Turtle Island (2013) - full transcript

*

-Oh, my God.

I don't know.

-Hey. What's up?

-Oh. I'm just gonna stand here
for a little bit.

-No.
Get over here.

Come here.

Get over here.
What's up?

-Hello.
-How ya doin'?

-Okay.

Do you think I look good
on camera?



-Yeah.
It's a new one.

-Luckily, it's part...

-Oh.

-What?
-I don't know.

-Come on.
Stop.

-I just was thinking.
I forgot.

-No, no, no.
You can't.

You can't.
I don't want you to be thinking.

You can't be thinking
about this shit.

-This sucks.
-See? That's exactly what

you can't do...
-Yeah, but this just happens

every time we go out.
-Because you ruin it

and then you make me
feel guilty.

Yeah.
But it doesn't matter, okay?



-What are you gonna
do about Daisy?

-Don't fucking -- don't fucking
ever say her name again, okay?

You guys aren't even
friends, okay?

I should be more concerned
because I'm fucking my, uh,

my best friend's
girlfriend, okay?

-Just -- just -- just --
just hear me out for a second.

-You have to just
get rid of him, okay?

And just forget about it.

-Why would I...
-And just have fun tonight.

And just forget about him
and move on.

-I don't wanna have...
I wanna talk for a second!

Just talk to me for one second!

Ah!
What the hell is wrong with you?

-Are you fucking kidding me?
I told

you I'm not talking about this.
-Oh, my God.

-Get back here.
Come over here.

Come here.
Are you fucking kidding me?

Hey.
Hey.

Kathy.

-I can't even see straight.
-Kathy.

Kathy. Kathy. Kathy. Kathy.
Kathy. Kathy, come here.

-What?! I hear you!
-Shh! Shh! Shh! Shh!

Just chill out. Calm down.
-Get off of me!

-Hey. Listen. Look at me.
Look at me.

-I don't wanna look at you.
I think you're disgusting.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

-You think I'm disgusting?
-Mm-hmm.

Get -- get the camera
out of my face!

-You're a fucking whore,

and you're crazy, okay?
I'm just fuckin' you, so...

-Are you ser--
-You'll fucking leave fucking

Tim alone.
All right?

And I swear to God
if you fuck up...

-You need some serious...
-Anything with me and Daisy...

-Serious...
-I'm gonna fuckin' kill you.

-Serious, serious help.
-Get back over here.

-Don't touch me!
-All right.

Then get the fuck out.
-Get that out of my face.

-Get the fuck out now.

-Why are you filmin' me?

-'Cause this is a new camera.
-Why?

You're film...
-Just chill out.

You're filmin' me 'cause
it's a new camera.

-First of all...
-I -- I can't get in touch

with Kathy today.

-Okay. All right.
Slow down. Okay.

It's early in the morning.
I was drinking...

-No, it's not early
in the morning.

-All night last night
-It's f-- it's four...

-I passed out on the couch.
-It's 4:15 in the afternoon.

-Okay. That's a little
excessive, I agree.

-Okay.
Uh, yeah, it is excessive.

How late did you stay out
last night?

-What did Kathy tell you?
-Nothing!

I haven't been able
to get in touch with her!

-Oh. All right.
-Well...

-I thought this was a...
You know, she stayed...

-How late did you guys
stay out last night?

-Well, she came back here.
I thought you knew that.

-Kathy came back here
last night?

-Yeah.
Because she would've gone home

with some fuckin' douche
at a fuckin' club

because she's always flirting
with other guys, man.

Look, I love you.
You're a good-lookin' kid.

Need to find another girl. Like,
forget about it already, okay?

-You love me? I'm a good-- What
are you, my fucking grandfather?

-I'm just, I don't understand.
I just... look, dude.

-Don't -- don't -- don't --
Hey, hey, look,

"I love you.
You're a good-lookin' kid."

You need to shave
your fuckin' beard.

You need to get your fuckin'
act together.

-Right.
-You need to stop drinkin'

as much as you're
fuckin' drinking.

-So you don't trust me anymore?

-And stop having
my fucking girlfriend

or whatever the fuck she is
sleep here!

-You don't trust me?
-I trust you fine,

but it's shady!
-Okay. So fine.

Stop calling me shady.
I hate when you call me shady.

-Then stop acting like
a shady motherfucker!

-Just don't tell Daisy
that she fuckin' slept over,

I don't need her fucking
ganging up on me like usual.

-I won't tell Daisy.
Don't worry.

We'll cover up your shit.
-I need to fucking

sell something,
sell a fucking show,

and make
some fuckin' money already.

All right?
Just chill out.

This is, like,
this is the downfall

of fuckin' Daniel, man.

Um, no one's fucking
trusting me.

And it's like everyone's
fucking against me.

It's, like, just me
against the fuckin' world.

But I'll tell you what, like,
Tim's gonna trust me again.

Daisy will trust me again.
Fuck Kathy, that fuckin' bitch.

I'm, like, into recording
all of this because I have,

like, this crazy
fucking idea to, uh...

They'll all see.
They'll all see.

Like, I'm fucking,
like... Just watch.

I'm worth it.
And, like,

I have got the coolest
fucking reality show idea ever.

And, um, just,
I'm gonna set it up.

It's gonna be fucking amazing.

**

[ Rustling ]

All right.

This video was posted
about a year ago.

I'm surprised, uh, how
few people have commented on it.

Uh, the ranger station
on Turtle Island,

a small islet... Uh, okay.

Let's see.
The ranger station --

the ranger station
on Turtle Island,

an enclave...
Ah, fuck...

I'm just gonna do it
with glasses

to look a little smarter

for my female fans in TV Land.

This video was posted
over a year ago.

I'm surprised
how few hits it has.

That sounds like
a really stupid thing to say.

This video was posted
over a year ago.

I'm surprised how
little attention it's gotten.

The ranger station
on Turtle Island

in Vermont claims

this was a rare bear attack.

Doesn't look like
any bear I know.

Oh, that's 'cause you're human,

and you don't know any bears.

It's my job
to uncover the uncanny

on "Fiend Finders," episode one:

"Bigfoot: He Really Does Exist."

It's just the microphone.
You all right?

Just... you can look at me.
It's just the mic.

Do you want some water
or something?

-No. No problem.
Let's go. Come on.

-Can you tell us a little bit
about Turtle Island?

-What can I tell ya?
If I tell ya to go,

you might think
it's not dangerous enough.

But if I tell ya not to go,
you'll go anyway, right?

-I know that you don't
wanna state your name.

And we're, um,
disguising your identity.

Can't really make out your face.

I -- I saw that video
you posted on the Internet.

In fact, I'm using it
to open my TV show.

-Look, I -- I -- I...

-Your video's been up on the
Internet for quite some time.

Would you say

it's encouraged a lot
of people to head to Vermont?

-I don't see why
we need the camera here, okay?

I don't see
why we need this camera.

-'Cause it's --
it's part of the interview.

Sir, can we just... Come back.
-Uh, you didn't say anything

about the camera before.
-I know.

-So what are we doing now?
Look, turn it off,

and I'll tell you
all about the stuff.

But you didn't say
anything about a camera.

-Is there anything more
you can say?

What if I joined you
in the interview right here?

Can you just...

Come -- come back here.
Come back here for a moment.

[ Muffled groans ]

-Do not scream.

-If you don't mind... Come on.
Come back in frame.

We can do it in...

I'll interview with you.
Uh, if -- I --

if you're worried about
seeing your face, it's fine.

-Yeah, it's... I am worried
about seeing my face.

-I told you, I promise.
-So why not just...

-We'll sign waiver, it's --
it's not an issue, but...

-So why...
-We're getting the good stuff.

Just if you sit down,
I'll come in and join you.

-All right.
-I apologize if I wasn't clear

earlier.

Thanks for sitting back down.
We're --

we're basically shooting a pitch
for a TV network.

It's a show I came up
with called "Fiend Finder."

And, um, we're gonna try
to uncover various myths.

-It's not a myth, you asshole.
Okay?

I mean, you gotta see this
to believe it, plain and simple.

-Okay.

-And bring some of your fuckin'
friends too, all right?

-All right.
We're gonna

bleep some of this out,

but we plan on bringing America
along for the ride.

-Well, you prom--
that's what you promise, right?

I mean, that's the whole
fuckin' reason I came over here

in the fuckin'
first place, right?

-Since you tipped me off
about Turtle Island,

I've been very intrigued.

Again,

I appreciate, uh, the video.
-Good.

-And that's really
got my juices flowing.

-Good.
Are we done here?

-There are mixed reports --
there are mixed reports

that it's bullshit, though.
I gotta be honest.

And this is part of the drama
that we wanna uncover.

Uh, some message boards, uh,

even said that locals
are dressing up

to mess around, uh,
with tourists.

That's --that's a direct quote.
Um, is there any truth

to these accusations, or...
-Look, look.

You can believe whatever
the hell you want, okay?

-Mmm.
I'm telling you,

you gotta see this for yourself.

It is real.
-Have you seen --

you've seen it?

-Have I seen it?
-Yeah.

-Have I seen it?
-Yes.

-Yeah, I've seen it.
I've seen it dozens of times.

I've been there many times.
I've seen it.

They're run in and --
and out, and... Yeah.

-So you can...
-Seen it.

-You can attest
to these unexplained deaths,

people's faces
getting ripped off,

mouths getting ripped off?
People have seen this.

So you're --
you know about this?

Are you in on this?
You...

-Wait. Wait.
-I mean, you --you --you --

you've witnessed
this type of stuff?

Is that what you're saying?

-I've -- I...
-This is...

-Uh, I gotta go.
-So is this true?

-No. I gotta...
-Well, sit back down.

We're finally getting somewhere.
-No. No, I gotta go.

-Wait. You have to take the mic
off. Come here.

-I sat outside of
her office the other day.

I feel like a fuckin' idiot.

-Yeah.

How long...
When did this happen?

When did you guys break up?

-Uh, a week.
Week ago.

-Yeah.

-Long night.
Long night.

And, uh, yeah.
I don't know.

I don't know.
I, you know,

we've been
down this road before.

She seems to have other
priorities than this thing.

And, uh, I don't know.

I think -- I think --
I think it's done this time.

-Well, I got
just the perfect solution

for you because...
And thank you.

You're such a good friend
to not even ask

why I'm filming you
because I always take my camera.

-Bro, I'm so used to it.
Come on.

