Ultimate Betrayal (1994) - full transcript

[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING]

[FOOTSTEPS]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[GASPS]

[SIGHS]

[BELL TOLLING]

[TRAIN HORN BLARING]

DAVE: Hey, guys, sorry...

PAT: Time to go.

How come I got to
have turkey all the time?

PAT: It's good for you,
come on.



No, we don't.

Get some fruit
in those bags too, okay?

MOLLY: Do you know
how many sandwiches Gwenda
brings to school

and none of them
have any turkey in them?

Do you wanna know
how fat Gwenda is?

DAVE: I know you'll love it,
Molly, so...

MOLLY: I need my bag.

DAVE: Right over there.

Okay.

PAT: I don't know where
anything is around here.

Where's the bread?
Could you get me
some bread?

Ew!

[INDISTINCT TALKING]

Morning.



BOTH: Hi, Mom.

I'll take the apple.

Molly, take that, will you?

MOLLY: Yeah,
I'll take the apple.

I'll take one of those.

Okay, I'll take the apples.

I need my bag.

Where were you?

Just driving around.

All night?

Yes.

Hey, look.

The bus is always late.

Why do we have to go...
[indistinct]

Are you ready for
your science test?

I studied.

Good. Oh, well,
this is for you.

You're going on
a field trip today.

Right. Where is Karla?

She left already.

[EXCLAIMS]

Okay, guys, let's go,
we're gonna be late
for the bus.

BOY: Okay, bye, Mom,
see ya.

See ya.

SHARON: Bye.

See ya.

Bye-bye. Bye.

[SIGHS]

It was bad enough when you
couldn't sleep in the bedroom,
at least when you...

At least, when you were
sleeping in the closet
I knew where you were.

Now, you can't even
stay in the house.

Maybe... Maybe you should...

You should talk to Sarah.

I'm going to see her
this afternoon.

Sharon, it's not normal

to be sleeping in a car.

Why do you think
I'm seeing a therapist?

Our kids are in trouble.

We have a child
who is suicidal.

Sharon, we can't fix
everything.

What about Dave?

His stomach
is so tied up in knots

he eats antacids
by the case.

Molly is so far
behind in school

she's gonna have
to repeat the year.

Doesn't any of this
bother you?

Of course, it bothers me.

Look, we've got
some problems that
we've gotta deal with,

but your sleeping in the car
every night is not helping.

Nothing's helping.
I keep telling you.

I have no energy.

I can hardly put one foot
in front of the other.

First, they thought I had
lupus, then chronic fatigue.

My whole body's falling apart,

and they can't find
anything wrong with me.

Everything is falling apart!

[SIGHS]

Oh, God, Sharon.

Don't touch me.

[SIGHS] I'm sorry.

I just don't feel like
being touched right now.

[PHONE RINGING]

[SIGHS]

[PHONE RINGING]

[SIGHS] Hello?

Oh, hi.
Yeah, just a minute.

It's Mary, your sister.

Mary? Hi!

How are you?

Oh, we're fine.

Oh, the kids are fine.

[SIGHS] The reason that

I called you is because...

I need your help.

I need to see you
right away.

Come on, honey.

[GIRL WHINING]

What color is this one, girl?
What color is this?

[GIRL WHINING]

SHARON: You haven't talked
to Dad in years,

and now you're gonna
send him this?

You've gone crazy.

MARY: All I'm asking
is that he help

pay the cost for me
to get over what
he did to me.

I need $400 a month
for my therapy.

I asked him
for some help
in a letter,

and he never even
wrote back to me.

You can't sue
your own father.

I'm doing it.

Well, you're talking about
things that happened

20 or 30 years ago.

No. I'm suing him
for things that are
with me today.

Like beating up my
three-year-old daughter.

Putting my fist
through a window.

Like, being locked up
in a psych ward,

because I go
out of control.

I feel something
gripping me,

like, I'm gonna boil over
and I can't stop it.

I didn't know you were
in a psych ward.

Three times.

I know our family
had lots and lots
of problems.

No... [SIGHS]

You don't know.

You left.

Isn't there some
statute of limitations?

It's two years from the time
you remember the injury.

This is the furthest
it's ever been tested,

but my lawyer
in Colorado...

You're doing this
in Colorado?

That's where it happened.

But Dad's a famous lawman
in Colorado,

he's got tons
of friends there.

I need him
to answer for this.

And I need you to testify

about what happened.

What have I got
to testify about?

He never did
anything to me.

But you saw what
he did to everybody else.

Well, call them.

I'm asking you
to help me.

[STAMMERS] Well,
I'm the wrong person.

What about Steve?

No.

No, not Steve.

Why not? He got it
worse than anyone.

Forget Steve.

Well, what about John?

They're both
too close to Dad.

Well, how about
Susan or Beth?

I haven't talked
to them in so long,

I don't think they even
know who I am anymore.

It was hard enough
to call you.

Well, then,
I'll call them.

I bet they'll come
right out here.

Never.

You're talking about
publicly suing Dad.

You bet they'll come
out here. Do you know
what this means?

They'll be out here.

I feel bad about
Mary, too, but,

I've finished with
all this three years ago

when I wrote Dad
that letter.

Yeah, and how did you
feel when he didn't
answer your letter?

That's what Mary
is feeling.

[PANTS] You know,

the only part of the past
I care about

is finding my son.

And...

Especially now,
that John has
tracked down

the adoption agency
in New Jersey.

Yeah, I know.

I talked to my kids
and they think I should go.

After all
they've been through?

Yeah, well...

That's why they
want me to go.

They know what Dad
did to me

and they'd love
to see him pay
a price for it.

Oh, you're gonna pay
a bigger price for this
if you get involved.

I'm not gonna
get involved.

I just think it's too
important not to go
and talk to Mary, in person.

[SIGHS] All right,
all right, all right,
all right.

I'll go with you.

We're not gonna get
sucked into this.

I know, I know.

And we don't breathe
a word of this
to Steve or John.

Come on, let's go.

Okay.

Okay, now,
come on, you guys.

Help. Sue, why don't
you set the table?

SUSAN: Sure.

And, Beth,
you make the salad.

Cut up some lettuce.

I've got some
veggies over there.

Come on, help.

And, uh...

Put these cut vegetables
into the bowl.

Yes, sir.

Wash the floors.
Paper the walls,

plow the garden,
repair the roof.

Here's a good bowl.

SUSAN: I can't believe
you are gonna do this.

Pretty scary.

I'm surprised
no one's done it before.

You know, Steve and John
are gonna totally flip out
when they hear about this.

No, I think they're
gonna support it.

Check the chicken
in the oven.

Yeah, I worked
for these guys.

You don't even
know them anymore.

I don't care about them.

I'm asking you
to support me.

We do support you.

We flew clear across
the country to see you.

But you won't testify?

No.

It's not that
we don't want to.

SUSAN: Listen, Mary.

You just...
You don't know what
we've been through.

My whole life came apart.

I couldn't work,

I couldn't feed my kids.

The only thing
I wanted to do was...

