Urban Legend (1998) - full transcript

You're listening to
Under the Covers with Sasha...

...on WZAB,
the voice of Pendleton University.

- We're still talking to...?
- Jane. Sophomore. Hi.

So you've been stealing
your roommate's birth-control pills?

"Borrowing," okay?
WeIl, she never noticed before...

...because I've aIways replaced them
with baby aspirin.

- With what?
- Baby aspirin. Looks exactly the same.

Anyways, now she's pregnant
and has to leave school.

How the hell am l gonna get a new
roommate this late in the semester?

Oh, my God.

Next caller.



Oh, no.

Oh, shit.

Okay, please, pIease make it.

- Run-- Run out of g-- Gas?
- Yeah, filI it up, pIease.

Freak show.

M-- Miss...

...could you come inside
for one m-- Minute, please?

What is it?

Credit card company
is on the phone.

- ls there a problem?
- They wanna speak with you.

Okay, hoId on a minute.

Shit.

Hello?

No, don't touch me.



N-- No--

Let me go.

No! Stop!

Stop!

Stop!

Someone's in the back seat!

You're Under the Covers with Sasha,
on WZAB...

...the voice of Pendleton University.

- Caller.
- Hello?

l'm right here.

Felicia, how can l help you?

Well, it's kind of embarrassing.

Spit it out, Felicia.

Well, that's just the problem.
I mean, I didn't.

Had had yourself
a little frat-boy protein shake, did you?

Sasha, I've been feeling so sick.

I mean, I swear,
I can feel them swimming inside me.

Should I, like, get my stomach pumped
or something?

Felicia, l think the only thing you need
pumped is the air out of your head.

First, let me just congratulate you
on your choice of sexual activity...

...because, sweetie, the worId
is not ready for you to reproduce.

Second, do you know
that ingestion of bodily fluids...

...is a major safe sex no-no?

- Really?
- ReaIly.

My suggestion is that
you just down a couple shots of Pepto.

And next time get away
from the volcano before it erupts.

That wraps up another night.
This is Sasha signing off on WZAB.

Parker, how exactIy does Sasha
come up with this stuff?

She devours every issue of Cosmo.

Calls it her bible.

So, Parker,
finish the story about Stanley Hall.

Right.

So this guy...

...he was a professor on campus
maybe 25 years ago--

What did he teach?

l don't know. Physics or some shit.

Abnormal psychology. You know,
if you wanna teIl the story right.

That's not the point of the story,
paperboy.

But, fine, abnormal psych it is.

Anywho, this guy, he just fIips out,
you know, goes completely berserk.

He grabs a hunting knife
and he strolIs into Stanley HaIl.

Bangs on every door.

And every student
that answers their door...

...he takes that littIe knife
and he cuts their throat, ear to ear.

Yeah. Does away with an entire floor
before finally stabbing himself...

...straight through the heart.

And thus,
the annual Omega Sigma Phi bash.

So you have a frat party
to commemorate a massacre?

- You betcha.
- Parker, let me--

Let me get this straight.

When this happened 25 years ago
you were a sophomore?

That's funny.

WelI, it's a bullshit story you hear
on every campus in the Northeast.

Thank you.
l mean, where's the proof?

You see, that's the thing.

Pendleton knew damn weIl that
enrollment wouId suffer permanently.

So in cahoots with the national news
media and various other powerful--

Like Lee Harvey OswaId?

Or was it Jack Ruby?

No, no, no. l know who it was.

lt was that FBl guy who used to
prance around in women's underwear.

He's the guy
that covered it alI up, huh?

That's the newsroom, l gotta go.
l got a lot of--

- Hey, Paul.
- Yeah?

Before you go, if there's another
E. coli crisis in the cafeteria...

...l want you to have the biggest,
juiciest burger on me.

l'd love to. That article
almost got me the student Pulitzer.

- Bye, Paul.
- "Bye, PauI."

You know what his problem is?

He can't stand any big story
without having his byline on it.

He is such a babe.

AIl right, did it seem
like he was giving me the eye?

lt was probably the mirror behind us.

Oh, damn.

Should l ask him out anyway?

Okay, if Parker's story is true, and
all those kids were murdered here...

...why haven't they
torn down Stanley Hall?

The story's not true,
it's just a legend.

lf it's just a legend,
then what's the problem?

- l won't encourage this.
- Come on, cut me a little slack.

This is haIf the reason
l transferred here.

Now, what exactly happens
when l say "Bloody Mary" five times?

