Uncle Kent 2 (2015) - full transcript
In a desperate search to create a follow-up to Joe Swanberg's 2011 film UNCLE KENT, Kent Osborne travels to a comic book convention where he loses his mind and confronts the end of the world.
♪ San Antonio subway dumpster
♪ Barnes & Noble book
of roller coasters
♪ Parking lot with
lots of lights up high
♪ Lookin' into
feelin' full inside
♪ Bush Obama
Oh, boy, look
what I've got, Jude!
All right, all right, all right!
Let's get another race goin'!
Hey, Jude,
let's get another, oh!
Unbelievable, folks,
OK, get everybody ready
for the next race!
Gather 'em up, what
do I get to do?
- Hello, everybody!
- Aw, hey, man!
Didn't wanna break, didn't
wanna break up the race.
Yeah, well, you're
seeing demolition derbies.
Nice, nice, how's it
goin', do you like these?
Great, yeah, awesome.
Um, where can I put my helmet?
Uh, anywhere
you want, man, uh,
I'm not really hosting,
Dylan's hosting.
Oh, right, OK.
I gotta, I'm gonna
put Jude to bed soon,
but, uh, yeah, man,
let's catch up for real.
I mean, I sorta have to...
Yeah, yeah.
Here I come, here I come.
All right, get in here.
All right, start you engines,
ladies and gentlemen!
Forgot about it...
Oh, yeah, it's crazy!
Yeah, it's
so weird to see you!
Yeah, he's,
like, such a boy now.
Yeah, I kinda
wanna tell him, like,
"You're, your first
movie was Uncle Kent."
Yeah, 'cause that's wild.
Um, and, uh, yeah, actually,
I hadn't seen it in a while,
and I watched it and I, I,
I got this, I mean, ,
I got an idea for a
sequel, like a part two.
OK.
And I wrote,
like, most of it down.
I've been writing all day.
OK, what happens
in Uncle Kent Part Two?
OK, it starts
off, like regular.
I'm on my porch, smokin' weed.
We hear sounds of the
city, like lawnmowers,
uh, dogs, stuff like that,
and then, uh, it's night.
I'm, like, gettin'
drunk, I'm smokin' pot.
I'm, like, drawin' comics and
I'm, like, takin' pictures.
Instagramming or, like, you
know, puttin' it online.
Waiting for likes, like,
lookin' at my phone.
Waitin' for likes,
just livin' alone, uh,
and then I go to bed,
and then when I wake up,
it's the apocalypse, and, - OK.
And there's plastic on
my windows, like, taped up,
and there's like a survival,
there's survival gear
everywhere, so you don't know
if it's the next day, you
don't know if it's, like,
a week later, you don't
know, I don't know either.
I'm like, I don't
know what happened.
I don't know how long
I've been asleep.
There's a note that explains
that there's three
months worth of food,
and there's no power,
there's no water.
There's no, uh,
internet, I don't know,
I can't look outside,
I'm, like, not,
I'm standing on a chair
in my, in my kitchen,
like, knockin' on the
ceiling, tryin' to, like,
listen if my neighbors
are up there.
I don't know what's goin' on,
but there's a note that says
you have three
months worth of food.
There's a buck, I
poop in a bucket,
and so the first, like,
third of the movie...
OK.
It's like Castaway,
like, the first third
of the movie's like me
gettin' used to this.
Like, you know, really sinks
in, there's no Instagram.
There's no Facebook.
OK, it's just like you have
to live without technology?
Yeah, and without any
contact with any people.
All right.
And I'm, my cat's, eh, dead,
and I'm, I start,
like, gettin' crazy,
and I start talkin' to my
cat like she's still there.
OK, so then, this...
Wait, hold on, before you
describe the rest of this movie,
I just have to tell you, like...
Yeah, what?
I just can't, I mean,
I don't wanna be a dick,
but, like, I hate sequels, man!
Like, I hate the current
culture that we live in
where, like, when I go
to the movie theater,
all, like, my only
options are, like,
sequels to movies,
reboots to movies,
franchises of movies.
But those are blockbusters!
That's like Star Trek or...
- I know, but making an in,
- This is an indie.
Making a sequel to an independent
film's even worse, man!
That's supposed to be,
that's the counterculture!
Uh, hello, uh, 911, yeah.
You can stop the
search, I found him.
The only guy on the planet
who doesn't like
Godfather Part II.
No, nah, I didn't...
Huh, yeah, no,
he's right here.
What's that, uh, Gremlins
2, do you like Gremlins 2?
What is that?
No, he doesn't like, he
doesn't like any sequels.
I don't like any sequels.
No sequels.
I just don't
think I wanna do it.
OK, you, uh, it's weird,
'cause you only heard
the first third.
You haven't even
heard, like, the twist.
I, uh...
There's stuff in there
that's like, eh, it's OK.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to apologize.
I feel bad, like...
I have other ideas,
I have a Caveman idea.
It's about the first wolf
that comes out of the woods.
Let's just, like, hang
out tonight and catch up
and, like, see each other.
I love you, like,
I don't, it's not.
It's not about that.
Don't say, like, "Oh, you're,
you've had a lot of success."
Like, that has
nothing to do with it.
No, no, I was sayin'...
I would make a
movie with you, well.
I was
drinkin' it to get drunk!
I'm gonna go get some food.
I think I still have
some pizza over there.
Let's, let's go
eat a little bit.
OK.
Everyone knows who they are?
The people that are
people know who they are,
the werewolves know
who they are, yes?
OK, I'll take that as a yes, OK!
Now, close your eyes, and,
uh, I'm gonna set the scene.
Uh, it's a bucolic university
in the middle of, uh,
in the middle of
beautiful countryside,
and you're all, it's
the first day of school.
And, uh, it's gorgeous grounds
and everyone's very excited.
Uh, this university happens
to be the number one
film university in the
world, a place to study film.
Uh, I know there's some
actual filmmakers here,
but there's also some writers
and maybe some other people
here just like to tell stories.
But, uh, unbeknownst
to everyone here,
among you are three
bloodthirsty monsters.
They're posing as film students.
They're actually film critics,
and they fuckin' hate films.
They,
they hate everything
they see, they hate you
because everyone here,
their dream project
is to make a sequel.
That's your only crime,
you're film students
that wanna make sequels
to films that you love.
And these film critics
are gonna hunt down
each and every one of
you, starting tonight.
Will the film critics
please open their eyes.
OK, I see, OK, we've got
all three film critics.
They're ready to,
they're gonna select.
Hey, Kent!
Oh, hey, man.
Hey are you leavin'?
Yeah, yeah, sorry.
Sneakin' out.
It's good to see ya.
Yeah, you, too.
But, you know, I
was thinking about it,
and I just wanted to say, like,
I, when I think
about Uncle Kent,
like, I feel like I
came into your life.
Like you allowed me to make
a movie about your life,
and so, I don't feel like
I have ownership over it.
Like, I feel like
it's your thing,
and so, if you have an
idea for a second movie
that you're excited about,
I think you should make it.
I think you should just
find another director.
Without you?
Yeah, like, I, like,
my feeling about it is that
it's not mine to give away.
Like, you don't need
to seek my permission,
that that movie is
about your life,
and we were shooting
with your real name
and your apartment
and your family,
and your work and
all that sorta stuff,
and so, if you have another
idea that you're excited about,
and you wanna make another
movie with that character,
with you, I feel like
you should do that.
You should just find
another director who wants,
you know, who's
excited about that.
Mm-hmm, yeah, that could work.
Will you be in it,
like in a cameo?
Yeah, I love you, too, man.
It was good to see ya.
Yeah, bike safe.
Thanks.
All right, I'll
see ya next time.
- OK, bye, Joe.
- All right.
Beans.
Wee!
♪ Breakout
♪ When explanations
make no sense
♪ When every answer's wrong
♪ You're fighting
with lost confidence
♪ All expectations gone
Kent, wake up!
Kent, wake up!
♪ Don't stop to ask
Kent, wake up, wake up!
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want to say
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you've found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you've found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ Lay down the law
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you've found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want to say
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
Hmm, Josh, get me
Anne Hathaway's cat.
OK.
Hey, what's her cat's name?
Catty Arbuckle.
What happened
to all the good cat names?
What do you mean?
Josh, don't interrupt,
like Fluffy or Mittens.
Fuckin' settle for
Taffy at this point.
Yeah, I, I don't
know, I couldn't tell ya.
