True Memoirs of an International Assassin (2016) - full transcript

After a publisher changes a writer's debut novel about a deadly assassin from fiction to non-fiction, the author finds himself thrust into the world of his lead character, and must take on the role of his character for his own survival.

Mason Carver was hired to kill me.

He shows up, you kill him first.

Come on!

Oh, fu...

Okay, RPG's way over the top.

What is the next move?

Next move.

What would he do next?
What would he do next?

What's up, man? We doing this?

What's he gonna do?

All right. Catch you later.

Ka-Bar tactical knife.

Let's light this candle.

- Come here.
- Help.


Let me go! Help! Help!

Give me your hand.

- What are we gonna do?
- Crash.

Hopefully in the water.

We can survive that?

Let's go with it for now.

Yeah! Yeah!

- Thank you, Mason.
- Well...

Oh, signature line time.

What do you say to a beautiful woman
whose life you just saved?


Signature line time.

I got nothing.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold it.

Thank you, Sam.

No thanks needed.

Just doing what any man would do.

Let's just say you owe me one.
You owe...

Missy, you owe...

I'm sorry. Are you still talking to me?

Oh, no, I'm sorry. I was...

thinking what I would say
to a beautiful woman. Sorry. I didn't...

Not that you're not... beautiful.
I didn't...

This is a different one.

- This one's in my head.
- Okay.

I'm coming, too.
I'm not following you.

I'm not following you. I'm going this way.

Whoa, Larson.

This isn't some kind
of disgruntled employee thing?

No, no, I'm not disgruntled.
I'm totally gruntled.

I'm gonna need these home electrical
fire tables on Monday.

Uh, excuse me.
Wasn't Jerry supposed to do these?

All right, here's the deal.

Between you and me,
I never should've hired Jerry.

But what am I supposed to do, right?
That's my wife's brother.

Not to mention,
I accidentally texted him a d-pic...

which was meant for...

Jill the intern. You've seen her, yeah?

Right, no, I know. Anyway, the point is,
he's got me by my Bert and Ernies.

The thing is I'm about to finish my book.
And I just...

I wanted to take the weekend
to polish it up.

Make sure it's accurate.

Okay, how about you just make sure
that these are as accurate as possible?

That's why you get paid the big bucks.
I'm kidding.

I know you make less than I do.
Good stuff.

Fire tables, Monday.

Let's stay athletic, people.
Stay athletic.

Mind and body. Mind and body.

- Thank you, Mason.
- Well...

that's why I get paid the big... bucks?


Yeah, that was...

That was pretty bad.


Sorry, Mr. Lowenthal.

Never bring a knife to a gunfight.

Works, works, works.

Still need a signature line.

Beautiful weekend, Amos.

Didn't notice.

Your Hebrew is almost as good
as your Spanish.


- Here's some Italian.
- Thanks, I owe you one.

I know you're good for it.

If a Mossad agent had to crash land
a helicopter into the water...

You know I was just an analyst, right?

I'm not asking if you had to.
I'm asking if a field agent had to.

Samuel, when was the last time
you had a date?

- What do you call this?
- Two putzes in a pool hall.

Yeah, well, last night I saved
a beautiful woman in Tangier.

Well, you'd better be careful.

You don't want the best things
to happen to your alter ego.

Yeah, well, right now my alter ego's
on a helicopter about to die.

Now, come on, I bought you lunch.
Fill me in here. What's up?

A field agent wouldn't crash a copter.

He would jump out.

Better chance of surviving a fall
than a crash.

Wouldn't the fall kill you
before the crash?

It depends on the height
and how you land.

There's a story,
and I don't know how true it is,

of an assassin so deadly
that he eliminated

over 30 high-value targets
in his short career.

They say for his final mission,
he was hired by the Brits

to poison a Venezuelan general in '88.

So, the operative escaped
in the helicopter, but they shot it down.

And most believe
that that was the end of him.

- Oh, but he lived.
- Well, there are some who think

that he jumped out
before the helicopter crash

and he survived.

Yeah, they say he is out there somewhere,
living in the shadows.

To this day, they still call him...

the Ghost.

No, but personally, I... Me?
I don't believe any of this.

The Ghost.

Samuel, that part is just between us.

- That is not for the book.
- Of course. I wouldn't think of it.

- Did you hear what I said?
- I heard you.

Are you sure about this?

Better chance of surviving the fall
than the crash.

Just wait for the right moment.


No, I really don't think I...

Thank you, Mason.

Call me the Ghost.

Hey, Mr. Larson.

Hey, William.

- Hello.
- Samuel J. Larson?

This is Kylie Applebaum, publisher.

Sorry. I'm not interested
in any more subscriptions.

- Thank you.
- I'm not selling, I'm buying.

Not literally. I'm taking a commission.
But I'm definitely not selling.

Uh, I'm confused.

Your book.
Can you meet me at work tomorrow?

Uh, yeah. Sure.

So, this is your office?

Offices are for assholes.

- I work in the cloud.
- Oh...

- Okay.
- I wanna publish your book.

- You do?
- And I'm not changing a word.

- Are you being serious?
- Yeah. I just need for you to sign first.

Use your finger.

Okay, I should probably have my attorneys
take a look at this and then...

You don't have attorneys.

That is sweet that you made that up.
I have your best interests at heart.

When would this come out?

Soon as you sign. Virtual publish.

- Like Amazon self-publish.
- Amazon self-publish?

That is amateur hour. This is big time.

- You heard of Twilight?
- You published it?

If I published Twilight,
I wouldn't be talking to you.

This is how the next Twilight's
getting published.

Okay. Know what?
Maybe this isn't the best fit.

I'm not saying that. Sorry.

- Look, please sit down. I'll sign.
- Initial there.

And there. One more there.

I was wrong, one more.

And sign there.

Skinny Chai tea.

- Oksana?
- Oh, that's me.

- Skinny?
- Oksana?

Oh, yeah, I never use my real name. This
place is a den of wannabe writers. Ugh.

So, I'll send you the proceeds,
less my commission,

and congrats,
you are a published author, my man.

All right.

You're talking to a published author.

Online, Mom.

I sent you the website.

Yes, they know about it.

