Ujda Chaman (2019) - full transcript

Chaman Kohli is 30 -year-old bachelor with Premature Balding and in quest of a beautiful wife. Chaman hits rock bottom when an astrologer gives him a deadline to find himself a wife or remain a celibate forever.

'I am Chaman Kohli.'

'The eldest son of the
Kohli Family in Rajouri Garden.'

'A Hindi Professor at the
Delhi University on weekdays.'

'And a 30-year-old eligible
bachelor on weekends.'

Get lost! Get lost!
Don't come here again.

'Like every other Sunday..'

'..my family and I were visiting
a prospective girl's family.'

'What happened was,
my pictures in the matrimony site..'

'..turned out to be 5 years old.'

'The ones shoving the
Kohli Family out now..'

'..were not so long
ago trying to fawn us.'

- That's amazing.
- So, let's get started?

What do you do, son?

He does Whatsapp.

Don't we all!

- There, that's my younger daughter.
- Come..

Come here, dear.

Meet the Kohli Family,
he's the eldest son.

Have a seat. Come here.

That's my eldest daughter and her son.

Go and say hello to uncle, son.

- Come on, son.
- Very good!

Good boy.

What's your name?



You post a handsome
looking picture of him..

..but he turned out to be a bald guy.

- You bloody..
- Get lost!

That's my younger brother, Goldie.

A full time idler who
is pursuing a master's degree.

Well, just for the heck of it.

Stop it, Goldie.

- Bloody hoggers.
- Here's your cheap Samosa, oldie!

Meet the Papa Kohli.

A clerk at Delhi
Municipal Cooperation.

In the past five years,
his hair has turned grey..

..trying to find a match for me.

You are an oldie!

- Your son is an oldie and a baldie!
- Oh really?

Don't you have a mirror at home?

Where's your hair, you baldie!

That's my mom.

She still believes that I am quite
handsome, even if the world doesn't.

Even after 50 rejections,
she hasn't lost hope.

- Baldie! Baldie! Baldie!
- All of you are so gross!

- You..
- You..

- You..
- Come back.

- You..
- Mummy, let's go.

- Don't come here again.
- Come on, get lost!

- Come on, get inside.
- You get lost from here.

I'll make you go bald if
you ever bring a proposal again.

- Stop! Let me put a jinx on her.
- Come on, let's go from here.

- Go ahead. Come on.
- Let me put a jinx on her.

May every male in your
family be forever bald.

Please don't ask us to meet
such disgusting families again.

I agree. They looked
like a family of hooligans.

- It is not so. - My son has
a narrow escape. Good riddance.

You know so many people.
Why can't you find us a good match?

What is this?

Did a crow do that or a pigeon?

- What?
- Shit.

- Do you have to say that?
- But it is shit. Have a look.

Oh, I got it.

- Rajni is behind this.
- This shit?

- No, black magic. - Come on,
how do you expect Rajni to sit here?

You might think that
she is very naive..

..but she keeps doing
black magic all the time.


- Brother, please introduce us
to Mr. Shastri. - Okay.

He predicted that Trump
would be America's Prime Minister.

And it came true.

Mummy, he's the President,
not the Prime Minister.

He is something, right?

- Don't argue with me, Goldie.
- You keep crushing the candies.

- This isn't Candy Crush, papa.
- He behaves as if he is some minister.

Look, his planetary positions
bypassing the wedding platform..

..will take a shortcut
through asceticism..

..and lead him directly to Moksa.



That means everything is fine.

This means if he doesn't
get married before he turns 31..

..then he will forever
lead an ascetic life.

In English, it's called..

- Celebrate.
- Not celebrate, celibate.

- We will celebrate.
- What?

Why will we celebrate?

It's not celebrate, it's celibate.

This means he will
stay single all his life.

He will never get married.

- What?
- Yes.

What are you saying, Guruji?

It's not me,
his planetary positions suggest that.

Please don't put this on me.

- This is so wrong.
- No..

- Whether it's wrong or right,
it is what is it is. - Don't cry, Guddi.

- This is a big thing.
- Mummy..

- What is trhis?
- He is my eldest son.

Please don't cry.

- Eldest or youngest doesn't matter.
- How will the youngest one..

- Please, don't cry..
- ..get married if he doesn't?

- Please calm her down.
- Every mother has a dream..

- ..of getting her son married. - Please
don't cry. I am begging you not to.

- Is there a solution?
- There is.

Get him married before he turns 31.

This is the solution.


That can be done.

It's okay, son. Okay?

Give the offerings to everyone.

- Celebrate.
- Celebrate.

"My nose ring is trying
to say something.."

Come on, man.

This is Joginder's fault.

Mummy, it's the fault of
that 5-year-old picture and the cap.

It's not like we love to lie.

No one's ready to meet a bald guy.

I mean that once they meet the boy,
they might like him, his family.

And things might eventually work out.

Someone tell me what's
the use of hair anyway.

They are useless,
just like fingernails.

He is a good guy.
He has a government job.

He is a professor in college.
What else do they want?

Don't worry.

Nirmala has some herbal oil.

Apply that and you will
have hair sprouting in three days.

- I guarantee that.
- The hair oil won't help.

I think you should
go for hair transplant.

Don't you dare go for
hair transplant, Chaman.

- But..
- Do you know how risky it is?

- Surinder's nephew got it
done last year. - And?

He passed away.

- Really?
- Yes.

You are under my oath.

We wouldn't have to
go hunting for a girl..

..if only he would have
opted for love marriage.

You know, we had a love
marriage way back in 1986.

He's useless.

At least try.

Why don't you just keep
quiet and cut the salad?

- Fine.
- Don't stress yourself, son.

I'll find such a lovely girl for you..

..that the whole of Rajouri
will burn with jealousy.

Why not go for the
whole of Delhi, Guddi?

- Vivid imaginations don't get
taxed as yet.- Please, keep quiet.

No one needs to find anyone.

Did I ask you to?

Oh really?
So you want to be a 'celebrity'?

Mummy, it's not celebrity,
it's celibate.

Actors are called celebrity.

- Don't interrupt me. - Why don't you
say single and end the argument?

Fine, you will end up being that.

You know you have a flaw.

So what?
People can be happy without marriage.

Really? Tell me one name.

Salman Khan.

Their case is different.

They at least get some..


Girls. They can find girls.

- They have had many options.
- Yes. Right!

I can be happy even
without a girl in my life.

Yeah, right.


I've told you a thousand
times to dress decently.

- There are three males in here.
- Calm down. This is not her fault.

This jar will come flying at you next.

Water, please.

You want water? Here's your water.

'Suhani and Piyush got engaged.'

'Hey, congratulations guys.'


'S**t! The last one is also down.'

'Everyone from our
batch is married now.'

'Hey not yet,
our Chaman is still pending.'

'Is he still thinking about marriage?'

'I thought he must
have given up by now.'


I was waiting for your call.


Listen, can we meet tomorrow?

My friend has an empty flat.

Let's go there.

Do you think I am that kind of a guy?

Have I ever even touched you?

Come on now, give me a kiss.

A small one?

You know I cannot sleep without one.

I feel restless.

Give me a small one.
Please give it.

This is meant for the cheek.

Now one on my lips.

What are you doing?

Goldie, I can't find my slippers.

Can't find your slippers?

Take mine.

Pass them to me.



What happened!

You are supposed to sleep on bed,
not tittle-tattle.

