Until the Edge of the World (2019) - full transcript
The five-year-old Flo cannot understand the condition that her father is in. Her mother explains: "He is with us but also far away at the same time". This description sparks the child's creativity, as she begins to imagine her father embarking on a journey far away, into the vastness of space.
My Daddy always says,
when you feel really weak,
icebergs break off
the North Pole somewhere,
to show you
how strong you really are.
And when you're small,
that just means
you have a lot of outgrowing
yourself left to do.
And I'm good at that,
he always says.
He told me
if a moment comes where
you're really sad,
you can wish yourself
wherever you want to go.
You just have to wish really hard.
I think this is a moment like that.
But the place I wish to go
is different from all other
places that exist.
There's no wind there,
because there's no air at all there.
Not even the teeniest tiniest
breath of air.
And it's icy cold,
"freezier" than in the fridge.
It's a strange place.
There are no sounds at all there.
It's "mouse-whispery" quiet
and also a little bit spooky.
And one side is "dungeon-dark".
I mean, really, "pitch-dark".
If you look closely at him,
you'll see he has dark
and light patches.
Did you know
that the dark ones are actually
craters deep as canyons?
And the light ones
are mountains like skyscrapers?
Or that he changes his shape?
There's just one thing,
one snag.
Although he's our neighbour,
it takes
a very long time to reach him.
Because there's no road.
You have to cross the blackness
above the clouds.
For three days,
shut into a little capsule.
That's the only thing
that makes me a little bit afraid.
But it's not a bad thing
to be afraid of something.
It even happens to adults.
My Daddy was away from home
for a long time.
Mummy always says
it's a miracle
he came back to us.
Since then, he's often told me
bedtime stories.
One is about his fear.
It starts like this:
UNTIL THE EDGE OF THE WORLD
It happens with
incredible force.
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Patient 3 has finished
the course of antibiotics.
Number 4,
we need a new approach.
OK, fine.
Did the medication help?
Yes.
A few hours' sleep.
I couldn't hold her back.
She wanted to be with him at once.
We agreed that you and your daughter
would come to me first.
Before a child of her age
sees a relative,
a preparatory talk is important.
And what would you have said?
I'm not on duty
the next two days.
Dr. Wegener will be there for you.
But you can reach me
at any time.
Okay.
-It's the first thing I feel.
-Flo.
A dull blow under my chest,
pressing through my body
again and again.
I know it's happening inside me,
but it feels
like it's happening miles away.
Hot air is forcing itself
into my lungs,
a shrill whistle pierces my head.
I want to open my eyes,
or maybe they're long since open.
And everywhere these voices
and knowing who they are.
Try to get up,
but not a muscle moves.
In front of me
nothing but grey clouds.
Come here.
Come here to me.
We'll make it nice here.
We'll push the beds together
and get some of your toys.
Then it won't be so empty
and unfriendly here, OK?
Why are we here?
So we can be nice and close
to Daddy.
Not have to travel all the time.
It's better.
Where is he?
Here in the hospital.
You know that.
We were just there.
Is he dead?
Flo...
Flo, no, listen to me.
Listen to me, OK?
Just because Daddy isn't moving
doesn't mean that he's dead. OK?
He's very close to us.
No.
Why not, Flo?
He isn't.
-Flo, listen to me!
-He is not.
Flo.
Flo, look.
Look, we don't know much about
Daddy's condition at the moment.
He might be ...
He's...
He might be
somewhere else,
he might be just far away.
What do you mean, far away?
Far, far...
What do you mean, far away?
Come on, let's go home.
What do you mean, far away?
Can I give you this?
We've changed our minds.
We'd rather go home.
Flo, are you coming?
Flo?
Flo?
Flo, are you coming?
What do you mean, far away?
Come on, let's go home.
What do you mean, far away?
Why are we here?
So we can be nice and close
to Daddy.
Not have to travel that all the time.
It's better.
Where is he?
Here in the hospital.
You know that.
We were just there.
-Is he dead?
-No.
You're lying the other way round.
Sleep tight.
See you in the morning.
Leave them open!
Can he see us?
You know, it's completely different.
Different how?
It's cold and dark.
Just different.
But up there, you're very light
almost as if
you don't have weight any more.
Yes.
But it's just a visit.
Sleep well.
However far away I am
from everything,
it happens more and more often
and for a moment,
everything is suddenly
so real again.