Mom, I'm not gonna get fired.

I'm not gonna lose my benefits, Mom.
It's... Can you...?

Would you please look at the site?

What do you mean, it's not there?
Come on, Ma, it's right here.

It's under...


True Memoirs of an International Assassin?

- You said you wouldn't change a word.
- I didn't. I added one.

- An important one.
- It just felt so real.

The details, the research.
It's an impressive story.

- A made-up one.
- You needed social, I got it.


- Ten thousand downloads already.
- Ten thousand?

Ten zero, zero, zero, zero.

- That's a hundred thousand.
- Not yet, but maybe soon.

- So... so, people think I'm a hit man?
- Maybe they do. Maybe they don't.

- Yeah, but I'm not.
- Aren't you?

- No.
- So you say.

- This is crazy. I'm not the Ghost.
- Oh, I know that you're not.

- You think I'm lying?
- No.

Stop. Stop doing that, please.

- Doing what?
- That thing with your eyebrows.

Nobody cares about a fictional book
about an assassin.

But a true story of an assassin,
now, that is how you move...

- tree.
- What is that?

Five large. Your profits, less commission.

Peppermint mocha
with a double shot for a Min-Lee.

Oh, that's me.

Gotta jet.

Hey, Mr. Larson.

Oh, hey, Sam.

I didn't know you were a writer.

Uh, yeah. Where'd you hear that?

You know how everybody
in the building talks.

Not really, no.

Raj on five sent a Snapchat.

- Oh. I'm not on the Slapchat.
- It's Snap.

Never mind. Congrats.

Thank you.

You got to tell me though.
The whole assassin thing...

it's BS, right?

Well, I could tell you, but...

then I'd have to slit your throat
and watch you bleed out.

Oh, I meant...

- I'm gonna take the stairs.
- Yeah... that didn't come out right.

Oh, hope you're hungry.


This is where you say, "I owe you one."
And I say, "I know you're good for it."

I told you the Ghost was not to be shared.

This is real life, Samuel.
People could get hurt.

- You read my book.
- Of course I read the book.

I thought we were friends.


I'm really sorry.

I changed the details.

It was supposed to be fiction.

Why do you write?

I wanna be an author. A published one.

- But not like this.
- No.

Why do you spend all your time doing it?

I don't know.

- To escape, I guess.
- Well, then you are wasting your time.

Stop writing other people's stories.

And start living your own.

Look, Kylie.
I can't do this anymore.

I gotta tell the truth.

- I booked an interview with Katie Couric.
- On network TV?

What, are you 80? No, streaming, live.

- I can't come clean to Katie Couric.
- Who said anything about coming clean?

Just promote the book,
make us rich as hell.

And atone for your sins
in a follow-up to Katie.

- My sins? Did I hear you correctly?
- Yes, you did. The Katie Couric.

You don't understand. I betrayed a friend,
lied about who I am.

So did James Frey. On Oprah.

- That guy's a fraud.
- And a gazillionaire.

If you don't wanna do it,
I've got ten authors

who would give their left nut
to get on Katie.

Is it warm in here?
'Cause it feels very, very warm.

Hey, just spoke to the executive producer.

So, it's gonna be a softball segment,
two minutes tops.

- Katie hasn't read the book. Go get 'em.
- Okay.

Great to meet you, Sam.

I have heard so many nice things
about you.

You good?

- They've been so nice to me.
- Good.

- Anything you want.
- Okay.

Just ask.

Well, not anything, but...

- Thank you, Miss Couric. Appreciate it.
- Oh, please. Call me Katie.

Thank you, Katie.

- Katie.
- Just... Just breathe.

- Right, right, right.
- This is gonna be fun.

It is gonna be fun. It feels fun.


Right here. Just check on this page.

- It's right here.
- Right here.

- Uh, Kylie?
- Ten seconds.

Where's the timetable
that doesn't match the dates?

- Kylie.
- No, no, no, the other one.

- Five seconds.
- Yeah, perfect.

Can someone find my publisher,
Kylie Applebaum, please?

This is gonna be great. Don't worry.

- I wasn't. Should I be worried?
- Love the book. Great stuff.

Three, two, two, two...

For years, Sam Larson was known simply
as the Ghost.

But now he's telling all in his new book,
True Memoirs of an International Assassin.

Sam, thanks for being here.

Hello. Nice to... See me.

Do you mind if I read a passage
from your book?

Oh, why do you need? You don't...
You're gonna...

"Killing became easy for me.

I told myself that I was making the world
a better place.

But in my heart of hearts,
I knew the truth.

I was addicted to death."

Is Kylie...?

So, Sam, let me ask you.

Are you still addicted to death?

Can I...? You know, can I just...?

Before we start,
I've just got to go to the bathroom.

Is there a...? Do they have a bathroom?
Do they...?

- In the outside, is there a bathroom?
- We're actually live.

But this is also live
and I gotta make it happen.

I get... Is there...?

I've got to just... Excuse me.

No, no.

- This is bad. This is very bad.
- Alison, is that him running?

Taxi! Taxi!

And now he's apparently getting
into a cab.

You know how many books
this is gonna sell?

Go, go, go.

Just keep on driving, please, fast.

Can you go?

Can you pass him?


He's here.

Oh, God.


Is that blood?

Hey... there seems to be
some kind of mistake here.

I don't think there has...

Mason Carver.

Oh, no. Oh, no.
There definitely has. Um...

- Mason Carver, he's not real.
- No.

But the Ghost, he is very real.

Although I did imagine you to be a bit...

you know... longer.

- You're pro-Dem guerillas.
- Yes.

I'm in Venezuela.

Very good.

But I'm not the Ghost.

Of course you're not, eh?

I am El Toro.

Although you already knew that.

Just like you knew
that there was a Venezuelan general

that was assassinated by a sniper
in the late '80s.

Oh, no, no, no.

See, I changed that for the book.

He was actually poisoned.

He was. Which is something
only the Ghost would know.

Oh, God.

Thank you.

My hands were getting all numb
and prickly.

You know, the needles.
But please, you've got to understand.

I'm a writer, you know,
who does lots of research.

But I'm not... I'm not the Ghost.