The person next to you wonders how
you got into college in the first place.

- Come on.
- You're scared, Natalie.

- Yeah, right.
- Then come on, and let's do this.

- Come on. lt's time to raise the dead.
- Can you believe this?

Okay. Okay.

BIoody Mary.

BIoody Mary.

BIoody Mary.

BIoody Mary.

- Blo--
- Bloody Mary.

Fine, no answer.
Maybe they're screening.

Oh, God.

- Let's go, Natalie.
- Yeah.

You called?

She was trying to summon the dead,
Damon.

Not frat boys
with badIy grown facial hair.

Hey, it took me a month to grow this.

ls this what you do
with your free time, Damon?

Hang out in the dark by yourself waiting
to scare people like a total freak?

When l see two losers
standing in front of this reIic...

...trying to summon the dead. Anyhow,
l'll see you two in cIass tomorrow.

- UnfortunateIy.
- See you.

Jerk.

You know, he was half-way normal
before pledge week.

Sorry.

Shut off the fucking light!

Sorry.

Last week, we discussed folklore
as a gauge for the values...

...of the society that created them.

Today? Today we get more specific.

A babysitter
receives menacing phone calls.

And upon investigating them...

...she realizes that they are originating
from an upstairs bedroom.

The very room where she's Ieft the
children, under her care, to sleep.

Now, who's heard this before?

WelI, that really happened
to a girI in my hometown.

Yes, l'm sure it did.

l'm-- l'm sure most of you
grew up thinking that this happened--

lt didn't happen.

--to girls in all your home towns.
But it didn't.

You see, the babysitter
and the man upstairs...

...is what we call an urban legend.

Contemporary foIkIore
passed on as a true story.

Now, there are variations of this one
going back to the 1960s.

AIl of them contain
the same cultural admonition:

Young women, mind your children
or harm wiIl come your way.

Excuse me.

Something funny you might care
to share with us, Ms...?

No, l was just saying, like, maybe the
cultural admonition is: Don't babysit?

Why don't you come up here
and volunteer for my little experiment?

- Yeah, that's a great idea.
- Now, young lady.

- Coming.
- Yeah, baby, yeah.

Don't worry, you'll probabIy survive.

Had those before?

Yeah, they're Pop Rocks.
They crackle in your mouth.

Eat some.

Thirsty?

WelI, what's wrong?

Something you might have heard
about mixing Pop Rocks and soda?

WelI, supposedIy, your stomach
and your intestines, everything, burst.

RealIy? Anyone you know
die this way?

Mikey.

From the cereal commercial.
"Give it to Mikey, he'lI eat anything."

You mean him?

"Mikey likes it."

Yeah.

What if l told you
that this is Mikey?

AIive and welI and working
as an ad executive in New York City?

Would you drink some then?

l'll do it.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah.

Your soda.

He's still alive.

As l said, class, this story
is nothing but an urban legend.

Professor.

He's gonna expIode!

Somebody call 911! Go.

- Thank you for your help, Mr. Brooks.
- Brilliant, he's brilliant.

He is such a moron.

Yeah, but who feIl for it?

Hey, what's going on?

Excuse me, young man.
You can't read these.

- She'd just Ieft campus.
- She was a sophomore.

She went to PendIeton?

You have got to be kidding me.
l knew l should have gone to NYU.

Tragic, huh?

- Hi, Paul.
- Hey.

ls this true?

WelI, l certainly hope so...

...otherwise l'm gonna have
one heIl of a retraction on my hands.

Hey.

What do you think you're doing?

You can't just come
and take every copy here.

You're the one that wrote
this inflammatory piece of rubbish...

...aren't you?

The fatuous quotes about
being deepIy shocked and heartsick...

- ...are yours, Dean Adams, but--
- Let me telI you something, young man.

The onIy lunatic
on this campus is you.

l'm flattered.
Can l quote you on that?

l have a quote for you.

U.S. News & World Report
named Pendleton...

...the safest university
in this country.

And you best believe
l intend to keep it that way.

Thank you, Reese.

l'll make sure and stick that
in the special school-safety edition.

- Let's get out of here.
- Hold on a second.

How about some interviews? Students
react to the tragedy on campus.

- Okay, l am saddened and moved by--
- This was someone's life, Paul.

Did you even spend one minute
thinking about that?

No, l didn't.

But because of my story,
3500 students will.

l think that's enough
to help me sleep at night.

- Come on, let's go.
- Natalie, wai--

The decapitated body of 20 year old
Pendleton student...

