Unfinished Business (2015) - full transcript

RECEPTIONIST: Good morning.
Dynamic Progressive Systems.

Please hold.

It's not a small thing.
5% is a lot.

If you've managed a household with
kids and stuff... 5% is a lot.

You know what, Dan?
Just walk with me.

No. I don't care
if everyone hears us.

You really wanna
do this here? You do?

I don't wanna be
doing it at all, Chuck.

It's just that we had terms, and now
you're changing those terms again.

We are restructuring
the department salaries.

That's just the bottom line.
That's the way it is.



I know it's not
what you want to hear.

Dan, just walk with me.

A little annoying. What?

It's just a little annoying.

"Walk with me."
You say that a lot.

It's stuff like
that you say, you know.

That's why Brian Peters
wrote "You're an asshole"

on your parking curb thing.

What the fuck, Dan?

I'm sorry.

Do you really wanna challenge
me in public, Dan?

This was my best year.

I am an asshole, Dan,
because I have to make

decisions to keep
the company strong.



You make a living
from this company.

You're replaceable, frankly.

If you were to leave,
Dynamic would continue.

So, don't minimize
my company's interests.

Now, if you would please, as
I said before, walk with me.

We can discuss
this in my office.

Chuck, just because
you caught me...

which is, granted,
a pretty big feat...

in a trust fall
at the company retreat...

which you make us all go to...

and that I don't like, by the way,
that nobody here really likes.

Nobody does. Right, Russell?

I like them.
Russell is a team player.

DAN: Russell is
a beaten-down dog.

You're Mr. Negative.

Are you making less?

I'm a sales manager, Dan.

You want a bigger slice of the
pie, start your own company.

Oh, I've been thinking about it.

Everybody thinks about it...

but don't bitch when the
people who actually do it...

pay themselves
what they deserve.

I have been in airports for two
days, preparing a deal for you.

I came in here
just to get a bagel,

because I haven't had
a meal since Tuesday.

And then, you tell me I'm gonna
have to take 5% less this year?

I don't want new terms, Chuck.

I want to be able to see
my kids sometimes.

The old "kid" card.

(LAUGHS) Strong.

I'm gonna do it.

Really?

You're gonna go up against
me and Dynamic?

Yeah. I will see you in the field.
You should look for me.

Because I'll be the guy
in first who's happy.

I think you're better off for
me than against me, Dan.

Well, I actually have my own
ideas on how to do this job.

It doesn't involve any of
that "trust fall" shit.

Okay. Game on.

Game on.

By the way,
anyone here wanna join me?

There's a lot of
great people here.

How about it? Come on.

Any of you guys wanna build
a total starship with me?

"Starship"?

Yeah, I'm just riffing, here.

I wasn't planning on founding
my own company here today...

but if anyone wants
to play a key role...

in a new mineral sales company
that does it the right way...

then walk through
that door with me,

because there is
a place for you.

Guys!

Men!

We're doing this.

Doing what?

Boarding the starship. Starting
this new adventure together.

Uh, I'm just walking to my car.

Because I just got let go...

because of some
mandatory age limit.

Oh.

Do you still wanna work?

Well, I'm just 67. Yeah!

I'm not the Crypt Keeper.

All right, great!
Come work with me.

We'll drop these guys. Yeah!

Let's drop these pussies!

Right!

Look at us. We're standing here.

We're synergizing already.

I'm excited. Thank you.

How about you, young buck, huh?

Are you starshipping with us?
Yeah.

What did you do at Dynamic?

Uh... Um... No.
I don't work there.

You just walked out of there.

Well, I interviewed.

But you got a box
with office belongings.

Yeah. I brought it to the
interview to show confidence.

Do you have any
sales experience?

Yes, I do.

Great. Foot Locker.

And reasons for leaving?

I don't like feet.

But I do like people.

I'm good with people.
It's for real, it's true.

Do you work hard? Yeah.

Like, what's "hard"?

(STAMMERING) The hardest.

Don't just say it because you
think I want to hear it.

No, it's true.
Whatever you need.

All right.

If you're willing to try,
I'll turn you into an animal.

Hop in. Come on, young
buck, we're doing it.

I'm willing! Let's go.

All right.

Let's hit Dunkin' Donuts,
and we'll launch this thing.

Good.

I know we've had
a little dry spell...

but I'm proud to announce
that we got this deal.

Bill said, "Fly up,
let's shake hands."

Fuck, yes!

(LAUGHING)

Oh, excuse me.

I'm sorry about the "fuck."

I get to go on a trip?

Yeah.

Overnight?

Is this your first
business trip, Mike?

Yeah.

You didn't have any
Foot Locker business trips?

No. They would
all just come to me.

Yeah. All right,
we're going on a trip.

Will things happen?

Like, explers?

"Explers"? Yeah.

Can you use it in a sentence?

"We're gonna go on a business
trip and have explers."

"Exploits"?

Exploits.

No, there won't be any exploits.
Just up and back.

I got too much stuff at home.

You can have them,
after we close the deal.

Is it just us going up there, or
are they bringing up a fluffer?

Just us, free and clear.
What's a "fluffer"?

When a company wants
to do a sweetheart deal

with a friend or something...

they generally
pretend to negotiate

with another company,
right to the end.

Just to make it look legit.

Well, this one's all ours.

Come on.

Tomorrow, we are going
on a business trip.

Let's go close this thing.

Go get them, Dan.

I feel good about this one.
You got a strong number set.

I appreciate that, Don.

You've been here
since the beginning.

After we close this, we're
gonna get an actual office.

Hey, Paul, we need to talk.

I'm headed off to Portland.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to surprise you.
Everything all right?

I'm doing stuff. That's cool.

Lookit, "doing stuff"
is natural.

Dad... I used to "do stuff."

I used to "do stuff" three times a day.
And I still "do stuff."

(SOFTLY) Dad. I don't "do
stuff" as much as I used to...

(LAUGHS)

because now I'm tired
from doing other stuff.

But there's no crime, here.

There's not gonna be a trial.
Nothing happened.

I don't even know
what we were talking about.

When I was your age...

we used to get these
magazines for my sisters...

that would be like
a lingerie or swimsuit...

No, that's not...

But now you go online, you
see a clown fuck an alpaca.

I don't watch that, Dad.

It's not a big deal.
It's just an easy thing.

I want you to get back
to doing it,

but you should do it
in the bathroom...

because you can't lock
this door.

And your sister could walk in
and it's no good.

So, just do it
somewhere else, okay?

Yeah. Just keep a lid on it.

Like a gentleman does. A
gentleman celebrates his body.

You know that Walt Whitman
poem, "Song of Myself"?

We don't need to
talk about it anymore.

It's a song. Walt Whitman,
he celebrates his body.

You're celebrating your body.

So, I don't think
it's a big deal.

Okay.

I'm gonna be back tomorrow. I'm
just going up for the handshake.

And when I come home...

you are gonna come out of
this room for a little bit...

and me and you, just me and
you, we're gonna hang out.

Okay, you're hugging me.

I don't know what's
going on with your hands.

Get back to the computer.

Bye, Dad. Bye.

(SIGHS)

Can we deal with the whole
private school thing today?

Do you mean,
like the pros and cons?

No, we did the pros and cons.
It was all pros.

I meant paying for it.

You know I'm leaving, right?
Portland, for the handshake.

I have 20 minutes to pack.

Yeah. Remember we were gonna
talk to Paul today, though...

about why he's been
so withdrawn.

Can we FaceTime that?

Can it be today?

Yeah. This is the big one.

When are you back?
Tomorrow, before dinner.

We just gotta go there and shake hands.
It's all done.

What do you got going today?

I was probably
going to go to work,

and then maybe
raise our children.