Exactly... what the Ghost would say.

I promise you, you've got the wrong guy.

You know how I know
that you are the Ghost, my friend?

Because if you're not...

I will kill you.

I will cut you slowly and painfully
with my knife.

So painfully...

that your innards will fall out
and spill out on the floor.

Then I will grab them and place them
on your chest.

And then I will place your hands
over them like that.

Something I like to call
the Venezuelan embrace.

I am him.

- I am the Ghost.
- I knew it.

- Él es el Fantasma.
- Ah!

So, what can I do for you?

Mm. You, my friend...

You are going to kill
the president of Venezuela.

In two days,
our so-called president

will throw himself an inauguration ball
to celebrate his fifth unelected term.

And there, you will take his life.

And in doing so,
you will send a message to the people

that greed and corruption
will not be tolerated.

And that the revolution has begun.

I understand completely.

It just seems you've got quite
a few resources here.

Wow, is that a 50 cal...
Yeah, that's a 50 cal.

Um, why not do it yourself?

Because not even I could reach the man
in his palace.

For that, I need someone
with your unique talents.

Right. First step would be

Uh, I would need a vehicle
and a map clearly indicating

- where the nearest airport is located.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why would you need that?

Because once it's done...

um, I'll have less than 90 minutes
to leave the country.

Out of the country?

- When it's done.
- Ninety minutes.

Okay, you're right. You will need a car.

And a driver, my second in command.

Psst. Oye, drive him.

Nice to meet you.

You are not the Ghost.

- He is the Ghost, Juan. He's the Ghost.
- He's not the Ghost.

And when I prove it...

I'm gonna kill him myself.

I must apologize for Juan.

He's a bit of a wet blanket.

Good luck.

That idiot is dead.

So incredibly dead.

Voice analysis is back.

Name's Samuel Larson.

He published a book claiming to be,
get this...

an international assassin.

We should probably pull him out,
put him on a plane home.

Why the hell would we do that?

Because we're the CIA.

- You almost got me. You almost got me.
- You know I like messing with you, man.

I didn't know where you were going
with that.

Bet you a Benji he's dead in less than 48.

Double he doesn't make it to breakfast.


Come on.
From here you do your reconnaissance.

So, I guess I should get started. Uh...

So, I will see you
in probably a few hours, I guess.

Where you go, I follow.

Look. We seem to have gotten off
on the wrong foot.

No, I'm on the right foot.
The foot of you are not the Ghost.

What makes you so sure?

The Ghost would never have been kidnapped
so easily.

That's a fair point. But you know,
maybe I wanted to be kidnapped.

Or maybe you're a fraud. And a liar.

And maybe I kill you right now.

So, what is the Ghost gonna do?

That's a good question.


What is the Ghost gonna do?

He's gonna pee. I got to pee.

- Around the corner, to the right.
- Gotcha.


Open up.

Open up.

Güero, open the door.




- They're gonna kill the president.
- Who is?

Pro-Dem guerrillas. El Toro.

- They tried to hire me.
- They tried to hire you?

Yeah, but not the real me.

The fake me from my book,
True Memoirs of an International Assassin.

If that is the fake you,
then why does it say "true" in the title?

- It's just to sell more books.
- So, can you show me a copy?

You got a computer?

- The computer's not working today.
- You don't have one working computer?

- You don't have one copy of your book?
- It's a virtual book.

- Ah, then it's not a real book.
- No, it's real. It's real, okay?

It's just online.

It could be the next...
Do you know Twilight?

- Oh, I know Twilight.
- It could be the next Twilight...

Can you just take me to the embassy?

This doesn't look like the embassy.

It's not the real embassy, no.

You sit here.

- Make yourself comfortable.
- I'm calling him.


He says El Toro hired him
to kill the president.

We...? We gonna be here long?

Masovich wants to see him
at his house in half an hour.

He doesn't pay me well enough
to be at his beck and call.

You want to tell him that?

We'll take him to Masovich.

But not before this gringo gives me
a much-deserved bonus.


You need to get me some money.

Some next-Twilight-sized money.

- Yello.
- Kylie. Hi, it's Sam.

Ghost with the most. What's the word?

- I'm in Venezuela.
- Sure you are.

I'm doing that eyebrow thing
right now, BTdubs.

I'm telling the truth.

Uh... I've been abducted. Twice.

Oh, you are so method. I love it.

Can't wait to find out
what the Ghost does.

Oh, got to go. That's me. I'm Curtis.

Nothing, I...

- I got nothing.
- No.

I need to hear about a large sum of money.

Or your face is going to be nothing

- in three, two, one...
- No. Come on, please. No, no, no.

- Let's light this candle.
- Whoa, what are you doing?

- What was that?
- I didn't... I don't know.

- Ow! That hurt. Oh, that hurt.
- This is going to hurt more.

No. No, please, no.


Get a move on, cupcake.

I'm sorry. Who are you?

Rosa Bolivar. DEA.

I've been trailing those cops
for two weeks.

They're on the payroll
for a heroin-smuggling Russian

named Anton Masovich.

Who's that?

A heroin-smuggling Russian...
Did you not hear what I said?

I'm sorry. Okay, look.

Thank you for saving me.

I don't do this job for thanks.

That's a good signature line.

Why does El Toro think
you can kill the president?

It's just a misunderstanding.

I'm a writer. I create characters.

- This right here is not me.
- What's your name?

My name is Sam.

I'll tell you what,
Sam and cheese.

- I'm gonna get you out of this.
- Thank God. Thank you very much.

You're gonna do me a favor first.

Anything you need.

- Meet with Masovich.
- That's not gonna happen.

Your friends there told Masovich
that you would be at his place in 15.

If you don't show,
he's gonna know something's up.

What does he want with me?

That's what you need to find out,
honey baked.

Honey baked?

It's that one with the huge gate.

I'm not going in there.
The one with the guards?

Is that a Doberman?
They've got Dobermans walking around, no.

I'm not gonna be buried in Venezuela.
I'm not going in.

If I go in,
I will be murdered in the face.

Look at me.

- Breathe.
- I'm breathing.

Not like you're drowning.

Slow it down.