You're always sticking the thing
in my face.

-So let me tell you about --
let me tell you about this idea.

It's called "Fiend Finder."

So first of all, how's the name?

-It's terrible.
-Okay.

-It's terrible.
-Ready for --

ready for the elevator pitch?
-Elevator pitch?

-What -- What if
those bedtime stories came true?

What if Transylvania exists?

Actually, it does exist,
doesn't it?

-Transylvania
does exist, I think.

-But what
about Dracula existing?

-I don't know.
-What if Bigfoot existed?

-This is really your idea?
-That's my idea.

Feel better.

Um, one night of camping.

We digest the relationship,

four-star hotel it afterwards,
little couples' massages,

ya know?

-Couples massages?
We're gonna go --

we're gonna go get
couples' massage...

And this is supposed to make
me feel better or worse?

-Well, Daisy and I are gonna

have a couple's massage.
And then, you know...

-Oh, come on.
-Depending on...

What?
I haven't seen her in a while.

I was out of town.

-You're talkin' about... Okay.

After everything
I just tell you...

-We'll bring her friend.
-Guys' night...

-We'll bring Laura.
-Camping...

-We'll bring Laura.
Yeah.

Look at -- look
at this over there. Ooh.

That's what we're gonna find
in Vermont, baby.

-No, that's not what
we're gonna find in Vermont.

-Yeah, you know it is.
-That's what we're gonna find

in New York City, which is why
I'm not going to Vermont.

-I'm gonna put my Big --
Bigfoot in that Turtle Island.

You know what I'm saying?
-Yeah.

-All right.
Cool.

So why don't we start
with your name?

Tell me everything, uh,
you know, about yourself

and when you started to get
interested in, uh, in Bigfoot.

-My name is Bruce Barraclow.

Um, I'm the founder of
Northeastern Anonymous Research.

And we pretty much go around
everywhere doin'

paranormal investigations

as well as
cryptozoology investigations.

And that's the study of Bigfoot,
Jersey Devil, Loch Ness monster.

-So why don't you tell me
about kind of, uh,

how you got into Bigfoot and...

-I got into Bigfoot, uh, young.

I believe I was
about 11 years old.

And, uh, we used
to go campin' a lot.

There was a military campground

out in West Point,
upstate New York.

And it's, uh, full
of military personnel

and their family.

So my father, bein'
in the military,

would take us up there,
uh, every summer.

We'd go all day long, you know.

Uh, one particular night
after a fire,

we went into the tent.

And my father was fast asleep.

My sister went to sleep.

Uh, I was gettin' ready
to go there.

I thought my mother was asleep.
And then all of a sudden,

I hear my mother
scream there's an...

See, I -- I wanna say it
the way she said it,

but I can't on the camera.
Uh...

-You can say it.
Say it.

-"There's a fuckin' ape lookin'
into the top of the tent."

Uh, so my father jumps up,

gets his sidearm,
runs out the tent

and actually sees something
goin' through by the --

this big boulder that was close
to the, uh, campgrounds.

And, uh, he didn't see nothin'
after that.

I had a woman by the name
of Alex Evans.

She's an amazing sketch artist.

And she did this sketch
for me right here

of what I seen.

And so right in front
of the tree.

And as I was sittin' there,

uh, lookin' at this thing,

I still get a little, uh,

emotional talkin'
about it 'cause it's something

that just you never think
is really gonna happen to ya.

-Daisy, wake up, baby.
Daisy.

Daisy, wake up.
Okay. Come on.

Come on. Come on.
It's Tim. It's Tim.

-Babe, would you, like,
put the camera down and help me?

-What are you gonna do
with the bag and the,

uh, you know...

-What do you mean, what are we
gonna do with the bag?

-Well, I told him
that I'm cooking dinner tonight,

so...
-You don't cook.

-Of course I do.
-No, you don't.

Um, you can cook
Rama Lama Ding Dong?

What is this?
Come on. Seriously.

They're gonna
be here any second.

If want the joke to work then --
-You have to plate it.

-You need to help me.
-Just -- just -- just...

Just plate it?
-Humor me.

Yeah.
That's it.

-You're difficult.
-Get the nice China.

-Oh, so you -- so you mean
all the take-out stuff,

you don't --
you don't wanna use this?

-No.
-Fine.

-Seriously.
We gotta put it in the oven too.

So maybe we should put it in,
like, a baking sheet

or something.

-Yeah.
'Cause you --

'cause you put, um...
-Here, I'll do it.

Put mixed greens
on a baking sheet.

I'll -- I'll do it
if you come grab the camera.

-All right.
All right.

Okay. Come here.
-Come on.

-Okay.

Ow! I just hit my head.

-Oh, man.

This looks horrible.

Seriously, where are the pots?

-I don't -- I don't know.
You're the chef.

You figure it out.
-I'm not fucking around.

We're gonna do this.

-Do you want me
to give you your shit back?

-You're makin' me nervous.
-Mm-hmm.

Are you sweating a little bit?
-How do you cook...

Would you put Pad Thai in,
like, a pot?

-Um, sure.
Yeah.

-I think so.
-Yeah.

-Now I have some stuff going.
-Put it in the muffin pan.

See what happens.

-Things...
It's gonna be awkward to...

-Ew.
It's like a block of noodles.

-Yeah.
Check that out.

Convince you that you should
come to Vermont.

-Oh, Daisy, 100 percent.
-Daisy convinced you?

-I'm a very persuasive lady.
What can I say?

-Sorry.
-Oh, very...

-I have you wrapped
around my little finger.

-Oh, you've got
everyone wrapped

around your little finger.

-I know this.
-She does.

-Oh, my God.
-Oh, yeah.

-Creepy cam?
-What do you mean, "Oh, yeah?"

-I -- I told you he does this.
It's weird,

but we love him anyway.
-You told me he does this,

but how...
-You know we're going to
Vermont.

-All the time?
-Yeah. We need to just...

-Do you have
actual relationships?

-The whole thing.
-Yup.

-Backstory. It's good.
It's good for the show.

-Drama.
Make it sizzle, baby.

-What show?
-It's called...

-Wow.
-"Fiend Finders."

Really?
-I couldn't tell her

because she wouldn't come.
-Really?

What are you,
his --his little henchman?

-I should've known.
I should've known, Daniel.

You -- you would absolutely
pull something.

All right. Come here.
Give it to me.

-Why? What are you doing?

-You should be in it too.

-I don't think so.
-Absolutely.

The documentarian has to be
in his own movie.

-Okay.
-Oh.

-Oh, my God.
This is heavy.

-Oh my.
-Givin' up the power.

-It's a challenge.

-Goodness gracious.
What a workout.

-I know, it's heavy.
Be careful.

It's very expensive.
-Oh, my God.

Okay.
All right, Mr. Documentarian.

-Oh, my.
Someone's camera-ready.

-I'm camera-ready.
I'm ready to go.

-Yeah?
-Ask me anything.

-Where did you get those pants?

-Where'd I get these pants?
I, um...

-They're lovely pants.
-I don't know.

They're old pants.
-Mmm.

Look at those pants.
-They're old pants.

You're panning me up
and down like...

-Did you always
wanna be a documentarian?

-I did.
I did.

When I was younger,
I wanted to be a pizza man,

but since then I wanna be
a documentarian.

Okay. Enough's enough.
-I don't think so.

I think there's something
that you're not telling us.

-There's a lot
I'm not telling you.

-Tell us about your first kiss.
-My first kiss?

-Uh-huh.
-Uh, it was wet and painful.

[ Laughter ]

-Yeah.
You got... Let me get that.

Now step out of the way.
Step out of the way.

-What?
-I'm recording them right now.

-You weirdo.
You can't even hear them.

-Of course I can.
I put a mic in the table.

-Shut the fuck up.
-Yeah. This'll be great to --

-Babe...
-Rewind and listen to.

-Babe, you're taking it
to a new level.

What are we gonna do,
lay in bed and listen to them?

-Look at these guys.
All right.

I'll be him.
You be her.

-Okay.
Okay.

"Oh, this pillow has some lint.

Oh, look at you.
You're s--

so charming."
-"Yeah.

Yeah. I like pillows.

They're fun.
They're really good."

-"I'm a little bit drunk. I had
one glass of Pinot Grigio."

-"I have too. Yup.
Yeah, I'm gonna take --

totally take advantage of you."

-Please.

Please, you have to let me go.

He's crazy.
Please. Please. Please.

Please. I'm the girl
that sat in front.

We tried to help you.

Please.
-Shut up.

He's gonna cut off
another finger.

-I don't have any more fingers.

-When he was 16 years old,
he got,

uh, suspended from school
for trying to do a documentary

about what happens
in the girls' bathroom.

-Oh, of course he did.
-Yeah.

-It was called...
-And what happened?

-It was called
"The Secret Hole."

-Oh.
It was not called that.

-That's a brilliant title.

-It was, you know.
-Class act, always.

-Who -- who drilled
the hole, by the way?

-Oh, really?

-Okay. Yeah.
-Wow.

-All right. Yeah.
-That is double trouble.

You act like you're
a good boy now.

-Oh, by the way...
-Come on.

You have the equipment?
Do you have the gear?

-I don't know.
Dais and I weren't so good.

-Absolutely not.
-I have the sleeping bags.

I have the pan.
Uh...

-Do you have the lanterns?
-We...

Last time we went camping
we didn't bring lanterns.

And we got there and there
and we were using our fuckin'

cell phones
to take a piss.

-Please, please,
please bring...

-Yeah.
The bathroom situation

makes me very nervous.

I'm...
-Yeah.

-You know...
-What makes me very nervous

is how used
to the camera

Laura's getting.
-Oh.

-She doesn't know
that I turned it on.

-Cheers, camera.

I don't even
care anymore because,

I mean, what am I supposed
to do at this point?

-Oh!
-Someone's a little drunk!

-How much wine
did we have, Missy?

-I don't even know.

-I think she had
an entire glass.

-Several years ago, my wife
had a strange encounter

in the northeastern part
of New Jersey

about an hour
or so from

where we live outside of
the New York City ar-- area.

Um, she was on a class trip.

And -- and as she left, it was
in the middle of the night,

somewhere around 2 or 3
in the morning.

She heard a horribly loud and --

and upsetting noise.
Uh, it was very...

It really disturbed her.
It was not --

unlike anything she had seen
before or had heard before.

And it was, uh, this --

this loud screaming noise
that was coming from the woods.