As if it's happening
right here again,
before my eyes.
How I'd love to allow it, Julie.
Your gazes.
But the longer you look at me,
the less I recognise myself
in your gaze.
And I don't know if it's really me.
It really feels
like my own thoughts
are strangers to me.
And I know,
I know that you feel it ...
and how hard it is for you
to see me like this.
Unable to do anything.
And ...
I do notice Flo
also slowly starting to understand.
As if part of me is not here.
With her.
He isn't there any more.
Flo, invisible to the naked eye.
At night,
the sun lights up the moon.
Making him easily visible to the human
eye against the inkblank sky.
In bright daylight, it's difficult
for us to see him in the sky.
But in fact he never leaves our side,
even during the day.
He is our faithful companion,
and in the evening, when it's dark,
we'll be able to gaze on him again.
INVISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE
What does it say there?
GOING TO THE MOON
Now take your rucksack off.
Do I get a kiss?
Are you coming back later?
Of course I'm coming back.
Can I talk to you for a moment?
Go on, go and play.
Run.
I can imagine how hard it is for you
at the moment,
but don't you think it's also
a bit too soon for Flo?
What do you mean, far away?
Come on, let's go home.
What do you mean, far away?
You see,
there's a place there,
where you can rest,
if you're as exhausted
as Daddy is right now.
What place do you mean?
Hasn't it occurred to you
that there's something up there,
always up there, wherever we are?
Wherever we are?
Yes,
wherever.
Can he see us?
In the past people used to fear
that if they went too far
out to sea,
they'd fall off
the edge of the world.
Like off a plate.
But people in those days
just didn't know
that the Earth is round like a ball,
and you can't fall off it at all.
People in those days
knew very little about the Earth
just like we today know
very little about the universe.
We don't even know
if it has a beginning or an end.
In the vastness of space
the Moon is our neighbour.
But even he
is a long journey away.
You have to fly for three days
in a big rocket
through the darkness of space.
Even for the
cleverest scientists
the universe is a big puzzle.
Imagine a long corridor,
with other corridors going off it
and others going off
from those corridors too.
You can't find your way
there at all.
Some scientists
look up into the sky through
lenses as big as elephants
and they're always discovering
new and unknown things.
Like going through a new door
into another corridor.
And from there through more doors
into new corridors,
with doors into more,
longer corridors.
And so on, farther and farther,
again and again,
deeper and deeper.
And we can't even dare to dream
what's hidden behind
some of these doors.
Oh shit.
Can he see us?
You know, it's completely different.
Different how?
It's cold, and, and dark.
Just different.
Almost as if
you don't have weight any more.
But it's just a visit.
I'd be happy to take Flo home
with us tomorrow after kindergarten.
Mila was asking about it.
She asked me if it's true.
-Why? What, what do you mean?
-Julia,
the whole kindergarten group
knows the story.
Flo talks about nothing else.
If I can help you in any way...
I know how difficult
this all is for you.
-But I don't know if it's right to...
-You know nothing.
You know nothing at all.
Her father is attached to 5 million
tubes in hospital, in his bed.
She tries to lift his fingers,
whispers to him...
She doesn't understand
what's going on.
I have the feeling
that Flo is losing herself in it all.
You're making out that she's sick.
She believes in a story that seems
to make it easier for her, that's it.
Mrs Haferkamp gave these to me.
Flo is refusing to do anything else.
What does it say there?
He isn't there any more.
One new message.
Today, 20:11.
Hey Julie, I'm sorry.
Call me back, OK?
I'm here for you all...
Play back old messages.
Message 1
12.04., 22:03...
Hi honey, just wanted to say,
I'll be home a bit late.
Long, long ago,
the Moon was part of the Earth.
Until a huge impact
knocked him out.
Ever since, he's been above us,
and wherever you are,
he never disappears from our side.
Look carefully at him.
Did you know that he changes
his shape a little bit every day?
From a crescent,
to the circular full moon.
Tell me,
what does he look like now,
above you?
It had been raining that day.
The road was wet.
Maybe you were lost in thoughts.
Tired, I don't know.
They resuscitated you
at the accident site.
The emergency doctor says
you were probably already
brain-dead then.
I don't know why I insisted
on staying
by the machines for three weeks.
I thought,
I thought,
maybe you'd change your mind again.
Or someone would.
Why do you always sleep here?
Flo, please go back to bed.
Please.
Flo...
