Unpregnant (2020) - full transcript

- Two minutes.

You're fine.
You're fine.

You always use a condom.

Oh, my God.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

- Oh... ow!
- Sorry.

- Hello?

Look, I'm sure things
are really scary right now,

but, you know,
it's probably gonna be okay.

Um... is there anything
I can do to help?

I mean, like, I have a car.



I can, like,
drive you home if you want.

You can leave.

Wait...

No way.

If that is who I think it is,
I was just way too nice.

Ugh, a real blast from the past.

Hey, dude.

Oh, Jesus.

- Come on, like I haven't
seen you pee a thousand times.

There was actually a time when
you wouldn't pee without me.

- Bailey, can you just...

- So who's the lucky guy, huh?

Oh, no... is it Kevin?

- Where's my test?
- Ooh.



Ooh!

Is it Kevin?
Please tell me.

Please tell me, come on.
- Please give it to me.

- Who's the daddy?
- Just give it to me please.

- Whose penis is it?
- Kevin's penis.

- See, was that so hard?

Actually, don't answer that.
I don't wanna know.

Wow, so you're, um, with child.

And it's definitely Kevin's?
- Yes, yes.

What kind of girl
do you think I am?

- I don't know, man.
I didn't think you boned,

let alone raw dog...

I'm honestly, like,
a little impressed.

- I do not "raw dog."

We use condoms, which are
supposed to be 98.7% effective.

- Well, apparently,
one of them was 0%.

- That's not
how statistics work.

- Are you reading this right?

- Uh...
- Oh, hey, Veronica.

- Heather.
- I'm so glad I caught you.

Would you mind looking
at the layout

for the yearbook prom page?

Let me just pull it back up...
- Whoa, no.

No spoilers on the yearbook.
Come on, dude, God.

- Um, okay.

Why don't you email
that to me, Heather,

and then I can really
process the nuances

of the squiggly border
that you chose.

- I'm so glad
you noticed the b...

- Ronnie.

- Oh, hey, hey.

- You okay, Ronnie?
You seem a little flustered.

- Yeah, yeah.

- Are you trying
to talk to Bailey Butler?

- Remember when you guys
used to be besties?

- Yeah, that was... that was more

'cause our moms were close
and everything.

- Speaking of parents,
mine are in Greece.

Wanna stay over this weekend?

- Who's got that green
nail polish that I like?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What the hell?
- Where is it?

- Oh, I wrote your name on it,

and then I tied it
to the flagpole.

Hope that's cool.
- Can you just give it to me?

- I threw it in the dumpster
behind the gym.

- Oh.

Well, thank you.

Thank you for bringing it
all the way back there.

- Eh, I was smoking
a joint back there anyway.

Mr. Aster's been screening

this "Osmosis Jones" VHS in bio,

so I gotta come correct.

- It's unbelievable.
- Right?

There's, like, barely
any hard science in it,

but Chris Rock is a visionary.

- No, you're smoking
on school grounds.

That's, like,
really irresponsible.

- Oh, I'm the irresponsible one?

- Okay.

- Ah, okay, okay, okay,
ah, look.

I mean, I'm sure
it's gonna be okay, though?

I mean, your sister
had a kid early,

and she's fine, right?

Remember when we found out

that you were gonna be
a nine-year-old aunt?

We were cracking up...
- Okay, okay, you can stop.

I appreciate what you did
with the test and everything,

but we're not just like...

You just happened
to be the person

that walked in the bathroom.

- Oof.

Could have left it at thanks.
Catch you on the flip, Juno.

- Guys, check this out.
Look at this.

- Let me see it.
- Oh, my God.

Hi, hi, um, hi.

I, uh, am doing a report
for my health class,

and I just wanted to see if I
could ask a quick question?

Cool, thanks.

Um, if a young woman
needs a procedure,

but her parents didn't know,
is that possible?

Uh, let's say she's 17.

Okay, okay,
so not at your facility.

Where's the closest place
that...

There's an Albuquerque
in Missouri?

Okay, um, well, sorry.

What about, like,
Illinois or Arkansas,

Oklahoma, Texas?

No?

Okay, okay, so I get it.

It sounds like she would need
parental consent,

which is... that's great.
That's totally fine.

Uh, I will include
that in my report,

and thank you very much, bye.

- Mom, I'm gonna go
to Emily's for a cram weekend.

- Trust you.
Love you.

- That was so stupid.
Maddie B is gonna...

- Hey.

- Hey.
- Oh, my gosh, hey, girl.

- Sorry I'm late.

- Who'd you guys...
- Okay, Maddie D.

- No, not Maddie D.

- Um, there's actually
something pretty important

I have to talk
to you guys about.

- Okay, just give me one second.

I'm actually really close.

- Yeah, "Veronica Mars"
over here

thinks that she can figure out

the pregnancy test
mystery thing.

- What pregnancy test
mystery thing?

- Look.

- Recycle Club found it
in the dumpster.

- Ugh, Maddie B's profile's
on private.

No.

- Ooh, okay.

So Tori Leonards
wasn't in gym today,

and I know for a fact
that she used "lady issues"

as her excuse.

- You use that excuse
to skip gym,

like, every other week.

- Valid, which is actually
why I'm leaning

more towards Patricia Hamilton?

- Absolutely not, no.

There's no way Patricia Hamilton

has lost her V card.

- Well, it's, like, none
of our business, right?

- I know,
but it's just so juicy,

I gotta figure out who it is.

- I mean, what if
it was one of us?

- Totally, but who takes
a pregnancy test at school?

- Okay, seriously,
look at these grams,

though, side by side.

Patricia's belly
definitely looks bigger.

Literally only a week ago.

- A little bit.
- The way she's standing there.

- No, that's not,
like, a burrito belly.

Like, that's
significantly bigger.

- No, it's literally bigger,
like her face even...

- She's glowing.
I mean, it's kind of...

- Mwah, I'm so sorry
I'm late, babe.

Got a new pup at the shelter.
Had to get him squirreled away.

Yeah, check it out.
Named him Jasper.

- Uh, yeah, it's... thanks for...

- Looks like
Elliot's dog, right?

- Meeting me so last minute
and everything.

- Course.

- Good evening.
- Hey.

- Welcome, welcome.
- Thank you.

We will start off
with the cheesy breadsticks,

and a water for the lady,

and I'll go with a Mountain Dew.

- All right, coming right up.

- What's up?

- Um... so...

I have to tell you something.

Um, I don't know
how it happened.

Statistically,
it's, like, nearly impossible,

but, uh...

I'm pregnant.

Okay.

Okay, hey, it's okay.
I'm... I'm here for you.

Thank you.
That's such a relief.

I... I mean, I know what I want
to do, and I have a plan.

I could just use really use
your help with some...

What's happening right now?

- Will you marry me?

Look, I know
it won't be easy, okay?

But, babe, we can do this.

- Can you sit back down
in your chair please?

- Yeah, yeah.

You gotta admit, it's kind of
perfect timing, you know?

