Two Mules for Sister Sara (1970) Movie Script

(HOOTS)

(GROWLING)

(HORSES WHINNYING)

(MEN SHOUTING IN DISTANCE)

(SHOUTING AND WHOOPING CONTINUES)

MAN 1: Hee-yah!

MAN 2: I'm first!

(ALL SHOUTING, INDISTINCT)

♪ This is the way we go to church ♪

♪ Go to church, go to church ♪

♪ This is the way ♪

♪ we go to church... ♪

(GUN SHOT)

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

The party's over.

You men can get movin'.

Hell, I don't know

who you are but, uh...

Why be a hog, man?

She can handle four of us.

We also got some mighty fine whiskey.

- Waiting for ya!

- Besides...uh ..

(GUN SHOTS)

(WOMAN SCREAMS)

Now what are you gonna do,

you bastard?

You may get me... but you sure as hell

ain't gonna get any part of her,

(CHUCKLES) unless you like to

have your fun with a corpse!

(GUN SHOTS)

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

You keep standing around like that,

the sun's gonna

burn the hell out of you.

They told me they were gonna kill me,

(SOBBING)

kill me so I couldn't report them.

(SOBBING)

They told me...

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

Well, they ain't

telling you much now.

So get dressed, hm?

(HUMMING)

(CONTINUES HUMMING)

(SIGHS)

WOMAN: You're a good man.

All my life I will pray to the Virgin

to protect you from harm.

Jesus Christ.

And I will also pray that for all

your life you have what you desire.

♪ (WOMEN SINGING LATIN PRAYER) ♪

What the hell's

a nun doin' out here?

I'm on a mission. In Mexico

a nun can travel safely

among murderers and thieves.

I could have avoided these men

but I came to ask for food.

- They give you any?

- No.

- There's probably some leftovers.

- I couldn't eat just now.

Well, you look like you could use

a shot of whiskey.

Whiskey? Thank you.

- Your mule?

- Yes.

No provisions, no canteen?

Just how'd you

figure on existing?

I was confident

the Lord would provide.

Three more like them?

He also provided you.

- Which way you headed?

- North.

North, huh?

Well, I'm headed south.

So I'll just help myself to

those ponies and be on my way.

But, first we must

cover them with stones.

We can't leave without giving them

a Christian burial of some kind.

After the way they treated you,

you feel like covering them?

Of course.

You got to be touched in the head.

Do you have a shovel?

Sister, raise your

eyes to heaven.

Now, are they or are they not

God's creatures?

But, of course they are.

- Well, why do you want to rob them

of all this convenient nourishment?

Do you have a shovel?

Yeah, it's on my packhorse

over the hill.

Then would you get it and

cover them, please,

for the sake of my

soul if not your own?

Sister, I don't mind

shootin' 'em for you but I'll be

damned if I'm gonna

sweat over 'em for yo

You're as stubborn as my mule,

you know?

Worse.

(SIGHS)

(PANTING)

(GRUNTS)

How are the blisters?

Other things in life have hurt more.

Thank you, Brother.

- It's Hogan.

- I'm Sister Sara.

Well, Sister Sara, if you ever

get tired of being a nun,

you can look forward to be

an A-1 gravedigger, that's for sure.

You better have some

of these beans.

Those fellas weren't much in a fight

but one of 'em wasn't a bad cook.

I couldn't eat anything they cooked

but I'll have some water, please.

- Here help yourself.

- Thank you.

(HOGAN GRUNTING, GROWLING)

- You really are touched!

- You give that back to me, please.

Sister, you wanna bless

'em, bless 'em dry.

I've obliged you 'bout all I'm

going to and now I'll say goodbye.

You stay out of that

sun now, you hear?

Or you're gonna really be in trouble.

Goodbye. Thank you again.

God go with you.

Hey, you're in luck. Looks like a

French cavalry headed this way.

You can probably travel

along with them.

Please help me.

They're looking for me.

Why?

I was raising money for the

Mexican army, and... and...

I had to run in the middle

of the night. Please!

Lady, if you weren't a nun

I'd let you save your own bacon.

(SIGHS HEAVILY)

All right, do as I say and act fast.

Get rid of that cross,

it shines like a mirror.

You bring that last horse

and follow me.

Son of a bitch.

What are you doing?

I'm doing for you what...

no Holy Virgin's

in any position to do.

Hah!

We'll walk slowly so as not

to stir up this stream bed

any more than we have to.

Why did you put that dead man

on the horse?

Because, a horse with a rider makes a

deeper print than a horse without a rider.

If we're lucky, the French

will follow those ponies.

Here. Eat this.

I told you to eat

something back there.

Your stomach keeps growling, we'll

have the whole French army on us.

You know these little noises can

only be heard a few feet away.

Why are you so angry with me?

What have I done?

Well... maybe a nun ought

not be so good-lookin'.

The way I look is

of no importance.

I'm married to

our Lord Jesus Christ.

That's exactly what I'm steamed up about,

Sister if you'll pardon my being frank.

- I'm not offended, Brother Hogan.

- Don't "Brother" me.

Excuse me.

Soldats, concentrez-vous de ce côté.

[Soldiers, focus on that side.]

Les autres, avec moi.

[The others with me.]

They split up, damn it, and they're

catchin' up. (HORSE WHINNIES)

I wouldn't just sit there, move.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

(HORSES GALLOPING)

We can't outrun 'em.

You can get in there.

I may not shoot all of them

but I'll get their attention.

You wait a bit, then head

on out the other way.

You've been a wonderful friend, Mr Hogan.

Go with God.

Leave Him out of this, huh?

Get movin'.

(SNAKE RATTLES, HORSE WHINNIES)

(RATTLING)

- I can't go in there.

- Why not?

There's a rattlesnake in there.

Keep singin', partner.

(RATTLING)

Get that mule in here.

Here, if we get split up,

this'll make good eatin'.

♪ ♪

(HORSE WHINNIES)

♪ ♪

Vous regardez là-dedans.

[You look in there.]

(RATTLING)

Il n'y a rien.

[There is nothing.]

Au galop!

[Galloping!]