Get out. Leave.

Fine. I am leaving.

It's not like I love
to sleep with you.

Papa asked me to sleep
here till you don't get married.

Said we would save some electricity.

Now it seems like I'll be
spending the rest of my life here.

Stop blabbering and leave.
Tell papa, I'll pay the bill.

- Hello?
- Disgusting!

- No, there was some disturbance.
- Go.

He's just frustrated. Nothing else.

"Have no doubt,
this moon stands out"

"No hair on the head,
I feel so restless"

Don't worry about that..

No, I am just massaging
my head with some oil.

"Have no doubt,
this moon stands out"

"No hair on the head,
I feel so restless"

Chaman, pay respect to your
grandfather before you leave. Okay?

"No hair to provide shade"

"No protection from the sun, mate"

"Overshadowing my looks always,
what a fate"

"Everyone is awed at the sight"

"This moon shines bright"

Goldie took the car, again?

Who needs the car more,
that useless idler or me?

I am the one who makes 70,000 a month.

So what?
Why don't you take the scooter?

It's his age to have some fun.

The car will come in handy to him.

You only use it as a conveyance.

No, I was talking to Chaman.

"This moon shines bright"

"Autumn is distressed,
life is a mess"

"I will dance,
if I loss them by chance"

"Autumn is distressed,
life is a mess"

"I will dance,
if I loss them by chance"

"This cruel world taunts me"

"This barren land
has been earned by me"

"I cause a commotion everywhere I go"

"Everyone is awed at the sight"

"This moon shines bright"

"Whether it's day or night"

"This moon shines bright"

"Mirror mocks me"

"Everyone ridicules me"

"Everyone is awed at the sight"

"This moon shines bright"

"This moon shines bright"

"This moon shines bright"

"This moon shines bright"

This is the result
of tolerating atrocities.

By being gentle, man losses terror..



Sir, what is the result
of tolerating atrocities?

This looks like you.

This is you.


Thank you, sir.

Sir, he was misbehaving.
He was making fun of me.

What did you say?

That wasn't me, sir.


Sir, I want a day off tomorrow.

I need to drop my wife
off to her sister's place.


Thank you, sir.

Wife, sir.

I got the permission.

His wife or someone else's?

- Sir..
- What do you think?

What does he talk about with his wife,
seven years after marriage?


What were you saying?

Nothing, sir.




- But sir, I didn't say it.
- Shut up.

Your parents send you here for this?

Bloody good-for-nothing loafers.

They'll either keep staring at the
girls or troubling their professors.

He's as old as your father.

Sir, I am just 30.

I am just be seven or
eight years older than him.

Chaman, you look a tad matured.


- Sir!
- 1000 rupees. Right away.


- Pay up.
- Next time, sir.

- Pay up.
- Sir..

I don't have change, sir.

You do have any change?

No, sir.

- I'll pay it tomorrow, sir.-
Shut up.

Let's do one thing..

You say it again leave this here.

What do I say, sir?

This is wrong, sir.

How can you let him insult me again?

Chaman, I have fined him.

Let's compromise and end the matter.

How can I say it, sir?

Then you should have change on you.

I am not running a grocery
store here to have change handy.

I am getting late for class.
Say it and end the matter.



Raj, when did you get married?

Seven years back.

We'll be celebrating
our anniversary next month.

Great! Arranged marriage?

No, sir. Love marriage.

We fell in love.

I mean, how did it happen?

Where did you two first meet?

At a wedding.

- At a wedding?
- Yes.

My friend was getting married.

She was the bride's friend.

That's where we saw each
other for the first time.

We fell in love on the dance floor.

And then, we got married.

You found love at
your friend's wedding?

Yes, that's what friend's
weddings are for.

You get free alcohol and
you get to flirt with girls.

Where's my tea?

This feels so dry without it!


Join us, bro.

Shikha was just joking.

I'll apologise on her behalf.

No, you guys have fun.

Why are you doing this?

What's Piyush and Suhani's fault?

Please join us.

At the last minute?
I don't even have a suit ready.

Come in casuals then.

Else, I'll arrange for a suit for you.

Fine, let me see. I'll let you know.

I'll come up with something.


Wait right there, Chaman.

Apply the oil before you leave.

What are you doing, mummy?
It won't work.

I have tried a million things already.

Where are you going all dressed up?

To a friend's wedding.

Aren't you tired of dancing
at your friends' weddings?

Why do you always
keep taunting me, papa?

I am not taunting you. I am only
stating a fact. Don't waste your time.

What's more important,
dancing at your friend's wedding..

..or finding a girl for yourself?

That's why I am going there.
To flirt..

To find a girl.

Flirt, eh!

There comes the professor.

Looking good, professor.

- All good?
- All good.

Managed to arrange a suit then?

- Join us.
- Chaman sir, please forgive me.

You felt so bad about what I said?

It's cool.

It's cool?
Then you just wait and watch.

I'll surely set you
up with someone tonight.


- There are quite a few
beautiful girls here. - Really?

"The kohl in your
eyes is worth a million"

"Your big bright eyes
are targeting billions"

"Stealthily stealing hearts,
your outfit, my dear"

"Leaving everyone awestruck,
your outfit, my dear"

"It's killing the boys,
your outfit, my dear"

"Gucci and Prada
guys are also your fan"

"All the brands want
you to promote them"

"Mesmerises even the young lads,
your outfit, my dear"

"It's killing the boys,
your outfit, my dear"

"Leaving everyone awestruck,
your outfit, my dear"

"It's killing the boys,
your outfit, my dear"

You see that?

He's on a roll.

So professor..

Where's your girl?

Where's my bro's chick?

I'm chatting with her.

She is busy with her friends.

She said she'd meet
me after the wedding.

Well done, bro!

She seems too busy, don't you think?

What the duck!

My bro's girl..

Someone's getting cosy
with her behind the bushes.

Move aside.

- That's not her.
- That's her.

- That's not her.
- That's her.

- Let's go.
- No. That's not her.

- Let's go.
- No. That's not her.

Let's go, that's her.

- I'll beat you.
- Let's go.

You bloodsucking Dracula,
let go of her.

This is the wrong guy.

Your guy is over there.

That's Goldie. Let him go.
He's Chaman's brother.

Chaman's brother?

Don't you have any shame?

You are hitting on
your brother's wife?

Wife? What wife?

Isn't he your husband?


What is this nonsense?

What the hell are you doing there?

Come here and handle your own mess.

Let it go, Rathee.

It's cool. It happens.

It's cool?

We aren't still that westernised,
you dunce..

..that brothers can
take turns at this.

Can someone please tell
me what the hell is happening.

Come here, professor.

I just don't understand
these Delhi girls.

Excuse me, South Delhi.

I am from South Ex. Okay?

South Ex.

What are you doing here?

Speak up.

We just came here for the free food.

We didn't know that
it's your friend's wedding.

We wouldn't have come here otherwise.

- He planned to devour the girl as well.
- No.

You are welcome to continue
with your family drama.

Will you please let me go?

Madam, he is your boyfriend.

Go with him.

What boyfriend?

Weren't you and he hook.. talking?

Talking about?

He's been harassing me.

He has been following me everywhere.

He waited outside the
ladies washroom for 15 minutes.

He has been messaging me non-stop.

I replied after he sent 20 messages.

I am sick and tired of this drama.

I am leaving.

Bloody hooligans.

