Twelve Chairs (1971) - full transcript

A former aristocrat Ippolit Vorobyaninov leads a miserable life in Soviet Russia. His mother-in-law reveals a secret to him - she hid family diamonds in one of the twelve chairs they once had. Vorobyaninov in cooperation with a young con artist Ostap Bender start a long search for the diamonds.

12 Krzese³

Part Two MEETING IN PROGRESS

"HOUSE OF NATIONS" boiled.

Poet, Nikifor Lapis Trubetskoy,
here was their man.

He knew the shortest route to these oases,

where bursting clear
source of fees

under cover of broad -
departmental journals.
KURIER hygroscopic

Good morning.

- A... Nikifor Lapis Trubetskoy, welcome.
- Hello.

- I wrote an interesting poem.
- And what?

You know, we are a medical letter.



Of course.

"Ballad of Gangrel.

It's interesting.
Has long should
popularize the idea of prevention.

And: "The Ballad of Gangrel.

"Gavrila suffering from gangrene,"

"Gavrila zmóg³ gangrene poison..."

WOMAN AND MAN
"Ballad of infidelity."

"Gavrila was unfaithful husband,"

"Gavrila betrayed his wife..."

Well, what a beginning?

Overall... well.
Still sick.

We are a youth letter,

and telling you about some
antypedagogicznych,

improbable events.



Where you've seen that men
betray your wife?

I personally do something like this
I do not remember.

It is, after our husbands,
it is our wives.

- It's absolutely unique.
- It's true.

I also thought a lot about it.

I have another option here:

"Gavrila husband was a model,"

"Gavrila was faithful to their wives..."

Yes, it is so much better,
and mind you, a lot tougher.

Fragrant PEPPER
"Ballad of migraine"

"Gavrila serving bureaucrats,"

"Gavrila bureaucrat was..."

SCREEN AND FOG
"Ballad of substitution"

"Gavrila, although he was a firefighter,

"Gavrila ordered shooting video..."

It's pouring you water?
Found a place to swim!

You crazy?

Maybe instead of crying
you went to bath?

You see, as you look?
Like a picador!

- Key.
- What key?

- From flat.
- What are the money?

Mr. Shchukin is an engineer?

And you can not get the apartment?

After all, it's that simple!

O... You saved me!

Zgin¹³bym, if not for you!

Yes, it seemed.

- I have a question for you,
Comrade Shchukin.
- I will be glad to help you.

Grand merci.

It's a small matter, it is your spouse
asked to bring this chair.

Very please.

Please.

Thank you.

Sorry! Sorry!

I'm with the press.
What happened?

Write!
I ran the cab...

Hello! The newspaper "Fragrant pepper"?
Hello, Nikifor Trubetskoy.

Comrade Pary¿añski, or could not
fee to get today?

We urgently need money.
The bailiff took me all the furniture.

Yes, they can take, as I do not receive
advance from the publisher.

What?

Excuse me if I can see
with the companion AT Lapis Trubeckim?

You do not have the right
amount of furniture!

It's abuse!
I will describe you, you have no right!

This chair is not a luxury,
it's my tool!

I sit on it!
I create it!

It is king!
A long, in the end, I give!

Per week.
Please put a chair!

Please forgive me, a misunderstanding.

- Service is not the best man.
- Bureaucrats! Begone!

How many times have you said,
that theft is a sin?

Giant thoughts, the father of Russian
democracy, a person standing close to the Tsar

and such a low propensity!

You'll see, will you in jail,
wa³ówki you and I will not wear!

In the end you are not my mother,
neither sister nor lover!

"I do not understand why, why,
why"

"I met you, than this, than with that"

"I met you and I lost the peace"

"I do not understand why
and no one knows when kiego?"

- Ingenious!
- Please.

Do you live here Lapsus Trubetskoy?

Lapis Trubetskoy... that's me.

Oh, it's you!
How so, comrade?

Chasing the official courier
This stinking affair!

- What kind of a courier?
- You yourselves know what?

Obywatelko, please empty
this chair!