Josh, please, I'm
tryin' to talk to myself.
It's like everybody's
trying too hard.
Hello?
Hey, Catty, this is
opportunity calling!
Opportunity, will
you accept the charges?
'Cause I think you will.
Who is this?
OK, fair enough, this
is Cat Agent calling,
and I'm calling because
I have a script here
that I think you're perfect for.
OK, I'm listening.
I just finished
it, it's a biopic
about the cat from
Breakfast at Tiffany's,
and it's called
A Cat Called Cat.
Heh, 'cause in, in the
movie, the cat is called cat.
The cat, that cat that
she only calls him cat,
and there was like a, you
might be too young for it.
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
OK, I love
it, you're way ahead of me.
Catty, do you mind if I think
outside the box on this one?
Yeah.
Yeah, you know
what I mean by that?
You familiar with
that expression?
Sure.
OK, hold on.
Ah, that's much better.
♪ Meow, Cat Agent
Take a nap, Grandma.
Nurse, nurse?
Goodneay, I don't think so.
Goodneay, I don't think so.
Osborne?
Kent Osborne?
Uh, so you know
what an earworm is?
Uh, it's like when you get
a song stuck in your head,
and it won't go
away, and it's, like,
repeating over and over
and it's like a loop
of, like, six or seven
seconds of the song, um.
Anyways, I noticed
about a month ago,
I used to get 'em
once in a while,
but I notice about a
month ago they were,
I was starting to get
them every, uh, day.
Every morning,
actually, I'd wake up,
and there'd be a
different song in my head,
and I started writing them down
just 'cause I wanted to see
if there were any sort
of, like, patterns
or if I could figure
out why I was getting
certain songs stuck
in my head, but, uh,
there's no real, um,
connection between any of the,
uh, the one I noticed
is on July 5th, uh,
I had Beat It in my head,
and then on July 17th,
I had Eat It by Weird Al,
which is, like,
the parody of that,
but other than that, it's all...
You were last in
here a year ago?
Uh, yeah, well, about,
yeah, August, last August.
Uh, it lasts all day, if I'm
not having a conversation
with someone or I'm not, uh,
reading a book or
watching a movie.
If I'm basically alone
with my thoughts,
the song will be in my
head and, uh, there's no...
Kent, what I'd like
you to do right now
is I'd like you to
follow this finger, OK?
OK.
Just follow this finger,
relax, and just
focus on my finger.
OK.
I'm gonna keep
moving this finger,
and I want you to keep
following this finger.
Gonna get any pain
in your frontal lobe?
No.
- Any nausea?
- No.
Keep following
the finger, focus.
Focus on the finger, ignore
me, but focus on the finger.
OK.
Focus on
the finger, ignore me,
but focus on the finger.
OK.
And now this finger.
And now this finger.
Follow my finger, keep
following my finger.
Keep following my finger.
Following my finger,
following my finger.
Following my finger,
following my finger.
Just me, just me, just
me following, just me.
Now, you, following my finger.
Very interesting.
Now, you have a phone?
Yeah.
You have a camera
on that phone?
Yeah.
OK, take
my picture, all right?
OK, take you, OK.
When you're
ready, whenever you're ready.
Tell me when you're ready.
OK, I'm ready.
OK.
OK.
Got it, OK, great.
Now, we're gonna do a test.
This is my favorite part.
What I'd like ya to
do is just concentrate
on that red dot, all right,
just stare at that red dot.
OK.
Don't mind that scary monster,
although he is pretty scary.
You know, I've done
this test with, um,
some seven-year-olds and
some eight-year-olds,
and some six-year-olds, 'cause
I'm also a pediatrician.
And they get so scared!
They get so scared by this,
but when you're a child,
your imagination just runs wild!
Luckily, as adults, our
imaginations are more in check.
We can more, we
know, what we're,
what we're imagining and
what we're not imagining,
and why that's the case,
but when you,
when you're a little kid,
you don't know, and
you get so scared!
You think the monsters are real,
'cause you know what, maybe
the monsters are real!
Now I'm gonna flip this picture
over on the count of three,
and you're gonna stare
at the new red dot.
OK.
Three, two, one, flip.
Blink twice, stare.
Whoa, is that, that's cool!
Yes.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Uh-huh, I think I know
what's going on here.
Kent, I want you to
take out that, uh,
phone that you just took
a picture of me with.
OK.
I want you to look
at that picture,
and I want you to look at me.
OK.
Notice anything different?
Ha, your shirt!
How did you do that?
Kent, I want
you to start noticing
what's around you,
not just concentrating
on what's inside you and
what's inside your head.
I need you to go see a
neurologist immediately.
Available tomorrow?
Uh, no, I-I'm goin'
out of town tomorrow.
I'm goin' down to San
Diego for, uh, work.
Oh, my God.
I mean, I have a train ticket,
I have, doing two panels,
I'm doin' a signing.
I do not recommend that.
Can I, I'll be
back Sunday night.
Actually, I was just hoping
to get, like, a prescription
for Xanax or Klonopin or
something to help me sleep.
Drugs are not
going to fix this.
Good luck in San Diego.
I, is it because
of the picture?
Excuse me, sir,
can you hear me, sir?
Good, good, keep responding.
Have you got, have
you got a pulse rate?
Uh, it's two.
Two?
Look alive, sir, good, good.
Sir, do you know
where you are?
Do you know what's
happened to you?
I think we're losing him.
Well read that.
♪ Breakout
♪ Breakout
♪ Breakout
♪ Breakout
♪ When explanations
make no sense
♪ When every answer's wrong
♪ You're fighting
with lost confidence
♪ All expectations gone
Ladies and
gentlemen, now arriving
into downtown San
Diego, Santa Fe Depot.
Lower levels, please exit...
Uh, well, no, no,
no, 'cause I'm, I'm,
I'm, I'm walkin',
I just put my bag
down, I'm in my room,
so can I, can we do it later?
I'll text you and then we
can get on Skype, and then,
OK, OK, all right.
I love you, Mommy, bye, OK!
Hey, yeah, I just checked
into, uh, room 632,
uh, and I was, I
noticed in the closet,
there are, there's,
uh, one robe,
and then there's
another empty bag.
Uh, so I just wanna
let you guys know
just because, uh, I
didn't wanna get accused
of, uh, of takin' a robe.
Oh, there is, OK, well,
no, 'cause there's one robe
and then there's an
empty bag next to it.
No, there's one robe in a bag,
and then there's another,
another bag that's
empty next to it.
I only need one but, I just
wanted to let you guys know
in case I was accused of.
Right, right, OK,
no, no, that's fine.
And then, um
I had a second
question about the,
the clock, by the table.
Uh,
oh, um.
No, sorry, uh, it's, it's uh,
it's like, it's blinking.
It was blinking, um,
sorry, it was blinking, uh,
like, 1:24 when I walked
in, and then I unplugged it,
and then it was blinking, um,
it was, uh, I unplugged it,
and then it was blinking 12,
and now it's blinking 12:14.
No, you know what, it's,
I'm sorry, it's fine.
I have a clock on my phone,
I'll just unplug it
and keep it unplugged.
Yeah, no, no, that's fine.
Nope, everything
else is great, OK.
Yep, no, thank you
very much, OK, bye.
♪ Warrior, don't be defeated
♪ Warrior arms, keep on reaching
♪ Warrior, don't be defeated
♪ Warrior smile, keep on beaming
♪ Open fortress
♪ And his horses
♪ Be defenseless
♪ Build up fences down low
♪ Rolling boulder
♪ Be a warrior
♪ Wake while sleeping,
strong or weary
♪ I won't even,
don't be defeated
♪ No, don't be defeated
♪ Warrior arms, keep on reaching
♪ Warrior eyes,
don't be deceiving
♪ Warrior smile, keep on beaming
I was just wondering
what an honor...
Hey, Suze, Suzie Zaleta, hey!
Hey!
- How's it goin'?
- Hi!
- Oh my God, hey!
- Hi!
Oh my God, this is awesome!
It's so good to see you!
It's good to see
you, sorry, sorry.
Um, what are you doing in
like, uh, 15 or 20 minutes?
Nothing.
Well, come, why
don't you come,
well, do you wanna grab,
like, dinner or a beer?
Yeah, yeah, I
wanna grab 10 beers.
Perfect, excellent, come
back in, like, 20 minutes.
OK.
Yeah, I am.
I knew...
Oh, and one more for who?
Uh, and another
one for my sister.
