Tyrel (2018) - full transcript

Oh, shit.

Wait.
Who you beeping at, dawg?

Who you beeping at, son?

Oh, man.

Wait, can you live
with no kidneys?

I think you can.

Nah, man, I don't think
that's true.

I think you need
at least one.

- Shit.
- That's what dialysis is for, though, right?

Yeah, man,
but she doesn't want to live

depending on that shit.



- You know, like...
- Yeah.

She keeps pissing
herself, she can't barely walk,

not long ago, she couldn't even
recognize Carmen.

Her own fucking daughter.

Whoa, wait,
this is Carmen's mom?

Yeah, what the fuck
were you talking about?

Nah, I thought
it was her grandma.

Exactly!

She's not that old, man.

- Shit.
- But...

old enough to make
her own decisions, you know?

Shit, is Carmen losing it?
That's fucked up.

She's broken, for sure,

but I'm like "Baby, your mom has
the right to decide...



to do what she wants,"
you know?

To be treated or not.
I mean...

Nobody wants to spend
their last days locked

in some hospital or...

You know, if she doesn't want
to go through dialysis

then she shouldn't
have to do it.

Yeah, I know, but what if
she lives like 10 more years?

You know? And then her kids
gotta take care of her,

like that,
for like 10 more years,

and they're super stressed out,

and Carmen gets more
and more stressed out,

and that makes you
stressed out.

You know what I mean?

Yeah, I can't take no more
of this shit either, man.

- This entire fucking...
- Man, this is so...

- ...family's stressed out.
- Yeah.

Everybody's psycho.

All she thinks about is her mom,
like, kicking the bucket.

- Yeah.
- You know, we haven't had sex

in like two months,
my nuts are about to explode.

Fucking crazy.

- Oh, wait, wait, wait.
- Uh-oh.

- Yo, we low key.
- We got roll, baby.

We got roll.

Right, you're gonna have
to steer hard.

Right.

Well, hopefully the family
can convince her now, right?

Shit,
good luck with that.

She's just as stubborn
as Carmen.

Yo, she's coming
towards us.

Hey!

Uh-oh, here she comes.

- Hi!
- Hi, how are you?

What happened?
Did you run out of gas?

Yes, ma'am, my trusted co-pilot
here thought

we'd make it by now,
but he got a little

- turned around in the process.
- It's my fault.

My husband has the car
or I'd help you, I'm so sorry.

Oh, it's fine.

It's okay, our friends
are coming, they live nearby.

- They're gonna be here any minute.
- Where are you...

- Where are you going?
- Uh, 300 Peekamoose.

Oh, that's just down
the road.

- Yeah, I know.
- It's the two blue houses,

- side by side. Yeah.
- Exactly.

You're visiting
the Argentinean fellow?

- Nico.
- Nico, that's it.

- Very nice!
- Sweetheart.

Yeah, wonderful guy.

I hadn't had the chance
to meet him yet.

- Ah, good.
- So yeah, we'll see how that goes.

Yeah sure, sure.

So where are you coming from?

- Oh, just in the city.
- New York City?

Yes, ma'am.
Yeah, good, good.

- Yeah.
- Not too far.

- Yeah.
- Just up for a weekend.

- Right, right, right.
- Good, I'm Silvia.

- Oh, Tyler!
- Ah, pleasure!

- Pleasure to meet you.
- Yeah, pleasure.

Well,
if your friends bail on you,

I live right
around the corner.

- Tons of room.
- All right, thank you!

- Well, good luck to you.
- All right, thank you so much.

Good to meet you.

- Nice to meet you too.
- All right.

- Yeah, and your name?
- John.

John, John.

- Have a great time, guys.
- Thank you so much.

- Enjoy.
- All right, we will.

Okay.

Stupid!

I hope
your friends show up!

- Yeah.
- All right!

They should be here any second.

Where are they?

I don't know where they are.
They should be here.

Photographs have just been
released by the National Park Service.

You remember the dispute
about the inaugural crowds.

President Trump claimed...

that it was one
of the biggest...

Oh-ho-ho!

Yo, Pete,

sit the fuck down, man!

Pretty babies.

All the pretty babies.

Oh, my God.

Oh, here he comes.

Here we come.
Here we come.

They go around one,

- and then they go around two.
- What's goin' on?

What's happening?

Everybody, clear a way!

Ah! It's your birthday.
Man, get off me.

- How you doing?
- Nico.

- Tyler.
- Nice to meet you.

Thank you,
thank you, thank you.

- Happy birthday.
- How you doing, man?

I'm good.
I'm Roddy.

All right, Tyler.

- Good to meet you.
- Good to see you.

- Max, this is Tyler.
- Good, Tyrel, nice to meet you, man.

Oh, it's actually Tyler,
but...

- Oh. Sorry, man.
- No, it's good. It's good.

- Max, you idiot.
- What?

Roddy. Oh my God.
Good to see you, man.

- Good to see you.
- Let's get on the car.

Yeah, let's do it.
Tyler, can you get

uh... the thingy on?

Yeah, for sure,
for sure, for sure.

- How the fuck you doing?
- I'm good, man.

- I'm good. Damn, you look good.
- Good to see you.

Good to finally meet you.

We met at the restaurant, right?

- Yeah, I think so.
- Yeah, we met before.

At Chivo's?
So you met at Chivo's?

What's he talking about,
good to meet me?

What's that shit?

He don't remember me?

- I don't know, dude.
- You got it?

Hey. You don't...
you don't remember me?

Pete, stop.

- No, no I don't.
- This face?

I wasn't wearing the hat,
I apologize.

- No, I'm sorry, man. I don't.
- Motherfucker.

Can you shake it a little bit?
Shake the car.

Yeah.
What's wrong with the car?

- Is this your car?
- Yeah, yeah.

So you really don't
remember me, huh?

Over at Chivo's?

Dude, you kidding me with this?
Let it go.

- No.
- You got it wrong.

First of all,
it was Chilo's.

Motherfucker, and I told you...
I told you on the phone.

Peach Pit, Peach Pit
is our new place.

It's a new place, new location,
you know?

Yeah. Peach Pit.

Nah,
it's actually Peach Pip.

You see how much he loves me?

Peach Pit,
Your name's Peach, huh?

- Peach, motherfucker.
- Peach.

Yeah, like the fruit.

My grandmother's name
was Peaches

- and she, um...
- Oh, yeah?

Yeah, and she... she gave me
all the recipes.

You know?
So it's kind of like a play

on words
what we did there, yeah.

- Oh. That's cool.
- Yeah,

things are going pretty good.

It's like our own spin
on Southern cuisine, but...

People, like, really love
our famous meats.

We smoke our meats
for like 15 hours.

- No shit.
- Mm- hmm.

- It's a recipe for Fabian, too.
- Still.

Fuck me, man.

No shit, dude, like
that 15- hour smoked.

So when can I get a taste, huh?

Hey, whenever you ready, man.
I suggest you come down

and get your life changed,
you know?

- - I'm sorry
man, I didn't mean nothing.

I thought I met you over there
at the Chi... Chilo's. Chilo's.

- No, man.
- I'm sorry, man.

- Well, actually...
- You look familiar.

So, how'd you get roped
into this shit?

Well, we had... my girl has
some... some family driving

- from Syracuse.
- Uh-huh?

My house is, like,
full of people right now.

I don't even have a bed to sleep
in in my own apartment, so...

- I really appreciate you having me.
- No, man.

A friend of Johnny's
is a friend of mine.

Figure it out?
All right.

Fuck.

Hey, Max,
can you get the dog?

Yeah, I got the dog.

Thanks, man.

I like the dog better
than you guys.

Look at the white baby!

This is my
inflatable girlfriend.

- You guys seen this?
- Nico, why do you have this?

I got it,
I found it in the attic, okay?

- You found it, it was here?
- Yeah.

- This was here? Just like that?
- Yeah.

It's so fucking big.

But I don't know, I think
it has a hole or something.

- Let me try it out.
- Oh, my God.

I'm gonna try that again.
Check it out.

Yeah, I'm going to
tie him up over here.

Hey, can you, uh...

- can you show them the rooms?
- Yeah.

Hey, take off your shoes!

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Take them off.

- This is Nico's room.
- Oh, wow!

- He painted the floors white.
- I know,

- he hates it, though.
- Looks really good.

- It gets dirty too fast.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was Nina's idea, though.
She likes everything white.

And I'll be sleeping
with him, so, uh...

there's this blow up mattress. One
of you guys can blow that up.

Aw, we're not
sharing a bed?

- Baby, not this time.
- No!

- I know!
- No!

And then over here,
this is Max's room,

- but he snores like a motherfucker.
- Right.

And I don't know whose
room this is, but just take it.

- Okay.
- And find out if someone,

- you know...
- So... are we sharing a bed?

I'm not sharing
a bed! Mm-mm.

What do you mean
you're not sharing a bed?

Not with any straight dudes,
anyway.

What's wrong with us?

The only man I'm going to sleep
with is one I can

- put my arms around...
- I'd put my arms around you.