No, please sit,
It is not right.

What the law is silent, citizen!
Opró¿nijcie furniture.

Please sit down!
I will not allow to deduce furniture!

Acts of resistance in the performance
business activities.

Paragraph 215, section B.
Your name, obywatelko?

You will be a witness.
Who are the accused?

That's my wife!

Perjury.
Section 321, Chapter 3, Section ?.

Obywatelko, or you stand up,
Or he goes to sit!

Had to be right away.

Citizen, not to hamper!
Rights must be respected!

- Brings the piece of furniture.
- No, not lead!

How it does not lead,
When is derived?

Goodbye!

Bureaucrat!

Great! Each found a chair
increases our chances.

Today, I shall press.

The newspaper "Machine"
in the House of Nations!

In the House of Nations was the uproar,
which happens only on horse fairs,

and that when all at once
kieszonkowca catch.

Excuse me...

Where is the "Machine"?

- Good morning.
- What you?

- Oh, here it is written...
- "He hit the cab."

"On Friday, the square Siemionowskim,
fell under the cab citizen O. Bender,"

"I ended up a slight fear."

- So what?
- Address.

- What is the address?
- Citizen O. Bender!

The yellow kamaszkach!

TIME IS MONEY

Comrade Bender!

Comrade Bender!
Comrade Bender!

Suse³ku!
My koguciku!

EDITOR

Chances are increasing steadily,
but there is still no diamonds.

Goodbye, darling.

A... Field Marshal! What could be
learn about the theater "Columbus"?

Extremely unfavorable news.

Something again?
Please check in!

Today, the theater is
closed season

and tomorrow, leaving the theater
the guest appearances.

To hell!
Chairs roz³a¿¹ like cockroaches!

Four chairs go,
and one is here somewhere!

With two hares usually
t³ustszego selected.

Yes, yes.

Well!
Let's close the season.

I invited the men in order to pass
arcynieprzyjemn¹ you a message.

Goes to our comptroller.

- As comptroller?
- As comptroller?

Comptroller of St. Petersburg.

Incognito!
In addition, with the secret instructions!

That's awful!

We had no worries, and here you are!

Inspector General

Rushes rustled crisp
in the darkness...

- Two lovers...
- "Buzzed rushes, trees are giê³y"

Staging amazing!

This song though does not fit here,
and what this great depth.

Deep...

copies!

I invited the men in order to pass
arcynieprzyjemn¹ you a message.

Goes to our comptroller...

Our chairs on the spot,
comptroller left, we can go.

.. from St. Petersburg!

- Catch auditor!
- Forward!

- Tan his skin!
- Down with the robber!

Chase it!

Get out, begone!

Freedom for private capital?

Ingenious staging!

Working intelligentsia among the people.

But the depth!

Long live the tradespeople working!

Down with the bribes!

What a wonderful symbol of
detachment from the nation and the fall!

Katiu my love!

Money received in its entirety
and on time, for which I thank warmly.

Engineer Bruns in Rostov
I did not find.

He was transferred to Baku,
where I'm leaving tomorrow.

Do not worry, mateczko, do not survive.
An end to our suffering in sight.

God willing, dwell in Samara,
Our candles next to factories.

Ours!

Chairs... chairs already loaded!

What are you excited
ship is not taking passengers!

- It's a special trip.
- What?

Do you see the word?
"Everybody on the draw"

Ship hired Commissariat Lottery.
During the voyage will losowaæ
state loan.

- And what is this theater?
- Dark man!

Theater in an accessible form will be
promote the idea of government bonds.

- And we, unfortunately, neither the
committee nor the theater. - What to do?

Ein moment!

Onward!

- But he fell ill.
- Why did not you said earlier?

- You will receive a separate cabin.
- How do I know that the painter
ill?

God knows, what now?
Drive into town after another!

Go ahead.
You will receive a separate cabin.

I will go where?
Immediately off!

- It will paint themselves!
- But I can not!
- That I do not care!

Cabin class "Lux", please!