She's your girlfriend?

No, I met her at the snack stall.

And you groped her?

You are lucky that
you are his brother.

I'd have stuffed you
in the boot and dumped you..

..in the middle of nowhere otherwise.




Nothing. He was just
a coward from Haryana.

Two whacks and he learnt his lesson.

That girl?

She was poison.


I couldn't have a proper dinner so..

Wait, I'll serve you dinner.

- Goldie!
- Mummy!

Let me go.

Papa! Let me go, bro!


Help me!

Are you hurt, bro?

- You bloody..
- Help!

- Wait, I'll teach you a lesson.
- Help me, he's going to kill me.

Oh my God, what happened?

- I am warning you, get down
right this minute. - What happened?

Can't you see? He is possessed.

Yes, I am possessed.
Let me show you how.

You creep!

- Shame on you!
- What are you doing?

How dare you hit your
father with your shoes!

- Mummy, help me!
- Shut up. You too shut up.

- You shut up. - Strange woman,
what is wrong with you?

- Stop!
- Don't turn this into a fish market!

Why are you hitting him? Stop!

Don't fight..

- Stop! Why did you close the door?
- Where are they?

- Go after them.
- Move aside.

- Stop! I am warning you.
- I'll get hurt!

You bloody..!

- Where are you running?
- I'll get hurt.


Brother, I beg you..

I am telling you.
Just say sorry.

I am telling you, I'll beat you.

Stop it. Stop it.

Leave it.


- I didn't beat you yet.
- No.

You want to consume poison? Right?

- I'll give you poison. Wait!
- No.

- I don't want to consume poison.
- Chaman!

- You want to consume poison?
- What is going on?

- You..
- Stop it, Chaman!

- I don't want it.
- Chaman! Chaman!

- Chaman! Let him go! Let him go!
- What are you doing?

Let him go! Come on.

- What are you doing? Let him go!
- I am warning you.

Shameless! Rascal!

- Come here.
- What happened? Tell me?

- What happened?
- He's a bloody pervert.

What's this commotion about
in the middle of the night?

- What's going on, Mr. Kohli?
- What is going to happen?

Can't you see we
are getting embarrassed?

- Do you want to embarrass us
in front of the society? - Stop it.

- Come down. - We've been staying in
Rajouri since three generations.

At least take your forefathers'
reputation into consideration.

Get down before you dent the car!

He has already caused a lot of dents.

Stop it.

At least tell us what
happened between you two.

Speak up.

Ask him.

Chaman, tell us what happened.

- Speak up.
- Tell us.

Strange fellow. He just left.
You tell us.

How much for the taro root?

- 15 for a quarter of a kilo.
- Okay.


Mr. Kohli?

He is 30, right?

- Chaman?
- Yes.

There is a lot of
fire within at this age.

Do you understand?

So, he might go to different
places to find relief.

You know at those kinds of places?

He could get AIDS.

That's why rapes happen.
Because of frustration.

Oh come on, sister.

- Who says such things?
- Shut up.

I am talking to him.

I mean we should find a solution
before something untoward happens.

We will need to find a solution.

I'll go find a solution.

Hurry up.

Testosterone, medication..


What have you been blabbering since
morning? What do you plan to discuss?

You won't understand,
let me handle this.

But what are you about to do?

Do my duty as a father.

Do you understand?

May I come in, son?

Do you need to ask?

Yes, right!

Gulab Jamun (Sweets) for you.



What is it?


I thought we should
have a father-son talk.

- A father-son talk?
- Yes.

What kind of a talk is that?

Son, I should have
had this talk 12 years ago.

I am a little late,
but better late than never.

What are you talking about?

Look son, I was 24 when I got married.

Before that, I used to go
for strolls in the neighbourhood.

You will soon turn 31.

Your body is filled
with.. what is it called?


Give me a minute. I forgot.

I had memorised everything,
but I forgot. Wait.


Yes. There are a few elements..

- Papa, please, I know.
- I know that you know.

But you don't know that when
their numbers start increasing..

..you feel a strange fire. Yes.

- Fire?
- Yes.

Are you feeling alright?

Why are you saying
such strange things?

This isn't strange.
This is correct education.

It is because of this that you
wanted to crack open Goldie's skull.

Papa, stop this.

You know how worried
we are because of you?

You scared us yesterday. We
thought you'd do some serious damage.

- What have I damaged?
- No, you haven't.

You actually cannot.

But you will be forced by them to.

- Yes.
- Who them?

The testo-tentrone.

- What testentrone?
- The testentron..

Whatever it's called.
Show me your phone.


Where is it?

Here it is. Have a look.

- Tinder?
- Yes, Tinder.

Learn to take full
advantage of technology.

30-year-old virgin boy orders
Gulab Jamun (sweets) online.

I am not a virgin.
You can have it checked if you want.

Have it checked, yeah right!

I am your father. I know everything.


Are you crazy?

Oh man, they are all going crazy.

Raj, any other place?

Perhaps where your friend,
brother, cousin fell in love?

In office.

- In office?
- Yes.

Sir, maximum number of my
friends fell in love in office.

You work together, you talk,
you mingle. That's it.

There are so many
female teachers here..

..but all the male
teachers are dumbos.

College closes at four.

You can easily go out for tea,
coffee or a movie and get the girl.

- Really?
- Yes.

So guys, you need to understand that
law of diminishing marginal utility..

..is the most important
law of business.

You guys didn't
understand the concept?

What is so difficult
about this concept?

It's the simplest law of economics.

I'll give a test on this
concept tomorrow, alright?

Are you guys ready for that?

You don't understand..

- Madam.
- Thank you.


They call this leave encashment?

I wonder when this
probation period will end.

Don't stress over it.
It will end soon.

If it doesn't happen soon,
I'll get married.

I'm soon going to turn 30.
I have waited enough.

Ekta, what are you doing this evening?

After college?

Nothing. I'll be going home.

I was wondering,
can we go out for a cup of coffee?

Yes, I heard the canteen
guy brought a new coffee machine.

- He did?
- Yes.

No I meant,
can we go out in the evening?

For a movie, for dinner?

If you're free.

Sir, I already have a
plan tonight with my boyfriend.

Not a problem. Next time.


Renu madam,
what time is the staff meeting?

- At 3:00 p.m. sir.
- At three?

They have a meeting every
week for no reason at all.

I was wondering,
can we go out in the evening?

Maybe to Cannaught Place?

Not possible, sir.

Someone's coming over to see me today.

So you know, I'll have
to make arrangements and stuff.

I know.

Is it confirmed?


Are you coming along?

No, you go ahead. I have some work.

Okay. See you.

Did you get the lecture
schedule for the second year?

No, I already enquired.

- Late as usual.
- Right.

The new English teacher.

- He is so handsome.
- Indeed.

"Everyone is awed at the sight"

"This moon shines bright"

500, 1000..
Keep it down.

500, 1000, 1500..
Around 4000 I think.

You'll need 4000 grafts.

- Grafts?
- Yes.

- Hair roots.
- Whose hair?

Yours, of course.

Don't worry,
we'll collect from behind.

Behind where?

The back of your head.

If we still fall short, we'll take
more from your beard, chest, armpits..

Don't worry, we will manage.

This is quite complicated.

It only sounds complicated.

It's quite easy. I do it every day.

It's quite simple.

Don't look up there.

I lost them after I turned 45.

Young guys like you need hair.

No hair, no girl.

