Two Mothers (2013) - full transcript
Two Mothers is a drama about a lesbian married couple, Katja and Isabella, who decided to have a child in Germany, a country that imposes so many legal issues, high fees and other obstacles in a very difficult process. They agreed to find a sperm donor but not a father, so they can educate the child without any exterior interference. Like many lesbian couples in Germany they have to find out that the road to a common child is much harder than expected.
See you Friday.
- Wow, your heart is beating so slowly!
- Bizarre, isn't it?
- But that wasn't my heart.
- It's very soothing.
Where did that come from?
What do you think of "Giuseppe"?
- Is that a girl's name?
- I don't think so but...
it would be nice.
- Do you want a girl?
I think we can only have a girl.
"Be brave my heart, try your luck."
Maria named her children
Finn and Fine.
- Finn and Fine.
- Are they twins?
Silly, isn't it?
There's a ladybird at the window.
Did you hear something from Barbara?
- She has a child, hasn't she?
She was in a heterosexual
I think he still lives in Stuttgart.
Can you imagine
having the father around?
I'm not sure...
I'd like a sperm donor, but not a father.
You mean something just between us?
That's how we'll do it!
That's how we'll do it!
RZ Centre, good afternoon.
Good afternoon, this is Isa B?rgelin.
I'd like to find out
if you supply sperm donations.
Are you single?
No, I'm in a lesbian relationship.
As far as I know, it's not
officially permitted in Germany.
What? It's not permitted at all?
Just a moment...
It's only permitted for couples
in heterosexual partnerships.
So it could be forbidden in Baden-W?rttemberg
but allowed in Brandenburg?
Unfortunately there are still no
unified legal regulations.
It's a bit of a grey area.
It wouldn't be a problem if you were
married in a heterosexual relationship.
But we are married.
But that's not the same.
We can't supply you with the sperm.
It's not allowed.
It must be ordered
from Denmark or the US.
It's classified as medication.
That's just how it is.
Medication? The sperm?
Really, that's a fact.
Good afternoon, this is Isa B?rgelin.
I'd like to know
if you treat lesbian couples.
No, I'm afraid not.
And why not?
Because according to the
guidelines of... eh...
Because... eh... under paragraph 121
of the social welfare bill...
we can treat patients
and charge their health insurance provider.
We simply can't help
lesbian couples in Germany.
What exactly is the legal problem?
You're not in Cologne. You've
probably already called other places.
Exactly. And I've been given totally
different information and I'm very confused.
Please excuse my tone...
Sure, but what exactly is the problem?
What's the matter?
What is it?
Do you have good news?
We have appointments at two sperm banks.
- Why can you get an appointment and I can't?
- We have to go to the lawyers first...
- What lawyers?
To each doctor's lawyer.
- But that's easy, right?
- I think so...
He confirms to the doctor what we earn
and then they say yes.
We just have to go to the lawyer,
then we can go to the sperm bank?-Yes.
I wonder if it's really 120,000?
I read that somewhere...
How much you should plan
to spend on a child.
120,000 for a child?
Where did I read that again?
In one of those guidebooks.
Will we manage?
- With the money?
- I never think about money.
I never feel poor.
But this is going to cost us a lot.
- But I think we have enough.
- Isa, there are only two of us right now.
But we have a great apartment
and a car, and...
We have everything. We go on vacation...
I never have to watch what I spend.
There are lots of men here.
- Hello. Ms. B?rgelin und Ms. Maisch?
- Yes, B?rgelin.
- Dr. M?ller?
- Minus the doctor. Just M?ller. Come in.
- Table football.
- No, Pinball.- Do you play a lot?
Sometimes, it helps me unwind.
- From what?
- From clients who annoy me.
Dr. Sokovski asked you to come by
so we can establish your income.
In order to decide whether or not
you can get a sperm donation.
- Are you both working?
- She has a 400 Euro job,
I'm the assistant branch manager
of a video store.
- What is your level of income?
- Very good. I have some statements....
- You can just tell me for now.
- Well, I earn 2.2 Euro gross.
Income tax bracket 3.
That's about 1.6, 1.7 net.
A florist... and a video store worker.
And this is important to see if we
can afford to have a child?
It's very simple...
Dr. Sokovski has committed himself
not to reveal the identity
of the sperm donor
until the child is 18.
