Tu peux garder un secret? (2008) - full transcript

Let's go!

-So?
-Nothing.

-No?
-No.

OK, but this is the last one.

You can stop looking.
I've got it.

So?

I'm not getting married!

No, exactly.
This dress is like starting over.

It's about moving on from Ben.

He was such a dickhead.

Yeah, kind of.



To be precise,
he was the king of dickheads.

I can't believe I fell for him.

Yes, but at the same time,
you don't meet winners

on every corner.

You're bound to get some losers.

Come on.
There are great guys everywhere,

if you know how to catch them.

Right,
'cause you always pick winners.

OK, not before I met my Indian guy.

But by taking a few risks

I found Mr. Right.
And this dress

is symbolic.
It needs to symbolize something.

She's gonna feel lost.
Advertising is about fashion.

Tonight, she needs something sober
and well-cut, something black.



This is nice and it's French.

OK.

So I've moved
straight from a wedding to a funeral.

That's nice, girls.
Thank you so much.

A wedding?
That's new.

What are you looking for, after Ben?

First, I'm not looking

and if I were,
I'd like someone who's...

-What?
-Less of a dickhead.

Slightly less of a dickhead would do.

I don't know.
Someone elegant,

confident and funny.
-Of course.

-And not too young.
-Your dad.

She wants to bang her dad.

We have to tell her mom!

-My dad...
-I tell you,

your dad would never look at you,
in those pants

and these shabby sneakers.
-OK.

Can we leave my family
out of my love life

and focus on the fucking party?

Focus and organization
are what we need.

Now, get back in there and strip.

You go and look over there.

Go and look.

There we go. I just had an idea.

Excuse me, young man!

My friend doesn't know
what she wants.

I need an evening outfit.
Something light.

-Now?
-No.

-Now?
-No.

-Now?
-No, it's not working.

I keep telling you,

it's not working.
Stop fiddling with this

and wasting our time

and try to think!

You're a lousy IT guy!

I'm a graphic design assistant.

But surely you must possess
the most basic computer skills.

I tell you,
if you spoil this ceremony for me,

I'm warning you:

I won't be made to look a fool.

-Damn.
-I knew you were useless.

Imagine the look
on Mr. Grimaux's face,

if it's a mess.

A bad mess!

But seeing how little you gave
to pay for the gift,

your lack of commitment
is no surprise.

Ah, it's working!
The graphic designer took his time.

Move it.
He'll be here soon.

That's good.
There was a problem, but I fixed it.

-Hi, David.
-Hi.

-Are you leaving, Cinderella?
-David!

Thank you.

Ah, my friends.

This is so emotional.
It's been 20 years already.

I can still see us
in our first offices, in Puteaux.

Do you remember, Hervé?

Do you remember Puteaux?

And I can't help thinking

of our first client,
the first one to have faith in us,

who's still with us.

Thank you for your friendship,
Damori,

and for your beautiful family.

Twenty years down the line,

GCP is the market leader
in communications.

And it's thanks to all of you
it's thanks to your talent

and your enthusiasm.

I'd like to thank the representative
from the postal service

for choosing our agency

for the I Love Mail campaign.

Well done.
You chose well.

And of course I'd like to thank
Mr. Eric Sebban.

Thanks.

Thank you, Mr. Sebban.

Thanks for your belief in us.

We're going to measure up

and I'm sure that, thanks to us all,

Thermo-Flash will go on to become

a product
that people can't do without.

Thank you, everyone.

Pierre,
we'd like to express our gratitude

with a spontaneous gesture...

I look completely ridiculous.

I look grotesque.

I look so ugly,
with no bust in this bustier.

It's like my breasts are caving in.

How wonderful. A Reverso.
I've always dreamed of one.

Thank you very much.
I'll never be without it.

Thank you so much.

What the hell?

Were you checking me out?

No, not at all.

Not at all.
I was trying to help with your heel.

You were stalking me?

I saw you
when I was under the stage.

It can't be easy,
walking in those.

-Your dogs must be barking!
-What?

What do you mean?

-Where are you from?
-Montélimar.

Great.

Unfortunately,

it's not all good news.

We're sorry to have to say goodbye
to Ghislaine Delamarre.

But you can rest assured;
she's leaving for a good reason.

She's getting married,
in South Africa.

Yes!

So, is there a connection
with our campaign

for the Nissan Qashqai

and the director
that made the commercial?

Ghislaine!

I heard it was love at first sight.
I'll say no more.

We're going to miss you

and on everyone's behalf,
I wish you all the best.

Thanks, Pierre.

Our friends have prepared
a wonderful buffet for us

and David's here
to get the party going. Have fun!

Good evening.

DJ David is in the house.
Let the party begin!

You'd have to be crazy
to choose a director!

Oh, Delphine,
I didn't recognize you!

-It must be...
-The bustier.

Are you dressed for the Oscars?

Did you know about the wedding?

No, no, no.

No one expected it of Ghislaine,

but she hit the jackpot.

What about you?
Still single?

Why did I come over for a drink?

Why did I have
to run into these two cows?

Single?
Not at all.

Life's never been so hectic.

But I don't kiss and tell.

Really?
You kept it real quiet.

Yes. It's absolutely amazing.

I'm involved in a wild love affair.

I'm drained,
and yet totally fulfilled,

if you know what I mean.

Sounds like a dream come true.
Who is it?

I can't tell you.

-Why not?
-Yeah. Why?

Because he's very important.

Right.
A minister. Or a star.

Is it Zidane?

Or George Clooney!

OK, can you keep a secret?

I have to keep it quiet,

because the man I love

runs a major company.

It's as simple as that.
It's...

It's our boss.
Pierre Grimaux.

Pierre... My Pierrot.

You're screwing Grimaux?

Oh my God!

You're screwing Grimaux?

Be nice, now.

I'm counting on you
to keep this to yourselves.

Of course.

Don't worry.

Friends, before we sit down to eat,

-let's mark this event...
-Delphine's with Grimaux.

Happy birthday Pierre.
Happy birthday GCP!

What a fool.
That's so me.

-No.
-Yes!

You do have a fascinating ability
to shoot yourself in the foot.

Are you talking about your boss?
That Grimaux?

-What do you think?
-Do you know him well?

Not at all.

There are 300 staff members.
I shook his hand once.

I don't know why I said it.
I'm devastated at my own stupidity.

-What's he like?
-Like I said.

He's charming.
He's in incredible shape for his age.

He's elegant and well dressed,
with graying temples.

He sounds classy.

Just like your dad.
You want to bang your dad.

Will you stop it with my dad?

I just want to teach
those two bitches a lesson.

Him and François
were the only guys that popped up.

-François?
-I'll tell you later.

You messed up, big time.

Wait, it gets worse.

The next day,
when I got to the office...

Hello, Delphine.

Delphine!
How are you?

You look gorgeous.

-Delphine.
-Ah, François.

-OK?
-Yes.

Hello, Miss Bénin,

-Are you well?
-Yes.

-Have a nice day.
-Yes.

Hello, Delphine.

-Hello, Delphine.
-Hello, Delphine.

There she is.
One, two three...

Good morning, Delphine!

-Hello, Delphine.
-What's going on?

Are you scared of me?

No, but I didn't want you to think
I hadn't started working.

Ah, I made you a coffee.

I added one sugar,
with another on the saucer.

Or I have sweeteners too.

What's up with you, Fanny?

I was about to start, I swear.

Don't rush.
The B-Concept project is almost done.

Yes, but still...

Delphine, I know
I'm not always the perfect assistant.

I know I can be moody.

Sometimes I can get behind
and I leave early,

but I want you to know
that I really love my job

and I take my work seriously.

-Aren't you overdoing it, a bit?
-No, no, no. I love this agency.

I love Grimaux
and I don't want you to tell him

I'm coasting.

I'm going to change.

There, I've said it.
I feel better now.

-Is the coffee OK?
-You know what, Fanny?

I'll have a cup of tea.

-Do you want mine?
-No, I'll be fine.

What about Grimaux?
Is he a chump or a womanizer?

I have no idea.

The only solution
is to leave the country.

No!

She needs to get a facelift.

Are you crazy?

We'll sign you up
for Extreme Makeover.

