Unaccustomed As We Are (1929) - full transcript

Oliver invites his friend Stanley over for a nice home-cooked meal, but Mrs. Hardy wants nothing to do with it and walks out. Mrs. Kennedy, Oliver's beautiful neighbor from across the hall,...

Tell you what we're gonna eat.

A great big, juicy steak
with mushroom sauce,

strawberries with whipped cream
mixed down in the bottom of it,

a cup of coffee and a big black cigar.

Any nuts?

You would want nuts.
Certainly you're going to have nuts and...

Good evening, Mr Hardy.

Good evening, Mrs Kennedy.

This is my friend, Mrs Kennedy.

Good evening.

l brought him home for dinner,
Mrs Kennedy.



How lovely of you, Mr Hardy.

How is Mr Kennedy, Mrs Kennedy?

He's very well, thank you, Mr Hardy.

ls Mr Kennedy home, Mrs Kennedy?

Not yet, Mr Hardy. l must be going.

- Good night, Mr Hardy.
- Good night, Mrs Kennedy.

That was Mrs Kennedy.

What's the matter?

l was wondering who it was.

You just wait till you meet Mrs Hardy.

Mm-hm. She's a great scout.

And won't she be surprised to meet you!

She will be surprised, won't she?

Now don't make a sound and tiptoe in
and surprise her. Come on.



What d'you mean, ''yoo-hoo''?!

Are we in the right apartment?

Oh, sure. She's a great scout.
You gotta know her to understand her.

Honey, l've got a nice surprise for you.

You've heard me speak about Stan.

- Yes.
- That's him.

- Well, what about it?
- Well...

We were playing a little game of pool
this afternoon and he got hungry

and l told him
about those big steaks that you cook

and the strawberry souffle with
the whipped cream beat up in it

and that good coffee you make...

And some nuts.

Oh, l forgot to tell you. He likes nuts.

He does? Well, isn't that something?

- And l told him you'd fix something.
- Oh, you did?

Well, get a load of this, big boy.

l'm sick and tired of cooking for you
and all the bums you bring up here

and l'm not gonna do it any longer.

lf you think that l'm gonna stay
in that kitchen...

- You told me...
- l don't care what l told you!

- l'm not gonna do it any more.
- This is a friend of mine.

- l've known him for five years.
- l don't care if it's 105 years!

- You can't embarrass me...
- You're not making a slave outta me.

l'm not trying to make a slave of you.

You're not trying, you've done it!

l do the cooking. That's all l do.
What else do l do?

All you do is play pool!
You keep out of this!

l'm not trying anything!

l'm just telling you that l'm not
gonna do it any more. Shut up!

l can't get a word in edgeways.

l've listened to you. You listen to me.

l'm sick and tired of it.
l'm not gonna stand it any longer.

My mother told me
you'd make a slave outta me.

???

l'm not gonna do it any more.

lf you think for one minute
that l'm gonna go in that kitchen

and cook for you,
l'm simply not gonna do it.

You might just as well know it now.

l'm not gonna do it. l'm...

What do you mean by playing this
when l'm talking to you?

You big brute!
l'm going home to my mother!

l'm not gonna stand it any longer!
l'm going home to my mother!

She told me what you'd do.
She told me you were no good!

Said you were no good.
And this time l am through.

Through! And l'm gonna stay put!

And it likes nuts!
Why, you look like a peanut.

Well, l guess we don't eat.

Oh, yes, we do eat. l'll cook you a meal
like you've never eaten.

Nobody else needs
to cook my meals for me.

One thing about me,
l am absolutely independent.

l've cooked loads of meals.

Why don't you do something to help me?

- What can l do?
- Set the table.

That's simple. You don't
have to use any brains for that.

Hands off that! Go in the kitchen
and light the oven.

And pick your feet up.
And take your hat off.

Now go in and light the oven.

Thank you.

Got a match?

Yes. l'll light it.

You fix the table.

Why don't you be careful?

You might have blown the whole house up.

You know, there's a right and wrong
way to do everything.

Light that again.

Wait a minute.
l didn't mean anything.

l'm sorry l brought you here!

What in the world is happening, Mr Hardy?

Well, l was cooking dinner
for my friend and l

and we had a slight accident.

Oh, you poor dear boy. Maybe there's
something l could do to help you.

That's awfully sweet of you, Mrs Kennedy.

lt would be a pleasure, Mr Hardy.

