Underplayed (2020) - full transcript

We've been missing a voice.

We're just beginning

to hear it.

To have it be present.

And now I'm going to

patch this into that.

I'm going to change

the processing...

so it has a little

bit more space.

Now I'm going

to shorten the envelope

to make it a little

more percussive.

It's organic,

because it changes

by itself

randomly.

And if you set up

a patch a certain way,

it will play forever.

Isn't that cool?

You see the machinery

of the music world.

It's all really

geared around men.

But we shouldn't ignore

the root system

that's there.

Well, the first stage

in the realization

of a piece of music

is to construct the

individual sounds

that we're going to use.

If the sound we want

exists already,

in real life, say,

we can go and record it.

And listen to them.

Delia Derbyshire's music

was so beautiful

and so advanced.

But I didn't know any

women in electronic music.

People will say,

"Why haven't women done it?"

Well, they have done it,

and they've been doing it,

and they have been

there all along.

But they've been invisible.

People here are

drunk with power

Women were the

inspirational guiding lights

for electronic music.

In the years that followed,

a lot of those

ideals have got lost.

And somehow a supermarket

has a more diverse range

of people than a nightclub.

I never had seen a female

DJ at the clubs ever.

Nada.

Hardly any women.

Women are so poorly

represented.

It's a very male-driven,

male-dominated industry.

We're completely erased.

The statistic

I've always stood by

is less than 5% women.

Turns out Annenberg

did the study: 2-3%.

There is an incredible

amount of art

that's not in the world

when you don't put women

into these environments.

More than 50% of the

population's points of view,

their ideas, perspectives

aren't being represented

in that soundtrack that's

playing every single day.

This kind of music

is meant for everyone.

And if we're not seeing

a really diverse group of people

creating dance music,

there's something wrong.

We need to do

something about this.

Music cannot just be

represented by men.

Oh, I see a bunch of dudes.

To be honest with you, like,

I'm just scrolling down,

and this list, it's obvious that

there's, like, less women,

but I just don't know

how much less there is.

Everywhere I go

I see men everywhere.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, it's unfortunate.

Just kidding.

Where did this

all start for you?

Well...

I've been listening to dance

music for a very long time.

And I was always going

to a bunch of raves,

and, you know, going

to party all the time.

And I would always just

hear music in my head

- while I was at these events.

- Yeah.

You know, I always thought,

"I want to try this.

I want to try and make music".

I knew that I was going to find

something one day in my life

that I was going to

feel this way about.

I don't just love dance

music, I want to make it.

And I'm going to put

everything into this.

I have no plan B,

that's the point. Zero.

There's so many different

things that I did,

I felt like I was always

one of the only girls doing it.

I was trying to

let her explore

what she liked to do.

I sat in my parents'

unfinished basement,

work on music

all day, that's it.

Sometimes forget to eat.

I did not have a issue.

She was staying in the

basement for two years.

But her father,

he's old-fashioned,

and he wanted her

to be successful

as a job or education.

Get out! Do something!

Sometimes I would stay up

till, like,

seven in the morning.

Go to sleep, wake up

at sometimes 3 or 4pm.

Yeah, that's why my dad was

concerned.

There's really not much

you need to work on music,

which was very relieving

for me to learn early on.

I found, like, a bass sound

that sounds pretty good.

Then, like, I, like,

turned this one knob

slightly to the right

and it made the sound,

like, so much bigger and wider,

and I was, like,

"Oh my god, like, yes!"

This is a book that

I started writing in 2014.

It's, like, a lot of notes

of music production.

But what really

got me motivated

was writing all these

philosophical-type things

for inspiration.

"Success is shallow

if it doesn't come

with happiness

or fulfillment."

"Set big goals."

"Drop negative thoughts

within 60 seconds

or restart the challenge."

I forgot about that!

It was, like, a massive

epiphany when I was, like,

"Oh my god, I can actually

learn to become very happy."

Any time I would

finish a song,

or even the process

of working on a song,

I would literally reach,

like, peak happiness.

I felt so enlightened.

I felt like I literally had,

like, a third eye open.

You know what I mean? Like,

possibly even a third ear. Both.

I could feel almost,

like, the world buzzing.

Vibrations of positive

energy just, like,

flying off of me

into the world.

And by 2015 I was already

playing my first festival.

I fucking love you guys. Thank

you so much.

I really resonated

with slow-paced,

kind of, like,

hypnotic sounding beats.

I knew that that's

what I was going to do.

I could see that

there's a certain spot

in the music industry that...

Like, a void that

doesn't have this.

I was that person.

That exact speed of music,

that exact vibe of music.

That's what they say,

"That sounds like Rezz."

You want an artist

to have vision,

you want them to

have ideas, goals.

She's the dream scenario

for an artists' growth.

Usually it happens slower.

She had very clear plans

of what she wanted to do.

For me, that kind

of says it all.

There hadn't been a

big female headliner,

at least in North America,

for electronic music.

The market was ready for Rezz.

We're looking for

those tastemakers,

those unique people

that are making strides

in the media,

in the DJ world.

And for us, that was Rezz.

I literally went to

so many music festivals

as a young

16, 17, 18-year-old.

And Dreams was

definitely one of them.

And all of a sudden, now I'm,

like, headlining the festiv...

It's, like, preposterous.

I don't really know what

to say other than that.

Like, it's just crazy.

I just want to

let you guys know

I actually used to

come to this festival

when I was, like, 17.

So this absolutely

insane. Jesus.

She's a superstar.

She is someone that has shown,

if you really want something

and you believe in yourself

and you have a dream,

that you can make it happen.

When we were booking

Bud Light Dreams,

it was looking like we were

going to have seven

or eight female DJs.

But there's not a lot of

women currently out there

that have made a big

name for themselves.

You're going to have

your main headliners,

the Tieëstos, the Zedds,

the people that are going

to sell the tickets

that reach the

wide audiences.

At the end of the day,

we're a festival,

we're a business, and we need

to sell tickets, right?

When festivals say

there aren't enough women,

we say look harder.

Talent is everywhere,

opportunity isn't.

This top 100 DJ list

has such a massive

impact on bookings.

This kind of system reinforces

the same stereotype.