It's 150 per graft,
so it comes to around 600,000 rupees.


Doctor, this isn't cancer
that I'd spend so much.

I'm on a tight budget.

We'll get you a loan.

You can pay in 12 easy instalments.

It'll be 60,000 per month.

That's almost my monthly salary.

How about something cheaper?

I'll prescribe some pills then.

You'll have to have them lifelong.

Is it safe?


One out of every 200 might
get partial or full impotency.

Side effect.

My odds have always been bad.

Any other option?


There is just one option left.


"You shouldn't hide your beauty,
my love"

"You shouldn't hide your beauty,
my love"

"You shouldn't make
the boys suffer, my love"

"You will have to
pick someone eventually"

"Pray, will you marry me?"

Dharam, recite the poem.

"The desire for revolution
lies in our hearts"

"Let us see what strength
lies in the executioner's arms"

[reciting poem]

"When the time comes,
we shall show thee, O heaven"

"For why should we tell thee now,
what lurks in our hearts?"

[reciting poem]

What a relief.

Sir, I just wanted to say you
shouldn't take this to your heart.

These idle hooligans
have nothing else to do.

Take care of yourself.

And don't stress over this.

Okay? I'll leave.

Bye, sir. Take care.

Hi sir, are you okay?

Take care of yourself.

Oh Chaman Kohli.

Hi! I'm fine. Thank you.

Hi, sir.


Sir, should I address
you as sir or as Chaman?

No, I'll call you Chomu.

What is it?

You are a first year student, right?

- Yes.
- What if someone sees us together?

Oh come on, Chomu! Can't
a professor and a student be friends?

Anyway, I don't think
that you are too old.

How old are you?

- 30.
- 30?

I'm 20.

Close enough.

Let's go.

- Come on!
- Okay.

You know our college's crowd.

All the boys are so creepy.

I like sensible, mature men.

You don't need to wear a wig.

You look good just the way you are.

You look like 'The Rock'!


"Bowled over.."

"My heart's lost to you"

"A look, and I fell
head over heels for you"

"So beautiful and well bloomed"

"Have come directly from the moon?"

"So beautiful and well bloomed"

"Have come directly from the moon?"

"Sometimes you seem
too good to be true"

my eyes sparkle when they see you"

"Twinkle-twinkle, my eyes.."

my eyes sparkle when they see you"

"Twinkle-twinkle, my eyes.."

You know I am only one who
is still single in my friend circle?

Don't worry.

Everyone finds someone.
Nandu did too.

- Nandu who?
- My driver.


It's too early for you to
even think about marriage, right?

Hello! Who says so?

My mom was 17 when she got married.

I am already three years late.

You are still in the first year.


Does the college
expel married students?

My mother completed her
graduation after marriage.

- "Oh my love, my dove.."
- Really?

"Your eyes have me floored"

"Oh my agile butterfly.."

"For you my heart soars"

"We are meant to be together,
that's my only respite"

"I feel fortunate
to have you in my life"

"We are meant to be together,
that's my only respite"

"I feel fortunate
to have you in my life"

"So beautiful and well bloomed"

"Have come directly from the moon?"

"So beautiful and well bloomed"

"Have come directly from the moon?"

"Sometimes you seem
too good to be true"

my eyes sparkle when they see you"

"Twinkle-twinkle, my eyes.."

my eyes sparkle when they see you"

"Twinkle-twinkle, my eyes.."



'She is a Muslim.'

'She is ours to take.'

'No one will touch her.'

'We do all the hard work
and you want to keep the spoils?'

- 'Move aside.
- Like I said, if..'


I was wondering..

You have already found a girl.

We know.
Goldie saw you two together.

Why don't you tell us who she is?

Tell us who she is.

Is she even for real?

She is!

Now just don't shooting
questions at me.

"Who she is?
What does she do? What's her name?"

"What's her caste? What do
her parents do? How old is she?"


'So, she is a Muslim?'

'There, now she is a Sikh.'

'If anyone even looks at her,
I swear, I'll behead him.'

- What did I say wrong?
- How would I know?

They are responsible for this..
those 'testentrone'.


What's wrong?

All good?

Tests begin in four days.

I'm going to flunk.

Aaina, you didn't
prepare for the tests?

Grandma wasn't keeping well.


I just couldn't concentrate
on my studies this semester.

I need to cover five
subjects in four days.

Even if I do a subject a day,
I'll have to skip one.

You are preparing the test
questions this semester, right?



If I could get a few questions..

No Aaina, I cannot do that.

I'll fail, Chomu.

Why do you treat
me like other students?

Am I not special to you?

You are very special.

But.. I cannot leak
the question paper.

Let me teach you.

There is no time.

There is a lot of time.

No, there isn't.

Just give me the five
important questions.

The test only has five questions.


Then give me 10.
I'll be prepared, I promise.

- Aaina..
- Please, Chomu.

Please let me know.

Please. Please let me know.

Would you want me to flunk the tests?



Chomu, please?
Please let me know.

Look into your own paper.

Sister-in-law's cheating!


Nobody will talk.

If anybody talks..

..that body, another body,
both the bodies will be thrown out.



Thanks, Choms.

Where are you from?


Good afternoon, sir.

Good afternoon.

What is it, sir?

May I talk to you?

Hop in, babes.


I'm getting late.
I need to get home.

Bye, sir.

Bye, guys.

Who is this baldie?

Our Hindi Professor.


- Open the door.
- Coming, mummy!

[reciting poem]

Tinder! Tinder! Tinder!

You donkey fellow!

[reciting poem]

Professor's on Tinder!

Professor is a womaniser!
Professor is a womaniser!

Professor's on Tinder!

- Hello?
- Hello?

Where are you?
Where have you reached?

- I can't locate you.
- I have reached.

Where are you exactly?

Under the dome.

There are a lot of domes here.
Which one?

Under the big dome.

No, I still can't locate you.

There's a bald guy standing there
wearing a white shirt with black pants.

Where exactly are you?

Sorry, I couldn't make
out from the picture posted.

'I wouldn't have showed up
if he had posted a full body shot.'

'Like I would have if I'd
seen the buffalo that you are.'

'Fat people should compulsorily
post a full body shot.'

You too shouldn't have
posted a close up picture..

So, what brought you to Tinder?

I mean, did you want
a girlfriend or a hook-up?

A wife.

'Is he insane?'

'Who goes hunting for a wife on Tinder?'

Why are you on Tinder?

Well, I just had a breakup
so I thought about checking it out.

Perhaps, I might find someone.

Perhaps, I might end up liking someone.

Why Tinder?

Why not try the traditional route?

'You are an oldie!'
'Your son is an oldie and a baldie!'

I tried, but I didn't like any.

There is a shortage
of good girls these days.

I am not someone who compromises.

'You won't compromise?'

'You are a compromise.'

They are not that hard to find.

Why did you breakup?

I wanted to say something.

Go ahead.

Sandy's birthday party.. - It was fun!

Your family is so sweet.

Your mummy, papa, uncles and aunts..

First, I was in love with you.
Now, I am in love with your family.

So my family..

Agreed to get us married?


They aren't happy
about this relationship.

They said..

..we don't make a good couple.

You look elder than me.

You are a little.. not little,
too much on the heavier side?

That's why I keep asking
you to gain some weight.

You are so lanky.

Start having a couple
of bananas every day.

And assorted breads with
loads of butter on them.