Sounds good. Wait, eat!

I have to put these reports
in my power spread.

Men over 40 can suffer from fainting
spells if they skip meals...

and have high stress levels,
and poor muscle tone.

I have to pack.

Hey, Dad. Hey.

Are you going on a trip?

I am, yeah.

You wanna help me out, here?

I'll show you what
I always bring with me.

Space for my running gear here.
Book goes here.

That's all you do
on your business trips?

Read and run? Yep.

And do business.

Grab some running gear out of
the closet and help me pack.

Okay. Love you.

Can I ask you a question
before you go?

Honey, my plane's gonna...

Is it a little question?

Kind of.

Okay, yeah.
What is your little question?

When I go to school, I don't
like to go to school at all.

It makes my stomach hurt.
The jokes hurt my feelings.

I cry in the bathroom,
and pretend to poop for...

I don't know, two hours.

That's not even...

Is that a question?

Okay. I know that school
can be hard, honey.

But you gotta go,
or you'll be a moron.

Did you do my
daddy homework thing?

Yes, I have not.

But I'm tweaking it in my mind,

and I will figure
it out on my trip.

DAN: Okay, I have two seconds, here.
"Your daddy."

Why is this so hard?

"Your daddy is..."

I pretty much
just work these days, sorry.

Selling swarf.

That's metal residue left over after
the construction of large objects...

like the Golden Gate...

Never mind, it's fucking boring.

Anyway, Daddy's been working to
get the starship off the ground.

That's from a team-building thing.
Our version.

We went to the batting cages.

I thought it was a good place...

to teach the guys about being
aggressive and taking what's yours.

Crowding the plate,
in a business sense.

But we nailed a big deal,
and we're travelling today...

in the time-honored ritual
of the handshake.

Which is good, because it's
been a down year, swarf-wise.

I really need this deal.

I'm stalling like a freak on
this private school thing...

because I can't afford it
without this handshake.

And I don't want
your mom to know.

But she's gonna catch me soon
because she's smarter than I am.

Probably, that's not what
you're looking for.

Why do males go
on a business trip?

To bring home the kill,
and dig the night.

Going to Portland,
Timothy, not Vegas.

And aren't you 72?

I'm 67.

What do you mean,
"bring home the kill"?

Traditionally, even way back...

guys would leave their caves with
a pointy stick or something.

Go out, get it done,
bring it home.

And the, "dig the night" part?

Well, then they'd stay on a little
longer than they needed to...

and fuck around a little bit.

Traditionally.

Holy shit. "Trunkman, Daniel."

I'm next on
the upgrade list, boys.

I've flown 31 times this last
year making this goddamn deal.

Never once have they ever
said, "Daniel Trunkman."

Say "Daniel Trunkman." Come on.

Say it.

Danielle Trunkman.

Yes! WOMAN: Hi.

DAN: It's "Daniel,"
not "Danielle."

(WOMAN LAUGHS)
DAN: Thank you very much.

I'm gonna go
obviously to the front.

You guys go around the back.

Please. Thank you, sir.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Ladies and
gentlemen, welcome on board.

US Midland
Airlines Flight 3257...

with service to Portland, Maine.

In preparation for takeoff...

all carry-on items should be
placed in the overhead bins...

or under the seat
in front of you.

I've never been upgraded.

That's all right.

In 12 years.

That's cool.

Ordinarily, I'd like to give you
my seat, like this guy did.

But I, uh...

I can't honor you on this
flight, because I have to...

finish some important
presentation prep...

on some cap-down brokerage recaps
that just need some tweaking.

But I appreciate you.

Thank you. It is an honor
to sit in front of you.

So much.

Okay, please.

I'd like you to have the seat.

Mike, can I say
something to you?

Can you not say your whole
name today, sorry, um...

when we meet
the Benjaminson Group?

Why?

Because, um...

I'm just going to
be honest with you.

I think that when you
say your whole name,

it causes people
to lose focus on...

pertinent business stuff.

Why would my name
cause people to.

Lose focus on
pertinent business stuff?

Say it.

Mike Pancake.

(LAUGHING)

TIMOTHY: I just forget.

So, uh, yeah. That's all.

You can say, "Mike." Just
don't say the breakfast part.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

FaceTime time.

Hey, Dad. Hey, buddy.
Hey, Trunkmans.

Where have you been, Dan? I've
been trying you for two hours.

Well, I was just in the sky,
I just turned my...

Paul was arrested.
There's a police report.

They said he was shoplifting.

What? I sent you an email.

Okay. I have it open right here.

"Suspect Paul William Trunkman"

"was detained
by store security..."

"who found on his person
a five-shade palette of..."

"Show-Stopping Eye Shadows."

Eye shadows?

"The shades in question are Blue Belgian
Frost, Straight-Up Teal, Celeste."

I don't understand. Are
you doing monster makeup?

Movies with the guys?

You mean my friends that I don't
have because I'm a huge goon?

Those guys?

I wanted to put it on my eyes...

to hang out with the kids
that don't fit in.

The goth kids.

They laughed at me...

because they use dark
colors around their eyes...

and I didn't know you were
supposed to do that...

and I used teal.

I can't even fit in
with the kids...

that don't fit in.

Tough FaceTime.

Dan, we need to talk about pulling
the trigger on private school.

I think he's really isolated
where he is.

And the tuition at
Primmler Day Academy...

is $19,000.

19 thou...

Dan?

Do my homework!

Sweetie, we lost the connection.
Dad's face froze.

We're going to
try him later, okay?

Okay. MIKE: Dan?

DAN: Who's your daddy?

Your daddy is a man who is
worried about your brother...

because he stands out,
physically.

Hello, welcome to Portland.

DAN: That's not easy
at that age...

so Dad's worried about him.

But Dad has to focus on this
important meeting right now.

So, he wants to go on a run
to clear his mind.

But you packed
Mommy's running stuff.

Sports bra.

Scoop Me Up Tank.

Maybe, instead of running...

I'll have a junior wine
from the junior suite fridge.

Smell the roses, you know?

Deal's done.

Just going to
smell one rose, here.

A moment for Dan.

Hey, Dan.

Hey, Chuck.

Ooh.

I've got to go talk
to Benjaminson.

But I will catch you later.

Cheers.

Yeah.

DAN: Bill, hey. Dan Trunkman.

I'm sorry,
I'm just a little thrown.

I saw Chuck Portnoy from
Dynamic Progressive Systems...

and she mentioned...
(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

that she's gonna
see you, Bill, also.

Um, it was my understanding
that we were done, really...

that we were just going to do a
walkthrough for you and shake hands.

Maid service. Come in.

Anyway, Bill, can you give me a
holler back about this? Thanks.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon to you.

I'll be out of here
in 15 minutes.

Oh, you live a busy lifestyle?

I'm sorry. Well, listen.

Sit back, relax, grab a drink...

and enjoy me cleaning.

And touch yourself
with your hands.

Can you say some things,
while you're tidying, to me?

I've never done this before.

(CLEARS THROAT) You know, I'm not
seeing enough titty from you.

Make sure that, periodically,
you turn to face me...

so I can see some more
titty from you.

I don't understand.
Are you saying...

to privately touch...

my penis?

Certainly.

I'd like to try being
someone else for a while.

So, maybe you could
call me "Tony Stark"...

and talk about my iron cock?

Tim. Timothy? Yeah?

This woman right here
is an actual maid.

The sex maid you hired
is in with me.

You're doing a great job.

Okay? Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Now, let's stop
drinking champagne.

Let's stop buying women.

And let's focus.

This deal may not be done...

and, man, it is imperative
that we shake hands...

MIKE: Wait.

(STUTTERING) Sorry.

I don't know what that means.