The only thing I wanted
to do was find a way

to check out
without hurting them.

And that's when

I went into the hospital,
and I...

Started remembering

weird things
about Mom and Dad.

I had the flashbacks.

I just can't go
through that again.

So, you won't help me?

I'm scared, Mary.

I'm scared for me
and I'm scared
for my kids.

It's hard enough for me
just to be here now.

Mmm-hmm.

And what about you?
Are you scared, too?

I'm not scared.
I'm done with it.

I went through all of this
three years ago.

I was afraid
to leave my house.

I couldn't sleep,
I couldn't...

I couldn't stop crying.

And I lost 15 pounds.
[SIGHS]

But things are stable now.

Tom and I are very close
to finding where our son is.

And if we get
into this lawsuit,

it's just gonna
mess up everything.

Beth, you have no idea
how bad things got for me

after you left.
You don't know.

You were gone.
By the time I was
three years old,

all of you were gone.
You left me alone
in that house.

[MARY SIGHS]

And now I'm alone again.

When I started remembering
what happened to me
when I was a kid,

I wanted to scream
it to every person
I could get hold of.

I'm not crazy.
This is what
happened to me.

This is what's wrong.
It wasn't my fault.

[SIGHS] And now
you want me to
keep quiet about it.

No, Mary. That's not
what we're saying.

No, you're saying
you won't support me.

You won't testify,
you won't stand up for me.

It's not about
supporting you.

You can't imagine
what it was like
when you left.

BETH: I don't want to
imagine what it was like.

We have been through it.

MARY: I'm still
going through it.

Well, I'm not!

I need you to
listen to me...

What's the point, Mary?

I don't care what happened
20 years ago.

MARY: Well, maybe
I should tell you.

[ALL ARGUING]

Will you stop
screaming?

Look, I'll go.
If nobody else
will go, I'll go.

But I cannot say
that I was abused
or that...

Or that anything
happened to me.

Oh, no, of course not.
You were always
on his side.

What are you
talking about?
I was on your side.

Don't start it.

Doesn't matter whose
side you're on.

All I'm asking you to do
is testify about
what you saw.

All right. I can do that.

But I...

I can't say anything
about what happened
to you because I was gone.

And I...

I will not say

that Dad was all bad,

because...

There was a lot
of good stuff, too.

[SUSAN SCOFFS] Like what?

His public image?

SHARON: Well, I wasn't
thinking of that.

His perfect little family

all lined up
to watch him sing
in church on Sunday.

SHARON: We were
all proud of him.

You bragged just as much
as everybody else

that Dad was an FBI agent.

I mean, outside the family
he was a hero.

I mean, the man
had a national reputation.

Yeah, in child abuse.

SARAH: What does Mary
want from you?

She wants me to testify
about what it was like
growing up in my family.

How are you going to
do that when you can't
remember it?

Oh, I can remember
bits and pieces.

Images.

It's just so foggy.

What do you wanna do?

I don't know.

Why don't you
write down

the bits and pieces
that you remember?

You like to write.
Just write it.

[CHILDREN LAUGHING]

SHARON: I remember
the "stick job."

Every Friday
I'd marshal the kids

to pick up all
the sticks in the yard.

Dad was afraid that if
a stick got caught
in his power mower

it might fly up
and hurt him.

YOUNG SHARON: Get to work.
Didn't you hear me?

How many times
do I have to say it?

SHARON: I knew if it wasn't
done the way he wanted it,

someone would get hit.

And I knew Mom
wouldn't stop him.

So, I was the watcher.

YOUNG SHARON: Come on,
you guys. Help me.

I can't do it all alone.

SHARON: I kept track
of how much time there was
before he came home.

How long it was safe
to let them play...

Before I started
ordering them to work.

[CHILDREN CHANTING]

No one loved him.

Not even Mom.

Maybe least of all Mom.

So, I volunteered
to walk the acre with him.

Checking for sticks.

Pretending to enjoy myself.

YOUNG SHARON:
Look at that squirrel.

SHARON: I thought
if he felt loved,

maybe he wouldn't
be so angry.

Yeah. That's a red squirrel.

What is that?

It just fell from the tree.

Pick it up.

What's that?

Pick it up. Now!

Hurry up.

SHARON: But if the job
hadn't been done
just the way he wanted,

the yelling would start

and somebody would get hit.

No!

It's Karla. She's sick,
she's throwing up.

Have you got a fever?

[KARLA RETCHING]

I'm fine.

It's food poisoning.

That's not food.
That's alcohol.

DAVE: She's like this
all the time.

PAT: What do you mean,
"all the time"?

I mean, for the
past six months.

SHARON: Why didn't
you tell us?

Why didn't you notice?

You're drunk.

So, what?

Don't you "so what" me.

You wanna kill yourself.
I want you to stop...

Get off!

Stop this right now...

Off!

Leave me alone.

Get off.

Stop!

[SLAPS]

[PAT GRUNTS]

[SLAPPING]

ED: Don't be insolent.

Don't be insolent.

I made you some lunch.

Clean that stuff
off the wall.

MARY: Okay, see all
of these pictures?

JESSIE: Yeah.

MARY: Okay, these pictures
are all different parts
of Mommy.

Okay, they're not Mommy.

They're not me.

But they're different
parts of me.

Do you understand that?

JESSIE: Mmm-hmm.

This is Karen.

Karen... This is
the part of me.

Karen is the part of me
that hits you.

Karen is the part that
we want to send away,

so she doesn't
ever come back.

All right, enough already.
I don't believe you.

Come here, Jessie.
Come on, Jessie.
Come with Daddy.

Come on. Attagirl.

You know there's
only one Jessie, right?

And you only have
one Mommy.

And one Daddy.

What are you doing?

Confusing her
with all that stuff.
What is that?

Mmm... I'm just telling her

what I'm learning
about myself.

Oh, really?
She's three years old.

You think she needs to be
told that her mother is

split apart in eight
different directions?

Oh, let me guess here,
Mary, uh,

you're gonna be up all
night again, is that right?

I have... I have a lawsuit
coming up that takes time.

Hey, Mary, so does
a family, okay?
But you want to sit there

obsessing every waking hour,

obsessing about your past.

You should be here right
now in the present with us,

with your family.

I can't be.

Of course you can be.
What does that mean,
"I can't"?

You didn't have to start
this in the first place.

Just look at her face
and tell me I didn't
have to start this.

Don't you understand
that I'm doing this for us?

For us? Well, listen,
"us" can't afford it.

"Us" can't afford the money.

What... What are you thinking
up there? What is that?

I mean, you... This is a good
thing, our name splattered

all over town.
"Mary Rodgers,

"sex object for her father."

I have to do this!

Why do you have
to do this?

Because...

I... Because of what's
happening to me right now.

Well, stop it, Mary!

I can't.
Aren't you seeing...

Stop it!

I can't.

Stop it, Mary!

I can't, I can't.
[SOBBING]

I can't, I can't.

[SOBS] I...

Can't, I can't.

I can't, I can't.

