Unfinished Business (2015) - full transcript

RECEPTIONIST: Good morning.

Dynamic Progressive Systems.

Please hold.

It's not a small thing.

5% is a lot.

If you've managed a household with

kids and stuff... 5% is a lot.

You know what, Dan?

Just walk with me.

No. I don't care

if everyone hears us.

You really wanna

do this here? You do?

I don't wanna be

doing it at all, Chuck.

It's just that we had terms, and now

you're changing those terms again.

We are restructuring

the department salaries.

That's just the bottom line.

That's the way it is.

I know it's not

what you want to hear.

Dan, just walk with me.

A little annoying. What?

It's just a little annoying.

"Walk with me."

You say that a lot.

It's stuff like

that you say, you know.

That's why Brian Peters

wrote "You're an asshole"

on your parking curb thing.

What the fuck, Dan?

I'm sorry.

Do you really wanna challenge

me in public, Dan?

This was my best year.

I am an asshole, Dan,

because I have to make

decisions to keep

the company strong.

You make a living

from this company.

You're replaceable, frankly.

If you were to leave,

Dynamic would continue.

So, don't minimize

my company's interests.

Now, if you would please, as

I said before, walk with me.

We can discuss

this in my office.

Chuck, just because

you caught me...

which is, granted,

a pretty big feat...

in a trust fall

at the company retreat...

which you make us all go to...

and that I don't like, by the way,

that nobody here really likes.

Nobody does. Right, Russell?

I like them.

Russell is a team player.

DAN: Russell is

a beaten-down dog.

You're Mr. Negative.

Are you making less?

I'm a sales manager, Dan.

You want a bigger slice of the

pie, start your own company.

Oh, I've been thinking about it.

Everybody thinks about it...

but don't bitch when the

people who actually do it...

pay themselves

what they deserve.

I have been in airports for two

days, preparing a deal for you.

I came in here

just to get a bagel,

because I haven't had

a meal since Tuesday.

And then, you tell me I'm gonna

have to take 5% less this year?

I don't want new terms, Chuck.

I want to be able to see

my kids sometimes.

The old "kid" card.

(LAUGHS) Strong.

I'm gonna do it.

Really?

You're gonna go up against

me and Dynamic?

Yeah. I will see you in the field.

You should look for me.

Because I'll be the guy

in first who's happy.

I think you're better off for

me than against me, Dan.

Well, I actually have my own

ideas on how to do this job.

It doesn't involve any of

that "trust fall" shit.

Okay. Game on.

Game on.

By the way,

anyone here wanna join me?

There's a lot of

great people here.

How about it? Come on.

Any of you guys wanna build

a total starship with me?

"Starship"?

Yeah, I'm just riffing, here.

I wasn't planning on founding

my own company here today...

but if anyone wants

to play a key role...

in a new mineral sales company

that does it the right way...

then walk through

that door with me,

because there is

a place for you.

Guys!

Men!

We're doing this.

Doing what?

Boarding the starship. Starting

this new adventure together.

Uh, I'm just walking to my car.

Because I just got let go...

because of some

mandatory age limit.

Oh.

Do you still wanna work?

Well, I'm just 67. Yeah!

I'm not the Crypt Keeper.

All right, great!

Come work with me.

We'll drop these guys. Yeah!

Let's drop these pussies!

Right!

Look at us. We're standing here.

We're synergizing already.

I'm excited. Thank you.

How about you, young buck, huh?

Are you starshipping with us?

Yeah.

What did you do at Dynamic?

Uh... Um... No.

I don't work there.

You just walked out of there.

Well, I interviewed.

But you got a box

with office belongings.

Yeah. I brought it to the

interview to show confidence.

Do you have any

sales experience?

Yes, I do.

Great. Foot Locker.

And reasons for leaving?

I don't like feet.

But I do like people.

I'm good with people.

It's for real, it's true.

Do you work hard? Yeah.

Like, what's "hard"?

(STAMMERING) The hardest.

Don't just say it because you

think I want to hear it.

No, it's true.

Whatever you need.

All right.

If you're willing to try,

I'll turn you into an animal.

Hop in. Come on, young

buck, we're doing it.

I'm willing! Let's go.

All right.

Let's hit Dunkin' Donuts,

and we'll launch this thing.

Good.

I know we've had

a little dry spell...

but I'm proud to announce

that we got this deal.

Bill said, "Fly up,

let's shake hands."

Fuck, yes!

(LAUGHING)

Oh, excuse me.

I'm sorry about the "fuck."

I get to go on a trip?

Yeah.

Overnight?

Is this your first

business trip, Mike?

Yeah.

You didn't have any

Foot Locker business trips?

No. They would

all just come to me.

Yeah. All right,

we're going on a trip.

Will things happen?

Like, explers?

"Explers"? Yeah.

Can you use it in a sentence?

"We're gonna go on a business

trip and have explers."

"Exploits"?

Exploits.

No, there won't be any exploits.

Just up and back.

I got too much stuff at home.

You can have them,

after we close the deal.

Is it just us going up there, or

are they bringing up a fluffer?

Just us, free and clear.

What's a "fluffer"?

When a company wants

to do a sweetheart deal

with a friend or something...

they generally

pretend to negotiate

with another company,

right to the end.

Just to make it look legit.

Well, this one's all ours.

Come on.

Tomorrow, we are going

on a business trip.

Let's go close this thing.

Go get them, Dan.

I feel good about this one.

You got a strong number set.

I appreciate that, Don.

You've been here

since the beginning.

After we close this, we're

gonna get an actual office.

Hey, Paul, we need to talk.

I'm headed off to Portland.

Oh, I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to surprise you.

Everything all right?

I'm doing stuff. That's cool.

Lookit, "doing stuff"

is natural.

Dad... I used to "do stuff."

I used to "do stuff" three times a day.

And I still "do stuff."

(SOFTLY) Dad. I don't "do

stuff" as much as I used to...

(LAUGHS)

because now I'm tired

from doing other stuff.

But there's no crime, here.

There's not gonna be a trial.

Nothing happened.

I don't even know

what we were talking about.

When I was your age...

we used to get these

magazines for my sisters...

that would be like

a lingerie or swimsuit...

No, that's not...

But now you go online, you

see a clown fuck an alpaca.

I don't watch that, Dad.

It's not a big deal.

It's just an easy thing.

I want you to get back

to doing it,

but you should do it

in the bathroom...

because you can't lock

this door.

And your sister could walk in

and it's no good.

So, just do it

somewhere else, okay?

Yeah. Just keep a lid on it.

Like a gentleman does. A

gentleman celebrates his body.

You know that Walt Whitman

poem, "Song of Myself"?

We don't need to

talk about it anymore.

It's a song. Walt Whitman,

he celebrates his body.

You're celebrating your body.

So, I don't think

it's a big deal.

Okay.

I'm gonna be back tomorrow. I'm

just going up for the handshake.

And when I come home...

you are gonna come out of

this room for a little bit...

and me and you, just me and

you, we're gonna hang out.

Okay, you're hugging me.

I don't know what's

going on with your hands.

Get back to the computer.

Bye, Dad. Bye.

(SIGHS)

Can we deal with the whole

private school thing today?

Do you mean,

like the pros and cons?

No, we did the pros and cons.

It was all pros.

I meant paying for it.

You know I'm leaving, right?

Portland, for the handshake.

I have 20 minutes to pack.

Yeah. Remember we were gonna

talk to Paul today, though...

about why he's been

so withdrawn.

Can we FaceTime that?

Can it be today?

Yeah. This is the big one.

When are you back?

Tomorrow, before dinner.

We just gotta go there and shake hands.

It's all done.

What do you got going today?

I was probably

going to go to work,

and then maybe

raise our children.

Sounds good. Wait, eat!