You know, the same people will

be at the top over and over,

but the one at the bottom,

they will never get that chance.

It's pretty much

a vicious cycle.

It's very important for

artists to get on that list

because they can then

show it to promoters

and be, like, "Look,

I'm number three. Pay me."

There are so many

examples of artists

and their agents

saying, "Oh no,

we've already got

a woman on that lineup."

We can only put that

one girl as the headlining spot.

Meanwhile, the white men

category is, like, this big.

I've definitely been on

a lot of festival lineups

where I'm the only woman.

Tons of those.

There are so many

other women that I know

who never get booked,

and deserve to get booked.

There's the misconception

that audiences

want male artists.

I think that's

really insulting

because audiences

don't just consume.

They want to be inspired.

I know Rezz is

headlining, and that's amazing,

but she's big.

She's selling tickets.

We need to put these voices

that haven't even been heard,

that are so talented,

on these lineups.

DJing, or trying

to get into spaces to DJ,

I felt very...

unwelcomed.

It can't be because

I'm a woman,

that's why you're not giving

me these opportunities.

But then it always proved

to be that situation.

♪ I am

♪ I am

...because in the whole

world, black people,

and I mean... I mean

that in every sense,

outside and inside.

And to me they

have culture that...

Sometimes I don't

even know how I got here

and how I persevered.

I was in a position

where, financially,

things were really

getting dire.

I rarely had any money

to take the subway,

or how I would, like,

afford a meal that day.

Those challenges

are... are huge.

All these things

working against me,

you know, it's like,

"How do I create

when I don't have

the tools to?"

It's the most DIY

you're going to ever get

when you go to

Guitar Center,

and your budget

is, like, $200,

and, you know, you want

to get, like, a microphone,

you want to get

a audio interface.

Not the best, you know,

but it's how I can get started

on just getting my ideas

out from my head

and start working.

Growing up, I wanted to learn

how to play piano so badly,

but my mother, she didn't

want to encourage me

to become a musician.

Being a black girl

from an island,

that patriarchy was just,

like, really stifling.

It was like, "You're going to be

a housewife."

So you think the normal

thing... I think girls...

they're thinking of getting

married and having kids

or being a nurse or a teacher,

some kind of help, you know.

I knew of Grace Jones,

but she's not

celebrated back home.

Jamaicans didn't think

that she was beautiful.

Growing up, if I was

teased and bullied,

called, like, really

awful names like "donkey",

my mother didn't correct it.

You're not really, like,

taught to embrace

your natural features

that are so beautiful.

A person like Grace Jones

was radically free.

And I really

connected with that.

It's not being masculine,

it's... it's an

attitude, really.

Being masculine;

what is that?

I mean, can you tell me

what is being masculine?

And I mean, I think that

I just act the way I feel.

That erasure of her legacy

within our culture

is so destructive.

They don't ever want us

to be able to see someone

that we can identify with.

As a Jamaican queer woman,

I'm off their radar 'cause

of those similar practices.

It's important

to set an intention

of how you want the

creative space to feel.

♪ I'm stronger... ♪

I want to honour this

because I feel like

we're tapping

into something

that wasn't possible

a decade or two ago.

That period in my life

where I definitely had

to hide myself, culturally,

because it was dangerous

to be anything but straight.

Isolation feels like home.

Isolation sometimes

feels like home

but I still don't

want to be alone.

Let's work through that.

♪ ...go through certain

cycles and motions ♪

- You ready to sing to this?

- That's fire, yeah.

Okay.

Every time before

we start working,

it's always us

getting into, like,

things that we're

going through.

"I feel this way,"

"I'm going through this."

And, you know, we have

similar, like, connections

of, like, you know...

- Yeah.

- We can relate in terms of our experiences, We can relate.

- Yeah.

- Right.

- shared experiences.

And the complications

of being brown

and black and queer.

♪ ...my heart

feels ignored ♪

♪ Isolation

♪ Sometimes

feels like home ♪

We were trying to, like,

make a vogue song for a while.

- No one has ever hit it yet. Until she came along.

- Yes.

♪ ..get by

Yeah!

I take pride in being

able to work with, like,

a... like, black woman

that's a producer.

Working with people

in our community,

that's very important because

we were working with people,

trying to make a

fucking vogue song

with people who are not

a part of our community.

- You know what I mean?

- You don't get it, bitch.

- Right, you don't get it.

- You don't get it.

If you never had to

act like someone else

for your own safety

or for your own comfort,

you could never

understand what it's like

to let yourself

go to the beat.

These kids, like, came from

poverty and were homeless

and had to create literally

the fantasy around them,

and they did it

with their hands.

You...

you pat the makeup on,

you build the castle.

This is beautiful.

And, check this breakdown.

He's saying, "I am what I am",

but what I did was

just chop that up...

...say "I..."

then fucking trumpets.

♪ Now what the fuck

you gon' do? ♪

Queer culture

is very very much

at the centre of dance music.

That's where it all came from.

So you can't really be about

DJ culture and dance music

without doing more

than paying lip service

to those communities.

House and techno was born

in black and Hispanic

queer communities

in Chicago and Detroit

coming together

to party in a safe place

because there weren't other

safe places for them.

It was futuristic,

it was progressive,

it was breaking

cultural barriers.

Colour, race, gender,

the whole thing.

That was the whole

point of dance culture.

Whether they were

male or female,

these are people

that pioneered

and understand

this long and beautiful

history of dance music.

It means reminding ourselves

that women were always

a part of the conversation.

Clara Rockmore

was then, and remains,

the premier virtuosa

of the theremin.

It was one of the earliest

electronic musical devices.

Across the table

from me is Clara Rockmore.

On the other side

here is Robert Moog.

His name is a

household word now

because of a synthesizer

that bears it.

Bob, what do you find

special about the theremin?

Well, I began

building theremins

as an experimenter when

I was a kid in high school.

I've been at it

on an amateur

and semi-professional

basis ever since.

My dad showed Clara

his theremins.

And she said, "They're not as

good as Theremin's theremin.

I don't want one."

So he used her as a guide

to better his own circuitry,

with Clara being the beacon

for what was needed.

Introducing Ms. Daphne Oram,

who's engaged in scientific

research into electronic music.

Here's the theme of one

of her compositions.