If you could just make it
out, her name's also Jada.
Hey, are you Kent Osborne?
Yeah, hey, yeah,
how's it goin'?
Are you gonna be at the panel?
Yeah, I'm goin'.
Are you excited for it?
Yeah, yeah.
I am, too.
I'm very excited.
That's great.
Yeah, great.
See you soon, Kent.
Oh, I'm so
happy to be out of there.
I know, it's
so peaceful over here.
It's so nice.
How long have you
been doin' that?
This is my first time doing...
- Really?
- Yeah.
And you're makin',
you're getting,
like, there was a
line when I walked up.
There was like...
I know, it's crazy.
These fans are so,
like, dedicated to it.
How long's that
show been on, how...
A, a year and two months,
and a week and three days.
Um, do you ever, uh,
do you know anything
about, like, simulation
theory or, uh,
like singularity, like with AI?
Did you ever, do you
know anything about that?
No.
Do you wanna tell me about it?
I've been having weird
thoughts lately, like, uh...
Like what?
Like, uh,
like that I'm a robot or
that I'm in a simulation.
I don't really know
what simulation theory is.
Simulation theory...
I can assume...
Simulation theory
is fascinating.
OK, we, so we, as humans,
right, we're making technology,
and we're heading towards
a, towards a point,
in our lifetime, there's gonna
be artificial intelligence.
There's gonna be a moment where,
uh, robots or computers
are gonna be able
to perform faster than
the human brain, right?
Yeah.
And so that's the singularity,
and then, once you accept
that that's gonna happen,
then, it becomes
much more likely
that it's already happened
and this is a simulation.
- OK, because, yeah.
- Because,
It's like being the
only ones in the universe.
Like, it's more,
it's much more likely
that there's life
outside of just us.
It's less likely
that there's just us.
Right.
So it's less likely that
this is the first go-around.
It's more likely that
this is a simulation,
and that you're, this
isn't, like, reality.
I don't totally love the idea
that, like, this tree
that I'm touching
isn't an actual
tree or that, like,
I'm looking at this
ocean and, like,
I don't know, I just,
like, I feel like
the further we get
away from, like, this,
like, what we're here with
and, like, living with,
and the further we get
into, like, our phones
and, like, our Twitter and
Instagram and Facebook,
and, like, live in that already,
like, simulation, you know?
We're already so involved, if,
we must be figuring
it out, then, right?
Like, we're already
all so techy and stuff.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And reliant.
Uh, I hate when
people text me.
Who's texting you?
Uh, this kid, I don't know.
I guess there's some party.
Down here?
Yeah.
Uh, I don't know, do
you wanna check out...
Yeah.
Do you wanna go to a party?
Yeah.
♪ Alien baby
♪ Demon child
♪ Star vibration
♪ Running wild
Yeah.
Ah, that feels so good.
Why don't you whip
out your computer
and show me your cartoon?
OK, great, this is
Cat Agent calling,
and I'm calling because
I have a script here
that I think you're perfect for.
OK, I'm listening.
I just finished
it, it's a biopic
about the cat from
Breakfast at Tiffany's,
and it's called
A Cat Called Cat,
'cause in the movie,
the cat is called cat.
The cat, that cat,
she only calls it cat.
That was like a, you
might be too young for it.
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
♪ Lay down the law,
shout out for more
♪ Breakout and shout,
day in and day out
♪ Breakout
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
See you soon, Kent.
I even wrote him in one and
I didn't give him any lines.
Anyways, that's
what everyone says.
So I watch the show with my
two little girls all the time,
and, um, they actually...
♪ When explanations
make no sense
♪ When every answer's wrong
♪ You're fighting
with lost confidence
They stood in
a line, they, you know.
Would you guys ever consider
doing a live action episode?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, jeez!
- Hey.
- Hi.
I saw you at the panel.
I hope so.
This is amazing!
Uh, I'm, I'm Miriam.
- Hey, uh, Kent, hey!
- Hi, yeah,
- I know who you are.
- This is amazing.
This is amazing, I can't
believe I'm meeting you.
This is incredible!
Uh, seriously, thank
you so much for...
- Are you for real right now?
- How long did this take?
How did you do this?
Oh, just 12 hours,
it was super easy.
Just 12 hours?
Yeah, just some
upholstery pads.
I spent less time
on the comic.
Are you serious?
Yeah, and I really, thank you,
because I looked
out and I saw that,
and it took me a while,
and then I saw the headset.
And I'm like,
"That's Cat Agent!"
Yeah, of course!
And I'm like, "You
gotta be kidding,"
and I would, thank
you, I'm embarrassed
that you saw that panel
because I was so bad.
You, gotta, you, Kent Osborne
cannot be self-deprecating.
You're a genius!
I think you're a
genius, everyone else,
er, everyone here is
walkin' around in skintight
black costumes, and you're like,
I don't even know
what you look like.
I'm a manifestation
of your reality,
so everything underneath
will follow suit as well.
OK.
Miriam.
Yep.
Do you, uh, are you hungry?
- I'm super hungry.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Wanna get some cat food?
I love cat food, I'm a cat!
Actually, I really
do need to use
the litter box before we go eat.
How does that
work, how do you...
I've got a crotch
diaper strap.
OK.
Yeah, a cat diaper.
Ooh, oh shit, uh!
What do, what do we do?
I guess we, oh wait,
no, no, that guy's got it.
He's, he's OK.
Are, are you sure?
Hey, hey, it's OK, it's OK.
Hey, it's OK, that
guys gonna help him.
He's gonna call the paramedics,
and let's let the
professionals handle it.
Are you all right?
- I think so.
- OK.
There's this course, they
call it invisibility potion.
What?
Yeah, I've heard
all about this.
We have to get, yeah,
the invisibility potion.
Can we do it, I
really wanna do it!
- Really, OK.
- Yes, absolutely!
- We have to do that.
- Two.
They're for us, all right!
Here we go!
Cheers!
Oh my God!
Ho, what?
I'll tell you what I want,
a pastrami on!
And melons, we'll
have some melons, huh?
Gimme, gimme that!
Uh-oh!
- Two melons, honk honk!
- I told you,
this place stinks!
Cover your bald,
your bald eagle!
It's real, I feel
like this is real.
It's really one
there, the hair is real.
Kent!
Kent!
Kent!
What?
What's happening?
Everyone loves you, Kent.
Babycat loves you.
The singularity is
coming very soon, Kent.
Kent, Kent, Kent, Kent,
Kent, Kent, Kent!
Kent, Kent, Kent!
Singularity is
coming very soon!
I am saying that, if
you, OK, if you have, uh,
uh, if you can't
believe the fact that,
that we're heading
towards a place
where there's gonna be
artificial intelligence,
then you can accept the fact
that artificial intelligence
is gonna be capable of
creating a simulation.
OK.
Once you accept that fact,
then it's way more likely
that this is the simulation,
and this isn't the
first time around.
That's practically
impossible, and, and
and then I'm tired
of acting like,
like things aren't happ,
weird things aren't happening,
and everyone's telling me, like,
"Nuh, I don't know what
you're talking about."
You didn't see that, you
didn't hear that creature?
You didn't hear him...
Why don't you
drink some water.
No, I didn't, but.
Because, I mean, that
was Craig, my doctor,
told me not to
come to San Diego.
He, he, he warned me
and he said he, he,
it was craziest experience.
He said to take
a picture of him,
and at the end of
the consultation,
he said, "Look at the picture."
He said, "Look at me now,"
and then he was wearing
different clothes.
And, um, this is the
picture I didn't take.
Oh, God, oh fuck, oh fuck!
What the fuck, what the fuck?
What the fuck?
- Kent?
- What the fuck?
You're in your head, bro!
Put your phone away.
Put your phone away!
Is that better?
I got a crotch strap,
you wanna undo it?
Yeah, yeah, OK.
- OK.
- That's what I'm doin'?
Yep.
OK.
- All right, mm-hmm.
- Yeah?
There's a hook and eye.
- OK, so just undo that.
- Got it.
And then there's
a zipper underneath, like.
OK, I'm doin' it, ready?
Here we go!
Got it!
Check it, dude!
Miriam?
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, you all right?
You're OK, hey, look
at me, you work here?
You work here?
Yeah, Christine?
Hey, I'm Kent, you all
right, what happened?
What - Yeah?
She's, she's, she's gone!
OK, OK, was there a light,
was there a white light?
You saw a white light,
it was really bright,
and then she was gone, yeah?