If Masovich wanted you dead,

he would have ordered those cops
to execute you.

He didn't. They were going off-script

when they started shaking you down
for money.

Find out Masovich's interest
in El Toro and the president,

and I'll get you home safely.

Masovich needs to believe
you are an assassin.

Oh, I'm so gonna die.

I'm so gonna die.

Detective Garcia sent me.

I'm Anton Masovich.

Come outside.

It's a beautiful day.

How about a nice cold Zima?

You like?

They are fun girls, huh?

Yeah, I can tell by all the splashing.

When this is over,
you can have whichever one you like.

What do you mean, when this is over?

Take a seat.

How are you connected to El Toro?

The truth.

El Toro wants me to kill the president.

He thinks I'm an international assassin.

- And? Are you?
- No. Not even close.

I'm sorry, Mr. Masovich.

The Zima shipment was delayed.

I've brought you Smirnoff Ice.

Don't worry about it, Paolo.

Why they only sell Zima in Japan
is beyond me.

Am I right?

You are. I mean, I just... I totally agree.

I mean, if you wanna be global,
you've gotta be accessible.

You gotta be, you know, you gotta
be able to reach out, Paolo.

I'm blessed to be kept swimming,
most of the time.

El Toro is a terrorist
who's brainwashed his followers.

He's a major concern
to my business interests in this country.

I've tried to flip his men in the past,
but they'd rather die on the sword.

What about you?

- What about me?
- Do you wanna die on the sword?

No, no, no.

I don't want to die on the sword,
or, like, on anything else.

- I don't...
- Wonderful.

Then you kill him for me.

I'm sorry, what?

Kill El Toro.

He trusts you,

- so, you can get close to him.
- Yeah, but I'm not an assassin.

So you keep saying.
But you clearly have the skills.

You disabled Detective Garcia,
and you came here.

Which suggests to me
that you are sure of yourself.

I promise, I'm not sure of myself.
When they ask paper or plastic,

I'm even like, "Whatever's easiest
for you," you know?

- No habla inglés?
- Yeah, your modesty doesn't fool me.

I'll give you a choice.

You can use your unique position for evil

by killing the president, starting a war,
and bringing this country to its knees...

or you use it for good.

For me.

- By killing El Toro.
- I just wanna go home.

- How is everything, Mr. Masovich?
- It's great.

Paolo here has known me
since I was five years old.

Isn't that right?

It has been my pleasure to serve you
and to watch you grow into a strong man.

My father hired him when we came
to this country almost 40 years ago.

Wow, that is so nice.

But he should have restocked the Zima.

I can find you in a second.

Don't let me down like Paolo.

Oh, you're not gonna believe this.

- Is that Masovich's place?
- You know what this means?

- Double down on our bet?
- Well, yeah.

But also, if he's met with two
of the three kings of Caracas,

we should probably tell the third.

And I should probably download his book.

You forget about me, bacon bits?

So, Masovich must have
had a chat with you

and said you could leave the country.
No strings attached.

- Yeah, maybe one string.
- Yeah, I know.

- I heard the whole thing.
- Yeah? Well, I'm getting out of here.

I just saw a man get murdered,
actually, in the face.

- So, I'm going to the embassy.
- Go ahead.

I promise you, you go in there,
you will die.

The guy's got eyes everywhere.

Even here.

He wants you to kill El Toro.

This is good.

But this is insane.

I'm not an assassin.
Now I've got two contracts. Two.

How is this good?

Because it confirms Anton Masovich
is protecting the president.

All I have to do is prove it.
And then I can have them both extradited.

The president's all about the high life,

which Masovich is obviously financing
with his drug business.

Look, if El Toro wants you to take out...

Take out the president,
why don't you help him do it?

Because, McRib, my job
is to uphold the law, not break it.

Do me a favor.
Can you stop with the names?

Sorry, I didn't know you were
that sensitive.

Yes. I am sensitive.

To dying. I'm different that way.
My mother would be like,

"Why are you scared of death?"
I don't know. I guess I'm allergic.

It turns out I'm allergic.
I'm allergic to death.

I understand. This is a scary place.

But if you wanna make it home alive,
you've gotta get out of your head,

and get in the game.

He is here.

This guy has the attention of El Toro
and Masovich?

Well, it seems that way, Mike.

Cut that Mike shit right now, slick.

It's either my real name or el Presidente.

Relax, Miguel.

We all know you grew up in San Diego.

Maybe Masovich and El Toro
believe this guy actually is legit.

- Well, is he?
- No.

- Look at him.
- Mm-hm.

Well, we don't know that for certain.

I will interrogate this Sam Larson.

It is, after all, a matter
of national security.

Sí, sí. Have General Ruiz talk to him.

Fine. But don't make any other moves.

We've all worked way too hard to maintain
the balance of power in this dump.


Yeah. Dump.

Come on, Mike. You hate this place
as much as we do.

I know, I know. But do you have
to keep reminding me?


This is the address to my safe house.

- I'll pick you up tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?

Don't even think about going out.
Masovich owns half the cops,

and controls the airport.

You can't risk being seen.

Yeah, but you've got backup, right?

I'm a one-woman operation.

I gotta believe the U.S. government
knew what was happening...

CIA wants to maintain the status quo.
Nothing more.

I learned my first year down here
that if I wanna do any good,

I have to do it myself.

Sounds kind of lonely.

La cuenta, por favor.

Don't worry.

It's on me.

Your gun. Now.

You're coming with me, Ghost.

- Juan, I'm sorry about locking you out.
- Move.

What if I don't?

- I said move.
- Already moving.

Let's go.

I don't like to fight women.

I can see why.

Get in the game!

You and I aren't done yet.

Looks like we are.

You follow us and you die.

- You're not gonna kill her.
- I'm a freedom fighter, not a murderer.

But you said you'd murder me.

For you, I will make an exception.

Let Mike and General Ruiz know
they just left Café Luna.

- Cleveland, look alive. Come on, man.
- Sorry.

You know the Ghost was hired
by the Brits in '88

to take out the leader of that last coup?

General Sanchez?

Actually, I didn't.

But I guess that makes sense.
MI5 definitely wanted him gone.