We were so unsure about us
next year, you know,

and now we have this.

You know, we'll take a year off,

get a little place in town
so our parents can help out,

and don't worry... the birth
won't conflict

with the X Games schedule
whatsoever, so...

- Wait, wait, wait... how is it

that you already have
all of that planned?

- Well, I mean, you said
you had something important

that you wanted to tell me.

Um...

you know, and then the whole
mystery pregnancy test thing

reminded me
of this other little thing.

Um, don't get mad but, remember,

like, a month ago at Smith Creek

when we got finished in the car?

Well, I sort of noticed that
the, um... the condom had broke.

So...
- Are you kidding me?

- Look, Veronica, I didn't want
to freak you out, okay?

- Oh, my...
- The valedictorian thing...

You had a lot
on your mind, you know?

And the further away we got,
the more mad I knew you'd be...

- Kevin, I... oh...

- And I looked it up.
I Googled it.

Do you know how hard it is
to get pregnant?

It is, like, so hard.

- I literally could have taken
the morning after pill.

I could have avoided
this whole entire situation.

- I know it's kind of
stressful, okay?

But it's also kind of perfect

because now we really know
that we'll be together forever.

- I'm serious.
I can't.

I need to get out of here.
- Veronica...

Oh, shoot.

Oh, God.

Oh, it's morning sickness.

Here, let me... I'll hold
your hair for you.

- Don't touch me.
- Okay.

Look, I know I messed up, okay?

But if you can see past that,

there's something
that's so beautiful here,

and I'm so stoked to bring
a little us into this world.

- Can I... can I look at that?

- Yeah, can I...
- No, I'll just...

- Okay.

- Wow, this doesn't look cheap.
How'd you afford this?

- Sold Buzzsaw and Road Rash.

Uh, my dirt bikes.

Only down to two now,
but... it's okay.

- You know,
I'm definitely gonna need

some time to think about it,
but let's talk on Monday, okay?

- Oh, yeah, Monday.

Monday's good.

- Whew.

Great.

Crap.

I just pwned your ass!

- Ha, ha, ha, ha.

You won't be laughing
when I literally

rip your balls off, scumbag.
Come on.

Wait, cover me.
I'll be right back.

I thought you were
staying in tonight.

- Oh, I know.
I'm sorry.

Fil got the night off.
- Oh, man, that guy's weird.

Who spells "Phil" with an F?

- Be nice.
- Wait.

I already started
thawing the dough.

- I'm sorry, my little pea,
but you know,

we can make
the coxinhas tomorrow or,

you know what, maybe Sunday.

I'll text you when I know

how the weekend
is shaping up, okay?

Mwah.
How do I look?

- Hot as hell.

- Mm-hmm, bye.
- Bye.

- Oh, dude, come on.

The whole pregnancy mystery
bullshit thing

is not my fault.

I threw the thing
in the dumpster.

- I need your help, and I don't
have anywhere else to go.

- I'm listening.

- Okay, I know we're not,
like, close anymore.

- True.

- And I'm probably the last
person that you wanna help...

- Accurate.
- But you have a car.

- Oh, there it is.
- Trust me.

If I could just go
somewhere in town

or to St. Louis even,
I wouldn't even be here.

- Go where?

- You know, to get the thing...

The procedure.

- Whoa.

- Okay.

- You printed a map.

- Oklahoma, Texas, New Mexico...
It's easy,

and I outlined the best route

including where we can stop
for gas, food, and rest.

It's all planned out.

We'll be in Albuquerque
by tomorrow night.

We'll go to the clinic
first thing Sunday morning,

and we'll be home
Sunday evening.

- Albuquerque.

- Yeah, yeah,
I know it sounds crazy,

but that is the closest place
if you're under 18, so...

- And I don't have to,
like, be there during, right?

Say if I wanted
to go explore Albuquerque

while you're doing your thing.

- Yeah, that's... that's fine,
I guess.

I really just need you to drive.

I'll pay for everything.

- Hm...

so you're hiding this
from your man,

your best friends,
and your Jesus freak parents,

and you thought,
"Why not ask Bailey Butler

"to drive me hundreds of miles

'cause she probably doesn't
have anything to do anyway."

- Um... kind of, yes.

Bailey.
Bailey, come on.

Please open the door, Bailey.

- I'm just messing with you.

You're right... I do not have
anything going on.

- I thought you drove a Camry.

- Sleater-Camry's in the shop.

- Uh, my gas projections
were accounting

for a four-cylinder
Japanese engine.

- My bad.

If we're worried about gas,
we should just take the Tesla.

- Whoo, road trip!

- Oh, oh, oh, we gotta
check out Roswell.

Like, there's actual aliens...
- No. No.

- Veronica, come on.
It's my vacation too.

- This is not a vacation, okay?

- Well, if it's not a vacation,

then why are you
taking pictures, huh?

- Okay, in 20 miles,

we're gonna make our first stop.

- Yes, yes, love stops.

We should go check out
the world's biggest fork.

I actually hear that...
- No, no, Bailey.

We're not just gonna be
stopping willy-nilly, okay?

We need to stick to the schedule

so I can be home
by Sunday evening,

and my parents won't find out.
Every stop has a purpose.

- Wow, you even
bummed out nature.

- This trip
is not gonna be cheap,

but I think that this
should cover it.

- Whoa, Jesus, what... did you
steal that from your parents?

- Kevin proposed.

What?

Oh, my God.

That is actually
so on brand for him.

Could you imagine, like,
actually getting married

to that guy?

What, would your first dance be

to Imagine Dragons
or Nickelback, do you think?

- Kevin... he means well, okay?
You just don't know him.

He's... he's uncomplicated.

He's sweet.
He's so sweet.

Did you know that he volunteers
with little puppies,

like, that don't have homes
and stuff?

And I don't even need
to defend myself to you now.

But did you know that he
asked me out

literally every day for a month
until I said yes?

He literally waited
outside my window

one night for a whole night.

- You know, "Say Anything"
made that seem cute,

but it's called stalking,
so time's up on all that.

That dude's an actual stalker.

- Okay, the entrance
should be right up

around the corner here.

- Cool, I'm excited to die here.

- It's not opening.

I know they're not closed.

That guy literally
just went in there.

- After you, Ivy League.

- I said I ain't gonna buy it.

- Move.

- Hello, hi.
Um...

I was actually just wondering
how much I could get for this.

It's, like, real and everything.

- Mm-hmm.

How old are you?

- 17.

- I can't buy this.

- Um...

sorry, I just...

I just... I really,
really need the money,

so if there's just anything...
- I said...

- Veronica, I love you.
- Stalker.

- Kevin.
- I can't live without you.

- What are you doing here?
Did you follow me?

- I know you said you wanted
to wait until Monday,

but to me, Monday feels
like it's ten years

from now, you know?

So I said,
"Bro, go get your girl."

This really is not a good time.

- Look, I got you a rose
for every single reason

why we should spend
our lives together...

You, me, and the baby.
- It's not a baby yet.