It's OK, I can't
explain what's goin' on,
but do you have a cellphone?
You have a cellphone, right?
You know when it gets hot?
What do you do, you
turn it off, right?
You reboot it, it's
OK, she's fine.
My friend's fine, OK?
You play video games?
No, OK, at the end of a
video game, what happens?
You start again, you play over.
You get a new life, right?
I think that' where they are,
and we're still playin', right?
OK, I know that sounds
crazy, do I look crazy?
No, right, there you go.
Take, keep breathing,
keep breathing.
There you go.
Excuse me, excuse
me, do you work here?
Did you see the,
the, the, the light,
and the, Patrick, he's,
Our friend is gone!
Our friend is gone!
We were just
watching Bo, on TV.
We were just taking a break!
Yeah.
He totally disappeared!
There was a white light!
It happened to me,
too, it happened to her.
Are you guys OK?
Yeah.
It's fine, it's fine,
but you know what?
Look, we're here,
right, you're OK.
You're not hurt, right,
are you bleeding?
Are you hurt?
She's OK, I think there's
safety in numbers.
Oh my God, she disappeared!
You said she wasn't gonna go
anywhere, she went somewhere!
OK, OK.
It can't handle more than three.
OK, that's why she disappeared.
It can't handle more than
three, we're fine, OK?
As long as it's just us...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Do you guys know
what's goin' on?
Kinda, are you all right?
- No.
- You all right?
What happened?
Mommy and Daddy.
I'm so sorry,
I lost my best friend.
They lost their friend, right?
Our friend, our
friend, Patrick.
Christine just
disappeared, but it's OK.
It's OK, you're with us now.
Hold on a second,
new theory, OK?
Four's fine, she disappeared
when I was telling you guys
my theory, so let's
not tell him my theory.
What theory?
Why are we following this guy?
I don't know, he
seems like a good...
Shh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold up, guys.
We got another one.
Hey, hey, it's OK!
It's OK, how's it goin'?
You OK?
You're all right.
Got a nice group of
people out there.
You wanna join us?
Yeah, yeah, you do,
yeah, yeah, all right.
Yeah, he's comin' out.
It's OK, come on.
Come on, meet the group.
Meet the group, here he is, OK.
It's gonna be OK,
just stick with us, OK?
Yeah.
Hey, c'mon, let's
go, keep moving.
I'll pay extra.
That's so lonely, and I
can't get on the computer...
Jenny?
I have a great...
Kent?
What are you doing here?
Oh my God, it's
so good to see you!
Are you stayin' here?
Well, I'm trying
to get a room here,
but it's, like, booked
and the power's out.
Oh, I don't think
it's comin' back on.
Hold on, hey, guys, guys!
I got this, all right?
Did you get my text?
You texted me?
Like, from two days ago,
like three text in a row,
they were kinda funny?
I'm so sorry.
I just haven't been
checking my phone very much.
I got this job that
I'm, what'd you say?
I had this idea
for Uncle Kent 2.
I thought you could
reprise your role.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh my God, that would
be a dream come true!
What a, what's the role, I mean,
what's the movie,
what's the idea?
Really, um, OK, uh, OK.
We open with me on my
porch, I'm smokin' weed.
I'm lookin' at the
neighborhood with binoculars,
and we hear sounds of the city...
Cut to later, I'm in my kitchen.
I'm doin' a comic, and
I took a picture of it,
and I Instagram it, you know,
to establish the chronology
Shut up!
Holy shit, Kent!
Sorry.
What the fuck did you just do?
I didn't do it.
It's the singularity
and it's been goin' on
for, like, 30 minutes!
How have you not seen it?
Do you have a room?
Yeah.
Can I go to your room?
Yeah.
What the fuck just happened?
Fucking weird!
They followed me, so
look, this is Miriam's...
Is it safe?
Yep.
Where's Miriam?
She disappeared,
like those people.
Oh, God, in this room?
- Yep.
- Aw, fuck!
Oh, gosh!
Explain it to
me again, slowly.
Uh, we open on my
porch, I'm smoking pot,
I'm looking at the
city with binoculars.
No, no, I'm talking about
what the fuck is happening here!
Why are those people just
disappearing, what is...
Oh, oh.
None of this is real.
This is like a video
game or somethin',
or a simulation, or
it's the universe
tryin' to, tryin' to
gain consciousness.
I don't know, I thought
I had it figured out,
but basically,
everything's ending.
Whatever this is is
running out of memory.
You know, like in a video game,
you know, like the old
school video games.
You ever see King
Kong, King of Kong.
Yeah, I think I saw it.
Like, it's the
end of the game,
half the screen,
like, glitches out.
The other half, the characters
are, like, runnin' around,
like nothin's wrong, that's us.
We're in that part.
We just haven't run
out of memory yet.
When are we gonna
run out of memory?
I don't know!
I don't know.
I have no idea, it could
be a hundred years.
It could be five seconds.
That's so scary!
I know.
It's...
I know, I'm scared, too.
What should we do though?
What?
What should we do?
We just gotta
make the most of it.
We gotta live, we
gotta exist, you know?
We're here, we're in
this room, we're OK.
You know, we're not hurt,
you know, we could go like,
in a second, we could go.
I've seen it happ, you've seen
it happen, it just happened.
- The fuck?
- I just.
There's something I always
wanted to do with you,
in Uncle Kent One, and I
just, can you take these off?
Just take everything
off really fast.
Really?
Yeah, just take it off.
OK, woo-hoo!
Oh, yeah, this is happening.
Yeah.
OK, no, no, no, no,
- go over there.
- Where?
- There.
- OK.
Over there, turn
around, face the wall.
Face the wall.
- Yeah, no face me.
- OK.
- OK.
- What do you want me to do?
I want you to
start masturbating.
You want me to what?
Really?
♪ Ooh, yeah
♪ Let's take our time
♪ I wanna steal ya
♪ So I can feel ya
♪ And if you disappear
♪ I wouldn't blame you
♪ Oh, wait, I would
♪ If they can't touch
you, they won't be there
♪ When I'm beside you
Room service, Mr. Osborne.
Oh, I have your fried
chicken with all the fixin's.
Shall I leave it on the bed?
Kent, I screwed
up, I'm in, OK?
I'm the director
now, come on, action!
Uncle Kent 2, action!
I'm so sorry, please
give me another chance!
I promise I won't
fall asleep this time.
I love you, Kent Osborne,
I love you, Kent Osborne.
I love you, Kent Osborne.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Weird Al Yankovic.
Wha?
Hey!
Al!
Mm.
Shouldn't have stopped...
No, not the 101,
you should not...
At that girl through the
window and you're looking...
What's the difference?
We were late...
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, what is that?
Hey, pal, pace yourself,
stroke by stroke.
Really enjoyed
your panel, Kent.
You did a wonderful job.
Duh-duh-da, duh-duh-da,
oh, Kent, look at you!
What the?
Tuh-ho, go for it, man.
Ah, this is sad.
Ladies and gentlemen, I guess
that concludes Uncle Kent 2.
Refunds are in the lobby.
See ya at the Independent
Spirit Awards, everybody!
Oh, brother!
Kent, Kent are you there?
Kent, I heard the
singularity's happening!
Mom, I'll call ya later!
Kent, honey, this
is serious business!
Mom, I'm busy!
Come on, where are you?
People are disappearing!
Kent, you need to concentrate
on what is outside of you!
Get off of your phone, Kent!
I'm sorry!
I love you, Kent,
but this is going
to destroy you!
Why didn't you listen to me?
I had train tickets!
♪ Warrior, don't be defeated
♪ Warrior arms
Kent, Kent, what
are you doin'?
We got the green light
for Uncle Kent 2!
We did, really?
Kent!
Really?
Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
♪ Breakout
♪ When explanations
make no sense
♪ When answer's wrong
♪ You're fighting
with lost confidence
♪ All expectations gone
♪ The time has come
to make or break
♪ Move on, don't hesitate
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ When situations never change
♪ Tomorrow looks unsure
♪ Don't leave your
destiny to chance
♪ What are you waiting for
♪ The time has come
for make or break
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want to say
♪ Breakout
♪ Some people stop at nothing
♪ If you're searching
for something
♪ Lay down the law,
shout out for more
♪ Breakout and
shout, day in day out
♪ Breakout
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want to say
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you've a break
to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ You found a break
to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ Barnes & Noble book
of roller coasters
♪ Parking lot with
lots of lights up high
♪ Lookin' into
feelin' full inside
♪ Bush Obama
Oh, boy, look
what I've got, Jude!