...and hump
from behind.

- I'd come from behind you.
- Not a straight man

is exactly what I'm saying.
Back off!

Maybe I'll wiggle
a little less.

The thingy is Netgear45
and the password's on the --

in the...
on the fridge.

- On top of the fridge.
- Thank you.

Yeah, dude.
So basically, her hair is gone.

- She's, it's not, like completely gone...
- It's falling off

- in clumps.
- It's falling off slowly.

- She's losing her hair?
- But get this. Get this.

- Why?
- Tell him, tell him why.

So Stella is this woman
who is fucking

every single married guy
that she knows.

She's been breaking
every single home.

And because of that,
she's losing her hair?

She's got the evil eye,

and the evil eye is making her
lose her hair.

What is evil eye?
What is evil eye?

- It's like a curse.
- Someone cursed her?

So, Francesca... so she fucked
Francesca's husband...

Max, are you making
hot toddies?

Hottest toddies!

Are you on Facebook
again, motherfucker?

I had to "like" some shit.

Right, but you fucked
Stella too?

- Hmm?
- You fucked Stella?

- Nah, she only has this thing with married men.
- Don't lie.

- I just came here.
- No, that's not true,

she'd fuck anybody.
She'd fuck him.

I'm down.
Can I get her number, man?

You're down now...
Toddy!

You get a toddy, you get
a toddy, and you get a toddy.

I'm like the fucking Oprah
of toddies over here, right?

- Maxine, you're a doll.
- These are famous.

- Oh, yeah.
- Mmm.

Mm!

Don't burn yourself.

This is a fine fucking time
to tell me.

I'm sorry.

No. I'm joking, man.
I'm joking.

You know, like, when people trip
and you're like, "Watch out!"

like, after the fact, like?

Okay.

- It's true.
- I'll remember that.

You good?

Why Toddy, though?

Who even is Toddy?
Like, why?

It's like some Irish faggot.
Just look it up,

- or something like that.
- Hey! Hey!

- What?
- Who said faggot?

Dude, I didn't mean it
in, like, a derogatory sense.

So, Roddy, what's the
etymology of the word faggot?

- What does it mean, exactly?
- You know what? That's not your question.

"It rubs the lotion on the skin,

or else it gets the hose again."

Shit, man,
that's so fucking ignorant.

- Chinese, Chinese...
- So easy. Yes! Chinese!

You guys are assholes,
you know that?

- Clearly.
- Yeah!

Let me go, let me go!
I'll go, I'll go!

Fuck you.

- Yeah, fuck you too, motherfucker.
- Go Max, go.

All right, all right,
c'mon.

- Okay, all right.
- What?

Um...

"It puts the lotion on its skin,

or else it gets the hose again."

- Nope.
- A dead person.

- Nope.
- I want ano...

Nobody knows what that is,
that doesn't mean anything.

- All right, all right.
- It wasn't Canadian?

- It's dead in the water.
- It was Indian.

It was Indian.

For your information,
in case you wanted to know.

- Who's next?
- Me?

Yeah, you John.

All right.

Oh.

What?

"It rubs...
it rubs lotion on its skin

- or else it gets..."
- Bjork!

- Yeah!
- That Bjork was so good.

All right.

- Not bad.
- That was so good!

Bro, I didn't know
you could act!

Yeah, you're good, man.

- A'ight, a'ight.
- Thanks, guys.

- All right, Ty.
- No, man.

- Yo, just go.
- I'm good, man.

- Come on, man.
- You know, it's not me.

I was terrible, man.
It'll be fine, go.

Yo, I don't like games either,
I get it.

- Roddy, shut the fuck up!
- Don't do it.

You don't have to do it.

- He doesn't have to do it.
- Oh, my goodness.

Okay.

- This is so stupid.
- You got it.

Um...

"It rubs the lotion on its skin,

- or else it gets the ho-- "
- Pete: British!

Boom! Boom!

There you go!

- It's British!
- I hear you.

It was all right.
Okay.

All right, Roddy,
you've gotta try it, man.

You've gotta try it.

Both of us hate games,
it's only right.

Okay,
now this is ignorant.

All right?

"It rubs the lotion on its skin,
or else it gets the hose again."

- American accent.
- What's that, a gay accent?

Yeah. No, but that
was yourself though, right?

Black accent.

What does that even mean?

- You know what I mean, come on.
- You wrote this?

You have to be
more specific than that.

Are you kidding?

All right, all right,
my bad. My bad.

Like a...
Like an old black lady

from, like, New Orleans
or something, you know?

- Mm, nuh-uh, no.
- No? What do you mean, no?

- It's a thing.
- I don't know.

- It's a valid accent.
- I'm done.

Sorry.

Hey!
Come on, come on, come on.

I don't know.
Pardon the... This is stupid.

- It's stupid.
- No, Roddy, come on.

Just do the old black lady
from New Orleans.

- He approves.
- It's cool.

You know, it's not that.
It's just, I don't act.

- Okay?
- Come on, Roddy.

Yo, son, Ty,
you show him how to do it.

- Yo! Wassup!
- Yeah, son!

You teach him.
You teach him how to do it.

- You want me to do it?
- Yeah, show us how it's all done.

Damn, all right.
"Rubs lotion on its skin,

or else it gets
the hose again. Shit."

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, man.

- What the fuck? No.
- Yeah, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- No.
- No?

Then you fucking do it then,
dude.

Geez. I asked you first.
Don't put me on the spot.

I don't think
Tyler approves.

All right.

No.
I'm no... No!

- Just do it!
- What am I supposed to say?

- Like a black accent?
- Show them how to...

Do us the fucking old black lady
from New Orleans accent, man.

- Just do it. Yeah.
- With the black accent?

Okay.
It's dumb, come on.

Tyler!

Man.

Don't be a pussy,
motherfucker.

You've got it!

"All right, you put the lotion
on your skin, look, baby.

All right?
On its skin, 'scuse me.

All right?
You rub it in real good.

All over, you rub it in.

Or else you're gonna
get the hose again."

It's just, you know,
it's simple.

You know?

- That's good.
- That was great, man.

I like you.

Okay.
Okay, come on.

Let's, uh... Let's play another
fucking game, uh...

Yes! Please.

Can I...?
Give me a beer.

Yeah, yeah.
Fuck that game.

Let's play a new game.

You, uh...
What's that fucking, uh...?

Oh, uh... Talk about nothing!

- The Wikipedia game.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Talking without knowing!

- Talk about knowing.
- Talk without knowing!

You ever played
this game? Tyler.

Basically, we give you
a subject, something like that,

and then you've got
to bullshit it.

But you've got to sound
a professional as possible.

Even if you don't know it,
you've got to pretend

- that you know your shit.
- Okay!

Roddy, sex change.

Sex change?
Sex change, sex change.

So we're dealing
with the clitoris,

which is already engorged,
because of the hormones,

but we've further enhanced
the new penis

with a graft of skin
taken from the body,

preferably from a place
with no hair.

Make the bigger penis

and then we take the labia

and form it into a ball sack,
if you will.

And voilà.

- A new penis.
- You're a genius!

- Bravo!
- Thank you.

- All right, all right.
- Beautiful.

Thank you, thank you,
thank you.

Did you cheat? Did you
look it up on Wikipedia?

I got you, I got you.

Hey! Hey! Hey!
Tyler!

Tyler!

Black holes.

- Ooh!
- Black holes.

- This is good. This is good.
- DeGrasse.

- Who's his name?
- I'm not... I don't even understand, man.

- Neil DeGrasse Tyson, dude.
- Neil DeGrasse Tyson!

Sound like that motherfucker.
You seen that shit?

I'm good, man, I don't...
I'm good.

That's why I named
my dog that shit.

- I'm gonna sit this one out.
- Come on!

- Why can't I just sit this one out?
- Tyler!

- That's a fun one.
- Come on, we all fucking,

we all looking like
jackasses, man.

That's the whole fucking point.

Come on, it's a fun subject.
This is a fun one, just do it.

Um, okay.
Um...

Black holes.

Black holes are a...
a place in...

- in space...
- Yeah?

...where space meets
the next space of dark, and...

It's good, keep going.
Come on, come on, come on!

As a spaceship, it...
This is so s... I don't know

No, you're doing good,
man!

You're doing really good!
Keep going,

- keep going! Come on!
- Okay, chill out, dude.

What if
there was a spaceship?

You got a bathroom?

Do you have
a bathroom downstairs?

If you want to pee,
just go outside, man.

- Just pee anywhere.
- Okay.

I just... I gotta use
the bathroom real quick.

- I'll be right back.
- Yeah, yeah. You got it man.

- Thank you.
- All right, who's next, who's next?

I want to go,
I want to go.

All right, circumcision.

Hey.

- What up?
- What up?

- Yo.
- Yo.

Max is a fucking asshole.

Was that...
Was that awkward?

It's all good.

I ain't tripping,
I'm chilling.

All right.

Oh, shit.

Yo, don't pee
on the porch!

Don't pee on the porch.