Because I can see him
better from here.
That's why.
Better than from here?
As if everything
was merged into oneself:
thoughts, memories.
And I'd so love to just
scream it all out,
for you to understand
what's happening inside me.
But nothing happens!
Instead, this constant fear
of getting swallowed up again
and the thought:
what if it stays like this
and I ...
I never quite find my way back.
Can you hear me?
And I know that no one
can see how it looks from here.
It's as if,
as if I'm looking
at a familiar world,
but no longer from inside.
Where is he? Why are we here?
-Can he see us?
-Flo?
What do you mean, far away?
Wherever we are?
He isn't there any more.
Are you coming back later?
Is he dead? -Flo.
Do you know what I dreamt?
I was a long way away.
So far away that everything
around me was black.
And the Earth was blue
like a water droplet.
But it wasn't a nightmare.
I was quite close to him up there,
behind a thick pane of glass.
And can you guess
what it was that woke me?
It was when I got tired in the dream
and fell asleep.
I hope I dream
that dream again tonight.
And if I do,
I won't get tired in it,
I'll stay awake.
For three dream days,
until I reach him.
I already know where I'd land.
What about you, Mummy?
What did you dream?
Go on, tell me!
What did you dream?
You won't believe me,
but my dream was very like yours.
How?
It was like a window,
on the world.
Yes, mine too.
Here you are.
Maybe Daddy
is sending us these pictures,
so he doesn't have to travel alone.
Flo ...
No one can send dreams.
Or thoughts.
-They belong only to you.
-No.
They belong to all of us.
Mrs Weidkamp?
Flo?
Mrs Weidkamp?
Dr. Wegener.
I'm standing in for Dr. Renzig.
-If I can do anything for you.
-Yes, I'll let you know.
I know you're all
waiting for me.
I know that.
Good.
Flo?
There are small,
strange things.
The feeling
something's not right.
Unease coming closer and closer.
And from one second to the next,
everything goes dark.
Flo?
I want to open my eyes
or maybe they've been open
a long time already.
And it takes a while
until all the smoke and dust
resolves into
the first shapes again.
Right in front of me.
And I know
that my body is here,
but my head
just won't come back.
The soles of my feet tickle.
Have to be careful
and forget your weight.
Quietly get up.
Not how I imagined it.
I didn't know
that a place could be so lonely,
so desolate.
And whichever way you look
there are grey hills and mountains.
It's a powerful place.
Because the sky there isn't blue,
like ours.
It's inky black.
There's just one eerie thing.
Every step there is not as light
as a feather.
And there's no one to talk to there.
No one to listen.
You're alone with your thoughts.
Flo?
You're never allowed to frighten me
like that again, understand?
You know all the things
that can happen in the street.
Are you going to tell me
what you wanted out there?
Mila.
What do mean, Mila?
Mila helped me.
That's not what I asked.
Although he's gigantic,
the Moon to us
in the end is only as big as a pea.
Small as a pea.
That's because
of the huge distance him and us.
-What do you think?
-What do you think?
If you looked at the Earth
from the Moon,
how big would she look?
You're too far away.
But I'm always here.
Flo?
I don't know
which is moving away faster.
Flo?
Me from everything
or everything from me.
As if I'm forgetting
how my life feels from nearby.
I just want to feel
that I'm still part of this world.
I know
this is all happening inside me.
And not around me.
And I can't do anything about it,
except wait.
For it to pass.
So I open my eyes
and I'm back here.
With you.
Flo?
The Moon so close.
As he dances around the Earth,
he always turns the same face to us.
If you look closely,
you can see his dark light patches.
But though he appears to us
so powerfully,
he keeps his far side well hidden.
It still holds mysteries,
which will have to be studied in more
detail on future lunar missions.
For us humans, a flight
to the Moon needs good preparation.
Astronauts train for years for it.
The Moon is a place without air.
It isn't easy to talk
to each other there.
Because there's no sound.
Every word we speak
would be silent up there.
So astronauts can only speak
via radios.
Renzig residence, hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Weidkamp, I'd like to speak
to Dr. Renzig.
Hello, Mrs. Weidkamp.
-My husband is not on duty today.
-I know, but he did say I could call.
I see.
I...
I'll get him.
Wait a moment, please.
Hello, Mrs Weidkamp.
I'm ready.
OK.
Would you like to make your way
to the hospital?
-Yes.
-OK. I'll be there.
