Un air de famille (1996) - full transcript

FAMILY RESEMBLANCES

Our guest today is Mr Menard,
marketing V.P. of Hexatec,

here to tell us
how our region is fast becoming

the Silicon Valley of France.

Yes, that's right.

There he is!.

I have to hang up.
I can see him!

Channel 3! I'm hanging up now.

Goodbye.

Madame Andr?!

- It's starting!
- I'll turn it on.



Kids!

Come on, it's on.

Hexatec is creatingjobs and growing.
Hexatec is expanding

not only in France,
but throughout Europe.

Kevin, that's enough!

...a way of developing our region?

Yes, well...

So despite the recession,

yours is a company "on the go".

Yes, that's Hexatec.

Another group decidedly "on the go"

is the Merouville soccer team.

SLEEPY DAD'S CAFE

That thing's a wreck.



Of course, it doesn't work.
It's too old.

It's just a short circuit.
It happens.

Especially when you're old.

Can I take care
of the young lady?

Give me a glass.
I'll bring her what she ordered.

Nothing else for the young lady?

She doesn't want another drink?

She's fine, thanks.

Really?

Yeah...

She doesn't want another Suze?

She's really fine, thanks.

The young lady seems pissed off.

Stop it, Denis.

Are you angry?

Not at all.

You're not angry.

No, not at all.

You're happy?

Yes.

I have good reason to be happy.

I told off my boss. I've always
wanted to. I'm very happy.

Benito?

Benito. The one and only.

Was your brother there?

No, he missed it. Too bad.

He'll die when I tell him.

He'll die laughing?

Of course.

You think so?

Sure. He wanted this.

Philippe's his scapegoat.

You like your little Philippe.

What?

It's Philippe this, Philippe that...

He's my brother.

So is Henri.

It's not the same thing.

I'm closer to Philippe.

I wonder what Betty thought.

- You know Betty...
- Shush!

What's that damned noise?

I'm free tonight.

So?

I have nothing to do.
So afterwards...

if you want...

If I want what?

What about last Wednesday?

We weren't supposed
to call each other?

You were supposed to call.

Me?

Did I say I would? Are you sure?

Cut it out.

I can't remember.
Did I say I'd call?

I can't remember either.

What a depressing conversation...

Did we spell it out so clearly?

Then I totally forgot.
That's odd...

Odd.

It happens every other time.

Why didn't you call?

Denis...

Let's end this...

this thing...

This shit-ass relationship.

Let's end it.

Things won't change much,
but they'll be clear.

This shit-ass relationship?

It's a metaphor.

A pretty... powerful metaphor.

"Bogus", then.

Yeah, I guess I prefer that.

It's up to you.

As usual.

I don't get it.
It seemed clear enough.

We'd see each other. We were...

At the same time, we were...

No?

Were you expecting something else?

What do you think I'm expecting?
Nothing!

I don't want to marry you.

I'm like you. I have a life too.

But call
if you say you will.

Hey, Henri.

How's life, Denis?
Not too tough?

Are you cleaning your kneecap?

It's spotless.
Finish the rest.

What do you want?

You're hungry.
Hold your horses. I'm coming.

You been here long?

Ten, fifteen minutes.

As I was getting ready,
I thought I heard Mom's voice.

I said: "Shit, they're early."

You have exactly
the same voice as Mom.

You put on your Friday vest?

Is Arlette upstairs?

She isn't,
believe it or not.

God knows where she is.
It's late.

And she's not back. Why not?

Because she's yakking
with her friend.

Love sure is beautiful.

What are you talking about?

The way you talk about your wife.

Such tenderness.
Such understanding.

Did you ever live with someone?

Live with someone for 1 5 years,
then tell me about understanding.

You see too many movies.

He's a bookworm,
you're a movie-freak.

Leave me out of this.

They're coming and she's not here.

She knows Friday is family night.
Where's her respect?

What do I look like
if she's not here?

An idiot
who can't control his wife.

Yeah, I'm not like Dad.

My wife won't walk all over me.
Nice guys finish last!

I love Arlette all the same.

I do.

But let's not overdo it.

I'm too nice a guy as it is.

What the hell is he laughing at?

You disagree?

I don't know. I'm neutral.

Go on! Say what you think.

This doesn't concern me.
I won't get involved.

He won't get involved...
Denis is neutral.

I can answer for him.

I've heard your hour-long tirades
about that women crap.

It's not an hour and it's not crap.

All I know is that a man's a man
and a woman's a woman.

No one can argue with that.

No use upsetting Mother Nature.

I'll get your giraffe.

There was a tennis match on TV
and what did I see?

A woman in shorts!
A woman playing tennis in shorts!

Honestly!

You find that normal?

Do I find a woman in shorts normal?

A professional tennis player.

I never thought about it.

It depends. I've seen certain women
in certain shorts...

Don't be stupid!
A professional tennis player?

I don't know
about professional players.

You prefer skirts?

Sure I prefer skirts!

I think I'll have another Suze.

Friday's not the day
to hold back.

Same goes for you. Acting
a little ladylike wouldn't hurt.

I'll wear a skirt next time.

You talk like a man.
You drink like one too. Honestly.

You'll never meet a guy that way,
believe me.

It's for your own good.
You don't catch flies with vinegar.

You're 30. Time's running out.

- Thanks.
- Don't mention it.

You're a really great help.

