Trekkies (1997) - full transcript

I didn't watch Star Trek
the original series before I was on.

I looked at the styrofoam
rocks and said, "Forget it."

...means, "Can you speak Klingon?"
Give the right answer or else!

I dance at powwows, I'm into the Indian
way of life and I'm also a Trekker.

It's the greatest feeling in the world,
and I do it about 30, 40 times a year.

To walk out on stage and to feel
that love that pours right out at you.

It's just fans!

I grew up with it,
so I couldn't help but be a fan!

This is the Andorian ambassador,
Ed Vark.

I am Guard Number 48,
and this is Guard Number 28.

You have to understand that even now,



I still have an ongoing process
of trying to grasp all of this.

The name's Douglas Marcks.
I live in Portland.

I've been a fan of Star Trek
for a number of years.

I started watching it back in the '60s.

I've been in this for seven years
and it's becoming normal.

In 1987, I auditioned for
Star Trek: The Next Generation.

I admit I went to this audition
with some hesitation.

After all, it was a re-hash
of a cult status sci-fi series,

and it had a profound effect on
the original cast members' careers.

But since I was unknown,
unemployed

and unclear as to where
any of this was headed, I went.

What I didn't know was that
I was becoming a part of something

much larger than just a new TV series.

I was becoming part of a phenomenon.



I'm John Paladin.
My Klingon name is Kruge.

I'm Harminder Pal
from Glasgow, Scotland.

- My name is... Who am I?
- Lieutenant Commander...

I'm Lieutenant Commander Horatio,
from the starship Battle Queen!

I'm Steven Silverman
from New Jersey.

- Canton, Ohio.
- San Diego.

- Melbourne, Australia.
- Berlin, Germany.

I have fans that write me from
Germany, Italy, Australia, England.

I've been to conventions
in all those places.

- How many conventions?
- Probably close to 50 or 60.

- Really?
- You gotta have something to do.

- This is my third convention.
- We've been to 20 or 30.

- I lost count, you know?
- I've been doing this since 1969.

This is my 366th convention
this weekend.

I have attended over the course
of eight years 28 conventions.

I'm preparing to go to the Pasadena
Star Trek Babylon 5 Convention.

I'm going now to pick up my new
tailor-made First Contact uniform.

- Hey, Travis.
- Hey, Gabriel.

- Come on in.
- Linda dropped it off?

This is the uniform featured
in Star Trek: First Contact.

Linda Thuringer, our club's captain,
outdid herself here,

except I have some quibbles,
like this red stripe.

In the movie, it's half this thickness,
but she can change that.

The lines running across here
are more prominent,

but she can do top-stitching there.

She wanted to take the legs down,
but I don't see why. Overall: fantastic!

- This'll be your car?
- I hope so. I'll be 15 in June.

- A year later, I'll get my licence.
- It's the Roddenberry.

I wish it could fly to another planet.

- Someone never grew out of the '60s.
- Yeah. I spent a lot of time in vans.

We'll put a laser beam on the front,
so we can shoot a 1,000-foot beam.

I'm Lieutenant Commander
Barbara Adams of the USS Artemis,

the Little Rock Unit
of the Federation Alliance.

I'm here at the convention in Boston
where I've brought some things.

Many people are interested in what
I did in going to the trial in uniform.

I was selected for the jury
for the Whitewater Trial in Arkansas.

Many curious people have asked
about us and looked at my drawings.

I study graphic design and I enjoy
drawing the Star Trek people.

One of our charters in the Alliance
is to perform community service,

and, as Commanding Officer,
I'm the role model for my crew.

So I felt it was necessary and
a good decision to wear my uniform.

For a week, everyone's seen
the picture of Barbara Adams...

Each morning,
there were more reporters,

waiting to see
if I was coming in my uniform.

It got to the point where it was just
a wall of cameras,

and I had to walk all around them
to get to the door.

It just got ridiculous.

My brother had a picture of her
walking out of the courtroom.

One of the papers reported
that I had a "Vulcan-like stoicism".

Wow!

They came close to the truth,
'cause usually, before the trial,

I would always come
to these conventions as a Vulcan.

The bus driver I'd met kept asking,
"Why do you wear the uniform?

"What if the President comes to testify?"

I said, "I'll wear my uniform."
"But it's the President of the US!"

"I'll wear my uniform."

He turned round and
looked at me and said,

"You are a brave woman."

Every day, I wear my communicator
badge, rank pips and tricorder.