I can't. [CRYING]

[SOBBING] I can't.

I can't.

[APPLAUSE]

[INAUDIBLE]

[DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES]

You okay?

Happier times.

[SMACKS LIPS]
I sit down to...

Write about the family

and all these details
just come pouring
out of me like a gusher.

More like a sewer.

Yeah.

I'm the same way.

It's ruining my marriage.

I believe it.

Whenever I think
back on all of it,

how scared we were
all the time.

The absolute tyranny
of that house.

No.

No, I mean,

the lawsuit

is ruining my marriage.

That's why I...

I can't continue with it.

What do you mean?

You said your whole life
depends on this lawsuit.

For getting the money
for your therapy.

Wayne and I had
another fight,

and he said that
if I don't drop it,

he's gonna divorce me
and take my little girl.

Oh, Mary.

No.

[SIGHS] I'm sorry.

It's just that I...

I got myself into this

so deep, and I just...

[LAUGHS] Now you
have to drop it.

[SIGHS]

My family is all
I have, if...

If I lose them,
I lose everything.

At first, I didn't
want any part of it.

Then I said, I'd testify.

[SIGHS] Now,
I don't wanna let go.

It's like I'm starting
to remember things
in my childhood.

That's why
Mary's lawsuit was

so important.
I mean, it was...

It was making me
go places inside
of me that I just

had never been
willing to go before.

What are you going
to do now that

Mary doesn't
need you anymore?

Dave, you left
your shoes and socks
in the kitchen.

Come on, Mom.
You never sit
down for a second.

I'll clean it up
in a minute.

Come on, Molly,

you haven't finished
your homework.
Come on, you guys.

Where do you think
you're going?

Out.

Dad said it was okay.

Are you crazy?

You're not going anywhere.

Get in here.

What are you...

She's drinking
every night.

Oh, she said she'd
be home by 10:00.

And what if she gets drunk?

Please...

I talked to a doctor
who said she's gonna

kill herself
if she keeps this up.

You are not stepping
one foot outside this house

until you get some help.

KARLA: You can't stop me.

SHARON: Oh, yes, I can.

PAT: Sharon.

I'm your mother.

KARLA: Some mother!

All you ever do
is yell at me!

SHARON: 'Cause you don't
ever do anything
around this house.

Get in here.

You get upstairs
and clean your room.

Oh, God, Sharon.

Get up there.

Put your bed together.

Put your things away.

Get out here.

KARLA: You're nothing
but a slave driver.

SHARON: A slave driver?

I slave-drive myself
around here.

I'm the only one
who does anything.

I'm the only one
who washes the floors.

You're crazy.

I'm the only one
who does the laundry.

I'm the only one who
picks up everything.

You're crazy!

I'm the only one
who can stop you
from killing yourself.

I hate you!

Karla!

Sharon?

Help. Help me move this.

Sharon.

Get some chairs.

Get some chairs, I said!

Get some chairs.

PAT: Sharon,
what are you doing?

I'm helping my daughter.
All of you, help me.

Here.

Sharon.

Put this in front
of the door.

Sharon, no.

I want you to sleep
in front of the door.

No. Leave it.

Leave it alone.

Give me that.

Stop it.

Put it back.

I need help!

Please stop it.
Now look what you're doing.

Look what you're doing.
Look what...

Listen, Sharon.

Sharon!

[FOOTSTEPS ECHOING]

[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING]

[FOOTSTEPS]

SARAH: But, what was it like
for you as a child?

Maybe we should ask
your 10-year-old child.

She's in you, you know.

We all have a child in us.

If I have a 10-year-old
inside of me,

she is too busy.

YOUNG SHARON: Come on,
you guys, help me.

SHARON: She doesn't
have time for friends.

SARAH: Oh, busy doing what?

SHARON: Keeping house,
cleaning the yard,

changing diapers.

Keeping all the kids in line
so they don't get hit.

SARAH: She sounds like
a very grown-up child.

Oh, she is.

Yeah, she is.

She is strong.

And she is...

She is fierce,

and she takes charge.

[CHILDREN SINGING]

And she's...

She protects everyone.

She's the protector.

This really gets me.

The minute Mary drops it,

Sharon takes over.

She's not taking over.
She's just committed

to finding out if there's
a case against Dad or not.

Daddy's little darling.

How could she
possibly have a case?

She doesn't think she does.
That's why she wants us to go.

[SIGHS] I mean,

she's always committed
to something.

It's all right for her
to keep busy
to avoid going crazy.

But, if Mary doesn't want
to go through with it,

why should she?

I don't get it.

What are you guys
arguing about?

Grandpa should be
punished for what he did.

Yeah, but what if Sharon
goes through with this

and it gets in the papers...

You want your friends
to find out about this?

Who cares?

SUSAN: Your uncles.

And you know what
will happen if Steve
and John find out.

God, what about Mom?

[SIGHS] If anyone
should sue Grandpa,
it should be you.

This is a great idea.

Why don't we just invite Dad
back into our lives?

"Hi, Dad, how are you?

"Come on in. Have a seat.

"Hey, how about a drink?

"No, no, no.
Don't have a drink,

"have the whole bottle."

What makes you think
he's ever been
out of my life?

I mean, things aren't
so great around here,

they couldn't stand
a little improvement.

I may not be
sitting in my room
in a dirty bathrobe,

but I... [SIGHS]

I can't hold a job,
I can't...

I have half a life.

That's why I have
to see this through.

At least, see Mary's lawyer
in Denver with Sharon.

[SIGHS]

Mmm.

Leave me out of it.

I... I've got enough
to do finding my son.

Maybe you should
find a way to deal with

how you lost him
in the first place.

[EXHALES]
Well, if I find him,
I won't have to.

I wish it were that simple.

You're telling me
you had to watch

while your father bruised
and bloodied your brothers
and sisters on a daily basis.

Your family used to
make jokes about it.

A broken eardrum,

a cracked rib, bloody noses.

You were beaten repeatedly,
sexually molested,

and you don't think you
have enough for a lawsuit?
[SCOFFS]

Now, I have been handling
abuse cases for 10 years,

and based on what
you've told me today,

I'd say you each
have a case.

SHARON: We each have one?

Oh, I can't possibly
have a case.

I haven't repressed
any memories,

I've known about
this my whole life.

The repressed memory
isn't the only way to
frame the argument.

The way
the statute's written,

the two-year limit
doesn't start running

until you understand
the full nature

and extent
of your injury.

That argument's
never been used before
in a child abuse case,

but I think it's fitting.

You didn't
connect your abuse

to the problems
you're having as an adult

until after you
were hospitalized.

One thing I'm not
so sure about is,

even if we have
a case against Dad...

Why should we pursue it?

No, I'm not saying
you should.

I could tell you
why you shouldn't.

There is no guarantee
that you'll win.

Chances are you'll
come out more
emotionally scarred

than you already are.

It's expensive.
I can take the gamble

as far as my fees
are concerned,

but the law requires
that you pay the expenses.