What what means?

Impera- ... The "E" word.

I didn't say an "E" word.

Em- ... Empera- ...

Emperlat- ... Emperlaten?

"Emperlaten"?

Just stay here and don't
do any more weird shit.

I'm gonna go for a run.
I need to clear my head.

Chuck's here.

I really need to run
and focus right now.

Our meeting's in an hour.

I have to go. It's "emperlaten."

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) I'm waking up, up on
the floor, still looking perfect

I'm walking out, out through
the door, into the circus.

On a roll again.

Rock n roll again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

(BREATH I NG H EAVI LY)

BI LL: Dan.

Dan Trunkman. Hello, mate.

Bill. How are you?

Dan Trunkman from Apex Select...

Chuck Portnoy from
Dynamic Systems...

who I think you know, don't you?

I do. Yeah. We are competitors.

We are? Direct.

I guess. I hadn't really
noticed, but, okay.

Hmm. And this is Jim Spinch.

Jim. Hey, Dan.

How are you? Good, you?

Sorry. Sure.

Jim's my boss.

Who makes your gear?
What kind of...?

What's the get-up?

Uh, Danish top. Okay.

And the sweats are a riff on, I
think, South American field slacks.

Um...

"Machos," they're called.
Or "Machetes."

My wife has "Machos." Or
"Machetes," I don't know.

I just call them
"Nancy's pants."

Chuck just showed us...

your redbook rates only make
sense if we're doing buybacks.

I'm not doing buyback deals until it's
out the door and we refactor market.

I just wanna be clear
that those are the terms now.

So, Jim, you're opening
the deal back up?

Well, it wasn't
closed quite, Dan.

So, I just wanted to hear you
both under these new terms today.

Just you and Chuck, that's all.

Those pants are so tight,

you'd think I could see
your balls or your dick.

But I don't.

Maybe I shouldn't have
said that, but it's weird.

So, are we going back to our
original brokerage sets?

In fact, is that a crease?

No. I don't have a crease,
thank you.

A slit? No.

CHUCK: There's space.
DAN: There is no space.

There's actually space.
It's alarming.

DAN: There's clearly no space.

I'm trying to determine the...

Jim. Are we going to start at
our first rate presentation?

I'm giving you both a clean start.
That's it, yeah.

And you guys know each other?
You and Chuck?

Yeah, we've done
a couple of deals.

And you came together today?

Almost.

I came, then
Jim came on my face.

But thanks for asking, Dan.

Wow.

How wonderfully brassy.
Are you guys coming inside?

I already came inside of Jim,
but thank you for asking.

Jeez, guy.

We're going to eat in here.

Wow.

Chuck, what are you doing?

Here? Now? Chuck?

Well, did you guys
shake hands already...

or was I misled about
the deal being done?

I am here to shake hands.

Oh.

So am I.

(WHISTLING)

I hope it's clear that while there
are higher upfront costs...

than possibly you are
used to or prefer...

these are one-offs
and, over time...

DAN: Fuck!

Whoa. You all right?

No. I'm good, I'm good. I just...

I just had
a stressful afternoon...

and no granola.

I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.

What was the last thing I said?

Uh, "Fuck."

DAN: No. Right before.

Oh, you were talking about having
extremely high upfront costs built in.

I said "extremely"?
You said "extremely."

I'm going to have to
call you out on that, Jim.

I didn't say "extremely" because
I wouldn't characterize our...

My legs feel a little
bit like, uh, Slinkys.

Fuck.

I said that again.

I'm going to sit down. Sit down.

Yeah. Okay.

Mike, finish.

Sorry.

Hello.

Um, I'm Mineral Deposits Sales
Director at Apex Select, Mike Pancake.

What was your last name?

Pancake.

Like, breakfast?

It's Greek, so...

It's delicious.

Yum.

(LAUGHING)

Are you Steve Toast?

(LAUGHING)

I know this deal is getting close
to the finish line for you...

but when the mineral market
bottomed out in Greece,

it took us all by surprise.

We gotta go back and look at
our whole fourth quarter.

And Chuck and Dynamic, they brought
up some interesting points...

about how they could
help us fourth quarter.

We weren't, you and us,
quite at the handshake stage.

Well, we'll just have to
disagree on that.

Maybe we didn't totally shake.

We definitely grasped
one another's hands.

Now, maybe we didn't
do that small

pump-up-and-down thing
to finish it off.

No, we didn't.

I'm here. Let's pump, Jim.

All right. Hold on, Dan.

What are you talking...?
It's been a year, Jim.

(SIGHS)

All right, Dan, look. Here's
what we're going to do.

DAN: Chuck's presenting
to Dirk Austerlitz in Berlin.

So are we.

Jim said it wasn't necessary,

but I insisted.

So, gear up.

We have to go
right there tomorrow.

I thought we were done.

Yeah.

I've never made love to a woman.

I made love to my wife,
but I don't love her.

She's cruel.

Didn't you just
order a sex maid?

Oh, yes, but I don't cheat.
I just observe.

But, no, my wife's the only one.

So, I want to get a divorce.

But I wanna leave her with some money.
A sufficient...

Uh...

And I was hoping that my
commission on this deal

would allow me to do that.

So I could make love just once.

Wheelbarrow position.

It is the one that I
would like to explore.

That position wouldn't...
My wife...

She looks like
a vending machine.

Over there.

She looks just like that.

Your wife's square?

Rectangular, yes.

But vending machines are square.

That's square?

Kind of square.

That shape there?

Mike, did you go to college?

I did not.

On your resume, it said that
you went to Ithaca College.

No.

(STAMMERING) I didn't.

I went to a special school.

And I live in one of those homes

with a lot of other guys...

where they teach you how to iron

your clothes and stuff.

I'm kind of like
a counselor there.

I'm gonna go get a Pepsi, okay?

I'm losing confidence
in the team.

DAN: Your daddy is a man who is
still away to shake hands...

but he has to fly his hand
to Germany now.

I checked Paul's Facebook page.

I walked into
his room yesterday.

He didn't want me
to see something.

I know why now.

"Danke" is "thank you"?

Yeah.

"Danke" is "thank you."

Danke for talking to me.

You're very welcome.

Yeah.

DAN: We're down
to the minute, here, Mike.

We have to get to Hamburg
and back in two hours.

(AUTOMATED VOICE
SPEAKING GERMAN)

Why is the GPS in German?

Because I asked
for it in German.

Because we're in Germany.

That's not...
It doesn't work like that.

But don't you need it to have
the German information in it?

Like the German bridges

and the German streets and such.

The English would have the German
streets in it, and bridges.

They would just
tell you to turn right

and left and shit in English...

so you could understand it.
God damn it, Mike!

(AUTOMATED VOICE
SPEAKING GERMAN)

(SIGHS)

I can tell you
what I think it means.

Yeah? You? Do you speak German?

Well, no. But I have a feeling.

Ah, great.

Tell me your fl?gelschlagen
feeling, Mike.

I think it means...

"Hey, man, you're doing great."

Fl?gelschlagen.
Yeah, it's like, um...

"Slow down and enjoy the moment,"

"because everything's
gonna be okay."

Sounds good.

We have to be to Hamburg
and back by 2:00.

So I can't
fl?gelschlagen right now.

Why Hamburg?

Helen Harlmann. If I can talk her
off her hard lease numbers...

we can drop our margin in
the deal and beat Chuck.

She knows her stuff.

(AUTOMATED VOICE REPEATING)

What the fuck does that mean?

See, Pancake?

I don't know...

Let's just get on the Autobahn.

(CARS HONKING)

(SPEAKING GERMAN) Thank you.

I don't understand you.
I'm sure it wasn't supportive.

