Trenchcoat (1983) - full transcript
San Francisco court stenographer Mickey Raymond wants to become the next great mystery crime novelist, but believes she has to experience life to find her stories. So she travels to Malta for a two week vacation to find that first story, with the plan being that she will insert herself into the story after the fact as its private detective heroine. She is unaware that the simple act of purchasing some postcards at a souvenir stand outside a museum would trigger that story, as one of those postcards was placed there by a man as a clue to the subject of a crime. Soon thereafter, she is mugged and people around her end up dead, she also knowing that people are after her to kill her. She gets little help from the local police, they believing she is trying to manufacture a story for her novel and ultimately believing that she may be a criminal herself and not a victim. Although ill-prepared to be that detective for real but not wanting to be a victim, she decides to find out why people would want her dead for what they believe she knows or what she has. She enlists the help of anyone who she believes she can trust, including: Terry Leonard, an American tourist for who it was hate at first sight because of his sleazy yet obvious scams to pick up women, those scams which she will learn is to hide the fact of being a nothing in his real life; Nino Tenucci, an Elvis Presley loving Italian tourist who initially tried to pick her up but eventually divulges to her that he is an investigative reporter working on a story, the story into which she has stumbled; Eva Werner, a cold-as-ice German travel critic, who nonetheless wants there to be solidarity among women; Sean and Lizzy O'Reilly, a caring elderly Irish couple staying at the same inn as her, they who believe she and Terry would make a nice couple; and a local taxi driver who does whatever he needs to to get her as his constant fare. But in the course of Mickey trying to find out what is going on, she will find that not everyone that she trusts is truly as he or she appears on the surface...
- IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE
HOW ALL THE TROUBLE STARTED.
I WAS JUST
A COURT STENOGRAPHER...
BUT I'D ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
A WRITER.
AND TO WRITE A GREAT NOVEL,
YOU HAVE TO LIVE
A GREAT NOVEL.
SO I TOOK TWO WEEK'S VACATION
IN MALTA
TO WRITE MY FIRST BOOK.
UNTITLED MYSTERY,
BY MICKEY RAYMOND.
HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD
A COURIER HAD BEEN MURDERED.
A PRIVATE DICK--
NO, THAT'S EMBARRASSING.
A PRIVATE EYE WAS HEADING
FOR MALTA.
SHE'D PACKED LIGHT--JUST HER
BRIEFCASE AND HER WINDBREAKER.
NO, SHE WOULDN'T WEAR
A WINDBREAKER.
THAT'S IT!
[overlapping conversations]
EXCUSE ME.
- I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
THAT YOUR LUMBAR FAVORS
AN ANTERIOR ACCESS.
- BEG YOUR PARDON?
I BET YOU HAVE LOWER BACK PAIN
AT THE END OF THE DAY.
- WELL, YES, SOMETIMES IT DOES
GET A LITTLE SORE.
- AHA.
ANYBODY EVER LOOKED AT IT?
- NO.
YOU A DOCTOR?
- [clears throat]
JUST CALL ME TERRY.
I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE
GIVE ME SPECIAL TREATMENT
JUST BECAUSE OF WHAT I DO.
MAY I?
- MM...
- AHA.
- HMM.
- HIS STRONG FINGERS WERE LIKE
PROBING RODS
SEARING PASSION INTO
HER HUNGRY, CRAVING FLESH.
- LUMBAR AXIAL DEFORMATION.
- HE LIED...
- YOURS IS MINOR.
- HUH...WHAT SHOULD I DO?
- SIMPLE THERAPY. STOP BY 23B
AND I'LL SUGGEST SOME EXERCISES.
- OH, WELL, THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
- UH...
- TERRY.
- SHE MOANED
WITH MOUNTING PLEASURE.
BUT THE DEFROCKED DOCTOR
CARED NOT
FOR THE CONTESSA'S
ANIMAL LUST.
IT WAS THE HEAT
OF HER SWISS BANK ACCOUNT
THAT DREW HIM LIKE A MOTH
TO HER FLAME.
HE WAS THE VILEST OF VILES.
- HI THERE.
- HELLO.
- GOING TO MALTA?
- NO, ACTUALLY, I WAS GOING
TO THE BATHROOM.
- [chuckles]
YOU GOT ME.
WORK?
- I DON'T LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- PARDON ME.
- WHY NOT?
- IT EMBARRASSES ME WHEN PEOPLE
GIVE ME SPECIAL TREATMENT
FOR WHAT I DO.
- AH, WELL, THEN I'M SURE
YOU WON'T MIND.
I WAS AHEAD OF YOU.
- SCRATCH ROMANCE.
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WELCOME TO LUQA AIRPORT.
THE LOCAL TIME IS 9:58 A.M.
IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE
SERVING YOU,
AND I HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY
YOUR STAY IN MALTA.
THANK YOU.
[speaks Maltese]
- HAVE A NICE DAY.
GOOD-BYE.
- BYE-BYE.
- BYE. BYE-BYE.
- BY THE WAY, YOU WOULDN'T
HAPPEN TO BE
LAYING OVER HERE,
WOULD YOU?
I MEAN, I'M NOT GONNA BE
LECTURING
- NO, I'M SORRY,
BUT I'M BASED IN ROME.
- OH.
- EXCUSE ME.
- GOOD-BYE.
- BYE.
- GOOD-BYE.
- GOOD-BYE.
[woman's voice drones
over p.a. speaker]
- MICHELLE RAYMOND?
- YES.
- ARE YOU A WRITER?
- YES, I AM.
[stamps loudly]
- HAVE A NICE DAY.
- THANK YOU.
HEY!
HEY, WHAT THE HELL
DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
THOSE ARE MY BAGS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- YOU GO.
[speaking Maltese]
IS THE BEST TAXI
OF MALTA.
THROUGH THE DOOR, PLEASE.
- THANK YOU.
THANKS.
[tires screech]
[exciting music]
♪ ♪
- YOU NEED SOME SHOES?
I KNOW VERY, VERY GOOD PLACE
FOR A SHOE--VERY CHEAP.
- UH, NO THANKS.
- SWEATERS,
VERY GOOD QUALITY.
VERY CHEAP.
- NO, THANK YOU.
- GLASS, EH?
YOU WANT A GLASS?
- NO.
UNH!
- I CAN MAKE THIS AFTERNOON.
I SHOW YOU THE ISLAND.
- OH, NO, NO.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
- TONIGHT I TAKE YOU A DISCO.
VERY, VERY OLD.
- THANKS, THAT'S--
THAT'S FINE.
I'LL BE--
I'LL BE FINE BY MYSELF.
- [accent vanishes]
THANKS.
[door bangs open]
- OH.
- HI.
- I'M AFRAID IF YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR A ROOM,
THERE ARE NONE AVAILABLE.
- OH, I HAVE A RESERVATION
BOOKED TO RAYMOND.
- MICKEY RAYMOND?
- YEAH, THAT'S ME.
- WE WERE EXPECTING
A GENTLEMAN.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
SO WAS MY FATHER.
[chuckles]
- MISS RAYMOND, I--
I THINK I SHOULD WARN YOU...
THIS MIGHT NOT BE
THE RIGHT HOTEL FOR YOU.
IT IS, UH...VERY QUIET.
- OH, THAT'S JUST HOW I LIKE IT.
[ding, thud]
THAT'S JUST HOW I LIKE IT.
I'M SORRY.
- VERY WELL.
I AM THE MARQUIS DE PENA.
THIS IS THE FALCONRY,
MY ANCESTRAL HOME,
ORIGINALLY BUILT
IN THE 17th CENTURY
AS A SPORTING LODGE
BY GREAT, GREAT,
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT,
GREAT GRANDFATHER,
THE GRAND MASTER DE PENA.
IT'S CHARM AND ELEGANCE
HAS SURVIVED THE CENTURIES.
[gasps]
- WOW.
- YOU MUSTN'T, PLEASE!
PLEASE.
- OH, SORRY.
- WOW.
- THE BATHROOM IS DOWN THE HALL.
DINNER IS SERVED AT 6:30.
THE FRONT DOORS ARE SECURED
AT 11:00 P.M.
PROMPTLY.
- THANK YOU.
OH, MARQUIS...HERE.
I GUESS
HE ONLY TAKES $3 BILLS.
THERE'S GOTTA BE A MYSTERY STORY
OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
- NOW, IF YOU ALL CARE
TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE, THIS WAY.
OVER HERE WE HAVE A FACSIMILE
OF THE ORIGINAL PLANS
FOR THE CITY OF VALLETTA,
DRAWN UP BY THE GREAT
ITALIAN ARCHITECT
FRANCESCO LAPARELLI,
WHO HAD SERVED THE MEDICIS
AND POPE PIUS IV.
WORK WAS BEGUN IN 1566...
AND OF COURSE, THE EVER-PRESENT
EIGHT-POINTED CROSS,
THE EMBLEM OF THE KNIGHT
HOSPITALLERS
OF ST. JOHN OF JERUSALEM.
EIGHT POINTS REPRESENTING
THE EIGHT BEATITUDES
FROM THE SERMON OF THE MOUNT
OF JESUS CHRIST.
[lecture continues outside]
I RECOMMEND THE STAND OUTSIDE
FOR SLIDES, SOUVENIRS,
AND POSTCARDS.
THANK YOU.
- [chuckling]
I--I--I...
- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
THANK YOU.
- OKAY, THANKS.
[vendors hawking wares]
- LOOK WHAT EXTRAORDINARY...
- LOOK, I'LL GIVE YOU THE 12
ASTROLOGICAL SIGNS, OKAY?
AND I'LL THROW THIS IN
FOR FREE.
NOW, WHEN YOU BUY A GROSS,
I THROW IN A DOZEN FREE.
WE CALL THAT
THE MIX SPECIALTY.
YOU GET THE ITALIAN HORN,
YOU GET THE SHARK'S TOOTH,
AND YOU GET THE FOREIGN
LANGUAGES.
HERE YOU GO.
IT MEANS "HOT TO TROT"
IN JAPANESE.
AIN'T THAT A SCREAM?
I CAN GIVE YOU A DEAL
ON ALL OF THIS JEWELRY
THAT YOU CANNOT BELIEVE.
WHERE YOU GONNA GET A PRICE
LIKE THIS ANYWHERE ELSE?
[sighs]
WHAT AM I GONNA DO,
MAKE THE FIRST SALE FOR YOU?
EXCUSE ME, SWEETHEART,
CAN I BORROW YOU
AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE
JUST FOR A SECOND?
- NEIN.
- NEIN?
- HEY, BABY,
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
YOU'RE A TEN AND A HALF,
HEH HEH.
I'M GIVING THIS THING TO YOU
FOR FREE.
COME ON, DO ME A FAVOR
AND ACT LIKE YOU LIKE IT.
SMILE.
- IDIOT!
SEE? SHE LOVED IT.
NOW, HOW HARD WAS THAT?
IT WAS SIMPLE.
- MOONLIGHTING...
DOCTOR?
- NEVER MIND ABOUT HER,
LISTEN...
- WELL, I GUESS I SHOULDN'T
EXPECT INSPIRATION
TO COME UP AND GRAB ME
FROM BEHIND,
BUT NOTHING EVER HAPPENS
IN MALTA.
[siren wailing]
- LOOK, GIRL WALKING
DOWN THE STREET
WITH HER HAND ON THE STRAP
OF HER BAG, OKAY?
AN EASY MARK.
- MARK?
- UH...PIGEON?
A SUCKER?
- AN UNWITTING VICTIM?
- VERY GOOD. YES.
OKAY, NOW, YOU BE THE GIRL,
OKAY?
YOU STAND OVER HERE
AND WALK ALONG REALLY SLOW.
OKAY, THE GUY SNEAKS UP
FROM BEHIND,
PICKS UP THE BAG, TAKES
THE WEIGHT OFF THE SHOULDER.
SNIP, SNIP.
GOOD-BYE PURSE.
- AMAZING.
- WHAT'S SO AMAZING.
IN HONG KONG
THEY COME UP TO YOU,
THEY GIVE YOU A SHOT
OF NOVOCAIN IN THE REAR END,
AND THEY WALK ALONG WITH YOU
FOR A BLOCK OR SO
TILL IT TAKES.
AND THEN, I TELL YOU,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
MUCH OF A PICKPOCKET
TO GET A WALLET.
- AH.
SERGEANT, HAVE YOU EVER
IN YOUR LIFE HEARD SUCH A THING?
- NO.
WE MUST BE VERY PROVINCIAL
HERE IN MALTA.
IN MY EXPERIENCE,
OUR PICKPOCKETS HAVE SIMPLY...
PICKED POCKETS.
MISS RAYMOND, I SUGGEST
YOU GO BACK TO YOUR HOTEL.
I WILL ALERT MY MEN
TO THIS UNUSUAL SITUATION,
AND PERHAPS SOMETHING WILL
TURN UP.
- PERHAPS SOMETHING WILL
TURN UP?
THAT'S REAL AGGRESSIVE
POLICE WORK, FELLAS.
THAT'S GREAT.
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
EVERYTHING I HAD WAS
IN THAT BAG.
MY WALLET, MY PASSPORT.
[sighs]
LOOK, I DEMAND TO SEE
SOME MUG SHOTS.
- MUG SHOTS?
MISS RAYMOND, I WOULD BE
ONLY TOO HAPPY
TO LET YOU LOOK AT
THE MUG SHOTS.
- IN FACT, I WOULD EVEN
PUT TOGETHER A LINEUP.
- GREAT.
- ONE SMALL PROBLEM,
MISS RAYMOND.
HOW CAN YOU IDENTIFY SOMEONE
YOU DID NOT SEE?
OR MAYBE YOU KNOW
SOME NEW TECHNIQUE
THEY USE IN HONG KONG
TO ACCOMPLISH THIS?
- [chuckles]
- MALTA WANTS ME DEAD:
AN ORIGINAL STORY
BY MICKEY RAYMOND.
CHAPTER ONE.
THE INSPECTOR WAS A DIM BULB.
IF YOU LOOKED UP "STUPID"
IN THE DICTIONARY,
YOU'D FIND HIS PICTURE.
[tough male voice]
HELLO, SWEETHEART.
- SHH! DON'T SCREAM...
MICHELLE.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?
GET OUT OF HERE.
- HEH HEH.
[speaking Maltese]
MMM...
[speaking Maltese]
MMM...
YOU ARE MUCH PRETTIER
THAN YOUR PASSPORT PICTURE.
[mumbling in Maltese]
WHERE IS IT?
AAH! AAH!
AAH!
[faint squeak]
[faint squeak]
HEEEELP!
- OH, MY GOD!
[siren wailing]
- MISS RAYMOND.
QUITE A DAY FOR YOU.
- THIS WOMAN'S OUTRAGEOUS.
- I DIDN'T MEAN TO THROW HIM.
HE ATTACKED ME.
IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE.
- YOU MUST ARREST HER!
- ME?
- I COULD HANG MYSELF
FOR ALLOWING HER
- I SHOULD HANG MYSELF
FOR NOT GOING TO CLUB MED!
- ONE MOMENT! PLEASE.
- ALL RIGHT.
- MISS RAYMOND, LET'S SEE
IF I HAVE THE STORY.
NOW, EARLIER TODAY,
A MAN STEALS--
YOU SAY A MAN STEALS
YOUR PURSE.
NOT TWO HOURS LATER,
HE SHOWS UP IN YOUR CLOSET.
HE THREATENS YOU
WITH A RAZOR.
- YOU SPRAY DEODORANT
INTO HIS EYES.
YOU PUSH HIM OUT
OF THE WINDOW.
HE FALLS TO HIS DEATH...
THREE STORIES BELOW.
IS THAT APPROXIMATELY IT?
- THAT'S IT EXACTLY. YES.
- NO.
YOU SEE, THERE'S ONE
LITTLE THING MISSING
FROM THE STORY.
- WHAT?
- THE BODY.
- I--I TOLD YOU THAT THE BODY
WENT OVER THE BALCONY.
- SIT DOWN, PLEASE.
YOU SEE, MY MEN HAVE SEARCHED
HIGH AND LOW
AND CAN FIND NO TRACE
OF THIS FELLOW
WITH THE GOLD TOOTH
AND RAZOR.
- LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE...
- MISS RAYMOND,
I BEG TO DIFFER.
I THINK THAT YOU
AND YOU ALONE KNOW
WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE.
SERGEANT.
YOU SEE, I HAVE JUST
BEEN READING
A FASCINATING NEW BOOK.
- OH, SHIT.
- THE TITLE...
MALTA WANTS ME DEAD.
HMM.
"AN ORIGINAL STORY
BY MICKEY RAYMOND."
THAT'S YOU.
- I DON'T SEE WHAT THAT'S
GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING
THAT'S GONE ON AROUND HERE.
- EVERYTHING.
BECAUSE YOU SEE, MISS RAYMOND,
WHEN YOU KNOW
HOW THIS STORY ENDS,
THIS CASE WILL BE CLOSED,
AS THEY SAY.
- I THINK YOU'RE
A LITTLE CONFUSED.
THAT'S FICTION.
AND WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE
IS REALITY.
- OH...OF COURSE.
I'M SORRY.
YOU'LL HAVE TO FORGIVE
THE OLD INSPECTOR.
WHAT DO I KNOW?
I AM ONLY...
"THE CHIEF FLATFOOT
WHO WOULDN'T KNOW A CLUE
IF IT JUMPED UP AND BIT HIM
ON THE TAIL."
- GIVE ME MY BOOK!
- SIT DOWN.
- [chuckling]
- SERGEANT...
I WOULD NOT BE SO AMUSED.
YOU..."THE DIMWITTED
RIGHT-HAND MAN
"WHO LOOKS LIKE HE COULD
TAKE A PAYOFF BETTER
THAN HE COULD TAKE A PUNCH."
- GIVE ME MY BOOK!
- SIT DOWN!
- INSPECTOR,
IF IT WOULD TAKE A PAYOFF
TO GET THIS--THIS TRAMP
OUT OF MY HOUSE,
I--I WOULD BE GLAD
TO MAKE YOU THE OFFER.
- OH, THAT'S VERY GENEROUS,
MARQUIS.
BUT IT'S NOT NECESSARY.
AFTER ALL,
WHAT'S ONE MORE TRAMP...
[chuckles]
"IN A FLOPHOUSE
RUN BY A MARQUIS
WHOSE TITLE WAS AS GOOD
AS FIVE-DAY-OLD FLOUNDER"?
- SHE'S THE ONE WHO SHOULD HAVE
GONE OUT OF THE WINDOW!
- NO ONE HAS GONE OUT
OF THE WINDOW.
- SIT DOWN, PLEASE.
- I--
AND YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME
LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!
- NO, NO, IT IS YOU
WHO ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME
LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.
YOU THINK YOU CAN COME
TO THIS COUNTRY
AND TREAT US LIKE FOOLS?
YOU WASTED MY TIME
THIS AFTERNOON,
AND NOW TONIGHT.
