Uphill All the Way (1986) Movie Script

♪ Is we going somewhere

or is we ain't ♪

♪ Is that a rainbow,

or is it only rain ♪

♪ Is a new day coming

♪ Or is just more of

the same old thing ♪

♪ Is that the shadow

of a golden goose ♪

♪ Or just the buzzard's wings

♪ I got holes in my

boots on my feet ♪

♪ From just getting nowhere

at such amazing speed ♪

♪ I got holes in my pocket

♪ But my pocket

don't really care ♪

♪ 'Cause nothing worth

nothing ever goes in there ♪

♪ Is we going somewhere,

or is we ain't ♪

♪ Is that a rainbow

or is it only rain ♪

♪ Is a new day coming

♪ Or is it just more

of the same old thing ♪

♪ Is that shadow

of a golden goose ♪

♪ Or just a buzzard's wings

♪ Is we going somewhere,

or is we ain't ♪

♪ Is that a rainbow

♪ Or is it only rain

- Booger!

♪ Or is just more of

the same old thing ♪

♪ Is that the shadow

of a golden goose ♪

♪ Or just a buzzard's wings

- If this ain't the cheese.

I wonder where we are, Ben?

- I don't know,

that sign over yonder

says Matterhorn Switch.

- I hope it's in

walking distance.

- It damn sight better be.

Then what Ben?

Trust in

human nature, Booger.

I'll think of something.

- Let's hear it for

the roughriders.

- Oh look!

Some nice gentleman

bought us some beers.

Thank you so much.

Don't mind if a do.

All right, everybody ante up.

- Too rich for me,

I'm just gonna watch.

- Excuse me.

Would you excuse me?

- Yeah.

Busy?

Yes sir, this

looks like my night, gents.

Yesiree, dealer bets 10.

I'll call that 10.

- Excuse me Mister,

I dropped my hat.

- Well, of all the damn nerve.

You little worm.

What the hell do you

think you're doing?

- Nothing.

- Sneaking and free looks?

You damn pervert.

- Oh, leave him alone Velma.

He ain't looked at nothing

every other guy in the whole

county ain't already seen.

- I didn't say that.

- Oh, come on Velma,

I said let go of him.

- Hal, get him another drink.

You can't blame a guy

for trying, can you?

- My looking glass,

my looking glass.

- It serves you right.

Trying to sneak a peek

under Miss Velma's skirt.

Of all the low down

rotten, stinking,

can you imagine?

- Break it up boys.

Don't let the celebration

get out of hand.

Now, there's no harm done here.

So let's get on

with the game, huh?

You got to give these fellows

back some of their money.

Drinks all around.

- Well, I guess a

couple more hands

kind of wind down the evening

wouldn't hurt anybody.

I hope.

- Winning's a big pleasure.

- Looks like somebody

dropped their mirror,

and broke it.

I expect we ought to play

that last hand again

and pass the deal?

Any complaints?

- All right by me.

You know how to play a

five card draw, chubby?

- Yes sir.

- Good.

- I'll bet five.

- I call that five.

- Well, I'll raise that

five, five more chubby.

- I'll call.

Two cards.

- Two cards.

- How about two little goodies?

One little goodie,

two little goodies.

I'll play these.

- I'll bet five.

- Well, I see your

bet and I'll raise.

- Okay,

40,

and I'll bump it for you.

I'm all done.

- Well, I got pretty lucky.

I think I'll just bet at all.

- Gonna bet the whole farm, huh?

Those aces, they start to look

real good in your

hand after a while.

What do you got?

- Well, you was right

about those aces,

but I got me some

eights to go with them.

- Aces and eights.

Dead man's hand.

- Four Queens.

Well, you ain't the

worst poker player

I've ever played in my life,

but you're in the top two.

About the same size,

both of them, too.

Tell you what, take

this and buy something,

as long as it isn't

something to eat.

Tell you what,

why don't you try to stick

this to your ceiling,

go upstairs and have a whale

of a good time with your,

with your friend.

- It wasn't my fault Ben.

- Oh, of course it

was, sweet thing.

Come on, come on.

How about you and

me go up to my room,

you heard what the man said.

Come on, excuse me, fellows.

- Booger, you owe me one.

- My man.

I knew you was something special

the first time I saw you.

My momma told me how to tell.

That's mama up there.

She said, "Lucinda always look

at the size of a man's feet.

- Don't do that.

- When I saw yours, I said,

oh, we're gonna be

a real good match.

- Hey, what would you say

to one more romp

for old time sake?

- I'd say no.

It's time to get up and

pay up, traveling man.

You said yourself

that was a real treat.

- Boy it truly was.

But I was hoping now maybe-

- Uh uh.

- I really ought to settle

down with a real good man.

I seriously think about it,

And I think you're it.

- Well dumplings,

me, I like you a lot but.

You know, I ain't exactly

the marrying kind.

- I paid already.

- Uh uh, a real treat's

five bucks extra, buster.

And that's what you owe me.

- Being's you put it like that,

and I reckon I do owe you.

But you'll have to wait till I

get a hold of my partner.

Pee on the fire, and

call in the dogs, Booger.

This hunt is over.

- Hey, where are you going?

- I got to go and see a man

about a bird dog, dumplings.