I have to put these reports

in my power spread.

Men over 40 can suffer from fainting

spells if they skip meals...

and have high stress levels,

and poor muscle tone.

I have to pack.

Hey, Dad. Hey.

Are you going on a trip?

I am, yeah.

You wanna help me out, here?

I'll show you what

I always bring with me.

Space for my running gear here.

Book goes here.

That's all you do

on your business trips?

Read and run? Yep.

And do business.

Grab some running gear out of

the closet and help me pack.

Okay. Love you.

Can I ask you a question

before you go?

Honey, my plane's gonna...

Is it a little question?

Kind of.

Okay, yeah.

What is your little question?

When I go to school, I don't

like to go to school at all.

It makes my stomach hurt.

The jokes hurt my feelings.

I cry in the bathroom,

and pretend to poop for...

I don't know, two hours.

That's not even...

Is that a question?

Okay. I know that school

can be hard, honey.

But you gotta go,

or you'll be a moron.

Did you do my

daddy homework thing?

Yes, I have not.

But I'm tweaking it in my mind,

and I will figure

it out on my trip.

DAN: Okay, I have two seconds, here.

"Your daddy."

Why is this so hard?

"Your daddy is..."

I pretty much

just work these days, sorry.

Selling swarf.

That's metal residue left over after

the construction of large objects...

like the Golden Gate...

Never mind, it's fucking boring.

Anyway, Daddy's been working to

get the starship off the ground.

That's from a team-building thing.

Our version.

We went to the batting cages.

I thought it was a good place...

to teach the guys about being

aggressive and taking what's yours.

Crowding the plate,

in a business sense.

But we nailed a big deal,

and we're travelling today...

in the time-honored ritual

of the handshake.

Which is good, because it's

been a down year, swarf-wise.

I really need this deal.

I'm stalling like a freak on

this private school thing...

because I can't afford it

without this handshake.

And I don't want

your mom to know.

But she's gonna catch me soon

because she's smarter than I am.

Probably, that's not what

you're looking for.

Why do males go

on a business trip?

To bring home the kill,

and dig the night.

Going to Portland,

Timothy, not Vegas.

And aren't you 72?

I'm 67.

What do you mean,

"bring home the kill"?

Traditionally, even way back...

guys would leave their caves with

a pointy stick or something.

Go out, get it done,

bring it home.

And the, "dig the night" part?

Well, then they'd stay on a little

longer than they needed to...

and fuck around a little bit.

Traditionally.

Holy shit. "Trunkman, Daniel."

I'm next on

the upgrade list, boys.

I've flown 31 times this last

year making this goddamn deal.

Never once have they ever

said, "Daniel Trunkman."

Say "Daniel Trunkman." Come on.

Say it.

Danielle Trunkman.

Yes! WOMAN: Hi.

DAN: It's "Daniel,"

not "Danielle."

(WOMAN LAUGHS)

DAN: Thank you very much.

I'm gonna go

obviously to the front.

You guys go around the back.

Please. Thank you, sir.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT: Ladies and

gentlemen, welcome on board.

US Midland

Airlines Flight 3257...

with service to Portland, Maine.

In preparation for takeoff...

all carry-on items should be

placed in the overhead bins...

or under the seat

in front of you.

I've never been upgraded.

That's all right.

In 12 years.

That's cool.

Ordinarily, I'd like to give you

my seat, like this guy did.

But I, uh...

I can't honor you on this

flight, because I have to...

finish some important

presentation prep...

on some cap-down brokerage recaps

that just need some tweaking.

But I appreciate you.

Thank you. It is an honor

to sit in front of you.

So much.

Okay, please.

I'd like you to have the seat.

Mike, can I say

something to you?

Can you not say your whole

name today, sorry, um...

when we meet

the Benjaminson Group?

Why?

Because, um...

I'm just going to

be honest with you.

I think that when you

say your whole name,

it causes people

to lose focus on...

pertinent business stuff.

Why would my name

cause people to.

Lose focus on

pertinent business stuff?

Say it.

Mike Pancake.

(LAUGHING)

TIMOTHY: I just forget.

So, uh, yeah. That's all.

You can say, "Mike." Just

don't say the breakfast part.

(CELL PHONE RINGING)

FaceTime time.

Hey, Dad. Hey, buddy.

Hey, Trunkmans.

Where have you been, Dan? I've

been trying you for two hours.

Well, I was just in the sky,

I just turned my...

Paul was arrested.

There's a police report.

They said he was shoplifting.

What? I sent you an email.

Okay. I have it open right here.

"Suspect Paul William Trunkman"

"was detained

by store security..."

"who found on his person

a five-shade palette of..."

"Show-Stopping Eye Shadows."

Eye shadows?

"The shades in question are Blue Belgian

Frost, Straight-Up Teal, Celeste."

I don't understand. Are

you doing monster makeup?

Movies with the guys?

You mean my friends that I don't

have because I'm a huge goon?

Those guys?

I wanted to put it on my eyes...

to hang out with the kids

that don't fit in.

The goth kids.

They laughed at me...

because they use dark

colors around their eyes...

and I didn't know you were

supposed to do that...

and I used teal.

I can't even fit in

with the kids...

that don't fit in.

Tough FaceTime.

Dan, we need to talk about pulling

the trigger on private school.

I think he's really isolated

where he is.

And the tuition at

Primmler Day Academy...

is $19,000.

19 thou...

Dan?

Do my homework!

Sweetie, we lost the connection.

Dad's face froze.

We're going to

try him later, okay?

Okay. MIKE: Dan?

DAN: Who's your daddy?

Your daddy is a man who is

worried about your brother...

because he stands out,

physically.

Hello, welcome to Portland.

DAN: That's not easy

at that age...

so Dad's worried about him.

But Dad has to focus on this

important meeting right now.

So, he wants to go on a run

to clear his mind.

But you packed

Mommy's running stuff.

Sports bra.

Scoop Me Up Tank.

Maybe, instead of running...

I'll have a junior wine

from the junior suite fridge.

Smell the roses, you know?

Deal's done.

Just going to

smell one rose, here.

A moment for Dan.

Hey, Dan.

Hey, Chuck.

Ooh.

I've got to go talk

to Benjaminson.

But I will catch you later.

Cheers.

Yeah.

DAN: Bill, hey. Dan Trunkman.

I'm sorry,

I'm just a little thrown.

I saw Chuck Portnoy from

Dynamic Progressive Systems...

and she mentioned...

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

that she's gonna

see you, Bill, also.

Um, it was my understanding

that we were done, really...

that we were just going to do a

walkthrough for you and shake hands.

Maid service. Come in.

Anyway, Bill, can you give me a

holler back about this? Thanks.

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon to you.

I'll be out of here

in 15 minutes.

Oh, you live a busy lifestyle?

I'm sorry. Well, listen.

Sit back, relax, grab a drink...

and enjoy me cleaning.

And touch yourself

with your hands.

Can you say some things,

while you're tidying, to me?

I've never done this before.

(CLEARS THROAT) You know, I'm not

seeing enough titty from you.

Make sure that, periodically,

you turn to face me...

so I can see some more

titty from you.

I don't understand.

Are you saying...

to privately touch...

my penis?

Certainly.

I'd like to try being

someone else for a while.

So, maybe you could

call me "Tony Stark"...

and talk about my iron cock?

Tim. Timothy? Yeah?

This woman right here

is an actual maid.

The sex maid you hired

is in with me.

You're doing a great job.

Okay? Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Now, let's stop

drinking champagne.

Let's stop buying women.

And let's focus.

This deal may not be done...

and, man, it is imperative

that we shake hands...

MIKE: Wait.

(STUTTERING) Sorry.

I don't know what that means.

What what means?

Impera- ... The "E" word.

I didn't say an "E" word.