Minus 10.
9, 8, 7, 6...
5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
Julie.
What is it?
What is it?
What is it?
The hospital called,
I have to spend the night there.
-I'll come with you.
-That's...
That's not necessary.
I'm going alone.
Could you maybe
wait at our house?
For three weeks they've been waiting
all of them,
at the hospital, for me.
For me to finally let you.
For me to finally say goodbye.
And now?
Here I am.
And I can't say a word.
Just like you,
the past eighteen months.
Everything
just thoughts.
There's so much
I want to say to you.
But I can't.
Something is holding it inside me.
Holding it tight.
So now
I think I know what you mean.
How hard it is
to turn some thoughts into words.
We need a signature from you.
We have a chaplain in the hospital,
if you want.
OK, I'll...
I'll come back in a moment.
Could you pass on something
to Dr. Renzig from me?
I'd like to stay here.
I mean...
I mean, when it's time.
When...
When the machines
are switched off...
I'd like them to call me.
Is that possible?
And if...
If I don't answer, that means
I don't want to be there.
Don't want to be present.
OK.
Should the doctor come
and see you again?
Once the machines are switched off,
it happens quite fast.
From experience,
two or three minutes.
Can you hear me?
I've learnt a lot about the Moon.
How long it takes to get there.
That you have to go
through the darkness.
If it's true
that there's no air up there
and that it gets
"freezer-cold" there
and there are no sounds.
If it's true
that it's darker than any cellar there.
Then we have to start practising
in plenty of time.
I've talked to Flo.
She's been in her room for hours.
I'll stay with you for a few days.
I'd like to be alone.
Flo?
-Can I come in?
-Not possible!
-Why not, Flo?
-No air must come in.
For us humans, a flight
to the Moon needs good preparation.
Astronauts train for years for it.
The Moon is a place without air.
It isn't easy to talk
to each other there.
Because there's no sound.
Every word we speak
would be silent up there.
So astronauts can only speak
via radios.
My Daddy told me
that some of his thoughts
are like craters
he has to go into again and again.
There are many different kinds.
Small ones spread over
a large area.
And big ones
that are not so easy to avoid.
Most of all, though, he was afraid
of the deep ones
that come out of nothing.
Some so deep
that they'd swallow you up,
if you got too close.
That's why he was always
away a long time,
because he had to go through
these craters, he told me.
Mummy told me
that he experienced a lot of things
in another country
that he couldn't talk about.
Not even to her.
And where only doctors could help.
563 days I've been back.
Since my return.
And no week passes
without an incident.
It happens with incredible force.
And from one second to the next,
everything goes dark.
And you're amidst it all again,
as if it was happening
for the first time.
It's the first thing I feel:
A dull blow under my chest,
pressing through my body
again and again.
I know it's happening inside me,
but it feels
like it's happening miles away.
Hot air is forcing itself
into my lungs.
A shrill whistle pierces my head.
Try to get up,
but not a muscle moves.
I want to open my eyes,
or maybe they're long since open.
And everywhere these voices
and knowing who they are.
And in front of me
nothing but grey clouds.
Eternal moments till I understand,
until all the smoke and dust
resolves into
the first shapes again.
Right in front of me.
It...
It happens slowly,
like on a Polaroid.
And more come.
It never stops.
It...
There are no words
for what I've seen.
It takes me an eternity to tear myself
away from this sight.
To turn on my back.
Blue sky.
Clouds.
Birds flying by.
Till suddenly
it goes quiet.
I lie like this for days.
But later I learn
that it was only an hour.
A few fractures.
Nothing else gone.
I'm flown out of the country
the same day.
Home.
But it feels
like I never quite came back.
As if
part of me stayed behind there.
They say I was the only one
in my unit who survived.
And that it's a great miracle.
A unique miracle.
Day 576.
I...
I don't believe in miracles.
Can you hear me?
Mila's Mummy told me.
That you aren't just visiting
up there.
You're there forever.
Do you remember
telling me about the craters?
Mummy has read quite a lot to me
about the Moon.
You won't believe me,
but you really have to take care.
There are lots of them up there.
Deeper than any craters down here.
You have to be really careful.
Because nobody can help you
up there.
Not even me.
When I grow up, I'll visit you.
I'll become an astronaut
and fly to the Moon.
And we'll see each other again
and fly back.
Whether you believe it or not.
I do believe in miracles.