- IT HAPPENED.
IT REALLY HAPPENED!
- YES. IN YOUR MIND!
WHICH, IF YOU PERSIST
IN THIS CHARADE,
I WILL BE FORCED
TO HAVE EXAMINED.
- MM!
- YOUR BOOK.
- WAIT, INSPECTOR, STAGNOS,
I DEMAND THAT YOU
TAKE THIS WOMAN OUT
OF MY HOUSE!
- I'VE PREPAID.
- SHE'S PREPAID.
GOOD NIGHT...
FLOUNDER.
[classical music
playing softly]
- GOOD MORNING.
- GOOD MORNING.
- I'M LIZZY O'REILLY,
AND THIS IS MY HUSBAND SEAN.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- WE CHECKED IN THIS MORNING.
BEEN HAVING A NICE HOLIDAY?
- ACTUALLY, I CAN'T WAIT
TO GO HOME.
- REALLY?
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE,
MY DEAR?
- ONE DAY.
[both chuckling]
- YOU REALLY SHOULD GIVE MALTA
MORE OF A CHANCE.
- AND I DON'T RECOMMEND
SITTING AROUND THE HOTEL
WITH A BUNCH OF OLD FOGIES.
- IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
GET OUT WITH YOU.
- GO ON, NOW. OFF WITH YOU.
[laughter]
[kids laughing]
- OOH!
- OSCUSI.
SCUSI.
[speaking Italian]
- UH, JE NE PARLE ITALIANO.
- WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT
THE SEA IS ALMOST
AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU.
ALMOST. NOT QUITE.
ALMOST.
I ANSWER TO MYSELF NINO.
NINO TENUCCI.
- THAT'S NICE, NINO.
- DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BODY?
HOW DO YOU SAY? WONDERFUL.
MAGNIFICO!
FANTASTICO.
- FAT-O.
- ARE YOU CRAZY? PLEASE.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU TALK
THAT WAY ABOUT YOURSELF.
LOOK AT YOU.
LOOK AT THOSE LINES.
MAMA MIA, YOU LOOK--
- THANK YOU, NINO.
- MAKE LOVE TO ME.
- NO, THANK YOU, NINO.
- OH, WHY NOT?
DON'T YOU LIKE MY BODY?
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
SUCH A BODY?
- I'M GONNA SWIM SOME LAPS.
WELL, DON'T PLAY
TOO HARD TO GET.
I'M LEAVING THURSDAY.
HMM.
[exclaims in Italian]
- YOU KNOW THAT SONG?
♪ LADYBUG, LADYBUG ♪
♪ YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE
YOUR CHILDREN ARE ALONE ♪
- MAMA! MAMA!
MAMA!
- SEE?
TOLD YOU I KILLED SOMEBODY,
DIDN'T I?
- YES.
FORGIVE ME.
CONGRATULATIONS.
WE WOULD LIKE YOU
TO CONFIRM
THE IDENTITY OF THIS MAN.
- THAT'S NOT THE MAN I KILLED.
- NO.
BUT OF COURSE YOU KNOW HIM.
- I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE
IN MY LIFE.
- NO?
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK
JUST TO MAKE SURE.
- IF I TAKE ANOTHER LOOK,
I'LL BE SICK.
- HIS NAME IS HARRY BENJAMIN.
AN ENGLISHMAN WITH MALTESE
SAILING PAPERS.
A SHIP'S COOK.
- [screams]
- OBVIOUSLY, HE COOKED UP
MORE THAN CHIPPED BEEF.
- I DIDN'T--
I DIDN'T KILL THIS GUY.
- NO.
YOU KILLED...
THIS GUY.
THIS GUY KILLED THAT GUY.
WE MATCHED THE TOOL
TO THE JOB.
ESTEBAN ORTEGA.
A BASQUE JAI ALAI PLAYER.
MY CURIOSITY
GETS THE BETTER OF ME.
I HAVE TO SAY TO MYSELF,
"WHAT DOES A BASQUE
JAI ALAI PLAYER,
"AN ENGLISH SHIP'S COOK,
AND AN AMERICAN WRITER
HAVE IN COMMON?"
- I'M GOING TO THROW UP.
- NOW, I AM NOT NAIVE.
- I-I--I'M GOING TO THROW UP.
- MALTA HAS
A VERY BUSY SEAPORT.
SAILORS IN, SAILORS OUT.
A SHIP FROM THE ORIENT.
DRUGS.
A COURIER...
A SUPPLIER...
A CUSTOMER.
YOUR FRIENDS IN THE LITERARY
CIRCLES BACK HOME
EAGERLY AWAIT...
[sniffs]
THE DRAGON.
- YOU'RE CRAZY.
- WHERE DID YOU PUT THE DRUGS?
- I WOKE UP
IN THE LUXURY SUITE
AT THE GRAY BAR HOTEL.
IT WAS THE KIND OF PLACE
WHERE YOU USE
YOUR ONE PHONE CALL TO CHECK IN
WITH DIAL-A-PRAYER.
[indistinct chatter]
- I'M NOT ASKING.
I'M DEMANDING TO SEE MY WIFE!
- I AM COMMANDING THAT YOU SHUT
YOUR MOUTH FOR ONE MOMENT.
- I BET YOU'D LIKE THAT,
INSPECTOR STAGNOS, BUT I WON'T.
NOT AS LONG
AS INTERNATIONAL LAW
STANDS BY A FEW
TRAMPLED PRINCIPLES
LIKE HABEAS CORPUS,
FLAGRANTE DELICTO,
EX POST FACTO,
AIN HOC SIGNO VINCES.
MISS RAYMOND, I GOT HERE
AS SOON AS I COULD.
- EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.
DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN?
- UM--
- WHY WOULDN'T SHE KNOW
HER OWN LAWYER?
- HE'S MY LAWYER.
- INDEED.
- MISS RAYMOND, I'LL HAVE YOU
OUT OF HERE IN A MOMENT.
- YOUNG LADY,
I AM RELEASING YOU.
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF ANYTHING
THIS IDIOT HAS SAID.
IT'S JUST THAT I'M
NOT PREPARED TO BRING
FORMAL CHARGES
AGAINST YOU...YET.
- AND WE ARE NOT PREPARED
TO BRING FALSE ARREST CHARGES
AGAINST YOU...YET.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
DID HE ROUGH YOU UP?
ANY RUBBER HOSES?
ANY OF THAT KIND OF STUFF?
HUH?
COME ON.
NOW'S THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- THEY TREATED ME
VERY WELL, THANK YOU.
[under breath]
WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?
- ONE MOMENT, MISS RAYMOND.
THIS AFTERNOON, YOUR PASSPORT
AND TRAVELER'S CHECKS
WERE DISCOVERED
IN A GARBAGE BIN.
- WHERE'S MY PASSPORT?
- MISS RAYMOND, YOU ARE
STILL UNDER SUSPICION.
IT'S BETTER THAT I KEEP IT
JUST FOR SAFE KEEPING.
- THIS AN AN OUT--
- AM I FREE TO GO,
INSPECTOR?
- OF COURSE, MISS RAYMOND.
BUT NOT VERY FAR.
- THAT WAS GREAT,
WASN'T IT?
- GREAT?
WHERE DO YOU GET OFF BARGING
IN THERE
LIKE SOME STUPID TV LAWYER
PRACTICALLY GETTING ME
PUT AWAY FOREVER?
- I WAS TRYING TO HELP.
- HELP?
YOU CALL THAT RUBBER HOSE
ROUTINE HELP?
[tires screech and horn honks]
- DIDN'T LIKE THAT, HUH?
- I DIDN'T LIKE IT A LOT.
AND WHAT WAS
THAT LATIN MUMBO JUMBO?
IN HOC SIGNES VINCES,
OR WHATEVER.
- I DON'T KNOW.
GOT IT OFF A PACK
OF PALL MALLS.
IT SOUNDED PRETTY GOOD,
DIDN'T IT?
- WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE ANYWAY?
- WELL, I KNEW YOU WERE
TRAVELING ALONE AND...
YOU WERE IN A JAM.
THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD USE
A FRIEND OR SOMETHING.
WHERE YOU GOING?
- I'M GOING BACK
TO THE HOTEL.
AND I'M GONNA LOCK THE DOOR.
I'M GONNA GET IN MY BED.
I'M GONNA STAY THERE.
- WANT COMPANY?
I MEAN FOR DINNER.
I GOT MY CAR RIGHT HERE.
DRIVE YOU BACK TO THE HOTEL,
CHANGE, GRAB A BITE.
I MEAN, YOU GOT TO EAT,
RIGHT?
LOOK, I MIGHT BE WRONG,
BUT COME ON.
IF I JUST PUSHED A GUY OUT
OF MY BEDROOM WINDOW,
I WOULDN'T WANT TO GO BACK
AND LOCK MYSELF
IN THE SAME BEDROOM AND STARE
OUT THE SAME WINDOW
ALL NIGHT LONG.
HMM?
- [sighs]
- WELL...
THAT'S ONE DEAD SOLDIER.
OOPS.
SORRY.
I THINK YOU'RE FEELING
A LITTLE BETTER.
I DETECT A LITTLE COLOR
IN THOSE CHEEKS.
- YOU DETECT A LITTLE MAKEUP
IN THOSE CHEEKS.
- WHATEVER.
WHERE WAS I?
- I THINK YOU WERE WITH THE
PEACE CORPS IN MALAYSIA.
- OH, RIGHT.
NOW I DON'T WANT TO TOOT
MY OWN HORN HERE,
BUT IN 1968 I HAD TAKEN
MY MOUNTAIN TRIBESMEN
AND MOVED THEM FROM THEIR
HUNTER-GATHERER PHASE
INTO AN ORGANIZED
AGRARIAN SOCIETY.
I HAD TAKEN THEM UP
FOUR CENTURIES
UP THE ANTHROPOLOGICAL LADDER
IN ONLY TWO YEARS.
- HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT?
- WELL...
I GUESS IT WAS MY RAPPORT
WITH THE NATIVES.
- NO, I MEAN--
I MEAN, HOW DID YOU MANAGE
TO DO THAT
THE SAME YEAR THAT YOU WERE
WRITING SPEECHES
FOR MCCARTHY
AT THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION?
- UH...
RIGHT.
[chuckles]
WELL--
WELL--
WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH ABOUT ME.
LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU.
- WELL, UH...
I'M A GIRL WHO'S HEARD A LOT
OF BULL IN HER LIFE,
BUT NEVER ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
I MEAN, YOU RAISE IT
TO THE ART OF ZEN.
- I'LL TAKE THAT
AS A COMPLIMENT.
- DO YOU EVER TELL THE TRUTH?
- LOOK...
YOU DON'T TELL HER THAT YOU
DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE,
YOU DROVE A CAB
FOR SIX YEARS,
AND YOU WOUND UP SELLING JEWELRY
FOR YOUR UNCLE.
I THINK YOU'LL ADMIT THAT
SOMETIMES THE TRUTH
CAN BE PRETTY TEDIOUS.
- WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT,
YOU'RE RIGHT.
- SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I'M A WRITER.
EH, THERE MIGHT
BE A BOOK IN IT.
- AW, COME ON.
THERE'S A BOOK IN IT ALL RIGHT.
THE QUESTION IS,
"AM I GONNA BE IN IT?"
- WHY WOULD YOU BE IN IT?
- BECAUSE I'M THE GUY
THAT SPRUNG YOU FROM JAIL.
- I THINK, UH,
YOU'RE THE GUY
THAT ALMOST KEPT ME
IN JAIL.
- HOW ABOUT
THE GALLANT GENTLEMAN,
WHO IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED
WINED YOU AND DINED YOU?
- WE SPLIT THE CHECK.
REMEMBER?
- YOU INSISTED.
- MM-HMM.
- [sighs]
OKAY, OKAY.
WHO BROKE THE BANK
AT THE DRAGONARA CASINO?
- WHEN DID YOU DO THAT?
- GOING TO DO IT TONIGHT.
- [chuckles]
EXCUSE ME, COULD YOU
PUT THAT ON SIX FOR ME?
- SIX.
SIX.
- PUT IT DOWN THERE ON SEVEN.
- HOLD YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
15 BLACK.
- [sighs]
YOU SURE HAVE AN INTERESTING WAY
OF BREAKING THE BANK, TERRY.
- I GOT 'EM RIGHT
WHERE I WANT 'EM.
LULLED INTO COMPLACENCY.
- YEAH, WELL, CAN I PLACE
MY OWN BETS THIS TIME?
- A-HA! SO THAT'S IT, HUH?
OKAY, YOU GET NO MORE HELP
FROM ME.
- PROMISE?
- PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
- EXCUSE ME.
BELLA, YOU KNOW I WORRY
ABOUT YOU
LIKE A SICILIAN MOTHER,
DON'T YOU?
- NO.
- BELLA, ME--
- UH, NINO, I'M GONNA
PLACE A BET HERE.
- OKAY, OKAY,
BUT YOU LOSE.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY
1, 8, AND 35?
THEY'RE VERY LUCKY NUMBERS.
- WHAT'S 1, 8, AND 35?
- IT'S THE DAY ELVIS WAS BORN.
THE KING.
♪ DON'T WANT TO BE A TIGER ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE YOUR TEDDY BEAR ♪
- OKAY, COULD YOU PUT THAT
ON ONE, PLEASE?
- ONE, PLEASE.
- AND THEN ON EIGHT.
- AND EIGHT.
- AND WHAT?
- 35, RIGHT?
- 35, OKAY, OKAY.
- YOU'LL GET IT, KID.
- LET'S GO.
- WHO IS THAT GUY?
- THAT'S SOMEBODY
I MET AT THE BEACH.
- EIGHT BLACK.
- EIGHT!
- AH!
I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON!
- TOLD YOU SO.
YOU SEE?
- PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
- I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,
BUT YOU LOOK LIKE
A MAN WHO IS ABOUT
TO GET LUCKY.
- WELL, I COULD SURE DO
WITH SOME LUCK.
- AND PUT THOSE ONES ON--
WHAT?
- EIGHT.
- EIGHT.
- YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME?
ONCE, YOU THOUGHT
I'M A 10 1/2.
- AND YOU THOUGHT
I WAS AN IDIOT, AS I RECALL.
- ONE RED.
- OH, I WON AGAIN!
I WON AGAIN!
HEY, TERRY, I WON AGAIN!
- YEAH, THAT'S--
- DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
I WON AGAIN.
- THAT'S JUST GREAT.
WANT SOME CHIPS?
I GOT A WHOLE BUNCH HERE.
- NO, THANKS.
I'M DOING JUST FINE
ON MY OWN.
- IS THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
- GIRLFRIEND?
[chuckles]
NO, NO.
SHE'S JUST--
UH, MICKEY, THIS IS, UH--
- EVA.
EVA WERNER.
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
- PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
- YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU
ANOTHER TIP?
- YEAH.
- ORTEGA WAS NOT
A JAI ALAI PLAYER.
- THOUGHT YOU SAID I WAS
GONNA GET LUCKY TONIGHT?
- PERHAPS I MEANT...
LUCKY IN LOVE.
- HOLD YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
- [whispers]
HE WAS MURDERED HERE.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT ORTEGA?
- BECAUSE I'M
AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER
AND I WORK FOR
AN ITALIAN MAGAZINE.
- I'M A CRITIC
FOR A GERMAN TRAVEL AGENCY.
WANDERLUST TOURS.
- SOUNDS LIKE VERY
INTERESTING WORK.
- IT CAN BE VERY LONELY,
TERRY.
- 35 BLACK.
- 35 BLACK!
WE WON AGAIN.
- WHAT DOES ORTEGA
GOT TO DO WITH YOUR STORY?
- I THOUGHT YOU COULD TELL ME.
I MEAN, YOU'RE INVOLVED.
- I DON'T HAVE A CLUE
WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE.
- WHY DON'T WE LEAVE?
I'M SURE WE COULD FIND SOMETHING
MORE EXCITING TO DO.
- YEAH.
WELL, I'VE GOT
A BIT OF A PROBLEM.
- [chuckles]
SO I'M LOSING AGAIN?
I'M NOT VERY HOT TONIGHT,
AM I?
- BY DENYING IT,
I MEAN,
YOU'RE PUTTING YOURSELF
IN A GREAT DANGER.
- I WANT TO GO HOME.
- PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
- CALL ME, TERRY.
THIS ISN'T THE ONLY GAME
IN TOWN.
- I'LL TAKE YOU
TO A PLACE WHERE IT'S SAFE
AND NO ONE CAN FIND YOU.
MY HOTEL, IT'S ONLY THREE BLOCKS
AWAY FROM HERE.
- TERRY, I THINK WE SHOULD
GET OUT OF HERE.
- OH, COME ON, GIVE ME A BREAK.
SHE CAME ON TO ME.
- YEAH, COME ON.
GIVE HIM A BREAK.
I'LL TAKE YOU HOME.
- NO.
WHAT?
- HUH?
OH, NOTHING.
- I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.
- WHAT'S WRONG?
SO YOU LET THE GUY RUIN YOUR
EVENING OVER A STUPID LINE?
- WHAT IF THERE
ARE OTHERS AFTER ME?
- WHAT OTHERS?
[engine starts]
- NIGHT, TERRY.
- YOU'RE GOING
TO YOUR ROOM ALONE?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- [sighs]
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT IF I'M WRONG?
WHAT IF YOU ARE
IN GRAVE DANGER?
I MEAN, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T
BE SPENDING THE NIGHT ALONE.
- GOOD NIGHT, TERRY.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- FUNNY GUY, THAT TERRY.
GIVING ME ALL THAT GUFF
ABOUT MALAYSIA AND MCCARTHY
WHEN HE'D NEVER
BEEN NEAR EITHER ONE.
I HAVE TO FEEL SORRY
FOR SOMEONE
WHO SPENDS ALL HIS TIME
IN A FANTASY WORLD.
DAMN.
HELLO, U.S. EMBASSY?
I'M AN AMERICAN AND THE POLICE
HAVE GOT MY PASSPORT.
NO, I CAN'T WAIT.
I CAN'T WAIT.
I GOT TO GET OUT
OF THE COUNTRY NOW.
DON'T PUT ME ON HOLD.
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
[phone clicks]
[Stars and Strips Forever
plays over phone]
- HEY, MISS, YOU CALL TAXI?
- YES, I DID.
- WE HAVE A TOUR TODAY, YES?
- NO.
WE'RE GOING TO GO
TO THE AMERICAN EMBASSY.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS?
- SURE, SURE.
I KNOW EVERYTHING.
GET IN.
- THANK YOU.
[engine revs and tires screech]
[tires screech]
[grunts]
- IT IS £3 ONE-WAY.
YOU WANT ME TO WAIT?
[crash]
- [gasps]
- [mutters in Maltese]
- HELLO, MICKEY.
MAY I CALL YOU MICKEY?
