Underplayed (2020) - full transcript

We've been missing a voice.

We're just beginning
to hear it.

To have it be present.

And now I'm going to
patch this into that.

I'm going to change
the processing...

so it has a little
bit more space.

Now I'm going
to shorten the envelope

to make it a little
more percussive.

It's organic,

because it changes

by itself



randomly.

And if you set up
a patch a certain way,

it will play forever.

Isn't that cool?

You see the machinery
of the music world.

It's all really
geared around men.

But we shouldn't ignore

the root system

that's there.

Well, the first stage

in the realization
of a piece of music

is to construct the
individual sounds

that we're going to use.

If the sound we want
exists already,



in real life, say,

we can go and record it.

And listen to them.

Delia Derbyshire's music

was so beautiful
and so advanced.

But I didn't know any
women in electronic music.

People will say,
"Why haven't women done it?"

Well, they have done it,
and they've been doing it,

and they have been
there all along.

But they've been invisible.

People here are
drunk with power

Women were the
inspirational guiding lights

for electronic music.

In the years that followed,

a lot of those
ideals have got lost.

And somehow a supermarket

has a more diverse range
of people than a nightclub.

I never had seen a female
DJ at the clubs ever.

Nada.
Hardly any women.

Women are so poorly
represented.

It's a very male-driven,
male-dominated industry.

We're completely erased.

The statistic
I've always stood by

is less than 5% women.

Turns out Annenberg
did the study: 2-3%.

There is an incredible
amount of art

that's not in the world

when you don't put women
into these environments.

More than 50% of the
population's points of view,

their ideas, perspectives
aren't being represented

in that soundtrack that's
playing every single day.

This kind of music
is meant for everyone.

And if we're not seeing
a really diverse group of people

creating dance music,
there's something wrong.

We need to do
something about this.

Music cannot just be
represented by men.

Oh, I see a bunch of dudes.

To be honest with you, like,
I'm just scrolling down,

and this list, it's obvious that
there's, like, less women,

but I just don't know
how much less there is.

Everywhere I go
I see men everywhere.

Like, you know what I mean?
Like, it's unfortunate.

Just kidding.

Where did this
all start for you?

Well...

I've been listening to dance
music for a very long time.

And I was always going
to a bunch of raves,

and, you know, going
to party all the time.

And I would always just
hear music in my head

- while I was at these events.
- Yeah.

You know, I always thought,
"I want to try this.

I want to try and make music".

I knew that I was going to find
something one day in my life

that I was going to
feel this way about.

I don't just love dance
music, I want to make it.

And I'm going to put
everything into this.

I have no plan B,
that's the point. Zero.

There's so many different
things that I did,

I felt like I was always
one of the only girls doing it.

I was trying to
let her explore

what she liked to do.

I sat in my parents'
unfinished basement,

work on music
all day, that's it.

Sometimes forget to eat.

I did not have a issue.

She was staying in the
basement for two years.

But her father,
he's old-fashioned,

and he wanted her
to be successful

as a job or education.

Get out! Do something!

Sometimes I would stay up

till, like,
seven in the morning.

Go to sleep, wake up
at sometimes 3 or 4pm.

Yeah, that's why my dad was
concerned.

There's really not much
you need to work on music,

which was very relieving
for me to learn early on.

I found, like, a bass sound
that sounds pretty good.

Then, like, I, like,
turned this one knob

slightly to the right
and it made the sound,

like, so much bigger and wider,

and I was, like,
"Oh my god, like, yes!"

This is a book that
I started writing in 2014.

It's, like, a lot of notes
of music production.

But what really
got me motivated

was writing all these
philosophical-type things

for inspiration.

"Success is shallow
if it doesn't come

with happiness
or fulfillment."

"Set big goals."

"Drop negative thoughts
within 60 seconds

or restart the challenge."

I forgot about that!

It was, like, a massive
epiphany when I was, like,

"Oh my god, I can actually
learn to become very happy."

Any time I would
finish a song,

or even the process
of working on a song,

I would literally reach,
like, peak happiness.

I felt so enlightened.

I felt like I literally had,
like, a third eye open.

You know what I mean? Like,
possibly even a third ear. Both.

I could feel almost,
like, the world buzzing.

Vibrations of positive
energy just, like,

flying off of me
into the world.

And by 2015 I was already
playing my first festival.

I fucking love you guys. Thank
you so much.

I really resonated
with slow-paced,

kind of, like,
hypnotic sounding beats.

I knew that that's
what I was going to do.

I could see that
there's a certain spot

in the music industry that...

Like, a void that
doesn't have this.

I was that person.

That exact speed of music,
that exact vibe of music.

That's what they say,
"That sounds like Rezz."

You want an artist
to have vision,

you want them to
have ideas, goals.

She's the dream scenario
for an artists' growth.

Usually it happens slower.

She had very clear plans
of what she wanted to do.

For me, that kind
of says it all.

There hadn't been a
big female headliner,

at least in North America,
for electronic music.

The market was ready for Rezz.

We're looking for
those tastemakers,

those unique people
that are making strides

in the media,
in the DJ world.

And for us, that was Rezz.

I literally went to
so many music festivals

as a young
16, 17, 18-year-old.

And Dreams was
definitely one of them.

And all of a sudden, now I'm,
like, headlining the festiv...

It's, like, preposterous.

I don't really know what
to say other than that.

Like, it's just crazy.

I just want to
let you guys know

I actually used to
come to this festival

when I was, like, 17.

So this absolutely
insane. Jesus.

She's a superstar.

She is someone that has shown,

if you really want something
and you believe in yourself

and you have a dream,
that you can make it happen.

When we were booking
Bud Light Dreams,

it was looking like we were
going to have seven

or eight female DJs.

But there's not a lot of
women currently out there

that have made a big
name for themselves.

You're going to have
your main headliners,

the Tieëstos, the Zedds,

the people that are going
to sell the tickets

that reach the
wide audiences.

At the end of the day,
we're a festival,

we're a business, and we need
to sell tickets, right?

When festivals say
there aren't enough women,

we say look harder.

Talent is everywhere,
opportunity isn't.

This top 100 DJ list

has such a massive
impact on bookings.

This kind of system reinforces
the same stereotype.

