Unbelievable Adventures of Italians in Russia (1974) - full transcript
In Italy, a dying woman tells her granddaughter that she hid her treasure many years ago in Russia, in the city of Leningrad. Other people (who were around when she died) also learn about it. Thus several people arrive in Leningrad trying to find the treasure, each one for himself/herself. What's worse - the only information they have is that the treasure is under a lion - and it's in Leningrad, a city known by its numerous statues of lions. The story gets even more interesting when the soviet militia (police) learns about the whole thing and send an undercover agent...
-Get out quickly, quickly!!!
Quickly, quickly, get out!
Papa, why you were
driving today so quite?
Do not put your nose
into other people's affairs!
Antonio, I'll go to call to the
hospital, maybe it is some call for us?
Good.
-Ciao!
-Ciao, uncle!
-'m repeating : be good
at school and do not
repeate yesterday
incedent in the future!
how you had thought such idea -
set fire to a chair under a teacher! It is
good that chair has been extinguished,
the teacher has not been burned all! Go!
-Caviling.
-Our behaviour is always good!
-Have you matches today?
-Marisa, we have so obedient children!
the only sadness that they look
like your brother!.. Ciao, I have to go!
Today you'll come
home in time, I hope!
But, Marisa, yesterday I stayed in the hospital..
-Of course, with nurse!
-What nurse?
-Ok, so with female doctor!
Right
now?!Good,senior,understood!!!
And stop calling to chief medical officer,
you are putting me in idiotic position!
Antonio, good I decided to call,
we urgent have to go for a woman!
How? You have taken my
brother as the accomplice to yourself!
Relax, the old woman is
dying in the shelter for the aged!
Even old women,
you have lost all shame!
I love you, love!I love ONLY you!
I'll buy you a new set of false teeth!
Yes!!!
For the thirteenth salary!
- Stop talking, we are loosing time!
Wait from you...of course..!!
- Here she is! See, how bad she is?!
lying, pure!. Maybe she is died?
- This is not our deal.
Take!.. Îp-pa!
What are you doing with
me?!!.. what do you want?!
So, you are not
that russian seniora...
No, she is higher, on the third floor!..
- Sorry! Have mistaken!
- Idiots! God damn you!
Medicinal leech! I'll complain!
Antonio, where we can put her?
How do I know, ask the doctor.
- Doctor, where can we put her?
How do I know, here everything
is busy, look for by yourself.
Maybe somewhere there?
- Here everything is busy too.Look,how
everybody likes to be ill!.. Maybe there?..
No. Let's go further..
Is here free bed?
- Careful, here is a table!
- Is here free bed?
- See by yourself!
- why you can't compress?
- it is free in the toilet.
- you'd be placed there, wit!
- Let's turn the Senora..
- Good, is keeping!
- Nurse, you'd put here a traffic light!
- Where?!
Excuse me doctor, our
old woman is very bad!
Here is more tightly
than at the stadium!
This bed seems to be free!
It cannot be! Be careful
at the turn! I'm falling!
- Hold on to a stretcher!
- Here is a bed!.. Free!
E-e, Where are
you? This is my bed!
You'd put a newspaper, if
it is yours!.. Damned owner!
- Where to put her?
- Let's here.
- E-e, move up!
- Is this you talking to me?
- Yes, to you!
- And why for me?
Because you are the
most thin here.. One.. Two..
No, do you see, do you
see what they are doing?!
I don't want her!
- It is more fun together!
- I don't want her!..
Cmon, look at
her!..How much sex in she!
Take off your hand! do
you see the lag is broken?
Santucca, Santucca!
He is kicking! Boy!!!
Let it be a son! We are deserve it! After
seven daughters must be at least one son!
No daughters! I order
you to give birth to a son!
'll try!
- À-à, moving!
- Where is the registry?
- Left along the corridor.
Are you her husband?
- Who, me? I don't know here and don't want to know!
We have to warn
relatives, situation is heavy!
- Take her away!
- Tell me the truth, am I dying?
- No, no, seniora, don't
worry! You'll see, you'll
live more than all of
us, you'll live up to 90!
I'm 92.
- What I said? You did all of us!
Do you know that you
have an appendicitis?
Why an appendicitis, I
have broken leg, isn't it?
As though if you have broken
leg you can't have an appendicitis?
and do not do diagnosis!
Who is a doctor here: you or me?..
Potients became impudent!..
One minute, proffesor..You
must ensure that she born a son!
If it is a doughter again
I'll destroy everything here!
Medicine is powerless, everything depends on you!
- Do not avoid the responsibility!
- Granmother! At least
I found you, my dear!
Tell me, how is she,is it dangerous?
Truthly said, the diagnosis not good. Taking
into account her age...she is not a girl...
Olia!.. I'm dying!
- Granmother!
Listen me careful..I want
you to know. I'm very, very rich..
Do not worry, it will pass,
you'll stand on your feet!
- Let me say..You are
my only granddaughter,
and I'm leaving
everything I have to you!
There's jewelry, gold,
pearls on 9 billions..
Water..
- Give water!
- What water? Champagne!
She raves!She has
nothing, she is pure..
Of course not, who is Êîíå÷íî íåò, who's to argue
with you.. Of course not, granmother, doesn't digress!..
- Drink, Gran, drink!
- It is here I have
nothing,here in Italy.. I
hid heirlooms in Russia
during the Revolution..
Go there, Olga, take the key!.. I
bequeath to you the treasures in Leningrad
They are hidden
beneath a lion..Olga..
Signora,I beg you, speak
louder,here all are close people!
What she was talking about
some billions? Gold, rubies?
Uncontrolled verbal delirium,
a typical example of "Lirio pribaptis".
- Of course, the typical delirium!
And in my opinion,
she was fully conscious!
Cmon?"Dilius primortis"!
- Heavy old, it is clear!
- No, It is nonsence, nonsence! Delirium!
- Cigarettes?
- Yes!
- No, Thank you, Signor doesn't smoke.
Stop throwing your
money away, you are not a
millionaire yet!.So many
valuable things are sold!..
Even the clock had to be pawned!..
-Yes, my clocks!..
What is the difference,
and we sold Fiat.
My Fiat!.
-Stop trifles!
I had no lunches for
the last two days!..trifles!..
It is not my fault!
-But you had lunches, and I was watching at you!..
Right, I am a brain, and
you have to feed brains..
Cheer up, we will soon be rich!
tired to walk on foot and without a clock!
-Look, mafioso!!!
Christ and the Virgin Mary!
What are you doing here?
What are we doing,Antonio?
-We have decided to take a ride to Moscow.
-And back..
-naturlich,yes!.
-Are you going to Moscow too?
Yes, to see relatives!.How, you
don't know that I'm origin Russian?
Really?
Is it not Noticeably?!
-Noticeably, you have perfect ukranian accent!
And there is
nothing to rave about!
-Am I raging?..Raging?!Rosario
on the coffin of life has not raged!
-Santa Rosalia, Is it a house for dates?
-U-u,rather den gang!
-Pardon!..
Pardon!..
-Good morning!Are you going to Moscow too?
-You know, I head that there are
very good orthopedists in Ruassia..
-And I'm going there too. Russia
is my motherland but I have
never been there.. Nastalgiya,
says, is fashionable now !
-yes, I understand..
-Please..
-Signorina, I'm asking..
-And this one is here!
The all Holy Family!
Siniora, open cards, I
think, it is useless to pretend!
Siniora I 'd like to do a proposal from
me and my brother in law, if you allow.
Come on!
-Ok,9 billions is excellent
number and perfectly
divisible, enough for
all, why would not agree?
Bravo, I agree!
For 500 millions per
each..Not lie on a road..
One minute!..
Did you say per 500 millions?.. But
if 9 billions to devide per 6, it will be..
How much will it be, doctor?
-1 billion and 500 millions!
-Clear?
-And what am I talking?For
500 mil per each, and the rest for
me and Giuseppe..Sorry Doctor,
but who discovered old woman?
Who dragged her to the hospital? We!!!
-These 500 mil are not enough even for sigarettes for me!
Smoke less. Smoking
is harmful to health!
-Are you calculating my money?!
-Are you crazy?Funny! listen and wonder
how you are cheeky dividing my money..
Do not forget that I have a
legitimate heir to the treasures!
-Sorry, signorina, but you don't
know sovetic laws! The treasure has
been hidden during the Revolution,
and now you have no rights to it!
So you are on the same state as all others!
-Ok, will see!I wish you a successful hunt!
Olga knows more then we!
-I go!
Before the death, the old
lady whispered smth in her ear!..
-What did she whisper?
-Didn't hear. Silence, the mafia is coming!
-Cabin depressurization!
The crew, prepare for disaster reduction!
-À-à-à-à-à!!!
-Giuseppe, where are you going?
-signorina,brandy, please!
-Santa Rosalia!!!
-I'm 6015.. Man is overboarded!
Man is overboarded!
-Immediately go to the landing, rescue man!
Doctor, the patient is
nervous, maybe bring him up?
No-no,then we
all wll be freezed!
And if to pop him out and
for one competitor less?
We need him as a stopgap!
Yes, and if he fall down,
he'll bboke his head!
Exactly!
-To save the passengers
decided to land on the highway.
-Land to Minsk highway
between 132th and 140th km!
-Dear passengers, our plane makes
emergency landing. It is absolutely safe!
Please do not smoke
and fast your seat belts! We
hope to see you again
on the board of our plain!
Thank you for your attention!
-We had to go by train!..
-Good buy!
-Bravo!!!
-Bravo to pilot!
-Bravo!
-Bravo,Aeroftol is fine! Ura to pilot!!!
-What me? Look what is
going on on your roads?!
-Will unfreeze!.. Tools, mask!
-Do-dî-dî,doctor.. Am I
alive or in-in the other world?
Welcome to Moscow! Who
is Signor Antonio Lomazzo?
He is there.
-Signor Antonio Lomazzo..
-Who is Signor Antonio Lomazzo here?
-He is crazy.
-You?
-What have you done?
-I'm your guide!
We don't need a guide.
We haven't ordered. We have no money even
for crying, and you are saying guid...thanks!
Signora, I am
free.Please take flowers!
Nom we don't need even free.
we will do with a printed guide,sorry.
Give Flowers!
Sorry, instead of free guide
could we get a free clocks?
-Why are you interrupting
me all the time. I'm not
your guide, I'm his!. I will
accompany you everywhere.
Please,do not let them both to be out of your
sight, they both need your attention so much!
You know, we will be ok
without you,Signor guide.
Take care about this beautiful
signorina, please. She is so bored..
With pleasure!
thank you!
But it is Signor Antonio
the million Italian tourists,
- is visiting our country!
- Me?.. I hadn't only this!
- And you are not pleasured?
-Of course!
-Please note, the Moscow airport
Sheremetyevo. Takes daily
planes of the 63
countries of the world!
Signor Antonio, go to the passport
control, I'll take care about car.
Hope to see you soon!
-What is he doing there so long?
-thank you.
-Passport, please.
-Antonio, I'm already finished.
-Cmon, doctor?!
It was here!
You have blocked the
whole road, step aside!
-Tell them who I am!
-But I don't know you!
-It is more then enough!
Signor has no passport,
and behaves so insolently!