I needed something simple

to set me right,
and you found it:

You don't catch flies with vinegar.

I thought you needed vinegar.

You're a real help.

It's great
how a proverb can change your life.

You hate to be considered stupid?

You have to try too.

Did you understand anything?

Yeah, everything.

Is she upset?

I'd say so.

The truth hurts.

That's not true, boss.
I stopped saying that when I was 1 2.

Can't I talk to my sister?

Will you be polishing
that much longer?

I'm doing my best.

It has to shine
or what's the point?

You think I'm stupid?

Mop up. You're yakking.
Soon we'll be swamped in here.

There's no time
for small talk on Friday.

You're doing the talking.

It's time to go home and chow down.
Ready?

I'm not kicking you out, but...

Just a second.

Shit!

Oh fuck!

Too late.

I forgot about it.

What is it?

Get to work!

Can't you talk and mop up,
like Napoleon?

Napoleon mopped up?

I didn't watch my brother.

Watch him?

He said to watch him at 7.
I forgot.

He came here at 7
and said "Watch me"?

On TV, asshole!
He was on the local news at 7.

That's when I turn it off, after
my game show. It slipped my mind.

It's closing time.

He was on TV? How come?

How come?

See you tomorrow.

Are you kidding?
You know who my brother is?

How come!

Did you watch him, Betty?

Did you?

Betty...

I'm sorry. You're real ladylike.

Did you watch Philippe?

Of course.

You work together all day.
It's easy for you.

So you saw him?

I'll tell him I did too.

What was it like?

You'll lie?

Of course I will.

I can't say I forgot. Mom called
to remind me an hour beforehand.

I don't know why I forgot.

So tell me what it was like.

What did he say?
What was he wearing?

You think they'll ask?

You never know.
He said: "Tomorrow at 7,

I'm going to be on TV."
Mom called an hour before.

That means they want my opinion.

He just wanted you to see him.
He told everyone.

He told the family. It's normal.

You think he'll ask you
about the computer trade?

Oh yeah, I'm dumb.

I'm the family idiot.
Why would he ask me anything?

Did I say that?

The same old tune,
I know it by heart!

You, Mom, Philippe
- you're all the same.

I can't understand a thing.
I'm too thick.

Stop that. It's not true.

Isn't it true?

Isn't it?

Me again? Why always me?

Who else can I ask?

What's the question?

Aren't I the family idiot?

Sure you are.

See? Told you so!

This is all you made
since 3 o'clock?

There was no one.

I'll say...

I spent the afternoon reading.
No one disturbed me.

Don't look too upset about it.

Not too busy these days?

Business is slow. Very slow.

It picks up at lunch time
as usual.

After your din-din,
then you'll stay here

and have a nice night's sleep.

Daddy goes out on Friday nights.

But I'll be back...

He wants to come along.

I'm sick
of the Duke of Brittany.

It's the best restaurant around.

It has a...

What the fuck?

A star, boss.

Nice overcoat.

I'm going.

It's my raincoat.

Raincoat.
How long have you had it?

It's been two years.

It looks good on you.

I have to pee right away.

I hope
no one's in the bathroom.

What does it mean
when the wheels go "tic tic tic"?

When I turn right... I hear...

"tic tic tic."

- The blinkers?
- Near the wheels.

Ask a mechanic.
Why are you asking me?

It's a new car.

I know nothing about cars.

Congratulations.
I saw you. It was great.

You really think so?

Honestly?
I have no idea myself.

Yes, honestly.

Unfortunately,
he didn't let you say much.

I told him the...

And he kept cutting me off.

I told Mom.
He kept interrupting me.

I told him so, remember?
I said: "Let me finish."

They're constantly rushing you.

You can barely answer
before they ask a new question.

Anyway, I got my points across.
I was clear,

I repeated the company name.
Other than that...

Of course.

Happy birthday, Yolande!

Hold on! It's not now.

When is it?

Later, at the restaurant.

Why don't we relax
for a few minutes?

Arlette's not here?

No, no... She must be...

Did you watch me?

Yeah...

Was I comprehensible?

Comprehensible?

Yeah, comprehensible.

It's a stupid detail,
but you stuttered at one point.

You see?

Yeah, you stuttered.
What happened?

At one point...

You can't see a thing
in the stairs.

Someone will have an accident.

Are you waiting for that
to change the bulb?

Can't he buy a light bulb
in the afternoon?

I didn't say hello to you!

Hello Caruso!

- Who's she?
- It's your Granny!

So the only thing you noticed
was that I stuttered?

Just once or twice.

It's nothing. You were just fine.

I was proud of you.
The dairyman saw you.

What did he say?

Nothing.
Just that he saw you.

It's hot in here.

I'm cold. How funny.

It's boiling.
How can you be cold?

There's one thing I noticed...

My tie again, Mom?

I won't insist.

But I don't think
it's a tie for TV.

It wasn't very distinguished.

I told him this morning.
I said it was too juvenile.

Too kooky.

He didn't trust me.

Kooky? Is this kooky?

Not at all.

First I stuttered.
Now I'm a bad dresser!

We never said that.

You have no other comments?

How about you?

I guess you didn't see it.

No, I was here. I was reading.

He gets to read here? Nice life!

How about you?

- You... stuttered.
- Okay, I stuttered. Besides that?

Besides that?
I didn't see anything... else.

So none of you
saw anything else.

I did. You had too much make-up,
like I said.