(RATTLING)

Well, well. Too bad nuns don't

play poker, you'd be sharp at it.

There's no way I can thank you.

I suppose you'll be

starting south now.

Naw, it's gettin' too close to dark.

We'll have a hot meal first.

- Can nuns cook?

- I do.

Good. Your late gentlemen friends

donated us some beans and coffee.

But first I'll scratch up

some firewood.

It's hard to believe that rattlesnake

could taste so delicious.

Hmm. Here.

Ladies first.

(SIPPING)

Thank you.

So you were headed north.

Any particular place?

I want to try to find a Juarista

band, I'll be safe with them.

- Where were you comin' from?

- Chihuahua.

- Chihuahua? You live there?

- Mm-hm, for several years.

- French garrison in Chihuahua.

- Mm-hm, right next to the church.

You wouldn't by any chance know

how many soldiers in the garrison?

- More or less you know?

- About 200 and some cannon.

How do you know all that?

The French officers

wanted to learn Spanish

so my mother superior assigned

the task to me, I also speak French.

I went into the garrison

three times a week.

I hate them. Oh, how I hate them.

- Ain't it a sin for nuns to hate?

- Not if it's something evil.

The French army killing and

torturing the Mexican people,

trying to force them to become one

of their colonies. I hate them.

- How big is the garrison?

- Two stories.

Years ago, it use to be a monastery.

- It's one of those kind of

buildings with an open patio?

- A beautiful patio...

- A balcony around the top floor

and a staircase leading down?

- That's right.

You say it's next to a church.

How far apart are they exactly?

I don't know exactly, but in some places

not more than ten or twelve feet.

When you're the roof of the church, is the

top floor of the garrison higher or lower?

- Lower. Much lower.

- Oh.

- Sentries?

- Day and night at the front gate.

Sister Sara,

you're gonna slow me up some,

but I'll take you to one of those

guerrilla bands you're lookin' for.

- Do you belong to one of them?

- Till I get paid, yeah.

Paid? You mean in gold?

Well let's put it this way, if

they pay me off in tortillas,

I'm gonna shoot 'em

right in the eye.

But the Juaristas are too

poor to hire anybody.

Well I made a deal to work out

a plan to take the garrison.

If it pays off, I get

half the French treasury.

Then you don't have any

sympathy for their cause?

Not theirs or anybody else's.

See, I spent two years

in a war in the States.

Right now,

all I'm interested in is money.

If money is all you care about,

then why did you fight in that war?

Everybody's got a right

to be a sucker once.

- Mr Hogan.

- Hmm?

The 14th of July is a French holiday.

By noon of that day last year

the entire French garrison was drunk.

- What's the date today?

- July the 6th.

Beautiful.

That information

puts gold right in my pocket.

This calls for a drink.

Well, I'll be leaving

you for a few moments.

Well, be careful not to go too

far, there may be another rattler.

I'll pray as I walk.

I'll keep my back turned.

Don't worry.

You're a real gentleman, Mr Hogan.

♪ (WOMEN SINGING LATIN PRAYER) ♪

I guess you haven't slept

much on the ground.

Oh, I'm very tired. I'll sleep.

For somebody who's wore out,

you sure got a happy look.

It was a miracle you found me

when you did, Mr Hogan.

Oh, that was no miracle, just an

accident and life is full of 'em.

No. It was a miracle.

Yes, ma'am.

Two men are ridin'

along side by side,

a bullet ricochets off a rock, kills one

of them but doesn't kill the other...

Just an accident, that's all, no miracle.

Then you believe

there are no miracles?

Well, um... Now, you take

that fella this morning.

He could've picked up

that stick of dynamite

and thrown it back at me

before I shot him.

Now, that would have

been a miracle.

(LAUGHING)

It's nice to hear

you laugh, ma'am.

You think nuns don't laugh?

I don't know. I never spent

the night with one before.

Good night, Mr Hogan.

Thank you very much

again, for everything.

♪ (WOMEN SINGING LATIN PRAYER) ♪

Hey, wake up, Sister.

- Time to get movin'.

- Couldn't I please sleep a little longer?

Not if you want to travel

with me, you don't.

(GROANING)

I'm so stiff.

Oh... I'm not accustomed

to riding like that.

Would you please help me up?

(BIRDS CHIRPING IN THE DISTANCE)

Oh... Thank you.

Oh, my every muscle is aching.

How can I possibly

ride again today?

I ride from sunup to sundown.

You either keep up or you don't.

You'll feel better when you

spend a few hours on your mule.

You make very good coffee.

A man on his own

has to take care of himself.

- So you're not married?

- Nope.

- Ever been?

- Nope.

- Want to be?

- Nope.

- Don't you want a woman of your own?

- What for?

Share your name, bear your children,

be a companion?

To ask me to quit drinkin',

quit gamblin', save my money

and to bitch about her

aches and pains? No, thanks.

- Must be a lonely life.

- It's a great life.

Women when I want 'em and

none with the name of Hogan.

How about you, ma'am? Haven't you

ever wanted to be a whole woman?

Have a man make love to you?

Have children?

I've chosen a different way of life.

What about those feelings your god

gave every woman, including you?

- You know I've always wondered about that.

- Well, we're human, of course.

When we get those feelings,

we pray until they pass.

In your case, just how much

praying does that take?

What about before you became a nun?

Did you ever have a man?

No.

- Ever been kissed by one?

- No.

Haven't you ever laid awake

wondering what it would be like?

No.

All the women I've ever met

were natural-born liars

but I never knew about nuns till now.

You're right. I lied.

I'll say one thing, Sister.

I sure woulda liked to

have met up with you

before you took to them

clothes and them vows.

HOGAN: That limp's getting worse.

Stone bruised.

It'll take a week

for that to heal up.

Well maybe the people in this

village will hide you out

until this animal comes around.

Why couldn't I

ride the packhorse?

Because, he carries my

equipment, that's why.

I ain't gonna miss

bein' in Chihuahua on the 14th.

- Please, Brother Hogan...

- Look, I told you not to "Brother" me.

All right, Mr Mule. You were right.

You are as stubborn as my mule.

