Two Ways to Go West (2020) Movie Script

- You're right.

And all you have to do is not doit.

That's all you have to do, is

not do it.

Just don't do it.

You look in the mirror,

you open your mouth

and you stick out your tongue,

and oh, it's too late, it's toolate.

I'll quit tomorrow.

And then you do, you do.

But you're never not an addict

though.

[dramatic music]

You're just waiting for an

excuse to use.

And then something comes

along and gets you clean.

So you think, it just swaps,

just swaps.

[clanking]

[soft music]

♪ I'm trying so hard not

to love him too fast ♪

♪ Round up all the horses

and race 'round the track ♪

♪ Well, life's a round

reality and never look back ♪

♪ Want a real hard love

that's better than that ♪

♪ I'm trying so hard not to burymyself ♪

♪ Beneath the dirt and the

flowers of somebody else ♪

♪ Yeah, beauty is blinding

and darkness runs deep ♪

♪ Wanna hold onto him

and still hold onto me ♪

♪ Cocaine and whiskey rye

♪ They don't even compare

to how love makes me high ♪

♪ So I won't push my love

♪ I'll sober up

♪ I won't feed off of it 'til itdies ♪

♪ Mm mm mm mm mm mm

♪ Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm

♪ I'm trying so hard to

stay right where I am ♪

♪ I'll drive my mind in

reverse to speed up ahead ♪

♪ Breakdown on a road that

just leaves me for dead ♪

♪ Want the peace of the present♪

- Hey.

♪ To steer me instead

- What's up, what are you doing?

- You know what?

I can't do this thing.

Can you help me get

this, man, you're better?

- [Shane] Marty, you

didn't bring a clip on?

You should know how to tie a

tie.

- Well then fuck you,

pal, I'm not wearing it.

- You gotta wear it, man.

- Anyway, so now she's

still ringing the phone,

and still nothing.

- Well, yeah, he's not

gonna stop that affair.

- No, no, no, here's the

punchline.

This guy was out on the fuckinglake fishing all morning.

- Fishing?

- He was out on the Lake

fishing.

He missed a day's pay, okay.

A strike against him.

Who knows what with his fuckingugly wife.

All so he can go sit out

on the lake, and what?

Go fishing.

- That's it?

- That's it, just wanted to

fish.

He didn't even feel bad.

- Did he catch anything?

- [Marty] I don't know, that's

not the fucking point, man.

- Then what's the point, Marty?

- The point is you don't listen.

- I'm listening!

All I'm saying is if he had

reeled in a three foot pike,

then maybe it was worth his

trouble.

- Getting ready for what?

Getting ready for your show?

Yes, I'm excited, I'm

excited to see Marty.

I miss him, so, that'll be fun.

They may have like a yacht

thing set up, I don't know.

You know how San Francisco is.

- Will you relax, bro?

He just text me a half hour

ago, he just got into Vegas.

I don't know why we can't

just go to a Coney Island.

I want French toast.

- If it's about the money,

I don't want you worrying

about it, I got it covered.

- No, no, no, this weekend

is on me and Gavin.

All right, so get your ID,

maybe some gambling money,

and leave your fat fucking

wallet here.

- Gavin couldn't of sprung

for a suite on the strip

and cashed residual or

something?

- I booked the room.

- Room's pretty nice, Marty.

- Fuck you, pal.

He's giving me cash anyway,

okay,

'cause he wanted to stay off thegrid.

- Oh yeah, right, his sponsor.

- That or his girl.

- Oh my God.

All right, what is it this

time model or actress?

- It's a dancer.

- You're kidding me.

How conducive can that

be to his situation?

- No, no, she's a legit

fucking dancer, bro.

She works at one of

those shows on the strip.

- Well, it would be a real

shame if she busted him here.

- All right, I'll let you get

back to it.

I just wanted to tell you that Ilove you

and that I'll talk to you soon,okay?

All right, one day, that's it.

All right, love you, bye.

- [Shane] At least let me finishfirst.

- You sick bastard.

- Prude bastard.

What, two is it?

- Two and a half.

- That's right, Marty Half

hand, truly a wild man.

- I got it out at a young age.

- Yeah, they call it settling

down for a reason, Marty.

- Fuck you, pal, aren't you

about to do the same thing?

- Yes,

[sighing]

I am.

[knocking on door]

- He's here, play nice, asshole.

He's a good guy, unless you're abad guy.

- Not even a foot in the

fucking door yet, Jesus, man

give me a fucking break.

- [Marty] How you doing, man?

- Oh man, I feel like I just

walked in

a fucking time machine.

- [Shane] It's good to see you

Gavin.

- Congratulations.

- Thanks, man.

- [Marty] Don't call him Gavin.

That's Johnny fucking McNabb.

- Calm down, Marty, all right?

You can get his autograph later.

- Nobody wants my autograph

anymore.

- Come on bro, it's just a speedbump.

- Yeah, well anyway.

What are we doing, what's the

deal?

Shouldn't Shaney be half

shot in the ass by now?

- No, no, no, no.

I think we're gonna do the

dry thing this weekend.