Pete, where'd you say
that spot was to get...

- What's that?
- ...cell phone reception?

Half a mile down that way,
man.

But not even half a mile,
you know what I mean?

Where you going?

I'm just 'bout to go call
Carmen real quick.

I'm going to this bridge
and coming right back.

- Tell her I said hi.
- A'ight.

- A'ight.
- A'ight.

Hey, Cosmo!

Pete,
Cosmo's right there.

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Why you ♪

♪ Uh, why you ♪

♪ Wh... Why you all up
In my business, business? ♪

♪ Yeah, powwow with the grill
You look ♪

♪ Finish, finish this ♪

♪ Uh, come on with the cell ♪

♪ Ooh, in a minute ♪

♪ That ass suffer real ♪

♪ Also with the linen stitch ♪

♪ I can't, I... I can't ♪

♪ I can't tell
If you up in this, bitch ♪

♪ Uh, you been M.I.A. ♪

♪ 'Cause in my way
is a ri- risk ♪

♪ Yo, you know, Amadeus,
NBA ♪

♪ Ain't a risk, You been
hatin' all your life ♪

♪ That's just like you ♪

♪ You know... ♪

♪ I saw what into that ♪

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ My way ♪

Hey, baby, how are you?

Hey, babe,
what you doing?

My God,
Mom's being crazy.

She's bullshitting everyone,
she's not doing dialys...

Mijita.

- Yeah, I'm coming, un segundo.
- Where you at,

you need me
to call you back?

Our house is a fucking mess.

They're doing a prayer
right now.

Do you want
to listen in, babe?

It would be really good
if you were here in spirit.

Yeah, it's cool.

Give me a second.

Here we go.

Hey, this is Anthony
Please leave a message.

Your bitch ass ain't
picking the phone up, huh?

Yeah, though, fuck.
I don't know.

I feel like one of your females
on the phone so...

I just left you a message,
let you know I'm straight, dawg.

Hey.
Hey, you.

You want to come inside?

Come on.

What's going on, guys?

Hey!
What's up?

What's so funny?

Yo, it's not, it's

- fucking stupid.
- It's so stupid.

- Can I get you a drink?
- As long as it's not a Toddy.

- I'm good with that.
- Yo, you good?

- Talk to Carmen?
- Yeah! I did, I did.

She's good.
She said hi, by the way, too.

Oh, shit, hi, Carmen.

Fuck, man.

Oh!

Well,
here's to mental health, huh?

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Oh, and cheers to Carmen.

- Cheers to Carmen's mom.
- Yes.

And Peach Pit.

- Yeah!
- Right? Good luck with that.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah, good luck, you guys.

Wa-pa, wa-pa.

The wall, you're fucking
walking against.

Shit.

The wall you're fucking
walking against.

I'm sorry, man, I'm so...

Hey, okay, we're done.

It's so fucking stupid.

Hausmann was out!

You're lulling him
to sleep.

I'm like a hypnotist.

- Roddy, the dog whisperer, man.
- Hello.

I'm hypnotizing Cosmo.

Nico.
I'm gonna change it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm good.

Guys, can you make sure
you put the fire screen

on the fireplace?
Like, look, you see?

You see the smoke
coming out?

Hey, Tyler,
you find reception?

- Is this all the pot we got?
- Yeah, I did.

- Good.
- Thank you.

No, we got some more pot
over here of what we had.

Oh, my God.
What is this

random collection
of records?

- I don't know, man.
- So weird.

Some of them were here
in the house.

There's six records here
and two of them are REM.

REM are Nina's,
not mine. REM, Nina's.

You don't have
to be embarrassed about it.

That's ...That was quick.
That was Nina's.

- Yeah, that's not mine.
- Yeah, that was quick.

You know any REM?

- Do REM.
- Do a REM song.

Play that song "Stand."

- Play what?
- What? "Stand."

- ♪ Stand in the place Where you live ♪
- John: "Stand."

You look like a child,
with your head...

It was like my favorite
song in high school.

♪ Stand in the place...

- What? I love "Stand."
- You look like...

I've loved that song, like,
since high school, man.

It's a good song!

♪ Stand in the place
Where you live ♪

♪ Now face north ♪

♪ Think about direction ♪

♪ Wonder why
You haven't before ♪

Yeah! Oh, yeah!
Yeah!

♪ Now stand in the place
Where you work ♪

♪ Now face west ♪

♪ Think about the place
Where you live ♪

♪ Wonder why
You haven't before ♪

Fucking sing, Max!

♪ Carry a compass
To help you along ♪

♪ Your feet are going to be
On the ground ♪

♪ Your head is there
To move you around ♪

♪ So stand in the place
Where you live ♪

♪ Now face north ♪

♪ Think about direction ♪

♪ Wonder why
You haven't before ♪

♪ Now stand in the place
Where you work ♪

♪ Now face... ♪

♪ Think about... ♪

♪ ...you haven't before... ♪

♪ ...going to be
on the ground ♪

♪ Your head is there
To move you around ♪

♪ Stand in the place
Where you... ♪

- Hot Toddy?
- Always want a Hot Toddy.

You need a hand, bro?
You need a hand?

Don't move, don't move,
don't move.

Let me take it.
Let me take it.

- For sure, for sure.
- Thank you, thank you.

- "Losing My Religion"?
- Yeah!

"Losing My Religion"!

Yeah, that's a good one,
that's a good one.

- Yeah, yeah.
- Thank, bro.

No, no problem.

I wish
you could play it...

Hey, buddy.
How you doing, buddy?

Hey, thank you.

You really
didn't have to, man.

Oh, man,
no problem at all.

I don't know if it's the weed
that got me tired

or pushing that car
all day.

I think I might knock out.
Weed got me, like, drowning.

Hey, listen, man.

What is that?

- Oh, this tattoo here?
- Yeah.

It's like a family nickname,
just...

- A1?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Best of the best,
you know?

First letter of the alphabet,
first number.

Everything.

How many you got?

Uh, 51.

Hey.

Oh, come on, boy.
Come on, boy.

You gonna sleep
with Johnny tonight?

Uh, nah,

I'm not really into the
whole bed- sharing shit so much.

I might just... just
take this couch here.

You never had any cousins, huh?

Grew up with cousins?

- Come here.
- Just a guess that I got.

Come here, buddy.
Come here.

Come on.
You wanna sit with me, huh?

You wanna sit with me,
homie?

You got dogs?

- I don't.
- No?

He makes you want one,
though.

You're good with them,
man.

He likes you a lot.

Yeah, the feeling
is definitely mutual.

- Yeah?
- Ain't that right?

Okay, man,
good night.

Good night.

Hey.

Yo, waddup?

Tywer.

Ty... ler.

Tyler.

Tyler.

Bull shit.

Cosmo, Cosmo.

Hey, buddy, come here.

Mm.

Hmm. Wanna take a walk?

C'mon, man.

Wanna go outside?

Come on.

Mm.

Hey. Come on.

Look what I got.
Ohh!

Look what I got.

Oh. Nope, nope, nope.

Come on.

Bring it back.
Come on.

Gotcha!

Jesus Christ.

- Hey, man, you sleep good?
- Hey.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, good.
- Good.

Sorry we got loud
last night, man.

Don't even sweat it,
I knocked out.

Bunch of loud
motherfuckers.

It's all good.

Is there anything
I can help you with?

Well, I'm gonna make breakfast
for all these guys.

- You want to give me a hand?
- Oh, yeah, for sure.

What's that?
What are you reading?

"Lord of the Flies."

Oh, shit, have you
seen the... the movie?

The version from the '80s?

Nah, but don't...
please don't tell me

because it's starting off
so good.

All I can tell you, man,
is that it's a rough movie.

I think I saw it
when I was too young.

My dad brought me
with my brother.

And it was just...
I just got traumatized, man.

It scarred me, scarred me
forever. For good.

Sounds like you had a pretty
rough fucking childhood.

Yeah, motherfucker.

It was a pretty fucking
rough childhood, man.

Fuck you, man.
I tell you, man.

It's not easy.

What we eating?
You got any grits or something?

- I actually do.
- A'ight, good, good, good.

It's, uh...
It's polenta, though.

Need that little
southern something

so you don't have
a little situation this morning.

I don't know
how to do that, man.

Let me get rid of these
for you.

Don't worry, you have
a master chef in the house.

- Tell these motherfuckers, man.
- Mm-mm.

Morning, Papito.
This looks great.

Yo, guys...

- Morning, waddup?
- Waddup?

...your grits
are getting cold, hurry up!

Yo, everything all right?

You disappeared
last night.

I didn't disappear, I just...
Fuckin' toddies put me down,

I don't know if it's like
sleep medicine or some shit,

like, that shit
put me down.

The toddies made you
fall asleep?

What's wrong with me
going to sleep?

- Hey, Nico?
- Yeah?

Do you have, uh, whipped cream
to make, uh, Irish coffees?

- Yeah.
- Hey!

- Yeah, where?
- Morning, how you doing?