When we get up to that village,

Sister, then I'll say adios.

This is where we part company.

- Now what are you doin'?

- I must say a prayer at this shrine.

You said your prayers last night and this

morning. You're going to wear them out.

It's a sin to pass a shrine

without praying.

- Not if you shut your eyes.

- Please, Mr Hogan.

All right, it's a small shrine,

let's make it a small prayer.

Buenos dias, hermana.

You see, Mr Hogan,

what a little prayer can do?

The Lord provided a kind gentleman

who accepted my mule

for this creature of God.

Now I can still be with you.

Your mule for that burro?

(CHUCKLES)

Well, if that kind

gentleman traded you even,

you won't be meeting

up with him in heaven.

(DOG BARKING)

(CROWD CHATTERING)

25 centavos la rebanada de papaya.

[25 cents a slice of papaya.]

Gracias.

[Thank you.]

This man lives in

the hills there.

Three hours ago on his way to the

market he passed a French patrol.

Which way were they headed?

¿En qué dirección estaban marchando?

[In what direction were they marching?]

- En esa dirección.

[In that direction.]

All right. Let's get the supplies

we need and move out.

(HORSE WHINNYING)

- I want you up in that tree.

- What tree? Why?

Please, Mr Hogan, looking down

from heights frighten me.

Then look up.

I think there's a mountain lion around

here and I want you up in it.

Excuse me, Sister.

(GRUNTING)

SARA: What are you doing?

HOGAN: If you can't see him,

you can't shoot him.

How are you doin', Sister?

- Looking up.

- Good.

We won't talk now.

I'd like him to make his

run if he's going to.

(WHINNYING)

(GUN POWDER IGNITING)

- What the hell?

- (VOICES WHIMPERING)

Who the hell are these people?

Oigan, soy monja.

[Hey, I'm a nun.]

El señor trata de proteger nuestros animales.

[Mr. tries to protect our animals.]

Come on, get down from there.

Turn around, I'll catch you.

(THUD)

Amigos, ¿qué hacen ustedes aquí de noche?

[Friends, what are you doing here tonight?]

Venimos huyendo de los franceses

que están en la estación de Satevo.

Están esperando el

tren de Santa María.

Uh... What'd she say

about Santa Maria?

French soldiers at Satevo were

waiting for a train for Santa Maria.

Santa Maria's where I'm headed.

Those Juaristas are hiding out there.

You got to find out why the

French are going there.

All right. You can be sure I will.

All right, Satevo's a long way away,

so let's get some sleep.

Muchas gracias, pobrecitos.

[Thank you very much, poor things.]

- Hasta mañana. [See you tomorrow.]

- Adiós, hermana. [Goodbye, sister.]

By the way, Sister, I guess

I owe you an apology.

When I was trying to get

you up the tree, I...

Oh, no apology is

necessary, Mr Hogan.

In emergencies, the Church

grants dispensation.

Anyways, it's no sin that you pushed me

up the tree with your hands on my ass.

Where'd you learn

that kind of English?

- What kind?

- Ass.

Oh, in the convent.

Sister Harriet taught us

words for parts of the body.

This part she called the ass.

Where is this Sister Harriet from,

anyway?

New Orleans. Why?

I'd sure as hell like to know what

she did before she became a nun.

En arme!

[Weapon!]

Par ici, mon capitaine!

[Over here, sir!]

Bonjour, ma soeur.

[Hello my sister.]

Que Dieu vous bénisse.

[God bless you.]

(WOMEN SOBBING)

Tournez à gauche! En avant! Mars!

[Turn left! Forward! March!]

Demi-tour à gauche! En avant!

[Turn around to the left! Forward!]

Mars!

[March!]

(SOBBING)

En arrêt!

[Stop!]

Demi-tour en arrière!

[U-turn back!]

(SOBBING CONTINUES)

Preparez-vous!

[Prepare yourselves!]

¡Viva Juarez!

[Long live Juarez!]

(GIRL SOBBING)

¡Felipe!

¡Viva Méjico libre!

[Long live Mexico Free!]

Feu! [Fire!]

(RIFLE SHOTS)

Demi-tour a gauche!

[U-turn left!]

En avant! Mars!

[Forward! March!]

(WAILING)

(WOMAN SOBBING)

¡Asesinos! ¡Asesinos!

[Murderers! Murderers!]

Ma soeur. Ma soeur, s'il vous plaît.

[My sister. Sister, please.]

- Venez avec moi.

- I'm sorry. I don't understand.

Please. An officer is dying.

Come with me, please.

- Prenez garde de son animal.

- Oui, mon capitaine.

Even though you are not a priest, you

can give him some spiritual comfort.

Our colonel is very, very ill.

Il est sur le point de mourir.

[He is about to die.]

Docteur, permettez que la soeur le bénisse.

[Doctor, let the sister bless.]

(WHISPERING) Deliver his soul

into your soul,

Mary Mother of God...

(WHISPERING PRAYER)

C'est toi. You filthy bitch!

Kiss the cross. Kiss the cross.

Sister, he was delirious.

Forgive him.

I forgive him. I forgive

him with all my heart.

Now he is with God.

God damn it!

(COUGHING)

I don't see how you

can drink this stuff.

You'll get cockeyed drunk!

What happened?

I was recognized,

that's what happened.

(PANTING)

- By who?

- I've never been so frightened.

I had visions of being shot.

- Who recognized you? What did he do?

- He died.

What the hell are you talking about?

I was asked to give

spiritual comfort to one

of the colonels who

was dying of fever.

When I saw him I nearly

fainted, he was one of the

officers I taught Spanish

at the fort in Chihuahua.

Oh, thank God none of the others

believed what he called me.

What did he call you?

A filthy Juarista.

All right, so he died and you're safe.

Now, what did you find out?

They're waiting for a train

due today for Santa Maria

so they can load it

with supplies and ammunition.

Well, you did all right, Sister.

Between here and Santa Maria

there's got to be a gorge.

Where there's a gorge

there's a trestle.

Now, all we got to do is make sure

we get there before the train does.

Will you burn it?

I'll blow it to hell and

gone with the train on it!