...Michelle Mancini
was found in her car.

Police suspect her assailant
was probably hiding in the back seat.

In the meantime, the search continues
for Michael McDonnell...

...the proprietor of this gas station,
where she was last seen.

Police are asking anyone with any
information on his whereabouts...

...to contact them immediately.

This David McAree reporting live.

WelI, that's horrible.

Someone told me that she was Iistening
to my show when it happened.

My voice was probably
the last she heard. Can you imagine?

- What if there is a Iunatic on campus?
- Fine with me.

l'm hitting the halfpipe at Killington
this weekend.

Did anyone here know her?
She roomed in Daly.

- No.
- No.

Hello? Space cadet.

No, l didn't know her.

- ActualIy, you know, l did know her.
- You did?

Yeah, and l'll miss her too,
because that girl gave great head.

Get it? She gave great head?
Come on.

Hey, Tosh. l'm sorry about last night.

Yeah? WeIl,
don't let it happen again.

Here, you dropped these.

Tosh. Excuse me.

This is my phone Iine too.

Hey, it's Brenda. You seemed
kind of weird this afternoon.

You okay, hon? Call me.

Natalie, it's Mom.

Listen, sweetie. l'm just calling
to make sure you're okay.

Isn't it horrible about Michelle?

Please call, okay? l love you.

l was in the neighborhood.

Thought l'd see if you wanted
to go to the house.

- Parker's gonna pierce Hootie's nose.
- Hootie's a dog.

- Yeah, that's no reason he can't be hip.
- No, that's okay, Damon.

- What's up, Natalie? You all right?
- Yeah, l'm fine.

Listen, we don't have to go hang out
with a bunch of drunken frat boys.

We can just go someplace and talk.

l don't really want this
to get out around campus...

...but l can actualIy be a pretty good
listener every once in a while.

- Okay?
- Okay.

- A little something to warm you up?
- Sure.

lt's a slight process.

- You and Michelle were friends then?
- Yeah.

So, what happened?

l'd really rather
not talk about it anymore.

lt's compIetely understandable.
lf you don't wanna open up, that's fine.

But l want you to know that l know
exactly what you're going through.

- You do?
- Sure.

l lost somebody close to me.

My girlfriend, she's....

- Well, she's dead and--
- Oh, l'm so sorry.

No, it's-- lt's okay.

She was sick for a whiIe.

She had a....

A syndrome.

And....

And after that, l was afraid to get
cIose to anybody for a long time.

But then it hit me, you know?
Why am l being so selfish?

l stilI have so much love
inside of me left to give.

You do?

Yeah, and, Natalie,
you're in need of loving.

- l am?
- Yeah.

You're lonely. You're repressed.
You're aching to break loose.

Those are the types of probIems
that only a man can fix.

And l suppose you're that man?

You know it.

Nice try, Damon.

That was a fairly good impersonation
of a human being.

l understand you're afraid...

...but you don't have to be
afraid anymore, Natalie.

- You don't have to be afraid to Iove.
- Start the car, right now.

Okay, that hurts.
l'm just trying to help you out.

- You don't have to act like such a bitch.
- lt's not an act, believe me.

You sure you don't wanna
think this over?

You know, because
l'm all about heaIing, Natalie.

One black eye or two, Damon?
You decide.

AIl right, fine.

l'm going to take a piss.
l'll be right back.

Pig.

Okay.

Damon? Shake it and let's go.

Come on, come on, come on.

Damon!

Damon!

Natalie.

Don't start the car.

Don't start the car.

Oh, shit.

This is the end of your rotten life,
you motherfucking drug pusher.

It was easy for him, because
he really didn't believe it was coming.

But it ain't gonna be easy for you...

...because you'd better believe
it's coming.

- Girl, what's wrong with you?
- They killed him. Somebody killed him.

lt's right past this bridge.

l don't see nothing.
Are you sure this is it?

- l don't get it. The car was--
- Here, huh?

lf you don't mind me asking,
what the helI are you on?

Nothing. The car was right here.

- Right here?
- Reese, l saw his body. l touched it.

lt's probably the same person
who killed Michelle.

That's impossibIe, baby.

The poIice arrested that gas station
attendant this afternoon.

It was a mannequin, Natalie.

Damon uses it all the time
to scare pledges during hazing.

He also has
this life-size blow-up doIl.

You probably
don't wanna know about that.

lt wasn't a mannequin, Parker.
Damon was dead.

Come on, Nat.

