Twice Upon a Time (1998) - full transcript

I figured it must be at

least 300 feet across

Are you kidding me with this stuff?

What? No, just look at it,

Sanford, it is clearly a farmer who put

a kid up in a tree before have cabins

and fishing line and

try to make a quick fight

No.

No, yeah, I know what kind of show we have

but I think we can have a little bit

more respect for the audience.

Look, I don't need to watch it again.

I'm watching it now.

It's a hubcap, Sanford,

It's totally at wood

As we see the number of discrete

languages decrease in an increasing rate.

Does that sound right actually?

If I didn't... yes.

We can expect ♪♪♪ your car keys

Yeah, no, no, no, no, it's not the same

as the bigfoot story no because that person

actually looked like bigfoot.

Oh, that was your uncle.

0h well you know you didn't tell me that.

Oh I have class, gotta go.

Honey have you seen my car keys?

Let me use the extra set, all right.

Yeah a hole. Okay, wait.

Hey come here, yep.

What does that look like to you?

Flying saucer.

- where are they?

- Montana.

- The keys!

Try the bedroom. Gotta go.

It's a hubcap.

If that's the way you see it, sweetie.

No, there's absolutely

no other way to see it.

No, yeah, I'm here.

Yeah. Sanford, I know it's your show but

I'm telling you can clearly read Mazda

on this flying saucer.

Okay, I'm on my way.

Yeah, I'll see in a minute.

I'm trying to find anything in this house

So...

Oh, no.

I want to ask you something

What?

What if I kiss you again?

Okay

What do these mysterious rings mean?

Are they used to convey a message?

Crop rings: fact or fantasy?

On the next installment

of "stranger than fiction"

Time to make up your mind.

What?

Which take should I run?

- Eight sounded Okay.

- Hey, I took a look

at that flying saucer cassette.

Not that bad.

Sanford, how can you say that?

There are several shots

where you don't even see "Mazda"

Two ♪♪♪ears♪♪♪ for one.

That's one for free.

It's not even the right season for corn.

It's a new hybrid. Hey, maybe you could do

one of your shows on it.

Genetically altered corn.

Stranger than fiction.

Maggie, I need to talk to you about

something, but I can see you're busy, so

I'll just come back later, Okay?

Hey, are you embarrassed to be seen

with your best friend?

- No

In fact I'd like one of those outfits

but with more of a plunging husk line.

It's a lot better than standing behind

a register all day.

- If you say so.

Oh

Buy some corn, get

me in solid with the boss.

I don't need any corn.

I'm fresh off the farm

and I'm on here.

All right.

You can steam, you can boil, you can throw

me on the grill, I won't add weight

to your hips or grocery bills, Okay?

You win, yeah, boy, cool.

Maggie you can

stop talking now.

Okay.

Okay, come on.

Corn, lots of corn!

Thank you.

Oh what'd you want to talk to me about?

- So you saw this ring.

- Yes, I saw the ring.

It's great.

- What's the problem?

- Well there's no problem.

I mean, maybe I'm the problem.

Joe's terrific, he's just...

been a perpetual student for six years

and shows no interest in anything

other than crossword puzzles?

Just to guess.

He's always majoring in folklore.

Look, some people take a lot longer

to find themselves that's all. Look at me.

We change the subject.

Okay.

Hey, somebody's got a birthday coming up.

Different subject.

I know I can't believe

we're all turning 30.

My brother's in town.

You know, Nick still talks about you.

The road not taken...

Are the rumors true, Nick?

Yeah, Ted, I have to admit the rumors

are true. You know I... uh

dated a lot of wonderful women in my

life but I honestly feel that when you

find the right one, you've just got to

step up to the play, you know, yeah

so I know I must have

dumped him for a reason

but now; for the life of

me, I can't remember why

Steph, I love you, be home soon.

That's right Cy, our young

award winner Nick Fowler

got engaged last night in Las Vegas.

Here, take some of that.

- You're home?

- In the kitchen

What's a nine letter word for...

circumciser craft.

- Guess what I saw today

Maggie, guess what she was

- why would I see a urologist

- Pocahontas's

- preferred produce

- a giant ear of corn

Close!

- Maze and how was Maggie?

- You tell me

she was an ear of corn

well maybe that's what she's supposed to

be in this life

Oh that's a depressing thought

Mail's on the counter.

I think somebody came for you.

- Anything else?

- No

- Are you expecting something?

- No

Maybe

don't get up, I know you've had

a hard day Jefferson

You know what we ought to do?

We ought to go to that Bed and Breakfast

for Thanksgiving you know the one

you like, the French place.

L'Auberge du moulin?

Yeah, that one.

Why?

Come on, it'll be romantic;

you can speak French,

We'll have fun.

I don't know.

- What about Jefferson?

- Maggie can take

care of Jefferson.

You want to spend turkey day with Maggie?

She'll go to the store and give you treats.

Even better, she won't

spray you with perfume.

There you go, that was a Yes.

No, you didn't hear

the diphthong at the end

of the bark. That was a maybe.

Besides, Jefferson likes my perfume

So do I.

Come on, my parents aren't gonna be here

for Thanksgiving. We'll be alone

Joe, you have parents

and siblings and really

happy thanksgiving memories

I have no parents no siblings

and rather mediocre

thanksgiving memories.

- Great, we'll change it.

Okay Okay

It'll be romantic.

Wait, that's the second time

you use that word.

You don't like romance.

Just a little.

Come on, you won't regret this

Turkey dinner, no cleanup.

Okay

There you go, I'll make the reservations.

I just haven't had their phone number on me

Oh, what was I supposed to do?

Join us tomorrow for a look

at NASA's latest Mars probe.

What they don't want you to know

Plus astrologer to the stars!

That's tomorrow on "stranger than fiction"

and we're off people! Now stay put,

we still got a promo to do. Go ahead

Susan, can you take this video?

Beth, I got to talk to you.

Oh, if it's about the nun

who has the cat who stick

modest, she won't appear

on camera with the cat

but she will let the cat appear alone.

No, it's about the opening for

on-air producer

Oh great, I want to talk

to you about it because I have tons of

- good stand for tell you,

- tell me what?

