Unexpected (2023) - full transcript
Music critic Bob is out of a job, addicted to Zoloft, and trying to wrangle the menagerie of animals that his wife Amy has accumulated. Will adopting a baby cure their existential angst? Or should they just rescue another duck?
(CHILDREN LAUGHING, SCREAMING)
(♪♪♪)
BOB:
Periodically,
on the road of life,
it is helpful to stand back
and ask yourself...
"What were the events
that led me to this place?"
(SOBS)
BOB:
Maybe we should start
at the beginning.
I'm Bob.
And this is Amy.
We fell in love.
Got married.
And then...
(SURGICAL INSTRUMENTS CLATTER)
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
-That wasn't so bad, was it?
-Mm-mm.
Even with another round of IVF,
I'd put your chances
of getting pregnant again
between two and three percent.
Do you think it's closer
to two or three?
Amy, I don't think
it's gonna happen.
Oh.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Oh, you poor woman.
It must be so horrible
to have to tell people
things like that.
-(SIGHS)
-It's the worst.
(♪♪♪)
(SOBS SOFTLY, SCREAMS)
(SOBS)
(SCREAMS, WHIMPERS)
I know lots of nice people
that don't have kids.
Oh! Oh, really?
Oh, that's great.
You know,
there's my Aunt Sally and--
(SCOFFS) Oh. Sally?
Don't say Don.
-Don't say Don.
-Her husband Don.
Don. (SOBS) Stupid Don.
-I... I... I'm not...
-God!
God! You know what?
I just-- I keep thinking
that I did something wrong.
-What?
-Yeah.
-No, no, no.
-What is it? What did I do?
-No, no, no.
-In college?
You... you can't...
you can't think that. Okay?
You are perfect.
You're perfect.
Maybe it's me. We don't know.
-It could be you.
-Yeah!
It could be you.
It could be you.
-It could be you. (SNIFFLES)
-Probably.
Probably it's you.
It is you. (SOBS)
(SIGHS)
No, wait. No. (SNIFFLES) No.
Oh, I am not gonna give up, Bob.
I'm not. There is a plan for us.
And we just--
we don't see it yet.
But this is not over.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
-It's not?
-No. No, no.
Oh, come on.
What do you think
about the adoption idea?
-Oh, I'm not, uh--
-(SCREAMS)
(SMACKS LIPS)
-I need a little more time.
-Hmm.
-Uh...
-Hmm.
Can I just think about it
some more?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can think about it.
Think about it.
I mean, I'm sad, too, you know?
Oh. (SCOFFS)
No, I know. I know. I know.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(♪♪♪)
Bob, sit.
Could you close the door?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
The Under Death review,
I can't use it.
What was wrong with it?
You just wrote the word "lies"
912 times.
-How long did you want it?
-(SCOFFS SOFTLY)
You know as well as I do
that we need to balance
our critiques with a respect
for the artists and their fans.
I'm so depressed.
They think you're working out
something personal,
and I do, too.
(SIGHS) It's this whole
trying-to-have-a-kid thing.
I feel like such a failure.
Look, I just think your head's
not in the right place.
-Bill, I need this job.
-Oh.
Hmm.
(INHALES) Okay. Okay.
Look. Um...
I'm gonna need to take you
off rock and roll reviews
for a while.
I think... (SIGHS)
Well, try a new area of music.
Something fresh.
Hey. What do you know
about world music?
AMY:
Mm.
Mm!
Do you remember
when I was sharing
that house up on Lafayette
with Nancy?
One day,
we were doing laundry
and she just picked up a load,
and she tossed it in,
and she didn't know
that her cat Pumpkin was in it.
When Pumpkin hit
the spin cycle,
it kinda sounded like this.
But, you know,
you can kinda get into it
if you picture a cat
caught in a washing machine.
(MEOWS) I'm a clean kitty.
(MEOWS) I'm a real clean kitty!
(MEOWS, GRUNTS)
Spin cycle! (MEOWS)
-(GROANS)
-(LAUGHS)
Oh! You is no fun!
(GRUNTS, SIGHS)
I am now a world music critic.
Mm-hmm.
World music critics
are no fun, Amy.
-Because world music is no fun.
-(SIGHS)
Covering rock and roll
is a cool job.
Covering world music
is a pity job.
I have been given a pity job
because I am no longer fit
to be with civilized people.
You're fit to be with me.
(SIGHS)
We fit.
-Hmm. A perfect fit.
-(AMY CHUCKLES)
I crazy love you.
I crazy love you, too.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Here you go, Deedee.
-Yeah?
-(WHISPERS)
-Oh, yeah.
-Thank you.
There you go.
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-I'll be right here, Deedee.
-DEEDEE: Oh, okay.
Thank you.
"A charming, rustic, fixerupper.
Perfect, family home."
(GASPS)
I need to know
that I have your absolute trust
in this, okay?
And you know that I would only
have our best intentions
at hand, okay?
Do you trust me?
I need to know
that I have your absolute trust
in this. Because if I don't...
Do you love me, Bob? 'Cause...
And how was your day, dear?
Angels are singing! (CHUCKLES)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
BOB:
This is the same house?
Oops! (GIGGLES)
(♪♪♪)
(SIGHS)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(GASPS, GROANS)
-(GASPS)
-(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
(GRUNTS)
What?
Okay, great.
Now, just center it.
Okay. A little to the right.
More to the right.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
Just, um,
a little back to the left.
Left. Okay. Now, down. Down.
I hate this piece.
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS, SCREAMS)
So, what do you want
for dinner?
I don't care.
-Chinese?
-No.
-Pizza?
-No.
So, what do you want
for dinner?
I don't care.
-BOB: Indian.
-(GASPS) Oh, yeah.
I love Indian.
Actually, I don't like Indian.
AMY:
I'm just saying,
now that we have room,
it might be nice
to have a little animal
hopping around the house.
Well, you sort of hop
when you walk.
If you worked on it,
we wouldn't need an animal.
Oh.
Maybe it would be good for you
to have a pet, you know?
Something to take your mind
off of yourself.
Justine has a rabbit.
(GASPS) It's a sign.
BOB:
And so, started the short
and tragic tale
of Binky the rabbit.
(BINKY CLUCKING)
AMY:
I was thinking that maybe
we could call him Binky.
Go, let him down
so he can go explore
his new house.
Oh. I have his cage all set up
and it's very simple.
Just food, and water, and--
Oh. There's a chance that maybe
we could litter box train him.
Justine did say that her bunny
bites electrical cords,
but I'm sure
that that's just hers.
-Ow!
-(GASPS)
He bit me!
Well, I'm sure
that'll pass, too.
-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
-(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
You should hold him
for a while.
He'll just bite me.
Well, maybe that's how
he shows affection.
You love me.
But you've never bitten me.
At least
you've never drawn blood.
-Does he love the lamps, too?
-(CLICKS TONGUE)
Are you sure
you don't wanna hold him?
(BINKY CLUCKING)
I'll pass.
(SIGHS)
-(BINKY CLUCKING)
-BOB: What?
You wanna get out?
Hmm? (SIGHS)
Hi.
Hi. Yeah, come on.
Hi, pal.
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
That's all right.
That's all right.
-Hi.
-(CLUCKS)
BOB:
Hi.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
(CHUCKLES)
(METAL CLANGING)
No, no! No, no, no, no!
Hey, come back! Come back!
Binky! Binky!
Binky! Binky!
Binky, where did you go?
(GRUNTS, PANTS)
Where did he go?
-(VENT CLANGING)
-Binky?
Binky?
Binky!
Okay. Okay.
Now, we get it. Okay.
Oh, I hear you.
I have your favorite snack.
My fingers.
(PANTS)
BOB:
Okay, okay.
-(SAW SCRAPING)
-BOB: Ah! Got ya! (GROANS)
Devil rabbit!
(BINKY CLUCKING)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
BOB:
Binky!
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
How's it going?
-It's not.
-Oh.
Do you think Binky's been
a little sulky lately?
Binky couldn't be sulkier to me
if he were made of marble.
Well, he's off his feed again.
-(SLURPS)
-I'm gonna take him to the vet.
(CAR APPROACHING)
What are you doing
just sitting...
-(SNIFFLES, SOBS)
-BOB: Oh, no.
Not Binky.
It's a good place.
I, uh... I always thought
of this as his bush.
Dear God...
please accept the soul
of Binky.
He was a good bunny,
and we loved him.
And he loved us...
as best he could.
Do you wanna say anything?
Uh, no.
No, that was good.
I hate to think of him
out there.
(SNIFFLES, SOBS SOFTLY)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(♪♪♪)
(BOB GRUNTS)
(PANTS)
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
Bob?
We really need to fix the porch.
BOB:
And that is how Rupert Murdoch
came into our lives.
RUPERT:
So, what were you thinking here?
Well, we were thinking
it might be nice
to fix up the porch
so we could use it.
BOB:
Yeah. Just, uh...
fix it up.
(SIGHS)
My father built his house
with his own two hands,
and nothing more
than a hammer and a hand saw.
Winter of '38.
Twenty degrees below.
Stayed in a tent
the whole time.
Didn't turn to somebody,
and say, "Fix it up."
A man built his own house.
Nothing but some beans
and a sturdy set of boots.
Those were men.
Yeah. I built a birdhouse.
Uh, fourth grade.
Just me in the basement.
Some popsicle sticks,
Elmer's glue.
Total lack of...
proper ventilation.
(SMACKS LIPS) It's a big job.
Could take a while.
It's just me and Gerard there.
My only son Gerard.
He has been
a large disappointment to me.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
The supports are all rotten.
Probably
will have to be replaced.
Maybe all of 'em.
(PORCH THUDDING)
I'm kinda surprised
the thing is standing
in the first place.
(SOBS)
-Is he all right?
-He's fine.
He's crying.
(SNIFFLES) I was just thinking
of the winner.
And how heroic...
this little porch just...
standing valiantly
against the elements.
And now... (SOBS) I'm sorry.
It's... (SOBS) Forgive me.
He's just been
under a lot of stress.
We're talking
around 4,000 dollars.
Bob!
-He says about 4,000.
-BOB: Okay. (SOBS)
AMY:
That'd be fine.
-So, when can you start?
-Gerard, demo!
(♪♪♪)
-A large disappointment.
-(GRUNTS)
♪ You never listen
to a single word I say ♪
♪ But if you heard me
you'd ignore me anyway ♪
(SOBS, SNIFFLES)
I feel so stupid.
Bob, I think
you should see someone.
Yeah, okay.
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
BOB:
Here.
(CELLPHONE DINGS)
Dr. Glaser will see you now.
Now?
Thanks, Robin!
Hi. Come on in.
So, which anxiety medication
would you like to try?
I've heard good things
about Zoloft.
Uh, but maybe that's just for--
Yeah. No.
Zoloft's an antianxiety
medication
with minimal side effects.
Okay. Um, what sort
of side effects, I guess,
-I should ask--
-The usual.
Diarrhea, drowsiness, dizziness.
-So--
-Dyspepsia, fatigue, insomnia.
Then I should probably--
Loose stools, nausea, tremor,
headaches, paresthesia,
anorexia, decreased libido,
delayed ejaculation,
diaphoresis,
ejaculation failure.
-Is--
-Xerostomia.
Uh...
How much would you like
to take?
Um, some. Not a lot.
Uh, just maybe some.
Sure. But the lowest
clinical dose is 25 milligrams.
We could start off
with 50 milligrams.
You're the doctor. No.
I just meant, um,
you're the doctor.
Right. Well, I have to ask you
a few questions.
Do you mind
if I use the computer?
-Okay.
-Thank you for allowing.
-(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
-Okay.
So, do... do people follow you?
Do you hear voices?
Do people plot against you?
Can I say sometimes?
DR. GLASER:
Yeah. Okay. Sure. To which?
-Uh, all of them.
-You hear voices?
Uh, well, no. Not really.
Oh. People follow you.
People plot against you.
Uh, no.
Then-- So, that would be a no.
-Yes.
-No.
Right.
What's your blood pressure?
I don't know.
I mean, is that just something
everyone's supposed to know?
-Yeah.
-Uh, what?
Like your social security
number?
-Security number.
-What?
Good! Really good.
It's good session.
Made a lot of progress today.
-Broke a few windows.
-Broke a few windows?
So, let's start you off
with 100 milligrams,
and see where that goes.
You're the doctor.
(GRUNTS)
(♪♪♪)
The filter was clogged as well.
AMY:
Oh.
That husband of yours
should've known that.
(AMY CHUCKLES)
Well, Bob is good
at other things.
Just home repair
is not his deal.
Hmm.
So, how long
have you been married, Rupert?
I'm a widower.
Oh. I'm so sorry.
Yeah. Lost my Maggie
when Gerard was born.
We knew it was dangerous.
Her having a baby so late
and all, but...
-we'd always wanted a child.
-Hmm.
We'd given up really.
We thought it was a gift
from God.
(CHUCKLES)
So, there. (GRUNTS)
It should be good.
Oh, how much do I owe you
for that?
RUPERT:
Nothin'.
Just tell that husband of yours
to learn something useful.
Oh, I talked to Joan.
How's Joan?
Well, you know how she lives
over by Richmond park?
She said that the pond
over there
was just freezing over,
and all of the free water
was getting smaller
and smaller,
and there were these ducks
who were there
in that spot all day.
Probably Canadian geese.
Oh, no. She said ducks.
They were domestic ducks,
and they couldn't fly.
Mm.
Someone should go over there
and rescue them.
I mean, ugh,
that would be a pretty
darn wonderful thing to do.
-Ducks live outside.
-AMY: So?
So, I'm just saying, you know,
they probably know to...
you know, move.
Not get their little wet feet
frozen.
That is not the point.
Oh. No, no.
That is not the point at all.
Okay.
The point is...
to just put yourself out there.
And... and take something
like that on,
I mean, that is just...
-Pretty wonderful.
-Pretty darn wonderful.
(SIGHS) Amy.
By morning, that pond
with be frozen over.
And they could get stuck,
and go without food, and starve.
It is not your job to take care
of every animal on the planet.
It's an hour's drive.
And it's the middle
of the night.