Em- ... Empera- ...

Emperlat- ... Emperlaten?

"Emperlaten"?

Just stay here and don't

do any more weird shit.

I'm gonna go for a run.

I need to clear my head.

Chuck's here.

I really need to run

and focus right now.

Our meeting's in an hour.

I have to go. It's "emperlaten."

(UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) I'm waking up, up on

the floor, still looking perfect

I'm walking out, out through

the door, into the circus.

On a roll again.

Rock n roll again.

Yeah, yeah, yeah

(BREATH I NG H EAVI LY)

BI LL: Dan.

Dan Trunkman. Hello, mate.

Bill. How are you?

Dan Trunkman from Apex Select...

Chuck Portnoy from

Dynamic Systems...

who I think you know, don't you?

I do. Yeah. We are competitors.

We are? Direct.

I guess. I hadn't really

noticed, but, okay.

Hmm. And this is Jim Spinch.

Jim. Hey, Dan.

How are you? Good, you?

Sorry. Sure.

Jim's my boss.

Who makes your gear?

What kind of...?

What's the get-up?

Uh, Danish top. Okay.

And the sweats are a riff on, I

think, South American field slacks.

Um...

"Machos," they're called.

Or "Machetes."

My wife has "Machos." Or

"Machetes," I don't know.

I just call them

"Nancy's pants."

Chuck just showed us...

your redbook rates only make

sense if we're doing buybacks.

I'm not doing buyback deals until it's

out the door and we refactor market.

I just wanna be clear

that those are the terms now.

So, Jim, you're opening

the deal back up?

Well, it wasn't

closed quite, Dan.

So, I just wanted to hear you

both under these new terms today.

Just you and Chuck, that's all.

Those pants are so tight,

you'd think I could see

your balls or your dick.

But I don't.

Maybe I shouldn't have

said that, but it's weird.

So, are we going back to our

original brokerage sets?

In fact, is that a crease?

No. I don't have a crease,

thank you.

A slit? No.

CHUCK: There's space.

DAN: There is no space.

There's actually space.

It's alarming.

DAN: There's clearly no space.

I'm trying to determine the...

Jim. Are we going to start at

our first rate presentation?

I'm giving you both a clean start.

That's it, yeah.

And you guys know each other?

You and Chuck?

Yeah, we've done

a couple of deals.

And you came together today?

Almost.

I came, then

Jim came on my face.

But thanks for asking, Dan.

Wow.

How wonderfully brassy.

Are you guys coming inside?

I already came inside of Jim,

but thank you for asking.

Jeez, guy.

We're going to eat in here.

Wow.

Chuck, what are you doing?

Here? Now? Chuck?

Well, did you guys

shake hands already...

or was I misled about

the deal being done?

I am here to shake hands.

Oh.

So am I.

(WHISTLING)

I hope it's clear that while there

are higher upfront costs...

than possibly you are

used to or prefer...

these are one-offs

and, over time...

DAN: Fuck!

Whoa. You all right?

No. I'm good, I'm good. I just...

I just had

a stressful afternoon...

and no granola.

I'm okay, I'm okay, I'm okay.

What was the last thing I said?

Uh, "Fuck."

DAN: No. Right before.

Oh, you were talking about having

extremely high upfront costs built in.

I said "extremely"?

You said "extremely."

I'm going to have to

call you out on that, Jim.

I didn't say "extremely" because

I wouldn't characterize our...

My legs feel a little

bit like, uh, Slinkys.

Fuck.

I said that again.

I'm going to sit down. Sit down.

Yeah. Okay.

Mike, finish.

Sorry.

Hello.

Um, I'm Mineral Deposits Sales

Director at Apex Select, Mike Pancake.

What was your last name?

Pancake.

Like, breakfast?

It's Greek, so...

It's delicious.

Yum.

(LAUGHING)

Are you Steve Toast?

(LAUGHING)

I know this deal is getting close

to the finish line for you...

but when the mineral market

bottomed out in Greece,

it took us all by surprise.

We gotta go back and look at

our whole fourth quarter.

And Chuck and Dynamic, they brought

up some interesting points...

about how they could

help us fourth quarter.

We weren't, you and us,

quite at the handshake stage.

Well, we'll just have to

disagree on that.

Maybe we didn't totally shake.

We definitely grasped

one another's hands.

Now, maybe we didn't

do that small

pump-up-and-down thing

to finish it off.

No, we didn't.

I'm here. Let's pump, Jim.

All right. Hold on, Dan.

What are you talking...?

It's been a year, Jim.

(SIGHS)

All right, Dan, look. Here's

what we're going to do.

DAN: Chuck's presenting

to Dirk Austerlitz in Berlin.

So are we.

Jim said it wasn't necessary,

but I insisted.

So, gear up.

We have to go

right there tomorrow.

I thought we were done.

Yeah.

I've never made love to a woman.

I made love to my wife,

but I don't love her.

She's cruel.

Didn't you just

order a sex maid?

Oh, yes, but I don't cheat.

I just observe.

But, no, my wife's the only one.

So, I want to get a divorce.

But I wanna leave her with some money.

A sufficient...

Uh...

And I was hoping that my

commission on this deal

would allow me to do that.

So I could make love just once.

Wheelbarrow position.

It is the one that I

would like to explore.

That position wouldn't...

My wife...

She looks like

a vending machine.

Over there.

She looks just like that.

Your wife's square?

Rectangular, yes.

But vending machines are square.

That's square?

Kind of square.

That shape there?

Mike, did you go to college?

I did not.

On your resume, it said that

you went to Ithaca College.

No.

(STAMMERING) I didn't.

I went to a special school.

And I live in one of those homes

with a lot of other guys...

where they teach you how to iron

your clothes and stuff.

I'm kind of like

a counselor there.

I'm gonna go get a Pepsi, okay?

I'm losing confidence

in the team.

DAN: Your daddy is a man who is

still away to shake hands...

but he has to fly his hand

to Germany now.

I checked Paul's Facebook page.

I walked into

his room yesterday.

He didn't want me

to see something.

I know why now.

"Danke" is "thank you"?

Yeah.

"Danke" is "thank you."

Danke for talking to me.

You're very welcome.

Yeah.

DAN: We're down

to the minute, here, Mike.

We have to get to Hamburg

and back in two hours.

(AUTOMATED VOICE

SPEAKING GERMAN)

Why is the GPS in German?

Because I asked

for it in German.

Because we're in Germany.

That's not...

It doesn't work like that.

But don't you need it to have

the German information in it?

Like the German bridges

and the German streets and such.

The English would have the German

streets in it, and bridges.

They would just

tell you to turn right

and left and shit in English...

so you could understand it.

God damn it, Mike!

(AUTOMATED VOICE

SPEAKING GERMAN)

(SIGHS)

I can tell you

what I think it means.

Yeah? You? Do you speak German?

Well, no. But I have a feeling.

Ah, great.

Tell me your fl?gelschlagen

feeling, Mike.

I think it means...

"Hey, man, you're doing great."

Fl?gelschlagen.

Yeah, it's like, um...

"Slow down and enjoy the moment,"

"because everything's

gonna be okay."

Sounds good.

We have to be to Hamburg

and back by 2:00.

So I can't

fl?gelschlagen right now.

Why Hamburg?

Helen Harlmann. If I can talk her

off her hard lease numbers...

we can drop our margin in

the deal and beat Chuck.

She knows her stuff.

(AUTOMATED VOICE REPEATING)

What the fuck does that mean?

See, Pancake?

I don't know...

Let's just get on the Autobahn.

(CARS HONKING)

(SPEAKING GERMAN) Thank you.

I don't understand you.

I'm sure it wasn't supportive.

It's really hard to concentrate

on revising my number set here, Mike.