Those could amount
to $10,000, $20,000,

whether you win or lose.

And most importantly,

there is no right to privacy
in a case like this.

And I guarantee you
the defense will find

the one thing

you don't want anyone
to ever know about you,

and they'll drag it
right out there for
all the world to see.

Why would anyone ever do it?

Compensation.

I'm not looking for money.

I just want my dad
to face up to what he did.

To the others.

And I'd like my mother
to face up to what she did.

Especially to me.

What was her
part in all this?

SHARON: She was right there.

I... I mean, six kids were
abused over a 25-year period.

And... And she didn't know
what was going on?

If we bring a lawsuit against
Dad, I want to include Mom.

She never did
anything to hurt me, and
I don't want to hurt her.

You've always
taken Mom's side.

Yeah, and you've
always taken Dad's.

Well, I'm hardly
taking his side here.

I'm talking
about suing him.

Look, I think your lawsuit
is with your father,

not your mother,
but I want you to think

very carefully about it.

If you can't honestly
stand up and say,
"I was wronged

"and I'm entitled
to compensation,"

then you should
forget the lawsuit.

[SIGHS]

Oh, the whole idea
terrifies me, but...

I mean...

You know, in spite
of everything Dad did,

he's not a monster.

♪ Mine eyes have seen
The glory of the coming
Of the Lord

♪ He is trampling out
The vintage

♪ Where the grapes of wrath
Are stored

♪ He hath loosed
The fateful lightning

♪ Of his terrible swift sword

♪ His truth is marching on

[MOUTHING]

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah!

♪ His truth is marching on ♪

[WHISPERS] Hey, Susie.

[WHISPERING] Hey, Susie,
it's your daddy.

Mm?

[SOFTLY] Daddy
loves you, Susie.

[INHALES SHARPLY]

[GRUNTS]

You know how much
Daddy loves you?

[SOFTLY] Mm?
Do you know?

[WHISPERS] Do you know?

[WHISPERS] Come here, Susie.

[WHISPERS] Come here...

[WHISPERING] Won't you give
Daddy a big kiss?

Mm?

Come on,
give him a big kiss.

[WHISPERS] Come on,
now, come on.

[GASPING]

SHARON: What's wrong?

Are you okay?

Oh, God.
This is how I felt

just before
I went in the hospital.

[VOICE BREAKING]
Why wouldn't he
leave me alone?

[CRYING]

All right...

Don't touch me!

Oh, God.

Isn't that stupid?

[STUTTERS] I mean,
why shouldn't you touch me?

For the same reason
nobody can touch me.

I mean, that's what
cost me my marriage.

Not to mention,
what it's cost me at doctors,

hospitals and therapists.

[STUTTERING] I'm the one
who should sue the bastard.

I mean, you may have
a problem with compensation,
but I don't.

It has cost me a fortune
in therapists and hospitals.

Just trying to get over
what he did to me.

[INHALES]

Then we'll do it together.

Kids used to get beaten
for just having their hair

combed wrong or for

having dirty fingernails.

Punches in the face
and the head.

Somebody was
always walking around

with a bloody nose, split lip.

Oh, man. He was like a...

A jealous lover.

He would...

He didn't wanna
see me with boys.

He didn't wanna
see me on dates.

I had a lot of problems
when I got married.

[SCRIBBLING]

It was, uh...

[SCRIBBLING CONTINUES]

It was hard for me
to have sex

with someone who wanted me.

Three of us
have been hospitalized,

three of us have been...

suicidal.

And it went on and on.

We... We figured it out.
The physical

and sexual assault
went on from, what?

1944 to '97.

Oh, we had
a whole language, too.

Remember?
We used words like,

"skittering" and "stalking".

Yeah, and "skittering"

was hunkering against the wall

so you could get past Dad.

And "stalking",

that was when Dad would

follow right behind you

right on your heels,

with his fists clenched.

God, it was
really intimidating.

The whole atmosphere
in the family was,

"Don't say anything.

"Dad might lose his job.

"We wouldn't have any money.

"I mean,
he might lose his pension.

"We have to hang on."

What about the animals?

Oh, God.
Mom and her animals.

[SIGHS]

SHARON: I don't know
why she would do that.

SUSAN: God only knows.

But she certainly thought
we needed them.

And she was also weird
around religion.

She had this idea
that she got

lights from God.

She had a gift of prophecy.

Your mother, was she...

Did your father
ever beat her?

Yeah, but not
as frequently as the kids.

Oh, she was part
of the whole dynamic.

They knew just what buttons
to push at each other.

They kept doing it.

I remember when they went out.

They'd always come home
and get into a fight.

Usually, over his
drinking too much.

SUSAN: Things
always escalated.

But you could see it coming.
It was like a fountain.

[INDISTINCT]

HELEN: Don't touch me!

SHARON: He got to the point
where they hardly
spoke to each other.

SUSAN: Yeah, eventually
he moved into a room
in the basement.

DANA: Are you suggesting
that's why he turned
to his daughters?

Oh, no.

Lots of husbands and wives
don't sleep together,

but those men don't
molest their children.

Do you think that
at this stage of her life

she'd be willing
to talk about these things?

[SCOFFS]

SUSAN: I doubt it.

HELEN: What's Sharon
got to complain about?

She was never beaten
after the age of two.

You ask me
this whole vicious thing

is because Sharon
is losing her sexuality

and she's taking it
out on her father.

She was beaten
before the age of two?

[SIGHS]

[HESITANTLY]
If she cried too much or...

If she wet her bed.

When she was
10 months old, she...

Well, her father threw her
across the room into her crib.

It's a wonder
her neck wasn't broken.

I should have left him
right then and there,

but I was pregnant
with Susan.

After she came along,

he never hit Sharon again.

He hit Susan.

And the others.

But there was nothing
I could do to stop it.

Did you ever consider
getting a divorce?

I'm a Catholic.

But eventually
you did get a divorce.

Yes.

What about the allegations
of sexual abuse?

I can't believe
that ever happened.

But whatever did happen,

it wouldn't have been so bad

if Sharon had
tried to stop it.

What could she have done?

Making him a sandwich?

Why don't you
give him a kiss?

Tell him
how wonderful he is.

[WHISPERS] That way
you'll never get hit.

What about your brother?

Why don't you do
something to help him?

[WHISPERS] She was his pet.

She could have
done something.

I don't understand how...

Of course you don't.

You have no idea
what it was like

living in that house.

You have no idea

what it was like
watching your children

being beaten
and not being able

to do anything to stop it.

Did you try?

[WHISPERS] Of course, I did.

I yelled, I screamed.

I prayed novenas.

I went to mass and communion.

I said rosaries.

I gave everything
in my power to stop it.

Not the head, Ed.

Not the head.

Don't ever!

[WHACKING]

Ever disobey me again!

She was always
afraid of brain damage.

She'd say,
[IMITATING] "Not the head.

"Not the head."

I mean, now I wanna
just scream at her.

"Shut up, just shut up!"

You know, 'cause
that's where the blows
would come every time.

Every single time!