And...
no one but a complete lunatic,
a complete crazy person
would get out of their warm,
safe bed,
and drive halfway across town
to dive
into freezing cold water,
certain hypothermia
for the sake
of a couple of lost ducks!
(CHUCKLES DRILY)
-(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
-(DUCKS QUACK)
That was heroic, Bob.
I mean, I just wanna say...
heroic.
Not many men
would have the courage
to go back that fourth time
after breaking through the ice.
-Start the car.
-Losing your shoes.
(SHUDDERS) Start the car, Amy.
Oh, they seem so happy.
-I'll start the car.
-(KEYS JANGLE)
-(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-(DUCKS QUACKING)
I used to think I'd live
and die right here.
But the older I get,
I never used to mind the cold.
But now,
when the cold weather starts,
I just can't get warm enough.
Well, when you get older,
your metabolism slows down.
So, it makes it harder
for your body
to generate body heat.
-The brains on you.
-(AMY CHUCKLES)
You should have been
a doctor, Amy.
You really know your stuff.
(CHUCKLES) Look at this.
You can hardly see
a sliver of light
when the door is closed.
Hmm. I keep thinking
Florida is the place for me.
Are you sure you would really
like that, Rupert?
I mean, wouldn't you miss
the change of seasons?
Uh, where does this kind of
wood come from, Rupert?
I don't know, Bob.
I think it's from a tree.
Oh, did I show you
where we were gonna plant
-the marigolds?
-Hmm.
There.
It's just over here to the left.
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
Welcome to my life.
Sucking up to my dad
is like a dead-end, man.
-Do you smoke?
-Oh, no, thanks. I'm cool.
Just try it.
Wouldn't need those pills.
Sorry. I hear my dad
talking to your wife.
Are you fully crazy
or just mildly zonked?
Somewhere in between.
GERARD:
Aren't we all?
Yeah. Rupert hates when people
try to suck up to him.
Funny thing is I used to see
him doing it to Grandpa
before he died.
Rupert used to try to suck up
to Grandpa
just to try
to get his approval.
I mean, the old man
was so pissed
he quit medical school
to marry my mom
and ended up
another loser handyman.
(SIGHS) I guess he wanted him
to be a doctor or something.
Probably to suck up
to his own dad
who probably hated him, too.
I got the cycle beat, though,
hopefully.
I'm just never gonna have kids.
Never.
And I don't care about anyone...
except Shirlee.
GERARD:
Shirlee moved here
from, I think
it was Kansas,
or New Jersey, or someplace.
Her dad had a job there,
and he lost it on account
of, well,
after Shirlee's mom split.
He had, like,
a nervous breakdown.
He would sometimes just yell.
(SHIRLEE'S DAD SCREAMING)
I don't know
where the remote is, Dad.
You had it last!
GERARD:
When I first knew Shirlee,
through all of tenth grade,
I thought she was real stuck up.
But then we started talking,
and I could see
she was kinda nice.
(♪♪♪)
(SMOOCHES)
GERARD:
I can honestly say,
Shirlee is the only person
I've ever really loved.
-You wanna do it?
-I don't have a condom.
SHIRLEE:
Wait a minute.
In 1933, Ralph Wiley,
a Dow Chemical lab worker,
accidentally discovered
polyvinylidene chloride.
He called the substance eonite,
after an indestructible material
in the comic strip
"Little Orphan Annie."
It was approved
for food packaging
and for paperboard coating
in contact with fatty...
-(POSTER RUSTLES)
-...and aqueous foods.
(CLING FILM SCREECHES)
You sure this'll work?
Duh.
It's polyvinylidene chloride.
GERARD:
Shirlee's real smart.
(GIGGLES)
Dr. Rikk'll see you now.
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
I'm seeing Dr. Glaser.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(SIGHS)
(BABBLES)
Dr. Glaser left me your file.
You signed a consent form,
if you remember--
No, it's fine.
(FILE RUSTLES)
Oh.
-Ugh. Ooh.
-Uh...
Ah.
Cool.
So, I'm totally up to speed.
Here, I can see
how it would throw you.
-Change in therapist.
-Uh, no. It's okay, I guess.
-It wasn't.
-No. Not okay. Just is.
So, how's the Zoloft thing
working for you?
Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
-Well, Dr. Rikk--
-Uh, Rikk.
You can call me Rikk.
It's my first name.
Everybody just calls me Rikk.
I'm not big on the doctor thing.
Does the guitar bother you?
You're not gonna sing, are you?
I find it helps my,
I say talkers.
I don't like the word patient.
It's too medical.
♪ We're all just talkers
And listeners ♪
♪ I'm just a big ear
that's what I am ♪
♪ I'm just a big ear, and you? ♪
I'm a big mouth?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, cool.
How's this week been going?
-Uh, I have these sad moments.
-Aw.
Well, I've always had them,
but, uh, worse since Binky died.
-Binky?
-He was a rabbit.
-A real rabbit?
-Yes.
That's okay.
BOB:
Amy thought
it would be good for me.
-What's Amy?
-A wife.
My wife.
That's okay.
Well, the thing is
I felt no affection from him.
-He seemed to disapprove of me.
-Binky?
Yeah. Uh, but now, and I know
this is crazy, but--
No, no, no, no.
Nothing's crazy in here.
I feel
this tremendous sense of...
-Relief?
-Loss.
-For Binky?
-Yes.
-A rabbit?
-Yes!
-Who disapproved of you?
-Yes!
And he used to bite me?
Can we stop the guitar?
And there it is.
I think we should talk
about upping
your Zoloft a little.
Anyway, Rupert just hates
this girl. This Shirlee.
And I guess Gerard
has decided now
not to go to college,
and Rupe thinks
it's because of this girl.
And, you know, I suppose it is.
I mean, it always is.
And I guess Rupe is making him
pay him back for the car.
But now, Gerard's grades
are just going
-straight downhill.
-Do you find...
do you find it really hard
to listen to other people
complain about their kids?
I mean, isn't it hard
when someone has a kid...
and they complain?
Why don't we go talk
to the adoption people?
(SIGHS)
I mean, why not, Bob?
Amy, I just don't see
how I could love
someone else's kid.
It wouldn't be someone
else's kid. It would be ours.
(SIGHS) I...
You know, it's just--
Look, I know, okay?
I know. It's me. It's me. But...
I just worry that
after a while, in my head...
the kid would just be
a reminder that we failed.
Is that how you see us?
As a failure?
Because we can't have children?
I mean, we are on this planet
to do one thing,
and one thing only.
I mean, do you ever...
do you ever really think
about that?
Oh, I think about it a lot.
Like, what we are is this mass
of genetic material.
And what our job is
is to get at least some
of that material
into the next generation.
But not ours, Amy.
Not ours.
They guy at the bake shop,
and Rupert, and the fat ladies
in the potato chip aisle
at Walmart,
they get into the next round.
But not us.
We are a genetic dead-end.
And when we die,
there will be one huge,
disinterested cosmic
"Oh, well."
Because we failed.
And we should just accept that.
(SIGHS)
(DUCKS QUACKING)
AMY:
At that moment,
I had a revelation.
There was just too much space
in the duck pen.
It just cried for more.
I think we need more ducks.
(♪♪♪)
And then the duck and chicken
market mysteriously dried up.
(♪♪♪)
(TURKEYS GOBBLING)
BOB:
So, Amy discovered turkeys.
(BLOWS KISSES) Hey, guys.
(BLOWS KISSES)
Hi. (GIGGLES)
-Hi.
-(TWEETS)
Look. Do you wanna pet?
Say, hi!
BOB:
I was losing myself.
(GRUNTS)
Tomorrow, no water.
Dr. Iwuchukwu will see you now.
Doctor...
(SIGHS SOFTLY)
Thank you.
Well, Dr. Rikk
is taking some time
to write his book.
Good luck with that.
And I inherited his caseload.
I hope that's...
Fine. I'm--
IWUCHUKWU:
He left copious notes.
Unfortunately,
I can't read his handwriting.
(SCOFFS)
So, what's new
since your last visit?
Uh, four ducks, seven geese,
and three turkeys.
Is that some sort of a joke?
No. I'm--
Because I am not here
for jokes.
I don't respond to jokes.
This is serious business.
Yes. Yeah. I know that.
It's not just every Tom,
Dick, and Larry
that walks through these doors.
-BOB: Harry.
-Excuse me?
Tom, Dick and Harry.
You said, um...
you said Larry, but it's Harry.
But it could be Larry.
Who's to say?
-Is that what you think, Harry?
-Bob.
You think we just let anyone
walk in here?
Well...
I assure you, they do not.
-If there is no trust...
-There is!
-(SPUTTERS)
-There is trust.
If there is no trust,
I am wasting my time.
-I have better things to do.
-I have trust.
Look. I am trusting.
This is me trusting.
-Tell me, Larry.
-Harry. Bob.
Whatever.
Do you know the river people
of the lower Amazon?
Me? Uh... no.
IWUCHUKWU:
You have so much
to learn, Larry.
So much to learn.
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
(♪♪♪)
SHIRLEE:
All I wanted to do with my life
was to sit in the sun
long enough to melt
on a molecular level
into the golden spectrum
of light itself.
♪ I had a dream
I got everything I wanted ♪
SHIRLEE:
If I couldn't do that,
I wanted to manage Dairy Queen.
But none of that
was gonna happen now.
♪ And if I'm being honest
it might have been a nightmare ♪
♪ To anyone who might care ♪
♪ Thought I could fly ♪
♪ So, I stepped off
the Golden
♪ Mm ♪
♪ Nobody cried ♪
♪ Nobody even noticed ♪
♪ I saw them standing
right there ♪
-(DUCKS QUACKING)
-(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
What's this?
Oh, Phoebe, you idiot!
-(LOCK CLICKING)
-(GRUNTS)
Phoebe!
♪ And you say ♪
♪ "As long as I'm here ♪
BOB:
Phoebe!
♪ No one can hurt you" ♪
BOB:
Phoebe!
Where are you? Stupid duck.
♪ If I could change the way
that you see yourself ♪
♪ You wouldn't wonder
why you hear ♪
♪ "They don't deserve you" ♪
Binky?
♪ I tried to scream ♪
♪ But my head was underwater ♪
Binky?
♪ They called me weak ♪
Today, Phoebe got out.
And she was down by the river.
And when I went to catch her,
a pink origami rabbit
in a yellow boat
floated up to me.
And then turned into Binky.
I think it was a metaphor.
And then what happened
was that Rupert and Gerard
finished the porch.
To celebrate,
we asked Rupert and Gerard
to come for dinner.
And Gerard asked
if he could bring
his girlfriend Shirlee.
And we said, "Of course."
SHIRLEE:
Gerard was really cool
about me being pregnant.
And he said he'd do
whatever I wanted, you know?
(GRUNTS)
SHIRLEE:
Get married or whatever.
Only I didn't know
what I wanted.
And well, so, we thought
it might be time
for some parental involvement.
(SIGHS)
SHIRLEE:
And since my dad is, well...
We decided we'd tell
Gerard's dad first.
And we thought it would be good
to tell him
when we went to Bob and Amy's
for dinner
because, you know,
Bob and Amy are totally cool.
And maybe in front of people,
Gerard's dad wouldn't freak out.
'Cause, you know,
he hates me anyway.
(TIMER TICKING)
SHIRLEE:
So, I made the special
brownie cookies
-with the M&Ms and raisins.
-(TIMER DINGS)
I made the special
brownie cookies
with the M&Ms and raisins.
Bless you!
(♪♪♪)
GERARD:
This is so totally cool.
I can't believe you have this.
Yeah. It's not as raw
as their first album,
but, uh, it still maintains
the integrity, you know?
Where did you buy it?
Oh, you can't buy it.
Um, it's an advance.
The record company sent it.
You want it?
-You're kidding, right?
-No. Here.
-GERARD: Are you sure?
-BOB: Of course.
Take it.
Dude.
-Here.
-Thanks.
Enjoy it.
How do you get to do this?
Like, write about music
and get paid and stuff.
(SMACKS LIPS)
Well, I was always passionate
about music.
I was a lot like you.
Then I went to college.
Um, started writing
for the school paper.
Started selling some stuff,
and it just sorta happened.
You could do it.
Well, I mean,
I was actually gonna--
I don't know.
I mean, I'm probably
just gonna help out my dad.
There's a whole world
out there, man.
Yeah, I know.
Let's see.
What else we got, huh?
I just wanted this feeling
of creating a harmony buffer
between the outside
and the inside.
Like this place
that sort of cleanses you
as you move between one
and the other.
Do you feel that?
What's for dinner?
Mac and cheese.
(DOOR OPENING)
(SNIFFS)
The most important piece
of molding in any house
is the piece
just opposite the toilet.
Let's eat.
These cookies
are really good, Shirlee.
SHIRLEE:
Thank you.
(CLEARS THROAT)
They have this kind of...
-woody, nutty flavor.
-Hmm.
-I'll have another.
-(CHUCKLES)
-Rupert?
-Well, okay.
(CHUCKLES)
-Me three. (GIGGLES)
-(SNIFFS)
None for me. Thanks.
-BOB: Is it mahogany?
-Hmm.
Or like an oak?
-There it is. That wood.
-SHIRLEE: Mm-hmm.
BOB:
I didn't know wood had a smell.
RUPERT:
Tastes... leafy to me.
-Ooh!
-Mm-hmm.
-More iced tea there?
-GERARD: Oh, yes, please.
Ooh! I'll get that for you.
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
Hmm!
It is such a beautiful day.
I mean,
really, really beautiful.
I've been unfair to you, Bob.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Oh! Just the... the air.
And the leaves,
and the... the dirt, you know?
It's just--
this dirt is just...
just really beautiful.
I've been dismissive of you.
I never really expanded
the way that I wanted to.
And... (SIGHS)
I was stuck here
for so many years.
And the truth is that I...
was sort of envious of you
for doing something exciting
and creative.
GERARD:
I can't believe you did this.
SHIRLEE:
I thought it was a good idea.
Does being pregnant
make you stupid?
That's not fair.
It's the stuff Judy brought
back from Maoi.
-Oh, wow.
-Yeah, right.
-Did you save me some?
