Twice Two (1933) - full transcript

Stan and Ollie are married to each other's sisters, and plan a dinner party to celebrate their mutual anniversaries.

- What do you want?
- Do you know what day it is?

- No.
- It was just a year ago today

that I married your sister
and you married mine, do you remember?

That's right. Today is our anniversary.

You know, that was a good idea of yours,
marrying into each other's family.

Let's get the girls and go out tonight
and celebrate our anniversary.

- That's a good idea.
- Get my wife on the phone.

- What's the new number?
- Can't you remember?

- Well, they keep changing it.
- It's Waterloo two-two.

- Two-two?
- Two-two.

- Two-two!
- Two-two.

- Hello?
- Is that you, sis?


- Your husband Ollie wants to talk to you.
- All right.

- Is that you, baby?
- Yes, pudgy-wudgy, it's me.

- Do you know what day this is?
- How could I ever forget?

What about you, sis, Stan and me going out
tonight and celebrating our anniversary?

That's a good idea. Let's go down
to Foo Yung's and get some sukiyaki.

Pardon me just a moment, sweetheart.


Don't listen to my conversations
when I'm talking privately.

Just because she's your sister,
you don't have to hear everything we say.

- You listen when I'm talking to your sister.
- No, I don't.

- Yes, you certainly do.
- Well, what about it?

"Sukiyaki". Oh, ho-ho.

What were you saying, sweetheart?


- Hello?!
- Is that you, sis?

- Yes.
- Is Fanny there?

Oh, Fanny!

- What do you want?
- It's your husband Stanley.

- He wants to speak to you.
- Oh.

Very well.

- Hello.
- Is that you, Fanny?

- Yes.
- Say, listen.

Ollie's taking us out tonight
to celebrate our university.

You tell Ollie we can't go.

I'm cooking dinner and we're having
a nice, quiet evening at home.

Listen, we have a surprise for him.

But don't you tell him!

- I won't.
- Goodbye!


- Who were you talking to?
- I was just talking to Fanny.

What did she say?

We can't go out tonight,
we have to go right home.

- Why?
- She's got a surprise for you.

What else did she say?

She told me not to tell you
that she had the surprise.

- Well, don't tell me.
- I won't, I can keep a secret.

Put that cake down
and help me fix the table.

What do you want me to do?

When I get underneath and unlatch it,
you pull it open.

Well, why didn't you say so?
You're always getting excited.

All right, now pull.

Phone the bakery and order another cake.

Well, open the door.

- Oh, hello, Stannie.
- Hello, sis.

- What's new?
- The funniest thing happened today.

Fanny fell in the cake.

- Dinner ready?
- It'll be ready in just a while.

- Hello, baby.
- Don't "baby" me, you big lunk.

Ow! Ohhh!

It wasn't me,
it was that dumb brother of yours.

Don't you call him dumb.

Why, you've forgotten more
than he'll ever know...

in his little finger.



- What is it, dear?
- Come here.

What do you want?

Close the door.

- Is Ollie home yet?
- Yes.

You didn't tell him about the surprise?

Have you got any money?

Take that 15 cents, go down to the corner
and get some strawberry ice cream.


Can't you eat your soup
without making that noise?

- Why, you're making a noise.
- That isn't a soup noise,

it's my asthma.

15 cents' worth of strawberry ice cream.

We haven't any.


Stanley says they haven't
any strawberry ice cream.

Well, get tutti-frutti.

Well, get tutti-frutti.

- Give me tutti-frutti.
- We haven't any.

Oh, there it goes again.


Well, get chocolate. Hm.

- I'll take chocolate.
- We haven't any!

I'll get it.


Well, get vanilla, anything!


- I'll take vanilla.
- We haven't any.

- Well, what have you got?
- I told you. We don't sell ice cream here.

Next door.

- Well, where's the ice cream?
- They didn't have any.

Why didn't you go somewhere else?

- I spent the 15 cents calling you up.
- That's the dumbest thing I ever heard of.

- You keep out of this.
- I won't, I won't, I won't, I won't!

Sit down.

Spent the 15 cents calling me up!


- Fanny?
- What?

Would you go to the kitchen
and get me some horse's radish?

You go get it yourself. "Horse's radish"!

What's wrong with that?

Why don't you leave him alone?
You're always picking on him.

- Pick, pick, pick, pick, pick!
- You keep your big mouth out of this.

Did you hear what she said?

I haven't got a big mouth, have I?

And furthermore, he's my husband
and I'll talk to him just as I please.

Just because you wear the pants
in your family,

that's no sign
you're going to wear them in mine.

Oh. Well, I wear my own pants in this family.

Yes, and I wear mine.


Don't pay any attention to her.

It serves us right for marrying
into such a family.

Wait a minute.
What's the matter with my family?

I'll have you know that my family
is just as good as your family.

- Oh, yeah?
- Yeah!

After all our family's done for your family?

Let's stop this arguing and get dinner over
so I can find out what the surprise is.

Oh, so you told him, didn't you?

Now, let that be a lesson to you!

If I wasn't a perfect lady,
I'd bust you in the nose.

Cut that out! And you too!

You get that hussy out of here!

Don't call me a hussy!

Sit down!

- I'm not a hussy, am I?
- No!

Get that dame out of my house
before I go nuts!

- 'Tisn't your house.
- 'Tis my house!

- 'Tisn't.
- 'Tis!

'Tisn't, 'tisn't, 'tisn't!

Let's get out of here,
go somewhere we can eat in peace!

That's a splendid idea.

Get out of here
and stay out and don't come back!

- I'll come back if I want to!
- You won't!

- I will too! Cackle, cackle, cackle!
- Come on, let's get out of here.

- Psst, psst, psst, psst!
- Come on.

Come, Ollie dear,
let's go to the Ambassador,

where we can get something good to eat.

I hope you choke!

The same to you, you big tub!

- Let me go!
- Ignore them.

- Does Mrs Laurel live here?
- Yes.

Here's the cake she ordered.
Will you see that she gets it?

I certainly will.

The man said to be sure that you got this.

Thank you.

Come, Ollie.