I was just about to tell

her the news, Okay?

I just got promoted to on-air producer.

Now I know you've got a lot of great ideas

and I want you to tell them to me

so we need to get together and talk as

soon as possible. Okay?

Could it be true?

Are there other worlds parallel

to the one we know?

That's what some

scientists may believe,

that there are an infinite number

of alternate universes, one for every

possibility imaginable.

"Stranger than fiction" 's

own Alanna Marybone asks some

experts the tough question.

You know it figures that Alannah's first

piece would be something incredibly inane.

Just give her a chance.

- Oh but she's so...

- ♪♪♪ gas-connecting ♪♪♪

this is an 11-letter word describing

- what he boasts or brag

- Yeah that

Are there other realities parallel to the

one we know but just a little off?

What if that apple hadn't fallen off

that apple tree and hit Isaac Newton

on the head?

Would gravity have been invented?

It's an interesting and even intriguing

thought.

The deserts outside Roswell New Mexico

have long been the scene of unexplained

sightings. Now comes word of strange

blimp-like objects. Harmless gas bags or

- it's stupid

- an alien zeppelin?

Now some people say: can you prove these

people really saw alien blimp two of

those naysayers "stranger than fiction"

asks: can you prove it?

All right, hold it, stop tape, sorry Brett.

It's no problem, back to first position.

Please.

Can you prove...

- they didn't?

- So now I'm Alannah's assistant.

No, we got good feedback on last night's

parallel world ♪♪♪center♪♪♪

and I need someone

to pull old footage and go through the

research file so we can do a couple of

- follow-up pieces.

- Is everything Okay?

- Fine.

- Just healthy discussion.

Beth, you've been under a lot of stress

lately, I know how it is.

If you need someone to talk to, I know of

a really good inexpensive therapist.

Therapist. I have someone, Alannah.

Okay, I talk, she listens

and the price is right.

Now, let's talk about something that is

your business.

- Okay,

- can you?

Isaac Newton did not invent gravity.

Nobody invented gravity.

Isaac Newton observed gravity.

- Yeah,

- I can put that back on.

No, listen. Gravity is there. Here. I mean,

we would have gravity with or without

- Isaac Newton.

- Can you prove they didn't...

And it doesn't matter

how you inflect it, Brett.

It's a negative. You

can't prove they didn't.

You can't prove a negative.

Am I the only person

who gets that around here?

Grape ♪♪♪agreement♪♪♪ for Beth Sager.

Hi, Beth.

It's great to see you.

What'd I do?

I yelled at Maggie.

I called her pathetic in front of everybody

and Joe and I are going to the stupid

bed and breakfast and

I know what that means.

If I don't say yes, it's over.

Maybe it should be.

Oh mom.

What am I gonna do?

Okay, there's a spare key under the

"Welcome" out of the front door.

If you can't find that one for some

reason, here's a little trick.

The latch on this one is broken.

Don't tell any burglars.

- Hi

- Hi

I'm really sorry about yesterday.

- I really didn't mean...

- No, look, it was my fault.

I thought it would be funny.

No, it was my fault. I'm sorry.

You're gonna spend thanksgiving with

- your family Maggie?

- Yeah, Nick's taking us

to some fancy restaurants.

- He can afford it.

- He deserves it after

pitching a no-hitter in the world series.

Where are my sunglasses

I'll be right

back sweetie

Okay.

Maggie, can you tell Nick "hi" for me?

Actually, you can tell him yourself.

He and his fiancee dropped me off and

he's been sitting in

the car staring at you.

Are you serious?

Yes.

Hi there.

Well, hello there, you big

time baseball player, you.

You look good.

Thanks! So do you.

And you.

Both of you together, wow!

We all went to high school and uh...

oh yeah; hey; congratulations.

Thanks.

Was that your boyfriend I just saw there?

Your boyfriend?

Oh oh, him, yeah.

Yeah that's um...

Joe.

That's Joe.

You two have been together a long time now.

A long time.

Well, it was good to see you and everything

You too.

And you.

Bye.

Ready?

Yeah, I'm ready.

Happy thanksgiving, have a great time!

Thanks.

Goodbye.

All right, I'll see you guys on sunday.

No worries.

Uphill.

Wow, look at this place!

Thank you.

- This was really great.

- It was great but

you know when it doesn't seem like

Thanksgiving without the wishbones.

- Give me a second.

- What are you doing?

Excuse me, sir.

- Oh Joe, stop.

- What?

- How was everything?

- Wonderful.

It's really delicious. I just wanted to

know if you had the the wishbone from

the uh...

La fourchette.

Ah, bien sûr. Aucun problème.

Pardon, mais mon ami oublie de temps

en temps qu'il a grandi.

- C'est charmant.

- Très très charmant.

Oh no I just told him that sometimes you

forget you're a grown-up.

- Come on, tell me

that's not your favorite part

of Thanksgiving.

You know, you finish the dinner

and you pull a wishbone.

Well, I don't know.

The only thanksgivings

I remember were after my mom died.

I lived with my aunt Charlotte

and she didn't like turkey.

So, every single year since I was 10,

We had two new noodle casseroles.

- That sounds awful

- no actually

it was pretty good

but I don't remember any wishbones.

Oh, man.

I shouldn't have had so much pie.

There you were piling

you're watching up there

I was kind of hoping this weekend

we might be able to start you know I'd be

thinking about uh talking about...

things.

Things?

What kind of things?

Marriage things.

Honey,

I'm very happy with the way things are.

You're bored with the way things are.

What, us getting married

is gonna change all that?

I'm sorry.

That came out seriously wrong.

I didn't mean it that way.

For a second, I was worried.

Who is it?

Excuse me but the chef

has found your wishbone.

Oh...

- Merci beaucoup.

- Voilà.

- Bonne chance.

- Bonne nuit.

They found your wishbone.

So what do you think?

He went to a lot of trouble.

All right.

- You ready?

- Yeah.

You won.

- Good night.

- Good night.

Be careful what you wish for.

Bonjour Monsieur.

Good morning.

Oh yeah, good morning.

I was just wondering. Is there any

coffee down here?

Because I couldn't find any in the room.