They all heard this noise.
It kept going.

And it was very loud and --

and very unearthly,
nothing like --

nothing she'd ever heard before.

They were ongoing.

They lasted
for probably 15 minutes or so.

Um, and she said
they were strangely human-like.

-So the ranger
and everyone just

assumed these were
the creature sound,

not the sounds of someone
maybe being attacked?

-Mmm.
Yeah.

I guess they weren't concerned
that it was a --

a human in distress, I suppose.

Or the -- the policemen
would've investigated it.

But...

-It may... could have been.
-It could've been, I suppose.

There's not too many
people out there

in the middle of the woods
at night, but,

you know, that might
have been prudent.

I don't know.

-You ever hear anything
happen in Vermont?

-My sister has been
living in Vermont

for over 35 years.

And, uh, and I --
I hear things from her.

Um, she's --

she said there's, uh,
quite a few people

that have seen things.

-Daisy!
-Dan.

-What?
-Oh, my God.

-Dan.
-Shit.

-Excuse me.

-Oh, what do we have here?

-Just shavin' my legs, sir.

-Ooh.
Your little English --

little English accent
come out, little Veronica?

-Sometimes I throw a Veronica
when I'm shaving my legs, yes.

Does it turn you on a bit?

-It actually does.

That better not be
my fuckin' razor.

-Oh my goodness.

I think it is.
-Oh, no.

-Oopsies.
I'm so sorry.

-Are you kidding me?
-I'm not kidding at all.

Now if you don't turn off
that camera,

I'm gonna go for the armpits.
-No.

-It's happening.
-No. Nope.

It's happening.
It's getting closer.

Getting closer.
-No. Seriously.

-Turn off the camera.
Turn off the camera.

-Jesus, you're
a terrible driver.

-I know.

This traffic
sucks a big ol' dick.

You know, Laura,
speaking of dicks,

you know what story I was
thinking of a couple days ago?

-Oh, God. What?
-No, this is a fun little road

trip anecdote.
It's a good one.

-Somehow I think
I'll just wait.

-I think we were about 15.

And Laura was with Doug.
-Oh, no.

-Doug.
Yes.

-No. No. No. No.
No. Not this one.

-And... yup.
You know where I'm going.

-Please no.
Not with the camera running.

-And my parents
were out of town.

So she asked to come over
because the rest of us were,

like, bad asses,
running around the city

like... all,
like, sexy and wild.

-Yeah.
You were a real wild ass.

-And Laura finally was like,
"I'm gonna get on the train.

I'm gonna get
on the oral sex train.

I'm gonna be
the conductor of it."

-Oh, jeez.
-Dude, I never said that.

-We had bananas,
we had cucumbers,

we had baby carrots.
-No!

Whatever she wanted
to practice on.

She refused.
-Baby carrots?

-So this is
your own damn fault.

She starts unbuttoning his

Banana Republic
pleated khakis.

-Oh, God.
-And --

and as she takes his undies off,

she starts just gently
blowing...

on his,
hopefully erect, penis.

-Oh, yeah.
-You gave him --

you gave him a fan job.

You gave him a fanny.

And you were gonna give her
a banana to suck

when she was 15 years old?
-Right.

It's that big.
-Dirty girl.

-Documentarian Laura
taking the camera.

-Look at you.
-Hey, Tim.

-Hey.
-Hey. Actually, I have no idea

how you
and Daisy know each other.

-This traffic's insane.

-Uh, we went to college
together.

-Oh, right, right, right.
-Yeah.

Um, the first day we met,

we both took,
tryin' to kill credits,

took this basic acting class.

-Shut up.
-Yeah.

-You took an acting class?
-Moi?

-Of course she did.
-Obviously.

-That's amazing.
-But anyway, so

I'm 18 years old,
and when I was in high school,

I was obsessed
and wanted to be Eminem.

So I shaved my head
and bleached it, like, white.

-Shut up.
Shut up, really?

-Miss Daisy
was obsessed with Pink.

And so she comes into class
with her hair half pink.

-I remember this.
-My parents flipped their shit.

-Yes, and your mom almost
disowned you.

-Little Miss Rebellion.

But, uh, Mr. Drocher
takes one look at us

and he goes,
"Um, are we here..."

-What --
what the fuck was his name?

-Mr. Drocher.
-Mr. Drocher.

He was, like, 900 years old.

-Has all the wisdom.
-Has, like, tenure

then, right?
-A little bit.

-Well...
-So what happened?

-He said...
-Anyway, he -- he...

so he looks at us and he goes,

"Are you two interested
in being famous

or are you interested
in being actors?"

And Daisy looks at him
and goes, "Both.

Why else would you do it?"

He kicked her ass
out of class so quick.

And on principle, I stood up
and walked out with her.

And ever since then... tight.

-Wow.
What was that motion?

-Was it ever -- it ever go
beyond that, this relationship?

-Wait, what?

-I still have no idea
how you wooed this girl.

What'd you do?
-I don't know.

-Probably drugged her.
Probably drugged her.

And now he's got
some shit on her.

And he's, uh,
holdin' her hostage.

-I'm drugged right now,
so it's scary that I'm drivin'.

-Shut up.
-No, we met...

it was romantic, actually.

We were talking about this
the other day.

She reached for my hand
outside of this bar.

She thought I was someone else.

And she pulled me inside.
So I followed her.

And, like, halfway
through the club she, like,

turns around
and she realizes it's me.

She's like, "Eh,
not bad, you know?

Easy on the eyes."

-Jesus.
-We go to the bar.

She starts ordering tequila,
which is a fuckin' nightmare.

And, uh, I take the first shot

and was just, like,
"this fuckin' sucks."

You know, 'cause
I can't handle tequila anymore.

And take the second
one, third one.

By that time, I'm done.

But I have to keep up
with this girl.

-Yeah. You have to put your
big boy pants on.

-Between the fourth
and fifth, I bent down,

and I vomited on my feet.

Wiped my mouth, came back up,
ready to go.

-See, that's the part
of the story that she's told me.

-Needless to say,
we did not kiss that night.

-That wasn't...
we didn't kiss. Yeah.

-We did not kiss.
-That wasn't the first night

we kissed. Um, we fucked.
We just didn't kiss.

-Hey, right. Right.
-All right.

Turn the camera off.

-Okay.
Watch your step.

Watch your step.
All right. Um.

-Timmy boy.

-Yes, Danny boy?
-Tell the folks at home

a little --
little about yourself.

-Well, my name is Tim.

If you've...
haven't gotten that yet.

Uh, I work and live in New York
in real estate.

Uh, mostly the Murray Hill area.

I can't stand a lot
of the people

that I find apartments for,
but what are you gonna do?

It pays the bills.

How you doin'?

-Why -- why do...
why are you coming --

why are you coming on this
thing? What do you --

what do you offer
the expedition?

-What do I offer
the expedition?

-Yeah.
-Uh, well,

according
to my friend Daniel here, I --

offer the ability
to beat up Bigfoot

if we run into him
and there's any problems.

-Right.

You have any experience
at tracking --

tracking monsters?
-Uh, lots. Lots.

I, uh, I led an expedition
in Loch Ness

for 2 months.
-Oh, yeah?

-Yeah.
Looking for the --

looking for the beast.

No, I have no experience
tracking monsters, per se.

-So it seems like,
uh, you're a non-believer.

-For you, my friend,
I believe in you.

I don't know
that I believe in Bigfoot.

Uh, but I believe in you.

-Right.
Dais, get in here.

-Hi.

-Beautiful Daisy, what's up?

Tell us a little --
little about yourself.

-Um, my name is Daisy.

Um, born and raised
in New York City.

-Is that your real name?
-Yes.

My real name.
Thanks, mom and dad.

Really appreciate it.

Um, and I sorta --

I started a T-shirt line,

but that kinda
fell by the wayside.

And now I think I'm
gonna get my yoga, too.

Hey, hey, hey, hey,
up here, buddy.

Cute.
Cute.

-You think you're
gonna get your what?

-I think I'm gonna get
my yoga

teacher's license.
I don't know.

-Oh, that's good.
-I'll figure it all out.

-Cool.
-Yeah.

-And who's your best friend
in all the world?

-Laura.

-Where's she?
-That -- that broad over there.

-Oh, there she is.
-Beautiful Laura.

-Hello Daniel.
-Come in.

Don't be shy.
-Hey, baby.

-Hey.
-Oh, a double interview.

-Is this her time to shine?
-Why don't you guys kiss?

Why don't you guys kiss?
No?

-No.
We did that when we were 12.

-It was very mouthy.

-Very mouthy.
-Very awkward.

Teeth bumping.
-What's up, Daniel?

-Tell me a little bit
about yourself.

-Um, my name's Laura.
-Yeah.

-Um, I'm a social media expert.

-Take off your -- your glasses.
I wanna see those lovely eyes.

-Oh, God.

Now that I'm slightly less
hungover from last night.

-How do you feel about...
yeah, last night was crazy.

Between me and you,
he's over there.

He's not even paying attention.

What -- what happened?
Anything?

-Nothing.
-No?

-I'm a gentleman.
-Yeah.

-You know, I started hearing
some stories from the island.

And so I wanted
to go see for myself.

And I... so I started taking
a lot of walks

up there with my dog, Zappa.

But one day we were up there.

And, uh, I noticed Zappa just,

like, froze next to me.

So I looked up

and, um, there it was.

It was this, I mean,

like, 7-foot, huge,
man-shaped thing.

Um, and he had,
like, shaggy, sort

of dirty,
white hair.

Um, and I just,
you know, I just froze.

And... so we were sort of
staring at each other.

And then he walked back
into the woods.

And, um, Zappa

just took off after him.

And I tried --
I tried to stop him,

but, uh, he was a border collie.

So, you know, their instinct,
like, is to herd things.

That's, you know,
they're wired for it.

It's what we bred them to do.

And, um, 'cause

I just... I heard this sound.

It was, um,

you know like when you step
on your dog's tail and it's,

like, it's sort of
like almost a scream,

and it's just horrible?

Um, it was like that but,

like, 10 times worse.

-Why'd you go
in the first place?

-I don't know.
Um...

-Would you ever go again?

-No.

I didn't think
it would be like that.

Uh, you know,
I was excited to see Bigfoot.

But no, I wouldn't go again.

-All right.
Thanks a lot.

-Sure.

-We're in Vermont.
-Oh.

-Woo-hoo!
Welcome to Vermont.