-That way it won't cost a cent.
-You're not helping.

Are you involved with someone?
Yes or no?

Be careful how you answer.

It's none of your business.
This is out of line.

It's private.

I'm the director of HR,
so your private life is my business.

Yes, I'm involved with someone.
So what?

Is it someone I know?
Someone who works here?

No, why?

Right. Play me for a fool.

You compulsive liar!

You know what I do with liars!
Crack!

I'm dead!

You don't work out enough.

No, it's at my office that I'm dead.

Time for Tai Chi.

If you want
a screenwriter's humble opinion,

if you want to keep your job,
you need to sleep with him.

She's right: sleep with him.

No way.
He's married, with three kids.

You've got to do it.
It's your only way out.

That and the facelift.

Stop it.
This isn't funny.

What am I going to do?

Why the hell did I tell her that?

Obviously,
I looked stupid in that bustier.

I think I've got a P-Plan.

-A P-Plan?
-Yes,

you know, like D-Day: a P-Plan.

Ah...

She needs someone real in her life.

She can introduce him
and everyone can forget about it.

And that'll shut up the HR lady.

That's dumb.

She could still be a compulsive liar.
It won't work.

I'm doomed.

Then come to India with me.

We really do get the friends
we deserve.

Delphine!

The Lord be with you...

And with your spirit.

Lift up our hearts...

We lift them up to the Lord.

Let us give thanks
to the Lord our God.

It is right
to give thanks and praise.

It is just and good
to celebrate Thee...

OK, I'm coming.
Ah, it's you.

What's going on?
Aren't we doing brunch?

Is it already Sunday?

-Is Delphine here?
-I don't think so.

I think she must be angry.

-Did she call?
-No.

But it's been a year
since she last checked out a guy

or noticed a guy checking her out,

so she imagined herself with Grimaux.

But we have to help her.

Apart from us, she's got no one.
Call her.

Hello?

-It's me. How are you?
-I'm OK.

Did you forget our brunch?

No, I'm just not that hungry.

What are you doing?

I'm watching The Day of the Lord
and I'm drinking.

She's watching TV.
Drinking what?

-Beer.
-She's drinking beer.

That's not good.

I'm putting you on speakerphone.

What's the problem?

I'm unnoticeable, clumsy and ugly

and I'm a liar. Nicole's right:
I'm a compulsive liar.

No, you're not.

You told one lie.
That's nothing.

Yeah, right.

That's what I am. Nothing.

Stop putting yourself down.

Maybe you didn't look
at Grimaux by accident.

It was her subconscious.

I don't even like myself.
I hate myself. I pity myself.

I'm going to stay here till I die.

You don't have to wait for death
all by yourself.

I'd rather stay here.

Why are you so scared? Getting
Grimaux isn't an impossible task.

-Really?
-Of course not!

Peasant girls always get the prince
in fairytales.

And you dress better than them...

occasionally.

OK, get dressed.

We'll see you on the boat.

We'll work this out.

So?

We need to start off
by finding out everything about him:

what he likes,
what he does and so on.

Good idea. What should I do?
Call his wife?

"Hi, what does your husband

"like doing?
What's his type? You or me?"

Hold on, don't get angry.

You must be hungry.

You know what? Cathy's right.

There's only one way to do this.

We need to investigate.
What do you know about him?

He has a pic
of his Labrador on his desk.

Lame!

-He plays tennis.
-Yes.

And he leaves the office
at 6:00 sharp.

-OK.
-That's it!

What?

We'll tail his car to find out more.

How?
You don't even have a car.

Not me. You guys.

He could recognize me.
Right, Manon?

Are you nuts?

Yes! Let's do it!

We can wear raincoats, like Columbo!

Now that's a proper girlfriend.

A proper dumbass.
Why did I have that idea?

-Hello, sir.
-Hello, Gomez.

-Have a nice day.
-Delphine!

Great job!

The concept
for your last campaign is...

It's funny and intelligent.

How did you come up with it?

Through an elimination process.

Then I found a word...

And what does Pierre think?
He must've liked it, right?

It must be easy
to get his opinion now.

You're first in line.

-Pauline?
-Yes, sir.

-Where's the Pharmavie contract?
-With the lawyers.

Is the meeting still at 5:00?

Yes, 5:00 p.m., sir.

Thanks.

It checks
your baby's temperature remotely.

We're focusing on the family.

We're emphasizing the novelty
and speed of use.

Are you sure they'll understand

that it's instant, safe and remote?

We can use a focus group,
but I don't think we need to.

We're very confident.

Right, Delphine?

Totally.
Totally, Mr. Sebban.

OK, can we see it again?

Of course.

Bear in mind
that it's just the prototype.

The client wants to focus on radio,
at least for the first wave.

And we've planned a teaser

and some blurbs.

Did we cover everything?

We need to discuss

Ghislaine's replacement.

Has anybody thought of anyone yet?

I know someone good,
who fits the profile.

Perfect. That's done.

Gérard, it's Pierre.

How are you? Well, I hope.

Whatever you like.

No, don't worry, I haven't forgotten.

So, how do I look?

You just need a newspaper
with a hole in it.

You're crazy.

-Quick, quick, quick!
-Hello?

You haven't left yet?

Yes, we have, I promise.

We're nearly out of the door.

I'll check his office.

OK, OK.

I'm taking
the post office file upstairs.

No, it's OK.

I need to go up and see Nicole
about my extra time off.

No! No, no, no, no.

Finish the B-Concept campaign,
or it won't be done by Monday.

I told you I'll get it done.

No!

Ah, yes. Sorry. Of course.
I wasn't...

-I wasn't thinking.
-That's right.

Of course. Yes.

Hey, Delphine!
Go for it!

OK, bye.

Is that everything?

No, we still need to discuss...

Yes, so who is it?

She's new,

but she's young, intuitive,
single, with no kids,

a hard worker

-and she's not unionized.
-Good.

-Delphine Bénin.
-Not her!

Why not?

She's great.
Right, Pierre?

No way.
Absolutely not!

What's wrong, Nicole?

You don't seem to like her much...

What's her name again?

Don't you know?

No, why, should I?

I don't know.
Really?

No.
What's the problem?

On second thought,
it's a good idea.

We'll give a one-month trial period.

Great. That's taken care of.

Continue without me.

Has he left?
We're waiting for the go-ahead.

Goodbye, Pauline.

Go! He's leaving his office!

-So soon?
-Yes.

He's leaving.

Roger that.
We've fixed our gas problem.

Everything's fine.

We're heading out now.

Hello.

I totally forgot about him.

Ah, Armand, I'm in a rush.
We can talk in the elevator,

if that's OK.

We agreed to this a while ago
and, as a union representative,

I had higher expectations.

Yes, but I'm awfully busy.

What's going on?
He's going to the parking lot.

Hurry up!
He'll be there soon!

We're on our way.

-He's coming out!
-Hang on tight!

Hang on!

It's red, it's red!

The light was red!

-So what?
-He's coming out.

That's him! Black Rabbit!

Gray Hawk is tailing Black Rabbit!

I'll call you back.

We're losing him!

I can't get too close.

Just get a bit closer!

Cut the dramatics right away

or I'll leave you
at the metro station!

-I bet he lives in Versailles.
-Versailles is nice.

Mission accomplished.

The Rabbit
lives five minutes from his office.

We'll stay in position.

Wait it out,
to see if he comes out again.

If he does, follow him.

Are you nuts?

I need to sum up a 600-page book,
in English,

by Friday,
and I haven't even started yet!

Come on,

this is my life we're talking about.

All right, we won't let you down.

I'm hanging up.

We can do this.

No, this is overkill.

We'll just leave and tell her
we waited for two hours.

No, we can't break a promise.

Stop. We're staying.

Hello, darling.

Why are you doing the ironing,
my love?

Because Philippine
is polishing your shoes.

What would I do without you?

There we go.

Will you be back late?

I hope not.

-Hello, my darlings.
-Hello, Daddy.

The capital of Cambodia?

-Phnom-Penh!
-Good.

-Are you staying home for dinner?
-No.

Who are you going out with?

With some Japanese friends.
Capital of Japan?

-Tokyo!
-I love you.

Hello, sir.

Hello, Philippine.
What would I do without you?