- I didn't know you knew

nothing about bird dogs.

- There's a lot of things

about me that you don't know.

- You sleaze.

If you think for one minute

that you're walking

out of my place

without paying for

the real treat,

you better think again.

Leon!

- Shh.

- That window don't open.

It's nailed shut.

- I got to get out of here.

I can't hardly breathe.

- Don't run out on

mem, come on Booger.

- I want my money, mister.

You owe me five bucks.

Well, how much do I owe you?

- Oh, oh no, if you was

satisfied, I was real satisfied.

You coming back, aren't you?

- Much obliged.

I'll tell you I ain't

one to look a gift-

Thank you.

- You owe me, Leon!

- Come back tonight, won't you?

- Grab him.

- Where are you gentleman going?

- Let me go, let go.

- Hang on to 'em, Leon.

The curly-haired one here

tried to dodge his bill.

- I did not, I paid

up fair and square,

and you didn't say anything

about a real treat being extra.

She didn't.

- Pay up, chiseler.

- I ain't got it,

I'm flat busted.

- I'll just take these boots.

They oughta be worth something.

- Hey, they're

elk hide Justin's,

they're worth more

than five dollars.

Give me my boots back.

- Down the backstairs

with them, Leon,

like the rest of the deadbeats.

Get going.

Watch my head.

- On your way bums.

Don't you ever set

foot in my place again,

unless you got money.

- I think we've done

been had, ma'am.

These boots ain't worth a damn.

- Son of a bitch.

Don't you ever set

foot in my place again.

- Put your clothes on, Ben.

Somebody's liable to see

you running around here

half naked and put

the law onto you.

- Damn Booger they

was good boots.

- Forget about them boots.

- They was elk hide.

- Elk's ass.

When we went in there Ben,

we was doing a flim flam.

We could have been put in jail,

or maybe even shot.

- And still no call

to leave a feller out

of here barefooted.

And I got a half a mind

to go back in there

and whoop up on a little ass.

- And I got half a mind to

tell you that you're nuts.

I mean it, Ben.

I'm sick and tired of dragging

around from pillar to post,

and catching handouts,

and working flim flams,

and doing odd jobs for

little or no wages,

and sleeping in barns

and living by your wits.

- Are you through?

- No, I ain't through,

and living by your wits

ain't no living, Ben.

- Well, it ain't all

that bad a life, Booger.

I mean, there's

all the traveling.

And you couldn't see all

this beautiful country

and hold down a regular job.

Besides, them old boots

weren't that much anyway.

I was fixing to get

me a new pair anyhow.

- How you gonna pay for

a new pair of boots, Ben?

We ain't had 40

dollars between us

since you outran the gambler

in El Paso last winter.

And just once, I'd

love to be able to ride

inside the coach and

have a cold beer,

instead of hanging

on for dear life,

and eating road dust and

waiting for a railroad bull

to come along and

knock me loose.

I mean it Ben, I

want me a stake,

and I ain't talking about

the kind that comes on a cow.

I'm talking about

a handful of green.

Are you looking at me?

I'm talking about a handful

of greenback dollars.

It's something so I can get me

a little edge on in this world.

- Yeah, and I guess you want

to go to church on

Sundays too, huh?

- I might.

- And set up there

in the front row

and rub shoulders with

all the big shots.

Hell Booger, you ain't cut

out for that kind of life.

It'd kill you deader

then a Cincinnati pig.

- Well, I ain't in the

best of health right now.

My ass is all skinned up,

and my back's out of kilter

from getting kicked out of that

damn box car in Las Cruces.

There's gotta be a better way

to live than this here, Ben.

And I'm so hungry if

I had made some bread,

I'd make me a sandwich,

if I had me some meat.

I mean other people they

seem to get along just fine,

living in the big white

houses and the picket fences.

- Yes, and the clerk

in a dry goods store,

or a-pushing a plow, and

smelling mule gas all day,

and a sweating just as much

and stinking twice as bad.

And I'll tell you something

else, Mister Skaggs,

you got absolutely

no call at all

being all riled up like this.

You stand absolutely

no chance at all

of making it to the upper crust.

And I'll tell you

something else, hoss.

As ugly as you are,

you'd have one a hell of a time

finding a woman would love you

for something

besides your money.

- Well, that's all you know.

I still have my

money and my boots.

- Five dollars,

that ain't no stake.

To do what you want to do,

you'd have to take out

a loan at the bank.

- A bank?

- Yes, Booger, a bank.

And I'm reckoning that's

just what we'll do,

is march ourselves

right over to that bank,

and tell that feller

in there that we want-

- Hold on Ben, you got

to have what they call

it's called-

- Collateral.

- That's right,

and ain't no bank

gonna give us

something for nothing.

And we ain't got

nothing worth nothing,

but this is a $5 poker chip.

- How about this old

chin-buster here.

We gave nearly $25

for this, remember?

And that ain't

counting the postage,

and there's real gold

in this watch, Booger.

Real gold.

- 8:15, my day, any man

interested in getting ahead

would be on the job by now.

It's what made this country.

Grit and punctuality.

- Hold up a minute, Ben.

Hey, have you ever

been in a bank before?

- No.

- Well, I have.

Tried to cash a check from a man

who had bought a horse from me.