[SCOFFS] Why didn't she say
"Not the legs"?

"Not the legs."

Sharon, just what the hell
do you think you're doing?

I just got off
the phone with Dad.

He says he's been
served papers for a lawsuit,

for child abuse.

He's totally destroyed.

He wants to kill himself.

Now, John and I
talked him out of that.

And he's willing to get
treatment for his alcoholism.

Oh, that's great.

Look, he's willing
to get help.

This lawsuit won't help him.

It's helping me.

Yeah, well,
why don't you stop

thinking about yourself
for a change?

He's an old man.

I'm thinking about myself

for the first time
in my life.

Yeah, well, leave us
out of it.

You're 3,000 miles away.

Stop trying to run
everyone else's life

and screwing everything up.

And you leave Dad alone!

He's sick.

He's an alcoholic.

Why can't you just
forgive and forget?

You forgive me, Steve?

[SOFTLY] I forgive you.

Do you love me?

[SOFTLY] I love you, Dad.

[SOFTLY] I love you, too.

[WHISPERS] I love you, too.

[WHISPERS] Yes.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

It's going to be
much harder for him

to lie if you're
sitting in the room.

You were
a child abuse expert.

First, with the FBI
and later

with the district
attorney's office.

You've written extensively
on the subject,

you've spoken out
publicly on behalf
of abused children.

Have you ever
thought of yourself
as a child abuser?

ED: I have

thought of myself
as a domineering

son of a bitch
who demanded
strict responses

from his children.

I don't think my behavior
rose to the level

of criminal abuse.

Do you recall that
when you disciplined

one of your children,
you would line

the rest of them up
to watch?

I don't recall that.

Do you recall
when Steve

ruined some family film,

the children were
forced to watch

while you beat him
with a board?

No.

Do you recall rupturing
Steve's eardrum?

No.

Do you recall
when you punched John

and blood splurted
all over the wall

and you told him
to clean it up?

No.

Do you recall
throwing him
into the air

and punching him so hard
that he messed his pants?

No, I do not.

If you had,
would you recall it?

If I did any injury,
I would.

By "injury", you mean?

Marks, bruises,
whatever, welts.

DANA: Did you ever try
to cover any marks?

ED: I did not try
to conceal anything.

I am asking you

if you ever tried...

No.

...to conceal welts...

No, ma'am.

...bruises, marks?

No, ma'am.

DANA: Do you recall when
Susan was six weeks old,

beating her legs
so severely that your wife

had to put tights on her
to hide the bruises?

ED: No.

[SIGHS] Do you remember
when Sharon

was less than a year old,
throwing her across the room

into her crib
because she was crying?

ED: No.

Have you ever sexually abused
any of your daughters?

No.

Do you recall

going into the girls' bedroom,

stroking Susan's legs,

kissing her on the mouth
and telling her

that you loved her?

Absolutely not.

Do you recall when Susan...

ED: Excuse me,
I remember telling her

that I loved her.

Do you recall when Susan
was in her late teens,

taking her downstairs

to your bed, climbing on top
of her and fondling her?

No.

Why would she make this
allegation if it wasn't true?

Loss of her
father's affection,
lack of attention,

the divorce.

DANA: But you don't
consider the possibility

that she's angry with you
because of abuse?

Absolutely not.

I may not have been
the best father in the world,

I know that.

That's why I went
into this field.

To learn
about child abuse?

That's correct.

Did you learn about it
firsthand in your own home?

No.

If all four of your daughters

have accused you
of repeated physical

and sexual assault...

If I had abused my children,

I would know it.

I spent 35 years
in law enforcement

with a specialty
in child abuse.

I'm very angry now because
I'm getting very distressed.

I love these two kids.

I love the other ones, too.

If I was...

I was such a terrible father,
why not tell me
when I'm 35 or 40?

Why tell me now?
I'm 72 years old.

DANA: You're a specialist
in abuse, you're aware
of the dynamics

of denial in an abused child.

ED: Counsel, I'm being accused
of things that happened

over 30 years ago...

By my own flesh and blood.

How does that feel?

Sue your own father.

Drag down your family name.

Feel good?

It brought me
right back to my childhood

when I would see something

and have to pretend
it never happened.

Is that what
this poetry's about?

I don't know
what it's about.

There, why don't you
read one?

"And he'd speak about
things I needed to know,

"in a voice that covered me
to my chin.

"In yards of purple velvet

"until my whole
body tingled alive,

"then timing
my breath to his,

"we'd glide to that rhythm

"in the pitch black,

"rising and falling,

"like lovers,
riding a carousel."

What does that
mean to you?

I don't know.

Who's the voice?
The voice in the dark.

Oh, that's the voice of God.

I've heard it ever since
I was a little girl.

How do you know it's God?

I used to always know it.

It's the same voice I hear...

[SIGHS] Every time
Pat and I try to make love.

Speaks to me.

Pulls me away.

What does the voice say?

Something about never
feeling that way again.

What way?

I don't know.

When did you first start
hearing this voice?

When I was five,
I started...

I've never told
this to anyone.

I had a ritual.

Every night, I'd lie down

alone in my bed and I'd...

I can't let
anyone know this.

I'm scared.

I'm really scared.

Sharon.
Sharon, look at me.

[WHIMPERS]

Oh, God.

Sharon!

[RETCHING]

Here.

Here, darling.

[COUGHS]

You all right?

Uh-huh.

[GROANS]

Oh, Sharon,
these things happen.

They happen.
It's part of the process.

[BLOWS NOSE]

Now, listen.

We're gonna get
through this.

We're gonna get
through it together.

I'm gonna be with you
every step of the way.

I'll go with you
to the court,
every single day.

I'm asking you

if you remember
your father
ever hitting you.

Uh, no.

So you're saying that
every child except you
was abused.

Isn't that what
you're saying?

That all through
your childhood,

you were on
your father's side.

His favorite,
and now you turn on him?

Which Sharon are we
supposed to believe?

He never laid
a hand on you,

yet you have the audacity

to bring a lawsuit
against him

for child abuse!

Answer as simply
as you can.

[SIGHS] But it's not simple.

It's not, it's not simple.

Your childhood was spent
in a concentration camp.

Your father was like
a Nazi and your mother
didn't stop him.

Dana Quinn.

I can tell you
why this is so hard.

And it's easy for you
and everyone else
to talk about my father

the way you do, but...

You won't understand this, Dana,

but there's a part
of me that...

[SOBBING]
That wants my father.

We had a common bond.

That no one loved him
and no one loved me.

Once I walk out
of that courtroom,

I'll never see him again.

Never.

I'll never be
at his deathbed,

and that's hard for me

because there's a part of me

that wants to keep on loving him

and believing in him.

I know that's sick, but...

But it's the truth.

That's all I'm asking
you to do, Sharon.

Tell the truth.

I know what I have to do.

I have to face my dad
on his own turf.

In a...

In a court of law.

That's the only place
he respects.

It's the only place
he'll listen to me.

[INDISTINCT CONVERSATIONS]

He's not gonna
show up.