Yeah, too much make-up.

Having fun?

He keeps insisting. The more
you look, the more you find!

You were fine.
Trust me. I paid close attention.

Don't be upset. It was short.
It lasted 2 minutes.

You were smiling.
You were adorable.

There's no reason to worry.

Anyone want a drink?

You don't look too great.

Are you worried?

Not at all.

Anyone want a drink?

Are you tired?

Stop it. Give me a break.

Does anyone want a drink?

Why are you yelling?

That idiot scared me!

I asked 3 times!

So? We didn't hear.

That's why we didn't answer.
No, I don't want anything.

Me neither.
We don't have any time. We're going.

Where's Arlette?

Denis, go see if she's back.

Go knock. If she's there,
tell her we're waiting.

If she's not there,
what do I say?

Just kidding, boss.

He's getting

pretty presumptuous.

Riri is wearing his Friday vest.

He has a real cushy job.
He reads, jokes around...

And he gets free board.

He lives like a king.
He's lucky to have found you.

He shouldn't be making fun of you.

He doesn't get free board!
He pays rent!

You know you could rent it
for twice as much.

A two-room apartment
goes for 3000 minimum.

You're only charging him
1 500 a month.

You know what you could do
with the other 1 500?

Yeah, I know.
Redecorate the place.

Why don't you do it?

Just like your father.

Not once
did he paint this caf?.

He could have made it nice
if he'd used his brains.

Someplace cozy... inviting.

Your pub dream again?

Yes. I imagined a pub.

Or anyway, something comfy.
Something distinguished.

But that required ambition.

Forget ambition...
That word wasn't in his vocabulary.

This place did him fine.

I know what you think of Dad.
So did he. You kept telling him.

You still would, if you could.

I'm proud of Dad!
I'm happy to be like him.

What's Dad got to do with this?

We're not talking about Dad,
but the decoration.

You could try a little harder.

Your wife's not there.

We're going to be late.

Not yet, but soon.

I'll have a drink. Give me a Suze.

Come on, Yolande.
It's your birthday.

Get plastered with me.

2 Suzes.

You're crazy. Cut it out.

Like I said, two Suzes.

Not to pry, but where's Arlette?

How should I know? Ask her.

- You're angry at me?
- No, Mom. Not at all.

Wait in the other room.

He'll serve you there
while we finish up here.

Come on. We'll let them clean up.

Bring our Suzes in there.

I have to be careful.
I get tipsy pretty easily.

Let's make it fast.

Just one drink.

Are you doing okay, Riri?

Sure. What's the problem?

I just asked how you are.

You sound just like a doctor.

I just asked how you're doing.

I wasn't being mean.

You always bring up Dad with him!

He overreacts to everything!

He's not getting any better.

He's getting worse and worse.

What's wrong?

Sleepy Dad's.

Where are you?

Do you know what time it is?

Go on, go on.

Oh yeah?

But why?

You can think only at her house,
not at ours?

About what?

Think what over?

Who put these ideas in your head?

And you had to tell me this
on a Friday night?

Hold on.
I've got a suggestion!

Come tonight
and start thinking tomorrow.

No problem! Sure!

You can have your week!

Take two! Or take forever!

I don't give a fuck!

That's the way I talk!

Yes, I have two secretaries.

But they can't do my workload.

Or else I have to do it over again

and I don't get home till 9.
What's the use?

What a rat race, I swear.

I know lots of people
who'd love to be in your shoes.

Yes, Mother.

"It's no big deal."

She said to keep calm.

I'll go over there calmly
and smash her face in.

That'll do the trick.

What's this new
"thinking for a week"?

When they ask where Arlette is,
what do I say?

She has someone else?

What then?

Am I inconsiderate?

What?

I don't know what "inconsiderate"
means, but she says I'm inconsiderate.

What does she mean?

I don't know.

See!

That you treat her badly.

I treat her badly?

- Those are her words.
- I treat her great!

Treat her badly...

I never see her!
I have no time to treat her badly!

I wake up at 5, work all day long,

I eat, I sleep, that's all l...

I'm sick of it.

Sick of it.

She'll be back.

Let her get her head together.

Thinking does you good.

No, it doesn't.

Don't say that.

She's taking a breather.
Weighing up the pros and cons.

I call that nitpicking!

Call it what you like...

If you think too much,
you find fault everywhere.

It never ends!

- What do they say at weddings?
- "l now pronounce you man and wife."

What do they say before that?

I don't know. "Dearly beloved."

No, "for better and for worse"!

That's what.

There's no need to think.
If you're unhappy, you wait it out!

That's life.

She knows me.
She knows what I'm like.

- I can't change.
- Why not?

You are what you are.

I disagree. You can...

You can't change.

- Don't you want my opinion?
- No.

I'll make your duck.

I can do it.

- Just tonight.
- It's my job.

Of course there's room.
There's plenty of room.

I'll do that.

He could turn this into a terrace.

Put out tables and chairs...

It's nice to sit outside.

People like having a drink outdoors.

Arlette's bad with plants.

Let's go back in.

You're gorgeous, Philippe.

Just two more?

Green beans or potatoes?

Potatoes.

Two Suzes, please.

Am I interrupting your reading?

Not at all.

How do you do it?
Books put me to sleep.

Two Suzes, coming up.

One for Betty, one for me.

I'm cold. It's very cold in here.

Betty says
another will warm me up.