Doctor, we will miss you!
-Let's go, we have no time!
-One is done!
-Do you see a lame man
behind me?It is a famous
smuggler! Usually, he
hides the drugs in a cast.
-Sorry, but you have to go with me!
-What?
-We need to make personal search.
No, I can't -- I'm in a hurry!
-I beg to follow me!
Listen, I protest,
you have no right!..
Please!..
-I will complain! This is a violence against the person!
We have the right!
-Please..
-What happened!.. What happened???
-We will carefully remove the gypsum.
No, it's a disgrace, it's rudeness!
-I ask you to sit down!
It is a violation of
all international rules!
If it is nothing there,
why are you so nervous?
Sit down!
-Do not come to me!!Do not come to me!!!
by myself,by myself!!!
Ui,ui!!!... Mamma-a!!!
-Calm down, I'll help you, calm down!
Where is Olga?
-Here she is.
Listen, I'll influence
on her with my charm!
with what?
Charm.I'll conquer her and she will tell me everything.
I'll invite her to dance and in the rithm of tango
she 'll not stand.
How do I look?
it is impossible to look worser! And
what about my sister! Have you forgot her?!
-Don't worry, she is in Roma,
and to take care about Olga
I'll untill well known limits.
I'll fix the limit!
Please, signor, your car.
-Aaa, what about my car?!
Why are you
interfering all the time?
I'm serving the millions of
tourists! Do not bother to work!
And I'm the
million first tourists,
also I'm his brother.. of wife..
-Is that your relative?
-Unfortunately!..
-I am ready. Sit down with us in the car!
-I'm not on the same way with you.
I can not find a reason to invite you to
come with us. Let's go without any reason!..
Such candor cannot
be answered by refusal!
-Nobody has left from mafia yet!
Olga, Let my brother in
law to take care about you.
It will not do any
leasure for me.
I'm handsome man, Olia!.I want to know
everything about you! Be frank with me!
Why?
Why?Because he wants to know
what did you granmather wisper to you.
Shut up, moron!
But my mom taught me always speak the truth!
-What mom? You have never had her.
But how could I came to
the world, without a mother?
À-à!
Well,do not respond so
painfull for the girl's refusal?!
-St. Basil's Cathedral was build on Red
Square in honor of the capture of Kazan.
Do not allow architects to build something
like this, the king ordered to blind them.
Despite this sad legend,
I like this place.
I'll stay here.
Really? Good decision, we 'll stay too.
-Yes, we too.
Signora, but I haven't shown
all, haven't told everything..
I am saying goodbye for you.
-Why?
-Because I want it.
-Yes, but..
-Was very glad to meet you!
-Î,me too!
-Good buy!
-Can I take a suitcase?
-Yes, of course.
-Where did she go?
-To be so crouched for all your life!
-Senor guide, sorry, in which hotel we will
stop?
-The Hotel Metropole.
-Excellent hotel! Let's send
our baggage there. And will have
walk on foot. Yes, walk around
Moscow! I will warn the driver.
Are you crazy,What Metropol?
We have to go to Leningrad!
The only our baggage
will go to the hotel.
We can't lost Olga!
Dear friends, in front of you the hotel
Russia, It can accommodate 5,000...
Signori..
Red Square is the heart of Moscow and of all
country! I think that you are pursuing this girl.
Who, we? No!!
Really you think it?She is
biutiful woman, don't you like her?
No, I like!
Here ahe is!!!
GUM,One of the largest stores in
Europe, daily servers 200,000 customers.
-Colossally!
WARNING: In a few
minutes the Fashion Models
salon starts the show
of spring-summer season
starts showing of
spring-summer season models
-Modest evening gown of silver brocade
with a deep cut on his back.
Convenient to have guests..
Casual business dress.
Jacket of dark blue velvet
and pants in light tone.
-Miss, Are you new? I can't recognise you.
-The dress of kremplena, without sleeves,
it lengthens the body line.
-Signor Antonio, where are you going,
it is a fashion show here!
-Stop, Signora, I beg you!
It is not used here to kiss models!..
Sorry, continue, sorry!
Mistake!
-Signora!!
-She is somewhere here!
-I have to apply the force!
-Long black dress always adorns a woman!
Red rose at the waist adds a light mystery.
In this dress you can go anywhere.
Hey, miss, where are you going???!!
-What is going on?
-À-à-à.. Italians tourists..
Expansive nation, the first day
in Moscow. Tired after the trip..
They destroyed everything!
-Why everything?Something is still ok.
-Your documents.
Car rental!..
The watchman is on a rehearsal, he
sang in the initiative. And he has the key.
The only one key?
-Yes.
If your watchman is singing
you should have another key!
-Good advise!.Why we
hadn't thought about it early?!
Giuseppe, as usual, I
born an outstanding idea!
You are ginious!
-I know. I'll have to take this
Vassiliev in the deal. He knows
the geography and speaks not
only Italian but also in Russian.
-You're amazingly observant!
-Yes I am.
-But, we will have to share with him!
-You are trifling again! Billion more
billion less..
Yes, but I have never
seen a billion in my life!
I still don't know hoe
to say him about it.
you understand, Giuseppe, the
form is important. Tactfully, delicately..
You are right, as usual!
-Antonio, let's go, I'll take care about.
-And a little more tact, Giuseppe..
Andrew, do you want
to earn a billion dollars?
Yes!..
To our mutual success!
-When I have a lot of money, I'll do
medicine and will make plastic
operations.
-Why plastic?
-To tidy up your sister's face.
Look at her more
carefully, she is not so ugly!
I saw her with any
lightening. She is like you!
-Excuse me!..
-When I get rich, you know what I will do?
-Nu?
I'll buy russian restourant.
-You would only to fill the belly!
Yes, and the main
goal is not to pay for it!
-Andrey, what are you gonna do?
-Me?..
'll get merried.
-Do you have a bride?
I have, but she
doesn't know about it.
I propose a toast to the health
of your bride! How is her name?
-I don't know it.
-I'll pay.
-Î,no-no-no,no!
-I'll pay!
-You are guests. I'll pay!
-I told you, Antonio, that he will pay!
-Thank you, everything was very tasty!
-Hello for everybody!
-Now we'll play in cards..
À-à-à-à!!!
-Hey, jailbird!!!
-Wait, you will not go away from us!
-Scoundrel! Where are you going!
-Stop the train!
-Excuse me, sir, here please!
-Yes, what do you want?
-Have you found your passport?
No, I have
searched all the plain.
Sorry professor, but without a
passport you can not go back to Italy.
-I can not go back? But I'm Italian!I
live here in Rome. Here I have
clinic, chair. At least, Here is
my family and my lover!
-When you found your
passport--welcome home. And now
I ask you return to the
plain.These are our laws!
To the hell your laws!
-Take him away, Take him away right now!
I hate plains,
I hate to flight!
I'm sick from flights.
You'll be sorry, I
'll find a manage on
you.Damned bureaucrats!
Passport is more valuable
then free personality for
them! Be Cursed the
person invented the passport!
-Stop!
-Nobody wants to ride!
-Because you're not credible!
-You are credible!
-Stop,stop!!
-Î,this is our old friend!
-Stop,stop!!
-didn't recognised!
-Stop, Where are you going?
-Wait, hussy!
-Wait, a poisonous snake!
-How is her name?
-Olga.
-My fiancee name -- Olga!
-What your fiancee, this our main
competitor.We have to catch
her up! Let's stop this rattletrap!
Stop,stop!!
Stop, for God's sake stop!
Thank you Signor driver,
please ,faster, for that red car!
What do you dig, faster, daddy!
-Listen, can you hurry?
HU-R-RY UP!
-Give more gas, Granddaddy!
-Let me help you..Clutch..Here,
third gear!
-What are you doing? You are taking people!
-Carefully!!!
Faster, granddad,
give more gas!
Oh, Antonio, she is going out from us!
-Giuseppe, look!..
-Antonio, with us!
-got!
-Leave me alone, crazy!
-Grandpa, you are a born racer!
-Nu, give him here.
-Why do you grabbed?
Beware, tear!
-What to tear? 'll buy the new one.
-Fast, in the last car!
-What are you up to? This is theft! I
do not want to have something with it!
What is russian from
you?! You are Neapolitan!
-Hey, hello!
-Stop!!!
-Olga!!!
-Yes, here she is!
-what a snake!
-hey, stop!
-for what?
-We need you.
-I don't need you, ciao!
-hey, have you seen it?
-are you crazy?!!
-Go,go!
Wow, what a car!! Submarine! Look,
how is beautiful here, as in an aquarium!!!
Do not open the window, fool!
-Beware, do not crush the fish!
-We have lost a lot of time, ahead!
-E-ee, where are you going!!!
Why have you buried me?
-This is the true "Russian hills"!
we catched you, darling! Now
you'll not go anywhere from us!
Olga, let's do not
quarrel, give up!
-Better give me a sigaret.
-She is smoking when driving!
-Please.
Thank you.
Olga, you are now our
prisoner, the resistance is useless!
Stop, low creature,
or then it will be worse!
Ah, this way?
-Where she has dissapiared?
-Dunno, and there is no way to turn!
-What the hell, where is she?
-As if she flew into the pipe!
-the witch!
-What happened? Flat tire?
-Gasoline is over.
-The devil!
So well traveled, and it is...
All the time we have no luck!
-gas station!
-I see, I see. Let's push it.
-One-Two,îh..
-train!
Hey, can I do
something for you?
Intrigante, everything
you could do, you did!
-I have never expected it from you!
-Hey, Signora!..
-Full tank, we are in a hurry!
Faster, in the car!
Every minute is important!
Interesting, how are you going to drive on it?
-Don't tuch him, let him go.
-We can use fire truck!
-Perfect, they have what to do here.
After me!
-Here she is, look, here she is!
-Exactly!
-Push,Andrey! You will not go away from us!
-pull out the ladder! She does
not know that we are pursuing her.
-More courage, Antonio!
-Well done, Andrey!
Giuseppe, my
head is spinning..Îi!..
Antonio, do not worry if
you fall, we'll pick you up!
-despite you are a coward, you are brave!
-i know.
-From where did you come??!
-from sky.
What do you need here?
Why you are so,I missed you.
what are doing today evening?
-hei,hei,carefull!
-Who is it?
Who else is coming for my head?
-close people.
-I can't left you tet-a-tet.
The honor of my sister is important for me!
-Hello, how are you?
-Good. -me too, can I come in? -Yes
-Thank you!
-Just do not brake, or you'll shake him
-I know.
-Will not interrupt, signorina?
No-no!
-I am at your service.
You are the only one
of this gang, who I'm glad!
-Ups, I think I'm falling!
-Take my hand!
-From the happiness!
-hands,head,legs..
-legs are still there..
-Here we are all together!
-Ancient Russian town founded in
10, or in 11 century. A, who knows...?
-Where??? Are you crazy?!
-Please..Yes?I asked for the hospital.
Is it nurse on duty talking? Very good!
I'm Rosario Agro. Has she born?
Cmon?! She had to born
a lot of time ago! You are
holding up delivery by
yourself so I have to pay more!
Pregnant?Who is
Pregnant?Listen, you don't know me!
When I return to Roma
we'll talk, remember it!