Come on, get up. You're gonna have to

ride, or else I'll have to leave you.

- I am not intoxicated.

You ought to be.That's a whole hell

of a lot of whiskey before breakfast.

My faith in God

will turn it to water.

We'd better hurry. I've never seen a

train blown to hell and gone, before.

(ARROW THUDS)

(HORSE WHINNIES)

(NATIVE DRUMS BEATING)

(SHOUTS COMMAND)

Nee-ah

- Get out of my line of fire, Sister.

- Can you kill them all with one pistol?

Put it away. These are Yaquis.

They're wild and pagan but the

Church has reached some of them.

Can you get on your horse?

I think so. I think so.

Then tell me when you're on it.

Be very careful not to

show any pain or weakness.

(GRUNTING)

You have to stop that when you get closer.

Are you on?

(WEAKLY) I'm on.

(SPEAKING IN YAQUIS LANGUAGE)

- (SHOUTS ORDER)

- (MEN SHOUTING)

HOGAN: ♪ Yes, I killed a man ♪

♪ one day, so they say ♪

♪ I beat him on the head ♪

♪ and I left him there for dead ♪

♪ Yes, I left him there for dead, ♪

♪ damn his eyes ♪

Oh, you got the moss.

That'll stop the flesh putrefying.

What should I do with it?

Well, I'll take you

through it step by step.

First, I got to get drunker

than hell. (COUGHING)

- How much time has passed since I got hit?

- You asked me that ten minutes ago.

- So what was your answer?

- About an hour.

All right. I want you to cut a groove

in the shaft of this arrow

just deep enough

for a good pinch of gunpowder.

Gunpowder?

Gunpowder, that's right.

That'll cauterize the insides,

they tell me.

I don't know if this arrow is...

near my heart...

I don't think so.

Of course some women have said

my heart ain't exactly...

in the right place.

All right, start cutting

and don't worry

if I yell a little bit.

Come on, my beautiful Sister

who saved my damn life...

(WINCING IN PAIN)

from those damn Yaquis.

You don't want me to lose

my deal now, do you?

(GROANING)

♪ And the parson, he did come, ♪

♪ he did come... ♪

This ain't such a nice song

but it's the only one I know

well enough I can sing drunk.

- I don't care what you sing.

- You got a beautiful character. You know?

Anyway, it's about a Protestant

parson, not a Catholic one.

♪ And the parson, he did come, ♪

♪ he did come ♪

♪ And he looked so bloody glum, ♪

♪ as he talked of kingdom come ♪

♪ Well, he can kiss my ruddy bum ♪

♪ Damn his eyes ♪

I need another bottle.

More whiskey.

That's the last bottle you got.

Last one?

(SIGHS)

Oh, that's bad news, Sister.

I'm sorry I can't share any with you

but you've got to have a steady hand.

♪ The sheriff, he did come too, ♪

♪ he came too ♪

♪ Yes, the sheriff, ♪

♪ he came too, he came too ♪

♪ The sheriff, he came too ♪

♪ With his men all dressed in blue ♪

♪ Lord, they were a bloody crew ♪

♪ Damn their eyes ♪

- There, finished.

- That's not bad. Not bad.

That'right, you're

married to a carpenter.

Now what?

Cut the shaft off right there.

- Cut it?

- Yep.

(COUGHS)

♪ Now it's up the rope I'll go ♪

♪ Yes, it's up the rope I'll go, ♪

♪ up I'll go ♪

(GRUNTS)

♪ And those bastards down below ♪

♪ They'll say, Sam, we told you so ♪

♪ Sam, we told you so ♪

♪ Damn their eyes ♪

- May I break it?

- Uhmm

(ARROW SNAPPING)

(GROANS)

(PANTING)

All right. How much time's gone by?

- Over an hour.

- Oh, that damn train.

That train is on its way,

I know it is.

Remember what I told

you about accidents?

We didn't have to run across

those damn Yaquis but we did.

No miracle, just a

rotten, lousy accident

and it's going to cost

me my whole deal.

Get me up straight.

You are a beautiful

woman, Sister Sara.

You feel like a beautiful woman,

you smell like beautiful woman.

- Please, Mr Hogan.

- I can't help thinking,

You know that first time I saw

you and you were almost naked...

You must forget that.

I can't forget that Sister,

my beautiful Sister.

I don't want to forget.

Every night when we bed down next to

each other I think of you that way.

And I want... And I want to reach out and

touch you and hold you and feel you.

I forgive you because I know that if

you weren't drunk you won't be talk...

Maybe. Maybe so.

But you can't stop

a man from wishing.

I sure wish you weren't a nun.

Please, Mr Hogan.

All right.

All right get me some gunpowder

out of my saddle bag.

Don't come near me till I tell you.

Pour some in your hand...

and leave the pouch there.

Fill the groove. Fill the groove.

That's fine.

All right, now comes the hard part.

Cuz we gotta

time this perfect.

As soon as I light the powder,

you drive the arrow through me

and pull it out the other side.

What do I hit it with?

Take the knife,

put the flat part over the end...

(GASPS)

and hit it with the gun.

And please, Sister Sara,

please hit it a straight blow,

not a glancing one, huh?

What if I don't hit it straight?

The hell with that,

my beautiful Sister.

The arrow will break off inside me.

Now, I know you're an

A-1 gravedigger but...

All right. What do I

do with the moss?

Plug the holes... both sides.

Push it in about a half-inch.

All right.

(GASPS)

One last swallow

and it's up to you, Doc.

Oh...

- Prayin' for me?

- Yes.

Well, then I must

be drunk enough.

Damn my eyes,

I find that kind of touchin'.

One last thing, Sister.

The powder will flare up

when I light it, so watch yourself.

Now, you can load

up the animals.

We'll be on our ways as soon

as you get this stick out of me.

Ready?

(GRUNTS IN PAIN)

Ooh.

Mr Hogan!

Mr Hogan... Mr Hogan, remember the

train with the French supplies.

You have to blow it up.

- How long since I been hit?

- Hours.

What?

- You fell unconscious.

- Why didn't you wake me up?

Well I thought you were...

You thought. You thought.