- Pass!
- Hey, Mr. wy³upiastooki which
need a painter... yes, yes, sir!

- What?
- I say that you can swim with us.

- Now!"
- Yes!

Oh, it will be difficult.
But I'll try to.

And what reward?

Paid at the salary scale.

- Well no, comrade!
- In addition to free meals
and a separate cabin.

Well, the dogadaliœmy.
But with me it is a boy.

- What's the boy?
- Assistant.

- The boy did not have resources.
- Well, sorry...

If your cost, please,
Let your lives in the cabin.

- Here is the key.
- Key.

- Key to the flat
where the money lie.
- What do you say?

I say that my boy
is hardened, accustomed
the Spartan conditions.

What are you standing like a pillar?
I thought you had long since on board.

PrzepuϾcie that citizen!
Here's a pass!

- So this is your boy?
- Boy!

Who says this girl
let him first cast a stone at me!

Please stand here as someone
you, please sing out loud.

- What to sing?
- Certainly not "God save the Tsar!"

Understood.

Dear comrades...

I consider this masówkê open!

"The heart of beauty tends to
toward betrayal"

"The variation, as the May wind."

"Despite everything we love them,
though they are false"

"Because you can not live without..."

"Tra la la la..."

"And let them laugh"

"Let podkpiwaj¹..."

"But for me..."

"But with me..."

"I just laugh at me!"

- We check at night.
- Yes!

Are!

Give me that!

The master's chair Gambs
starts a new batch of furniture.

1865 years, St. Petersburg.

And where are the diamonds?

You are amazingly docile,
³owco chairs!

Diamonds, as you see, no!

Silence, sadness, silence.

Do not beat up their ears
cheeks, do not have to!

Once the laughing
durnego eighth with chairs,

in which we found
This silly little box.

Perseverance, are here yet
three chairs,

99 chances in a hundred!

"And you signed up for a loan?"

According to the approved sketch...

on this record, three meters in four...

follow the banner...

the evening. You have time?
- Do not be alarmed.

Banner will be made within

and the high artistic level.
It's everything, everything!

You know how to paint?

Pity me or not.

And these... letters, can you?

You also can not?
Pretty bad.

After all, we are painters!

Raise!

- As soon as we throw away.
- For what?

22 June, club Tekturowiec"
lecture will be held on:

"A brilliant debut, and while seance
chess game for 160 szachownicach

led by Grandmaster A. Bender.
Szachownicami with its own entrance.

Introduction 20 kopecks.
The fee for the game 50 kopecks.
Beginning at 6 in the evening.

Club "Tekturowiec"

- Finishing the sale... how much?
- Thirty-five rubles.

- Oh, beat us!
- How will you fight, you will cry...

and now please go to the marina, rent
boat and wait for the appointed place.

Comrade Bender!
How will you play?

Please do not worry about me,
I'm still in form.

The first movement E2-E4,
and more.... continue to be seen.

Wait a minute!

Comrades... and brothers chess.

The theme of my reading is
creative concept debut.

What is it, my brothers, the debut...

and what it is, comrades, the concept of?

What is this?

Debut, the brothers were
"quasi una fantasia"...

and it is all clear.

And what is this, comrades,
concept?

The concept, comrades, is...

human thought, dressed in a logical,
chess form.

Even the meager forces can
control the whole chessboard.

Everything depends on each
one of you individually.

Some of you are playing well,
but others played badly.

And, no lessons will not change
This system of forces,

if each of you,
brothers, every day

every hour and every minute
will not be trained to play checkers.

In chess!

Let's continue...

Do you know about this,
that your 'club four horses"

the appropriate approach to the matter,
can completely change the city Wasiuki?

Therefore, I propose... in Wasiukach...

organize an international
Chess Tournament. That's it!

Fans come to the tournament
Chess around the world.

Hundreds of thousands of wealthy foreign
tourists sail to Vasiukov.

The State will have to quickly
build a railroad and a highway
Moscow - Wasiuki!

Hotels - wysokoœciowce for guests
and "The Palace of chess, where you will
played in the tournament.