You know, the same people will
be at the top over and over,

but the one at the bottom,
they will never get that chance.

It's pretty much
a vicious cycle.

It's very important for
artists to get on that list

because they can then
show it to promoters

and be, like, "Look,
I'm number three. Pay me."

There are so many
examples of artists

and their agents
saying, "Oh no,

we've already got
a woman on that lineup."

We can only put that
one girl as the headlining spot.

Meanwhile, the white men
category is, like, this big.

I've definitely been on
a lot of festival lineups

where I'm the only woman.
Tons of those.

There are so many
other women that I know

who never get booked,
and deserve to get booked.

There's the misconception

that audiences
want male artists.

I think that's
really insulting

because audiences
don't just consume.

They want to be inspired.

I know Rezz is
headlining, and that's amazing,

but she's big.
She's selling tickets.

We need to put these voices
that haven't even been heard,

that are so talented,
on these lineups.

DJing, or trying
to get into spaces to DJ,

I felt very...

unwelcomed.

It can't be because
I'm a woman,

that's why you're not giving
me these opportunities.

But then it always proved
to be that situation.

♪ I am

♪ I am

...because in the whole
world, black people,

and I mean... I mean
that in every sense,

outside and inside.

And to me they
have culture that...

Sometimes I don't
even know how I got here

and how I persevered.

I was in a position
where, financially,

things were really
getting dire.

I rarely had any money
to take the subway,

or how I would, like,
afford a meal that day.

Those challenges
are... are huge.

All these things
working against me,

you know, it's like,
"How do I create

when I don't have
the tools to?"

It's the most DIY
you're going to ever get

when you go to
Guitar Center,

and your budget
is, like, $200,

and, you know, you want
to get, like, a microphone,

you want to get
a audio interface.

Not the best, you know,
but it's how I can get started

on just getting my ideas
out from my head

and start working.

Growing up, I wanted to learn

how to play piano so badly,

but my mother, she didn't
want to encourage me

to become a musician.

Being a black girl
from an island,

that patriarchy was just,
like, really stifling.

It was like, "You're going to be
a housewife."

So you think the normal
thing... I think girls...

they're thinking of getting
married and having kids

or being a nurse or a teacher,

some kind of help, you know.

I knew of Grace Jones,

but she's not
celebrated back home.

Jamaicans didn't think
that she was beautiful.

Growing up, if I was
teased and bullied,

called, like, really
awful names like "donkey",

my mother didn't correct it.

You're not really, like,

taught to embrace
your natural features

that are so beautiful.

A person like Grace Jones
was radically free.

And I really
connected with that.

It's not being masculine,

it's... it's an
attitude, really.

Being masculine;
what is that?

I mean, can you tell me
what is being masculine?

And I mean, I think that
I just act the way I feel.

That erasure of her legacy

within our culture
is so destructive.

They don't ever want us
to be able to see someone

that we can identify with.

As a Jamaican queer woman,

I'm off their radar 'cause
of those similar practices.

It's important
to set an intention

of how you want the
creative space to feel.

♪ I'm stronger... ♪

I want to honour this
because I feel like

we're tapping
into something

that wasn't possible
a decade or two ago.

That period in my life

where I definitely had
to hide myself, culturally,

because it was dangerous
to be anything but straight.

Isolation feels like home.

Isolation sometimes
feels like home

but I still don't
want to be alone.

Let's work through that.

♪ ...go through certain
cycles and motions ♪

- You ready to sing to this?
- That's fire, yeah.

Okay.

Every time before
we start working,

it's always us
getting into, like,

things that we're
going through.

"I feel this way,"
"I'm going through this."

And, you know, we have
similar, like, connections

of, like, you know...
- Yeah.

- We can relate in terms of our experiences, We can relate.
- Yeah.

- Right.
- shared experiences.

And the complications
of being brown

and black and queer.

♪ ...my heart
feels ignored ♪

♪ Isolation

♪ Sometimes
feels like home ♪

We were trying to, like,
make a vogue song for a while.

- No one has ever hit it yet. Until she came along.
- Yes.

♪ ..get by

Yeah!

I take pride in being
able to work with, like,

a... like, black woman
that's a producer.

Working with people
in our community,

that's very important because
we were working with people,

trying to make a
fucking vogue song

with people who are not
a part of our community.

- You know what I mean?
- You don't get it, bitch.

- Right, you don't get it.
- You don't get it.

If you never had to
act like someone else

for your own safety
or for your own comfort,

you could never
understand what it's like

to let yourself
go to the beat.

These kids, like, came from
poverty and were homeless

and had to create literally
the fantasy around them,

and they did it
with their hands.

You...

you pat the makeup on,
you build the castle.

This is beautiful.

And, check this breakdown.

He's saying, "I am what I am",

but what I did was
just chop that up...

...say "I..."
then fucking trumpets.

♪ Now what the fuck
you gon' do? ♪

Queer culture
is very very much

at the centre of dance music.

That's where it all came from.

So you can't really be about
DJ culture and dance music

without doing more
than paying lip service

to those communities.

House and techno was born

in black and Hispanic
queer communities

in Chicago and Detroit
coming together

to party in a safe place

because there weren't other
safe places for them.

It was futuristic,
it was progressive,

it was breaking
cultural barriers.

Colour, race, gender,
the whole thing.

That was the whole
point of dance culture.

Whether they were
male or female,

these are people
that pioneered

and understand

this long and beautiful
history of dance music.

It means reminding ourselves

that women were always
a part of the conversation.

Clara Rockmore
was then, and remains,

the premier virtuosa
of the theremin.

It was one of the earliest
electronic musical devices.

Across the table
from me is Clara Rockmore.

On the other side
here is Robert Moog.

His name is a
household word now

because of a synthesizer
that bears it.

Bob, what do you find
special about the theremin?

Well, I began
building theremins

as an experimenter when
I was a kid in high school.

I've been at it
on an amateur

and semi-professional
basis ever since.

My dad showed Clara
his theremins.

And she said, "They're not as
good as Theremin's theremin.

I don't want one."

So he used her as a guide
to better his own circuitry,

with Clara being the beacon
for what was needed.

Introducing Ms. Daphne Oram,

who's engaged in scientific
research into electronic music.

