V/H/S Viral (2014) - full transcript

These subtitles are inteneded for the
1h21m01s / 23.976 fps version of the video

- I love this place.
- Yeah, me too.

So strange though.
Why is it called a river?

That's uh... what it is.

Thank you.

It's dried up, you know. I actually used
to come here a lot when I was a kid.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- I used to ride my bike down there.
- It's our new spot.

What, you gonna steal
my childhood memories?

No. We'll just make new ones.

- Promise?
- Promise.



- Give me that thing.
- Uh-bup-bup... my camera, my show.

Besides, you're prettier than I am.

No fair.

- Don't show my face.
- Shut up.

Don't show my face.

- All right, give me that.
- No.

I am serious, little missy.

- You mess with the bull...
- Don't cry.

God!

I love it when you record me.

No, really, I do.
It means that you love me.

What color nail polish is that?

Since when do you care about...

Goddamn it, Kev. You know
when to turn that thing off.



Shit.

Get out here now.

I told you not to leave your girlfriend's
damn bike in the damn driveway.

Little slut.

Slut?

Kevin, why are you so fascinated
with this thing, hmm?

Don't keep me at arm's length, Kev.
I'm much more fun in the flesh.

And that's all you get.

- What the fuck?
- Oh, God!

10:30 near downtown Los
Angeles a police pursuit.

You see that van there
that is just passing...

- Holy shit.
- Kev.

- That's just down the block.
- Are you going to talk about it?

Yes, let's talk about how awesome
this fucking chase is! Look at this.

This is just down the street.

Put that thing down and
face what's going on.

What's going on? A crazy ass
chase headed right for us.

What do you think is gonna happen?
You think that shit's gonna go viral?

- You're gonna become famous?
- I got... I have to go shoot this.

It's sick, Kev.

- Put that thing down.
- Come on, baby, this is my chance.

Haven't you ever wanted to be a
part of something bigger than you?

Oh, shit!

It's here, it's here.
You made me miss it, fuck!

- Kev!
- Shit. Shit. Shit.

Shit...

- Jesus Christ, Grandma.
- You little pervert!

Shit, you're gonna make me
fucking miss... Shit, shit.

Fuck, fuck. I missed it.

Get back inside! It's not safe
out here. Are you filming me?

I'm on my property, man.

- I'm on my own property right now.
- Seriously!

We're able to see quite a few pedestrians
now gathering out on the streets...

Twitter and YouTube, where people can track
this whole thing and get in on the action,

get their special shots
of the driver...

The driver is driving
at such a high speed...

You definitely don't want to be out
there and make yourself a target.

Thank you, honey,
you made me miss it.

Iris, what the hell. I'm sorry.

Get back inside! I will tase your ass if you
don't get inside right now, God dammit.

- Iris, get out of the street.
- I will get you off the street...

t's my girl...

Holy shit. Oh, my God. Iri... Iris.

Please come in and have a seat.

I'm detective Hughes. I'm gonna have
to record this conversation, okay?

- Uh, tell me your full name?
- My name is Scarlett Kay.

And what is your
occupation, Miss Kay?

I'm a magician's assistant
for Dante the Great.

The tape that you brought in to us,
where did you find that tape?

In his dressing room, there is a secret
compartment behind the breaker box.

Dante recorded everything.
He always needed an audience.

Ladies and gentlemen, thank you so
much for coming out to the show tonight.

The magician known as Dante
the Great was arrested today.

So just 2 years ago, Dante
the Great was John McMullen.

And he was living in a
trailer park in Atlanta

barely making ends meet,
couldn't pay the rent.

He would do tricks for all his
friends in the neighborhood.

And he was real good at it.

Cut the cards.

- All right.
- All right.

- Oh, yeah, that's the blue...
- Pretend like it isn't.

Figured out the trick.

Why don't you make some
beer appear? Be useful.

You know, you guys are real funny for
a bunch of unemployed motherfuckers.