Powerful radio station to transmit
sensational news to the whole world.

Airport "Great Wasiuki"...

to scheduled and charter
flight around the world

including Rio de Janeiro
and Melbourne!

Try to imagine it!

RESTAURANT E2

CHESS PALACE OF THOUGHT
CLUB FOUR HORSES

HOTEL wandering Pawn

Pub MAT IN TWO movements

RESTAURANT NIEDOCZAS

HOTEL E2

Rome - Wasiuki

Paris - Wasiuki

And think what will happen when the tournament
end, and all guests will be invited?

Residents of Moscow,
harassed by hunger housing

throw on your wonderful city!

Wasiuki automatically become the capital!

Wasiuki Rename the new Moscow,
and Moscow will be old Wasiukami!

The idea of Chess will become
in the field of science

and lay the foundations
for interplanetary communication.

Connection with other planets will be
as easy as crossing
with Rybiñska for Jaroslaw!

And it will be organized in Wasiukach
first in the history of the universe

Interplanetary Chess Tournament!

First Interplanetary
Chess Tournament

between teams Vasiukov
and the Great Bear

end on a great victory
Population Vasiukov!

Hurray, comrades!

Royal pawn from E2 to E4...

On the next szachownicach
Ostap made the same motion

moved the royal
piece of E2 to E4.

After the third movement, it turned out

that chess is played
eighteen lots of Spanish.

The remaining twelve parties
Black used a bit outdated,

but quite effective
Philidor defense.

Ostap if he knew
so ingenious that it takes lots

and meet with so great
defense, would be frankly amazed.

The thing is that he played great Kombinator
chess for the second time in his life.

- See Grandmaster gave the queen!
- Podstawi³ the beat!
- Prepares a trap

Spare my queen!

- Things to do?
- Give up, until it's too late!

Mat!
I gave you mate,
arcymistrzu comrade!

Yes, mate.
I congratulate you, young man!

You make progress.

RESCUE drowning
Lies in the hands SAME drowning

A moment ago on this site
became my tower.

And now it does not exist!

- How not, it certainly was not!
- And where to go?

- You beat it?
- I broke.

- On the move?
- In the fifteenth.

What my head to turn round his tower?
Give up, say it!

Comrades!
I have saved all the moves!

- The clerk!
- It's outrageous, please give my tower!

Comrades! You can see!
Beat chess lovers!

- Grab your Grandmaster!
- Bungler!

Grab your Grandmaster!
Grab!

- Gait, Kociu!
- My holdall!

Harder, harder!

Let you think the eyes, Kociu!
As soon as it begins!

Gentlemen! Gentlemen!
I guess you will not beat us?

How!

Attention!

Bunglers!
Why not bijecie his Grandmaster?

If I'm not mistaken, you wanted to beat me?

Goodbye, amateurs strong
emotions chess!

Long live the "club four horses"!
Hurray, comrades!

Hello, partner.

Bonjour.

This is probably Cheboksary?

Fine.
You sell our trophies.

And I think we have enough money,
to reach the Pyatigorsk.

There await the theater.

Do looks feldmarsza³ku!
It floats our chair!

How are you, friend?
Long time no see.

Yes! Come here!

You know what, Mr. Worobianinow?

This chair reminds me of
our lives.

We also sail with the tide.

Drown us, and we set sail,
although this is not anyone happy.

Nobody does not love...

If you do not expect the prosecution,
which also does not like.

Oh, Kociu!

We are strangers in this
celebration of life.

What happened?

My dear and invaluable Katiu!

With each hour closer to
to our happiness.

Soon we will have
a lot of money,

sit down next to our in Samara
factories, and we drink liqueur.

And now to the point.

In terms of geographical location
and population,

Baku city much exceeds Rostov.

Charkowowi but disappears.

It is said that there was mined
oil.

A Bruns engineer in Baku
I found no longer.

He moved to Batumi.

Journey from there to Batumi free
Over fifteen rubles from kopiejkami.

Send a telegram twenty.
Your forever, Fedya.