- And what happened?

- Well, they wouldn't

give him the money.

They said his check was bad,

but that didn't

make no difference.

- Why not?

- It wasn't my horse.

Ben, let's come back tomorrow.

- Tomorrow's Saturday

and the bank is closed.

- Well, let's come

back on Monday.

- Come on, Booger.

- Business hours don't start

till nine o'clock gentlemen.

If you come back then

I'm sure we can take care

of whatever business you might-

- We ain't got a lot of time.

- What is this about?

- Here Booger, it was your idea.

You tell him what we want.

- We need,

yeah, we need some money.

What's that noise?

- How the hell should I know,

I've never been

in a bank before.

- Ben, I think we just

took up bank robbing.

Hold up mister, hold up.

- Can't hear you with

that bell ringing.

Get him, Booger!

- Hold up, we need a ride.

- I can here you

there's a bell ringing.

- Hold it!

- There's a bell ringing, I

can't hear a word you're saying.

- Stop it.

- Hold it.

Stop that thing!

- Hold it, I said, hold it.

Get in Booger, get in.

I told you to

stop, that we needed a ride.

Get this

damn thing moving.

High tail it, mister.

Hey, what are you doing?

- Hey, what'd you do that for?

- Look gentlemen, I'm not

asking any questions, okay?

I really don't care what

your gentlemen are doing.

You can, you can have my car.

Just hand me my sample cases.

- Hold on a minute.

- Please, Mister.

Give me my sample cases

and I'll be on my way.

Oh Lord.

Thank you.

- But you ain't got no coat.

- I appreciate it.

Thank you.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna walk.

I really don't mind walking.

Walk walk, it's good for me.

Oh, excuse me.

My merchandise.

Excuse me.

- Booger, can you

drive this contraption?

- Hell no, you

know I can't drive.

- Well, if that Fancy Dan

can do it, you can do it.

Get your buns up behind

that wheel and let's go.

- What do I do first?

- Whatever he was doing, you do.

Let's get the hell out of here.

The other way,

Booger, the other way.

Get on the road, Booger.

Hell Ben, I'm trying.

Booger!

Be careful with me

automobile won't you, please?

Booger,

you're gonna kill us.

- The damn fool and his toys.

Thaddeus?

I told you for the last time,

if you pull that thing again,

I'm gonna fry your liver.

Thaddeus, you around here?

- Sheriff, did you catch 'em?

- Turn that damn thing off.

Catch who?

- The two bank bandits.

- Thaddeus, if you're

trying to make out

that you've been robbed,

it ain't gonna work.

I've been rousted

out of my bed enough,

with that bellering

doodad you got there,

and I want to warn you,

if you don't get

shed of that thing,

there's gonna be a hell to pay.

- But Sheriff, I set it

off on purpose this time.

There's two of them.

They surprised me as I

was opening the bank.

I almost didn't have time to

reach up for the alarm handle.

One of them shoved a

shotgun right in my face.

- I'll be damned.

How much money did they get?

Stop this

damn thing, Booger.

I can't.

Stop this damn thing.

I ain't sure I can

get it started again, Ben.

I told you couldn't

drive the damn thing,

now which way should we go?

Head for Fort Stockton.

Maybe we catch us

a fast freight.

That way?

The other way, Booger.

The other way.

Watch that shift Booger!

Keep it on the road.

Why I ever let you drive.

- What do you mean, they

didn't get any money?

- Because my new alarm

system scared them off.

They just turned tail

and ran when it went off,

like any frightened

bank robber would.

They even left that

money bag behind.

Now are you gonna go after them,

or do I have to

wire The Rangers?

- Do no good to

wire The Rangers.

- Why not?

- Because day before yesterday

that gully-washer

knocked the lines down,

coming and going.

- Well, get it fixed.

- Honest Ben,

I can't see a sign of anybody.

- Well, they probably

took a shortcut, Booger.

Hurry up and cut the wire.

We're running out

of running room.

- I can't.

- You can't, why?

- I ain't got a knife.

- Here.

Now cut the damn wire Booger,

The Rangers are probably

already out after us.

- Which one?

- How in the hell

should I know, Booger?

Just cut both of them,

and be done with it.

- Okay.

Ben.

You owe me one, Ben.

- You cut the damn

wires, Booger.

- You owe me one.

- Anybody here seen

Sheriff Catledge.

- Sheriff, if you don't go after

those two thugs right now,

I am gonna have your

badge come election day.

- You said yourself that

there wasn't any money took.

- There was a robbery,

an attempted robbery.

And by damn, you're gonna-

- Excuse me, Sheriff.

Somebody told me how

much I find you here.

- Hold tight, Sam.

But if there wasn't

any money took,

there wasn't any robbery.

- Excuse me Sheriff,

but I have been robbed.

Automobile thieves,

with a shotgun.

- Well, Sheriff.

- All right Thaddeus,

now you just simmer down.

Even if I was to form a posse,

we haven't got a prayer

of catching them thieves.

They'd be long gone by

now, don't you know that?

- Thieves?

You mean armed bandits?

Probably murderers.

If you'd seen the

steely-eyed look-

We are signing out a

warrant, Sheriff Catledge,

and by damn you better.

What do you mean you

can't catch up with them?

