Valentine (2001) - full transcript

Valentine's Day 1988: At the school dance, geeky Jeremy Melton bravely faces one rejection after the other when asking four popular girls to dance with him. A fifth girl, plump and insecure, agrees, but they end up making out under the bleachers. When a group of school bullies catches them, the girl claims that Jeremy attacked her. This causes them to strip off his clothes and beat him up in front of the entire school. Flash forward to 2001. We meet the five girls who were in that school gym: Kate, Paige, Shelly, Lily and the formerly plump Dorothy. They are all in their 20's now and trying to sort out their love lives, which is appropriate, since Valentine's Day is coming up. After a disastrous date with a loser, one of the girls, a pre-med student, is murdered by a Cherub-mask wearing killer who sent her a death threat in the form of a Valentine card prior to the attack. After the four remaining girls are reunited at her funeral, they all start receiving threatening cards and messages. At first they don't know who would want to hurt them, but eventually they figure that maybe Jeremy is responsible. Police records show that Jeremy has completely disappeared, so no one knows what he looks like. Could the formerly nerdish Jeremy have had plastic surgery and turned into one of the girls' handsome boyfriends? Who ever it is, the lone survivor has to put a stop to this spurned individual's murder spree before she, too, becomes a valentine to die for.


Dance with me?

In your dreams,

Oh, Lily?

Wi... will you
dance with me?


Um, Paige?

W-w-would you
dance with me?

I'd rather be
boiled alive.

Hi, Kate.

Want to dance?

Maybe later, Jeremy.

Okay. Maybe later.

Hi, Dorothy.


Do you want to
dance with me?

Come on up here.

- Shh.
- Shh.

Check it out!

Thick and thin
gettin' it on.

That's nasty.

Like it, BuffaJo?
gettin' hot?

Stop it.
Get away from me.

Is Pervert at it again?
Perv attack you?

Yeah. Jeremy attacked me.
He attacked me.

Pervert jumped Buffalo.

I didn't know.


Come on,
let's get him!


Pound him!

Slap him in the face!

Get him!


It's simple, really,


You see...

from an evolutionary
point of view,

Jason looks for
an attractive young woman

because he wants
healthy children.

and a young woman
like yourself

looks for
a successful man

like Jason...

because she wants
to feel safe.


Jason has some, uh,
spinach in his teeth.




and so the species

I mean...

what else is there,


in the end?

In the end.


there's the check.

Check, please.


Can I get you
to get my car?

- Of course.
- Thank you.


No dessert?

Um, no.
I'm sorry, I have finals.

Oh, that's too bad.

- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.


Muy expensivo.

Let's see...
you had the salmon

and the crab cocktail.

I had the chicken
and the salad.

and that would be...


Okay, well,
thank you, Jason.

It was nice
to meet you.

What, that's it?

What's it?

Don't I get a kiss?

Excuse me?

It's just a little
frickin' kiss.

Oh, God.

Look, this "hard to get" shit
doesn't play with Jason.

You know, Jason,
I'm not a doctor yet,

but it's
my considered opinion

you seek
psychiatric help.


Says you.

Jason likes your dress.

Okay, Chad,

it's just you and me now.

I promise to be gentle.

Strong, silent type.
How refreshing.


Transversus abdominis.

Someone there?




Oh, God.


Oh my God.

You scared the shit
out of me.


Oh wow.

It's awfully late.

You gonna be okay
in here all alone?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
I've got Chad.

My corpse.


well, uh...

Good luck tomorrow.

Yeah, thanks. you too.


"The journey of love
is an arduous trek"

"My love grows for you
as you bleed from your neck"

That's nice.


that's really nice.


Aah! Aah!

Aah! Aah!



Oh, shit.

Oh my God. Stop!


Stop fucking around.


Uh... uh...



Aah! Aah!


Aah! No!


Come on, Kate.
You promised.

Paige, today at work,

I wrote a column about
computer monitor dust wipes.


Isn't that enough pain
for one day?

This isn't painful.

I mean, painful's
blind dating.

Painful's meeting
someone on the internet

and finding out that
6-footish really means...

5'4" with loafers.
I know.

Oh, Kate. You meet
thirty guys a night.

And you get thirty seconds
apiece unless you want more.

I mean,
it's brilliant.

It'll be fun.

I haven't really completely
broken up with Adam yet.

Oh, but you will.

Believe me, relationships
don't make U-turns,

and Adam's a drunk.

He's not a drunk.