Redneck illiterate!.. Rosario
Agro has never been called prednant before!
"Train No. 42, Odessa-Leningrad,
arrives for the fifth way"
"Fast train Leningrad-RIGA leaves
from the third way" -You? You again!
Why are you spinning, as a mosquito near my
nose?! Meet again-- will broke second leg!!
Santa Rosalia!
-Do not angry me, kill you!!!
-So we are in Leningrad, good buy.
-Sit!
-We have repaired her car,and she..
guys, be calm!
-Go out, I have no time, I'm in a hurry!
Digging is a hard man work.
Of course, muscles are
needed, but you are so fragile.
will hire diggers,
would be cheaper.
According to our laws, all that
lay in the ground state-owned.
If diggers find a trasure, they
immidiately pass it to the right place.
But I am the legitimate heir
and 'll take the treasure if i find it
This will be like a theft!
So you, soviet sitizen,are
participating in the theft?!
-Don't do demagogy, I just like adventures!
And even
more-money!-Yes, and money.
Briefly speaking, I'm the only one who knows
the sign my grandma told me before death
-How much you want to recieve for it?
-70%, the rest is for you.
This is frank robbery -We will not
have an agreement with this meanie!
Hey, bloodsuckers,how
much you want?
-for 25 % per each, deal?
-65 % me, the rest is for you.
-No!
-60 me,40 you.
-No deal!
-55 me,45 you.
-Not enough!
-50 me,50 you!
-To the cars!
-144,145..Lost count!..147,148,149..149
-Have you stucked?
-Seems to be..149,Olga,stop..
150..Finish! Uff!
Guys, there are more lions
then resident people in this city!
If you dig beneath each,
then life is not enough!
-My grandmather had
danced in this theater..
-Let's get out of the car and
honor the memory of grandmother!
-Two more!..
I think, we should dig
here, near the theater.
Why here?
-Because I Said So.
-Then under what lion? They are two!
-Moment.
-Dear associates, let's be logical!
In my opinion, this is not the TV show!
Do you think that the grandmother was
stupid enough to bury treasure here,
where a lot of people all the time?||
Maybe she was dugging from
the inside, from her makeup room?
Well, then it's not grandmother,
this is Count of Monte Cristo!
-Do not go to that world for her secret..!
-Yes, don't drawn yet!
-I like this lion.
And then there is a second sign here..
-What sign?
-I'll not tell it.
Have you found
your passport,Signor?
If I never found it I
should fly all my life?
Without a passport you
can not go on Russian land!
This is incredible, I had
already flown 280 hours
In these plains! And in Rome
my patients are waiting me!
Wife, children ...And,
finally, I want to take a bath!
Antonio, was have I
hired you for nothing?!
I'm coming!
-Stronger, more! Slackers!
-Stop, stop working!..
Who is boss here?
-Calm, I'm chief.
We have a rehearsal! Why
you haven't agreed with us?
And remove the
cigarette!. A gas leak!
We ordered to fix it urgent!
Hence, we can blow up?
Sure!. That is how? .. MAybe
you 'll blow up, and maybe not!
-Ivan!
-À?-Am I right?
-Hî-hî..-This is Ivan.
-Nobody left in the theaer.
You can blow up! But
remember, Chaliapin and
Karruzo sang in the theater!
-I'll show him now....!
-Interesting,what are they going to do?
Olga,arrived! An empty
space at the bottom! Dig!!
-E-e, what is it?
Put, you do not know me
yet! Will catch you and will
nip you ear and 'll force
you to eat it before my eyes!
-Hey, you, cuckold, let me go!
-Good, Antonio, raise him higher!
-Shut up, you, unshorn
monkey!You will finish badly!
We will wash you now!Antonio,
there him, there! Into the water!
Now we will pay
you! For everything!
-Let down!
-Help! Killers!
Nobody has ever
destroy Rosario Agro!.. Mafia is immortal!
I will get you even under the water..
-let the water will you rest in peace!Amen!
We have paid a mafioso!
Where have you been, we have found a treasure!
-Really, where?
-Here it is!
-I will share, I'm very good in deviding!
I think we did a
hole in a wine cellar!
And what? The tresure in this cellar!
-You see, the only wine are here!
And will celebrate!
Would you even sometimes think when you are talking! Our
treasure certainly has been found by those who dug this cellar!
Yes Antonio, you are right.
Unfortunately we are late.
What is the second
sign that you know?
-Now it is no sence to hide it.. In hundred
paces from a lion should be a fountain.
-Look who is coming!
-This is mafioso!
-What is the suitcase it?
-Seems to be havy!
probably treasures are in the
suitcase! He found it under the water!
Why we are here! Run! Ahead!
-Stop!
-Stop, catch him!
-Thief!!
-I will surround him, surround!!!
-Get away
-return our treasure,Thief!
Why are you beating me?
The suitcase is with you friend!
Giuseppe, Giuseppe, return the suitcase!
-Giuseppe, you're crazy, traitor!
-Wait, I tell you!
-We are family, Giuseppe!
-What family, he is a crook!
-Relative!
-No, not a relative! Crook!
-Wait!
-À?..Again you, damned
lame villain! Have I warned you?
Say good buy your second
leg! You will limp on both legs!
Don't do it, I'll do by
myself! By myself!..À-à-à-à!
Santa Rosalia!
-Mother, why are you sitting, enough to
babysit! He has stolen a baby carriage!
-Where?!!!
Back,the bridge is separated!..Wait,wait!
-Giuseppe, you'll fall!
-Stop!
-Excuse me, comrade!
-Giuseppe, wait, Giuseppe!
-Wait, you will off!
-Suicide, what are you doing?
-He is already on the other side!
-Giuseppe, jump back, I beg you!
-Well, joked, and that's enough, Giuseppe!
-Catched? Treasure thiefs, beggars!!!
-Careful, Olga!
-Moment!
-Give me your hand!
-Î, what I'll do when I catch you!
-He will not run away from us!
-The road will be here, it is necessary
to demolish the house in three days
3 days are not enough. We need
at least 5 days, no less. Big house!
No, you have to finish in time!
I'll look here, in the bushes!
No, he's somewhere there, I know his habits!
-Where has he gone?
-where is he?!
-Here he is, catch him!!
-À,caught!
-Traitor!
-I have warned!
-Don't! Don't beat me!
-necessary!
-Let go bag, trash!
He wanted to steal my treasure!
-Drive him out of our society!
I will not steal
anymore, forgive me!
-Get out of here, a vampire!
-Get out of here!
-I repent! Sorry!
-Any sign of you would not be here!
Good!I love money so
much, more then anything else!
Let's open the suitcase!
-Yes, without the hype!
-Solence!!
TICKS
-Momma!
-There's a bomb!!!
-Get down!!!
-Siniora, Nevsky Prospect is
in front of you. This is the central
line of the city. Russian writers
praised the Nevsky Prospekt.
Let's take Nikolai Vasilievich Gogol...
-Help!Help me!!!
-How did you get there, insane?
How did you manage it?
I do not know, remove me, I'll fall!
Oh, remove me! Rather, help me!
-And you said five days are needed!
-Who has known?
-Wait, I know where treasure is buried!
-Where?
-Remove me, then I'll say!
-Have you watched a
movie, "War and Peace"?
Antonio, we were
watching it together with you!
Well, have looked, and what?
Do you know who wrote this
story? Tolstoi and his name was Leo!
Save me now, I deserved forgiveness!Remove
me!
Leo Tolstoy, Why I did not
realize!Now I'll bring spades..
Antonio, wait, Antonio!!
-Ran after him!
-Olga..
-Îi!..
-What happaned?
-Leg...
-Where the leg, Olga?
I'll play a little bit and will give
you back not simple one, but gold!
-Start here. Hurry!
-Antonio, this monument was builded to 50
anniversary of writer death, in 1960 year.
-Hello, a hospital? Rosario
Agro is speaking.What?
Hasn't given birth
yet? It's rudeness!
well,ok, say my Santuciya
good news- the treasure
is mine! Not a single
competitor is left!
I send them all to the "Other World"!
Let give birth to an heir!
-Are you tired?
-I'm ready to wear you on my hands forever!
Do not take on such a
heavy load, will be ruptured..
You are light.
But I have a
difficult character.
Enough confering privately! What kind of
manners it is, to hide everything from friends?!
-Do not bother, he is
saying me he loves me...
-Hi.
-Andriusha!
-Here we are!
-What is it? I wish you'd said,
you are coming!
-Mama..
Well, who are you carrying about, and why??
Mama..
-And who are they, your new friends?
-Wait a minute, you are all dirty!
-Mom, I've grown!
Wait..
You are adult man..Amazing,
he is like his father!
They don't understand.
-Not true, everybody is able to understand mother!
They don't. They are italians!
They are italians, italians!!
Andrew, you're an
amazing person!It's your style.
You have invited foreign
guests, and I'm not dressed!
Sorry, come in please!
-Thanks!
-Pardon!
-Put her, eventually, and kiss!..
me!.I'm mother!
-Hello!
-Hello!
-Foreign guests are in
the house, prepair the table.
And stop kissing when I'm talking with you!
-4 millions.
-and 10 in addition!
-10.. And 30 more!..
-Ha-ha-ha..And 50 in addition!
-Your 50 and 100 more!
-And 200 millions more!
-What interest are you playing?
-for grandma treasure.
-Well, play,play.
-'m opening!I have valet couple, and you?
-two 10th..
-Mine!
-And here is the royal
penguin. Andrew's dad pictured
him to Antarctica. Yes,
he's a polar explorer!
Papa polar explorer,
and not a penguin. Here is
Andrew's dad with friends..
This is me in my youth.
Tell me olease, is it
serious with Andrew or not?
Here is Andrew's dad
again, and here is Andriusha.
he had just received
the title of police captain..
But, in my opinion, the
form doesn't good to him.
He is tracking down the
very-important criminals!
-First, the Fish is
reporting. Comrade Colonel
I beg to release me
from doing this job!
I can't take part in this robbery any more.
The gas station is
blowned up, car is burned,
historical monuments
have been destroyed..
Comrade Colonel, I hardly begging
the government do not arrest italians...
Colonel, I don't understand, are
these tresures cost so much?!!
Understood! Understood everything.
Deal!.. To continue to do the job.
-Petr Maksimovich, hello for your wife!
-And one billion more!
-One billion and 5 in addition!
-6 billions!
-Exactly!
-Do you think it is so easy?
Have you came here to beat me at cards?!
Or to find tresures?..Sharper!
-Why are you angry,it is not my fault
I'm receiving good cards?!
-A-a, to the devil!!
Money are finished,
and treasure is not found!
Antonio, calm down! Why are
running around like a lion in a cage.
-Ha, lion in a cage..Lion in a cage?..
As a lion in a cage!..
It is interesting!Ha-ha-ha-ha!!!
-Why are you so happy?
-I know where the tresure is!
-Listen what I have known!
-First tell me.
-No word when Vasiliev is near!
He is specially charged to follow us!
-Here it is!!!.Treasure!
No end to them..these predators!
-Olga!..
-U-u?
-What are you doing today evening?
-I'm going to spend it with you.
I'm so bored from these treasures!
I think, I have already
found my treasure!