Can't you make him show up?

He has a right
not to appear.

You know, this is
what he always does.

This is what he did
to Beth and Mary

when he didn't
answer their letters.

You'll get
a default judgment.

Maybe you could find
some other way
to confront your father.

He'll never
listen to us.

There's no defendant.

I've never seen a case
tried without a defendant.

Does that mean
it can't be done?

[SIGHS]

Technically, no.
You're entitled
to a trial.

But that doesn't mean
that you'll win.

The statute we're using
has never been tested.

So I want you to think
very carefully about
how you'll feel

if you go ahead
with this and lose,

when your father wasn't
even here with a defense.

This isn't about winning.

[SIGHS] This is about
holding our father

accountable for what he did.

I started out doing this
for everyone else.

But now, I need it.

If Dad won't acknowledge
anything that he's done,

maybe the jury will.

Your Honor, the plaintiffs
would like to proceed
with the trial.

SARAH: Until recently,
Sharon was like a Superwoman,

pursuing her Ph.D
in Education at Harvard,

working full-time as
a faculty administrator,

uh, part-time
as a teaching fellow,

and raising six children.

To all outward appearances,

she was the perfect mother
with the perfect family.

DANA: When did
all that stop?

SARAH: When her
children fell apart.

One became suicidal,

one ran off with
the man who beat her,

another one started
drinking heavily.

Do you have an opinion
as to why that happened?

Oh, I think it can
all be traced back

to the abuse
and the atmosphere of abuse
she suffered as a child.

Well, Sharon has
given you permission

to speak openly
about everything

she's shared with you.
Is that correct?

Between the ages
of five and eleven,

Sharon engaged
in some very private
sexual rituals.

These rituals
were done alone,

but it's my opinion
that they're reenactments
of experiences

taught to her
by someone else.

They involved objects...

[PANTING]
I can't know this.

[DOOR OPENS]

[PANTING]

[SHARON CRIES] No!

ED: You won't
feel this way again...

SHARON: Don't say it.
Don't say it.

ED: Until you're married.

SUSAN: Sharon.

Don't touch me!

Are you okay?

[SIGHS]

The rituals.

The objects.

That's not the worst.

That's not the worst.

[SOBBING]

SHARON: Something
is happening here.

We want you to be
a part of it.

I've seen some of it.

It's been on the news
all day.

SHARON: I'm not talking
about what's on the news.

I'm talking about
what's happening to us.

To me and Susan.

And we want you
to be here.

When Sarah was
on the stand,
I started to feel things

I haven't felt since
I was five years old.

It wasn't clear.

It was just sort of pieces.
But they were there.

I... I really
can't talk now.

I'm not asking you
to come for me, Beth.

I'm asking you
to come for you.

Well, I'm still
thinking about it.

Good luck tomorrow.

She drags our name
through the mud,

and you don't have
the guts to tell her
you're not going.

Beth, I don't
understand you.

[SCOFFS] I don't
expect you to.

You haven't had
a breakdown.

You haven't been
in the hospital.

Well, let's just
think about that
for a minute, Beth.

Why do you
suppose that is?

I mean,
I had it worst.

Everybody says
I had it the worst.

But I'm not
falling apart.

I'm not on medication.

Do you know why?

[SIGHS] Maybe...

Maybe because
you're a man.

No, maybe because
your abuse wasn't sexual.

Because I didn't let it
beat me.

I stood up
and took it.

I was molested!

And so was Susan
and so was Mary.

That didn't happen.
I lived in the house,
I know.

Beth.

This is your brother.

The uncle to your kids.

The guy who took
Mara to the hospital

when she fell off her bicycle.

But I'll tell you something.

You go out there,

and you can forget
about having me as a brother.

Don't threaten me.

Your kids can forget
about having me
as an uncle.

You can forget about
ever seeing me again!

Don't you bully me.

If I wanna go,
I'll go!

God!

Nothing ever changes.

[SIGHS] I'm trapped
in the middle.

I'm always trapped
in the middle.

[SIGHS]

When I was 12 years old,

my father sent me
to the store to get some
Worcestershire sauce,

and I came home
with horseradish instead.

He was furious.

He told me to go back
and get it right.

But I was scared.

Because by now
it was dark outside

and the store was
over a mile away.

I would have had to
go through some pretty
bad neighborhoods.

My mother even said
something to him,

but he insisted that
I go alone as a punishment,

because he was sure that
I had gotten the wrong
bottle on purpose.

What happened?

On the way home,
I was raped.

A man...

pulled me into his car
and he raped me.

I remember running home
crying and thinking that

my father was gonna be
really mad at me because
I had taken so long.

DANA: And was he?

No. He was mad
at the man who did it to me.

He took me
into the bathroom.

I was still...
holding the bottle.

ED: Was he as tall as me?

And he made me
tell him what happened.

ED: Do you remember his eyes?

He made me
describe the man...

ED: What was he wearing?

Uh, the car.

All the details.

Do you remember...
Did he say anything to you?
Anything.

Did he have a car?

Did he take you
in a car?

Did he do it there? What?

Did you see anybody?
Anybody?

Did you see anybody
around when this
was going on?

Did... Did you hear
anybody call out?

Did you call out?
Did you call out?

Did you at least
say something?

Did you say, "Stop"?

He didn't care about me.

He didn't get me any help.

All he cared about
was catching the man
who did it.

DANA: Would you tell
the jury the incident

that happened
when you were 19?

SUSAN: I came home
late from rehearsal.

A boy drove me home,
and when I got
out of the car,

my mother was
waiting for me.

Rehearsal ran late.
We just got...

You're nothing
but a cheap little tramp.

Why don't you leave
the girl alone?

She's nothing
but a little whore.

"I know what
you've been doing,
you little tramp.

"She's nothing
but a whore."

My father took me
downstairs to his room.

[DOOR OPENS]

Well, go on.

[FOOTSTEPS DESCENDING]

I know you're
a big girl now.

You make your
own decisions.

I know.

Come home when you want.

Sit down.

ED: Closer.

Sit down, sit down.

Now you tell me
all about it, okay?

Mm?

Come here.

Come here,
come here.

Look at me. Look at me.

[CRIES]

Come on,
take your jacket off.

Take your jacket off!

[CRYING]

Mm?

Hey.

Look. Look at me.

[WHIMPERS]

Be still.

Mm.

[SUSAN SOBBING]

Shh.

SUSAN: I was afraid
that even the slightest

twitch of a muscle,
even the batting of an eye...

[ED MOANING]

It would be

taken as a signal
for him to go further.

So, I just laid there
like a corpse.

I remember actually...

...leaving my body.

I floated right

out of my body.

I watched him
from the ceiling.

Out of reach.

[SIGHS] Do you recall
being beaten by your father?

Yes, the, um...

Worst ones usually came
after a long buildup.

DANA: Could you describe
a severe beating for us?

[SIGHING] My...

father had certain
ideas about how...

you should wear your hair.

He told us he didn't want us

to look like prostitutes.