Daphne Oram, who's a

pioneering electronic artist.

She had such a beautiful

philosophical approach

to music and electronics.

How you can get so

much human emotion

out of beautiful machines.

She was just some

person in the back room

who was doing all

these incredible,

amazing things that

no one knew about.

Well, you're looking at one of

the very first 8-track machines.

We used it for Switched-On Bach,

Well-Tempered Synthesizer,

right through a good half

of Clockwork Orange.

Wendy Carlos in her

studio in Greenwich Village

is one of the pioneers

of synthesized sound.

Her controversial

versions of the classics,

created entirely electronically,

put machine-made

music on the map.

Wendy was exceptionally gifted.

Possibly the most capable

person on earth at that time.

And that inspired my dad

in his own designs.

That was a real

driving force for him

to be able to

provide for her

what she needed

to express herself.

He was thrilled to see women

embrace electronic music.

When my father was building

the Moog synthesizer,

he found that putting

together analog circuitry

takes a lot of

attention to detail

and manual dexterity.

Perhaps a lot of other people

wouldn't think of women

to be suited for

that kind of task.

My father certainly did.

During that time, there was

a more accepted sense

of male superiority.

But these incredibly

talented, gifted,

meticulous

and demanding women,

they are part, a big part,

of the story of invention.

Unfortunately,

we've spent so long

not talking about them,

but those women 100% existed,

worked really hard and had

a very strong handprint

on the way dance music

looks like today.

One, two, three, four.

Yeah, I can sing out of tune,

and it'll still be in tune,

'cause it depends

on what I play.

This is all the pitch,

so you don't have to really

be able to sing to do this.

So it's great. Yeah.

♪ Ahhh

That's nice.

Turn it up a little bit.

♪ Ahh-h-h

Traditionally,

women did not have

a very optimistic outlook

in electronic music.

There were lots of signals

that you weren't quite okay.

After graduate school,

I went to work for Don Buchla.

He's credited with

making the first

analog modular

musical instrument.

Don agreed to sponsor

a class for us.

This is a big thing for me!

After the second class,

Don came up to me and he said,

"We've decided that

we're not going to have

any women in the class."

How can I not take

that personally?

I'm the only woman in the class.

It was a social discomfort.

They just were used

to being amongst themselves

and they wanted it

to stay that way.

It's very hard

for female artists

to come out with stories

or even open up about

their identity as women

because there's this fear

that they will be ostracized.

That's part of the reason

why the visibility

is kind of non-existent.

It's a rocky road

for your identity

or your credits.

The moment someone

sees a woman's name

and then another person's

name, like a man,

they immediately assume

the man did all the work.

When men produce their

own stuff, it's like,

"Oh yeah, that makes sense,

of course he does."

But women, they really

had to fight for that shit.

One of the worst questions

that people can

ask a producer...

and I don't know if men

get asked this question

as often as I have been...

"So which ideas were yours?

What did youactually do?"

Maybe I should have

posted more pictures

of me in the studio,

just so people know

I'm actually here

doing all the work.

When I started,

a lot of people

would attribute my music

to the men in my life.

"Oh, Tokimonsta,

she didn't even make that.

Her boyfriend made it."

I didn't like that

any of my hard work

was being attributed to a man.

What I wanted to make

sound really unique

in this particular

moment is the snare.

So here we have a rock...

This one, which

is a truck door.

And then...

...standard snare.

So I recorded them all together.

And I know that I have

a snare that no one else has.

That makes it just

that much more unique.

My identity is transparency

in my process.

And the more I share

that with people,

the more they know

what I make is mine.

When I got nominated

for a Grammy,

I was very surprised.

I have tried to not

be self-deprecating.

And if I got it, that means

I really deserved it.

I'm sure a lot of people

don't think I did.

And maybe some people think that

I got it because I'm a woman.

Because right now,

female integration in music,

some of it is a bit gimmicky.

It's like the bad

voice that I hear,

maybe I don't deserve it,

maybe I am just a gimmick,

and because I'm a chick

I'm just relevant

at this moment.

And that's what I try

to calm down and quell

because I know that I've

been working really hard.

I guess this is an

accolade that I deserve.

It's really weird to say

that, but, you know...

What's unfair is the fact

that I feel this way at all.

And I think some of that might

be because of how I was raised.

A little boy might be given

a science set or a car,

and a girl gets

an Easy-Bake Oven

and a baby that

can take a bottle.

This socialization that

girls have to technology

from a very young age

is just horrible.

They're not socialized,

they're not shown

as like this is a tool that you

can use to express yourself.

Making electronic music,

you need to learn

learning to use gear,

learning to set up a studio,

how a synth works on the inside

and all of these things.

Growing up, that is

something that I didn't have.

My father is an engineer,

and I basically was

raised in his lap,

constantly surrounded

by technology.

I got used to being

surrounded by men too,

because his entire

research lab was men,

and I just thought

that's normal.

And he got a lot of

grief for that, actually.

It was like, "You shouldn't

raise your daughter like that."

It was the best thing

that ever happened to me.

Everyone who taught me something

little, they were all men.

Because I didn't know any other women

who were doing it at the time.

I didn't have a lot

of people showing me

that I could actually do it.

I went on YouTube

and searched up a bunch

of female producers,

and there wasn't a lot.

I was kind of just looking

up to a man the whole time.

I remember the

excitement,

any time I'd see

a woman's name.

I think the first one

I saw was Peggy McCreary,

on a Prince record.

Those things matter.

No one wants to feel

like a freak.

I think it was

Virginia Woolf who said,

"A female artist needs

a room of their own."

But I feel for anyone,

especially a woman artist

in this biz who's alone.

The nature of DJing

and producing music,

it can be done with one

person and their laptop,

and no one else.

Mainly I just

taught myself.

And I was just really,

really passionate.

Arrange tracks,

compose tracks,

mix and master them

all by myself.

From a mental, emotional,

physical, spiritual level,

it's a very difficult job.

There's no one saying this

is the right way to do it,

this is the wrong

way to do it.

Yeah, it's a really

isolating path.

For women, you add this other

extra layer of psychic weight.

A little thing like being

the only gender in the room

can really throw you off.

"Wait, is that true?