Lets leave these rapscallions
here and go to my room!
-ß ñâåòñêèé ÷åëîâåê è çíàþ, êàê
ïðîèãðàòü ñ ÷åñòüþ! Go, my children!..
-Well?..
-Bye!
-Eleven at night, and it is light!
-Ignorant, it's white nights!
-Look..
-What are they doing here?
Have crawled from the grave?
-Olga!
-Yes?
-Let's have a dinner together!
-With pleasure!
-À.. Ý..
What will you drink?
-Something you will offer.
-What will you eat?
-Something you will order.
-Hello, restaurant?
Oh, what a huge, how
to dig under alive lion?
You see, in a hundred
meters is a fountain!
And here the lion is. Understood?
Have grasped the idea of Grandma?
Granny buried treasure
under the beasts of prey,
rather than under a
stone lion!. Alive caretaker!
Now listen me careful..First
of all necessary to
establish personal contact
between us and the lion.
Who of us would go for it?
-You!
-Nooo! You! Well, go, quickly!
-Bobik, Bobik!..
-Hello, Leva!Good evening!
He doesn't understand italian language!
-Of course he doesn't, he is russian!
Let's hurry to dig until he heard!
I'm so glad that I managed to come
here!.. Otherwise we would have never met!
I'm very glad too!
-Finally we are only two!.. And
no these blockheads are around!
-Kiss me!!!
-Switch off the light, I'll come soon!
-Olga! I'm at work..
-Close window shades, too light.
-Well, if you insist...
Take off your clothes
... I'm almost ready.
I'm ready long time!
-Turn away to the wall! I'm ashamed you.
-Close your eyes. I'm coming.
-Olia! Olia!..Olga!!!
Olia, open! It's not clever.
-I thought you really love me.
But you are charged to follow me!
Dirty Spy!
-I'll explain you everything!..
Everything is clearm
I don't want listen you!
-Olia, our police received a
telegram, subscribed by Marisa,wife
of Antonio, that Antonio is not
a tourist, but treasure seeker.
It is not my fault this job
has beed assigned to me.
Olia, I love you!
-No Andrew, I don't
I do not believe you,
everything is finished
between us! Good bye!
-Good night, Romeo!
-Hello, manager? An employee of a criminal
Tracing , Vasiliev, is speaking.
The taxi, number 36-70, Just has
moved off from the Hotel Astoria..
Captain Vasilev..
He has dropped a passenger at the entrance to the zoo.
-Where?
-Near the zoological garden.
And how the policeman
has known about treasure?
We have told him ourselves, do you remember?
-remember,remember..
But he had already known everything
when he met us in the airport!
It means somebody warned him!
-Marisa! I just found it!
-Your sister!
-Your wife!
-Jealous fool!!!
-À-à-à-à-à-à-à!!!
-Look!!!
-Treasure!
-Here it is!
Î,mafioso!
-Well, now I'll show you..!
Treasure is mine! I have seven
daughters of marriageable age!
Well, now you will
not get out of here alive!
I'll nip your ear!
-Only not my ear!
-Will kill and bury here!
-Stop fighting! It is enough for all of us!
-I have never seen such in my life!
-We are reach!
-I'm happy!
-These treasures belong to the state!I
declare it to you as a police captain!
Hands!!!
-Oi, Lion!
-À-à-à-à!Help!
-Mama!!!
-Save me!
-Olga, do not panic! Do not panic all!.
Orderly exit!
- He will eat all of us!
- Help!
- Do not be afraid!
-Help!!!
-You're a policeman, Andrew, shoot!
-With what, I haven't weapon.
And more, I am a member of the
Society for the Protection of Animals!
I have an idea, if a lion is fed
- he is not dangerous...Olga!
Female body softer than men's.
Just touch her, I'll throw you there!
-What me?.. Skin and bones!
-What do you argue, dilettante!
Lets throw the policeman, and
we will get a treasure! Rosario
Agro has never been eated!
-Faster, why are you so long?!Open!
smart alecks, let
be the woman first!
I'm the only child in the family!
-And defective!
-Do not forget the box!
-Olia. run!
-Let me go, let me go!
-Giuseppe,Giuseppe!Hold him!
-With me!
-Don't eat me, I'm not tasty! Don't eat me!
-Wait, do not leave me!
My treasure!..
-Don't tuch!
Gold is for me! It is
becoming more expensive.
Well, signori, calm down!
These all are not yours!
Take your hands, you have no weapons.
-And what?
-Do not hurt him so much!
-Do not teach me, I know how to beat!
-On, hold, get!
-You are adventurous!
-Predator!
-Oi, Mama!
-Go away!
-Help!
-Get out of here!
-Coming, coming!
-Get out of here!
-Andrew, do not be mad!
-Do not let him, do not let!
-Quiet, quiet!
-Need to know, Is he here or not.
-I'm afraid!
-Hold the door!
-I'm afraid!
-Check it.
-I think, he's gone!
-He's here, I can smell him!
-Save yourself, run!
-Give me your hand!
-Mamma-mia!.Îi..
-Okay, has joked and that's
enough, get out! get out!
-À-à-à-à!!
-Here he is!.. To the Matrioshkas!!!
-Your pass?!
Faster!
-Oh, what a coincidence!
Oh, you are sad sack. How someone
can trust you someone else's good!...
-Stop, or I'll broke your
crutches!.. Stop,paralytic,
stop,if you appreciate
your life? Stop!!
-Stop! Give me my treasure!
Give me the treasure!
-Tresure is mine!
-Nobody has gone from Rosario!
-And I has gone!
-Thief!
-Stop!!!
-Ha-ha-ha!!!
I understood, the lion pursues
only the person with treasure!
Hush!
-Leva, Levochka, do it!
-Catch him!
-Fas!
-Go away, you beast!
-Bite,bite,bite!
-Take it, brute!
-Run, run!
-Do not nervous me! If Rosario
Agro lose control, it will be bad for you!
Have you understood me? Go away!
Get out of here, you're
tired us to the death!
-Oh, I'm hungry from this running around!
-He is hungry even more, you can be sure!
I'm freezed!
And I'm totally freezed,
even started to cough!
And I have sciatica, I can not
sit on the stone for long time!
Well, get down.
Enough whining, Signori!I 'll take him on myself.
Get down to the river and quickly get in the boat!
You are true man. Andrew!
-Go on, mentally I'm with you!
-Olga..
-Andrew, do not go, stay with us!
-Maybe you want to go with him too?Please
there is no objection!
-Lion will have a dinner
of two courses: the
first and second. He
will be very pleased.
-Do not lick, patience ..
I'm coming.
Well, fine, let's talk.
Perfect! Look, are not you ashamed?
Where is your hospitality?
You're the master.. Leva,be
calm! I'm nervous too...
Leva, you have disgraced
our city,It is foreign
guests.. You must be
polite and courteous.
Look, where you have driven
these unfortunate Italians?!
Well, why do you want treasure?!
Why do you want money?!
For what are you going to
spend it?.. Siniori, faster, until I
spoke to his teeth .. But I have
already spent all the words..!
Well, anyway all your life
you will be fed for free, not like
me!.. And your lioness, it is
unlikely she will wear these jewels..
Seniori, talking the full nonsense!
He will discover it now, faster!!!
Leva, if I would be in your place..
Calm! Keep yourself in hands!
If I were you, I would have tucked tail and
went back to the zoo. Understood?
Good! Went.. Wait, the zoo is in the other
direction! Leva, where are you going?!
-Orivederchi,Leva!
-Now we are out of reach!
-The treasure is ours! Well done Andrew!
-You have to work as a tamer predators!
-One..a-and two!
-Vasiliev, ciao!!!
-Will not catch us!
-Thanks for the help!
-Be health, ciao!
-Help!
-Save me!
-Andrew!
-Andrew, I'm sinking!!!! Help!
-Save me, I can not swim!
-Andrew, save me!
-Get off from me!
-Andrew, help!!!
-Faster!
-Help!
-'m sinking!
-Olia, Olia, careful!
Olga, are you cold?
-I do not know, thank you, Andrew!
-Thank you, friend!
-Give me your hand?!
-Throw him, Andrew, will be for one less!
-Î,he!!!
-Sit down, come on!
-We will catch him!
Damn capitolist, Why do
you want so much money?!
Return my treasure,
illiterate beast!
-Give, give!
-Take away your dirty paw!
-Careful!
-Grandma's jewelry!
-Calm down, we'll got it!
-It is your fault!
-Where is he swimming?
-Who knows...in Africa!
-It is my treasure!
-Wait me on the coast!
-First, I'm Fish, reporting from the
bottom of Neva river. Treasure is ours!
Enough joking, guys!
Police! There are many of them, but we are alone!
-Run!
All are lost! They
will exile us to Siberia!
Do not leave me!
-Wait, Signori, wait, wait, where are you?
Wait, Signori!
-Rosario Agro has never been caught before!
-Wait,stop!
stop,Signori!
-Wait,stop!
For the first time I see such boneheads!
Stop!
Listen!! According to our
laws, persons who found the
treasure is assumed 25 %,
it is huge amount of money!
-Stop , at least!!
Repeat, what we are owed?
You are owed 25%!..
Lame will be treated
for free, but mafioso has
to pay for gas stations,
machine and twenty
mutilated stone lions.
I do not have a penny!
How I'll return to home?
-But for the help to demolish
the old house, he owed
bonus equal to the cost of
ticket from Moscow to Rome.
-Thank you at least for this!
-What are you talking, no problem!..
It is a pity that you
leave, I will miss you!
In Italy we have a phrase:
"The one who found the
friend -- found the treasure"!
Yes, exactly!
-Remember, you have friend in Italy!
-Thank you!
-Andrew, two friends!
-Thank you!
Three, Andrew! If you need to kill
somebody, write me and I'll come!
Don't think I'll need it.
-Pardon!..
-What are the miracles?
-How are you?
ATTENTION, THE MESSAGE FOR SINIORO
ROSARIO AGRO.
-It is for me, my wife has born a son!!!
YOUR WIFE HAS BORN A GIRL,
CONGRATULATIONS -Bravo, bravo!!!
The eighth, who
will merry them!
-Congratulations!
-Good bye.
-Good bye,captain!
-Major!
-Really?!
-Good bye, captain!
-Major, blockhead!
-Major-blockhead!
-You deserve it, bandit!
Shut up, you!
Let's go! Come on, how you can't understand?!
Major has to say goodbye to Olga..
Eight girls and wife at home.. Will return to Roma --
will do a chop from her, 'll learn how to give birth!
Hello, Andrew!
-Oh, a familiar face!
-Who?
-It is Doctor!
-Doctor, good day, how are you?
-Beard suits you!
-It seems you have stout?!
-I'm moving not enough..
Without the passport they dont
let me go anywhere,
neither in Russia nor in Italy!
I have to hang between heaven and earth
in those damned planes!
By the way, how has ended
the story with the treasure?
As for the treasure,
the doctor, then ..
-With whom have you decided to share?Who
knows this bearded man?! What treasure?!
-Please, go to the plane.
-Thank you!I have great news!
-What news?
-Plan. There the treasure
of Cherokee Indians
in America is indicated,
marked by a cross!
They buried him under the baobab 200 years
ago! We will buy the whole Rome for this money!