Dante came in possession of a cloak.

Nobody is really sure
where he got the cloak.

So the rumors are that Harry Houdini
himself once owned this cloak.

And it frightened Houdini.
So he got rid of it.

Woo! Woo!

Well, there's no doubt that the
cloak changed Dante's life forever.

His shows were completely exclusive,
passwords, knocking on doors.

You got to know somebody
to even get a ticket.

That was the most amazing
show I've ever seen.

He picked my pocket.
From mid-balcony he picked my pocket,

from the stage!
I don't know how he did it.

We were in the show at
7 o'clock in New York.

- We walk out of the doors...
- We're in LA.

We're in LA. I... I...
I'm kind of fucking pissed,

but I'm kind of like this is the
most amazing thing I've ever seen.

His illusions were on a different
level than anyone else.

Today's magic is dead.

You want to... you want to learn
the trick, go Google, go find it.

It's on Wikipedia.

You will never discover how I do it.

Hello, rabbit.

Firefighters arrived on the scene to
see heavy flames on the east side.

Not a lot of wind this afternoon, so
they're hoping to keep this contained...

No word of any injuries
or anyone inside.

We have an audience tonight,
so why aren't you working?

What?

What do you want from me?

The cloak's power comes
from what's inside it.

But he had to feed it and it
was only hungry for one thing.

Dante, oh, my God, turn it off.
It's not funny. Can you hand me a towel?

Seriously?

There were some people that went
missing that were close to Dante.

Some of his assistants,
no bodies, no evidence. Just gone.

Tell me what was your first
impression of Dante when you met him.

The first time I met him I was
auditioning for one of his shows

and I was really nervous.
He was my idol.

Oh, my God.

Scarlet... she's different.

I just know it was her and we
were meant to work together,

meant to be great together.

So you always wanted to
be a magician's assistant?

No, I wanted to be a magician.
I wanted to work with him

because I thought I would get to learn
how to do the tricks and the illusions,

but no one on the crew
knew how he did anything.

That was frustrating
to say the least.

Take five, guys.

I know that this can all be
very confusing to begin with.

It can take a lifetime of practice.
And you're... you're brand new.

Let's say, you and I just
put all this work aside

and tonight you have dinner with me.
What do you say? Hmm?

- No, I have... I have a thing.
- Cancel it.

He is picking me up in an hour.

Oh.

Clay is my ex-boyfriend.

When's the last time you
heard from Clay, Miss Kay?

A month.

How was your relationship with Clay?

Clay had a temper, but it
was okay. We were okay.

You weren't just an
employee of Dante, right?

I mean, you guys had some
kind of a relationship?

We became really close
working together.

How'd you do that?

I'll show you.

We are going to film this one, all right.
That was close. We're gonna try it again.

All right.

Now, on the count, one...

Look at that,
perfect sleight of hand.

- He was my friend.
- Just friends?

He was more than just my friend.

The tapes that Scarlett brought in
indicated several violent murders

that incriminated Dante
in the disappearance of

at least two of the magician assistants
and her ex-boyfriend Clay Bowland.

Were you aware that Dante
was going to confront Clay?

No.

Sit!

What a dick.

I'm sorry.

My shows are something that will
reveal from the darkness great light.

You'll come through doorways that
you didn't even know were there,

and see something unbelievable.

But you have to believe it because
it's right there in front of your eyes.

We're recording here.

Get on the stage!
Hands down!

All right, all right.
Are these guys with you?

No! No! No!

- I'm gonna need your badge number.
- You have the right to remain silent.

Keep rolling, keep rolling.

The cloak, when he
has it on, he's different.

I can assure you, it's nothing
magical, nothing supernatural.

It's just a sociopath.

Hold on to your tickets.
There's gonna be a big finale.

What I need right now
from you is the truth.

I can't have anymore
stories about magic.

I'm telling you the truth.