Betty knows her Suze.

Happy birthday.
It's your birthday, right?

Caruso...

Do you know
why he's called Caruso?

He used to sing.

Before he got paralyzed,

he was a tenor.
So he got named Caruso.

The boss's favorite singer.

This dog?

He sang?

He went like this:

No song I ever heard of.

Just what popped into his head.

He stopped
when he got arthritis.

I guess it got him down.
He just stopped.

Anyway, dogs aren't meant to sing.

Yes, but they're meant to run.

Lying on his belly,
doing nothing all day...

It must be unbearable.

All day is a lot, but lounging on
your belly can be nice.

Do you think he realizes
he's paralyzed?

When he wants to move around,
he must realize.

After a few "Uhhhgs"...

Why keep a paralyzed dog?

It's decorative.
Like a rug, except it's alive.

Oh yeah. That's true.

I really put my foot in my mouth.

I shouldn't have said he stuttered.
Now he has doubts.

And Mom's busting his balls
about his tie.

We were wrong.
We should have said he was fine.

Is this mine?

But I told him he was fine.

Who'd have guessed
it meant so much to him?

It's very important, Betty.
You can't imagine.

They asked him
to represent the company.

And he's only number 4.

Philippe's just number 4.
We all say he runs things,

but in fact he's number 4.

We had a vacation planned
for over a year now.

We had to cancel it.
You see? It's important.

We were supposed to spend a week.
Relaxing.

Without the kids for once.
Now look...

How are they? It's been a while.

I've had my fill of the kids.

Michael is fine. As usual.
But Kevin... Don't ask!

He has it in for me.

What did he decide to do
last Wednesday?

An ear infection!

Denis... duck's ready.

Thanks, boss.

Philippe will have a tomato juice.
After all.

A tomato juice?

While we're waiting...

Should that be hanging
out of your jacket?

Should what be?

That... Is it normal?

- You don't like it?
- I do...

It's a style.

So when do we meet
your famous boyfriend?

My boyfriend?

The guy you mentioned.

I told you about a guy?

I shouldn't mention him?

I was just asking.
You made him sound so perfect.

I was thinking about it today.

I wish you had someone in your life.

You're almost 30. It's only normal.

I worry.

You're 30 years old?

Last year, at 29,
you were just as surprised.

Maybe you've forgotten.

Really? No...

Yes. When my mother said
she was worried because I was 29,

you blurted out: "You're 29?"

At your age I'd had
all three of my children.

Me too.

All two of them.

Yeah, I know.

I'm behind. I don't play
by the rules. I'm a criminal.

Throw me in jail!
What can I say?

It sucks having to be normal!

I'm not blaming her.
I'm her mother. I'm worried.

Isn't it normal?

It's normal! Very normal!

He's making me hungry.

Here's some duck.
That's all you get.

That's yummy in your tummy!
You love it.

Enjoy it, dear.

Thanks.

You're quite a joker.

You know what, Betty?

I'm calling Michaud.

Did I upset you?

No, not at all.

Michaud is frank. If something
irked him, he'll tell me.

I was frank with you, honey.

Michaud? Menard here.
Can you talk?

Did you see the local news?

Great. Then you saw me.

What did you think?
In a word or two.

Sure you can be frank.

What number is Michaud?

Five.

That's below Philippe!

Of course it is. Philippe's 4.

Like I say.

He kept cutting me off, so...

The anchorman's the star.
Exactly!

You're 1 00%% right!

Yes, you already said that.

Go ahead.

I smiled too much?

How can you smile too much?

Okay, I understand! I'm not...

No, why would I be angry with you?

I'll let you go.

Okay. See you on Monday.

I'm not sure
he was the person to call.

He'll think his opinion counts.

People think he's frank,
but it's just an act.

He plays it up.

Smiling is essential.

I said:
"How can you smile too much?"

You need to know
what your superiors think.

They're your judges.

Call your boss.

I can't bother him for that.

Maybe I can call Benito, but...

He's number 3.

What do you think?

Sure, why not?

No, I meant Betty.

Oh, sorry.

Who is this Benito?

An ass.
I meant to tell you...

It's Mazzolini.

At the office, we call him Benito.
Get it? Benito... Mazzolini.

Mazzolini, Mussolini.

So that's why!

- He's that tough?
- Are you kidding?

Mazzolini's a real bastard.

You can't imagine
how he treats people.

And no one talks back.
We bottle it up.

We shut up in front of him.

I didn't today.

Arlette just called.
She won't be here for 20 minutes.

I'll wait for her.
I'll meet you there.

Today at the office?

I was tired.
I wasn't in the mood.

He started screaming.

I couldn't help it.
I suddenly exploded.

I said: "You may be my boss,
but you can't talk that way.

Speak to me nicely."

I didn't back down.

Believe me,
he was pretty surprised.

You said that?

I wish I'd been there.

Arlette just called.

And?

Time flew by. She's with a friend.

Yakking away?

It'll be at least 20 minutes.
Go ahead. I'll meet you there.

Does she know we're waiting?

I told her, Mom. Over and over.

Could there be a door open?

It's warm, Yoyo.

I'm starving.

Exactly! Go on, get going!
I'll meet you there.

I'd prefer it
if you started eating.

Is something wrong, Riri?

Nothing! Cut the "Riri" crap!
You do it on purpose?

Sorry, it slipped out.

Do I call you Fifi?