You're in, like, a studio

"with these other producers

and, like, they really

"didn't listen to your ideas

because you're female?

"And they're like, "Yes.

That is what it's really like."

There are so many women

across decades of dance music

that have had to

overcome that fear

and also perform

twenty times better

than maybe the white

male next to them.

And I'm sure that feels

so lonely and difficult.

Alison Wonderland has been

working at it for years.

She went through all the

trials and tribulations

as a young DJ, playing

to no one in tiny clubs.

And then she exploded

across dance music.

Wonderland, Wonderland...

Wonderland,

Wonderland, Wonderland...

Welcome to

Temple of Wonderland.

Two, three...

♪ I needed you another way

♪ Giving up another

won't break me ♪

♪ I'll take it all

and let you lay ♪

♪ It's moving on

so look away, run ♪

♪ Don't take it down ♪

I was always that kid

that was at the library at lunch

or at the music room at lunch.

I wasn't really super social.

Still kind of feel that way,

except on stage.

I picked up classical

cello when I was 11,

so I was an orchestra geek.

I was listening to an album

called Siamese Dream,

by Smashing Pumpkins,

which actually has

a string quartet in it,

so I wrote my first song

called An Ode to Billy,

and it was the first

time I realized

that playing cello

could be really cool.

I made the decision this year

to play all my own

music at my shows.

I realized that I was selling

myself short as an artist.

I'm not a "DJ".

I'm an artist,

I produce music,

I write songs,

I arrange music,

I perform and I DJ.

♪ Is it good enough?

When you look at other

DJs and producers

that are in the same category

as her, and you're like,

"They're not singing

on their tracks.

"They're not playing a string

instrument professionally

and incorporating it

into their live sets."

She was the top female

headliner DJ for Coachella.

You really see it in

the Sahara tent now,

you and Rezz are

the closing acts

and there's really,

like, a shift

in what electronic

music is becoming

because of your guys'

very different perspectives

as females, as people who

pour soul into this music.

♪ Is it good enough?

Knowing that I'm putting

everything into this,

to me, is success.

Every time I

release something,

every time I

express something,

I'm as raw as I possibly can.

If you read my Twitter,

no one else touches my Twitter.

If you are a fan of mine,

you're getting, always, me.

♪ I was alone

♪ I was a fool

♪ Looking at YouTube

♪ Thinking I knew you

♪ Picked up my phone

♪ Nothing to lose

♪ All of a sudden

it's colour blue ♪

I doubt myself a lot.

I've never felt valid.

Your mental health

is very affected

by being an artist

because you're

also digging deep

and you are very

vulnerable all the time.

♪ I know it's too late ♪

♪ I know where it's left ♪

♪ And now I see space

in the bed that we slept ♪

Five years ago, I was

already writing songs

about my struggles

with mental health.

I'm one person.

And I just get flown

around and shipped around

like an object sometimes,

no regard for the amount

that I have to give,

the amount I have to be on,

not seeing my home,

not seeing my family at all.

I've lost a lot of

friendships over it

because I've missed birthdays,

Christmases, you name it.

And I'm a solo artist.

So the people that

travel with me, I pay.

♪ Awake

♪ Awake

♪ Awake

♪ Awake

I'm going to be sick.

Really stressed.

I want to cry, but I...

I... I can't.

It's like I want

to cry, and I can't.

My manager is my best friend.

He advised me recently

to take two weeks off

because I was

disintegrating.

Yeah. That's, like...

I'm hyper-focused

on every note

the strings are playing

while I'm DJing.

While I'm hearing the drums,

I'm hyper-focused on that

when that comes in

and that comes in.

Then I stand out and I sing,

I'm hyper-focused on that

with the monitors.

But everything, I'm, like,

focused on at the same time.

It's... exhausting.

I'm hoping... I hope

everyone likes it.

I just want to level up,

level up, level up.

It's time.

This new generation of women,

they're kind of operating

as if this may end tomorrow

and they're playing

every corner of the world

as quickly as they can.

It's very competitive.

There's not been

any female artists

that have ever come

through like this.

It also must be quite

unnerving for them:

is it going to last?

Is it sustainable?

They're tired and they're

on the road constantly.

You're in these high, highs where you have

100,000 people screaming your name

and then you're in a

hotel room by yourself.

A lot of people think,

"It's so fun, you get

to travel all the time."

It's very lonely.

Hello, camera.

It's actually interesting to

have, like, a camera person

around for even before,

kind of, the show.

Even if I tell you

to, like, shut it off,

it'll still be footage that

I told you to shut it off.

Like, you know what I'm saying?

I was feeling, like,

super-anxious

just now in my room.

My thoughts were all,

like, wild for a second.

And I just got super

nervous about tonight.

I've never felt the level

of high pressure and intensity

that I do prior

to stage, ever.

I had panic attacks

all of 2018,

during shows, before shows,

random moments in the

comfort of my own house.

It's not like everything's

great all the time,

you know what I mean?

The thing that

makes me nervous,

when I first ever started

posting my music,

it was on this group called

Toronto Rave Community,

and I was, like, the one girl.

Here I am thinking

I'm a likable person.

One of the most,

like, innocent,

just working-my-ass-off

type people,

and then I just got

slapped with, like,

"There's just something

about her I just don't like."

"She makes shit music."

"Oh, you guys just boost

her up because she's a girl."

That's so strongly

effected me.

I've sold out great big

venues and, like, headlined.

And I've done really well.

But all I can think

about before stage

is those people,

which is so unfortunate.

Comments in general,

they're getting more extreme.

It's becoming more

and more acceptable

to hide behind a computer

and promote horrible stuff.

Trolling in general

is just becoming

a bigger and bigger problem.

It makes you think,

"Is it true?"

Maybe I suck, I shouldn't

be here, maybe they're right.

A healthy mind can

deal with all of that.

But it's so overwhelming

that you do,

you just end up kind of

losing your mind a bit.

I got into happy hardcore

when I was really young.

That was my kind of intro

to techno and then electro.

But my favourite

thing is just raves.

I was a raver. I wore some

very questionable outfits.

What I really loved about

the club and rave culture was,

suddenly there

was this community

that I could be a part of,

and no one really judged.

Make some noise

for Nightwave!

