Uncle Elephant (1991) - full transcript

Hey, bata-bata-batter!

Hey, bata-bata-batter!
[ Chattering ]

Hey, hey, hey.
Hey, listen to this.

Why is baseball
like a cake?

[ All ] Swing!

Striiike, uh, one. One.

Uhh-- They both depend
on the batter.

[ Laughs ]
Pretty funny, huh?

[ All ]
Nooo!

Hey, bata-bata-batter!Tough crowd.

Come on! Just hit
the ball, Arnie!



Okay. All right,
all right.

Oh! Ah!
Why was Cinderella such
a bad baseball player?

[ All ]
Swing!

Striiike, uh, two!

She had a pumpkin for a coach!

[ Muttering ] [ All Groaning ]

Arnie!
You're baaad!Hey, bata-bata-batter!

Hey, bata-bata-batter!

Cut the funny stuff
and hit the ball!

Okay. Hey, bata-bata-batter!

Hey, bata-bata-batter!

Hey, bata-bata-batter!

Swing!
[ Groaning ]

Striiike threee!
You're out!



Arnie! You're a clown!

[ Arnie Narrating ] Yeah, I knew I wasn't funny,

but I really wanted to be.

[ Sighs ]

♪ I'm a clown

♪ But I'm not funny

♪ I'm a clown
Ooh![ Grunts ]

- ♪ But I'm not funny
- [ Grunts ]

♪ Whenever I tell
a little joke ♪

♪ They cross their eyes
and start to choke ♪

[ Groans, Gasps ]

♪ I'm a clown

♪ But I'm not funny [ Honking ]

♪ They all say

♪ My jokes are crummy [ Shouting ]

Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah,
nyah, nyah, nyah!

♪ Whenever I do a silly trick

♪ Everyone feels a little sick

♪ 'Cause I'm a clown [ Muttering ]

♪ That just isn't
just isn't funny ♪

♪ Funny [ Chattering ]

♪ Funny ♪

Oop. [ Squawking ]

[ Arnie Narrating ] That next day, my mom and dad...

wanted to sail around in their silly little boat.

I had a runny trunk and a sore throat--[ Sneezes ]

so I didn't have to go with them.

Uh, say, uh, Arnie,
I forgot to ask you how
the game went yesterday.

Ah, not so great.
We lost.

Oh, that's too bad.

Say, uh, you weren't up
to your old tricks again,
were you?

[ Chuckles ]
You know, that funny stuff?

Well, um--
[ Sniffles ]
maybe a little.

Oh, come on, Arnie.
There's a time and a place
for everything.

You've got to learn--And I think it's a perfect time
and place to go sailing.

Hmm? Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
you're right. Uh, let's go!

[ Gasping ]

[ Sneezes ]

My! What a cold
you have!

I'll be all right.
[ Sniffles ]
Don't worry.

We're only sailing in the bay.
We won't be out long.

Bye!

Now, you take care
of yourself, Son. [ Laughs ]
We'll be back soon.

Bye-bye, honey.

Get some rest.
Take a nap.

Bye! See you later!
[ Sniffles ]

Oh, here's a good one!

[ Yawning ]

Whoa! Whoa. Whoo.

[ Snoring ]

[ Groans, Shivers ]

Whoa!
[ Inhales ]
Mmm.

Hey. It's late!
Where are they?

Dad! Mom! [ Bell Clanging ]

[ Foghorn Blows ]Where are you?

Hey, come on, you guys.
This isn't funny.

Mom! Dad!

Mom! Dad!
Come back!

Come back!

[ Arnie Narrating ] I couldn't believe it.

My mom and dad were gone!

That was the very first time I didn't feel like being funny.

♪ If the world was good

♪ And granted my wishes

♪ I'd rake up the leaves

♪ And wash all the dishes

♪ If the world was good

♪ And time could go back

♪ I'd do all my homework

♪ And never talk back

♪ If the world was good

♪ And gave another chance

♪ I'd really be good

♪ And never

♪ Step on ants

♪ I'd learn how to dance

♪ I'd always wear clean pants

♪ It isn't fair
it isn't right ♪
[ Echoing ]

♪ Turned my happiness
into night ♪

♪ Sure was blind
but now I've seen ♪

♪ Just how the world
can be so mean ♪

♪ Oh, please give me
one more chance ♪

♪ Mom, Dad
come back ♪

♪ If you would
I'd sing and dance ♪

♪ Why'd you go away

♪ You could call me long-distance ♪

♪ Tell me you're coming back

♪ Oh, please give me
one more chance ♪

Come on! ♪ Just one more chance ♪

[ Knocking ] [ Man ] Hello?