-Maxime?
-What?

-Ever heard of B-Concept?
-What is it?

It's a new product,
to stimulate the brain.

You could be on the campaign poster.
What do you think?

I'm unphotogenic.

Not at all,
when you're focused on your console,

-you're the best.
-Am I supposed to laugh?

You could try smiling for a change.

Just like in the movies.
Smokes, beers...

And Pink Lady apples.

Apples don't really fit in.

Come on,
I can enjoy an apple, can't I?

Ah! Do you remember,
two years ago, in Bali?

What was my Indonesian guy's name?
I really liked him.

You almost married him, too.

-What do you mean?
-Nothing.

That was so much fun.

I wonder... You know...

-No way!
-What?

The murderer was his brother!

That's nice.

You're not listening to me.
That's nice.

I open up my heart and you ignore me.

You know what?
I won't invite you to my wedding.

You guys
would be giggling all the time.

He's leaving.
We're going to lose him.

Why am I getting angry?
You're not even listening.

Who's leaving?

A car, with four wheels
and a guy driving it.

It's the guy we've been following.

-Why didn't you tell me?
-I'm telling you now.

Why didn't you tell me
as he was coming out?

You're such a pain in the butt.

Hey, stupid kitty, where are you?

Kitty?

Where's my big fat kitty?

-Hello?
-He left again.

See? I told you to wait.

You don't believe I'm in love.

No, no, no.
Why would you say that?

Of course I believe you're in love.

Cathy doesn't.

Cathy doesn't believe anything.
She'll never change.

-I'm getting married.
-Yes, to that Japanese guy.

He's Indian.

Yes, sorry, the Indian guy.

But where are you?

We're tailing him.

Did he get changed?

I can't see him.

Oh my!

He's too far away.

What?
What's going on?

No, nothing, it's just that...

-I'll call you back.
-What is it?

She yelled.

-What do you mean?
-She yelled, like "Aah!"

-OK, I get it.
-Hang back!

He's going to spot us!

You drive.
There: problem solved.

-Hey, move it!
-Give me a minute!

Oh! You're so sensitive!

You drive.

You're so sensitive!

-No, I'm not.
-What would you call it?

I don't care about following
this dude.

What do I do now?

If he stops, you stop.

Not in the middle of the square!
We're tailing him. Go!

Don't shout, don't shout.

What's he doing?

Yes, it's me, I'm outside.

He's calling the cops
on the crazy women stalking him.

No way.
He wouldn't call the cops over that.

Then what is he doing?

Oh my God!

-What a stunner!
-Ah.

So much for being a family man.

He's a sex fiend, more like.

Don't say that.
I don't like it.

-OK, am I late?
-No, no.

-They're leaving.
-Start the engine. Follow them.

Where are we going?

It's a surprise.

Watch that grandma on the bike.

I caught it.

It's so small!
Do you have a shoe so I can crush it?

No, no, of course not!

-Don't kill it!
-Really?

Don't!

I almost died in there!

No.

What do I do with it?

Take it out there,

-back in the wild!
-OK, OK, OK.

Should we build him a little house,
so he doesn't get cold?

Bye-bye, Mr. Spider.
Be good.

Don't cause any more trouble.
Bye!

-Don't you have pizzas to deliver?
-Yes, but I wanted to ask you

how you handle this
when I'm not here?

OK.
Thanks for the spider.

Here, keep the change.
The door's that way.

Ah, I get it.

You ordered a pizza
just because of that spider.

Don't you have any friends?

Or neighbors?

Oh, you poor thing.
You must feel so lonely.

I'm not lonely.

You are lonely.

No, I'm not.

-Of course you're lonely.
-No, I'm not.

-You're lonely.
-I'm not.

-Admit it.
-Dammit! OK, I'm lonely!

And I'm scared of spiders!

Are you happy now?
Now, goodbye. The door's that way.

Goodbye.

I know why you're lonely.

Moron.

-Here you go.
-Thanks.

I love her outfit.

Stop staring or they'll notice us.

Ladies?

Champagne.

Excuse me, Pierre.

-Hello, Gerard.
-Welcome.

This is Nina.

Hello.
Have a wonderful evening.

-See you later.
-Thanks.

She looks good.
Did you see her?

She's classy and sexy.
That's pretty rare.

Classy?
She's a panther.

Delphine can forget it.
She's competing with Bagheera.

-Ayala.
-Pleased to meet you.

I'm Manon, this is Cathy.

He's pulling out all the stops.

It's just a trinket.

Oh, a gift.

-A Reverso!
-It's nothing.

-You're crazy, Pierre.
-It's my pleasure.

Men's watches
look better on pretty women.

And now you'll have no excuse
for being late.

We get so little time together.

That's not my fault.

Are you sitting down?

Why?
What's going on?

-Are you sitting down?
-Yes, I am.

He's with a panther.

What do you mean?
Put Cathy on.

-Here.
-Cathy, tell me the truth.

-She's beautiful.
-Beautiful how?

It gives me a headache.

I can just forget about it, huh?

-I mean....
-OK, put Manon back on.

Manon, could it be
she's just a friend

or his sister?

No, she's not his sister.

He's holding her hand.

Holding it how?

-How is he holding her hand?
-With his fingers.

Look.

With his fingers.

He let go of it.
But he's touching her boobs.

I'm coming over.

-I'll call you back.
-I'll come over if you don't.

We'll call back.

I'm going to Crete,
to do a goat's cheese ad.

Wanna come with me?

Feta! How glamorous!
If you like.

On one condition.

It's just a one-time thing:

you wear a coat and boots
and nothing else.

Ask your wife to go.

Oh, stop it.

I only do stuff like that
where and when I want to.

I adore you.

Why do you want to see her?

Do you know the way?

Yes, I know where it is.

Thanks.

Hello.

Where are they?

Over there.

No, Delphine, don't look.

It'll only hurt you.

I can't believe it.

It's impossible.

Are you OK?

What do you think?
I don't give a shit about him.

-Do you know her?
-Of course.

Nina Tanner,
the editor of ISA magazine.

She's out of my league.
I'm dead.

This is Paris!

On the plus side, he is unfaithful.

A pig without a tail is still a pig.

Great. Stop here.
It's open.

Paru-Vendu, please.

It's free.

-ISA.
-Thanks.

Let's see.

"30: The Age
When Life Really Changes."

Of course.

Let's have a look.

Look, this is funny.

"How To React
When Someone Talks Dirty

"Because He Thinks You Like It,"

by Nina Tanner.
Great!

Manon, you like tests.
Here's a good one.

It's called:
"Did You Marry A Turd?"

I love it!
Let's check it out.

"Do you fake it to please him
or to get it over with?"

It depends.

-Dirty.
-Let's see.

"Yes to Hair Removal,
No to Mutilation."

I'm screwed.
I'll resign tomorrow.

Come in.

Delphine.
I was expecting you.

You were?

Yes.
This is a big decision.

Do you already know about it?

Yes, I am the general manager,
after all.

Yes, of course.

You don't seem that happy.

Well, it wasn't an easy decision.

You've achieved a lot in a year.

-You think so?
-Yes.

Thanks to your talent.

Even Nicole backed you.

It's unheard of.
Replacing Ghislaine is a big deal.

You're heading to the sixth floor!
Congratulations, Delphine.

-Do you play golf?
-No.

Have a nice day.

That's great. I love it.

You're wonderful.
Do you know how great you are?

Sorry, I always overreact
when I'm happy.

Oh! You look bad.

It's horrible.
Everyone will think I'm sleeping...

Your way to the top.
Aren't you?

Yes... but not only.

Who cares what people think?

Now that we have the boss
in our pocket, or rather in your--

Between us, is he good in bed?

Oh, come on.

We're going upstairs!

Everything's fine. Everything's fine.

No, it's not twisted.
I'm being strategic.

Of course I don't believe her.
I'm just rubbing it in.

I'll bounce her around

like a balloon
from floor to floor.

And then I'll pop her
right in front of Grimaux.

Yes!

You're taking this personally.

That's right, Suzanne.

What can I say?
She's playing innocent.

And I never saw it coming.

I'm getting old, Suzanne.

-They're here.
-I'll call you back.