How much did you
pay for this secret?
-Utter nonsense, all of your part.
-So, we are leaving
tomorrow. I have already
booked tickets for plane
Rome-New York, flight 201.
-Antonio!..
-À?
-fuck off! ..
Synced by k4n0
Quickly, quickly, get out!
Papa, why you were
driving today so quite?
Do not put your nose
into other people's affairs!
Antonio, I'll go to call to the
hospital, maybe it is some call for us?
Good.
-Ciao!
-Ciao, uncle!
-'m repeating : be good
at school and do not
repeate yesterday
incedent in the future!
how you had thought such idea -
set fire to a chair under a teacher! It is
good that chair has been extinguished,
the teacher has not been burned all! Go!
-Caviling.
-Our behaviour is always good!
-Have you matches today?
-Marisa, we have so obedient children!
the only sadness that they look
like your brother!.. Ciao, I have to go!
Today you'll come
home in time, I hope!
But, Marisa, yesterday I stayed in the hospital..
-Of course, with nurse!
-What nurse?
-Ok, so with female doctor!
Right
now?!Good,senior,understood!!!
And stop calling to chief medical officer,
you are putting me in idiotic position!
Antonio, good I decided to call,
we urgent have to go for a woman!
How? You have taken my
brother as the accomplice to yourself!
Relax, the old woman is
dying in the shelter for the aged!
Even old women,
you have lost all shame!
I love you, love!I love ONLY you!
I'll buy you a new set of false teeth!
Yes!!!
For the thirteenth salary!
- Stop talking, we are loosing time!
Wait from you...of course..!!
- Here she is! See, how bad she is?!
lying, pure!. Maybe she is died?
- This is not our deal.
Take!.. Îp-pa!
What are you doing with
me?!!.. what do you want?!
So, you are not
that russian seniora...
No, she is higher, on the third floor!..
- Sorry! Have mistaken!
- Idiots! God damn you!
Medicinal leech! I'll complain!
Antonio, where we can put her?
How do I know, ask the doctor.
- Doctor, where can we put her?
How do I know, here everything
is busy, look for by yourself.
Maybe somewhere there?
- Here everything is busy too.Look,how
everybody likes to be ill!.. Maybe there?..
No. Let's go further..
Is here free bed?
- Careful, here is a table!
- Is here free bed?
- See by yourself!
- why you can't compress?
- it is free in the toilet.
- you'd be placed there, wit!
- Let's turn the Senora..
- Good, is keeping!
- Nurse, you'd put here a traffic light!
- Where?!
Excuse me doctor, our
old woman is very bad!
Here is more tightly
than at the stadium!
This bed seems to be free!
It cannot be! Be careful
at the turn! I'm falling!
- Hold on to a stretcher!
- Here is a bed!.. Free!
E-e, Where are
you? This is my bed!
You'd put a newspaper, if
it is yours!.. Damned owner!
- Where to put her?
- Let's here.
- E-e, move up!
- Is this you talking to me?
- Yes, to you!
- And why for me?
Because you are the
most thin here.. One.. Two..
No, do you see, do you
see what they are doing?!
I don't want her!
- It is more fun together!
- I don't want her!..
Cmon, look at
her!..How much sex in she!
Take off your hand! do
you see the lag is broken?
Santucca, Santucca!
He is kicking! Boy!!!
Let it be a son! We are deserve it! After
seven daughters must be at least one son!
No daughters! I order
you to give birth to a son!
'll try!
- À-à, moving!
- Where is the registry?
- Left along the corridor.
Are you her husband?
- Who, me? I don't know here and don't want to know!
We have to warn
relatives, situation is heavy!
- Take her away!
- Tell me the truth, am I dying?
- No, no, seniora, don't
worry! You'll see, you'll
live more than all of
us, you'll live up to 90!
I'm 92.
- What I said? You did all of us!
Do you know that you
have an appendicitis?
Why an appendicitis, I
have broken leg, isn't it?
As though if you have broken
leg you can't have an appendicitis?
and do not do diagnosis!
Who is a doctor here: you or me?..
Potients became impudent!..
One minute, proffesor..You
must ensure that she born a son!
If it is a doughter again
I'll destroy everything here!
Medicine is powerless, everything depends on you!
- Do not avoid the responsibility!
- Granmother! At least
I found you, my dear!
Tell me, how is she,is it dangerous?
Truthly said, the diagnosis not good. Taking
into account her age...she is not a girl...
Olia!.. I'm dying!
- Granmother!
Listen me careful..I want
you to know. I'm very, very rich..
Do not worry, it will pass,
you'll stand on your feet!
- Let me say..You are
my only granddaughter,
and I'm leaving
everything I have to you!
There's jewelry, gold,
pearls on 9 billions..
Water..
- Give water!
- What water? Champagne!
She raves!She has
nothing, she is pure..
Of course not, who is Êîíå÷íî íåò, who's to argue
with you.. Of course not, granmother, doesn't digress!..
- Drink, Gran, drink!
- It is here I have
nothing,here in Italy.. I
hid heirlooms in Russia
during the Revolution..
Go there, Olga, take the key!.. I
bequeath to you the treasures in Leningrad
They are hidden
beneath a lion..Olga..
Signora,I beg you, speak
louder,here all are close people!
What she was talking about
some billions? Gold, rubies?
Uncontrolled verbal delirium,
a typical example of "Lirio pribaptis".
- Of course, the typical delirium!
And in my opinion,
she was fully conscious!
Cmon?"Dilius primortis"!
- Heavy old, it is clear!
- No, It is nonsence, nonsence! Delirium!
- Cigarettes?
- Yes!
- No, Thank you, Signor doesn't smoke.
Stop throwing your
money away, you are not a
millionaire yet!.So many
valuable things are sold!..
Even the clock had to be pawned!..
-Yes, my clocks!..
What is the difference,
and we sold Fiat.
My Fiat!.
-Stop trifles!
I had no lunches for
the last two days!..trifles!..
It is not my fault!
-But you had lunches, and I was watching at you!..
Right, I am a brain, and
you have to feed brains..
Cheer up, we will soon be rich!
tired to walk on foot and without a clock!
-Look, mafioso!!!
Christ and the Virgin Mary!
What are you doing here?
What are we doing,Antonio?
-We have decided to take a ride to Moscow.
-And back..
-naturlich,yes!.
-Are you going to Moscow too?
Yes, to see relatives!.How, you
don't know that I'm origin Russian?
Really?
Is it not Noticeably?!
-Noticeably, you have perfect ukranian accent!
And there is
nothing to rave about!
-Am I raging?..Raging?!Rosario
on the coffin of life has not raged!
-Santa Rosalia, Is it a house for dates?
-U-u,rather den gang!
-Pardon!..
Pardon!..
-Good morning!Are you going to Moscow too?
-You know, I head that there are
very good orthopedists in Ruassia..
-And I'm going there too. Russia
is my motherland but I have
never been there.. Nastalgiya,
says, is fashionable now !
-yes, I understand..
-Please..
-Signorina, I'm asking..
-And this one is here!
The all Holy Family!
Siniora, open cards, I
think, it is useless to pretend!
Siniora I 'd like to do a proposal from
me and my brother in law, if you allow.
Come on!
-Ok,9 billions is excellent
number and perfectly
divisible, enough for
all, why would not agree?
Bravo, I agree!
For 500 millions per
each..Not lie on a road..
One minute!..
Did you say per 500 millions?.. But
if 9 billions to devide per 6, it will be..
How much will it be, doctor?
-1 billion and 500 millions!
-Clear?
-And what am I talking?For
500 mil per each, and the rest for
me and Giuseppe..Sorry Doctor,
but who discovered old woman?
Who dragged her to the hospital? We!!!
-These 500 mil are not enough even for sigarettes for me!
Smoke less. Smoking
is harmful to health!
-Are you calculating my money?!
-Are you crazy?Funny! listen and wonder
how you are cheeky dividing my money..
Do not forget that I have a
legitimate heir to the treasures!
-Sorry, signorina, but you don't
know sovetic laws! The treasure has
been hidden during the Revolution,
and now you have no rights to it!
So you are on the same state as all others!
-Ok, will see!I wish you a successful hunt!
Olga knows more then we!
-I go!
Before the death, the old
lady whispered smth in her ear!..
-What did she whisper?
-Didn't hear. Silence, the mafia is coming!
-Cabin depressurization!
The crew, prepare for disaster reduction!
-À-à-à-à-à!!!
-Giuseppe, where are you going?
-signorina,brandy, please!
-Santa Rosalia!!!
-I'm 6015.. Man is overboarded!
Man is overboarded!
-Immediately go to the landing, rescue man!
Doctor, the patient is
nervous, maybe bring him up?
No-no,then we
all wll be freezed!
And if to pop him out and
for one competitor less?
We need him as a stopgap!
Yes, and if he fall down,
he'll bboke his head!
Exactly!
-To save the passengers
decided to land on the highway.
-Land to Minsk highway
between 132th and 140th km!
-Dear passengers, our plane makes
emergency landing. It is absolutely safe!
Please do not smoke
and fast your seat belts! We
hope to see you again
on the board of our plain!
Thank you for your attention!
-We had to go by train!..
-Good buy!
-Bravo!!!
-Bravo to pilot!
-Bravo!
-Bravo,Aeroftol is fine! Ura to pilot!!!
-What me? Look what is
going on on your roads?!
-Will unfreeze!.. Tools, mask!
-Do-dî-dî,doctor.. Am I
alive or in-in the other world?
Welcome to Moscow! Who
is Signor Antonio Lomazzo?
He is there.
-Signor Antonio Lomazzo..
-Who is Signor Antonio Lomazzo here?
-He is crazy.
-You?
-What have you done?
-I'm your guide!
We don't need a guide.
We haven't ordered. We have no money even
for crying, and you are saying guid...thanks!
Signora, I am
free.Please take flowers!
Nom we don't need even free.
we will do with a printed guide,sorry.
Give Flowers!
Sorry, instead of free guide
could we get a free clocks?
-Why are you interrupting
me all the time. I'm not
your guide, I'm his!. I will
accompany you everywhere.
Please,do not let them both to be out of your
sight, they both need your attention so much!
You know, we will be ok
without you,Signor guide.
Take care about this beautiful
signorina, please. She is so bored..
With pleasure!
thank you!
But it is Signor Antonio
the million Italian tourists,
- is visiting our country!
- Me?.. I hadn't only this!
- And you are not pleasured?
-Of course!
-Please note, the Moscow airport
Sheremetyevo. Takes daily
planes of the 63
countries of the world!
Signor Antonio, go to the passport
control, I'll take care about car.
Hope to see you soon!
-What is he doing there so long?
-thank you.
-Passport, please.
-Antonio, I'm already finished.
-Cmon, doctor?!
It was here!
You have blocked the
whole road, step aside!
-Tell them who I am!
-But I don't know you!
-It is more then enough!
Signor has no passport,
and behaves so insolently!
Doctor, we will miss you!
-Let's go, we have no time!
-One is done!
-Do you see a lame man
behind me?It is a famous
smuggler! Usually, he
hides the drugs in a cast.
-Sorry, but you have to go with me!
-What?
-We need to make personal search.