Hello, Arnie!
Uh, anybody in there?
Hello!

I'm not here. Go away!

Arnie! It's your uncle!
Uh, please open the door.

No! Leave me alone!
Go away!

[ Sighs ]
Oh, my!

[ Footsteps Approaching ]

[ Sighs ]
Hello. I'm your uncle.

Uh, what are you
staring at?

[ Chuckles ]
Ah, I know.

You're-You're staring at
all of my wrinkles, huh?

Well, yeah, yeah, I--
I got a lot of wrinkles.

A lot of 'em. Ooh,
there's one right there.
[ Laughs ]

You know, I got-- I got, uh--
I got more wrinkles
than a tree has leaves.

Yeah, I got, uh--
I more wrinkles
than a beach has sand.

I've got more wrinkles
than the sky has stars.

More wrinkles than
a dried up prune.

Uh, yeah.

[ Sighs ]
I have many wrinkles.

A wrinkle for every year,

which makes me very,
very, very old.

I'm sorry.

Uh, Arnie,
you can't stay alone
in this dark place.

Oh. Where should I go?

Oh, well, you can
stay with me.

Ah, no, you don't want me
to stay with you.

I'm always doing
dumb things.

Well, I do dumb things too--
[ Chuckles ]
all the time.

Yeah, but I've got bad habits--
millions of them.

Well, I have zillions.

Look, I'm kind of sad
right now. I'm not gonna be
much fun to be around.

Well, who cares?

You don't care?Mm-mmm.

I mean, you--
you still want me?

Well, sure.
Come on, Arnie. Let's go.

[ Whistle Blows ]

[ Arnie Narrating ] Inside of me, I was all mixed up.

I was sad and excited at the same time.

But mostly, I was afraid.

Say, Arnie,
how about some peanuts?

Thanks.

Hmm. Uh, yeah.
[ Chuckles ]

♪ A-one, bah-bah-bah-bah
A-two, bah-bah-bah-bah ♪

♪ A-three, bah-bah-bah-bah-bah
Four ♪

Ha!
♪♪ [ Scatting ]What are you counting?

Hmm. Oh, hey, yeah. That's a--
That's a little trick of mine.

♪ When I'm feeling
kind of low-down ♪

♪ Gloomy as
a brokenhearted clown ♪

♪ Here's a little thing
I like to do ♪

♪ Makes me feel happy
[ Laughs ]

♪ Almost good as new

♪ Whackaboola, walla-walla
humpalumpa, rumpadoo ♪

♪ Whackaboola, walla-walla
[ Laughing ]

♪ So when I'm feeling
kind of low ♪

♪ I start to count things
nice and slow ♪

♪ But counting to a million
seems like a sin ♪

♪ I'm kind of lazy
[ Chuckles ]

♪ I just count to 10

- [ Laughing ]
- Count to 10.

One!♪ Whackaboola

♪ A-two ♪ Zagazoola

♪ A-three ♪ Boogashooga

Four!♪ Froogabooga

- Five!
- ♪ Rumpa, lumpa, rumpadoo

- We're nearly up to 10.
- [ Clapping ]
- [ Stomping ]

- ♪ Walla-walla
- ♪ Whackaboola

- Six!
- ♪ Zagazoola

- Seven!
- ♪ Boogashooga

- Eight!
- ♪ Froogabooga

- Nine!
- [ Clapping ]
- [ Stomping ]

- Ten! I feel better again!
[ Laughing ]
- [ Cheering ]

♪ I can't count all the lines
that have ever been told ♪

♪ Or count all the toes
that have ever been cold ♪

♪ Can't count all the bubbles
in a rumblin' brook ♪

♪ Won't even try
It's too much work ♪

♪ Can't count all the sand
that lies on a beach ♪

♪ Or all the fuzz
on the skin of a peach ♪

♪ And, oh, I could do it
if I wanted to ♪

♪ But counting up to 10
[ Laughs ]