Whoa, happy birthday,
you look like shit.

Yeah, just...

- Good morning, man.
- How'd you sleep?

- Good, man. How about you?
- Pretty good.

Pretty good.

- Thank you.
- All for you, all of it.

Hey, Nico,
is this expired?

- What? What is it?
- Whipped cream,

- is it expired?
- I don't know, check the expiration date.

- Good morning, my man.
- How you doing?

I'm good, how about you?

Not too tight,
not too tight.

- I'm doing okay.
- Happy birthday, man.

- Thank you.
- I hope you enjoy.

Did you, uh... Did you
take part in this?

I did! So you finally get
to nourish yourself

with some of my actual cuisine.

You guys
want Irish coffee? Irish coffee?

- Yeah.
- You want one?

- Yeah.
- Not going to put you to sleep?

Not when there's coffee
in it, man.

Hey,
there's no green tea...

I'm not gonna
tell you when.

All right, all right.

Nico, baby,
you want some?

- It's strong, it's very strong.
- Nah?

Can I get some of that
whipped cream?

- Can I see that sugar?
- Oh, yeah.

- Nico.
- Tell me when to stop.

Fuck man, you put sugar
on your grits?

- It's polenta.
- Same shit!

Yeah, you never seen nobody
do this before?

Yeah, I thought grits
was, like, a savory,

salt and pepper thing,
no?

I don't know, man,
some people...

Is it like a family thing?

Nah, some people like it sweet,
some people like it salty.

I like both, me personally,
but, you know,

I guess it just depends
on what I eat it with.

- Right?
- But like, it's a war, like,

some people really
take this serious.

Yeah, like, sometimes
my Facebook explodes about it.

Like, it's super,
super crazy.

I'll see if I can
find something.

You wouldn't believe
how far this goes.

See?
They got Angela and Rachel.

What was that?

Just keep swiping.

What's that?
What's that?

- Oh, Rachel.
- Let me see this.

That's good.

- Let me see that.
- But it's an actual...

Oh, no!

That's funny.

Oh, no!

- Fucked with Michael.
- They got Michael!

Now that's funny.

That's not really fair, though,
is it, man?

I mean, the guy's dead.

He can't exactly call out
on that, can he?

I want to try some of this sugar
on my grits. Let me try this.

- Is this okay?
- Yeah.

Is this, like, a Rachel Dolezal
sort of thing?

It's off limits to me?

I won't tell.

Yo, that's a brave...
This is a bold decision.

What's up, motherfuckers?

- Oh!
- Happy birthday!

Hey!

- When did you guys get back?
- Yo, hey!

- Like two days ago.
- Really?

Yeah.

- What's up, my man?
- Glad you made it.

- Dude.
- Roddy, what's up, man?

John boy!
Good to see you again, bro.

Yo, I got something for you.
A rock?

It's not just a rock, man,
this is an Eleguá.

- Fair warning.
- Elengua?

- Eleguá.
- Pete, this is a fucking cursed

voodoo doll that he stole
from the Havana forest.

Wait, wait, you stole
a voodoo doll?

He fucking stole it, it was a
fucking creepy ass forest.

- They were everywhere, man.
- There was, like,

- dead chickens around.
- They're not evil.

- They're not evil.
- Happy birthday.

Out of my fucking house,
put it out of my house.

I'm not fucking around.

It's weird,
I can't stop looking at it.

It's kind of hypnotic.

Really.
Ty, you want to see it?

I don't fuck
with that shit.

What the fuck
are you guys eating?

- It's grits, polenta.
- Sit down.

- Whatever, it's...
- Have some food.

I put sugar on mine,
it's kinda good.

How you doing, bro?

- Hey, what's your name?
- Tyler.

- Nice to meet you.
- Yeah.

Hey, what's up man?
I didn't see you there.

- What's up? Eli.
- Tyler.

Tyler.
Nice to meet you.

Guys, let's take it to go.

- Let's put it in a thermos.
- Where are we going?

We just got here.

Put 'em in thermos,
let's go. I know.

But let's go
for a little walk.

We're going to do
a little exercise.

Little Johnny's gotta work
them buns.

Okay, well, let them have
a drink first.

- Come on.
- We're done here?

- Yeah, we're done.
- Been driving for hours

now, it's not a bad idea.

Which one...
Which room's mine?

I think for us
it's like 80/20.

More, More.
Stronger, stronger.

Whoa, enough, enough,
enough, enough.

Sorry, sorry.

- Puerto Rico. Nice.
- Yeah, that's where she's from.

Yeah, she's from Puerto Rico.

How long... How long have you
been, like, with her?

Um... Going on three years now.

- That's cool, man.
- Yeah, yeah.

- Oh, yeah, sure, thank you.
- Cheers.

- You got an extra glass?
- Thank you, Nico.

Thank you.

Happy birthday, Pete.

Yeah.

Pete, cheers
to a beautiful fucking day.

Here's to your
white floors, Nico.

- Now let's exercise.
- Cheers to my white floors.

Cheers.
Come on, guys.

All right, let's go.

Right, so right between
this valley and that valley

- there's a little river...
- Yeah, yeah.

...and you just
go up there.

You go up, like,
about ten minutes.

And then, uh,
it's there.

That shit, like, catapults you.

That sounds like
so much fun.

And there, that's the...

Fuck!

So how was Cuba, man?

It was dope,
hottest girls ever.

- Ladies are hot there?
- Yeah.

A lot hotter than here.

Hey, Eli...

You're not supposed
to smoke, man.

You've had appendicitis,
you can't smoke weed.

You can't smoke weed
with appendi...

It's nothing to do
with your appendix,

you smoke it
through the lungs.

Yo, line up!
One line,

everyone facing that way.

- Come on.
- Nico, Johnny's told ya, move.

Looking after your health,
dude.

- Go, Roddy, make it.
- What are we doing?

What are you talking
about, "what are we doing?"

Remember we said.
Let's go, let's go, yo.

Come on, baby.
We're doing it.

- Nah, I don't want to play this game, man.
- Huh?

- You're doing it.
- I'm good.

What do you mean?
Come on, we said...

I don't wanna play every game
y'all play bro.

Yo, we're not playing a game,
we're doing a workout.

- We said we were going to do it.
- I'm chilling.

- All right.
- Yo, Johnny!

Yo, line up. Come on.
Johnny Tundra workout.

Drink it up.

All right, yo.
Line it up, line it up.

Thirty seconds of work,
30 seconds of rest.

You get what I'm saying?

I'll time it, don't worry.

- What's the...?
- First exercise is frog jumps.

- Frog jumps.
- Frog jumps.

Line it up, ready?

That's like, frog,
frog jump?

Johnny Tundra.

Go!

Take the cigarette
out of your mouth.

Thirty seconds!

- Twenty-nine...
- No, come on.

Anybody bring
any weed over?

- Yo, just fucking...
- I knew this shit was bad.

- Done, it's done.
- Weed break, weed break.

Yo, Ty!

Smoke smoke?

This one.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah...

Yo!

Give me
some of that shit.

- Hey, man.
- Hey, dude.

Hits the system up here...

It's actually a hybrid,

I think its blue dream...

It's hard to tell
when it's going crisscross.

Fuck, its cold!

Criss-cross.

Aah! Get those blue dreams...

I lost my papers,
he's like, "I lost my weed."

What is it, "I got weed,

I got papers,
let's get it together man..."

Max.

...happy and the other one is
kinda like... not sad,

or anything
but just kinda mellow.

Woah!

Sick.
Did you take my lighter?

Yo, why were you just about to
punch me in the face just then?

My bad, bro, I just...

I just didn't want to play
the game, you know. I'm sorry.

What, are you
freaking out right now?

Is that why last night
you pretended to fall asleep?

Pretending to be asleep?

Come on, man, seriously?

Why would I do that, bro?

Yo, you were definitely
pretending to fall asleep.

Why are you making shit weirder
than it already is, bro?

Why is it weird
in the first place?

Well, your fucking friend
Pete for one.

Oh, come on, dude,

I told you that Pete's
just a weirdo, you know that.

He doesn't mean anything
by it.

I get it, like a...
like an artist

or some weird shit,

- fucking weird.
- Yeah.

But honestly, dude, would you
rather be here with us

or would you rather be
at home

dealing with Carmen's family
and all that shit, huh?

Um... No, I'm fucking
with you, man.

Let's go take this tour, man.
I wanna see this house.

Nico builds these shits himself,
or what?

Yeah, well, he's, I mean,
he's gutting them,

I mean, these houses were here
for a while, but he's...

So this house and
that house and 36 acres.

- Wow!
- And I got it for 150,000 bucks.

- No!
- Good one.

Yeah, I... I think that
if I do this work,

it looks good, I can get like
a $300,000 maybe,

- $250,000, $300,000.
- You're gonna sell the house?

No, you can get more
than that Nico!

I don't know if I'm gonna sell
it, man, it seems really good,

Seems beautiful but...
good profit.

You're gonna put a window
right here?

I'm gonna put a window
there, a fireplace...