- This is for how rad
your genes and my genes

are gonna look together
in a new human.

This one is for
when I teach him or her

how to do a perfect kickflip.

- Weird flex.

- And this one is for the fact

that you get to stay
here in Missouri...

- Okay, you know what?
This has got to stop.

I can't do it.
Here are a bunch of roses.

They're a bunch of reasons.

- What is she doing
with my ring?

- Uh...

well, I need the money for...

I'm sorry, Kevin, but I'm
taking care of the situation.

- You're... you wanna get rid...

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
I know it wasn't chill

to not tell you
about the condom breaking...

- Whoa, you knew
about the condom breaking?

- Yeah, I'm sorry.
Who even asked you?

Why is she even here?

- She's driving me to the place.

I can't do it in Missouri.

- Well, you can't make
this decision alone.

- Kevin, we have
so much life ahead of us.

This is just...
This is what I have...

- What life, Veronica?

You're going off to Brown.
I'm staying here.

This is our shot
at being together.

- No, Kevin...

- You should be thankful
and count your lucky stars

that you have a guy
who's so devoted to you

that he would literally
track you down

to this freaking skeezy dump.

- You tracked me here?

- Well, I mean, like, kind of.

What are you doing?
- That's so creepy, Kevin!

You're a stalker!
- Thank you.

- Give me my ring back then.

Jesus!

- Consider your next move
very carefully.

- That is my ring.
I paid for that.

Okay.

Gonna grab my phone.

I got it.

- I mean,
could have just deleted

your Find My Friends app.

- I'll give you $1,300.

- We're rich!
- Are you serious?

Thank you.

I don't even know
how to begin to thank you.

This is... you are such
a sweet woman for helping us.

- If any of this
comes back on me,

I'll sew the two of you
together as a human centipede.

- Oh.

- You know,
it's pretty messed up

that Kevin didn't even tell you
about the condom breaking.

- I really don't
wanna talk about it.

- I know, I'm just saying
that you had every right

to sell that ring
after what he did.

- Really don't
wanna talk about it.

Can you just drop it
for now, please?

- All right.

I'm just gonna
turn on the radio.

[The Clash's "Should I Stay
or Should I Go?"

Oh, oh!

Okay, okay, okay.

- That song literally
makes zero sense.

It's... it just makes...
Okay, he's saying

if he leaves,
there will be trouble,

but if he stays,
there will be double?

What... the choice
is clearly to leave.

It's literally half
the amount of trouble.

Wow.

Man, that has gotta be

the most clinical interpretation

of a punk song, like, ever.

- Okay, if we drive for
another, like, five hours, we...

- Oh, a Gas N' Gulp!

- Wow, I see you're taking
the budget really seriously.

- Hm, oh,
and you have, like, what,

three sips of water
in that thing?

- Well, we're driving 14 hours.

We can't be stopping
every two seconds to pee.

We actually really have to go...
So are you done?

- One more thing.

- Hi, these
and a few more things.

- Half blue raspberry,
half cherry

with a squirt of Coke on top.

- Our combo.

- Yep.

- Thank you.
This is really sweet of you.

- I mean, relax.
It was two for one.

- If we make good enough time,
we can maybe go to Roswell.

- Stop.

Hell yeah, aliens!

Maybe.

- Okay?

- What time's your appointment
on Sunday?

- We're almost in Oklahoma

where we'll take
a four hour powernap...

and we should be getting
to some open areas

in about 18 miles,
and that's gonna be

the perfect place to stop.
- Nice.

Love a good open area.

Ooh, we're about
to cross state lines.

You know what that means.

- No, no...
- Yep.

- I... I don't remember that.
- Three...

- No, seriously that was so...
- Two...

- Long ago... I don't even know...
- One.

Whoo, whoo!

Boom, boom.
Mm, mm.

- Zoom.

Ooh.

- Ah!

Both: Much-coach Pu!

Haven't done that one
in a while.

- Yeah, I... I really don't know

how we remembered
that whole thing.

Wow, it's really messy in here.

What is all this
you have down here?

- Whoa, whoa, do not throw that.

- Why do you have a taser?

- Oh, I was hoping to hold up
some liquor stores on the way.

Hope that's cool.

- No.

- Veronica, we are
two teenage girls

going across the country
in the middle of the night.

I took that from my mom, okay?
Can you put it in my bag?

- Okay.

- It's not gonna tase you,
Veronica.

- I don't know how they work.
- Very easy.

Point and shoot.

Got extra blankets in the back.

- No, I'm fine.
This will be comfortable.

- Okay, suit yourself.

- I'm setting the alarm
for 5:00 a.m., okay?

That way, we'll be in Texas
by lunch.

I have $20 set aside
for breakfast,

so we can stop somewhere early.

And, Bailey,
you've really gone overbudget

with the jacket and stuff,

so can you just please
be more mindful?

- Do you have, like,
a PowerPoint presentation?

I'm a little bit more
of a visual learner.

- You know what?
Actually, I do.

Let me just pull it up
really quick.

Where are the blankets?
- In the back.

- "Selfcare" huh?

- Yeah, I had to post something
so people wouldn't bother me.

- Of course, and so people
wouldn't know you're with me.

Your stuff's,
like, really intense.

- Colleges look
at that sort of thing,

so it's strategic.

- Before we would've laughed
at that kind of stuff,

but I guess that's not who
you strategically are anymore.

- You know what?

I'm not gonna do this right now.

We only have four hours
for sleep, so I'm going to bed.

- Oh, well, let me know
when you pencil in a time

to talk about the fact
that you used to be fun

and used to do things
like aggressive ballerina

or collect Pokémon cards

and how you've literally become
one of those people

who walk, talk, and act
exactly the same.

You know who you are?

You're Captain Picard
at the end of season four.

You've assimilated
into the Borg.

You don't even realize it.

- You're completely wrong
as usual.

- Oh, really?
Please do enlighten me.

- Captain Picard
gets assimilated

into the Borg at the end
of season three.

- God, do you have
to be good at everything?

You know what?

You're not Captain Picard, okay?

You're Data.

You're a weird
information robot.

Why do I feel bad now?

I'm the one who's doing
something nice here.

And we both know you
wouldn't do the same for me.

- Yeah... you're right.
I probably wouldn't.

- Soj.
- Food?

- Yes.

I gotta use the puchpa'.

- What's changed?

- I just don't understand
what is going on here.

- I am being suffocated here.
That's why.

Between you and that kid
and this house...

- She's not "that kid."
She's your daughter.

- My life doesn't stop
and start every time Bailey

has some damn science fair
or school play

or whatever the hell...

- Snack break time.
I'm getting us some...

- Hey, let's go ride our bikes.

Let's go right now.

- Ah!
- Ah.

- How did we miss that?
Amazing.

- Oh, no, it's 9:30.
It's 9:30.

We gotta go, okay?
We should be in Texas by now.

We gotta go.
Oh, man.

No, no Funyuns
until we're on the road.

Come on!