Performances of the opera "Columbus"
Only two days
"Government Inspector"

For all the work will get you ten!

Dear!

Mr. excite me!

I am a tired man mineral water.

- How many do you want?
- Half a hundred!

- It's state property.
- Well, consent, give... twenty.

OK?
I see eyes that you are correct.

Consent is not a product
any opposition parties.

Well reptile, dodger,
let you learn!

And when will chair?

First, money!

Money Morning
- At noon chairs.

Money at noon
- Chair the evening.

Money week
- Chairs at night.

Money at night - a chair in the morning.
Money Morning...

Everything is clear.
Maybe so - a chair in the morning,
and at noon the money?

You can...
But first the money!

Money in the morning, evening money,
Money in the evening... but beware!

Closer... fast!

Tomorrow...

Drama...

goes....

the performances!

My God, what are you doing?

My coat!
I wear it to fifteen years
and is still like new!

Calm down, immediately cease
look like new!

- Why do not you give a hat!
- Hat does not give!

Give you a hat!

Let's say, marshal,
whether the French can say:

"Gentlemen, six days
I ate nothing."

Go ahead.
It will be so...

- No, no...
- Wait a minute...

Immediately...

It will be so...

Oh, you have a bad accent, Kociu!

- And if you know German?
- Why do I need it?

And after that, once you succeed
to the city park

and you will be in French, German
Russian and beg.

The total dredging will
the fitter Miecznikowa.

Never!

Never Worobianinow
not stretched hand!

Well, stretch out his legs,
old fool!

How do you like the pimp?

For three months
I feed him, pojê, educates,

and now he is...
the position of number three

and declares that he never!

Well, enough of that, comrade!
One of two things:

Or do you proceed immediately with
to fulfill the obligations

and the evening brings ten rubles,

or automatically deleted from your
from the list of shareholders.

I count to five!
Yes or no?

- One...
- Yes.

Why do not you repeat the formula.

Well I do not believe, do not believe it!
Pitifully!

More music in her voice.
With a feeling!

And now in German.

Okay, you know German.
Now, in Russian.

Well... Russian!

Russian.

Something to offer to the board.

Wait a minute.
Seriously, more seriously.

Do utoczy tear.

Anything to offer to the board....

former Member of the State Duma.

Brilliantly.
Kongenialnie.

- You have a natural talent for begging.
- Really?
- Of course!

Why do not you go...
and not return without the money.

Ladies and gentlemen!
Give every grace for meals

former Member of the State Duma.

Depression
So-called "depression" included
it was the peculiarities of Pyatigorsk.

It was also the only place where
bather can enter for free.

Ostap decided to fix
the reprehensible oversight.

Citizens, Kupujcie tickets
to enter the "landslides"!

Entry ten kopecks!
Children five kopecks!

Kupujcie tickets!

Children five kopecks!
Members of unions
ten kopecks!

Please to the queue.

Do not belong to trade unions
- Thirty kopecks!

- How much tickets?
- Members of unions
ten kopecks!

But the militiamen could be treated
as children - a five kopecks.

Please ten tickets.

And to what end is a charge?

On innovation repair "landslides",
that is not too sank.

Go in, please visit.

- And what's this?
- The third chair is not,

already sent... with decorations.

As what will be the third chair?

Do early histeryzuje not.

You can carry 150 thousand?

And can I?

You can?

- Mine is like a heavier.
- Please let me fetch it.
- Please.

Prosecutor's Office in PIATIGORSKU

- Musik! Ready now is a dove?
- Do not Go back my head!

- Musik, have mercy on your
mê¿ulkiem tiny!
- Go away, ob¿artuchu!

Excuse me, where I could
Bruns find an engineer?

I am an engineer Bruns.
What can I do?

- You mad, please stand up.
- Do not get up.

- Please stand up.
- Do not get up.
- Please stand up!

Musik!

In thee, mateñko in you go³¹beczko,
will hope in you!

What is it?

I do not dare... not dare
sit in the presence of such high
ranking personalities.