-Yeah. I put some in the fridge.
You threatened me.
And so, I looked
for opportunities
to put you down.
And it's just
not a very nice thing to do.
This... this tree, you know?
This tree is just... just wow!
-(DOOR OPENING)
-(GIGGLES)
Does anybody
want any potato chips?
RUPERT:
Oh, God, yes! God, yes!
-(MOANS)
-(CHUCKLES) Hmm!
-(CHUCKLES)
-(MOANS)
-Mm.
-GERARD: Okay.
Uh, first of all,
don't freak out.
But Shirlee put weed
in the cookies.
-Oh.
-Hmm.
It probably wasn't appropriate.
Sorry.
And also, she's pregnant.
Oh.
I knew it.
Of all the stupid, silly...
Now, you've done it!
Didn't anyone ever tell you
about protection?
-We had protection.
-Saran Wrap.
You've ruined your life.
You could've been something.
-Yeah, like you?
-Yeah. Like me. Look at me.
So, what?
You regret everything?
You regret Mom? You regret me?
-No.
-No?
Well, I find that pretty hard
to believe considering
that's how you've treated me
my whole life.
I gave up everything for you,
and not so you could ruin
your life with some tramp!
-Don't you call her that!
-Tramp!
-(FOOTSTEPS RECEDES)
-(DOOR OPENING)
-I wish I was never born!
-Never say that!
Oh, no! Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Saran wrap?
(SHIRLEE PANTS)
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
You must think I'm horrible.
I don't think you're horrible.
I put weed in the cookies
because that's how I make them.
And I just thought
it would make everyone happy.
And I don't want...
I don't wanna have this baby.
And I don't wanna ruin
Gerard's life,
or piss off his dad, or...
-(SNIFFLES)
-I know.
-You do?
-Mm-hmm.
I know I should
just get rid of it.
I just can't.
I... I know I couldn't.
Like, I would never...
I'm just not ready to be a mom,
you know? Not yet.
(SOBS SOFTLY)
I'm such a terrible person.
No. No, no.
I don't think
that you're terrible.
-(SHIRLEE SNIFFLES)
-Hey.
You just made a mistake.
Well, I'm probably
going to hell
because God
does not like mistakes.
Well, if that were true,
why would he let us
make so many of them?
It is my humble opinion
that God just butt over
tea kettle loves mistakes.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
That was really a great thing
to say to me.
I felt terrible.
You made me feel good.
(SOBS, SNIFFLES)
(♪♪♪)
(SIGHS)
-Gerard gonna be okay?
-Yeah.
He'll wander around for a while.
Make his way back to the house.
(SIGHS)
He was right, you know?
-About what?
-I did resent him.
I resented him
for his mom dying.
Just like I resented her
for me not finishing college.
Just like I resented my dad
'cause he didn't want me
to marry Maggie.
Just like he resented me
for doing exactly
what he never wanted me to do,
which was exactly
what he had done.
It's a cycle.
Generation after generation.
Running as fast as we can
in the wrong direction.
-You okay to drive?
-Oh, yeah.
Pretty good weed
in those cookies, though, huh?
I spent three years
in Ann Arbor.
If you learn anything,
it's quality weed.
(BOTH BREATHES HEAVILY)
(CAR ENGINE RUMBLES)
-What?
-Okay. This was totally my idea.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
What do you think this is, Amy,
huh? A puppy?
No. I do not think
this is a puppy, Bob.
I mean, God!
She comes to someone's house
for the first time
for a nice meal,
she puts dope in the cookies.
-Who knows what she's on?
-Don't overreact!
It was just a little pot.
Oh, yeah.
That's where it starts.
And then what's next, hmm?
Cocaine? Heroin? Crystal meth?
-AMY: Bob.
-A drug-addicted mom.
All right. Just stop it.
This is a young girl.
This is a sweet, young girl
who made a mistake.
And is scared.
And needs our help.
-We don't even know her!
-It's a baby, Bob!
God put this baby
on our doorstep.
-This is a gift from God, Bob!
-You know, wait.
Why don't you two wait
until she has the baby, okay?
'Cause then she can put it
in a little reed boat
and float it up to you.
And you can find it
in the rushes.
Now, there!
There is a gift from God!
This is why
you are so miserable!
You just sit, and you worry
about all of the bad things
that could possibly happen.
And you just let your whole
life pass you by.
You are so afraid of everything
that you cannot see
when something wonderful,
I mean, something
just so wonderful is just here.
And no amount of Zoloft
is gonna help!
Look. Before we got married,
I told you I didn't want kids.
And I went along
with the pregnancy thing.
And you know what?
It didn't work out.
And we both would've been
better off
if we'd just never opened
that door in the first place.
So, now, that's it.
This whole baby thing is over.
She needs a ride home.
Doesn't she have someone
she could call--
Bob, she needs a ride home,
Bob!
You drive her, Bob!
You go, get in the car,
and you drive her home, Bob!
Okay.
(DOOR OPENING)
-(SCREAMS)
-(DOOR CLOSING)
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
Okay, here.
I'll wait till you get in.
Have you ever read
"The Red Queen:
Sex and The Evolution
Of Human Nature by Matt
Ridley?"
-Uh, no.
-Oh.
Well, you know,
running as fast as you can
to stay in the same place.
Okay, whatever.
Um, the thing is,
well, everyone has two parents,
four grandparents,
eight great-grandparents,
16 great-great-grandparents,
and so on. Whatever.
And if you follow that back
just 30 generations,
which puts us at about AD 1066,
which is right around the time
of William the Conqueror
and King Harold. Very cool.
In that same generation,
you had a billion
direct ancestors.
I mean, a billion people
carrying your genetic material!
(SCOFFS) How cool is that?
And even cooler, in AD 1066,
there wasn't even
a billion people
on the planet yet.
You got it?
Uh, no.
Just... just think about that.
The human gene pool
isn't a pool at all.
It's like...
it's like a teaspoon.
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
-(SHIRLEE'S DAD SCREAMING)
(GROANS)
Yes, it's me, Dad! God!
-I... I gotta go.
-Yeah.
SHIRLEE:
Thanks for the ride.
(SIGHS)
(DUCKS QUACKING)
(♪♪♪)
AMY:
The next morning,
when I woke up,
the whole world felt different.
I felt as if I had let
another baby slip away.
I was destroyed.
I knew, in my heart,
that my only hope
of ever being happy again
would lie in my ability
to forgive myself.
To not blame myself.
And so, I tried my best
to blame Bob.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
AMY:
The world
just doesn't make sense
if every problem
doesn't have a solution.
Bob could not accept a child
that was not our own.
But we needed a baby.
So, I just had to get
the message to my body.
I just hadn't made my case yet.
I had to write this message
in big, capital letters,
tie it to a rock, and...
Can anyone tell me
the definition
of the word fruit?
Amy.
"The word fruit can mean
the consequence
of some effort or action.
Such as, 'Wretched Bob
lived long enough
to suffer the fruit
of his madness.'
But in botany,
a fruit is the ripened ovary,
together with its seeds,
of a flowering plant.
(PAPER RUSTLING)
Ovary and seed.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
♪ One, two, three, go! ♪
(♪♪♪)
AMY:
I focused all my energy
on the first bite.
That first taste of syrupy,
slurpie, sweet-scented, lush.
There was no me,
no Bob, no baby,
in a crystalline rush
of inexplicable profundity
there was only ovulation,
and fertilization, and life,
and ovulation,
and fertilization, and life,
and ovulation,
and fertilization, and life.
I went in and out of myself,
and it filled me
with a sense of direction
I had never experienced!
With every fertile bite,
I was screaming at my body.
Get... the message! (GRUNTS)
(MUMBLES)
♪ All this darkness
been going on too long ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ All this time,
I thought you were a leader ♪
♪ It turns out
you only a deleter ♪
More fruit!
(SCREAMS)
♪ It's the future
and I'm braindead ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm destitute ♪
♪ Yeah,
I feel no roots anymore ♪
♪ Take another picture ♪
♪ Show 'em what you're doing ♪
♪ All this time
we're burning with the fever ♪
♪ It turn out
I've always been a healer ♪
♪ No, no, no, no ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
Fed the ducks.
Okay.
And the turkeys.
Good for you.
So, are you gonna do
just nothing now?
I am doing something.
I'm doing a lot.
I am a flurry of activity.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
It's just that you look like
you were just eating fruit.
It's important, Bob.
BOB:
Oh, okay.
(♪♪♪)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Dr. Sanders will see you now.
BOB:
How do you keep
these names straight?
It's a gift.
So, for days,
she's done nothing
but sit on the porch,
eating fruit.
Like, massive amounts of fruit.
Like a small
South American country.
(SIGHS) I don't know.
I know I'm just being selfish,
you know?
It would be so perfect.
These poor kids,
they don't know what to do.
(SIGHS)
I just-- I cannot get this idea
out of my head.
I just...
I mean, I can barely
take care of myself.
I'm just so sad all the time.
And the world
just seems so dark.
And I just do not want any part
of bringing another life
into th-- and I know
that we're not bringing
the life,
but it is... it is all I can do
to function.
I don't know.
(SIGHS) Maybe we should just up
my Zoloft again.
What do you think, Doctor...
(SIGHS) What was it? Sanders?
Is that right? Dr. Sanders?
-(ROPE CREAKING)
-Should we-- Jesus!
Get off. (GRUNTS) Breathe!
(GRUNTS) I don't want to die!
Then this was not a good thing
to do! Help!
-(HUMMING)
-BOB: Help! Somebody!
-(GRUNTS) Let me go.
-Can you get the rope off?
I can't.
I tied it too tight!
-I'm worthless.
-No! No, you're not!
SANDERS:
What am I good for?
Well, for instance,
you're a good knot-tier.
-Don't let me go!
-I won't! (PANTS)
My therapist tried
to hang himself.
-AMY: When?
-During my session.
What do you mean
during your session?
Well, I was talking,
and I looked up,
and there he was,
hanging from the ceiling.
-You mean, like, by the neck?
-Well, yes, of course.
AMY:
What did you do?
Well, I got him-- (GROANS)
I got him up on my shoulders,
and I yelled, "Help, help!"
But there was no one there,
and he weighed a ton,
and my neck's all screwed up.
Is he okay?
I don't know.
They took him to the hospital.
When the paramedics got there,
he became hysterical,
and they had to take him out
in restraints.
Next week, you should tell them
that you want someone else.
He was the best one.
You're kidding.
Oh, no.
Something happened to me.
I had to hold Dr. Sanders up
for a whole hour.
I mean, he was so heavy,
and I was afraid
that if I let him go...
-I don't wanna die.
-I got you. (GRUNTS)
I'm sorry.
This is really unprofessional.
No. No, it's good. (PANTS)
I wasn't thinking about myself,
or you, or writing,
or the world.
I was just thinking
about his fat legs
on my shoulders.
And keeping my legs locked.
And not letting him go.
Just holding him up, you know?
And just caring for this guy
in this very simple way.
It made me... happy.
(SCREAMS) Oh, my God!
I am not paying
for this session!
Amy?
Please do not say anything
crazy right now.
I feel like... (BREATHES DEEPLY)
I feel like something big
has been fixed inside of me.
I am seeing everything
so different.
(CHUCKLES)
'It's...'it's like I feel
this sense of optimism,
and hope, and great promise,
and... and all of that is rooted
in my connection with you.
And I wanna share that!
Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy.
You were right.
I wanna call Shirlee,
and adopt this baby,
and raise it in love
and nurturing.
And to believe
in all that is possible
in this wonderful world...
with you, together.
(CHUCKLES)
-Ow.
-Who are you?
(♪♪♪)
(SCREAMS, BREATHES HEAVILY)
(DUCKS QUACKING)
♪ Why should I feel
discouraged? ♪
♪ And why should the shadows
come? ♪
♪ And why should my heart
feel lonely ♪
♪ And long for heav'n
and home? ♪
♪ When Jesus is my portion
♪ My constant friend is He ♪
(SCREAMS)
♪ His eye is on the sparrow ♪
♪ And I know He watches ♪
♪ over me ♪
(SMACKS LIPS)
I think
we should be very careful
-as we think about this.
-Freaky deekey.
We would wanna pay
for all medical bills,
of course.
Um, any expense, right, Amy?
Right?
Amy, maybe someone else
would like fruit.
There are crackers.
They can eat crackers.
I just don't understand...
after the baby comes...
who are we?
-What are we...
-To the baby.
Well, I think that would be up
to Bob and Amy.
I mean,
they're the baby's parents.
Right?
Well, I've been reading
about open adoption--
Oh, man!
(LAUGHS)
Which is what this is.
And it sounds very healthy
to me.
Very honest. No secrets.
The baby will always know
who Gerard and Shirlee are.
Hmm.
BOB:
And, of course, you, Rupert.
Me what?
It'll know who you are.
Oh. Well, that's a damn sight
more than I know right now.
Can you just be positive
about this? Just for once.
This is a good thing.
I think this is a good thing.
A good thing? Okay.
I don't understand
this is your blood, your child.
How do you just give it away?
It's not just blood.
It's a spirit.
(GROANS)
Like all of us sitting here.
It's a spirit.
Spare us your views on life,
Shirlee.
You're just a kid.
What do you know?
I am a kid. I know that.
And we did a stupid thing.
Kids do stupid things.
But just because we made
one mistake
doesn't mean
we have to make another.
And just don't think
that this is easy for me.
That I don't...
love this baby.
It's easy to hang
onto a child that you love.
(SOBS)
Loving a child so much
that you're willing
to let it go,
that isn't so easy.
And now, I have to pee.
Sorry.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
BOB:
I really got into the whole
idea of the baby.
I don't know how to describe it.
There were days
when I just forgot
to take my medication.
I became, in some strange way,
naturally high.
It seemed like all the events
of my life
were leading to this moment.
I had a purpose.
A simple, clear purpose.
And I was filled with joy.
Even though Shirlee
was only in her first trimester,
and I wasn't
the biological father...
I started
having sympathy pains.
Ooh. (GROANS)
That was a big one.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
I found this really
fascinating website.
Did you know it's possible
for adoptive mothers to nurse?
AMY:
Please stop now.