No, I can't -- I'm in a hurry!
-I beg to follow me!
Listen, I protest,
you have no right!..
Please!..
-I will complain! This is a violence against the person!
We have the right!
-Please..
-What happened!.. What happened???
-We will carefully remove the gypsum.
No, it's a disgrace, it's rudeness!
-I ask you to sit down!
It is a violation of
all international rules!
If it is nothing there,
why are you so nervous?
Sit down!
-Do not come to me!!Do not come to me!!!
by myself,by myself!!!
Ui,ui!!!... Mamma-a!!!
-Calm down, I'll help you, calm down!
Where is Olga?
-Here she is.
Listen, I'll influence
on her with my charm!
with what?
Charm.I'll conquer her and she will tell me everything.
I'll invite her to dance and in the rithm of tango
she 'll not stand.
How do I look?
it is impossible to look worser! And
what about my sister! Have you forgot her?!
-Don't worry, she is in Roma,
and to take care about Olga
I'll untill well known limits.
I'll fix the limit!
Please, signor, your car.
-Aaa, what about my car?!
Why are you
interfering all the time?
I'm serving the millions of
tourists! Do not bother to work!
And I'm the
million first tourists,
also I'm his brother.. of wife..
-Is that your relative?
-Unfortunately!..
-I am ready. Sit down with us in the car!
-I'm not on the same way with you.
I can not find a reason to invite you to
come with us. Let's go without any reason!..
Such candor cannot
be answered by refusal!
-Nobody has left from mafia yet!
Olga, Let my brother in
law to take care about you.
It will not do any
leasure for me.
I'm handsome man, Olia!.I want to know
everything about you! Be frank with me!
Why?
Why?Because he wants to know
what did you granmather wisper to you.
Shut up, moron!
But my mom taught me always speak the truth!
-What mom? You have never had her.
But how could I came to
the world, without a mother?
À-à!
Well,do not respond so
painfull for the girl's refusal?!
-St. Basil's Cathedral was build on Red
Square in honor of the capture of Kazan.
Do not allow architects to build something
like this, the king ordered to blind them.
Despite this sad legend,
I like this place.
I'll stay here.
Really? Good decision, we 'll stay too.
-Yes, we too.
Signora, but I haven't shown
all, haven't told everything..
I am saying goodbye for you.
-Why?
-Because I want it.
-Yes, but..
-Was very glad to meet you!
-Î,me too!
-Good buy!
-Can I take a suitcase?
-Yes, of course.
-Where did she go?
-To be so crouched for all your life!
-Senor guide, sorry, in which hotel we will
stop?
-The Hotel Metropole.
-Excellent hotel! Let's send
our baggage there. And will have
walk on foot. Yes, walk around
Moscow! I will warn the driver.
Are you crazy,What Metropol?
We have to go to Leningrad!
The only our baggage
will go to the hotel.
We can't lost Olga!
Dear friends, in front of you the hotel
Russia, It can accommodate 5,000...
Signori..
Red Square is the heart of Moscow and of all
country! I think that you are pursuing this girl.
Who, we? No!!
Really you think it?She is
biutiful woman, don't you like her?
No, I like!
Here ahe is!!!
GUM,One of the largest stores in
Europe, daily servers 200,000 customers.
-Colossally!
WARNING: In a few
minutes the Fashion Models
salon starts the show
of spring-summer season
starts showing of
spring-summer season models
-Modest evening gown of silver brocade
with a deep cut on his back.
Convenient to have guests..
Casual business dress.
Jacket of dark blue velvet
and pants in light tone.
-Miss, Are you new? I can't recognise you.
-The dress of kremplena, without sleeves,
it lengthens the body line.
-Signor Antonio, where are you going,
it is a fashion show here!
-Stop, Signora, I beg you!
It is not used here to kiss models!..
Sorry, continue, sorry!
Mistake!
-Signora!!
-She is somewhere here!
-I have to apply the force!
-Long black dress always adorns a woman!
Red rose at the waist adds a light mystery.
In this dress you can go anywhere.
Hey, miss, where are you going???!!
-What is going on?
-À-à-à.. Italians tourists..
Expansive nation, the first day
in Moscow. Tired after the trip..
They destroyed everything!
-Why everything?Something is still ok.
-Your documents.
Car rental!..
The watchman is on a rehearsal, he
sang in the initiative. And he has the key.
The only one key?
-Yes.
If your watchman is singing
you should have another key!
-Good advise!.Why we
hadn't thought about it early?!
Giuseppe, as usual, I
born an outstanding idea!
You are ginious!
-I know. I'll have to take this
Vassiliev in the deal. He knows
the geography and speaks not
only Italian but also in Russian.
-You're amazingly observant!
-Yes I am.
-But, we will have to share with him!
-You are trifling again! Billion more
billion less..
Yes, but I have never
seen a billion in my life!
I still don't know hoe
to say him about it.
you understand, Giuseppe, the
form is important. Tactfully, delicately..
You are right, as usual!
-Antonio, let's go, I'll take care about.
-And a little more tact, Giuseppe..
Andrew, do you want
to earn a billion dollars?
Yes!..
To our mutual success!
-When I have a lot of money, I'll do
medicine and will make plastic
operations.
-Why plastic?
-To tidy up your sister's face.
Look at her more
carefully, she is not so ugly!
I saw her with any
lightening. She is like you!
-Excuse me!..
-When I get rich, you know what I will do?
-Nu?
I'll buy russian restourant.
-You would only to fill the belly!
Yes, and the main
goal is not to pay for it!
-Andrey, what are you gonna do?
-Me?..
'll get merried.
-Do you have a bride?
I have, but she
doesn't know about it.
I propose a toast to the health
of your bride! How is her name?
-I don't know it.
-I'll pay.
-Î,no-no-no,no!
-I'll pay!
-You are guests. I'll pay!
-I told you, Antonio, that he will pay!
-Thank you, everything was very tasty!
-Hello for everybody!
-Now we'll play in cards..
À-à-à-à!!!
-Hey, jailbird!!!
-Wait, you will not go away from us!
-Scoundrel! Where are you going!
-Stop the train!
-Excuse me, sir, here please!
-Yes, what do you want?
-Have you found your passport?
No, I have
searched all the plain.
Sorry professor, but without a
passport you can not go back to Italy.
-I can not go back? But I'm Italian!I
live here in Rome. Here I have
clinic, chair. At least, Here is
my family and my lover!
-When you found your
passport--welcome home. And now
I ask you return to the
plain.These are our laws!
To the hell your laws!
-Take him away, Take him away right now!
I hate plains,
I hate to flight!
I'm sick from flights.
You'll be sorry, I
'll find a manage on
you.Damned bureaucrats!
Passport is more valuable
then free personality for
them! Be Cursed the
person invented the passport!
-Stop!
-Nobody wants to ride!
-Because you're not credible!
-You are credible!
-Stop,stop!!
-Î,this is our old friend!
-Stop,stop!!
-didn't recognised!
-Stop, Where are you going?
-Wait, hussy!
-Wait, a poisonous snake!
-How is her name?
-Olga.
-My fiancee name -- Olga!
-What your fiancee, this our main
competitor.We have to catch
her up! Let's stop this rattletrap!
Stop,stop!!
Stop, for God's sake stop!
Thank you Signor driver,
please ,faster, for that red car!
What do you dig, faster, daddy!
-Listen, can you hurry?
HU-R-RY UP!
-Give more gas, Granddaddy!
-Let me help you..Clutch..Here,
third gear!
-What are you doing? You are taking people!
-Carefully!!!
Faster, granddad,
give more gas!
Oh, Antonio, she is going out from us!
-Giuseppe, look!..
-Antonio, with us!
-got!
-Leave me alone, crazy!
-Grandpa, you are a born racer!
-Nu, give him here.
-Why do you grabbed?
Beware, tear!
-What to tear? 'll buy the new one.
-Fast, in the last car!
-What are you up to? This is theft! I
do not want to have something with it!
What is russian from
you?! You are Neapolitan!
-Hey, hello!
-Stop!!!
-Olga!!!
-Yes, here she is!
-what a snake!
-hey, stop!
-for what?
-We need you.
-I don't need you, ciao!
-hey, have you seen it?
-are you crazy?!!
-Go,go!
Wow, what a car!! Submarine! Look,
how is beautiful here, as in an aquarium!!!
Do not open the window, fool!
-Beware, do not crush the fish!
-We have lost a lot of time, ahead!
-E-ee, where are you going!!!
Why have you buried me?
-This is the true "Russian hills"!
we catched you, darling! Now
you'll not go anywhere from us!
Olga, let's do not
quarrel, give up!
-Better give me a sigaret.
-She is smoking when driving!
-Please.
Thank you.
Olga, you are now our
prisoner, the resistance is useless!
Stop, low creature,
or then it will be worse!
Ah, this way?
-Where she has dissapiared?
-Dunno, and there is no way to turn!
-What the hell, where is she?
-As if she flew into the pipe!
-the witch!
-What happened? Flat tire?
-Gasoline is over.
-The devil!
So well traveled, and it is...
All the time we have no luck!
-gas station!
-I see, I see. Let's push it.
-One-Two,îh..
-train!
Hey, can I do
something for you?
Intrigante, everything
you could do, you did!
-I have never expected it from you!
-Hey, Signora!..
-Full tank, we are in a hurry!
Faster, in the car!
Every minute is important!
Interesting, how are you going to drive on it?
-Don't tuch him, let him go.
-We can use fire truck!
-Perfect, they have what to do here.
After me!
-Here she is, look, here she is!
-Exactly!
-Push,Andrey! You will not go away from us!
-pull out the ladder! She does
not know that we are pursuing her.
-More courage, Antonio!
-Well done, Andrey!
Giuseppe, my
head is spinning..Îi!..
Antonio, do not worry if
you fall, we'll pick you up!
-despite you are a coward, you are brave!
-i know.
-From where did you come??!
-from sky.
What do you need here?
Why you are so,I missed you.
what are doing today evening?
-hei,hei,carefull!
-Who is it?
Who else is coming for my head?
-close people.
-I can't left you tet-a-tet.
The honor of my sister is important for me!
-Hello, how are you?
-Good. -me too, can I come in? -Yes
-Thank you!
-Just do not brake, or you'll shake him
-I know.
-Will not interrupt, signorina?
No-no!
-I am at your service.
You are the only one
of this gang, who I'm glad!
-Ups, I think I'm falling!
-Take my hand!
-From the happiness!
-hands,head,legs..
-legs are still there..
-Here we are all together!
-Ancient Russian town founded in
10, or in 11 century. A, who knows...?
-Where??? Are you crazy?!
-Please..Yes?I asked for the hospital.
Is it nurse on duty talking? Very good!
I'm Rosario Agro. Has she born?
Cmon?! She had to born
a lot of time ago! You are
holding up delivery by
yourself so I have to pay more!
Pregnant?Who is
Pregnant?Listen, you don't know me!
When I return to Roma
we'll talk, remember it!
Redneck illiterate!.. Rosario
Agro has never been called prednant before!
"Train No. 42, Odessa-Leningrad,
arrives for the fifth way"
"Fast train Leningrad-RIGA leaves
from the third way" -You? You again!