Normally we don't carry that kind of thing.

It's just not much of a call for it.

Not many people like to taste

and it stains the teeth.

What?

The car.

Honey, did you move the mustang

It wasn't out in front, did you move it?

Was that a yes or no?

This is great music.

Did you put the station on?

Sweetheart...

This is kind of embarrassing to ask.

I know we weren't exactly in the mood

last night but I had the oddest feeling

when I woke up this morning.

Did we do anything?

It's a lot

We did anything three times!

- Nick!

Where did you come from?

- Shower.

You stay away from me. I like this

another game. Okay, which one is

this? Maybe... lady in the witness

protection program?

Ah, come on, Elizabeth.

I'm here I'm naked and I'm begging

nobody can believe Sparky's

gonna have our marriage.

Marriage?

Elizabeth...

- Who's Elizabeth?

- What?

Okay, Okay, all right

you wanna play that game.

I wanna board, here we go.

Okay, all right, so this is the part I:

break down the door, great. We'll call

this one uh... rugged environment please

distress damage. Okay, I don't have a

dalmatian but I'm coming in.

I've got the axe, it's just

you and me Elisabeth.

Thanks.

- Nick, the wheel!

- What?

You would give me a

heart attack... music, Okay?

Where did you get that jacket?

This?

Well, I've had it for years why?

No.

That I would remember.

What is that color?

Brown.

Okay Nick, you take me to the studio Okay?

I need to check on a few things.

The studio, right?

You have been acting weird all morning.

The studio where you work, yes.

It's ready

Enjoy.

Thank you.

Okay, Nick.

I have to know.

Why were you at...

Why were you and I at

the bed and breakfast?

Why did we fly to

vegas that time for lunch?

Why did we spend last tuesday night in

the catamaran? Why do we do any of it?

Because we can.

Catamaran?

Yeah, and let me tell you you look

great in that thong.

To get off the lots.

Come here, babe.

Nick!

What? suddenly youl get shy in front of

the security guard?

It's Okay buddy, we're married.

Thank you professor for joining us today.

Let's begin with a discussion on early

parallel universe theory. Did it all stem

from Einstein and his theory of relativity?

Unlikely as that may seem, yes, because it

was in fact the Einstein-Rosen bridge

which pinpointed that juncture between

alternate universes though some say

einstein gets too much credit

Brett? Why are you here?

I just brought something to your office.

I have an office?

On the quantum theory of gravity proving

the multiple states.

By George, I think she's got it!

Morning!

Sanford!

- What?

Oh I'm sorry.

This has caffeine we ran out of decaf'

brand but I'll run out and get some

during lunch. Oh and I thought you should

know Peg called twice already today.

Something wrong?

Why?

- Because you only call me Sanford

when you're angry with me

If something is wrong

you should just say so.

Don't make me guess, Elizabeth.

Anyway here are the rest of your

messages there were quite a few of them

everybody loved last night's segment on

alternate universes, said it had your

special touch.

- Alternate universes?

You know I'd like to look at all the

research you have on alternate universes.

Everything you have I want to look at.

You're the boss.

I'm the boss here?

Yes, here, there, over there too.

What's with you?

- I don't know I'm feeling

a little bit odd today, Sandy my assistant.

Well, here, Elizabeth,

my immediate supervisor.

Suck on this, you look like you need it.

No, you know what I think you need a

relaxer pop with value.

They're brand new

- oh yeah I'll buy this

main thing.

Yeah moonshot.

- Oh, what's down?

- What's down?

Not much.

Oh also don't forget I will be out of

the office between three and four or

did I tell you that?

- I don't know, you might have.

Well my brother just found out he had

cancer and have to take him over

to the clinic for the shot

- the shot?

- For cancer.

- For cancer?

Is it me or is somebody in this room

repeating everything I say?

Bella, come on, let's go.

Oh oh oh... and good luck at the TV

Academy ball tonight.

I'm going to the Academy ball?

Yes.

Come on, you called this meeting.

Hold her calls!

So...

Why'd you call us all in?

Me?

Nick, your door! I mean, our door.

Okay, well, answer it.

Maggie! Hi!

- Hi.

- Hey Sis', what's down?

I just...

stopped by to get your autograph for my

boss's son.

He actually hinted I'd be fired if

I didn't get it done by tonight.

Sorry to bug you.

It's Okay. Leave it on the table,

- I'll get to them later.

- Okay.

I'll just come back later and get it.

Sorry to bother you.

You both look fabulous. Wherever you're

going, have a great time.

Bye-bye.

Okay, bye.

What's with her?

- She's a drag well

- Don't say that

- Me? You've called her worse.

- I have?

Yeah.

Oh.

- Well, why is she like that?

- Yeah, who knows?

Probably the job or something, you know...

Assistant marketing analyst...

I think being miserable is a job

requirement and you know that she fits

the bill: never laughs,

never has any fun.

Speaking of fun,

I think

that we have a little time

before we have to go.

Nick, we just got dressed and stuff...

Yeah, but since when did that

matter to you?

Go on. You want to fool around? come on.

Stop it, we're gonna be late

Look at this place.

- Good luck to you

- Yeah, really great game last night.

Hey you're late. I thought

you might not make it

Oh, something came up.

Down, I mean.

Oh, they certainly are very patriotic in

this world.

Nowadays.

Yeah, well, it's that statehood thing.

I wonder where they're

gonna put the 50th star when they let Cuba.

Cuba's gonna be the 50th?

Oh, I knew that.

Honey.

Honey!

So...

How long have you not been married?

- A long time.

- How long?

Since high school.

All the most successful couples are made

in high school

Ladies and gentlemen, as you know,

each year, we acknowledge one who has

contributed above and

beyond the call of duty

helping to elevate the electronic medium.

With careful consideration,

the Board of Governors narrowed the field

to a group of 20 very talented producers.

And let me tell you,

there's no easy decision. This year we

are proud enough to give this special

award to a singularly dedicated viewer

- What the hell is that?

- Bloody billy with a raw egg.

A raw egg?

I thought I swallowed my tongue.

- You said your usual.

- A cranberry spritzer.

Yeah in another life.

Elizabeth Sager Fowler.