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

Thank you. I'm a guest here

in your land. But thanks.

(CARS HONKING)

Fl?gelschlagen.

Dan? Fl?gelschlagen.

You should probably not

say any shit to me now.

For now.

MAN ON PHONE: Guten Morgen.

Hi, this is Dan Trunkman

from Apex Select.

I was trying to reach

Helen Harlmann.

MAN: Oh, I'm sorry.

She's taking a personal day.

DAN: Any chance you might be

able to tell me where she is?

Absolutely, we offer

traditional shvitz.

"Steaming."

We're kind of in a hurry, but I think

I have a friend who's shvitzing.

Go on in, if necessary.

Our friend is a woman.

I was hoping maybe

you could go grab her.

It's a unisex shvitz.

Go on in.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

Boob. Boobs.

Big boobies, coming right here.

Mike...

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Let me just go find

Helen, take my shot...

and I'll meet you in the lobby

in a few minutes, okay?

Uh, wait.

Maybe we should stay.

To, uh, support you.

And maybe see some vaginas.

This is crunch time, Mike.

We can't go rolling up on

her, three dudes in a suit...

in a steambath.

It's intimidating.

She'll be overwhelmed.

Just for the record,

I'd like to go with you

and support you.

And also see nude women.

But I understand.

But I want to.

Oh, okay. Just go ahead.

Thank you. Okay.

Butt cracks!

Look, two butt cracks!

Helen?

Yes?

Dan Trunkman, Apex Select.

You're in my shvitz.

I apologize for that.

I have some numbers

that I think would

make sense for both of us.

It's a bit time-sensitive.

I hope it's worth the intrusion.

I can tell you're clearly not

in a business frame of mind...

so I'll keep this very simple.

We have to sweeten the package.

We're gonna see Gelger today.

So, if you drop

our lease fees this year,

we'll double your

process fees next year.

Liar.

I mean what I say,

the numbers are...

You intruded my shvitz

to give me numbers...

and deceive and insult me.

I did not mean to insult you.

You're in our place

of openness...

and to hide your body... Liar.

It's very American.

Are you a shameful pilgrim?

I might be part pilgrim.

You can bring

your numbers here...

but please don't bring

your American prudishness.

It makes me uncomfortable.

Let's get comfortable, Helen.

I dig Europe.

In a big way.

What's not to dig?

The Renaissance.

Sonnets.

Frescoes.

Oil paintings,

paintings of women.

Gorgeous.

Paintings of big women.

Fantastic.

Why did they ever

stop making those?

I'd paint paintings of big

women, if I could paint.

I know you'll be comfortable

with my numbers.

And maybe now you're a

little more comfortable

with this old pilgrim.

Dan Trunkman. Apex Select.

I like what I heard.

I see you brought more pilgrims.

You guys are supposed

to be in the lobby.

We just came to check

if you were okay.

(SOFTLY) I can see

your ball sack.

I'm doing business here, Mike.

MIKE: Oh. Carry on.

It seems we have

an excited pilgrim.

I'm sorry.

Are boners not allowed?

Hopefully,

this is a closed deal.

Deal.

DAN: Fuck, yeah!

One, two, three!

Apex Select!

Hell, yes! That's who we are!

Let's seal this deal.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello? SUSAN: Dan, hey.

Hey, honey!

What's up?

Just on the Autobahn,

hauling ass.

I miss you.

Oh, I miss you too, babe.

I miss you like...

I'm holding the phone with my

left hand, because I'm a rightie.

And my right hand's

making little Dan circles...

Speakerphone is

what you're on right now.

No. In my business car.

Hi, Susan. Hi.

Is that Tim?

Yeah. We're all...

Um, Mike's here.

Hello, Susan.

We're all here, hon.

So you can just, uh...

go ahead and hold the phone

with your right hand.

We are headed to the meeting. Okay.

Well, good luck, guys.

All right. Thank you, honey.

I'll call you in a bit.

I love you.

I like to make circles, too.

On my bike.

What the fuck?

The fuck is that?

Is that a fucking reindeer?

MIKE: Go right at it.

It's gonna dart.

I can't stop. I'm going

a hundred miles an hour.

It's gonna dart

and then you're...

Right at it? MIKE: Right at it.

It's gonna dart. Dart.

DAN: Fuck!

(ALL SCREAMING)

(AUTOMATED VOICE

SPEAKING GERMAN)

Have you seen, Mike...

lots of reindeer

darting to and fro...

in St. Louis?

No, I'm sorry.

I just imagined that

I was a reindeer...

and I thought about what I

would do in that situation...

as a reindeer-man.

DAN: Once we get there, we got

18 minutes to make our meeting.

Seriously, good work, guys.

Did you narrow this to 17...?

Is that 17%?

Did you get us $1000

of bulk order down?

Yeah, I started working vendors yesterday.

How many did you get down?

39. Yeah.

What'd you do here?

This is much better.

I figured out a way

to fudge our asset charts.

Not fucked up. Just fudged.

I really Keeblered it.

We're gonna have

to haul ass, here.

So when that door opens,

it's like

the chute opening

at the Kentucky Derby...

and we're Seabiscuit.

Wait.

But we can't all be Seabiscuit.

All right. I'm Seabiscuit.

I'll be Northern Dancer.

I like to dance.

Okay, and I'll be Fastee.

All right.

That is not a horse...

but okay, be whoever. Just run.

How is it a wheelbarrow again?

It's because one person's

legs is being held up.

Like wheelbarrow sticks.

(PHONE VIBRATING)

Like the handles

on a wheelbarrow.

Hang on.

Hello? SUSAN: Hey.

Hey, what's up?

Is everything...?

Yes. Sorry.

There was a bullying

incident at school.

I sent you an email with a link.

Bess.

Fuck. I'm in the waiting room.

Is she okay?

Yes.

Can you talk to her, please?

Hey, Dad.

Hey, Bess.

Hey, I'm in Germany,

where I am for work still,

a little longer.

I gotta go to this meeting

in just a second...

but, honey, I want you to know

that I'd like to be

with you now.

I bet you're feeling blue.

Yeah.

Yeah, bullies are the worst.

Their parents

are assholes mostly, too.

Honestly.

Don't tell your mom

that I said that.

But they grow up

to have lives, Bess...

without anybody

being able to love them.

It's true.

I love you, honey.

Love you, too, Dad.

All right, I'll try you guys in a little bit.

Can you tell Mom?

Okay.

Bye.

Nice touch.

Thanks, man.

BOY: Wait, what'd you say?

GIRL: I have a friend

named Ethan.

And you're acting like...

(CHILDREN CLAMORING)

Whoa! Bess is beating a bully!

GIRL: Get off!

Ow!

Stop hitting me!

We gotta get home, man.

Don't say your last name.

Apex Select?

Hi. Yeah. It's Dan Trunkman.

Yes. Timothy McWinters.

Hey, Mike Pan... ther.

Mike Panther.

Hi.

I was just trying

to reach you. I'm sorry.

We have to push, Mr. Trunkman,

Mr. McWinters, Mr. Panther.

Push?

Yes, we have to push

your meeting,

if you please,

until Friday, 11:30.

I don't please.

I'm very sorry.

There are no rooms left

in the whole city.

It says that

it's the G8 this week.

Oktoberfest, too. Folsom Europe.

And the Berlin Marathon.

This week.

What's Folsom Europe?

"Largest gay fetish street event in Europe.

25,000 people." Whoa.

(PHONE CHIMING) Orbitz.

Okay. Yeah.

A room just opened up

at this hotel.

Oh, yeah. It looks

kind of fancy, too.

It's the Dandlin

Annex and the rooms

are "habitable works

of art," it says.

Yeah, cool. Okay.

Okay.

Timothy, we are gonna

share a room, it looks like.

It's the only one

in our budget range.