And please don't cook
them in olive oil and stuff..

Oh please.

I am not lanky, you are fat.

My parents don't want
their daughter-in-law to be..

Before we end up getting more hurt..

Let's breakup now.

Excuse me ma'am.

Excuse me,
could you box this pastry up for me?

Why did you breakup?

Well.. it just didn't work out.

He was too dumb.

His brains were stuck here.

He used to have 50 boiled eggs in a day.

I wonder where they all went.
He didn't have a good body.

Anyways, what do you teach?



It must be quite a boring job,
I mean, being a Hindi lecturer?


It's boring to be a lecturer?


What's wrong with teaching Hindi?

What do you do?

I'm a bridal makeup artist.

But I have taken a break,
so I am at home these days.

It's boring to stay at home.

It's not boring to be a Hindi lecturer.

'He's such a grouch.'

'I don't want to date this baldie.'

'This fatso is so crude.'

'I wouldn't marry her even if
she is the last girl left in the world.'

'How do I say no to him?'

'How do I get out of here?'

We can be friends.


Good friends.

Great friends.

I'll call you.

I'll drop in a message on Facebook.


- Bye.
- Bye.


- Mayur Vihar?
- No.

Can I drop you somewhere?

Could you drop me to the Metro Station?


Hold on.

- Ready?
- Yes.

- She is badly hurt.
- Bed six, bed six.

- Where is he? - There.
- Chaman.

Oh my God, what happened?

Are you alright?

- I've just sprained my wrist a little.
- Your pants are torn.

Everything else is fine?



I'm Apsara's dad.

Apsara's mom.

They were together
when they had an accident.


They were together.


- Hello.
- Hello.

I'm his mother.

His father.

- Hello, sister.
- Hello.

- Hello, auntie. Hello, uncle.
- Hello dear.

Oh no.

This looks bad.

No, it's just ligament tear.

How did this happen?

Well, he lost the balance of the scooter.

Chaman never drives it well.

He almost made me fall a couple of times.

- I drive carefully.
- Shut up.

'Take a good look at her.'

'What makes you think
she can ride pillion?'

It's your fault.

I've told you a thousand
times to let Chaman take the car.

He has a social life.
He'll make good use of the car.

So, when are they getting discharged?

He's getting discharged today.

They will keep Apsara
under observation for a day.


- Chaman will stay here with her.
- Yes.


No sister, I'm here for her.

No, sister.
He is the one who caused this.

- So, he's the one who will
look after her. - Yes.

- No, I mean we cannot
give him the trouble. - Yes.

- No.
- No, it's no trouble.

It's better to have a man
to do the running around if required.

- Yes. - You'll stay.
Do you understand?

Sir, please clear the bill.

- Okay.
- Let's go.

- Should I come along?
- Yes.

I'll be right back.

- Let's go, sister.
- Come on.

Thank God are kids are fine.

Yes, sister.

And look at how God
conspired to get us together.

- I swear.
- Yes.

Kids these days don't
tell their parents anything.

- Chaman had given us a hint.
- Okay.

- But he didn't give
us any details. - Okay.

- He is shy that way.
- I see.

- No..
- No need, Mr. Kohli.

Don't embarrass me like this.

- No way. I have change.
- Same here.

During the phase of demonetisation,
you need..

- No, please.
- You can ask Ms. Shweta here.

- We are frequent this place.
- Please let me clear the bill.

We are regulars here.

Please let me clear the bill.

- I'm begging you.
- Please don't do that.

That's so unfair. Please don't do this.

Chaman caused that fall
so he should pay the bill.

Let's spilt the bill then.

Let me contribute a little. Here.

- Here.
- Here you go.

We are done.
What are you doing?

Take this back.

Thank God that your daughter is healthy.

You know I too fell over once.

Doctor said my bones didn't
break because of my body fat.

Well, Apsara has a slow metabolism.

Slow what?

The way her bodies processes
the food she eats is a little off.

- Okay.
- She eats less than us.

Tell me, who eats just
two Parathas (stuffed bread)?

No one.

That's my weak spot as well.


I faced the same problem
just day before yesterday.

I made four Parathas.

Cauliflower is in season these days.

So I thought why not eat them.
They taste so good.

Chaman's father just
wouldn't stop taunting me.

I ended up having just three of them.

I don't eat much, you see.

- Really?
- True.




What happened?

Where's my mom?

She's asleep.

Do you want anything?

Well, actually..


I'm hungry.

I'll go get something.

Can I come with you?

I'm bored.

Doesn't your leg hurt?


I know this is stupid,
but I am having a lot of fun.

Of course, I am doing all the hard work.

You are doing exercise.

Why are you so happy?

Five year ago,
in the last year of graduation..

..I had sneaked out just
like this to have noodles.

It was the last exam so all my friends
had come to the hostel for group study.

The only difference was
that we had booze instead of this.

A night before the exam?


It was the last day of college.
That's the least we could do.

this is my first hospitalisation.

Have you ever been hospitalised?


New experience.

New experience?

Be grateful, it wasn't anything serious.

There is always a reason
behind everything in life.

There is always something good in it,
we just don't see it.

What can be good in an accident?

We will learn that later.

Like if not for the accident..

..we wouldn't be having noodles
and tea in the middle of the night.

Talking like this.

We wouldn't have experienced
the wheelchair ride.


Tell me something.

Why an arranged marriage?

You don't have a girlfriend?

You have never been in a relationship?

I was.

I have been in many relationships.

In school, in college.

Even until recently.

I just had a breakup.

And why did it happen?

She was a 20-year-old kid.


She had no brains.

She was a headache.

You don't compromise.

I know.

Anyway, look for someone
close to your age to get married.


And you won't find such girls on Tinder.

So please go there.

I know where and how to find a girl.

You don't need to tell me.

Don't get upset, I was just joking.


Shall we leave?

Let's go.

By the way, thank you.

Thank you for the tea,
noodles and..

The wheelchair ride.

Good night.

Good night.

I feel cheated, Raj.

Everything's fake on the internet.

What you see is not what you get.

I gave her a lift and
we met with an accident.

Our parents ended up meeting each other.

They were talking to each other
like they were long lost relatives.

I spent the whole night
in the hospital for no reason.

You spent the night in the hospital?

- Yes.
- Then what happened?

Then what?
Dawn came and I escaped.

I'll talk to you later.

- I'm getting late for my class.
- Okay, sir.

This is how it is supposed to be.
Kids should do whatever they please.


Chaman is a very decent
and a well-cultured boy.


He doesn't have girlfriends.
He doesn't like to loiter around.

He's a very "pure".

Very pure.
Just like Ghee (Clarified butter).


There he is.

Come here, son.

- Hello.
- Hello.

We were just talking about you.

- Yes.
- Come and sit with us.

No, I am fine.

It's not fine. Come here.

Come on, come and sit with us.

How are you doing, son?

How are you feeling now?


Thank God.

- Mr. Kohli?
- Yes.

- He looks "pure".
- Right.


It's so hard to find
such "pure" boys these days.

Boys are such creeps these days.

My son has always respected girls.

That's why he is "pure".

- He doesn't drink or smoke either.
- Right.

We have no issues with that.

- Really?
- We too sometimes..


Mr. Batra, why didn't you tell me?
I would have got some for you.

- What would you have?
- No, thanks.

It will be here in no time.
It won't be a problem.

We'll share a drink or two.
What do you say?