- Come on, I'm eating breakfast.

- Bailey!

Come on, seriously, Bailey,
we need to go now!

We're, like, hours behind, okay?

Come on!
- Ow!

Oh, stop, no!

Oh, that's real cute, okay.

- Now there's no
breakfast for nobody, great.

Let's ride or die, baby!
Whoo!

- Moo!

Whoo, whoo!

- Oh, come on!
Yes.

- Kelly, really?

- I didn't say
you had to turn it off.

- What?
No, no, it's fine.

- You can turn the music
back on if you want.

- No, no, no, I'm good.

- What are you doing?

Whoa.
- Whoo!

What the heck?

- What is happening?
Why did you just do that?

- Um, I'm hungry.
We should eat.

- Okay.

Why are we parking
way back here?

- Uh, this car
is a hot commodity, man.

These small towns are,
like, notorious for theft.

- They are?

- Uh, oh yeah, huge problem.

If you took your head out of
your book every now and then,

maybe you'd know stuff
like that... you know,

learn some street smarts.

- Hey, street smarts,

your wallet's dangling
out of your backpack.

- Huh?

Wait, wait...

- You attract a lot
of male attention.

- Thank you.

- Here we go.

- That's quite some car
you ladies rolled up in.

What kind of trouble y'all
getting into this evening?

- Dude, mind your business.

- Whoa, whoa, easy.

I'm just trying to be welcoming.

I'm Jarrod.
So where you headed?

- Um, Albuquerque.

- Can I come?

- Uh, table for two, please?

- Anywhere you want.
This isn't Applebee's.

- Ah, just some
unsolicited advice...

If you're gonna shoot your shot,

I recommend zipping up
your fly first.

- What can I get you girls?

- Can I get the spaghetti
and meatballs please?

- May I please have the burger,
but instead of fries,

can I just get
a side salad, please?

- We don't really have
a side salad.

It's just gonna be more
of the same lettuce.

- Okay, just the burger
then is fine.

Actually, can I get
some fries please?

Thank you.

- I don't know why
you're so judgy.

I'm just trying to save funds.

Speaking of, where we at,
Donna from accounting?

- I actually really appreciate
you taking an interest.

- Of course you do.

- Um, okay, so I have $500 set
aside for the procedure.

That leaves $450 for gas,
$200 for emergency fund,

and we have exactly $112
left over for food.

- Maybe we do a little
pre-appointment brunch, huh?

Speaking of, when is
your appointment tomorrow?

Veronica, you do have
an appointment

for tomorrow, right?
- Huh?

Um, oh, well, they take
walk-ins, so it's fine.

- Oh, V.
- What?

- Come on.
- What?

I... I tried calling,
but every time they answered,

I just got freaked out
and hung up, so...

- Wow, got it, okay.

- I know, I know.
It's stupid.

- Son of a bitch.

- Okay, well, it's not that bad.

Okay, what's happening?

- Nothing, it's fine.
Here, try some lemonade.

- No, why are those cops
looking at the car?

- Um, like... like, cool thing
I forgot to mention

is that, um...

that's my mom's
asshole boyfriend's car,

and I didn't exactly formally
ask him if I could borrow it,

so he may be, like,
looking for it.

- We're driving a stolen car?
- Shut up, shut up.

- My gosh.

- Is it stolen
if you know the person?

The rules are very fake.

- They are not.

If the owner did not
let you drive it,

then it is stolen.

- Okay, we gotta go.
We gotta bail.

- I don't... I don't think
we can bail.

What do we do?

What do we do?

- Excuse me.
- What?

- I wanna ask you...

- Can you say something
helpful please?

- I don't know.
I'm really sorry.

- Excuse me...

- Get down.
You think that's funny, huh?

- Got a great singer right here!

- Oh, shoot.
My backpack was in that car.

I... why'd you lie about this?
- I know.

- I can't believe you did that.
- I know... I ruined everything.

I jeopardized this whole thing.

I swear, Veronica, if I make
you miss your appointment...

I screwed up again.
- Okay, it's okay.

Calm down.
We can... we can do this.

We can figure this out.

- No, I should never
have said yes.

Obviously I cannot be relied on
for literally anything,

and we're gonna go to jail.

Look, I need...
I need to go back.

I need to explain the situation.

Maybe I can avoid
getting you arrested, yeah.

- What?
No... no, no, no.

Don't leave me out here, okay?

I'm gonna get murdered
if I try to travel alone.

Bailey, Bailey, I need you.
- Nobody needs me.

- No, I do.
I need you.

I really do.

Wait!

Wait, let me just
show you one thing.

- Veronica, I'm done.

- Let me just... let me just
show you this one thing,

and when I show it to you,
if you laugh,

then you have to stay with me.
- What are you talking about?

- Okay, just watch.

- Wow,
aggressive ballerina, huh?

- Veronica, this isn't fair.
Come on.

Okay, fine, fine, fine,
I'll go with you.

Fine, stop please.

Please, it's... no, no, really.
Really, stop.

Veronica, stop... oh.

Hey.

It's you again.

- When I asked
what kind of trouble

y'all was getting into,

I thought I was just being cute.

- Yeah, thanks
for saving us back there.

That was nice.

Actually, uh, maybe you could...

Could you drive us
to the closest bus station?

- Ah, we already running
kind of late

to our buddy's thing
at the fairgrounds.

I mean, closest stop
is probably Amarillo.

- Doesn't Matthews
live in Amarillo?

- That's true.
Hop on in.

We'll take you
as far as the fairgrounds,

and maybe you can scam a ride

off our friend
once you get there.

- Um, I don't know
if we have time for that.

- Well, either way,
we got about two minutes

'fore the cops pull up, so...

- Let's do this!

All right, come on, let's go!

- Ooh, here we go!

96 trying to double that lead
with number 12 in second.

- Whoo!
Oh, my God!

Looks like 23's losing control!

Oh, why?

Into the wall.
23 is out for the count.

- Let's go, Matthews!

There go your ride right there.

Cerveza?

- I don't drink.

- Ah, you know, I thought
you might say that.

- Thank you.

- What a race!

- Let's go, Matthews!

Hey, don't die, dude!
You still owe me 20 bucks.

- This is it!
The final lap!

- This is so tight!
- It's pretty cool.

- Let's go!

- In the lead
after dominating all night,

but wait, no, 96...

Here it comes
around the outside!

Oh, yes!
96 takes it!

- Let's go, Matthews!

- Can't believe
you know this guy.

- Matthews?

- 'Sup, dude?
- The star!

- Whoo!

- You, that was crazy.

- Wow, hi, wow.

- Oh, this is Bailey, Veronica.

They're two criminals
we picked up

at the diner after the car they
stole got repoed by the cops.

- Hey, I'm Kira.
Is that real?

- Yeah, kind of.
- No, no, not at all.

We're not criminals
in the slightest.

It was really
a misunderstanding,

and we actually really
have to get back on the road.

- Where are you headed?
- Albuquerque.

- So are y'all walking
to New Mexico or...