Not only possible,
but really healthy
for both baby and mommy.
I guess the critical thing
is for mommy to learn
the proper way to latch baby
on the breast.
Duct tape.
Frequent and effective
breast stimulation,
and a secure, deep latch-on
helps mommy make more milk.
AMY:
Hmm.
Well, if daddy knows
so much about it,
why doesn't daddy just do it?
Where is the blush
of expectant motherhood?
I just don't get it, Amy.
What is bothering you?
I found six packages of diapers
underneath the bed.
Six! Are, you, uh...
you're buying diapers now?
(DIAPERS RUSTLE)
It is never too early
to be prepared.
Oh, my God. I just--
You know what, Bob?
I cannot keep up.
I mean, you go straight
from catatonic
to Martha freaking Stewart.
Do not pass, go.
Do not collect 200 dollars.
God. They are so cute.
Their tiny little butts in this.
How cute is that?
It is a receptacle for shit,
Bob.
No matter how many little ducks
and little fishes
you put on the outside,
that will eventually
be just a bag of shit!
(SIGHS)
Now, what is this?
I mean, this isn't you.
You have never--
No, no, no.
-Do not touch that.
-All right, enough.
-No, no, no. Don't.
-BOB: No. Amy, Amy--
No, no, no! No! Let go!
Get your hands--
-Amy. Amy, stop.
-No, let go!
-BOB: Amy. Amy, stop it!
-Let go! (GRUNTS)
-No!
-BOB: Please.
-No, no, no, no! (SOBS)
-Amy, Amy.
-Stop!
-Amy!
-Please stop!
-Amy, Amy, Amy!
-Stop!
-Amy!
Hey! Hey! Hey! It's okay!
-No!
-No, no, no. It's okay.
No, but it was a biological
function! It was!
No. It was something
that was just supposed
to happen!
(SOBS)
I mean, what was all of that?
All of those teachers,
and parents,
and nuns warning us
about getting pregnant.
About having sex
because we would just
get pregnant, like boom!
You know, like a guy
just looks at you,
and then you just, like,
get pregnant.
And that's how it happens.
All of that worrying,
and the pill,
and the diaphragm,
and the rubbers,
I mean, what was that all for?
(BREATHES HEAVILY) Lies!
I have been living
in this body my entire life,
and it has all been one big lie!
I mean, I went to college.
I am a nurse, dammit!
I went to medical school,
and I voted
in every single election,
and I've flossed very regularly.
And that little bitch,
first time out of the gate
and she gets a baby!
She gets a baby!
Where's my baby?
(SOBS)
Where is my baby?
It was just something
that was supposed to happen.
You didn't do anything wrong.
Amy, we didn't.
Amy...
I know.
I didn't think...
I didn't think
I could take care of a baby.
You know,
I thought I was weak.
But I'm not. I'm strong.
And I didn't think I could love
someone else's baby.
But you know what, Amy?
There's no such thing.
No. It doesn't make any sense.
BOB:
There's no such thing
as someone else's baby.
It doesn't make sense.
Yes, it does. No. Listen me.
It does make sense.
Because you had two parents,
and four grandparents,
and eight great-grandparents.
And just 1,000 years ago,
there weren't even
a billion people on the planet.
-It's too late.
-No, no.
Our children
are Shirlee's children,
and Gerard's children,
and Justine's, and Bill's,
and the guy who sold us Binky,
and the woman
who sold us the turkeys.
Our children are theirs
and their children are ours
because...
because it isn't about blood,
or genes, or DNA, Amy.
That is what we are.
What we are, Amy.
It isn't what we are
that needs to go on.
It's what we are to each other.
That is the chain.
What you are to me...
and what I am to you...
and what we are to our children,
and our children's children,
and their children.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
This is our baby.
This is our baby.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY, SNIFFLES)
(BOTH SIGH)
SHIRLEE:
Each day was filled
with this new sense of promise.
I was so excited
that Bob and Amy
were gonna take the baby.
I knew
it would be the best thing
for all of us.
And Bob and Amy seemed like
they would be such
terrific parents.
In fact, they were just
the kind of parents
I wish I would've had.
You know, the kind
that would take you to soccer,
and make sure
you did your home work,
and brushed your teeth, and...
JERRY:
Excuse me. Do you know
where I can pick up the highway?
I'm trying
to get to Springfield.
Just down the road
about a quarter mile.
You make a left.
You can't miss it.
Thanks.
-Do you live in Springfield?
-Yeah. I was just in Chicago.
Such a cool town.
Yeah. I didn't see much of it.
I was there
for a training seminar for work.
Cool.
My dad has a Dairy Queen.
I'm going to be the manager.
SHIRLEE:
Dear Gerard, I'm really sorry
to do this in a note,
but so much has happened,
and I'm so freaked out.
First, let me say
I really love you,
and I always will.
But I met this guy
a few weeks ago,
and we've been texting,
and he asked me to marry him.
His name is Jerry,
and he's cool about the baby.
He's got a good job.
And I know
you'd really love him.
I thought about it a lot.
And I think
this is the right thing to do.
Sorry.
I didn't know it was for you.
SHIRLEE:
Please be happy for me.
Love, Shirlee.
PS,
if you're ever in Springfield,
come to the Dairy Queen.
I can get you
all the free stuff.
Jerry and I did get married,
and we were very happy.
When the baby was born,
we named him Austin,
after Jerry's Dad.
Jerry and I did great.
We made an unstoppable team.
Throughout it all,
Austin was our prize.
He went to medical school,
and graduated top of his class,
and became
a highly respected surgeon.
There are lots of times
when I think about how different
Austin's life might have been.
(SCOFFS GENTLY)
SHIRLEE:
Funny how things work out.
Well...
let's get some dinner.
(CLOTH THUDS SOFTLY)
GERARD:
I did see Shirlee
one other time.
(♪♪♪)
(SIGHS)
GERARD:
I figured it was him.
The baby, I mean.
He looked real cute.
I couldn't tell
if he looked like me or not.
But it didn't really matter.
I just didn't want Shirlee
to see me.
I didn't really wanna meet
the kid either.
All I wanted then was to just
get out of this place.
The next fall,
I entered music school.
Dad and I barely said goodbye
when I left.
It would've been nice to patch
things up between us.
I always planned to try.
But he died suddenly
during my junior year.
I guess not every story
ends good.
Still, even years later,
most of the stuff he built
is still around.
In fact, I've been told
that the real estate people
use it as a selling point.
They tell people,
"And it has a Rupert Murdoch
porch!"
I guess that makes it
worth more.
I became
a high school band director,
and there I stayed.
I did get married once,
but it didn't last long,
and I never tried it again.
I never had kids of my own.
My students were my kids.
And I tried to give
each one of them
a little piece of me
to carry on.
I think some of them did.
I hope so.
Like my Dad,
I had a massive heart attack
-when I was the same age.
-(EKG MACHINE BEEPING)
GERARD:
Fifty-nine.
The doctors worked hard
to try and save me,
but it was no use.
NURSE:
He's gone, Doctor.
You have to call it.
AUSTIN:
Okay, calling it.
Time of death, 4:53.
Damn it!
You can't save them all, Austin.
-Did we get this guy's name?
-NURSE: Gerard Murdoch.
No family.
Well, Mister Murdoch,
I'm sorry. God speed.
-Thank you, nurse.
-NURSE: You're welcome, Doctor.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
GERARD:
I guess
she met this other guy.
He's got a good job.
-She wrote a letter.
-(PAGE RUSTLING)
-BOB: For us?
-Just the last part.
"Another PS,
tell Bob and Amy sorry.
I hope they're not too bummed."
Thank you.
(SIGHS)
Well, I guess I'll go now.
Bye, Amy.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
(♪♪♪)
♪ Alone, one man ♪
♪ One man can change the mind
of a woman if he tries ♪
♪ He might use truth,
he might use lies ♪
♪ Alone, one woman ♪
♪ One woman, all alone
she can change a man ♪
♪ She'll do all that she can ♪
♪ Trying hard to figure out
what's already been done ♪
♪ Before he was her husband ♪
♪ He was just
some poor woman's son ♪
♪ And she's not suggesting
someone else might be to blame ♪
♪ Just men and women equal
but we're not the same ♪
(♪♪♪)
Oh, Bob.
(CHUCKLES)
I never really loved...
another person.
Another whole person.
I never felt, uh...
Oh, God, Amy.
I just love you so much.
Then just stop now.
Don't say "but."
But...
Man...
I can't, uh...
I can't stay here with you
for a while.
I just can't be with you,
and it really, really hurts.
Well, if it really,
really hurts...
don't go.
(SIGHS)
It'll really, really hurt more
to stay.
So, what?
So, you think, what, you...
you wanna what?
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
I'm thinking I need to...
maybe move back into town,
uh, for a while.
(SOBS SOFTLY)
Okay.
That's such a quiet word,
isn't it?
Okay.
(♪♪♪)
(OBJECT CLATTERING)
I packed you some pots,
and pans, and some plates.
-Oh, I really don't need--
-Well, you have to eat.
You have to cook.
(SIGHS) I just need
maybe one pot and one plate.
You're not going to camp, Bob.
I mean, what if you...
(CLICKS TONGUE)
You might have someone over.
People.
-I don't like people.
-I know.
Just in case you find some.
You're the only people
I ever really liked.
I meant that as something nice.
Uh, something nice to say.
Do we have any more tape?
Uh... uh, yeah.
Um, in the barn,
next to the turkey pen.
-Um...
-Mm.
-BOB: I'll go get it.
-Hmm.
(GRUNTS)
Sorry.
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
(SOBS)
-(BREATHES DEEPLY)
-BOB: Amy!
Somebody, we need some help!
Somebody, hello?
-Hello!
-Where is everyone? Hello!
-It's an emergency!
-Come on!
Hello?
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
(DOOR OPENING)
It doesn't look good.
-What did that?
-What was it, a fox or...
I think
it was one of the other turkeys.
One of the others?
Well, they get really
territorial this time of year.
You know, maybe one of 'em
laid an egg.
And maybe this one
was roosting in a spot
that the other ones wanted.
Who knows?
There's a lot of tissue damage,
and that might heal,
but the eyes are gone.
So, what do we do?
Well, um,
you could make her comfortable.
Try to get her to drink
a little water.
I doubt she'll make it
through the night.
I'm sorry.
Uh, Marge has your paperwork.
(PAPERS RUSTLING)
Dr. Bennett is only charging
for the medicine.
Oh. Thanks, Marge.
(SNIFFLES)
Thanks. I don't suppose
the bird has a name.
No. We, um... (SNIFFLES)
We never got around
to naming her.
Hazel.
I call her Hazel.
MARGE:
Thanks.
I'm so sorry.
AMY:
Ready?
BOB:
Come on, Hazel.
Just a little, huh?
-(HAZEL WHIMPERING)
-BOB: You're gonna be fine.
I checked, and being blind
isn't gonna be that hard
for you. We'll manage.
Come on, just a little.
I'm gonna run
to the Hometown store
to pick up some of the stuff
the vet recommended.
Uh, no, no. Wait here.
You hate to drive at night.
I'll go.
Just, uh...
just if you can take her.
-AMY: It's okay. It's okay.
-(HAZEL CONTINUES WHIMPERING)
Try and get her to drink.
Okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
(MEDICINES CLATTERING)
(SOBS, SNIFFLES)
BOB:
The place
where something starts
is sometimes the end.
She's gone, Bob.
(SIGHS)
Dear God...
accept the soul of Hazel.
We loved her.
And she loved us
the best she could.
Goodbye, Hazel.
I thought we'd put her out
by the elms.
It's quiet there.
Okay.
(GASPS) What is that?
(GASPS)
What do we do?
We put it in the nest
with the other eggs.
But when it hatches...
how will we know
which one is hers?
Is it important?
(SNIFFLES)
BOB:
For a while,
I kept up Binky's monument.
But then as our lives
got busier,
I gradually let it go.
I remember the days
before we got the call
from the adoption agency
as being some of the happiest
of my life.
The air was ripe
with expectation.
The world was as promising
as an egg.
In those days,
we lived as if in a dream.
And as if a dream lived in us.
We knew someplace out there,
we did have a baby.
Our baby.
And it became inevitable now
that we find each other.
(COOS)
♪ When I wake up
in the morning, love ♪
♪ And the sunlight
hurts my eyes ♪
Oh, yeah.
BOB:
Because although the universe
is a very big place...
-(BABY WHINES)
-AMY: Oh...
BOB:
...it is actually not so easy
to get lost.
Because all the beginnings
and all the endings
are really just the same.
Because 1,000 years ago,
there were less than a billion
people on the planet.
And someplace
inside all of them was you.
♪ A lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ A lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ A lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ A lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ A lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
(♪♪♪)
♪ Why should I feel
discouraged? ♪
♪ And why should the shadows
come? ♪
♪ And why should my heart
feel lonely ♪
♪ And long for heav'n
and home? ♪
♪ When Jesus is my portion ♪
♪ My constant friend is He ♪
♪ His eye is on the sparrow ♪
♪ And I know
He watches over me ♪
♪ His eye is on the sparrow ♪
♪ And I know He watches me ♪
♪ And I sing
because I'm happy ♪
♪ And I sing because I'm free ♪
♪ His eye is on the sparrow
♪ And I know He watches me ♪
♪ Oh, His eye
is on the sparrow ♪
♪ And I know He watches ♪
♪ Yes, I know He watches ♪
♪ I know He watches over me ♪
♪ I sing because I'm happy
♪ Yes, I sing
because I'm free ♪
♪ Oh, His eye on the sparrow
♪ And I know
He watches over me ♪
♪ Oh, His eye on the sparrow ♪
♪ I know He watches over me ♪
♪ Oh, I know and I know ♪
♪ Oh, I know ♪
♪ Oh, yes, I know ♪
♪ He watches me ♪
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
BOB:
Periodically,
on the road of life,
it is helpful to stand back
and ask yourself...
"What were the events
that led me to this place?"
(SOBS)
BOB:
Maybe we should start
at the beginning.
I'm Bob.
And this is Amy.
We fell in love.
Got married.
And then...
(SURGICAL INSTRUMENTS CLATTER)
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
-That wasn't so bad, was it?