-About fuckin' time.
-There's no state line

or anything.

-You just missed it,
Documentarian.

You missed your moment.
-We missed it.

-All right.
-Yo, look

at my artsy camera shot.
-You like it?

You getting used to it?
-I love it.

-Just keep it, uh, stable.

-Don't move it all around.
-It's stable.

Don't you worry.
-Really?

-Yeah.
She -- she actually teaches

lessons at the Y,
and I was, like, "Oh..."

-Oh. Look at that girl.

-Walk of shame, babe.
-Whoa, whoa.

No. No. No. No.
-Walk of shame.

-Someone had a rough night.
-She was wasted.

-Really, stop the car.
-Why?

-She doesn't look okay.
-Oh, stop. She's fine.

-No, she's like a...
did you see her?

-Laura -- Laura,
she's hung over.

-I just wanna make sure.
Come on.

-We gotta make the reservation,
Laura.

-Come on.
-Hey! Sweetie.

Hold on one second.
-Hold on one second?

What are you gonna go...
-You okay?

-She gonna go give her an Advil?

-Hey, sweetie, are you okay?
-Are you getting this, man?

What's going on?
-I don't know.

She's such a fucking
goody-two-shoes.

-Maybe she can get some --
from her.

-Uh, oh.
Got the attention.

-Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
-Whoa.

-What the fuck?

-Serves you right, psycho.

-Get back in the car.
-Oh, my God.

-Yo, that is
how they roll in Vermont.

-She's just
standing there, now.

-Turn the car on.
Let's go.

-Yo.
She is just

fucking standing there.
-Let's get the fuck

out of here.
Come on.

-All right. Let's go.
-She's like a fucking

crack addict or something.

-Crack addict.
Maybe a meth head.

-Can't complain.
We are in Vermont, right?

-What do you mean?
-The car's not starting.

-Holy shit.
The girl's gone, man.

-Seriously?
-What the fuck?

-What's goin' on?
-Whoa.

-All right. Come on.
Let's get out of here.

-She went back to her people
in the woods.

-All right. Let's go.
-I'm...

It's not working.
It's not turning on.

-What do you mean
it's not turning on?

-The car's not turning on.
-Did we run outta gas?

-Um, I don't know.
-Oh, what the fuck?

-I wasn't paying attention
to the gas gauge.

-We're gonna miss
the kayaks now.

-Oh, shit.
-Good work, Laura.

-You weren't paying attention
to the gas gauge?

Fuckin' idiot.
-How's this Laura's fault?

-'Cause we...
she wanted to fuckin' stop.

It's fuckin' ridiculous.
-I just...

-Oh, right.
-Dan.

-Because that broke the car.

-Oh, my God.
-Oh, somebody's gonna go pout.

-I just wanted to make
sure she was okay.

-Way to go, Laura.
-I don't know

-She's...
-Ah!

-Ah!
-Fuck you! Fuck you!

-What a dick. I love it.
-Get in the car.

-All right.

Should we call triple A?

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

What's the number?
-Baby --

baby, there's a hair
on one of the pillows.

There's a hair on a pillow.
Where...

-I'm sure there's
more than one hair.

-Oh -- oh, my gosh.

Get me outta here.
-Oh, look at this ash tray.

-It smells --
it smells like old people

are dead in the bathtub.
That's what it smells like.

-They probably were.
This is your fault.

This is your fault.
-Oh, it's my fault?

-If we didn't
pick up the sociopath

on the side of the road,
we'd be camping.

And then you'd be
at a four-star hotel.

-That's what I get
for trying to be a good person.

-All right.
Well, let's just get over it.

It was hysterical that you made
them stay in their own room.

So let's just...
-I didn't --

I didn't know, I mean, uh,
Tim's kind of a cheapskate.

-I think they're still
having a cigarette outside.

-I figured it would say them
money. Are they out there?

-I think so.

-Oh, still there.
-Okay.

I feel bad about this spying.

Please just give them a break.
They've been such good sports

all day.
Just leave 'em alone.

-I should've miked
the pack of cigs.

I thought they didn't smoke,
first of all.

They just steal cigarettes
from me just 'cause

they don't fuckin' smoke.

-They just make fun of us
and then...

-Oh, my God. He's really lookin'
up at the stars

just like he used
to do in high school.

-Yeah, that's kinda
one of his moves.

-Yup.
-Yup.

-Their --
their faces are quite close.

-Ooh!
-He's like, "Look!

I can see Uranus!" That's good.
-Okay.

Leave him alone.
You've been on his case all day.

Just stop it.

-Oh, man.
He's gonna try to kiss her.

-Give him some privacy.
-He's gonna try

to fuckin' kiss her.
Oh, my God.

Oh, my God.
-Daniel.

-Holy shit.
She just turned away.

She just turned away.

This is ridiculous.
-She gave him the cheek?

-This is the most awkward thing
I've ever seen.

-Turn the camera off.
Stop it.

-No, this is very interesting.

-You know
what's interesting?

-What?
Something over here's really

interesting,
I think.

-Just come look at this.
-No.

I think you should turn around.
I think that's more important.

-What? What?
Oh, shit.

-This is interesting, right?

-It is.
That's very interesting.

-Yeah. Turn the camera off.
-No, I think I'll

just keep this rolling tonight.

-No, I think
you should turn it off.

-No, I'm gonna keep it up.

-No, I think the clothes
are goin' back on.

-No. No. No. No.
-Oh, I'm so sorry.

No. No. No. No. All right.
I'll put it down.

I'll put it down.
I'll put it down.

-Greg, you there?
Hey.

-What's up, Danny?
How are you?

-I can't believe
this is working.

I'm in fuckin'
Vermont right now.

I'm literally --
I'm literally at, uh,

like in a gas station bathroom.

And I'm about to go kayaking.

It's a nightmare.
What's up?

-What exactly are you doing?

I'm, you know,
I'm tryin' to sell

this show called "Fiend Finder,"
essentially it's tryin'

to prove different myths.
I know it's crazy.

I -- I haven't sold a show
in a year.

And you know,
money's now an issue.

And okay, look,

anyway we gotta...
We'll edit that out.

Here's the point, uh, uh,

if you had to argue this,
all right,

if you had to argue the point in
court of Bigfoot existing,

where would you begin?
'Cause it...

-I really wouldn't wanna
argue that point in court.

But if I had to do it, uh,
the first thing I'd say

is it's not necessarily
a monster.

Everyone's making this out
to be some sort of new species.

But I...
There are humans out there

who actually look
like what people

think Bigfoot is supposed
to look like.

There is a -- a rare genetic
disorder called hypertrichosis.

And it causes you to grow hair
on every inch of your body --

your nose, your cheeks,
your eyelids.

And maybe someone
was born with hyper --

hypertrichosis who's -- who's
7-foot tall and very strong

and, uh, and that's Bigfoot.

So maybe it's a human.
-All right.

-The other thing I would say is
that every single year

in this country there are
countless unexplained deaths

and disappearances in the woods.

What's exactly is causing that?

And, uh, I would offer that,

and this is something I probably
wouldn't tell Daisy

when you're camping
this weekend, but,

um, what if, in fact,

there was a
very strong, very tall,

criminally insane psychopath

that decided to buy
a Bigfoot costume,

maybe equip it
with real animal claws,

put it on and just go to town
in the woods

on campers like you.

I think that would be
a pretty good way.

And then finish up,
take the costume off,

go about the rest
of your day,

rest of your night.

I don't know.
I think it might work.

-That's why you're
my big brother,

adding some nice drama
to "Fiend Finder."

I appreciate that.

That's pretty fucked up, man.

That's some fucked up shit.
I didn't even think of that.

-Uh, yeah.
It is fucked up.

It is fucked up.
But it's probably happened.

And it's probably
happening right now.

-Oh, Jesus.

[ Groaning ]

[ Muttering ]

Fuckin' bitch with the flare.

Fuckin' flare.

-Pulling up to the kayak spot.
-When is the last time

we think this guy has seen
a living human being?

-Oh, shit.
-Oh, man.

-Yo, he's playin' chess
with someone.

-What do you think
he's reading?

-Who?
-The voice in his head, maybe?

-The bible.

-"How to Murder People
Who Rent Your Kayak."

-Yeah.
Maybe.

-Fuck this.
-Nice day for this.

-Not gonna kayak in this shit.

-My friend, how ya doin'?

-Hey, how's it goin', folks?
-Hi.

-Hey, what's up?
-How are you?

-I'm Jack.
Nice to meet ya.

-Hi, Jack, Daisy,
nice to meet you.

-Daisy. Jack. Tim.
-Hey, I'm Laura.

-Hi. Nice to meet you.
-Hi.

-Hey, what's up?
Daniel.

-Hi, nice to meet ya.
What's this about?

-Uh, do you mind if we...
-Winnin' your chess game?

-Filmed a little?

Shootin' a little, uh, uh,

TV show pilot thing.
-All right.

-Do you mind if we...
-Uh, no.

No.
That's cool.

But, uh, are you guys
gonna rent some kayaks?

-Guys, just hang out
in the back for a second.

I wanna just interview him.
Yeah.

Do you mind if they just...
-Yeah.

They can check those out.
They're cool, two-seaters.

-Oh, shit.
It's raining.

-Oh, great.
-Hey,

let's hide under the kayaks.

-Yeah!
-Are we gonna be able

to hang out here until the storm
passes over, you know?

-Yeah, it's cool.
I got some, uh, satellite TV.

-All right.
-Some snacks.

-Oh!
-The rains come-and-go.

-Laura, come here for a second.
Hold the camera.

Let me interview him quick...
-Oh, jeez.

-Before it gets too rainy.
-Yeah. Shit.

-So... Are you keeping it
a little stable?

-Yes, I'm keeping it stable.
-Okay.

So, Jack...
Turtle Island.

-Yeah, Turtle Island.

Uh, okay.
The rundown is...

-Yup.
-It's a great spot

if you're young and foolish.

I went there many times myself.
-Yeah.

-And if you're old
and foolish as well.

-Got a little high,
a little drunk.

-Yeah.
-Old and foolish, yeah.

-Right. Uh...
-So we heard rumors that people

can't really get to the island

because if a ranger comes...
-Yeah.

-Uh, it's jail time
or something.

-It's serious business now.

-But people hang out
around there.

-Yeah, so,
like, a buddy of mine,

uh, he, uh, he went there...