- I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU CALL ME,
JUST LET ME OUT OF HERE.
[grunts]
WHO ARE YOU?
- WHO ARE WE?
WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M A GIRL WITH SOME
GREASEBALL'S FOOT IN HER NECK.
[grunts]
- MICKEY, WHAT DID YOU TELL
THE POLICE?
- I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
TO TELL THEM.
- I HOPE YOU DID NOT
TELL THEM ANYTHING
ABOUT BENJAMIN'S
LITTLE AUCTION.
- AUCTION?
WHAT AUCTION?
- [muttering angrily]
- TEN KILOS IS QUITE A LOT.
NOW OUR POSITION IS THIS.
WE HAVE THE RIGHT APPARATUS
TO HANDLE THE STUFF...
- MM-HMM?
- A BOAT HERE TO GET IT OUT,
SO WHY DON'T WE SPLIT IT?
- BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHERE IT IS.
[grunts]
YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME.
- COME ON NOW.
WE'RE FRIENDS.
- WE ARE?
- WHO DO YOU THINK GOT RID
OF ORTEGA'S BODY?
- [yelling angrily
in Maltese]
[horn honks]
- [groans]
[yelling indistinctly]
- [grunts]
[tires screech]
- [muttering angrily]
- YOU KNOW, MICKEY,
MY EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN
THAT THE BEST WAY
TO LIVEN UP A DULL PARTY
IS TO GET OUT.
[chuckles]
- [muffled gasp]
- SOME SODIUM PENTATHOL...
- [whines]
- AND PEOPLE SAY
THE FUNNIEST THINGS.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
NO, DON'T DO THAT.
DON'T DO THAT.
- A LITTLE SHANK, PLEASE.
- YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE ME.
THERE'S BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING.
I'M FROM SAN FRANCISCO.
I'M MICKEY RAYMOND.
I'M A WRITER.
[gasps]
I'M A COURT STENOGRAPHER.
- YES?
WHAT ELSE?
- YOU HAVE BAD BREATH.
- IT IS WORKING.
- NOW WHERE ARE THE TEN KILOS?
- OH!
[indistinct chatter]
- YOU DIRTY DOG!
[speaking Maltese]
YOU HAVE BROKE MY CAR!
I BREAK YOUR FACE!
I'LL GET YOU,
YOU [speaking Maltese].
YOU DIRTY, NO-GOOD,
[speaking Maltese].
WHERE ARE THE POLICIA?
THE POLICIA!
HE BROKE MY CAR!
[overlapping shouting]
[horn honks]
- HI.
REMEMBER ME?
- YES.
- WELL, THAT'S GOOD.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
ALL OVER FOR YOU.
- I WAS WITH SOME ARABS.
- UH-HUH.
WELL, I THOUGHT
WE'D HAVE A PICNIC.
HOP IN.
AH, DON'T GET UP.
I GOT IT.
HEY, I'M A LUCKY GUY.
GOT A SUNNY DAY,
CHEAP BOTTLE OF WINE,
BEAUTIFUL GIRL ON A BLANKET.
WHAT MORE COULD
A MAN ASK FOR?
HEY, I BROUGHT YOU A PRESENT.
- YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
DONE THAT.
- AHH.
I WANTED TO.
- I REALLY HATE GOLD CHAINS.
- YOU KNOW, MICKEY,
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU.
YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY,
YOU SAY IT.
- HMM.
I REALLY LIKE YOU
A LOT, TERRY.
- KEEP TALKING.
THAT'S THE KIND OF CANDOR
I LIKE TO HEAR.
- REALLY SURPRISES ME.
- WELL, DON'T LET IT.
YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST GIRL
TO BE STRUCK DOWN
BY LEONARD LIGHTNING.
- BECAUSE WHEN I FIRST
MET YOU, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE REALLY OBNOXIOUS.
- [sighs]
AND NOW YOU DON'T.
- WELL, I FIGURED
THAT YOU'RE JUST INSECURE
ABOUT BEING SUCH
A BIG FAILURE.
- WHY DO I FEEL
I SHOULD BE LYING DOWN?
- I THINK I SHOULD
BE LYING DOWN.
- IT'S CHARM AND ELEGANCE HAVE
SURVIVED THE CENTURIES, NO?
- AND THE PLUMBING,
HAS THAT SURVIVED
THE CENTURIES AS WELL?
- THE--OH, NO.
[chuckles]
THE PLUMBING?
NO, NO, NO.
THAT IS QUITE MODERN,
OF COURSE.
MISS WERNER,
I'M SURE YOUR CLIENTS
WILL FIND THE FALL CAN BE
MOST COMFORTABLE AND QUIET.
- YES.
ONE COULD HEAR
A PIN DROP.
HELLO, TERRY.
[speaking German]
- I THOUGHT YOU WOULD CALL.
SHAME ON YOU.
- I'VE BEEN KIND OF BUSY.
- HMM, YES, I CAN SEE.
- MICKEY, DO YOU KNOW EVA?
- SHE'S THE KRAUT
FROM THE MARKETPLACE.
- MISS WERNER,
MAY I SHOW YOU MY GARDEN?
[indistinct chatter]
- HELLO, MICKEY.
I SEE YOU'VE TAKEN OUR ADVICE.
- HAVING A GOOD TIME,
ARE YOU?
- NO.
- OH, GO ON WITH YOU.
I'M NOT THAT OLD
THAT I CAN'T SPOT
- I GOT KIDNAPPED
BY SOME ARABS.
- [chuckles]
WHOOPS.
AH, SHE DROPPED
A CONTACT LENS.
DID YOU FIND IT?
HUH?
OH, GOOD.
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
[grunts]
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU GOT A CUTE LITTLE ASS.
- [laughs]
- ARE YOU TAKING ADVANTAGE
OF ME?
- I'M MAKING YOU
MORE COMFORTABLE.
- WHY DON'T YOU TRY
KISSING ME FIRST?
- OKAY.
- THAT'S NOT A KISS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- CLOSING THE CURTAINS.
- WHY?
- I'M SHY.
- OH.
NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'M DOING?
- I THINK YOU'RE TAKING
TOO LONG.
- TELL ME ABOUT THE ARABS.
- THEY CAME HERE
TO GO THE AUCTION,
AND THEY BOUGHT A BOAT,
AND I REALLY LIKE YOU.
- WHY DO THEY WANT
TO TALK TO YOU, MICKEY?
- THEY THINK ORTEGA
GAVE ME TEN KILOS.
- DID HE?
- NO.
- HE MUST HAVE
TOLD YOU SOMETHING.
- HE TOLD ME...
I WAS PRETTIER
THAN MY PASSPORT PICTURE.
- COME ON, MICKEY,
TRY HARDER.
HE MUST HAVE TOLD YOU
SOMETHING ELSE.
- I'M TIRED.
- MICKEY?
MICKEY?
DAMN.
- AND IF WE FAIL?
- WE WILL NOT FAIL.
DO WE NOT STILL HAVE
THE JUDAS BOAT?
SHE'LL BRING THE OTHERS OUT,
THEN WE WILL ELIMINATE
THE COMPETITION
AND RETURN TO OUR BROTHERS
LIKE ISHMAEL WITH THE PRIZE.
- LET US SHARE
A LITTLE SMOKE.
IT WILL PUT OUR MIND
TO REST.
[explosion]
[clang]
- OH!
- MICKEY.
- G-GOOD MORNING.
- YOUR NICE YOUNG MAN
STOPPED BY THIS MORNING
AND MADE US PROMISE
WE'D LOOK AFTER YOU.
COME AND JOIN US.
- THANK YOU.
- SEAN, ASK THE WAITER
TO BRING THE GIRL
A NICE GLASS OF ORANGE JUICE.
- COFFEE, THANK YOU.
- COFFEE, SEAN.
- [snaps fingers]
- THANK YOU.
- YOUR TERRY,
HE'S A GEM.
LOOK WHAT HE GAVE ME.
- THAT'S VERY NICE.
- I SAY MARRY THE BOY.
- HE'D BE QUITE A CATCH.
- WELL, UH--
WE'VE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER
THREE OR FOUR DAYS.
- I PROPOSED TO LIZZY
THE DAY I MET HER.
35 YEARS.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I THINK IT'S WORKED OUT
RATHER WELL.
- THESE MEN.
- OH, YES.
SEAN AND I SAW
THAT VERY SAME BOAT
WHEN WE TOOK A TRIP
TO THE BLUE GROTTO YESTERDAY.
WE THOUGHT, "WHO COULD
AFFORD SUCH A GRAND BOAT?"
- PETROL LEAK, THEY SAY.
- I NEED THIS.
- HI.
- OH!
- YEAH, I JUST CAME BY TO SEE
IF YOU WERE FEELING ANY BETTER.
- TERRY, YOU GOT TO TAKE ME
TO THE POLICE RIGHT NOW.
- YOU'RE NOT FEELING BETTER.
- NO, LOOK, LOOK.
THESE ARE THE GUYS
THAT I TOLD YOU
THAT KIDNAPPED ME YESTERDAY.
LOOK.
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE
WITH ME YESTERDAY.
- NO, BEFORE I WAS WITH YOU.
- WELL, WHY DON'T WE TALK
ABOUT THIS FIRST?
- NO, YOU GOT TO TAKE ME
TO THE POLICE RIGHT NOW!
- OKAY, BUT LET'S GO
TALK ABOUT
WHAT WE'RE GONNA SAY FIRST.
- OKAY.
- YOU KNOW WHAT STAGNOS
IS GONNA SAY?
- NO, WHAT?
- "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST."
- WHY WOULD
I BE UNDER ARREST?
- HE THINKS THAT
YOU'RE DEALING DRUGS.
HE DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU
KILLED ORTEGA IN SELF-DEFENSE
AND NOW YOU'RE ADMITTING YOU'RE
THE LAST ONE
TO SEE THE ARABS ALIVE.
YOU LIKE JAIL?
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
I CAN'T GO TO THE COPS.
I'D BE THE PERFECT FALL GUY.
- AND A PATSY.
- YEAH.
- OF COURSE,
IF YOU KNOW WHERE
THE TEN KILOS WAS,
YOU COULD CRACK
THIS CASE YOURSELF.
- YEAH, BUT I CAN'T FIND
THE TEN KILOS
UNTIL I FIND OUT MORE
ABOUT BENJAMIN.
- YEAH, THE WOLF RAT.
- RIGHT.
- WELL, YOU SPREAD
A FEW SMACKERS DOCKSIDE,
YOU MIGHT GET THE RIGHT ANSWERS
TO THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
- [chuckles]
- WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
- [chuckles]
I WAS KIDDING.
THAT'S DIME-STORE
DETECTIVE STUFF.
DON'T YOU GET IT?
- YEAH, I GET IT.
YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME.
- COME ON, LIGHTEN UP.
- LIGHTEN UP?
SOMEONE TRIED TO KILL ME,
I GOT KIDNAPPED,
I CAN'T LEAVE THE COUNTRY,
AND THE COPS WON'T HELP ME.
YOU LIGHTEN UP!
- SO NOW YOU'RE GONNA
PLAY DETECTIVE?
- I'M GOING
TO PLAY DETECTIVE
BECAUSE I'M REALLY TIRED
OF BEING THE VICTIM.
ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME
OR NOT?
- WELL, IF YOU'RE
GONNA BE A GOOD DETECTIVE,
THEN YOU WOULDN'T NEED
ANY OF MY HELP.
- I ALWAYS KNEW
YOU WERE A WIMP.
I DECIDED TO GO IT ALONE.
PRETTY BOY HAD BEEN RIGHT
ABOUT ONE THING.
A GOOD PRIVATE DICK DOESN'T NEED
ANY BRASS BAND TAGGING ALONG,
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT WAS
THE DICK'S HEAD
ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK.
[horn honks]
- HELLO.
MAY I OFFER YOU A LIFT?
PARDON ME, THIS MAY BE NONE
OF MY AFFAIR,
BUT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT YOUR FRIEND TERRY.
- HE'S NOT MY FRIEND.
- AH, GOOD!
THEN YOU DON'T
MIND ME TELLING YOU
THAT THIS TERRY
PROPOSITIONED ME SEVERAL TIMES.
- COMING FROM HER,
THAT WAS PRETTY TOUGH TO BUY.
- OF COURSE,
I WAS COLD AS ICE.
- I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN,
BUT I REALLY DON'T CARE.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
MEN ARE NOT WORTH AGGRAVATION.
SAY, WHY DON'T WE HAVE LUNCH?
THERE'S A BOUILLABAISSE
I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TRY.
- UH, SOME OTHER TIME,
EVA, OKAY?
- IF THERE EVER IS SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO DO WITH A FRIEND,
COME TO ME.
WE WOMEN SHOULD
STICK TOGETHER.
- THANKS FOR THE LIFT, EVA.
I'LL GET OUT HERE.
[indistinct chatter]
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I NEEDED INFORMATION FAST.
AND I KNEW HOW TO GET IT.
YOU HAD TO BE TOUGH AND YOU HAD
TO TALK THEIR GUTTER LINGO.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
SIR?
COULD I ASK YOU A QUESTION,
PLEASE?
[indistinct chatter]
UH, SIR?
[whispers]
DID YOU KNOW A GENTLEMAN
NAMED HARRY BENJAMIN?
- NO.
- HEY, MR. LADY,
YOU SHAVE YOUR LEGS?
[laughter]
- IF THESE JOKERS WANTED
TO PLAY ROUGH...
MICKEY RAYMOND WOULD BE
MORE THAN HAPPY
TO GIVE 'EM A FEW LESSONS.
I GOT A FIN FOR ANYBODY
IN HERE
WHO KNEW HARRY BENJAMIN.
- WHAT'S A FIN?
- FIVE BUCKS.
- WHAT DO YOU CALL TEN?
- UH...A SAWBUCK.
- I KNEW BENJAMIN
FOR A SAWBUCK.
I COULD JUST TAKE IT,
YOU KNOW?
- TELL YOU WHAT,
WHY DON'T I GIVE YOU FIVE NOW
AND FIVE LATER?
- DEAL.
- HARRY BENJAMIN'S LAST SHIP.
SOMEONE SHOULD
HAVE TOLD HIM ABOUT
THE SURPRISINGLY
AFFORDABLE CRUISERS
ON THE ROYAL VIKING LINE.
SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE EXPLAINED
TO HARRY BENJAMIN
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU START MESSING
- WEIGH ANCHOR,
YOU BLOCK OF WHALE PARTS.
THAT'S IT.
- WHAT'S IT?
- THE LAST HOME
OF HARRY BENJAMIN.
- I HATED TO ADMIT IT,
BUT I WAS STUMPED.
MY ONLY LEAD HAD LED ME
RIGHT TO A DEAD END.
IF THERE WAS A FAIRY GODMOTHER
FOR PRIVATE DETECTIVES,
I WISH SHE'D DROP
A CLUE MY WAY FAST.
BINGO.
"HARRY, MY LOVE...
"THERE'S A PLACE FOR US.
"SOMEWHERE A PLACE FOR US.
PRINCESS AIDA."
DO YOU KNOW HER?
AIDA STRUTTED HER STUFF
EVERY NIGHT
AT A SLEAZY JOINT IN
THE SEAMIEST PART OF TOWN.
I WAS READY FOR SOME SERIOUS
THINKING,
BUT MY SIXTH SENSE TOLD ME
THAT MY THOUGHTS AND I
WEREN'T ALONE.
I WAS BEING FOLLOWED.
THE HAIRS ON THE BACK
OF MY NECK WERE STANDING UP
LIKE SOMEONE WAS PLAYING
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
I'M NOT ONE TO BE SCARED
OF MY OWN SHADOW,
BUT WHEN THE SHADOW'S
A GUY WHO KEEPS DUCKING
INTO DOORWAYS,
I'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION.
HAVE YOU GOT A BACK DOOR?
- YES.
- COULD YOU UNLOCK IT
FOR ME, PLEASE?
- YES.
AH!
- SHH.
DON'T SCREAM.
- YOU WERE FOLLOWING ME!
- I KNOW.
AND SOMEONE IS FOLLOWING ME.
LISTEN, WE MUST GO SOMEWHERE
AND TALK.
WHAT I KNOW MIGHT SURPRISE
THE HELL OUT OF YOU.
I GOT MUCH INFORMATION.
I GOT PHOTOGRAPHS.
- I GOT A PHOTOGRAPH
OR TWO MYSELF.
- THEN WE HAVE A DEAL.
YOU HAD THE LAST, UH,
INTERVIEW WITH ORTEGA.
WHAT DID YOU LEARN?
- I KNOW THAT HE WAS
AFTER THE TEN KILOS.
- [scoffs]
OF COURSE EVERYBODY'S
AFTER THE TEN KILOS.
CAN YOU IMAGINE
THAT MUCH PLUTONIUM
IN THE HANDS OF THIS MAD MAN?
- PLUTONIUM?
- HUH?
- [clears throat]
WITH THAT MUCH PLUTONIUM,
I COULD MAKE A BOMB.
- WELL, YEAH.
NOT A GREAT BIG BOMB.
ONE ABOUT THE SIZE
OF HIROSHIMA.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU.
LOOK AT THIS.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK DID THAT?
- YOU COULDN'T BLAME THEM FOR
STICKING AROUND
TO ADMIRE THEIR WORK.
YOU RECOGNIZE THOSE TWO?
MM-MMM.
- DON'T STRAIN YOURSELF.
I GOT SOME BLOW-UPS FOR YOU.
VOILA.
- EVA WERNER.
- BETTER KNOWN
AS FRAULEIN NACHT.
- SO SHE DID IT, HUH?
- WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM A FRIEND.
VOILA.
- TERRY.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- OH, COME ON.
CARA MIA,
DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
HE'S A SLIPPERY ONE.
HE TRIED TO WIN ME OVER TOO.
HE--HE GAVE ME THIS.
I'LL TAKE IT.
BUT I SEE THROUGH HIM,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
NOW WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME?
LET'S GET DOWN
TO BUSINESS HERE, EH?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- COME ON!
I TELL YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW,
YOU TELL ME NOTHING?
WHAT IS THIS
A PHOTOGRAPH OF?
HMM?
A PHOTOGRAPH.
CLICK, CLICK.
- OH, YEAH.
- LET ME SEE.
WHAT IS THIS?
PHOTOGRAPH OF A STRIPPER.
- THAT'S HARRY BENJAMIN'S
GIRLFRIEND.
SHE WORKS AT THE NIETZSCHE.
- I TELL YOU
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
YOU AND I, CARA MIA,
WE GONNA GO SEE
THIS PRINCESS AIDA.
WHY DON'T YOU PAY THE CHECK,
HUH,
WHILE I GO TO THE BATHROOM?
YOU KNOW,
I DRANK TOO MUCH BEER.
YOU KNOW?
- SCRATCH TERRY LEONARD OFF
MY DANCE CARD.