- If you expect me to

go off on horseback

with a posse full of

hung over store clerks,

after two desperados,

in an automobile,

and the only automobile in town,

you're barking up the

wrong tree, mister.

- Wait a minute, Sheriff.

How about Miss Jesse?

She's got an automobile.

- Miss Jesse's got

a lot of things,

but they cost a lot of money.

Yes ma'am, they was two of them.

Robbed Mister Dillman's bank,

and then the stole

Sam's new REO.

- Then I don't expect

you'll be coming up the

back stairs this weekend

unless you get your money back.

Huh, Thaddeus?

- Well, they didn't actually

get any money, Miss Jesse.

I tripped my new

electrical alarm system.

The barefoot one

had the shotgun,

and when the alarm went off.

- Did you say one of

them was barefoot?

Curly hair, heavyset?

Then it must've been the

same two that took advantage,

that roughed up a

couple of my girls,

and tried to skip

out of town with,

hell yes, you can have

my automobile, Sheriff.

Leon?

Leon!

Yes, boss.

- Get the car ready.

Sheriff Catledge is

going to need some help.

- Hey Sheriff.

Stop the

caterwauling, Pike.

Come on, there

gonna be a hanging.

- Hey, you can't hang a man

just for getting a little drunk.

- Save it for the

festivities, come on.

- But you can't set me.

- Come on, come on.

Get moving.

Damn your

driving, Booger.

If I had my boots I'd walk.

If your

feet wasn't so small,

you could wear mine.

That ain't

funny, Booger.

If you don't kill us.

I probably will.

- Follow me.

- Right, right, sir.

- Great balls of fire.

- I hardly had time

to get dressed.

- Lucinda, you must remember

that this is a business,

and we either collect upfront,

or we collect over

their dead bodies.

- Oh.

- And Lucinda,

try not to talk.

- And where in the blazes

do you think you're going?

- Swear us in Sheriff,

we are going, too.

- It's gonna be too rough

out there for you girls.

A woman's place is

in a house, a home.

- Since when John?

It's my automobile.

And those two deadbeats

took advantage

of poor little Lucinda here.

- No.

- And either we

go or nobody goes,

at least not in my automobile.

- It ain't worth

it, it never was.

Thaddeus, where's your piece?

- Sheriff, whatever do you mean?

- Every member this posse

has got to have a piece.

- I don't know how to,

it's your job to pursue

those men, Sheriff.

I don't see why I have to-

- Get your rump

in here, Thaddeus.

- Get in.

- Really, Sheriff.

- Get in the car.

- Yes sir.

- Bye! Bye, Elizabeth.

♪ Well, the unlikely

posse's on the trail ♪

♪ They're following

them outlaws ♪

♪ If they have to

straight to hell ♪

♪ Before too long

those dirty thieves ♪

♪ Will be locked up in jail

♪ Honk, the unlikely

posse's on the trail ♪

- Take care of yourself now.

- Bye.

♪ Yeah, the unlikely

posse's on the trail ♪

- Shut up breathing, Booger,

I can't hear nothing.

- I can't shut up breathing,

and still jump this here

fool thing up and down, Ben.

Here, you pump a while.

- We ain't got

time to change off.

That posse be coming

over the Hill any minute.

Just keep pumping.

- Oh my God.

Ben, looky yonder.

- Where'd he come from?

- You reckon he knows

something, we don't know, Ben.

- Get the hell out of here.

We ain't gonna be

your dinner, get.

He's just resting

up there, Booger.

Yeah, we're not gonna be his-

Uh oh.

Maybe we are gonna

be his dinner.

Maybe we ought to give

ourselves up or something, Ben.

- You go ahead and

give yourself up.

If they don't shoot you,

then I'll give myself up.

- Hell, Ben.

That can't be the posse.

The posse'd coming

from that way.

Maybe it's the Rangers.

I hear they're dead shots, Ben.

- Well, if that is The Rangers,

they're being careless as hell.

Maybe they don't

know who we are yet.

Just act natural, Booger.

We ain't in the jailhouse yet.

Not for awhile, anyways.

Hey, that ain't Rangers, Booger.

Them boys are wearing

soldier suits.

That's soldier boys.

Yeah, we're sure glad to

see you fellows come along.

We kind of threw a shoe,

in a manner of speaking.

- Looks like you got

in troubles, all right.

Real trouble.

We wasn't real sure what

was going on down here.

- Yeah, you don't see

one of them contraptions

around here very often.

- We've been river riding,

looking for bandit signs.

Found some, too.

- Bandits?

Oh yeah, that's probably

why we were acting

sort of spooky down here,

when y'all came riding up.

We thought you was bandits.

- I expect you fellers be

mighty grateful for some help,

were it to come.

- Boy, you ain't a kidding.

- Whereabouts you boys headed?

- Oh, we're heading that way.

- Whereabouts you come from?

Well, we came from

back yonder ways.

- Oh yeah, Matterhorn's

down there.

Boy they got a cathouse

down there, don't they?

- I wouldn't know.

I've never been there.

I mean, I couldn't say.

- There you go, fellers.

Tighter than a watermelon now.

You got plenty of air in there.

That oughta be worth something

to you fellers, don't you think?

- Much obliged.