Boiler Room is fantastic,

and it's so important

because they just

reach the whole globe.

Make some noise!

I think when I got that,

it was kind of a

validating moment for me.

I actually cried when

I played, I was so excited.

It was brilliant.

These shows are

really important.

But at the same time,

with Boiler Room,

or any of these stream shows,

you just know in advance,

it's going to be bad

and it's going to attract

comments and stuff.

I had some issues.

It was kind of a bit rowdy.

And then I actually

got groped

halfway through my set

as well, so that was...

that was a bit stressful.

But I just thought this is

just another club situation

where I just make it work.

But afterwards, I saw

the horrible stuff said.

It's not just "shit mix",

it's "you should

kill yourself".

And this is the stuff we get.

It was a real moment

where we realized

that things can go

horribly wrong online.

Because there are some

horrible people out there.

I was quite depressed

and anxious for a while,

just questioning everything.

I just kept sort

of reliving that.

I pushed music away

because I felt,

maybe I don't

deserve to do this.

It was too much.

What's important to

DJ culture and dance music

is that there's a safe space

for people to

express themselves.

We have a responsibility to

make all Boiler Room events,

online and in real life,

a place where music

is enjoyed by everyone,

free of intolerance

and toxicity.

We're trying to continually

monitor and ban people

to make sure

that they know

that these things

are not acceptable.

But it's an upward

struggle the whole time.

I don't know what

it is about live streams

that make people feel

that they can say that,

because they're

behind the computer.

'Cause you're not going

to go up to the DJ

whilst they're playing

at a club, after a mix,

and go "You should kill

yourself for that mix".

No.

It's so sad that

she had to be the person

that went through that

for them to understand

that "Fuck, we've actually

got to moderate these comments".

If you've just tuned in,

you are listening

to the sounds of Sherelle.

Playing the finest of footwork,

juke, 160 and jungle.

I'll be taking you through

all the way till three.

My life changed this year,

in February

when I was called in

to do a Boiler Room.

I had a chat with

my best mate, Nayno.

I said to her

"Should I say no to this?

I don't think I'm ready".

She was like,

"Absolutely fucking not.

Go and say yes".

This whole, like,

nervous feeling just

dropped in my stomach

and I was like, "I could ruin

my career by doing this".

"Better create a really

good set then".

One, two, one two three.

Excuse me, excuse me.

What the fuck was that?

Oh, my god.

That was it for me.

I didn't wake up

from my alarm

and wasn't at work for 10am

in the morning the next day.

"Sherelle, where are you?"

like... and I was like

"Fuck!" I was like,

"I'm so sorry I'm not at work.

Like, oh fuck I'm getting ready.

I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry".

He was like "No, no worries.

Like, come in when you can.

Just so you know,

your video is viral".

I was like...

"The fuck?"

Shit loads of messages on my

phone off of Instagram, Twitter,

Facebook. I had to change

my name 'cause people were like

"Fucking love your Boiler Room!

Fucking love, you're brilliant!"

"You're doing so well!

I've just seen

you on this clip!

I don't know

what it is, da-da-da".

Yes, Sherelle! Yes, Sherelle!

Bumbaclot, we weren't

fucking ready, my god.

Thank you!

Shit-all was happening

for me this time last year.

I quit my job to be a DJ now.

Just, like, a month

and a half ago.

It is everything I've ever

wanted to do from the age of 18.

So I'm grateful as fuck for it.

Nightwave's Boiler Room,

some of the comments

were quite misogynistic.

"Why is she dancing so much?

Like, what is she

dancing to? da-da-da-da."

I was dancing

in my Boiler Room.

So many elements to it,

which were just not her fault.

Shit could really

affect someone.

It's really funny

'cause a lot of people

from the Boiler Room

don't even realize

I'm a girl.

- No.

- Yes!

They don't realize I'm a girl.

It's because my appearance

is more masculine

than it is feminine.

They haven't judged me the same

way that say, for instance,

they may judge

my female counterparts.

Women felt like

they need to become

these strong,

boyish characters,

downplay their femininity,

in order to prove

they are skillful.

I don't think it's any

sort of coincidence

that artists like

Alison Wonderland,

Rezz and even someone

like Billie Eilish,

all share this

really androgynous look.

I didn't ever, by any means,

sexualize anything.

I'll be playing shows

and all I hear in the crowd

"She's so fucking hot".

I definitely would

much prefer them

to come to my shows

for my production.

I really instinctively

felt the need

to do whatever

I could to deflect

from the fact

that I was a woman.

I made a point of always looking

as androgynous as possible.

Half the people want to put

me in dresses or whatever

and I was just like "I don't...

I want to wear a T-shirt".

Yeah, you probably dress more

like how the male DJs do,

which is

they don't care.

When I first started DJing,

my style quite changed.

I became a tomboy, like,

really, to the fullest extent.

But at the same time,

with Instagram

I did feel a pressure

to, like, feminize.

We would post an image

of us in the studio,

or us at a wicked gig.

No one cares.

Then you post a photo

of us with

a bikini on,

and we'll get

10 times more likes.

We just had a real

passion for music

so we naturally spoke

about it more.

But I don't think our sexuality

needs to be dumbed down.

Like, when I get

my baby belly off,

I'm going to be, like,

rocking a bikini.

I know, baby.

We've really been living

a very international life

for almost a decade.

Gyp-setters, we say.

Yeah, we've spent half

our life overseas.

You're on video, girls.

Come on. Come on, go!

Come on, Ithaca. Yay!

- Go on! Good job.

- Yay!

Yay! I'll catch her.

Good girl. Good girl.

Our career is

very demanding,

and not really conducive,

at least we didn't think it was,

to having children.

We were like,

"When are we going to do it?

Are we going to slow down?"

We love our job,

we love our life.

How's it going to look?

How is it going to work?

I was really scared.

Will it destroy your image?

Your brand?

It's just a lot of...

...pressures

You're no longer

sexy if you're a mom

or you've put

on three kilos.

Whoa! Your right breast has put

on three kilos.

Oh, let me get a

nose ring, quick!

We just took our babies

on the first ever tour.

I mean, we wouldn't survive

if we didn't have each other.

There's no way I would

choose this life if I was a solo.