Take off minus 10, 9,
8, 7, 6, 5,
4, 3, 2, 1...
when you feel really weak,
icebergs break off
the North Pole somewhere,
to show you
how strong you really are.
And when you're small,
that just means
you have a lot of outgrowing
yourself left to do.
And I'm good at that,
he always says.
He told me
if a moment comes where
you're really sad,
you can wish yourself
wherever you want to go.
You just have to wish really hard.
I think this is a moment like that.
But the place I wish to go
is different from all other
places that exist.
There's no wind there,
because there's no air at all there.
Not even the teeniest tiniest
breath of air.
And it's icy cold,
"freezier" than in the fridge.
It's a strange place.
There are no sounds at all there.
It's "mouse-whispery" quiet
and also a little bit spooky.
And one side is "dungeon-dark".
I mean, really, "pitch-dark".
If you look closely at him,
you'll see he has dark
and light patches.
Did you know
that the dark ones are actually
craters deep as canyons?
And the light ones
are mountains like skyscrapers?
Or that he changes his shape?
There's just one thing,
one snag.
Although he's our neighbour,
it takes
a very long time to reach him.
Because there's no road.
You have to cross the blackness
above the clouds.
For three days,
shut into a little capsule.
That's the only thing
that makes me a little bit afraid.
But it's not a bad thing
to be afraid of something.
It even happens to adults.
My Daddy was away from home
for a long time.
Mummy always says
it's a miracle
he came back to us.
Since then, he's often told me
bedtime stories.
One is about his fear.
It starts like this:
UNTIL THE EDGE OF THE WORLD
It happens with
incredible force.
Can you hear me?
Can you hear me?
Patient 3 has finished
the course of antibiotics.
Number 4,
we need a new approach.
OK, fine.
Did the medication help?
Yes.
A few hours' sleep.
I couldn't hold her back.
She wanted to be with him at once.
We agreed that you and your daughter
would come to me first.
Before a child of her age
sees a relative,
a preparatory talk is important.
And what would you have said?
I'm not on duty
the next two days.
Dr. Wegener will be there for you.
But you can reach me
at any time.
Okay.
-It's the first thing I feel.
-Flo.
A dull blow under my chest,
pressing through my body
again and again.
I know it's happening inside me,
but it feels
like it's happening miles away.
Hot air is forcing itself
into my lungs,
a shrill whistle pierces my head.
I want to open my eyes,
or maybe they're long since open.
And everywhere these voices
and knowing who they are.
Try to get up,
but not a muscle moves.
In front of me
nothing but grey clouds.
Come here.
Come here to me.
We'll make it nice here.
We'll push the beds together
and get some of your toys.
Then it won't be so empty
and unfriendly here, OK?
Why are we here?
So we can be nice and close
to Daddy.
Not have to travel all the time.
It's better.
Where is he?
Here in the hospital.
You know that.
We were just there.
Is he dead?
Flo...
Flo, no, listen to me.
Listen to me, OK?
Just because Daddy isn't moving
doesn't mean that he's dead. OK?
He's very close to us.
No.
Why not, Flo?
He isn't.
-Flo, listen to me!
-He is not.
Flo.
Flo, look.
Look, we don't know much about
Daddy's condition at the moment.
He might be ...
He's...
He might be
somewhere else,
he might be just far away.
What do you mean, far away?
Far, far...
What do you mean, far away?
Come on, let's go home.
What do you mean, far away?
Can I give you this?
We've changed our minds.
We'd rather go home.
Flo, are you coming?
Flo?
Flo?
Flo, are you coming?
What do you mean, far away?
Come on, let's go home.
What do you mean, far away?
Why are we here?
So we can be nice and close
to Daddy.
Not have to travel that all the time.
It's better.
Where is he?
Here in the hospital.
You know that.
We were just there.
-Is he dead?
-No.
You're lying the other way round.
Sleep tight.
See you in the morning.
Leave them open!
Can he see us?
You know, it's completely different.
Different how?
It's cold and dark.
Just different.
But up there, you're very light
almost as if
you don't have weight any more.
Yes.
But it's just a visit.
Sleep well.
However far away I am
from everything,
it happens more and more often
and for a moment,
everything is suddenly
so real again.
As if it's happening
right here again,
before my eyes.
How I'd love to allow it, Julie.
Your gazes.
But the longer you look at me,
the less I recognise myself
in your gaze.