What?

No, can't walk to New Mexico.
What?

- Um, yeah, we're trying to get
to the bus station in Amarillo,

and they said
that you might be headed there.

- I generally try not
to associate with fugitives,

but sure.
What the hell?

- Oh, thank you, wow.

- Right on... I gotta go
drive a monster truck

over a pile of flaming Priuses.
Meet me at the funhouse in 45?

- That'll be fun.

You know, funhouse.

- J, you wanna help me gas up?
- Sure.

- Thanks, see you.
- Bye.

- Well...

It was nice meeting you.

I'm sure I'll see you two
on "America's Most Wanted."

- Not unless we see you first
on "American Idol."

'Cause the singing.

Bye.

Hello?

- Oh.

- Can I ask you something?

- Mmm, this Twinkie is so great.

- Hold on, hold on.

We didn't get to finish
our discussion.

Okay, did you really not make
an appointment for tomorrow?

Oh, my God, Veronica,
this is insane.

You have this whole trip
scheduled down

to an inch of its life,
yet no appointment.

- What are you doing?

What?
No, no, no, no, no.

- Stop, stop.
- Bailey, please don't.

Bailey, Bailey...
- Hello, hi.

Yes, this is Veronica Clarke,

and I'm in need of...

I'm in need
of an abortion tomorrow please.

Yes, I have taken
a pregnancy test,

and it's positive.

About seven, eight weeks.
I'm not sure.

It's pretty early.

- What?
What are they saying?

What are they saying?
- Oh.

- What are they saying?

- Oh, I'm eligible
for a pill instead of surgical.

Oh, I'd need to come back
for a follow-up?

Dang, nope, can't make
two separate appointments,

so I guess surgical it is.

Yes, I do have someone
coming with me

to my appointment actually.

She's amazing,
and actually super smart

but doesn't brag about it.

Just, like,
this majestic human...

Yes, ma'am, sorry, sorry.

Okay, what's the earliest
I can get?

8:00 a.m.?

- Um...

yes, yes, that's perfect.

- Okay, I'll take it.
Okay, thanks.

You okay?
- Yeah, yeah.

Today was nuts, and I kind of...
I don't know.

Just the call made it real.
My heart's racing.

- Yeah, my heart's racing too,

but I think it's from
the deep fried Twinkie.

Also it's not that crazy.

Like, one in four women
get them.

- Yeah, no, I know.

Just it's a surgery
at a clinic with doctors.

It's a whole thing.

Anyways...

is there something else
you maybe wanna talk about...

That whole Kira thing?

- Oh, look, a ride.
Let's do it, come on.

- Wait, Bailey.

It seems like maybe you like...

the Slinger, but you're
just nervous about it?

- I'm not nervous
about the Slinger.

I just don't
wanna talk about it.

- But you do like the Slinger?

- Oh, my God, Veronica,
yes, I like girls, okay?

Is that a problem?

- No, no, not at all.
That's... it's great.

I just... I didn't know.

- There's a lot of things
you don't know.

- I mean, I'm honored
to be the first person

that you, like, came out to.

Bitch, what?

I've been out to my mom
for, like, years.

Like, five of my cousins,
my entire "X-Files" fan forum,

Doug from the bank.
- Okay, okay, I get it.

- Does your dad know?

- Oh, um, we haven't really been

keeping in touch much lately.

It's not really his fault.

He's just really busy
with his plant store stuff.

- How long have you known?

- Since Tammy Clannahan
and her shiny hair

in fifth grade, I guess.

- Tammy clammy hands?

Why wouldn't you
have told me that?

- Do you want everyone in town
to know you're pregnant?

- No, but I think...
- No, same thing.

Church, gossip,
it's a shit show,

and I don't really
wanna be a part of it.

Oh!

Oh, my God!

- I like girls!
- Yeah, you do!

- Yes, I like girls!
- Whoo, man!

Oh!

- The first time I masturbated

was to Emma Watson
in "Deathly Hallows"!

- Part one or part two?
- Part one, obviously!

Oh, my gosh!

Oh, my God!

Oh!

Oh, man, oh!

- I'm pregnant!
- Hell yeah!

- Yeah, I'm pregnant,
and I'm getting an abortion!

Yes!

We're gay and pregnant!

- We are gay,
and we are pregnant!

- We're gay and pregnant!

- Okay, there's a bus
that leaves in an hour,

which will get us
into Albuquerque at 9:00.

How are we gonna get there
by 8:00?

- Hey, there.

Sorry to interrupt, but we
couldn't help but overhear.

Are y'all looking for a ride
down to New Mexico?

- We're headed to Albuquerque.

- Um...

Yes, yes, actually, we are.

Hi, I'm Veronica.
This is Bailey.

Our car just broke down,

and we've really been scrambling

to get our butts there.

- Wait, you guys
are headed to Albuquerque?

- Yep, we are going
to see my mother...

- That's right.

- But when we saw this carnival,

we just had to stop.

- I mean, we wouldn't wanna be,
like, a burden to you guys

or anything.
We don't have money really.

- Oh, no, no, no, hush, please...

If one of our daughters
was stranded,

we hope someone
would do the same thing.

- Yes.

- Just hope you guys are okay
with this one singing

Peter, Paul, and Mary
the whole darn trip.

- Wow, you guys are a godsend.

- Oh.
- Hey, guys.

Truck's out back.

- Um, hey, we actually won't be
needing that ride anymore.

- Yeah, found people
to take us the whole way there.

- Oh.

- So we'll bring the car
around front

and meet you in 15?
- Great, thank you, guys.

You're amazing.
Thank you.

- Thanks.
- Bye.

- I'm gonna go pee.

You know, long ride
and everything.

- You wanna go check out
the funhouse

before you gotta go?

- Oh, yeah, I'll do that, yeah.
It was nice meeting you.

- I meant with me, you weirdo.

- Oh, my God, I'm stuck.

Oh, oh.

Um...

- Would it be okay
if I kissed you?

- Well, I just...
- I'm sorry.

No, it's... we don't have to.
- No, no, no, no, no.

I'm just warning you
that I might be,

like, kind of bad at it.

I've never really
done it before.

- That's okay.

- Thank you guys again
so much for the ride.

- Oh, of course, honey.
We're so happy to help.

So what's got you two
headed to Albuquerque anyway?

- Um...
- My dad lives there.

- Oh, you must be excited
to see him.

Wait, for real?

Are we not taking
the I-40 the whole way there?

According to the maps, it says...

Shoot, my phone's about to die.

- The 40 gets crazy
toward Amarillo,

so just taking a shortcut.

- Here, I can charge
your phone up here.

- Okay, thank you.

- Veronica, Veronica,
Veronica, wake up.

- Where are we?

- Dude, I gotta piss so bad,
I can almost taste it.

Where the hell are we?

- Maybe we're just outside
of Albuquerque,

and this is their stop?

- You're going in there?
- Yeah.

I mean, they're nice people,
and we gotta get back

on the road, so...