Well, either this guy had some
crazy contacts...

or he might actually be the real deal.

Just call General Ruiz.

Where are we going?

Back to El Toro's.

But I didn't have a chance
to kill the president.

We both know you won't.

- That's not true.
- It is.

You are a man of words, not of action.

I punched you.

- You punch like a small child.
- It hurt you.

- It tickled.
- No, no, no. I'm sorry, I saw your eyes,

they got all glassy,
like you were about to cry.

- "Like a small child."
- I'll spank you like a small child.

Oh, yeah? Why don't
you try, and see what the Ghost does?

- You are not the Ghost.
- Really?

Where's your gun?

Like I said, all words.

Oh... Maybe I am the Ghost...

God! Really?

Oh, man.

Now it is your eyes that are glassy.

What is it?

- The army.
- The army's bad?

When you're a rebel trying to overthrow
the government,

it doesn't get much worse.

- Come on.
- All right.

- We wait here till night falls.
- But that's your truck across the street.

If they see us, they'll shoot us.

They find us here, they'll shoot us here.
We gotta go to the truck.

- Not a good idea.
- Come on, Juan.

- Get out of your head, get in the game.
- Hey!

El baño?

El baño, por favor?

El baño, can I...?

Don't talk.

What is your involvement...

with El Toro...

and Anton Masovich?

Masovich wants me
to kill El Toro. El Toro,

he wants me to kill the president.

Confusing, right? It's...

I wasn't gonna do it, by the way.
I would never...

I wasn't gonna kill the president.

- It took El Toro long enough.
- Excuse me?

El Toro has been turning the people
against the president for years.

Let me guess.

He wanted you to do it
at the inauguration ball.


- So cliché.
- I thought so, too.

- It felt a little on the nose, you know?
- Listen.

Mason, Ghost, whatever your name is.

- Sam. My name is Sam.
- Sam.

I had a tiny cat named Sam.

That would be a kitten.

- In the States, we call it a kitten.
- Kitten.

Thank you.

Listen, Sam.

Forget all those offers.

The president needs you
to help him take out Masovich.

Masovich? I would have thought...
El Toro... I'm just lost.

I'm just...

If El Toro needs you, then he clearly
can't get to the president on his own.

Masovich, on the other hand, has had
his claws in the president for years.

The longer the president
appeases Masovich,

the greater the chance
that he will be exposed and disgraced.


I just wanna go home.

And I will get you home, if you do this.

Will you kill Masovich?

I really don't want to, so...

Then you will be tried and executed

for plotting to assassinate
the president of Venezuela.

I'll do it, though, I mean...

I'm happy to hear that.

What is your plan?

I'll do it at the inauguration.

Really? Same place
you were going to kill the president?

If everybody thinks
I'm gonna kill the president,

no one will suspect
my actual objective.

And with Masovich's bodyguards
all outside during the party,

- he will be at his most vulnerable.
- Are you sure it will work?

Already did. Islamabad, '02.

Afghan arms dealer never made it home
from the state dinner.

- I like how you think.
- He's talking about Chapter 12.

Why would an actual assassin write a book
about being an assassin?

- It's beyond stupid.
- Or is it so beyond stupid it's brilliant?

No, it's just stupid. That's it.

Look, I'm taking this guy off the board,
all right?

- I'm gonna go get the C-4.
- Oh, don't start with the C-4.

We can't kill an American.


not directly.


He is an international assassin.

Of course he's gonna go
with the highest bidder.

And right now, that's General Ruiz.

You really should read his book.

I want every cop in the city
looking for that pig.

And when they find him,

I want him to die a long, painful death.

- Understood.
- And tell Paolo

to bring me another Zima
and clean this up.

You killed Paolo, Jefe.

What the hell, Anton?

You can't just shoot someone
in front of us.

At least wait until we leave.


All right. Whole night's ruined.

That's just...

- Something is wrong with you.
- I know.

- In the head.
- It's not even...

How did you get here?
Did anyone spot you?

Well, why don't you take a look at me,

and then take a look at everybody else
who lives here?

I'm gonna say,
yeah, I think I was spotted.

Here you go.

I could've done that myself.

I opened it for you. It's not a big thing.

So, this is your case against
Masovich, huh?

Five years of my life.

It looks a lot like my place.

Yeah, except the stuff on my walls
is real.

Yeah? How's this for real?

I just met with the president's
number one adviser.

- General Ruiz?
- Mm-hm.

- How did you get a meeting with him?
- How I get most of my meetings here.

I was abducted.

Guess who he wants me to eliminate
at the inauguration ball.



Allí arriba.

So, I gotta ask, why are you
so obsessed with taking down Masovich?

The country would be a lot better off
with him behind bars and...

- President Cueto out of power.
- I mean, why you?

Because my parents grew up here.

Because the DEA assumed I'd fail.

And honestly, because if I don't do it...

- who will?
- It just...

It just seems so dangerous, you know?
You're down here by yourself and...

Is it really worth risking your life?

We're all gonna die.

Not all of us get to make a difference.

I know I certainly haven't.

If I could get the president to admit,
on tape,

to ordering the hit on Masovich,

I could probably get them
to turn against each other.

Maybe get one of them to flip.

You're definitely gonna get yourself

I'm not talking about me.


Tomorrow night at the inauguration,
wearing a wire.

- Oh, no, no, no.
- This could be your chance

to start making a difference.

I promise...

I won't let anything happen to you.

- My shoulder!
- Get down!

I got shot! I got shot!

What about not letting anything
happen to me? I'm dying. I'm dying.

- You're not dying. Shut up!
- You shut...

- Ever been shot before?
- Yeah, twice.

Yeah, I got shot square.
Okay, I'm definitely dying.

I can't feel my thumb.

- What the hell?
- Go!

Come on.

Let's go.



Hurry up!

Come on. I've got a go-bag at the mission.

So, let me guess.

The hero from your book
used that trick with the lamp.

Well, no.

The last actuary table I ran
was on home electrical fires.

So, we can thank Trent's d-pic.

That sounds very, very weird.

Um... 'Cause you don't know Trent.
And it's weird on its own.

Wouldn't a hospital be better?

Can't go to a hospital.

You don't get it, do you?