Damon is the best practical joker
on this campus, all right?

He once convinced a freshman
he was the middIe Hanson brother...

...just so he could get laid.

Okay, Parker. Shouldn't he be here
enjoying his handiwork?

Weekend snowboarding trip.

Some last-fling bachelor party with
some high schooI buddies. Come on.

Whoa, wait a minute.

Scratching on the roof of the car.

Don't you guys get it?

Come on,
it's just like that urban legend.

- What are you talking about?
- Come on.

Wexler talks about it
every semester in class.

You know, guy and a girl
parked out in the woods, making out.

- You made out?
- Guy steps out of the car and the girl...

...starts to hear
scratching noises on the roof.

lt's her dead boyfriend
hung from a tree.

Damon's in the class,
he knew the myth, aIl right?

He must have planned
the whole thing out.

Probably thought it was the only way
a girl wouId ever say he was hung.

Conniving bastard.

Wait a second.

lsn't there another story
about a guy with an ax...

...hiding in a woman's back seat?

Hello.

My mom still checks the back seat
before getting into a car.

That's how Michele Mancini died.

Oh, my God.

What are you trying to say, Natalie?

lt's like someone out there
is taking all these stories...

...and making them reality.

WelI, then my big question is,
what is he gonna do next, huh?

Maybe put spider eggs
in bubblegum?

Or maybe ram a gerbil
up a celebrity's ass?

Come on, Nat.

Give Damon a call up at KiIlington,
all right? You'Il see he's there.

- Tosh, can l please use--?
- What?

Never mind.

Yeah. There was a blond guy who
arrived with that group this morning.

A bachelor party, or something?

Okay, Damon Brooks specifically?
Can you telI me if he checked in?

Oh, well, l really can't tell you that.

The cabin's not in his name
and it's not on his credit card.

Look, l'm happy
to take the message...

...but l can't guarantee
that he'll stop by to pick it up.

So whatever you want--

Hello?

ls someone there?

Hey, Nat.

- Look what l found.
- What?

An early edition of Kama Sutra
with iIlustrations.

You think Parker wiIl get into it?

- Does he have a choice?
- No.

What's that?

- Nat, don't tell me you still--
- l don't know.

This is it.

Wait a second.

- This is definitely not a myth.
- What?

The gang high-beam initiation.
lt happens all the time.

Gang members drive around at night
with their headlights off.

When someone goes to flash
their high beams to warn them...

...they kill them.

That's why l never warn anybody
about anything when l drive.

Anyway, l gotta go.
l got some homework.

- Okay, see you later, Sasha.
- Bye.

Sounds like Elvira is raising
more than just the dead in there.

Thanks for the warning.

Sorry. l'm not Iooking.

Hey. Better check her pulse,
she's Iooked Iike that for years.

- Hey, Paul.
- Hey.

How is she?

l don't know. l haven't had a chance
to taIk to her yet.

AIl right. l'll see you later.

Natalie.
We know this is difficult for you...

...but we need to understand why,
if you heard moaning...

...you didn't turn on the lights.

l'd waIked in on Tosh
having sex before.

lt wasn't something
l cared to see again.

So you never actually saw
anyone there?

- Well, l sensed that--
- No, no.

Honey, did you see anyone
in the room?

- No.
- Natalie.

Did you know
Tosh was manic-depressive?

She painted half the room bIack.
l had a pretty good idea.

There are no signs of foul play here.
No forced entry.

What are you saying?

lt appears to be a tragic suicide.

No.

Tosh didn't kilI herself.
There was someone eIse in that room.

l mean, "Aren't you glad
you didn't turn on the lights"?

A very morbid suicide note.

Honey, l am so sorry.
Are you all right?

Of course not. Stupid question.

Who would have thought
she would do something like that?

l mean,
she's weird and everything but....

Okay, Natalie, you wanna
go get some coffee and talk?

No, l just--
l just gotta be alone right now.

- Hey.
- Hey.

l know that this is
a reaIly bad time for you.

But l gotta ask you
a couple of questions.

Oh, no. l'm not doing any interviews.

Hey, if it makes you feel any better
l don't wanna talk about Tosh, okay?

l just wanted to know...

...if you could teIl me
a little bit about this?

How did you get that?

l contacted Michelle's high school.
Your high schooI.

Now, why didn't you teIl me
you knew her?

So you could exploit her death
more than you already have?

Hey, look.
l'm just doing my job here, okay?

What am l supposed to do?
Turn my back on a murder?