- All right, well,
looks like the house

from the Conjure-verse,
but all right.

Hello?

Hello?

- Beauties, ain't they?

- Oh!
- Oh, shit!

Oh, oh.
- Hi.

- Paul, Joseph, Sarah, Rebecca,
Mark Junior, and Mary.

- Don't let him fool you girls.

When they were younger,
he needed a cheat sheet

to keep 'em all straight.

- Of course, the doctor told us
Joseph would be our last one,

but then, just when we got
the last one out of the house,

he delivered our final miracle.

- Yep, shows you
what the doctors know.

- That's right.

- I'm sorry, but where are we?

- This is our home.

Oh, we tried to tell you,
but you were fast asleep.

I hope you don't mind.

It was on the way,
so we figured we'd stop

and have some breakfast.

- That's really sweet
of you guys.

Thank you, but we really
don't have much time, so...

- I hope you like pancakes.

- Let's join hands.

Lord, thank you
for this bountiful meal

we're about to receive,
and thank you

for our new, special friends.

We appreciate your guidance
and thank you

for entrusting us
to spread your word.

Amen.
- Amen.

- Amen.
- Oh, man.

- So, girls...

- Actually... I'm sorry...
I need to use the restroom.

- Oh, top of the stairs,
first door on the left.

- Thanks.
- You bet.

Mother, you have outdone
yourself with these flapjacks.

- Oh.

Can you believe it?
I forgot the coffee.

Mark, can you be a dear
and put the kettle on?

Orange juice, Veronica?

- Um, no thanks.

- Awfully kind of you
to accompany your friend

all the way to New Mexico.

It's a big hike from Missouri.

- Yeah, I know, but she
would do the same for me.

- Oh.

- Sorry, I don't remember
telling you

we were from Missouri.

- Oh.

I should be honest.

I have a bit
of a confession to make.

You see, at the carnival,
Mark and I,

we couldn't help
but overhearing your friend

making you that appointment.

Now, there's no need for alarm.

It's just we were so overjoyed
when we heard that God

had given you
this miracle of life.

- You know, I think
it's kind of that time

where we should get
back on the road,

so would you mind giving me
my phone back, please?

- What are you hoping for?

Boy or a girl?
- Neither.

- Okay, but if you had to pick.

- I don't know... girl, I guess,

but thank you for charging...
- Oh, a little girl.

Oh, I just think
that you and Kevin...

That you would be
such wonderful parents.

- Did you just say "Kevin"?

- Your loving boyfriend.

He called
while you were napping.

Hello, Bailey.

- No... Mark!

- We need to get out of here!
- I'm aware!

- Wait.

Wait!

- Are they already
speaking in tongues?

Oh, my God.
- Oh, catch.

- Got it.

- Don't you start that vehicle!

- Eat me, straight lady!

What the hell is that?

- Drive!

Oh, my God, oh.

- Girls, why don't we pull over

and we'll talk about it

in the crisis pregnancy center.

We just like to help women

make smart, educated decisions.

- This is why you
always choose the ride

from the hot lesbian!

- Oh, man.

Oh!

- Sorry.

- Oh, my gosh, a fence!
There's a fence!

- We just wanted to give you
some medical advice.

Did you know
that having an abortion

could result in you

not being able
to get pregnant in the future?

- That's not true!
I Googled it!

And, frankly, that's
a very problematic falsehood

to be spreading!

- Dead cows?

Gross.
- I don't like it.

I don't like it.
- Gross.

- Oh, my gosh!

- Here we go!

No.

- Huh.
- Are you okay?

- Yeah.
- I think we lost him.

That was incredible!

- I'm like Vin Diesel
behind the wheel.

- That's Kevin's favorite actor.

Oh, gosh.
Oh, what do we do?

Um...

We have to do something.

- Let's keep going.
- What?

- I'm kidding!

I'm doing a "Thelma
and Louise" thing.

We're not driving off a cliff.

But maybe... maybe he doesn't
have to know that.

- Oh.

- Oh... oh, come here!

- Oh, okay, okay, okay.

- What do we do?
- Wait.

- Oh, darn it.

Darn it, darn it, darn it!

Honey, there's been an accident.

I don't... uh, girls?

You all right?

I don't know.
I gotta check.

I'll call you.

- All right, let's go.

- Guys, I think this was
a misunderstanding, you know?

Look, we both
said some things, okay?

- We're dying.
I need food.

I need water.

- I haven't posted
in, like, ten hours.

- That's what
you're worried about?

We're gonna starve
out here, Veronica.

I'd take one of those pancakes

from Karen and Mike Pence
at this point.

- Ugh, she didn't even charge
my freaking phone.

- Still got some juice.

No reception though.

Could really use one of those
printed maps right now.

When I'm wrong, I'm wrong.

- Wait, we can...
- Whoa, whoa, that's it!

We just hop the train
like old-timey hobos!

- Yes, okay, let's go.
- Yes!

- Are you allowed to say hobo?

- It did feel weird
when I said it!

- Okay, here's the plan!

Jump, grab on, hold tight!
- Got it!

- We jump on three!
- Okay.

- All right, okay.

One...

Two...

Three!

- Trains go fast.

- This is a joke.

This is a joke.

I shouldn't be here.

I should not be here!

I should be able
to just walk down the street

and open a door
and waltz right in

and say, "Hello,
my name is Veronica.

"My boyfriend is an asshole.
Here's my $500.

"Oh, oh, yes,
I would love a cup of water.

"Thank you so much.

That's so sweet of you."
But no.

Nope!

Instead I literally

had to drive 996 miles,

and now I'm stranded
in this freaking field

in the middle of nowhere,
and the train...

The stupid train
won't slow down!

Why in the hell

do you need
to get parental consent

to have an abortion, but not to
actually birth a human child?

Ugh!

Fuck you,
Missouri State Legislature!

- Veronica.
- What?

- There's a bus stop in
that town with our name on it.

- Oh.

Well, we're 3 1/2 hours away,

and your appointment's
in 30 minutes.

And my phone died.

Not great.

- Hello.

Hello?

- Bailey, come here!

Hello?

Mitch, we need a limo!
- Dude, it's closed.

Come on.
- There's someone in there.

Mitch!

Oh.

- Who sent you?

- Um, I'm sorry to bother you,

but we really need
to get to Albuquerque.

- All right, come on in.

Come on.
Come on.

- Um...

- What's in Albuquerque?

- Actually, it's kind of
a personal thing.

- Tell me why you came here.
- She needs an abortion.

- Where'd you say you come from?

- Missouri.

The law there
won't let me get one

without my parents knowing,
so we had to go

all the way to New Mexico.

- Ha!

Big government
thinking they can tell people

what they can and cannot do
with their bodies.

It makes me sick.

They want us to suckle
at their teat,

drink their fluoride water,

and brush our teeth every day
like little cogs

in their machine.

- Do you not brush...

- How much money you got?

- Uh, we can pay you...

$600.

- I'll pull a limo around.