- ♪ That's what I'll do
- [ Laughing ]

♪ Everybody count to 10

- One.
- ♪ Whackaboola

- Two.
- ♪ Zagazoola

- Three.
- ♪ Boogashooga

- Four!
- ♪ Froogabooga

- Five!
- ♪ Rumpa, lumpa, rumpadoo

- We're nearly up to 10!
- [ Clapping ]
- [ Stomping ]

- ♪ Walla-walla
- ♪ Whackaboola

- Six!
- ♪ Zagazoola

- Seven!
- ♪ Boogashooga

- Eight!
- ♪ Froogabooga

- Nine!
- [ Clapping, Stomping ]

Ten![ Cheering ]

[ Owl Hooting ] [ Frog Croaking ]

Well, here we are. Uh, Arnie, it's kind of dark in here,

so you better
watch your step.

You know, I--
Ooh! Ooh!

Ooh, boy. I wonder
who put that there.

Must've been me.
Yeah, hmm.

Let me light this lamp here,
and then let's have some supper.

[ High-pitched Voice ] Hey, there! Hey, you!

Ooh.
Did you hear that?

Yeah. What was it?

[ High-pitched Voice ] Hey, you! Hey, listen to me!

I don't believe it!
This lamp can talk!

Wow! It must be
a magic lamp.

Really? Ooh. Say.
[ Chuckles ]

Maybe we can make
some wishes.

Give it a good rub
and fire away.

Okay, okay. I wish, um--

I wish this was all
just a big joke,

and Mom and Dad were just hiding in the closet.

All right. Ah.

I'm going to have to rub
real hard for this one.

I wish I was young
and thin,

without a single wrinkle!
[ Laughs ]

Yeah.And I wish--

Oh, I really wish...

that you would turn off
this lamp and leave me in peace!

Ooh. Uh, sorry
we bothered you.

I live in there,
and it is getting hot.

[ Sighs ]
Arnie, you know
what I really wish?

What?I wish for
a nice supper.

Yeah! With ice cream
for dessert?

And a cherry on top.
[ Smacks Lips ]
Mmm.

[ Arnie Narrating ] Uncle was different than my parents.

Now, you see, my dad-- [ Chuckles ] he wouldn't have put up with that spider.

But, you know, Uncle, he just let the little bug have his own way.

And Uncle's cooking-- [ Clears Throat ]

it wasn't exactly like my mom's.[ Exhales ]

Put you in there.
Mmm. There you go.
Nice and comfy.

Well, sleep tight, Arnie.

Hey, Uncle.Hmm?

Do you think my mom and dad
are ever gonna come back?

Yeah. Well, uh,
I can't lie to you, Arnie.

I just don't know.

But somehow, I think
everything's going to be
all right.

Keep your trunk up, Arnie!
That's what I always say!
Good night.

[ Door Closes ]

[ Sighs ]
Mom, Dad,

I don't know where you are,

but I just want you to know
I miss you a whole lot.

Good night, Mom.
Good night, Dad.

[ Sniffling ]

[ Sighs ]

♪♪ [ Trumpeting ]

Uncle! Uncle!
What are you doing?

Huh? Oh.
[ Laughs ]
I'm trumpetin'!

- Trumpeting?
- Yeah, sure. Of course.

I always welcome
the dawn this way.

Every new day deserves
a good, loud trumpet!

♪♪ [ Continues ]

Whoa! Show me
how to do it, huh?Well, sure!

Well, first you
take a big breath.
[ Inhales ]

And squeeze your nose
like this.
[ Grunts ]

And blow!
♪♪ [ Trumpets ]

Like this?
[ Inhales ]
♪♪ [ Toots ]

Wow! You have
a fine nose, Arnie.

♪♪ [ Trumpeting Melody ]

♪♪ [ Trumpeting ]

- ♪♪ [ Continues ]
- ♪♪ [ Continues ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]

♪♪ [ Ends ][ Panting ]

Ouch! Oh, eeee!

Hey, what's the matter,
Uncle?Oh.