- Or a suicide?
- lt wasn't a suicide, PauI.

What are you taIking about?

She was murdered.

She was murdered just like MicheIle.
Just like Damon.

Damon?

Hey.

l don't know what's going on here...

...but, you know, if you want,
we can go somewhere and talk.

Off the record.

You don't believe me, either.

That's not what l'm saying,
it's just that....

The idea of an urban-legend
serial kiIler?

lt's a stretch.

- But don't you think it's possible?
- Yeah, it's possibIe.

But, l don't know. Maybe....

Maybe the gas-station attendant
kilIed MicheIle.

Maybe Damon's snowboarding.

And maybe--
Maybe Tosh just killed herself.

Okay.

lf it is true, why Iike this?

Why now?

Tonight's the 25th anniversary.

What's that got to do with anything?

The Stanley Hall massacre.

No, l toId you that story is not true.

Are you sure?

AIl right, if there's any truth
to Stanley Hall, it'Il be in here.

So this is where you research
all your lurid articles.

Reality is lurid, all right?

l'm onIy the messenger.

Seventy-one, 72, 74....

That's weird, 73 is not here.

- How long you been working here?
- Too damn long.

You know anything
about Stanley Hall?

l don't know
what you're talking about.

Did anyone die there?

PIease, we reaIly need to know.

Talk to Wexler.

lt's his office hours.
He should be here.

Here, watch out. Just a second.

Would you look at that?

So they teach you this in class?

l dropped journalism ethics earIy in the
semester, it wasn't heIping my GPA.

Paul?

Oh, shit.

- ls he gone?
- Yeah.

Something l can help you with?

You two break into
a professor's office...

...and then have the audacity
to accuse him of murder?

We found the ax.

That is a prop
l use in my foIklore class.

How can you suggest that l had
anything to do with that girl's death?

Why don't you tell us
about the Stanley Hall massacre?

Professor WexIer, Reese,
may l have a moment alone with them?

Natalie, after our taIk this morning...

...l decided to take a Iook
at your personal file.

Probation
for reckless endangerment?

lt was just for a year.
l had already been accepted here.

Which was lucky.

Since we don't usually accept students
with a criminal record.

As for you, young man.

You're off the paper,
effective immediately.

No, no, no. You can't do that, okay?
Read the charter.

The dean can't dictate
editorial policy.

l didn't fire you, your editor did.
We spoke an hour ago.

Have a good weekend.

Hey. What was alI that about?
Reckless endangerment?

We're not talking about
running a stop sign. Are we, Natalie?

- l realIy don't wanna talk about it.
- Okay. What do you wanna talk about?

My career options
without a body of writing samples?

Because for your information,
they're kind of Iimited.

lt was in high school, Paul. lt's over.

Hey, look.

Does this have something to do
with Michelle Mancini?

Hey, l just wanna know
what's going on here.

Because l don't know
if l buy it anymore.

l don't know if l ever bought it.

It's gonna be a wet one
out there tonight, folks.

The storm is expected to bring
4 inches of rain.

And 30 mile per hour winds
throughout most of New England.

Local authorities are advising
everyone to please stay indoors.

If you do decide to go out though,
make sure you grab a slicker.

Brenda!

Brenda!

Natalie,
nothing is gonna happen to me.

But why do you
keep doing this to yourself?

Look at you.
Honey, you've gotta stop this.

l knew MichelIe Mancini.

We went to high school together.

We hadn't spoken in two years.

Why?

We were in my car one night.
Michelle was driving.

That story about the gang high-beam
initiation had been going around.

And she wanted to play
a practical joke.

So she turned the headlights off...

...and waited for the first car
to pass by and fIash us.

When someone finally did...

...she made a U-turn
and started chasing him.

Flashing her high beams
and laughing.

I was laughing too, at first...

...but then
we started going really fast.

l wanted to telI her to stop...

...but l just sat there.

And then the other car lost control
and ran off the road.

He was our age.

By the time the ambulance came,
he was already dead.

The courts were lenient with us.
We just got probation.

l was never able to forgive her
for what she did.

l guess l couldn't forgive myself for
not doing something more to stop it.

Oh, my God.

How awful for everyone.

l don't know, l think l should
just go home for a few days.

Natalie, come on.

You need to relax and have some fun
and come to the party. Okay?

- Please?
- Okay.

- Promise you won't leave me alone?
- l promise.

Unless, of course, l hook up with
some cute, little blue-eyed journaIist.