It's really hard to concentrate

on revising my number set here, Mike.
(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Thank you. I'm a guest here
in your land. But thanks.

(CARS HONKING)

Fl?gelschlagen.
Dan? Fl?gelschlagen.

You should probably not
say any shit to me now.

For now.

MAN ON PHONE: Guten Morgen.

Hi, this is Dan Trunkman
from Apex Select.

I was trying to reach
Helen Harlmann.

MAN: Oh, I'm sorry.
She's taking a personal day.

DAN: Any chance you might be
able to tell me where she is?

Absolutely, we offer
traditional shvitz.

"Steaming."

We're kind of in a hurry, but I think
I have a friend who's shvitzing.

Go on in, if necessary.

Our friend is a woman.

I was hoping maybe
you could go grab her.

It's a unisex shvitz.

Go on in.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Boob. Boobs.

Big boobies, coming right here.

Mike...

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Let me just go find
Helen, take my shot...

and I'll meet you in the lobby
in a few minutes, okay?

Uh, wait.

Maybe we should stay.

To, uh, support you.

And maybe see some vaginas.

This is crunch time, Mike.

We can't go rolling up on
her, three dudes in a suit...

in a steambath.

It's intimidating.
She'll be overwhelmed.

Just for the record,
I'd like to go with you

and support you.

And also see nude women.

But I understand.

But I want to.

Oh, okay. Just go ahead.

Thank you. Okay.

Butt cracks!
Look, two butt cracks!

Helen?

Yes?

Dan Trunkman, Apex Select.

You're in my shvitz.

I apologize for that.

I have some numbers

that I think would
make sense for both of us.

It's a bit time-sensitive.

I hope it's worth the intrusion.

I can tell you're clearly not
in a business frame of mind...

so I'll keep this very simple.

We have to sweeten the package.

We're gonna see Gelger today.

So, if you drop
our lease fees this year,

we'll double your
process fees next year.

Liar.

I mean what I say,
the numbers are...

You intruded my shvitz
to give me numbers...

and deceive and insult me.

I did not mean to insult you.

You're in our place
of openness...

and to hide your body... Liar.

It's very American.

Are you a shameful pilgrim?

I might be part pilgrim.

You can bring
your numbers here...

but please don't bring
your American prudishness.

It makes me uncomfortable.

Let's get comfortable, Helen.

I dig Europe.

In a big way.

What's not to dig?

The Renaissance.

Sonnets.

Frescoes.

Oil paintings,
paintings of women.

Gorgeous.

Paintings of big women.
Fantastic.

Why did they ever
stop making those?

I'd paint paintings of big
women, if I could paint.

I know you'll be comfortable
with my numbers.

And maybe now you're a
little more comfortable

with this old pilgrim.

Dan Trunkman. Apex Select.

I like what I heard.

I see you brought more pilgrims.

You guys are supposed
to be in the lobby.

We just came to check
if you were okay.

(SOFTLY) I can see
your ball sack.

I'm doing business here, Mike.

MIKE: Oh. Carry on.

It seems we have
an excited pilgrim.

I'm sorry.
Are boners not allowed?

Hopefully,
this is a closed deal.

Deal.

DAN: Fuck, yeah!
One, two, three!

Apex Select!

Hell, yes! That's who we are!

Let's seal this deal.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello? SUSAN: Dan, hey.

Hey, honey!

What's up?

Just on the Autobahn,
hauling ass.

I miss you.

Oh, I miss you too, babe.

I miss you like...

I'm holding the phone with my
left hand, because I'm a rightie.

And my right hand's
making little Dan circles...

Speakerphone is
what you're on right now.

No. In my business car.

Hi, Susan. Hi.

Is that Tim?

Yeah. We're all...
Um, Mike's here.

Hello, Susan.

We're all here, hon.
So you can just, uh...

go ahead and hold the phone
with your right hand.

We are headed to the meeting. Okay.
Well, good luck, guys.

All right. Thank you, honey.

I'll call you in a bit.
I love you.

I like to make circles, too.

On my bike.

What the fuck?

The fuck is that?

Is that a fucking reindeer?

MIKE: Go right at it.
It's gonna dart.

I can't stop. I'm going
a hundred miles an hour.

It's gonna dart
and then you're...

Right at it? MIKE: Right at it.

It's gonna dart. Dart.

DAN: Fuck!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(AUTOMATED VOICE
SPEAKING GERMAN)

Have you seen, Mike...

lots of reindeer
darting to and fro...

in St. Louis?

No, I'm sorry.

I just imagined that
I was a reindeer...

and I thought about what I
would do in that situation...

as a reindeer-man.

DAN: Once we get there, we got
18 minutes to make our meeting.

Seriously, good work, guys.

Did you narrow this to 17...?
Is that 17%?

Did you get us $1000
of bulk order down?

Yeah, I started working vendors yesterday.
How many did you get down?

39. Yeah.

What'd you do here?
This is much better.

I figured out a way
to fudge our asset charts.

Not fucked up. Just fudged.

I really Keeblered it.

We're gonna have
to haul ass, here.

So when that door opens,
it's like

the chute opening
at the Kentucky Derby...

and we're Seabiscuit.

Wait.

But we can't all be Seabiscuit.

All right. I'm Seabiscuit.

I'll be Northern Dancer.

I like to dance.

Okay, and I'll be Fastee.

All right.
That is not a horse...

but okay, be whoever. Just run.

How is it a wheelbarrow again?

It's because one person's
legs is being held up.

Like wheelbarrow sticks.
(PHONE VIBRATING)

Like the handles
on a wheelbarrow.

Hang on.

Hello? SUSAN: Hey.

Hey, what's up?
Is everything...?

Yes. Sorry.

There was a bullying
incident at school.

I sent you an email with a link.

Bess.

Fuck. I'm in the waiting room.

Is she okay?

Yes.

Can you talk to her, please?

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Bess.

Hey, I'm in Germany,

where I am for work still,
a little longer.

I gotta go to this meeting
in just a second...

but, honey, I want you to know

that I'd like to be
with you now.

I bet you're feeling blue.

Yeah.

Yeah, bullies are the worst.

Their parents
are assholes mostly, too.

Honestly.

Don't tell your mom
that I said that.

But they grow up
to have lives, Bess...

without anybody
being able to love them.

It's true.

I love you, honey.

Love you, too, Dad.

All right, I'll try you guys in a little bit.
Can you tell Mom?

Okay.

Bye.

Nice touch.

Thanks, man.

BOY: Wait, what'd you say?

GIRL: I have a friend
named Ethan.

And you're acting like...

(CHILDREN CLAMORING)

Whoa! Bess is beating a bully!

GIRL: Get off!

Ow!

Stop hitting me!

We gotta get home, man.

Don't say your last name.

Apex Select?

Hi. Yeah. It's Dan Trunkman.

Yes. Timothy McWinters.

Hey, Mike Pan... ther.

Mike Panther.

Hi.

I was just trying
to reach you. I'm sorry.

We have to push, Mr. Trunkman,

Mr. McWinters, Mr. Panther.

Push?

Yes, we have to push
your meeting,

if you please,
until Friday, 11:30.

I don't please.

I'm very sorry.

There are no rooms left
in the whole city.

It says that
it's the G8 this week.

Oktoberfest, too. Folsom Europe.

And the Berlin Marathon.
This week.

What's Folsom Europe?

"Largest gay fetish street event in Europe.
25,000 people." Whoa.

(PHONE CHIMING) Orbitz.

Okay. Yeah.

A room just opened up
at this hotel.

Oh, yeah. It looks
kind of fancy, too.

It's the Dandlin
Annex and the rooms

are "habitable works
of art," it says.

Yeah, cool. Okay.

Okay.