All right, all right, all right!
Let's get another race goin'!
Hey, Jude,
let's get another, oh!
Unbelievable, folks,
OK, get everybody ready
for the next race!
Gather 'em up, what
do I get to do?
- Hello, everybody!
- Aw, hey, man!
Didn't wanna break, didn't
wanna break up the race.
Yeah, well, you're
seeing demolition derbies.
Nice, nice, how's it
goin', do you like these?
Great, yeah, awesome.
Um, where can I put my helmet?
Uh, anywhere
you want, man, uh,
I'm not really hosting,
Dylan's hosting.
Oh, right, OK.
I gotta, I'm gonna
put Jude to bed soon,
but, uh, yeah, man,
let's catch up for real.
I mean, I sorta have to...
Yeah, yeah.
Here I come, here I come.
All right, get in here.
All right, start you engines,
ladies and gentlemen!
Forgot about it...
Oh, yeah, it's crazy!
Yeah, it's
so weird to see you!
Yeah, he's,
like, such a boy now.
Yeah, I kinda
wanna tell him, like,
"You're, your first
movie was Uncle Kent."
Yeah, 'cause that's wild.
Um, and, uh, yeah, actually,
I hadn't seen it in a while,
and I watched it and I, I,
I got this, I mean, ,
I got an idea for a
sequel, like a part two.
OK.
And I wrote,
like, most of it down.
I've been writing all day.
OK, what happens
in Uncle Kent Part Two?
OK, it starts
off, like regular.
I'm on my porch, smokin' weed.
We hear sounds of the
city, like lawnmowers,
uh, dogs, stuff like that,
and then, uh, it's night.
I'm, like, gettin'
drunk, I'm smokin' pot.
I'm, like, drawin' comics and
I'm, like, takin' pictures.
Instagramming or, like, you
know, puttin' it online.
Waiting for likes, like,
lookin' at my phone.
Waitin' for likes,
just livin' alone, uh,
and then I go to bed,
and then when I wake up,
it's the apocalypse, and, - OK.
And there's plastic on
my windows, like, taped up,
and there's like a survival,
there's survival gear
everywhere, so you don't know
if it's the next day, you
don't know if it's, like,
a week later, you don't
know, I don't know either.
I'm like, I don't
know what happened.
I don't know how long
I've been asleep.
There's a note that explains
that there's three
months worth of food,
and there's no power,
there's no water.
There's no, uh,
internet, I don't know,
I can't look outside,
I'm, like, not,
I'm standing on a chair
in my, in my kitchen,
like, knockin' on the
ceiling, tryin' to, like,
listen if my neighbors
are up there.
I don't know what's goin' on,
but there's a note that says
you have three
months worth of food.
There's a buck, I
poop in a bucket,
and so the first, like,
third of the movie...
OK.
It's like Castaway,
like, the first third
of the movie's like me
gettin' used to this.
Like, you know, really sinks
in, there's no Instagram.
There's no Facebook.
OK, it's just like you have
to live without technology?
Yeah, and without any
contact with any people.
All right.
And I'm, my cat's, eh, dead,
and I'm, I start,
like, gettin' crazy,
and I start talkin' to my
cat like she's still there.
OK, so then, this...
Wait, hold on, before you
describe the rest of this movie,
I just have to tell you, like...
Yeah, what?
I just can't, I mean,
I don't wanna be a dick,
but, like, I hate sequels, man!
Like, I hate the current
culture that we live in
where, like, when I go
to the movie theater,
all, like, my only
options are, like,
sequels to movies,
reboots to movies,
franchises of movies.
But those are blockbusters!
That's like Star Trek or...
- I know, but making an in,
- This is an indie.
Making a sequel to an independent
film's even worse, man!
That's supposed to be,
that's the counterculture!
Uh, hello, uh, 911, yeah.
You can stop the
search, I found him.
The only guy on the planet
who doesn't like
Godfather Part II.
No, nah, I didn't...
Huh, yeah, no,
he's right here.
What's that, uh, Gremlins
2, do you like Gremlins 2?
What is that?
No, he doesn't like, he
doesn't like any sequels.
I don't like any sequels.
No sequels.
I just don't
think I wanna do it.
OK, you, uh, it's weird,
'cause you only heard
the first third.
You haven't even
heard, like, the twist.
I, uh...
There's stuff in there
that's like, eh, it's OK.
I'm sorry.
You don't have to apologize.
I feel bad, like...
I have other ideas,
I have a Caveman idea.
It's about the first wolf
that comes out of the woods.
Let's just, like, hang
out tonight and catch up
and, like, see each other.
I love you, like,
I don't, it's not.
It's not about that.
Don't say, like, "Oh, you're,
you've had a lot of success."
Like, that has
nothing to do with it.
No, no, I was sayin'...
I would make a
movie with you, well.
I was
drinkin' it to get drunk!
I'm gonna go get some food.
I think I still have
some pizza over there.
Let's, let's go
eat a little bit.
OK.
Everyone knows who they are?
The people that are
people know who they are,
the werewolves know
who they are, yes?
OK, I'll take that as a yes, OK!
Now, close your eyes, and,
uh, I'm gonna set the scene.
Uh, it's a bucolic university
in the middle of, uh,
in the middle of
beautiful countryside,
and you're all, it's
the first day of school.
And, uh, it's gorgeous grounds
and everyone's very excited.
Uh, this university happens
to be the number one
film university in the
world, a place to study film.
Uh, I know there's some
actual filmmakers here,
but there's also some writers
and maybe some other people
here just like to tell stories.
But, uh, unbeknownst
to everyone here,
among you are three
bloodthirsty monsters.
They're posing as film students.
They're actually film critics,
and they fuckin' hate films.
They,
they hate everything
they see, they hate you
because everyone here,
their dream project
is to make a sequel.
That's your only crime,
you're film students
that wanna make sequels
to films that you love.
And these film critics
are gonna hunt down
each and every one of
you, starting tonight.
Will the film critics
please open their eyes.
OK, I see, OK, we've got
all three film critics.
They're ready to,
they're gonna select.
Hey, Kent!
Oh, hey, man.
Hey are you leavin'?
Yeah, yeah, sorry.
Sneakin' out.
It's good to see ya.
Yeah, you, too.
But, you know, I
was thinking about it,
and I just wanted to say, like,
I, when I think
about Uncle Kent,
like, I feel like I
came into your life.
Like you allowed me to make
a movie about your life,
and so, I don't feel like
I have ownership over it.
Like, I feel like
it's your thing,
and so, if you have an
idea for a second movie
that you're excited about,
I think you should make it.
I think you should just
find another director.
Without you?
Yeah, like, I, like,
my feeling about it is that
it's not mine to give away.
Like, you don't need
to seek my permission,
that that movie is
about your life,
and we were shooting
with your real name
and your apartment
and your family,
and your work and
all that sorta stuff,
and so, if you have another
idea that you're excited about,
and you wanna make another
movie with that character,
with you, I feel like
you should do that.
You should just find
another director who wants,
you know, who's
excited about that.
Mm-hmm, yeah, that could work.
Will you be in it,
like in a cameo?
Yeah, I love you, too, man.
It was good to see ya.
Yeah, bike safe.
Thanks.
All right, I'll
see ya next time.
- OK, bye, Joe.
- All right.
Beans.
Wee!
♪ Breakout
♪ When explanations
make no sense
♪ When every answer's wrong
♪ You're fighting
with lost confidence
♪ All expectations gone
Kent, wake up!
Kent, wake up!
♪ Don't stop to ask
Kent, wake up, wake up!
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want to say
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you've found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you've found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ Lay down the law
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you've found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want to say
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
Hmm, Josh, get me
Anne Hathaway's cat.
OK.
Hey, what's her cat's name?
Catty Arbuckle.
What happened
to all the good cat names?
What do you mean?
Josh, don't interrupt,
like Fluffy or Mittens.
Fuckin' settle for
Taffy at this point.
Yeah, I, I don't
know, I couldn't tell ya.
Josh, please, I'm
tryin' to talk to myself.
It's like everybody's
trying too hard.
Hello?
Hey, Catty, this is
opportunity calling!
Opportunity, will
you accept the charges?
'Cause I think you will.
Who is this?
OK, fair enough, this
is Cat Agent calling,
and I'm calling because
I have a script here
that I think you're perfect for.