The question is, what happens
if you can no longer afford the child?
If you get into financial troubles?
Unfortunately a claim could
be made against Dr. Sokovski.
And he would like to avoid that.
- But not by us?!
- Yes, rightly so...
That is why Dr. Sokovski only arranges
sperm donations for those
who are well-off
I also have parents and an aunt
from whom I will inherit,
and apart from that...
Inheriting is like a lottery.
Your aunt could change her mind.
I would stay at home with the child
for three years and then go back to work.
You have no qualifications. You'll be
a waitress or a part-time florist...
Our guideline is
simply 3.5 net income per partner.
- And you are not even close to that.
- 3.5 net per...-Partner.
But you are a lawyer.
Is there any possibility of...
- In some way...
Under these circumstances,
my client won't help you.
But a heterosexual couple
would not have to prove this?
- I just asked you whether 3.5...
It would be enough
if the man earned 3500 or 2200...
- That's not relevant...
- Is that the case?
We are not here to talk about injustice...
- But it is unfair!
- I'm not the right person to talk to.
You should question the legislation,
or the minister for families or whatever.
I am not the right person
to speak to in this regard.
MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY
Welcome to the Saarbr?cken Private
Institute for Reproductive Medicine.
Sorry, all staff are currently engaged.
Thank you for your patience.
Please come in.
- Come in.
Have a seat.
The second file is on its way.
- Who wants to become pregnant?
- I do.
- I want to become pregnant.
- And you want to be the partner?-Please.
- How much does it cost?
We'll begin with the things
that don't cost anything.
What age were you when you got
your first period?-14.
- Were you ever pregnant?
Have you ever tried
to become pregnant by a man?-No.
- Your blood group?
- And yours?
- AB negative.
That's very unusual! If you were a man
I could make you a donor.
So, generally the success rate is
about 20% to 30% per cycle.
70 to 80%
do not become pregnant.
That's something to think about.
You're spending money on a treatment that
is unsuccessful in 70 to 80% of all cases.
- So, will you treat us?
- Of course.-Really?
We wouldn't have given you
an appointment if not.
- We thought...
- One moment, I've already prepared it.
- Great! I'm so happy.Thank you.
- We've calculated it like this.
I've been turned down so many times!
There are very few doctors
who will help female couples.
- I think only four or five in Germany.
- I've become aware of that.
I'm the only one in the southwest.
And there are no more catches?
The only catch is that when women are 25
to 30, they become pregnant easily.
- I'm 37...
- Then you will need assistance.
will raise the costs.
- How much more expensive will it be?
- What will it cost anyway?
- We have no idea about the costs.
- The costs. I'll have to...
A single standard treatment
with the standard amount of sperm,
will cost about 500 Euro.
- There is no basic fee?
- There is.
And if you want a second child
you will have to pay that again.
- And is there a fee for today?
- You will receive a bill by post.
The chances of getting pregnant are
much higher if the woman is aroused.
If she feels loved and safe
at the moment of insemination,
as though nature had constructed
the body for that purpose.
- What shall we do about that?
- I don't know...
What shall we do about that?
- Beautiful isn't it?
- The doctor could go for a break!
- How many are in there now?
- Approximately 10 million.
- Pick one.
- This way please.
There is a changing room
behind the curtain.
Please undress and take a seat here.
If you stand here you can see everything
and you won't be in the way.
Take a seat.
Place your legs here.
Don't be alarmed.
It's a bit cold at first.
This will take just a moment.
The catheter is being inserted now.
Now the injection.
Can you feel something already?-Yes.
That works great.
And that's it.
I'm going to raise it again.
Stay lying down for 5 minutes.
And that's it.
- How do you feel?
- Good, I feel fine, thank you.
- And sit back up. How do you feel?
- Very well.
- Thank you.
- That's it. Do you feel anything?
9 MONTHS LATER
IN THE ADULT ENTERTAINMENT SECTION
- The film came.
- Which film?
The one I ordered.
I was thinking about opening
my own video library.
A small arty video library.
Can you give me the cucumber from the bag?
EARLY RESULT PREGNANCY TEST
Red sauce or pesto?
I think that I shouldn't,
but if you'd like me to...
I asked whether you think that.
There are so many places
where you can get information.