-Mm-mm.
Even with another round of IVF,
I'd put your chances
of getting pregnant again
between two and three percent.
Do you think it's closer
to two or three?
Amy, I don't think
it's gonna happen.
Oh.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
Oh, you poor woman.
It must be so horrible
to have to tell people
things like that.
-(SIGHS)
-It's the worst.
(♪♪♪)
(SOBS SOFTLY, SCREAMS)
(SOBS)
(SCREAMS, WHIMPERS)
I know lots of nice people
that don't have kids.
Oh! Oh, really?
Oh, that's great.
You know,
there's my Aunt Sally and--
(SCOFFS) Oh. Sally?
Don't say Don.
-Don't say Don.
-Her husband Don.
Don. (SOBS) Stupid Don.
-I... I... I'm not...
-God!
God! You know what?
I just-- I keep thinking
that I did something wrong.
-What?
-Yeah.
-No, no, no.
-What is it? What did I do?
-No, no, no.
-In college?
You... you can't...
you can't think that. Okay?
You are perfect.
You're perfect.
Maybe it's me. We don't know.
-It could be you.
-Yeah!
It could be you.
It could be you.
-It could be you. (SNIFFLES)
-Probably.
Probably it's you.
It is you. (SOBS)
(SIGHS)
No, wait. No. (SNIFFLES) No.
Oh, I am not gonna give up, Bob.
I'm not. There is a plan for us.
And we just--
we don't see it yet.
But this is not over.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
-It's not?
-No. No, no.
Oh, come on.
What do you think
about the adoption idea?
-Oh, I'm not, uh--
-(SCREAMS)
(SMACKS LIPS)
-I need a little more time.
-Hmm.
-Uh...
-Hmm.
Can I just think about it
some more?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
You can think about it.
Think about it.
I mean, I'm sad, too, you know?
Oh. (SCOFFS)
No, I know. I know. I know.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(♪♪♪)
Bob, sit.
Could you close the door?
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
The Under Death review,
I can't use it.
What was wrong with it?
You just wrote the word "lies"
912 times.
-How long did you want it?
-(SCOFFS SOFTLY)
You know as well as I do
that we need to balance
our critiques with a respect
for the artists and their fans.
I'm so depressed.
They think you're working out
something personal,
and I do, too.
(SIGHS) It's this whole
trying-to-have-a-kid thing.
I feel like such a failure.
Look, I just think your head's
not in the right place.
-Bill, I need this job.
-Oh.
Hmm.
(INHALES) Okay. Okay.
Look. Um...
I'm gonna need to take you
off rock and roll reviews
for a while.
I think... (SIGHS)
Well, try a new area of music.
Something fresh.
Hey. What do you know
about world music?
AMY:
Mm.
Mm!
Do you remember
when I was sharing
that house up on Lafayette
with Nancy?
One day,
we were doing laundry
and she just picked up a load,
and she tossed it in,
and she didn't know
that her cat Pumpkin was in it.
When Pumpkin hit
the spin cycle,
it kinda sounded like this.
But, you know,
you can kinda get into it
if you picture a cat
caught in a washing machine.
(MEOWS) I'm a clean kitty.
(MEOWS) I'm a real clean kitty!
(MEOWS, GRUNTS)
Spin cycle! (MEOWS)
-(GROANS)
-(LAUGHS)
Oh! You is no fun!
(GRUNTS, SIGHS)
I am now a world music critic.
Mm-hmm.
World music critics
are no fun, Amy.
-Because world music is no fun.
-(SIGHS)
Covering rock and roll
is a cool job.
Covering world music
is a pity job.
I have been given a pity job
because I am no longer fit
to be with civilized people.
You're fit to be with me.
(SIGHS)
We fit.
-Hmm. A perfect fit.
-(AMY CHUCKLES)
I crazy love you.
I crazy love you, too.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
Here you go, Deedee.
-Yeah?
-(WHISPERS)
-Oh, yeah.
-Thank you.
There you go.
-Yeah.
-Okay.
-I'll be right here, Deedee.
-DEEDEE: Oh, okay.
Thank you.
"A charming, rustic, fixerupper.
Perfect, family home."
(GASPS)
I need to know
that I have your absolute trust
in this, okay?
And you know that I would only
have our best intentions
at hand, okay?
Do you trust me?
I need to know
that I have your absolute trust
in this. Because if I don't...
Do you love me, Bob? 'Cause...
And how was your day, dear?
Angels are singing! (CHUCKLES)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
BOB:
This is the same house?
Oops! (GIGGLES)
(♪♪♪)
(SIGHS)
(BOTH GRUNT)
(GASPS, GROANS)
-(GASPS)
-(OBJECTS CLATTERING)
(GRUNTS)
What?
Okay, great.
Now, just center it.
Okay. A little to the right.
More to the right.
No, no, no. No, no, no.
Just, um,
a little back to the left.
Left. Okay. Now, down. Down.
I hate this piece.
(GRUNTS)
(GASPS, SCREAMS)
So, what do you want
for dinner?
I don't care.
-Chinese?
-No.
-Pizza?
-No.
So, what do you want
for dinner?
I don't care.
-BOB: Indian.
-(GASPS) Oh, yeah.
I love Indian.
Actually, I don't like Indian.
AMY:
I'm just saying,
now that we have room,
it might be nice
to have a little animal
hopping around the house.
Well, you sort of hop
when you walk.
If you worked on it,
we wouldn't need an animal.
Oh.
Maybe it would be good for you
to have a pet, you know?
Something to take your mind
off of yourself.
Justine has a rabbit.
(GASPS) It's a sign.
BOB:
And so, started the short
and tragic tale
of Binky the rabbit.
(BINKY CLUCKING)
AMY:
I was thinking that maybe
we could call him Binky.
Go, let him down
so he can go explore
his new house.
Oh. I have his cage all set up
and it's very simple.
Just food, and water, and--
Oh. There's a chance that maybe
we could litter box train him.
Justine did say that her bunny
bites electrical cords,
but I'm sure
that that's just hers.
-Ow!
-(GASPS)
He bit me!
Well, I'm sure
that'll pass, too.
-(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
-(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
You should hold him
for a while.
He'll just bite me.
Well, maybe that's how
he shows affection.
You love me.
But you've never bitten me.
At least
you've never drawn blood.
-Does he love the lamps, too?
-(CLICKS TONGUE)
Are you sure
you don't wanna hold him?
(BINKY CLUCKING)
I'll pass.
(SIGHS)
-(BINKY CLUCKING)
-BOB: What?
You wanna get out?
Hmm? (SIGHS)
Hi.
Hi. Yeah, come on.
Hi, pal.
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
That's all right.
That's all right.
-Hi.
-(CLUCKS)
BOB:
Hi.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
(CHUCKLES)
(METAL CLANGING)
No, no! No, no, no, no!
Hey, come back! Come back!
Binky! Binky!
Binky! Binky!
Binky, where did you go?
(GRUNTS, PANTS)
Where did he go?
-(VENT CLANGING)
-Binky?
Binky?
Binky!
Okay. Okay.
Now, we get it. Okay.
Oh, I hear you.
I have your favorite snack.
My fingers.
(PANTS)
BOB:
Okay, okay.
-(SAW SCRAPING)
-BOB: Ah! Got ya! (GROANS)
Devil rabbit!
(BINKY CLUCKING)
(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)
BOB:
Binky!
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
How's it going?
-It's not.
-Oh.
Do you think Binky's been
a little sulky lately?
Binky couldn't be sulkier to me
if he were made of marble.
Well, he's off his feed again.
-(SLURPS)
-I'm gonna take him to the vet.
(CAR APPROACHING)
What are you doing
just sitting...
-(SNIFFLES, SOBS)
-BOB: Oh, no.
Not Binky.
It's a good place.
I, uh... I always thought
of this as his bush.
Dear God...
please accept the soul
of Binky.
He was a good bunny,
and we loved him.
And he loved us...
as best he could.
Do you wanna say anything?
Uh, no.
No, that was good.
I hate to think of him
out there.
(SNIFFLES, SOBS SOFTLY)
(BIRDS CHIRPING)
(♪♪♪)
(BOB GRUNTS)
(PANTS)
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
Bob?
We really need to fix the porch.
BOB:
And that is how Rupert Murdoch
came into our lives.
RUPERT:
So, what were you thinking here?
Well, we were thinking
it might be nice
to fix up the porch
so we could use it.
BOB:
Yeah. Just, uh...
fix it up.
(SIGHS)
My father built his house
with his own two hands,
and nothing more
than a hammer and a hand saw.
Winter of '38.
Twenty degrees below.
Stayed in a tent
the whole time.
Didn't turn to somebody,
and say, "Fix it up."
A man built his own house.
Nothing but some beans
and a sturdy set of boots.
Those were men.
Yeah. I built a birdhouse.
Uh, fourth grade.
Just me in the basement.
Some popsicle sticks,
Elmer's glue.
Total lack of...
proper ventilation.
(SMACKS LIPS) It's a big job.
Could take a while.
It's just me and Gerard there.
My only son Gerard.
He has been
a large disappointment to me.
(SIGHS DEEPLY)
The supports are all rotten.
Probably
will have to be replaced.
Maybe all of 'em.
(PORCH THUDDING)
I'm kinda surprised
the thing is standing
in the first place.
(SOBS)
-Is he all right?
-He's fine.
He's crying.
(SNIFFLES) I was just thinking
of the winner.
And how heroic...
this little porch just...
standing valiantly
against the elements.
And now... (SOBS) I'm sorry.
It's... (SOBS) Forgive me.
He's just been
under a lot of stress.
We're talking
around 4,000 dollars.
Bob!
-He says about 4,000.
-BOB: Okay. (SOBS)
AMY:
That'd be fine.
-So, when can you start?
-Gerard, demo!
(♪♪♪)
-A large disappointment.
-(GRUNTS)
♪ You never listen
to a single word I say ♪
♪ But if you heard me
you'd ignore me anyway ♪
(SOBS, SNIFFLES)
I feel so stupid.
Bob, I think
you should see someone.
Yeah, okay.
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
BOB:
Here.
(CELLPHONE DINGS)
Dr. Glaser will see you now.
Now?
Thanks, Robin!
Hi. Come on in.
So, which anxiety medication
would you like to try?
I've heard good things
about Zoloft.
Uh, but maybe that's just for--
Yeah. No.
Zoloft's an antianxiety
medication
with minimal side effects.
Okay. Um, what sort
of side effects, I guess,
-I should ask--
-The usual.
Diarrhea, drowsiness, dizziness.
-So--
-Dyspepsia, fatigue, insomnia.
Then I should probably--
Loose stools, nausea, tremor,
headaches, paresthesia,
anorexia, decreased libido,
delayed ejaculation,
diaphoresis,
ejaculation failure.
-Is--
-Xerostomia.
Uh...
How much would you like
to take?
Um, some. Not a lot.
Uh, just maybe some.
Sure. But the lowest
clinical dose is 25 milligrams.
We could start off
with 50 milligrams.
You're the doctor. No.
I just meant, um,
you're the doctor.
Right. Well, I have to ask you
a few questions.
Do you mind
if I use the computer?
-Okay.
-Thank you for allowing.
-(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
-Okay.
So, do... do people follow you?
Do you hear voices?
Do people plot against you?
Can I say sometimes?
DR. GLASER:
Yeah. Okay. Sure. To which?
-Uh, all of them.
-You hear voices?
Uh, well, no. Not really.
Oh. People follow you.
People plot against you.
Uh, no.
Then-- So, that would be a no.
-Yes.
-No.
Right.
What's your blood pressure?
I don't know.
I mean, is that just something
everyone's supposed to know?
-Yeah.
-Uh, what?
Like your social security
number?
-Security number.
-What?
Good! Really good.
It's good session.
Made a lot of progress today.
-Broke a few windows.
-Broke a few windows?
So, let's start you off
with 100 milligrams,
and see where that goes.
You're the doctor.
(GRUNTS)
(♪♪♪)
The filter was clogged as well.
AMY:
Oh.
That husband of yours
should've known that.
(AMY CHUCKLES)
Well, Bob is good
at other things.
Just home repair
is not his deal.
Hmm.
So, how long
have you been married, Rupert?
I'm a widower.
Oh. I'm so sorry.
Yeah. Lost my Maggie
when Gerard was born.
We knew it was dangerous.
Her having a baby so late
and all, but...
-we'd always wanted a child.
-Hmm.
We'd given up really.
We thought it was a gift
from God.
(CHUCKLES)
So, there. (GRUNTS)
It should be good.
Oh, how much do I owe you
for that?
RUPERT:
Nothin'.
Just tell that husband of yours
to learn something useful.
Oh, I talked to Joan.
How's Joan?
Well, you know how she lives
over by Richmond park?
She said that the pond
over there
was just freezing over,
and all of the free water
was getting smaller
and smaller,
and there were these ducks
who were there
in that spot all day.
Probably Canadian geese.
Oh, no. She said ducks.
They were domestic ducks,
and they couldn't fly.
Mm.
Someone should go over there
and rescue them.
I mean, ugh,
that would be a pretty
darn wonderful thing to do.
-Ducks live outside.
-AMY: So?
So, I'm just saying, you know,
they probably know to...
you know, move.
Not get their little wet feet
frozen.
That is not the point.
Oh. No, no.
That is not the point at all.
Okay.
The point is...
to just put yourself out there.
And... and take something
like that on,
I mean, that is just...
-Pretty wonderful.
-Pretty darn wonderful.
(SIGHS) Amy.
By morning, that pond
with be frozen over.
And they could get stuck,
and go without food, and starve.
It is not your job to take care
of every animal on the planet.
It's an hour's drive.
And it's the middle
of the night.
And...
no one but a complete lunatic,
a complete crazy person
would get out of their warm,
safe bed,
and drive halfway across town
to dive
into freezing cold water,
certain hypothermia
for the sake
of a couple of lost ducks!
(CHUCKLES DRILY)
-(CAR DOOR CLOSES)
-(DUCKS QUACK)
That was heroic, Bob.
I mean, I just wanna say...
heroic.
Not many men
would have the courage
to go back that fourth time
after breaking through the ice.