Calm the hell down!

We'll take our things and go.
Don't start fighting!

It's Yoyo's birthday!
Let's get our things.

I don't intend to fight.

That's what I said.

Betty, you didn't get carried away?
You weren't violent?

At the office.

No, not especially.

Because you can be pretty...

Not especially.

Betty, can I talk to you?

Sure. Go ahead.

I overheard what your mother said
about your boyfriend.

It really touched me.

What touched you?

I didn't know
I meant so much to you.

You should have said so.

Sorry,
we weren't talking about you.

Really?

Okay...

I look ridiculous now.

Why would you look ridiculous?

You made a mistake.

She didn't go too far with...
Hitler?

No, she was perfect.
He's a real bastard.

She's reckless.
She doesn't stop to think.

What are you doing?

I lost an earring.

How could this be?

Do I know him?

You may have seen him.

So you've been seeing him...

Yeah.

Still here?
Are you leaving or aren't you?

Just a minute!

What's your problem?

Are you leaving me a filthy bar?
You polish the tap but not the bar?

I did it. But your family left
dirty glasses and fingerprints.

Do it again. Tomorrow's customers
better not wake up to that!

The customers don't care
if it used to be clean!

Dirty counters chase them away!

Do we have customers to spare?

Lazy no good bum!

I'll do it again. Calm down.

You do have cushy job.

That's debatable.

You want to talk about it?

No, boss. Forget it.

I'm serious.

A real cushy job.

He's going crazy.

No, he's just depressed.

He had some bad news.

Really?

What?

He heard something which,
which uhh...

Bad news. I get it. What?

He's my brother! Tell me!

Arlette left.
For a week, to think things over.

I don't believe it.

Oh shit.

Why?

I don't know everything.

Tell me what you do know.

She says he's inconsiderate.

I spend 2000 francs a week there.
We can be late.

Don't be stupid, honey.

Betty, let's go.

No, I'm going to stay here.

You're staying?

Yeah,
to spend some time with Henri.

Really? What for?

He has a problem.

- What is it?
- It's nothing.

Come on. Tell us what it is.

Arlette left him.

For a week. To think.

Denis just told me.

How do you know?

She called 1 0 minutes ago.
I overheard.

It figures.

One week isn't very serious.

She may come back.

It's sad to say, but it figures.

Those things happen to him.

It's terrible for the children...

Fortunately, they don't have any.

What do we do?

We have to decide. Do I cancel?

Close the door.

Honey, it's your birthday.
What do you prefer?

I go to restaurants all week,
so I don't care.

It's your birthday. You decide.

Mom's starving, we're already late,
but we can easily cancel.

What do you prefer?

I think he wants to be alone.

How long can you stand there?
What are you doing?

Why are you all staring at me?

Happy Birthday
Be happy, be gay

May this little bouquet
Show happiness the way

May your new year

Bring you good cheer

And at the year's end,
We'll all meet again

T o sing, if we may,
another Happy Birthday

Go on, blow them out!

Can we open the champagne, chief?

I didn't forbid you to open it.

I asked to wait
until she blew out the candles.

It's a real shame there's no music.

It doesn't work yet?

I'm on the right track, but...

Drink up, Henri.

Drink up. It can't hurt.
On the contrary.

Liven up a little.
Don't turn this into a tragedy!

Don't brood all night long
over this.

You're no pussycat.

She got fed up.
She took a week off for a breather.

A woman needs to breathe, you know.

What worries me...

is Benito.

He acted strangely on the phone.

Remember to call him back.

Yes. He said in half an hour.
He was cold:

"l can't talk now."

He's never very warm.

Yes, but he was colder than usual.
That's what worries me.

I should be on vacation.

I've had enough.

I had a weird dream last night.

We were sitting around a table.

I was holding a big fish.

I was banging it over Mom's head.

A fish?

Yeah.

That's great.
That means money! You'll be rich!

Oh yeah?

Finally.

Here.

Can I open them?

That's what they're for.

Wait. Start with the small one.
It's mine.

That one's Henri's.

It comes second.
You'll understand afterwards.

What is it?

You can see what it is.

A snapshot of a dog.

You collect dog photos?

No, that's why I'm confused.

This coupon can be...
redeemed... for a dog

at the "Bow Wow" Kennel,
57 Boulevard des Parloirs...

Is this it?
You're giving me a dog?

That's him on the photo.
His name is Kazoo.

But since he's just a baby,
you can still change his name.

He's not used to it yet.
He won't mind.

It's a male.

I like the name Kazoo.

But uhm...

Thank you, ma'am.

But I mean...

does it come with instructions?

You water it once a day.

You don't seem too happy.

- She's surprised.
- That's it. I'm surprised.

I'm very experienced dog-wise.
I've always had dogs.

Believe me, the real surprise comes
once you've lived with one.

Can I open my heart to you?
Dogs never disappoint you.

That's the truth, the sad truth.

No one ever loved me

the way Freddy did.

After he died at the age of 1 8,
you know what I did?

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I moved.

At least she admits it.

He's like Henri's dog.

The same breed. Since Freddy,
it's the only breed I buy.

My mother gave me mine,
the cripple.

That's their only problem.
They collapse after a while.

But they never complain.
Always chipper. Right, Mom?

Yours was paralyzed too?

Of course.

Poor thing...

My God, she sure is sensitive.

It's a leash.

I see.