But you don't want to...
when the baby's here... do you?
Someone has to
look after it for the first few years...
- But not full-time.
- If you don't want a father around either.
If you're working all the time...
Who's going to look after the child then?
I just don't want to run out of money,
after seeing 10,000 doctors.
- The first three years...
- Yes, I know.
You really don't have a clue.
You don't read anything either.
What's your problem with money suddenly?
You work constantly.
I've always just done a bit of waitressing.
- That never bothered you before.
- That was a different situation.
- Things have changed a little!
- What has?
Do you have a problem
that you've spent 10,000 Euro on a child?
I could go work, but at some point
I'd have to stay home again.
Or do you want to stay at home?
Do you want to stay at home?
- How can I help you?
- Hello, good afternoon.
I'm looking for something that...
that I can use to inject
sperm into the vagina.
Okay... a syringe or something...?
Yes, I'm not really sure either...
A syringe like this might work.
You'll have to thin down the sperm a bit
so it can pass through the opening.
- But it's not good to thin it down, is it?
- Of course not but it's necessary.
Otherwise you'll lose a huge quantity
and the syringe will get blocked.
I need something
that really works.
You probably don't have many chances.
- Exactly. I...
- Please don't misunderstand me,
maybe a vet can help you.
Vets do that all the time.
You have to imagine
a suitably large animal.
Perhaps a large dog
which matches your weight.
Doing it yourself is
more romantic maybe but...
We don't really want to go
to the doctor again.
We would like to do it at home.
Well, it's difficult...
You might find some homemade
devices on the Internet.
But you should be careful-they're not
tested. You don't want to injure yourself.
- You need to be careful.
Aunt Yvonne will loan us the 7000 Euro.
How are we going to pay that back?
I just don't want you
to work even more.
32, it's not here either.
What number was it
supposed to be? 22?
- Is it okay if I park here somewhere?
- Yes, park here.
21, 23, 25.
Then 22 should be opposite.
21, then 22 must be next.
29...-Is there really supposed
to be an office here?
Let's check over there again.
22 can't be that far away from 21...
Maybe it's in the other direction.
What is this?
- But this is an apartment.
- Hello, come in. Pleased to meet you.
Come in, have a seat.
On the couch, or over here, as you like.
Oh, your office.
Would you like something to drink?
Water, Fanta or Coke?-Water.
Do you have still water?
- I only have still water.
- Great, thank you.
What is this place?
CERTIFICATE FOR THE REGISTRATION OF
THE BRAND "INSEMINATION SYRINGE"
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
What can I do for you?
We'd like to do the insemination,
which the doctor has done until now,
Do you have a private sperm donor?
- Or how do you get the sperm?
We don't want a sperm donor
from our circle of friends,
so we don't really know.
Okay, I sell the equipment
and I also arrange sperm donors.
Oh, that too?
- Yes, I do both.
- And how do you do that?
It's a web site for sperm donors.
- Does it cost anything?
- I think 54 Euro for a whole year.
It's a bargain compared
to a fertility clinic.
- Go ahead.
This set includes
everything for an insemination
using syringes or a sperm cap.
the sperm cap, urine cup,
thermometer accurate to two decimal points.
The man ejaculates into the cup...
Then you do this?
You pull that up and simply fill it.
Imagine I would put you outside,
and tell you to run a 30km marathon.
But if I call you a taxi and
leave you 500 metres from the finish line,
then you'd have no problem
to finish the marathon.
- Oh, and which part is the taxi?
- The taxi is the cap.
The cap is the taxi. That's the point.
The sperm is put into this cap
and then inserted into the vagina
and pushed slightly behind
the cervix, toward the coccyx.
Then you can turn it over.
Thousands of others have
managed it before you.
- All the way in, right?
- It's easier with some gel.
- Do you have some?
- Yes, here.
Pre-Seed is recommended for that purpose.
But it's relatively expensive.
- But that's included in the set, right?
- I'll explain the advantage to you.
Pre-Seed has a pH slightly over 7.
- Excuse me, do you have a toilet?
- Yes, at the end of the hall.
The shape and the flexibility
are specially made.
You can push the sperm cap further in
using your index finger...
The sperm cap can be removed
after 30 to 60 minutes.
Use your index finger to...
I'm trying to get pregnant here, Katja!