So, one day, some friends
of mine on the tennis team

had a bottle of peroxide.

And we put it in our bangs.

I was afraid to go home.

And...

When I went home,
I got the silent treatment

for a week.

[GRUNTS]

[CRYING]

[YELLING] Come here,
come here!

Come here!

[CRYING]

He...

...got me up against

the iron pole and he was...

banging my head against it.

[PANTING]

And, uh, after he punched me
in the head,

he started
kicking me in the ribs.

[GRUNTING]

[PANTING]

[INHALES SHARPLY]

And, uh...

[SIGHS] The strange thing is,

I didn't feel any pain.

I remember being
kind of fascinated

and saying to myself,

"This is like the movies.

"This is...

"Like watching
someone else get it."

[SIGHS]

[BREATHING SHAKILY]

It was one of the most
severe beatings I ever got.

[VOICE BREAKING]
And I don't remember
feeling anything.

[CRYING]

No, wait. It's okay.

Everything is okay.

[CRYING] No, God,
it's not okay!

I'm proud of you.
You did the right thing.

[CRYING] It's not okay.

I can't feel anything.

[CRYING] It's not just then.
It's now.

God, I walked out
of 14 years of marriage,

and I didn't feel a thing,
not even for my children.

And that hurts now.

I don't want you
to take that away from me.

It's my pain.

It belongs to me.

For the first time in my life,
I can really feel it.

Just let me have it.

[SOBBING]

Don't try to fix it.

[REPORTER ON TV]
The youngest member
of the family, Mary Rodgers,

was not present
in the courtroom.

However, a crowded
gallery was shocked

by the reading
of her deposition,

which painted
a disturbingly
detailed account

of sexual abuse
by her father,

who thus far, has not
answered the charges.

The trial is
in its third day.

Are you mad
that you didn't go?

As the shattered lives
of the Rodgers children are...

No, I made
my own choice.

I had to give my deposition.

So, your part's over now?

My part in the trial.

Mmm.

Well, there's another part?
What other part is there?

[SIGHS]

Being there
with my sisters.

For what?

I wanna be...
I wanna be part
of what they are doing.

Now, not the trial, but...

They are throwing out
the old family
and I need to do that, too.

I wanna be
a part of that.

[BLOWING]

I think you should go.
[CLEARS THROAT]

I'm... I'm not gonna
get on the stand.

I'm not gonna
embarrass...

Hey, Mary, come on.

I think you should go.

Listen, uh...

You've already proved
this family comes first,

that's all that mattered to me.

Now, listen,
you started this thing,

I think you should at least
be there for the finish.

Right?

...years of observation,
uh, exactly what
the results would be...

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Who is it?

BETH: It's your father.

I've got a gun.

It's loaded
and I'm planning to shoot.

[LAUGHING]

Where are those pesky
Rodgers sisters?

[LAUGHS]

Beth, I'm so glad
you are here.

Oh.

Yeah, well.

I figured,
what's a child abuse trial
without a few laughs?

[THUNDER RUMBLING]

What are you
doing here?

STEVEN: Taking away
your circus tent.

Oh, what's that
supposed to mean?

You'll see.

You think it's fun
being a traitor,
you just wait.

Um, we'd like, uh,
a continuance,

so that we can
prepare a defense.

[clears throat]
Could I have
some water, please?

[CLEARS THROAT]

JUDGE: Your father
had ample notice
to prepare a defense.

Do you have any reason
to believe that he isn't

voluntarily absent
from these proceedings?

I'm gonna answer
that question truthfully.

I know he voluntarily
absented himself,

because he believes
he'll get crucified here.

And so do I.

But my brother and I
are willing to be here,

and hire an attorney,
if we have to.

[SCOFFS] And...
And counter this stuff.

Mr. Rodgers,

your father can
speak for himself.

Or he can hire an attorney,
but you can't speak for him.

Excuse me, hey, lady,
you have no right
to do this.

Do you know what you are
doing to my family?

To my father, to us.

Now, I know the house
is a bloodbath. I was
beaten worse than anyone.

Stop it. Listen
to what you are saying.

You're saying that this home
was a bloodbath.

That it wasn't safe.
That's all your
sisters are saying...

You are railroading the guy.
You are destroying him.

[PEOPLE ARGUING]

[SHOUTING]
Get away from her!

[ALL ARGUING]

[SIGHS]

I, um...

I don't wanna be here.

I, um, certainly

don't wanna talk
about the, uh...

The beatings and the violence.

Not that I didn't
go through that.

I was, um...

I was beaten constantly.

Um...

I was yanked up off the floor
by my ponytail.

I had my head

shoved into a toilet

and held underwater
when I was...

two years old.

But, uh,

what I feel most strongly

and what I can't
seem to get over,

no matter how much I try,

and I've been trying
for 20 years,

is something that happened
to me when I was 17.

Uh...

I got pregnant.

Um... [CHUCKLES]

I was sure my dad
was gonna kill me,

'cause he'd come
close enough to it before.

But he, uh...

He...

He seemed to understand.
He...

I mean, I felt like
I had a father

for the first time
in my life.

[SIGHS]

I thought, "Well,
maybe he really
does care about me."

You're gonna make me
a Grandpa.

Over my dead body.

Over your dead body, what?

Do you know
what this is going
to do to your career?

To this family's reputation?

Helen.

Your daughter
is having a baby.

Do you want
to be seen in church

with a daughter
whose belly is out to here?

Daddy.

[SIGHS]

For five minutes
I had a father.

And then, he was gone.

I was sent away
for nine months...

To have my baby.

Nobody came to see me.

I was, um... I was alone
the whole time.

Tom... Tom tried to come
and see me,

but he couldn't stand up
to my parents.

I mean, we were...
We were just kids.

I can forgive him for that,

but I really can't
forgive my parents.

They, um, they put my baby up
for adoption.

I never saw him.

Except once.

I woke up once and the nurse
wheeled him in by mistake.

And I screamed at her

to get him out of there,
because I knew that
I couldn't have him.

But, I...

[SOBBING] I...

I saw his foot.

[SOBBING]

That's it.

I just saw his foot.

[SNIFFLES]

I never...
I never touched him.

And I never held him.

[SIGHS]

And, um...

When I got home, I was told
to act like I never had him.

And my father

always had the strength
to beat me up,

but he couldn't stand up
to my mother.

He came to me
and he put his hands on me.

And he said...

I'll never forget this.

He said,

"My baby is a woman now."

[DOOR OPENS]

ED: There, there,
you can't cry forever.

Guess who thought
about this little girl

the whole time
you were gone?

And you know
what I was thinking?

Why didn't I say no?

Why didn't I say no
when they took my child?

Because in that house
if you said "no,"

you got beaten.

And it worked.

The violence
and the intimidation worked.

[SIGHS]

You know, my dad
did unspeakable things to us.

It's amazing
that we all survived.

Because nobody
ever stopped it.

I think, nobody even
ever tried to stop it.

I did try.

I did everything
in my power to stop it.

I cleaned the house.
I picked up the yard.