-Start the car.
-Losing your shoes.
(SHUDDERS) Start the car, Amy.
Oh, they seem so happy.
-I'll start the car.
-(KEYS JANGLE)
-(BIRDS CHIRPING)
-(DUCKS QUACKING)
I used to think I'd live
and die right here.
But the older I get,
I never used to mind the cold.
But now,
when the cold weather starts,
I just can't get warm enough.
Well, when you get older,
your metabolism slows down.
So, it makes it harder
for your body
to generate body heat.
-The brains on you.
-(AMY CHUCKLES)
You should have been
a doctor, Amy.
You really know your stuff.
(CHUCKLES) Look at this.
You can hardly see
a sliver of light
when the door is closed.
Hmm. I keep thinking
Florida is the place for me.
Are you sure you would really
like that, Rupert?
I mean, wouldn't you miss
the change of seasons?
Uh, where does this kind of
wood come from, Rupert?
I don't know, Bob.
I think it's from a tree.
Oh, did I show you
where we were gonna plant
-the marigolds?
-Hmm.
There.
It's just over here to the left.
(GRUNTS SOFTLY)
Welcome to my life.
Sucking up to my dad
is like a dead-end, man.
-Do you smoke?
-Oh, no, thanks. I'm cool.
Just try it.
Wouldn't need those pills.
Sorry. I hear my dad
talking to your wife.
Are you fully crazy
or just mildly zonked?
Somewhere in between.
GERARD:
Aren't we all?
Yeah. Rupert hates when people
try to suck up to him.
Funny thing is I used to see
him doing it to Grandpa
before he died.
Rupert used to try to suck up
to Grandpa
just to try
to get his approval.
I mean, the old man
was so pissed
he quit medical school
to marry my mom
and ended up
another loser handyman.
(SIGHS) I guess he wanted him
to be a doctor or something.
Probably to suck up
to his own dad
who probably hated him, too.
I got the cycle beat, though,
hopefully.
I'm just never gonna have kids.
Never.
And I don't care about anyone...
except Shirlee.
GERARD:
Shirlee moved here
from, I think
it was Kansas,
or New Jersey, or someplace.
Her dad had a job there,
and he lost it on account
of, well,
after Shirlee's mom split.
He had, like,
a nervous breakdown.
He would sometimes just yell.
(SHIRLEE'S DAD SCREAMING)
I don't know
where the remote is, Dad.
You had it last!
GERARD:
When I first knew Shirlee,
through all of tenth grade,
I thought she was real stuck up.
But then we started talking,
and I could see
she was kinda nice.
(♪♪♪)
(SMOOCHES)
GERARD:
I can honestly say,
Shirlee is the only person
I've ever really loved.
-You wanna do it?
-I don't have a condom.
SHIRLEE:
Wait a minute.
In 1933, Ralph Wiley,
a Dow Chemical lab worker,
accidentally discovered
polyvinylidene chloride.
He called the substance eonite,
after an indestructible material
in the comic strip
"Little Orphan Annie."
It was approved
for food packaging
and for paperboard coating
in contact with fatty...
-(POSTER RUSTLES)
-...and aqueous foods.
(CLING FILM SCREECHES)
You sure this'll work?
Duh.
It's polyvinylidene chloride.
GERARD:
Shirlee's real smart.
(GIGGLES)
Dr. Rikk'll see you now.
(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY)
I'm seeing Dr. Glaser.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
(SIGHS)
(BABBLES)
Dr. Glaser left me your file.
You signed a consent form,
if you remember--
No, it's fine.
(FILE RUSTLES)
Oh.
-Ugh. Ooh.
-Uh...
Ah.
Cool.
So, I'm totally up to speed.
Here, I can see
how it would throw you.
-Change in therapist.
-Uh, no. It's okay, I guess.
-It wasn't.
-No. Not okay. Just is.
So, how's the Zoloft thing
working for you?
Uh... (CLEARS THROAT)
-Well, Dr. Rikk--
-Uh, Rikk.
You can call me Rikk.
It's my first name.
Everybody just calls me Rikk.
I'm not big on the doctor thing.
Does the guitar bother you?
You're not gonna sing, are you?
I find it helps my,
I say talkers.
I don't like the word patient.
It's too medical.
♪ We're all just talkers
And listeners ♪
♪ I'm just a big ear
that's what I am ♪
♪ I'm just a big ear, and you? ♪
I'm a big mouth?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, cool.
How's this week been going?
-Uh, I have these sad moments.
-Aw.
Well, I've always had them,
but, uh, worse since Binky died.
-Binky?
-He was a rabbit.
-A real rabbit?
-Yes.
That's okay.
BOB:
Amy thought
it would be good for me.
-What's Amy?
-A wife.
My wife.
That's okay.
Well, the thing is
I felt no affection from him.
-He seemed to disapprove of me.
-Binky?
Yeah. Uh, but now, and I know
this is crazy, but--
No, no, no, no.
Nothing's crazy in here.
I feel
this tremendous sense of...
-Relief?
-Loss.
-For Binky?
-Yes.
-A rabbit?
-Yes!
-Who disapproved of you?
-Yes!
And he used to bite me?
Can we stop the guitar?
And there it is.
I think we should talk
about upping
your Zoloft a little.
Anyway, Rupert just hates
this girl. This Shirlee.
And I guess Gerard
has decided now
not to go to college,
and Rupe thinks
it's because of this girl.
And, you know, I suppose it is.
I mean, it always is.
And I guess Rupe is making him
pay him back for the car.
But now, Gerard's grades
are just going
-straight downhill.
-Do you find...
do you find it really hard
to listen to other people
complain about their kids?
I mean, isn't it hard
when someone has a kid...
and they complain?
Why don't we go talk
to the adoption people?
(SIGHS)
I mean, why not, Bob?
Amy, I just don't see
how I could love
someone else's kid.
It wouldn't be someone
else's kid. It would be ours.
(SIGHS) I...
You know, it's just--
Look, I know, okay?
I know. It's me. It's me. But...
I just worry that
after a while, in my head...
the kid would just be
a reminder that we failed.
Is that how you see us?
As a failure?
Because we can't have children?
I mean, we are on this planet
to do one thing,
and one thing only.
I mean, do you ever...
do you ever really think
about that?
Oh, I think about it a lot.
Like, what we are is this mass
of genetic material.
And what our job is
is to get at least some
of that material
into the next generation.
But not ours, Amy.
Not ours.
They guy at the bake shop,
and Rupert, and the fat ladies
in the potato chip aisle
at Walmart,
they get into the next round.
But not us.
We are a genetic dead-end.
And when we die,
there will be one huge,
disinterested cosmic
"Oh, well."
Because we failed.
And we should just accept that.
(SIGHS)
(DUCKS QUACKING)
AMY:
At that moment,
I had a revelation.
There was just too much space
in the duck pen.
It just cried for more.
I think we need more ducks.
(♪♪♪)
And then the duck and chicken
market mysteriously dried up.
(♪♪♪)
(TURKEYS GOBBLING)
BOB:
So, Amy discovered turkeys.
(BLOWS KISSES) Hey, guys.
(BLOWS KISSES)
Hi. (GIGGLES)
-Hi.
-(TWEETS)
Look. Do you wanna pet?
Say, hi!
BOB:
I was losing myself.
(GRUNTS)
Tomorrow, no water.
Dr. Iwuchukwu will see you now.
Doctor...
(SIGHS SOFTLY)
Thank you.
Well, Dr. Rikk
is taking some time
to write his book.
Good luck with that.
And I inherited his caseload.
I hope that's...
Fine. I'm--
IWUCHUKWU:
He left copious notes.
Unfortunately,
I can't read his handwriting.
(SCOFFS)
So, what's new
since your last visit?
Uh, four ducks, seven geese,
and three turkeys.
Is that some sort of a joke?
No. I'm--
Because I am not here
for jokes.
I don't respond to jokes.
This is serious business.
Yes. Yeah. I know that.
It's not just every Tom,
Dick, and Larry
that walks through these doors.
-BOB: Harry.
-Excuse me?
Tom, Dick and Harry.
You said, um...
you said Larry, but it's Harry.
But it could be Larry.
Who's to say?
-Is that what you think, Harry?
-Bob.
You think we just let anyone
walk in here?
Well...
I assure you, they do not.
-If there is no trust...
-There is!
-(SPUTTERS)
-There is trust.
If there is no trust,
I am wasting my time.
-I have better things to do.
-I have trust.
Look. I am trusting.
This is me trusting.
-Tell me, Larry.
-Harry. Bob.
Whatever.
Do you know the river people
of the lower Amazon?
Me? Uh... no.
IWUCHUKWU:
You have so much
to learn, Larry.
So much to learn.
(SCREAMS)
(GRUNTS)
(♪♪♪)
SHIRLEE:
All I wanted to do with my life
was to sit in the sun
long enough to melt
on a molecular level
into the golden spectrum
of light itself.
♪ I had a dream
I got everything I wanted ♪
SHIRLEE:
If I couldn't do that,
I wanted to manage Dairy Queen.
But none of that
was gonna happen now.
♪ And if I'm being honest
it might have been a nightmare ♪
♪ To anyone who might care ♪
♪ Thought I could fly ♪
♪ So, I stepped off
the Golden
♪ Mm ♪
♪ Nobody cried ♪
♪ Nobody even noticed ♪
♪ I saw them standing
right there ♪
-(DUCKS QUACKING)
-(CHICKENS CLUCKING)
What's this?
Oh, Phoebe, you idiot!
-(LOCK CLICKING)
-(GRUNTS)
Phoebe!
♪ And you say ♪
♪ "As long as I'm here ♪
BOB:
Phoebe!
♪ No one can hurt you" ♪
BOB:
Phoebe!
Where are you? Stupid duck.
♪ If I could change the way
that you see yourself ♪
♪ You wouldn't wonder
why you hear ♪
♪ "They don't deserve you" ♪
Binky?
♪ I tried to scream ♪
♪ But my head was underwater ♪
Binky?
♪ They called me weak ♪
Today, Phoebe got out.
And she was down by the river.
And when I went to catch her,
a pink origami rabbit
in a yellow boat
floated up to me.
And then turned into Binky.
I think it was a metaphor.
And then what happened
was that Rupert and Gerard
finished the porch.
To celebrate,
we asked Rupert and Gerard
to come for dinner.
And Gerard asked
if he could bring
his girlfriend Shirlee.
And we said, "Of course."
SHIRLEE:
Gerard was really cool
about me being pregnant.
And he said he'd do
whatever I wanted, you know?
(GRUNTS)
SHIRLEE:
Get married or whatever.
Only I didn't know
what I wanted.
And well, so, we thought
it might be time
for some parental involvement.
(SIGHS)
SHIRLEE:
And since my dad is, well...
We decided we'd tell
Gerard's dad first.
And we thought it would be good
to tell him
when we went to Bob and Amy's
for dinner
because, you know,
Bob and Amy are totally cool.
And maybe in front of people,
Gerard's dad wouldn't freak out.
'Cause, you know,
he hates me anyway.
(TIMER TICKING)
SHIRLEE:
So, I made the special
brownie cookies
-with the M&Ms and raisins.
-(TIMER DINGS)
I made the special
brownie cookies
with the M&Ms and raisins.
Bless you!
(♪♪♪)
GERARD:
This is so totally cool.
I can't believe you have this.
Yeah. It's not as raw
as their first album,
but, uh, it still maintains
the integrity, you know?
Where did you buy it?
Oh, you can't buy it.
Um, it's an advance.
The record company sent it.
You want it?
-You're kidding, right?
-No. Here.
-GERARD: Are you sure?
-BOB: Of course.
Take it.
Dude.
-Here.
-Thanks.
Enjoy it.
How do you get to do this?
Like, write about music
and get paid and stuff.
(SMACKS LIPS)
Well, I was always passionate
about music.
I was a lot like you.
Then I went to college.
Um, started writing
for the school paper.
Started selling some stuff,
and it just sorta happened.
You could do it.
Well, I mean,
I was actually gonna--
I don't know.
I mean, I'm probably
just gonna help out my dad.
There's a whole world
out there, man.
Yeah, I know.
Let's see.
What else we got, huh?
I just wanted this feeling
of creating a harmony buffer
between the outside
and the inside.
Like this place
that sort of cleanses you
as you move between one
and the other.
Do you feel that?
What's for dinner?
Mac and cheese.
(DOOR OPENING)
(SNIFFS)
The most important piece
of molding in any house
is the piece
just opposite the toilet.
Let's eat.
These cookies
are really good, Shirlee.
SHIRLEE:
Thank you.
(CLEARS THROAT)
They have this kind of...
-woody, nutty flavor.
-Hmm.
-I'll have another.
-(CHUCKLES)
-Rupert?
-Well, okay.
(CHUCKLES)
-Me three. (GIGGLES)
-(SNIFFS)
None for me. Thanks.
-BOB: Is it mahogany?
-Hmm.
Or like an oak?
-There it is. That wood.
-SHIRLEE: Mm-hmm.
BOB:
I didn't know wood had a smell.
RUPERT:
Tastes... leafy to me.
-Ooh!
-Mm-hmm.
-More iced tea there?
-GERARD: Oh, yes, please.
Ooh! I'll get that for you.
-Thank you.
-Mm-hmm.
Hmm!
It is such a beautiful day.
I mean,
really, really beautiful.
I've been unfair to you, Bob.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
Oh! Just the... the air.
And the leaves,
and the... the dirt, you know?
It's just--
this dirt is just...
just really beautiful.
I've been dismissive of you.
I never really expanded
the way that I wanted to.
And... (SIGHS)
I was stuck here
for so many years.
And the truth is that I...
was sort of envious of you
for doing something exciting
and creative.
GERARD:
I can't believe you did this.
SHIRLEE:
I thought it was a good idea.
Does being pregnant
make you stupid?
That's not fair.
It's the stuff Judy brought
back from Maoi.
-Oh, wow.
-Yeah, right.
-Did you save me some?
-Yeah. I put some in the fridge.
You threatened me.
And so, I looked
for opportunities
to put you down.
And it's just
not a very nice thing to do.
This... this tree, you know?