I don't know she's

been acting weird all day.

Congratulations.

I truly have no idea

why I've gotten this acknowledgement.

You see, I don't belong here.

What's she talking about?

She got an invitation.

I mean I say that because there are

obviously so many other deserving people.

But I will say that it's a great honor

to accept this recognition for...

journalistic excellence?

Thank you.

Thank you.

- This world is perfect.

- Elizabeth honey

- Congratulations.

- Almost perfect.

Look at you! You look almost grown up

and you...

look absolutely dreamy.

My two favorite producers side by side.

Oh, she's a producer?

Cooler with the put downs would you?

Oh,

everyone, you've heard me talk about him

for a long time and now I'd like you to

meet my one and only. Here he is this is...

- Joey.

- Hi.

Elizabeth, Darby, Nick.

You want to dance, honey?

Okay.

Would you?

Sandy...

Is Alannah in yet?

I'll be in my office.

- That's not your office.

- I knew that.

You got two more calls from Peg.

Company's come.

So...

where did you two

lovebirds end up last night?

Well, after the awards show Nick

dragged me off to a sports bar. They sure

love him in those places

- It must be fun

to be on the arms of a handsome

celebrity all the time

- yeah.

So you and that guy uh...

Joe was it?

So you two were... he's your...

Are you free for lunch today?

- Sure.

It's monday isn't it?

- Yeah.

Every silver lining has a cloud

We get to do this every monday?

You, me and every working woman in America.

Gosh, when I see a blimp I want to go to

Hawaii or someplace, don't you?

Oh yeah.

Remember when we used to play fours

on this wicket?

These good old four days...

Your friend Joe seems really nice.

Yeah.

He must have thought I was crazy.

Did he say anything about me?

Oh he's such a doll.

He didn't give you a second thought.

Oh good.

You have to cock it

I always forget that part.

I think he might ask me to marry him.

Gee...

Whiz, you missed the wicket altogether.

Well, looks like I killed you.

Can't win all the time.

Alannah?

Yeah?

What makes you think

that he's gonna ask you?

Oh, it's just a feeling. Funny thing is

I don't know exactly what I'll say.

- Here we go,

- thank you, I love them and

anything, it's just that I look at what

everyone else has in their lives and

I think is that what I really want.

Ever do that?

What?

Awful isn't it? My trainer says I have to

gag three of these down a day. What I

would give for a salad. You are so lucky

you can eat that. Most people would get

really fat.

So then I say to myself, I mean, I know

he's no Nick Fowler but then who is?

Besides Nick of course.

But there are things about Joe that are

so special, I mean...

he's so smart and he's so romantic.

Don't you just love guys that are

romantic?

- Can you excuse me for a minute?

I'll be right back.

Okay.

Okay, I get the point. It's time

to wake up now. Okay.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Wake up.

Okay.

Speak of the devil, look who showed up.

- You remember Elizabeth?

- Yeah, how are you doing?

Hi.

I gotta grab this call; I'll see you later.

He just can't stay away from me I guess.

- I have some really big news.

- Oh, I thought

I already knew the really big news.

- More! Really big news.

- Oh, boy.

All right.

Joe just finished the

piece for the New Yorker

and we are gonna do a segment on it

for our show.

Really?

Billy, I'll call you back at five.

Well, that's great.

What's it about?

Inspiration.

Tt's a a right brain phenomena that

everyone experiences but

not a lot of people understand it.

You can really talk about it.

He's done all this research and I showed

the article to Darby and he said

that we should do a segment on it.

About what I said before,

it's just between you and me, Okay?

- Okay

Are you guys talking about me?

Oh, just shut up and kiss me.

He loves when I say that.

Green eyed monster.

Me?

Oh no that's mine, she's having the

bloody Billy with the raw egg, right?

Right.

Excuse-me for a second?

- Did you feel that?

- How could I not, what was it?

An earthshift, it must have been

eight or ten degrees.

All right, everybody take it easy.

Keep a warm head.

Alannah get a relaxer out here

We're gonna check the building and we're

gonna go back to work.

I hate the things, I hate on the fact of

life when you live in california, I guess.

I mean it's not like the ground is

really shaking. It's hard to...

Who's producing Joe's segment, who's gonna

be producing Joe's segment?

- Me, why?

Oh, no reason.

- You think it's a bad idea?

- No no it's a great

idea it's just uh...

Well, considering your relationship,

people might think it's

nepotism or something

- Why would anyone care?

- Yeah,

you're right. Forget I asked.

Elizabeth...

Honey, maybe she's

right. It might not be good.

I was really looking forward to working

with you Sweetie

- Me too but we have to

think about your career.

I mean how would it look

if people knew that your girlfriend

got you on the show and gave you

the interview?

Elizabeth would be perfect.

She can take the driest topic

and make it seem interesting.

If... You're sure you

really want to do this?

Well, you know I've got a lot of stuff

going on right now. I have those two

pieces on time travel and another one of

fire walking.

- Let me see if Mark Salad is available.

On the other hand, how

can I turn you down...

All right, all right, Okay, just another

after shift we can expect a few of those.

- Calm down it's Okay

- I guess we can.

Hi, I'm Nick fowler.

You probably know me when I'm pitching

for the Zeppelins but when I'm not

pitching or playing ball, I don't have

a hat on and when...

I'm not waiting an hour

Well then I suggest you handle it.

No no no no no no, I'm looking at it

right now and let me

tell you one thing pal,

my hair has no luster. Luster, yes, yes,

that's right, Nick Fowler's fans expect

his hair to have luster.

- Anything.

- Elizabeth?

I'm trying to talk...

Yeah, well, I have a meeting and I'd like

to show up looking like something other

than a big yellow wall. Don't even talk

to me about the shoes

- always looks good.

So you want to look good like Nick

- Fowler,

- Yeah, well, I'm here

Let me ask you one thing Okay

how do you expect me to get a hair care

product endorsement

if my ♪♪♪meal♪♪♪ is dull

Hello?

Yeah I'm looking at it from the back and

let me tell you something it doesn't

look any better.

Just your average Joe.

- Do you have any???

- I mean, not with me.