I guess I'm, uh--
I'm feeling the creaks.

- What are the creaks?
- It's old age sneaking up
on me.

[ Chuckles ]
My back creaks.

[ Bones Cracking ]

My knees creak.

[ Knees Creaking ]

Oh.

My feet creak.

[ Feet Creaking ]

And even
my trunk creaks.

[ Trunk Creaking ]
Ooh.

Oh, no. Well, what
can I do to help you?

You can help me
to go home,

slowly.

[ Creaking ]

Okay, okay.
Take it easy now.

Ah, ooh.
There. That one.

[ Chuckles ]
Oh. I like that. It's
my softest chair, you know.

Okay,
watch it now.Ah.

Oh, boy.
Here we go.

Ahh!
[ Laughs ]

Mmm. Now that's better.

Yep. All the creaks
in the bottom part of me
are gone.

Wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
Let me check.

Mm-hmm.
[ Chuckles ]
Yep.

Um, Uncle?Hmm?

Can I tell you
a secret?

Well, sure.
[ Whispers ]
What is it?

I have tried and tried
to be funny--

Mm-hmm.

but no one
has ever laughed.

Hmm.

Arnie, you can't just make
someone laugh, you know.

- Why not?
- Well, because, um,
well, uh--

Well, because, uh--
[ Muttering ]

Uh-- I know.
Let me tell you a story.

Maybe it'll help.

Once there was a king
and a prince.

The prince was young and smart-- kind of like you--

but most of all, he was funny.

The king was old and had many wrinkles.

Well, they went on a long walk in the woods near their castle.

- Then, without warning--
- [ Tires Squealing ]

a big, mean lion jumped out at 'em!

Jumped out at 'em!

Uh, jumped out at 'em. Jumped out at 'em!

Roar!
A king and a prince!

Oh, my, what a--
[ Smacks Lips ]
juicy dinner!

Well, what happened
to 'em?

Well, I told you the prince
was smart, remember?

He knew how to make
somebody laugh.

What he'd do is kind of
flip around what was happening
into something funny.

Mmm, mmm! You both
look so tasty,

and there's so much of you.

Which part should
I eat first?

Uh, excuse me. [ Uncle Narrating ] Said the prince.

But I don't think
you should eat our noses.

You should save them.
They're quite useful.

What?

See? A nice place
for birds to perch.

[ Laughing ] A perfect back scratcher.

Ho, ho, ho!

And it's good for
giving bugs a whack.

- [ Buzzes ]
- [ Honks ]

[ Laughing ]

Whoa. Whoa.
A tooth just fell out.

Oh, this always happens
whenever I laugh.

And it's good for playing
fine music.

♪♪ [ Trumpets, Raspberries ]

♪♪ [ Continues ]Ho, ho, ho, ho!

Ooh!
[ Muttering ]
Oh.

You makin' me laugh
too much!

All my teeth fall out
when that happens.
[ Laughs ]

Ah, well. So, all of
the lion's teeth fell out,

and he couldn't eat
the king or the prince.

Now I "nose"
how to be funny.

Huh? Oh!
[ Laughing ][ Laughing ]

Oh, yeah. Yeah, well,
that prince "nose"
the right line...

to keep the lion
from eating his nose!

The lion! Nose!
[ Stammering ]

Where did you pull that one
out of, Uncle? Your trunk?

Oh! And it rhymes![ Laughing ]

Nose predicted by
"Nosetradamus."[ Laughing Continues ]

Or was it "Nostrildamus"?
[ Laughing ]

"Nosetra"--
Oh, that was good!

I topped myself!That was a good one!

Whoa!
Supersonic, Uncle!

That's a picture of me
when I was your age.

Is that
your mom and dad?

Yep, that's them.

They look just
like mine did.

I miss them.

[ Crying ]

- Introducing--
- ♪♪ [ Fanfare ]

the fabulous, fancy,
dancing pants!

H-Hey!
♪♪ [ Soft-shoe ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Laughing ]
Yeah! Yeah!

[ Arnie Narrating ] No matter how sad I got, Uncle could always make me laugh.

I'm sure his creaks were getting a lot worse with me around.

♪♪ [ Piano ]

♪ I've got a song

♪ It's, uh
an elephant song ♪Yeah.