No, no no.

Absolutely not.

Ooh!

No, that was a "Rrr".

Oh, was it? Okay,

excuse me, one second.

All right.

Aww, you don't like

the camera, Ithaca?

You don't like

the camera?

Whoo, whoo!

Give a smile.

- Do a big fart!

- Stage mom.

That would be so much fun.

Where is this Meduza record

on my freaking thing?

No, it's gone.

You do get ridiculed

a lot for your set.

Once it's online,

it stays online for ever.

For ever ever ever.

It's why you work so hard

at looking good for Instagram.

- Do you want to play Domino?

- No.

- No?

- No.

- Why not?

- It's too flat.

Holy shit.

Umm...

We had a summer

of booked up gigs,

and a winter of

booked up gigs.

And we didn't want to be sitting

at home, pregnant,

twiddling our thumbs.

- ...cuddles.

- ...followed by...

Put your love on me.

Piece of your heart.

Piece of your

heart, yeah, okay.

We didn't really tell people

up until we were

both heavily pregnant.

We didn't want

being pregnant

to be the focus on not

booking us or booking us.

You're dealing with

promoters and agents

and managers.

I DJed until I was

seven months pregnant.

- Was it seven? No.

- Yeah, it was.

Mim was more pregnant

than me so we were like,

"Look, this show,

there might only be one Nervo".

Some promoters asked

for discounts.

Half the fee, half Nervo.

I wonder if men

could get pregnant,

if it would

be different.

Would men probably

say "No, screw you.

I'm not turning up and that's

what's going to happen.

But my band member is turning up

and that's the end of it.

Baby bod needs to be...

sucked in today.

- Have you got your pump?

- Yep.

- It's all packed?

- Yep.

Okay. We have everything.

Do we have chewing gum?

Do you have both the red USBs?

We're good, we're good,

we're good. Coffee.

Sorry. Baby's not coming.

Okay vamos. Let's go.

Hey-y-y!

Amazing! Whoo!

That's great. Are you good

in nine minutes?

Yeah, that's why

I'm stopping this.

Photobombs.

Great! Thank you.

♪ I just wanna hold on

♪ I just wanna hold on

♪ Hold on

♪ I just wanna hold on

We didn't want to be pop stars.

We really just want to DJ.

- Yeah.

- Like we love dance music.

But convincing our A&Rs

that women can be sexy

and still be DJs

and not be disposable,

- that was a fight.

- That was a real fight.

Mmm.

How a woman presents herself

and the way that

she's accepted,

that comes with its own

web of complicated issues.

Is she too sexualized?

Is she under-sexualized?

And if you're a beautiful woman,

that makes it even

more difficult in a sense

because people are

only going to see that

and they're probably

going to make assumptions

that you've got there

because of your looks.

And so your skillset

is diminished as a result.

It's kind of unfortunate

'cause if you're a sexy gal,

and that's who you are,

you should be able to be

as sexy as you want

and make bangers, you know.

What is feminine? What

is the female consciousness?

It's erroneously sometimes

thought of as "pretty"

or a fascination

with appearance,

'cause we've been put

in that box for so long.

My entire life,

I've hated how I look,

I've hated

my body desperately.

Drugs or unsafe sex

with unsafe people

or eating disorders,

anything to get out

of this skin.

I felt like my

femininity didn't fit.

I always felt like a weird

like... beast.

Every. Cell. In. Me. Protests.

Whatever I'm afraid of

in myself, I cast it off.

I'm done, I'm done with that

'cause I cannot afford it.

It will destroy

every relationship

and it will make any happiness

I have in this life useless.

There is some sick pleasure there

for both of us I think.

I've had to do a lot of

work internally.

I lie.

And now writing and

training and writing.

I'm on the floor

like a starfish.

And so it's been such a joy

to finally get over

the fear of being seen.

Every. Cell. In. Me. Protests.

If I claim to be a punk,

the most punk thing on Earth

I can do is to love myself,

because it takes me out

of this whole capitalism:

You need something else

in order to be okay.

I don't need shit

to be okay. I'm great.

♪ I'm here ♪

♪ To learn

♪ To watch

♪ This burn

♪ Oh

♪ It is enough

♪ Get free

♪ Trust

♪ Release

♪ Disrupt

♪ Lean in

♪ Turn up

♪ To me

♪ Bow down

♪ Sink in

♪ Tonight

♪ I need you to listen up

♪ Get free

♪ Trust

♪ Release

Dance music is political.

If you're not speaking

truth to power,

then you're perhaps

misusing the privilege

that you have of a voice.

When you're allowed

to have a voice

and a say in something,

it will carry,

and it absolutely will

resonate with people.

The spaces that

I occupy as a DJ

are predominantly queer

centered spaces.

Being queer and Caribbean,

we don't have that luxury

to just ignore

what's going on around us,

because we're the ones

that are affected.

Culturally, you know,

we have a lot of things

that we've had to overcome.

Homophobia.

Just a lack of acceptance.

It can be dangerous.

Jamaica is very conservative,

and even if you migrate,

you take your way

of life with you.

Even though New York

is a really

liberated and open city,

when I came here,

I felt that transparence.

Some guy that DJs was saying

that we should shut up

and just play the music,

that's what they pay us for.

But we're not puppets.

It just screams privilege.

You're so unaffected

that you can't even relate

to people who don't

have that privilege.

If I went back to Jamaica,

there would probably

no Tygapaw.

The risk that I had to take

was in order for me

to be who I truly am.

Nightclubs aren't always safe.

Women are at risk

for harassment,

and not just women but

like non-binary people,

marginalized people,

trans people.

What makes me angry is that

you tell your male friends

about it and they're

like, "Oh, really?

I didn't know

it was like that".

As a woman you always

second guess that...

"You sure?" I am sure.

And then you come across and you

come across a bit like a cunt.

You know, it's not... I'm not

a cunt, I'm just being...

I'm very sure

what's happening here.

Because women were alienated

from electronic music

for so long,

it's really hard

to get the confidence

to put yourself out there,

knowing that there is a risk

that you're going to be

completely ridiculed.

We had a meeting one day

with our publisher.

We were like, "how could

we only make that much money

from a top 10

with a major pop star?"