You can remove the sperm cap easily
by holding it with your index finger...
Go back to your profiles
and show me your men.
I like something about all of them...
I like him because he's sporty.
And I think it's great
that he somehow...
That he might have a high IQ
because he has studied.
- And why is that guy down there marked?
He has such lovely hobbies.
You can tell he looks after himself.
And if we have a boy,
then he'll have an athletic body...
Would you please make a sensible list
and explain to me properly who you like.
- But there are many possibilities.
- So narrow your possibilities down.
He's at university...
- He's a student.
- Does he want money?- No.
Or does he? Wait...
- He wants to help.
- Yeah, isn't that nice.
- Well it's not the worst.
- No it's not.
I would prefer if they just want money
and no further contact.
Why would they stay away
if they'd get money?
I think it's cleaner if I pay someone for
a service, and it is a service after all.
- But that's not a criteria.
- Name better criteria then.
That he's likeable,
that you can somehow picture him...
That I find him pleasant...
I don't want to make those decisions,
I want to be the daddy myself.
But you don't have any sperm.
There's a bird's nest.- Let's go away,
take a baby break for 6 months.
- What did you say about the birds?
- How they do it.
How do lesbian birds make babies?
- They don't have any babies.
- How do you know that?
That's just how it is.
But we could do it like spiders.
How do you know
lesbian birds don't have babies?
So no vacation then, right?
We could at least visit
Sophia and Elli in Italy.
- I miss you.
- Look at that little girl.
Did you pick a flower?
Wow, you can stand!
How old are you?
- Do you have any brothers or sisters?
- I think that's him.
- Blue shirt, wasn't it?
- Hello, I'm Rolf.
- Picoflor, exactly.
- I'm Isa.
- I'll get something to drink, alright?
- I lived in South America.
- Are you good at languages?
- Yes, very good.
- Do you speak a lot of languages?
German, English, Spanish,
a little French and Portuguese.
I know a sentence in Portuguese.
That's a good start already.
I can show you a photo of my daughter.
- I have everything with me.
- Oh how cute!
- That's her at three months and here at five.
- Paperwork, also quite important.
- Great, thank you.
No HIV, no other major defects.
And I'm a blood donor.
So my blood is clean.
- And you don't smoke?
Sorry for asking,
but do people in your family wear glasses?
Hm... Yes, my father wears glasses.
And I'm getting long-sighted with age.
I mean, short-sighted.
- I can't read small print...
- Can you read that over there?
- And below it?
- I can't read the green bit.
- You can't read that?
Don't take my girlfriend too seriously.
That's normal at my age.
And the other children?
I know her,
but I don't know the others.
If you would make us a child,
then you wouldn't...
- want to have contact either?
- Not really.-Not really?
When the child is old enough
to get information about its background...
- You would be willing to have contact.
And do you need anything,
a porn magazine or...?
How do you do it exactly?
Should we come to you
or just pick up the cup?
No, a cup is not an option for me.
So either naturally, or not at all.
You'd want to do it with one of us?
- I can picture that.
- Even if we're not into men at all?
Well I don't want to marry you.
A woman is still a woman.
Her orientation doesn't really bother me.
- Doesn't bother you?
- Well I don't want to marry her.
And it's not about sex for you?
I'd be lying if I said no.
It's a nice bonus,
but it's not the most important thing.
But it's kind of...
You can still think it over.
To do it once wouldn't be so bad,
but it will take several attempts.
No, that was stupid.
- We're sorry, we have to go.
- Bye, good luck.
- Thank you for your time.
You can't just say sorry all the time.
- What was that about?
- I don't know, I thought...
Yes, what? What did you think?
- I'm really sorry.
- You're always sorry.
It's always only about you.
It's only a matter of time
before you end up in bed with some guy.
Or start a family with some guy.
the way you always stick to things.
- I really am sorry.
- I know, just forget it.
Let's forget it. Don't do it again.
What's so bad about it?
You're the mother,
and then there's the father.
And what am I then?
I'm the third wheel.
That's not true.
You're the most important
person in my life.
What's that supposed to mean?
Common, just look at yourself.
Put your belt on.
- Put your belt on.
- Katja, please, let's...
What you're doing is not fair.
Do you realise that?
- I just want a child.
- That's the point. "I just want a child."