I know now that what he does,
they're not illusions.

It's magic.

There's no such thing as magic.

What is the first rule?
You never tell the brooms...

- how the trick is done.
- I saw what you did.

- What am I supposed to do with you now?
- I know you murdered those women!

- It wasn't me.
- Not you?

What is it? What is that then?

Real magic.

Get down on the ground!

- Get down!
- Down! Down!

Gentlemen.

Welcome... to the show.

No!

Nothing up my sleeve!

Suspect down.

What the hell?

Ta-da.

What are you doing?

Scarlett, stop. Give that to me.

No!

Give me the cloak!

Scarlett!

Give it to me!

Don't make me do this!

Dante, please.

Dante?

I'm so sorry, my dear.

- I'm sorry, my dear.
- No! No!

- So where is Dante now?
- That's a great question.

I know our entire department
is looking for him.

We have gotten assistance from
the FBI. It's only a matter of time.

I like to think that
he is somewhere...

planning his comeback.

We talked, we talked few months back.

He missed me. He said he's
coming for a visit, he'll come.

He's coming. He always does.
He comes home.

Where did the cloak end up?

Nobody knows for sure.

We're down to this interchange...
LAPD right behind it.

We'll see which way he...

Iris, pick up your fucking phone.

Help.

- Iris.
- Help, please.

Baby.

I don't know what
they're gonna do to me.

Baby, don't hang up,
don't hang up. Baby!

Fuck!

What the fuck?

Hey, what are you doing?
You're gonna miss it.

Miss what?

Can you see it?

They're coming this way.

Oh, man.

See you on YouTube, bitches.

Holy shit!

Look, there's another guy.

You got to help me.

They came back on the 110 freeway.
He's really picking up some speed.

Stop!

You little prick, you slowed us down!

I don't give a fuck about you guys'
video, that thing took my girlfriend.

- Will you fuck off already?
- You don't understand,

- it's coming back around.
- Yeah, no shit.

No, you're not listening to me.
It's going in circles on purpose.

Oh, shit!

No, oh, my God!

Let go! Let go!

Fuck!

Take my arm!

Grab him!

I can't get to him!

Grab him!

Shh.

There are reports now that there
might actually be a hostage situation

and so LAPD is going
in a surveillance mode.

Stupid girl's bike.

Fuck! Shit,
he's turning around again.

Fuck, this can't be happening.

- Don't make fun of your brother.
- What's he going to do about it, huh?

One more strike,
he's back in for five to ten.

Now give me a burger before I give
you some matching eye shadow.

This thing has my girlfriend.
Please help me.

Fuck!

- You had the cojones to turn me in?
- I got your cojones right here.

Who the fuck is that
motherfucker, eh?

- Lucy, where did you get the camera?
- Daddy. He has a truck full of them.

- I'm sorry!
- You brought that to my uncle's house?

Do something, Uncle Alberto!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

Erase that.

Oh, my God, a huge
explosion right below...

Pussy!

Don't make it. Don't make it.
Trip, trip, trip, fall, fall.

- Don't make it. Don't make it. Fuck.
- Whoo!

Son of a... fucktard.

- Why are we shooting?
- Did you get that?

Uh, no. Oh, that was the one?

- Oh, no, dude, I wasn't rolling.
- Holy fuck.

- Yeah, we got to go again.
- Did you get that?

What the fuck, man? Your Craigslist ad said
you could operate that shitty ass camera.

You said your skating
didn't suck dick.

- You guys are not allowed to be up here.
- Go back to your house.

Hey, you got that shit!

You got that shit.

Fuck.

That was so trill. All right, just
the focus, it was bad. So one more.

Get the fuck out of here.

Three, two, one, action.

We are good.

All clear, big dog.

Jeez.

Did you get that?

Sorry, dude, the battery just,
like, fell out. We got to go again.

What the fuck? What are
we paying you for, man?