- Oh yeah, nice.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, bro, that

one's mine.

- You guys realize that I can'tget drunk

if you drink it, right?

I'm fine, seriously, can

we just have a good night?

- Great!

[chuckling]

- So how about a Coney Island

for dinner?

- French toast?

- I'm not going to Coney Island.

- How's Hope doing, by the way?

- Well, she's doing actually

pretty good.

She's up at her ma's in TraverseCity.

- Yeah, but, you know what I

mean.

Is she all right?

What's going on?

- I'm going to Coney

Island before I leave here.

All right, assholes?

And what's this world

renowned restaurant anyway,

bachelor boy?

- Actually, you know,

I had a change a plans.

I got us tickets to go

see a show on the strip.

- Why'd you say it like that?

[both laughing]

Oh, fuck you, guys.

- All right, what's the deal,

who is she?

- Wait, wait, wait, let's do therundown.

- Oh, yeah, Latina for sure.

- Nope.

- Asian.

- Nope.

- Russian?

- No.

- Teriyakian.

- She's Filipino.

- I just said Asian,

it's the same thing.

- Oh, man.

- It's not the same thing.

- We got a dinner reservation

that we're late for

and I still gotta get dressed,

so, let's get rolling.

- [Marty] Please, 'cause

I'm fucking starving.

- All right, I just have

to piss and then I'm ready.

[cellphone chiming]

[dramatic music]

[toilet flushing]

[sink water running]

- [Shane] Yeah, babe, just goingout now.

- [Marty] Seriously, bro, just

get off the phone already.

- [Shane] Will you chill out,

bro?

Why don't you call Annabelle orsomething?

[dramatic music]

- [Gavin] What you gonna do

Marty?

- [Marty] I'm going all in.

- [Gavin] I call, Shane,

grab me a slice, will ya?

- [Shane] Yeah, you got

it, cheese or pepperoni?

- [Gavin] Pepperoni, please.

What do you got?

- I got nothing, it's

unbelievable.

- He always has a hand,

that guy's always been the luckyone.

- Not a game of luck, my

friend, you know that.

- Completely a game a luck.

- Okay, Shane, you're

right, it's a game a luck.

- Well, did you earn those

cards?

Did you have to work for 'em?

No, they were handed to you.

- Well, I was patient until

the right cards came along

and then I took a chance

and played 'em right.

- It's ironic logic coming froma person

who has a lucky number

tattooed on their hand.

- Well, that's true.

But this is a little different.

- I'm just saying, you play

the cards that you're dealt

whatever the fuck they are.

- I guess we'll see either way

when he blows them on the bluff.

- But if I do, I'll go

out and win some more.

How's your folks?

- Same old, still living back inDetroit.

What do you think this is?

- I don't know, is it like a

Formica?

- [Shane] Yeah, it could be.

- It's really sturdy.

- Wow, it's good craftsmanship.

- Yeah, it's really nice,

I was just thinking.

Where do you think he went?

- I don't know.

- So, how's our boys?

You ready for the surprise?

Huh, look at this.

- [Gavin] And, what is it?

- Oh shit, sorry about that.

- Oh my God.

- Woo!

- Okay, now you remember?

Deja vu anybody?

- [Shane] Holy cow.

- [Gavin] You do not

still have that.

- This.

Okay.

- [Shane] What.

- [Marty] So, should we play?

- I'm not playing that game?

If you could change one

thing about your body,

what would it be?

- Look at this thing, oh my God.

- My nose and my dick size.

[laughing]

- All right, it was too easy.

Marty, you would change

that horrible nose,

and Gavin would lose his baby

dick.

- What's wrong with my nose?

- I was actually nose, I'm

pretty content with my dick

size,

thank you, though.

- It's not that it's little,

it could just always be bigger,right?

- See, that's exactly

what somebody would say

with a baby dick.

- Gavin has a point, Marty.

- Fuck you guys.

It's my turn, all right...

How old will you guys

be when you get married?

- Oh man.

You set this one up.

- 28.

And 28.

- [Marty] You're gay, wow,

I always land on that.

- Whoa, no, no,

wait, wait, wait, how does thatwork?

- What are you talking about,

dude?

You both said 28, I can't get itwrong.

- No kidding, Sherlock,

I'm talking to this one.

- I wanted to wait until after

this weekend to tell you guys

because I didn't wanna steal

your thunder

or anything like that, but--

- [Marty] Don't start, Shane.

- No, no, I got a couple

of questions, that's all.

- Ask away.

- All right.

Who is this girl you're

apparently marrying this year?

- This girl is named Addie,

the one I told you about.

- Addie, that's right.

This is the Filipino one, right?

The dancer, the [speaking

in foreign language]

- Yeah, that's the one.

That's the only girlfriend I

have.

I know that's a tough concept.

- [Marty] Oh God, here we

go board flip, T minus two.

- Oh no, I'm not sure

what you mean by that?

- If you could go back

in time to any one day,

what day would it be and why?

- "I picked the day Hope

served us at Coney Island

"because the way her ass

filled those fucking jeans."

I picked the day Gavin moved toLA,

because I'd smacked some sense

into him.