OK, I'm listening.
I just finished
it, it's a biopic
about the cat from
Breakfast at Tiffany's,
and it's called
A Cat Called Cat.
Heh, 'cause in, in the
movie, the cat is called cat.
The cat, that cat that
she only calls him cat,
and there was like a, you
might be too young for it.
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
OK, I love
it, you're way ahead of me.
Catty, do you mind if I think
outside the box on this one?
Yeah.
Yeah, you know
what I mean by that?
You familiar with
that expression?
Sure.
OK, hold on.
Ah, that's much better.
♪ Meow, Cat Agent
Take a nap, Grandma.
Nurse, nurse?
Goodneay, I don't think so.
Goodneay, I don't think so.
Osborne?
Kent Osborne?
Uh, so you know
what an earworm is?
Uh, it's like when you get
a song stuck in your head,
and it won't go
away, and it's, like,
repeating over and over
and it's like a loop
of, like, six or seven
seconds of the song, um.
Anyways, I noticed
about a month ago,
I used to get 'em
once in a while,
but I notice about a
month ago they were,
I was starting to get
them every, uh, day.
Every morning,
actually, I'd wake up,
and there'd be a
different song in my head,
and I started writing them down
just 'cause I wanted to see
if there were any sort
of, like, patterns
or if I could figure
out why I was getting
certain songs stuck
in my head, but, uh,
there's no real, um,
connection between any of the,
uh, the one I noticed
is on July 5th, uh,
I had Beat It in my head,
and then on July 17th,
I had Eat It by Weird Al,
which is, like,
the parody of that,
but other than that, it's all...
You were last in
here a year ago?
Uh, yeah, well, about,
yeah, August, last August.
Uh, it lasts all day, if I'm
not having a conversation
with someone or I'm not, uh,
reading a book or
watching a movie.
If I'm basically alone
with my thoughts,
the song will be in my
head and, uh, there's no...
Kent, what I'd like
you to do right now
is I'd like you to
follow this finger, OK?
OK.
Just follow this finger,
relax, and just
focus on my finger.
OK.
I'm gonna keep
moving this finger,
and I want you to keep
following this finger.
Gonna get any pain
in your frontal lobe?
No.
- Any nausea?
- No.
Keep following
the finger, focus.
Focus on the finger, ignore
me, but focus on the finger.
OK.
Focus on
the finger, ignore me,
but focus on the finger.
OK.
And now this finger.
And now this finger.
Follow my finger, keep
following my finger.
Keep following my finger.
Following my finger,
following my finger.
Following my finger,
following my finger.
Just me, just me, just
me following, just me.
Now, you, following my finger.
Very interesting.
Now, you have a phone?
Yeah.
You have a camera
on that phone?
Yeah.
OK, take
my picture, all right?
OK, take you, OK.
When you're
ready, whenever you're ready.
Tell me when you're ready.
OK, I'm ready.
OK.
OK.
Got it, OK, great.
Now, we're gonna do a test.
This is my favorite part.
What I'd like ya to
do is just concentrate
on that red dot, all right,
just stare at that red dot.
OK.
Don't mind that scary monster,
although he is pretty scary.
You know, I've done
this test with, um,
some seven-year-olds and
some eight-year-olds,
and some six-year-olds, 'cause
I'm also a pediatrician.
And they get so scared!
They get so scared by this,
but when you're a child,
your imagination just runs wild!
Luckily, as adults, our
imaginations are more in check.
We can more, we
know, what we're,
what we're imagining and
what we're not imagining,
and why that's the case,
but when you,
when you're a little kid,
you don't know, and
you get so scared!
You think the monsters are real,
'cause you know what, maybe
the monsters are real!
Now I'm gonna flip this picture
over on the count of three,
and you're gonna stare
at the new red dot.
OK.
Three, two, one, flip.
Blink twice, stare.
Whoa, is that, that's cool!
Yes.
Whoa!
Whoa!
Whoa!
Uh-huh, I think I know
what's going on here.
Kent, I want you to
take out that, uh,
phone that you just took
a picture of me with.
OK.
I want you to look
at that picture,
and I want you to look at me.
OK.
Notice anything different?
Ha, your shirt!
How did you do that?
Kent, I want
you to start noticing
what's around you,
not just concentrating
on what's inside you and
what's inside your head.
I need you to go see a
neurologist immediately.
Available tomorrow?
Uh, no, I-I'm goin'
out of town tomorrow.
I'm goin' down to San
Diego for, uh, work.
Oh, my God.
I mean, I have a train ticket,
I have, doing two panels,
I'm doin' a signing.
I do not recommend that.
Can I, I'll be
back Sunday night.
Actually, I was just hoping
to get, like, a prescription
for Xanax or Klonopin or
something to help me sleep.
Drugs are not
going to fix this.
Good luck in San Diego.
I, is it because
of the picture?
Excuse me, sir,
can you hear me, sir?
Good, good, keep responding.
Have you got, have
you got a pulse rate?
Uh, it's two.
Two?
Look alive, sir, good, good.
Sir, do you know
where you are?
Do you know what's
happened to you?
I think we're losing him.
Well read that.
♪ Breakout
♪ Breakout
♪ Breakout
♪ Breakout
♪ When explanations
make no sense
♪ When every answer's wrong
♪ You're fighting
with lost confidence
♪ All expectations gone
Ladies and
gentlemen, now arriving
into downtown San
Diego, Santa Fe Depot.
Lower levels, please exit...
Uh, well, no, no,
no, 'cause I'm, I'm,
I'm, I'm walkin',
I just put my bag
down, I'm in my room,
so can I, can we do it later?
I'll text you and then we
can get on Skype, and then,
OK, OK, all right.
I love you, Mommy, bye, OK!
Hey, yeah, I just checked
into, uh, room 632,
uh, and I was, I
noticed in the closet,
there are, there's,
uh, one robe,
and then there's
another empty bag.
Uh, so I just wanna
let you guys know
just because, uh, I
didn't wanna get accused
of, uh, of takin' a robe.
Oh, there is, OK, well,
no, 'cause there's one robe
and then there's an
empty bag next to it.
No, there's one robe in a bag,
and then there's another,
another bag that's
empty next to it.
I only need one but, I just
wanted to let you guys know
in case I was accused of.
Right, right, OK,
no, no, that's fine.
And then, um
I had a second
question about the,
the clock, by the table.
Uh,
oh, um.
No, sorry, uh, it's, it's uh,
it's like, it's blinking.
It was blinking, um,
sorry, it was blinking, uh,
like, 1:24 when I walked
in, and then I unplugged it,
and then it was blinking, um,
it was, uh, I unplugged it,
and then it was blinking 12,
and now it's blinking 12:14.
No, you know what, it's,
I'm sorry, it's fine.
I have a clock on my phone,
I'll just unplug it
and keep it unplugged.
Yeah, no, no, that's fine.
Nope, everything
else is great, OK.
Yep, no, thank you
very much, OK, bye.
♪ Warrior, don't be defeated
♪ Warrior arms, keep on reaching
♪ Warrior, don't be defeated
♪ Warrior smile, keep on beaming
♪ Open fortress
♪ And his horses
♪ Be defenseless
♪ Build up fences down low
♪ Rolling boulder
♪ Be a warrior
♪ Wake while sleeping,
strong or weary
♪ I won't even,
don't be defeated
♪ No, don't be defeated
♪ Warrior arms, keep on reaching
♪ Warrior eyes,
don't be deceiving
♪ Warrior smile, keep on beaming
I was just wondering
what an honor...
Hey, Suze, Suzie Zaleta, hey!
Hey!
- How's it goin'?
- Hi!
- Oh my God, hey!
- Hi!
Oh my God, this is awesome!
It's so good to see you!
It's good to see
you, sorry, sorry.
Um, what are you doing in
like, uh, 15 or 20 minutes?
Nothing.
Well, come, why
don't you come,
well, do you wanna grab,
like, dinner or a beer?
Yeah, yeah, I
wanna grab 10 beers.
Perfect, excellent, come
back in, like, 20 minutes.
OK.
Yeah, I am.
I knew...
Oh, and one more for who?
Uh, and another
one for my sister.
If you could just make it
out, her name's also Jada.
Hey, are you Kent Osborne?
Yeah, hey, yeah,
how's it goin'?
Are you gonna be at the panel?
Yeah, I'm goin'.
Are you excited for it?
Yeah, yeah.
I am, too.