The studs are silver-plated.

Silver-plated studs.

How sweet. Thank you.

And this one

is from me.

Stop crying. You're such a sap.

I'm sorry.

I'm not used to drinking so much.

Another leash.

No, it's a choker.

But it's...
it's much too fancy for a dog.

It's for you!
Not for the dog, for you!

Thank you, honey.

It's a ladies' choker.

I'll put it on right away.

How does it look?

Great.

Now try barking.

Don't be stupid.
It's beautiful. Gorgeous!

Very distinguished.

Happy birthday, honey.

He's a sweetheart.

Wait!

Do it again!

You're lucky.
A caring husband is a godsend.

It's just a question of money!

Did you expect Dad
to buy diamonds on credit?

A caring husband. What a joke.

What's got into you?

What has Dad got to do with this?

I know you're sad
but it's not my fault!

So pull yourself together, please!

I wanted to be left alone.
I told you so.

I didn't ask.
You insisted on staying.

We couldn't leave you!
We'd have preferred eating out!

Now I'm going to toast Yoyo's 35th
birthday, if you don't mind!

Henri, your glass.

Henri, my glass.

Lift up your glasses.

What?

What about... him?
Can't he have a glass?

Yes. Sure he can. Why not?

Let's pour him a glass too.

Thank you, Mrs Menard.

Don't mention it.

Don't mention it.

So...

Let's drink to Yoyo...

I lost my train of thought...

Oh yeah.
To Yoyo, mother of my children,

always by my side for 15 years,

never complaining, always chipper...

Congratulations.

I haven't finished.

It's too late. You got me confused.
I can't remember.

Happy birthday, honey.

And that's that.

You had to inhale yours
before we even started.

Why are you bossing us around?

Fuck this!
What's your problem tonight?

How many slices?

There are five of us,
so cut it into five pieces!

They'll be tiny.

It's just symbolic.

One, two, three, four, five...

What about... him?
He's not having any?

Six then.

Betty, where's your present?

Just kidding.

Betty doesn't deign

to give birthday presents.
That's too common.

What is it?
Why do you keep bugging me?

Couldn't you have bought her
a lousy paperback?

Is making a gesture for Yoyo
asking too much of you?

A yearly gift is some gesture!

You can treat people like shit
all year long...

One gesture a year,

and all is forgiven.

We know what you think.

Doing nothing is even easier.

I like getting presents.

You like the dog?

No, but in general.

Thanks Yoyo.

Very nice.

Very tactful.

Forget it, Philippe.

It doesn't matter.

What did I do?

- You want to dance?
- No way!

Oh, please.

- Just one dance.
- No, I'm tired.

You want to dance?

Mrs Menard...

Go ahead.

I don't know
why women always want to dance.

My shoes.

Thank you, Denis.

I haven't had so much fun in ages.

Easy to please...

You're a great dancer!

I never learned.
I wing it. I improvise.

It was fun. Thank you very much.

It was my present to you.
You want another?

No thanks, that'll do.

Sorry, he's the boss.

It's Mom!

What is it? Where are they?

What happened?

Can't you see? I fell.
Can't see a thing in here.

What happened?

It's too dim...

Too dim?
All you can say is it's too dim?

Don't take it so badly!

Cut it out!
So what's wrong, Mom?

Is she okay?

She'll be black and blue.
She's just scared.

They're yelling at Henri
for the light bulb.

He keeps screwing up.

Do you find the stairs badly lit?

Me?

No.

So why do you say
he keeps screwing up?

You're screwing him up.

That's a bit harsh.

Is it the driving teacher?

Mr Wonderful. Your boyfriend.

My boyfriend.
I'd forgotten about him.

No, it's not the driving teacher.

Is he from around here?

Yes, he is.

Since my brother is incapable
of telling you what to do,

I'll do it for him.

First thing tomorrow,
you better buy a 1 00-watt bulb

and put it in the stairway!
Do you understand?

He's really friendly tonight.

Yeah, I'd do anything for him.

You're funny.

Me and that driving teacher?

Or the one who goes "Ahhhhh"
whenever he sees you.

He doesn't go "Ahhhhh".
You imagine me with him?

I don't know. I'm searching...

Why are you so interested?

No reason. Out of curiosity.

She wants some water.
Can you bring it to her?

How's it going?

She'll get over it.

No, how are you doing?

Who gives a shit about me?

I'm already washed up.

Boss, don't be such a defeatist.
Who knows? She may...

What? I said you can go.
I already washed up.

I'll stay.
I don't mind giving you a hand.

I have nothing to do.

I thought she'd come back.

I kept thinking...

she'll realize it's not possible.

She can't dump me after 1 5 years.

Fifteen years...

I'm stupid.
I still believe in Santa Claus.

Why don't you go there?

To her friend's place?
What the fuck for?

To talk to her.

No! She left, she can come back!

You want me to
get down on my knees?

You found the answer.

No wife, no family.

No one nagging at you all day.
You're happy.

No one nagging at me?
I wouldn't go that far, boss.

Why won't you go?

You don't have
to get down on your knees!

Tell her how sad you are,
that you miss her...

Talk it over with her,
face to face.

Rather than brooding all alone.

I have something to show you.

Don't move.

I came across it this morning.

You'll see.
This sentence is very fitting.

"Profound is our suffering, "

he thought.

"It is rare that two people love... "

No, spare me your books!