- I already know I want the

day that Shane fucked my ex

because it's not like we were

best friends or anything.

- [Marty] Oh, wow, this

is really a lotta fun.

- Here we go.

You know what?

I wanna change mine.

I pick the day Gavin got on

television

and became too good for his

friends.

- I didn't become too good

for Marty, just for you.

- You haven't been too good

for anybody in the last year.

- [Marty] Oh, fuck you, Shane.

He doesn't mean that, G.

- [Shane] No, I do.

I really do.

- Will you shut you?

It's okay, anyway.

I remember this one, I wrote

this one.

How many times have you

jerked off in one day?

- Listen, Shane,

I know the past few years

have been really fucked up withme.

I know that, and I have some

regrets.

But the heaviest is this thing

with you,

and I just wanna make amends.

I was mad, okay?

I wasn't over it, I'm sorry.

I mean that, I'm sorry, both ofyou.

Okay?

Now can we please have a good

time

celebrating you and your

beautiful soon to be

before I flip the fucking board?

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

- No, seriously though, guys,

how many times in one

day have you jacked off?

[Gavin laughing]

If you put your tongue

down here like that,

try to talk without moving yourtongue.

- The darker featured, like--

- What the fuck, man?

Why do you always

get to be the cool guy?

- Dude, he was sexy as fuck.

♪ Please never go

- You're probably gonna be

the backup singer, right?

I got a guy that's gonna

shoot our album cover.

- I can see it.

- Your eyes are drying out.

What the fuck?

I'm the backup singer?

- No, no, no I think if Marty

comes in

with like a rap type thing.

♪ We've been moving like we're

soap going down the drain ♪

- And I'll be lead vocals,

obviously.

♪ I can't stop dreaming of you

- No, they were all

equally cool back then.

- Yeah, back then, now, what arethey?

- Marty!

- [Marty] What?

- Come on, man, I'm fucking

bored.

- [Shane] Marty, where's your

stripper?

- Where is she?

- [Marty] What do you want,

guys?

- It's been like two fucking

hours, I wanna go gamble.

- You know what?

I'm just like, I'm so

flabbergasted by your social

media

and the comments you get on

here.

- You're flabbergasted?

- Yeah.

There's like a hundreds of

comments a day from hot chicks

that you don't even acknowledge.

- What do you want

me to do?

- Have you seen

this shit, man?

- Oh, I look at it every day.

- I think you should reevaluatereading the comments on here

and who you're gonna reply to.

- I hate reading that shit.

- Have you tried any DMing on

here?

- People are so fucking mean onthere.

- Marty, tell me what a DM is?

- What do you mean?

It's a fucking inbox message.

[Shane and Gavin laughing]

- What is it again?

- [Marty] It's the same

thing as an inbox message.

[Shane and Gavin laughing]

- Why are you calling it that?

- [Marty] Because DM is inbox

message

and if you wanna step

your game up even further

you send her a meme.

[Shane and Gavin laughing]

Okay, I'm talking like extra

funny memes.

- Why would I send her a meme?

- Could you imagine?

- Because if you don't send a

meme,

how is she gonna know your senseof humor?

[Shane and Gavin laughing]

What are you waiting on, man?

You should send multiple

inboxes, man.

What the fuck?

You know what?

- No, you're absolutely right.

- You know what?

I can't even look at this

anymore.

All I know is I shoulda

been famous like you, pal.

Because I woulda been inboxing

all of 'em.

[Shane and Gavin laughing]

You know what?

Wait a minute, I just

thought of something.

- Are you gonna go inbox a

couple people?

- What the fuck is the matter

with him?

- [Shane] Oh my God.

- Was he always like that?

- [Shane] Yeah, he was.

- Oh my God.

[laughing]

- Oh yeah, inbox this, guys.

Look at this, man.

You know what this is?

Does anybody know what this is

at all?

- No idea.

- No, you have no idea?

- No, what is it?

- Couldn't possibly guess what

this is?

- If it's a picture of your

mom I'm gonna be very upset.

- You're close, but no.

- Come on, what is it?

- [Marty] Bang.

- Oh, dude.

- [Marty] Do you remember this?

- What is it?

I can't see it.

Jesus Christ, Marty.

- [Gavin] What the

fuck?

- You need one of these

in your office over your desk,

man.

- Oh my God.

- [Gavin] What the fuck

is the matter with you?

- What do you mean?

- Oh my God!

- [Gavin] Dude.

- What are you talking about?

- [Gavin] Dude, this is

too fucking much, come on.

- This fucking poster

is fucking sick, dude.

- [Gavin] Dude, you have a

poster of me.

- What do you mean?

Listen, I want you to

sign this fucking thing.

- I'm not signing that

fucking thing, dude.

You need to get rid of that.

- First of all,

lookit, this is the sickest

poster.

Look at the fire in your eyes

here, man.

What do you mean?

Look how sick this is.

- Are you out of your mind?

- First of all, this was

limited.

I had to order this off Ebay,

dude.

- Oh, you hear that?

Ebay, he got it off Ebay.

- I did.

- You couldn't have it inboxed?