AT LEAST I COULD COUNT ON
MY LITTLE ITALIANO.
UNDER ALL THAT BRASS WAS
ONE HEART OF GOLD
I COULD TRUST
TO STICK BY ME.
NINO?
NINO?
NINO?
[sighs]
JESUS, NINO.
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THE BATHROOM?
EUROPEANS.
- [groans]
- OH!
- [shouting]
YOU STABBED HIM!
- NO, I DIDN'T!
- SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE.
SHE KILLED THIS GUY.
- LET GO OF ME!
- STOP!
STOP HER!
- OPERATOR!
OPERATOR,
GET ME THE U.S. EMBASSY.
IT'S AN EMERGENCY!
JUST GET IT!
HELLO?
HELLO?
CAN I PLEASE TALK
TO THE AMBASSADOR?
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!
NO, YOU GOT TO HELP ME!
I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM!
I AM CALM!
OH, ALL RIGHT THEN.
ALL RIGHT, JUST GIVE HIM
THIS MESSAGE.
TELL HIM THAT THERE
ARE TERRORISTS ON MALTA
[Star and Stripes
plays over phone]
DON'T PUT ME ON HOLD!
[siren wails]
[indistinct chatter
and cheering]
I HAD TO GET TO AIDA.
SHE WAS MY ONLY LINK
TO THE PLUTONIUM.
[cheers and applause]
[glass shatters]
- HEY, YOU RUMMIES,
GET AWAY FROM THERE.
I TOLD YOU BEFORE.
GET AWAY OR I'LL
BREAK YOUR NECKS.
[cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
[gun clicks]
- GO ON.
YOU WANTED TO GO IN,
DIDN'T YOU?
[cheers and applause]
SHH.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- WELL, I'M LOOKING
FOR PRINCESS AIDA.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HER?
- I WANT TO TALK TO HER
ABOUT HARRY BENJAMIN.
- OH.
GO ON.
- LOOK, I REALLY HAVE TO TALK
TO THE PRINCESS.
I'M IN TROUBLE.
- SIT DOWN.
- WILL THE PRINCESS
BE BACK SOON?
- SHE'S HERE.
SURPRISED?
- WELL...YES.
- EVERYONE WAS.
THEY COULDN'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT I SAW IN HIM.
BUT HARRY WAS SPECIAL.
[crying]
- LOOK--LOOK,
I'M SORRY ABOUT THE--
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
- LISTEN.
WHERE DID HE PUT
THE PLUTONIUM?
- YOU KNOW...
I WARNED HIM WHEN HE SAID
HE WAS GOING
TO STEAL THE STUPID STUFF.
BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME.
THE BIG DUMMY.
- PRINCESS, TEN MINUTES,
PLEASE.
- THANK YOU.
- [sighs]
PRINCESS, THINK.
I MEAN...
WAS THERE A MAP?
WAS THERE SOMETHING?
- HE SAID THERE
WASN'T A MAP,
BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.
HE SAID AFTER
HE HAD THE MONEY,
HE WAS GOING TO TAKE ME
AWAY FROM ALL THIS...
TO THE SOUTH OF FRANCE.
HERE.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
HMM?
THIS IS THE PLACE.
- THAT'S VERY PRETTY.
- LOOK AT THEM ALL.
RIO, TAHITI, GREECE.
HE WAS ILLITERATE,
YOU KNOW?
BUT HE LEARNED
TO WRITE MY ADDRESS,
SO WHEREVER HE WAS,
HE'D SEND ME A POSTCARD...
- JESUS, THAT'S IT!
- TO LET ME KNOW
HE WAS THINKING OF ME.
- THE POSTCARDS!
THE MAP IS ONE
OF THE POSTCARDS!
- HE DIDN'T HAVE TO WRITE.
- NOW BACK AT THE HOTEL--
- A POSTCARD SAID IT ALL.
- HEY, PRINCESS,
I GOT TO RUN.
- WAIT!
BE A DOLL.
ZIP ME UP.
- SUCK IN.
- I'VE GOT TO GO ON A DIET.
[gunshots]
- AH! GET DOWN!
- ♪ STOP ♪
♪ IN THE NAME OF LOVE ♪
♪ BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART ♪
[cheers and applause]
♪ BABY BABY I'M AWARE ♪
♪ OF WHERE YOU GO ♪
♪ EACH TIME YOU LEAVE MY DOOR ♪
♪ I WATCH YOU WALK DOWN
THE STREET ♪
♪ KNOWING YOUR OTHER LOVE
YOU'LL MEET ♪
[music fades out]
- OH!
DAMN IT!
ARGH!
- I ALWAYS TELL MY CLIENTS,
"WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES
WHEN YOU TRAVEL."
WELL, I'M OFF TO PICK UP
YOUR POSTCARDS.
- DON'T SHOOT ME!
DON'T SHOOT ME!
DO YOU REMEMBER
YOU ONCE SAID TO ME
IF I EVER NEEDED A FRIEND,
THAT I COULD--
WELL, I KNOW
THAT IT'S KIND OF LATE,
BUT I SORT OF FEEL LIKE
SOME BOUILLABAISSE.
- I ALREADY ATE.
- WELL...
"VE VOMEN" SHOULD STICK
TOGETHER, HUH?
WE COULD BE PARTNERS.
- FUNNY.
THAT'S WHAT YOUR ITALIAN
FRIEND SAID
WHEN HE WAS BEGGING
FOR HIS LIFE.
BUT I'M NOT MUCH
FOR SHARING,
ESPECIALLY WITH A BRIGADE
LED BY SOMEONE
AS DISORGANIZED
AS NINO'S KNIDNAPPER.
YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT HE
WAS A REPORTER AND BY THE WAY,
IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TRIP ME,
DON'T BOTHER.
- GUESS PARTNERS IS OUT, HUH?
- THE ONLY PARTNERS
I CARE FOR
ARE SILENT PARTNERS.
[gunshot]
OW!
[grunts]
- MICKEY, WAIT!
- ♪ MARTA ♪
♪ WITH YOUR FRAGRANCE DIVINE ♪
- SEAN, YOU'LL WAKE
THE WHOLE HOTEL.
THE MORNING BRINGS OUT
THE THRUSH IN ME.
- PSST!
SHH!
- WELL, WELL, MICKEY.
- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
ALL NIGHT?
- AYE, YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT IT TOO.
- HE'S BEEN UP ALL NIGHT
WAITING FOR YOU.
- I KNOW AND, UH...
I DON'T WANT HIM TO SEE ME
LOOKING LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW?
- SAY NO MORE.
- WILL YOU HELP ME?
- OF COURSE.
- OKAY.
MY NOTEBOOK IS
ON THE WRITING TABLE
IN THE MIDDLE OF MY ROOM.
INSIDE IT ARE SOME POSTCARDS.
WILL YOU BRING THEM
TO ME, PLEASE?
- YES, AND DON'T SAY ANYTHING
TO TERRY.
- YEAH, BUT, I DON'T--
- LIZZY, GO!
YOU MUST.
- MICKEY...
ARE YOU IN SOME
KIND OF TROUBLE?
- MORNING, LIZZY.
- MORNING!
I, UM--
I'M JUST GOING UP FOR MY SHAWL.
CHILLY OUT THERE.
- DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING,
LIZZY?
- FORGET SOMETHING?
- YOUR SHAWL.
ISN'T THAT MICKEY'S?
- SHE LOANED IT TO ME TO READ.
- REALLY?
YOU KNOW, LIZZY,
I KIND OF HATE TO SAY THIS
TO A SWEET LITTLE
OLD LADY LIKE YOU,
BUT I THINK YOU'RE LYING.
- BAH!
I'VE NEVER BEEN--
- WHERE'S MICKEY?
- SHE'S GOING TO BE VERY,
VERY ANGRY WITH ME.
- WHERE IS SHE, LIZZY?
HI, SEAN.
WHERE'S MICKEY?
- MICKEY?
- YEAH, YOU KNOW,
THAT CUTE LITTLE KID
THAT PUSHES GUYS
OUT OF WINDOWS?
- OH, THAT MICKEY.
SHE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- MICK...
I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
- YEAH, SURE YOU WERE
WORRIED ABOUT ME.
YOU WERE WORRIED THAT I'D
GET THE PLUTONIUM FIRST.
- GIVE ME THE GUN, MICKEY.
- FAT CHANCE.
GET OVER.
- YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.
- THE ONLY MISTAKE I MADE
WAS IN TRUSTING YOU.
GIVE ME THE POST--
GIVE ME THE POSTCARDS.
- YES, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND
ANY OF THIS.
- NEITHER DO I.
- SEAN, ALL YOU HAVE
TO UNDERSTAND
IS THAT THIS MAN
IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.
AND IF HE MOVES...SHOOT HIM.
- BUT, MICKEY, WHAT DO THE
POSTCARDS HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
- ONE OF THESE POSTCARDS
IS A MAP
TO SOME STOLEN PLUTONIUM.
- [chuckles]
DO YOU BELIEVE
WHAT YOU'RE HEARING, LIZZY?
[laughter]
- OH, SEAN.
WHAT A PAIR OF OLD FOOLS
WE MAKE.
- I WENT THROUGH
HER ROOM TWICE
AND IT WAS RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE
THE WHOLE TIME.
BENJAMIN'S MAP.
[laughs]
- OH, NO.
NOT YOU TWO.
I LIKED YOU.
- [sighs]
DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU
WHAT A GREAT
JUDGE OF CHARACTER YOU ARE?
- I SUPPOSE YOU'RE THE ONES
THAT SENT OUR ARAB FRIENDS
TO THAT GREAT SAND DUNE
IN THE SKY, HUH?
- THEY SAY IT IS QUITE
MAGNIFICENT.
- UNFORTUNATELY,
WE COULDN'T WAIT UP FOR IT.
PAST OUR BEDTIME, YOU KNOW.
- I HOPE THESE KNOTS ARE
TIGHT ENOUGH.
- WHAT DO YOU NEED WITH
ALL THAT PLUTONIUM, ANYWAY?
- HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE SONG
LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN?
- OH, WE WOULDN'T WASTE IT ALL
ON ONE BRIDGE.
- LOVE TO HAVE A LITTLE CHAT,
BUT REALLY MUST BE
ON OUR WAY.
- SEAN, DON'T YOU JUST LOVE
THESE LITTLE KITCHEN TIMERS?
- THAT'S A LOVELY
LITTLE JOB.
- SO HANDY.
[ticking]
TA-TA.
- CHEERIO.
[Mickey struggling]
- KICK THE TABLE.
- LOOK, I'M AN AGENT FOR THE
NUCLEAR REGULATORY COMMISSION.
I'M A GOOD GUY.
YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME.
- I DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING
YOU SAY.
- KICK THE TABLE OR
MR. PEABODY'S GONNA
BE EATING DRY CAT FOOD
FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE!
THAT'S WHAT YOUR LANDLORD'S
FEEDING HIM, YOU KNOW.
- I HAD THE BOYS BACK HOME
CHECK UP ON YOU.
NOW, WOULD YOU KICK THE TABLE,
OR WE'RE GONNA DIE IN HERE!
- UNH...UNH! UNH!
YOU...UNH...
- HOW LUCKY FOR US TO HAVE
SUCH AN EXCELLENT TOUR GUIDE.
EH, SEAN?
- YES, DEAR.
UH, I HATE TO BE
A BACKSEAT DRIVER,
BUT COULD YOU LEAN ON IT
A WEE BIT, OLD BOY?
- [grunting]
WHERE DO YOU GET OFF THINKING
YOU CAN USE SOMEONE
LIKE YOU USED ME?
- YOU WERE MY ONLY LEAD.
I COULDN'T LET YOU GO.
- UNH!
- AAA--AAH!
OH, JESUS!
OH, A FATE WORSE
THAN DEATH.
- HONEY, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS
WHEN WE GET HOME?
JUST GRAB THE SHEARS.
- I GOT 'EM.
- OKAY, OKAY.
CUT...JUST THE ROPE!
- HOW DISAPPOINTING.
NOT A PEEP.
- PITY.
- I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT IT IS
YOU ARE DOING!
- AHH.
- WATCH OUT.
UNH.
WHAT ABOUT ME?
[explosion in distance]
- WHAT WAS THAT?
- [chuckling]
I SUPP--
I SUPPOSE IT WAS
YOUR GREENHOUSE.
- AND IF I KNOW THE WAY
LIZZY SETS A CHARGE,
PROBABLY A BIT OF THE HOTEL
AS WELL!
[laughter]
- OH...YOU VANDALS!
- MORNING.
- WHEN THOSE MORNING GLORIES
BLOOM, THEY REALLY BLOOM.
- UNH! UNTIE ME.
I CAN WALK FOR MYSELF!
OOH!
- OKAY, NOW ALL WE GOTTA DO IS
FIND MR. AND MRS. POTATO HEAD.
- WOULD YOU PLEASE UNTIE ME?
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D BE
INTERESTED IN KNOWING
WHICH POSTCARDS I HAD?
- OH, THIS IS A GREAT TIME
TO BE TAKING INVENTORY.
GET THAT.
[blips and beeps]
YOU WIRED EVERYBODY.
- GOT A SAYING
IN THE JEWELRY BUSINESS.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE
CAULIFLOWER,
BUT EVERYBODY LOVES CARATS.
EVERYBODY EXCEPT YOU.
YOU NEVER WORE YOURS.
AH...THERE'S BLARNEY.
[blips and beeps]
MY SPARE ROSCOE.
- SINCE WHEN WERE YOU WORRIED
ABOUT MY SAFETY?
I'M COMING WITH YOU.
[siren approaching]
- I'M AFRAID WE'VE
COME A CROPPER, DEAR.
- AYE. WHAT'S LEFT?
- WELL, HERE'S THE LAST
OF 'EM.
A LOVELY PICTURE OF...
TAPINO CATHEDRAL.
- WHERE'S THAT, MARQUIS?
- TAPINO...
IT'S ON THE OTHER ISLAND.
GO, THOUGH, YOU HAVE TO
TAKE THE FERRY.
- AND WHAT A MARVELOUS DAY
FOR A BOAT RIDE, EH, SEAN?
- HOW'D YOU KNOW
WHO THE OTHERS WERE?
- I DIDN'T.
[matching beeping]
I JUST TAGGED EVERYONE
THAT CAME INTO CONTACT WITH YOU
AFTER YOU HIT THE FRONT PAGE.
- GEE, I SURE APPRECIATE YOU
LETTING ME IN ON IT.
- YOU DON'T GET THIS JOB UNLESS
YOU CAN KEEP A SECRET.
- OH, GOD, GO EAST.
EAST, THEY'RE HEADING EAST.
GO EAST!
[tires screech]
JEEZ.
- NOT BAD FOR A WIMP, HUH?
- I'M NOT SORRY
I SAID THAT.
- OKAY, OKAY,
I DESERVED IT.
I SAID SOME THINGS ABOUT YOU THE
OTHER DAY THAT I DIDN'T MEAN.
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
WHEN YOU TRACKED DOWN
PRINCESS AIDA,
THAT WAS GOOD.
IT WAS REAL GOOD.
- THANKS.
- [calling out]
- OOPS.
LOOK WHAT WE GOT HERE.
SORRY, MICKEY.
- OH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ME, PAL.
I'VE SEEN A LOT WORSE DRIVING
THAN THIS.
I'M FROM FRISCO,
REMEMBER?
[tires screeching]
- OH-HO.
WE'VE GOT A TAGALONG.
- WHO IS IT, DEAR?
- IT'S OUR YOUNG FRIENDS.
- FROM NOW ON, SEAN,
I THINK I'D BETTER DO
THE KNOT TYING.
[gunshots]
- AAH!
- AAH!
- HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE.
EH?
- OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SHOT!
OH, I'M GONNA THROW UP.
- MOVE OVER.
[machine beeping]
- OH, GEE--OW.
I THINK I KNOW WHERE
THEY'RE HEADED ANYWAY.
- TERRY, I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO DRIVE A STICK.
- MOVING OUT.
- NICE AND EASY.
EASY!
[gears grinding]
- FIRST GEAR?
WHICH ONE'S THAT?
- THE ONE YOU JUST STRIPPED.
- IT LOOKS AS IF WE'LL SOON
BE UNDERWAY, SEAN.
- OKAY, NOW, SHIFT. SHIFT.
[gears grind]
NOW OUT.
- HOW AM I DOING?
- YOU'RE DOING FINE.
TURN LEFT RIGHT DOWN HERE.
LEFT.
HIT THE BRAKES!
- AAH!
- AAH!
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- I SAID THE BRAKE...
NOT THE CLUTCH.
[siren wailing]
- I WAS PRETTY HAPPY WITH
THE WAY THIS CAPER HAD COME OUT.
AND SO WAS MALTA.
STAGNOS FINALLY THANKED ME
FOR WISING HIM UP
TO MODERN POLICE METHODS.
OF COURSE, HE MADE SURE THAT
HE COPPED ALL THE GLORY.
ALL I COPPED WAS A HANDSHAKE,
AND A CARD EVERY CHRISTMAS.
DIDN'T HEAR MUCH
FROM THE OTHER LOOSE ENDS.
WHEN THEY PULLED SEAN AND LIZZY
OUT OF THE DRINK,
THEY PUT 'EM IN A PLACE
WHERE THEY COULD DRIP-DRY...
AS FOR TERRY LEONARD,
WE'D MADE A PRETTY GOOD TEAM.
BUT YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG
NEW TRICKS.
I LIKED WORKING ALONE.
THE FEELING WAS MUTUAL.
HE HAD A RIDDLE TO SOLVE
IN TANGIERS.
THAT'S THE LAST
I EVER SAW OF HIM.
- [sighs]
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I CAN'T SLEEP WITH
ALL THAT CLACKING GOING ON.
WHY DON'T YOU COME TO BED.
- ALL RIGHT,
YA BIG GORILLA.
HOW ALL THE TROUBLE STARTED.
I WAS JUST
A COURT STENOGRAPHER...
BUT I'D ALWAYS WANTED TO BE
A WRITER.
AND TO WRITE A GREAT NOVEL,
YOU HAVE TO LIVE
A GREAT NOVEL.
SO I TOOK TWO WEEK'S VACATION
IN MALTA
TO WRITE MY FIRST BOOK.
UNTITLED MYSTERY,
BY MICKEY RAYMOND.
HALFWAY AROUND THE WORLD
A COURIER HAD BEEN MURDERED.
A PRIVATE DICK--
NO, THAT'S EMBARRASSING.
A PRIVATE EYE WAS HEADING
FOR MALTA.
SHE'D PACKED LIGHT--JUST HER
BRIEFCASE AND HER WINDBREAKER.
NO, SHE WOULDN'T WEAR
A WINDBREAKER.
THAT'S IT!
[overlapping conversations]
EXCUSE ME.
- I COULDN'T HELP BUT NOTICE
THAT YOUR LUMBAR FAVORS
AN ANTERIOR ACCESS.