- I was thinking more like a

couple of greenback dollars.

- You gonna have to

settle for much obliged.

We're flat busted.

- Oh yeah?

Well, you can't afford to pay,

then you can't have my air.

Bevins.

- Hey, what are you doing?

Stop that.

- I figure a man drive

a car like that around,

a fancy car like that around,

you ought to have

some cash around.

- Honest boys, we really

are broke, honest.

- All right, that tears it.

The fun's over,

reach for the sky.

Looks like we're about to

join the US Army, Booger.

Start peeling out of them

fancy little soldier suits.

Peel them.

- I don't know why we

have to be running around

this hot desert

chasing after them two-

- Oh Lucinda, if you

would do as you were told,

and you were told to

collect the money up front,

this wouldn't be happening.

- But Miss Jesse, you

know the funny one,

the cute one that talked to you.

Well, he and I are

gonna be married,

so I didn't feel it was right

to collect money from him,

up front.

- Tell me Lucinda,

what's this guy got

that I don't have.

- For one thing, big feet.

- Honest fellers, we was

really just funnin' ya.

We didn't mean to make you mad,

nothing like that.

- Yeah, look, I don't want

to make any madder but,

but I got to tell

you guys something.

Those uniforms, they

don't even belong to us.

They belong to United

States government.

You're just gonna get yourself

in a lot more trouble.

- Trouble?

There's a posse after us,

and we wouldn't be

doing this to you

if it wasn't a matter

of life or death.

So I just wanted to give

you all a fair warning.

- Come on Ben, let's go.

- Beings as y'all

was kindly enough

to stop and help a couple

of weary travelers out,

that posse that's

gonna come in here,

is gonna come in shooting first

and asking them questions later.

If there's anyone left

to ask questions to.

Things kinda got out of hand

back there in Matterhorn.

We had to leave a couple of

folks shot up pretty bad.

- What are you talking about?

- Them two old

ladies at the bank.

The ones that wouldn't give us

the combination to the safe.

- Oh yeah, them two.

He's telling the truth.

The only description they got

here is this automobile here.

We didn't leave

any eye witnesses.

- If I was you boys,

I'd be getting that wheel

back on this vehicle,

just as quick as I could,

and be getting the

hell outta here.

Here Booger, I'll cover 'em.

You pick up them old

clothes, let's be gettin'.

- Now you fellers

better do what he says.

- Now you boys would

be well advised

to try to keep that thing

between the ditches.

Come on, Booger.

- You got my finger in there!

♪ Life is uphill all the way

♪ For those who choose

the game to play ♪

♪ Of the desperado

♪ And life

♪ Is uphill all the way

♪ And just gets

steeper every day ♪

♪ For the desperado

♪ Drifting with the wind

♪ Searching for a friend

♪ Hoping around the bend

♪ This loneliness will end

♪ Life is uphill all the way

♪ And all the dreams

just fade away ♪

- Things are starting

to get out of hand, Ben.

I never signed on

for all this stealing

and robbing and such.

- Now wait a minute, Booger.

We ain't done

anything really bad.

I mean, we ain't

hurt anybody have we?

We didn't take any money.

And I guess we took that car,

and these horses, and these

clothes, in self-defense.

- We damn sure can't

get across the river

in these here soldier suits.

We'll get our asses shot off.

You got a bigger

target than I got.

- Look that sign back

there at the crossroads

said, Sudro Springs.

Now that's gotta be a ranch

or a town or something.

We can get a change of

clothes there, come on.

♪ Drifting with the wind

♪ Searching for a friend

♪ Hoping around the bend

♪ This loneliness will end

♪ Life is uphill all the way

♪ And all the dreams

just fade away ♪

Hold up Ben, hold up.

Just look back yonder.

That's them soldier boys

- Boy, they sure fixed

that wheel in a hurry.

And who's that?

That's

gotta be the posse.

A pink posse?

- Well, we got a

good jump on 'em.

Let's go.

What's wrong

with that wheel back there?

I can't hold it,

something's coming loose.

those two poor-

- Lucinda.

Quiet.

- Damn, what have

they done to my car?

- Looks to me like

they got a busted tire.

I think we got them now.

I wonder what in the

hell they're doing

standing around there

in their long johns.

- I don't know Sheriff,

but they're waving a white flag.

- We ain't the ones!

- We ain't done nothing.

- Well, what about it gentlemen?

Take a good look.

Are they the ones?

- I can't see from

here, Sheriff.

They certainly weren't

dressed like that

when they held up the bank.

We

didn't do nothing.

- There were wearing clothes

when he stole my automobile,

and that's my REO, that's

my REO for sure, Sheriff.

- I never seen them

before in my whole life.

That's right.

- We're in the Army,

it's them other guys.

- Don't shoot us.

- Wait a minute.

- Honest to God,

we ain't the ones

who shot up them two old ladies.

- You guys have got

to hear us out now,

we ain't done nothing,

we're in the army.

We didn't kill them

little old ladies.

- Nobody's told

me anything about

two old ladies getting shot.

- Not in my bank, they didn't.

- I'm sorry Sheriff,

those aren't the two

fellers who stole my REO,

but that's my REO, all right.

At least, what's left of it.