Don't you need, like, a
special permit for a wood stove?

Yeah, but here, you're in
the middle of nowhere,

you know, so nobody cares.

- Oh, all right.
- Yeah.

No one cares, huh?

We're not gonna see you,

you're never gonna be back
in the city, are you?

So no bedrooms
downstairs, Nico, or what?

Ah, no, maybe...

...I don't know.
This is gonna be the kitchen,

that's all I know now.

I got two guys, you know,
I'll get it done.

Yo, you okay?

Yeah just trying
to check some e-mails.

Yeah, it's fucked,
there's no service.

Yo, Charles, what was the name
of that weed

we were smoking earlier,
blue dream?

The blue dream!

You've got Tyler
tripping balls over here.

What, is he
in the baby room?

He's in the baby room.

Di - de - di - de - di - de!

Ah, fuck, sorry, sorry.

- Sorry.
- Come on.

- Nice, nice!
- Oh!

Come on!

- What is that?
- Uh, it's, uh, 17-12.

Yo, Ty, you wanna play?

Nah, I'm good man, I'll just...
I'll watch.

- All right, go.
- Yo, Tyler,

give a hand with this, man.
Aw, yeah, shit.

Hell yeah.

- Right on the pile.
- All right.

Seventeen - 14.

Motherfucker took an Uber!

This little shit took an Uber!

- Is that Alan?
- Rich-ass motherfucker!

Can you believe this shit?

What the fuck
is he wearing?

Hey, nobody say shit
about the mask, okay?

Johnny, right.
Don't say shit.

Ruben, you're a prince, man.

Best three hours of my week.

Muchas gracias.

Be good.

How much that cost you?
Huh? 500?

What are talking about, the car
or my sequins mask?

Why're you so obsessed
with money, man,

is it 'cause
you grew up poor?

We all gonna hear about your sad
childhood again this weekend?

Happy birthday.
I love you, man.

I love you too, asshole.

Pete, what is this
for a weird group?

What?
Charlie, you look heavy!

I love you as a fat guy.

God, there's no balance here.
Where's Derek?

Oh, hey, he couldn't come.
I'm sorry it's just us.

Don't be sorry, man,
you're one of the good ones.

- Who's this guy?
- This is my buddy,

- we work together.
- No!

Give me a hug, stranger.
Put that shit away.

Sorry, man. I'm a hugger.

Nico! Beautiful!

Hey! Hey!

What's this? Hey!
This for me?

That's for all of us, man!

- Not my birthday present?
- You have to share.

It's for all the boys.

It's gonna be fun for everyone.

Here, check this out.

What'd you bring,
a corpse?

It will be soon, baby,
we're gonna kill it.

Aw, shit.

You see this tiny stubby finger?
This is gonna be pressed up

inside of all of our asses
for the next four years.

And we've gotta
fucking deal with it.

- Where's the candy?
- No, no candy.

No need for candy, man,
we'll just beat him up

and stab him a little.
It'll be fun.

You'll love it, especially you.

Don't you wanna hurt
this racist motherfucker!

Be fun, man,
but I'll get you some candy,

I'll get you candy, all right?

- We got candy, okay?
- Okay.

I didn't mean to leave
the candy behind.

Nico, where is
that swimming hole?

The hole? Couple of hundred feet
that way, man.

Can we go right now?
I wanna jump in that shit.

- I... I gotta win a bet.
- It's too cold to do that, man.

No, no.
Cold is just a temperature.

- Can we go?
- Yeah. Sure.

Let's get changed real quick
and we'll go, all right?

- Right away?
- Yeah, right away.

The crowd was
unbelievable today.

You know,
I looked at the rain...

- Jesus! God damnit!
- ...which just never came.

You know,
we finished the speech.

This motherfucker.

Motherfucker.

This guy says that it got sunny,
that the sun opened up, right,

and there's fucking
footage of him

giving his fascist speech
in the fucking rain.

Yeah, for the
inauguration, right?

Okay, so that's lying about
the fucking weather, right?

- Yeah.
- It's fucking impeachment!

Watch, the knife, bro,
watch the knife.

Stab him in the dick.

Stab it in the dick.

- Stab him in the dick.
- Woah.

- Stab him in the dick.
- Slow.

Yeah. Now we can
grab him by the pussy, right?

Action!

Oh, my God,
Alan, so sexy!

How many fucking costumes
you got?

Huh, Mary Poppins?

You see, Tyler, you're not
the only black man here now.

Thanks to you my brother!

This dude is funny!

That's my nigga for life.

Wait, wait, wait,
wait, wait.

Come on, Alan, kiss me,
kiss me for the camera.

Don't fucking tell me
to smile,

I've lost all feeling
in my face.

You look like
a black dildo.

Hey, did you tell them
to come out?

- Yeah, man
- Pete: Where the fuck are they?

Take it easy.

They're all dressed,
ain't they?

Stop, stop, stop,
stop, stop.

Stop what, man?

Stop! You asshole.

- Stop.
- Shut the fuck up.

Sorry.

Guys, it's not exactly warm
out here.

What is it exactly?

No, no, no, no, come on.
Get in the van man,

- you'll freeze your ass off.
- I wanna test

wetsuit out, man.
It's an expensive rental.

Ty,
come back with me, man!

Fuck that!
It's a little cold back there,

Be the man of the group,
come on.

- Here, take that to warm up.
- Hurry up, hurry up.

The brothers
are used to it anyway.

We're men.

We'll be the men
of the group.

It's so hard to take you
seriously in this shit.

You look like you're
on your way out of an asshole.

And I don't want to come
out yet, I'm staying in.

I don't wanna be born!

Put me back.

- How you doing, man?
- It's cold as a motherfucker.

Oh, yeah? Get in here,
man, it's cozy in here.

Come on, climb in.

Let me touch this shit,
what is this?

- It's rabbit.
- This is nice!

It's like bunny fur,
it's like 40 baby rabbits.

Very expensive, very rare.

Drink up, man!
If you're feeling the cold,

you're not drunk enough.
Come on.

- Oh, man.
- Go till you can't

feel a thing.

Give it here.

- What is that?
- Take a little sip of that.

Irish coffee.

It's good shit, man.

That way we can be like drunk

- but capable.
- They make it nice and strong.

Yeah. That's what I'm trying
to get to, man.

I wanna feel alive.

Is that why you're doing this
with me?

To do this fucking bet?

It's a lot, man, enough that
I rented a wetsuit for two days.

But I made it with this guy
who pisses money away,

does not give a shit
about money, he was drunk,

it's easy money.

Whoa! Whoa!
Watch out, man! It's slippery!

Yo, Ty,
you got the thermos?

I know what I'm doing.
Thank you very much!

Oh, sorry.

Charles, make sure
you're filming,

man, there's a lot of money
on the line.

- I got you, bro!
- Don't fuck me on this.

Are there rocks down here?

Yo, you drank the whole
thing, motherfucker.

Nah, actually, uh, my nigga
helped me out with that.

Just fish my body
out of the water.

- All right.
- Witness my death.

- I know, but fuck.
- Nico, how many feet?

- Sorry, dawg.
- Like, four?

Jump, you little
shrinking flower!

All right, this is it!

Sayonara!

- I got it.
- Oh, this fucking suit!

Aah!

Grab his jacket,
give me his clothes.

I'm fucking...
Hypothermia!

- My body's in shock!
- Are you all right?

No, seriously,
I can't feel my skin!

Help him out.

I got you, man.

What's going on?

Help! Get this shit off me.
Holy fucking shit, I'm freezing!

- Oh my... Fuck!
- Stop moving, man!

Fucking suit is a scam,
I'm not joking.

Stop flailing!

It's not that cold, man,
get over it.

How do you
work this shit?

This shit's like
a bullet proof vest!

I Velcro'd it.
What are you doing?

I'm trying!
I'm trying!

It's an illusion!

- So dramatic!
- I got it.

- Where the fuck's my coat, man?
- What do you mean?

- Give me my fucking...
- What you talking about?

When did you get a sex
change, anal?

Yeah, my junk looks
like a pussy.

It's really funny, motherfucker!

I'm gonna rub my pussy
all over you fuckers!

Give me body heat.

Yo, I'm dying!

Give him his shit,
man, give him his shit.

- Man...
- Give me some body heat!

Hey, hey, hey, hey!
Cover him up, cover him up.

Fuck! Jesus!
Don't hug me, still.

The only man
with a fucking heart.

Fuck you cunt bitches, man!

I'm sorry, anal,
I didn't mean to make you hurt!

Hey, fuck you, dude!

Tyler, never trust
the white man.

All right? You understand?

They will let you fucking die
in the wilderness.

- You hear me?
- Loud and clear.

Let you die
in the fucking wilderness, man.

- Drink to that.
- Hurry up.

- Aah!
- Fucking cursed, man.

- Look at me, look at me.
- Fucking cursed, man.

I'm not fucking around.
You understand?

I'll get that out
of your fucking house.

- It is not cursed.
- What are you talking about?