Then you might have to fend
for yourself.

- Don't do that.
- l'm sorry, dean. A littIe jumpy?

No, not at aIl.

l was just thinking.

Me too.

lt wouldn't be a bad idea to add
on a few extra guards this weekend...

...just in case.

ln case what?

WelI, after that suicide and
what happened to the Mancini girl...

...now l'm having troubIe
locating another student.

A boy named Damon Brooks.
He's been missing for some days now.

Missing? He's not missing.
lt's the weekend.

He's probably shacked up
in some motel...

...with a girI, or a guy,
or a farm animal, whatever.

- Weren't you ever 18?
- Not that kind of 18.

My point is,
l don't want you overreacting.

Don't contact anyone
without my permission.

No parents, no police.
ls that understood?

Understood. Good night, sir.

Hootie. Hootie. Hootie.

Hootie. Hootie. Hootie.

Go, go. Come on, boy. There you go.
There you go. That's my boy.

That's my boy.

l love you. l love you, baby.

Hey, listen. Listen.

That scream, that's an actual cry
for help by a girl being murdered.

- You're kidding me?
- No.

That's why it sounds so real,
because it was lifted off a 911 tape.

- That's great.
- Yeah.

- Hey, Miss Thing? Hey, you made it.
- Hey.

- Already l'm starting to regret it.
- l'm gonna go get something to drink.

- You want anything?
- A beer.

- Okay. Be right back.
- Thanks.

Stanley Hall is not a legend.

And there was one survivor
that night.

lt makes perfect sense.
Pendleton covered up Stanley HalI.

And WexIer,
so long as he keeps his mouth shut...

...he gets a job for life.

- Why would he do it?
- lt eats at him.

And probably every year around
this time he goes a little wacko.

This year, off the charts.

We have to calI the police right away.
Before it happens again.

l already tried.

Dean Adams beat me to it.

They said he warned them
to expect some prank calls tonight.

He even gave them our names.

Look....

l'm sorry l doubted you before.

What?

- Hey.
- What is he trying to do to me?

l'm so scared.

Hey, listen to me.

Nothing's gonna happen
to you, okay?

l promise.

You don't waste any time,
do you, NataIie?

- Brenda.
- Here, it's light.

- Shit.
- What was all that about?

l-- l screwed up.

Jesus. You trying
to give me a heart attack here?

Boo.

The building's off limits after 10:00.

And good night to you too.

Hello?

What?

Hey, Parker.
Let me taIk to you for a second.

You might wanna end this party
a little early.

- What?
- Natalie was right all along.

Say no more, man. Say no more.
Everybody listen up. No, no, no.

Listen. Turn the music down.
Listen, everybody.

Paul here, he thinks
we should end the party.

No.

No, no, no. TelI everybody why.
Why they should go home.

There's a kiIler on campus.

And let me guess...

...this killer is offing peopIe
based on urban legends.

Yeah, that's right.

WelI, l've got a legend that you may
or you may not have heard of, Paul.

You see, this mediocre
Woodward and Bernstein wannabe...

...realizes, "Shit, l'm gonna graduate
in a couple of weeks...

...and end up writing gardening tips
for Martha Stewart's Living."

Hang on, hang on.

"Unless l get a realIy hot story.
You know, something that really flies.

l got it. l got it.

l'll take advantage
of my homicidal instincts...

...and l'll start killing people
in a trendy...

...attention-getting, cover-story
kind of way.

Basing them on urban legends."

Why don't you have another drink?

Maybe you're the one
that shouId Ieave...

...and let everybody else
have a good time. Right?

You stay here.
l'm gonna go get some help.

Parker, why do you always have to be
such a jerk?

l was just messing around.

Look, l'm gonna go
to the radio station, okay?

Hey, hey. Who's my girl?
Who's my girl?

That's my girl.

Let's go.

Hello?

Hello?

You're gonna die tonight.

Oh, realIy?

Let's see, the caIl's coming
from inside the house.

Could it be an urban legend?
Am l right? Hello?

Now, don't get shy on me
all of a sudden, fuckface.

lt's the one about
the babysitter, right?

She's getting those scary,
harassing phone calIs.

And she traces them back...

...and they're coming
from inside the house, right?

But, asswipe,
aren't you forgetting something?

- l'm not babysitting any kids.
- Wrong legend.

This is the one about the old lady who
dries her wet dog in the microwave.

Fucking sick motherfucker!
Hootie. Fuck!

You wanna fuck with me.

Are you sure it's blood?