Why are you spinning, as a mosquito near my
nose?! Meet again-- will broke second leg!!
Santa Rosalia!
-Do not angry me, kill you!!!
-So we are in Leningrad, good buy.
-Sit!
-We have repaired her car,and she..
guys, be calm!
-Go out, I have no time, I'm in a hurry!
Digging is a hard man work.
Of course, muscles are
needed, but you are so fragile.
will hire diggers,
would be cheaper.
According to our laws, all that
lay in the ground state-owned.
If diggers find a trasure, they
immidiately pass it to the right place.
But I am the legitimate heir
and 'll take the treasure if i find it
This will be like a theft!
So you, soviet sitizen,are
participating in the theft?!
-Don't do demagogy, I just like adventures!
And even
more-money!-Yes, and money.
Briefly speaking, I'm the only one who knows
the sign my grandma told me before death
-How much you want to recieve for it?
-70%, the rest is for you.
This is frank robbery -We will not
have an agreement with this meanie!
Hey, bloodsuckers,how
much you want?
-for 25 % per each, deal?
-65 % me, the rest is for you.
-No!
-60 me,40 you.
-No deal!
-55 me,45 you.
-Not enough!
-50 me,50 you!
-To the cars!
-144,145..Lost count!..147,148,149..149
-Have you stucked?
-Seems to be..149,Olga,stop..
150..Finish! Uff!
Guys, there are more lions
then resident people in this city!
If you dig beneath each,
then life is not enough!
-My grandmather had
danced in this theater..
-Let's get out of the car and
honor the memory of grandmother!
-Two more!..
I think, we should dig
here, near the theater.
Why here?
-Because I Said So.
-Then under what lion? They are two!
-Moment.
-Dear associates, let's be logical!
In my opinion, this is not the TV show!
Do you think that the grandmother was
stupid enough to bury treasure here,
where a lot of people all the time?||
Maybe she was dugging from
the inside, from her makeup room?
Well, then it's not grandmother,
this is Count of Monte Cristo!
-Do not go to that world for her secret..!
-Yes, don't drawn yet!
-I like this lion.
And then there is a second sign here..
-What sign?
-I'll not tell it.
Have you found
your passport,Signor?
If I never found it I
should fly all my life?
Without a passport you
can not go on Russian land!
This is incredible, I had
already flown 280 hours
In these plains! And in Rome
my patients are waiting me!
Wife, children ...And,
finally, I want to take a bath!
Antonio, was have I
hired you for nothing?!
I'm coming!
-Stronger, more! Slackers!
-Stop, stop working!..
Who is boss here?
-Calm, I'm chief.
We have a rehearsal! Why
you haven't agreed with us?
And remove the
cigarette!. A gas leak!
We ordered to fix it urgent!
Hence, we can blow up?
Sure!. That is how? .. MAybe
you 'll blow up, and maybe not!
-Ivan!
-À?-Am I right?
-Hî-hî..-This is Ivan.
-Nobody left in the theaer.
You can blow up! But
remember, Chaliapin and
Karruzo sang in the theater!
-I'll show him now....!
-Interesting,what are they going to do?
Olga,arrived! An empty
space at the bottom! Dig!!
-E-e, what is it?
Put, you do not know me
yet! Will catch you and will
nip you ear and 'll force
you to eat it before my eyes!
-Hey, you, cuckold, let me go!
-Good, Antonio, raise him higher!
-Shut up, you, unshorn
monkey!You will finish badly!
We will wash you now!Antonio,
there him, there! Into the water!
Now we will pay
you! For everything!
-Let down!
-Help! Killers!
Nobody has ever
destroy Rosario Agro!.. Mafia is immortal!
I will get you even under the water..
-let the water will you rest in peace!Amen!
We have paid a mafioso!
Where have you been, we have found a treasure!
-Really, where?
-Here it is!
-I will share, I'm very good in deviding!
I think we did a
hole in a wine cellar!
And what? The tresure in this cellar!
-You see, the only wine are here!
And will celebrate!
Would you even sometimes think when you are talking! Our
treasure certainly has been found by those who dug this cellar!
Yes Antonio, you are right.
Unfortunately we are late.
What is the second
sign that you know?
-Now it is no sence to hide it.. In hundred
paces from a lion should be a fountain.
-Look who is coming!
-This is mafioso!
-What is the suitcase it?
-Seems to be havy!
probably treasures are in the
suitcase! He found it under the water!
Why we are here! Run! Ahead!
-Stop!
-Stop, catch him!
-Thief!!
-I will surround him, surround!!!
-Get away
-return our treasure,Thief!
Why are you beating me?
The suitcase is with you friend!
Giuseppe, Giuseppe, return the suitcase!
-Giuseppe, you're crazy, traitor!
-Wait, I tell you!
-We are family, Giuseppe!
-What family, he is a crook!
-Relative!
-No, not a relative! Crook!
-Wait!
-À?..Again you, damned
lame villain! Have I warned you?
Say good buy your second
leg! You will limp on both legs!
Don't do it, I'll do by
myself! By myself!..À-à-à-à!
Santa Rosalia!
-Mother, why are you sitting, enough to
babysit! He has stolen a baby carriage!
-Where?!!!
Back,the bridge is separated!..Wait,wait!
-Giuseppe, you'll fall!
-Stop!
-Excuse me, comrade!
-Giuseppe, wait, Giuseppe!
-Wait, you will off!
-Suicide, what are you doing?
-He is already on the other side!
-Giuseppe, jump back, I beg you!
-Well, joked, and that's enough, Giuseppe!
-Catched? Treasure thiefs, beggars!!!
-Careful, Olga!
-Moment!
-Give me your hand!
-Î, what I'll do when I catch you!
-He will not run away from us!
-The road will be here, it is necessary
to demolish the house in three days
3 days are not enough. We need
at least 5 days, no less. Big house!
No, you have to finish in time!
I'll look here, in the bushes!
No, he's somewhere there, I know his habits!
-Where has he gone?
-where is he?!
-Here he is, catch him!!
-À,caught!
-Traitor!
-I have warned!
-Don't! Don't beat me!
-necessary!
-Let go bag, trash!
He wanted to steal my treasure!
-Drive him out of our society!
I will not steal
anymore, forgive me!
-Get out of here, a vampire!
-Get out of here!
-I repent! Sorry!
-Any sign of you would not be here!
Good!I love money so
much, more then anything else!
Let's open the suitcase!
-Yes, without the hype!
-Solence!!
TICKS
-Momma!
-There's a bomb!!!
-Get down!!!
-Siniora, Nevsky Prospect is
in front of you. This is the central
line of the city. Russian writers
praised the Nevsky Prospekt.
Let's take Nikolai Vasilievich Gogol...
-Help!Help me!!!
-How did you get there, insane?
How did you manage it?
I do not know, remove me, I'll fall!
Oh, remove me! Rather, help me!
-And you said five days are needed!
-Who has known?
-Wait, I know where treasure is buried!
-Where?
-Remove me, then I'll say!
-Have you watched a
movie, "War and Peace"?
Antonio, we were
watching it together with you!
Well, have looked, and what?
Do you know who wrote this
story? Tolstoi and his name was Leo!
Save me now, I deserved forgiveness!Remove
me!
Leo Tolstoy, Why I did not
realize!Now I'll bring spades..
Antonio, wait, Antonio!!
-Ran after him!
-Olga..
-Îi!..
-What happaned?
-Leg...
-Where the leg, Olga?
I'll play a little bit and will give
you back not simple one, but gold!
-Start here. Hurry!
-Antonio, this monument was builded to 50
anniversary of writer death, in 1960 year.
-Hello, a hospital? Rosario
Agro is speaking.What?
Hasn't given birth
yet? It's rudeness!
well,ok, say my Santuciya
good news- the treasure
is mine! Not a single
competitor is left!
I send them all to the "Other World"!
Let give birth to an heir!
-Are you tired?
-I'm ready to wear you on my hands forever!
Do not take on such a
heavy load, will be ruptured..
You are light.
But I have a
difficult character.
Enough confering privately! What kind of
manners it is, to hide everything from friends?!
-Do not bother, he is
saying me he loves me...
-Hi.
-Andriusha!
-Here we are!
-What is it? I wish you'd said,
you are coming!
-Mama..
Well, who are you carrying about, and why??
Mama..
-And who are they, your new friends?
-Wait a minute, you are all dirty!
-Mom, I've grown!
Wait..
You are adult man..Amazing,
he is like his father!
They don't understand.
-Not true, everybody is able to understand mother!
They don't. They are italians!
They are italians, italians!!
Andrew, you're an
amazing person!It's your style.
You have invited foreign
guests, and I'm not dressed!
Sorry, come in please!
-Thanks!
-Pardon!
-Put her, eventually, and kiss!..
me!.I'm mother!
-Hello!
-Hello!
-Foreign guests are in
the house, prepair the table.
And stop kissing when I'm talking with you!
-4 millions.
-and 10 in addition!
-10.. And 30 more!..
-Ha-ha-ha..And 50 in addition!
-Your 50 and 100 more!
-And 200 millions more!
-What interest are you playing?
-for grandma treasure.
-Well, play,play.
-'m opening!I have valet couple, and you?
-two 10th..
-Mine!
-And here is the royal
penguin. Andrew's dad pictured
him to Antarctica. Yes,
he's a polar explorer!
Papa polar explorer,
and not a penguin. Here is
Andrew's dad with friends..
This is me in my youth.
Tell me olease, is it
serious with Andrew or not?
Here is Andrew's dad
again, and here is Andriusha.
he had just received
the title of police captain..
But, in my opinion, the
form doesn't good to him.
He is tracking down the
very-important criminals!
-First, the Fish is
reporting. Comrade Colonel
I beg to release me
from doing this job!
I can't take part in this robbery any more.
The gas station is
blowned up, car is burned,
historical monuments
have been destroyed..
Comrade Colonel, I hardly begging
the government do not arrest italians...
Colonel, I don't understand, are
these tresures cost so much?!!
Understood! Understood everything.
Deal!.. To continue to do the job.
-Petr Maksimovich, hello for your wife!
-And one billion more!
-One billion and 5 in addition!
-6 billions!
-Exactly!
-Do you think it is so easy?
Have you came here to beat me at cards?!
Or to find tresures?..Sharper!
-Why are you angry,it is not my fault
I'm receiving good cards?!
-A-a, to the devil!!
Money are finished,
and treasure is not found!
Antonio, calm down! Why are
running around like a lion in a cage.
-Ha, lion in a cage..Lion in a cage?..
As a lion in a cage!..
It is interesting!Ha-ha-ha-ha!!!
-Why are you so happy?
-I know where the tresure is!
-Listen what I have known!
-First tell me.
-No word when Vasiliev is near!
He is specially charged to follow us!
-Here it is!!!.Treasure!
No end to them..these predators!
-Olga!..
-U-u?
-What are you doing today evening?
-I'm going to spend it with you.
I'm so bored from these treasures!
I think, I have already
found my treasure!
Lets leave these rapscallions
here and go to my room!
-ß ñâåòñêèé ÷åëîâåê è çíàþ, êàê
ïðîèãðàòü ñ ÷åñòüþ! Go, my children!..
-Well?..
-Bye!
-Eleven at night, and it is light!