Come on, don't force him.

He must not be in mood for it.

Some other time then.
We'll be getting together often now.


Okay then, we'll take your leave now.

- How about another round of tea?
- No, thank you.

- Bye.
- Bye.

That's okay.

"Pure" boy.

It is not so, papa.

We are just friends.

That's good, dear.

Friends make good husbands.

Look at our friendship for example.


- Here.
- Cheers.

I agree he doesn't have
much hair but he is a nice boy.

It's not that, mummy.

I know he is a Hindi professor.
It's a little boring.

But it is a government job.

And she knows how to
keep herself entertained.

The important thing
is that he is a nice boy.


It is not so.

The thing is,
he isn't a loafer like the other boys.

He is a decent boy.

A "pure" guy.

A "pure" boy.

One look at him and
I knew that he is "pure".

Tell me something,
how did all this started?

We were just having a conversation
and they brought up the marriage topic.

Apsara, you are 29 years old.

How much longer do you want to wait?

Look, dear..

Only if you feel like it..

If you like him..

If you think he is genuine..

Then we will go forward.


Chaman likes me?

- Yes!
- Yes!

That's why his parents
brought up the marriage topic.

Who brought up this topic?
I don't want to get married.

Open the door! I said open it!


Not so long ago he said
he found a girl and what not.

I just don't understand.

She is so fat.

She won't look good with me.

She isn't fat.
Her metal-ball..

Something is off balanced.

He will go around with fat
girls but we won't marry them!

She isn't fat, she is healthy.

- Like you.
- Right.

That's how Punjabi girls are.

She is not like those matchstick
thin South Delhi girls..

..who get drunk on empty
stomach and then puck their guts out.

Have you taken a good look at her?

Have you seen yourself?

You think you are Tom Cruise?

This isn't my fault.

It's grandpa's fault.

The one you worship every morning.
He is behind this.

I inherited baldness from him.

How did you get it from him?


It's because of the genes, mummy.

You won't understand.

And why don't I have this hair..


- Why doesn't Goldie have it?
- Right.

You guys are lucky.

These genes went dormant
for you and Goldie.

That's why they didn't
have any effect on you two.

I had to suffer all its ill effects.

Oh great! It's not like
I forced these genes on you.

Strange fellow.

God decides what you
get and what you don't get.

What should I do?
I have no feelings for her.

Listen son..

There is a right time for everything.

You will start getting these
feelings after you get married.

Get this straight!

You are not in a position to
choose a girl based on your feelings!

Try to understand.
You'll be single all your life otherwise.

You'll be banging your head
on walls in a couple of years.

You will die a virgin!
A virgin!

Die what?

Forget it.

One more thing,
all these praises are a lie.

30-year-old guy, and "pure"?

This is not something to boast about.

It is!

My son is "pure". Chaste!

I am not "pure".
You can have it checked.


I am your father. I know everything.

Please don't put so
much pressurise on my head.

You are under pressure
because of your head, son.

Why don't you get it?

We have been getting
humiliated since five years.

So many families have rejected you.

We cannot take this anymore.

We are tired.

Guddi, talk to him.

Look son,
you will turn 31 in four months.

Think about it.

I know my son will
make the right decision.

[I think we can be good friends]

[But we aren't compatible for marriage]

[Can we meet tomorrow evening?
I need to talk to you]



We can be good friends.

We aren't compatible for marriage.

We can be good friends.



How are you?


How's your hand?

How's your leg?

It's almost healed.

They'll take off the
bandage in a couple of days.

- Well..
- Chaman, I wanted to say something.

My ex-boyfriend Mohit..

Actually, he dumped me and
it wasn't the other way around.

He kept using the
excuse of compatibility.

But he finally said the
truth while breaking up with me.

He and his family had a
problem with me being overweight.

They said he is their only son
so they wanted an angelic wife for him.

I did the same thing with
you during our first meeting.

I judged you for your looks.

So, you are rejecting me?


That accident was destiny.

If not for that,
we wouldn't have met again.

Our families wouldn't have met.

And I wouldn't have been
able to see your inner beauty.

'Inner beauty?'

And perhaps, you and your family
wouldn't be able to see my inner beauty.

'What inner beauty?'

Chaman, somewhere.. somewhere I like you.

I think if our families get along..

..so well then we too
can consider getting married.

Do you have something to say?


Looks are superficial, Chaman.

Everyone loses hair eventually.

Everyone puts on some
weight after marriage.

If it has to happen eventually
then why not accept it?

You are very nice.

Everyone on Tinder is only
looking for a one-night stand.

But you can meet on
Tinder and fall in love.

You can get married too.

Well, I have deleted
the app from my phone.

You too should delete it.

Why don't you just say no to her?

I am not in a position to refuse, Raj.

My family is tired.
And what reason would I give them?

I have no other option.

If not for that accident,
all this wouldn't have happened.

Why don't you talk to the girl?
Perhaps, she'd agree with you.

I'd gone to talk to her.

She told me the sob
story about her breakup.

What would have I told her anyway?

That she is fat.. and
that's why I cannot marry her?

They are about to match our horoscopes.

That's how serious things are now.



Guruji, my parents want
me to marry a girl I don't like.

They will come here tomorrow
to match our horoscopes.

If you could find
compatibly issues then..


I can pay you 5000.

You think these horoscopes..

planetary positions, astrology..

..are a joke, right?

Do you?


Then what are you asking me to do?

I should change the planetary positions
just because you're paying me 5000?


Are you asking me to lie?
Do you have any faith in them?

Do you have any respect for them?
Do you believe in them?

- Do you trust them?
- I do.

You are lying.
You are a liar.

You want me to lie for money.

- Get out of here.
- No.

- Please.
- I said leave! Get out!


Why are you still here?

Why are you crying?

Everything's in your hands now.

Look, nothing's in my hands.
Stop crying.

What.. what are you doing?
Please don't cry.

What is the problem?

Neither she nor will
I be happy after marriage.


You are about to ruin two lives.

Hey! How am I ruining them?

Look son, don't behave like your mother.

Please don't cry and listen to me.


Okay tell me what I need to do.

You just need to find
incompatibility issues.

I don't want to get married to her.


Anyway, what's the use of a marriage
that won't make you or that girl happy?

Fine, I'll do it.

But get this straight.

I'll have to say there
are issues in your horoscope.

I won't do this to her.

She is someone's daughter.

How can I do that?

I won't be able to do that.

Okay, guruji.

You can say there are
issues in my horoscope.


But make sure to create a
doubt in her mind which scares her.

Consider it done.

- Thank you, guruji.
- It's okay.

Hey, listen..






I mean right now.

- Right now?
- Yes.

Can I pay less?

Can I create less doubt?


No. Good.


- Thank you, guruji.
- It's okay.

Well, there is an issue
in the boy's planetary positions.


Guruji, is it serious?

Yes. No.

I mean..

..it is very serious.

All the planets are in wrong place.

Ma'am, let me put this in this way.

If he gets married to her..

..a life will be in danger

Not your life.

Her life will be in danger.

So Mr. Kohli, I suggest you let her go.

How can we let her go?
She is like a daughter to us.

That's why I am saying so.
You should let her go.

Guruji, there has to be a solution.

There are chances that she could die.

Guruji, life and death
are anyway not in our hands.

Even a few days with
Chaman would be enough for me.

Chaman, mummy,
papa, they all love me a lot.