He's a borderline
addictive personality

who happens to
like alcohol a lot.


All right. Fine.
Let's just do it already.

You know, my mother's family
dates back to the Mayflower.

I traced it myself.

She makes
her own turtlenecks.

She had nine children.

Awesome, huh?

She's, uh...

she's a pretty
amazing woman.


Left me out
in the goddamn blue.

Says she can do better.


I don't fulfill
her needs.


It's obvious to me...

girl's gotta
be a dyke.

Greatest team...

in the history of
professional football.

49ers. Yee-ha!

The Bible.

The Bible is the foundation
of morality and marriage.

I know what
you're thinking.

You do?

You're thinking you want
to get the hell out of here.

That's pretty good.

Hi there.

Hi there.

I'm Paige.


did my friend mention

that she's in
a serious relationship?

No, actually, she didn't.

But I'm free.

You are appalling,
you know that?

Hey, you had
your thirty seconds.

24. You took my last 6.

Oh, right.


Dorothy, you're never
gonna believe

what Paige made me do.


Oh my God.


Shelley Fisher
was taken long before her time.

we mourn not her loss,
but ours,

and so this is a time for
those of us left behind

to share our burden.

I never know what to do
in situations like this.

I'm really bad at it.

I know that we're
supposed to be...

takin' a break and all,

I just thought
you needed a friend.

I'm glad you're here.


So, um...

What do I do?

I'm sorry.


Front page.

Kate, that's for
Spencer Marks.

You remember.

I mean, we both started
on the paper together.

Look, anyway, they just named
him lead reporter on the Giants,

so I just got it for him
as a gift. That's all.


I'm sorry.
It doesn't matter.

Of course it matters.

Look, I haven't touched
a thing in three weeks.

I'm doing
really good, Kate.

So, uh...

You think we can...
get together this week?

Dinner or something?

I don't know.

Come on.
It's just dinner.

Not a marriage proposal.

Adam, the last time
you and I had dinner,

we ended up in a hotel in
Lake Tahoe for three days.

Oh, yeah. Right.


- That.
- Yeah.


I'll call you, okay?


- Take care.
- Okay.


He looks good, huh?

Kate, that boy
always looks good.

- Hey.
- Hey.

Was that Adam?

Please don't give me a hard
time about this right now.


Jesus, Paige.
It's a funeral.


Did you guys see
the police are here

talking to people?

Yeah, I know. So awful.

How are you doing,
Lily? Are you okay?

I don't know. I...

I can't believe
she's gone.

Excuse me, ladies.
I'm Detective Vaughn.

I understand you're
friends of Shelley?

Yeah, we've known her
since we were kids.

Care if I ask you
a few questions?

- Sure.
- Yeah.

When's the last time
you saw her?

Um, about a year ago.

- More like two for me.
- Same here.

Yeah, she was really busy
with med school.

You know anyone by the name
of Jason Marquette?

Who's that?

Shelley was with him
the night that she died.

Now he's missing.

Listen, ladies,

If you think of
anything, anyone...

just give me
a call, okay?

Okay, ladies.
Take care.




"Roses are red...

"Violets are blue...

"They'll need dental records
to identify you!"

Hey, Dorothy.

Oh. Hey, Campbell.

Come in.

Cozy little place you have.

Is everything okay?

Uh... well actually I feel
a little weird about this.

In fact, I tried
calling you earlier,

but you weren't home.

I need to ask you
a favor.


Well, my roommate,
he's left town,

and he hasn't been paying
his share of the rent.

So when I got home today,
I found out that all my stuff

had been thrown out
on the sidewalk.

Skis, CDs, clothes,
everything just gone.

And of course the timing
couldn't be worse

because every penny I have
is invested in this start-up.



Can you please make up
a guest room?

- Oh, no, Dorothy, I couldn't...
- Wait.

Did your father say?

No. I said.

Uhh, Dorothy, I'm embarrassed
about this.

- I mean...
- Don't be ridiculous.

Go get yourself
settled in,

and I will be
right there.


You're the best.



You're welcome.

Mmm, mmm, mmm.
Who's your friend?

His name is Campbell,
and I met him at yoga,

and he's off-limits.

So just let my dad know he's
staying here for a few days.

Is he the reason
you've been

spending all your time
on the treadmill?

Kim, you're not
my girlfriend,

and you're
not my mother.

I'm just taking an interest
in your life, Dorothy,

you know,
as your stepmom.

When you're old enough
to rent a car by yourself,

we can discuss your role
as my stepmother.