Those guys were cops.

Masovich owns this city.

I wasn't joking when I said
the DEA wrote me off.

I've been down here on my own forever.

I don't have any more resources.
That was my last safe house.

Well, then, how would I be getting
to the inauguration?

What are you talking about?

I'll do it.

I'll wear a wire.

No, you were right. It's too dangerous.
We gotta get you out of here.

- Mission's over.
- Mission is not over.

- The Ghost doesn't just walk away.
- You are not the Ghost.

You said, "Get out of your head
and get in the game."

Sam, we almost died tonight.

We're all gonna die.

Not all of us get to make a difference.

We'd need a small army to protect us
while we got ready.

I think I know where to find one.

Tell El Toro the Ghost is here.

It is the Ghost.

The one and only.

And you, who is this?

Rosa Bolivar.

DEA, idealist, patriot.

She's a badass.
She's a big fan of yours, too.

- You know? Yeah.
- Seems very nice.

My shoulder, man! I got shot.

Qué Bonita.

I have thousands of followers
all over Venezuela,

but I cannot think of anybody
as beautiful as you.

Yes. Muy Bonita, we get it. Okay.
Let's focus on what's important.

Yours truly just received
a personal invite to...

a certain black-tie event.

You see? What did I tell you?

That's right, Juan.

The plan is in motion.

Tomorrow I'll be in position
to take out el Presidente.

But there is one catch.

- Anton Masovich is trying to kill us.
- The Russian Moby?

- Yeah.
- Screw him.

If you want me to take out the president,
I need your men to keep us alive.

- Anything for you, friend.
- Yeah.

- Anything.
- All right.

Anything for you. Come.

Mi casa es Su casa.

We got our small army.

Let's get you ready
for the ball, Cinderella.

No one's gonna be able
to bring a weapon into the palace, so...

if you can steal one of these
from the presidential guard, use it.

Let's see.

- You're a good shot.
- I've spent time at the range.

Don't get me wrong.

You're good,
but you're not as good as me.

- Oh, really?
- Yeah, really.

Why don't you try this on?

Okay, that's really cool.

- But not practical.
- No, you could use that in the field.

- Bullshit.
- I used it in my book.

- Sam, what we're about to do is...
- I know.

- It's not a book.
- Let's just call it a night.

Wait a second.

- You're worried about me.
- No.


That's why you're a one-woman operation.

Why you push people away
with the nicknames.

If you're on your own, you don't
have to worry about losing anyone.

You can't get hurt.

How did you know?

I'm a writer.

I notice the details.

It was just really hard
when my first partner died.

I'm really sorry.

Then I lost two more
in just one year.


Three of them died?

I mean, three here.

But before that, I lost two
while I was on assignment in Mexico.

Five of your partners,
they're dead? Five of them?

They call me the jinx back in D.C.
No one will work with me.

Hey, hey, hey.

- Come on, don't cry.
- Everyone who touches me dies.

You're messing with me, aren't you?

Thought you noticed the details.

You are good.

Hell, yeah, I am. Pack this up.

Let's go.

As requested.

Turns out she's been trying
to bring down Masovich for years.

My kind of gal.

They disappeared into the jungle.

Two of our men tried to follow them,
but they were gunned down.

El Toro.

I pay you a lot of money,
and you have failed me again.

Next time I see the Ghost
and that DEA bitch...

I'm gonna kill 'em myself.

- Thank you.
- De nada.


Let's get a move on, cupcake.

From my private collection.

Listen, I know you don't need the luck.

But I will say break a leg.

The president's leg.

Then, his other leg.

And then, carefully but painfully,
rip out his still beating heart,

and hoist it above his corpse
like this for the entire party to see.

I was thinking something
maybe quicker.

Whatever works for you.

Until next we meet.

I can do that myself.

I opened it for you. It's not a big thing.

Stay close to them.

Let me know when it is done.

Tonight... we take back our country.

It's my country.

Isn't El Toro gonna be pissed
when I don't do what I said?

Once the president's prosecuted,
his corruption's exposed,

El Toro will thank you.

Testing, testing. Uno, dos, tres.

Testing, testing. Uno, dos, tres.

Remember, I need the president confessing
to ordering the hit on Masovich.

- Is that all?
- Don't get killed.

- Like my other five partners.
- You were messing with me.

Was I?

Don't you start with that.

You go left, I'll go right.

Locate the president, and meet
back here before you make contact.

I trust all is proceeding to plan.

Tomorrow our Russian friend won't
be feeling very good.

Because he'll be dead.

That's what I was going for, yeah.

So clumsy of me.

I think I've had one too many.

Thank you, my friend.


Let's dance.

I thought you'd never ask.

Thank you.

I'll take that, sir.


How did you get in?

- I'm more capable than El Toro thinks.
- I'm glad you're here, man.

- I'm freaking out.
- You will kill the president tonight.

- Yeah, of course.
- Otherwise, I will.

And then I'll kill you.

Come on, man. Oh, come on now. Kylie.

If you don't hear from me,
I'm so gonna die.


The vertical expression
of a horizontal act.

- Hello.
- Ghost Face Killer.

Got your text.

- You're kidding, right?
- Kylie, it's not a good time.

- Unh!
- I'll get you horizontal, but in a box.

I forgot to ask.

Where's the manuscript
for your next book?

Oh, no.

I can't do this right now.

Shall we take this upstairs?

Ooh. You about to assassinate someone?

I gotta go.

I gotta go.

Could this guy be more
of a mouth breather?

Well, I think his everyday Joe appearance
is all a part of his cover.

Think about it. You'd never suspect a guy
who looks like that is an assassin.

Which makes him the perfect assassin.

You think this guy's the Ghost?

I'll bet you a year's salary
he kills the president tonight.

- Easiest 17 grand I ever made.
- Yeah.

Mr. President.


A fellow American. How nice.

Don't you just hate the food here?
I mean, it's all Mexican.

Man, I would just kill for some
of them mini hot dogs right about now.

Hey, Juan.

You know him?

I call them all Juan.
Half the time, I'm right.

Juan Valdez, go to the kitchen.

Order me up some of them
pigs in a blanket.