Right now, I mean

- Maybe.

- Yeah?

Great Nick, save the ballpark. Elizabeth!

- What?

- Please

- no no that no oh...

- yeah, Honey come on, Nick

fowler and his wife.

- Nick I don't want to

take any pictures

- No, you look great.

All right, let's have the family reunion.

Family reunion's up; let's go.

- All right, smile,

- move in

- smiles oh

lovey-dovey we're happy here I mean

it's a beautiful day

- we got it

- smiles oh

hold it, hold it,

Mike that's not it

what's going on?

That's not right.

Well that was a ferris

wheel and there's the courthouse

excuse me can you give us a second please

- all right

- what does that mean? I really put

it what do you just sit there could you

give us a second

- Nick skip it

skip it.

Look I just want to know, is this going

to last much longer?

- Well I don't know

I mean I think there's got a few more picks

to take and then I thought after we'd

have some dinner with you know some of

these guys, with the photographer

Okay

and some of the other people

Okay well

Do you mind if I meet you later cause

I was hoping to see Maggie,

maybe do something with her.

- Maggie? but she takes classes

- what kind

of classes?

- The kind of classes people

take when they've got nothing better to

do with their lives

You know, like I saw Nick's sister

the other day and I think that all she

really needs is just a little

encouragement and she really blossoms.

That's pretty much true for everybody

though...

I don't know, I don't

think it happens to me.

Sometimes I never feel inspired

Come on

- what?

- I want to say you're a great

producer that has to take at least

some inspiration you know...

- What about you and...

I mean, if you don't mind my asking

- how did you two fall in love?

We fall in love... um

I don't know...

It was a gradual thing. We were

acquaintances and then

friends and then best friends

and uh...

best friends who kiss on the mouth.

Oh, it was just perfect.

I mean...

wasn't it?

I mean.

When I first met her,

she wasn't a producer, didn't want to be

a producer but uh...

I encouraged her, I knew she could do it.

You know that's what it is about you.

What?

Just the way that you put your faith

into people. It's like you are

inspiration

I... I think it's really just about

being there for each other.

But believe me, without her I'd be nothing.

- You don't think so!

- Yeah I... I know so.

Trust me.

Wait, let's just stop talking about me.

Okay.

About you guys.

Isn't he gonna sign with the Brooklyn

Dodgers next year or what?

- Oh let's not

talk about Nick.

- How come?

I did, 't think you'd be home so soon.

Good night.

Good night.

- Good night.

- Good night.

We got to talk.

Yeah I think so.

- I don't get you.

- Me?

You don't get me? what don't you get

about me?

- You want a list?

- There is nothing not to

get about me Nick, I'm the most gettable

person you're ever gonna meet.

Yeah

Okay.

First, let's start with these. I found

these letters in this brown jacket.

Why are people offering to give you

things - a free gift for you - what other

kind of gift is there? And can you

explain to me exactly why this is

written backwards?

Nick, give it a rest, it's junk mail.

"Junk mail", "free gifts", what is this?

Elizabeth code?

And I also found

this little puppy onto that Joe fella?

Give me that.

Why are you getting his backward letters?

It's from Dartmouth College. He applied

for a research grant and they're gonna

fund it. He never told...

Well, maybe he did.

Is it that Dartmouth College that

advertises on the side of the buses?

No, a different one.

Right. So why exactly would you be

calling us all of a sudden?

Yeah.

Yeah whatever

- It's Peg

- Who?

Your mother.

Nick, you know my mother died when I was...

Yeah...

Nick.

When was the shot for cancer invented?

30 years ago?

Oh, my God.

Mom.

I remember this set from when I was a kid.

Oh, I've had this forever.

The cookie jar too.

I know the cookie jar

and your perfume.

I had forgotten your perfume.

Do you remember how I used to spray it

on the dog when you were little.

I know how ridiculous you thought I was.

You were at my high school graduation?

- Well of course you were.

- What?

- My high school graduation.

- Oh,

yes

and you wanted to wear shorts

under your gown instead of that nice dress.

What color was it?

- I don't remember exactly.

- Blue.

I think with with lace, oh

you hated that lace.

Not sophisticated enough

We went around and found about that one.

Aunt Charlotte too.

We won.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

It's good to talk to you,

to see you again.

It's been too many years.

Here's one with you and your aunt

Charlotte, oh you two were really team.

Oh, there we are.

Why haven't we spoken?

It doesn't matter anymore.

God knows mothers and

daughters fight sometimes,

more than sometimes if the truth were known

and it was probably my fault for making

you choose between Nick and me.

Well, I'm gonna put these away,

I don't want to spoil the day.

- No no it's not that

What is it, Sweetie?

I was thinking about this friend of mine

whose mom died of cancer

- Cancer?

Didn't she get the shot?

No, she didn't get the shot.

My friend knew that her mom was dying

and she wanted to be in the room with her.

She wanted to be able to hold her hand

when it happened but they wouldn't let

her in the room.

They wouldn't let her say goodbye.

Happily ever after is highly overrated

Well I guess I'd better get back.

You don't sound too thrilled.

Well, you know, you never know what Nick

has lined up.

Can I say something here? This... this is

maybe none of my business.

You guys

need to talk about things.

Things?

You, know tell him that you love him

I do love him

So you're...

you're beautiful, you're intelligent.

You think so?

I know so

and if you guys love each other

and you're meant to be together,

you'll do whatever it takes.

Whatever it takes?

You don't know how happy I am to hear

you say that.

In Einstein's opinion, time has no space

nor boundaries and thus was constantly

interchangeable with no set rules.

There are conceivably an infinite number

of worlds being created every second

- Hi!

Each one filled with new scenarios

- Oh, hi.

Einstein, huh?

- Uh-huh.

Boy he's on the show a lot.

Given the basic principles underlying

Einstein's theory...

- How's it going with you and Joe

- oh great

- alternative...

- Good.

He sure likes you a lot.

- Oh

Yes... Work!

Listen, do you think he might be?

Popped the question anytime soon no?

Well, you know that's probably

for the best because

you don't want to rush into these things,

especially if you're feeling it

all uncertainty

Believe me Alannah,

Marriage is no big relax...

it's a lot of hard work.