In the meantime,
don't talk about my sex life.

You have a sex life?

Yeah, I do, and I don't charge
by the hour like you.

How dare you!

Oh, get your
hands off me,

you mail-order bride
from hell.

Hey! Break it up,
you two.

She just called me
a mail-order bride from hell.


Well I don't even know
what she just called me.

It's okay, sweetheart.

You have to show
more respect to my wife.

But, dad, she...



Oh, come on.

Not today.



Murray, Murray, Murray.

Hi. You've reached Murray,

the super.
Leave a message.

it's Kate in 403.

So, I don't
have any water,

and I have to be at work
in a half hour,

and I've got crap
in my hair.

And... damn it!

are you there?



Of course.

Oh, God.


Perfect timing, Murray.



Hello, Kate.

Hi, Gary.

You look great, Kate.

How about
a date, Kate?

You can be my mate,

You're scary, Gary.

This could be
our fate, Kate.

hey there, Lily.

Hey there, yourself.

Thank you for
requesting my tape.

My name's Lance.

Hello, Lance.

I think
I'm perfect for you.

- Mmm.
- I'm outgoing, I'm fun,

I'm 6-footish.

I like board games,

I play a lot of,
uh, ocean sports,

you know, kayak...

Good-bye, Lance.

Better luck
next time, Lance.

Who is it?

Who is it?

There's nobody there.

Probably just Lance.

He doesn't clear
the peephole, remember?



- That's strange.
- They were fast.

Ooh, I bet
it's from Max.

The rose.


Let's see it.

"'Tis a well known fact
that beauty is skin deep,

savor the taste...
you are what you eat"

Well, that's sweet,
I think.

It's the strangest
valentine I've ever seen.

Oh, look,
it's not from Max.

Look, "J.M."

Must be for you.


Because you've covered much more
of the alphabet than I have.

Who's J.M.?

Bite me.
It's definitely for you.


You say it's for me,
it's for me.



John McCray.

Never even
made a pass at me.

Jeff Malik?

Hmm... not his style.

Jake Matheson.


Who is the guy who sent you
the computer virus?

Beckett Broda.

Oh... damn.

J.M., J.M., J.M.

Jeremy Melton?

Who's Jeremy Melton?

I'm kidding.

No, who... who's
Jeremy Melton?

Come on.
Sixth grade?

60 pounds...

buck teeth,

"You look so pretty,

He can't still live
in town, can he?

Lily, I'm kidding.

No, I know.
it's just...

what do you think
happened to him?

I don't know.
What does it matter?

It doesn't.

God, we were so horrible
to that kid.


All I know is,
that was nasty.


I'm talking maggots.

Actual live worms
inside the chocolate.

Well, at least
he left it at the door.

I swear, there was
someone in my apartment.

I'm telling you, you must have
left your door unlocked.

I mean, we were all
so looped by the time we left.

Yeah, but it still
freaked me out.

You should have
seen this mask.

Look what
we have here.

He's subtle.


You want to
come over?

Guess not.

- Bye.
- Hey, guys.

This is Max.

Hi, Max. I'm Kate.

Hello, Kate.

That'll do, Max.

I'm just
being polite, Paige.

So, isn't
the show great?

Yeah, it's great.

Better than
your last one.

You hate it.

No. N-no.

It's all right.

I hate it, too,

But an artist
has got to explore.


Max. I'm sorry.

We're having trouble
with the video playback

in the maze.


Forgive me.

- Mmm, girl.
- Mmm.


I'll be right back,
you guys.



I'm Paige.

Oh, hi, Paige.
I'm Campbell.

So, what brings you

to this fascinating
cultural event, Campbell?

That's a very good
question, Paige.

- Actually, I'm here with...
- Hi, guys.

I see you've met Campbell.

Yeah, Paige was just
hitting on him.

I didn't know.

Campbell, this
is Kate and Lily.

And I see you've
already met Paige.

Nice to meet
all of you.

The four of us all had headgear
and braces together.

Well, it seems

you've all turned
out all right.

Yeah, well.

- Can I get you a drink?
- Yes, please.

Dorothy, what else have you
been keeping to yourself?

Valentine's Day...

What does it mean?

What's it really about?

A celebration of true love?

It was really strange...

a cupid mask,
like a cherub.

Like at that
Valentine's Day dance?

What dance?

Junior high.
God, Jeremy Melton.

Oh, my God,
this is so weird.

We were just talking
about him this afternoon.