Yes, l'm sure it's blood.
l'm covered in it.

Due to the storm, all units
are presently responding to calls.

- A unit has been notifi--
- You know what chaps my hide?

The way you pledged an oath
to serve and protect...

...and you don't give a rat's ass
when something happens.

Hold, please.

l'll do it myself.

This is Paul. Leave a message.

Let me get this straight, you guys just
tried out this new sexual position...

...and now you're stuck?

- I'm not stuck, he is.
- Just relax and stop clenching.

I saw this happen to dogs once,
it's so humiliating.

AIl right, you guys,
this is what you're gonna do, okay?

Hello?

Hello?

Are you guys there?

Oh, my God.

Help me!

Somebody help me!

Something's happening.

No, she's doing
a performance art piece...

...to commemorate the massacre.

Help me!

Oh, my God. Help me! Please!

She's good. l got chills.

No!

Help me!

Somebody, please!

PIease, help. Come on.

Please, help me.

Natalie. Natalie.

Natalie, heIp me!

No!

PIease, l don't wanna die.
l don't wanna die.

No!

No! No!

Paul!

Paul! Paul!

Sasha's dead. l just saw her,
l just saw the killer--

AIl right, all right.
Where did this happen?

- The radio station.
- Jesus.

Why did you leave? l thought
l told you to stay at the house.

Oh, shit.

Where were you?

Running all over campus
trying to find help.

The dean is gone.
l can't find Reese anywhere.

lt's dead.

Goddamn storm.

We're gonna get the heIl
out of here.

We've gotta get off campus
and find some heIp.

- What are you doing?
- l was just making sure the....

Hey, l told you
the phones were dead.

Hey, Natalie, l'm on your side.

Okay? Let's get out of here.

We'll go into town,
we'll find a phone.

What's happening?
l heard Sasha on the radio.

She's dead.

- Oh, my God. Are you sure?
- Come on, we're out of here.

Hello?

Dean Adams, this is Reese.

Hello? Are you there?

WelI, you have my number. Use it.

- Do you smell something?
- No.

Hey, maybe we shouId stop
over at that gas station...

...and see if the phones work.

Okay, fine.

- l'll be right back.
- Okay.

- lt does reek in here.
- Yeah.

Natalie, l'm sorry that l acted
like such a jerk about you and Paul.

You two Iike each other.
You should be together.

Like l said, he's aIl yours.

Natalie!

- Natalie, where are we going?
- Back to campus.

Natalie!

Brenda?

Brenda!

Natalie!

Stop! Stop!

- What's wrong?
- Someone's after me.

Get in.

- Are you okay?
- No.

l've got a coat right there.

lt ain't gonna bite you.

Okay, you can just let me out
right here.

What?

What are you doing?

PIease, just let me out.

The door won't open from the inside.

Stop that!

What's wrong with you?

ldiot kids.

No!

lt's him.

Keep going, keep going, keep going.

Come on, come on.

Just keep going, keep going. Faster.

Hello. ls there anybody there?

Help! Can you hear me? HeIlo?

Somebody help me!

Oh, God.

Somebody help me!

Somebody help me!

He's gonna kill me!

PIease, somebody heIp me!

PIease.

Gotcha.

l must say, Natalie, you have proved
your friendship to me.

Coming all the way out here
to rescue me...

...without even a little pepper spray
to defend yourself.

Very endearing. Excuse me?

l'm sorry, but l can't understand
a thing you're saying, doll.

Now. lf l remove the gag, you've got
to promise me that you won't scream.

Lord knows l had enough of that
with Sasha.

You're fucking crazy.

l prefer the term eccentric.

l guess you could say
l'm a Iittle nutty.

- Why?
- "Why? Why?"

Why?

You stiIl haven't figured it out,
have you?

WelI, Iucky for you, Miss Thing,
l've got a visuaI aid.

There l am, Natalie,
with my boyfriend.

The love of my life.

Have you found
the love of your life yet, NataIie?

Of course not.
You're too self-involved to bother.

Pic ring any bells, Nat?

Oh, my God.

Ding, ding, ding!

His name was David Evans.

The one you and your friends decided
to have a little fun with that night.

You know, David and l were gonna
get married that summer.

Right after graduation.

He didn't have enough money
to buy me a ring yet...

...so he got me this instead.

The night
you took him away from me!

- Brenda, l wasn't--
- You weren't driving.

But it was your car.
And you were there, Natalie.

Now, didn't you tell me...