Here's the theme of one
of her compositions.

Daphne Oram, who's a
pioneering electronic artist.

She had such a beautiful
philosophical approach

to music and electronics.

How you can get so
much human emotion

out of beautiful machines.

She was just some
person in the back room

who was doing all
these incredible,

amazing things that
no one knew about.

Well, you're looking at one of
the very first 8-track machines.

We used it for Switched-On Bach,
Well-Tempered Synthesizer,

right through a good half
of Clockwork Orange.

Wendy Carlos in her
studio in Greenwich Village

is one of the pioneers
of synthesized sound.

Her controversial
versions of the classics,

created entirely electronically,

put machine-made
music on the map.

Wendy was exceptionally gifted.

Possibly the most capable
person on earth at that time.

And that inspired my dad
in his own designs.

That was a real
driving force for him

to be able to
provide for her

what she needed
to express herself.

He was thrilled to see women
embrace electronic music.

When my father was building
the Moog synthesizer,

he found that putting
together analog circuitry

takes a lot of
attention to detail

and manual dexterity.

Perhaps a lot of other people
wouldn't think of women

to be suited for
that kind of task.

My father certainly did.

During that time, there was
a more accepted sense

of male superiority.

But these incredibly
talented, gifted,

meticulous
and demanding women,

they are part, a big part,
of the story of invention.

Unfortunately,

we've spent so long
not talking about them,

but those women 100% existed,

worked really hard and had
a very strong handprint

on the way dance music
looks like today.

One, two, three, four.

Yeah, I can sing out of tune,
and it'll still be in tune,

'cause it depends
on what I play.

This is all the pitch,

so you don't have to really
be able to sing to do this.

So it's great. Yeah.

♪ Ahhh

That's nice.
Turn it up a little bit.

♪ Ahh-h-h

Traditionally,

women did not have
a very optimistic outlook

in electronic music.

There were lots of signals

that you weren't quite okay.

After graduate school,
I went to work for Don Buchla.

He's credited with
making the first

analog modular
musical instrument.

Don agreed to sponsor
a class for us.

This is a big thing for me!

After the second class,
Don came up to me and he said,

"We've decided that

we're not going to have
any women in the class."

How can I not take
that personally?

I'm the only woman in the class.

It was a social discomfort.

They just were used
to being amongst themselves

and they wanted it
to stay that way.

It's very hard
for female artists

to come out with stories

or even open up about
their identity as women

because there's this fear
that they will be ostracized.

That's part of the reason
why the visibility

is kind of non-existent.

It's a rocky road
for your identity

or your credits.

The moment someone
sees a woman's name

and then another person's
name, like a man,

they immediately assume
the man did all the work.

When men produce their
own stuff, it's like,

"Oh yeah, that makes sense,
of course he does."

But women, they really
had to fight for that shit.

One of the worst questions

that people can
ask a producer...

and I don't know if men
get asked this question

as often as I have been...

"So which ideas were yours?

What did youactually do?"

Maybe I should have
posted more pictures

of me in the studio,
just so people know

I'm actually here
doing all the work.

When I started,
a lot of people

would attribute my music
to the men in my life.

"Oh, Tokimonsta,
she didn't even make that.

Her boyfriend made it."

I didn't like that
any of my hard work

was being attributed to a man.

What I wanted to make
sound really unique

in this particular
moment is the snare.

So here we have a rock...

This one, which
is a truck door.

And then...
...standard snare.

So I recorded them all together.

And I know that I have
a snare that no one else has.

That makes it just
that much more unique.

My identity is transparency
in my process.

And the more I share
that with people,

the more they know
what I make is mine.

When I got nominated
for a Grammy,

I was very surprised.

I have tried to not
be self-deprecating.

And if I got it, that means
I really deserved it.

I'm sure a lot of people
don't think I did.

And maybe some people think that
I got it because I'm a woman.

Because right now,
female integration in music,

some of it is a bit gimmicky.

It's like the bad
voice that I hear,

maybe I don't deserve it,

maybe I am just a gimmick,
and because I'm a chick

I'm just relevant
at this moment.

And that's what I try
to calm down and quell

because I know that I've
been working really hard.

I guess this is an
accolade that I deserve.

It's really weird to say
that, but, you know...

What's unfair is the fact
that I feel this way at all.

And I think some of that might
be because of how I was raised.

A little boy might be given
a science set or a car,

and a girl gets
an Easy-Bake Oven

and a baby that
can take a bottle.

This socialization that
girls have to technology

from a very young age
is just horrible.

They're not socialized,
they're not shown

as like this is a tool that you
can use to express yourself.

Making electronic music,
you need to learn

learning to use gear,

learning to set up a studio,

how a synth works on the inside
and all of these things.

Growing up, that is
something that I didn't have.

My father is an engineer,

and I basically was
raised in his lap,

constantly surrounded
by technology.

I got used to being
surrounded by men too,

because his entire
research lab was men,

and I just thought
that's normal.

And he got a lot of
grief for that, actually.

It was like, "You shouldn't
raise your daughter like that."

It was the best thing
that ever happened to me.

Everyone who taught me something
little, they were all men.

Because I didn't know any other women
who were doing it at the time.

I didn't have a lot
of people showing me

that I could actually do it.

I went on YouTube

and searched up a bunch
of female producers,

and there wasn't a lot.

I was kind of just looking
up to a man the whole time.

I remember the
excitement,

any time I'd see
a woman's name.

I think the first one
I saw was Peggy McCreary,

on a Prince record.
Those things matter.

No one wants to feel
like a freak.

I think it was
Virginia Woolf who said,

"A female artist needs
a room of their own."

But I feel for anyone,

especially a woman artist
in this biz who's alone.

The nature of DJing
and producing music,

it can be done with one
person and their laptop,

and no one else.

Mainly I just
taught myself.

And I was just really,
really passionate.

Arrange tracks,
compose tracks,

mix and master them
all by myself.

From a mental, emotional,
physical, spiritual level,

it's a very difficult job.

There's no one saying this
is the right way to do it,

this is the wrong
way to do it.

Yeah, it's a really
isolating path.

For women, you add this other
extra layer of psychic weight.

A little thing like being
the only gender in the room

can really throw you off.