The hell you thought.

You let me down, Sister.

You let me down.

Then why don't you get on your horse?

It's...

You're too drunk to ride alone.

I'll have to get on with you.

Hold on to the mane.

Lean back against me. Lean back.

Tell your horse to get moving.

Oh, I like being in the arms

of a good-looking nun.

How do you like it, Sister?

The Church allows this

for the sake of your safety

but you may not take liberties.

I apologize, ma'am.

I most sincerely do.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

HOGAN: Will you look at

that trestle? Couldn't be sweeter.

- It's a miracle.

- A great place for an accident.

(CHUCKLES)

Is this small package of dynamite

powerful enough?

Not if you put it at the base

but if you put it up high

on those braces - pow!

How can you climb that trestle

with your shoulder...?

- Oh, no. Oh, no Mr Hogan. No.

- Now, wait a minute.

- Remember I saved your life.

- I saved yours today, too.

I saved yours twice from the French.

I saved yours twice - the arrow?

What are you gonna do? Are you gonna

desert me in my hour of need?

What about that deadly rattlesnake

when you were hiding from them soldiers?

That was easy, no risk at all.

Did I or did I not come to you

in your hour of need?

This is my hour of need.

What kind of need is your need?

All you ever have on your mind is money.

What's more important than that?

My life. If I climb that

trestle, I'll fall.

A fine psalm-singing

hypocrite you are.

The French are gonna slaughter

a whole outfit of your Juaristas

and you're the only one

who can help 'em

and you won't climb one lousy,

stinkin' trestle.

That's right, Sister, lean on it.

A little of that good,

old-fashioned Christian faith

will carry you up there like a bird.

I know you're scared, Sara,

but those braces are easy to climb.

You just keep thinking of all those

Christian lives you'll be saving.

Have faith in that wonderful shiny

cross and God and all those saints

will be right up there with you.

Suppose they are up there

with me when I climb,

you haven't told me how

you'll set this off when I...

You let me worry about that. I'll

do it with my rifle. Now get going.

Surely that train's on its way.

(PANTING)

Keep goin'.

I want the dynamite up on top

so I can get a clear shot at it.

(PANTING)

That's it, Sister.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

(HEAVY BREATHING)

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

You're entitled,

you certainly are entitled,

but I never did see anybody

get used to hard liquor so fast.

I want to take a few practice shots

without ammunition.

You turn around and face the bridge.

Come on, turn around.

- Just like that.

- Yeah

Now, when I tell you to,

I want you to take a

deep breath and hold it.

Come on, grab the end of the barrel.

This ain't easy.

Take your fingers off the top of it.

All right, now take a deep breath.

Hold it.

(INHALES DEEPLY)

(RIFLE CLICKS)

- You wouldn't have hit it.

- Yes, I would've.

No, I saw the end of the gun

move when you pulled the trigger.

- Look, I'd have hit it.

Put out your hand.

Let's see how steady it is.

You're still drunk,

you'll never hit that.

- I'll hit it.

- Put a bullet in it.

Let's see if you can hit

something about the same size.

That little rock over there,

the one on top of the big rock,

let's see if you can hit that.

It's the same size.

Will you cock this for me?

Pull down that lever as hard as

you can, then slam it shut.

(RIFLE COCKING)

Perfect. All right. Yeah.

Now... take a breath.

(RIFLE SHOT)

Now cock it again.

(RIFLE COCKING)

We'd better try it

with you sitting and me kneeling.

Go ahead. Get down.

(PANTING)

This ain't easy, now.

All right, take a breath.

(RIFLE SHOT)

(HEAVY BREATHING)

Can you shoot?

No, I can't shoot and you made

me climb that thing for nothing!

Now take it easy, just wait a minute.

I'm sobering up fast.

Meanwhile, you fix me

a cup of hot coffee.

(TRAIN WHISTLE)

I'll fix you some hot coffee!

(THUD)

Sober up! You sober up,

you dirty bastard or I'll kill you!

Sit up!

(RIFLE COCKING)

(TRAIN WHISTLE)

Now, tell me when

to hold my breath.

Dear Mary, Mother of God, help this

no-good atheist to shoot straight.

Hold your breath.

(RIFLE SHOT)

(COCKS GUN)

HOGAN: Hold your breath.

(RIFLE SHOT)

(EXPLOSION)

(LOAD CRASH)

What did I tell you?

(COUGHING)

Did I or did I not hear

you call me a bastard?

Well, I suppose whiskey

can make a man hear anything.

Dear Lord, forgive him

for the impurity of his thoughts.

Ah, there's the cantina I'm looking for.

I may need your help.

Is it alright for you

to go into a saloon?

In times like this the church...

The Church grants dispensations,

I know.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(BABY CRYING)

- Buenas tardes, senor.

- Buenas tardes, hermana.

¿Habla inglés?

- Yes, I am speaking English.

- Good. Good. Tequila?

- Oh. Would you like something?

- Do you have lemonade?

I'll have lemonade.

You're getting drunk again, are you?

Oh, I never get drunk

unless I'm shot by Yaquis.

- Then why the tequila?

- Just to oil up my arm. That's all.

I don't think they've seen a nun

in here for some time.

Not one like you, that's for sure.

- Gracias.

- Hey!

- Any of these men speak English?

- No, señor.

- You're sure?

- Sure. Me only.

Good. I'd like to order a bottle

of French champagne, year 1789.

French champagne, 1789.

- What is it, señor?

- What's what?

This "champagne"?

Is there another El Gato

Negro saloon in this town?

- Are you the owner of this one?

- No.

- Well, who is?

- Mi padre. Me father.

- Ya... When does he get here?

- Psst.

Por favor, señor.

That's swell, that's my luck.

They give me a code and the

man who has it isn't here.

...probably show up

on the 15th of July.

Mr Hogan, you should be

happy you're still alive.

What do you want from

your life anyway?

A ranch? Cattle? What do you want?

A ranch?

You mean get up at sunrise,

go to bed at sunset?

Rear end in the saddle all day?

No, thanks, Sister, I'd rather be dead.

No Sister, there's this town called

San Francisco that's booming.