Timothy, we are gonna
share a room, it looks like.

It's the only one
in our budget range.

It's the Industriepalast Hostel.

A youth hostel? Uh...

Yes.

Uh, sorry, Dan, but how is
it a wheelbarrow again?

Just the legs are held up.

Like wheelbarrow
handles, man. Fuck!

All right. Sorry.

You guys wanna go over our
numbers one last time tonight?

Yeah, sure.

I met someone on the plane...

and she was gonna show me
around her neighborhood today.

(STUTTERING) But let's do this.

It's important.

Go.

No, Dan, really, it's not a big deal.
Mike, go.

You did a good job
with your reports.

Yeah? They're done.

Go.

Yeah.

Go dig the night, Pancake.

"Panther." Nice on that.

Thanks, Dan.

Jungle animal.

Yeah, that's kind
of how I feel here.

Alive and hunting.

Circling for the kill.

Just don't say
that anymore, though.

See you, Dan.

TIMOTHY: Hey, Dan.

What's up?

Dan...

are you the kind of guy that...

when his girlfriend is trying to
blow him off, doesn't get it?

And still does her
Spanish homework...

while other guys are
getting the good stuff?

What are you talking about?

The deal-makers
are here in Berlin.

They want Chuck
to come to Berlin.

They say it isn't fucking
necessary for us to go to Berlin.

Dan, we're the fucking fluffer.

Wrong. Not with our numbers.

They just blew us off!

They haven't seen
our numbers, yet.

I've been working
on this deal for a year.

I'm not the fucking fluffer.

This is not my
first business trip!

We're broke, Dan.

What are you talking about?

It's worse than you think.

Two companies that owed us...

they went bankrupt.

We didn't have
any income in June, July.

I should have told you, but I
thought this deal was gonna work.

We're gonna get this deal.
I told you, God damn it.

We're good business for them.

I'm gonna make sure
they understand that.

Well, I've done some weird
stuff on this trip.

I ordered a sex maid, which you
should reimburse me for...

because you got all the
good stuff from that.

But I like you, Dan.

And I'm sorry
I raised my voice...

but I really need the
benefits of this deal now.

My marriage is a mess.

I just...

I just want a future
that has some joy in it.

Like Fifty Shades of Grey.

Or, fuck it, I'd settle
for one shade of grey.

Listen, you work for me now.

I'm gonna make sure
that your hard work counts.

We are gonna get this one, Tim.

I'm ready for it. Good.

Okay.

Tim?

Tim?

There's no reimbursement
for the maid.

(CHUCKLES)

CLERK: Can you please
initial here?

To say you acknowledge
that you are

staying in
a habitable work of art.

Great.

I'll enjoy it. It's been
a long couple days.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

You're too old
to sleep in a room.

Okay. Uh...

Where can I sleep?

You can sleep in the stairwell,

in the hallway,
or in the Business Centre.

Okay. The Business Centre.

(ELECTRONIC RINGING)

Hey, it's Dad.

So, I've been
trying to reach you.

Where are you?

Berlin. I'm still
on business. Hey, Paul...

I don't like the way that you're
talking about yourself at all.

And that sounds like...

something you heard
someone else say about you.

That's not something that you
should call yourself, ever.

You know, I say it
all the time, but...

I'm your biggest confidant.

You can tell me stuff that
no one else needs to know.

I think you're being teased,

and I want you to know
you're not alone.

Who are those people?

What people?

Behind you.

What is this shit?

What the fuck
are you do... Hello?

This is creepy.

I'm trying to have a call, here.

What the fuck is this shit?

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

(AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING)

Can I have curtains? No.

Well, I'd really like them.
Curtains.

You don't have a private room.

You have an installation room.

Can I have another room? No.

We are a museum, not a hotel.

Can you call another hotel? No.

It's October, in Berlin.
There are no other rooms.

Don't worry about curtains.

You are art.

I'm not! I'm here on business.

I just wanna tweak
my PowerPoints

and do my stomach crunches...

and sleep.

It's not art.

Well, who can say?

I can. It's my life.

Don't look.

It's up to them to choose
what they look at.

Just be yourself.

Okay. I'll be myself.

But I'm gonna Yelp you guys.

Probably not gonna be good.

(NOISY CONVERSATIONS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) Try to tell you
all about it.

Thought you might've,
Lord, I doubt it.

Every day's a waste, I know
And every day's a funeral.

And it's days like this
that burn me.

Turn me inside out and learn me.

Not to tell you anything

I think I know.

Well, I think I'll tell
you all that I know.

We don't have one summer
vacation in our colleges.

We have many.

A few. Three is "a few"?

Yeah. Three is a few.
That's right.

At the bottom
of the big blue sea.

Uh...

Does that feel good?

For you?

No.

Maybe we should just
try to do it normal.

Because I have no idea
how to do a wheelbarrow.

And my balls hurt a little.

So, maybe put me down
when you get a chance.

Yeah, okay. Sorry.

Okay. Okay.

And it's days like this
that burn me.

Turn me inside out and learn me.

And it's days like this
that burn me.

Turn me inside out and learn me

(INAU DIBLE)

And not to tell you anything

I think I know

I'm looking right at monthly
expenses, and the planned expenses...

Thank you.

MAN: Businessman 42!
Can I get a picture?

42!

DAN: So, today
we have this down day.

Or, as we call it, a push day.

These are the days that
you really have to focus.

A down day, man.

There's no dogs to walk...

no kids to school.

So, you can't start
drinking at 10 a.m.

on a day like this.

But you wanna own your down day.

You do not want
your down day to own you.

Stay fresh.

Check in with the family.

So, I'm gonna go for a run.

Finish my daughter's little
fucking homework assignment...

which is driving me crazy.

I'm sorry.

"No curtains," that's
what they said to me.

So, I'm being
no curtains with you.

Your daddy is...

Your daddy, honey, is a man who
is concerned about you now...

in addition to your brother.

Because you beat the shit
out of a small Indian kid.

Maybe you're acting out because.

Daddy hasn't been
home a lot this year.

But don't turn
into a mean kid...

or grow sad,

like I think your brother has.

I don't want him to turn
into some unhappy behemoth.

And it's my job to teach
him the coping skills...

that can help him handle
that shit he's dealing with.

But I'm here in Kugelfargen fucking
Park instead, wasting time...

wondering if we're the
fluffer company on this one.

Don't Google that.

But I think I'm almost home.

We can close this deal if
we can just get in the room

before Chuck closes it first.

I called
motherfucking little round

English motherfucker Whilmsley.

But he's not returning
Daddy's calls.

No more down day.

Were you here earlier
when I was explaining that?

No.

It used to be a down day,

but now it's
a "find Bill Whilmsley" day.

I left two messages at his
office, but he's not in.

Yeah, I saw that part.

It was boring.

I'm sorry, man,
but I have to find him.

I have to have him see
our hard numbers today...

and tell us that
we're not better.

Chuck is closing,
it feels like that.

This motherfucker Whilmsley
will not respond.

I built this deal
with him for a year.

Look, I put Whilmsley's
name in Instagram...

and we can find him,
maybe, through the pics.

And then, we could fake bump
into him and be like...

"Hey, Bill, what a coincidence.
It's Mike Pancake."

Like that. Good idea.

Don't say the last part. Tell
me if he posts something.

Mr. McWinters? Hey.

It's me, Kelf. From the hostel.

Oh, hi!

Hi, how are you?

I got your ecstasy, right here.

Oh, thank you.

Enjoy it. Have a nice trip.

They said, "Take one of
these, and go dancing."

And, "It doesn't change
you, it reveals you."

And I like that.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

He posted. Look, Bill posted.
Check it out.

DAN: Where is he?