"Wait, is that true?
You're in, like, a studio

"with these other producers
and, like, they really

"didn't listen to your ideas
because you're female?

"And they're like, "Yes.
That is what it's really like."

There are so many women
across decades of dance music

that have had to
overcome that fear

and also perform
twenty times better

than maybe the white
male next to them.

And I'm sure that feels
so lonely and difficult.

Alison Wonderland has been
working at it for years.

She went through all the
trials and tribulations

as a young DJ, playing
to no one in tiny clubs.

And then she exploded
across dance music.

Wonderland, Wonderland...

Wonderland,
Wonderland, Wonderland...

Welcome to
Temple of Wonderland.

Two, three...

♪ I needed you another way

♪ Giving up another
won't break me ♪

♪ I'll take it all
and let you lay ♪

♪ It's moving on
so look away, run ♪

♪ Don't take it down ♪

I was always that kid
that was at the library at lunch

or at the music room at lunch.

I wasn't really super social.

Still kind of feel that way,

except on stage.

I picked up classical
cello when I was 11,

so I was an orchestra geek.

I was listening to an album
called Siamese Dream,

by Smashing Pumpkins,

which actually has
a string quartet in it,

so I wrote my first song
called An Ode to Billy,

and it was the first
time I realized

that playing cello
could be really cool.

I made the decision this year

to play all my own
music at my shows.

I realized that I was selling
myself short as an artist.

I'm not a "DJ".
I'm an artist,

I produce music,
I write songs,

I arrange music,
I perform and I DJ.

♪ Is it good enough?

When you look at other
DJs and producers

that are in the same category
as her, and you're like,

"They're not singing
on their tracks.

"They're not playing a string
instrument professionally

and incorporating it
into their live sets."

She was the top female
headliner DJ for Coachella.

You really see it in
the Sahara tent now,

you and Rezz are
the closing acts

and there's really,
like, a shift

in what electronic
music is becoming

because of your guys'
very different perspectives

as females, as people who
pour soul into this music.

♪ Is it good enough?

Knowing that I'm putting
everything into this,

to me, is success.

Every time I
release something,

every time I
express something,

I'm as raw as I possibly can.

If you read my Twitter,
no one else touches my Twitter.

If you are a fan of mine,
you're getting, always, me.

♪ I was alone

♪ I was a fool

♪ Looking at YouTube

♪ Thinking I knew you

♪ Picked up my phone

♪ Nothing to lose

♪ All of a sudden
it's colour blue ♪

I doubt myself a lot.
I've never felt valid.

Your mental health

is very affected
by being an artist

because you're
also digging deep

and you are very
vulnerable all the time.

♪ I know it's too late ♪

♪ I know where it's left ♪

♪ And now I see space
in the bed that we slept ♪

Five years ago, I was
already writing songs

about my struggles
with mental health.

I'm one person.

And I just get flown
around and shipped around

like an object sometimes,

no regard for the amount
that I have to give,

the amount I have to be on,

not seeing my home,
not seeing my family at all.

I've lost a lot of
friendships over it

because I've missed birthdays,
Christmases, you name it.

And I'm a solo artist.

So the people that
travel with me, I pay.

♪ Awake

♪ Awake

♪ Awake

♪ Awake

I'm going to be sick.
Really stressed.

I want to cry, but I...

I... I can't.

It's like I want
to cry, and I can't.

My manager is my best friend.

He advised me recently
to take two weeks off

because I was
disintegrating.

Yeah. That's, like...

I'm hyper-focused
on every note

the strings are playing
while I'm DJing.

While I'm hearing the drums,
I'm hyper-focused on that

when that comes in
and that comes in.

Then I stand out and I sing,

I'm hyper-focused on that
with the monitors.

But everything, I'm, like,
focused on at the same time.

It's... exhausting.

I'm hoping... I hope
everyone likes it.

I just want to level up,
level up, level up.

It's time.

This new generation of women,

they're kind of operating
as if this may end tomorrow

and they're playing
every corner of the world

as quickly as they can.

It's very competitive.

There's not been
any female artists

that have ever come
through like this.

It also must be quite
unnerving for them:

is it going to last?
Is it sustainable?

They're tired and they're
on the road constantly.

You're in these high, highs where you have
100,000 people screaming your name

and then you're in a
hotel room by yourself.

A lot of people think,

"It's so fun, you get
to travel all the time."

It's very lonely.

Hello, camera.

It's actually interesting to
have, like, a camera person

around for even before,
kind of, the show.

Even if I tell you
to, like, shut it off,

it'll still be footage that
I told you to shut it off.

Like, you know what I'm saying?

I was feeling, like,

super-anxious
just now in my room.

My thoughts were all,
like, wild for a second.

And I just got super
nervous about tonight.

I've never felt the level
of high pressure and intensity

that I do prior
to stage, ever.

I had panic attacks
all of 2018,

during shows, before shows,

random moments in the
comfort of my own house.

It's not like everything's
great all the time,

you know what I mean?

The thing that
makes me nervous,

when I first ever started
posting my music,

it was on this group called
Toronto Rave Community,

and I was, like, the one girl.

Here I am thinking
I'm a likable person.

One of the most,
like, innocent,

just working-my-ass-off
type people,

and then I just got
slapped with, like,

"There's just something
about her I just don't like."

"She makes shit music."

"Oh, you guys just boost
her up because she's a girl."

That's so strongly
effected me.

I've sold out great big
venues and, like, headlined.

And I've done really well.

But all I can think
about before stage

is those people,
which is so unfortunate.

Comments in general,

they're getting more extreme.

It's becoming more
and more acceptable

to hide behind a computer
and promote horrible stuff.

Trolling in general

is just becoming
a bigger and bigger problem.

It makes you think,
"Is it true?"

Maybe I suck, I shouldn't
be here, maybe they're right.

A healthy mind can
deal with all of that.

But it's so overwhelming
that you do,

you just end up kind of
losing your mind a bit.

I got into happy hardcore
when I was really young.

That was my kind of intro
to techno and then electro.

But my favourite
thing is just raves.

I was a raver. I wore some
very questionable outfits.

What I really loved about
the club and rave culture was,

suddenly there
was this community

that I could be a part of,
and no one really judged.

Make some noise
for Nightwave!