So, ladies
and gentlemen,

I hope you enjoy
your blind date.

If you would,

I need the ladies to go
to the left,

and the men to the right.

Ladies one side,
men the other.


Ladies one side,
men the other.


I really like
the abstract frames.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

What do you like to do?

Wow. What is wrong
with this guy?

- Dorothy!
- Sorry.

Look at that one.

What do you like to do?

What do you like to do?

What do you like to do?

This is like
a lingerie commercial.

That's his point.
It's art. Just keep going.

Love me.
Love me.

Love me.

Love me.

Love me.

Love me.




Who's that?

Hey, Amy.

That's Amy.

What do you mean,
"That's Amy"?

Get her out of here.

I invited her here.

Excuse me?

Please, relax.

What the hell
are you doing?

It's not like we're in
junior high school, okay?

Look, I've got to go.

I have an early
flight tomorrow.

I don't have
to deal with this.

Great. What...
what's the matter?

Oh, what's the matter?

Well, the problem is,
you turned out to be

a cheap,
hypocritical sleazeball.

Yeah, but you knew that.

So does this mean you're not
gonna be my Valentine?

Hold me.

Love me. Love me.

I'm so lonely.
Hold me.

Love me. Love me.
Love me. Love me. Love me.

'Til death do us part.

'Til death do us part.

To love until death...

Don't walk away
from me.

Don't walk away from me.

Don't walk away from me.

Don't walk away from me.

Woman, distorted:
Love me. Love me...

love me... love me...

I said I want
my money back.

Hey, leech,
I'm talking to you.

Listen, I have no idea
what you're talking about.

- Oh, really?
- That's right.

- Hey, is everything okay?
- Yeah.

Oh. Well, well.
If it isn't the latest victim.

Excuse me,
who are you?

That's none
of your business.

- She's no one.
- No one?

That's right,
I'm just the idiot

who's still waiting
for the return

on her internet

What did you call that
again, hmm?

Bleed Me Dry dot com?

Yeah, that's nice.
Okay, let's go, Dorothy.

Watch your back, leech.

Well, sorry
I couldn't make it.

You didn't
miss much,

Except for Dorothy's

getting attacked
by some crazy woman.

Oh, and some
really bad art.

I mean, this stuff
was basically porn.

That sounds okay.

I don't know, things have
just been really weird lately.

I mean, today I find
this cupid mask

in the elevator.
I turn around,

and there's my creepy
neighbor leering at me.

"Don't be late, Kate.
You're first-rate, Kate."

- That guy?
- Yes, that guy.

Every time I do
my laundry, he's there.

Day, night,
doesn't matter.

Knock it off.

And yesterday
I noticed

that my underwear
was missing.

Oh, yeah, don't worry
about that. That was me.

I like to try them on,
you know?

Makes me feel free.

I tap in to my,
you know, feminine side.

What's it gonna be

Can I please
have a Corona?

Just a club soda,

make that two.



what do you say?

I'm just asking you
for a chance, that's all.

I want to, Adam, but...

You drink. And you
get out of control,

and it scares me.

I've stopped.

I've changed.

So then it won't
make a difference

if you have
to wait a little.


I don't get it.
We told you,

we haven't seen Shelley
in over a year.

How are we going
to help you?

Humor me.

By the way, wasn't there
another one of you?


She's out of town.

These are remembrance cards
sent to the parents.

Take a look at this.

It's odd.

Jeremy Melton.


Jeremy Melton,

Who's Jeremy Melton?

This loser
from sixth grade.

He and Shelley
were friends?

that's the thing.

we haven't seen him
in years.

Why would he send
a card?

Because it's him.

It's Jeremy.

I got a valentine the other day,
and it was awful,

it was someone saying that
they were gonna kill me,

and it was signed "J.M."

Ours, too... the card
in our chocolates.

You both received
threatening notes signed "J.M."?

And after I tell you I'm looking
for a Jason Marquette,

you don't think
to mention it?

I thought
it was a joke.

Okay. Why would Jeremy Melton
want to hurt you?

Well, he attacked me
at a dance in junior high,

and he got sent to reform
school because of it.

Well, that would explain
why he threatened you,

but why go after Shelley?
Why your friends?

I don't know,
but he is.

You don't know that.

The truth is, some kid
that you all teased

in the sixth grade
is probably not worth

all worked up over.

But I'll go
check it out anyway.

You do that.

I'm next.
I know I'm next.

What are
you talking about?

Because Jeremy got
sent to reform school

because of me.

he attacked you.