-Hello.
-Hello, Delphine.

If I can help,

just say so.

No thanks.
We don't have much stuff.

Your next move will be easier.

-Have a nice day.
-Thanks.

You got a problem?

What did she mean?

We're not going anywhere.

She was testing us.
She was just hazing us.

Hazing? This isn't college.

She doesn't scare me.

-Excuse me.
-What?

It's Mrs. Dubois.

She keeps opening the window.
She can't handle the AC.

What is this, a joke?

-Right!
-I'll call you back.

The law says 19.5°C,
summer and winter alike,

wherever you are.

The cold gave me a neckache.

I can't stand it.

Listen, I'm not a healer.

Go buy yourself a wool scarf, OK?

And if you suffer
from hormonal imbalance,

go see a doctor.

We bring one in every year.

Get your thermostat fixed,
Mrs. Dubois.

I'll be keeping this.

There you go!

-Hello.
-Hello.

-How was your meeting?
-It went great.

Those teeth-whitening plasma lamps
are amazing.

-What do you think?
-Wonderful.

Ah, Pauline.
Sweet little Pauline...

Hello, sir.

What would I do without you?

Thanks for making it happen.
I even went before Michel Drucker.

Let's see the new creative director.
She's in Ghislaine's office.

What's her name again?

Delphine Bénin.

Ah, right. B-Concept Europe, right?

-That's right.
-Let's go.

Hello, everyone. Hello.
Hello, sweetheart.

How are you doing?

Just be natural.

I'll take this one.

My hands are sweaty.
I hope he doesn't go for a handshake.

I'll go in for a hug, to play it cool
and annoy the fat lady.

I don't need to introduce you, do I?

I'd rather you did.

Mr. Grimaux,

Delphine,
who joined us a year ago.

Welcome on board, Delphine.

It's too late for a hug.

Thank you.

-Have you settled in?
-Yes, no problem.

-Did you know Ghislaine was leaving?
-Only when you announced it,

at your 20th anniversary.

I mean,
the company's 20th anniversary.

I understood.

Put her in the loop

and we'll debrief later, one on one.

No problem.
Gotta stop saying that!

-I'll sound stupid!
-Miss?

Bénin!

I'm Fanny, her assistant.

Pleased to meet you.

See you later.

Unless you have a problem.

That's great.

-Thank you.
-See you later, Pierre.

Delphine, let's have coffee,
shall we?

I can't right now.

Let's have coffee together.

I'll be right back, Fanny.

Your Nespresso,
with a little chocolate.

-Thanks.
-Thanks.

Never between meals.
You can have it.

-So, tell me...
-Here we go.

About what?

-You're Paul's mistress.
-I don't know.

You don't know?

What am I saying?
Cathy, Manon, help!

No, it's just that...

Grimaux and I have a deal.

I mean Pierre and I.
When we're in public

we pretend we've never met.

Listen, sweetie,

either you're lying or Pierre
has been to the Actors Studio!

and as I've known him
for the past 10 years,

I'd go with the first option.

Why would I lie?

Because you're a neurotic,
pathetic go-getter.

We could just ask him.

No shouting, guys.

What an idiot!

What do you think?

I think it's a bad idea, Nicole

and it could cost you your job.

Oh, now you're trying
to intimidate me.

Good job.

Listen, I don't know when or how,

but the truth is going to come out.

It'll blow up in your face.

Enjoy this while you can.

Do you want some carrot cake?
49 calories.

It's not the right time.

Actually, I wanted to see you

to ask for your advice.

I was hired here
as a graphic design assistant,

which I actually am.

But recently,

I've turned into a handyman,
I'm asked to fix the lighting...

-And to babysit?
-Yes.

They're Pauline's.

I wanted to speak to you,

because...

Since you moved upstairs,
I thought you could,

if you have the opportunity--

Maybe you could--
And seeing as the two of you are--

Oh no, not you as well.

Sorry, it was stupid of me.

Who wants cake?

OK, you tell a story.
I'll eat it.

I'll have a bite.

What was the story?

Major disaster.

Emergency meeting at Cathy's.
I'll bring the booze.

You're in trouble.

Yes, I know.

If I don't sleep with him,
everyone will be on my case.

He needs to fall in love with you.

Easy-peasy.

He's married, with a hot mistress
and he thinks you're stupid.

It's a slam dunk.

This is wrong.

She's right.

-He looks right through me.
-Then look him in the eye.

-They love it.
-That's not love.

No one knows what love is.

I do. It's an uncontrollable
magnetic attraction.

For instance,
between me and Bharat Thakour...

Hey, shouldn't you be in India?

It's the monsoon, FIY.
The Ganges is overflowing.

We postponed the wedding.

Forget him.
He's not right.

You don't even know him!

Mind your own business
and I'll mind mine.

Let's stay on track.
What about that hyena?

Tell her she misunderstood.

What?

Everybody got it wrong.

You didn't mean Pierre Grimaux,

you meant Baron Pierre de Grivot.
Or...

OK, that was a stupid idea.

We're out of rosé.

Is white Bergerac OK?

Yes.

I got an idea.

The working girl act.

The working girl act.

Can I get you something?
Tea? Coffee? Me?

OK.

Give it a go, Delphine!

Go on, give it a try!

It's gonna work. I promise.

Can I get you something?
Tea? Coffee? Me?

It's funny.
It just doesn't work with you.

It just doesn't work.

You're such a bitch.

You bitch! You bitch!
Oh my God!

Got it!

I'll walk up to Grimaux and I'll go:

"Yeah, that's right.
Got a problem with that?

"You've had your share of women.
I get it.

"My ass? Dream on, sucker!"

I love it.
It's not constructive, but I love it.

Isn't it a bit too much?

It would feel good,

but then it'll be like
"Bye, Felicia."

Wait, I have another idea.

Tell him: "Olivier..."

-His name is Pierre.
-Same thing.

"Pierre,
I never said we were together,

"I just said
I was falling in love with you."

Yes, that's good.

"Pierre, it's not my fault.

"When I see you, I start shaking
and my head starts spinning.

"I get a tingling sensation
down my spine."

This is really good stuff.

"My only mistake
was to tell some friends,

"who stabbed me in the back,
especially Carole."

-Nicole.
-"Nicole,

"who, driven by appalling cynicism,
betrayed my trust in her.

"It brings such shame upon me!"

"Pierre, please,
take me in your arms."

Great stuff,
but I could never act like you do.

Of course you could.

You wouldn't need to act.
Just say it and it'll work.

Flattery always works on guys.

I think you just saved my life.

It didn't take much.

What about me?

You helped a lot.

Nice. So, to love.

No! To us.

-To us.
-To us.

I'm like a total rockstar.

Everyone's asking me about you two.
I love it.

-What do you tell them?
-The truth.

the Ritz, the champagne,
the high life.

The Ritz? Fanny!

Someone called you a liar.
Do you know what I told him?

No.

That Pierre got you an apartment.
He was flaggerbasted.

Flabbergasted.

Same thing.

Delphine, Pierre wants to see you.

Does 3:30 work for you?

Yes, no problem.

Aren't you eating?

Shit, shit, shit!

-What's it about?
-No idea.

How are the kids?

-They're at the copier with François.
-Thank goodness he's here.

For sure.

Delphine!

How are you, Delphine?

-Are you looking for something?
-Yes.

A script, folded in half.

Is it a love story?

Yes.

-Can I have a look?
-No.

-Let me see it.
-No.

-Let me see it.
-No.

-Fanny?
-Yes.

-Didn't you say...
-What?

-The...
-Oh, stop it!

Come on, Cathy, pick up!
Cathy?

I'll be dead in an hour.

Did you learn your lines?

I did, but you're not listening.
You don't care.

-I do care. Guess where I am.
-No idea.

At Bagheera's den.

Don't do it, Cathy! You're crazy!

It'll be fine. Trust me.

You can come in now.

OK, I have to go now.

Bye.

Orange? What the hell?

I told you I wanted red.

You don't even read my memos.

-Hello.
-Ah, hello.

We wrap up in two days.
I'm in a rush.

-So, it's about a script.
-Yes.

Tell me all about it.

It's about a woman like you.

You inspired me, actually.

your career, your choices.
-Where's Giovanni?