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

Not only that, but I

had to pay for fucking--

- Dude, seriously, that's

not fucking cool, man.

- I had to pay for two

day shipping on this, man.

- Dude.

- Listen, I'm a power seller onEbay.

I mean, this is just fucking

awesome, that's all I know.

I want you to sign it.

Are you gonna sign the tiny

city?

- I'm not fucking signing that.

- Right on the bottom.

And, if you put it all togetherwith the fire in your eye,

the exploding gun, that

fucking flammable tiny cities,

it's like...

Look at these, wait.

- It's not a tiny city, it's

just a city.

- [Marty] I even picture

these guys as alien warriors.

Look, they're like alien--

- They're SWAT team members!

- [Marty] No, these are alien

warriors.

- What the fuck is the matter

with you?

- [Marty] These are like

fucking reptilian shape

shifting hybrids, man,

I'm telling you right now.

- [Shane] Shape shifting

hybrids?

- [Marty] Yeah, look at the

poster.

- [Shane] I've seen the

poster, you just showed me.

- It's a police show.

It's a police show.

- [Marty] There are shape

shifting hybrids

in the sewer systems on

this show, I know it.

[all laughing]

[snickering]

- Marty, tell us a story.

- Guy at work, he had to

shave his eyebrows off.

- What the fuck?

- No, listen, fuck head.

- You work with the strangest

people.

- So this apprentice goes

down river to this strip club

with his buddies from work,

and this place is a real fuckingdisaster.

It shoulda been condemned, or

torn down, or I don't know,

maybe new staff.

The apprentice and his buddies

decide we wanna run a bet

who can go the furthest

with one of these fucking

mutated,

monster, these cellulite,

skid mark having,

cobble pot looking strippers.

[Shane and Gavin laughing]

And I'm talking track marks,

snot running down their nose.

That's the kind of place it was.

You didn't have to tip much

there.

Listen, put it this way,

they even serve potato skins

with like,

who's gonna want potato

skins in this fucking place

when you have your fist up

somebody's ass?

Guys are fucking doing

shots off the girl's tits.

This guy's doing shots off a

girl's ass.

I'm talking about crazy

shit happening here.

So, the young apprentice wants

to show off

in front of his coworkers and hedecides,

well, you know what?

I'm good with my tongue.

He's gonna go down on one

of these classic mutants,

you know, with like a

'70s "Boogie Nights" bush.

So he's focused, he's doesn't

care.

He wants to go down on her.

Tongue, bush, tongue, bush,

tongue, bush, tongue, bush,

potato skins, potato skins.

He goes down on her.

He wakes up the next day, hestarts clawing at his eyebrows,

and flaking, and flaking, and

irritation.

He's got crabs in his eyebrows.

Shaves 'em right off.

- [Gavin] No way.

- Wait a second.

Wouldn't they not be crabs

though

if they're in his eyebrows?

- [Shane] What?

- Wouldn't it just be lice

because it's not in his pubes?

- No, it'd still be crabs

because its origination

was somebody's pubes.

- No, I mean, crabs are

defined based on the fact

that they inhabit a pubic

region.

If they were to be relocated viathe story

to somebody's eyebrows,

they would just be lice.

- Okay.

Listen, you relocated

to California, right?

- [Gavin] Yeah.

- But your origination

was Detroit, correct?

You carry that with you?

- No, no, no, no, I've

assimilated, I'm one of them

now.

- Mm-mm, no, no, you act like

one of them, you pretend.

But a crab can never act, or

pretend,

or play the part of

anything other than a crab.

It would always be seen as

something

that originated in somebody's

pubes.

Therefore, it could never

assimilate.

It would always be shunned

by any of the other infesting

inhabitants.

- Well excuse me, Shane.

I would like to think

that that even a crab

could leave his dirty past

behind him.

- The point is, keep your

face out of her pussy

before she gets here.

- No, no, no, no.

I will clear her seat when she

arrives.

- You would really let

her sit on your face?

- Yeah, I absolutely would.

I'm sorry.

- No, I don't think so,

'cause it's just gonna be dances

'cause that's all I paid for,

guys.

- Shall I retrieve my wallet?

And Gavin, don't sit

there and pretend like

you've never slept with a

stripper.

- I haven't, I swear.

- Really?

- Come on.

- Yeah, really.

- You mean to tell me after allof that

you never wound up sleeping withone?

- No, I didn't.

And I never did it for

fun or for the thrills.

You know, I guess if I

had sex with somebody,

I always preferred to

be the fucked up one.

- Don't sit there and tell me

that you weren't having fun,

man.

I saw the pictures on your

social media

with the models, and the

parties, and the craziness.

Dude, it looks like a lotta funto me.

- No, I mean, I may have done

some things

that some people wouldconsider fun, but I don't know.

I don't really remember.

- See, there you go.

You did it, but you don't

remember.

If you weren't having any fun atall,

why would you continue to do it?

- Don't get me wrong, I was

enjoying it,

it felt really fucking good.

That's why I continued to do it.

The problem is that, that'sthe only thing that feels good.