Hey, eat this entire stick
of butter for 300 bucks,

and we'll find
desperate people,

we'll just find someone to do it
until all the cash is gone.

I'm gonna hold you
to that shit.

We'll see some really sad
shit that way, it's fun.

I would eat the butter
just for the pleasure.

Have you ever done that?

What else is there to do
with butter?

♪ If I was a rock ♪

♪ I would like to be soft ♪

♪ I would like to be soft,
if I was a rock, rock ♪

That's good,
you're getting better!

Okay, do feather, do feather!

Don't think, don't think.

♪ If I was a feather ♪

♪ I would like to be heavy ♪

- ♪ I would like to be
heavy ♪- Roddy: Dudes!

Ohh!

♪ Snacks,
Roddy got the snacks ♪

♪ Roddy got the snacks
Snacks ♪

♪ Roddy got the snacks
Right here with the snacks ♪

♪ Roddy ♪

Thanks, Roddy.
Are you working here?

Why don't you relax a bit?

I know, right?
I should be on salary.

Come on, take a break.

Mmm! Mmm!

Mmm!

You want mine? You like it?

- Yeah!
- I can't eat cheese.

- I'm lactose intolerant, here.
- Cheese me.

Go on, Tyler.

Yes!

Hey!

Whoa, Jesus.

Whoa, what?

Don't be jealous
of our dynamic, okay?

It's just like watching
a Sea World show.

Hey, so, Eli, like, what are--
how are the Cuban people

feeling about
all the election stuff?

No, no, tell him
about the rock!

Tell him about
the fucking Eleguá,

- the fucking... a ghost rock.
- He doesn't know what it is.

He stole this fucking
weird-ass voodoo doll thing,

with, like,
this weird rock face.

What, where is it,
I wanna see it, where is it?

You don't wanna see it!
It'll fuck you up.

Yeah, you do wanna see it,
it's good luck.

No, don't tell him
to look at it.

He tryna fuck your life up,
I'm telling you.

It's not gonna
fuck your life up.

Alan, listen to me,
it'll fuck your life up.

I don't...
they don't give a fuck

about anything anymore
over there.

They just think
we're idiots.

Well,
they think we're idiots,

and I think that
they're just happy

that they're not here as well,
you know what I mean? Yeah.

You heard of those things
where you send

your bullshit into?
You know that?

Okay, so every... most major
cities and most states are...

Where's that fucking bottle at?

They want to take away
funding from the cities.

This guy needs
another shot! Right?

But yet he wants New York
to protect his family

when they stay there
on the weekends. It's bullshit.

Yo, Ty. Ty, that's Pete's
birthday bottle.

- Don't be a fucking pussy.
- I know, but let him--

Cheap fuck.

Yo...

Stop being cheap, buddy.

Come on.
Cheers, motherfucker.

All right.

- They got Jet Blue flights...
- Cheers.

...for like 150 bucks,
that's nothing!

- Round trip, motherfucker.
- Right...

Jet Blue sucks dick!

- Ty, bring me Eleguá.
- I've got you!

You have a Jewish vagina!

Hey where's that Eleguá
thing at?

Where's that Eleguá,
ghost rock thing?

Yeah,
that's not here anymore!

Yo, Tyler!

Yo, Tyler. I dare you!

- Hey! Hey, hey, hey!
- What the fuck?

How much
of a man, are you?

Oh, you wanna find out?
You wanna see my dick?

There's not enough room
at the table.

Here, sit down, sit down, sit down.

We're playing
whiskey slaps.

Have some water.

- What, are you my mom now?
- No, I'm your daddy.

Guys,
Tyler does not like games.

No, never played
whiskey slaps, huh?

'Course he hasn't,
you just made it up.

Now...

as soon as I take a drink,

as soon as the ass of the glass
hits the wood,

you slap me, understand?

Don't be afraid, Tyler,
you slap this bitch hard.

- Handle that?
- Yo, what you wanna do

with this one,
wanna save it?

Set it down, yeah. Set it down.
Put it on the table.

Exactly.

Here, sit down man.
You ready?

- Let's do it.
- Let's do it. I'm first, okay?

All right.

Woah!

Okay,
now we're going.

- Oh. Shit's gonna get crazy.
- Come on!

- Son of a bitch!
- All right, frat boys!

All right, listen up,
listen up.

- Motherfucker.
- You girls look super cute,

but we gotta clean up.

No, I gotta get my revenge.
Come on, sit back down!

We gotta clean up.

One more round,
one more round!

No, guys, guys.
What the fuck man?

- Tyler, yo, come on, man.
- You all right?

Johnny, Johnny...

I'm gonna get you back,
motherfucker.

- Yeah, you will.
- I'm gonna get you back.

I'm good, bro!

I'm good, Johnny,
you don't gotta babysit me.

I'm not babysitting you.

Guys, why don't
we stop doing this?

Hey! Yo!

They're doing a capoeira
demonstration.

I don't think this is really
how you do it.

No, it's not from Cuba
or wherever the fuck

these fucks came from,
this... it's from...

it's from Brazil.

- And it's a dance.
- All right,

my neck is starting to hurt.

Get out of here.
Do I gotta tag somebody?

Come on, me and you,
me and you right now, right now.

I don't wanna hurt
your fragile body.

Come on, man,
I like this WWF stuff, man.

- Come on, man, me and you.
- Nah, I'll pass, buddy. Nah.

I'm not really good
with the...

Hey, Ty, come on,
he's not gonna fight you.

Like the WWE stuff.
Come on, man, me and you.

Come on, he's a pussy.

- Aw, man. Oh, you!
- Oh, shit!

Oh, it's on!

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Here we go, here we go.

Make room, make room.

Hey, whoa.
Make room, make room!

Hey,
I got 50 bucks on Tyler!

I got Tyler.

Fine, I got 50 on Pete.

Hey, Eli and Charles!
Eli, you got 50?

All right, you win, you win.

You giving up on me?
You giving up on me, you pussy?

Pete, don't give up.
Oh, shit!

All right, guys, guys...

Wait, wait, wait,
guys, guys...

What the fuck, man?
Cut it out, man!

Tyler, you're fucking wasted,
man.

- I'm sorry.
- Get up, get up.

Look at this fucking shit,
man.

- Yo, I'm sorry.
- Fucking get your shit together, man.

I'll pay for it, I'm sorry.

No, for real, I've got a cash
app, I can pay you right now.

Tyler, it's all right,
it's all right.

I'm so sorry, bro.

Don't worry. It's just
a record player, man.

Don't worry, don't worry.

Nico, I'm sorry, bro.

It's fine, it's fine,
it's fine.

But really, like,
get your shit together.

- Tyler, relax.
- It's all good.

Like, let's settle down
a little bit, all right?

- It's just a record player, man.
- Yeah, yeah.

- I never lost faith in you.
- I don't care whose fault it is,

like, let's just
get it over with.

- You okay?
- Yeah, I'm good.

- Dinner's ready.
- Yeah, yeah.

Make yourselves
presentable, come on.

Okay. I wanna say something
really quickly

before we start eating!

I wanted to say just one thing.

Thank you
for having us here.

Thank you for all your fuckers
coming, I know it was tough.

But last year was fucked.

And I...

at some point...

I have needed every single
fucking one of you...

and you've been there
for me.

Every single
fucking one of you.

And that's what this is about,
that's what it's all...

that's what all of this shit
is about.

All right?

So anyways,
that's all I wanted to say.

- To the women's march!
- Happy birthday.

- To the women's march.
- You cynical motherfucker!

Thank you, Pete,
really funny speech!

Happy to be here,
why is it cynical to love women?

- Cheers!
- We've seen some shit, huh?

- Let's go.
- Let me play now.

Okay, okay,
now spin, spin, spin.

All right, that's good!
Let's go, let's go.

- Give it to him.
- Where's the fucking machete?

- On the table!
- Just, uh, go straight.

You have three times.

Go, go.
Go, go.

Don't lean against him,
he gotta figure it out.

- Yeah, am I there?
- You're... You're near.

Fuck him up!

Get him!

Yeah, motherfucker!

Stop, stop, stop, stop.

Hey, John.

Look, we was fucking
around back there, man.

You know... You know
I'm not violent.

You know
I'm not fucked up.

Yo, don't sweat it, don't
sweat it at all, man.

Hey, Nico, Nico...
Let me pay for the...

Yo, stop it.
Cut it out, man.

Don't worry about,
it's all good.

- All right, all right
- John: My man, Ty.

My man Ty's gonna get it.

Give me that machete.

Kill the Trump,
kill the Trump.

- Give me the machete.
- Spin him!

Spin him! Spin him!

That's all right,
that's all right.

- Wait.
- Woah, woah, woah!

Oh, shit.

What are you fucking
talking about?

Yo, yo, Ty, you good?

He's gonna fucking puke,
right?

- You good?
- Don't puke, man, don't puke.

Are you gonna be sick?

Tyler, look at me,
are you gonna be sick?

I'm okay, I'm okay. I just need
to take a shower, bro.

You wanna take a shower?
Come upstairs.