He's like, "I know, girls.

You've got to marry rich".

So did you change something?

Um, I put back in the bass,

that she'd asked me

to take out like...

at the beginning of...

So... it was a little...

Right, so here's the thing.

I'm a bit concerned

about monitors.

Like, it was muddy

the whole time.

That's why my ears

are ringing.

My ears are ringing because the

monitors weren't right.

- Don't even play one song...

- I... how many times

How many times did

I say though, today?

I was, like, asking

and asking and asking...

I didn't hear you.

Get me to do it.

Garth you can't,

you don't have my ears.

No, no, but, like, to relay the

message or whatever.

I can't...

I didn't realize

it was a problem.

No, but here's the thing, I can't be

more more clear than I was.

I don't like to talk

about it a lot,

because I think

that it separates

what we're trying to achieve,

but there is definitely sexism

in the music industry.

It is a weird thing

that women also internalize.

Do we talk about things

that make us feel unsafe?

Is that okay?

But I think the part

that bothers me the most

and as a female musician,

is I don't want anyone

to think that

I'm using any part of me

as a gimmick

to propel my music.

At the end of 2015,

while I was in the middle

of one of my tours,

I was diagnosed with

this disease called moyamoya.

It's a really rare

disease that affects

the vascularity in your brain.

The arteries that supply blood

start to shut off

until they close.

I had to write a will,

do a medical directive.

If I turn into a potato,

who is my cat going to go to?

Good boy.

I had two brain surgeries.

Two days after the surgery, I woke up

and I couldn't talk anymore.

I decided to open

my computer,

try making something,

and what I found

was I couldn't make any music.

I didn't have...

the part of me

that could create.

And that was something

I didn't expect.

I kind of just sat with it

for a little bit

and I decided I'll just

give myself more time.

Maybe it's just too soon

for making music.

So I waited.

Every day I would hear music

and it would sound less harsh

and more understandable.

The next attempt was

very successful.

I was really happy,

you know, like...

I had lost everything,

but the song was...

I mean, it's so funny

'cause, like,

I have already

made the album ages ago,

I hear this song

a thousand times but...

it's hard not to feel

a bit emotional.

We all deal with

really difficult things

and we all have

our individual problems,

and I made it through that

to make this album.

But I didn't get the Grammy

because I went through that.

Some people think

I got it because of pity

or I'm a woman

and we're in a climate

where being socially

conscious is now cool.

But I know it's not true.

I pat myself on the back

and be like,

"Jenn, you deserved it.

It's all good".

You can't help

when those thoughts come in

and you have to recognize

the way to change it

so that when the next girl

comes in and she gets it

and wins, she's like,

"This is all me."

♪ Someday

♪ Someday, I'll be better ♪

♪ Now that you're gone ♪

♪ I'll burn all your letters ♪

♪ And right all your wrongs

♪ Right now, I am barely

off of my knees ♪

♪ But someday I'll find ♪

...two, three...

♪ Peace

♪ Someday...

Alison, she usually

does this alone, solo.

And she's added this

full percussion,

string section.

Singing live is

a new thing for her

and she's excited about it,

but it can be scary.

♪ Someday I'll find ♪

- Amazing.

- It was a big difference.

- It should sit nice.

- You literally killed it.

I felt like I knew

that there was something wrong

last time.

You know? Like

the whole time.

And I was frustrated 'cause

I couldn't express

- what was wrong.

- Yeah.

But this is... feels... like now

I know that I was right.

Yes, it's all

feeling better.

And I want to, I might walk

through the front

and like, try and look cool,

I don't know.

And yeah,

you guys start.

Oh my god,

I'm going to cry.

One, two, three.

Whoo!

I don't think I've ever been

on a stage with all women.

- Really?

- Ever.

I didn't know that Alex was

going to have all female musicians.

I'm super excited

because that's a statement

that not a lot of people

are making these days.

There are a lot of gigs

that I've done

that specifically want females.

But you don't feel

empowered at all

because it's more about your

looks than it is your playing.

"This is the dress that

we want you to fit into"

and "Oh, we need you to wear,

like, false eyelashes".

And here it's just solely

based off of our talent

and that makes it feel

really special.

I just wanted all women

and I want everyone

to be themselves

and look like themselves.

Wear, like

amazing outfits.

Like we get to just

dance and roll around.

Oh, our outfits

are sick! All white.

- They're comfortable.

- Sweat pants.

Sweat pants!

- Sweat pants.

- Yeah.

Thank you so much,

everyone.

I'm, like,

so appreciative.

I wish you guys knew

how much I've dreamt

of this happening...

I get emotional...

but how much I, like,

literally, like,

seeing a stage

with strings

and percussion and, like,

I've seen it in my head

and I just, yeah, like...

It's... Thank you.

You can't be what you can't see.

So I think it's really

important for women

to be represented on stage.

I think it sends

a message to girls

that are interested

in doing this.

Earlier on in my career,

there weren't as many women

seeing women really putting

themselves out there,

and giving other young

women the confidence

to put themselves out there

and push themselves.

I never really

had a female idol,

I must say, I never

had one, I noticed that.

So the fact that

I can be a female idol

to these girls

is, like, amazing.

Rezz was the first

electronic music producer

that I could,

like, see myself in.

The cult itself

is female fronted.

And they've all

found each other

because they all feel

like they can connect

to someone that's just, like,

so naturally themselves.

Even though they might not fit

into a cookie cutter shape

of what it means to be

a woman in this industry.

I feel like

we're best friends!

But, like, where I

actually don't know you.

You know what, it's fine. You

probably are actually.

The Cult of Rezz just

hit 20,000 members.

It's a place where

people feel like

they can see themselves

represented in her.

She's a woman.

She's openly not straight.

Everything about

her and her community

fosters an environment

where everyone

feels safe and welcomed.

I just want to say

you posted on my post

about when I had cancer...

I know,

I remember this.

And it meant, like,

so much to me.

No... no problem. and it kept me going...

That was nice to meet you.

Thank you so much.

I think what's really

interesting

is how many women

have sat in the group

that they're

starting to produce.

And that's a big deal

in terms of representation.

Thank you.

I appreciate it a lot.

Rezz being a prominent,

self-taught producer

in this industry,

it's really encouraging

for women to want to start

that never thought

that they could.