You know, kinda like it

desaturates everything, you

know?

It's like, that's a wrap.

- Is that set speak?

I don't really follow what

you're saying.

- That's a wrap.

You know, that's a wrap on sex,

on fun, on friends, on

family, on your job,

that's a wrap on everything,

but getting fucking high.

You know.

- It's terrifying.

- Yeah, it is.

I've killed the buzz here, I'm

sorry.

- No, bro, you're cool.

- Well, I think we're

having a shower anyway,

before she gets here, if she

ever does.

- She'll be here.

[dramatic music]

[cell phone chiming]

- Here's to my favorite

prick lawyer in the world.

Nobody else I'd call if I were

in trouble

or caught in the rain.

15 years of friendship, and

a lifetime of happiness.

And to one piece of pussy

for the rest of your life.

- I don't know about all that,

but...

- You know this, it's gonna

put a damper on the night.

But I'm a little buzzed, so fuckit.

- What's wrong buddy, everythingokay?

- Well, we hope so.

[cell phone vibrating]

Is that Annabelle?

Tell her I say hi.

- Mm-mm, no, no, no.

She's probably just sleeping orsomething.

It's just one of my interns.

- What the fuck is she doing up?

- Something about a case.

- All right, look bro, she's

gonna be here any minute now,

so you know what?

Let me just get this out.

- You wanna see your picture?

- Whose?

- My intern.

- Why the fuck would I wanna seea picture

of your intern, dude?

I'm trying to talk to you, man.

- Because she's got a great ass,

and it's my bachelor party,

and your stripper still

isn't even here yet.

- Great ass.

Let's see.

Oh no, that is a great ass.

♪ I'll shout it out

♪ If you're there alone

♪ Realize I had a good ways to

go ♪

♪ I had no supplies

♪ No lover to hold

♪ It got cold

♪ And I speed on the pavement

♪ Stuck to the weed

♪ Choked on the ruthlessness

inside me ♪

♪ Oh, it's just blood on your

knees, blood on your knees ♪

- Hey, hey, honey.

♪ Don't know anytime to die

- Yep, the stripper is right

here, actually, and she's...

Oh yeah, she's pretty fucking

smoking hot.

♪ Just pick up your feet

♪ Stop at a station with lotterya lie ♪

♪ They promised a fortune

on this glory night ♪

♪ And you win my money ♪

♪ And crawl in my dreams

♪ Yeah, I tripped over nothing

♪ Fell down and grieved

♪ Oh, it's just blood on your

knees, blood on your knees ♪

♪ I don't know anytime to die

♪ So quit worrying, wasting,

and wondering why me ♪

♪ Just pick up your feet mm-hmmmm ♪

♪ Oh baby, are you feeling

sorry for yourself ♪

♪ Are you mad that you got dirty♪

♪ Are you blaming someone else

[Gavin breathing hard]

♪ You know

[suspenseful music]

- Yo, yo, what's up, man?

Yeah, no, I just got your

messages.

Yeah, yeah, I just got in town.

Uh-huh.

Oh good, yeah.

Hey, why don't you come pick meup?

All right, cool.

Yeah, I'm somewhere in, I'll

send my location, all right?

We're in the penthouse,

come on up, all right?

Yeah.

- Yeah, she split, bro.

What'd you do, whip it out, G?

She didn't even take her tits

out yet.

[laughing softly]

[dramatic music]

- I never understood whypeople would think that addicts

didn't know they had a problem.

Of course you know.

You taste it in your teeth everymorning.

It doesn't make a difference.

- [Marty] Are you okay?

- And you believe it, you

believe

it, you really believe it.

And they know.

They know, and they're

right, they're right.

They're right.

And all you have to do is not doit.

That's all you have to do, is

not do it, just don't do it.

You look in the mirror,

and you open your mouth,

and you stick out your

tongue, and oh, it's too late.

[chuckling]

It's too late.

I'll quit tomorrow.

And then you do.

You do.

But you're never not an addict

though.

You're just waiting for an

excuse to use.

And then something comes

along and gets you clean.

So you think it just swaps, it

just swaps.

And it's a fucking wrap.

- Don't do it, G.

Don't do it, G, no,

don't fucking do it, man.

[dramatic music]

- [Shane] Man, what the fuck?

- Why don't you shut the fuck

up, Shane?

Go find yourself another

stripper to probably try and

fuck

behind your fiance's back.

- Bro, what the fuck, man?

- Excuse me.

Look, man, don't take

your relapse out on me.

- G, listen, why don't you

just go in the bathroom,

puke that shit out, come back

out here,

we can all just chill out?

- What are you even doing here,Marty?

You should be at home with Hope,

this is fucking ridiculous,

you did not belong here.

- Well first of all, he is here

because he's one of the

only friends that you have.

- I said, shut the fuck up,

Shane!

You don't know the first thing

about fucking friendship,

so I don't wanna hear

another goddamn word, okay,

we both fucking know you.

- What's he talking about?

- Nothing, man,

clearly he's just fucking

pissed off right now.

So if we just give him a minute.

- Yeah, clearly, you just

terrified that poor girl!