He did attack you, right?

No. He didn't.

I just said
that he did.

Why would you
do that?

You guys wouldn't

Do you remember what
I looked like back then?

You... you were bigger.

Y-you were

- You were plump.
- I was fat, okay?

The only person
that looked at me

the whole night
was Jeremy.

And then when
those guys came up,

and they saw us
making out,

I couldn't bear it.
and so...

I lied.

And I said
he attacked me.

Dorothy, why didn't
you say something

about this to Vaughn?

I just couldn't.

Dorothy, I really
wouldn't worry about this.

Jeremy Melton couldn't
manage a water fountain

without screwing up.

I don't think he's capable of
an intricate revenge plot.


- Hi.
- God, you scared me.

What are you
doing here?

I thought we were
having dinner.

We are?

Oh, we are. I'm sorry.
I completely forgot.

I'm just a little

What's up?

Uh, it's probably

And you wouldn't
believe me if I told you.

So you think
it's far-fetched, right,

this whole Jeremy Melton/
Revenge of the Nerds theory?

I don't know.

Well, what should I do?

I'm thinking Mexico,
the two of us,

just 'til this all
blows over, all right?



- Want to come up?
- Yeah, I do, believe me.

I do...


I don't want you
to do something tonight

that you're going
to write off

as a weak moment

So... get upstairs
before I lose my will.


Don't worry about it,
all right?

gonna be all right.


Okay, so first you
guys get Melton shipped off

to reform school.

A year later,
he lands in juvenile hall.

Six months after that,
a state-run mental hospital.

That's awful.

You must have done
some number on him

at the dance, huh?

Where is he now,

No idea.
All we know

is that his parents
died in a fire

a couple years back.

Was he involved?

Don't know.
Ruled an accident.

Follow me. I want to
show you something.

I pulled a file photo,

and I ran some

Here we go.

That's him.


But know anybody
that looks like this?

Or this?

Or this?

Or this?

Brown contacts,
blue, green.

Beard, goatee,

Ten years
is a long time,

and that's not counting
the possibility

of plastic surgery.

Do you have any more
recent pictures of him?

If we did, don't you think
we'd be looking at them?

The point is,
this could be anyone.

Where's your friend Lily?

We told you,
she's in L.A.

What about Max Raimi?

What do you know
about that guy?

Just that
he's an artist. A bad one.

I know.
I've seen his work.

What about the rest of you?
Any boyfriends?

Paige, for example?

The short answer is no.

What about you?

Uh, sort of.

But I've known him

Meaning what?

Meaning, we used to work
at the same paper.

He covers the Giants.

His mother's a lawyer.
His father's a teacher.

They're from Seattle.

How's that?

What about you?

I have a boyfriend.

But I can guarantee you
he's not Jeremy Melton.

Why don't you
let me decide?

His name's Campbell,
and he's very smart,

and he's starting
his own internet venture.

And how long
have you known him?

A month.

And where
did you meet him?

At yoga, but it's a very
exclusive gym, okay?

Wait, I thought you said

that Campbell
was staying with you.

Well, he is,
but, you know,

his roommate didn't
pay the rent, so...

Dorothy, you met this
guy a month ago,

and he's staying
with you?

Excuse me, Paige,
but there have been guys

whose last names
you didn't know

that you let
into your pants.

I'm just letting
this guy into my house.

Well you don't have
to be bitchy.


So, while we're on
the topic, Dorothy,

what is Campbell's
last name?

You know, that's it.
This is bullshit.

And I don't have to
answer these questions.

I'll see you guys later.

That went well.

- I gotta go.
- Me too.

Paige, actually, I'd like
you to stay a moment.

am I in trouble, Detective?

You want to
interrogate me?

It'll just take
a second.

Talk later?

Sure, if I'm not
under arrest.

Please, take a seat.

So, Paige, what are we
gonna do about this?

I thought
that was your job.

You're the
detective, right?

I'm not talking about
the case, Paige.

Don't be coy.

I'm talking about this.



The tension?

The sexual tension.

Let's be frank.

Detective Vaughn.

Please remove your hand
from my thigh.

All right.

Where would you
like me to put it?

How about
up your ass?

Have a good day.

So you'll get
back to me on that.

Who the fuck are you?

It's not what it
looks like, brother.

Okay? Take it easy.
I am not well.


Here you go.

Hey, Happy
Valentine's Day.

Happy Valentine's Day.

I came by to
drop off gifts.