- BEG YOUR PARDON?
I BET YOU HAVE LOWER BACK PAIN
AT THE END OF THE DAY.
- WELL, YES, SOMETIMES IT DOES
GET A LITTLE SORE.
- AHA.
ANYBODY EVER LOOKED AT IT?
- NO.
YOU A DOCTOR?
- [clears throat]
JUST CALL ME TERRY.
I DON'T LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE
GIVE ME SPECIAL TREATMENT
JUST BECAUSE OF WHAT I DO.
MAY I?
- MM...
- AHA.
- HMM.
- HIS STRONG FINGERS WERE LIKE
PROBING RODS
SEARING PASSION INTO
HER HUNGRY, CRAVING FLESH.
- LUMBAR AXIAL DEFORMATION.
- HE LIED...
- YOURS IS MINOR.
- HUH...WHAT SHOULD I DO?
- SIMPLE THERAPY. STOP BY 23B
AND I'LL SUGGEST SOME EXERCISES.
- OH, WELL, THANK YOU, DOCTOR.
- UH...
- TERRY.
- SHE MOANED
WITH MOUNTING PLEASURE.
BUT THE DEFROCKED DOCTOR
CARED NOT
FOR THE CONTESSA'S
ANIMAL LUST.
IT WAS THE HEAT
OF HER SWISS BANK ACCOUNT
THAT DREW HIM LIKE A MOTH
TO HER FLAME.
HE WAS THE VILEST OF VILES.
- HI THERE.
- HELLO.
- GOING TO MALTA?
- NO, ACTUALLY, I WAS GOING
TO THE BATHROOM.
- [chuckles]
YOU GOT ME.
WORK?
- I DON'T LIKE
TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- PARDON ME.
- WHY NOT?
- IT EMBARRASSES ME WHEN PEOPLE
GIVE ME SPECIAL TREATMENT
FOR WHAT I DO.
- AH, WELL, THEN I'M SURE
YOU WON'T MIND.
I WAS AHEAD OF YOU.
- SCRATCH ROMANCE.
- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,
WELCOME TO LUQA AIRPORT.
THE LOCAL TIME IS 9:58 A.M.
IT'S BEEN A PLEASURE
SERVING YOU,
AND I HOPE YOU'LL ENJOY
YOUR STAY IN MALTA.
THANK YOU.
[speaks Maltese]
- HAVE A NICE DAY.
GOOD-BYE.
- BYE-BYE.
- BYE. BYE-BYE.
- BY THE WAY, YOU WOULDN'T
HAPPEN TO BE
LAYING OVER HERE,
WOULD YOU?
I MEAN, I'M NOT GONNA BE
LECTURING
- NO, I'M SORRY,
BUT I'M BASED IN ROME.
- OH.
- EXCUSE ME.
- GOOD-BYE.
- BYE.
- GOOD-BYE.
- GOOD-BYE.
[woman's voice drones
over p.a. speaker]
- MICHELLE RAYMOND?
- YES.
- ARE YOU A WRITER?
- YES, I AM.
[stamps loudly]
- HAVE A NICE DAY.
- THANK YOU.
HEY!
HEY, WHAT THE HELL
DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?
THOSE ARE MY BAGS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- YOU GO.
[speaking Maltese]
IS THE BEST TAXI
OF MALTA.
THROUGH THE DOOR, PLEASE.
- THANK YOU.
THANKS.
[tires screech]
[exciting music]
♪ ♪
- YOU NEED SOME SHOES?
I KNOW VERY, VERY GOOD PLACE
FOR A SHOE--VERY CHEAP.
- UH, NO THANKS.
- SWEATERS,
VERY GOOD QUALITY.
VERY CHEAP.
- NO, THANK YOU.
- GLASS, EH?
YOU WANT A GLASS?
- NO.
UNH!
- I CAN MAKE THIS AFTERNOON.
I SHOW YOU THE ISLAND.
- OH, NO, NO.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.
- TONIGHT I TAKE YOU A DISCO.
VERY, VERY OLD.
- THANKS, THAT'S--
THAT'S FINE.
I'LL BE--
I'LL BE FINE BY MYSELF.
- [accent vanishes]
THANKS.
[door bangs open]
- OH.
- HI.
- I'M AFRAID IF YOU'RE LOOKING
FOR A ROOM,
THERE ARE NONE AVAILABLE.
- OH, I HAVE A RESERVATION
BOOKED TO RAYMOND.
- MICKEY RAYMOND?
- YEAH, THAT'S ME.
- WE WERE EXPECTING
A GENTLEMAN.
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
SO WAS MY FATHER.
[chuckles]
- MISS RAYMOND, I--
I THINK I SHOULD WARN YOU...
THIS MIGHT NOT BE
THE RIGHT HOTEL FOR YOU.
IT IS, UH...VERY QUIET.
- OH, THAT'S JUST HOW I LIKE IT.
[ding, thud]
THAT'S JUST HOW I LIKE IT.
I'M SORRY.
- VERY WELL.
I AM THE MARQUIS DE PENA.
THIS IS THE FALCONRY,
MY ANCESTRAL HOME,
ORIGINALLY BUILT
IN THE 17th CENTURY
AS A SPORTING LODGE
BY GREAT, GREAT,
GREAT, GREAT, GREAT,
GREAT GRANDFATHER,
THE GRAND MASTER DE PENA.
IT'S CHARM AND ELEGANCE
HAS SURVIVED THE CENTURIES.
[gasps]
- WOW.
- YOU MUSTN'T, PLEASE!
PLEASE.
- OH, SORRY.
- WOW.
- THE BATHROOM IS DOWN THE HALL.
DINNER IS SERVED AT 6:30.
THE FRONT DOORS ARE SECURED
AT 11:00 P.M.
PROMPTLY.
- THANK YOU.
OH, MARQUIS...HERE.
I GUESS
HE ONLY TAKES $3 BILLS.
THERE'S GOTTA BE A MYSTERY STORY
OUT THERE SOMEWHERE.
- NOW, IF YOU ALL CARE
TO FOLLOW ME, PLEASE, THIS WAY.
OVER HERE WE HAVE A FACSIMILE
OF THE ORIGINAL PLANS
FOR THE CITY OF VALLETTA,
DRAWN UP BY THE GREAT
ITALIAN ARCHITECT
FRANCESCO LAPARELLI,
WHO HAD SERVED THE MEDICIS
AND POPE PIUS IV.
WORK WAS BEGUN IN 1566...
AND OF COURSE, THE EVER-PRESENT
EIGHT-POINTED CROSS,
THE EMBLEM OF THE KNIGHT
HOSPITALLERS
OF ST. JOHN OF JERUSALEM.
EIGHT POINTS REPRESENTING
THE EIGHT BEATITUDES
FROM THE SERMON OF THE MOUNT
OF JESUS CHRIST.
[lecture continues outside]
I RECOMMEND THE STAND OUTSIDE
FOR SLIDES, SOUVENIRS,
AND POSTCARDS.
THANK YOU.
- [chuckling]
I--I--I...
- ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
THANK YOU.
- OKAY, THANKS.
[vendors hawking wares]
- LOOK WHAT EXTRAORDINARY...
- LOOK, I'LL GIVE YOU THE 12
ASTROLOGICAL SIGNS, OKAY?
AND I'LL THROW THIS IN
FOR FREE.
NOW, WHEN YOU BUY A GROSS,
I THROW IN A DOZEN FREE.
WE CALL THAT
THE MIX SPECIALTY.
YOU GET THE ITALIAN HORN,
YOU GET THE SHARK'S TOOTH,
AND YOU GET THE FOREIGN
LANGUAGES.
HERE YOU GO.
IT MEANS "HOT TO TROT"
IN JAPANESE.
AIN'T THAT A SCREAM?
I CAN GIVE YOU A DEAL
ON ALL OF THIS JEWELRY
THAT YOU CANNOT BELIEVE.
WHERE YOU GONNA GET A PRICE
LIKE THIS ANYWHERE ELSE?
[sighs]
WHAT AM I GONNA DO,
MAKE THE FIRST SALE FOR YOU?
EXCUSE ME, SWEETHEART,
CAN I BORROW YOU
AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL FACE
JUST FOR A SECOND?
- NEIN.
- NEIN?
- HEY, BABY,
AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED,
YOU'RE A TEN AND A HALF,
HEH HEH.
I'M GIVING THIS THING TO YOU
FOR FREE.
COME ON, DO ME A FAVOR
AND ACT LIKE YOU LIKE IT.
SMILE.
- IDIOT!
SEE? SHE LOVED IT.
NOW, HOW HARD WAS THAT?
IT WAS SIMPLE.
- MOONLIGHTING...
DOCTOR?
- NEVER MIND ABOUT HER,
LISTEN...
- WELL, I GUESS I SHOULDN'T
EXPECT INSPIRATION
TO COME UP AND GRAB ME
FROM BEHIND,
BUT NOTHING EVER HAPPENS
IN MALTA.
[siren wailing]
- LOOK, GIRL WALKING
DOWN THE STREET
WITH HER HAND ON THE STRAP
OF HER BAG, OKAY?
AN EASY MARK.
- MARK?
- UH...PIGEON?
A SUCKER?
- AN UNWITTING VICTIM?
- VERY GOOD. YES.
OKAY, NOW, YOU BE THE GIRL,
OKAY?
YOU STAND OVER HERE
AND WALK ALONG REALLY SLOW.
OKAY, THE GUY SNEAKS UP
FROM BEHIND,
PICKS UP THE BAG, TAKES
THE WEIGHT OFF THE SHOULDER.
SNIP, SNIP.
GOOD-BYE PURSE.
- AMAZING.
- WHAT'S SO AMAZING.
IN HONG KONG
THEY COME UP TO YOU,
THEY GIVE YOU A SHOT
OF NOVOCAIN IN THE REAR END,
AND THEY WALK ALONG WITH YOU
FOR A BLOCK OR SO
TILL IT TAKES.
AND THEN, I TELL YOU,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE
MUCH OF A PICKPOCKET
TO GET A WALLET.
- AH.
SERGEANT, HAVE YOU EVER
IN YOUR LIFE HEARD SUCH A THING?
- NO.
WE MUST BE VERY PROVINCIAL
HERE IN MALTA.
IN MY EXPERIENCE,
OUR PICKPOCKETS HAVE SIMPLY...
PICKED POCKETS.
MISS RAYMOND, I SUGGEST
YOU GO BACK TO YOUR HOTEL.
I WILL ALERT MY MEN
TO THIS UNUSUAL SITUATION,
AND PERHAPS SOMETHING WILL
TURN UP.
- PERHAPS SOMETHING WILL
TURN UP?
THAT'S REAL AGGRESSIVE
POLICE WORK, FELLAS.
THAT'S GREAT.
DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?
EVERYTHING I HAD WAS
IN THAT BAG.
MY WALLET, MY PASSPORT.
[sighs]
LOOK, I DEMAND TO SEE
SOME MUG SHOTS.
- MUG SHOTS?
MISS RAYMOND, I WOULD BE
ONLY TOO HAPPY
TO LET YOU LOOK AT
THE MUG SHOTS.
- IN FACT, I WOULD EVEN
PUT TOGETHER A LINEUP.
- GREAT.
- ONE SMALL PROBLEM,
MISS RAYMOND.
HOW CAN YOU IDENTIFY SOMEONE
YOU DID NOT SEE?
OR MAYBE YOU KNOW
SOME NEW TECHNIQUE
THEY USE IN HONG KONG
TO ACCOMPLISH THIS?
- [chuckles]
- MALTA WANTS ME DEAD:
AN ORIGINAL STORY
BY MICKEY RAYMOND.
CHAPTER ONE.
THE INSPECTOR WAS A DIM BULB.
IF YOU LOOKED UP "STUPID"
IN THE DICTIONARY,
YOU'D FIND HIS PICTURE.
[tough male voice]
HELLO, SWEETHEART.
- SHH! DON'T SCREAM...
MICHELLE.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?
GET OUT OF HERE.
- HEH HEH.
[speaking Maltese]
MMM...
[speaking Maltese]
MMM...
YOU ARE MUCH PRETTIER
THAN YOUR PASSPORT PICTURE.
[mumbling in Maltese]
WHERE IS IT?
AAH! AAH!
AAH!
[faint squeak]
[faint squeak]
HEEEELP!
- OH, MY GOD!
[siren wailing]
- MISS RAYMOND.
QUITE A DAY FOR YOU.
- THIS WOMAN'S OUTRAGEOUS.
- I DIDN'T MEAN TO THROW HIM.
HE ATTACKED ME.
IT WAS SELF-DEFENSE.
- YOU MUST ARREST HER!
- ME?
- I COULD HANG MYSELF
FOR ALLOWING HER
- I SHOULD HANG MYSELF
FOR NOT GOING TO CLUB MED!
- ONE MOMENT! PLEASE.
- ALL RIGHT.
- MISS RAYMOND, LET'S SEE
IF I HAVE THE STORY.
NOW, EARLIER TODAY,
A MAN STEALS--
YOU SAY A MAN STEALS
YOUR PURSE.
NOT TWO HOURS LATER,
HE SHOWS UP IN YOUR CLOSET.
HE THREATENS YOU
WITH A RAZOR.
- YOU SPRAY DEODORANT
INTO HIS EYES.
YOU PUSH HIM OUT
OF THE WINDOW.
HE FALLS TO HIS DEATH...
THREE STORIES BELOW.
IS THAT APPROXIMATELY IT?
- THAT'S IT EXACTLY. YES.
- NO.
YOU SEE, THERE'S ONE
LITTLE THING MISSING
FROM THE STORY.
- WHAT?
- THE BODY.
- I--I TOLD YOU THAT THE BODY
WENT OVER THE BALCONY.
- SIT DOWN, PLEASE.
YOU SEE, MY MEN HAVE SEARCHED
HIGH AND LOW
AND CAN FIND NO TRACE
OF THIS FELLOW
WITH THE GOLD TOOTH
AND RAZOR.
- LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE...
- MISS RAYMOND,
I BEG TO DIFFER.
I THINK THAT YOU
AND YOU ALONE KNOW
WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND HERE.
SERGEANT.
YOU SEE, I HAVE JUST
BEEN READING
A FASCINATING NEW BOOK.
- OH, SHIT.
- THE TITLE...
MALTA WANTS ME DEAD.
HMM.
"AN ORIGINAL STORY
BY MICKEY RAYMOND."
THAT'S YOU.
- I DON'T SEE WHAT THAT'S
GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING
THAT'S GONE ON AROUND HERE.
- EVERYTHING.
BECAUSE YOU SEE, MISS RAYMOND,
WHEN YOU KNOW
HOW THIS STORY ENDS,
THIS CASE WILL BE CLOSED,
AS THEY SAY.
- I THINK YOU'RE
A LITTLE CONFUSED.
THAT'S FICTION.
AND WHAT WE'RE DEALING WITH HERE
IS REALITY.
- OH...OF COURSE.
I'M SORRY.
YOU'LL HAVE TO FORGIVE
THE OLD INSPECTOR.
WHAT DO I KNOW?
I AM ONLY...
"THE CHIEF FLATFOOT
WHO WOULDN'T KNOW A CLUE
IF IT JUMPED UP AND BIT HIM
ON THE TAIL."
- GIVE ME MY BOOK!
- SIT DOWN.
- [chuckling]
- SERGEANT...
I WOULD NOT BE SO AMUSED.
YOU..."THE DIMWITTED
RIGHT-HAND MAN
"WHO LOOKS LIKE HE COULD
TAKE A PAYOFF BETTER
THAN HE COULD TAKE A PUNCH."
- GIVE ME MY BOOK!
- SIT DOWN!
- INSPECTOR,
IF IT WOULD TAKE A PAYOFF
TO GET THIS--THIS TRAMP
OUT OF MY HOUSE,
I--I WOULD BE GLAD
TO MAKE YOU THE OFFER.
- OH, THAT'S VERY GENEROUS,
MARQUIS.
BUT IT'S NOT NECESSARY.
AFTER ALL,
WHAT'S ONE MORE TRAMP...
[chuckles]
"IN A FLOPHOUSE
RUN BY A MARQUIS
WHOSE TITLE WAS AS GOOD
AS FIVE-DAY-OLD FLOUNDER"?
- SHE'S THE ONE WHO SHOULD HAVE
GONE OUT OF THE WINDOW!
- NO ONE HAS GONE OUT
OF THE WINDOW.
- SIT DOWN, PLEASE.
- I--
AND YOU'RE TRYING TO MAKE ME
LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT!
- NO, NO, IT IS YOU
WHO ARE TRYING TO MAKE ME
LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT.
YOU THINK YOU CAN COME
TO THIS COUNTRY
AND TREAT US LIKE FOOLS?
YOU WASTED MY TIME
THIS AFTERNOON,
AND NOW TONIGHT.
- IT HAPPENED.
IT REALLY HAPPENED!
- YES. IN YOUR MIND!
WHICH, IF YOU PERSIST
IN THIS CHARADE,
I WILL BE FORCED
TO HAVE EXAMINED.
- MM!
- YOUR BOOK.
- WAIT, INSPECTOR, STAGNOS,
I DEMAND THAT YOU
TAKE THIS WOMAN OUT
OF MY HOUSE!
- I'VE PREPAID.
- SHE'S PREPAID.
GOOD NIGHT...
FLOUNDER.
[classical music
playing softly]
- GOOD MORNING.
- GOOD MORNING.
- I'M LIZZY O'REILLY,
AND THIS IS MY HUSBAND SEAN.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- WE CHECKED IN THIS MORNING.
BEEN HAVING A NICE HOLIDAY?
- ACTUALLY, I CAN'T WAIT
TO GO HOME.
- REALLY?
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HERE,
MY DEAR?
- ONE DAY.
[both chuckling]
- YOU REALLY SHOULD GIVE MALTA
MORE OF A CHANCE.
- AND I DON'T RECOMMEND
SITTING AROUND THE HOTEL
WITH A BUNCH OF OLD FOGIES.
- IT'S SUCH A BEAUTIFUL DAY.
GET OUT WITH YOU.
- GO ON, NOW. OFF WITH YOU.
[laughter]
[kids laughing]
- OOH!
- OSCUSI.
SCUSI.
[speaking Italian]
- UH, JE NE PARLE ITALIANO.
- WHAT I'M SAYING IS THAT
THE SEA IS ALMOST
AS BEAUTIFUL AS YOU.
ALMOST. NOT QUITE.
ALMOST.
I ANSWER TO MYSELF NINO.
NINO TENUCCI.
- THAT'S NICE, NINO.
- DO YOU KNOW YOU HAVE
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BODY?
HOW DO YOU SAY? WONDERFUL.
MAGNIFICO!
FANTASTICO.
- FAT-O.
- ARE YOU CRAZY? PLEASE.
I DON'T WANT TO HEAR YOU TALK
THAT WAY ABOUT YOURSELF.
LOOK AT YOU.