- Ah, yes, thank you, Mitch.

- Mitch is a decoy.
Name is Bob.

- Oh.

- Oh, my gosh.

Is that the first limo
ever made?

- Wow.

- You know, some people
take a limo to prom.

We take it to an abortion.

- Well, I took
a limo to prom too.

Okay, so when I
called the clinic,

they only had
two appointments left...

A 10:00 a.m. and a 1:00 p.m.

Obviously we have
to make the 10:00 a.m.

or we won't
make it home in time,

and my parents will find out,
which would suck.

- Aw, you called
all by yourself?

My little V's growing up.

- Stop!

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

- You know what?

- Yeah!

- Wait!
Wait, stop!

Wait.

- New Mexico!

Whoo, whoo!

- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi, guys.

- Stop studying and come over.

- Yeah, come over.

Kaylee finally
solved the mystery.

- Wh-what?

- Okay, hear me out.

It's Bailey Butler.
- Isn't that crazy?

- You know, it's gotta be.

Everyone else denied it,

and someone saw her
by the dumpster.

Plus it's always the loners
who are secretly

having tons of freaky sex
with other weirdos.

- What do you think, Ronnie?

You know her best out of anyone.

- I-I don't know her that well.

I don't know why
you guys keep saying that.

- Everything okay?
You sound weird.

- Do you think it was her?

- What do you think, Ronnie?
- Come on, is it her?

- Yeah, yeah,
probably you guys are right.

I mean, she seems lonely
so maybe she's, like,

hooking up with random people.
Who knows.

- Oh, my God, that's so sad.

- Yeah, I actually...
I have to go,

but I'll talk
to you guys soon, okay?

- Okay, bye.
- Bye.

- Bye.

- Wow.

I'm so stupid.

- Bailey.

I just... you know

I had to say something.
- Bob, pull over!

- What was I supposed to say?

Bailey... Bailey, come on.

Come on,
we're in the middle of nowhere.

Can you just talk to me please?

It was just a stupid phone call.

- Clearly you were
bullshitting me

this whole time!

- No, I was covering.

If anything,
I was bullshitting them.

- Oh, well, if that's true,
that's even worse.

You like me,
and you still sell me out?

You don't even defend me?

You would do literally anything

to just maintain
this fake, perfect image

of yourself you created.
- That's...

- You used me for a ride,

and then you talk
trash about me.

You lie to your own best friends

about your abortion?
- It's complicated.

- Why can't you just tell them,

huh, if you guys
are such besties?

- Look, I'm not,
like, the type of person

that's just supposed
to go and get an abortion.

Veronica, you are
exactly the kind of person

who gets an abortion
and then doesn't tell anyone.

The same kind of person

who would just drop
their best friend on a dime.

- Do you know why?

Did you ever think about why?

- Yeah, yeah, you know, I had
a lot of time to think about it

when I was sitting
in the lunchroom

alone every day.

- You know, you made it
so hard to be your friend.

You... you just wanted
to get in trouble,

and then you'd make fun
of me because I didn't,

and you made me feel
like a loser for caring

about school, and it was like
you were... you were mad at me

for doing well and being happy.
I don't know.

It was... God, and then,
remember when I invited you

to my 14th birthday, and you
snuck in a bottle of amaretto

and puked all over
my birthday cake?

- No one likes carrot cake.
- I do.

You... you changed, Bailey.

- Yeah, because my parents
were getting a divorce.

I'm so sorry that I couldn't be

happy and perfect
for you all the time.

- I never needed you
to be perfect.

Just, like, normal.

- Veronica, you know what?
Go back to your car.

Go to your appointment.
Stick to your beloved plan.

- Please don't do this.

Bailey...

You know that I need someone
there with me at the clinic.

- Someone?
- Okay...

- Are you serious right now?
- That's not what I meant.

- That is exactly
what you meant.

- No, it isn't.

- I am only here
because you need "someone."

Well, Bob... Bob is someone,
right?

So why don't you
just go with him?

You know what, Veronica?
You have a super fun abortion.

Snap a pic for the gram.
- Screw you!

Okay, Bob,
let's get out of here.

- Ain't nothing to worry about.

- How long is this gonna take?
- Two clicks past 0800 hours.

20, 30 minutes.

- Ugh!

Bob, can we just make
a quick stop?

- Hey, what's up
with that drink?

- Oh, yeah, I know it's weird,

but, surprisingly,
it's really good.

- No, I know.

Another girl came in,
and she made me try hers.

- She got this exact same drink?

- Yeah, exact same.

- The half blue raspberry,
half cherry

with a squirt of coke?
- And a squirt of coke.

Yeah, yeah, what... is it like

a meme or a challenge
or something?

- Um, uh...

- Bob, Bob, she came!

She came.
She's here.

She's here somewhere.

Wait, but if she came for me,

then why wouldn't she
have called me?

- Why else would she be here?

- We gotta go, Bob.

Oh, I found it.

Okay, in 2.3 miles,
you're gonna make a left.

- Yeah, but if we go, you're
gonna miss your ten hundred.

I mean your
10:00 a.m. appointment.

- It's okay.

- Look, she seems
like a tough kid.

I'm sure whatever it is,
she'll be fine.

- That's a pretty plant.

Are you gonna help your mom
plant it?

Yeah?
Well, thank you so much.

Have a nice day.

- Welcome to Butler's.
May I help you?

Bailey.

- Hey, Dad.

- What are you doing here?

- I don't know.
Just passing through.

Thought I'd, uh, come say hi.

I thought since I'm here,
we could, like,

go get dinner or something.

- I wish you had called ahead.
I'm a little busy right now.

- Yeah, no, yeah, you're right.
I should have called.

I don't know.
I just thought...

- Always were too impulsive.

- Yeah, right,
like, crazy Bailey?

What's she gonna do
next, you know?

Oh, a rock, ooh, ha, ha.

Ah, whoa.

- Do you need money?
Is that why you're here?

I've sending your mother
checks when I can,

but it's slow time of the year,

and I'm just trying
to make ends meet as it is.

- No, no, Dad, that...

Look, I'm sorry.
I should have called.

You're right, and I'm...

- Give your old man a heads up
next time, will you?

- Right, right, yeah.

See you, I guess.

- Are... are you kidding me?

- What the hell
are you doing here?

- Veronica Clarke?

- I'm sorry, I just...

She drove hundreds
of miles to see you,

and you won't even go
to dinner with her?

- Please don't do this.

- You think that being a father
is just sending

a few checks a year,
and that's that?

- I don't need
to explain myself to you.

I never expected
any father of the year awards.

Your mother wanted kids,

and I wanted
to be with your mother.

Seemed like a fine trade-off
when the relationship

was going all right,
but as that faded,

what was I left with?

- What were you left with?

Do you... do you know anything
about this person right here?

Do you know that she speaks
three different languages

and somehow knows the lyrics
to every single song ever made?

And she is fearless.

You're fearless... especially
behind the wheel

of a GMC Yukon.

You're not just missing out
on knowing your daughter.