It's the Industriepalast Hostel.

A youth hostel? Uh...

Yes.

Uh, sorry, Dan, but how is

it a wheelbarrow again?

Just the legs are held up.

Like wheelbarrow

handles, man. Fuck!

All right. Sorry.

You guys wanna go over our

numbers one last time tonight?

Yeah, sure.

I met someone on the plane...

and she was gonna show me

around her neighborhood today.

(STUTTERING) But let's do this.

It's important.

Go.

No, Dan, really, it's not a big deal.

Mike, go.

You did a good job

with your reports.

Yeah? They're done.

Go.

Yeah.

Go dig the night, Pancake.

"Panther." Nice on that.

Thanks, Dan.

Jungle animal.

Yeah, that's kind

of how I feel here.

Alive and hunting.

Circling for the kill.

Just don't say

that anymore, though.

See you, Dan.

TIMOTHY: Hey, Dan.

What's up?

Dan...

are you the kind of guy that...

when his girlfriend is trying to

blow him off, doesn't get it?

And still does her

Spanish homework...

while other guys are

getting the good stuff?

What are you talking about?

The deal-makers

are here in Berlin.

They want Chuck

to come to Berlin.

They say it isn't fucking

necessary for us to go to Berlin.

Dan, we're the fucking fluffer.

Wrong. Not with our numbers.

They just blew us off!

They haven't seen

our numbers, yet.

I've been working

on this deal for a year.

I'm not the fucking fluffer.

This is not my

first business trip!

We're broke, Dan.

What are you talking about?

It's worse than you think.

Two companies that owed us...

they went bankrupt.

We didn't have

any income in June, July.

I should have told you, but I

thought this deal was gonna work.

We're gonna get this deal.

I told you, God damn it.

We're good business for them.

I'm gonna make sure

they understand that.

Well, I've done some weird

stuff on this trip.

I ordered a sex maid, which you

should reimburse me for...

because you got all the

good stuff from that.

But I like you, Dan.

And I'm sorry

I raised my voice...

but I really need the

benefits of this deal now.

My marriage is a mess.

I just...

I just want a future

that has some joy in it.

Like Fifty Shades of Grey.

Or, fuck it, I'd settle

for one shade of grey.

Listen, you work for me now.

I'm gonna make sure

that your hard work counts.

We are gonna get this one, Tim.

I'm ready for it. Good.

Okay.

Tim?

Tim?

There's no reimbursement

for the maid.

(CHUCKLES)

CLERK: Can you please

initial here?

To say you acknowledge

that you are

staying in

a habitable work of art.

Great.

I'll enjoy it. It's been

a long couple days.

(INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS)

You're too old

to sleep in a room.

Okay. Uh...

Where can I sleep?

You can sleep in the stairwell,

in the hallway,

or in the Business Centre.

Okay. The Business Centre.

(ELECTRONIC RINGING)

Hey, it's Dad.

So, I've been

trying to reach you.

Where are you?

Berlin. I'm still

on business. Hey, Paul...

I don't like the way that you're

talking about yourself at all.

And that sounds like...

something you heard

someone else say about you.

That's not something that you

should call yourself, ever.

You know, I say it

all the time, but...

I'm your biggest confidant.

You can tell me stuff that

no one else needs to know.

I think you're being teased,

and I want you to know

you're not alone.

Who are those people?

What people?

Behind you.

What is this shit?

What the fuck

are you do... Hello?

This is creepy.

I'm trying to have a call, here.

What the fuck is this shit?

(PEOPLE MURMURING)

(AMBIENT MUSIC PLAYING)

Can I have curtains? No.

Well, I'd really like them.

Curtains.

You don't have a private room.

You have an installation room.

Can I have another room? No.

We are a museum, not a hotel.

Can you call another hotel? No.

It's October, in Berlin.

There are no other rooms.

Don't worry about curtains.

You are art.

I'm not! I'm here on business.

I just wanna tweak

my PowerPoints

and do my stomach crunches...

and sleep.

It's not art.

Well, who can say?

I can. It's my life.

Don't look.

It's up to them to choose

what they look at.

Just be yourself.

Okay. I'll be myself.

But I'm gonna Yelp you guys.

Probably not gonna be good.

(NOISY CONVERSATIONS)

(MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) Try to tell you

all about it.

Thought you might've,

Lord, I doubt it.

Every day's a waste, I know

And every day's a funeral.

And it's days like this

that burn me.

Turn me inside out and learn me.

Not to tell you anything

I think I know.

Well, I think I'll tell

you all that I know.

We don't have one summer

vacation in our colleges.

We have many.

A few. Three is "a few"?

Yeah. Three is a few.

That's right.

At the bottom

of the big blue sea.

Uh...

Does that feel good?

For you?

No.

Maybe we should just

try to do it normal.

Because I have no idea

how to do a wheelbarrow.

And my balls hurt a little.

So, maybe put me down

when you get a chance.

Yeah, okay. Sorry.

Okay. Okay.

And it's days like this

that burn me.

Turn me inside out and learn me.

And it's days like this

that burn me.

Turn me inside out and learn me

(INAU DIBLE)

And not to tell you anything

I think I know

I'm looking right at monthly

expenses, and the planned expenses...

Thank you.

MAN: Businessman 42!

Can I get a picture?

42!

DAN: So, today

we have this down day.

Or, as we call it, a push day.

These are the days that

you really have to focus.

A down day, man.

There's no dogs to walk...

no kids to school.

So, you can't start

drinking at 10 a.m.

on a day like this.

But you wanna own your down day.

You do not want

your down day to own you.

Stay fresh.

Check in with the family.

So, I'm gonna go for a run.

Finish my daughter's little

fucking homework assignment...

which is driving me crazy.

I'm sorry.

"No curtains," that's

what they said to me.

So, I'm being

no curtains with you.

Your daddy is...

Your daddy, honey, is a man who

is concerned about you now...

in addition to your brother.

Because you beat the shit

out of a small Indian kid.

Maybe you're acting out because.

Daddy hasn't been

home a lot this year.

But don't turn

into a mean kid...

or grow sad,

like I think your brother has.

I don't want him to turn

into some unhappy behemoth.

And it's my job to teach

him the coping skills...

that can help him handle

that shit he's dealing with.

But I'm here in Kugelfargen fucking

Park instead, wasting time...

wondering if we're the

fluffer company on this one.

Don't Google that.

But I think I'm almost home.

We can close this deal if

we can just get in the room

before Chuck closes it first.

I called

motherfucking little round

English motherfucker Whilmsley.

But he's not returning

Daddy's calls.

No more down day.

Were you here earlier

when I was explaining that?

No.

It used to be a down day,

but now it's

a "find Bill Whilmsley" day.

I left two messages at his

office, but he's not in.

Yeah, I saw that part.

It was boring.

I'm sorry, man,

but I have to find him.

I have to have him see

our hard numbers today...

and tell us that

we're not better.

Chuck is closing,

it feels like that.

This motherfucker Whilmsley

will not respond.

I built this deal

with him for a year.

Look, I put Whilmsley's

name in Instagram...

and we can find him,

maybe, through the pics.

And then, we could fake bump

into him and be like...

"Hey, Bill, what a coincidence.

It's Mike Pancake."

Like that. Good idea.

Don't say the last part. Tell

me if he posts something.

Mr. McWinters? Hey.

It's me, Kelf. From the hostel.

Oh, hi!

Hi, how are you?

I got your ecstasy, right here.

Oh, thank you.

Enjoy it. Have a nice trip.

They said, "Take one of

these, and go dancing."

And, "It doesn't change

you, it reveals you."

And I like that.

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

He posted. Look, Bill posted.

Check it out.

DAN: Where is he?

MIKE: He's with dudes.

He's encircled by men.