This tree is just... just wow!
-(DOOR OPENING)
-(GIGGLES)
Does anybody
want any potato chips?
RUPERT:
Oh, God, yes! God, yes!
-(MOANS)
-(CHUCKLES) Hmm!
-(CHUCKLES)
-(MOANS)
-Mm.
-GERARD: Okay.
Uh, first of all,
don't freak out.
But Shirlee put weed
in the cookies.
-Oh.
-Hmm.
It probably wasn't appropriate.
Sorry.
And also, she's pregnant.
Oh.
I knew it.
Of all the stupid, silly...
Now, you've done it!
Didn't anyone ever tell you
about protection?
-We had protection.
-Saran Wrap.
You've ruined your life.
You could've been something.
-Yeah, like you?
-Yeah. Like me. Look at me.
So, what?
You regret everything?
You regret Mom? You regret me?
-No.
-No?
Well, I find that pretty hard
to believe considering
that's how you've treated me
my whole life.
I gave up everything for you,
and not so you could ruin
your life with some tramp!
-Don't you call her that!
-Tramp!
-(FOOTSTEPS RECEDES)
-(DOOR OPENING)
-I wish I was never born!
-Never say that!
Oh, no! Oh, wait.
Wait, wait, wait.
Saran wrap?
(SHIRLEE PANTS)
(BREATHES SHAKILY)
You must think I'm horrible.
I don't think you're horrible.
I put weed in the cookies
because that's how I make them.
And I just thought
it would make everyone happy.
And I don't want...
I don't wanna have this baby.
And I don't wanna ruin
Gerard's life,
or piss off his dad, or...
-(SNIFFLES)
-I know.
-You do?
-Mm-hmm.
I know I should
just get rid of it.
I just can't.
I... I know I couldn't.
Like, I would never...
I'm just not ready to be a mom,
you know? Not yet.
(SOBS SOFTLY)
I'm such a terrible person.
No. No, no.
I don't think
that you're terrible.
-(SHIRLEE SNIFFLES)
-Hey.
You just made a mistake.
Well, I'm probably
going to hell
because God
does not like mistakes.
Well, if that were true,
why would he let us
make so many of them?
It is my humble opinion
that God just butt over
tea kettle loves mistakes.
(BOTH CHUCKLE)
That was really a great thing
to say to me.
I felt terrible.
You made me feel good.
(SOBS, SNIFFLES)
(♪♪♪)
(SIGHS)
-Gerard gonna be okay?
-Yeah.
He'll wander around for a while.
Make his way back to the house.
(SIGHS)
He was right, you know?
-About what?
-I did resent him.
I resented him
for his mom dying.
Just like I resented her
for me not finishing college.
Just like I resented my dad
'cause he didn't want me
to marry Maggie.
Just like he resented me
for doing exactly
what he never wanted me to do,
which was exactly
what he had done.
It's a cycle.
Generation after generation.
Running as fast as we can
in the wrong direction.
-You okay to drive?
-Oh, yeah.
Pretty good weed
in those cookies, though, huh?
I spent three years
in Ann Arbor.
If you learn anything,
it's quality weed.
(BOTH BREATHES HEAVILY)
(CAR ENGINE RUMBLES)
-What?
-Okay. This was totally my idea.
(CRICKETS CHIRPING)
What do you think this is, Amy,
huh? A puppy?
No. I do not think
this is a puppy, Bob.
I mean, God!
She comes to someone's house
for the first time
for a nice meal,
she puts dope in the cookies.
-Who knows what she's on?
-Don't overreact!
It was just a little pot.
Oh, yeah.
That's where it starts.
And then what's next, hmm?
Cocaine? Heroin? Crystal meth?
-AMY: Bob.
-A drug-addicted mom.
All right. Just stop it.
This is a young girl.
This is a sweet, young girl
who made a mistake.
And is scared.
And needs our help.
-We don't even know her!
-It's a baby, Bob!
God put this baby
on our doorstep.
-This is a gift from God, Bob!
-You know, wait.
Why don't you two wait
until she has the baby, okay?
'Cause then she can put it
in a little reed boat
and float it up to you.
And you can find it
in the rushes.
Now, there!
There is a gift from God!
This is why
you are so miserable!
You just sit, and you worry
about all of the bad things
that could possibly happen.
And you just let your whole
life pass you by.
You are so afraid of everything
that you cannot see
when something wonderful,
I mean, something
just so wonderful is just here.
And no amount of Zoloft
is gonna help!
Look. Before we got married,
I told you I didn't want kids.
And I went along
with the pregnancy thing.
And you know what?
It didn't work out.
And we both would've been
better off
if we'd just never opened
that door in the first place.
So, now, that's it.
This whole baby thing is over.
She needs a ride home.
Doesn't she have someone
she could call--
Bob, she needs a ride home,
Bob!
You drive her, Bob!
You go, get in the car,
and you drive her home, Bob!
Okay.
(DOOR OPENING)
-(SCREAMS)
-(DOOR CLOSING)
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
Okay, here.
I'll wait till you get in.
Have you ever read
"The Red Queen:
Sex and The Evolution
Of Human Nature by Matt
Ridley?"
-Uh, no.
-Oh.
Well, you know,
running as fast as you can
to stay in the same place.
Okay, whatever.
Um, the thing is,
well, everyone has two parents,
four grandparents,
eight great-grandparents,
16 great-great-grandparents,
and so on. Whatever.
And if you follow that back
just 30 generations,
which puts us at about AD 1066,
which is right around the time
of William the Conqueror
and King Harold. Very cool.
In that same generation,
you had a billion
direct ancestors.
I mean, a billion people
carrying your genetic material!
(SCOFFS) How cool is that?
And even cooler, in AD 1066,
there wasn't even
a billion people
on the planet yet.
You got it?
Uh, no.
Just... just think about that.
The human gene pool
isn't a pool at all.
It's like...
it's like a teaspoon.
-(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
-(SHIRLEE'S DAD SCREAMING)
(GROANS)
Yes, it's me, Dad! God!
-I... I gotta go.
-Yeah.
SHIRLEE:
Thanks for the ride.
(SIGHS)
(DUCKS QUACKING)
(♪♪♪)
AMY:
The next morning,
when I woke up,
the whole world felt different.
I felt as if I had let
another baby slip away.
I was destroyed.
I knew, in my heart,
that my only hope
of ever being happy again
would lie in my ability
to forgive myself.
To not blame myself.
And so, I tried my best
to blame Bob.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
AMY:
The world
just doesn't make sense
if every problem
doesn't have a solution.
Bob could not accept a child
that was not our own.
But we needed a baby.
So, I just had to get
the message to my body.
I just hadn't made my case yet.
I had to write this message
in big, capital letters,
tie it to a rock, and...
Can anyone tell me
the definition
of the word fruit?
Amy.
"The word fruit can mean
the consequence
of some effort or action.
Such as, 'Wretched Bob
lived long enough
to suffer the fruit
of his madness.'
But in botany,
a fruit is the ripened ovary,
together with its seeds,
of a flowering plant.
(PAPER RUSTLING)
Ovary and seed.
(BREATHES DEEPLY)
♪ One, two, three, go! ♪
(♪♪♪)
AMY:
I focused all my energy
on the first bite.
That first taste of syrupy,
slurpie, sweet-scented, lush.
There was no me,
no Bob, no baby,
in a crystalline rush
of inexplicable profundity
there was only ovulation,
and fertilization, and life,
and ovulation,
and fertilization, and life,
and ovulation,
and fertilization, and life.
I went in and out of myself,
and it filled me
with a sense of direction
I had never experienced!
With every fertile bite,
I was screaming at my body.
Get... the message! (GRUNTS)
(MUMBLES)
♪ All this darkness
been going on too long ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ All this time,
I thought you were a leader ♪
♪ It turns out
you only a deleter ♪
More fruit!
(SCREAMS)
♪ It's the future
and I'm braindead ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm destitute ♪
♪ Yeah,
I feel no roots anymore ♪
♪ Take another picture ♪
♪ Show 'em what you're doing ♪
♪ All this time
we're burning with the fever ♪
♪ It turn out
I've always been a healer ♪
♪ No, no, no, no ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah ♪
Fed the ducks.
Okay.
And the turkeys.
Good for you.
So, are you gonna do
just nothing now?
I am doing something.
I'm doing a lot.
I am a flurry of activity.
Oh, okay. Yeah.
It's just that you look like
you were just eating fruit.
It's important, Bob.
BOB:
Oh, okay.
(♪♪♪)
(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)
Dr. Sanders will see you now.
BOB:
How do you keep
these names straight?
It's a gift.
So, for days,
she's done nothing
but sit on the porch,
eating fruit.
Like, massive amounts of fruit.
Like a small
South American country.
(SIGHS) I don't know.
I know I'm just being selfish,
you know?
It would be so perfect.
These poor kids,
they don't know what to do.
(SIGHS)
I just-- I cannot get this idea
out of my head.
I just...
I mean, I can barely
take care of myself.
I'm just so sad all the time.
And the world
just seems so dark.
And I just do not want any part
of bringing another life
into th-- and I know
that we're not bringing
the life,
but it is... it is all I can do
to function.
I don't know.
(SIGHS) Maybe we should just up
my Zoloft again.
What do you think, Doctor...
(SIGHS) What was it? Sanders?
Is that right? Dr. Sanders?
-(ROPE CREAKING)
-Should we-- Jesus!
Get off. (GRUNTS) Breathe!
(GRUNTS) I don't want to die!
Then this was not a good thing
to do! Help!
-(HUMMING)
-BOB: Help! Somebody!
-(GRUNTS) Let me go.
-Can you get the rope off?
I can't.
I tied it too tight!
-I'm worthless.
-No! No, you're not!
SANDERS:
What am I good for?
Well, for instance,
you're a good knot-tier.
-Don't let me go!
-I won't! (PANTS)
My therapist tried
to hang himself.
-AMY: When?
-During my session.
What do you mean
during your session?
Well, I was talking,
and I looked up,
and there he was,
hanging from the ceiling.
-You mean, like, by the neck?
-Well, yes, of course.
AMY:
What did you do?
Well, I got him-- (GROANS)
I got him up on my shoulders,
and I yelled, "Help, help!"
But there was no one there,
and he weighed a ton,
and my neck's all screwed up.
Is he okay?
I don't know.
They took him to the hospital.
When the paramedics got there,
he became hysterical,
and they had to take him out
in restraints.
Next week, you should tell them
that you want someone else.
He was the best one.
You're kidding.
Oh, no.
Something happened to me.
I had to hold Dr. Sanders up
for a whole hour.
I mean, he was so heavy,
and I was afraid
that if I let him go...
-I don't wanna die.
-I got you. (GRUNTS)
I'm sorry.
This is really unprofessional.
No. No, it's good. (PANTS)
I wasn't thinking about myself,
or you, or writing,
or the world.
I was just thinking
about his fat legs
on my shoulders.
And keeping my legs locked.
And not letting him go.
Just holding him up, you know?
And just caring for this guy
in this very simple way.
It made me... happy.
(SCREAMS) Oh, my God!
I am not paying
for this session!
Amy?
Please do not say anything
crazy right now.
I feel like... (BREATHES DEEPLY)
I feel like something big
has been fixed inside of me.
I am seeing everything
so different.
(CHUCKLES)
'It's...'it's like I feel
this sense of optimism,
and hope, and great promise,
and... and all of that is rooted
in my connection with you.
And I wanna share that!
Amy, Amy, Amy, Amy.
You were right.
I wanna call Shirlee,
and adopt this baby,
and raise it in love
and nurturing.
And to believe
in all that is possible
in this wonderful world...
with you, together.
(CHUCKLES)
-Ow.
-Who are you?
(♪♪♪)
(SCREAMS, BREATHES HEAVILY)
(DUCKS QUACKING)
♪ Why should I feel
discouraged? ♪
♪ And why should the shadows
come? ♪
♪ And why should my heart
feel lonely ♪
♪ And long for heav'n
and home? ♪
♪ When Jesus is my portion
♪ My constant friend is He ♪
(SCREAMS)
♪ His eye is on the sparrow ♪
♪ And I know He watches ♪
♪ over me ♪
(SMACKS LIPS)
I think
we should be very careful
-as we think about this.
-Freaky deekey.
We would wanna pay
for all medical bills,
of course.
Um, any expense, right, Amy?
Right?
Amy, maybe someone else
would like fruit.
There are crackers.
They can eat crackers.
I just don't understand...
after the baby comes...
who are we?
-What are we...
-To the baby.
Well, I think that would be up
to Bob and Amy.
I mean,
they're the baby's parents.
Right?
Well, I've been reading
about open adoption--
Oh, man!
(LAUGHS)
Which is what this is.
And it sounds very healthy
to me.
Very honest. No secrets.
The baby will always know
who Gerard and Shirlee are.
Hmm.
BOB:
And, of course, you, Rupert.
Me what?
It'll know who you are.
Oh. Well, that's a damn sight
more than I know right now.
Can you just be positive
about this? Just for once.
This is a good thing.
I think this is a good thing.
A good thing? Okay.
I don't understand
this is your blood, your child.
How do you just give it away?
It's not just blood.
It's a spirit.
(GROANS)
Like all of us sitting here.
It's a spirit.
Spare us your views on life,
Shirlee.
You're just a kid.
What do you know?
I am a kid. I know that.
And we did a stupid thing.
Kids do stupid things.
But just because we made
one mistake
doesn't mean
we have to make another.
And just don't think
that this is easy for me.
That I don't...
love this baby.
It's easy to hang
onto a child that you love.
(SOBS)
Loving a child so much
that you're willing
to let it go,
that isn't so easy.
And now, I have to pee.
Sorry.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
BOB:
I really got into the whole
idea of the baby.
I don't know how to describe it.
There were days
when I just forgot
to take my medication.
I became, in some strange way,
naturally high.
It seemed like all the events
of my life
were leading to this moment.
I had a purpose.
A simple, clear purpose.
And I was filled with joy.
Even though Shirlee
was only in her first trimester,
and I wasn't
the biological father...
I started
having sympathy pains.
Ooh. (GROANS)
That was a big one.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
I found this really
fascinating website.