He's on his way.

-And you want Monica Belluci for it?
-Yes.

So who is this woman?
Is she married? Does she have kids?

No, that's not her jam.
Her jam is her magazine.

What is she, a nun?

I was thinking...

I'm not sure, but I was thinking...

Seb!
Excuse me.

-What time is the bank meeting?
-4:30, but they're always late.

I thought she'd have a lover,

a very attractive man,
who's also very married.

He tells her he loves her,
but she knows he's lying.

She also knows
if she doesn't start a family now,

she'll always be someone's lover.

-Isn't that a tad clichéd?
-Sure, but it's universal.

At least, I think so.

Do we want kids?
By the time you get to 35 or 40,

your biological clock

becomes more of a time bomb
than a cuckoo clock.

Not bad!
You're pretty good.

Seb, get Juliette on this:

"Your biological clock
is a time bomb."

Then I was thinking
of a third character,

like an au pair.
She's 10 years younger.

She doesn't need makeup

and still looks good
after an all-nighter.

20-year-olds
aren't that interesting.

But he's not looking
for an interesting girl.

So who is this man?

It's not Vincent Cassel, is it?

No, he's older.

He keeps his wife,
to make his life easier.

he humps the nanny on the side
and Wonder Woman flatters his ego.

-Why doesn't she leave him?
-That's what I was wondering.

But I can see you're busy,

-I can leave.
-No, no, no.

Don't go. Stay.

-Françoise?
-Yes?

-Get us something to drink.
-Of course.

That way.

If it's not Vincent Cassel,

-then who is it?
-Well...

Mr. Grimaux?

Have a seat, I'm coming!

Fix yourself a drink,
from the cabinet.

What about you?

Tea? Coffee?

Me?

-What was that?
-Nothing.

-Tea or coffee?
-No, I'm good, thanks.

Have a seat.

No problem.

-I needed to see you.
-Here we go.

Help!
No, come on. Olivier...

No, that's not it.
Dear Pierre,

I never said we were together.
I said I was falling in love.

This is a little bit awkward.

Really?

I'm not convinced
by your Tipp-Ex whiteout project.

"Scrub out your ex with Tipp-Ex."
We want a more classic approach.

We wanted it to be eye-catching,

with an abrasive sense of humor.

It's irreverent, funny.

It'll freshen up our image.
It's a win for Tipp-Ex and for us.

Yes, but the client didn't like it.

He just got divorced.

In that case, we could go with:
"Blank out your ex with Tipp-Ex."

Stop with the exes.
Would you do that with La Poste?

No.

Then find something else.

Is everything else OK?

-Yes, yes, no...
-No problem. I know.

Damn, damn, damn.

-Hello?
-Yes?

Is this a bad time?

Give me a second.

-OK.
-So, find something else.

-Of course.
-Thanks.

Thanks.

How are you?

Fine.
I'm still at the office.

-I booked the Buddha-Bar.
-I'm in a meeting.

We can meet up half an hour later.

-Can you pick me up?
-Sure.

You'll see, it's really nice.

It's a great bar.

Do you want me in a kimono?

Tonight, could you...

-What?
-No, no, no.

-Come on, what is it?
-Nothing.

I just don't get it.

That was a good project,
but we have to start over.

It's tough, but I'm hanging in there.

Don't worry, Nicole,
I'm hanging in there.

I told you, Suzanne.
Pathetic.

It's pathetic.

All out war with the hyena.
Debrief at Buddha-Bar tonight, 9:00.

Excuse me, madam.

So, as I was saying,
this is

for the Ministry
of Family and Social Affairs.

So, question one:
how long have you been married?

-21 years.
-21 years.

-How many children do you have?
-Three.

One son and two daughters, twins.

Question three:
on a scale of one to 10

how stable is your marriage?

10, without a shadow of a doubt.

So, 10.

Question four: do you often go
on weekends trips?

I didn't expect the ministry
to be so inquisitive.

Don't worry,
this is all totally confidential.

You don't have to answer everything.

I'm doing this
to pay for my studies.

I lost my parents.

Would you like some whipped cream?

Yes, thank you.

What sort of marriage contract
do you have?

So?

Joint ownership.

The money belongs to her family,
so...

-He'd never divorce.
-No.

-What did you find out?
-Me?

I got into her head.

What's his wife like?

I think she was born
with that bougie vibe.

I tell you,

if you dropped
a piano on her toes,

she wouldn't cry or curse.
At best, she'd let out a whimper.

I should have ordered
the Chinese-style chicken salad.

I'm fine with spring rolls.

What are they doing here?

I'd say they're having dinner.

-And you knew.
-Who? Me?

Are you crazy?

-I thought that this evening...
-What?

You know.
The coat and boots.

Ah, yes.

If she recognizes us, we're toast!

I thought about it.
I wasn't sure.

-But I decided against it.
-Ah, OK.

-Why did you choose this place?
-I have the right to party.

What a night.

Are you OK there?

I love wearing these shoes of yours.

I'm not surprised.
Enjoy them.

They cost a fortune.

He's madly in love with her.

She's really hot.

Look at those curves.

That was a warning.

Next time,
I'll tie you up to the table.

The crab's for you.

And the spring rolls?

For the dog.

They're for me.

-Is the dog OK? I mean the lady?
-She always does that.

She doesn't like to eat in public.

I'm thirsty.
Can I have a bowl of water?

If she dumps him,
he'll fall straight into your arms.

Like a sleepwalker.

He's not blind.

She's like caviar,
I'd be like shepherd's pie.

Yummy, shepherd's pie...

Ow!

I'm sorry.

But to be honest,

she's not perfect.

I can confirm that.
I can see her feet.

They're like bricks.

And women like her never age well.

She'll be oozing silicon and botox
in a couple of years.

And 10 years from now,
she'll be like Rambo's mom.

She's gone.
Now's your chance!

Try to look detached.
Just saunter over there.

Act mysterious and intriguing.

But what do I say to him?

Just say hello.
You want to sound kind of bougie.

Go for it.

Hello, Mr. Grimaux.

-Oh... Delphine.
-Yes, it's me.

-Do you often come here?
-No, only on Mondays. It's quieter.

-Yes.
-Yes.

-Goodbye, Pierre.
-Yes, goodbye.

Good evening.

Are you OK, darling?

-Who's that?
-Someone from work?

She's pretty.

She's got a nice ass.

You could ask her
to wear those boots.

-What?
-With no panties, in a meeting.

Is that a joke?

Oh! Things are getting tense
in the enemy camp.

She's bright.
She chose the name for your magazine.

-You told me it was your idea.
-Yes.

You liar.

It's getting nasty.

Let's not spoil our evening.
I hardly know her.

Do you like her?

He won her back.

It's the first dent
in their relationship.

He checked your ass!

That's called a precedent

and precedents turn into habits
and addictions.

So, Thai chicken?

-Emperor shrimps?
-I love you.

That's completely disgusting.

That's just despicable.

What is it?

-Her Indian guy dumped her by text.
-Good riddance.

-Manon!
-Where are you going?

What are you doing?

Stop it, Manon.

Stop it. He's a liar.
He's a lying asshole.

He's probably not a Maharajah's son.
He's probably not Indian.

He probably sells kebabs.

Cathy?

Are you kidding?

Get me out of here!

No, not now.

Manon!

-Screw that Indian dude!
-Excuse me?

-Yes?
-The check.

What's the most inconspicuous
way out of here?

That way?

That's right:
"Pay the check. Carry the table.

"Die of thirst!"

I want to die!

No, no.

How could he be so spineless?

And be such a liar?

It could be worse.
Look at me.

An ex of mine forgot to dump me.

Oh my God!
You missed everything!

Guess what Bagheera did.
She went back to the bathroom.

No!

And he followed her.

-The bitch!
-The bastard!

I hardly need to tell you,
it's not in the bag yet.

Why is life so complicated?

Am I really that stupid?

I get dumped every single time.

Tell me the truth,
am I really that stupid?

Well... Yeah.

No. Life is stupid.

It could be worse.

Did one of your exes
forget to dump you?

What?

I'll explain later.

No, no, no.

You're better off than Bagheera
who's gonna lose her lover

to Delphine.

Yes, imagine that.