I'm really not in the mood.

- I don't feel like reading.
- You never do.

Even less now.

You don't care.

If she left,
she won't want to see me!

You never know!

Let's ask a woman.
What do you think, Betty?

If you left someone impulsively,

wouldn't you like him
to say he's sorry,

that he needs you
and is scared to lose you?

Wouldn't you like that?
Wouldn't it affect you?

Yes.

I'd like that.

She'd like it.

I won't apologize!

My father spent his life
apologizing, a real Mr Nice Guy.

We know how it ended.

- How?
- She left him.

How will it end for you?

Your wife is Arlette.

Not Mom.

Arlette wants you to be nice.

She'd like that.

I'm better now.

It was the shock.

I couldn't breathe. I panicked.

You were just scared.

So were we.

Boy, was I scared seeing you
all smashed to pieces down there!

I could use a little drinky.

Go easy on the liquor, honey.

"Easy on the liquor"...
As if I were a drunk.

You've already had one too many.

But it's my birthday!

I can dance and drink...

- When did I drink last?
- I forget.

So do l.

That's irrelevant!
I'm talking about tonight!

Forget it, I'll pour you one.

Great!
Right on target, as usual!

- It's her birthday!
- Tell me again!

Do we have to dance naked
on the tables for her birthday?

Remember your phone call.

I'm well aware of it.
1 0 more minutes.

I'm not crazy.

There must be a door open
somewhere.

There's a draft coming from there,
hitting me in the neck.

Right here.

Ohhh, yes.

I'm going.

I'm going out.
I'll be back later.

You're welcome to stay. Otherwise...

Denis, you'll close up?

No problem.

Where are you going?

I'm taking a walk.

In the middle of the night?

I feel like walking.

Thanks, don't mind us.

I'm going to see Arlette.

What for?

To talk to her.

What a strange idea.

What?

What will you tell her?

What will I tell her?
I don't know.

I'll talk to her.

It's better than brooding
all alone for a week.

It must be a question of character.
I couldn't do it.

Why?

It's lowering yourself.

Really? I disagree.

Mom, it's up to him.
If he wants to go.

Was this your idea?

No, it wasn't me.

It was mine.

It's nothing to brag about.

That's your opinion.

Let me tell you what will happen.

The opposite of what you think.

She'll send him packing.

She didn't leave him
to kiss and make up 3 hours later.

Begging never wins a woman's heart.

It's annoying.

Unfortunately, Mom's right.

Follow me, I'll flee
Flee me, I'll follow

Exactly.

I follow you like a flea?

Follow me, I'll flee
Flee me, I'll follow

Oh... yeah.

Oh yeah?

Oh, no...

You don't know why she left.

How can you be so sure?

I don't know her reasons,
but I can imagine.

I made Henri. I know him.

Only a saint could bear him.

Do you know why?

Just drop it.
I don't know the reason.

Nothing works out for Henri.

There's no changing him.
He was born that way.

Health problems, and the lot.
He needed constant attention.

He was a late walker.

A late talker too.

He was slow at everything.

Don't I know it!

Kevin's the same.
Slow. A stick in the mud.

You can tell what they'll be like
from the start.

When Henri was two days old,

my mother stared at him in his crib
and said: "He'll be a headache."

Imagine! Two days old!

- Whereas Philippe...
- Exactly!

No, Mom, mercy! Not this again!

I raised my two boys exactly the same
and they're like night and day.

We know, Mom. Everyone knows.

By pure chance, Philippe's ideal
and Henri's an ass.

How about you?

- What?
- What are you?

Me?

I'm a girl. Rated differently.

Are you friends?

No, because he talks to you
like one.

You're friends...

He's some dancer!

Arlette!

Do you have to shout?

I'm calling my wife.

Can't you ring the buzzer?

I did. I'm no idiot.

Then she must be out.
Screaming won't help.

Fuckin' motherfucker!

Yeah right...

Get lost!

What the hell?

We're helping.

Yeah, yeah. I'm not...

Yo, bitch! Come on down!

Somehow I'm having a hard time
digesting the duck.

This dog looks dead.

To think I'll have the same one!
How awful.

I said not to drink so much.

I didn't drink much. Stop it!
I had five drinks.

He looks dead. He's not moving.

He never moves.

Asleep, he looks even deader.

Okay! You've said it!

Knowing I'll have the same one
is awful!

You're such a...

Do I judge you
when you come home late on Tuesdays?

Betty - uh, Yoyo -
what are you saying?

Stop with this nonsense
immediately!

What I'm saying is
I can have a drink once in a while

and you can be nice to me.

Instead of the vacation
of my dreams,

I end up with a dog.

Come on...

Come on, honey.

Let's get some fresh air.

We'll take a little walk.

It'll do us a world of good.

What a nice boy.

Yeah, "nice". That's the word.

It's time.

For Philippe.

He has to call.

All this bullshit
for two lousy minutes on TV.

Who the fuck cares
if that scumbag Benito liked it?

How can you be so crude?

Could I have raised you this way?

Speak nicely! It's very unladylike!

Fuck being ladylike! "Being a lady"
isn't my goal in life!

You're wrong. It's shocking.
No one likes vulgar women...

especially men.

Like it or not,

you're a woman. Women aren't crude.
I didn't invent the rules.

It's not womanly. It's revolting!

I beg to differ...

Did we ask you?

This is between us!

Excuse me.

What nerve!

