.

See that he's treated with consideration.

Take him up and make him comfortable.

Good evening.

My name's Serge Krinine.

I'm a dentist.
I mean, a dental surgeon.

Stomatologist...

I'm really an orthodontist,
but that's oversimplifying.

I don't know if you know
the different disciplines.

Sorry, Sir.
The upstairs is for VIPs.

Who are VIPs?
Someone with one of those?

Among other things.

I'll go and find some pins.

Come on. We're VIPs.

Sorry.

Well, he's a barrel of laughs!

I guess it's not negotiable.

Wait for me, I'll be back.

Dig in!

Sam, stop pressing your beer bottle
into my back.

Stop it!

Good evening.

Good evening.

I didn't think you'd come.

I'm really happy you're here.

I can see that.

A glass of champagne?

Thanks. I'd love one.

Good evening.

I was watching you.

So serious.
What are you thinking about?

The consequences of global warming.

Did you know that
when a bit of an iceberg falls off,

a family of polar bears can go with it?

Imagine that.

I find it horrid.

You're lovely when you're sad.

You have great bones.

Great buns?

Great bones.

- Are you foreign?
- No. Why?

With your accent, I thought...

A Bloody Mary, please.

Krinine?

Serge Krinine?

- Bingo!
- Michel Shaffner.

I noticed you immediately.
In our game, you're a celebrity.

Are you in prostheses?

No, but I know all your work.

I'm a big fan.
Alain Delon's maxillofacial work?

Elton John's premolars?

The idea of gap teeth to launch
Beatrice Dalle?

Magnificent!

It's funny.
You're my second fan tonight.

You've got many fans tonight.

In our line, we're all into teeth.

What's your line?
Explain it to me.

You all work for Colgate?

It's a denture convention?

You're related to Dracula?

Dracula? No, that's the competition.
Quite different.

We're out of Bloody Mary.
Try a Bloody Chantal.

That'd be perfect.

Have a good evening.

That was so good.

I couldn't wait.

I really wanted to suck him.

I just sucked him up.
Got every drop.

May I?

I've had my fill.

And that's the fifth one
I've sucked tonight. I've had it.

Have a good evening.

The fifth...

- How many are at the bar?
- About 400.

400?

How will you make them disappear?

We've chartered a plane.

Let's just say it'll take off,
but it won't arrive.

Who'll swallow an accident story?

That's why we need you.

Step this way.

Your jacket, please.

The Duke wants to ensure that you stay.

It'd be a pity if one of us thought
you were the buffet.

What are you afraid of?

You'll be fine as long as you stay
in this room.

Here.

Put these on, and we'll say no more.

You seem to be used to handcuffs.

I remind you that
I'm the county's number-one cop.

What about nipple clamps?
Do you like them with handcuffs?

Look at his neck.

See that?

Shit...

What the hell is this?

Let's find Alice and get out of here.

I just had some Chinese...

And I'm having trouble digesting him.

Hey, guys! I found my invitation.

I'm so happy to...

To see you again...

Wait, I want to dance, too!

Meet me on the stairs.

Don't ask. We're going. It's creepy!

My, is it warm in here.

Mind if I get comfy?

This floor heating is so suffocating.

My goodness.

You must be dying in those pants.
Aren't you?

The Duke said to make you comfy,
so I'll do my job.

Don't touch me! I'm fine!

You know the Duke.
An order's an order!

He said to make you comfortable.

- What are you doing?
- Making you comfy.

Do you know what's great
when you're really hot?

Ice on the pubis.

You're in luck. We've got some.
I'll be back.

Meanwhile, I'll slip into
something more attractive.

I'm not hot. I'm not hot!

I'm not hot at all!

You're nuts, wanting to dance in here.

We want an exit. Get in.

Sorry.

Shit!

What is all this?

Why don't we go back and dance?
There's some good music.

- You're no fun!
- What are these clothes?

How do you explain that?

Why are our coats in trash bags?
Weird.

Dear friends, it simply means our hosts
don't plan on letting us leave here alive.

What do you mean? Who are you?
Why are you here?

Like you, I'm hiding.

I'm delaying the final crunch.
Petit-four?

Is there sugar in it?

I'll call the cops.

I tried already.
Cell phones don't work.

No signal.
They must be scrambling it.

Alice! I found you at last.

Come and dance.

No, thanks, but she doesn't want to.

Stop, you're wrinkling my shirt!

Why do I always get the crazies?

Come on, there are lots of other girls.