MIKE: He's with dudes.

He's encircled by men.

Whoa.

This guy went really
gay on his down day.

"Pampelmuse."

It looks like he's in the middle

of that Folsom Festival.

DAN: Bill Whilmsley?
Do you have a PA system?

Is it possible to say his name,
so everyone can hear it?

Bill Whilmsley? Bill Whilmsley?

We're not detectives, we're
just looking for our friend.

Bill Whilmsley. He looks
like kind of a grizzly bear.

(ASKING IN GERMAN)

This is my first time
at a gay bar.

No way. Yeah? Yeah.

Are you not gay? No.

But you guys
are having so much fun.

MAN 1: Hello?

(SOFTLY) Fuck.

MAN 1: Hello?

(MAN 1 SPEAKING GERMAN)

I don't speak German. Shit.

MAN 1: I was just asking,
still raining?

No, stopped, uh...

I don't know, 40 minutes ago.
It was good seeing you.

MAN 1: Hold on.
Where's the fire?

I know where I am
and I know what this is...

but I didn't know
when I came in here.

I came in here
looking for someone.

I didn't come in here looking
for, you know, dicks.

MAN 2: Maybe I can convince
you to stay for a little bit?

No, I was just...

Hi, by the way.

Again, I did not come in
here to be with you guys.

I was looking for someone
who was in the bar earlier.

MAN 2: Why don't you just
green eggs and ham?

What?

MAN 2: "You don't like them,
so you say",

"'Try them.' And you may."

Yeah, I liked
that book as a kid.

I don't remember the "sucking guys'
dicks through a wall" part...

but good book.

MAN 1: My name
is Ambrose, by the way.

MAN 2: I'm Nils.

Whoa.

Hey, Mike?
This is Ambrose and Nils.

MAN 2: What's up?
MAN 1: Put her there.

It's nice to meet you.

MAN 1: Whoa!

Houston, we have contact.

It got hard in my hand a little.

MAN 1: Okay, I was just
kidding, but thanks!

So, this guy
you are looking for...

English accent. He was
here 40 minutes ago.

God! Fuck!

MAN 3: I am so sorry.
Did I startle you?

You kind of poked me
in my ass with your dick.

So, yeah,
little startled there, bud.

MAN 3: Sorry. My bad.

It has an eye, but it cannot see.
(CHUCKLES)

Bill?

Bill Whilmsley?

Do I know you?

Dan Trunkman, Apex Select.

Hey, Dan!

What's up? Not much.

Just got our numbers where we want
them, thought we'd grab a beer.

Just wandered in.

Hey, Bill? Yeah?

I don't wanna
cock-block anybody,

but love to show
you those numbers.

As you can imagine,
it's not really...

(SIGHS) what I had
planned for tonight.

What is your margin number?

17%.

BILL: Well, yes.

You certainly have
my attention now.

And you have my
attention as well.

(LAUGHS)

All right. Will you just give
me a second to sort myself out?

And I will meet you out back.

Great.

Thanks, Bill.
You got a real big one.

Oh, well, thank you.

Bye, Ambrose. Auf Wiedersehen.

MAN 2: Enjoy your stay
in Berlin.

I didn't get a chance
to meet you.

(MEN EXCLAIMING)

MAN 2: Whoa, hey!

The penis touched my face.

BILL: Wow.

These are sweet.

Maarten Daaervk
is a top-sheet guy.

He is gonna love these numbers.

Who is that?

He owns us.

He owns Gelger, all of it.

He's in town for the G8.

Hey, American Businessman 42!

Hey, guys!

I'm going viral here a little bit.
I'll explain it later.

So, where does this leave us?

This leaves you
kicking Chuck's arse.

So, we gonna get it?

Let's fucking celebrate, Apex!

To Apex! Apex!

I'm gonna get that divorce!

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

This is our second night
at the youth hostel.

DAN: Fl?gelschlagen!

(ALL REPEATING)

This from Korea!

(TOASTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(ALL REPEATING)

WOMAN: This one from Russia.

(TOASTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(ALL REPEATING)

This is from America.

"Let's get fucked up!"
(ALL CHEERING)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) Out 'til the sun up.

Twisted and burn up.

Can't nobody stop us?

We gone delirious.

Come on in!

Twisted and burn up.

Can't nobody stop us?

We gone delirious.

La-la-la-la-la-la.

Come on!

Come and take a ride.

Stay up all night, okay.

MIKE: You go.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)
That is Tequila Slaps.

It's fun, right?

DAN: Come on in!

Come on in, keep going.

ALL: Oh!

I didn't mean to go that hard.

You're smiling,
but your eyes are mean.

ALL: Oh!

That's enough, I think.

Every time! You're the best!

DAN: Pull!

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

What happened?

Just throw it! The waiting
is the worst part.

(INDISTINCT)

ALL: Apex Select!

Fl?gelschlagen!

(SINGING) Oh, no thick walls.

Are gonna block the waves.

No, not quite space enough.

Between that'd ever
kill the bass.

Ooh, ah.

That shaking, rattling, cracking.

You can't take it
'cause you know.

It rubs you wrong.

But does it rub you wrong?

Ooh, you can fight it
if you want.

If you want.

Ooh, you can fight it
if you want.

Oh, man! (BILL EXHALES)

Thanks so much for looking at
our numbers tonight, Bill.

Listen, I want you to know...

that it's not my scene,
glory-holing.

But...

it's the only scenario
where I can get any anymore.

I am a pear-shaped,
middle-aged man, Dan.

I've really let
myself go to pot.

And it's work!

You just pack it on.

I started training
to run a marathon

to stay on top of it.

And I told...

Do you wanna hear this? Yes.

Do you wanna hear it? Yes.

I told my whole family...

"I'm running the St. Louis
Marathon this year!"

And I got up to 15
miles straight in July.

But, man,
with all the travelling

you and I did for this deal...

I started not doing it anymore.

At all.

And that is the problem.

You take your eye off the ball,

even just for a week...

the next thing you know,

you are sticking
your cock through a wall.

I used to run.
I used to play rugby.

I used to be all
kinds of ripped.

(SCOFFS)

I've been to Folsom
the last two nights,

and it's like I'm a ghost.

No one sees me.

I didn't even get
as much as a kiss.

Not one kiss.

DAN: That's their loss.
BILL: It is their loss.

I'm so unhappy at work.

It's like I'm not heard.

You got a pretty big dick.
That's something.

(SCOFFS) Yeah. I can't
even suck that anymore.

(INDISTINCT)

These are the presentation...

If a loose swarf goes around in
an apex, then what happens in a...

Hey, Chuck.

How you doing?

Are you seriously
staying here, Dan?

You know, I'm glad
that you're here...

because it gives me
the chance to tell you...

that we are coming in
strong this morning.

So, nothing personal...

but we crushed you.

When I compete
against someone like you...

like now...

I often invent dehumanizing
nicknames for them...

in my mind.

You're "The Flower Girl."

I'm not gonna ask you why,

because that's what
you want me to do.

You're "The Flower Girl"
because you're at the party.

You're dressed up.

Everyone's glad
that you're there.

You do your little thing,
then you sit down,

and you let
the grownups get to it.

Flower girl.

You're a bizarre woman.

If the three of us
could shake hands,

you, me and Benjaminson,
I would.

I would.

But we can't.

Because people don't
shake hands that way.

(SIGHS)

So, good luck.

We don't need it.

We're prepared. We're Apex.

Fuck me.

Are you just allowed
to come into my room?

There's an issue. I'm sorry.

We tried to process your
credit card for today's stay.

I'm afraid it's not working.

You can't throw me out. I'm art.

You leaving will be art as well.

So, quick, quick.

What are you doing?

Oh, you're gonna get it!