-Serious business.
-Six years ago --

six years, I think, ago.
-All right. Yeah.

-And, uh...

-What? They smoke a little?

-Well, I wasn't there with him.
[ Thunder rolling ]

-But he said he saw somethin'
and he lost his...

-Get out of the frame?
Come here.

Come here. Come back here.

-Daniel, can we, like,
hurry this up, please?

-Make it sound a little more
dangerous than it is.

-I'm sorry.
I'm not Hollywood, so --

-It's fine. It's fine, just look
into the camera

and say would you recommend
going to Turtle Island.

-No. Don't go to
Turtle Island, guys.

-All right. So we won't go
to Turtle Island, right.

-And don't take my kayaks
there either, seriously.

-All right.
-All right?

-Come on, guys. Let's go.

It's fun and games nowadays.

Fun and games.

-You wanna help
a little bit, maybe?

Maybe? -
-You got our lifevests in there?

-Not really.
-Yeah, I do.

-Any last words?
-Yeah, put the fuckin' camera

down and get your ass to work.

-Daisy, I'd like you
to put that straight on.

-Um, I would, but it has
bird shit all over it, so...

-Oh, bird shit.
-Sorry.

-Bird shit on Turtle Island.

Come with me over here
and see what we got.

No trespassing on the island.

It's very dangerous.

This is where
the adventure begins.

This is where our lives may end,

on "Fiend Finder,"
finding fiends.

-Jack.
-Turtle Island...

-Here's some jellybeans,
should we take the jellybeans?

-Calm, serene, dangerous.

You can see it
in the background.

-Huh?
-And, uh, by the way,

did you not change your shirt
last night, dirty boy?

-Yeah. We were supposed
to be wearin' this for kayaking,

which was supposed
to happen yesterday.

-And then what happened?
-But somebody fucked up.

-Your girlfriend,
uh, pulled over for someone.

-Oh, yeah, 'cause
that's what broke the car.

-Yeah.
-How 'bout poor planning

on your part?
-How 'bout you didn't deny --

-Once again.
-That there's a new couple

on the block.
-Oh.

-Oh. Is that your IQ
or how many friends you have?

-Fuck you.
-Speaking of...

-Yeah, seriously.
-We got more shit.

-We got more bags back here.
-So rude. So rude.

-So rude? Look at you.
-Yeah.

-I think we might be
the only sane ones here.

-Look how beautiful you are.
-Oh, yeah.

A closeup of my eyeball.

-Laura, hate to see you leave.

But I love to watch you go.

-Come on, help us
with this shit.

-All right.

[ Shuddering ]

-You okay?

-Yeah, I think so.
-Okay.

Okay.
-You look kinda weird, though.

-Yo, Tim, come on.
-Can I get some knee

dusting please?
-Come on.

Catch up to the girls.
You're rowing...

-Yeah, brother.
I'm one person paddling.

-You're rowing like a girl.
-I row like a girl.

-I was paddling for the past
45 minutes with you.

-You were not paddling
for the last 45 minutes.

You're sittin' there
with your fuckin' camera.

-All right.
Just catch up to them.

-Yeah, whatever you want,
master.

-Hey, hold up, guys.
Hold up, guys.

Tim can't -- Tim can't keep up
with a bunch of ladies.

-"Oh, hold up, guys."

-We can't help
that we're super strong females.

-Super strong!
-You know what? Fuck you.

-All right.
Calm down.

-No, you know what?
-Hey, Daisy.

-Hey, what?

-How was that bachelor party
3 weeks ago?

-The bachelorette party?
-Mm-hmm.

-It was good.
-Yeah?

-I mean, lots
of penis paraphernalia...

-Oh, God, sure.
-Which always makes me super

uncomfortable.
-But it was good -- why?

-Uh, Danny had
a sleepover party at your place.

-Okay. All right.
All right. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
-With who?

-Forget about it, all right?
I'm sorry I was mean to you.

-Who do you think?
-I'm sorry.

-I don't know.
-Kat.

-Hey. How ya doin'?
-What?

-Are you serious?
-What do you mean?

-Kathy sl-- Kathy sl--
-Oh, 'cause someone said

the K word,
so am I serious?

-Um, Kathy
slept over at our house?

-How 'bout we stop ganging up
on Daniel and just continue.

I'm sorry
that I called you a girl

as a rower.
I'm sorry.

-That has nothing
to do with this now.

-Wait.
Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

-That's not
what I'm talkin' about anymore.

-Um, why did Kathy
sleep over at our house?

And were you with her?
-He's...

-We went out to celebrate
when I closed that apartment.

-Yeah.
-We got drunk,

had to go home early,
next morning

do the fuckin' signing.
-Yeah.

-He stays out with her all
fuckin' night.

She sleeps at his place.
He has no problem with that.

-Keep it goin'. I'm usin'...
This is good for the drama.

-Yeah. No.
It's always good for you.

-Yeah, it is always...
-Wipe that fuckin' smirk off...

Wipe that fuckin' smirk
off your face.

-Look at me right now.
I'm not fuckin' smirking.

-Yo, I'm not even
fuckin' around, motherfucker.

-Okay. Wait. Wait.
-I'm gonna fuckin' kill you.

-Daniel, Kathy slept at
our house,

and you didn't think
you needed to tell me that?

Right? Am I right?
That's what happened?

-Yeah.
'Cause he's my best friend.

And his girlfriend, like usual,
caused a scene and was

a drunk, fuckin' bitchy mess.
-God, wow.

-But you didn't think
that it was important

to tell me this, that --that
his, okay, fine,

drunk girlfriend,
slept on our couch?

-Oh, please.
-Wait. Wait. Wait.

-This whole relationship...
-Wait --

-This whole relationship
is much shadier than

my relationship was with Kathy.
-This is about

you and me, buddy.
Um, she did

sleep on the couch, right?

-This is ridiculous.
-She slept on the couch, right?

-You're a scumbag, you know?

-All right. Stop snarling like
a fucking animal.

Did she sleep on the couch?
No.

No, she didn't.
-Did she sleep in our...

-I think we both fuckin'
passed out on the bed.

Who gives a fuck?
-Oh, my God.

-Really?
-Get that camera...

-Yeah, you think that's fuckin'
weird 'cause you're a prude.

-Turn it the fuck off.
-Hey, no, easy.

-Are you fucking serious?
-You're being a dick.

Put the camera down.
-All right. You just...

-Fuck you, Daniel.
-You keep goin'.

-Who do you think
you fuckin' are?

What do you think
we're doin' here?

We're here because you fuckin'
asked us to come.

-We're here
to fuckin' distract you.

-No. You wipe out
the smartass fuckin' shit.

-There's no smartass shit.
We're here...

-No, there is
fuckin' smartass shit.

Brother, I will throw that
fuckin' thing

in this fuckin' lake right now.

-All right. Come on.
We're still...

-All right. I'll fuckin' go
when I wanna fuckin' go.

-Wipe the smirk
off your fuckin' face.

-I'm not smirking.
I'm sorry.

-And take it easy on these two
as well.

-Fair enough.
-We're here for you, asshole.

-All right.
-You done?

-I'm done.
-Good.

Let's fucking go.

-All right.

-Come on, girls.

-Fuck it. I'll help you row.

I'm sorry, dude.

-Dude...
-Are we cool?

-Just talk about it later,
you know?

Let me just chill out here.

-All right.
No doubt.

-Just a little longer.

Just a little further.

-There it is, Turtle Island,
right ahead.

-So close.
-Tim, how long has it been?

-So pretty. We're just gonna
dock, and we're gonna...

-It's been close to 3 hours.

-Guys, you're doing great.
I really appreciate it.

We're almost there.
We're almost there.

-All right. I can't. Nope.
I just... I can't.

I'm so tired.
-Sweetie, sweetie, it's okay.

-Babe, it's straight ahead.
-I'm so tired. I'm so cold.

We've been out here
for, like, 3 hours.

-I know. I'm cold too.
-I don't want to do this.

-I'm cold too. But look,
it's right there.

-My legs are shaking.
I can't hold this oar anymore.

-It's right there.
-I'm done. No. I'm done.

-Come on, Daisy.
Daisy, come on, please?

Just for once.
-Come here. Come here.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry about earlier.
I'm sorry I've been an asshole.

I just really wanted to do
this show.

Come here.
Come here.

We'll switch.
Let's switch.

-Let's just...
-Switch what?

-Switch, all right?
We'll switch.

-Let's just all take a deep
breath and we'll get there.

It's okay.
-We're right...

-What are we switch...
-We're so close.

-Switch... you --
you and Daisy can switch.

If she really wants to,
that's fine.

I'm sorry. Okay?
-Yeah. Yeah.

Let's do that.
-Let's do that.

-If we switch,
you put down the camera

and fuckin' paddle for her.
She's tired.

-Yeah, of course
I'm gonna take the paddle.

I'm gonna film --
film the switch,

though 'cause I need
a little action is all.

You know that.
-All right.

-All right.
-All right.

Let me... Watch yourself.
-Your...

-All right.
Steady the boat.

You cool?
-Yeah. I got it.

-Just stand up first.
-Okay.

I'll -- I'll, uh...
I got it.

Okay.
-All right.

-And what we'll do
is you put one foot in my boat.

-Yeah.
-You all right?

-Yup. Okay, one more foot.

-There we go.
-Yup.

-Everything's fine.
-That a girl!

-You're good.
-You all right?

-You're good.

Come on in.

-Oh... Ah!

-Holy shit.
-Oh!

-You okay?
Babe, you all right?

-You guys okay?
-You all right?

-Oh, my God.
-You all right?

Just --just relax.
You're fine. You're fine.

-Babe, come here.
Come here. Come here.

-You're fine. You're fine.
-It's fine. It's fine.

-You're fine.
-You all right? Come here.

Hey. Hey. Hey.
Babe. Babe. Babe. Babe.

-I swallowed, like...

-What's up?
Come here, okay?

-Oh, my God.
-Come here. Come here.

Come here. Come here.
I'm sorry, okay?

-Yeah.
-I'm sorry about everything.

All right. Come on.
-Daniel.

-Oh, this one just went over.
-All right.

Here -- here, Dais.
-Oh, my God, you guys.

I'm...
-How --how are you doin'?

-I wanna go home.
-I know.

Gonna get you home.
It's gonna be totally fine.

Just keep some pressure
on it, okay?

-Yeah.
-Just keep that pressure on it.

-I know. I know. You look so
cold. Come here.