And I don't know if it's really me.
It really feels
like my own thoughts
are strangers to me.
And I know,
I know that you feel it ...
and how hard it is for you
to see me like this.
Unable to do anything.
And ...
I do notice Flo
also slowly starting to understand.
As if part of me is not here.
With her.
He isn't there any more.
Flo, invisible to the naked eye.
At night,
the sun lights up the moon.
Making him easily visible to the human
eye against the inkblank sky.
In bright daylight, it's difficult
for us to see him in the sky.
But in fact he never leaves our side,
even during the day.
He is our faithful companion,
and in the evening, when it's dark,
we'll be able to gaze on him again.
INVISIBLE TO THE NAKED EYE
What does it say there?
GOING TO THE MOON
Now take your rucksack off.
Do I get a kiss?
Are you coming back later?
Of course I'm coming back.
Can I talk to you for a moment?
Go on, go and play.
Run.
I can imagine how hard it is for you
at the moment,
but don't you think it's also
a bit too soon for Flo?
What do you mean, far away?
Come on, let's go home.
What do you mean, far away?
You see,
there's a place there,
where you can rest,
if you're as exhausted
as Daddy is right now.
What place do you mean?
Hasn't it occurred to you
that there's something up there,
always up there, wherever we are?
Wherever we are?
Yes,
wherever.
Can he see us?
In the past people used to fear
that if they went too far
out to sea,
they'd fall off
the edge of the world.
Like off a plate.
But people in those days
just didn't know
that the Earth is round like a ball,
and you can't fall off it at all.
People in those days
knew very little about the Earth
just like we today know
very little about the universe.
We don't even know
if it has a beginning or an end.
In the vastness of space
the Moon is our neighbour.
But even he
is a long journey away.
You have to fly for three days
in a big rocket
through the darkness of space.
Even for the
cleverest scientists
the universe is a big puzzle.
Imagine a long corridor,
with other corridors going off it
and others going off
from those corridors too.
You can't find your way
there at all.
Some scientists
look up into the sky through
lenses as big as elephants
and they're always discovering
new and unknown things.
Like going through a new door
into another corridor.
And from there through more doors
into new corridors,
with doors into more,
longer corridors.
And so on, farther and farther,
again and again,
deeper and deeper.
And we can't even dare to dream
what's hidden behind
some of these doors.
Oh shit.
Can he see us?
You know, it's completely different.
Different how?
It's cold, and, and dark.
Just different.
Almost as if
you don't have weight any more.
But it's just a visit.
I'd be happy to take Flo home
with us tomorrow after kindergarten.
Mila was asking about it.
She asked me if it's true.
-Why? What, what do you mean?
-Julia,
the whole kindergarten group
knows the story.
Flo talks about nothing else.
If I can help you in any way...
I know how difficult
this all is for you.
-But I don't know if it's right to...
-You know nothing.
You know nothing at all.
Her father is attached to 5 million
tubes in hospital, in his bed.
She tries to lift his fingers,
whispers to him...
She doesn't understand
what's going on.
I have the feeling
that Flo is losing herself in it all.
You're making out that she's sick.
She believes in a story that seems
to make it easier for her, that's it.
Mrs Haferkamp gave these to me.
Flo is refusing to do anything else.
What does it say there?
He isn't there any more.
One new message.
Today, 20:11.
Hey Julie, I'm sorry.
Call me back, OK?
I'm here for you all...
Play back old messages.
Message 1
12.04., 22:03...
Hi honey, just wanted to say,
I'll be home a bit late.
Long, long ago,
the Moon was part of the Earth.
Until a huge impact
knocked him out.
Ever since, he's been above us,
and wherever you are,
he never disappears from our side.
Look carefully at him.
Did you know that he changes
his shape a little bit every day?
From a crescent,
to the circular full moon.
Tell me,
what does he look like now,
above you?
It had been raining that day.
The road was wet.
Maybe you were lost in thoughts.
Tired, I don't know.
They resuscitated you
at the accident site.
The emergency doctor says
you were probably already
brain-dead then.
I don't know why I insisted
on staying
by the machines for three weeks.
I thought,
I thought,
maybe you'd change your mind again.
Or someone would.
Why do you always sleep here?
Flo, please go back to bed.
Please.
Flo...
Because I can see him
better from here.
That's why.
Better than from here?
As if everything
was merged into oneself:
thoughts, memories.