- Yeah, I terrified her

right off your fucking cock,

you fucking pervert.

Now I know you, I know you.

And I know you only

came here to get fucked,

so why don't you go and get

fucked?

I am sure she will never know!

- You know what?

Stop saying that.

What did I ever do to you?

Like honestly, what,

I slept with an

ex-girlfriend five years ago?

- What did you do to me?

Are you fucking serious?

What did you do to me?

What did you fucking do to me,

Shane?

Where were you, huh?

No, I seriously wanna know, I

wanna know,

I wanna know right now,

where the fuck were you?

- What are you even talking

about?

- Marty was there, where were

you?

- You know what?

[chuckling]

I'm not sticking around for thisshit.

You've always been a selfish

asshole,

and you will always be a selfishasshole.

- Why don't you fucking

do something about it

and stop running your smart

fucking mouth?

- [Marty] Just stop, fucking

stop, please.

- Shut up, shut up, Marty.

Sit down, sit down, Marty,

- Stop, man.

- I'm not fucking kidding, sit

down.

Do something, Shane, do

it, finally fucking do it.

Finally fucking do

something, you piece of shit.

[suspenseful music]

[Gavin panting]

- Look, man,

I'm sorry bud, but that shit

right there,

that shit was bound to happen.

I know you wanted to have a goodweekend

and you wanted to bring

the boys back together,

but I'm not sticking around

for that shit, have fun.

- When I was a little girl

on my island, where I'm from,

there was this bridge that

all the guys would go to

and they would carry these big

rocks

and they would jump off the

bridge.

And the rock would carry them

all the way down to the bottom.

They would stay down there

and they could see everything

because the water was so clear.

And they'd collect

things like sea urchins,

and starfish, sand dollars.

I don't know what you guys callit,

but in my language it's called

[speaking in foreign language]

And they would sell it

or they would eat it

and that's how they

would make their living.

- We'll open up a shop on

the beach and we'll sell.

[speaking in foreign language]

- I don't wanna get anything.

I just wanna be down there.

And I'll brush the sand like

this.

And then I'll brush it

and I'll see if I can search forstingrays

because they like to hide underthe sand.

- Really?

- Mm-hmm.

- How are you gonna get back up?

- Just swim.

- Well, how deep is it?

- Like 30 feet.

- 30 feet,

and you're gonna swim?

- Is that deep?

- Yeah, that's deep.

- Okay, like 20 feet.

- Oh, just 20.

That's it.

- That's it.

But I wanna go, and even

if it's just for a minute

it's gonna be worth it.

- What if you run outta air?

- That's the fun part.

You actually run out of air.

- You're nuts.

- Go with me.

[groaning]

- Soak it up, buddy.

- I'm not hungry.

- Hello, I don't give a shit

if you're a Gandhi on a

hunger strike, eat the burger.

- I don't like pickles.

- Just pick them off.

- It'll still taste like

pickles.

It'll always taste like pickles.

- You need to eat it.

- Maybe I do need it.

Maybe I deserve it.

- So eat it.

- No.

I just won't eat.

- Why the fuck not?

- 'Cause everything that I did

was for a burger without

pickles.

And not loving me.

- I'm sure the burger loves you,pal.

Really, just take a bite and

see.

- I guess I'm ruined too,

so why should I be able to

have the perfect burger?

- What do you wanna

fucking filet mignon, man?

[cell phone ringing]

- The burger can go fuck

itself, Marty, no pickles.

- I get that you're a

little wasted right now.

You're not making much sense.

So just try and be straight withme

'cause all this bullshit

you're spewing out

about this burger is like reallymaking me salitate over it.

- Go ahead, take a bite,

everybody else does.

- Look, whatever it is

you're going through Gavin,

you'll get through, man,

you always came out.

I can't watch you

- Jesus Christ.

- go down this road,

man, what are you doing?

Why the fuck are you laughing?

Seriously, I'm trying

to be serious with you.

You always take everything

so much harder than everyone

else.

We all got fucking problems, G!

Seriously, bro, see this shit,

you were never fucking happy,

man.

Even in Detroit, you bailed on

us

as soon as you got the gas

money.

- Happy with what?

Huh?

There was nothing for me there.

You know what I wanted to do

and you were supposed to have myback.

- Didn't I?

Didn't I have your fucking back,dude.

Didn't you have me,

didn't you have Nicole?

- Don't fucking talk about

Nicole, Marty.

- Why shouldn't I?

I was the one, I was the

shoulder she cried on

to try and convince me to

get you to come back home.

Did I ever even ask you or tellyou once?

- I said don't fucking

talk about her, okay?

- Then you go and book a fuckingshow,

me being the only moron

that believes in you,

and you throw all that away too.

- I was depressed, okay?

I didn't have anybody,

I didn't have anyone.

- I don't understand why

you didn't come home,

or why didn't ask anyone for

help?

- You had family.

I wasn't gonna call

Shane after what he did.

I was supposed to come home

with my tail between my legs.

Fuck that.

You all think it's some big

party for me.

I'm fucking dying, Marty.

- That's not you, G.

- I tweaked my back.