-Ignorant, it's white nights!
-Look..
-What are they doing here?
Have crawled from the grave?
-Olga!
-Yes?
-Let's have a dinner together!
-With pleasure!
-À.. Ý..
What will you drink?
-Something you will offer.
-What will you eat?
-Something you will order.
-Hello, restaurant?
Oh, what a huge, how
to dig under alive lion?
You see, in a hundred
meters is a fountain!
And here the lion is. Understood?
Have grasped the idea of Grandma?
Granny buried treasure
under the beasts of prey,
rather than under a
stone lion!. Alive caretaker!
Now listen me careful..First
of all necessary to
establish personal contact
between us and the lion.
Who of us would go for it?
-You!
-Nooo! You! Well, go, quickly!
-Bobik, Bobik!..
-Hello, Leva!Good evening!
He doesn't understand italian language!
-Of course he doesn't, he is russian!
Let's hurry to dig until he heard!
I'm so glad that I managed to come
here!.. Otherwise we would have never met!
I'm very glad too!
-Finally we are only two!.. And
no these blockheads are around!
-Kiss me!!!
-Switch off the light, I'll come soon!
-Olga! I'm at work..
-Close window shades, too light.
-Well, if you insist...
Take off your clothes
... I'm almost ready.
I'm ready long time!
-Turn away to the wall! I'm ashamed you.
-Close your eyes. I'm coming.
-Olia! Olia!..Olga!!!
Olia, open! It's not clever.
-I thought you really love me.
But you are charged to follow me!
Dirty Spy!
-I'll explain you everything!..
Everything is clearm
I don't want listen you!
-Olia, our police received a
telegram, subscribed by Marisa,wife
of Antonio, that Antonio is not
a tourist, but treasure seeker.
It is not my fault this job
has beed assigned to me.
Olia, I love you!
-No Andrew, I don't
I do not believe you,
everything is finished
between us! Good bye!
-Good night, Romeo!
-Hello, manager? An employee of a criminal
Tracing , Vasiliev, is speaking.
The taxi, number 36-70, Just has
moved off from the Hotel Astoria..
Captain Vasilev..
He has dropped a passenger at the entrance to the zoo.
-Where?
-Near the zoological garden.
And how the policeman
has known about treasure?
We have told him ourselves, do you remember?
-remember,remember..
But he had already known everything
when he met us in the airport!
It means somebody warned him!
-Marisa! I just found it!
-Your sister!
-Your wife!
-Jealous fool!!!
-À-à-à-à-à-à-à!!!
-Look!!!
-Treasure!
-Here it is!
Î,mafioso!
-Well, now I'll show you..!
Treasure is mine! I have seven
daughters of marriageable age!
Well, now you will
not get out of here alive!
I'll nip your ear!
-Only not my ear!
-Will kill and bury here!
-Stop fighting! It is enough for all of us!
-I have never seen such in my life!
-We are reach!
-I'm happy!
-These treasures belong to the state!I
declare it to you as a police captain!
Hands!!!
-Oi, Lion!
-À-à-à-à!Help!
-Mama!!!
-Save me!
-Olga, do not panic! Do not panic all!.
Orderly exit!
- He will eat all of us!
- Help!
- Do not be afraid!
-Help!!!
-You're a policeman, Andrew, shoot!
-With what, I haven't weapon.
And more, I am a member of the
Society for the Protection of Animals!
I have an idea, if a lion is fed
- he is not dangerous...Olga!
Female body softer than men's.
Just touch her, I'll throw you there!
-What me?.. Skin and bones!
-What do you argue, dilettante!
Lets throw the policeman, and
we will get a treasure! Rosario
Agro has never been eated!
-Faster, why are you so long?!Open!
smart alecks, let
be the woman first!
I'm the only child in the family!
-And defective!
-Do not forget the box!
-Olia. run!
-Let me go, let me go!
-Giuseppe,Giuseppe!Hold him!
-With me!
-Don't eat me, I'm not tasty! Don't eat me!
-Wait, do not leave me!
My treasure!..
-Don't tuch!
Gold is for me! It is
becoming more expensive.
Well, signori, calm down!
These all are not yours!
Take your hands, you have no weapons.
-And what?
-Do not hurt him so much!
-Do not teach me, I know how to beat!
-On, hold, get!
-You are adventurous!
-Predator!
-Oi, Mama!
-Go away!
-Help!
-Get out of here!
-Coming, coming!
-Get out of here!
-Andrew, do not be mad!
-Do not let him, do not let!
-Quiet, quiet!
-Need to know, Is he here or not.
-I'm afraid!
-Hold the door!
-I'm afraid!
-Check it.
-I think, he's gone!
-He's here, I can smell him!
-Save yourself, run!
-Give me your hand!
-Mamma-mia!.Îi..
-Okay, has joked and that's
enough, get out! get out!
-À-à-à-à!!
-Here he is!.. To the Matrioshkas!!!
-Your pass?!
Faster!
-Oh, what a coincidence!
Oh, you are sad sack. How someone
can trust you someone else's good!...
-Stop, or I'll broke your
crutches!.. Stop,paralytic,
stop,if you appreciate
your life? Stop!!
-Stop! Give me my treasure!
Give me the treasure!
-Tresure is mine!
-Nobody has gone from Rosario!
-And I has gone!
-Thief!
-Stop!!!
-Ha-ha-ha!!!
I understood, the lion pursues
only the person with treasure!
Hush!
-Leva, Levochka, do it!
-Catch him!
-Fas!
-Go away, you beast!
-Bite,bite,bite!
-Take it, brute!
-Run, run!
-Do not nervous me! If Rosario
Agro lose control, it will be bad for you!
Have you understood me? Go away!
Get out of here, you're
tired us to the death!
-Oh, I'm hungry from this running around!
-He is hungry even more, you can be sure!
I'm freezed!
And I'm totally freezed,
even started to cough!
And I have sciatica, I can not
sit on the stone for long time!
Well, get down.
Enough whining, Signori!I 'll take him on myself.
Get down to the river and quickly get in the boat!
You are true man. Andrew!
-Go on, mentally I'm with you!
-Olga..
-Andrew, do not go, stay with us!
-Maybe you want to go with him too?Please
there is no objection!
-Lion will have a dinner
of two courses: the
first and second. He
will be very pleased.
-Do not lick, patience ..
I'm coming.
Well, fine, let's talk.
Perfect! Look, are not you ashamed?
Where is your hospitality?
You're the master.. Leva,be
calm! I'm nervous too...
Leva, you have disgraced
our city,It is foreign
guests.. You must be
polite and courteous.
Look, where you have driven
these unfortunate Italians?!
Well, why do you want treasure?!
Why do you want money?!
For what are you going to
spend it?.. Siniori, faster, until I
spoke to his teeth .. But I have
already spent all the words..!
Well, anyway all your life
you will be fed for free, not like
me!.. And your lioness, it is
unlikely she will wear these jewels..
Seniori, talking the full nonsense!
He will discover it now, faster!!!
Leva, if I would be in your place..
Calm! Keep yourself in hands!
If I were you, I would have tucked tail and
went back to the zoo. Understood?
Good! Went.. Wait, the zoo is in the other
direction! Leva, where are you going?!
-Orivederchi,Leva!
-Now we are out of reach!
-The treasure is ours! Well done Andrew!
-You have to work as a tamer predators!
-One..a-and two!
-Vasiliev, ciao!!!
-Will not catch us!
-Thanks for the help!
-Be health, ciao!
-Help!
-Save me!
-Andrew!
-Andrew, I'm sinking!!!! Help!
-Save me, I can not swim!
-Andrew, save me!
-Get off from me!
-Andrew, help!!!
-Faster!
-Help!
-'m sinking!
-Olia, Olia, careful!
Olga, are you cold?
-I do not know, thank you, Andrew!
-Thank you, friend!
-Give me your hand?!
-Throw him, Andrew, will be for one less!
-Î,he!!!
-Sit down, come on!
-We will catch him!
Damn capitolist, Why do
you want so much money?!
Return my treasure,
illiterate beast!
-Give, give!
-Take away your dirty paw!
-Careful!
-Grandma's jewelry!
-Calm down, we'll got it!
-It is your fault!
-Where is he swimming?
-Who knows...in Africa!
-It is my treasure!
-Wait me on the coast!
-First, I'm Fish, reporting from the
bottom of Neva river. Treasure is ours!
Enough joking, guys!
Police! There are many of them, but we are alone!
-Run!
All are lost! They
will exile us to Siberia!
Do not leave me!
-Wait, Signori, wait, wait, where are you?
Wait, Signori!
-Rosario Agro has never been caught before!
-Wait,stop!
stop,Signori!
-Wait,stop!
For the first time I see such boneheads!
Stop!
Listen!! According to our
laws, persons who found the
treasure is assumed 25 %,
it is huge amount of money!
-Stop , at least!!
Repeat, what we are owed?
You are owed 25%!..
Lame will be treated
for free, but mafioso has
to pay for gas stations,
machine and twenty
mutilated stone lions.
I do not have a penny!
How I'll return to home?
-But for the help to demolish
the old house, he owed
bonus equal to the cost of
ticket from Moscow to Rome.
-Thank you at least for this!
-What are you talking, no problem!..
It is a pity that you
leave, I will miss you!
In Italy we have a phrase:
"The one who found the
friend -- found the treasure"!
Yes, exactly!
-Remember, you have friend in Italy!
-Thank you!
-Andrew, two friends!
-Thank you!
Three, Andrew! If you need to kill
somebody, write me and I'll come!
Don't think I'll need it.
-Pardon!..
-What are the miracles?
-How are you?
ATTENTION, THE MESSAGE FOR SINIORO
ROSARIO AGRO.
-It is for me, my wife has born a son!!!
YOUR WIFE HAS BORN A GIRL,
CONGRATULATIONS -Bravo, bravo!!!
The eighth, who
will merry them!
-Congratulations!
-Good bye.
-Good bye,captain!
-Major!
-Really?!
-Good bye, captain!
-Major, blockhead!
-Major-blockhead!
-You deserve it, bandit!
Shut up, you!
Let's go! Come on, how you can't understand?!
Major has to say goodbye to Olga..
Eight girls and wife at home.. Will return to Roma --
will do a chop from her, 'll learn how to give birth!
Hello, Andrew!
-Oh, a familiar face!
-Who?
-It is Doctor!
-Doctor, good day, how are you?
-Beard suits you!
-It seems you have stout?!
-I'm moving not enough..
Without the passport they dont
let me go anywhere,
neither in Russia nor in Italy!
I have to hang between heaven and earth
in those damned planes!
By the way, how has ended
the story with the treasure?
As for the treasure,
the doctor, then ..
-With whom have you decided to share?Who
knows this bearded man?! What treasure?!
-Please, go to the plane.
-Thank you!I have great news!
-What news?
-Plan. There the treasure
of Cherokee Indians
in America is indicated,
marked by a cross!
They buried him under the baobab 200 years
ago! We will buy the whole Rome for this money!
How much did you
pay for this secret?
-Utter nonsense, all of your part.
-So, we are leaving
tomorrow. I have already
booked tickets for plane
Rome-New York, flight 201.
-Antonio!..
-À?
-fuck off! ..
Synced by k4n0