Great.

That's great, but I'm still an idiot.

I'm an idiot and I'm on my own.

No, you're not on your own.
What about us?

Yes. OK, we're a bunch of idiots,
but there's vodka in my fridge.

We'll get super drunk
and we'll get a mean sore throat.

Yes, we have a great reason
to become alcoholics.

I love that.

Let's go straight to my place.

-Go!
-Come on.

-I need the file on Priority Mail.
-Priority?

-"Set yourself aquiver. I love mail."
-No, I don't like that.

I got it.

A butt-naked hottie
and the caption:

"Get your rocks off.
I love mail."

Great idea.
That's a great idea, David.

So who's the hottie?
Your mom or your sister?

I know, let's get both
to double the pleasure.

Stop it, Delphine. No moms.
Leave her out of this.

OK, I'll stop.

Suzanne, I can't just sit here

while this golddigger
is working overtime

to destroy the company.

-You're getting paranoid.
-I can't sleep.

I need to protect Pierre.

Think of his reputation,
his wife and children

and the people in his building.

-Nicole?
-I'll call back.

Nicole,
the weather forecast looks great.

I'm playing tennis later.
Is there anything

-you can do about my meeting?
-Of course. I'll take care of it.

You're under so much pressure.

-Yeah.
-Ah, Pierre, Pierre!

OK? The mugs aren't too heavy?

Pierre!

-Do you have 30 seconds?
-30, yes.

It's about Delphine Bénin.

-What did she say to you?
-Nothing, why?

No reason.
I saw her in a restaurant last night.

She doesn't talk to me much,

but she's been spreading rumors.

Rumors?

Go on.

I'm not available, Pauline.

-What sort of rumors?
-Scandalous rumors.

Go ahead, I'm listening.

Delphine Bénin
is going around telling everyone

from the basement to the rooftop
that you and her--

Her and me.

She's telling everyone

that you're having a torrid affair.

Or an affair, at the very least.

Torrid.

I know it's not true, Pierre.

She's smearing you.

I think you should demote her,
to set an example.

Calm down.
You've turned red.

As the head of HR,

I'm going to pin
some gross misconduct on her

to get rid of her for good.
Without compensation.

I'll decide what to do.

-Thanks.
-Thanks.

And be firm, goddammit!

Torrid.

Thank goodness for I Love Mail!

Stop it, David!
Change the record!

We need to focus.

I know.
I Love Mail

-is like a modern Mercury.
-That's it.

I spoke to him.
She's finished.

-But you didn't overdo it.
-Not at all.

I was sober but straightforward.

What about him?

Pierre was very dignified,
but I know what he's like.

That viper
will be gone before tonight.

I can see him.
He's doing it!

This is good, Suzanne.

It's happening.
He's on his way!

I'll call back.

But modern.

He's Mercury, so he has wings...

in his head, not for real.
He has antennas to go faster.

Something like that, anyway.

A modern Mercury.

He lacks wings, but he's super-fast.

-Like light.
-Like light. Right.

He'll be faster than he was
in ancient times.

He'll move incredibly fast,

but we'll keep the idea of Mercury.
He's a god from ancient times

and that's something that people--

-Hello.
-Hello.

-Hi.
-Hello, sir.

Please, don't get up.

Sorry to interrupt,
but I wanted to check something.

Did you do the launch campaign

-for ISA magazine?
-Yes.

Yes. I think so.
I mean, yes, I did.

Who came up with the name?

Er, I did.

I think so. Yes, I did.

Good.
And why did you go with ISA?

Because it's my mother's name.

-Right.
-Right.

Good, good.

-OK, carry on.
-Yes, no problem.

Goodbye.

-Goodbye.
-Goodbye, Mr. Grimaux.

No problem, huh?

Yes. No problem.

-Suzanne?
-What?

Something's gone wrong.

Really?

I don't think
he let that bitch have it.

Maybe she is his mistress after all.

What on earth do you mean?

Very nice. Good work.

Ah, Mr. Grimaux, I wanted to see you.

-Yes, hello...
-Boullet.

-François Boullet.
-Yes.

Graphic design assistant.
That's what I was hired for.

-Yes.
-Actually...

I wanted to talk about my job.

I'm sure Delphine mentioned it.

I'd like to do graphic design,
not be a handyman.

Of course.

-Delphine... Delphine Bénin?
-Yes.

Did she mention me?

Yes, of course she did.
She mentioned you.

Of course she did.
Don't you worry about that.

I'll take care of it.
Delphine Bénin.

François, if you have a problem,
no need to bother the boss.

-That's my job.
-No, problem solved.

Delphine intervened.
I'm getting my job back.

-What do you mean?
-Didn't you hear?

What's going on?
This office is going crazy!

Be careful! Be careful!

What a moron!

Good job.

What?
You've never seen a stain before?

Hello, ladies, how are you?
Did you enjoy your lunch?

-Enjoy your meal.
-Thanks.

You're really great.
You were true to your word.

How can I thank you?

Shall I get some coffees?

Yes, that'd be very nice.

-With milk?
-Yes.

-Sugar?
-Yes.

You imbecile!

-May I?
-Yes, of course.

What happened there?

It's just a bit of ink.

It's that idiot François.

We can't keep him.

He's lazy as a sloth.

Always playing on his computer
instead of working.

-I didn't add sugar.
-That's sweet.

Could I ask you something else?

-Yes.
-I'm sorry for...

First, stop apologizing.

It's annoying.

Get a makeover.
Change those glasses.

And speak up.
It'll help you.

You mean...

Like this?

He never fails.

Did you speak to Delphine Bénin?

Huh?

Pierre,
I'm doing what I can to protect you.

I don't need protecting.
I can protect myself.

But you're not actually with that--

Don't start that again!

Enjoy your lunch.

You're not in love with me, are you?

Me? No, not at all.

It felt like it.

OK?

So, you nabbed the Sofitel contract.

I did.

But no luck with Bioderma.

It's not a done deal.

Kind of.

These chicks are all right.
Do you know them?

-No, but I heard about Nina.
-What?

-That's great.
-What?

Her new magazine for men.

Oh?

She set us up to make us compete.
Classic Nina.

You did know about it, right?

Of course I did.

Have you got anything yet?

We've got a few ideas.

Don't even bother.
We have the title, everything.

We got it.
Which side do you want?

-We can always do better!
-So you say!

You know,
I don't usually read synopses,

but I really liked it.

Could I say one thing?

That's why I had you read it.

The main character

doesn't know what she wants.
She needs to get tougher.

Yes! That's it!
You're totally right.

She needs to be crueler to him.
More brutal.

But at the same time, I don't know.
Could we do that?

Of course!
She's too nice.

Dammit!

Which one is yours?
The guy winning or the guy losing?

What do you think?

So?

6-4, 4-2. He's furious.

I'll call you.

So, you know them both.

Yes,
but I met the younger guy recently.

I'm going to take a shower.

I'll give you a call.

Goodbye!

What's this new magazine?

It's for men.

I think I'll call it
Proud Of Being Jerks.

What do you think?

Do you think this is funny?

I can switch agencies, can't I?

Of course.
But I don't want you to see him.

You're not getting jealous, are you?

-Julien left his wife.
-Two weeks ago.

But he's free now.

What's gotten into you?

It's over between us.

What?

I need to build something solid.

It's now or never.

I want a child.

Let's not mix everything up.

Pierre, there are a few things
that I'll miss,

for sure.

But my mind's made up.

I'm sorry.

Wait, hold on.

Aren't we having dinner together?

I made time for you.

Make it for something else.

I booked the Ami Louis...

The Ami Louis...

Are you OK, sir?

We're about to close.

I'm on my way.

Are you married?

Yes, sir, for the past 40 years.

And are you happy?

Not every day,

but there's a bright side to it.

You ever thought about leaving her?

-No, why?
-No reason.

Actually, I did once.
With the girl from the local bar.

-And did you?
-No.

Right.

We're all the same.

We think we're special,
that we'll conquer the world. But no.

Women are right: we're cowards.
We just make do.

-That's right.
-Yes.

You can't imagine my life:

with my stupid job,
the bullshit, the fakery,

the little treats.
Or what's left of them...

I don't know what I'm doing here.