Boiler Room is fantastic,

and it's so important

because they just
reach the whole globe.

Make some noise!

I think when I got that,

it was kind of a
validating moment for me.

I actually cried when
I played, I was so excited.

It was brilliant.

These shows are
really important.

But at the same time,
with Boiler Room,

or any of these stream shows,
you just know in advance,

it's going to be bad

and it's going to attract
comments and stuff.

I had some issues.
It was kind of a bit rowdy.

And then I actually
got groped

halfway through my set
as well, so that was...

that was a bit stressful.

But I just thought this is
just another club situation

where I just make it work.

But afterwards, I saw
the horrible stuff said.

It's not just "shit mix",

it's "you should
kill yourself".

And this is the stuff we get.

It was a real moment
where we realized

that things can go
horribly wrong online.

Because there are some
horrible people out there.

I was quite depressed
and anxious for a while,

just questioning everything.

I just kept sort
of reliving that.

I pushed music away
because I felt,

maybe I don't
deserve to do this.

It was too much.

What's important to
DJ culture and dance music

is that there's a safe space

for people to
express themselves.

We have a responsibility to
make all Boiler Room events,

online and in real life,

a place where music
is enjoyed by everyone,

free of intolerance
and toxicity.

We're trying to continually
monitor and ban people

to make sure
that they know

that these things
are not acceptable.

But it's an upward
struggle the whole time.

I don't know what
it is about live streams

that make people feel
that they can say that,

because they're
behind the computer.

'Cause you're not going
to go up to the DJ

whilst they're playing
at a club, after a mix,

and go "You should kill
yourself for that mix".

No.

It's so sad that
she had to be the person

that went through that
for them to understand

that "Fuck, we've actually
got to moderate these comments".

If you've just tuned in,
you are listening

to the sounds of Sherelle.

Playing the finest of footwork,
juke, 160 and jungle.

I'll be taking you through
all the way till three.

My life changed this year,
in February

when I was called in
to do a Boiler Room.

I had a chat with
my best mate, Nayno.

I said to her
"Should I say no to this?

I don't think I'm ready".

She was like,
"Absolutely fucking not.

Go and say yes".

This whole, like,

nervous feeling just
dropped in my stomach

and I was like, "I could ruin
my career by doing this".

"Better create a really
good set then".

One, two, one two three.

Excuse me, excuse me.

What the fuck was that?

Oh, my god.

That was it for me.

I didn't wake up
from my alarm

and wasn't at work for 10am
in the morning the next day.

"Sherelle, where are you?"
like... and I was like

"Fuck!" I was like,
"I'm so sorry I'm not at work.

Like, oh fuck I'm getting ready.
I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry".

He was like "No, no worries.
Like, come in when you can.

Just so you know,
your video is viral".

I was like...

"The fuck?"

Shit loads of messages on my
phone off of Instagram, Twitter,

Facebook. I had to change
my name 'cause people were like

"Fucking love your Boiler Room!
Fucking love, you're brilliant!"

"You're doing so well!

I've just seen
you on this clip!

I don't know
what it is, da-da-da".

Yes, Sherelle! Yes, Sherelle!

Bumbaclot, we weren't
fucking ready, my god.

Thank you!

Shit-all was happening
for me this time last year.

I quit my job to be a DJ now.

Just, like, a month
and a half ago.

It is everything I've ever
wanted to do from the age of 18.

So I'm grateful as fuck for it.

Nightwave's Boiler Room,

some of the comments
were quite misogynistic.

"Why is she dancing so much?

Like, what is she
dancing to? da-da-da-da."

I was dancing
in my Boiler Room.

So many elements to it,
which were just not her fault.

Shit could really
affect someone.

It's really funny
'cause a lot of people

from the Boiler Room

don't even realize
I'm a girl.

- No.
- Yes!

They don't realize I'm a girl.

It's because my appearance
is more masculine

than it is feminine.

They haven't judged me the same
way that say, for instance,

they may judge
my female counterparts.

Women felt like
they need to become

these strong,
boyish characters,

downplay their femininity,

in order to prove
they are skillful.

I don't think it's any
sort of coincidence

that artists like
Alison Wonderland,

Rezz and even someone
like Billie Eilish,

all share this
really androgynous look.

I didn't ever, by any means,

sexualize anything.

I'll be playing shows
and all I hear in the crowd

"She's so fucking hot".

I definitely would
much prefer them

to come to my shows
for my production.

I really instinctively
felt the need

to do whatever
I could to deflect

from the fact
that I was a woman.

I made a point of always looking
as androgynous as possible.

Half the people want to put
me in dresses or whatever

and I was just like "I don't...
I want to wear a T-shirt".

Yeah, you probably dress more
like how the male DJs do,

which is
they don't care.

When I first started DJing,

my style quite changed.

I became a tomboy, like,
really, to the fullest extent.

But at the same time,
with Instagram

I did feel a pressure
to, like, feminize.

We would post an image
of us in the studio,

or us at a wicked gig.

No one cares.
Then you post a photo

of us with
a bikini on,

and we'll get
10 times more likes.

We just had a real
passion for music

so we naturally spoke
about it more.

But I don't think our sexuality
needs to be dumbed down.

Like, when I get
my baby belly off,

I'm going to be, like,
rocking a bikini.

I know, baby.

We've really been living
a very international life

for almost a decade.

Gyp-setters, we say.

Yeah, we've spent half
our life overseas.

You're on video, girls.
Come on. Come on, go!

Come on, Ithaca. Yay!

- Go on! Good job.
- Yay!

Yay! I'll catch her.

Good girl. Good girl.

Our career is
very demanding,

and not really conducive,
at least we didn't think it was,

to having children.

We were like,
"When are we going to do it?

Are we going to slow down?"

We love our job,
we love our life.

How's it going to look?
How is it going to work?

I was really scared.

Will it destroy your image?
Your brand?

It's just a lot of...
...pressures

You're no longer
sexy if you're a mom

or you've put
on three kilos.

Whoa! Your right breast has put
on three kilos.

Oh, let me get a
nose ring, quick!

We just took our babies
on the first ever tour.

I mean, we wouldn't survive
if we didn't have each other.

There's no way I would
choose this life if I was a solo.