I tweaked my back working out.

That's it.

My roommate at the time, he

said,

"Here, take one of these."

I didn't know what it was,

all I needed was an aspirin.

It was Oxy.

It's like 10 milligrams, that'snothing.

But it made me happy.

It made me happy when I had

become content

with being miserable.

Fuck man, it doesn't happen

like it does in the movies,

it just happens, you know?

- I'm trying to understand, man.

Why tonight, G?

- Fine,

[cell phone ringing]

fuck it.

Hello?

[crying]

Goddammit Addie,

what the fuck is wrong with you?

- No fucking way, G, no way,

pickles?

- [Gavin] Yeah, Marty, pickles.

- Holy shit.

- Yeah, holy shit.

- You know, not too long

ago, maybe like a week ago,

Hope asked me to go to the storefor her.

She's not feeling too well

lately

and she used to do all the

shopping

so I went and kept thinking to

myself,

how does she do this, man,

she's so good at this?

And something so simple

seemed hard because

there's just so much going

on in this grocery store.

There's so many aisles, so

many items, so many things.

It's the same thing with

pickles, G.

There're a million

pickles in the sea, man.

You know what I mean?

There're a million

different kinds of pickles,

all shapes and sizes, types.

Short pickles, fat

pickles, mutated pickles,

crazy pickles.

I didn't know how to be there

for her.

So, like a coward I ran in the

basement

and I just got hammered every

night.

I don't know how she

didn't smell it on me,

but she never gave me shit aboutit.

Maybe she just smelled it,

but didn't have the heart.

We drink through the hard times,G.

It's what we do, man, it's justa drink.

You don't have to crash

and burn over this.

- That's what I do,

Marty, I crash and burn.

- That's not you, man.

- How is Hope holding up, by theway?

- She keeps a smile on

throughout for the kids.

- You never told Shane.

- He's not really good

with that sorta stuff.

- Yeah, I know.

[engine roaring]

- Oh, great, he's here.

- Look, Marty, I can see that

you need a friend right now.

I really am sorry to say,

but tonight I'm not that friend,okay?

[knocking on door]

- Shane, you have the

code, come on in, man.

Oh Christ, let me get that, I'llbe back.

- Marty, it's not Shane.

- [Pouch] Hey, what's up bro?

Is Gavin around?

- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,

no, no, there's no Gavin here.

I think you got the wrong room.

- This is the address he gave

me.

- There's nobody here named

Gavin, man.

- Is that right?

- Yeah, that's right.

- Okay, sorry to have bothered

you.

What's your name?

- You can call me whatever

you wanna call me.

Just as long as it's not Gavin,

'cause there's no Gavin here.

- You know, I've been

wanting to take a leak

for like the last hour,

is it okay if I use your

bathroom though?

- We gotta girl in here.

- You know what, maybe she's gota friend?

We can make a night of it,

I do got the party favors,

the party goods.

- What do you say?

- You know what, man?

She's not really in a friendly

mood.

- Oh yeah?

Why don't we let her decide?

Hollywood!

Yo Hollywood, Hollywood, there

you go.

- You got everything?

- I sure do.

- Yo, man, what the f, Gavin?

Gavin?

- You know the routine

as long as you got the green.

- Gavin, what's in that

fucking pouch, bro?

- Let your boy do his thing,

man.

Yo, let your boy do his

thing, come here, come here.

You said I could call you

whatever I want, right?

I think I'm gonna call you

Scruffy.

You know I have a little

kid, he's beautiful.

He comes to me, he goes,"Daddy, Bobby just got a doggy,

"he can sit, he can stay, do

you know what I'm gonna do

"if I get a dog?"

[suspenseful music]

- [Gavin] You're always mad at

me.

- Not always.

- My son's up all fucking night

trying to teach this dog new

tricks.

You know what the dog's doing?

- [Addison] Are you gonna do

that all?

- And I put them in my car and

I take him off to the desert,

I snap his fucking neck like a

breadstick.

- Scuba diving, no.

- [Shane] Why not?

- [Pouch] So shut the fuck up,

and sit, and stay, Scruffy.

- 'Cause I don't wanna

have to trust anything.

It ruins it, I wanna be downthere with no tank or anything.

- [Shane] How are you gonna

breathe?

- [Addison] I'm gonna use a

rock.

- [Shane] Okay, use a rock to dowhat?

- [Addison] You'll see.

- [Shane] Oh yeah?

- When I was a little girl

on my island that I'm from

there was this bridge that

all the guys would go to

and they would carry these big

rocks

and they would jump off of a

bridge.

And the rock would carry them

all the way down to the bottom.

They just stay there.

[dramatic music]

- [Marty] Gavin, Gavin, what

the fuck are you doing, man?

- [Pouch] Let's go over here,

come on.

- [Addison] 'Cause even

if it's for a minute,

it'll be worth it.

- [Shane] What if you run outtaair?

- That's the fun part.

What if you run out of air?

- Let's go Hollywood.

- Gavin, I'm talking to you.

- [Pouch] Sit and stay, Scruffy.

- Gavin!

Oh fuck.