This isn't how I imagined things.

Not at all.

-Hi, Dad.
-Hello.

I thought you were eating out.

Hello, Daddy.

Why is the TV on?
It's a school night.

I was waiting for you to get back.

That's new.

We've both been asked
to meet the principal.

Our adorable twins

urinated in the soap dispenser.

Chloé, Bénédicte, go to bed.
Watch the table.

Good night, Daddy.

Now, that's parental authority!

You surprise me.

You're hardly ever here

and when you are
you're soft as a marshmallow.

I had a bad day. Don't make it worse.
I'll talk to them tomorrow.

I got spanked on the tennis court.

I found marijuana
in our son's bedroom,

you never look at me,

our daughters
are about to be expelled,

but you lost a tennis match.

OK, OK.

What a tragedy!
While our family's falling apart!

Listen to me.

I lost to Julien Hamont.

He's taking a huge contract from me.

Please, don't push me.

I don't ask you to work.
Don't ask me to run this house!

If Daddy
hadn't funded your company,

you'd still be stuck
in your shabby agency in Puteaux.

Furthermore,

raising our children
isn't merely a domestic duty.

He's walking all over you, Mom.

Shut up, dope fiend.

Please, Pierre!

Chérie FM!

The weather report with Serge Rombit.
Hello, Serge.

-Hello.
-So, there'll be storms today.

Yes, we've had some warm spring rain.

Yes, Pauline.
I'm not in the mood this morning.

What?

I don't care about his union!

That's exactly right.

What a perfect family.

Your father's at the top of his game.

Your mother couldn't be happier.

Are you happy?

Very happy.

That's right.

You're making fun of my job.
That's so clever.

You got nothing better to do.

You dolt!

Goodbye, Daddy.

Don't piss me off, you pests.

Pierre!

And as for you, Charlotte.

Dammit!

Pierre!

Pierre!

Pierre!

Nina: 9:49pm,

10 minutes.
10:03pm. 10 seconds.

Nina, 12:37 a.m. One second.

-Hello, sir.
-Hello.

Do I need to allocate a parking spot
to Miss Bénin?

What for?

I thought you might like it.

No!

Sir?

No!

I thought about your vacation time
and the answer is no.

Get me Delphine Bénin, right now.

-Very good, sir.
-Hello, Pierre.

No, he's not here yet.

-Hold the line.
-Pauline,

-send a courier for my cell.
-Your wife is on the line.

Tell her I'm in meetings all day.

And send in Delphine Bénin,
as soon as she gets in.

Get moving!
I'm in a bad mood today.

Yes, Mrs. Grimaux...

Delphine, I don't know why,
but Grimaux looks furious.

He wants to see you in his office.

OK, I'm on my way.

I've never seen him like this.

Come in.

-Hello.
-Sit down.

So?

We have our campaign slogan,
for Priority Mail.

It's "So far, yet so close."

It's not about that.

I'll cut to the chase.
I heard you've been spreading rumors.

I keep hearing that you and I

are involved
in an intimate, torrid affair.

It's extremely unpleasant.

What was Plan B?
Dammit, I can't remember!

Yes, yes, I know, Mr. Grimaux.

It's true, I said something stupid,

but not that we were lovers.

-What did you say?
-What did I say?

I said...

I just said
that I was falling in love with you.

It's true.
I can't help it.

I plead guilty.
I can't help it.

When you walk into the room,
my head starts to spin.

I admire you so much.

Hopeless!

Cathy was much better.

I'm done.
He's going to fire me.

You know,

I know that falling for your boss
is a bit pathetic.

It was an accident.

I didn't see it coming.
I'd given up on men,

after my last relationship.

But I like the way you dress

and I like your aftershave.

It's all so easy for you.
You seem so confident.

You can't imagine
how much I regret this.

And?

And nothing.
You don't have to believe me.

I didn't mean to upset you.

I was just happy to work with you.

Thanks for the handkerchief.

Thanks.

What do I do now?

Should I resign?

For being in love?

That's not professional misconduct.

It's more of a matter of bad taste.

Stop crying now.

Give me a smile
and never talk of resigning again.

Isn't it wonderful to be in love?

No more tears.

Nicole, what are you doing?

It's funny.
Normally, I can hear so clearly.

Aren't you going a bit too far?

I'm handling the situation.

-Are you sure?
-Of course.

Go ahead.

There we go.

Delphine?

Yes, sir?

Don't call me sir.
You can call me Pierre.

Pierre.

This will be our secret.

That'll look more realistic.

My hair.

-There.
-Good.

-I'm hungry.
-She does that every time.

Every single time, the little slut!

-Who's that shouting?
-It's me.

What's the matter?

Nothing... Nothing...

I made a mistake.
I better get going.

-This company--
-What's wrong with her?

-I don't know, sir.
-Ah, Pauline...

What would I do without you?

There's no discipline.

Meet me at the Bound.

OK, let's get going.
We don't have much time.

Hold on.
Can you get that blonde over here?

So, did it happen?

Her eyes are sparkling.

-You did it.
-Yes.

We want all the details.

Yes, in chronological order.

The nitty-gritty.

None of that soppy
"I love him" stuff.

-Hello.
-Hello.

Thanks.

So?

I did what you said.

I went to see him and said:

"Pierre"...
I call him Pierre now.

"You're wonderful,

"you're marvelous

"and I love you, blah, blah, blah."

but I was mysterious and intriguing.

Did it work?

-Not at all.
-Damn!

-Did you get fired?
-Worse.

I knew your plan was crap.

Hush! So what did he say?

First, he wiped my tears

and then he told me he understood

and that he felt flattered.

He's so kind when he feels flattered.

And he's funny and so playful.
I think I need a guy like him.

-And then?
-He impersonated Nicole!

He was good!

He talked about his wife and kids

and his family life.
It's not much fun.

He seemed pretty sad.

He thought the whole idea was funny.
Do you know what he asked me?

No.

To spread more rumors.

He looked so excited.
He was like a little kid!

What do you call this?

Are you in love?

Oh my God!

The three gentlemen sent champagne.
What should I tell them?

We prefer beer,
but we'll make an effort.

OK.

-What do I do now?
-OK, so plan A...

He's waiting in the lobby.

I'll send you an email.

-Hello, Delphine.
-Hello, Hervé.

Congratulations on the B-Concept ad.
What was the slogan?

-"A new Concept for life."
-Ah, yes.

-Did we get it?
-Absolutely.

Yes!

-Up, up, up, up!
-Thanks!

Ah, hello, Nicole.

-Slut.
-You old cow.

Senior management.

Hello, everyone.

OK, girls?

I'm doing great.

Ah, François!
You got your job back.

-I got you these to say thank you.
-That's so sweet.

You look so different.

In a good way.
That really works.

Apart from your tie.

Come here.

-I wanted to say...
-Come and see this!

-You look more beautiful by the day.
-I was thinking the same thing.

You also think
you're getting more beautiful?

No, I find you
increasingly attractive.

There we go. A new rumor.

Sorry?

Those two were sniffing around,
as usual.

-Why are you doing this?
-Why? I don't know.

Don't you like your new status?

You've seduced the boss's temptress.

-It has a nice ring to it, huh?
-Yes.

I mean, I don't know.
I'd rather it were true.

Life is full of surprises, François.

We have to do something, Suzanne,

before she takes over and fires us!

We need to set things straight.

Calm down.

This is an emergency!

Do you know
what the boss calls you now?

-The old owl.
-The old owl?

Yes.

Hello?

Hello?

What are you looking at?

Why are you in the bathroom?
Get out!

Hello?

I'll show you who's an old owl,
you bastard.

-Yes, hello?
-Mrs. Grimaux, it's Nicole.

-Nicole?
-From HR.

I remember. The Christmas tree.

-There's a problem with Pierre.
-What problem?

Well, Pierre, your husband...

Sorry, could you speak more clearly?

I don't understand
what you're saying.

Pierre is having an affair.

You poor thing.
I know Pierre's having an affair.

-You know about Delphine?
-No, not Delphine.

-It's Nina!
-No, not Nina.

Delphine Bénin, on the sixth floor.

-Are you sure?
-100 percent sure.

How many does he have?

They use his office.

-His office?
-I'm sorry.