- We just stopped to

help a couple of guys

with a flat tire,

and well the first

night we know,

they done level down

on us with a shotgun,

threatening to shoot us

down like, like dogs.

Ain't that right, Bevins?

- Yes sir, that's right.

They meant it too, Sheriff.

They said that they

was gonna kill us.

- Said they murdered

two old ladies

in cold blood a ways back.

- Sure as shooting, Sheriff.

We was gonna be next.

- Howdy, Miss Jesse.

You remember us?

Corporal Harkins, 13th Cavalry,

just last week.

You give me a real treat.

She's the one I told you about.

- Yes, I've seen

these two, Sheriff.

They're Army.

- Okay, you can put

your hands down.

On second thought, put 'em up.

You're deputized.

- Deputized?

- Yeah, deputized.

- Leon, give them boys one

of Miss Jesse's spare tires.

We're gonna need all

the help we can get.

And damn it, somebody

give that bare ass boy

something to wear there.

Well, it's just

like you said, Booger.

Things could be a lot worse.

We can fill up here

on spring water,

and be in Mexico before dark.

- Just in time to

get to get shot

by whichever side

finds us first.

- Booger, you're a worrier.

You're gonna have

to start looking

at the bright side of things.

Soap!

The whole damn creek

is full of soap.

- This ain't no time to

be taking a bath, Ben.

- I mean it, Booger.

We're a hundred

miles from no place

in the middle of nothing,

and the whole damn

creek is full of soap.

- It is soap.

Soap in the damn creek.

bound to be clear water

upstream, come on.

- Hell Booger,

that's just a couple of

fellers doing their wash.

- Where the hell are we, Ben?

- I don't know Booger,

but I hope this is

the road to Mexico.

- They don't look

like Mexicans to me.

- Buenos Dias.

El rodo Mexico.

- Ben, they don't

talk like Mexicans.

- Is this the road

to Sudro Springs?

- The river, which

way's the river.

- Which way is it?

This way, or that way?

- Ben, you're

scaring the horses.

You're scaring the horses.

- We don't want any trouble.

Hold it, stop that.

Ah hell, let's get out of here.

- By God boys, they're

headed for the river.

Jesus Christ Bevins, hold on.

- Whoa Ben.

Looky yonder, Ben.

What in the world's

going on now?

Give it all you got

now, we'll be out of here.

I don't know, Booger.

But it don't look like

there's any other way around.

- Hold it, hold it, hold it.

All right.

One more good shove and

we'll have her, men.

Okay, once more with

all you got now.

Ready? Heave!

Hold it, hold it.

If I ask you to put

your back into it,

we'd have had it out of

here and back on the road.

You men, come down here

and lend us a hand.

You two on the horses.

Get down here on the double.

- What are we gonna do?

- Well, hell Booger,

you got the stripes.

Just act natural,

we'll ride on through.

- Act natural?

Hell, that's the real

Army down there, Ben.

- Look at that feller

flapping his arms.

They can't even keep their

truck on the road, Booger.

Let's go.

- Hold it men, hold it.

Don't you men see that

we need some help here?

- I'm sorry Lieutenant,

we ain't got time.

- It's Captain,

Captain Hazelton.

And what do you mean you

don't have time soldier?

- Well, begging the

captain's pardon sir.

But me and Booger, I mean

me and the Sergeant here,

we got to get on down the road.

- Sergeant?

Just who's in charge

here, Corporal.

And button that shirt.

- Oh I am, sir.

And we got special orders

to take a message

down to the Springs.

- Well, you're wrong corporal.

I'm in charge here,

and first, you'll lend us

a hand with this truck.

And I'm sure your mission isn't

a matter of life and death.

- Well, yes sir, it is sir,

in a manner of

speaking, it is sir.

- Well, we'll see

about that later.

Then we'll all go

down to the Springs,

'cause I have orders Corporal,

to set up a signal

station and take messages.

Now then, take some

of those ropes,

and tie onto the

front of that truck.

That is a direct order.

Move it.

- Aye aye, Captain sir.

- Move it.

- Get the pole back

under there, men.

- What are we gonna do now?

- We'll just do what

the soldier boy says.

Let's don't start

any trouble here.

Go ahead and tie on.

- Put the shoulders into it men.

We'll be out of here and

back on the road in no time.

Are you a men ready up there?

- Ready as we'll ever be, sir.

- Hey, we can't go riding into

the Springs with the Army.

They'll find us out for sure.

We'll just have to

play it by ear, Booger.

Stay loose.

Stay loose my ass.

- All right, get a

move on up there, men.

Okay, let's do it by

the numbers, guys.

We'll go on four, okay.

All together men,

by the numbers.

One.

Two.

Three.

Four!

- Get down, Booger, get down.

- You two, I'll have

you court marshaled.

♪ Well I never thought

I'd ever be an outlaw ♪

- By God, when we get to

Sudro I'll have their hides.

♪ Living under the gun

♪ Though I never thought

I'd ever be an outlaw ♪

♪ But just look

what fate has done ♪

♪ They finally made me one

♪ Well it is twice as hard

these days for a man ♪

♪ To make an honest living

♪ Some of the

strong have tried ♪

♪ But couldn't make

a piece of life ♪

♪ And when the vulture's

circling overhead ♪

♪ And the body has to be fed

♪ An honest man'll

break the law ♪

♪ Before the

Leon, be

careful with the car.