It's all right, it's cool.
We'll go upstairs

and take a shower.
Come on.

I'll make you some coffee,
okay?

All right, all right.

- You're my babies.
- Yeah, go, go.

- You're my babies.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go.

Take care of yourself.

Maybe we should've put some
candy in that thing.

Charlie! Charlie! Charlie!

Yo!

Hey, my bad.

Max is using
the bathroom downstairs.

Oh, and Nico says you gotta
keep the showers short.

There isn't much water in
the tank, some shit like that,

I don't fucking know.

Oh, yo,
we okay, right?

I was just fucking
around before, all right?

Yeah, we're real.

- Yep.
- Okay!

Shit.
Fuck!

Bitches!

Fuck 'em!

Cheap-ass motherfucker.

He wrote this note to all these
convents in Argentina, like,

all these nuns, like, "We have
to pray against gay marriage,"

like
"This is the devil's work,

this is evil,
we have to pray against it,"

and then seven years later,
it was like the church

- should apologize to gay people.
- Right, right.

This is our Pope,
he's like the fresh...

It's horrible,
it's horrible...

- Like the fresh, young, cool new Pope...
- My man...

- You good?
- ...like Rolling Stone magazine put him on.

You know, just because
you're not a Nazi

doesn't mean
you're a good person.

He's going around giving an
apology toward people

who don't believe in Him
and don't care.

Ooh.
You smell like almonds.

You made that coffee?

Oh, fuck, yo,
I forgot to save you a cup.

Oh, no shit.

What do you mean,
"no shit"?

I was just going to make
more coffee, man.

- Here just, have mine.
- Nah, I'm good.

Dude, it's fine, here,
I'll make a new pot of coffee.

- I'm good.
- I'll make a new pot of coffee.

Would you just take that?
Stop being a bitch

and drink that, all right?
I'll make another pot,

don't worry.
We got any more coffee?

The imagery of it
is all bloody.

If Jesus were here, he would
fucking be over it himself.

Oh, my God, he would
hate it! He would hate it!

It's all just a bunch
of rapey bullshit.

If Jesus went
into a church, he'd be like,

"What the fuck
are you doing?

Why am I bleeding,
with a thorny crown...?"

Like,
"Put me on rollerblades!"

It's like a horror show!

Absolutely, I know!

Ty. Remember
when we were all having fun?

Now it's turned
into a fucking fiasco.

I know!
It always does.

That's where
it always goes.

It's like religion, politics,
religion, politics.

- This is what happens.
- Yo Alan.

What are you doing?

Why do you have that?
What is that?

The fucking hoarders
that lived here had it.

- What are you doing, man?
- They had like ten of them.

- Here.
- I can't with you guys.

Why haven't you
thrown it away?

Okay, so, like,
what is happening here?

Like, why is it so scary?

This baby's like a demon baby.
He's, like, about

to take a bite
out of her face.

No, you know what,
come in the living room

- if you want to have fun, okay?
- What is this?

Why is he about to take a bite
out of her?

And, like, the baby
doesn't weigh anything.

- It's like they're gonna make out or something.
- Yeah!

What about the Jesus? The
unfuckable Jesus right there?

Why is Jesus always
with a lamb?

Like, what does the lamb mean?
It means nothing!

It means
its mother's missing.

Like, Tyler, why...
what is this?

Is Jesus
running a petting zoo?

What are you supposed to think
when you see this?

Why, in 2017 are people,
like, in love with this imagery?

- Why is it 2017 in the first place?
- Yeah!

Like, why are people posting
this to their wall and crying?

Anyone who believes
in this kind of Jesus

must be,
like, an inferior human.

I don't want these people
voting, or touching me...

Let's hire an actor...

Guys, why don't we go to
the fire and burn all this shit?

Please, can I just ask,
no more Cuba stories?

But still! I mean, I get
you guys went to Cuba.

Ty, Ty!

Is he still going off
in there?

It's what he does. He just goes
on and on and on...

Burn! Burn!

We brought the Jesus
and we'll watch Him burn!

Burn the witch!

We're going to burn him!

- No, no!
- Yes! Burn!

No, no.
Not a good idea!

Yo, don't take this shit
too seriously, okay?

It's not a religious thing,
they just like to burn shit.

Hey, Max, Max, wait.
He can't feel pain,

they're magical,
the Virgin gave birth to a baby

without ever having sex.

What the fuck
is going on!

Motherfuckers!

Hey! Wait!
Soundtrack, bitches, soundtrack!

♪ ♪

♪ It starts
with an earthquake ♪

♪ Birds and snakes
And aeroplanes ♪

♪ And Lenny Bruce
Is not afraid ♪

Don't fuck up
my fucking house, man!

♪ Eye of a hurricane,
Listen to yourself churn ♪

♪ World serves its own needs,
Don't mis-serve your own needs ♪

♪ Wire in a fire,
Represent the seven games ♪

♪ And a government for hire
And a combat site ♪

♪ Left her,
Wasn't coming in a hurry ♪

♪ With the Furies
Breathing down your neck ♪

♪ Team by team reporters
Baffled, trump, tethered crop ♪

♪ Look at that low plane!
Fine, then ♪

♪ Uh oh overflow population
Common group ♪

♪ But it'll do Save
yourself, serve yourself ♪

♪ World serves its own needs
Listen to your heart bleed ♪

♪ Tell me with the rapture And
the rev-'rent in the right ♪

♪ You vitriolic patriotic
Slam fight bright light ♪

♪ Feeling pretty psyched ♪

♪ It's the end of the world
As we know it ♪

♪ It's the end of the world
As we know it ♪

♪ It's the end of the world As
we know it and I feel fine ♪

♪ Six o'clock TV hour Don't
get caught In foreign tower ♪

♪ Slash and burn return
Listen to yourself churn ♪

♪ Lock him in uniform And
book burning bloodletting ♪

♪ Ev'ry motive escalate
Automotive incinerate ♪

♪ Light a candle light a motive.
Step down, step down ♪

♪ Watch a heel crush crush
Uh-oh this means ♪

♪ No fear cavalier
Renegade and steer clear ♪

♪ A tournament a tournament
A tournament of lies ♪

♪ Offer me solutions Offer me
alternatives And I decline ♪

♪ It's the end of the world
As we know it ♪

Guys, please,
don't break anything else!

Yo, please, seriously.

Pete....

Yo, guys,
not in the fire! Please!

Nico, wait!
Where are you going, man?

Dance, bitch!
Dance!

♪ It's the end of the world
As we know it ♪

Yeah, these fucking pipes
froze again, man.

- That's fucked up.
- Yeah, they're frozen.

Hey, have you seen
my jacket anywhere?

♪ ...and I feel fine ♪

Hey, Nico
says I can burn shit!

Yo, guys, fuck that shit,
come on,

Nico says I can burn shit!

No, hey, seriously, no, yo,
stay away from flammables!

Oh, my jacket, my jacket,
my jacket.

- I love this coat man!
- I need it.

Hold on, man. Pete?
Pete?

Get Tyler my bunny coat.

- Here, let me wear it, I want to wear it
right now. - What am I gonna wear?

Yo, what are you fucking
doing? Come dance with us.

Hey, where's
the lighter fluid?

What are you
fucking around for?

- Are you kidding me?
- Give him the gas!

I want to see Pete
burn himself alive!

There's no fucking way!

Ooh, yeah!

♪ It's the end
Of the world as we know it ♪

Bring the big tequila
bottle by the couch next to...

the thing next to the couch.

The big bottle that's full.
Bring the whole thing.

Get the guys to come!

♪ ...and I feel fine ♪

- Yo, they got fire.
- Outside?

Aw, really?

Fuck!

Hey, how you doing?

How you doing, ma'am?
How you doing?

What's going on?
What's the matter?

You remember me?
We ran out of gas,

me and my friend Johnny?

Oh, yeah.
Yeah, what's going on?

I'm sorry, it got really packed
over there by Nico's,

and I just couldn't
find anywhere to sleep,

and I remember you saying
you had an extra room?

I said that?
Come in, come in.

- Are you sure?
- Come on, come in,

it's freezing. Come on.

Thank you so much.

So what... what happened?
You found the house?

Ye... Yeah.
Well, I found the house, but...

Nico had a bunch of people
coming there and...

Yeah.

Just... people were
sharing beds and I... I...

I just couldn't find anywhere
to sleep.

Okay.
Would you like some coffee?

I think that would be
a good idea.

Right?
So why don't you go sit down?

- Right there.
- Thank you so much.

This is a nice house.

You're so nice for this.
Thank you so much.

Yeah, I wanna hear... I
wanna hear the rest of the story.

So...

Yeah,
so I come outside, right?

- Yeah.
- And a bunch of people were there,

so my car
was blocked in...

- Uh-huh.
- So I was like...

I... I... I don't know,
I just came here...

What is going on?

- Oh, honey, this is...
- Who's this?

Oh, yeah, uh...

What is your name?
Do I know your name?