Don't be.
You did the right thing.

You're wonderful.

I'm here for you.

Dickhead.

Suzanne, I did it, I called his wife.
Do you know what I learned?

There's another woman.

We need to wake up, Suzanne.

Pierre's a dirty pig,
with no morals.

A goat in a garter belt
would have a chance with him.

I can't stand his suits, his car,
his tennis and his whores.

And I'm developing an allergy
to the people who work here.

I can't suffer these fools for long.

I'm glad I told the pathetic wife

that her husband's office
is turning into a brothel.

That scumbag will pay for this!

PS: We can do lunch, if you like.

It's veal stew today.

No!

Are you Nicole?

Yes.

"With Priority Mail,
I'll get all the girls."

"With Priority Mail,
all our clients come first."

NEW MESSAGE: NICOLE COCHARD

Oh my God!

Shit's about to hit the fan!

-Hello?
-Fanny?

I was about to call you.

-Is this a joke?
-Did you get it?

Her finger must have slipped.

The bit I loved

was the "goat in a garter belt."

"That fool Armand."
"Those bitches Céline and Isabelle."

I'm gonna show her.

Martine, check this out.
It's hilarious.

Hang back on annexes 8 and 10.

Leave them.

Then they'll be your problem.

No way!

Yes, it's me.

What a stupid bitch!

I can't believe it!

What an idiot!

That's it.

I'll call back.

Can I help you?

No, it's not her!

What?
You told me it was her office.

This is her assistant.
Where's Delphine?

I don't know.

I'm so sorry.

You birdbrain!

What a dolt!

I'm so embarrassed.
That poor girl.

It wasn't her fault!

It doesn't matter.

She's just as bad.
I would've slapped her twice.

-Hello?
-Do you know where Delphine is?

She's probably
procrastinating downstairs.

Who's that?

That's Tanner.
Nina Tanner.

Nina.

-Hello, Pauline.
-Hello.

Is Pierre in?

Yes, of course. Follow me.

Nina?

Pierre, I've been thinking.

We can't split up like this.

Our separation...

lacked panache.

-This is what you wanted.
-I don't think this is the time.

Mr. Keitel,

-Pierre's lawyer.
-Pleased to meet you.

He'll need one!

Charlotte Grimaux,
Pierre's wife.

Oh shit.

You said it, my dear.

That's a nice break-up present.

Can you explain?

Explain what?
I just met her playing tennis.

What my client means...

You shut up!

And the other one?
I'd like to see her too.

Who?

Didn't he tell you?
There's another hen in the coop.

No.

She often leaves
his office half-naked.

That must be
how they do things here.

I'm sure the dominatrix
would like to know

about that lady who leaves
your office in a G-string.

-She just got a bit carried away.
-Carried away?

Goddammit, Charlotte!

You have no right to barge in here.

Don't look at me like I'm a creep!

You're floundering, Pierre.
This is hopeless.

How long
have you been cheating on me?

I'm not cheating on you. I swear.

You're just making it worse.

You shut your mouth!

Let me have this row with my husband.

You're pathetic.
You're making it worse.

If you want to stay with her,
just say so and we'll divorce.

You're a bit late for this.

Nina and I are ancient history.

Charming.
He's charming.

You can have him. Gladly.

Shut your fucking mouth.

Hey!

Mrs. Grimaux.

We found her.
On the patio at the cafeteria.

Thanks, Nicole.

Stay here. I'll be right back.

A divorce with three children

will cost you a fortune.

And she owns half of the company.

50%...

I'm so sorry, Pierre.

No, you're not.

You wanted trouble and you got it.

You did a good job.

You're appalling.

I know.

Loser.

I have to say, you lead a busy life.

Yeah.

Here.
He can give it to someone else.

Pauline,
that's the watch we got him.

The bastard!

The bastard!

What's wrong, Nicole?

I didn't catch that.

I got hit by the door.

It's not your day.
But it's not mine, either.

-What did you call me in that email?
-Was it sent?

A dirty pig?

That's funny.

Here, Nicole.

The bastard! The bastard!

Look at that!
It's too funny!

Especially that part.

It's amazing.

I'm going to memorize it.

-Fanny, look.
-Yes, OK.

What a scene!
It's unbelievable.

Everyone's laughing at her.

I'm not.
Mrs. Grimaux mistook me for you

-and slapped me hard.
-Is she here?

Yes.

Behind you.

I'm Charlotte Grimaux

and I demand to know
what's going on between my husband

-and you.
-Nothing.

-What?
-Who's that?

-His mistress.
-What?

-Aren't you the mistress?
-No.

I'm sorry about all this.

It's just a rumor
that was spread by that maniac in HR.

It's got nothing to do with me.
Or him.

Don't you try to fool me.

I swear.

Have you tried to squash a rumor?
You can't.

The more you deny it,
the more they believe it.

-So why were you half-naked?
-Yes, why?

I was working with your husband.
It was hot. I took my sweater off.

Then I put it back on.

But people here
misinterpret everything.

That hyena sees affairs everywhere.
There's nothing anyone can do.

Not you, not me,

not my husband. I mean my boss!
Your husband.

Mr. Grimaux.

If you don't believe me,
just slap me and leave.

You're a good liar.
You'll go far.

-What does he see in you?
-I have no idea.

That's true!
What could he see in her?

What you'll never have.

You watch your tone!

Don't get smart with me.

You don't get it, Charlotte.

You just don't get it.

I can be a smartass.

I can do it, and I'm going to do it.

I'm going to,
because I've had enough.

I'm sick and tired of all this!

Of everything!

I'm tired of seeing
your faces every day.

I'm sick of you,

-and your Labrador.
-Pierre!

I'm done maintaining
this phony, formal pretense.

And I'm tired of you too.

I don't care how you look at me now.

I'm sick and tired of all this.

I'm done!

I'm done with GCP!

-Pierre, are you being serious?
-Pierre!

Pierre has had enough.

He's tired of pretending.

He's tired of lying.

Pierre has had enough!
Pierre has had enough!

Ah, Charlotte.

Charlotte Saint-Charles de Monceau,
with your triple-barrelled name!

You won't get 50% of the company.
You can have 100%

Congrats.
From now on, she's your new boss.

Here you go, kids.

Best of luck.

As for you,

you've got no business here.

-Let's go.
-That hurts.

Stop it, Pierre. That hurts.

Now, Delphine...

Are you crazy?
Who do you think you are?

I'm not your dog.
You can't just snap your fingers.

-You have no respect for your staff!
-I won't allow this.

I don't need your greenlight!
You're a phony!

You're a phony!

And you're scared of women
and I've had it with this bullcrap.

-I won't listen.
-No.

I know it's hard,
but just look at yourself!

It's unbearable.

Do you know what people are saying?

Absolutely.

-Now, listen to me.
-Never!

No!

Six months later...
Somewhere in Crete...

Did you see this?

It's horrible.

No, it's not.

Not that. This is horrible.
We have to get out of here.

You can't stay here.
You just can't.

Look at it!

It's like an commercial.

We just need a baby
wielding a roll of TP

yelling: "Mommy, Mommy!"

You're right.

Pierre! Pierre!

-Pierre!
-Yes?

Can we have a baby?

Sure, but I need two minutes.

I'm busy with the mullet.

Great!

Right.
Happiness makes you sick...

-You're not the happy-ending type.
-No.

-You know why?
-No.

No one would believe it.

It's grotesque.

All that's missing
is a sailboat on the horizon,

a bunch of leaping dolphins

and a song,
as the credits start to roll.

There, look.

Oh! Dolphins!

There are so many!

No way.
What a nightmare.

There are so many of them!

They're beautiful!

It's time to eat!

Already?

Great.
I need my smokes.

Time to eat!

Here we go.

If this isn't bliss,
I don't know what is.

Grilled mullet, chilled melon
and Greek salad.

-Is that OK with you, ladies?
-Yes.

I'll have a smoke.

Isn't my life beautiful?

Here we go.

Go ahead, get started.

Mommy! Mommy!

Don't shout. Mommy's here.

What a gorgeous kid.
It looks just like you.

The view kind of sucks.

You see that over there?
I swam all the way.

Can You Keep A Secret?

Subtitling: Hiventy