Musik, talk to the citizen.

In my house, please
does not fall on my knees.

Go³¹beczko!
Mateñko!

I am not yours mateñk¹!
What do you mean?

Why, why should I
you sell my chairs?

Because it is my chair.

How are you?
Musik... chit!

How is yours!
What, you stole them?

The whole set was owned by
my dear wife,

now lying on his deathbed
in Voronezh.

I am not for his own whim,
but I fill the last will of his wife.

To sweeten the last minutes of her life,
ventured to disturb you.

I do not intend to skimp, and will pay
per set if you want!

- Even if... twenty rubles!
- 20 rubles for a beautiful drawing room set?

Musik! It's crazy!

How do I love God, madman!

I'm not crazy
I am only fulfilling the will of my wife.

No, no... to the devil,
began to crawl again!

Musik!
On again... again creeps!

Please specify the price!

Do not destroy the trees!

Please specify the price!

- So what?
- Musik, I think that it is not crazy.

- Yes?
- Just tune illness of his wife.

It can sell those chairs,
He'll leave it up?

See.
As soon as the head break down!

- And what will we sit?
- We'll buy the other.

For 20 rubles?

Of course, for 20 rubles is not for sale.
Not even for sale 200,

but for sale for 250!

- I have had enough!
- It's crazy.

First, please step aside
the palms at least three steps!

Secondly, please immediately
get up!

Thirdly...

Mr chairs for sale 250 rubles,
not cheap!

I'm not for profit,
only fulfill the will of a patient wife!

My wife is also ill,
True, you have problems with your lungs?

But I am seeking not to me...

- Jacket sold for 30 kopecks.
- Please take it for free!

Enough of these jokes.
250 rubles and kopecks or less!

Fifty!

Musik, call Jerofieja Pa³ycza.
Let them moved out of that citizen.

Jerofiej Pa³ycz,
You can ask for a moment?

Bring forth!

Fifty-five!

Sixty rubles, I can not for profit...

Seventy!
Seventy-five!

Eighty!
Eighty-five!

Ninety!
Ninety-five!

Hundred rubles!

Sto.

One hundred and twenty five!

Hundred and thirty-five!

Hundred and forty-five!

Hundred and fifty-five!

Devil with you!
200 rubles, and let you'll leave!

I found the goods.
Send a telegram 230

Sell what you want.
Fedya.

Fedya.

Stop, muzu³maninie!

I'll show you!

Please note:
the wonderful views.

Delicious landscape.
The wonderful mountain air.

Was just five days away.

And before us 150 thousand
zero zero kopeks.

- I want to eat!
- Kociu, let's stand.

By the end of the film was
17 minutes 20 seconds

Give me the money... the money Come on!

Give me the money... the money Come on!

Alpine begging, holiday deal!

Give me money, give money!

Give me money, give money,
I am talking to you!

Give me money, give money!

Thirty kopecks!
Successful premiere!

Hello, caryco Tamaro!
Petya

Niura

Wheels and Mika

Please note marshal.

Great people, Wheels and Mika.

Maybe we are here uwiecznimy?

Zapêdzimy Kolya and Mika in a corner.

Write "the crux of kocio were here."

Do Hold.

Where do you hide the treasure murdered
of your mother?

Speak!
Contrition, sinner!

Contrition?

A... competitor!

Catch... let's grab it!

He stole our sausage!

- Why do not you grab it!
- Stop!

Stop, I tell you!

Give sausage!
Give sausage, fool!

Everything you forgive!

Take away the me! I will give the sausage!
Take away!

- Mateñko!
- I am not for you any mateñk¹!
I am Empress Tamara!

- God!
- In my carstwie please
does not fall on your knees!

- I am not for profit...
- And only fill my wife will... i know!

- And how did you know?
- And now I know!

- Please join, neighbor.
- O... fabryczka candles!

Fancy a naleweczki,
we will play in sixty-six, eh?

I'll call... a week!

Oh, anio³kowie.

I am not for profit, I just
will fill the Tsarina Tamara.