I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

You guys all right?

-Yeah.
-You need help?

You all right?
-Yup.

-Oh, land, sweet, sweet, land.

Oh.
Thank you.

-Here, take this bag.
-Yeah.

-Oh, got some of this...

in these trees.

The woods, Vermont,
little daylight left.

-Uh...
-The adventure

officially begins.

It was a long trek.
-Okay.

-Everyone's a little tired,
a little wet,

a little cranky still.

You can see the girls
aren't thrilled with Tim.

A lot of sides are being taken.

-And we'll just have
a girls' weekend.

-Dais, Dais, you still...

We cool?
-Oh, yeah.

We're super cool.
Everything's great, babe.

-Come on.
-I'm fucking freezing.

I'm covered in lake water.

And I get to share
this tent with you.

-Do you want a drink?
Let's have some drinks.

Hey, Timmy.

-I don't know if we brought
enough to make me happy.

-What?

-Try not to get shit
all over it.

-Try not to get...
It doesn't fuckin' matter.

It's not set up yet.
-Dan, can you just

turn the camera off?
You're annoying everyone.

-Babe, come here. Come here.
Come here. Come here.

What's up?
Why are you being so upset?

I know we're all a little wet.

-Yeah, it's just 'cause
I'm cold and I'm wet.

It's because ya lied
to me, buddy.

That's why.
-Why? She means nothing.

It's crazy.
It's Tim's ex-girlfriend.

You're fuckin' nuts.
You're being crazy.

-I'm the one who's crazy?
-Kathy's our friend.

She was a friend of ours.
I mean...

-Was, yeah, was.
Not anymore.

That's for sure.
-Okay.

-'Cause both of you
are apparently liars.

But you know what?
Why don't you just call her?

Why don't you guys
have a little sleepover here?

I'll go home.
I'll kayak my own ass home.

Hey, Tim, you wanna help me
out here, man?

Come on. This is ridiculous.
-Look...

we're stuck here
for the night

Let's just try and make
the fuckin' best of it.

Nobody's thrilled.
Hey.

-Everyone's a little
agitated, all right?

-I wonder why.
-Okay.

It's not all on me.
He shouldn't have brought it up.

There was a lot
of stuff that...

He shouldn't have.
It was inappropriate.

-Mm-kay. Mm-kay.
The hood's going up.

The angry hood's going up.

-Come on. Let's go talk it out.

-Guys, go take a walk.

And we'll finish
this shit, I suppose.

Ranger Rick over here's tellin'
me how to build a fuckin' tent.

-Does she...
Do you have cigarettes?

-Of course I have cigarettes.
-All right.

You okay? You're not gonna
kill me out there?

-I don't know.
Let me find my ax.

-Okay.
-Come on.

[ Flicking lighter ]

-Really, babe?

You're setting up
the camera for this?

-Thanks.
-Just keep exploiting the shit

out of us.

Here.
What?

It's not necessary.
I'm trying

to have a heart-to-heart
with my boyfriend.

And apparently, the viewers
at home need to watch it.

God damn it.
-So we're not cool?

-No, we absolutely
are not cool for...

On so many
different levels, man.

First of all, the camera thing.

-Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.
-Don't want it right now.

Second of all,
let's just throw it out there,

a chick slept in our bed
and you didn't tell me about it.

-It wasn't a chick.
It was Kathy, first of all.

Okay?
-Yeah, well fuck Kathy.

-She was drunk as shit.
-Okay.

Why didn't you tell me about it?

-Because it would've
given more weight

to a situation
that didn't need more weight.

-Okay.
-I didn't want her...

we're...
-So nothing happened?

Straight up, nothing happened?

-Do you -- do you know
how lucky I am to have you?

Do you know what it feels
like to wake up next to you?

Nothing happened?
Come on.

I put on a fucking show
in front of people

so I can sell
this and I can get us a house.

That's all I want to do.
-Okay.

-You understand?
-How would you --

Yeah, I hear you,
and that's lovely.

But how would you feel
if Tim slept in our bed

and I didn't tell you about it?

Put yourself in my shoes.
How would you feel?

-I'd feel different
because I think he likes you.

And I've always felt that way.

-Yeah. But I don't like him.

And that's all that matters.
So baby, I'm just --

I'm just try... I'm sorry.

I -- I feel like that girl,
like I'm overreacting.

-You're not that girl.
-I'm going bananas, but...

-You're the best girl.
-Just...

I was just blindsided
by the whole thing.

-I'm sorry.
-And we're in the middle of --

we're in the middle
of a fucking lake.

And I hear
that my boyfriend has secrets.

-You shouldn't have heard it.
-That's not cool.

-He shouldn't have said it.
And you shouldn't have heard it.

And it wasn't a secret.
I tell you everything.

-And I tell you everything,
so...

-I know that.
-Okay.

-So let's focus on this, okay?

-Okay.
-We cool?

-Yeah, we're cool.
I'm just...

-What do you want from me?

-I just...
Sometimes work is number one.

-You're number one.
You know that.

-You swear?
-Of course I swear.

-'Cause I'm
so supportive of you.

And you're wonderful
at what you do.

And I'm so into it.
But sometimes it just

needs to be
Dan and Daisy, okay?

-Yup.
-You hear me?

-Of course I hear you.
I'm sorry.

-I'm sorry, too.
-I don't wanna fight with you.

-I don't wanna fight with you.
I don't wanna be an asshole.

-All right?
-Yeah.

-Okay.
-I love you.

-I love you, too.
-You wanna get drunk?

-Yes, please.
-Yeah?

-Yeah. A lot.
-Okay. All right.

-You're not filming my ass
back there, are you?

-Uh, nope.
Now I am.

-Watch out.
-Oh! Careful there.

-Do you wanna be the big spoon
or the little spoon tonight?

-I don't know what that means.
-Fuck...

-Oh, the drinkin' has begun.
-Hey.

-Hey. How'd it go, kiddies?
-Oh, yes.

-We're -- we're back in love.
-There's smiles.

That's good.
-Chachi, look out.

-Eek.
-Nice catch.

-Almost got his camera,
there, dude.

-Oh, we're goin' classy
for a straight brewski?

-Can you do that again,
maybe hit the camera this time?

-What is this,
a game of rocks over here?

-Aw. Rocks in the pot
is what we call this bitch.

And there's apparently
no rocks in the pot.

-What the fuck is that, dude?

-What?
-Is that a gun?

-That's a flare gun.
-Holy shit. Look at this shit.

-You brought a gun?
-Yeah. You gotta be fuckin'

prepared when you go campin'...
-For what?

-Gonna hit a bear with a flare?
-For every --

for every contingency.
Am I right, friend?

-Hit a bear with a flare.
-You are absolutely right.

-Hit a bear with a flare.
-Thank you.

By the way,
just a little progress report,

everything's fuckin' soaked.
-No.

-Yeah.
-Lanterns don't work.

Everything is soaked
except the clothes-es

on our back.
-The clothes-es on our back?

-The clothes-es
on the back is dry.

-I might a had a few.
You guys were gone for a while.

-You guys can talk.
-Well --

well, we weren't just talkin'.
-Mmm.

-Really?

Did you guys have sex
in the woods?

-I gotta piss.
-Wow, classy lady over here.

-Oh, yeah. The woods
just bring it outta me.

-Wait. Here -- here...
-Toilet paper's wet, so

maybe you should grab a leaf.
-Aw.

-It's true.

-This is gonna suck.
-It's true. Wipe good.

-Take the light.
Take the camera.

Let me turn the light on.
-What are you gonna do to him?

-You want me to document
my fuckin' pissing, now?

-No, I turned the light on.
-Pervert!

-You don't have a lantern.
So this is your source of light.

-Oh, that's sweet.

-Laura, do you want
me to come with you?

-No, I'm good.

-Do you want me
to come with you?

-Fuck you, Tim.
-All right.

Be careful.
-Okay. Fuck you, too.

-I'm good.
I'm good.

-He might be out there.
Just look both ways

before you cross the street.
-Why... Look ways

before you pee.
I was...

Always look both ways
before I pee.

Why are all these trees
fuckin' skinny?

I need some cover
for my ass.

Oh, shit.

Not only do I get
to pee in the woods,

but Mr. Daniel
gets to see it all.

That's great
That's just great.

Daniel, you better
fucking cut this

out of whatever it is
you're making,

or I will find you.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What the fuck is that?

Oh, my God.

Well, Mr. Documentarian,
I think I got somethin' for you.

Very cool.

Oh, whoa!
Weird.

Weird.
What?

I am not peeing in this.

But this is fascinating.
Are you serious?

In the middle
of fucking nowhere,

and there's still dick graffiti.

I agree with that.

Oh, my God.

Is that a fucking nail?
Oh, fuck!

Fuck!
-Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.

It's just me.
-You made me sit down on it.

You made me sit down on it.
Oh, gross.

-No. No.
-Gross. Gross. Gross.

-Why did you...
Why would you go in there?

-Are you kidding?
It's an outhouse on an island.

I was doin' you a favor, dude.
-You walked

in a weird direction.
You okay?

-Yeah, I'm fine.
I need to pee, though.

-Okay.
-Do you mind?

-All right.
Lookin' for Bigfoot.

Uh, tape rollin'.

It's dangerous in here.
Let's see what we got.

Anything?

Oh, boy.

Getting pretty far away.
Holy shit.

Look at this thing.

What the fuck?

Fuck -- dense woods.

Comin' to a bit of a clearing.

Just moving.

I don't know what that is.
It's just moving.

Uh, nothin'.

Hear that?

It's not just me, is it?

Oh, my God.
What is that sound?

What the fuck?

Let's see
what we got over here.

Nada.

Better find something,
or these people

are gonna kill me.

That kinda looks like a face,
sort of...

Oh, there's a moth on the tree.

Come on.

What the fuck?
Holy shit.

Oh, my God.
What the...

Oh, shit.
You -- you guys --

you guys -- you guys, oh,
you're not gonna believe this.

-I have made fire.
-Look at this.

Look at this.
-Fuck that.

-What?
-Fuck that.

-What?
-Listen, I saw it.

-Fuck, that's bright.
-I ran like a fuckin' puss.

But I saw it.
-Saw what?

-Ran like a puss.
-I saw this thing in the woods.

It's fuckin' crazy.
We gotta go back.

-When?
-What'd you see?

-Oh, you found Bigfoot?
-Like a bear?