And I'd so love to just
scream it all out,
for you to understand
what's happening inside me.
But nothing happens!
Instead, this constant fear
of getting swallowed up again
and the thought:
what if it stays like this
and I ...
I never quite find my way back.
Can you hear me?
And I know that no one
can see how it looks from here.
It's as if,
as if I'm looking
at a familiar world,
but no longer from inside.
Where is he? Why are we here?
-Can he see us?
-Flo?
What do you mean, far away?
Wherever we are?
He isn't there any more.
Are you coming back later?
Is he dead? -Flo.
Do you know what I dreamt?
I was a long way away.
So far away that everything
around me was black.
And the Earth was blue
like a water droplet.
But it wasn't a nightmare.
I was quite close to him up there,
behind a thick pane of glass.
And can you guess
what it was that woke me?
It was when I got tired in the dream
and fell asleep.
I hope I dream
that dream again tonight.
And if I do,
I won't get tired in it,
I'll stay awake.
For three dream days,
until I reach him.
I already know where I'd land.
What about you, Mummy?
What did you dream?
Go on, tell me!
What did you dream?
You won't believe me,
but my dream was very like yours.
How?
It was like a window,
on the world.
Yes, mine too.
Here you are.
Maybe Daddy
is sending us these pictures,
so he doesn't have to travel alone.
Flo ...
No one can send dreams.
Or thoughts.
-They belong only to you.
-No.
They belong to all of us.
Mrs Weidkamp?
Flo?
Mrs Weidkamp?
Dr. Wegener.
I'm standing in for Dr. Renzig.
-If I can do anything for you.
-Yes, I'll let you know.
I know you're all
waiting for me.
I know that.
Good.
Flo?
There are small,
strange things.
The feeling
something's not right.
Unease coming closer and closer.
And from one second to the next,
everything goes dark.
Flo?
I want to open my eyes
or maybe they've been open
a long time already.
And it takes a while
until all the smoke and dust
resolves into
the first shapes again.
Right in front of me.
And I know
that my body is here,
but my head
just won't come back.
The soles of my feet tickle.
Have to be careful
and forget your weight.
Quietly get up.
Not how I imagined it.
I didn't know
that a place could be so lonely,
so desolate.
And whichever way you look
there are grey hills and mountains.
It's a powerful place.
Because the sky there isn't blue,
like ours.
It's inky black.
There's just one eerie thing.
Every step there is not as light
as a feather.
And there's no one to talk to there.
No one to listen.
You're alone with your thoughts.
Flo?
You're never allowed to frighten me
like that again, understand?
You know all the things
that can happen in the street.
Are you going to tell me
what you wanted out there?
Mila.
What do mean, Mila?
Mila helped me.
That's not what I asked.
Although he's gigantic,
the Moon to us
in the end is only as big as a pea.
Small as a pea.
That's because
of the huge distance him and us.
-What do you think?
-What do you think?
If you looked at the Earth
from the Moon,
how big would she look?
You're too far away.
But I'm always here.
Flo?
I don't know
which is moving away faster.
Flo?
Me from everything
or everything from me.
As if I'm forgetting
how my life feels from nearby.
I just want to feel
that I'm still part of this world.
I know
this is all happening inside me.
And not around me.
And I can't do anything about it,
except wait.
For it to pass.
So I open my eyes
and I'm back here.
With you.
Flo?
The Moon so close.
As he dances around the Earth,
he always turns the same face to us.
If you look closely,
you can see his dark light patches.
But though he appears to us
so powerfully,
he keeps his far side well hidden.
It still holds mysteries,
which will have to be studied in more
detail on future lunar missions.
For us humans, a flight
to the Moon needs good preparation.
Astronauts train for years for it.
The Moon is a place without air.
It isn't easy to talk
to each other there.
Because there's no sound.
Every word we speak
would be silent up there.
So astronauts can only speak
via radios.
Renzig residence, hello?
Hello?
Hello?
Weidkamp, I'd like to speak
to Dr. Renzig.
Hello, Mrs. Weidkamp.
-My husband is not on duty today.
-I know, but he did say I could call.
I see.
I...
I'll get him.
Wait a moment, please.
Hello, Mrs Weidkamp.
I'm ready.
OK.
Would you like to make your way
to the hospital?
-Yes.
-OK. I'll be there.
Minus 10.
9, 8, 7, 6...
5, 4, 3, 2, 1...
Julie.