People!
Contrition in public!

Excuse me, comrade.
Why Gluing poster theater "Columbus"?

- Performances ended prematurely.
- Why?

How?

To meet the wishes
workers shortened performances.

Listen, my dear, and you do not know
where he went this damned theater?

Why do I not know?
I know. He went to Yalta.

Yeah... let's go.

To Yalta?

Pretty soon you have dementia,
my poor friend.

To Yalta, Kociu, you will not.

Damn it!
Fortuna!

Kupujcie Moscow magazine
'Joker'!

- So.... We are now tracking the
two months.
- My God!

And probably tomorrow, in the underground
place, we would expect...

Thank you.

We will expect a trap.

We will have to fire.

I am glad that at the critical moment
I meet dedicated fighter.

I hope that with your help I will
save the father of Russian democracy.

- Will give you a pistol...
- You do not need!

I am ready to save the father of Russian
democracy find financial assistance.

- You are a loyal son of the fatherland!
- Thank you.

Can save 500 rubles
giant thoughts.

And do not be 200 rubles
save giant thoughts?

I think that any fair
here are not in place.

Excuse me, please.

O God, watch us again!

Please sing, sing.
Sing and smile, smile.

Sing louder!

And now, please pay the bill
and discreetly be rejected.

Relevance of the sword and the ploughshare.
Alive we will not!
Let's go!

Please go away and not come back here more.
Please get away!

Everything is in order.

Kocio. Kocio. Kocio!

I'm here.

If anything, we did not find out.

Bumpkin.
For me, Marshal!

Here are our future,
present and past.

Comrade Bender, what is it?
What is it?

Quickly, on the street!

Chair!

Tnijmy!
Quickly slit!

You go to hell!
You perish along with his chair!

It's kinder to me my life!

This was the first big shock
earthquakes in the Crimea in 1927.

Earthquake stood
through the Great Kombinatora.

Why do not you give a chair,
You already have enough lifting.

Not give up!

What is it?
The Caine Mutiny?

- Why do not you give the chair!
- It's my chair!

What!

Hipolit Matwiejewiczu!
My dear!

- Hipolit Matwiejewiczu!
- Found you!

The thing is that... found.

Kociu!
Let your devils!

Ingenious combination,
brilliantly brought to an end.

- Antique adventure.
- Where? Where is he?

- Where?
- Do you know the new railroad club?

- Yes.
- Our chair is there.

The room designers.

On the ground floor, third
window from the corner.

Tonight, by the window,

calmly and quietly get inside.

Third window from the corner...

floor... tonight.

And now, my dear, we can relax.

You can count on that money
you already have in your pocket.

Tonight...

And so in general, marshal,
what you paid?

What, what?
What, what?

Stupid question!

And what do you buy, Kociu? After all,
you do not have an ounce of imagination.

No, no, you do not give money.
Why would I spoil you?

You will be my secretary.

Forty rubles a month,
clothing business, insurance.

Do you like my suggestion?

No, no, no.
Joke.

You will have the money,
Will you eat the cream 'Margot'...

Varnished insulating
clothes to wear shirts.

Meeting continues.

Bender companion died.

- This is the same room?
- Yes, yes.

But here, young people,
is responsible for a surprise.

This is just a chair,
of which you spoke.

Well, stand up, soldier.

In the old club I worked as a watchman,

it was just any club.

A leader, Comrade Krasilnikow,
and he bought the chair.

Once stood on it,
To attach a poster...

a seat... rrraz...
and collapsed.

It turned out that in this chair
bourgeois hid valuables.

- Impossible!
- Possible, possible.

- And now for those treasures
built the new club.
- A beautiful building.

And they gave me a bonus, 50 rubelków.

Oh, I bought this suit.

Well, let's go further.
I'll show you a gym.

Come on.

That's impossible.

That's impossible!

Communism YOUTH TO THE WORLD!

ILF I Petrov

BUY TICKETS

HAVE A TICKET FOR SALE!

I think the gathering ended.
Thank you for your attention.

END