- Bank robbers.

- They're murderers.

- Horse thieves.

- They murdered two

little old ladies, too.

- Hold back there,

this is the law.

Leon, put some

water in this thing.

- We're following

two bank bandits.

- And murderers, there's

gonna be a hanging.

- Did anybody else

go through here?

Does anybody speak ying-yang

or what the hell

they're talking?

Two bank robbers.

Two soldiers.

Two men on horse,

giddy up giddy up.

- Miss Jesse.

Miss Jesse.

Real treat.

- They do my laundry.

Who does yours?

- That's enough jabbering and

caterwauling and squawking.

Raise your hands.

Oh, to hell with 'em.

You're deputized,

get in the other car.

Get in the other car.

- Back there, back

in that car, hurry.

Miss Jesse?

I still gotta go.

Lucinda.

Grit your teeth.

By God

Booger there's Sudro.

What'd I tell you?

looks kind

of dead to me, Ben.

We'll just ride

on down and find out.

Hello in the house,

anybody home?

Anybody home?

- Anybody home? Sing out.

Run bandits, don't

come up to 'em.

Take cover, get down.

- What are you damn

fools doing here?

- That was a damn

fool stunt to pull.

Them bandits almost

had your hide.

Some of Pancho

Villa's leftovers.

They call themselves

revolutionaries.

I call them bandits.

The sons of bitches had us

pinned down here for two days.

Where's the rest of your outfit?

- They ain't no more of

us, it's just us two.

- What the Corporal means

is, we was sent on ahead.

There's a whole bunch

of troopers up the road,

headed this way.

- And there's a posse

from Matterhorn,

and they right behind them.

- Well they better

hurry and get here,

'cause we're running

out of ammunition.

We're out of water

during the night,

they knocked down my

sluice box to the springs.

They're real.

Looks like you're gonna

be here for the duration,

I might as well

introduce you around.

I'm Anson Sudro.

That's my wife, Mary,

over there on the table with

our little boy, Charlie.

Charlie got hit with a ricochet

bullet bullet last night.

I reckon he's gonna be all

right, if we can get some help.

That's my oldest

boy, Tom, over there,

he's guarding the backside.

That lady back there,

that's the widow Quinn.

- Looks like you're

holding your own, ma'am.

- Sudro, anybody over

there in the box?

- Yep.

Her husband, Mister Quinn.

- Well, I reckon you pretty

happy to see us come along.

Well, little lady, I'll

tell you what I'm gonna do.

- Ben.

- Well, I tell you

what we're gonna do.

We're gonna make sure-

- Private.

I'm the corporal,

and I'm in charge,

and I want to talk

to you a minute.

In private, Private.

- Excuse me, ma'am.

- Ben, this ain't no

time to get horny,

especially with the widow woman,

that damn posse from Matterhorn,

and those soldiers,

those soldiers are liable

to bust in here any minute.

And if they don't, why

them banditos out there

gonna knock this

place to the ground.

Either way we lose.

- Booger, this place

is built like a fort.

We can hold them off in here.

- Yeah, till everybody

else who's looking for us,

until they show

up and then what?

The firing squad?

Are they gonna put us in jail?

- Well, don't burn

your corn bread.

I'll think of something

before that happens.

I hope.

- Well just who in the hell

do you think you are old man?

- I'm the Brewster

County Sheriff,

and I'm ordering you

to get that damn truck

off of that damn

road out my damn way.

- Well, can't you see

that I'm working on it?

What the hell's

your hurry anyway?

- Bank robbers,

headed for Sudro Springs

in the ,

wearing soldier suits and

riding government issue mounts.

- If they'd just stick

to chicken stealing

I wouldn't mind it so bad.

- Mason, Charlie's got

to have some water.

He's burning up with fever

and I'm afraid to give

him anymore of this.

- I'll get it.

I can run down the ditch.

They won't see me

before it's too late.

- No no no, you get

away from that door.

What makes you think you'd

get any farther than I did?

You'd be damn lucky if

they only shot in the leg,

like they did me.

- We ain't got that

many choices, Pa.

- We'll manage

son, we'll manage.

Them troops are

on the way, right?

- Yeah, anytime now.

- In the future, keep

your damn big feet

off of your momma's bed.

- Their shooting's

getting better.

- Hold on, it'll be

all right, Charlie.

Just hold on a little

while longer, darling.

- Ben, you thought

of anything yet?

- No, I'm still thinking on it.

- Hey Sudro,

what's in that shed out there?

- That's where I to

keep my coal oil barrel.

I got a bunch of old

harness and rope,

and there's dynamite

caps, things like that.

- Dynamite caps, where?

- I got nearly a full box

sitting there on the floor.

We don't get much call for them.

- Where on the floor?

- Just sitting over

there by the door.

- Booger, I'm gonna

go out the front

and stir me up some bandits.

You take the government

issue rifle of yours,

and you start pumping

rounds into that shed

just as fast as you

can, and aim low.

We just may start

ourselves a little fire.

And if we can get

enough smoke going,

maybe we can make it across

that yard and up that ditch.

And you can fire a few rounds

yourself, it's your shed.