You're missing out on knowing
one of the most unique,

passionate, incredible
human beings

on the face of the planet...
- All right, that's enough.

You're both young.

When you grow up a little,
you'll realize

that you don't always get
what you want in life.

I think you should go.

- What are you doing?
Oh...

- Oh!
- Oh!

- Okay, we gotta go!
We gotta go!

We got to go right now!
- I didn't kill him!

I didn't kill him... did I?
Did I?

- You're a freak.
Who does that?

What, what, what?
- Wait.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Not just for the fight today
but for the last four years.

I-I never thought about it
from your perspective,

and I don't know how I'm
gonna make it up to you.

- Well, tasing my dad
was a good start.

Whoa, what about
your appointment?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, no!

- I had to come find you,
so I'm taking the later one.

- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait.

You chose me over risking
your parents finding out?

You goddamn idiot,
that is so nice!

Okay, let's go!
Let's go!

- Do not tase them, okay?

I know that's
your instinct right now,

but it's just not a great idea.

- Girls...

If friendship
weren't a construct

designed to tie one down,
well, then I'd say

you two would make
awfully fine friends.

- Thanks for everything, Bob.

- No, thank you, Victoria.

Oh, Veronica.

Are you serious?

- Okay, I thought
it was too late.

I really need to talk to you.
- No, mm-mm.

- I got this.

- Okay, I'm gonna
go sign you in.

- How... how did you even know
that I was here?

- That Kate lady that you
stayed with in Texas,

she told me...

Seems super dope,
a little intense.

I thought you two were gonna
be here, like, hours ago.

- Yeah, well,
it's been a long trip.

You do know that you can't
stop me from doing this.

- No, listen, I know,
and you're right.

Okay, this isn't about me
wanting a baby.

I want you, okay?

I still wanna be with you
even though you're doing this.

- I appreciate that.
I do.

But right now, I would just
prefer it if you weren't here.

- Are you kidding me?

I was just, like, so nice.
- Excuse me?

- Well, what do you
want from me?

You know, I said I'm sorry,
like, five times already

about the condom thing
or whatever, okay?

I'm here to comfort you
in your time of need,

and it's like
you don't even realize

I had, like, three other things
going on this weekend.

It's like you don't even
wanna be with me at all.

- You're totally right.

- What?

- I've been unsure
for a long time,

and that's unfair to you,
and I'm sorry

'cause you've been
a really fun boyfriend,

but you are not the person

that I wanna be with
for the rest of my life.

- I don't think you can
hear yourself right now,

but you sound crazy, okay?

Maybe, like, the baby fluids
are working their way up

to your brain
or something like that?

Like, I don't know.
I'm not a doctor.

But what I do know is that this
isn't really what you wanna do.

- No, it is.
It absolutely is.

Come on... am I
really the person...

- Know what?

Either we stay together,
or I tell everybody at school

about your top-secret abortion.

- You know, go for it.

I don't care.

Fine, I will.

You know what?

It was gonna be a surprise,
but my dad bought me a Jet Ski

for graduation, and now you're
never gonna step foot on it.

- Wow.

- Veronica Clarke?

We actually can't have
your friend back there.

So sorry.

- Oh, is... is that okay?

- Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

Here you go.

What happens next?

- You can relax.

We're just gonna talk
for a few minutes.

- Okay.

- I have a few questions,
and then I'll walk you

through the entire process.

No surprises.

First, is this your decision?

Have you been coerced
in any way?

- No.

I mean, yes, yes,
this is my decision.

I want to do this.
- Okay, good.

You have a choice
between local anesthetic

or sedation.

Basically, during surgery
you can be numb or awake

or asleep.

- I can be asleep?

Then, yes, definitely...
Definitely that option.

- Okay, good.
Final question.

Do you have someone
to take you home?

- Yeah, my friend.

- Okay, great,
you're doing wonderful.

So here's the plan.

First you'll change
into your gown.

Warning... it's not cute.

Then you'll get
a vaginal ultrasound.

It's not fun,
but it doesn't hurt,

and you don't have to look
at the monitor

if you don't want to.

Next we'll draw some blood,
and we'll hook you up

to an IV.

Then you'll sit with other women

who are waiting for surgery.

And then to the surgical suite.

The anesthesiologist
will place a mask

on your face, and you'll
be asleep in seconds.

The doctor has a wand
that he'll insert inside you

and remove the fetus.

You'll be in and out
in under ten minutes.

You'll wake up

in the recovery room
safe and sound.

And that's it.

- Can I tell you something?

I'm honestly pretty nervous.

- That's okay.
It's normal.

And I have a feeling
you're gonna do just fine.

- You're alive!

Oh, they wouldn't
let me see you,

so I just assumed you were dead.

- Aw.

Nope, I'm fine.
- How are you feeling?

- Relieved.

And hungry.

- Food?
Okay.

- Mm-hmm, while I was out,
I had them put in an IUD,

so...

- Oh, so our last
abortion road trip, huh?

- I know, bummer, right?

So when are we gonna talk
about the fact

that we have, like, $20
and no way to get home?

- Yeah, I know.

I just have to make
a quick phone call.

- Yeah, I should probably
make one myself.

Mom?

Hi.

- I got Fil's car impounded.
- I need your help.

- Well, um, this is me.

- Yeah, that is your house.

Well...

- Thank you for...

coming and, you know,

doing all that stuff.

We don't have to, like,
say a big good-bye or anything.

I mean, school's tomorrow.
I'll see you there, so...

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah, no, I know.
You're right.

Okay, see you.

- See ya.

- Hey.

Come sit.

- I know you're mad.
I can I just say something?

I don't feel bad
about the abortion.

I feel like I'm supposed to,
but I don't.

I know I made
the right choice for me.

I just, I...

I'm really scared
that you're gonna hate me.

- Hate you?

Veronica...

how could you even think that?

No, I love you.

But I'm not... gonna lie to you.

The choice you made...

that's not something
I can just...

It's not the choice
I would've made,

not the one your sister made.

I'm not sure I'll
ever understand it.

I'm sorry.

What I know is
I love you, sweet pea.

I love you so much more
than all of that, okay?

- Okay.

- Ronnie, oh, my God.
We heard about everything.

- Oh, you must be devastated.

- Surviving a break-up
is brutal,

but, like, you'll bounce back.
- Yeah.

- Oh, did you hear?

Someone got busted
with a locker full of Adderall.

How aggressive is that?

And you know,
I've already looked into it,

and I think that Connor
is at the top of my list

'cause of all...
- The pregnancy test was mine.

- Wait, what?
- Oh, my God.

- Yeah.

- I can't believe you've
been dealing with this alone.

- I haven't.

- Hi.

- Wait, where even are we?

I thought we were supposed
to be going to Gas N' Gulp.

Oh, um, yeah.

That's... that's not actually
where we're going.

- Then where are we going?

- Well, remember when you said
we could go to Roswell?

- No.
- Mm-hmm.

- No, no...
- Yeah!