I'm very excited.
That's great.
Yeah, great.
See you soon, Kent.
Oh, I'm so
happy to be out of there.
I know, it's
so peaceful over here.
It's so nice.
How long have you
been doin' that?
This is my first time doing...
- Really?
- Yeah.
And you're makin',
you're getting,
like, there was a
line when I walked up.
There was like...
I know, it's crazy.
These fans are so,
like, dedicated to it.
How long's that
show been on, how...
A, a year and two months,
and a week and three days.
Um, do you ever, uh,
do you know anything
about, like, simulation
theory or, uh,
like singularity, like with AI?
Did you ever, do you
know anything about that?
No.
Do you wanna tell me about it?
I've been having weird
thoughts lately, like, uh...
Like what?
Like, uh,
like that I'm a robot or
that I'm in a simulation.
I don't really know
what simulation theory is.
Simulation theory...
I can assume...
Simulation theory
is fascinating.
OK, we, so we, as humans,
right, we're making technology,
and we're heading towards
a, towards a point,
in our lifetime, there's gonna
be artificial intelligence.
There's gonna be a moment where,
uh, robots or computers
are gonna be able
to perform faster than
the human brain, right?
Yeah.
And so that's the singularity,
and then, once you accept
that that's gonna happen,
then, it becomes
much more likely
that it's already happened
and this is a simulation.
- OK, because, yeah.
- Because,
It's like being the
only ones in the universe.
Like, it's more,
it's much more likely
that there's life
outside of just us.
It's less likely
that there's just us.
Right.
So it's less likely that
this is the first go-around.
It's more likely that
this is a simulation,
and that you're, this
isn't, like, reality.
I don't totally love the idea
that, like, this tree
that I'm touching
isn't an actual
tree or that, like,
I'm looking at this
ocean and, like,
I don't know, I just,
like, I feel like
the further we get
away from, like, this,
like, what we're here with
and, like, living with,
and the further we get
into, like, our phones
and, like, our Twitter and
Instagram and Facebook,
and, like, live in that already,
like, simulation, you know?
We're already so involved, if,
we must be figuring
it out, then, right?
Like, we're already
all so techy and stuff.
- Yeah, yeah.
- And reliant.
Uh, I hate when
people text me.
Who's texting you?
Uh, this kid, I don't know.
I guess there's some party.
Down here?
Yeah.
Uh, I don't know, do
you wanna check out...
Yeah.
Do you wanna go to a party?
Yeah.
♪ Alien baby
♪ Demon child
♪ Star vibration
♪ Running wild
Yeah.
Ah, that feels so good.
Why don't you whip
out your computer
and show me your cartoon?
OK, great, this is
Cat Agent calling,
and I'm calling because
I have a script here
that I think you're perfect for.
OK, I'm listening.
I just finished
it, it's a biopic
about the cat from
Breakfast at Tiffany's,
and it's called
A Cat Called Cat,
'cause in the movie,
the cat is called cat.
The cat, that cat,
she only calls it cat.
That was like a, you
might be too young for it.
Yeah, yeah, I get it.
♪ Lay down the law,
shout out for more
♪ Breakout and shout,
day in and day out
♪ Breakout
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
See you soon, Kent.
I even wrote him in one and
I didn't give him any lines.
Anyways, that's
what everyone says.
So I watch the show with my
two little girls all the time,
and, um, they actually...
♪ When explanations
make no sense
♪ When every answer's wrong
♪ You're fighting
with lost confidence
They stood in
a line, they, you know.
Would you guys ever consider
doing a live action episode?
Oh, I'm sorry.
Oh, jeez!
- Hey.
- Hi.
I saw you at the panel.
I hope so.
This is amazing!
Uh, I'm, I'm Miriam.
- Hey, uh, Kent, hey!
- Hi, yeah,
- I know who you are.
- This is amazing.
This is amazing, I can't
believe I'm meeting you.
This is incredible!
Uh, seriously, thank
you so much for...
- Are you for real right now?
- How long did this take?
How did you do this?
Oh, just 12 hours,
it was super easy.
Just 12 hours?
Yeah, just some
upholstery pads.
I spent less time
on the comic.
Are you serious?
Yeah, and I really, thank you,
because I looked
out and I saw that,
and it took me a while,
and then I saw the headset.
And I'm like,
"That's Cat Agent!"
Yeah, of course!
And I'm like, "You
gotta be kidding,"
and I would, thank
you, I'm embarrassed
that you saw that panel
because I was so bad.
You, gotta, you, Kent Osborne
cannot be self-deprecating.
You're a genius!
I think you're a
genius, everyone else,
er, everyone here is
walkin' around in skintight
black costumes, and you're like,
I don't even know
what you look like.
I'm a manifestation
of your reality,
so everything underneath
will follow suit as well.
OK.
Miriam.
Yep.
Do you, uh, are you hungry?
- I'm super hungry.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Wanna get some cat food?
I love cat food, I'm a cat!
Actually, I really
do need to use
the litter box before we go eat.
How does that
work, how do you...
I've got a crotch
diaper strap.
OK.
Yeah, a cat diaper.
Ooh, oh shit, uh!
What do, what do we do?
I guess we, oh wait,
no, no, that guy's got it.
He's, he's OK.
Are, are you sure?
Hey, hey, it's OK, it's OK.
Hey, it's OK, that
guys gonna help him.
He's gonna call the paramedics,
and let's let the
professionals handle it.
Are you all right?
- I think so.
- OK.
There's this course, they
call it invisibility potion.
What?
Yeah, I've heard
all about this.
We have to get, yeah,
the invisibility potion.
Can we do it, I
really wanna do it!
- Really, OK.
- Yes, absolutely!
- We have to do that.
- Two.
They're for us, all right!
Here we go!
Cheers!
Oh my God!
Ho, what?
I'll tell you what I want,
a pastrami on!
And melons, we'll
have some melons, huh?
Gimme, gimme that!
Uh-oh!
- Two melons, honk honk!
- I told you,
this place stinks!
Cover your bald,
your bald eagle!
It's real, I feel
like this is real.
It's really one
there, the hair is real.
Kent!
Kent!
Kent!
What?
What's happening?
Everyone loves you, Kent.
Babycat loves you.
The singularity is
coming very soon, Kent.
Kent, Kent, Kent, Kent,
Kent, Kent, Kent!
Kent, Kent, Kent!
Singularity is
coming very soon!
I am saying that, if
you, OK, if you have, uh,
uh, if you can't
believe the fact that,
that we're heading
towards a place
where there's gonna be
artificial intelligence,
then you can accept the fact
that artificial intelligence
is gonna be capable of
creating a simulation.
OK.
Once you accept that fact,
then it's way more likely
that this is the simulation,
and this isn't the
first time around.
That's practically
impossible, and, and
and then I'm tired
of acting like,
like things aren't happ,
weird things aren't happening,
and everyone's telling me, like,
"Nuh, I don't know what
you're talking about."
You didn't see that, you
didn't hear that creature?
You didn't hear him...
Why don't you
drink some water.
No, I didn't, but.
Because, I mean, that
was Craig, my doctor,
told me not to
come to San Diego.
He, he, he warned me
and he said he, he,
it was craziest experience.
He said to take
a picture of him,
and at the end of
the consultation,
he said, "Look at the picture."
He said, "Look at me now,"
and then he was wearing
different clothes.
And, um, this is the
picture I didn't take.
Oh, God, oh fuck, oh fuck!
What the fuck, what the fuck?
What the fuck?
- Kent?
- What the fuck?
You're in your head, bro!
Put your phone away.
Put your phone away!
Is that better?
I got a crotch strap,
you wanna undo it?
Yeah, yeah, OK.
- OK.
- That's what I'm doin'?
Yep.
OK.
- All right, mm-hmm.
- Yeah?
There's a hook and eye.
- OK, so just undo that.
- Got it.
And then there's
a zipper underneath, like.
OK, I'm doin' it, ready?
Here we go!
Got it!
Check it, dude!
Miriam?
Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Hey, you all right?
You're OK, hey, look
at me, you work here?
You work here?
Yeah, Christine?
Hey, I'm Kent, you all
right, what happened?
What - Yeah?
She's, she's, she's gone!
OK, OK, was there a light,
was there a white light?
You saw a white light,
it was really bright,
and then she was gone, yeah?
It's OK, I can't
explain what's goin' on,
but do you have a cellphone?
You have a cellphone, right?
You know when it gets hot?