I would have been
here earlier,

but I spent most
of the afternoon

talking to
that detective.

It was very
romantic, actually.

I wanted to explain
about that.

Nothing to explain.

He's just talking to as
many people as possible.

Kate, don't worry
about it.

Listen, do you need a date
for Dorothy's party tonight?

Come on, you
don't want to go

to a Valentine's
party alone.


So where's my gift?

I picked it out

Very cute.

I got you
something, too.

Oh, you got
my suit cleaned.

Turn around.

"IOU... TLC."

That is outstanding.
Love that.

Can't get that
at the mall.



What the hell
are you doing?

What are you
doing here?

Detective Vaughn
is a disgusting,

lecherous scumbag.

What happened?

After you left, he put
his hand on my thigh.

Did you ask him to?

What do you think?

I don't know.


It's Dorothy.

Uh, hold on, Dorothy.
Paige is here, too.

Hey, Dorothy.

Kate nearly clubbed me
on the head with an iron.

They came for Campbell.

Yeah, I know.
they questioned Adam, too.

Listen, Kate,
did they call Adam,

or did they question him
for two hours?

'Cause now they've
requested that Campbell

not leave town
for a few days.

It's humiliating.

Did you give
Vaughn his name?


Well, then,
how did he get it?

He's a detective.

You know, you go back
and forth about Adam...

"should I or shouldn't I?"

Campbell's all I've got.

I don't feel like being dumped
before my party, Kate.

Come on, Dorothy,
just hang up the phone

and make it up to the guy
if he's so upset.

What do you mean?

Use your imagination.

Thanks, Paige.

you're welcome.

She's so ridiculous.

Do you need

It's detective
Vaughn, Kate.

Uh, sorry, Detective.

Uh, good news.
We picked up Marquette.

Oh. So does this mean
that it's Jeremy?

Well, we haven't started
the questioning yet.

But if it isn't Melton,

you're gonna keep
looking, right?

We're gonna keep pursuing
every angle on this thing.

Meantime, be careful.
Stay with your friends.

I'll let you know
when I've got more.

Thank you, Detective.


Picked up Marquette.

- What do we have here?
- Hey.

The plan is to have this
up and running by tonight.

I'm sorry about
this morning.

Oh, just don't even
worry about it.

it's not a big deal.


Happy Valentine's Day.

Oh. Dorothy, what...

I had no idea
we were exchanging.

Really, I'm embarrassed.
Do I have... do I open it?

- Mm-hmm.
- Okay.

Put it on.


You like it?

Do I like it?
What are you...

- Dorothy, I love it.
- Yeah?

♪ I guess the honeymoon
is over ♪

♪ and all the champagne
is gone ♪

♪ Lately...

Don't worry about it.

It's just I...

♪ and everything
seems wrong ♪

I'm gonna go take
a shower.

Oh, Jesus!

Now it's my turn.


It's so beautiful.

- Thank you.
- Mmm. Yeah.

So, listen, I have
that investor meeting.

But... you're leaving?

Well, just,
you know, for drinks.

It'll be an hour, tops.

But you have the militant
Millicent here,

and she's got her army
of caterers and workmen,

so I think
you'll be just fine.

Yeah, I guess.

All right.

Well, uh, do you
care to join me now?

Uh, it's tempting,
tempting, but, um...

I want to get a quick workout
in before my meeting, okay?

But I promise you I will be
back before the party, okay?

Evan Wheeler,
account number 3165936.

Look, we've been over this
three times already.

And I realize
it's the entire account.

February 16, 1940.

Mother's maiden name:

Any other questions?

Uh... San Francisco.

What's that?

Look, don't tell me
where the fuck I was born.

Just transfer
the goddamn funds.




Yes, Dorothy?

We just lost the hot
water in the main house.

Could you do me
a big favor

and relight the pilot
in the basement?

Uh, yeah, yeah, sure.
That's no problem.

Fuckin' perfect.
Now I'm on the staff.



Damn it!

Fucking perfect.




Think that's worth
at least a Porsche?




I'll get you one too!

There you are!
Excuse me.

- There you are.
- Hey.

Hey, any luck
finding a date tonight?

I'm playing phone tag
with Brian.

- Who?
- Brian?

Remember the guy
from turbo dating?

Oh, right.

Well, I'm gonna
go look around.

Okay, have fun.


Still no Campbell?


Well, it's only 11:00.

He said he'd be here
before the party.

I'm not an idiot, Kate.

I know when I'm
being dumped, okay?

You're not getting
dumped, Dorth.