And if I get this stake,

Well, I'm gonna open up myself the biggest

gambling saloon in the whole area

with long, red mahogany bars

and green felt tables

and we'll play roulette, dice, faro

and all those wonderful games.

I realize that doesn't mean much

to you but to me, that's living.

Some men have strange desires.

- Where the hell's your father?

- Señor, he is sick. Enfermo.

It's important I see him.

Where is he?

Since three days now,

he cannot talk.

All this side, no move.

- Does he understand when you speak?

- Sí, señor.

Does he understand English?

Not so good like me but...

my mother, she with him.

Un memento. Madre!

[Just a moment. Mother!]

(DOG BARKING IN THE DISTANT)

He no can speak.

- May we see him?

- Bien, hermana.

Please to come.

(DOG BARKING IN THE DISTANT)

Francisco.

(DOG BARKING IN THE DISTANT)

Can you understand me, señor?

That means yes.

I need a bottle of French

champagne, year 1789.

I must see Colonel Beltran at once.

Can you take me to where his camp is?

What about your son?

Can he take me there?

Does anybody in this town

know where the camp is?

(DOG BARKING IN THE DISTANT)

Don Ezekiel, el hacendado.

¿Horacio, el velero?

The Candle- maker.

She says the candle-maker knows.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

In Mexico when somebody is killed

on the road, we put crosses.

So these crosses not make

anybody think anything.

Now, we go that way.

- How far, Horacio?

- Not far.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

(SNAPPING OF ROPE)

MAN: Put away your gun, gringo.

Name's Hogan. Beltran's expecting me.

MAN: You mean Colonel Beltran.

Colonel, general, what difference

does it make? Take me to him.

Síganme.

[Follow me.]

(DOGS BARKING)

(BABY CRYING)

I have been waiting for you, Hogan.

What happened to you?

uh... I stopped a Yaquis arrow.

- So you never got to Chihuahua?

- Nope.

Sister Sara here saved me

a good part of the trip.

Sister? How?

- Is the deal still on?

- I keep to my word. And you?

Good. You get me a bottle of tequila

and I'll lay you out a plan

as smooth as a baby's behind.

You tell me the plan,

I will tell you how smooth it is.

BELTRAN: The roof of the garrison

is lower than the roof of the church

and on the 14th of July

you have promised us, Sister,

all the Frenchmen will be drunk.

Not bad, Hogan. Not bad.

Thank you, Sister.

Yeah, we make quite a team.

In fact, If we pull this

off, we might go in

the garrison business

again, right Sister?

If we follow what you did to

the train by capturing the garrison,

- all of my people will take heart.

- How many men do you have?

40, but there'll be more

by the time we reach Chihuahua.

- How many more?

- 50 to 60.

I thought you were a

colonel of the Mexican army.

I am.

Any army I ever heard about,

a colonel commands a full regiment.

Yes, and a parade but not after all

the fighting we've been through.

You know when you got me into this

thing, you told me you had no artillery.

- What about dynamite? You have any?

- None.

Less than a hundred rifles,

a few machetes and not much more.

Even drunk,

the French'll blow your heads off.

You don't know my men. Each one

tough, courageous, a Mexican patriot.

Mmh

Isn't that sweet?

But I happen to be a Hogan patriot

and I'd like to have some

dynamite working with me.

I will welcome all you

can get, you show me the

tree it's growing on,

I'll have my men pick it.

Probably plenty for sale

across the border in Texas.

Yeah, but that takes money.

Even the food you ate

and that bottle were donated to us.

Bien.

We leave for Chihuahua tomorrow.

You can come with us

and fight under my orders, my way,

or go back to that Texas bar

that I found you in.

I'm in on this deal and no son

of a bitch is taking me out of it.

If any other bastard spoke to me

like that, he would be dead.

But since you have helped Mexico,

I am giving you a chance to get on

your horse and leave this camp alive.

- Now get out of here fast.

- I ain't leavin' here.

Colonel, please. This ring, it's gold.

It'll buy dynamite.

Perhaps some of your people have

other things that could be sold.

If someone shows me back

to Santa Maria, I'll go

from house to house

tonight begging for help.

Dynamite would save the lives

of some of my men.

I told you I was staying

in this deal, Colonel,

cuz you know nobody over in Texas is gonna

sell a load of dynamite to a Mexican.

I am asking you,

buy dynamite for us.

I'd love to.

Oh, Sister.

You better sew this back on.

You don't want to have those people

see you going around half-dressed.

This is better than

killing each other, no?

I only figured there was gonna

be one funeral... Catholic.

Oh? I didn't know

that you were Catholic.

(FOOTSTEPS ON STONES)

♪ ♪

(DOG BARKING IN THE DISTANT)

(HORSE APPROACHES, WHINNIES)

¿Cómo le fue, hermana?

[How did it go, sister?]

Muy bien. Magnífico.

[Very good. Magnificent.]

Hogan.

Easy, Hogan. There are no

Yaquis arrows here, just a nun.

- How did you do?

- I'm not sure.

What do you mean 'Your not sure?' You must

know if you've got something worth while.

I just don't know how much

it'll bring in Texas.

(JEWELRY CLANGING)

You don't?

This will buy enough dynamite

to give my horse a rupture.

You did real well for me, Sister.

Uh... for the cause.

Maybe this will buy you a bottle of

medicine to keep your arm well-oiled.

- Can you give this?

- I want to.

I like you better as a Juarista

than as a nun, little Sister.

Well, I'll just see you in Chihuahua.

Right. If we take the fort, we'll

owe ourselves a celebration.

I might even put a little

whiskey in your lemonade.

Mr. Hogan, there is something

I'd like to talk to you about...

They are bringing

your horses now.

Oh, fine. My packhorse has some

handguns and some Winchesters.

I'm sure you'll know

what to do with them.

Gracias.

Oh, nothing just a gift from some

old friends of Sister Sara's.

Saquen las armas en la remonta.

[Take out the weapons the back.]

Could we talk?

I can't, Sister. I need every second

to get where I'm going.

Where are we gonna meet up?

Just outside of Chihuahua riding

south, there is a little church.