You shouldn't do it unless you're

absolutely ready.

Yeah?

Yeah.

- Hi Sandy.

- Hi

What's down?

More than meets the eye it seems like.

I need your signature.

Mighty interesting advice you were

giving Alannah.

Vee - Guess - Abta

What's with this habit of writing your

name backwards?

Sandy, what would you say if I told you

that I was from an

alternate universe?

Oh, come on.

It is quite possible

You're serious.

Let's put it this way. I'm not the same

Beth that you knew

- and who's Beth?

- I'm Beth.

- No you're Elizabeth.

Given the basic principles underlying

Einstein's theory of relativity it is

quite possible that alternate universes

exist.

Einstein believed that alternate worlds

were logical,

indeed possible.

In Einstein's opinion time has no space

nor boundaries and thus was constantly

interchangeable with no sense

This is really tricky so

are you like inhabiting

her body or something?

- I don't know maybe

we just switched places

- so in your universe,

you're not Elizabeth you're Beth

- yeah

- and Beth is a total rat who

would make a play for someone else's

boyfriend which is what you're doing

here even though you're Elizabeth.

Further explanation may be required.

No I swear, I have never heard of them,

not Regis nor Kathie Lee.

- Well they

consistently beat our show in any market

where we go head to head

- but our show is

one top honor

- yeah but in the other world,

our show's stupid

- Oh boomer

- but you're the boss

- yeah?

- On a stupid show?

- Yeah but you don't care...

- because?

- Because you make lots of money

We're producing a show that's stupid.

So, you're dating Alannah's boyfriend in

the other world

- No no Alannah is dating my

boyfriend in this world

But you've got Nick.

What's so special about

this Joe guy anyway?

Nothing.

Absolutely nothing.

Excuse me, a message.

Thank you.

Can you read this for me?

It's from mr nothing.

He wants to see you this afternoon.

Okay I want to know all about Joe but

first let's get back to me and how in

your universe I am the boss

- well you

wore a lot of nice suits you see in my

world there are 50 scenes in...

Our nation's 50th state plus personal

remembrances of baseball legend Fidel

Castro who has all-star

pitcher for the Havana Rebels

Is Hawaii a state?

- Yes

- Okay what about

Iowa or Missouri?

Both yes.

See I've been going over the map

in my head and I can't figure out which

one's missing it's driving me crazy.

- Excuse me

- Oh, hi.

- I hope I'm not interrupting

- No no.

- Joey!

Oops, suddenly got crowded in here.

- Nice to see you

- I didn't know you were coming

down here to take me to lunch.

Well, actually, I didn't. I came to uh

to meet with the

about the uh the segment.

Yeah we're finishing the treatment.

Treatment

Oh,

sure.

I was um gonna have

lunch in my office anyway

I have um you know...

stuff...

to do.

- Okay um... I'll call you.

Is there some place we can go and talk

in private?

Yeah um...

- why don't we go backstage?

- Okay.

Follow me

Elizabeth, can I get you a a mug of

decaf brand or or do you want some tap

water or

- no I'm fine, I'm just making

protein logs or bread, do you want lunch

Brett!

You know I feel like we've really hit it

off the last couple days, am I am I right?

- Oh yeah yeah

- and um

I hope this isn't inappropriate but

I wanted to ask you...

Do you think Alannah would like this?

Every time I think he's

gonna pop the question,

I just...

shut down

I'm...

I don't want to be my mother.

I have plans, I have dreams.

Why can't it just

stay the way it is and I could have

the best of both worlds?

I deserve to have it all, don't you think?

Oh, absolutely.

You saw it.

You actually saw this ring?

Was it big? Oh forget I asked that

what difference is this?

- Alannah

- what?

- It was big.

Oh I knew it would be.

He probably has it hidden around the house

someplace huh?

- In a sock drawer.

Or someplace.

I just wish

that I knew that he was the...

Because if I say no or just let me think

about it, it's probably going to be over

between us

- You think so?

So um...

what do you think I should do about this?

Hey, let me think about it.

Hi

Hi,

- I thought you're at work, I was just

on my way out

- oh it's monday.

- Oh monday

- yeah, so I thought I'd

come over and um talk to you

- Oh about the article

- and things

Cool, come in.

So, uh...

So...

- Dog lover huh?

- I love dogs. Hi, Jefferson.

No it's... it's Rover.

- Rover?

- After the president.

Everybody ready but he's here.

We've got

a little wrinkly head here.

What did you want?

You want to talk about it?

Oh, hey, okay.

- I don't know what that was

- it was us

and it was right.

- I'd love someone else.

- No you don't realize it now

but, Joe, you actually love me.

- I love Alannah

- no you think she's uh

she's uh gaskinated.

- Gaskinated?

You know from the crossword,

one who boasts and brags.

What are you talking about?

I'm sorry Joe I didn't realize it till now

but I want you.

- Okay you're married all right

you don't really know me though

But I do!

And I miss you

I miss the way that you move your head

back and forth when you brush your teeth

in the bathroom and I miss the way that

you cry every time you hear Sarah

Vaughan sing that song that you love,

you know what song I'm talking about.

Come on you know your grandma

taught it to you and I miss the way that

you dance around your underwear every

time you hear Chaka Khan come on the radio

Okay, how do you know I

dance around the room to shock

- Come here

- no

but Joe I'm sorry I was so rapid myself

I didn't even realize that you'd shaved

off your goatee

- goatee?

- and he probably

told me about the grand at Dartmouth and

I just didn't hear it

- Dartmouth?

Well they want you and I want you.

Dartmouth is a trade

school for dental assistants.

Okay but this is obviously my fault and

I sent you the wrong signal that's Okay

but I'm really sorry really

- look Joe Joe

I have the letter you just got from

Dartmouth, that's for Joe Townsend

It's a letter for another Joe not me Okay?

I suggest you find him,

you give this to him,

you'd be very encouraging and

supportive of him and his pursuit of a

career in dental hygiene. Okay?

Bye now.

Oh.

Okay, Beth.

It really is time to wake up now.

Please be a normal airplane...

You okay?

- I'm fine I'm fine

- all right, Alannah called.