You're sure l'm not imposing, Mrs Kennedy?

Oh, not at all, Mr Hardy.

Thank you, Mrs Kennedy.

- Was that Mrs Kennedy?
- Oh, shut up!

- What's the matter?
- l'm on fire!

Help! l'm on fire! Put me out!

Please put me out. Mr Hardy, please!

Do something!
Please put me out, Mr Hardy!

Put me out!

Ooh! Something to cover me up!

- Are you hurt?
- No, Mr Hardy.

lt frightened me to death.

l'm awfully sorry that happened,
Mrs Kennedy.

- lt's all right. Accidents will happen.
- You're right, Mrs Kennedy.

lt won't take me a minute
to put on another dress.

- You sure l can't help you?
- No, thank you, Mr Hardy.

My husband. lf he sees me,
he'll kill all of us. What'll l do?

Do? We'll tell him the truth.

- The whole truth.
- And nothing but the truth.

- Absolutely.
- Pardon.

- My wife. What'll we do?
- Tell her the truth.

Shut up.

Right in here. l don't know
where to go. Close that door.

ln the trunk.

No, not you! Get up!

Now keep your head down.

- Oh, pussums.
- What do you mean, pussums?

Don't be cross. l'm sorry for what happened
and l'll fix Stan dinner.

Look. l brought him some nuts.

- No, Barbara. We are through.
- What do you mean?

You've broken the camel's back
once too often.

My trunk is packed and l'm leaving
for South America tonight.

To do big things.

Oh! But, Oliver...

And l'm burning my bridges behind me.

- Burning your what?
- Burning my bridges.

Oh. l thought you said breeches.

But, Oliver, why are you leaving me?

Because my friend advised me to go.

- Come, Stan.
- Oh.

Just a minute.

You wolf in sheep's clothing.

lt's men about town like you
that cause trouble between man and wife.

What do you mean by taking this poor
little innocent to South America

and advising him to burn his bridges

when he never even started a fire
in his life?

l'm talking to you. Answer me.
What do you mean? Come on!

Can't you answer? Oh!

- You'd thrash me, would ya?
- He wasn't gonna hit you.

- You'd thrash me!
- He wasn't gonna hit you.

Hey! What's going on here?

This worm is breaking up my happy home.
He's taking my Oliver to South America.

So you're the little home breaker, are you?

l want to tell you something.

This goes for you too, big boy.

lf any guy ever tried to break up my home...

l'd cut his throat.

l think l'll have to be going.

Wait a minute. Put that down.

There's a woman in the case, huh?

- Mrs Hardy?
- Please don't.

Now, now, now. Stop that crying.
Stop that crying.

l'm gonna take the boys outside
and give 'em a good talking-to.

You go into the kitchen and fix supper.

l'll have 'em back in five minutes.

Oh, thank you so much, Mr Kennedy.

That's perfectly all right, Mrs Hardy.

Hey! Here, here.

You bozos take this trunk
and put it in my apartment.

What are we going to do?

- What do we do?
- Let's get outta here.

Making whoopee, huh?

lt's a great thing for you fellas
that my wife isn't home.

Say, listen, if you fellas
are gonna take chances,

you gotta be more careful.

The big thing is to keep it as far
away from your wife as you can.

You fellas should go out on my beat
with me some night.

You'll appreciate my technique.

We'll go over to the wife

and l'll let that cluck outta the trunk

and nobody will be any the wiser.

Come on. We married men
have gotta stick together.

Here they are, Mrs Hardy. l bought
'em back just like l promised.

l'll never forget you, Mr Kennedy.

That's all right, Mrs Hardy.

Any time you want peace, quiet,
just give me a call.

We're going to celebrate.
l fixed your favourite dish.

Oliver, you sit here
and, Stan, you sit there.

Come to papa.

Stan, you serve the spaghetti
while it's hot.

l'll pour the coffee.
Oliver loves coffee with his dinner.

Oh, Oliver. Don't do that.
Accidents will happen.

Yes. l know that.

Your dickie bird is waiting.

- So dickie bird is waiting, is he?
- You don't under...

- You don't understand, dear...
- l'm a cluck, am l?

Listen. You get a bit
of my technique, dearie.

Oliver, you sit right down.
That doesn't concern you in the least.

Excuse me.

Quit your crying!

Close you eyes. Shut 'em!

Good night, Mr Hardy.