Whoa.

This guy went really

gay on his down day.

"Pampelmuse."

It looks like he's in the middle

of that Folsom Festival.

DAN: Bill Whilmsley?

Do you have a PA system?

Is it possible to say his name,

so everyone can hear it?

Bill Whilmsley? Bill Whilmsley?

We're not detectives, we're

just looking for our friend.

Bill Whilmsley. He looks

like kind of a grizzly bear.

(ASKING IN GERMAN)

This is my first time

at a gay bar.

No way. Yeah? Yeah.

Are you not gay? No.

But you guys

are having so much fun.

MAN 1: Hello?

(SOFTLY) Fuck.

MAN 1: Hello?

(MAN 1 SPEAKING GERMAN)

I don't speak German. Shit.

MAN 1: I was just asking,

still raining?

No, stopped, uh...

I don't know, 40 minutes ago.

It was good seeing you.

MAN 1: Hold on.

Where's the fire?

I know where I am

and I know what this is...

but I didn't know

when I came in here.

I came in here

looking for someone.

I didn't come in here looking

for, you know, dicks.

MAN 2: Maybe I can convince

you to stay for a little bit?

No, I was just...

Hi, by the way.

Again, I did not come in

here to be with you guys.

I was looking for someone

who was in the bar earlier.

MAN 2: Why don't you just

green eggs and ham?

What?

MAN 2: "You don't like them,

so you say",

"'Try them.' And you may."

Yeah, I liked

that book as a kid.

I don't remember the "sucking guys'

dicks through a wall" part...

but good book.

MAN 1: My name

is Ambrose, by the way.

MAN 2: I'm Nils.

Whoa.

Hey, Mike?

This is Ambrose and Nils.

MAN 2: What's up?

MAN 1: Put her there.

It's nice to meet you.

MAN 1: Whoa!

Houston, we have contact.

It got hard in my hand a little.

MAN 1: Okay, I was just

kidding, but thanks!

So, this guy

you are looking for...

English accent. He was

here 40 minutes ago.

God! Fuck!

MAN 3: I am so sorry.

Did I startle you?

You kind of poked me

in my ass with your dick.

So, yeah,

little startled there, bud.

MAN 3: Sorry. My bad.

It has an eye, but it cannot see.

(CHUCKLES)

Bill?

Bill Whilmsley?

Do I know you?

Dan Trunkman, Apex Select.

Hey, Dan!

What's up? Not much.

Just got our numbers where we want

them, thought we'd grab a beer.

Just wandered in.

Hey, Bill? Yeah?

I don't wanna

cock-block anybody,

but love to show

you those numbers.

As you can imagine,

it's not really...

(SIGHS) what I had

planned for tonight.

What is your margin number?

17%.

BILL: Well, yes.

You certainly have

my attention now.

And you have my

attention as well.

(LAUGHS)

All right. Will you just give

me a second to sort myself out?

And I will meet you out back.

Great.

Thanks, Bill.

You got a real big one.

Oh, well, thank you.

Bye, Ambrose. Auf Wiedersehen.

MAN 2: Enjoy your stay

in Berlin.

I didn't get a chance

to meet you.

(MEN EXCLAIMING)

MAN 2: Whoa, hey!

The penis touched my face.

BILL: Wow.

These are sweet.

Maarten Daaervk

is a top-sheet guy.

He is gonna love these numbers.

Who is that?

He owns us.

He owns Gelger, all of it.

He's in town for the G8.

Hey, American Businessman 42!

Hey, guys!

I'm going viral here a little bit.

I'll explain it later.

So, where does this leave us?

This leaves you

kicking Chuck's arse.

So, we gonna get it?

Let's fucking celebrate, Apex!

To Apex! Apex!

I'm gonna get that divorce!

Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.

This is our second night

at the youth hostel.

DAN: Fl?gelschlagen!

(ALL REPEATING)

This from Korea!

(TOASTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(ALL REPEATING)

WOMAN: This one from Russia.

(TOASTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(ALL REPEATING)

This is from America.

"Let's get fucked up!"

(ALL CHEERING)

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(SINGING) Out 'til the sun up.

Twisted and burn up.

Can't nobody stop us?

We gone delirious.

Come on in!

Twisted and burn up.

Can't nobody stop us?

We gone delirious.

La-la-la-la-la-la.

Come on!

Come and take a ride.

Stay up all night, okay.

MIKE: You go.

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

That is Tequila Slaps.

It's fun, right?

DAN: Come on in!

Come on in, keep going.

ALL: Oh!

I didn't mean to go that hard.

You're smiling,

but your eyes are mean.

ALL: Oh!

That's enough, I think.

Every time! You're the best!

DAN: Pull!

(ALL CHEERING)

(ALL EXCLAIMING)

What happened?

Just throw it! The waiting

is the worst part.

(INDISTINCT)

ALL: Apex Select!

Fl?gelschlagen!

(SINGING) Oh, no thick walls.

Are gonna block the waves.

No, not quite space enough.

Between that'd ever

kill the bass.

Ooh, ah.

That shaking, rattling, cracking.

You can't take it

'cause you know.

It rubs you wrong.

But does it rub you wrong?

Ooh, you can fight it

if you want.

If you want.

Ooh, you can fight it

if you want.

Oh, man! (BILL EXHALES)

Thanks so much for looking at

our numbers tonight, Bill.

Listen, I want you to know...

that it's not my scene,

glory-holing.

But...

it's the only scenario

where I can get any anymore.

I am a pear-shaped,

middle-aged man, Dan.

I've really let

myself go to pot.

And it's work!

You just pack it on.

I started training

to run a marathon

to stay on top of it.

And I told...

Do you wanna hear this? Yes.

Do you wanna hear it? Yes.

I told my whole family...

"I'm running the St. Louis

Marathon this year!"

And I got up to 15

miles straight in July.

But, man,

with all the travelling

you and I did for this deal...

I started not doing it anymore.

At all.

And that is the problem.

You take your eye off the ball,

even just for a week...

the next thing you know,

you are sticking

your cock through a wall.

I used to run.

I used to play rugby.

I used to be all

kinds of ripped.

(SCOFFS)

I've been to Folsom

the last two nights,

and it's like I'm a ghost.

No one sees me.

I didn't even get

as much as a kiss.

Not one kiss.

DAN: That's their loss.

BILL: It is their loss.

I'm so unhappy at work.

It's like I'm not heard.

You got a pretty big dick.

That's something.

(SCOFFS) Yeah. I can't

even suck that anymore.

(INDISTINCT)

These are the presentation...

If a loose swarf goes around in

an apex, then what happens in a...

Hey, Chuck.

How you doing?

Are you seriously

staying here, Dan?

You know, I'm glad

that you're here...

because it gives me

the chance to tell you...

that we are coming in

strong this morning.

So, nothing personal...

but we crushed you.

When I compete

against someone like you...

like now...

I often invent dehumanizing

nicknames for them...

in my mind.

You're "The Flower Girl."

I'm not gonna ask you why,

because that's what

you want me to do.

You're "The Flower Girl"

because you're at the party.

You're dressed up.

Everyone's glad

that you're there.

You do your little thing,

then you sit down,

and you let

the grownups get to it.

Flower girl.

You're a bizarre woman.

If the three of us

could shake hands,

you, me and Benjaminson,

I would.

I would.

But we can't.

Because people don't

shake hands that way.

(SIGHS)

So, good luck.

We don't need it.

We're prepared. We're Apex.

Fuck me.

Are you just allowed

to come into my room?

There's an issue. I'm sorry.

We tried to process your

credit card for today's stay.

I'm afraid it's not working.

You can't throw me out. I'm art.

You leaving will be art as well.

So, quick, quick.

What are you doing?

Oh, you're gonna get it!