Swear to God,
if you fucked up my car,

- I'm calling the cops.
- Fuck you.

Get back in your car.

Merry Christmas, dick. Put 'em on.

- Oh, fuck that.
- Those look stupid.

Then do this, and then do...

Well, you're gonna help
me out with a ride.

Hey, I got... I got a nice
vagina just waiting for you.

Yeah, right.

I got the vag on head all day.

I got vagina all day.

Do it, little homie.

Oh, man, are you okay, dude? My bad.

Semper fi comeback, dickhole! Hoo-ra!

I'm just directing a web series
right now about abused dolphins...

and then I freelance as a bartender.

Fight! Fight! Fight! Fight!

I'm coming. Keep fighting,
keep fighting. Keep punching.

Fight! Fight! Fight!

Can't believe we got kicked
out for that shit, dude.

- I almost shot those dudes.
- Yeah, right.

If it was life or death you
would have left me chilling.

- You would have bailed...
- Not even...

Excuse me, do you have a dollar?

Nah, take this.
I bit the end, but... so...

I spent all my money on this
fucking filmer guy over here.

I got a stogie left if you want it.

You need a light?
Oh, yeah. No problem.

- Fight the hobo! Bum fight!
- Dude, are you serious?

I go to sleep fucked up not knowing
I peed in a bottle right next to me.

I wake up in the morning, like,
fuck, I need water, you know.

Bro, I grabbed the bottle and
just gulp, gulp and then...

it still tasted like beer though.

There's this one time I went inside
this old '80s hardcore band,

these people were front flipping
and shit. All of a sudden...

Front flipping,
people were front flipping?

Oh, yeah, front flipping
into the crowd.

- See, I told you people can front flip.
- Oh, dude, shut the fuck.

I look over and my homeboy's
like throwing kids,

like just throwing them
into the wall and shit.

Little kids? Throwing
little kids into the wall?

No, no, dude, they're like 20.

Boom! The fat guy's homie
or should I say brother.

- Was he bleeding?
- Fucking no.

I'm gonna fucking pistol whip the shit out
of you if you interrupt me one more...

Yeah, don't touch my shit.

Dude, we need a new fucking
spot to finish this video.

My cousin told me about
this ditch in Tijuana.

He said it's always empty,
totally secret.

- You got gas money?
- I'm not paying.

Hey, hey, Sam!

- Hey, Sam!
- Dude, it's Shaun.

Whatever the fuck. Come here.

When are we gonna
finish my skate video?

Uh, it's done. Hey, do you still
have your dad's credit card?

- Yeah.
- Dude, we cannot go to TJ.

You know that fool
Carlos in third period?

The cartel stuffed his
uncle in a barrel of acid.

Dude, let's go.

You can go and fuck up
the filming some more.

Tijuana is fine now.
The drug dealers all left.

They got, they got fire crackers, they
got weed, they don't card for alcohol.

Get the big ones. Get the big ones.

Make sure they are
not a dud. Check them.

There you go. There you go.
There you go.

This is a very serious piece of
equipment. You have sex, keep it on.

This kid throws $20 for gas and
he gets the fucking titty cam.

Now that goes for both of you.
If you have sex, keep your cameras on.

Oh, damn, what's up?
You want a swig of this?

Tell your sister to go home.
She's got syphil-herpe.

But the fact is faces
of death in jackass,

they sell more than every
skateboard video combined.

Yo, dude, do you know where we are?

- Do you know where the fuck we are?
- I do not. I've been lost for hours.

Seriously, these
comebacks are boring.

Is that a fucking earthquake?
I just survived a Mexican earthquake.

Hey, how often do you guys
clean your skateboard wheels?

This wasn't... what I was thinking
of, but you can skate this, yeah?

Yeah. No doubt.
Smells like your mom.

You all know how to climb fences?

Jason, did you turn on your camera?

- Oh, this whack ass titty cam.
- Hey, guys, turn on your cameras.