No, no no.
Absolutely not.

Ooh!

No, that was a "Rrr".

Oh, was it? Okay,
excuse me, one second.

All right.

Aww, you don't like
the camera, Ithaca?

You don't like
the camera?

Whoo, whoo!
Give a smile.

- Do a big fart!
- Stage mom.

That would be so much fun.

Where is this Meduza record
on my freaking thing?

No, it's gone.

You do get ridiculed
a lot for your set.

Once it's online,
it stays online for ever.

For ever ever ever.

It's why you work so hard
at looking good for Instagram.

- Do you want to play Domino?
- No.

- No?
- No.

- Why not?
- It's too flat.

Holy shit.

Umm...

We had a summer
of booked up gigs,

and a winter of
booked up gigs.

And we didn't want to be sitting
at home, pregnant,

twiddling our thumbs.

- ...cuddles.
- ...followed by...

Put your love on me.
Piece of your heart.

Piece of your
heart, yeah, okay.

We didn't really tell people

up until we were
both heavily pregnant.

We didn't want
being pregnant

to be the focus on not
booking us or booking us.

You're dealing with
promoters and agents

and managers.

I DJed until I was
seven months pregnant.

- Was it seven? No.
- Yeah, it was.

Mim was more pregnant
than me so we were like,

"Look, this show,
there might only be one Nervo".

Some promoters asked
for discounts.

Half the fee, half Nervo.

I wonder if men
could get pregnant,

if it would
be different.

Would men probably
say "No, screw you.

I'm not turning up and that's
what's going to happen.

But my band member is turning up
and that's the end of it.

Baby bod needs to be...
sucked in today.

- Have you got your pump?
- Yep.

- It's all packed?
- Yep.

Okay. We have everything.
Do we have chewing gum?

Do you have both the red USBs?

We're good, we're good,
we're good. Coffee.

Sorry. Baby's not coming.

Okay vamos. Let's go.

Hey-y-y!

Amazing! Whoo!

That's great. Are you good
in nine minutes?

Yeah, that's why
I'm stopping this.

Photobombs.

Great! Thank you.

♪ I just wanna hold on

♪ I just wanna hold on

♪ Hold on

♪ I just wanna hold on

We didn't want to be pop stars.

We really just want to DJ.

- Yeah.
- Like we love dance music.

But convincing our A&Rs
that women can be sexy

and still be DJs
and not be disposable,

- that was a fight.
- That was a real fight.

Mmm.

How a woman presents herself

and the way that
she's accepted,

that comes with its own
web of complicated issues.

Is she too sexualized?
Is she under-sexualized?

And if you're a beautiful woman,

that makes it even
more difficult in a sense

because people are
only going to see that

and they're probably
going to make assumptions

that you've got there
because of your looks.

And so your skillset
is diminished as a result.

It's kind of unfortunate
'cause if you're a sexy gal,

and that's who you are,

you should be able to be
as sexy as you want

and make bangers, you know.

What is feminine? What
is the female consciousness?

It's erroneously sometimes
thought of as "pretty"

or a fascination
with appearance,

'cause we've been put
in that box for so long.

My entire life,
I've hated how I look,

I've hated
my body desperately.

Drugs or unsafe sex

with unsafe people
or eating disorders,

anything to get out
of this skin.

I felt like my
femininity didn't fit.

I always felt like a weird
like... beast.

Every. Cell. In. Me. Protests.

Whatever I'm afraid of
in myself, I cast it off.

I'm done, I'm done with that

'cause I cannot afford it.

It will destroy
every relationship

and it will make any happiness
I have in this life useless.

There is some sick pleasure there
for both of us I think.

I've had to do a lot of
work internally.

I lie.

And now writing and
training and writing.

I'm on the floor
like a starfish.

And so it's been such a joy

to finally get over
the fear of being seen.

Every. Cell. In. Me. Protests.

If I claim to be a punk,
the most punk thing on Earth

I can do is to love myself,

because it takes me out
of this whole capitalism:

You need something else
in order to be okay.

I don't need shit
to be okay. I'm great.

♪ I'm here ♪

♪ To learn

♪ To watch

♪ This burn

♪ Oh

♪ It is enough

♪ Get free

♪ Trust

♪ Release

♪ Disrupt

♪ Lean in

♪ Turn up

♪ To me

♪ Bow down

♪ Sink in

♪ Tonight

♪ I need you to listen up

♪ Get free

♪ Trust

♪ Release

Dance music is political.

If you're not speaking
truth to power,

then you're perhaps
misusing the privilege

that you have of a voice.

When you're allowed
to have a voice

and a say in something,

it will carry,

and it absolutely will
resonate with people.

The spaces that
I occupy as a DJ

are predominantly queer
centered spaces.

Being queer and Caribbean,

we don't have that luxury

to just ignore
what's going on around us,

because we're the ones
that are affected.

Culturally, you know,
we have a lot of things

that we've had to overcome.

Homophobia.

Just a lack of acceptance.

It can be dangerous.

Jamaica is very conservative,

and even if you migrate,

you take your way
of life with you.

Even though New York

is a really
liberated and open city,

when I came here,
I felt that transparence.

Some guy that DJs was saying

that we should shut up
and just play the music,

that's what they pay us for.

But we're not puppets.

It just screams privilege.

You're so unaffected
that you can't even relate

to people who don't
have that privilege.

If I went back to Jamaica,

there would probably
no Tygapaw.

The risk that I had to take

was in order for me

to be who I truly am.

Nightclubs aren't always safe.

Women are at risk
for harassment,

and not just women but
like non-binary people,

marginalized people,
trans people.

What makes me angry is that
you tell your male friends

about it and they're
like, "Oh, really?

I didn't know
it was like that".

As a woman you always
second guess that...

"You sure?" I am sure.

And then you come across and you
come across a bit like a cunt.

You know, it's not... I'm not
a cunt, I'm just being...

I'm very sure
what's happening here.

Because women were alienated

from electronic music
for so long,

it's really hard
to get the confidence

to put yourself out there,

knowing that there is a risk

that you're going to be
completely ridiculed.

We had a meeting one day
with our publisher.

We were like, "how could
we only make that much money

from a top 10
with a major pop star?"

He's like, "I know, girls.
You've got to marry rich".