LOOK AT THOSE LINES.
MAMA MIA, YOU LOOK--
- THANK YOU, NINO.
- MAKE LOVE TO ME.
- NO, THANK YOU, NINO.
- OH, WHY NOT?
DON'T YOU LIKE MY BODY?
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
HAVE YOU EVER SEEN
SUCH A BODY?
- I'M GONNA SWIM SOME LAPS.
WELL, DON'T PLAY
TOO HARD TO GET.
I'M LEAVING THURSDAY.
HMM.
[exclaims in Italian]
- YOU KNOW THAT SONG?
♪ LADYBUG, LADYBUG ♪
♪ YOUR HOUSE IS ON FIRE
YOUR CHILDREN ARE ALONE ♪
- MAMA! MAMA!
MAMA!
- SEE?
TOLD YOU I KILLED SOMEBODY,
DIDN'T I?
- YES.
FORGIVE ME.
CONGRATULATIONS.
WE WOULD LIKE YOU
TO CONFIRM
THE IDENTITY OF THIS MAN.
- THAT'S NOT THE MAN I KILLED.
- NO.
BUT OF COURSE YOU KNOW HIM.
- I'VE NEVER SEEN HIM BEFORE
IN MY LIFE.
- NO?
MAYBE YOU SHOULD
TAKE ANOTHER LOOK
JUST TO MAKE SURE.
- IF I TAKE ANOTHER LOOK,
I'LL BE SICK.
- HIS NAME IS HARRY BENJAMIN.
AN ENGLISHMAN WITH MALTESE
SAILING PAPERS.
A SHIP'S COOK.
- [screams]
- OBVIOUSLY, HE COOKED UP
MORE THAN CHIPPED BEEF.
- I DIDN'T--
I DIDN'T KILL THIS GUY.
- NO.
YOU KILLED...
THIS GUY.
THIS GUY KILLED THAT GUY.
WE MATCHED THE TOOL
TO THE JOB.
ESTEBAN ORTEGA.
A BASQUE JAI ALAI PLAYER.
MY CURIOSITY
GETS THE BETTER OF ME.
I HAVE TO SAY TO MYSELF,
"WHAT DOES A BASQUE
JAI ALAI PLAYER,
"AN ENGLISH SHIP'S COOK,
AND AN AMERICAN WRITER
HAVE IN COMMON?"
- I'M GOING TO THROW UP.
- NOW, I AM NOT NAIVE.
- I-I--I'M GOING TO THROW UP.
- MALTA HAS
A VERY BUSY SEAPORT.
SAILORS IN, SAILORS OUT.
A SHIP FROM THE ORIENT.
DRUGS.
A COURIER...
A SUPPLIER...
A CUSTOMER.
YOUR FRIENDS IN THE LITERARY
CIRCLES BACK HOME
EAGERLY AWAIT...
[sniffs]
THE DRAGON.
- YOU'RE CRAZY.
- WHERE DID YOU PUT THE DRUGS?
- I WOKE UP
IN THE LUXURY SUITE
AT THE GRAY BAR HOTEL.
IT WAS THE KIND OF PLACE
WHERE YOU USE
YOUR ONE PHONE CALL TO CHECK IN
WITH DIAL-A-PRAYER.
[indistinct chatter]
- I'M NOT ASKING.
I'M DEMANDING TO SEE MY WIFE!
- I AM COMMANDING THAT YOU SHUT
YOUR MOUTH FOR ONE MOMENT.
- I BET YOU'D LIKE THAT,
INSPECTOR STAGNOS, BUT I WON'T.
NOT AS LONG
AS INTERNATIONAL LAW
STANDS BY A FEW
TRAMPLED PRINCIPLES
LIKE HABEAS CORPUS,
FLAGRANTE DELICTO,
EX POST FACTO,
AIN HOC SIGNO VINCES.
MISS RAYMOND, I GOT HERE
AS SOON AS I COULD.
- EXCUSE ME, PLEASE.
DO YOU KNOW THIS MAN?
- UM--
- WHY WOULDN'T SHE KNOW
HER OWN LAWYER?
- HE'S MY LAWYER.
- INDEED.
- MISS RAYMOND, I'LL HAVE YOU
OUT OF HERE IN A MOMENT.
- YOUNG LADY,
I AM RELEASING YOU.
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW
IT'S NOT BECAUSE OF ANYTHING
THIS IDIOT HAS SAID.
IT'S JUST THAT I'M
NOT PREPARED TO BRING
FORMAL CHARGES
AGAINST YOU...YET.
- AND WE ARE NOT PREPARED
TO BRING FALSE ARREST CHARGES
AGAINST YOU...YET.
YOU ALL RIGHT?
DID HE ROUGH YOU UP?
ANY RUBBER HOSES?
ANY OF THAT KIND OF STUFF?
HUH?
COME ON.
NOW'S THE TIME TO TALK ABOUT IT.
- THEY TREATED ME
VERY WELL, THANK YOU.
[under breath]
WOULD YOU PLEASE SHUT UP?
- ONE MOMENT, MISS RAYMOND.
THIS AFTERNOON, YOUR PASSPORT
AND TRAVELER'S CHECKS
WERE DISCOVERED
IN A GARBAGE BIN.
- WHERE'S MY PASSPORT?
- MISS RAYMOND, YOU ARE
STILL UNDER SUSPICION.
IT'S BETTER THAT I KEEP IT
JUST FOR SAFE KEEPING.
- THIS AN AN OUT--
- AM I FREE TO GO,
INSPECTOR?
- OF COURSE, MISS RAYMOND.
BUT NOT VERY FAR.
- THAT WAS GREAT,
WASN'T IT?
- GREAT?
WHERE DO YOU GET OFF BARGING
IN THERE
LIKE SOME STUPID TV LAWYER
PRACTICALLY GETTING ME
PUT AWAY FOREVER?
- I WAS TRYING TO HELP.
- HELP?
YOU CALL THAT RUBBER HOSE
ROUTINE HELP?
[tires screech and horn honks]
- DIDN'T LIKE THAT, HUH?
- I DIDN'T LIKE IT A LOT.
AND WHAT WAS
THAT LATIN MUMBO JUMBO?
IN HOC SIGNES VINCES,
OR WHATEVER.
- I DON'T KNOW.
GOT IT OFF A PACK
OF PALL MALLS.
IT SOUNDED PRETTY GOOD,
DIDN'T IT?
- WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE ANYWAY?
- WELL, I KNEW YOU WERE
TRAVELING ALONE AND...
YOU WERE IN A JAM.
THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD USE
A FRIEND OR SOMETHING.
WHERE YOU GOING?
- I'M GOING BACK
TO THE HOTEL.
AND I'M GONNA LOCK THE DOOR.
I'M GONNA GET IN MY BED.
I'M GONNA STAY THERE.
- WANT COMPANY?
I MEAN FOR DINNER.
I GOT MY CAR RIGHT HERE.
DRIVE YOU BACK TO THE HOTEL,
CHANGE, GRAB A BITE.
I MEAN, YOU GOT TO EAT,
RIGHT?
LOOK, I MIGHT BE WRONG,
BUT COME ON.
IF I JUST PUSHED A GUY OUT
OF MY BEDROOM WINDOW,
I WOULDN'T WANT TO GO BACK
AND LOCK MYSELF
IN THE SAME BEDROOM AND STARE
OUT THE SAME WINDOW
ALL NIGHT LONG.
HMM?
- [sighs]
- WELL...
THAT'S ONE DEAD SOLDIER.
OOPS.
SORRY.
I THINK YOU'RE FEELING
A LITTLE BETTER.
I DETECT A LITTLE COLOR
IN THOSE CHEEKS.
- YOU DETECT A LITTLE MAKEUP
IN THOSE CHEEKS.
- WHATEVER.
WHERE WAS I?
- I THINK YOU WERE WITH THE
PEACE CORPS IN MALAYSIA.
- OH, RIGHT.
NOW I DON'T WANT TO TOOT
MY OWN HORN HERE,
BUT IN 1968 I HAD TAKEN
MY MOUNTAIN TRIBESMEN
AND MOVED THEM FROM THEIR
HUNTER-GATHERER PHASE
INTO AN ORGANIZED
AGRARIAN SOCIETY.
I HAD TAKEN THEM UP
FOUR CENTURIES
UP THE ANTHROPOLOGICAL LADDER
IN ONLY TWO YEARS.
- HOW DID YOU MANAGE THAT?
- WELL...
I GUESS IT WAS MY RAPPORT
WITH THE NATIVES.
- NO, I MEAN--
I MEAN, HOW DID YOU MANAGE
TO DO THAT
THE SAME YEAR THAT YOU WERE
WRITING SPEECHES
FOR MCCARTHY
AT THE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION?
- UH...
RIGHT.
[chuckles]
WELL--
WELL--
WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH ABOUT ME.
LET'S TALK ABOUT YOU.
- WELL, UH...
I'M A GIRL WHO'S HEARD A LOT
OF BULL IN HER LIFE,
BUT NEVER ANYTHING LIKE THIS.
I MEAN, YOU RAISE IT
TO THE ART OF ZEN.
- I'LL TAKE THAT
AS A COMPLIMENT.
- DO YOU EVER TELL THE TRUTH?
- LOOK...
YOU DON'T TELL HER THAT YOU
DROPPED OUT OF COLLEGE,
YOU DROVE A CAB
FOR SIX YEARS,
AND YOU WOUND UP SELLING JEWELRY
FOR YOUR UNCLE.
I THINK YOU'LL ADMIT THAT
SOMETIMES THE TRUTH
CAN BE PRETTY TEDIOUS.
- WHEN YOU'RE RIGHT,
YOU'RE RIGHT.
- SO WHAT DO YOU DO?
- I'M A WRITER.
EH, THERE MIGHT
BE A BOOK IN IT.
- AW, COME ON.
THERE'S A BOOK IN IT ALL RIGHT.
THE QUESTION IS,
"AM I GONNA BE IN IT?"
- WHY WOULD YOU BE IN IT?
- BECAUSE I'M THE GUY
THAT SPRUNG YOU FROM JAIL.
- I THINK, UH,
YOU'RE THE GUY
THAT ALMOST KEPT ME
IN JAIL.
- HOW ABOUT
THE GALLANT GENTLEMAN,
WHO IN YOUR HOUR OF NEED
WINED YOU AND DINED YOU?
- WE SPLIT THE CHECK.
REMEMBER?
- YOU INSISTED.
- MM-HMM.
- [sighs]
OKAY, OKAY.
WHO BROKE THE BANK
AT THE DRAGONARA CASINO?
- WHEN DID YOU DO THAT?
- GOING TO DO IT TONIGHT.
- [chuckles]
EXCUSE ME, COULD YOU
PUT THAT ON SIX FOR ME?
- SIX.
SIX.
- PUT IT DOWN THERE ON SEVEN.
- HOLD YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
15 BLACK.
- [sighs]
YOU SURE HAVE AN INTERESTING WAY
OF BREAKING THE BANK, TERRY.
- I GOT 'EM RIGHT
WHERE I WANT 'EM.
LULLED INTO COMPLACENCY.
- YEAH, WELL, CAN I PLACE
MY OWN BETS THIS TIME?
- A-HA! SO THAT'S IT, HUH?
OKAY, YOU GET NO MORE HELP
FROM ME.
- PROMISE?
- PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
- EXCUSE ME.
BELLA, YOU KNOW I WORRY
ABOUT YOU
LIKE A SICILIAN MOTHER,
DON'T YOU?
- NO.
- BELLA, ME--
- UH, NINO, I'M GONNA
PLACE A BET HERE.
- OKAY, OKAY,
BUT YOU LOSE.
WHY DON'T YOU TRY
1, 8, AND 35?
THEY'RE VERY LUCKY NUMBERS.
- WHAT'S 1, 8, AND 35?
- IT'S THE DAY ELVIS WAS BORN.
THE KING.
♪ DON'T WANT TO BE A TIGER ♪
♪ I WANT TO BE YOUR TEDDY BEAR ♪
- OKAY, COULD YOU PUT THAT
ON ONE, PLEASE?
- ONE, PLEASE.
- AND THEN ON EIGHT.
- AND EIGHT.
- AND WHAT?
- 35, RIGHT?
- 35, OKAY, OKAY.
- YOU'LL GET IT, KID.
- LET'S GO.
- WHO IS THAT GUY?
- THAT'S SOMEBODY
I MET AT THE BEACH.
- EIGHT BLACK.
- EIGHT!
- AH!
I WON! I WON! I WON! I WON!
- TOLD YOU SO.
YOU SEE?
- PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
- I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND,
BUT YOU LOOK LIKE
A MAN WHO IS ABOUT
TO GET LUCKY.
- WELL, I COULD SURE DO
WITH SOME LUCK.
- AND PUT THOSE ONES ON--
WHAT?
- EIGHT.
- EIGHT.
- YOU DON'T REMEMBER ME?
ONCE, YOU THOUGHT
I'M A 10 1/2.
- AND YOU THOUGHT
I WAS AN IDIOT, AS I RECALL.
- ONE RED.
- OH, I WON AGAIN!
I WON AGAIN!
HEY, TERRY, I WON AGAIN!
- YEAH, THAT'S--
- DO YOU BELIEVE THAT?
I WON AGAIN.
- THAT'S JUST GREAT.
WANT SOME CHIPS?
I GOT A WHOLE BUNCH HERE.
- NO, THANKS.
I'M DOING JUST FINE
ON MY OWN.
- IS THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND?
- GIRLFRIEND?
[chuckles]
NO, NO.
SHE'S JUST--
UH, MICKEY, THIS IS, UH--
- EVA.
EVA WERNER.
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
- PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
- YOU WANT ME TO GIVE YOU
ANOTHER TIP?
- YEAH.
- ORTEGA WAS NOT
A JAI ALAI PLAYER.
- THOUGHT YOU SAID I WAS
GONNA GET LUCKY TONIGHT?
- PERHAPS I MEANT...
LUCKY IN LOVE.
- HOLD YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
- [whispers]
HE WAS MURDERED HERE.
- HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT ORTEGA?
- BECAUSE I'M
AN INVESTIGATIVE REPORTER
AND I WORK FOR
AN ITALIAN MAGAZINE.
- I'M A CRITIC
FOR A GERMAN TRAVEL AGENCY.
WANDERLUST TOURS.
- SOUNDS LIKE VERY
INTERESTING WORK.
- IT CAN BE VERY LONELY,
TERRY.
- 35 BLACK.
- 35 BLACK!
WE WON AGAIN.
- WHAT DOES ORTEGA
GOT TO DO WITH YOUR STORY?
- I THOUGHT YOU COULD TELL ME.
I MEAN, YOU'RE INVOLVED.
- I DON'T HAVE A CLUE
WHAT'S GOING ON AROUND HERE.
- WHY DON'T WE LEAVE?
I'M SURE WE COULD FIND SOMETHING
MORE EXCITING TO DO.
- YEAH.
WELL, I'VE GOT
A BIT OF A PROBLEM.
- [chuckles]
SO I'M LOSING AGAIN?
I'M NOT VERY HOT TONIGHT,
AM I?
- BY DENYING IT,
I MEAN,
YOU'RE PUTTING YOURSELF
IN A GREAT DANGER.
- I WANT TO GO HOME.
- PLACE YOUR BETS, PLEASE.
- CALL ME, TERRY.
THIS ISN'T THE ONLY GAME
IN TOWN.
- I'LL TAKE YOU
TO A PLACE WHERE IT'S SAFE
AND NO ONE CAN FIND YOU.
MY HOTEL, IT'S ONLY THREE BLOCKS
AWAY FROM HERE.
- TERRY, I THINK WE SHOULD
GET OUT OF HERE.
- OH, COME ON, GIVE ME A BREAK.
SHE CAME ON TO ME.
- YEAH, COME ON.
GIVE HIM A BREAK.
I'LL TAKE YOU HOME.
- NO.
WHAT?
- HUH?
OH, NOTHING.
- I'M GETTING OUT OF HERE.
- WHAT'S WRONG?
SO YOU LET THE GUY RUIN YOUR
EVENING OVER A STUPID LINE?
- WHAT IF THERE
ARE OTHERS AFTER ME?
- WHAT OTHERS?
[engine starts]
- NIGHT, TERRY.
- YOU'RE GOING
TO YOUR ROOM ALONE?
- THAT'S RIGHT.
- [sighs]
I DON'T KNOW.
WHAT IF I'M WRONG?
WHAT IF YOU ARE
IN GRAVE DANGER?
I MEAN, MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T
BE SPENDING THE NIGHT ALONE.
- GOOD NIGHT, TERRY.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- FUNNY GUY, THAT TERRY.
GIVING ME ALL THAT GUFF
ABOUT MALAYSIA AND MCCARTHY
WHEN HE'D NEVER
BEEN NEAR EITHER ONE.
I HAVE TO FEEL SORRY
FOR SOMEONE
WHO SPENDS ALL HIS TIME
IN A FANTASY WORLD.
DAMN.
HELLO, U.S. EMBASSY?
I'M AN AMERICAN AND THE POLICE
HAVE GOT MY PASSPORT.
NO, I CAN'T WAIT.
I CAN'T WAIT.
I GOT TO GET OUT
OF THE COUNTRY NOW.
DON'T PUT ME ON HOLD.
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY.
[phone clicks]
[Stars and Strips Forever
plays over phone]
- HEY, MISS, YOU CALL TAXI?
- YES, I DID.
- WE HAVE A TOUR TODAY, YES?
- NO.
WE'RE GOING TO GO
TO THE AMERICAN EMBASSY.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS?
- SURE, SURE.
I KNOW EVERYTHING.
GET IN.
- THANK YOU.
[engine revs and tires screech]
[tires screech]
[grunts]
- IT IS £3 ONE-WAY.
YOU WANT ME TO WAIT?
[crash]
- [gasps]
- [mutters in Maltese]
- HELLO, MICKEY.
MAY I CALL YOU MICKEY?
- I DON'T CARE
WHAT YOU CALL ME,
JUST LET ME OUT OF HERE.
[grunts]
WHO ARE YOU?
- WHO ARE WE?
WHO ARE YOU?
- I'M A GIRL WITH SOME
GREASEBALL'S FOOT IN HER NECK.
[grunts]
- MICKEY, WHAT DID YOU TELL
THE POLICE?
- I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING
TO TELL THEM.
- I HOPE YOU DID NOT
TELL THEM ANYTHING
ABOUT BENJAMIN'S
LITTLE AUCTION.
- AUCTION?
WHAT AUCTION?
- [muttering angrily]
- TEN KILOS IS QUITE A LOT.
NOW OUR POSITION IS THIS.
WE HAVE THE RIGHT APPARATUS
TO HANDLE THE STUFF...
- MM-HMM?
- A BOAT HERE TO GET IT OUT,
SO WHY DON'T WE SPLIT IT?
- BUT I DON'T KNOW
WHERE IT IS.