Makes me a little uncomfortable

how much you want it, but...

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You're intense! (ALARM BEEPING)

Shit.

Six minutes.

I gotta go. I gotta go!

(SINGING) I saw, I came, I
conquered Or should I say.

You're good at this.
Have you done this before?

Coming through!

Now big bang boogie Get
that kitty little noogie.

In a nice, nice little shade

I gave Suzie a little
pat up on the booty

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

Walk this way.

You told him to meet us here?
Yeah.

Last night, right? Yeah.

Where the fuck is he?

Maybe he's already there.
I mean, he's a go-getter.

I'm serious. I'm concerned for him.
You should be, too.

I am.

What the fuck is that?

Fireball.

Let's do this thing.

Mike, the next time you
wanna run around Berlin...

playing grab-ass with a Japanese
businessman in a hamster ball...

you gotta let either me or
your older companion know.

DAN: How are you?
I'm good. How are you?

Good, Jim. We are excited
to be here at Gelger...

to present a long-term purchase
and a lend-share cost-buy.

We are ready to meet
your high expectations.

Terrific. Why don't
you all have a seat?

And we'll get started.

Aren't we gonna pitch Gelger
today, your parent department?

Austerlitz was
gonna sit in, possibly,

but he's not gonna be
able to make it today.

I thought Dirk Austerlitz
was our principal.

I thought that we flew here
to see Dirk Austerlitz, Jim.

Dirk and I are working
on this together.

Dirk had to fly to
St. Louis today, so...

Do you, Jim, know...

that we all live in St. Louis?

Oh, wow. Yeah.

We left there to fly here
to see the guy

that is in St. Louis, Jim.

No shit?

That's no good.

Well, let's get started.

Where's Bill?

We covered a lot of this
ground last night with Bill.

We pretty much shook on it.

You can shake hands
with Bill all day long...

but he doesn't
make our decisions.

Where is Bill?

Bill's getting my lunch.

You wanna get started?

Okay.

Let me gear up my media, and I'll
walk you through our aftermarket.

Great.

So, what was your meeting about?

Wholesale swarf residue
bargain cost-buys.

"Swarf," is that a real thing?
Yeah, it's a real thing.

What do you think,
we're like Dr. Seuss?

We're just making up something,
like shit out of thin air?

No. It's real.

But it's just not interesting.

Well, why do you do it?

Well...

I'm gonna send my
son to private school.

Maybe it's worth it,
I'm thinking.

If there's one less kid
in the class...

then maybe there's one less kid

to make fun of him
24 hours a day.

Teasing sucks. Yeah.

Have any of you
guys been teased?

Yeah. I've been teased.

I lived in America for a year.

In Connecticut, and they
made fun of my name.

What's your name?

Karen.

(LAUGHING)

Yeah, well, in Sweden
it's like "John,"

but in Connecticut, it's like...

"Stacy." Yeah, I can see that.

You know the worst
part with teasing?

My dad would say,

"Just forget about it
and ignore it, son."

But he doesn't understand
because in his day...

kids would get teased
at school all day,

but then they could go home.

And nowadays, you come home,

and there's Facebook
and Instagram...

and the bullies can get at you
through all of that stuff.

And it never really stops.

It never stops.

When I was a kid, people
could only ridicule me...

every day until
3: 10 in the afternoon.

(COUGHING)

Okay, Snoop Lion,

I think it's probably
time to pass that now.

Oh, me? Yes.

Go ahead, Karen.

Pardon me.

(PHONE VIBRATING)

Hello? Dan, it's Jim.

Hey, Jim!

Okay, Dan,
your numbers are good...

but, the thing is...

numbers are just part of what
we have to take into account.

SUSAN: Are you wearing
eye shadow?

DAN: Yeah, I just
wanted to show Paul

that I understand how he feels.

You're cool, Dan.

How are you doing?

Your bra's on
outside your shirt.

Did you know that?

Yes. I do know that.

I was having a boob
conversation with Bess...

and she was worried that her
boobs were gonna come out.

So I showed her how to
trap them with a bra.

I just realized I went to
Coffee Bean like this.

I'm sure you made an impression.
Can I talk to her?

Bess!

BESS: Hey, Dad.

Did you finish my homework?

I have not yet, no.

Honey, uh,

why did you beat
the shit out of another kid?

They were making fun of Paul.

They were calling
Paul fat names.

"Double Stuf."

The fat Oreos.

Good job...

my little can of whoop-ass.

I should probably add to that...

that I'll take care of Paul.

That's my job.

You be a kid.
That's your job. Okay?

Can I talk to him?

Sure. Paul?

Hey.

Hey.

Are you wearing eye shadow?

Yeah. "Straight-Up Teal."

Why? That's the one
that you picked.

Yeah, when they bagged on me.

Goth dicks!

Goth is lame. Goth isn't outlaw.

I mean, this is the
look right here, man.

Any guy can wear dark.

But rocking teal...

See, teal is very outlaw.

It's like, the goth kids,
really...

they're joiners,
when you think about it.

The teal kids,
they really stand alone.

And whenever I have
to pick a color,

obviously,
I pick teal every time.

For sure.

Because, you know...

no one else does it.

And because you have to be bold.

Because you have
to be teal tough.

Give me a break, Dad. Come on!

We could probably
start a gang, me and you.

Just for real men, though.

Yeah, I guess we could.

Like "The Teal Boys."

How many kids are in your class?

42.

And how many of those
kids pick on you?

41.

Hey, I gotta go.

Just listen for one second.
Stay here.

Stay here and just
listen to me for a second.

Now, Paul, you're gonna
switch schools.

But that's not really gonna
change anything much, honestly.

You're just gonna
have to stay tough.

I know that you are feeling like
that you're sticking out...

and that you're going
through a lot of stuff...

but we're gonna
get through this.

Me and you. Teal tough.

When are you coming home?

Tomorrow.

Did you get the handshake?

Dad froze again!

(TAPS KEY)

I heard from Jim Spinch.

DAN: Your daddy just counted up

who he's responsible for.

One boy. One girl.

One woman. One old guy.

One kind of, uh...

How do you describe Mike?

Good. Sweet.

And I let him down.

I'm going to have to
let him go next week.

Timothy, too.

Your daddy's a man who
didn't get the handshake.

MAN: American Businessman 42!

DAN: He's the fluffer,
seems like.

He's also someone that will try
and forget this feeling...

as soon as possible.

Hey, um, sorry.

I don't mean to bother you...

but you're so pretty.

Kind of like a painting.

I'm sorry.

It's so obvious now.

Fl?gelschlagen.

DAN: Sometimes,
when troubles come

all of a sudden too much...

when we FaceTime...

Dad freezes and pretends
FaceTime's broken.

So he doesn't have to deal
with things right then.

(POPPING) (PEOPLE CHEERING)

I'm not gonna freeze today.

Sometimes in life,
you have to take inventory.

This is one of those times.

Not landing where you thought
you would, hoped to...

and asking the questions, "What
could I have done differently?"

"Could I have led better?"

The only thing you can do
when things go against you...

is pick yourself up
and push back.

(SPEAKING GERMAN) Hey.

Hey, sir! Come out of the race!

DAN: My hopes for this trip,
for this handshake...

for it to be the end of a
pretty good losing streak.

MAN: American Businessman 42!

This is American
Businessman 42, everyone!

Go, go! You can do it!

I don't believe it! Run!

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

DAN: I'm not going
to freeze today.

I've chased this thing
all the way to Germany.

I'm going to find the man
behind the man...

even though we
might get humiliated.

But we're ready.

The old guy's got life left...

and the young guy's
an animal now.

So I'm telling the boys...

"Suits back on,
get on the starship,"

"and let's go get
this goddamn handshake."