...that you were having a Iittle
difficuIty forgiving yourself, Natalie?

WelI, l thought, as a friend, l couId
heIp you out in that department.

- Payback's a bitch, isn't it, Natalie?
- Brenda, please, you need to get heIp.

l have already tried therapy.
Obviously it did me no good, Natalie.

And l must say, l am kind of enjoying
all this.

PIaying with your pretty little head.

You used an urban legend to kill
my boyfriend, Natalie. And now....

- What are you gonna do?
- Just my favorite UL.

The Kidney Heist.

You do know this one,
don't you, Natalie?

A guy gets picked up by a woman
at a bar.

She takes him back
to her hotel room.

She fixes him a drink.
He's knocked out.

When he wakes up,
he's in a bathtub fulI of ice...

...and he reaIizes that
one of his kidneys has been removed.

Supposedly they sell them
on the black market.

l don't think
it's ever actually happened though.

TilI tonight.

- You won't get away with this.
- Natalie, of course l wilI.

l've got the perfect murderer
in the trunk of PauI's car. WexIer.

- You're sick.
- Professor...

...does away with his students,
then kills himself...

...in the same manner
as the course he teaches.

lt's beautifuI.
lt's so fucking clean, isn't it?

What? Enough chat, Nat.

Now, l'm sorry,
but l don't have any anaesthesia.

l guess you'll just have to bite down
real hard on that gag...

...and hope that you go into shock
soon enough.

PIease, don't do this.

Don't you want to be
an urban legend?

AIl your friends are now.

Stupid bitch!

l am reaIly gonna enjoy
watching you bleed to death.

Now, is this a kidney?

Or is that the liver?

l was always such a dope in anatomy.
WelI, who cares, right?

First organ l see,
l'm just gonna grab it.

Drop the weapon!

Oh, great. Rent-a-cop to the rescue.

Put your hands up. Get up against
the wall, you Ioony psycho-bitch.

lt's aIl right, sugar.
lt's gonna be okay.

Move it. Move it.

Don't you move.

Don't you fucking move.

Shit. A bullet through the head.

Not exactly an urban legend,
but in the essence of time....

lt's not gonna bring him back,
Brenda.

l know that, Natalie.

But it wiIl bring a devastated
little PauI right into my arms.

l'll have him
and he'll have his Pulitzer.

What did you think, NataIie?

l was gonna Iet you take two men
out of my life?

Very weIl done.

l couIdn't have pIanned it better
myseIf.

- ReaIly?
- Oh, yeah.

l thought l was screwed
after Natalie here...

...fucked it up for me with the dean.

But this....
This is just what l need.

- A few things though, okay?
- l'm Iistening.

WelI...

...l need some details for my article.

You know, about how Wexler
did each one.

- Details only you could give me.
- lt would be great for your career.

And we would be
so fucking hot together, Paul.

And l'd be very grateful.

So why don't you give me the gun?
l'll take care of the rest.

You're cute, Paul.

But you're not that fucking cute.

Now. Which one of you
do l kill first?

Eenie, meenie, miney....

Moe.

What, are you gonna shoot me,
Natalie?

What kind of friend are you?

Natalie, give me the gun.
Come here.

- Are you all right?
- No.

Reese.

l thought l'd have to wait to be a cop
before a bullet ever hit me.

Just stay down. We're gonna go
get some help, aIl right?

Quick.

- Do you think Reese will be okay?
- Reese is gonna be fine.

The paramedics are on the way.

This will become a Iegend too,
you know.

lt'll change a little
from person to person, of course.

Brenda wilI become a guy.

You'll become a cop.

And l'Il end up
in some insane asylum.

So, if this is an urban Iegend...

...at what point
do we get to the twist?

The river was such a mess
because of the storm...

...it washed away the body.

The thing of it is, they never found
a body. lt wasn't there.

- Bullshit.
- lt's true.

lt happened right here at Ashton.
l swear to God.

Man, that is a stupid story you hear
at every campus in the Northeast.

Exactly. l mean, where's your proof?

Were you even listening?
lt all keeps getting covered up.

Think about it.
Who would enroll at Murder U?

Yeah, and you know what?

Natalie,
she's my old roommate's cousin.

And Brenda's a girl
in that Noxzema commercial.

Look,
does anybody here believe me?

- Not a chance.
- Sorry, no.

- l beIieve you.
- Thank you.

- But you didn't telI it right.
- l didn't?

Not at aIl.

Okay, listen up, guys, because
this is how the story realIy goes.