Gracias. Hombre.

I know you.

I do.

You're that author
that Katie Couric outed.

Man, you, you and Sarah Palin.

That KC, she's the real assassin, huh?

Have you seen the Auto-Tune they did
of your interview on YouTube?

No, but you know what?

Maybe you have an office you can show me?

Dude, yes. Come.

Will this work?

I hope they can get blood
out of the carpet.

Mr. President, I was hoping
to talk to you about Anton Masovich.


I made sure I had Zima
for that little pain in the ass.

Man, I so hate all of this.

There are times when I really wanna
put a gun in my mouth.

Have you had a job like that, americano?

Actually, I did.

I wish you'd take a bribe like the others.

Sorry, I'm not that kind of girl.

Gracias, put down.

I'm starving.



S'il vous plaît.

Ciao, ciao.

Of course, señor.

What if I could make
your Masovich problem go away?


You mean, like, go away forever?

Just say the word.

I don't care you're a woman.

I'm still gonna kill you.

Good to know you're
an equal opportunity douche bag.

There's a disturbance outside.

Find the president.
Who was with him?

He was last seen with a Mr. Mason Carver.

He flipped.
He's trying to kill the president!

Didn't General Ruiz
already talk to you about this?

- Talk to me about what?
- The thing.

- What thing?
- The thing.

The thing that you're asking me about.

I was asking you about...

- what?
- About our little friend.

Which one?


- Oh. So, you're saying, if I'm clear...
- I want you to kill Masovich!

- What is wrong with you?
- Nothing is wrong.

- Everything is great in the world.
- Wait.

- Sorry?
- Is that a wire?

- Huh?
- In your shirt there. No, there.

- No, no. No, no. No, no.
- No?

No, no, no. No, no, no.
It's an iPhone headset.

- But I see it in your shirt.
- It's a music...



is definitely a wire.

Come on!

It's okay.

It is?

Yeah, it's okay.

I knew...

that this was gonna happen eventually.
That I would get caught.

Man, I hate this place.

I so miss San Diego
and the perfect weather.

Instead, I'm stuck with this.

And I can't get out.

I hate all of this.
I hate the people, I hate the food. I...

hate that lion, the way it looks at me.
And I hate soccer.

Go Padres.

I hate my life.

And most of all...

I hate myself.


Hey, hey, hey.

This is not the end of the world.

Lift your head up, and you look at me.

Now, I'm telling you, I got caught
doing something wrong, too.

But I'm gonna tell you,
I am a better person now.

Okay, you can still make a difference.

It's too late for that.

That's a big misconception.

I'm... Oh, my God, that's a gun.

No, please. No, no, stop, please. No!

Oh, this is bad.

This is very bad.

- Help!
- You shot him?

- No!
- Is he dead?

- I think he's still breathing.
- You!

What do I do?

I don't know. CPR?

I don't know CPR!

How do you not know?
You know everything.

Yeah, about taking lives, not saving them.

Give me the gun.

Hey! Hey! Hey!

Say good night, bitch!

Good night, bitch.

Arrest that man for the assassination
of President Cueto.

I didn't do anything. I did not do it.

He did it.

That son of a bitch actually did it.

Pay up.

It is done.

The president...

is dead.

Que viva la revolución!

El Toro!

El Toro! El Toro! El Toro!

Ghost, you did it.

- El Toro, what are you doing here?
- There is nothing to worry about.

I have made a deal with General Ruiz.

And Juan here,
he has something to tell you.

Oh. No, no, hey.

- We don't need to do this.
- Tell him.

Tell him.

I doubted you the whole time, but...

I was wrong.

You are... him.

Him who?

- The Ghost.
- Yes, the Ghost.

And as to you, Agent Bolivar,

I hope he was right when he said
that you are a patriot.

Will you help me
make a real difference here?

- I will.
- Fantastic.

Juan is gonna take you up to the compound
and bring you up to speed.

Your input will be very valuable to me.

- Thank you.
- De nada.

Juan, please, take her.

And you, my friend.

You will ride with me.

For we have much to talk about.

Wow. So, this is a revolution, huh?

Man, I'm really starting
to like Venezuela.

Maybe I'll even get a timeshare.

Or not.

Either way.

I'm really sorry to do this, Fantasma.


What about
the whole us-riding-together thing?

You know too much.
Now you must die. But...

you will live in our hearts
and minds forever.

But I'll be dead.

But you will live forever.

You will be a legend.
We will write songs about you.

But I won't be here.

Murals will be painted in your honor.

Children will be singing
and dancing in the street,

praising your name.

- I understand that...
- You will be an icon of the revolution,

- worshiped for generations to come.
- Yes, but I will be dead.

Yes, you will be dead.

Put the weapon down, El Toro.



We're part of the deal
with your buddy, Ruiz.

And I'm gonna need this one alive.

- I need him dead.
- Actually, you don't.

State Department just called.

Sam Larson's getting a free pass home.

We're as shocked as you are.

But he knows too much.
He will tell everyone.

- No one's gonna believe him. He's a fraud.
- Wait.

A fraud? What do you mean?

His book. It was bullshit.

He's not the Ghost.

He's just some... loser.

I tried to tell you.

You lied to me?

No, you...
You just assumed, you know.

I was gonna write songs about you.

All right. Let's go.

- That's enough.
- Beautiful songs!

Okay, if he starts singing, shoot him.

Got it.

Something about this
doesn't feel right.

You're telling me.

Who do you know
in the State Department?

I'm talking about Rosa.

I mean, if El Toro was gonna kill me,
how do I know she's gonna be all right?

She probably won't be.

You guys are gonna help her out, right?

She's DEA. Different team.

- But she's making a difference.
- She's making a mess.

Why do you think we made
the last DEA agent assigned here

eat a C-4 sandwich?

My parents died when I was a little boy.

In many ways,
El Toro has been like a father to me.

Just as you will be to all of our people.

This country needs a change.

Yes, it does.

Thanks for waiting.

If you actually want my help...

it was worth the wait.

I can assure you that my plans
won't work without you.

Let's go. Don't look at him. Come on.

I read the book. Real page-turner.

Your flight leaves in 20 minutes.
Get on it, and never come back.