Some things shock me more
than my vocabulary.

What does that mean?

You can be crude
without saying a dirty word.

What are you saying?

Did you notice
Henri eating his heart out?

Does your son interest you?

Only Philippe's problems
interest you. What do you call that?

Tactfulness?

Good manners?

Philippe this, Philippe that...

Philippe may be wonderful,
but he treats his wife like shit.

Am I being crude?

I think Philippe's the crude one.

You see? We disagree.

You just treated Denis like a dog!
Isn't that crude?

Actually,

I shouldn't say "like a dog".

They get treated best in our family.

My God... I didn't know
I was such a monster.

Okay, well...

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings.

You didn't.
I thought you liked animals.

I'm the one who's sorry.

I never said I don't like animals.
It's that dog...

He depresses me.

It's nothing. Nothing at all.

Where's Philippe? What's he doing?

He's on the phone.

What did you tell me, Yolande?
I mean, Betty!

What did you tell me?

Why are you on the warpath?
What are you talking about?

When I asked if you got carried
away with Mazzolini!

Look at yourself!

He has a different version.

He says you acted intolerably.
He was furious!

I called about the show
and he was raving mad!

So?

So what?

He's not used to being put
in his place. He was upset.

What can I say?

She wouldn't talk to me.
I woke up the whole neighborhood.

What did I say?

Thanks for the advice,

you two.

What about the show?

I don't know.
We talked only about Betty.

She was today's big event,
not the show.

Your days are numbered!

- He'd fire her?
- Of course.

I don't believe it.

He won't be promoting her.

And nothing about the show?

Nothing at all.

What do you want?

You're sitting on my sweater.

I'm cold.

I don't get it.

Why are you reacting this way?

We'd always felt the same way.
You hate him.

You wanted this to happen.

Betty,
you've obviously gone too far.

It's bad for Philippe.
He got you the job.

What the hell does she care?

She prefers to do her own thing.

Listen to me, Betty.

As a kid,
your big mouth made us laugh.

But we're getting fed up!

At 30, you're supposed to be an adult,
not a loud-mouthed brat!

Use your head and shut your mouth!

I was sure you'd be thrilled.

I thought you'd die laughing.

I was wrong.

Because you insulted him?

- I didn't.
- You don't know me.

No, I guess I don't.

Why are you so pig-headed?

You were stupid. Admit it.

You had to show off as usual!

I wasn't showing off!

He knows him. He understands.

Unless Benito is his new hero now.

You think he'll turn over
a new leaf? Be a new man?

With flowers in his hair
and cotton candy for everyone?

Maybe!

You should have heard him
on the phone!

You thought only of yourself

and you got me in deep shit!

You've blemished
your brother's reputation.

Who'll trust me now? I'm the guy
who hires hysterical women!

Will he really fire her?

He said he would.

I'm positive.

- Do you realize?
- I don't care.

What?

I don't give a shit.

Because you expect me
to find you another job, as usual.

I won't ask for anything.

I can hear you a month from now:
"Do you know someone..."

I won't ask, I said.

That'll be a change.

It's time for a change.

From now on, Philippe, please,

don't do anything for me.

Your presents cost me too much.
I don't want any more.

No more presents?

Okay, then.

No problem.

You'll manage alone.

Exactly. Like a big girl.

Let's see you in action.

Face to face
with the real world.

We'll see how cocky you are.
You'll be eating humble pie...

I think she gets it!

Don't you, Betty?

Mind your own business!
Who cares about his opinion?

Watch your mouth!

Listen to him!

Who the fuck is he?

When I get pissed, I'm pissed.

Say something!

Screw all your problems.
I want to go to bed. I'm tired.

Screw my problems? Thanks!

Do you care about mine?
Do you even know mine?

Besides your TV show,
which I didn't even see,

what do you care about?
Are you considerate!

What?

He doesn't understand!

Do you still need me?

I'd like to get going now.

Go on.
Thanks for giving me a hand.

Don't mention it.

You want to have a drink?
Just me and you?

Okay.

See you around.

Goodbye, Betty.

Would your boyfriend happen to be
a waiter at Sleepy Dad's?

Betty and Denis. Well, I'll be!

I had my doubts...
always yakking together!

So he's Mr Perfect?

So? Why not?

She said they were friends.

But such good ones?

I had no idea.

Did you?

He's part of the family now.

He's my brother-in-law!

He's your son-in-law!

Thank you, Yoyo.

We're all exhausted.
Maybe we should get going.

Betty's a very lucky girl.
Denis is nice.

Okay...

Iet's go.

Ready when you are, Mom.

Goodbye, honey.

Don't worry.

- Will you be okay?
- Of course I will.

She wouldn't even talk to you?

That's right.

I told you so.

Yeah, you did.

See you next Friday.

See you Friday.

Don't I get a kiss?

Don't worry.

Coming?

Can we give you a hand, Henri?

No, tomorrow.

I'll wake up early and do it.

Go on. I'm coming.

Come on!

I said I'm coming!

Give me a second...

No one said how delicious
your duck was. I know my duck.

That's nice.

No, it's true. I know my stuff.

It was...

delicious.

Today's not the day
we'll start singing again.

No, they just left.

You liked that?

I didn't seem too dumb?

Too dumb.

I don't know...

Yeah, things can change.

I can change.

What?

Of course.

I said I'd change!

You know what we can do?

A pub.