[grunts]
YOU GOT TO BELIEVE ME.
- COME ON NOW.
WE'RE FRIENDS.
- WE ARE?
- WHO DO YOU THINK GOT RID
OF ORTEGA'S BODY?
- [yelling angrily
in Maltese]
[horn honks]
- [groans]
[yelling indistinctly]
- [grunts]
[tires screech]
- [muttering angrily]
- YOU KNOW, MICKEY,
MY EXPERIENCE HAS BEEN
THAT THE BEST WAY
TO LIVEN UP A DULL PARTY
IS TO GET OUT.
[chuckles]
- [muffled gasp]
- SOME SODIUM PENTATHOL...
- [whines]
- AND PEOPLE SAY
THE FUNNIEST THINGS.
- YOU DON'T WANT TO DO THAT.
NO, DON'T DO THAT.
DON'T DO THAT.
- A LITTLE SHANK, PLEASE.
- YOU'VE GOT TO BELIEVE ME.
THERE'S BEEN A MISUNDERSTANDING.
I'M FROM SAN FRANCISCO.
I'M MICKEY RAYMOND.
I'M A WRITER.
[gasps]
I'M A COURT STENOGRAPHER.
- YES?
WHAT ELSE?
- YOU HAVE BAD BREATH.
- IT IS WORKING.
- NOW WHERE ARE THE TEN KILOS?
- OH!
[indistinct chatter]
- YOU DIRTY DOG!
[speaking Maltese]
YOU HAVE BROKE MY CAR!
I BREAK YOUR FACE!
I'LL GET YOU,
YOU [speaking Maltese].
YOU DIRTY, NO-GOOD,
[speaking Maltese].
WHERE ARE THE POLICIA?
THE POLICIA!
HE BROKE MY CAR!
[overlapping shouting]
[horn honks]
- HI.
REMEMBER ME?
- YES.
- WELL, THAT'S GOOD.
I'VE BEEN LOOKING
ALL OVER FOR YOU.
- I WAS WITH SOME ARABS.
- UH-HUH.
WELL, I THOUGHT
WE'D HAVE A PICNIC.
HOP IN.
AH, DON'T GET UP.
I GOT IT.
HEY, I'M A LUCKY GUY.
GOT A SUNNY DAY,
CHEAP BOTTLE OF WINE,
BEAUTIFUL GIRL ON A BLANKET.
WHAT MORE COULD
A MAN ASK FOR?
HEY, I BROUGHT YOU A PRESENT.
- YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
DONE THAT.
- AHH.
I WANTED TO.
- I REALLY HATE GOLD CHAINS.
- YOU KNOW, MICKEY,
THAT'S WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU.
YOU GOT SOMETHING TO SAY,
YOU SAY IT.
- HMM.
I REALLY LIKE YOU
A LOT, TERRY.
- KEEP TALKING.
THAT'S THE KIND OF CANDOR
I LIKE TO HEAR.
- REALLY SURPRISES ME.
- WELL, DON'T LET IT.
YOU'RE NOT THE FIRST GIRL
TO BE STRUCK DOWN
BY LEONARD LIGHTNING.
- BECAUSE WHEN I FIRST
MET YOU, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE REALLY OBNOXIOUS.
- [sighs]
AND NOW YOU DON'T.
- WELL, I FIGURED
THAT YOU'RE JUST INSECURE
ABOUT BEING SUCH
A BIG FAILURE.
- WHY DO I FEEL
I SHOULD BE LYING DOWN?
- I THINK I SHOULD
BE LYING DOWN.
- IT'S CHARM AND ELEGANCE HAVE
SURVIVED THE CENTURIES, NO?
- AND THE PLUMBING,
HAS THAT SURVIVED
THE CENTURIES AS WELL?
- THE--OH, NO.
[chuckles]
THE PLUMBING?
NO, NO, NO.
THAT IS QUITE MODERN,
OF COURSE.
MISS WERNER,
I'M SURE YOUR CLIENTS
WILL FIND THE FALL CAN BE
MOST COMFORTABLE AND QUIET.
- YES.
ONE COULD HEAR
A PIN DROP.
HELLO, TERRY.
[speaking German]
- I THOUGHT YOU WOULD CALL.
SHAME ON YOU.
- I'VE BEEN KIND OF BUSY.
- HMM, YES, I CAN SEE.
- MICKEY, DO YOU KNOW EVA?
- SHE'S THE KRAUT
FROM THE MARKETPLACE.
- MISS WERNER,
MAY I SHOW YOU MY GARDEN?
[indistinct chatter]
- HELLO, MICKEY.
I SEE YOU'VE TAKEN OUR ADVICE.
- HAVING A GOOD TIME,
ARE YOU?
- NO.
- OH, GO ON WITH YOU.
I'M NOT THAT OLD
THAT I CAN'T SPOT
- I GOT KIDNAPPED
BY SOME ARABS.
- [chuckles]
WHOOPS.
AH, SHE DROPPED
A CONTACT LENS.
DID YOU FIND IT?
HUH?
OH, GOOD.
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
[grunts]
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
YOU GOT A CUTE LITTLE ASS.
- [laughs]
- ARE YOU TAKING ADVANTAGE
OF ME?
- I'M MAKING YOU
MORE COMFORTABLE.
- WHY DON'T YOU TRY
KISSING ME FIRST?
- OKAY.
- THAT'S NOT A KISS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- CLOSING THE CURTAINS.
- WHY?
- I'M SHY.
- OH.
NOW WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
- WHAT DO YOU THINK
I'M DOING?
- I THINK YOU'RE TAKING
TOO LONG.
- TELL ME ABOUT THE ARABS.
- THEY CAME HERE
TO GO THE AUCTION,
AND THEY BOUGHT A BOAT,
AND I REALLY LIKE YOU.
- WHY DO THEY WANT
TO TALK TO YOU, MICKEY?
- THEY THINK ORTEGA
GAVE ME TEN KILOS.
- DID HE?
- NO.
- HE MUST HAVE
TOLD YOU SOMETHING.
- HE TOLD ME...
I WAS PRETTIER
THAN MY PASSPORT PICTURE.
- COME ON, MICKEY,
TRY HARDER.
HE MUST HAVE TOLD YOU
SOMETHING ELSE.
- I'M TIRED.
- MICKEY?
MICKEY?
DAMN.
- AND IF WE FAIL?
- WE WILL NOT FAIL.
DO WE NOT STILL HAVE
THE JUDAS BOAT?
SHE'LL BRING THE OTHERS OUT,
THEN WE WILL ELIMINATE
THE COMPETITION
AND RETURN TO OUR BROTHERS
LIKE ISHMAEL WITH THE PRIZE.
- LET US SHARE
A LITTLE SMOKE.
IT WILL PUT OUR MIND
TO REST.
[explosion]
[clang]
- OH!
- MICKEY.
- G-GOOD MORNING.
- YOUR NICE YOUNG MAN
STOPPED BY THIS MORNING
AND MADE US PROMISE
WE'D LOOK AFTER YOU.
COME AND JOIN US.
- THANK YOU.
- SEAN, ASK THE WAITER
TO BRING THE GIRL
A NICE GLASS OF ORANGE JUICE.
- COFFEE, THANK YOU.
- COFFEE, SEAN.
- [snaps fingers]
- THANK YOU.
- YOUR TERRY,
HE'S A GEM.
LOOK WHAT HE GAVE ME.
- THAT'S VERY NICE.
- I SAY MARRY THE BOY.
- HE'D BE QUITE A CATCH.
- WELL, UH--
WE'VE ONLY KNOWN EACH OTHER
THREE OR FOUR DAYS.
- I PROPOSED TO LIZZY
THE DAY I MET HER.
35 YEARS.
- OH, MY GOD.
- I THINK IT'S WORKED OUT
RATHER WELL.
- THESE MEN.
- OH, YES.
SEAN AND I SAW
THAT VERY SAME BOAT
WHEN WE TOOK A TRIP
TO THE BLUE GROTTO YESTERDAY.
WE THOUGHT, "WHO COULD
AFFORD SUCH A GRAND BOAT?"
- PETROL LEAK, THEY SAY.
- I NEED THIS.
- HI.
- OH!
- YEAH, I JUST CAME BY TO SEE
IF YOU WERE FEELING ANY BETTER.
- TERRY, YOU GOT TO TAKE ME
TO THE POLICE RIGHT NOW.
- YOU'RE NOT FEELING BETTER.
- NO, LOOK, LOOK.
THESE ARE THE GUYS
THAT I TOLD YOU
THAT KIDNAPPED ME YESTERDAY.
LOOK.
- I THOUGHT YOU WERE
WITH ME YESTERDAY.
- NO, BEFORE I WAS WITH YOU.
- WELL, WHY DON'T WE TALK
ABOUT THIS FIRST?
- NO, YOU GOT TO TAKE ME
TO THE POLICE RIGHT NOW!
- OKAY, BUT LET'S GO
TALK ABOUT
WHAT WE'RE GONNA SAY FIRST.
- OKAY.
- YOU KNOW WHAT STAGNOS
IS GONNA SAY?
- NO, WHAT?
- "YOU'RE UNDER ARREST."
- WHY WOULD
I BE UNDER ARREST?
- HE THINKS THAT
YOU'RE DEALING DRUGS.
HE DOESN'T BELIEVE THAT YOU
KILLED ORTEGA IN SELF-DEFENSE
AND NOW YOU'RE ADMITTING YOU'RE
THE LAST ONE
TO SEE THE ARABS ALIVE.
YOU LIKE JAIL?
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
I CAN'T GO TO THE COPS.
I'D BE THE PERFECT FALL GUY.
- AND A PATSY.
- YEAH.
- OF COURSE,
IF YOU KNOW WHERE
THE TEN KILOS WAS,
YOU COULD CRACK
THIS CASE YOURSELF.
- YEAH, BUT I CAN'T FIND
THE TEN KILOS
UNTIL I FIND OUT MORE
ABOUT BENJAMIN.
- YEAH, THE WOLF RAT.
- RIGHT.
- WELL, YOU SPREAD
A FEW SMACKERS DOCKSIDE,
YOU MIGHT GET THE RIGHT ANSWERS
TO THE RIGHT QUESTIONS.
- THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
COME ON.
LET'S GO.
- [chuckles]
- WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
- [chuckles]
I WAS KIDDING.
THAT'S DIME-STORE
DETECTIVE STUFF.
DON'T YOU GET IT?
- YEAH, I GET IT.
YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME.
- COME ON, LIGHTEN UP.
- LIGHTEN UP?
SOMEONE TRIED TO KILL ME,
I GOT KIDNAPPED,
I CAN'T LEAVE THE COUNTRY,
AND THE COPS WON'T HELP ME.
YOU LIGHTEN UP!
- SO NOW YOU'RE GONNA
PLAY DETECTIVE?
- I'M GOING
TO PLAY DETECTIVE
BECAUSE I'M REALLY TIRED
OF BEING THE VICTIM.
ARE YOU GONNA HELP ME
OR NOT?
- WELL, IF YOU'RE
GONNA BE A GOOD DETECTIVE,
THEN YOU WOULDN'T NEED
ANY OF MY HELP.
- I ALWAYS KNEW
YOU WERE A WIMP.
I DECIDED TO GO IT ALONE.
PRETTY BOY HAD BEEN RIGHT
ABOUT ONE THING.
A GOOD PRIVATE DICK DOESN'T NEED
ANY BRASS BAND TAGGING ALONG,
ESPECIALLY WHEN IT WAS
THE DICK'S HEAD
ON THE CHOPPING BLOCK.
[horn honks]
- HELLO.
MAY I OFFER YOU A LIFT?
PARDON ME, THIS MAY BE NONE
OF MY AFFAIR,
BUT I WANT TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT YOUR FRIEND TERRY.
- HE'S NOT MY FRIEND.
- AH, GOOD!
THEN YOU DON'T
MIND ME TELLING YOU
THAT THIS TERRY
PROPOSITIONED ME SEVERAL TIMES.
- COMING FROM HER,
THAT WAS PRETTY TOUGH TO BUY.
- OF COURSE,
I WAS COLD AS ICE.
- I APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN,
BUT I REALLY DON'T CARE.
- YOU'RE RIGHT.
MEN ARE NOT WORTH AGGRAVATION.
SAY, WHY DON'T WE HAVE LUNCH?
THERE'S A BOUILLABAISSE
I'VE BEEN WANTING TO TRY.
- UH, SOME OTHER TIME,
EVA, OKAY?
- IF THERE EVER IS SOMETHING
YOU WANT TO DO WITH A FRIEND,
COME TO ME.
WE WOMEN SHOULD
STICK TOGETHER.
- THANKS FOR THE LIFT, EVA.
I'LL GET OUT HERE.
[indistinct chatter]
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
I NEEDED INFORMATION FAST.
AND I KNEW HOW TO GET IT.
YOU HAD TO BE TOUGH AND YOU HAD
TO TALK THEIR GUTTER LINGO.
EXCUSE ME, SIR.
SIR?
COULD I ASK YOU A QUESTION,
PLEASE?
[indistinct chatter]
UH, SIR?
[whispers]
DID YOU KNOW A GENTLEMAN
NAMED HARRY BENJAMIN?
- NO.
- HEY, MR. LADY,
YOU SHAVE YOUR LEGS?
[laughter]
- IF THESE JOKERS WANTED
TO PLAY ROUGH...
MICKEY RAYMOND WOULD BE
MORE THAN HAPPY
TO GIVE 'EM A FEW LESSONS.
I GOT A FIN FOR ANYBODY
IN HERE
WHO KNEW HARRY BENJAMIN.
- WHAT'S A FIN?
- FIVE BUCKS.
- WHAT DO YOU CALL TEN?
- UH...A SAWBUCK.
- I KNEW BENJAMIN
FOR A SAWBUCK.
I COULD JUST TAKE IT,
YOU KNOW?
- TELL YOU WHAT,
WHY DON'T I GIVE YOU FIVE NOW
AND FIVE LATER?
- DEAL.
- HARRY BENJAMIN'S LAST SHIP.
SOMEONE SHOULD
HAVE TOLD HIM ABOUT
THE SURPRISINGLY
AFFORDABLE CRUISERS
ON THE ROYAL VIKING LINE.
SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE EXPLAINED
TO HARRY BENJAMIN
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU START MESSING
- WEIGH ANCHOR,
YOU BLOCK OF WHALE PARTS.
THAT'S IT.
- WHAT'S IT?
- THE LAST HOME
OF HARRY BENJAMIN.
- I HATED TO ADMIT IT,
BUT I WAS STUMPED.
MY ONLY LEAD HAD LED ME
RIGHT TO A DEAD END.
IF THERE WAS A FAIRY GODMOTHER
FOR PRIVATE DETECTIVES,
I WISH SHE'D DROP
A CLUE MY WAY FAST.
BINGO.
"HARRY, MY LOVE...
"THERE'S A PLACE FOR US.
"SOMEWHERE A PLACE FOR US.
PRINCESS AIDA."
DO YOU KNOW HER?
AIDA STRUTTED HER STUFF
EVERY NIGHT
AT A SLEAZY JOINT IN
THE SEAMIEST PART OF TOWN.
I WAS READY FOR SOME SERIOUS
THINKING,
BUT MY SIXTH SENSE TOLD ME
THAT MY THOUGHTS AND I
WEREN'T ALONE.
I WAS BEING FOLLOWED.
THE HAIRS ON THE BACK
OF MY NECK WERE STANDING UP
LIKE SOMEONE WAS PLAYING
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
I'M NOT ONE TO BE SCARED
OF MY OWN SHADOW,
BUT WHEN THE SHADOW'S
A GUY WHO KEEPS DUCKING
INTO DOORWAYS,
I'LL MAKE AN EXCEPTION.
HAVE YOU GOT A BACK DOOR?
- YES.
- COULD YOU UNLOCK IT
FOR ME, PLEASE?
- YES.
AH!
- SHH.
DON'T SCREAM.
- YOU WERE FOLLOWING ME!
- I KNOW.
AND SOMEONE IS FOLLOWING ME.
LISTEN, WE MUST GO SOMEWHERE
AND TALK.
WHAT I KNOW MIGHT SURPRISE
THE HELL OUT OF YOU.
I GOT MUCH INFORMATION.
I GOT PHOTOGRAPHS.
- I GOT A PHOTOGRAPH
OR TWO MYSELF.
- THEN WE HAVE A DEAL.
YOU HAD THE LAST, UH,
INTERVIEW WITH ORTEGA.
WHAT DID YOU LEARN?
- I KNOW THAT HE WAS
AFTER THE TEN KILOS.
- [scoffs]
OF COURSE EVERYBODY'S
AFTER THE TEN KILOS.
CAN YOU IMAGINE
THAT MUCH PLUTONIUM
IN THE HANDS OF THIS MAD MAN?
- PLUTONIUM?
- HUH?
- [clears throat]
WITH THAT MUCH PLUTONIUM,
I COULD MAKE A BOMB.
- WELL, YEAH.
NOT A GREAT BIG BOMB.
ONE ABOUT THE SIZE
OF HIROSHIMA.
I HAVE SOMETHING TO SHOW YOU.
LOOK AT THIS.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK DID THAT?
- YOU COULDN'T BLAME THEM FOR
STICKING AROUND
TO ADMIRE THEIR WORK.
YOU RECOGNIZE THOSE TWO?
MM-MMM.
- DON'T STRAIN YOURSELF.
I GOT SOME BLOW-UPS FOR YOU.
VOILA.
- EVA WERNER.
- BETTER KNOWN
AS FRAULEIN NACHT.
- SO SHE DID IT, HUH?
- WITH A LITTLE HELP
FROM A FRIEND.
VOILA.
- TERRY.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT.
- OH, COME ON.
CARA MIA,
DON'T TAKE IT PERSONALLY.
HE'S A SLIPPERY ONE.
HE TRIED TO WIN ME OVER TOO.
HE--HE GAVE ME THIS.
I'LL TAKE IT.
BUT I SEE THROUGH HIM,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
NOW WHAT CAN YOU TELL ME?
LET'S GET DOWN
TO BUSINESS HERE, EH?
- I DON'T KNOW.
- COME ON!
I TELL YOU EVERYTHING I KNOW,
YOU TELL ME NOTHING?
WHAT IS THIS
A PHOTOGRAPH OF?
HMM?
A PHOTOGRAPH.
CLICK, CLICK.
- OH, YEAH.
- LET ME SEE.
WHAT IS THIS?
PHOTOGRAPH OF A STRIPPER.
- THAT'S HARRY BENJAMIN'S
GIRLFRIEND.
SHE WORKS AT THE NIETZSCHE.
- I TELL YOU
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
YOU AND I, CARA MIA,
WE GONNA GO SEE
THIS PRINCESS AIDA.
WHY DON'T YOU PAY THE CHECK,
HUH,
WHILE I GO TO THE BATHROOM?