Happy Valentine's Day,

Hey, Adam.


- Mmm.
- Oh.

- You look great.
- So do you.

Yeah, you look great.

Nice party, Dorothy.

It blows.

Everything okay?

Oh, yeah, everything's fine.
It's just that men suck.

Oh, that's no offense
to you, Adam.

None taken.

Yeah, okay.
Excuse me. Ahem.

He'll get here,
Dorth. Don't worry.

Don't ask.

Listen, you doing
anything later on?

Uh, actually,
I'm busy.

I'm gonna hook up
with some young stud,

get a little action.

- Really?
- Mmm.

Sounds good.
Anyone I know?

Well, you know,
I'm young...


it shouldn't be
that difficult

finding volunteers.


Yeah, you'll do.

Hey, hot stuff.

You came.

I like how you move.

Why don't you join me?


You know...

I'd much rather
take you upstairs.

What's upstairs?

Something I want
to show you.

It's a surprise.

I love surprises.




We're upstairs now.

Yes, we are.

You got a surprise
for me?

Yes, I do.


You brought me up here
to show me your penis.

Aw, that's so sweet.


What are you
waiting for, honey?

Wax it.

Oh, you're unbelievable.

Paige, Paige, Paige,
Paige, come here.

Relax, okay?
It'll be fun.

All right.
Take off your shirt.

All right.

Don't forget your pants.

Now lay down.

What are you doing?

Never mind.
It's a surprise.

I knew it.

Knew what?

The first time I saw you,
I knew you were kinky, Paige.

You still want me
to wax it?

Yes, I do.

♪ Now I feel like
a baby... who has ♪

♪ just opened its eyes ♪

Ow! Oh, my...

Oh... God!


Bitch! Oh!

This party sucks.

Things didn't go well
with Brian, I take it?


Oh, my God.

This is
a private party.

Get your little paws
off me!

What is she doing here?

She was just leaving,

Hey, hey, hey! Hey!
That's my necklace!

What are you
talking about?

Campbell gave this
to me.

And what are you
supposed to be,

his Valentine?

I don't think so, sweetie,

'cause that necklace
was stolen from me

along with half
of the rest of my jewelry.

Hurts, doesn't it?

He loves me.

He loves your trust fund.

Trust me.

Okay, time to go.

Watch the jacket!


Now this party
officially sucks.

No kidding.

Where are you going?

To chill out.

Hello again.


Hey, wait a minute.

Where are you
running off to?

What do you want, Max?

Easy, sweetness.

I just wanted to know
if you've seen Lily yet.

She's in L.A.,

and don't
call me sweetness.

Well, sweetness,
Lily's not in L.A.

What are you
talking about?

Well, I called her office,

and they said
she never showed up.

Are you sure?

About what?

Max, about Lily.

How long have you
known this?

You know, you're really
at home in this outfit, girl.

You just look...
just... yum.


Oh, great.

What are you
supposed to be?

I... I... I was just, um...

No! No!

Aah! No! No!


- Dorothy?
- Hmm?

Are you okay?


Hey, listen.

That Max guy said that
Lily never showed up in L.A.

Have you heard anything
from her?


But I bet Paige has.

Well, do you think
he's here?

- Who?
- Jeremy Melton.

God, I hope not.

Listen. Listen!

My dad's got a gun
in his study.

That's just a good way
to get us both killed.


Kate, it's Detective Vaughn.

Listen, we had to let
Marquette go.

What do you mean?

I mean exactly
what I just said.

We didn't have enough
evidence to hold him.

He could be anywhere...
like your party, for example.

What? Wh-what happened?

Um, listen, Detective,
our friend Lily

never showed up
in L.A.

Stay put. Stay in groups.
I'm on my way.


They had to let
Marquette go.

So now they've got

Come on.

Which one of
the 12 steps is this?

There you are.

You know, I've been looking
all over for you.

And I wasn't at the bottom
of the bottle?


Kate, come on.
Kate, don't be mad.

It's Valentine's Day.

Get away from me!



Does someone
want to be my Valentine?

Come on.


Come on.

Come on.


All right,
get the fuck out.


Get your hands off of me!

Oh, God!



Somebody, please help me!

Ah! Somebody help me!




Uh! No!






Wah! Aah!


- Kate?
- Yeah.

Hey, Kate...
shit, we blew a fuse.

Come on,
grab Stephanie and let's go.

Jesus, this place
cleared out fast.

Where the hell
is Paige?