She knows you're here.

- Well good I want

to talk to her I think it's time we had

this whole thing out she has to

understand that I believe that certain

things are meant to be

- about your mother

- What about my mother?

- Alannah doesn't quite

understand but they've sent for a doctor.

She's here, she's here.

Oh Elizabeth.

I came over to see if there was

anything I could do with...

Elizabeth I am

so sorry

- I'm Dr Ramy

it's really better you don't see her

right now

- no you don't understand I have

to see her where is she?

- Oh let her see me

for Petes's sake.

- Mom!

Easy you don't want the rope

to come open.

I thought you were...

I am...

that's why I was trying to get a holdi♪♪♪

in the first place.

Oh sweetheart, this

happens to a lot of people.

You get a good deal on some real estate

and you have to make hard choices.

- What?

- I'm going to Cuba.

I was on the statehood committee and

they gave me a good deal on some

beachfront and I'm moving.

6 I kind of got

the message wrong, I'm really sorry.

Elizabeth I mean they said they were

rushing it out...

- I put off everything till

the last day I was supposed to have a

physical for the visa weeks ago.

Sorry, Elizabeth.

Hold on, hold on.

Cuba?

Sweetheart, there's no

reason to be this upset.

We can see each other as much as

you want. You can visit you, come there.

I come here, we can

talk every day if you want.

Oh, let me give you my new number.

Cinco cinco cinco...

- mom do you have to go?

No I mean it. I don't want you to go.

I want you to stay and I want us to

be together and and make everything like

it should have been all along I'm...

That's what I want.

It's funny.

After you left the other day I thought

why would she tell me that story about

the girl whose mother died?

Then it hit me.

It was about us, right?

Growing up, you got the double whammy

kiddo that's for sure.

Your father left,

then I got so hung up

with my own tough luck

I forgot there was another

person in the house.

The two people you loved the most

pulled away from you.

Some ways I might as well have died.

Don't say that!

I saw the pictures of us.

Oh don't kid me, I watched you.

It was like you were staring

at strangers in those pictures.

Mom do you remember when I was 10?

You used to say to me "Beth it's a new

morning put on a nice clean dress and a

big fat smile and start the day".

- I said that?

- Yeah and that's what I want us to

do now. I want us to put on nice clean

dresses and big fat smiles and start the

day and everything can be perfect.

It's never a perfect world Sweetie.

But that should never stop us from

trying with all our hearts to make it

that way.

In the morning, afternoon, evening,

whenever you need that extra punch to

make yourself look good,

rely on this. You got a date you got

anything that weekend,

this lasts like five hours all you gotta

do is put on some more, no building hang???

Come on.

Hang on a minute.

Hi.

- Is Nick home?

- Sort of

uh for my...

new boss's niece.

He probably won't get to it today so you

know, just tell him I'll come back

tomorrow and pick him up.

Thank you bye.

Maggie I saw you tap dancing.

Nick told me where you took lessons.

He likes sending people

over for a good laugh.

No, you were good.

Really good.

Thanks.

Maggie,

do you want to be on television?

- Me?

- Yeah my show's doing a segment on

ancient tribal dances and I need to find

somebody to choreograph it and...

Choreograph?

Choreograph? I don't

know, I'm not that good.

- Sure you are.

- Look, I just do it for fun.

It's not... I'm not professional or

anything. I don't do it for a living.

Could I maybe be one of the dancers?

And do you have costumes

because I can make them, I could sew.

- I got clothes in my closet.

- Oh Alannah!

Listen, did you talk to

Joe about yesterday?

Well...

do you still want my advice about this guy?

I don't think you're

gonna like what I'll say

but if you're smart, you'll listen.

You meet me in an hour?

Okay.

Okay I'll be here.

Are you Okay? No not you, bye.

I gotta go but keep working on it.

- Was this thing expensive?

- Oh no we got five

or six of those. I'll see you in an hour

I mean soon.

Thanks, bye.

The plot thickens.

Jefferson, you don't tell on me, Okay?

Just remember, I was the one that fed you.

Good Jefferson.

Rover, sorry.

Come on, where are you, where are you?

Yes!

- Oh how are you doing?

- Good evening sir

- party of two uh miss uh Alannah

- ah yes.

- Right, this way,

- Okay

Great.

It was a really poorly kept secret that

you were gonna ask me to marry you

so uElizabeth convinced me to take the lead

in case you got hot feet.

- You dipped all this?

- Yeah

Would you believe that in some universes

you couldn't arrange a wedding like this

in three and a half hours...

with live entertainment!

This is unbelievable

It just shows what you can do with a little

inspiration.

She made me realize what was important

and that I couldn't risk losing you.

I don't have a ring.

Good bye.

You're going?

- I think it's better if I do.

- For who?

For me.

Elizabeth,

I don't quite know how

to thank you for this.

But I don't get this

Well, I have a four by four with an eight

track and a microwave and I don't get

that either.

Look.

You got a great guy in your life.

Remember he's the one you want.

I know.

I just have to figure out how I can get

back to him.

This isn't your wedding?

No, why don't you just rub it in?

You know the words?

Oh some of them, I had a boyfriend.

Oh this guy used to know like that song

- Why don't you sing it?

- I don't know if I know

all the words

Oh you probably do, try it.

Love is wonderful

the second time around

just as wonderful.

Put both feet on the ground,

it's the second time

you've heard

your

love song song.

It makes you think

perhaps that love like youth

is wasted

on the young.

That's it.

Love's more comfortable

the second time you fall

like a friendly heart

the second time you call

who

knows

what let us to this miracle

we found

there are those

who bet

that love comes once

and yet

I'm so glad we met

the second time around...

- Sounds nice with the right words

- what do you mean?

- How long you been here?

- Here?

In this universe?

- You too?

Snapped a wishbone, Thanksgiving day, 1972.

Didn't you ever think about going back?

No I waited too long.

But listen,

if you're thinking about going back,

do it soon otherwise

it's going to be too late

Well you suppose that maybe if I go to

the same place at the same time...

It'll work in reverse.

Don't you want to keep it for yourself?

No, you know the song White christmas?

- Yeah.