(CLAMORING)

BILL ON PHONE: Hello? Dan?

Yeah. You at the Aldon
with Daaervk?

Yes.

We'll be there in 10 minutes.

Awful. Why?

Get me in to see him.

I'm gonna see him for three
minutes, just for a team photo.

I want to show him my sheet.

It's impossible!
I cannot go around Jim.

We're coming.

You got a big dick, Bill.

Act like it.

Dan? It's madness!

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

How the hell are we
gonna get over there?

(CROWD CHANTING INDISTINCTLY)

(ALL SHOUTING)

(DOGS BARKING)

(SHOTS FIRING)

How you doing?

I'm here for a meeting.
They're expecting me.

(ORDERING IN GERMAN)
I understand, sir.

Clearly, I'm not rioting.

Whoa! Easy, buddy!

We're just three guys
on business!

(ORDERING IN GERMAN)

Hey! Get your fucking
hands off of me!

Leave him alone!

Calm down, Tim!

(HORSE WHINNYING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Son of a bitch!

(COUGHING)

Dan!

They are very important people.

I need them in with me right now.
Right now!

Are you okay, Dan?

I'm not crying. That's
just poison in my eyes.

Let's go. Get your
top sheet, all right?

Two seconds. Just one of you.

Mike, go.

I'm just kidding.

I got it.

Jim is gonna kill me.

We're better, Bill.

He'll throw a coffee in my face.

We're better.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Just wait here a sec.

Mr. Daaervk.

This is Dan Trunkman.

And this is Apex Select's.

Long-purchase cost share sheet.

Sit down.

(SLURPS AIR)

Are you okay?

Yeah. I just got tear-gassed.

A whole canister.

I got caught in the crowd
and in the horses.

I just got shot, all over.

I'm just explaining
why I look so effed-up.

"Effed up"?

Um...

"Fucked."

Oh, "fucked." Yes, you do.

(CHUCKLES)

Can I see your
dollar exchange ratio?

We feel very strong
about our numbers.

It is fudged a little, hmm?

You converted it twice.

It is.

It's fudged a little, yeah.

"Keeblered," as we say.

You know that?
Yeah, we know that.

It's an old trick.

The guy's old who...

Fire him.

Uh...

No.

He worked extremely hard
on this sheet.

I stand by what he did.

I'm just kidding. (LAUGHS)

Jeez.

We think we would be
a complement to you...

not only on this job,
but in the future.

And being able to
look ahead to the things...

that are gonna be
in front of you.

So, how many people
do you employ?

Two. Three of us, altogether.

How many do you?

Oh...

200,000-something.

Fuck.

Yeah.

But three is tough, too.

In a different way.

I started with four.

Like a family, when you
know everyone's name.

But that can wear on you, too.

Uh...

So, this is slightly better.

Bottom line.

So, okay. Yeah.

Are you going to shake my hand?

I have some other shit to do.

Yeah.

Yes. Okay.

Who's your daddy, baby?

Who's your fucking daddy?

(LAUGHING)

We got it.

(TAPPING)

Oh, my goodness.

Did something just happen? Did
we just come from a meeting?

Did things just get
exciting around here?

Oh, yeah, here it comes.

Boom.

There it is. Very nice.

I got you!

DAN: I know it's been
a long trip, but rest up.

Monday, we're back at it.

Hey! I'm divorced.

Just like that?

There's an app.

DAN: Hey, Jim!

Did you have to fly to St.
Louis to talk to your boss?

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, Dan,
can I get your address?

Sure.

Because usually when someone fucks
me, I like to send them flowers.

I like carnations.

And if you make out a card,
include all three of us...

because it was a three-way.

You were my third fuck!

ALL: Mike!

Guys!

Oh, man! Oh, you guys!

I missed you! I missed you!

Oh, wait. Guys, these
are my roommates.

Tobey and Sebastian and Tobey.

Sebastian, Tobeys,
I don't have to tell you...

you've got
one hell of a friend here.

And it is emperlaten

that you ask Mike
about his trip.

Because this cat had some
pretty major explers.

Yeah. I lost
my virginity! Twice!

(LAUGHING)

Good stuff, Pancake.

See you Monday, pal. Yeah.

See you Monday, Mike.

Bye, guys.

DAN: How are you getting home?

I'm leaving with a friend.

Is that the, uh,
actual maid from...?

We kept in touch.

Why is she wearing
her maid outfit?

I asked her nicely, Dan.

Silver fox.

Boom! I like that.

You remember Dan?

Hello. Hi. Pleasure.

Nice to meet you.

We should go. Okay.

Great.

Thanks.

Thank you, Tim.

Why are you standing here?

Don't you have a wheelbarrow you're
supposed to be jumping into?

Daddy! Hey!

Oh! (GIGGLES)

Come on!

How are you, sweetheart?
I'm good.

Let's go. What do you say?

You doing good? Yeah!

All right.

Hey, what's going on
with this guy, here?

You don't get out
of the car anymore?

What are you, too old? Hey, Dad.

How are you? All right.

Come on, let's get going here.

Good to see you guys. Jump on
in, I'll be in in a minute.

Hi, beautiful. How are you? Hi!

SUSAN: Good to see you!

So glad you're back.

It's been a tough week.

How about I drive? Yes, please.

Fl?gelschlagen.

What? Something I
learned on my trip.

It means, "You have
to fight like hell..."

"but don't forget to catch
your breath now and then..."

"and realize that everything's
gonna be all right."

Or it means "turn left," probably.
(LAUGHS)

Hey, you have your assignment, yes?
Yes.

Because it's due today.

The "Dad" one? Yeah.

Shit. I was still working...

I wrote it. I did it.

You finished it?

Mmm-hmm.

SUSAN: It's good.

She wrote it in,
like, two seconds.

(SINGING) Can you feel?

Can you feel it?

Now it's coming back.

We can steal it.

If we bridge this gap

I can see you.

Through the curtains
of the waterfall.

When I lost it.

Yeah, you held my hand.

But I tossed it.

Didn 't understand.

You were waiting.

As I dove into the waterfall.

So say Geronimo!

Say Geronimo! Say Geronimo!

Say Geronimo! Say Geronimo!

Can you feel...

my love?

Bombs away Bombs away.

Bombs away.

Say Geronimo!

Well, we rushed it.

Moving way too fast.

That we crushed it.

But it's in the past.

We can make this leap.

Through the curtains
of the waterfall.

So say Geronimo!

Say Geronimo! Say Geronimo!

Can you feel...

my love?

Bombs away Bombs away.

Bombs away.

Well, I'm just a boy.

With a broken toy.

All lost and coy.

At the curtains of the waterfall.

So it's here I stand.

As a broken man.

But I've found my friend.

At the curtains of the waterfall.

Now I'm falling down.

Through the crashing sound.

And you've come around.

At the curtains of the waterfall.

And you rushed to me.

And it sets us free.

So I fall to my knees.

At the curtains of the waterfall.

When the world is turning
in the wrong direction.

And every wave seems to
be crashing at your feet.

Running circles doesn't
lead to inspiration.

When you're at the end.

You're at the start again.

Time's moving too slow.

One foot out the door.

Binds you flat but know
that you're not alone.

Take a hand from me.

You know what we'll be,
you'll see.

If we fall and if we break.

There will be
another chance today.

Take a hand from me

I believe that we can
find our destination.

The journey's just begun.

Two is more than one.

Time's moving too slow.

One foot out the door.

Binds you flat but know
that you're not alone.

Take a hand from me.

You know what we'll be,
you'll see.

If we fall and if we break.

There will be
another chance today.

Take a hand from me.

Whoa-oh-oh-oh.

Take a hand from me