YOU KNOW,
I DRANK TOO MUCH BEER.
YOU KNOW?
- SCRATCH TERRY LEONARD OFF
MY DANCE CARD.
AT LEAST I COULD COUNT ON
MY LITTLE ITALIANO.
UNDER ALL THAT BRASS WAS
ONE HEART OF GOLD
I COULD TRUST
TO STICK BY ME.
NINO?
NINO?
NINO?
[sighs]
JESUS, NINO.
SOMETHING WRONG
WITH THE BATHROOM?
EUROPEANS.
- [groans]
- OH!
- [shouting]
YOU STABBED HIM!
- NO, I DIDN'T!
- SOMEONE CALL THE POLICE.
SHE KILLED THIS GUY.
- LET GO OF ME!
- STOP!
STOP HER!
- OPERATOR!
OPERATOR,
GET ME THE U.S. EMBASSY.
IT'S AN EMERGENCY!
JUST GET IT!
HELLO?
HELLO?
CAN I PLEASE TALK
TO THE AMBASSADOR?
THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!
NO, YOU GOT TO HELP ME!
I HAVE TO TALK TO HIM!
I AM CALM!
OH, ALL RIGHT THEN.
ALL RIGHT, JUST GIVE HIM
THIS MESSAGE.
TELL HIM THAT THERE
ARE TERRORISTS ON MALTA
[Star and Stripes
plays over phone]
DON'T PUT ME ON HOLD!
[siren wails]
[indistinct chatter
and cheering]
I HAD TO GET TO AIDA.
SHE WAS MY ONLY LINK
TO THE PLUTONIUM.
[cheers and applause]
[glass shatters]
- HEY, YOU RUMMIES,
GET AWAY FROM THERE.
I TOLD YOU BEFORE.
GET AWAY OR I'LL
BREAK YOUR NECKS.
[cheers and applause]
[cheers and applause]
[gun clicks]
- GO ON.
YOU WANTED TO GO IN,
DIDN'T YOU?
[cheers and applause]
SHH.
WELL, WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- WELL, I'M LOOKING
FOR PRINCESS AIDA.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM HER?
- I WANT TO TALK TO HER
ABOUT HARRY BENJAMIN.
- OH.
GO ON.
- LOOK, I REALLY HAVE TO TALK
TO THE PRINCESS.
I'M IN TROUBLE.
- SIT DOWN.
- WILL THE PRINCESS
BE BACK SOON?
- SHE'S HERE.
SURPRISED?
- WELL...YES.
- EVERYONE WAS.
THEY COULDN'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT I SAW IN HIM.
BUT HARRY WAS SPECIAL.
[crying]
- LOOK--LOOK,
I'M SORRY ABOUT THE--
- THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
- LISTEN.
WHERE DID HE PUT
THE PLUTONIUM?
- YOU KNOW...
I WARNED HIM WHEN HE SAID
HE WAS GOING
TO STEAL THE STUPID STUFF.
BUT HE WOULDN'T LISTEN TO ME.
THE BIG DUMMY.
- PRINCESS, TEN MINUTES,
PLEASE.
- THANK YOU.
- [sighs]
PRINCESS, THINK.
I MEAN...
WAS THERE A MAP?
WAS THERE SOMETHING?
- HE SAID THERE
WASN'T A MAP,
BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO HAVE
ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT.
HE SAID AFTER
HE HAD THE MONEY,
HE WAS GOING TO TAKE ME
AWAY FROM ALL THIS...
TO THE SOUTH OF FRANCE.
HERE.
LET ME SHOW YOU.
HMM?
THIS IS THE PLACE.
- THAT'S VERY PRETTY.
- LOOK AT THEM ALL.
RIO, TAHITI, GREECE.
HE WAS ILLITERATE,
YOU KNOW?
BUT HE LEARNED
TO WRITE MY ADDRESS,
SO WHEREVER HE WAS,
HE'D SEND ME A POSTCARD...
- JESUS, THAT'S IT!
- TO LET ME KNOW
HE WAS THINKING OF ME.
- THE POSTCARDS!
THE MAP IS ONE
OF THE POSTCARDS!
- HE DIDN'T HAVE TO WRITE.
- NOW BACK AT THE HOTEL--
- A POSTCARD SAID IT ALL.
- HEY, PRINCESS,
I GOT TO RUN.
- WAIT!
BE A DOLL.
ZIP ME UP.
- SUCK IN.
- I'VE GOT TO GO ON A DIET.
[gunshots]
- AH! GET DOWN!
- ♪ STOP ♪
♪ IN THE NAME OF LOVE ♪
♪ BEFORE YOU BREAK MY HEART ♪
[cheers and applause]
♪ BABY BABY I'M AWARE ♪
♪ OF WHERE YOU GO ♪
♪ EACH TIME YOU LEAVE MY DOOR ♪
♪ I WATCH YOU WALK DOWN
THE STREET ♪
♪ KNOWING YOUR OTHER LOVE
YOU'LL MEET ♪
[music fades out]
- OH!
DAMN IT!
ARGH!
- I ALWAYS TELL MY CLIENTS,
"WEAR COMFORTABLE SHOES
WHEN YOU TRAVEL."
WELL, I'M OFF TO PICK UP
YOUR POSTCARDS.
- DON'T SHOOT ME!
DON'T SHOOT ME!
DO YOU REMEMBER
YOU ONCE SAID TO ME
IF I EVER NEEDED A FRIEND,
THAT I COULD--
WELL, I KNOW
THAT IT'S KIND OF LATE,
BUT I SORT OF FEEL LIKE
SOME BOUILLABAISSE.
- I ALREADY ATE.
- WELL...
"VE VOMEN" SHOULD STICK
TOGETHER, HUH?
WE COULD BE PARTNERS.
- FUNNY.
THAT'S WHAT YOUR ITALIAN
FRIEND SAID
WHEN HE WAS BEGGING
FOR HIS LIFE.
BUT I'M NOT MUCH
FOR SHARING,
ESPECIALLY WITH A BRIGADE
LED BY SOMEONE
AS DISORGANIZED
AS NINO'S KNIDNAPPER.
YOU PROBABLY THOUGHT HE
WAS A REPORTER AND BY THE WAY,
IF YOU'RE TRYING TO TRIP ME,
DON'T BOTHER.
- GUESS PARTNERS IS OUT, HUH?
- THE ONLY PARTNERS
I CARE FOR
ARE SILENT PARTNERS.
[gunshot]
OW!
[grunts]
- MICKEY, WAIT!
- ♪ MARTA ♪
♪ WITH YOUR FRAGRANCE DIVINE ♪
- SEAN, YOU'LL WAKE
THE WHOLE HOTEL.
THE MORNING BRINGS OUT
THE THRUSH IN ME.
- PSST!
SHH!
- WELL, WELL, MICKEY.
- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN
ALL NIGHT?
- AYE, YOUR BOYFRIEND WILL WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT IT TOO.
- HE'S BEEN UP ALL NIGHT
WAITING FOR YOU.
- I KNOW AND, UH...
I DON'T WANT HIM TO SEE ME
LOOKING LIKE THIS, YOU KNOW?
- SAY NO MORE.
- WILL YOU HELP ME?
- OF COURSE.
- OKAY.
MY NOTEBOOK IS
ON THE WRITING TABLE
IN THE MIDDLE OF MY ROOM.
INSIDE IT ARE SOME POSTCARDS.
WILL YOU BRING THEM
TO ME, PLEASE?
- YES, AND DON'T SAY ANYTHING
TO TERRY.
- YEAH, BUT, I DON'T--
- LIZZY, GO!
YOU MUST.
- MICKEY...
ARE YOU IN SOME
KIND OF TROUBLE?
- MORNING, LIZZY.
- MORNING!
I, UM--
I'M JUST GOING UP FOR MY SHAWL.
CHILLY OUT THERE.
- DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING,
LIZZY?
- FORGET SOMETHING?
- YOUR SHAWL.
ISN'T THAT MICKEY'S?
- SHE LOANED IT TO ME TO READ.
- REALLY?
YOU KNOW, LIZZY,
I KIND OF HATE TO SAY THIS
TO A SWEET LITTLE
OLD LADY LIKE YOU,
BUT I THINK YOU'RE LYING.
- BAH!
I'VE NEVER BEEN--
- WHERE'S MICKEY?
- SHE'S GOING TO BE VERY,
VERY ANGRY WITH ME.
- WHERE IS SHE, LIZZY?
HI, SEAN.
WHERE'S MICKEY?
- MICKEY?
- YEAH, YOU KNOW,
THAT CUTE LITTLE KID
THAT PUSHES GUYS
OUT OF WINDOWS?
- OH, THAT MICKEY.
SHE'S RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
- MICK...
I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
- YEAH, SURE YOU WERE
WORRIED ABOUT ME.
YOU WERE WORRIED THAT I'D
GET THE PLUTONIUM FIRST.
- GIVE ME THE GUN, MICKEY.
- FAT CHANCE.
GET OVER.
- YOU'RE MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.
- THE ONLY MISTAKE I MADE
WAS IN TRUSTING YOU.
GIVE ME THE POST--
GIVE ME THE POSTCARDS.
- YES, BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND
ANY OF THIS.
- NEITHER DO I.
- SEAN, ALL YOU HAVE
TO UNDERSTAND
IS THAT THIS MAN
IS EXTREMELY DANGEROUS.
AND IF HE MOVES...SHOOT HIM.
- BUT, MICKEY, WHAT DO THE
POSTCARDS HAVE TO DO WITH THIS?
- ONE OF THESE POSTCARDS
IS A MAP
TO SOME STOLEN PLUTONIUM.
- [chuckles]
DO YOU BELIEVE
WHAT YOU'RE HEARING, LIZZY?
[laughter]
- OH, SEAN.
WHAT A PAIR OF OLD FOOLS
WE MAKE.
- I WENT THROUGH
HER ROOM TWICE
AND IT WAS RIGHT UNDER MY NOSE
THE WHOLE TIME.
BENJAMIN'S MAP.
[laughs]
- OH, NO.
NOT YOU TWO.
I LIKED YOU.
- [sighs]
DID ANYONE EVER TELL YOU
WHAT A GREAT
JUDGE OF CHARACTER YOU ARE?
- I SUPPOSE YOU'RE THE ONES
THAT SENT OUR ARAB FRIENDS
TO THAT GREAT SAND DUNE
IN THE SKY, HUH?
- THEY SAY IT IS QUITE
MAGNIFICENT.
- UNFORTUNATELY,
WE COULDN'T WAIT UP FOR IT.
PAST OUR BEDTIME, YOU KNOW.
- I HOPE THESE KNOTS ARE
TIGHT ENOUGH.
- WHAT DO YOU NEED WITH
ALL THAT PLUTONIUM, ANYWAY?
- HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THE SONG
LONDON BRIDGE IS FALLING DOWN?
- OH, WE WOULDN'T WASTE IT ALL
ON ONE BRIDGE.
- LOVE TO HAVE A LITTLE CHAT,
BUT REALLY MUST BE
ON OUR WAY.
- SEAN, DON'T YOU JUST LOVE
THESE LITTLE KITCHEN TIMERS?
- THAT'S A LOVELY
LITTLE JOB.
- SO HANDY.
[ticking]
TA-TA.
- CHEERIO.
[Mickey struggling]
- KICK THE TABLE.
- LOOK, I'M AN AGENT FOR THE
NUCLEAR REGULATORY COMMISSION.
I'M A GOOD GUY.
YOU GOTTA BELIEVE ME.
- I DON'T BELIEVE ANYTHING
YOU SAY.
- KICK THE TABLE OR
MR. PEABODY'S GONNA
BE EATING DRY CAT FOOD
FOR THE REST OF HIS LIFE!
THAT'S WHAT YOUR LANDLORD'S
FEEDING HIM, YOU KNOW.
- I HAD THE BOYS BACK HOME
CHECK UP ON YOU.
NOW, WOULD YOU KICK THE TABLE,
OR WE'RE GONNA DIE IN HERE!
- UNH...UNH! UNH!
YOU...UNH...
- HOW LUCKY FOR US TO HAVE
SUCH AN EXCELLENT TOUR GUIDE.
EH, SEAN?
- YES, DEAR.
UH, I HATE TO BE
A BACKSEAT DRIVER,
BUT COULD YOU LEAN ON IT
A WEE BIT, OLD BOY?
- [grunting]
WHERE DO YOU GET OFF THINKING
YOU CAN USE SOMEONE
LIKE YOU USED ME?
- YOU WERE MY ONLY LEAD.
I COULDN'T LET YOU GO.
- UNH!
- AAA--AAH!
OH, JESUS!
OH, A FATE WORSE
THAN DEATH.
- HONEY, CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS
WHEN WE GET HOME?
JUST GRAB THE SHEARS.
- I GOT 'EM.
- OKAY, OKAY.
CUT...JUST THE ROPE!
- HOW DISAPPOINTING.
NOT A PEEP.
- PITY.
- I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT IT IS
YOU ARE DOING!
- AHH.
- WATCH OUT.
UNH.
WHAT ABOUT ME?
[explosion in distance]
- WHAT WAS THAT?
- [chuckling]
I SUPP--
I SUPPOSE IT WAS
YOUR GREENHOUSE.
- AND IF I KNOW THE WAY
LIZZY SETS A CHARGE,
PROBABLY A BIT OF THE HOTEL
AS WELL!
[laughter]
- OH...YOU VANDALS!
- MORNING.
- WHEN THOSE MORNING GLORIES
BLOOM, THEY REALLY BLOOM.
- UNH! UNTIE ME.
I CAN WALK FOR MYSELF!
OOH!
- OKAY, NOW ALL WE GOTTA DO IS
FIND MR. AND MRS. POTATO HEAD.
- WOULD YOU PLEASE UNTIE ME?
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D BE
INTERESTED IN KNOWING
WHICH POSTCARDS I HAD?
- OH, THIS IS A GREAT TIME
TO BE TAKING INVENTORY.
GET THAT.
[blips and beeps]
YOU WIRED EVERYBODY.
- GOT A SAYING
IN THE JEWELRY BUSINESS.
SOME PEOPLE DON'T LIKE
CAULIFLOWER,
BUT EVERYBODY LOVES CARATS.
EVERYBODY EXCEPT YOU.
YOU NEVER WORE YOURS.
AH...THERE'S BLARNEY.
[blips and beeps]
MY SPARE ROSCOE.
- SINCE WHEN WERE YOU WORRIED
ABOUT MY SAFETY?
I'M COMING WITH YOU.
[siren approaching]
- I'M AFRAID WE'VE
COME A CROPPER, DEAR.
- AYE. WHAT'S LEFT?
- WELL, HERE'S THE LAST
OF 'EM.
A LOVELY PICTURE OF...
TAPINO CATHEDRAL.
- WHERE'S THAT, MARQUIS?
- TAPINO...
IT'S ON THE OTHER ISLAND.
GO, THOUGH, YOU HAVE TO
TAKE THE FERRY.
- AND WHAT A MARVELOUS DAY
FOR A BOAT RIDE, EH, SEAN?
- HOW'D YOU KNOW
WHO THE OTHERS WERE?
- I DIDN'T.
[matching beeping]
I JUST TAGGED EVERYONE
THAT CAME INTO CONTACT WITH YOU
AFTER YOU HIT THE FRONT PAGE.
- GEE, I SURE APPRECIATE YOU
LETTING ME IN ON IT.
- YOU DON'T GET THIS JOB UNLESS
YOU CAN KEEP A SECRET.
- OH, GOD, GO EAST.
EAST, THEY'RE HEADING EAST.
GO EAST!
[tires screech]
JEEZ.
- NOT BAD FOR A WIMP, HUH?
- I'M NOT SORRY
I SAID THAT.
- OKAY, OKAY,
I DESERVED IT.
I SAID SOME THINGS ABOUT YOU THE
OTHER DAY THAT I DIDN'T MEAN.
BUT I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT
WHEN YOU TRACKED DOWN
PRINCESS AIDA,
THAT WAS GOOD.
IT WAS REAL GOOD.
- THANKS.
- [calling out]
- OOPS.
LOOK WHAT WE GOT HERE.
SORRY, MICKEY.
- OH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ME, PAL.
I'VE SEEN A LOT WORSE DRIVING
THAN THIS.
I'M FROM FRISCO,
REMEMBER?
[tires screeching]
- OH-HO.
WE'VE GOT A TAGALONG.
- WHO IS IT, DEAR?
- IT'S OUR YOUNG FRIENDS.
- FROM NOW ON, SEAN,
I THINK I'D BETTER DO
THE KNOT TYING.
[gunshots]
- AAH!
- AAH!
- HAND THAT ROCKS THE CRADLE.
EH?
- OH, MY GOD, YOU'RE SHOT!
OH, I'M GONNA THROW UP.
- MOVE OVER.
[machine beeping]
- OH, GEE--OW.
I THINK I KNOW WHERE
THEY'RE HEADED ANYWAY.
- TERRY, I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO DRIVE A STICK.
- MOVING OUT.
- NICE AND EASY.
EASY!
[gears grinding]
- FIRST GEAR?
WHICH ONE'S THAT?
- THE ONE YOU JUST STRIPPED.
- IT LOOKS AS IF WE'LL SOON
BE UNDERWAY, SEAN.
- OKAY, NOW, SHIFT. SHIFT.
[gears grind]
NOW OUT.
- HOW AM I DOING?
- YOU'RE DOING FINE.
TURN LEFT RIGHT DOWN HERE.
LEFT.
HIT THE BRAKES!
- AAH!
- AAH!
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- I SAID THE BRAKE...
NOT THE CLUTCH.
[siren wailing]
- I WAS PRETTY HAPPY WITH
THE WAY THIS CAPER HAD COME OUT.
AND SO WAS MALTA.
STAGNOS FINALLY THANKED ME
FOR WISING HIM UP
TO MODERN POLICE METHODS.
OF COURSE, HE MADE SURE THAT
HE COPPED ALL THE GLORY.
ALL I COPPED WAS A HANDSHAKE,
AND A CARD EVERY CHRISTMAS.
DIDN'T HEAR MUCH
FROM THE OTHER LOOSE ENDS.
WHEN THEY PULLED SEAN AND LIZZY
OUT OF THE DRINK,
THEY PUT 'EM IN A PLACE
WHERE THEY COULD DRIP-DRY...
AS FOR TERRY LEONARD,
WE'D MADE A PRETTY GOOD TEAM.
BUT YOU CAN'T TEACH AN OLD DOG
NEW TRICKS.
I LIKED WORKING ALONE.
THE FEELING WAS MUTUAL.
HE HAD A RIDDLE TO SOLVE
IN TANGIERS.
THAT'S THE LAST
I EVER SAW OF HIM.
- [sighs]
GIVE ME A BREAK.
I CAN'T SLEEP WITH
ALL THAT CLACKING GOING ON.
WHY DON'T YOU COME TO BED.
- ALL RIGHT,
YA BIG GORILLA.