Makes me a little uncomfortable

how much you want it, but...

(BOTH LAUGHING)

You're intense! (ALARM BEEPING)

Shit.

Six minutes.

I gotta go. I gotta go!

(SINGING) I saw, I came, I

conquered Or should I say.

You're good at this.

Have you done this before?

Coming through!

Now big bang boogie Get

that kitty little noogie.

In a nice, nice little shade

I gave Suzie a little

pat up on the booty

(BOTH EXCLAIMING)

Walk this way.

You told him to meet us here?

Yeah.

Last night, right? Yeah.

Where the fuck is he?

Maybe he's already there.

I mean, he's a go-getter.

I'm serious. I'm concerned for him.

You should be, too.

I am.

What the fuck is that?

Fireball.

Let's do this thing.

Mike, the next time you

wanna run around Berlin...

playing grab-ass with a Japanese

businessman in a hamster ball...

you gotta let either me or

your older companion know.

DAN: How are you?

I'm good. How are you?

Good, Jim. We are excited

to be here at Gelger...

to present a long-term purchase

and a lend-share cost-buy.

We are ready to meet

your high expectations.

Terrific. Why don't

you all have a seat?

And we'll get started.

Aren't we gonna pitch Gelger

today, your parent department?

Austerlitz was

gonna sit in, possibly,

but he's not gonna be

able to make it today.

I thought Dirk Austerlitz

was our principal.

I thought that we flew here

to see Dirk Austerlitz, Jim.

Dirk and I are working

on this together.

Dirk had to fly to

St. Louis today, so...

Do you, Jim, know...

that we all live in St. Louis?

Oh, wow. Yeah.

We left there to fly here

to see the guy

that is in St. Louis, Jim.

No shit?

That's no good.

Well, let's get started.

Where's Bill?

We covered a lot of this

ground last night with Bill.

We pretty much shook on it.

You can shake hands

with Bill all day long...

but he doesn't

make our decisions.

Where is Bill?

Bill's getting my lunch.

You wanna get started?

Okay.

Let me gear up my media, and I'll

walk you through our aftermarket.

Great.

So, what was your meeting about?

Wholesale swarf residue

bargain cost-buys.

"Swarf," is that a real thing?

Yeah, it's a real thing.

What do you think,

we're like Dr. Seuss?

We're just making up something,

like shit out of thin air?

No. It's real.

But it's just not interesting.

Well, why do you do it?

Well...

I'm gonna send my

son to private school.

Maybe it's worth it,

I'm thinking.

If there's one less kid

in the class...

then maybe there's one less kid

to make fun of him

24 hours a day.

Teasing sucks. Yeah.

Have any of you

guys been teased?

Yeah. I've been teased.

I lived in America for a year.

In Connecticut, and they

made fun of my name.

What's your name?

Karen.

(LAUGHING)

Yeah, well, in Sweden

it's like "John,"

but in Connecticut, it's like...

"Stacy." Yeah, I can see that.

You know the worst

part with teasing?

My dad would say,

"Just forget about it

and ignore it, son."

But he doesn't understand

because in his day...

kids would get teased

at school all day,

but then they could go home.

And nowadays, you come home,

and there's Facebook

and Instagram...

and the bullies can get at you

through all of that stuff.

And it never really stops.

It never stops.

When I was a kid, people

could only ridicule me...

every day until

3: 10 in the afternoon.

(COUGHING)

Okay, Snoop Lion,

I think it's probably

time to pass that now.

Oh, me? Yes.

Go ahead, Karen.

Pardon me.

(PHONE VIBRATING)

Hello? Dan, it's Jim.

Hey, Jim!

Okay, Dan,

your numbers are good...

but, the thing is...

numbers are just part of what

we have to take into account.

SUSAN: Are you wearing

eye shadow?

DAN: Yeah, I just

wanted to show Paul

that I understand how he feels.

You're cool, Dan.

How are you doing?

Your bra's on

outside your shirt.

Did you know that?

Yes. I do know that.

I was having a boob

conversation with Bess...

and she was worried that her

boobs were gonna come out.

So I showed her how to

trap them with a bra.

I just realized I went to

Coffee Bean like this.

I'm sure you made an impression.

Can I talk to her?

Bess!

BESS: Hey, Dad.

Did you finish my homework?

I have not yet, no.

Honey, uh,

why did you beat

the shit out of another kid?

They were making fun of Paul.

They were calling

Paul fat names.

"Double Stuf."

The fat Oreos.

Good job...

my little can of whoop-ass.

I should probably add to that...

that I'll take care of Paul.

That's my job.

You be a kid.

That's your job. Okay?

Can I talk to him?

Sure. Paul?

Hey.

Hey.

Are you wearing eye shadow?

Yeah. "Straight-Up Teal."

Why? That's the one

that you picked.

Yeah, when they bagged on me.

Goth dicks!

Goth is lame. Goth isn't outlaw.

I mean, this is the

look right here, man.

Any guy can wear dark.

But rocking teal...

See, teal is very outlaw.

It's like, the goth kids,

really...

they're joiners,

when you think about it.

The teal kids,

they really stand alone.

And whenever I have

to pick a color,

obviously,

I pick teal every time.

For sure.

Because, you know...

no one else does it.

And because you have to be bold.

Because you have

to be teal tough.

Give me a break, Dad. Come on!

We could probably

start a gang, me and you.

Just for real men, though.

Yeah, I guess we could.

Like "The Teal Boys."

How many kids are in your class?

42.

And how many of those

kids pick on you?

41.

Hey, I gotta go.

Just listen for one second.

Stay here.

Stay here and just

listen to me for a second.

Now, Paul, you're gonna

switch schools.

But that's not really gonna

change anything much, honestly.

You're just gonna

have to stay tough.

I know that you are feeling like

that you're sticking out...

and that you're going

through a lot of stuff...

but we're gonna

get through this.

Me and you. Teal tough.

When are you coming home?

Tomorrow.

Did you get the handshake?

Dad froze again!

(TAPS KEY)

I heard from Jim Spinch.

DAN: Your daddy just counted up

who he's responsible for.

One boy. One girl.

One woman. One old guy.

One kind of, uh...

How do you describe Mike?

Good. Sweet.

And I let him down.

I'm going to have to

let him go next week.

Timothy, too.

Your daddy's a man who

didn't get the handshake.

MAN: American Businessman 42!

DAN: He's the fluffer,

seems like.

He's also someone that will try

and forget this feeling...

as soon as possible.

Hey, um, sorry.

I don't mean to bother you...

but you're so pretty.

Kind of like a painting.

I'm sorry.

It's so obvious now.

Fl?gelschlagen.

DAN: Sometimes,

when troubles come

all of a sudden too much...

when we FaceTime...

Dad freezes and pretends

FaceTime's broken.

So he doesn't have to deal

with things right then.

(POPPING) (PEOPLE CHEERING)

I'm not gonna freeze today.

Sometimes in life,

you have to take inventory.

This is one of those times.

Not landing where you thought

you would, hoped to...

and asking the questions, "What

could I have done differently?"

"Could I have led better?"

The only thing you can do

when things go against you...

is pick yourself up

and push back.

(SPEAKING GERMAN) Hey.

Hey, sir! Come out of the race!

DAN: My hopes for this trip,

for this handshake...

for it to be the end of a

pretty good losing streak.

MAN: American Businessman 42!

This is American

Businessman 42, everyone!

Go, go! You can do it!

I don't believe it! Run!

(SPEAKING GERMAN)

DAN: I'm not going

to freeze today.

I've chased this thing

all the way to Germany.

I'm going to find the man

behind the man...

even though we

might get humiliated.

But we're ready.

The old guy's got life left...

and the young guy's

an animal now.

So I'm telling the boys...

"Suits back on,

get on the starship,"

"and let's go get

this goddamn handshake."