Did you know it's possible
for adoptive mothers to nurse?
AMY:
Please stop now.
Not only possible,
but really healthy
for both baby and mommy.
I guess the critical thing
is for mommy to learn
the proper way to latch baby
on the breast.
Duct tape.
Frequent and effective
breast stimulation,
and a secure, deep latch-on
helps mommy make more milk.
AMY:
Hmm.
Well, if daddy knows
so much about it,
why doesn't daddy just do it?
Where is the blush
of expectant motherhood?
I just don't get it, Amy.
What is bothering you?
I found six packages of diapers
underneath the bed.
Six! Are, you, uh...
you're buying diapers now?
(DIAPERS RUSTLE)
It is never too early
to be prepared.
Oh, my God. I just--
You know what, Bob?
I cannot keep up.
I mean, you go straight
from catatonic
to Martha freaking Stewart.
Do not pass, go.
Do not collect 200 dollars.
God. They are so cute.
Their tiny little butts in this.
How cute is that?
It is a receptacle for shit,
Bob.
No matter how many little ducks
and little fishes
you put on the outside,
that will eventually
be just a bag of shit!
(SIGHS)
Now, what is this?
I mean, this isn't you.
You have never--
No, no, no.
-Do not touch that.
-All right, enough.
-No, no, no. Don't.
-BOB: No. Amy, Amy--
No, no, no! No! Let go!
Get your hands--
-Amy. Amy, stop.
-No, let go!
-BOB: Amy. Amy, stop it!
-Let go! (GRUNTS)
-No!
-BOB: Please.
-No, no, no, no! (SOBS)
-Amy, Amy.
-Stop!
-Amy!
-Please stop!
-Amy, Amy, Amy!
-Stop!
-Amy!
Hey! Hey! Hey! It's okay!
-No!
-No, no, no. It's okay.
No, but it was a biological
function! It was!
No. It was something
that was just supposed
to happen!
(SOBS)
I mean, what was all of that?
All of those teachers,
and parents,
and nuns warning us
about getting pregnant.
About having sex
because we would just
get pregnant, like boom!
You know, like a guy
just looks at you,
and then you just, like,
get pregnant.
And that's how it happens.
All of that worrying,
and the pill,
and the diaphragm,
and the rubbers,
I mean, what was that all for?
(BREATHES HEAVILY) Lies!
I have been living
in this body my entire life,
and it has all been one big lie!
I mean, I went to college.
I am a nurse, dammit!
I went to medical school,
and I voted
in every single election,
and I've flossed very regularly.
And that little bitch,
first time out of the gate
and she gets a baby!
She gets a baby!
Where's my baby?
(SOBS)
Where is my baby?
It was just something
that was supposed to happen.
You didn't do anything wrong.
Amy, we didn't.
Amy...
I know.
I didn't think...
I didn't think
I could take care of a baby.
You know,
I thought I was weak.
But I'm not. I'm strong.
And I didn't think I could love
someone else's baby.
But you know what, Amy?
There's no such thing.
No. It doesn't make any sense.
BOB:
There's no such thing
as someone else's baby.
It doesn't make sense.
Yes, it does. No. Listen me.
It does make sense.
Because you had two parents,
and four grandparents,
and eight great-grandparents.
And just 1,000 years ago,
there weren't even
a billion people on the planet.
-It's too late.
-No, no.
Our children
are Shirlee's children,
and Gerard's children,
and Justine's, and Bill's,
and the guy who sold us Binky,
and the woman
who sold us the turkeys.
Our children are theirs
and their children are ours
because...
because it isn't about blood,
or genes, or DNA, Amy.
That is what we are.
What we are, Amy.
It isn't what we are
that needs to go on.
It's what we are to each other.
That is the chain.
What you are to me...
and what I am to you...
and what we are to our children,
and our children's children,
and their children.
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
This is our baby.
This is our baby.
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY, SNIFFLES)
(BOTH SIGH)
SHIRLEE:
Each day was filled
with this new sense of promise.
I was so excited
that Bob and Amy
were gonna take the baby.
I knew
it would be the best thing
for all of us.
And Bob and Amy seemed like
they would be such
terrific parents.
In fact, they were just
the kind of parents
I wish I would've had.
You know, the kind
that would take you to soccer,
and make sure
you did your home work,
and brushed your teeth, and...
JERRY:
Excuse me. Do you know
where I can pick up the highway?
I'm trying
to get to Springfield.
Just down the road
about a quarter mile.
You make a left.
You can't miss it.
Thanks.
-Do you live in Springfield?
-Yeah. I was just in Chicago.
Such a cool town.
Yeah. I didn't see much of it.
I was there
for a training seminar for work.
Cool.
My dad has a Dairy Queen.
I'm going to be the manager.
SHIRLEE:
Dear Gerard, I'm really sorry
to do this in a note,
but so much has happened,
and I'm so freaked out.
First, let me say
I really love you,
and I always will.
But I met this guy
a few weeks ago,
and we've been texting,
and he asked me to marry him.
His name is Jerry,
and he's cool about the baby.
He's got a good job.
And I know
you'd really love him.
I thought about it a lot.
And I think
this is the right thing to do.
Sorry.
I didn't know it was for you.
SHIRLEE:
Please be happy for me.
Love, Shirlee.
PS,
if you're ever in Springfield,
come to the Dairy Queen.
I can get you
all the free stuff.
Jerry and I did get married,
and we were very happy.
When the baby was born,
we named him Austin,
after Jerry's Dad.
Jerry and I did great.
We made an unstoppable team.
Throughout it all,
Austin was our prize.
He went to medical school,
and graduated top of his class,
and became
a highly respected surgeon.
There are lots of times
when I think about how different
Austin's life might have been.
(SCOFFS GENTLY)
SHIRLEE:
Funny how things work out.
Well...
let's get some dinner.
(CLOTH THUDS SOFTLY)
GERARD:
I did see Shirlee
one other time.
(♪♪♪)
(SIGHS)
GERARD:
I figured it was him.
The baby, I mean.
He looked real cute.
I couldn't tell
if he looked like me or not.
But it didn't really matter.
I just didn't want Shirlee
to see me.
I didn't really wanna meet
the kid either.
All I wanted then was to just
get out of this place.
The next fall,
I entered music school.
Dad and I barely said goodbye
when I left.
It would've been nice to patch
things up between us.
I always planned to try.
But he died suddenly
during my junior year.
I guess not every story
ends good.
Still, even years later,
most of the stuff he built
is still around.
In fact, I've been told
that the real estate people
use it as a selling point.
They tell people,
"And it has a Rupert Murdoch
porch!"
I guess that makes it
worth more.
I became
a high school band director,
and there I stayed.
I did get married once,
but it didn't last long,
and I never tried it again.
I never had kids of my own.
My students were my kids.
And I tried to give
each one of them
a little piece of me
to carry on.
I think some of them did.
I hope so.
Like my Dad,
I had a massive heart attack
-when I was the same age.
-(EKG MACHINE BEEPING)
GERARD:
Fifty-nine.
The doctors worked hard
to try and save me,
but it was no use.
NURSE:
He's gone, Doctor.
You have to call it.
AUSTIN:
Okay, calling it.
Time of death, 4:53.
Damn it!
You can't save them all, Austin.
-Did we get this guy's name?
-NURSE: Gerard Murdoch.
No family.
Well, Mister Murdoch,
I'm sorry. God speed.
-Thank you, nurse.
-NURSE: You're welcome, Doctor.
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
GERARD:
I guess
she met this other guy.
He's got a good job.
-She wrote a letter.
-(PAGE RUSTLING)
-BOB: For us?
-Just the last part.
"Another PS,
tell Bob and Amy sorry.
I hope they're not too bummed."
Thank you.
(SIGHS)
Well, I guess I'll go now.
Bye, Amy.
(DOOR OPENS, CLOSES)
(♪♪♪)
♪ Alone, one man ♪
♪ One man can change the mind
of a woman if he tries ♪
♪ He might use truth,
he might use lies ♪
♪ Alone, one woman ♪
♪ One woman, all alone
she can change a man ♪
♪ She'll do all that she can ♪
♪ Trying hard to figure out
what's already been done ♪
♪ Before he was her husband ♪
♪ He was just
some poor woman's son ♪
♪ And she's not suggesting
someone else might be to blame ♪
♪ Just men and women equal
but we're not the same ♪
(♪♪♪)
Oh, Bob.
(CHUCKLES)
I never really loved...
another person.
Another whole person.
I never felt, uh...
Oh, God, Amy.
I just love you so much.
Then just stop now.
Don't say "but."
But...
Man...
I can't, uh...
I can't stay here with you
for a while.
I just can't be with you,
and it really, really hurts.
Well, if it really,
really hurts...
don't go.
(SIGHS)
It'll really, really hurt more
to stay.
So, what?
So, you think, what, you...
you wanna what?
(BREATHES HEAVILY)
I'm thinking I need to...
maybe move back into town,
uh, for a while.
(SOBS SOFTLY)
Okay.
That's such a quiet word,
isn't it?
Okay.
(♪♪♪)
(OBJECT CLATTERING)
I packed you some pots,
and pans, and some plates.
-Oh, I really don't need--
-Well, you have to eat.
You have to cook.
(SIGHS) I just need
maybe one pot and one plate.
You're not going to camp, Bob.
I mean, what if you...
(CLICKS TONGUE)
You might have someone over.
People.
-I don't like people.
-I know.
Just in case you find some.
You're the only people
I ever really liked.
I meant that as something nice.
Uh, something nice to say.
Do we have any more tape?
Uh... uh, yeah.
Um, in the barn,
next to the turkey pen.
-Um...
-Mm.
-BOB: I'll go get it.
-Hmm.
(GRUNTS)
Sorry.
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)
(SOBS)
-(BREATHES DEEPLY)
-BOB: Amy!
Somebody, we need some help!
Somebody, hello?
-Hello!
-Where is everyone? Hello!
-It's an emergency!
-Come on!
Hello?
(KEYBOARD CLACKING)
(DOOR OPENING)
It doesn't look good.
-What did that?
-What was it, a fox or...
I think
it was one of the other turkeys.
One of the others?
Well, they get really
territorial this time of year.
You know, maybe one of 'em
laid an egg.
And maybe this one
was roosting in a spot
that the other ones wanted.
Who knows?
There's a lot of tissue damage,
and that might heal,
but the eyes are gone.
So, what do we do?
Well, um,
you could make her comfortable.
Try to get her to drink
a little water.
I doubt she'll make it
through the night.
I'm sorry.
Uh, Marge has your paperwork.
(PAPERS RUSTLING)
Dr. Bennett is only charging
for the medicine.
Oh. Thanks, Marge.
(SNIFFLES)
Thanks. I don't suppose
the bird has a name.
No. We, um... (SNIFFLES)
We never got around
to naming her.
Hazel.
I call her Hazel.
MARGE:
Thanks.
I'm so sorry.
AMY:
Ready?
BOB:
Come on, Hazel.
Just a little, huh?
-(HAZEL WHIMPERING)
-BOB: You're gonna be fine.
I checked, and being blind
isn't gonna be that hard
for you. We'll manage.
Come on, just a little.
I'm gonna run
to the Hometown store
to pick up some of the stuff
the vet recommended.
Uh, no, no. Wait here.
You hate to drive at night.
I'll go.
Just, uh...
just if you can take her.
-AMY: It's okay. It's okay.
-(HAZEL CONTINUES WHIMPERING)
Try and get her to drink.
Okay.
It's okay.
It's okay.
(MEDICINES CLATTERING)
(SOBS, SNIFFLES)
BOB:
The place
where something starts
is sometimes the end.
She's gone, Bob.
(SIGHS)
Dear God...
accept the soul of Hazel.
We loved her.
And she loved us
the best she could.
Goodbye, Hazel.
I thought we'd put her out
by the elms.
It's quiet there.
Okay.
(GASPS) What is that?
(GASPS)
What do we do?
We put it in the nest
with the other eggs.
But when it hatches...
how will we know
which one is hers?
Is it important?
(SNIFFLES)
BOB:
For a while,
I kept up Binky's monument.
But then as our lives
got busier,
I gradually let it go.
I remember the days
before we got the call
from the adoption agency
as being some of the happiest
of my life.
The air was ripe
with expectation.
The world was as promising
as an egg.
In those days,
we lived as if in a dream.
And as if a dream lived in us.
We knew someplace out there,
we did have a baby.
Our baby.
And it became inevitable now
that we find each other.
(COOS)
♪ When I wake up
in the morning, love ♪
♪ And the sunlight
hurts my eyes ♪
Oh, yeah.
BOB:
Because although the universe
is a very big place...
-(BABY WHINES)
-AMY: Oh...
BOB:
...it is actually not so easy
to get lost.
Because all the beginnings
and all the endings
are really just the same.
Because 1,000 years ago,
there were less than a billion
people on the planet.
And someplace
inside all of them was you.
♪ A lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ A lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ A lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ A lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ A lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
♪ Lovely day, lovely day ♪
(♪♪♪)
♪ Why should I feel
discouraged? ♪
♪ And why should the shadows
come? ♪
♪ And why should my heart
feel lonely ♪
♪ And long for heav'n
and home? ♪
♪ When Jesus is my portion ♪
♪ My constant friend is He ♪
♪ His eye is on the sparrow ♪
♪ And I know
He watches over me ♪
♪ His eye is on the sparrow ♪
♪ And I know He watches me ♪
♪ And I sing
because I'm happy ♪
♪ And I sing because I'm free ♪
♪ His eye is on the sparrow
♪ And I know He watches me ♪
♪ Oh, His eye
is on the sparrow ♪
♪ And I know He watches ♪
♪ Yes, I know He watches ♪
♪ I know He watches over me ♪
♪ I sing because I'm happy
♪ Yes, I sing
because I'm free ♪
♪ Oh, His eye on the sparrow
♪ And I know
He watches over me ♪
♪ Oh, His eye on the sparrow ♪
♪ I know He watches over me ♪
♪ Oh, I know and I know ♪
♪ Oh, I know ♪
♪ Oh, yes, I know ♪
♪ He watches me ♪
(♪♪♪)
(♪♪♪)