So did you change something?

Um, I put back in the bass,

that she'd asked me
to take out like...

at the beginning of...

So... it was a little...

Right, so here's the thing.

I'm a bit concerned
about monitors.

Like, it was muddy
the whole time.

That's why my ears
are ringing.

My ears are ringing because the
monitors weren't right.

- Don't even play one song...
- I... how many times

How many times did
I say though, today?

I was, like, asking
and asking and asking...

I didn't hear you.
Get me to do it.

Garth you can't,
you don't have my ears.

No, no, but, like, to relay the
message or whatever.

I can't...

I didn't realize
it was a problem.

No, but here's the thing, I can't be
more more clear than I was.

I don't like to talk
about it a lot,

because I think
that it separates

what we're trying to achieve,

but there is definitely sexism
in the music industry.

It is a weird thing
that women also internalize.

Do we talk about things
that make us feel unsafe?

Is that okay?

But I think the part
that bothers me the most

and as a female musician,
is I don't want anyone

to think that
I'm using any part of me

as a gimmick
to propel my music.

At the end of 2015,

while I was in the middle
of one of my tours,

I was diagnosed with
this disease called moyamoya.

It's a really rare
disease that affects

the vascularity in your brain.

The arteries that supply blood

start to shut off
until they close.

I had to write a will,
do a medical directive.

If I turn into a potato,
who is my cat going to go to?

Good boy.

I had two brain surgeries.

Two days after the surgery, I woke up
and I couldn't talk anymore.

I decided to open
my computer,

try making something,

and what I found
was I couldn't make any music.

I didn't have...

the part of me
that could create.

And that was something
I didn't expect.

I kind of just sat with it
for a little bit

and I decided I'll just
give myself more time.

Maybe it's just too soon
for making music.

So I waited.

Every day I would hear music

and it would sound less harsh
and more understandable.

The next attempt was
very successful.

I was really happy,
you know, like...

I had lost everything,
but the song was...

I mean, it's so funny
'cause, like,

I have already
made the album ages ago,

I hear this song
a thousand times but...

it's hard not to feel
a bit emotional.

We all deal with
really difficult things

and we all have
our individual problems,

and I made it through that
to make this album.

But I didn't get the Grammy
because I went through that.

Some people think
I got it because of pity

or I'm a woman
and we're in a climate

where being socially
conscious is now cool.

But I know it's not true.

I pat myself on the back
and be like,

"Jenn, you deserved it.
It's all good".

You can't help
when those thoughts come in

and you have to recognize
the way to change it

so that when the next girl
comes in and she gets it

and wins, she's like,
"This is all me."

♪ Someday

♪ Someday, I'll be better ♪

♪ Now that you're gone ♪

♪ I'll burn all your letters ♪

♪ And right all your wrongs

♪ Right now, I am barely
off of my knees ♪

♪ But someday I'll find ♪

...two, three...
♪ Peace

♪ Someday...

Alison, she usually
does this alone, solo.

And she's added this
full percussion,

string section.

Singing live is
a new thing for her

and she's excited about it,

but it can be scary.

♪ Someday I'll find ♪

- Amazing.
- It was a big difference.

- It should sit nice.
- You literally killed it.

I felt like I knew

that there was something wrong
last time.

You know? Like
the whole time.

And I was frustrated 'cause
I couldn't express

- what was wrong.
- Yeah.

But this is... feels... like now
I know that I was right.

Yes, it's all
feeling better.

And I want to, I might walk
through the front

and like, try and look cool,
I don't know.

And yeah,
you guys start.

Oh my god,
I'm going to cry.

One, two, three.

Whoo!

I don't think I've ever been
on a stage with all women.

- Really?
- Ever.

I didn't know that Alex was
going to have all female musicians.

I'm super excited
because that's a statement

that not a lot of people
are making these days.

There are a lot of gigs
that I've done

that specifically want females.

But you don't feel
empowered at all

because it's more about your
looks than it is your playing.

"This is the dress that
we want you to fit into"

and "Oh, we need you to wear,
like, false eyelashes".

And here it's just solely
based off of our talent

and that makes it feel
really special.

I just wanted all women

and I want everyone
to be themselves

and look like themselves.

Wear, like
amazing outfits.

Like we get to just
dance and roll around.

Oh, our outfits
are sick! All white.

- They're comfortable.
- Sweat pants.

Sweat pants!

- Sweat pants.
- Yeah.

Thank you so much,
everyone.

I'm, like,
so appreciative.

I wish you guys knew

how much I've dreamt
of this happening...

I get emotional...
but how much I, like,

literally, like,
seeing a stage

with strings
and percussion and, like,

I've seen it in my head
and I just, yeah, like...

It's... Thank you.

You can't be what you can't see.

So I think it's really
important for women

to be represented on stage.

I think it sends
a message to girls

that are interested
in doing this.

Earlier on in my career,

there weren't as many women

seeing women really putting
themselves out there,

and giving other young
women the confidence

to put themselves out there
and push themselves.

I never really
had a female idol,

I must say, I never
had one, I noticed that.

So the fact that
I can be a female idol

to these girls
is, like, amazing.

Rezz was the first
electronic music producer

that I could,
like, see myself in.

The cult itself
is female fronted.

And they've all
found each other

because they all feel
like they can connect

to someone that's just, like,
so naturally themselves.

Even though they might not fit
into a cookie cutter shape

of what it means to be
a woman in this industry.

I feel like
we're best friends!

But, like, where I
actually don't know you.

You know what, it's fine. You
probably are actually.

The Cult of Rezz just
hit 20,000 members.

It's a place where
people feel like

they can see themselves
represented in her.

She's a woman.

She's openly not straight.

Everything about
her and her community

fosters an environment
where everyone

feels safe and welcomed.

I just want to say

you posted on my post
about when I had cancer...

I know,
I remember this.

And it meant, like,
so much to me.

No... no problem. and it kept me going...

That was nice to meet you.
Thank you so much.

I think what's really
interesting

is how many women
have sat in the group

that they're
starting to produce.

And that's a big deal
in terms of representation.

Thank you.
I appreciate it a lot.

Rezz being a prominent,
self-taught producer

in this industry,

it's really encouraging
for women to want to start

that never thought
that they could.