- Tyler. Yes, Ma'am.
- Oh, Tyler, Tyler! Of course.

How you doing, sir?

This is Nico's friend, the
Argentinean fellow on the corner

who bought
the Jenkins' place.

The Jenkins' place.
Nico.

Good, so, what are you doing
here at 11 o'clock at night?

- I'm sorry, I was...
- No, honey,

you don't have to stand up,
sit down, sit down.

- I'll get you some coffee...
- He's drunk, and he needs to leave.

All right, honey, let's just

- let him have his coffee...
- You know, maybe

- this was a bad idea...
- ...this is my guest.

- I'm so sorry.
- No, just sit down.

- Sit down, sit down.
- I'm so sorry, guys.

Well I'm not going to leave you
alone with some random drunk guy.

Okay, I'm going
to get your coffee.

So, Tyler, are you the only one
who couldn't sleep?

Tyler, honey?

- Tyler.
- Huh?

Were you the only one
that wasn't able to sleep?

Oh... Oh...

Oh, thank you so much
for this!

- Careful. Don't burn yourself!
- Mm!

- Mom, what is going on?
- Devon,

honey, what are you doing up?

I can't sleep when you play
that dang thing.

All right. Do you want to say
hello to our friend here?

- Who's he?
- How you doing? I'm Tyler.

- Hi.
- Tyler. How you doing?

- What's your name?
- Devon.

- Devon.
- Nice fur.

Oh, thank you,
you want to touch it?

Thank you.

- It's not mine.
- Let's go to sleep,

- what do you figure?
- Goodnight, Devon.

- Nice to meet you.
- Have a great night.

And the "dang thing" is called
a baritone saxophone, kiddo.

- I thought you were reading?
- I was...

Um...

Great kid.

You know, maybe...
maybe it's best I just go ahead.

What, you don't like music?

Music is...

I just...

Like, I was...

I just really feel like
maybe it's best

I just go ahead and go,
you know?

I think that's
a good idea, son.

All right, thank you.
Thank you for everything.

I really appreciate it,
brother.

You're very welcome,
Tyler.

Okay.

- Did he kick you out?
- No!

- No, no, no.
- Nothing like that.

Yeah,
like he said, no, no.

Would you like a ride home?

Uh, no.
No, I'm fine, I'm...

- Are you sure?
- Yeah, I probably need to walk it off.

What's up?
Yo!

- Shit, son.
- What are you doing?

What are you doing,
dude?

Ty?

Yo, what are you doing out here?

I just couldn't sleep,
John, I just needed some space.

I was just trying to get
some sleep, so...

- What are you talking about?
- I walked down to...

to Silvia's...

Who the fuck is Silvia?

Who's Silvia?

Ty?
What's going on?

Why do you have your shit?

I pretended to be asleep.

I don't know.

Like...

I don't know why I would pretend
to be asleep...

I really don't know.

Is that
what you're upset about?

- Are you scared?
- I'm not really sure.

I fucking knew
you weren't sleeping!

I don't know
what's going on.

All right, yo, yo, yo!

Okay.
Are you okay?

I'm fucking drunk.

All right, here, come on,
come to the car.

It's all right.

It's just not smart to do this
when you're drunk, you know?

Come on.

All right, here we go.

You good?

Yeah.
Yeah, we're good.

Glad we fucking
found you, man!

I was fucking scared!

Enough, dude.

We knew you were out here
calling, man, don't worry.

A little walk, huh?

Yeah,
just looking for service.

Hey, they're back!

There he is.

You guys all right?
You good?

Hey, motherfucker,
I didn't say you could

keep my coat!
This one's not warm at all.

He's just a little drunk.
He was around the corner...

Ty, I want my coat back, baby,
I don't care if you're cranky.

Ohh.

No, no.

You okay, Ty?

- I think he's really upset.
- Over what?

Mad at what?

I don't know. Johnny said
he was drunk when they found him

down the road.

On foot?

Put your shit down,
take your jacket off,

get some rest.

I'll come check in on you,
I'll make you breakfast,

I'll do whatever
you need me to do.

- All right?
- All right.

- Thanks, John.
- No worries, my man.

I'm going to lock
this shit.

You look sleepy!

What, you just woke up?

You wanna say hello
to Cosmo, huh?

Oh!

Don't worry about it, man.
I got it.

I gotta...
I'm going to go,

I'm going to say goodbye
to my friends, okay?

I'm going to say goodbye
to my friends

and then I'm gonna
call you back, all right?

Hey, Cosmo, come here!

Okay, Cosmo, come here, boy!

Come here!

Now, tell Mom to answer
the phone, okay?

Please, yes, yes, okay,
I love you more than ketchup.

Charles, please, sit down.
Take your backpack off.

- Please, come on.
- Don't have time,

- Roddy, don't have time.
- Eli!

Take some time.

- Can I sit down?
- Please sit down.

Eat.
You need food.

- I need food?
- You.

- Move, Cosmo.
- So what's the deal?

You gotta return the car
or some shit?

- We gotta get outta here, man.
- Move that butt. Move that butt, dog.

Where'd you rent it from
this time?

Oh, come on!
I was Instagramming that, man.

I know,
but we got to go.

But if I didn't
Instagram it,

then the whole weekend
never happened, right?

Hey!
What's up with the hot water?

- We're out!
- What's this?

I'm never coming back!

- Gonna recycle it.
- Oh, yeah. Compost, compost.

- I like it.
- Yo!

- Yo, yo!
- Oh, shit!

How you feelin'?

- Pretty shit.
- Yeah.

Do you wanna hair of the dog,
or beer or anything?

Just to balance you out?

No, no, man, I need...

Like,
you got an Advil, or?

I'm sure Nico has...

Yeah, he's got something
in the house, for sure.

- Just ask him, it'll be cool.
- All right, yo.

- How'd you sleep?
- Good.

- Good. Can't complain.
- How you feeling this morning?

I'm good.
Thank you.

I told y'all, do the other half,
you don't have to do that now.

Nico, you got any, like...

headache medicine,
like Advil, Aleve?

I don't know, man.
Let me check.

All right. Thank you.

- Hey, Nico, where's...
- It smells amazing!

We got it, don't worry,
we'll talk care of it.

You did enough, Nico.

Just don't let it go down
your throat.

Where's my fur, bitch?

I like you in that do-rag, man.

I used to have one of those
things, you know?

In high school?

This kid Justin in my class
had one,

I was like "I'll give you
20 bucks right now,

I want that." I wore that thing
for like a year,

I miss it, man.
You can have this one

for 20 bucks!

- Yeah.
- Give me that shit.

- For real.
- I'll keep that

- and you'll keep the fur.
- Yeah!

Yeah, I'm down for that.

Okay, one of us is getting
a good deal here.

You're just selling shit?

- All right!
- Fuck it!

Hey, Tyler, if you want
this back, for real,

we gotta meet up
in the city.

- For sure
- I'm kidnapping it until then.

- Okay.
- Or you just buy another one.

Yo.
Time out.

Has anyone seen this,
by the way?

Does anyone think this is
normal, is it appropriate?

Look at him.
Look at that.

I'm gonna call you
Kinder Bueno.

- So, growing up in eight-Mile...
- Kinder Bueno?

...did you know
Marshall Mathers or...

All right, all right,
I love you beautiful fuckers,

- but it is time to go.
- You guys going?

- You guys leaving now?
- Yeah, we gotta go.

We need to get one picture,
one picture!

Hey, Ty,
give that to Nico.

Nico,
take the picture, baby.

No, no, no, Nico,
get in, get in.

- I'll take it.
- No, no, no, Tyler,

fuck you,
you get in the picture!

- Come on, guys, get in.
- Yeah, fuck you!

Turn this shit around
and hold it up.

- All right. Let's go.
- Get your face in this shit!

Shit, are you
getting the picture?

Make room, make room!

I got a dog.
Watch out, Ty.

♪ ♪

♪ Oh, life is bigger ♪

♪ It's bigger than you
And you are not me ♪

♪ The lengths
That I will go to ♪

♪ The distance in your eyes ♪

♪ Oh, no, I've said too much ♪

♪ I set it up ♪

♪ That's me in the corner ♪

♪ That's me in the spotlight ♪

♪ Losing my religion ♪

♪ Trying to keep up with you ♪

♪ And I don't know
If I can do it ♪

♪ Oh, no, I've said too much ♪

♪ I haven't said enough ♪

♪ I thought
That I heard you laughing ♪

♪ I thought
That I heard you sing ♪

♪ I think
I thought I saw you try ♪

♪ But that was just a dream ♪

♪ That was just a dream ♪

♪ That's me in the corner ♪

♪ That's me in the spotlight ♪

♪ Losing my religion ♪

♪ Trying to keep up with you ♪

♪ And I don't know
If I can do it ♪

♪ Oh, no, I've said too much ♪

♪♪ I haven't said enough ♪♪

♪ I thought
That I heard you laughing ♪

♪ I thought
That I heard you sing ♪

♪ That was just a dream,
Just a dream ♪

♪ Just a dream, dream ♪