-Fuck you. Fuck you.
You wanna see this shit?

You're not gonna
believe this shit.

-Oh, fuck.
-All right.

-Come on, guys.
This is fuckin' crazy.

Are you with me on this,
or what?

-Yeah. Should we bring him
some boiled water...

-You're creeping me out.
-Go fuck yourself.

-For his rabbits?
-It's just really dark.

-You're creeped out?
You didn't see shit.

-Can we not?
-Here, hold on.

-Are you excited?
-I have a great idea:

let's not.
-Come here. Come here.

-Oh.
-I mean, do you really

think it was something?
It could've just been...

-Aw, my fuckin' light broke.

-What happened? What happened?

-Shit.
His headlamp went out.

-My thing broke.
My light broke.

-All right. Come on.
Come on. Come on.

-Keep, uh, keep wearing it.

-No, this is a reason
to go back.

-We have, fuckin', one light.
This is insane.

-Oh, my God.
-Oh, careful guys.

Come here.
-Daniel, I swear to God.

-Hold on. Hold on.
I forget which way it was.

-Daniel.
-Uh, fuck.

-You're just tryin'
to fucking scare us.

-Come on, Dan.
-It's not...

-Here. This way.
This way. This way.

-Ow.

-Are you just fucking with us?
-Oh, shit.

Uh, fuck.

All right.

Holy fuck.
Jesus Christ.

Look at this shit.
-That's a fuckin' weird tree.

-Oh, gross.
-You all right?

-Leading us
to the torture chamber?

-What is this shit?

-Yo, do you have the fucking
flare gun, man?

It was right around
here somewhere.

-Yeah, I have the flare gun.

-Oh, please
do not use the flare gun.

-It was this area.
-What?

-Hold on. I gotta set the scene.
Let me set the scene.

Hold on.
I gotta turn this off.

So here we are in the exact spot

I saw the beast.

Let's see if we can
luck out twice in one night.

-Luck out twice in one night.

I don't see
a damn thing, Chachi.

-All right.
Don't call me Chachi.

And you have a dumb light
on your head

that doesn't have batteries.
-My light is cool.

I look good with this light
on my head.

-Hey guys --guys,
can we head back?

-Go back?
-Oh, come on.

-This is fun.
-We're in the middle of a forest

at night without any...

-It's time to get scared.

-Yeah, we're camping.

Daniel...
-No, I think...

-Daniel, I'll take care of her.

-Oh, sure. Why don't you get
over your ex-girlfriend first?

-Oh, someone's fighting back.

-Shit's getting
personal tonight.

-Would you relax?
-No. I will relax.

-There's drama in the woods.
-I just wish that you would

listen to Laura
and take me seriously.

-I was just trying to
make you laugh.

Take you seriously?
About what?

-What do you think
it was that you saw?

-What's up?
-What was it?

What was the thing you saw?

-I mean,
you saw what I saw.

-I know, but I couldn't tell.
Do you think it was...

-This is gonna...
we're gonna sell this one.

It's gonna be great.

-You see that video? It could've
been any kind of animal.

-You're in the middle of
the woods.

-Oh, shit, what is that?!

-What?
-That. What is that?

-Oh, my God.
-Oh, my God.

-What the fuck.
-There it is. I told...

-Stop that.
Why are you doing that?

-Stop -- stop what?
-I don't know.

-He had to shoot.
-Don't do that.

-Who gives a fuck?
-Not funny.

-Okay, okay.

-This isn't funny anymore.
We need to go.

-We're gonna be okay.
-No, we need to go.

-Okay. We'll be all right.
-This isn't funny.

-We're gonna go right now.

-I thought you were just
fucking with us.

I thought this was
all fun and games.

-No one's fucking around.

-We need to get out of here.
-Daisy, come here.

-Sweetie?
-Stop it. No, I can't.

[ Screams, creature growling ]

[ Panting ]

-Oh, fuck.

Yo, take --
take the camera, man.

-I got it. I got the camera.
Come on. Help me up.

-Up.
-Yo, Daisy!

-Daisy!

[ Howling in distance ]
-Watch out, there's a log.

-Daisy!
-Daisy?

-Where'd you go, baby?
Make some noise.

-Daisy!

-Where'd she go?
Did you see where she went?

-Yo, come on, dude.
-Come on, guys.

Keep goin'.
Daisy!

-Yo, move the light around.
-Jesus fuckin' Christ.

-Can't see a fuckin' thing.
-Dais?

[ Distant howling ]

-Daisy?
-Daisy?

-Daisy?

-Do you see her?
-Where the fuck is she?

-Daisy.
-Daisy!

[ Mobile ringing ]
-What the fuck are we gonna do?

-Daisy, make some noise, baby.
Where are you?

-Daisy?!
[ Phone continues ringing ]

-Fuck, it's so dark out here.

-Shh! Is that the phone?

Hello?! Are you there?!

-Hello?
-Who is this? Who is this?

-I'm -- I'm the guy --
I'm the guy who po--

posted that video.
Hello?

-Yeah, what the fuck
is going on?

What the fuck is going on, man?

-Look, I'm sorry, man.
Man, listen to me,

I'm really sorry.
I had no idea.

You gotta get the fuck
outta there now.

-Wh-where is she?

-Listen -- listen, I've been
workin' with these people

for a while, hookin' people in.

I thought they just
put on costumes

and messed around
with the tourists

and took their money.
But it is far worse than that.

-Who are you talking about?
-They're on their way

to kill you.
This guy... Listen to me,

this guy and his girlfriend,
they rent kayaks.

They're crazy.

-Where --where is she?
Where is she?

They pulled her back like that.
That wasn't human.

What's going on?
Where...

-What --
what're you talking about?

-My girlfriend, she was
sucked back into the woods.

What do they want?

-They're on their way now.

They haven't gotten to you yet.

Shit.

-Then who's here?

Yo, hello?

Who's here?

Fuck, it went out again.
Fuck!

-Dan, Dan...
-A bit farther.

-Fuck!
-Daisy?

-Is there anything --
is there anything

that you know
that you're not tellin' us?

-Dude, shut the fuck up.
I'm not...

What are you talking about?

-Daisy?
-Dan.

-What?

-Oh, my God.
-Dan.

-What the fuck.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What's goin' on?

-Hey, sweetie.
-Baby, baby, baby.

Holy shit...
-What the fuck is that?

Daisy, what happened to you?

-What happened?
What happened?

What happened?
What happened?

-What the fuck, Dan.
-Tim, Tim...

-Sweetie, move your arm.

Move your arm for me, okay?

Oh, my fuckin' God!

Oh, my God!
What happened to you?

-Come on. Get up.
Get up. Come here. Come here.

What the fuck?
What happened to you?

Oh, jeez.
-Oh.

-Dude, what the fuck
are we gonna do, man?

-Oh, Jesus Christ.
All right. All right.

Let's get her to the boats.
Dan, let's get her to the boats.

Come on. We gotta go.

-All right, Dan. Come on.
Let's get her to the boats.

-Come on.
-This way.

Fuck. Wait.

-Holy shit.
-Careful.

-Yo, do we know
where we're going?

-This way. This way.
It's right this way.

-Laura --Laura knows.
Laura knows.

-Fuck.

-The log, it's a log.

Careful.
Fuck.

Come on, buddy.
Come on. Come on.

-We can't make it.

-Laura, not too fast.

-We need to get
the fuck out of here.

-You wanna fucking kayak?
That's what we're gonna do, man?

-Yes, yes.
We gotta get her on the boat.

-This way, this way.
-Shit.

Almost there.

-Gets close, I'm gonna hear it.

-H-he bit me.
-What?

-He's real He bit me.
He bit me.

But I bit back.
I bit back.

-It's all right, Dais.
We're almost there.

-Dude, she's fuckin' shakin'
like a leaf, man.

-All right, buddy. Just...
-I bit it.

-We're almost there.
-Don't fall. Don't fall.

-Baby, keep --
keep your voice down.

Keep your voice down.
-Be careful.

-Dude, she's goin'
in and outta shock, man.

-Get her on the boat.
-You think that

saliva's in her or something?

-Oh, yeah.
-Fucking --

-Nothin' we can
do about that now.

-The boats are in the water.
-What?

-Boats are in the water
around the bend.

-The boats are in the water?
-They're in the fucking water.

-I'm gonna go get 'em.
I'm going in.

-All right.
I'll stay with the girls.

-What are they,
around the bend?

-They're around the bend?
They're around the bend?

-Yeah.
-Motherfucker...

The motherfucker
let the boats go?

Fuck this shit.

-Hurry.

-All right, buddy.
-All right.

-Yo, you fuckin'
keep that shit on me.

All right.

If anything
happens to me, man...

-Nothin's gonna happen.
-Take good care...

-Nothin's gonna happen...
-Take good care of her.

All right?
You understand?

-Stop fuckin' talkin'
like that.

You're gonna be fine.

Look at your fuckin' socks.

Easy.
All right.

All right.

Go in slow.

I love you, buddy.

Easy.

Do you see the boats?

-I have no idea where they are.
They're not here.

-I think they drifted over.
-[ Creature calling ]

-You hear that?
What's that?

-No, what?
-[ Growling ]

What the fuck?
Yo, get out.

Get out. Come on.
Come on. Come on.

Yo, it's here.
It's here.

-[ Snarling ]
-It's here.

-What happened?
What's goin' on, man?

-Think it's one of your tricks,
it's fuckin' here.

-What?
-It's fuckin' with us.

-What are we gonna do?
-I don't know.

We gotta get outta here.
We gotta stick together.

-I can't do all this by myself.

-All right.

Um, uh, maybe --
maybe we try the other side

of the... I mean,
where are the fuckin' boats?

Maybe we try the other side
of the island.

Uh, maybe there's
a ranger's station?

I don't know.
I think

we need to stick together.
-All right.

Let me take the camera.
-All right.

-Come on.
You all right?

We're gonna be okay.
All right?

-Okay.

-Careful.
All right.

-Here, take her in.
Take her in.

Take her in.
All right.

-Okay.
Okay.

-Here, take this.

Just keep pressure --
keep pressure on it,

even if it hurts.
Keep pressure on it.

All right? We're gonna go to
the other side of the island

and see if there's a boat,
anything.

I don't know.
Don't leave here.

-Take the camera.
Laura, here, take the camera.

-No, what are you guys
gonna use?

-You need light. We'll be fine.
You need light.