Oh, she's probably
in a hot tub.

she always ends up
in the hot tub

at these parties.

Where's Adam?

I don't know.
Did you check the wine cellar?

Could be him,
you know?

What could be him?

Oh, come on, Dorothy.

No, no, no. don't
"come on, Dorothy" me.

Why the hell not?

Because I know Adam.

Okay, fine... he's no angel,
but he's not a murderer.

Well, you didn't know
he was an alcoholic

when you first met him,
either, did you?

I'm just saying I don't know
if I trust your judgment.

That's enough.

Come on, Kate...

with a little working out
and, I don't know,

some plastic surgery,
why couldn't Jeremy Melton

become Adam Carr?

Okay, fine.
then by the same logic,

why couldn't Jeremy Melton
be Campbell?


should take that back.

Look, Dorothy,
I'm not saying it's true.

I'm just saying if we're going
to be pointing fingers here...

I mean, you heard what
that Ruthie woman said.

And how well
do you really know Campbell?

I mean, you don't even know
his last name, for God's sake.

You really can't stand it,
can you?

Can't stand what?

That I found someone just
as good as your boyfriend...

just as smart
and just as good-looking.

That's ridiculous.

I mean, why...
I mean, why should I...

why should the fat girl
get a turn, huh?

- What?
- Oh, come on, Kate.

You've always been
the popular one,

and Shelley was always
the brainy one,

and Lily was
the fun one,

and Paige was
the sexy one,

and I was
the big, fat one.

And as far as
you're concerned,

that's exactly
the way that it is.

Well, you know what?

Screw all of you!

Dorothy, come back.

Come on.

Come on, Vaughn.

This is Detective
Leon Vaughn, S.F.P.D.

Leave a message.



Paige... Dorothy!

Paige... Dorothy!


It's you.

It's me.

You're still here.

I'm still here.

I heard a noise.

I thought something might
have happened to Dorothy.

Dorothy's a big girl.

What do you mean?

Dance with me, Kate.

No, Adam, I just want
to find Dorothy.

I'm asking you nicely.

Dance with me.

Don't make me beg, Kate.


You know...

I screwed up, Kate.

You had
a couple of drinks.

It's not the end
of the world.

No, you're disappointed.

I'm just worried
that you'll hurt me.

Hurt you?

Hurt you?

No, baby, I love you.

And you're the only
good thing in my life.

All these other people,

they can just die
as far as I care.

But you...


You mean something to me.

What's the matter, baby?
You're shaking.

I don't want to hurt you,
either, Adam.

I understand.

But I will.

Oh... Jesus!





Hello, Kate.

What the hell's
going on?


What happened
back there?

I just want to talk
about this.

I'm sorry.

I guess I was just
a little upset

about the drinking.

I mean,
you were doing so well.

- Kate!
- Aah!

- Kate!
- Aah!

- Kate!
- Aah!


Why do you want
to hurt me like that?

I love you.
I always loved you.

Stay away from me.

Oh, come on, Kate.

- Ah!
- Aah!







Adam, I'm sorry!

It's all right.

I'm so, so sorry.

It's all right,
It's over.

It's over.

No, don't go near it!

It's all right.
It's okay, all right?


Hey, don't look at her.

It's at the top
of the street on the right.

Please hurry.

Police are on their way.

I don't understand.

A few weeks ago,
she was so happy...

happier than
I'd ever seen her.

It's okay.

I just don't understand.

All I can think is...

if someone is
that lonely

and that angry,

then they can learn
to hide it.

But inside,
it never dies.

It just stays there,

eats away at you...

'til one day, you have to
do something about it.

And we all liked her.
We were her friends.

Sometimes that's
not enough, I guess.

I am so sorry
for the way I was before.

None of that
matters now.

I love you, Adam.

I love you, Kate.

I always have.

♪ Spoken like a souvenir

♪ Touch on all
your childhood fears ♪

♪ Keep them at a gentle pace

♪ Closer now
to feel their heat ♪

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ I love you

♪ All these years,
you never knew ♪

♪ All the things
that I could do ♪

♪ I keep them
in a hidden place ♪

♪ so I could rub them
in your face ♪

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ I made you

♪ I made you

♪ I made you

♪ I made you

♪ I made you

♪ breed!

♪ breed on your own!

♪ always alone

♪ you suffering clone

♪ Maybe you're not good enough

♪ good enough to make me blush

♪ So many reasons I can find

♪ to kill
this little clone of mine ♪

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ Somebody says

♪ I love you