Uh, um--
♪ And I'll sing it
whenever I please ♪

♪ Sing it whenever I please
That's good. Hmm. Not bad.[ Laughs ]

Now what rhymes
with "please," hmm? Uh-- Uh, let's see.

What about knees
or bees or sneeze?Ah!

♪ I'll sing it
whenever I sneeze ♪

♪ On my knees with
a whole bunch of fleas ♪

♪ Singing tremendously
clever harmonies ♪Oh, no! Oh, stop it!

Whoops. Uh, there we go.
Huh. Now where were we?[ Laughing ]

♪ I've got a song

♪ It's an elephant song

♪ And I'll sing it whenever I

♪ I please Right.

Yeah.♪ With my trunk
in the soup ♪

I don't know.
[ Muttering ]Soup? No, no, no. Wait.

What-What rhymes
with soup?Uh, crackers?

[ Tires Screeching ]Uh, no.
Droop or swoop or--

- Mm-hmm, yeah. Ooh! Oh! Nope,
nope, nope. Don't say that.
- Let's see.

Uh, how about, uh--
Let me see. [ Knocking ]

♪ I've got
Ooh. Huh? Ooh.
Somebody at the door.

Telegram for
Uncle Elephant.

Ooh. Uh, thank you.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

[ Gasps, Coughs ]

Arnie! Arnie!
Good news!

What? What is it?
What?Your parents have been found!

What? Really? Yes. They're alive and well.

They're on their way home!Oh, whoopee! Yahoo!

You bet your--Come on.
Let's bag our packs.

I mean pack our bags.
Leave the piano there.Yeah! Yeah!

We're gonna leave at once--
right now, if not sooner!Grab your trunk!

I'm ready!

♪ One, bah-bah-bah-bah-bah
Two, bah-bah-bah-bah-bah ♪

♪ Three
bah-bah-bah-bah-bah ♪♪Hey. What's the matter, Uncle?

[ Chuckles ]
I'm feeling a little sad,
I guess. That's all.

Aren't you happy Mom and Dad
are coming home?

Oh, well, of course I am.
Yeah.

But I was-- I don't know.
I guess I was just kind of...

getting used to you
being around and all.

Aw. Hey, you're not gonna
get rid of me that easy.

- I'm gonna come visit you.
- Hmm.

Arnie, isn't it strange
how something happy
can make you sad?

Yeah.

And something really sad
can end up make you happy.

What do you mean?

Do you remember how sad
I was when you first
came to see me?

I, uh, sure do.

Well, something very happy
came from that.

You're the best friend
I ever had.

[ Sniffles ]
Uh, peel me a peanut, Arnie.

I--
[ Chuckles ]
got something in my eye.

[ Arnie Narrating ] And there they were-- my mom and dad!

Oh, I didn't think I'd ever see them again.

You know, somehow they looked different.

But maybe it was me that was different.

[ Cheering ]♪ I've got a song
It's an elephant song ♪

- ♪ And I'll sing it
whatever I do ♪
- [ Clapping ]

♪ When I sing while I munch
on my peanutty lunch ♪Good!

- ♪ I'll not miss a note
while I chew ♪
- Mmm!

♪ Oh, I've got a song
It's an elephant song ♪ ♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

♪ So I'll sing it
and never forget ♪ ♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum

Forget what? Uh--

♪ That of all music played
there is none better made ♪

♪ Than an uncle
and nephew duet ♪

♪ Oh, I've got an elephant song ♪

♪ It's the kind that makes you get up and dance ♪ [ Uncle ] Everybody dance!

[ Uncle, Arnie ] ♪ Oh, I've got
an elephant song ♪

[ Arnie ] ♪ And it's better
than a kick in the pants ♪ [ Uncle ] But don't do that.

[ Uncle, Arnie ] ♪ Oh, I've got
an elephant song ♪

♪ You can sing it with me Give it a try ♪ [ Uncle ] Come on, everybody!

[ Uncle, Arnie ] ♪ Oh, I've got
an elephant song ♪

[ Arnie ] ♪ And it's better
than a poke in the eye ♪♪ [ Uncle ] All right!

[ Arnie ]
What isn't? [ Laughter ]