They perhaps love me more than I deserve.


- Saw that?
- I did.

Can I get a better
daughter-in-law than her?

She is very..

She is a goddess.

Don't cry, mummy. Calm down.

- Calm down, Guddi.
- Shut up.

Look.. Guruji, you are so knowledgeable.

- That's fine.
- We are nothing compared to you.

Look knowledge and death are not related.

No, I am sure you
have a solution for this.

- No, this..
- Don't cry.

We will do whatever you ask us to do.

Any kind of a benediction
or a prayer you want.

- Yoga, medication, I'm willing to
do everything. - There is a solution.

There is a solution.

Please tell us.

But you said that all
the planets are doomed!

Yes, they are doomed.

But they can revived by
performing a certain benediction.

So, you have to perform a benediction
which will cost you 21,500.

21,500, guruji?

Do you have a problem with that?

- No.
- Then do it.

21,500, guruji?
Can we not bring this down a little?

Just a little, if you could?

What are you doing, Mr. Kohli?

We are trying to get your son
married and you are bargaining with me?

No bargaining,
we want him to get married.


Seek his blessings, dear.

- You are our saviour, guruji.
- It's okay.

You have saved us.

Hail to thee!

Seek his blessings.

Come on, son.

Bless you.

Mr. Kohli..

What's wrong?

What are you doing here?

It was quite smoky outside.

Everyone was clicking pictures outside.

We don't click a single picture together.

Come closer.


Chaman sir?

I was wondering..

.. how about some coffee?

I'll ask the canteen guy to get it.


I meant could we go out in the evening?

Actually, why go out for just coffee?

How about a movie followed by dinner?

Why? Don't you have
plans with your boyfriend?

I just had a breakup.

He was cheating on me..
with a girl from his office.

Chaman sir..

I have learnt that these handsome,
good-looking boys are playboys.

One should get married to a sorted,
sensible, mature man.

Someone like you.

You look loyal and committed.

Ekta ma'am, congratulate him.


Did he get an increment?

He stealthily got betrothed.

He didn't even inform anyone.

His would-be wife posted a
picture on Facebook and tagged him.

That's how I found out.


Chaman sir looks like a
decent man but he is very cunning..

A perfect couple.

A match made in heaven, huh.

[Please delete the
picture posted on Facebook]

No one should be as unfortunate as I am.

When I was single,
no one would entertain me.

Suddenly everyone is interested
in me after that fatso entered my life.

But sir, think about this.

She is ready to marry you
without worrying about her life.

She is without a doubt a good girl.

She might be a good girl
but that doesn't work for me.

She has announced it to the world..

..by posting the picture on Facebook.

Sir, why do you have
a problem with her being fat?

I have a problem because of this.

The students..

First, they used to tease
me by calling me baldie.

Now they say I'm marrying a buffalo.

What do I do, Raj?

I know I am not that handsome.

But I always dreamed
of having a beautiful wife.

Someone I can love.

Look at yourself.
You have been married for seven years.

There is so much excitement and love.

You are always talking to her on phone.


Because you two are a perfect couple.

Yes, sir.

Who is it?

My wife.

Yes, Shanti.

Sorry, I couldn't call, I was with sir.

Excuse me, sir.

Yes, yes.




I was applying makeup to a bride.
My phone was on silent.

I just got free.

Why did you ask me to delete the photo?

Did you read the comments?

Yes, I did.

Everyone's making fun of us.

Please delete it.

Everyone's making fun..?

Who are making these comments?

University students.

Do you know all of them?



Some random people's
comments shouldn't affect us.

Apsara, they are insulting me.

Who is insulting..?

Who is insulting you, Chaman?

People will always have something to say.

Some of it will be good
and most of it will be bad.

So, should we always react?

How does it affect our lives..

..if some random people
pass a comment on us?

I am only asking you to delete a photo.

This isn't just about the photo, Chaman.

What if someone tell
you something bad about me?

Will you leave me as well?

Apsara, you don't get it.

I teach in this college.

I have to come here every day.

Fine, I'll delete it.

But please Chaman,
start ignoring these things.

We cannot react like
this over every little thing.



Hi, sister!

- Hello.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Busy shopping for the wedding, huh?

- Sushma's son is getting married?
- Come on!

She doesn't know.

Let me show you her picture on Facebook.

- She is nice.
- Yes.

But don't you think she
is a little on the heavier side?

- I thought so too.
- Same here.

She looks elder than Chaman.

No, sister.

She isn't fat, she is healthy.

She isn't like the other girls
who are as thin as a matchstick.

You know it later causes
complications during pregnancy.

What's the use of having such a body?

You should have a body
strong enough to bear a child.

That is true.

- You continue with your shopping then.
- Okay.

You have to come for the wedding.
I'll call you.

- Bye.
- Bye.

[You are nice,
but we aren't right for each other]

[So, let's not get married]



We are leaving.

- Hurry up, Goldie. Put these
things in the car. - Okay.

No, you don't need to go.
Take a left from Hanuman Temple.

Hello, how are you?

You are looking dashing, Mr. Kohli.

- I just got it stitched.
- Good.

How are the preparations going on?

- Good. They are going on well.
- Let's go.

Chaman, Apsara will be
officially yours from today.

Very good.

- Come on.
- Let's go.

Hurry up. Why are you just sitting there?
We are getting late.

[I've been wanting to say something...
I am not happy with this match]

[Please don't ask me why]

- Where have you reached?
- Stop that and take these boxes.

- Okay.
- Hurry up.

- Take them quickly.
- Pass them on.

- Hurry up, Mr. Kohli.
- Hurry up, everyone.

What hurry up?

Aren't we going to take the
boy who is about to get engaged along?

I'll call him.



- Calm down. Let him get ready.
- Go and get him.

- Let him get ready at least.
- Yes?

Why did you take a left?
Let me talk to Minku.

Mr. Batra is calling.

Yes, Mr. Batra.

Yes, we have left.


You aren't coming?

What are you saying, Mr. Batra?

All our relatives and guests are here.

No, listen to me.

Did Chaman say something to her?

We'll convince them if they had a fight.

It is not so?


She isn't sure?

Mr. Batra, please listen...

He disconnected the call. Strange.

At the last moment, he is saying that..

..they aren't going
ahead with the engagement.

Apsara refused to get engaged.
She says she isn't sure about Chaman.

- Apsara isn't sure?
- Yes.

You should have pressed him for details.

There was a lot of
noise in the background.

He isn't answering the call.

- He disconnected it.
- Give me the phone for just a second.

- Come on!
- Let me call Apsara.

- Let me talk.
- Keep quiet for a minute.

- He isn't taking my calls.
- Let me call Apsara.

- Fine, call her.
- Come on.

Calm down, Sushma.

Continue doing your work.

We will be going there.
We will surely go there.

Apsara's phone is switched off.

That's what I have been trying to say.

Give it back.
This is my phone. Let me call them.

Stop it, guys.

I've had enough of
these courtesy messages.


I can understand what
you are going through.

You had been waiting since
five years for this day and...

On the day of the engagement,
she says that she isn't sure.

This is wrong.

I didn't expect this from her.

She didn't think about
how everyone would feel.

How you'd feel, how we'd feel.

Who had thought Mr.
Batra would do such a thing?

Kids get off the track sometimes.

Mr. Batra should have met us.

We at least deserve much that courtesy.

He isn't even taking our calls.