What is it?
What is it?
What is it?
The hospital called,
I have to spend the night there.
-I'll come with you.
-That's...
That's not necessary.
I'm going alone.
Could you maybe
wait at our house?
For three weeks they've been waiting
all of them,
at the hospital, for me.
For me to finally let you.
For me to finally say goodbye.
And now?
Here I am.
And I can't say a word.
Just like you,
the past eighteen months.
Everything
just thoughts.
There's so much
I want to say to you.
But I can't.
Something is holding it inside me.
Holding it tight.
So now
I think I know what you mean.
How hard it is
to turn some thoughts into words.
We need a signature from you.
We have a chaplain in the hospital,
if you want.
OK, I'll...
I'll come back in a moment.
Could you pass on something
to Dr. Renzig from me?
I'd like to stay here.
I mean...
I mean, when it's time.
When...
When the machines
are switched off...
I'd like them to call me.
Is that possible?
And if...
If I don't answer, that means
I don't want to be there.
Don't want to be present.
OK.
Should the doctor come
and see you again?
Once the machines are switched off,
it happens quite fast.
From experience,
two or three minutes.
Can you hear me?
I've learnt a lot about the Moon.
How long it takes to get there.
That you have to go
through the darkness.
If it's true
that there's no air up there
and that it gets
"freezer-cold" there
and there are no sounds.
If it's true
that it's darker than any cellar there.
Then we have to start practising
in plenty of time.
I've talked to Flo.
She's been in her room for hours.
I'll stay with you for a few days.
I'd like to be alone.
Flo?
-Can I come in?
-Not possible!
-Why not, Flo?
-No air must come in.
For us humans, a flight
to the Moon needs good preparation.
Astronauts train for years for it.
The Moon is a place without air.
It isn't easy to talk
to each other there.
Because there's no sound.
Every word we speak
would be silent up there.
So astronauts can only speak
via radios.
My Daddy told me
that some of his thoughts
are like craters
he has to go into again and again.
There are many different kinds.
Small ones spread over
a large area.
And big ones
that are not so easy to avoid.
Most of all, though, he was afraid
of the deep ones
that come out of nothing.
Some so deep
that they'd swallow you up,
if you got too close.
That's why he was always
away a long time,
because he had to go through
these craters, he told me.
Mummy told me
that he experienced a lot of things
in another country
that he couldn't talk about.
Not even to her.
And where only doctors could help.
563 days I've been back.
Since my return.
And no week passes
without an incident.
It happens with incredible force.
And from one second to the next,
everything goes dark.
And you're amidst it all again,
as if it was happening
for the first time.
It's the first thing I feel:
A dull blow under my chest,
pressing through my body
again and again.
I know it's happening inside me,
but it feels
like it's happening miles away.
Hot air is forcing itself
into my lungs.
A shrill whistle pierces my head.
Try to get up,
but not a muscle moves.
I want to open my eyes,
or maybe they're long since open.
And everywhere these voices
and knowing who they are.
And in front of me
nothing but grey clouds.
Eternal moments till I understand,
until all the smoke and dust
resolves into
the first shapes again.
Right in front of me.
It...
It happens slowly,
like on a Polaroid.
And more come.
It never stops.
It...
There are no words
for what I've seen.
It takes me an eternity to tear myself
away from this sight.
To turn on my back.
Blue sky.
Clouds.
Birds flying by.
Till suddenly
it goes quiet.
I lie like this for days.
But later I learn
that it was only an hour.
A few fractures.
Nothing else gone.
I'm flown out of the country
the same day.
Home.
But it feels
like I never quite came back.
As if
part of me stayed behind there.
They say I was the only one
in my unit who survived.
And that it's a great miracle.
A unique miracle.
Day 576.
I...
I don't believe in miracles.
Can you hear me?
Mila's Mummy told me.
That you aren't just visiting
up there.
You're there forever.
Do you remember
telling me about the craters?
Mummy has read quite a lot to me
about the Moon.
You won't believe me,
but you really have to take care.
There are lots of them up there.
Deeper than any craters down here.
You have to be really careful.
Because nobody can help you
up there.
Not even me.
When I grow up, I'll visit you.
I'll become an astronaut
and fly to the Moon.
And we'll see each other again
and fly back.
Whether you believe it or not.
I do believe in miracles.
Take off minus 10, 9,
8, 7, 6, 5,
4, 3, 2, 1...