- I'd really love to have a child!
- Yes, I know.
And this one?
- And what's your name?
- Santa Claus.
And what's my name?
Simon, let's go.
Do you want your book back?
- What age are you?
- How tall are you?
- About six and a half foot.
- Is everyone in your family that tall?
- Sushi makes you beautiful?
- Yes, look at how beautiful she is.
Could you let go please?
How many have we had?
When I'm pregnant,
it's best to travel in the third month.
There's less chance of a miscarriage.
We could look for a
cheap house by a lake.
Or the Baltic. What do you think?
We'll have to treat ourselves really well.
We've got a question, just in general.
Will you definitely do it into a cup?
- Of course.
- 100 Euro, right?
- Plus the travel costs.
- So it's really 200 Euro.
- About that, yes.
- May I ask you a personal question?
Why are you doing this?
Partly for the money,
but also because I know people
who can't have children,
and I've seen how difficult it is.
Do you think there's too much influence,
too much bureaucracy...
Since other people can have a baby with
whomever they like, I think it's a bit much.
- And when was the last time you...
On Thursday evening and Friday morning.
The same couple.
At a hotel in Munich.
- How long have you been doing this?
- Three years.
- Three years?
- Regularly or...?
- More or less.
- And how many children do you have now?
- There are 20 now.
- You have 20 children? In three years?
- That's how it goes...
- That sounds good.
- That sounds very good.
- No doubt about my fertility.
- Do you have more boys or girls?
- More girls.-Oh good!
So, if we all like each other...
would you come with us right now?
- One more drink?
- One more and then we'll go.
Is there anything else
you'd like to ask us?
I'd like to see the child
every three months.
For one or two hours.
It doesn't matter if it's two weeks
earlier or later, but I'd like to see it.
It's only every three months.
That can't be easy with 20 children.
And there'll be more.
Right, the bathroom is down here.
You don't need it at all?
Then just leave it there.
- And here's the cup.
- Thank you.
- You're welcome.
It's already pretty slimy.
- I'm not sure I'm wet enough.
- Then check.
Can you hold it?
You tell me how far.
Can you use your finger...?
Do it a bit faster.
Too fast, too fast.
Could you maybe use your tongue?
You don't have to. It's okay.
It's okay like this too.
I'm going to get something to drink.
4 MONTHS LATER
I want to use those tampons again.
The sperm is leaking out of me.
Do you have a tissue?
Do you have one?-Why was the sauce
in the same pot as the spaghetti?
- What? What sauce?
- The sauce last night.
What about it?
Why it was simmering
with the spaghetti for 5 hours
until the spaghetti was inedible.
Did you turn the cooker back on?
I was at work, wasn't I?
You've never complained.
I always do it like that.
So I can wash the pot
and put everything together.
- I don't get it.
- There's a lot you don't get.
It wasn't just yesterday.
If it bothered you before,
why didn't you say anything?
What's the problem? Talk to me.
- Oh, at last!
- Yes, talk to me.
- You know what the problem is.
- No I don't.
I'm trying to get pregnant.
Is that your problem?
You haven't stuck to what we agreed.
I don't see Flo privately.
Oh, you don't? His name isn't
"Go-for-Gold" anymore, he's called Flo.
How often do you call him?
What I talk to Flo about
are things that we need to talk about.
These were his terms.
And you agreed to them.
Yes, under pressure, but I didn't know
you'd call him every week.
And don't pretend you don't have a choice.
We got ourselves into this.
You can't even cook anymore.
"Baby, baby, baby".
- Do you want me to end it with Flo?
- Would you?
If you say we can't afford it-fine.
- I'm not talking about money.
- Then what are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
Don't you want a child?
If you don't want a child-fine.
- Great, is it really all-in-one?
- Exactly, it's all-in-one.
- I Like that.
- For 999 Euro. I'll take it down.
If you're going to be in town more,
then the moveable wheels
would be much better.
I already had an ultrasound.
We had some photos made.
Do you want one?
It looks like a little worm really,
but you can already see the head.
You can't see it on the photo
but you can see the heart
beating on the screen.
Oh Flo.You know what?
We'll be in Munich next week,
so I can give you the pictures in person.
Yes, I think so too.
That's how I feel too.
BASED ON THE EXPERIENCES OF