We'll be fine.
-We're gonna be all right.

-Are you sure?
-We're gonna be okay.

We'll be back --
-What else are we gonna do?

-I don't know, but you guys
are out there just...

-Look, if it gets close,
shoot it.

-Yeah, shoot it
in the fucking face.

Come on, man.
-Please be careful.

-Stay here.
-Okay.

Okay... All right.
How are you doin'?

-I wanna go home.
-I know.

We're gonna get you home.

Promise the boys are gonna
go find something.

And we're gonna get outta here,
okay?

And you'll be home.

We're gonna watch
some soap operas.

Yeah?
And then eat some peanut butter.

Just gonna lay around
for a week, okay?

-I'm never going outside again.

-It's okay.
-Is it bad?

-It's gonna be totally fine.

Just keep some pressure
on it, okay?

-Yeah. Yeah.

-Gotta keep
that pressure on it.

And they're gonna be back
so soon, okay?

Remember --remember when we
went camping when you were 11?

-That was a lot more fun
than this camping trip.

-So much better.
-I hate this camping.

-I know.
Anyway, it's gonna be over --

it's gonna be over
really soon, okay?

-This one's a lot bloodier.

-[ Roaring ]
-[ Both scream ]

-Oh, my God! Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.

[ Screaming, panting ]

Oh, jeez, it's still here!

[ Screaming ]

No! Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!
-Get the fuck away!

-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
-Whoa, what happened?

-Come here.
What happened?

-Holy shit, get in here.
-He was just here.

He was just here.
-Who --who was just here?

-Who the fuck do you think was
just here?

-What do you mean
it was just here?

-We saw it up the hill.

-No, you didn't.
-That's why we came back.

-He was looking at us.
He was watching us.

-All right. We gotta go.
We gotta go.

-All right. All right.
-Come on, come on.

-You should get in here.

-No, no, no, no, no.
We gotta get outta here.

-Tim, please.
I don't wanna go out there.

-I don't wanna go out there.
Where are we going?

-We're all stayin' together,
goin' to the other side of

the island.
-It hurts. I can't go.

I can't go.
-Yo, Tim, wait up.

-What, what, what?

-Laura, Laura, Laura, Laura,
come on.

I need the light.
Come on, I need the light.

-It's getting worse.

[ Panting ]

-You're doin' good, Dais.

-Just a little further, come on.
-[ Low growl ]

-Just go, guys. Go, guys.

-Shit. Fuck.
-Oh, no, no, no.

Where'd they go?
You all right? Baby, baby?

Fuck. All right.
Just stay out of the light.

Stay out of the light.

Oh, shit.

Ah!

[ Rustling ]

-Daisy?
-Danny?

-Daisy, what... Daisy, Daisy!
We gotta get outta here, baby.

Daisy?
Daisy, I know it hurts.

You gotta wake up.
You gotta wake up, Daisy.

You and me, baby.
Come on, we gotta go.

We gotta get outta here.

Come on.
Tim!

-All right. All right.
All right. Get the camera.

Get the camera.
I'll get her.

Daisy, Daisy, wake up, baby.

Daisy, Daisy, wake up.
-[ Gasping ]

-Okay, come on.
Come on. It's Tim.

It's Tim.
Look at me.

It's me. It's me.
It's me. Come on.

We need to get you up.
Slow, just slow.

Come on.
Okay. Okay. Okay.

Give me your arm.
All right.

All right.
Let's go, Laura.

Laura, I can't see
where I'm goin'.

-I know. I'm tryin'.
-Okay. Okay. Come on, baby.

-I'm right here, Daisy.
Right here, baby.

-Tim?
-What? What? What?

-Tim, where's Daniel?
-He's --

he's meeting us there, baby.
-Where's Dan?

-He's gonna meet us there.
-Where did he go?

-He's gonna meet us there.
-No!

-Shh, shh. Hey, hey!
-Dan!

-Daisy, Daisy, Daisy,
I need you to focus.

I need you to focus.
Hey, he's gonna meet us there.

He's gonna meet us there, baby.

He's gonna meet us there.

He's gonna meet us there,
okay?

Right? He's --
Let's go get him.

Let's go get him.
-He's there?

-He's okay.
He's okay.

He's gonna meet us there, okay?

Okay, come on.
We gotta go get him.

-Gotta keep moving.
We gotta keep moving.

-Okay.
Stay close, Laura.

-I'm right here.
-Stay close.

Um...
-Go to your right.

Go to your right.
-To my right?

-Yeah.
-All right. Uh...

-It's this way, I think.
-Yeah?

-Yeah.
-Okay. All right.

Sh, sh, sh, sh.
Just take it easy, baby.

You're all right.
You're all right.

Stay with me.
Okay. Okay.

Um, I think --

I think it's up here.
-It's this way.

-I think it's up here.
-This way. It's this way.

-Jesus Christ.
Stay close.

What the fuck?

The tent is in the tree.
The te --

the te... Sh.
-What the fuck is this?

-All right.
Listen, listen... Sh, sh, sh.

Listen, listen.
He might still be in there.

It might still be
in there, okay?

Stay very close to me.
Try and stay quiet.

Stay very fucking close, okay?

Stay close.
All right.

Come on.
Come on.

Sh, sh, sh, sh.
It's okay.

It's okay.
Stay close.

Up this way.
Okay.

Okay.
Come on.

-You gotta be quiet.
-Sh.

Oh, okay. All right.
Sh, sh, sh.

Um... Okay, watch your step.

Watch your step.
All right, um...

All right --

-[ Roaring ]

-Whoa, Jesus fucking Christ!

-[ Screaming ]

-What the fuck?

-All right, girls,
come here.

Come here. Come here.
Come here.

All right. All right.
All right. Get me light.

Get me light.
Get me light that way.

-I don't like it.

-All right. All right.
Come here. Come here.

-Ah!
-Listen to me. Listen to me!

Calm down, god damn it.
Calm down. Calm down.

You stay close.
We're gonna move fast.

Stay close, you give me light
ahead, okay?

All right?
Uh... Wait, wait.

Wait, wait. Come here.
Come here. This is cocked.

If you pull the trigger,
it will shoot.

Okay? You hold this.
Uh, fuck.

Uh. The fuckin' poker...
-The poker, poker...

-There was a fucking poker.
-Look, it's right here.

-All right. All right.
Come on.

Stay close.
Stay close.

Come on.
Laura, come on.

Listen, we're gonna be okay.
We're gonna be okay.

Breathe.
Breathe.

We're gonna be okay, yes?

Together. Now.
We move. Let's go.

Come on.
-No, please wait, Tim.

Wait, Tim.
-Stay close.

Stay close.

You can --
-[ Rustling ]

-I have you.

-[ Indistinct voice ]
-Shh.

-[ Indistinct voice ]

-Okay.

-[ Voice continues ]

-[ Growl ]

-Come on, baby.
Watch your step.

Watch your step.

All right.

Okay.

Come on.
We're gonna get to him.

We're gonna make it
through this.

Come up this way.
Come up this way.

Come on.
Come on.

You all right?
-Yeah, yeah.

Just keep going.
Just keep going.

-Come on. Easy. Okay.
-Let's get outta here.

-All right.
All right.

You all right?
-Yes.

-Stay close to me.
-We're almost there.

-We're almost there.
-We're almost there.

We're almost there.
You all right?

You're doin' good.
You're doin' good.

-[ Whimpers ]
-Okay. It's okay.

It's okay.
You're doin' good.

You're doin' good.
Come on, we're almost there.

Sh.
We're almost there.

[ Distant growling ]

-Okay. Laura --
-Fuck, did you hear that?

Did you hear that?
Fuck.

-What?
-Fuck.

-What?
Come on.

Ooh, sorry, sorry.

You okay?
All right.

Come on.
Come on, we're almost there.

Sh, sh, sh.
Come on, Daisy.

Come on.
Stay with me, baby.

We're almost there.
We're almost there.

You okay?
-Yeah.

-Watch your step.
Okay.

Stay close.
-Get me out of here.

-Sh, sh, sh. Okay. Sh.
We're almost there, baby.

-Tim, you already tried this.

-Just stay with me.
-Tim, we already tried this.

-What?
-Dan already tried this once.

-I know Dan already tried this.
What else are we gonna do?

-I don't know.
I don't know.

-Look, it's all right.
We're here. Come on.

I'm gonna swim out there.
You're gonna stay with her.

-Okay.
-Okay? Come on.

Come on. Okay.

Okay.
Okay.

Okay, come here, baby.
Look, Daisy, look at me.

I'm gonna put you down here.
Just stay here with Laura, okay?

-Okay.
-Easy, easy, easy, easy, easy.

Okay.
-You're okay.

-All right.
I'm goin'.

Come on.
-Okay.

-Oh, shit.
-Okay.

Just stay here with her.
-Okay.

-Okay?
-Please be careful.

-I'll be careful.
I'll be careful.

-Okay.
-I'll be fine.

-Okay.
-Okay.

-All right.
-Hurry, Tim.

-Just do not leave her.

I'll be back.
-Okay.

-I'll get the boat.
-I'll see you in a minute.

-All right.
-I'll see you in a minute.

-All right, yeah.
[ Kisses ]

Okay.
All right.

-Give me some light.
Give me some light.

[ Laura breathing heavily ]

-Fuck.
Fuck, Tim.

Fuck.

Fuck, Tim,
the light's going out.

Fuck.
Fuck.

Tim, Tim... Shit.

Shit. Shit!
Fuck.

Fuck!
Tim!

[ Breathing heavily ]

Fuck, fuck.
Tim, where are you?

Fuck.
[ Whimpers ]

Fuck.
[ Groans ]

Fuck.
-[ Strike lands, grunt ]

Oh, shit! Shit, where's
the night vision?

There's gotta be a night vision
in this fucking shit.

Oh, fuck.
Oh, fuck.

Where are you?
Where are you?

Where the fuck are you, Tim?

Oh, my --

Oh, my God!
No, fuck! Tim!

[ Growling, Laura screams ]

[ Firing ]

[ Creature roars ]

-Oh, my God.

[ Shallow breathing ]

You okay?
-Yeah, I think so.

I feel kinda weird, though..

What's wrong?

-Oh, my God!

[ Whimpering, sobbing ]

[ Growling ]

Unh!

[ Panicked breathing ]

Aah!

-I'm sorry.

[ Pounding, banging ]

-Police! Open up!

Police!
Open up!

[ Gunshot ]