But your blood is O Negative.

It's so rare.

In the club that night, right away
I smelled a nose of red fruits

and notes of vanilla.

That was deodorant.

And in the mouth a roundness, softness.

Lingering on the palate.

Time for a slow dance, Alice!

Do you think he's dead?

Pity. He seemed nice
without that wolf-head.

- We're in deep shit.
- Wait...

Let me think for a minute.

I've got it.

We snag his pin and go upstairs.

No. The bouncer saw us without pins.

Oh, yeah. Shit!

How about you?

No, I'm a star here. Krinine.
Serge Krinine.

Dentist, dental surgeon,
stomato-prosthetist.

Believe me, they love me here.

Good evening.

I'm taking some friends upstairs
to enjoy ourselves in peace and quiet.

Of course. Have a nice evening.

Cute, don't you think?

Cute enough to eat.

Good evening.

At first, I liked Carlos being a gangster.

Lawlessness excited me terrifically.

Bank raids? Drugs? Hold-ups?

No, not at all.

In fact, he sold
expired sausages illegally.

How disappointing for you.

Terribly...

I adore sausages.

Lately, for a few weeks now,
it's been worse. He doesn't...

Fulfill his conjugal duties?

Who knows?
I don't handle his paperwork.

In any case,
he doesn't touch me anymore.

I need to feel a man's body.

His skin, his warmth, his gentleness.

His hard muscle...

Let's go and put out this fire.

Okay. Could we make love first, though?

At the bistro today,
they had garlic snails.

I was meeting a girl,
so I had steak and onions.

Don't let us disturb you.
Just passing through.

Vampire films don't mention onions.

Have a nice evening.

The windows are blocked.

Shit, still no signal!

Let's look for...

The cellars.
Castles always have them.

And to get there, we pass the floor
where they're making blood sausage.

What an excellent idea.

A four "posture" bed!
How romantic!

I want you so much.

Take me donkey-style,
my little stallion.

- What are you doing?
- Sorry.

I can't help it.
My mother's a werewolf.

I prefer that.

If I don't mark my territory, I'm blocked.

You're sick in the head.

You're twisted!

Let's get down to business.

I don't know what came over me.
I'm embarrassed.

I was very crude. I'm sorry.

- It's over now. Let me in.
- You're totally sick.

What if you'd bitten me?
What would've happened?

I may not be vaccinated.

I'll control myself.
I give you my word.

I'll let you in.

But don't jump on me.

I don't want fur on my dress.

I lied, bitch.

You think I'm a mama's boy?

I lied, too.

I don't want a guy
with a lipstick-shaped penis.

What?

Hello, my name's Edouard.

Jessica Conti.

That'll do.

Sorry.

Are there many like him?

A whole pack downstairs.

Really? Hold it.

I'll call Georges. He'll fix it.

- We tried that.
- You know Georges?

- What do we do now? Split?
- What if he wakes up?

Does anyone know how to get rid of
these damn vampires?

Buffy uses a stake in the heart.

Where do we find one?

I've got this.

We said, "In the heart."

- "In the heart."
- Just trying to help...

This might do the trick.

I'm not sure I can.

Want to try?

We can't do that.
We're not monsters.

You sissies. Hand it over.

I'm a country girl.
Chickens, vampires, it's all the same.

All right, his goose is cooked!

How can you think about food
at a time like this?

Anyway, I think he's dead.

Let's get out of here.

Wait, wait!

Let me think for a minute.

Yeah, we won't hang around here.

Let's try upstairs.

Go on. In my condition,
I'll only slow you down.

You're right. Good luck, Serge.

Wait, I think I feel better.

I think it's healing.

Wait.

I have to do everything.

I smell trouble!

That's normal. It's moldy.
Old castles always smell.

Dear friend!

Krinine. Serge Krinine.

I imagine a lance in the gut
must be nasty.

I suffer from renal colic,
and that's very painful.

You broke my bridge, you idiot!

We said, "In the heart!"

Help! Is anyone there?

Help!

They won't like this.

You're telling me.
Their carpet's totally ruined.

Help! Come in.

Paul Lefranc?

- That's me.
- Why are you handcuffed?

The Duke invited me.

When I arrived, they tied me up.
No photos!

Mr. Minister, I'll help you.

What are you doing here?

I'll explain.

I'm a dentist, dental surgeon—
I mean, stomatologist.

I'm also an orthodontist-prosthetist.
But I'm oversimplifying.

Do you know the difference
between the disciplines?