What do you do, you
turn it off, right?
You reboot it, it's
OK, she's fine.
My friend's fine, OK?
You play video games?
No, OK, at the end of a
video game, what happens?
You start again, you play over.
You get a new life, right?
I think that' where they are,
and we're still playin', right?
OK, I know that sounds
crazy, do I look crazy?
No, right, there you go.
Take, keep breathing,
keep breathing.
There you go.
Excuse me, excuse
me, do you work here?
Did you see the,
the, the, the light,
and the, Patrick, he's,
Our friend is gone!
Our friend is gone!
We were just
watching Bo, on TV.
We were just taking a break!
Yeah.
He totally disappeared!
There was a white light!
It happened to me,
too, it happened to her.
Are you guys OK?
Yeah.
It's fine, it's fine,
but you know what?
Look, we're here,
right, you're OK.
You're not hurt, right,
are you bleeding?
Are you hurt?
She's OK, I think there's
safety in numbers.
Oh my God, she disappeared!
You said she wasn't gonna go
anywhere, she went somewhere!
OK, OK.
It can't handle more than three.
OK, that's why she disappeared.
It can't handle more than
three, we're fine, OK?
As long as it's just us...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no!
Do you guys know
what's goin' on?
Kinda, are you all right?
- No.
- You all right?
What happened?
Mommy and Daddy.
I'm so sorry,
I lost my best friend.
They lost their friend, right?
Our friend, our
friend, Patrick.
Christine just
disappeared, but it's OK.
It's OK, you're with us now.
Hold on a second,
new theory, OK?
Four's fine, she disappeared
when I was telling you guys
my theory, so let's
not tell him my theory.
What theory?
Why are we following this guy?
I don't know, he
seems like a good...
Shh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, hold up, guys.
We got another one.
Hey, hey, it's OK!
It's OK, how's it goin'?
You OK?
You're all right.
Got a nice group of
people out there.
You wanna join us?
Yeah, yeah, you do,
yeah, yeah, all right.
Yeah, he's comin' out.
It's OK, come on.
Come on, meet the group.
Meet the group, here he is, OK.
It's gonna be OK,
just stick with us, OK?
Yeah.
Hey, c'mon, let's
go, keep moving.
I'll pay extra.
That's so lonely, and I
can't get on the computer...
Jenny?
I have a great...
Kent?
What are you doing here?
Oh my God, it's
so good to see you!
Are you stayin' here?
Well, I'm trying
to get a room here,
but it's, like, booked
and the power's out.
Oh, I don't think
it's comin' back on.
Hold on, hey, guys, guys!
I got this, all right?
Did you get my text?
You texted me?
Like, from two days ago,
like three text in a row,
they were kinda funny?
I'm so sorry.
I just haven't been
checking my phone very much.
I got this job that
I'm, what'd you say?
I had this idea
for Uncle Kent 2.
I thought you could
reprise your role.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh my God, that would
be a dream come true!
What a, what's the role, I mean,
what's the movie,
what's the idea?
Really, um, OK, uh, OK.
We open with me on my
porch, I'm smokin' weed.
I'm lookin' at the
neighborhood with binoculars,
and we hear sounds of the city...
Cut to later, I'm in my kitchen.
I'm doin' a comic, and
I took a picture of it,
and I Instagram it, you know,
to establish the chronology
Shut up!
Holy shit, Kent!
Sorry.
What the fuck did you just do?
I didn't do it.
It's the singularity
and it's been goin' on
for, like, 30 minutes!
How have you not seen it?
Do you have a room?
Yeah.
Can I go to your room?
Yeah.
What the fuck just happened?
Fucking weird!
They followed me, so
look, this is Miriam's...
Is it safe?
Yep.
Where's Miriam?
She disappeared,
like those people.
Oh, God, in this room?
- Yep.
- Aw, fuck!
Oh, gosh!
Explain it to
me again, slowly.
Uh, we open on my
porch, I'm smoking pot,
I'm looking at the
city with binoculars.
No, no, I'm talking about
what the fuck is happening here!
Why are those people just
disappearing, what is...
Oh, oh.
None of this is real.
This is like a video
game or somethin',
or a simulation, or
it's the universe
tryin' to, tryin' to
gain consciousness.
I don't know, I thought
I had it figured out,
but basically,
everything's ending.
Whatever this is is
running out of memory.
You know, like in a video game,
you know, like the old
school video games.
You ever see King
Kong, King of Kong.
Yeah, I think I saw it.
Like, it's the
end of the game,
half the screen,
like, glitches out.
The other half, the characters
are, like, runnin' around,
like nothin's wrong, that's us.
We're in that part.
We just haven't run
out of memory yet.
When are we gonna
run out of memory?
I don't know!
I don't know.
I have no idea, it could
be a hundred years.
It could be five seconds.
That's so scary!
I know.
It's...
I know, I'm scared, too.
What should we do though?
What?
What should we do?
We just gotta
make the most of it.
We gotta live, we
gotta exist, you know?
We're here, we're in
this room, we're OK.
You know, we're not hurt,
you know, we could go like,
in a second, we could go.
I've seen it happ, you've seen
it happen, it just happened.
- The fuck?
- I just.
There's something I always
wanted to do with you,
in Uncle Kent One, and I
just, can you take these off?
Just take everything
off really fast.
Really?
Yeah, just take it off.
OK, woo-hoo!
Oh, yeah, this is happening.
Yeah.
OK, no, no, no, no,
- go over there.
- Where?
- There.
- OK.
Over there, turn
around, face the wall.
Face the wall.
- Yeah, no face me.
- OK.
- OK.
- What do you want me to do?
I want you to
start masturbating.
You want me to what?
Really?
♪ Ooh, yeah
♪ Let's take our time
♪ I wanna steal ya
♪ So I can feel ya
♪ And if you disappear
♪ I wouldn't blame you
♪ Oh, wait, I would
♪ If they can't touch
you, they won't be there
♪ When I'm beside you
Room service, Mr. Osborne.
Oh, I have your fried
chicken with all the fixin's.
Shall I leave it on the bed?
Kent, I screwed
up, I'm in, OK?
I'm the director
now, come on, action!
Uncle Kent 2, action!
I'm so sorry, please
give me another chance!
I promise I won't
fall asleep this time.
I love you, Kent Osborne,
I love you, Kent Osborne.
I love you, Kent Osborne.
Ladies and gentlemen,
Weird Al Yankovic.
Wha?
Hey!
Al!
Mm.
Shouldn't have stopped...
No, not the 101,
you should not...
At that girl through the
window and you're looking...
What's the difference?
We were late...
Oh, oh, oh,
oh, what is that?
Hey, pal, pace yourself,
stroke by stroke.
Really enjoyed
your panel, Kent.
You did a wonderful job.
Duh-duh-da, duh-duh-da,
oh, Kent, look at you!
What the?
Tuh-ho, go for it, man.
Ah, this is sad.
Ladies and gentlemen, I guess
that concludes Uncle Kent 2.
Refunds are in the lobby.
See ya at the Independent
Spirit Awards, everybody!
Oh, brother!
Kent, Kent are you there?
Kent, I heard the
singularity's happening!
Mom, I'll call ya later!
Kent, honey, this
is serious business!
Mom, I'm busy!
Come on, where are you?
People are disappearing!
Kent, you need to concentrate
on what is outside of you!
Get off of your phone, Kent!
I'm sorry!
I love you, Kent,
but this is going
to destroy you!
Why didn't you listen to me?
I had train tickets!
♪ Warrior, don't be defeated
♪ Warrior arms
Kent, Kent, what
are you doin'?
We got the green light
for Uncle Kent 2!
We did, really?
Kent!
Really?
Yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!
♪ Breakout
♪ When explanations
make no sense
♪ When answer's wrong
♪ You're fighting
with lost confidence
♪ All expectations gone
♪ The time has come
to make or break
♪ Move on, don't hesitate
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ When situations never change
♪ Tomorrow looks unsure
♪ Don't leave your
destiny to chance
♪ What are you waiting for
♪ The time has come
for make or break
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want to say
♪ Breakout
♪ Some people stop at nothing
♪ If you're searching
for something
♪ Lay down the law,
shout out for more
♪ Breakout and
shout, day in day out
♪ Breakout
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you found a
break to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want to say
♪ Breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ Now you've a break
to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout
♪ Don't stop to ask
♪ You found a break
to make it last
♪ You've got to find a way
♪ Say what you want
to say, breakout