With all the stuff

that's happened,

I really felt one good thing

I can do to help myself

and others

is to start teaching.

The way we work

with Producer Girls

everything is very,

very hands on.

We really don't believe

in demonstrating and watching.

It's all about doing it.

So one thing that we do

is provide the software.

I had no experience at all but

had this kind of wee spark

where I was just thinking about

doing it all the time.

Everyone is just

a beginner together

and it's okay

to make mistakes.

You just have to give

them that push

and show them it can be done.

You have a right to be here

just as much as any other guy.

The education part

is extremely important

because that's where

women aren't confident.

So for Women's Audio Mission,

we've trained 16,000

women and girls.

Putting them behind a console,

which is like

flying a spaceship

and know that

they can operate it.

There's so much power there.

I don't really have the answer

to why that socialization

process is so weird,

but I think

this fixes it somehow.

Put the girls in the room with

the technology all the time

and it's going to be fine.

It's so nice to see

another female

be in this environment.

That means a lot.

Makes me want to strive

even fucking harder

to make sure that breaking

down loads of barriers

so we can let everyone

in the door.

We look to other people to see

what we think is possible

for ourselves.

We need those role models.

We need people who are pushing

all kinds of boundaries.

It's important to offer

these voices a platform.

It sets an example for maybe

other industries to adopt.

We were seeing a real

lack of role models

on festival lineups.

One female artist

and the festival folks,

they're being diverse.

What Keychange really does

is encourage festivals

to program diverse talent

throughout their lineup.

To open up their stages

for a more diverse talent base

by signing up

for 50/50 gender balance.

Take into account

those opening slots

and give that opportunity

for someone who would

truly benefit,

but it's not going

to make a difference

to your ticket sales

because you already

have the headliners.

Every report shows the

economic value of diversity.

We signed on with

the Keychange initiative

about two years ago

when it first launched.

We booked an artist

named Lizzo

and when she comes back

to Toronto this year,

she will sell 16,000 tickets.

It's never a risk

to book a woman.

♪ Someday, someday

♪ I'll be better ♪

♪ Now that you're gone ♪

♪ I'll burn all your letters ♪

♪ And right all your wrongs

♪ Right now, I am

barely off of my knees ♪

♪ But someday, I'll find ♪

♪ Peace

♪ Someday

♪ Someday

♪ Someda-a-ay

♪ Someday I'll find ♪

♪ Peace

♪ Someday

♪ Someday

♪ Someda-a-ay

♪ Someday I'll find ♪

♪ Peace

I have two words to leave

with you tonight,

inclusion rider.

An Inclusion Rider is a contract

that says you will

only perform at an event

if they have a diverse lineup.

It puts power back

in the hands of the artists.

Because those are the people

that can really affect change.

So Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett,

Katy Perry, they're joining

the new Producer and Engineer

Inclusion Initiative

who'll work to increase

opportunities for women

in all of these fields.

If we at least make sure

that women get a chance

to be seen and heard,

we're going to increase

the number of women.

If you have more women

in those positions of power,

then you increase the likelihood

that they will

hire other women,

hopefully other

underrepresented folks as well.

Those initial values

of this music uniting people

of all genders,

of all ethnicities,

and especially in support

of marginalized communities.

I like to think that

it's slowly coming back.

In my career,

I've had a lot of

potential opportunities

that didn't turn out

to become anything.

And I'm like, "okay, I need

to... I need to change this".

So I started a party

called Fake Accent.

I established Fake Accent

for people like myself,

people who don't have

a family support system,

people who have been

disenfranchised,

marginalized,

othered.

And something that also

just, like belongs to us.

This response was

absolutely immediate.

People were so excited.

It felt like they were waiting

for me the whole time.

It fed me again,

it was nurturing

and helped to pick me up.

It's a one day at a time

situation right now for me.

Even last month, I was down

to, like,

$3 in my bank account.

But I feel like I'm choosing

the path where I just like,

"Oh, I have full control".

And that feels good to me.

It's so incredibly moving,

and I never thought that

I would get to this place

where I'm doing what other

artists have done for me.

It's a testament to

the trailblazers before me,

like Grace Jones.

I know I'm in a position now

where I'm seen and

I inspire young black women.

That's what I measure

as success.

I'm glad I didn't take

"no" for an answer

and gatekeeping

as the status quo.

I'm glad that I didn't listen.

I'm glad I didn't give up.

I think because I had

quite a bit of time off

to relax this summer,

it just kind of made me

gain a whole other

appreciation for my job.

That's definitely the main way

I think I've evolved:

This intense level of

true gratitude for what I do

has, like, taken away

from a lot of the anxiety.

I feel like a lot

more present lately.

It's literally

the most beautiful day.

Welcome to Red Rocks, everybody.

Thank you.

I was waiting for

that to happen.

How insane is it

actually though,

that I'm headlining Red Rocks?

Let's just, like,

take a second to think

about how messed up it is

that I'm actually

headlining this venue.

Damn!

Like that's really insane.

I think the newer

generation is so fearless

and so free of

a lot of the shackles

that we felt 10 years ago,

15 years ago.

Someone like Rezz, who has

such a unique approach

to what she's doing.

She never could have fit

into a box that wasn't her

because she's so

uniquely herself.

We know what she's capable of.

And that makes me feel

like we did make ground.

Oh, here it is.

Rezz 2018. Okay.

Sweet!

I just care too much

about the art

and actually doing

things that feel real.

I'll say what I want.

Make whatever music I want.

That's just it.

April 11, 2014.

Today, I'm feeling

extremely content

and confident about my future.

I can see the success,

I visualize it every day.

I'm going to be a very

successful producer and DJ.

So ridiculous, so crazy.

I thought it was done,

gone, finished.

Lost.

I came out from under

a rock, 50 years later,

and I love that there are

so many women doing this now.

I've been through

so many generations

of this...

female manifestation.

What I love about hearing

the women now

is that they're

being themselves.

We're in the crest

of a big wave.

We're not trying to take

a space that men occupied.

And we don't want to be men.

We actually have

our own voice.

I just ran...

...all the way

up these stairs.

Didn't think I could do it,

but I still made it,

so whatever.