Be there as early as you can

on the morning of the 14th.

Good riding.

Don't let those French spend

that money before we can get there.

- Goodbye, Sister.

- Goodbye.

♪ ♪

(HORSE TROTTING AWAY)

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

♪ (WOMEN SINGING LATIN PRAYER) ♪

(HORSE NEIGHS)

- Hello, Mr Hogan.

- How do, Sister?

- Glad to see you're back safe.

- Waiting for the dynamite?

- Hhmm... And you.

- What, me personal??

- Mm, I missed you.

- Yeah.

Well, to tell you the truth,

it felt kinda wrong the

past few days not having

your burro slowing me up.

- Did it?

- Yeah, damn it.

What's the matter?

Well, you see, there's

a problem, Sister...

I should have never met up

with you in the first place.

Come, Beltran's waiting.

(HORSES TROTTING AWAY)

(BIRDS CHIRPING IN THE DISTANCE)

Where have you been? There are

only a few more hours of daylight.

I had to go to three towns but

I've got all the dynamite we need,

plus plenty of cigars.

Ignacio. Agarra esa dinamita y llévese

[Ignacio. Grab the dynamite and take]

a los hombres del campamento.

[the men in the camp.]

Salimos para la iglesia enseguida.

[We leave for the church right away.]

My men will leave for

the church in a few minutes.

- How many men do you have?

- Over 100. Let us go.

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

(BELL TOLLS)

The garrison's on that side.

They must be drunk already,

I don't hear any singing.

Agachados y en una sola fila.

[Crouch and in a single row.]

Hogan.

COMMANDER: En avant.

En avant. Marche!

En avant. En avant.

Nobody's drunk.

Nobody's even drinking there.

You got your calendars

mixed up, Sister.

No. It is their Independence

Day, July the 14th.

What went wrong?

It is the train you blew up.

It put them on the alert.

To attack now would be suicide.

Surprise is impossible.

Without surprise,

I never attack superior forces.

Instead of giving up so easy, why

don't you just listen a minute.

I am listening to you, but I have my mind

on my men, all you have on yours is money.

Alright, listen, I think I know

how we can get a in surprise.

Three streets from here there is a house.

It use to be the residence of the bishop.

To protect him in the rainy season

there was a tunnel.

It led from the house to the garrison

when it used to be a monastery.

And after the bishop moved,

the monks built a wall,

closing it up. I think

you can break through.

- Who lives there now?

- Very good friends of mine.

- Trustworthy?

- Yes. Very trustworthy.

Good, I got something that'll work.

- What?

- Fire.

Hey, when you were giving

those Spanish lessons,

you ever get a peek at

where they kept the garrison money?

They used to pay me from a strongbox

in the general's office.

Second floor in that building there.

HOGAN: Now was it iron or wood?

SARA: Iron.

Great. That means it won't burn.

Now, I figure we separate

your men into four groups,

giving them coal oil and dynamite,

and let the first group

hit that main gate.

Have the second group go

through that tunnel she is

talking about and busting

into the courtyard.

And the third group

hit that gate over there.

The fourth group, the fourth group

made up of your best riflemen,

we'll have right up here. They can pick off

the sentries and set fire to the garrison.

Of course this all has to

happen at the same time.

First we shall wait for the cover of night.

- Alright.

And second, some women and children

carrying a piñata filled with dynamite...

might get close enough to that gate.

What's a piñata?

It's an old Mexican way

of livening up a party.

Come, come.

♪ (MELANCHOLY SPANISH GUITAR) ♪

Atáquense, una monja.

[...a nun]

- Sarita, baby!

- Rosanna!

ROSANNA: You are safe.

They didn't get you!

They didn't get my favorite girl!

- No.

(LAUGHING)

Sister Sara, this here's a cathouse.

Oh, no, Hogan. This is no cathouse.

- It's the best whorehouse in town.

- (WOMEN LAUGHING)

Day and night, night and day,

out there in that desert,

you made a sucker out of me?

I didn't want to.

You forced me to.

What the hell are you talking about,

I forced you to?

What did you say

when we saw the cavalry?

If I wasn't a nun, you'd let me

save my own bacon. Por favor.

After I told you about the garrison

you said if I wasn't a nun,

you'd just as soon say

adios and thank you.

Well I wanted to be with you,

I wanted to be safe.

I tried to tell you that night at the camp

but you were too damn busy to listen.

And what are you looking so surprised

about, you no-good atheist, move!

It could be, you know,

I saved your bacon... again.

Trae al resto de los hombres.

[Bring the rest of men.]

(PICK HITTING BRICK WALL)

Hogan, the piñata.

- Got the coal oil?

- Yes.

Have them put this thing against

the building outside the gate.

- How long is the fuse?

- Approximately 30 seconds.

That'll give them enough time

to get on down the street.

There are going to be

women and children, remember.

Any longer fuse might be seen.

Just don't make the children too young

and the women too old

and tell 'em not to trip.

Now, you fill the jar

with candies and nuts,

just like we do

at the birthday party.

- MAN: Colonel?

- Llévensela. [Take her.]

(FOOTSTEPS UP STAIRS)

(BATS SCREECHING)

Hogan, the tunnel is open.

(FOOTSTEPS UP STAIRS)

(BATS SCREECHING IN DISTANCE)

Libérenlos. [ Release them.]

My men will have them free.

- ¿Por dónde los metieron?

[Where do they exit?]

- Por arriba. Por la escalera.

[From above. By the stairs.]

(TAPPING)

(TAPPING CONTINUES)

(FOOTSTEPS UP STAIRS)

(GRUNTING)

I can't budge it.

If we use dynamite,

the element of surprise is gone.

They'd have to open the trap door

if they had another prisoner.

The French want me very badly.

Why don't you turn me over

and ask for a reward?

Esta bien.

[It's okay.]

Even if they don't put you in here,

it will get Hogan inside the gate.

It is a chance to open this door.

I don't like it.

We'll find another way.

- SARA: What other way?

- I don't know. Let me think about it.

- There's no time to think about it.

- I still don't like it.

We have to get that

trap door open too, don't we?