- I'm the only one that knows

where them dynamite caps are.

- Ain't hardly enough

left of that shed

to start a fire, Ben.

Think of something else.

Hey Ben, what set it off?

- I don't know Booger,

but let's take what's given.

- Ben.

Well it's now or never.

- You're gonna need

these for the water.

- Oh yeah.

The water.

Let's go Booger.

All right,

let's turn 'em out, son.

- This way, Booger.

- Ben, hey, how about the water?

- Wait a minute, Booger.

Take a look at this.

Come on.

That's Mexico, Booger.

All we gotta do is swim for it.

- Ben, we about to

be quits as partners,

right here and now.

- We ain't quits, partner.

But by God we're even.

Nobody gets to live forever.

- Here, come on.

Come on,

Booger, come on.

Booger!

- I took one.

- Oh you'll be all

right, just take it easy.

- Get me a bucket.

- Get him a bucket, quick.

I need

a bucket, damn it.

Quick!

- What you did,

what you did out there today.

You'll be remembered for this,

I promise you that.

- If it's all the

same to you ma'am,

I'd just as soon you forget

about the whole thing.

- Yeah, we just as

soon not have our names

bandied about ma'am,

if you don't mind.

- We got the water.

It's muddy, but it's wet.

I'll take over for

a while now, ma'am.

Hey, Charlie's gonna be okay.

Look, look what I

brought you, Charlie.

Got you some chicken.

Old boy ain't all in one

piece, but he's good.

- I think we really got 'em

stirred up out there, now.

Look out there.

Looks like they're

running out of patience.

They rigged themselves

some kind of ladder.

- Damn, they are

making a run at us.

Get the bar.

- Son of a bitch is on the roof.

There's no way to

get at him up there.

- Well, he can't

get at us either.

Everybody take cover.

One of them shots is

bound to hit somebody.

- You won't get him that way,

that roof's 10 inches thick.

- Booger,

unbar the door.

- Ben, you can't go out there,

you'll get your butt shot off.

- Unbar the door, Booger.

- Ben, you're gonna

get yourself killed.

- Booger, just unbar

the door, damn it.

Unbar the door.

You got any better ideas?

- Well no but.

- Then unbar the door.

- I told you you were gonna

get your butt shot off.

Ben, oh my God.

You done got yourself shot, Ben.

Ben?

You son of a bitch.

All hell's fixing

to break loose, Ben.

Here comes the posse.

- Form a service line, men.

- Let's head for the river, Ben.

This'll be our last chance.

- We sure ain't gonna

get a better one.

- Hold your fire.

Hold your fire!

- Hold your fire, men.

That's Mexico, but

I ain't gonna create

an international

accident, incident.

Cease fire, men.

Cease fire, damn it!

Get back up to the store.

- All right Leon, let's

just get this thing

back up at the store.

No telling what we might

find on the inside.

- Yes, Mister Catledge.

- Thank God, you made it.

They said you was coming,

but we didn't think you

was gonna make it in time.

God bless your damn hearts.

- Well, we're

mighty glad we did,

even if it was a bit close.

The fact is, that

we got here in time.

- Well, you wouldn't have.

Not if it hadn't been for

those two brave troopers

that you sent on ahead.

Those men gave up their

lives so that we could,

so that we could live.

The bandits must

have taken them.

- Ma'am, those men

weren't exactly

what you thought they were.

They were-

- Captain, I'm in charge here.

I'll handle this.

And who might you be, ma'am?

- I'm Amanda Quinn.

Missus Richard Quinn,

from Rancho Del Carmen.

And thanks to those

two heroic troopers,

Mister Sudro and his young son

were the only

friendly casualties

that we suffered during

this entire encounter.

Now I know those two good

men were gravely wounded.

Perhaps you can

go and find them.

- Madame those

two, those two men-

- Thaddeus shut your mouth.

I believe that we have

the distinct honor

of meeting the

beautiful daughter

of our state's great and

distinguished Senator,

the honorable Ruben

Carlisle, huh?

Captain, call this mob to

order, pronto, right here.

- Sergeant, form

a line right here

in front of his

porch, right now.

You in the car, get

out and form a line.

- Thaddeus, I expect you

to buy me a new parasol.

Leon-

- All right, you

heard the Captain.

Two ranks, civilians

in the front, move it!

Excuse

me, excuse me.

Don't push.

- Now listen up people.

By the vigorous action

you took part in today,

lives were saved,

and through your courage,

and that of the two

scouts that we sent ahead,

lives and the property and

honor of the state of Texas

have been defended.

I am sure there will be honors,

and rewards, for all

who participated.

Do you get my meaning?

- You're right, Sheriff.

I say, hang 'em.

- Shut up, Pike!

The rescue party

from Matterhorn,

will be in every newspaper

in the nation, with pictures.

The legislature and Congress

will bestow honor upon honor.

Hell, there may

even be a parade.

And as for your soldiers,

there will be advancement.

Advancement for all.

- Ben?

- What Booger?

- I really can't swim.

- Well you better hold on,

here come the rapids.

Easy Booger.

Hold on, Booger.

Hold it, Booger!

- Read all about it folks

in the Houston Post.

Texarkana hatchet murders.

Uphill All the Way (1986) - full transcript