I'll explain.
First, there's paradontics...

By my blood and soul,

I swear to serve the cause
of the immortals...

Signed, Catherine de Medici!

Where?

Here, in the book!

Catherine de Medici's signature.

August 24, 1572,

Tonight's the anniversary.

You know what happened in 1572?

No.

She had thousands of Protestants
massacred.

She made a pact with vampires.
They did the killing for her.

Sorry, that's me in Mauritius.

And tonight is August 24th.
They're here to celebrate.

It's crazy...

Look what I found.

A dumbwaiter.

It must go to the kitchen.

It wasn't me.

Shut up and don't touch anything!
Don't try to help.

I got it!

There, now it's coming.
It's coming.

- I feel it coming.
- It's coming!

It's coming!

It came...

What are you doing?

It seems important.
It could come in handy.

Let's go before they show up!

- I thought my last hour had struck.
- No, that was the book's alarm.

Move it! There's a door over here.

Lordship, Lefranc's disappeared
with the Book of Pacts.

Find Francis for me right now.

Listen carefully.
I'll have a mud mask to relax my scalp.

A shampoo with conditioner
takes two hours.

If Lefranc and the book aren't back
by then, I'll rip out your hearts.

Let me help.

My God!

Great!

No, let's try that one.

Wait.

We try a surprise attack,
and you always knock into something.

Can you explain that?

One guy says to another guy,

"My son's been walking
for three months now."

The other guy says,
"Really? He must've gone far."

Not Japanese again!
I'm tired of eating the same thing.

One blond says to another blond,
"I took a pregnancy test."

The other says,
"Really? Were the questions difficult?"

Jean-Claude! Patrick!

The battery's dead...

Garlic!

Such an old wives' tale.

And perfectly ineffective.

Dumb broad.

I think it's over.

Alice...

Oh, Alice!

I was counting on her.

You had a little crush. Is that it?

You're still young. You'll see.

Girls in your life...
there'll be hundreds, dozens.

You'll have others.

Edouard?

Your teeth... They're...

Yellow!

- There you are.
- Tell me she's alive.

I think so.

You don't look so good.

I ate some garlic.
I think I'm allergic.

I know I'm allergic to nuts, but not this.

Your uncle's been looking for you.

I was tracking a group of guests
trying to get away.

They stole the Book of Pacts.

Sir, I found a fugitive.

He's dead.

Yeah, some guy named...
what was it again?

Krinine. What a pain!

Your uncle wanted that pain
to be one of us.

What?

If nobody tells me,
how am I supposed to know?

Listen, Eddie, you're still young.

You don't understand these things.

But if you were three centuries old,
with fangs falling out,

you'd appreciate
a dentist in the community.

Well, I'll have to tell your uncle.

What? No, please, I'm begging you.
Not my uncle!

Sorry.

My coccyx!

You have lousy aim!

Will it hurt? I'm sensitive...

It's like giving blood.

Can I have a sandwich afterward?

- Come on! Hurry up!
- Quick!

Where's Jessica?

They got her.

Edouard?

What happened?

Where's the creep
with the moustache?

I whacked him.

He was going to bite you,
so I attacked.

I grabbed an ax
and hacked off his head.

And Krinine?

Krinine's dead.

That bastard got him.

I thought you said that you axed him.

Yes... yes, yes, yes, yes.

In fact, he was still alive.

He dragged himself to Krinine, killed him,
and only afterward did he die.

Without a head?

Yeah, he was a tough one.

But what do we care?
We're still alive!

But what if we only had a minute before
the vampires burst in and killed us? See...

A minute?

Yeah, not exactly...
Maybe more.

But it's my first time,
and I'm nervous.

We've a minute to live,
and you want to screw me?

- What a sicko!
- What's wrong? Don't you like me?

That's not the problem.

OK, tell me, what's your ideal man?

I don't know... long blond hair,
bright blue eyes,

and especially much shorter than me.

Don't go on. I get it.

Edouard, I... I'm sorry.

- No, not you!
- Yes, me!

How could you?
You're a pervert.

These parties bore me.
I love what happens before.

When you begin to get it,
fear mounts, tears— it's fun!

But then comes the dinner...
we massacre and massacre. So repetitive!

You're worse than they are.
You're a monster!

You don't know what it's like.

Let me have a bite, and you'll see.
You'll be immortal.

Wait!

Young, 'til the end of time!

Botox isn't for dogs.

What's going on?

She's mine!

Never! I'll die first!