- Ta-da.
- Turn on your camera.

It's been... fuck off.

Pour some for the homies, gas money!

Whoa!

Hey, guys, uh... ooh!

Hey, dickhead, you think...

Oh, got a missed call.

Are we really gonna
start filming or what?

Oh, remember that one time you did a shitty
kick flip and got more views than porn.

It's a bunch of dog shit.

Dude, this place is weird.

I ain't going back.
We just walked 3 hours.

Something fucking
worth showing people.

No one wants to see you guys go backward
and forward for 4 fucking hours.

- Hey, hey, go on the barrel?
- The barrel?

- On top of the barrel and do a front flip.
- A front flip?

I don't want you to come off that
barrel until you do a front flip.

- This goes out to your momma.
- You be in the front.

That was the shittiest
front flip I've...

That fucking camera
guy is weird, dude.

I know. He got this weird ass look on
his face like he wants to touch me.

I want gas... gas money
kid's sister instead.

Do you want to be immortal or do you
want to be a giant vagina monster?

I will front kick your asshole.

I know some chick,
she's all fucked up at the park.

You know, on the bleachers
how they have gaps?

She fell between them like
the top one and boom, boom.

Yeah, that was real fucking sad.

- Don't block your dick hand.
- At least your mom got two dick hands.

Ah! Fuck. Fuck.

Dude, dude, is that bleeding?

What the fuck? Hot as my balls.

What the fuck?

Cool.

Where did she come from?
Is she a ninja? Are you a ninja?

- Dude, your sister followed us here.
- Hey, what's wrong with her?

Hey, I'm just... I'm just kidding.
Hey, my name is Taylor.

No, seriously, though I'm a director.
So if you want me to throw you

in some movies or something,
we could do that.

Hey, video guy,
your dad's a good singer.

Dude, let's bounce...

Oh, shit. What the fuck?

- Oh, what the fuck, dude?
- Shit. Shit. Shit.

Hey, I'm gonna shoot one
of these motherfuckers up.

Oh, shit.

Get the fuck off him.

Get off that kid.

Do what you got to do, man.
What am I doing?

Man, where are you going?
I don't know, man.

Dude, back up.

Dude, don't...

Oh, my fucking God!

- Yo, is that fire blood?
- Yeah, definitely.

They got a disease.
Dude, use your gun.

- What the fuck!
- I only got one more bullet.

Where the fuck is gas
money kid going?

Oh, shit. Hey, hey, dog,
I think they killed gas money kid.

Don't talk, just fight.

Bitch... bitch...
little fucking bitch!

Dude, they're everywhere.

What are you doing?

Oh, what... what...

Help, Doug, help!

What the...

What's up, motherfuckers!

Fuck.

Oh, fuck that. Vamonos!

Thirteen motherfucker!

- Fuck! Hey, you all good?
- You were kind of crazy.

Hey, we killed a lot of fools.
Killed a lot of fools.

Let's get the fuck
out of here, psycho.

Motherfucker, they killed gas
money kid and camera guy, man.

What the fuck is...

Oh, shit.

Run!

Go under, dog, go under!

Hey, hold them off for me!

Help me fucking, psycho.
What are you doing?

Just give me a second, fool.

Get the fuck out of here!

Run!

Come on, motherfucker. Let's go!

We're not dead, motherfucker.
Don't stop till the border!

Hang on! I'm still rolling!

Me too. Let's go.

Hey, do you feel as bad as I do
about gas money kid and camera guy?

Yeah. Come on, dude!

- Something's slowing me down.
- Are you fucking serious?

Police are warning it's a
very dangerous situation.

They are struggling to stay ahead of.

There are now reports of 11 fires
burning out of control across the city.

People should absolutely
be staying inside. Do not...

Stop the fucking car. Please stop.

Trust me, baby, I, uh...

What the fuck?

I need your help! I need your help!

You fuck.