Son, tell me something, has
she ever told you that she wasn't sure?

Or did you say something to her?

You sure?

You cannot trust this generation.

They think something
and do something else.

You never know what's on their mind.

Don't feel disheartened, son.

God will set everything right.

Your mother and I,
we will set everything right.

We are with you, son.

- Don't worry.
- Let's go.

Let's go.

Hi, sir.


Sorry I heard about your
engagement being called off.

It's very sad.

But there isn't much we can do.

You know that.

Take my boyfriend for example.

He did the same thing.

Don't be disheartened.

It doesn't suit you.

Get over her.

Let's go out for dinner this weekend.

I'm sure you'll feel better.

It's time for my class.

I'll get going.


Have some more wine.


Happy birthday to you.

Happy birthday dear Apsara.

Happy birthday to you.

She's your ex-fiancée, right?


Sorry to disturb you guys.

Today is my birthday, so...

So sweet.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

Happy birthday.

Thank you.

How are you?

I am good.

Anyways, enjoy your dinner.


She's a little weird, isn't she?

I mean...

Forget it.

I'll just make a quick
trip to the washroom.


I didn't expect you to be so
cordial to me after all that happened.

I had no reason to be rude to you.

In fact..

I feel bad for you.

Learn to face your problems.

So that you never have to
take a decision under pressure again.

So that you never have to feel
embarrassed about yourself again.


..take care.

Can you come over
to my place on Saturday?

I'll introduce you to my parents.

Thank you.

I'd suggest that you wear
your hair patch when you come.

It suits you.

It makes you look young.

"What does the heart seek, my lost soul?"

"What does the heart want, my lost soul?"

"What does the heart seek, my lost soul?"

"What does the heart want, my lost soul?"

"There is no desire
for being desired anymore"

"Is that a good thing?"

"Why doesn't anything make
you happy anymore, my lost soul?"

"My lost soul..."

"My lost soul..."

"It is time to stop
and take stock of life"

"My lost soul..."

"My lost soul..."

"It is time to stop
and take stock of life"

"Was what you got not enough?"

"What more did you gain by running away?"

"My lost soul..."

"My lost soul..."

"It is time to stop
and take stock of life"

Yes, I had my lunch.

Yes Shanti, I ate my lunch.

I'll call you back.


Yes, Raj?

Tomorrow is my wedding anniversary.

We don't celebrate.

We'll just have dinner together.

Will you join us, sir?

Yes, I will.

Thank you, sir.

I'll Whatsapp you the address.

Thank you.

"O' wandering traveller..."

"O' lonely bird, please come back"

"My heart already aches,
please don't hurt me anymore"

"With open windows
and doors of the heart..."

"I ask you to please come back"

"I love you"

"It's time to make
yourself a better being"

"Don't push me away, I am your destiny"

"My lost soul..."

"My lost soul..."

"It is time to stop
and take stock of life"

"My lost soul..."

"My lost soul..."

"It is time to stop
and take stock of life"

"Was what you got not enough?"

"What more did you gain by running away?"

"My lost soul..."

"My lost soul..."

"It is time to stop
and take stock of life"

"My lost soul..."

"My lost soul..."

"It is time to stop
and take stock of life"

- Please have some more, sir.
- No thank you, Raj.

Just a little.

Thank you, sister-in-law.

It's delicious.

Why are you not eating?

She'll have it later, sir.

Please have it.

She'll eat later, sir.

Are you upset over something?

No, sir. She cannot talk.

What do you mean?

She is mute, sir.

But those phone calls?

I do all the talking, sir.

She just listens.

I understand what her silence means.

I know what she will ask.

I take a guess and reply back.

I love her, sir.

I love her a lot.

I love both the good
and the bad things about her.

She can make a big list
of my shortcomings too.

Ask her.

Yet she loves me a lot.

This is what our life is.

Remember you had once said
that we are a perfect couple?

Do you still feel the same?

This is a strange world, sir.

We all talk about winning hearts...

...yet, we need to fall
in love with the face first.


Are you feeling comfortable here?

I know it's a small house.

It's not small, Raj.

It's very big.


Please have some rice pudding, sir.



[Where I was, there God cannot be,
where God is, there is no me]

[Very narrow is the street of love
divine, two cannot pass at the same time]

Say that again.

Say it. Don't feel scared.

Baldpate, baldhead, boiled egg, hairless...

Or baldie.

These are the words we use
to address a hairless person, don't we?

You haven't said anything wrong.

We are bound call this white
wall white and this green board green.

The problem doesn't lie
in the person who says baldie.

The problem lies in the
person who gets irritated by it.

The problem lies in me.

Where is it written..

..that fair skin is
good and dark skin is bad?

That the one with hair is
handsome and the one without is ugly?

That you should laugh at a
fat person and not at a thin person?

Where is this mentioned?

We made this.

Our society made this.

We told everyone that
this is good and this is bad.

We decided who should
and should not we make fun of.

We taught everyone to say baldhead,
baldie, dwarf, midget, black.

To laugh and make fun of them.

And the people at the
receiving end too have learnt...

..to take offence and
then try to change themselves.

Why change?

So that no one makes fun of you again?

So that no one teases you again.

I feel sad because..

..what you did to me...

...I ended up doing
the same to someone else.

I ridiculed her.

I teased her.

I behaved badly with her.

I judged her for her looks.


..which are given to us by God.

Scientifically speaking,
our genes decide that.

We have no control over them.

Therefore, henceforth,
anyone can call me anything they want.

Baldhead, baldpate, baldie.

I wouldn't mind it.

Yours' truly, the bald Hindi professor.


For calling you fatso in
my mind the first time I saw you.


For leaving before you
could finish your noodles.


For making you delete
our picture from Facebook.


For being so stupid.


For making you feel
that you lack something.

I don't deserve you.


I love you.

Can you drop me to the Metro Station?


By the way, don't lose your weight..

You are looking cute in this.

Don't do the hair transplant.

You are looking hot in this.

Mr. Batra, ask the professor
is he going to Apsara out on a honeymoon?

Or will he take her
out only for family dinners?

Will you?

- Speak up.
- I will, next week.

- Good.
- Next week.

- Sister-in-law, may I say something?
- Sure.

They make a lovely couple.

Thank you so much, sister.

By the way, where did you two meet?

- We...
- Facebook. - Tinder.

What's Tinder?

"The kohl in your
eyes is worth a million"

"Your big bright eyes
are targeting billions"

"The kohl in your
eyes is worth a million"

"Your big bright eyes
are targeting billions"

"Stealthily stealing hearts,
your outfit, my dear"

"It's killing the boys,
your outfit, my dear"

"Leaving everyone awestruck,
your outfit, my dear"

"It's killing the boys,
your outfit, my dear"

"Your beauty has made
the boys of my town go crazy"

"Your beauty has made
the boys of my town go crazy"

"The boys of my town have gone crazy"

"Counting the swing of waist,
your outfit, my dear"

"It is about to cause a storm,
your outfit, my dear"

"It's killing the boys,
your outfit, my dear"

"Gucci and Prada are also your fan"

"All the brands want you to promote them"

"Gucci and Prada guys are also your fan"

"All the brands want you to promote them"

"Mesmerises even the young lads,
your outfit, my dear"

"It's killing the boys,
your outfit, my dear"

"Leaving everyone awestruck,
your outfit, my dear"

"It's killing the boys,
your outfit, my dear"