What you're talking about's

crazy, Sara.

Listen, Hogan, everybody's got

a right to be a sucker once.

How can we be sure we hit 'em

all at the same time?

I will put a man

in the belfry of the church.

As soon as he sees you and

Sara entering the garrison,

he will ring the bells three times.

The women with the piñata will start

up the street at a slow walk.

So from the time you enter

the gate and the bells ring,

it will be four minutes

till the explosion.

- Slow 'em up. Make it six.

- Bien. Six.

All right.

Let's go give a Spanish lesson.

BELTRAN: Quédense hasta

que el americano abra la alcantarilla.

[Stay until the American open sewer.]

HOGAN: Hold it.

I don't know how this is gonna

come out but I owe this to myself.

(CHURCH MUSIC IN BACK ROUND)

- We'd better go.

- Bad time for a war.

Bad time.

(DOG BARKING)

(KNOCKING)

Anybody in there speak English?

MAN: Oui, monsieur.

What is it you wish here?

I... have something out here

I think will interest you.

Sergent, ouvrez la porte.

Oui, monsieur?

Ah, mon Dieu, mais c'est Sara.

Entrez! Entrez!

Come on, you little cottontail.

(THUMP)

Sergent, fermez la porte.

The General himself

will want to meet you. Un moment.

Oh, Captain, wait just a minute.

I've just about had a bellyful

of this little Juarista.

She's been yapping at me

for three days now.

If your general wants to socialise

that's up to him

but I'd sooner have her locked up

while we talk.

Je regrette.

[I am sorry.]

(KNOCKING)

MAN: Entrez.

(BELL TOLLING)

(3 TIMES)

They're gonna place

that piñata right outside.

(POCKET WATCH SNAPS CLOSED)

When I give you the signal,

you get ready to move.

This little cottontail sure

wishes she had that cross back.

GUARD: Approchez, s'il vous plaît.

[Come here, please.]

Entrez.

[Come in.]

(TAPPING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Passez, s'il vous plaît.

[Go, please.]

(LUAGHING)

Excuse me, monsieur, I'm

certainly not laughing at you

but at this, this costume.

Come to think of it, we shall have

to shoot you dressed like that.

Uh, well General, I understand that raisin'

money for the Mexican army is a crime...

- So is shooting a lieutenant.

- Did that bastard die?

Yes, the lieutenant died

and you will, too.

Monsieur, I am Général le Claire.

My name's Hamilton, General.

- Tex to my friends.

- How do you do, monsieur?

How come you caught

this little pigeon for us?

Well, you see,

I have this spread up north

and in rides this nun...

♪ (WOMEN AND CHILDREN

SINGING IN SPANISH) ♪

♪ Te las cantamos a ti ♪

♪ Despierta, mi bien, despierta ♪

♪ Mira que ya amanecio ♪

♪ Ya los pajarillos cantan ♪

♪ La luna ya se metio... ♪

And when I heard that,

I said to myself,

"Tex, you just got to haul her

on down here and turn her in."

You know I hate them damn Juaristas. Do

nothing but cause me trouble all the time.

Why they got my Mexes laying around

just praying for independence.

You didn't know

we had posted a reward?

- A reward?

- 200 gold francs.

How about that?

Certainly better than

a stab in the eye with a sharp stick.

Why don't you just lock her up

and send me on my way?

Lock her up? No, monsieur.

Condemned prisoners are entitled

to a last night of relaxation.

- Wine or cognac, Sara?

- Cognac, a full glass, please.

Anything my sweet-tempered

little pigeon desires.

(COGNAC POURING INTO GLASS)

Colonel, please bring 200 francs.

- Oui, mon general.

- Monsieur Hamilton? Tex?

Make mine smaller than the one you

poured her. I'm just a country boy.

None of us can keep pace with Sara,

in cognac or any other way.

To your virtues

and especially your vices, Sara.

What a pity to bury them both.

(GLASS SET ON TABLE)

(WOMEN AND CHILDREN

SINGING IN SPANISH OUTSIDE)

Excuse me, Monsieur Hamilton.

A people who know how to sing...

the Mexicans.

- Are you familiar with that melody?

- Can't say that I am.

Las Maòanitas, for birthdays

and weddings and what not. Lovely.

♪ Las maòanitas que cantaba ♪

♪ El rey David, ♪

♪ hoy por ser dia de tu santo ♪

♪ Te las cantamos a ti... ♪

My, how touching.

They know it is our independence day

and they come to toast us.

- Do you know what a piñata is, monsieur?

- Can't say that I do.

Come and see. A charming invention.

They build an animal figure

from papier-mâché

with a clay jar hidden

in the center of the body.

They fill it with candies,

nuts, fruits and toys

and suspend it from a tree.

♪ Despierta que ya amanecio ♪

♪ Ya los pajarillos cantan ♪

♪ La luna ya se metio ♪

♪ Ahora si que yo sere... ♪

Now, that's real cute.

WOMAN: Corranla!

(GUN SHOTS)

!Viva Mejico!

(BUGLE CALL, MEN SHOUTING)

HOGAN: Come on.

(GUNSHOT)

Over here.

Get back to the house and pour

yourself another... cognac.

(BUGLE CALL CONTINUES)

(MEN SHOUTING, GUNFIRE)

(SCREAMING)

(GUNFIRE)

(EXPLOSION)

(GUNFIRE)

(BUGLE CALL CONTINUES)

(EXPLOSION)

(SCREAMING)

(EXPLOSION)

(GUNFIRE)

(SCREAMING)

(MEN SHOUTING AND WHOOPING)

!Viva Mejico!

!Viva Juarez!! Viva Mejico!

- Where's Sara?

- Last door. Hall left. My room.

- Sara, open up.

- SARA: I'm taking a bath!

Well, get out of the bath.

SARA: Go away and will you come back later?

I want to be all dressed up for you.

Who the hell

wants to see you dressed?

(BANGING DOOR DOWN)

The least you can do

is take off your hat.

I haven't got time for that.

Come on!

♪ (WOMEN SINGING LATIN PRAYER) ♪

Two Mules for Sister Sara (1970) - full transcript