I challenge you to a duel.

Okay. What kind?

Rock-Paper-Scissors?

Who can piss the furthest?

We're not 12 anymore.

Okay, swords.

D'Artagnan was in my dad's class.
We're a sword family.

I'll have my revenge!

Ouch! Damn it!

Alice?

Alice?

Alice?!

Aw, how sweet.
She's praying for help.

Not exactly.
I was blessing the water.

You have to be a priest to bless water.

When I was 12, I fell for
Richard Chamberlain in The Thorn Birds.

I wanted to be a nun.

I learned my prayers by heart.

I was expelled for French-kissing a monk,
but you're not supposed to know that.

We'll never get out of here.

We'll all die.

Keep it together.

Where's Alice?

Where is she?

What happened to her?

We'll find a solution, I swear.

The good guys always survive
in the movies.

Not Obi-Wan Kenobi.

Can that book help us?

Names, names... it's crazy.

They all had a pact with the vampires?

Worlovsky, Hernandez, Horloff,
Stevens, Fruchard...

Lefranc!

Give me that book.
You've done enough damage already.

Are you okay?

That bastard!

I'm Paul Lefranc, the Duke's friend!

I'm coming up. No funny stuff.
Put away your fangs.

Kindly take me to the Duke.

There was also your friend,
Stephane Robert,

who got away, along with...

Lordship, it's frightful!

I know.
The conditioner frizzes out my hair.

You don't look so hot yourself, Francis.

It's nothing. An allergy.
I think it's edema. I'm puffing up.

It's frightful... Krinine is dead!

- Dead?
- Slain.

- Butchered?
- Iced.

Duke, thanks to me, we've found
the Book of Pacts. It's in the cellar.

Let's go.

Not you.

Our guests' plane crashes in four hours.
You've an official statement to prepare.

Mr. Brunello will be with you
for the inquiry.

We wouldn't like our name involved.

Don't worry, Lordship.
He'll have me on his back.

We'll never get through.

Look. This part looks different
from the rest.

It's some sort of magic incantation.

It's Greek to me.

No, it's Latin.

Prune! What's happened to us?

Vampires don't always turn into bats.

Help! I can't die as a hamster!

I'll try another incantation.

Hurry, I'm dying for some celery.

What the hell is this?

Go on, try another one.

What kind of shit is this?
Let's try another.

Hold on. I have an idea.

Climb through.
Give me your hands!

Pull!

My book!

Go around! Catch them!

You okay? Come on.

Can't we try another incantation first?

Run! They've gone to the right!

Follow them!

Sorry, Lordship,
I think the showers are to the right.

You question me? I know the cellars
like the back of my hand.

The door!
It's freezing in here.

Straight ahead.
Catch them! Hurry!

Actually, before we die,
I should tell you something...

I've always loved you.

Except during your baggy jeans phase
in high school.

Otherwise...

Go on!

My book! The hell with you!
Give back the book!

No matter where you go, I'll find you!

How about another incantation?

These Lycra pants are hurting my balls.

What I like about Mallarme
is his hair-raising romanticism.

Leaving without saying goodbye?
Not very polite.

Why hide behind that tree?
Come on, I saw you!

No use hiding.
We're fine together here.

You little slut!
You've discovered my secret.

Now you know why my uncle
hates me so much.

With his magnificent hair,
he considers me the family misfit.

Naturally, when I first saw you,

I noticed your lovely hair
and the beautiful kids we'd have.

It's time to give my descendants some hair.

It's over, Alize.

You're zafe and zound.

Edvard! You're a wampire, too!

Why don't you fry in ze daylight?

I'm smarter than the others.

I've got my Clarins sunblock, anti-UV
and UVB, with deep skin hydration.

Give me back that book.

Hold it.

You must kill me first!

Nice rug.

I smell barbecue.

Give me back my sunblock!
My sunblock, quick!

I'm burning! Let it rain!

It's not working... Please!

Medici Night... holy shit!

Medici Night...

What's going on?

I'll explain,
but let's get out of here first.

Please, enough with
the incantations already!

- Okay.
- Thank you.

And that's how the tumultuous story
of Sam, Prune, and Alice ends.

What will become of our three friends?

Is Sam doomed to a horrible destiny?

Will the two hamsters be well-fed?

You'll find out...

What are you doing here?

LMFFWVO: Liberation Movement
for Films Without Voice-Over.

Die, you scum!

That's it! Now we can watch
the end of the film in peace.

Have a good evening, folks.