I'm not leaving until I know Rosa's okay.

You might not have her back, but I do.

- Why?
- Because she had mine.

- Whoa.
- What? You wanna stop me?

This is going to the New York Times.

Why do you think
we made the last DEA agent

assigned here eat a C-4 sandwich?

You know, Larson,
you may have everybody else fooled,

but we both know you're a fake.

So, get your ass on that plane,

and back to writing
other people's stories.


I could start living my own.

Final chapter. You rot in jail.

Get everyone back.
Official government business.


Final chapter. I save the girl.

You know...

- he might actually be the Ghost.
- Heh.

Masovich was a very smart businessman.

He kept a very tight lid
on his drug trafficking routes.

So much so that General Ruiz
didn't even know how he did it.

But you...

You are the woman
that has been studying him for five years.

Watching every move that he makes.

So, you know it all.

You know.

Just like you know

that he ran a billion-dollar business.

An empire...

that I am going to run.

And you are going to help me.

What have we got here?

Bed roll, we've got some rope.

Tactical vest.

Okay, come on.


One last time.

Who are the suppliers, the dealers,

and what are his drug trafficking routes?

Masovich's drug trade dies with him.

Well, okay. Then, you're gonna have to die
with him, too.


Chapter 17.

You're not gonna talk.
Juan, shoot her.

Take your gun and shoot her.


Sometime this week!


This isn't like you.

A leader has to make hard choices,
and a soldier must follow orders.

Now, come on. No more wet blanket.

Be a man.

Be a man!

No, Juan.

Be your own man.

- What are you doing here?
- Saving your ass.

It's not a big thing.


Ah... Never bring a knife to a gun...

You brought a knife to a gunfight!

Ah, ah, ah.

- Ow!
- Come on, come on, come on.

You follow me, she dies.

Oye, mátalo.

Come on.

The Ghost can't save her,

but you can.

Get me to the capital.
I need to address my nation.

I am a forgiving man.
I'm gonna give you one last chance

to tell me what I need to know.



McRib is back.

Okay, okay. I surrender.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Give me your hand.

- Climb up.
- I'm trying.



That was a big one.

Yeah. Here comes a bigger one.


Watch out.

I knew you were the Ghost.

- Oh!
- Oh!

No good. We're going down.

- We've got to jump.
- Are you insane?

Better to jump than to crash. Trust me.

We just have to wait for the right moment.



Thank you.

Call me the Ghost.

How about I break your finger
if you shush me again?

You popped my knuckle.

I'm never gonna call you the Ghost.

But how about Sam?

Sam works.

Or bacon bits.
Sam and bacon bits, that's it though.

Well, all three kings of Caracas are dead.

I guess you are an assassin after all.

That wasn't exactly my plan.

And yet I have to thank you.

Eliminating El Toro set the stage
perfectly for my coup.

Now, all I have to do
is eliminate the final players.

Is there anybody
who doesn't wanna kill me?



An old contact of mine
from the State Department

told me that you were having a hard time
down here, so...

You called in the favor
so the CIA would pull me out?

- You were an analyst for the Mossad.
- Maybe I changed some of the details.

The Venezuelan general was in '84.

And apparently, another one
was taken out this year.

You mean, you're the...?

Well, thanks. I owe you one.

I know you're good for it.

We did it.

No, you did it.

Actually, Amos...



Someone once told me

that to be a good leader

you have to know
when to make the hard choices.

But when you listen

to the needs

of the people,

the choices are always easy.

El Presidente!

Something tells me

we're gonna have a hard time
controlling this guy.

God, I hate the Ghost.

I love the Ghost.

Liar, fraud, phony.

Names Sam Larson used to be called,

but now he's simply known
as a bestselling novelist.

- Sam, welcome.
- Hi, Katie.

Your new book, A Ghost in Colombia,

is already a best seller
in the fiction category.

But what I found fascinating
is so many things that happen in this book

draw a distinct parallel to recent events
in Venezuela.

In Venezuela, in Venezuela, in Venezuela.

Uh, what are you...?
What are you asking?

Is this book actually fiction?

Katie, I'm here to say that...

it is absolutely not true.

♪ For years, Sam Larson was known
Simply as the Ghost ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ The Ghost ♪

♪ But now he's telling all
In his new book ♪

♪ True Memoirs
Of an International Assassin ♪

♪ Sam, thanks for being here ♪

♪ Hello, nice to... See me ♪

♪ Nice to... Nice
Nice to... Nice to see me ♪

♪ Nice to... Nice...
The Ghost ♪

♪ Nice to... Nice to see me ♪

♪ The Ghost
Nice to... Nice ♪

♪ The Ghost ♪
♪ Nice to... Nice to see me ♪

♪ Do you mind if I read a passage
From your book? ♪

♪ Read it, shorty
Shorty ♪

♪ Killing became easy for me ♪

♪ I told myself that I was
Making the world a better place ♪

♪ But in my heart of hearts
I knew the truth ♪

♪ I was addicted to death ♪

♪ I was addicted to death ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ I was addicted to death ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ I was addicted to death ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ I was addicted to death ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ I was addicted to death ♪

♪ Are you still addicted to death? ♪

♪ Break it down, Sam
Break it down ♪

♪ Can I...? You know, can I just, um...? ♪

♪ Before we start, I just gotta go ♪

♪ No, Sam, we're live
We'll break it down now ♪

♪ Is there a...? Do they have a bathroom? ♪

♪ In the outside, is there a bathroom? ♪

♪ Um, we're actually live ♪

♪ But this is also live
And I gotta make it happen ♪

♪ Shorty, don't run
Shorty, don't ♪

♪ Alison, is that him running? ♪

♪ And now he's apparently
Getting into a cab ♪

♪ The Ghost gets scared, too
Oh ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ Nice to... Nice to see me ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ Nice to... Nice to see me ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ Nice to... Nice to see me ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ Nice to... Nice to see me ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ Nice to... Nice to see me ♪

♪ The Ghost, the Ghost ♪

♪ Nice to... Nice to see me ♪

♪ The Ghost gets scared, too ♪

♪ 'Cause ghosts get scared, too ♪

♪ Oh ♪