Gavin, buddy, it's Marty,

man, what the hell?

Where did you go?

We're really worried about you,all right?

So just give us a call back,

please, bye.

- Call the girl, he probably

went to go find her.

Hopefully he doesn't snap her

neck.

- I ordered her through a

service, okay?

They're not gonna give

her number out that easily

and I ordered a Filipino

because I thought you guys wouldlaugh.

- He didn't laugh though, Marty.

- This isn't a fucking joke,

bro, okay?

He can get himself killed,

that guy was fucking insane.

- Do you still have the

number to that service?

- Yeah, why?

It's right here.

- Dial it.

- I'm telling you right now

they're not gonna give you the

number.

- She's not in a SecretService, bro, she's a stripper.

Here, give me the phone.

Hi, how you doing?

Good, look, I just had a

quick question for you.

I was kinda hoping you'd beable help me out with something.

Well, the thing is,

you guys sent us this great

stripper and,

no, no, no, she was wonderful.

I'm sorry, dancer.

Sent us this amazing dancer,

I know you guys don't like thatterm,

but, she left a ring here

and it looks really expensive

and we just wanted to get it

back to her

before we took off in the

morning.

You would do that?

Oh my God, that would be

amazing.

Well, here's the thing, I

didn't catch her stage name,

but she actually, she gave

us her real name and it's...

- Addie.

- Addie, that's the one.

Okay.

Uh-huh.

Got it, you're a lifesaver.

Thank you so much.

All right, yep, have a

wonderful night, bye.

Bunch a animals, they

actually gave it to me.

- Are you actually enjoying

this?

This is the fucking best mood

you've been in all night, man.

- Marty, this is what I do for aliving.

I solve people's problems.

Now here, we got the number,

just give her a call.

- It's not ringing, it's

ringing, it's ringing.

No voicemail.

Do I have to leave a voicemail?

Okay, I'll leave a voicemail.

Addie, it's Marty, Gavin's

friend.

Yeah, I know it was

really fucked up right now

and it's a little confusing,

but,

Gavin just took off and we can'tfind him.

We have no idea if he's okay.

So just please call us back

if you can when you see him?

Okay?

[sighing]

Man.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the

fuck are you doing, man?

- What? I'm hungry.

- That's not yours to eat.

- I gotta eat, Marty.

- Do you even like pickles?

- What's with the interrogation?

- No, no, no, I'm just

wondering,

do you like pickles, man?

- No, I don't, but I'm hungry

so I don't really care.

- Where did you go anyway?

- What?

- I just asked where you went,

and I know you weren't fucking

fishing.

- I went for a drink,

Marty, is that okay to do

on my bachelor party in Vegas?

- Really, just a drink, that's

it?

- Yeah, I had a drink, I

played some cards, that's it.

- Yeah, how'd you do,

did you win anything?

- I broke even.

- Blackjack, poker?

- Blackjack.

I hit a double down for a couple100

and I dumped in a slot.

- Don't fucking lie to me, dude.

- [Shane] Why would I lie to

you?

- Because you would never put apenny

in a fucking slot machine!

So tell me exactly

where the fuck you were.

- What kinda celebration we

having here?

- You're gonna pull the

victim card out now?

You're gonna start sobbing?

- I'm just being honest with

you, Marty.

How much fun are we having rightnow?

- Oh, looks like you had a

fucking jolly old time to me.

- I did, I had a lotta fun.

I had a drink, I played

some cards, it was a blast.

- You have a lot of fun with

your intern back in New York?

- Christ on a side car, Marty.

I am not that guy.

- No, no, you are exactly

that fucking guy, man.

Both of you are.

You're both selfish and

ungrateful

and everything you have

that you don't appreciate

will be gone soon, trust me on

that.

- Oh my God.

- And I suggest you call back

home

before I fucking smack you.

- You want me to call Hope?

Why would I call your wife?

- Call home!

- Marty, it's six o'clock

in the morning in New York.

Annabelle is sleeping,

I'm not gonna wake her up.

- Well, I would hope that

you actually spoke to her

before she fell asleep,

'cause if Hope's asleep I'm

gonna leave a fucking message.

- Oh my God.

[knocking on door]

Marty, he's back.

[cell phone ringing]

- [Shane] You've reached

Shane at Pierce and Farmer

please leave your name and phonenumber

and I'll return your call.

[answering machine beeping]

- [Gavin] Yo, Shane, it's

Gavin, what's going on man?

It's been awhile.

I just wanna say congrats.

I am really happy you found

old macadamia, or whatever,

you know what I mean.

Anyway, look man, I just,

I wanted to talk to

you about next weekend.

I know it probably doesn't

make a difference to you,

and I don't know, maybe it does.

Maybe that's why I'm calling,

but, I can't do it, bro.

I'm gonna fucking fall

off if I go, I know it.

I wanted to do this thing,

I really fucking did.

I got a girlfriend now.

We met in rehab.

I know it's fucked up,

but I think I'd probably be deadby now

if she wasn't there for me so...

Oh, she's fucking hot too, bro.

You would fucking die,

Two Ways to Go West (2020) - full transcript