I washed dishes.
I cooked dinner.

And you did every bit of it,
so you wouldn't get hit.

Don't say that.
I did it for you.

What difference did it make
how clean the house was

or how many sticks
we picked up from the yard?

You think it's any
feather in your cap

that Dad didn't kill us?

Why can't you admit it?

I was there for you.
I was on your side.

And all you ever did
was make fun of me.

You called me
"square share."

Well, it wasn't funny.

I should have just said,
"do hell with you,"

and thought about
myself for once.

But I stayed there,
and I did make a difference,

and don't you ever dare
tell me that I didn't.

No, Sharon.

You weren't there.
You left.

After you left,
everything got worse.

I was the youngest one.

So, I was all they had left.

And, nobody came along
to replace me.

So it didn't stop
as I got older.

I remember by the time
I was seven or eight,

I would go downstairs
to his bedroom at night.

And I would leave
my nightgown on.

But I'd take my underwear off.

That was the routine.

[SIGHS]

Beth, please don't go.

I remember once.

He came downstairs
and I was sitting on his bed.

There's a vanity table
next to the bed,

with a jar
of Vaseline on it.

[LATEX STRETCHING]

And he sat down
next to me, on the bed.

And he stroked my hair.

And he'd kiss me on the mouth.

And he told me to
pull my nightgown up.

And...

And he got on top of me.

But it didn't work.

And he got really angry.

So...

So, he told me
to watch him, while he...

While he...

[INHALES AND EXHALES]

And then,
when he was finished,

I pulled my nightgown down,

and Daddy pulled up
his pants and...

We knelt down
by the side of the bed.

And we said our prayers.

And then, he kissed me
on the forehead.

And he got up and left.

[SIGHS] And I remember.

I was bleeding.

So... So, don't tell me
you were there for me.

Please.

Nobody was.

[DOOR OPENS]

[DOOR CLOSES]

Come here.

[SOBBING]

PAT: The first night
I met Sharon,

she, uh, talked a lot
about her father.

She was like a little girl
with a cowboy hero or something.

She said that he was
the best shot, that, uh,

he could get a confession
out of anybody.

DANA: What did you notice
when you met her father?

Um, I remember her
going up to him

and pulling on his tie.

Teasing him.

She um, she seemed more
like his wife than his daughter.

I remember feeling...

Uh, jealous, jealousy.

DANA: When were you
first aware that

there were sexual problems
in your relationship?

PAT: After our first child
was born,

she'd, uh, get really tight

and pull away like...
Like she was afraid.

In the last two years,
Sharon and I

have had intercourse
four times.

[SNICKERS]

It's partly my fault.

I should have
spoke up about it,

and I didn't, I didn't
speak up about anything.

I watched the children
falling apart.

And then, you started
sleeping in the closet.

And I pretended
everything was fine.

How would you describe
your relationship
with your father?

I took care of him.
I waited on him.

I greeted him at the door.
I sat with him at dinner.

I tried to love him.

Why would you try
to love the man

who was beating and molesting
your siblings?

So he would stop beating them.

I thought if he felt loved,

he would stop.

So, I just made up my mind
to love him.

Did that help
lessen the abuse?

Nothing helped.

But I tried.

I did the laundry,
I cleaned the house.

I said rosaries.

I did crazy compulsive
things like

running up and down
the stairs.

Twenty, fifty,
a hundred times.

Because I told myself
that if I did it enough times,

the beatings would stop.

I believed that, for years.

With every ounce of my being.

What did you do
after your father beat someone?

Well, I'd try
to make him feel loved.

So that he would
stop being mad

and he wouldn't
beat somebody else.

I'd bring him a beer
or a sandwich.

You see,
they were disobedient.

If they had obeyed Dad
like I did,

he wouldn't have beaten them.

That's why he didn't beat me,
because I was obedient.

Susan resisted,
she fought back.

That's why she was
beaten so often.

But, you see,
she challenged Dad.

And she challenged
his control.

Every day was about survival.

And that's what
I was trying to do.

I was trying to save...

Myself.

That's what I did.

I saved myself.

I've always believed

that I was helping them.

But it's a lie.

Why didn't I tell him to stop?

I allowed him to believe that

what he was doing
was all right.

That's why he kept on doing it.

I was the collaborator.

Wasn't I?

DANA: Sharon,
you were a child.

Sharon, you've been reluctant

to include yourself
with your sisters

in allegations
of sexual abuse.

[SIGHS]

I have some words
in my head.

I have some body sensations.

I have these feelings
of suffocation.

Someone on top of me.

I've never had the courage
to say this before.

But, yes,
I know it happened.

How did it feel?

How did it feel to stand by

and watch your sisters
and brothers being beaten?

I honestly don't remember
feeling anything.

Nothing?

Nothing.

The first time I realized that
wasn't normal, I was, uh...

I was 16.

I was working as a nurse's aid
at a maternity ward.

On three different occasions,
infants died.

And all three times
I volunteered

to bring the babies
to the morgue.

Because it didn't bother me.

I remember thinking,

"What is wrong with you?

"Why can't you feel something?

"Feel anything.
What's wrong with you?"

DANA: What happened
when you had your own babies?

I remember being pregnant.

All of my friends
were having babies.

They kept telling me
how good it feels
to be a mother.

"Wait until you feel that,"
they said.

"Just wait until you hold
your own baby in your arms."

When they handed me my baby...

I waited for those feelings.

But they didn't come.

I knew something
was very wrong.

I didn't feel anything.

I didn't feel love.

It was no different than
holding the dead babies.

I said to myself,

"Something is wrong with you.

"You don't work right."

I knew I just didn't work right.

I remember telling myself
that children need

to be touched,
they need to be loved.

And I reminded myself.

I told myself every day,

to pick up my baby.
I didn't wait
for the feelings,

I just picked her up.

But she couldn't
have felt any love.

The abuse I suffered,
I passed on to my children.

And not by beating them
or molesting them.

But by simply bringing them
into this world,

and trying to be a mother.

I couldn't do that.

Because...

I'm not so different
from my own mother.

That's the most painful thing
I've ever said in my life.

The woman I believed
hated me.

The woman who I hated...

Couldn't teach me
how to love.

And I couldn't teach
my children.

I know some of our damage
is permanent.

But I can feel now.

And if I can feel,

maybe I can love.

I can love my children.

I can love my husband.

And maybe,
even I can love myself.

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

STEVEN: Sure, there was abuse,
I'm not gonna lie about it.

JOHN: But our father
absolutely denies

any type of sexual encounter.

STEVEN: Hey, Susan!

You're not gonna
get away with this.

JOHN: There's gonna be payback!

STEVEN:
Where's the forgiveness?
Where's the healing?

You'll never
see me again.

You're not my sisters.

[REPORTERS CLAMORING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

You once told me

that all you ever wanted
out of this

was for Grandpa to own up
to what he'd done.

That's true.

Well, that isn't
good enough for me.

You think you can stand
up there in front

of all those people
and tell me you love me?

And have me believe it?

It's a start, Karla.