You keep going.
Don't worry about that.

Keep going. We could edit that out.

All right. And just ignore
the guy driving it.

Now just forget... don't...
don't even think about him.

Trust me, baby, I'm a pro at this.

Yeah, right there.
Oh, yeah, that's beautiful.

That's it. Take it slow, slow.
Slow gets them.

Slow is what sucks them in.

- Aren't you gonna join me?
- I only like to watch, baby.

Make sure you are in focus.

Yeah, they know they can't touch
you and it gets them even more.

- That's it, slow.
- You don't recognize me, do you?

I do this 8 days a week, baby.
I might have... I don't know.

I don't know why,
but I don't know how to...

- Now do you recognize me?
- What...

- What the fuck? Turn around you...
- Sorry.

- Fuck with my rhythm.
- Sorry.

Okay. Now keep going. Keep going.
We could edit that out.

That's it, don't worry about anything.

- Yeah.
- We're in our own little sanctuary.

Yes, yes, round and slow.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're good.

- Yeah, you like this?
- Don't talk. It's better if you don't talk.

- Just show me.
- Okay.

Now that's it. Very good.

Nice and slow. Touch yourself.

Attagirl. Yeah.

- Camera. Now!
- What the fuck?

Don't shoot in my face.
Don't shoot in my face.

I don't care about
your face, asshole.

Let's see that pretty body
of yours. Go ahead, strip.

- Fuck you, bitch!
- Do it. Do it now.

How does it feel, huh?
Wow, you're the whole package.

I can't wait to introduce
you to my mom.

Fuck this shit.
100 bucks or no 100 bucks.

Keep driving.

Maybe I'll make your retarded friend
strip next, huh? A little threesome.

What a turn on you are, yeah.
So good, baby.

Wait a second. I know you.

Millions of guys do,
thanks to your website.

It was your ex-boyfriend.
You shouldn't have dumped him, lady.

I didn't film you. All I did was
buy the footage for my blog.

Oh, don't. Please, don't.
Oh, lesson learned.

Loud and fucking clear, man.
Oh, take it down.

My tits made you money.
So now I'm here for my cut.

Here's the good part. I bet people will
pay to watch me shoot your dick off.

Want to see whose video gets more hits?
Let's make a hole in you and show them.

Bitch!

Come on, let's see that tongue out.
Get your tongue out like I told you.

You want me to do it now, bitch?
Stick it out or I'll fucking turn it purple.

Who's got you now, you smart ass?
Hey, you want a cut?

Why are you so fascinated
with this thing?

I'm serious, little missy.

- You mess with the bull...
- Don't cry.

Yeah. It's our new spot.

What? You're gonna steal
my childhood memories?

No. We'll just make new ones.

- Promise.
- Promise.

Iris.

- Kev.
- Iris.

You're filming it, aren't you?

So good, baby.
That means you're a part of it.

- A part of what?
- We're gonna finish it.

What are you talking about?

I think you know.

It's been filming us the whole time.

What the fuck?

Are you sick, Kev? We're all sick.

Oh, my God. What did I do?

Oh, my God. What the fuck?

Iris, where are you?

- Iris, tell me you're okay.
- Just start the upload.

I can't... I can't.

Haven't you ever wanted to be a
part of something bigger than you?

You don't know what's happening out there.
There's videos, they fuck people up.

Do it.

- Oh.
- Do it.

I can't. I can't do it. I can't...
Stop... For fuck's sake...

- Do it.
- I can't. I can't do it.

Haven't you ever wanted to be a
part of something bigger than you?

- I don't understand what's happening.
- Do it!

No, stop. Fuck! Fuck! Wait,
wait, okay. Stop, stop. I'll do it.

Fuck.

What the fuck? What did I do?
What the fuck? What did I do?

You want it to go viral.

Jesus Christ. Stop. Stop.

Stop it. Stop.

This is gonna go viral,
this is gonna go viral.