- In this world, they think I wrote it

and I'm making a lot of bucks off of

that one.

Well thanks, maybe I'll

try it next Thanksgiving

Good luck.

Your keys, madam.

- Good night.

- Good night and have a happy

thanksgiving

what?

Hi, I'm back.

It's tomorrow Thanksgiving?

- I... Yes, second tuesday in december

- Great

Can you do me a favor?

- Pull.

- Okay.

- Did I get the big half?

- You did.

Great.

I'll see you around... I hope

Happy Thanksgiving.

She's really stressed in. Her mother's

going to Cuba.

- No that's right, come here.

Better late than never

..final boarding call for flight C-100 to

Havana.

This is your final boarding call

for flight C-100 to Havana.

Mom, wait.

I was hoping you'd been...

I wasn't gonna let you go again without

saying goodbye.

- Again?

Mom I want you to

know that, no matter what,

you're always going to be in my heart.

It doesn't matter if I can't see you or

touch you.

It won't change anything, Okay?

Elizabeth what are you trying to say?

Can you just call me Beth,

just once please I can hear it.

Goodbye

Beth.

Seetheart, I'm not gonna be so far away.

You never were.

Now, what?

Two things

First, if I wake up tomorrow morning

I seem a little bit

more like my old self

- yeah?

- Tell me to stop acting like a brat

to call my mother. Here's her number.

Second, you need to get me to that bed

and breakfast before midnight

- Oh, what?

Nick, step on it.

All right, all right.

It's nice of you to do this, really.

Well, you tell me that the old Elizabeth

is coming back and I am there, but I do

not get this flea bag bed and breakfast.

Frankly I prefer the catamaran and the

thong bikini.

Well you know what, Nick, I'm sure that

somewhere in space and time there's an

Elizabeth who has the guts to wear a

thong and was just blown away by that whole

catamaran experience and wants to get

her back to you. This is how we can do it.

I'm really sorry for waking you up.

Upstairs, on your left, number seven.

Seven?

Oh no I can't have room seven I need

room nine. Last time we were in room 9!

I'm sorry it's not made up yet

No but there's a reason why

- what reason?

What reason?

What reason?

What is the reason?

- This is ridiculous.

- Okay Okay Okay.

This is the reason last time we were in

room nine and I came downstairs looking

for coffee, remember, do you remember?

And you said you don't serve coffee well

there is another couple in room nine who

do... does drink coffee

- you had two couples in room nine?

- Different room 9

- there's only one room 9

That's what you think

Look make up your mind. I mean this is

totally ridiculous

- I know this sounds

mind-boggling but what I'm hoping is

that I can get back to them and they're

still there and only a minute or so has

passed in their time at least that's

what Albert Einstein thinks and

- That's your reason?

- That's mind-boggling

Yes, that's my reason.

All right look hold on look

the other reason is

she's hot to trot♪♪♪

Nixon says "go for it".

There you are, Elizabeth.

Knock yourself out.

Yeah, it's the frumpy girl that wears

baggy pajamas to bed. You must be from

another world.

Nick stop it.

_ Ouh what's your name?

- Beth. My name is Beth.

You know, not too aggressive, it's a

little weird.

- Okay I'm sorry all right

I didn't mean to yell. I'm just under a lot

of pressure.

I've got a lot of stuff on my mind. Okay

No more wishbones,

back to tuna noodle casserole.

Okay get in bed.

Then what?

- And then you go to sleep

- and then what?

And then, I go to sleep, and then I wake up

and you're somebody else.

No offense.

I got to be somebody else no no no no no

no no listen to me right now there are

about a million women in the federated

states of america that are fantasizing

about Nick Fowler, no no, you want to be

somebody else, hey that's cool, cause

frankly, the way you've been acting

lately, I wish you were somebody else.

No but me, I am Nick Fowler.

My point exactly.

Yeah well you know as long as we get

that straight.

Oh please let this work.

Come on, come on, come on, come on...

Sometimes things don't work out

the same way twice.

But sometimes they do.

I'm gonna put on a nice clean dress

and a big fat smile

and start a new day.

Meanwhile... in another life.

Nick!

Elizabeth.

Oh, thank God!

I had this horrible dream... I was in...

I was in some other universe.

Well you know, come

on, these games are just

getting in the way

- No, listen there

was this guy sleeping next to me and

I couldn't wake him up and then I went

through his wallet and he didn't have

any money. He didn't

even have any credit cards.

No platinum card, and our car it was gone

and some hunk of junk was in its

place.

Beth?

S'il vous plaît, Madame, il y a

des gens qui dorment à cette heure-ci!

You're French

you're French again!

Ecoutez, Madame, c'est vraiment

pas tolérable!

Vous êtes français, je

suis tellement contente!

C'est incroyable!

I'll handle this!

Hey, how come you didn't tell me you got

a research grant?

I think I applied for one but I haven't...

No, you got it, I have a letter.

You got a letter?

No, I had a letter. You had a letter?

Hang on, I'll come up

and explain everything.

OK

It came in the mail. I

got it out of the mailbox.

Nicky, I just want to make sure the car

is there. I don't want to mess around with

alternative universe cars.

I mean you know, breakfast something.

Wait wait, you do have the letter or

you don't have the letter? I'm confused.

- No I had it I had it but

believe me, you got it, you got it.

- I got the grant.

And you just... you got the grant and

you deserve it and you deserve

everything great, believe me, I have a lot

invested in you, buddy, and I plan to see

it pay off.

- The car's still here what are

you talking about?

- What?

No, I did not tell Nick's sister that she

could be on TV.

Oh she is?

Oh yeah, I thought she was pretty good.

Yeah that's why I...

you know...

told her...

- There's nothing wrong with the car.

Honey,

if I take this grant I'm gonna have to

move to like the farthest

corner of New Guinea.

I love New Guinea.

I can't ask you to quit your job

Oh forget about the job, I already quit.

I want to do my own show I want to do

a show about real people, something I can

really care about. Listen, I have tons of

ideas and I want your input on

everything.

- Wait wait wait back it up you

want my input on?

- Shut up and kiss me.

I love it when you say that.

Oh, I knew you would.

Come here.

You