With all the stuff
that's happened,

I really felt one good thing
I can do to help myself

and others
is to start teaching.

The way we work
with Producer Girls

everything is very,
very hands on.

We really don't believe
in demonstrating and watching.

It's all about doing it.

So one thing that we do
is provide the software.

I had no experience at all but
had this kind of wee spark

where I was just thinking about
doing it all the time.

Everyone is just
a beginner together

and it's okay
to make mistakes.

You just have to give
them that push

and show them it can be done.

You have a right to be here
just as much as any other guy.

The education part
is extremely important

because that's where
women aren't confident.

So for Women's Audio Mission,

we've trained 16,000
women and girls.

Putting them behind a console,

which is like
flying a spaceship

and know that
they can operate it.

There's so much power there.

I don't really have the answer

to why that socialization
process is so weird,

but I think
this fixes it somehow.

Put the girls in the room with
the technology all the time

and it's going to be fine.

It's so nice to see
another female

be in this environment.
That means a lot.

Makes me want to strive
even fucking harder

to make sure that breaking
down loads of barriers

so we can let everyone
in the door.

We look to other people to see

what we think is possible
for ourselves.

We need those role models.

We need people who are pushing
all kinds of boundaries.

It's important to offer
these voices a platform.

It sets an example for maybe
other industries to adopt.

We were seeing a real
lack of role models

on festival lineups.

One female artist
and the festival folks,

they're being diverse.

What Keychange really does
is encourage festivals

to program diverse talent
throughout their lineup.

To open up their stages
for a more diverse talent base

by signing up
for 50/50 gender balance.

Take into account
those opening slots

and give that opportunity

for someone who would
truly benefit,

but it's not going
to make a difference

to your ticket sales

because you already
have the headliners.

Every report shows the
economic value of diversity.

We signed on with
the Keychange initiative

about two years ago
when it first launched.

We booked an artist
named Lizzo

and when she comes back
to Toronto this year,

she will sell 16,000 tickets.

It's never a risk
to book a woman.

♪ Someday, someday

♪ I'll be better ♪

♪ Now that you're gone ♪

♪ I'll burn all your letters ♪

♪ And right all your wrongs

♪ Right now, I am
barely off of my knees ♪

♪ But someday, I'll find ♪

♪ Peace

♪ Someday

♪ Someday

♪ Someda-a-ay

♪ Someday I'll find ♪

♪ Peace

♪ Someday

♪ Someday

♪ Someda-a-ay

♪ Someday I'll find ♪

♪ Peace

I have two words to leave
with you tonight,

inclusion rider.

An Inclusion Rider is a contract

that says you will
only perform at an event

if they have a diverse lineup.

It puts power back
in the hands of the artists.

Because those are the people
that can really affect change.

So Lady Gaga, Tony Bennett,
Katy Perry, they're joining

the new Producer and Engineer
Inclusion Initiative

who'll work to increase
opportunities for women

in all of these fields.

If we at least make sure
that women get a chance

to be seen and heard,

we're going to increase
the number of women.

If you have more women
in those positions of power,

then you increase the likelihood

that they will
hire other women,

hopefully other
underrepresented folks as well.

Those initial values
of this music uniting people

of all genders,
of all ethnicities,

and especially in support
of marginalized communities.

I like to think that
it's slowly coming back.

In my career,

I've had a lot of
potential opportunities

that didn't turn out
to become anything.

And I'm like, "okay, I need
to... I need to change this".

So I started a party
called Fake Accent.

I established Fake Accent
for people like myself,

people who don't have
a family support system,

people who have been
disenfranchised,

marginalized,

othered.

And something that also
just, like belongs to us.

This response was
absolutely immediate.

People were so excited.

It felt like they were waiting
for me the whole time.

It fed me again,
it was nurturing

and helped to pick me up.

It's a one day at a time
situation right now for me.

Even last month, I was down

to, like,
$3 in my bank account.

But I feel like I'm choosing
the path where I just like,

"Oh, I have full control".

And that feels good to me.

It's so incredibly moving,

and I never thought that
I would get to this place

where I'm doing what other
artists have done for me.

It's a testament to
the trailblazers before me,

like Grace Jones.

I know I'm in a position now

where I'm seen and
I inspire young black women.

That's what I measure
as success.

I'm glad I didn't take
"no" for an answer

and gatekeeping
as the status quo.

I'm glad that I didn't listen.

I'm glad I didn't give up.

I think because I had
quite a bit of time off

to relax this summer,
it just kind of made me

gain a whole other
appreciation for my job.

That's definitely the main way
I think I've evolved:

This intense level of
true gratitude for what I do

has, like, taken away
from a lot of the anxiety.

I feel like a lot
more present lately.

It's literally
the most beautiful day.

Welcome to Red Rocks, everybody.

Thank you.

I was waiting for
that to happen.

How insane is it
actually though,

that I'm headlining Red Rocks?

Let's just, like,
take a second to think

about how messed up it is

that I'm actually
headlining this venue.

Damn!
Like that's really insane.

I think the newer
generation is so fearless

and so free of
a lot of the shackles

that we felt 10 years ago,
15 years ago.

Someone like Rezz, who has
such a unique approach

to what she's doing.

She never could have fit
into a box that wasn't her

because she's so
uniquely herself.

We know what she's capable of.

And that makes me feel
like we did make ground.

Oh, here it is.
Rezz 2018. Okay.

Sweet!

I just care too much
about the art

and actually doing
things that feel real.

I'll say what I want.

Make whatever music I want.

That's just it.

April 11, 2014.

Today, I'm feeling
extremely content

and confident about my future.

I can see the success,
I visualize it every day.

I'm going to be a very
successful producer and DJ.

So ridiculous, so crazy.

I thought it was done,
gone, finished.

Lost.

I came out from under
a rock, 50 years later,

and I love that there are
so many women doing this now.

I've been through
so many generations

of this...
female manifestation.

What I love about hearing
the women now

is that they're
being themselves.

We're in the crest
of a big wave.

We're not trying to take
a space that men occupied.

And we don't want to be men.

We actually have
our own voice.

I just ran...

...all the way
up these stairs.

Didn't think I could do it,

but I still made it,
so whatever.