(CLAMORING)

BILL ON PHONE: Hello? Dan?

Yeah. You at the Aldon

with Daaervk?

Yes.

We'll be there in 10 minutes.

Awful. Why?

Get me in to see him.

I'm gonna see him for three

minutes, just for a team photo.

I want to show him my sheet.

It's impossible!

I cannot go around Jim.

We're coming.

You got a big dick, Bill.

Act like it.

Dan? It's madness!

(PUNK MUSIC PLAYING)

How the hell are we

gonna get over there?

(CROWD CHANTING INDISTINCTLY)

(ALL SHOUTING)

(DOGS BARKING)

(SHOTS FIRING)

How you doing?

I'm here for a meeting.

They're expecting me.

(ORDERING IN GERMAN)

I understand, sir.

Clearly, I'm not rioting.

Whoa! Easy, buddy!

We're just three guys

on business!

(ORDERING IN GERMAN)

Hey! Get your fucking

hands off of me!

Leave him alone!

Calm down, Tim!

(HORSE WHINNYING)

(EXCLAIMS)

Son of a bitch!

(COUGHING)

Dan!

They are very important people.

I need them in with me right now.

Right now!

Are you okay, Dan?

I'm not crying. That's

just poison in my eyes.

Let's go. Get your

top sheet, all right?

Two seconds. Just one of you.

Mike, go.

I'm just kidding.

I got it.

Jim is gonna kill me.

We're better, Bill.

He'll throw a coffee in my face.

We're better.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Just wait here a sec.

Mr. Daaervk.

This is Dan Trunkman.

And this is Apex Select's.

Long-purchase cost share sheet.

Sit down.

(SLURPS AIR)

Are you okay?

Yeah. I just got tear-gassed.

A whole canister.

I got caught in the crowd

and in the horses.

I just got shot, all over.

I'm just explaining

why I look so effed-up.

"Effed up"?

Um...

"Fucked."

Oh, "fucked." Yes, you do.

(CHUCKLES)

Can I see your

dollar exchange ratio?

We feel very strong

about our numbers.

It is fudged a little, hmm?

You converted it twice.

It is.

It's fudged a little, yeah.

"Keeblered," as we say.

You know that?

Yeah, we know that.

It's an old trick.

The guy's old who...

Fire him.

Uh...

No.

He worked extremely hard

on this sheet.

I stand by what he did.

I'm just kidding. (LAUGHS)

Jeez.

We think we would be

a complement to you...

not only on this job,

but in the future.

And being able to

look ahead to the things...

that are gonna be

in front of you.

So, how many people

do you employ?

Two. Three of us, altogether.

How many do you?

Oh...

200,000-something.

Fuck.

Yeah.

But three is tough, too.

In a different way.

I started with four.

Like a family, when you

know everyone's name.

But that can wear on you, too.

Uh...

So, this is slightly better.

Bottom line.

So, okay. Yeah.

Are you going to shake my hand?

I have some other shit to do.

Yeah.

Yes. Okay.

Who's your daddy, baby?

Who's your fucking daddy?

(LAUGHING)

We got it.

(TAPPING)

Oh, my goodness.

Did something just happen? Did

we just come from a meeting?

Did things just get

exciting around here?

Oh, yeah, here it comes.

Boom.

There it is. Very nice.

I got you!

DAN: I know it's been

a long trip, but rest up.

Monday, we're back at it.

Hey! I'm divorced.

Just like that?

There's an app.

DAN: Hey, Jim!

Did you have to fly to St.

Louis to talk to your boss?

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, Dan,

can I get your address?

Sure.

Because usually when someone fucks

me, I like to send them flowers.

I like carnations.

And if you make out a card,

include all three of us...

because it was a three-way.

You were my third fuck!

ALL: Mike!

Guys!

Oh, man! Oh, you guys!

I missed you! I missed you!

Oh, wait. Guys, these

are my roommates.

Tobey and Sebastian and Tobey.

Sebastian, Tobeys,

I don't have to tell you...

you've got

one hell of a friend here.

And it is emperlaten

that you ask Mike

about his trip.

Because this cat had some

pretty major explers.

Yeah. I lost

my virginity! Twice!

(LAUGHING)

Good stuff, Pancake.

See you Monday, pal. Yeah.

See you Monday, Mike.

Bye, guys.

DAN: How are you getting home?

I'm leaving with a friend.

Is that the, uh,

actual maid from...?

We kept in touch.

Why is she wearing

her maid outfit?

I asked her nicely, Dan.

Silver fox.

Boom! I like that.

You remember Dan?

Hello. Hi. Pleasure.

Nice to meet you.

We should go. Okay.

Great.

Thanks.

Thank you, Tim.

Why are you standing here?

Don't you have a wheelbarrow you're

supposed to be jumping into?

Daddy! Hey!

Oh! (GIGGLES)

Come on!

How are you, sweetheart?

I'm good.

Let's go. What do you say?

You doing good? Yeah!

All right.

Hey, what's going on

with this guy, here?

You don't get out

of the car anymore?

What are you, too old? Hey, Dad.

How are you? All right.

Come on, let's get going here.

Good to see you guys. Jump on

in, I'll be in in a minute.

Hi, beautiful. How are you? Hi!

SUSAN: Good to see you!

So glad you're back.

It's been a tough week.

How about I drive? Yes, please.

Fl?gelschlagen.

What? Something I

learned on my trip.

It means, "You have

to fight like hell..."

"but don't forget to catch

your breath now and then..."

"and realize that everything's

gonna be all right."

Or it means "turn left," probably.

(LAUGHS)

Hey, you have your assignment, yes?

Yes.

Because it's due today.

The "Dad" one? Yeah.

Shit. I was still working...

I wrote it. I did it.

You finished it?

Mmm-hmm.

SUSAN: It's good.

She wrote it in,

like, two seconds.

(SINGING) Can you feel?

Can you feel it?

Now it's coming back.

We can steal it.

If we bridge this gap

I can see you.

Through the curtains

of the waterfall.

When I lost it.

Yeah, you held my hand.

But I tossed it.

Didn 't understand.

You were waiting.

As I dove into the waterfall.

So say Geronimo!

Say Geronimo! Say Geronimo!

Say Geronimo! Say Geronimo!

Can you feel...

my love?

Bombs away Bombs away.

Bombs away.

Say Geronimo!

Well, we rushed it.

Moving way too fast.

That we crushed it.

But it's in the past.

We can make this leap.

Through the curtains

of the waterfall.

So say Geronimo!

Say Geronimo! Say Geronimo!

Can you feel...

my love?

Bombs away Bombs away.

Bombs away.

Well, I'm just a boy.

With a broken toy.

All lost and coy.

At the curtains of the waterfall.

So it's here I stand.

As a broken man.

But I've found my friend.

At the curtains of the waterfall.

Now I'm falling down.

Through the crashing sound.

And you've come around.

At the curtains of the waterfall.

And you rushed to me.

And it sets us free.

So I fall to my knees.

At the curtains of the waterfall.

When the world is turning

in the wrong direction.

And every wave seems to

be crashing at your feet.

Running circles doesn't

lead to inspiration.

When you're at the end.

You're at the start again.

Time's moving too slow.

One foot out the door.

Binds you flat but know

that you're not alone.

Take a hand from me.

You know what we'll be,

you'll see.

If we fall and if we break.

There will be

another chance today.

Take a hand from me

I believe that we can

find our destination.

The journey's just begun.

Two is more than one.

Time's moving too slow.

One foot out the door.

Binds you flat but know

that you're not alone.

Take a hand from me.

You know what we'll be,

you'll see.

If we fall and if we break.

There will be

another chance today.

Take a hand from me.

Whoa-oh-oh-oh.

Take a hand from me