To me, as an officer in the Alliance
24 hours a day, even out of uniform,

I want that known,
that at heart I'm a Star Fleet officer.

I read about her in the newspaper,
and I got her autograph.

Basically, the philosophy
behind Star Trek that she is so...

...promoting...

...is the philosophy
behind an honest juror.

A jury needs an open-minded person.

Based on Star Trek ideals,
she'd be an asset.

This is what she wants to do,
this is America.

We should look how we want.

She's a pretty neat lady
to have the guts to be herself,

even on such an important thing.

You can put on a uniform for football
year round and nobody cares,

basketball, nobody cares.

Put on a Star Trek uniform,
people giggle.

I don't want my officers to feel
ashamed to wear their uniform.

So I went to a civic duty,
what we do is community service,

I performed my duty in my uniform,

just as any officer in the military
would wear theirs.

- I came to meet the stars.
- To see a personal side of the stars.

While I was in Florida,
Ruth-Anne gave me this buckle

on my 138th birthday.

Now, every time I see someone,

they say,
"You're so much younger in person."

The first one that I did,
I think, was around '72.

I got a call to come to New York.

They had done one convention,
and it wasn't really a convention.

They got together with 35, 40, 50...

The way I heard this story.

...fans of Star Trek that wanted to get
together and talk about the show.

And they said, "Why don't we put
our money together,

"and rent a hotel ballroom?"

"And talk about our mutual interest
and show what we've collected,

"in the way of tapes,
paraphernalia, photographs?"

"If we could get 300 people to attend,

"we could pay for it."

And I thought,
"They're inviting me to New York?

"They're willing to pay expenses
and fly me there?"

I thought, "They're fools!"

And there were something like
three or four thousand people there,

and it was absolutely wild.

They had to call the fire department
and let them in in increments.

Everything came to a stop.
It was jam-packed with humanity.

The revolving doors couldn't revolve.
Escalators and elevators stopped.

And the din out there indicated
that there was more than 30 people.

The woman went on stage
to introduce me,

I stepped out and
the place exploded in applause.

They were hanging out of the balcony,
it was like over-aged Beatles for me.

There was hardly a chance to speak
because every word created a roar.

A wall of emotional sound hit you.

We were all taken aback,

and moved and touched by it,
because of this tremendous affection.

Now there is a Star Trek convention...

There are Star Trek conventions

somewhere every weekend
in the world.

Hi. Could I have a schedule, please?

Definitely gotta see Majel.
She's on stage now?

- What time is the auction?
- 2.20, this afternoon.

OK, this was worn by John Colicos
in which episode? "Blood Oath".

This is the turtle, as they call it.
Michael Dorn calls it the Great Turtle.

"Turtle Head".
There's "Speed Bumps".

Whoopi Goldberg says
"Old Intestine Head".

The other one I heard is
"Rocky Mountains", the latest one!

Here's the opening bid for this: $500.

$500! We've got a $500 bid!
And it's there...

...to a Klingon!

- $550.
- Six!

600. 600. Do I hear 650?

- 650!
- A thousand.

$1,000!

$1,000!

- Eleven hundred.
- $1100!

- Twelve hundred!
- What?

- Twelve hundred?
- Yeah!

OK, $1200.

- $1300!
- Fourteen!

$1400!

Going once, $1400!

Going twice, $1400!

Sold!

- Qapla, man!
- Qapla!

I was bidding on the headpiece and
the price got up too high for me.

- That Klingon really wanted it.
- Yes.

- How badly did you want it?
- I wouldn't have left without it.

It's a little bit of history that I'll preserve.

I collect the items when I can,
and they're wonderful to have.

They're definitely one of a kind.

Everything we touch, a piece of hair
or a nose, something small,

there's a cult market out there where
pieces sell for thousands of dollars.

What we see in these rooms
could run into the millions,

if we opened up a market
on the outside.

Everything's under lock and key.

Unfortunately, John de Lancie
couldn't make it to this show.

We have an autograph...

The Q-Virus was
the most bizarre thing.

John de Lancie, who plays Q,
barely made it to the convention.

He was really sick, very ill, dizzy,

questioned whether
he was going on stage.

He went up on stage, did his show
and left his water glass.

I held up the glass and joked,
"Who wants to buy the Q-Virus?"

But the crowd went absolutely crazy,
they went bonkers for it.

So I went ahead and
auctioned the glass for $40 or $60.

A guy bought it and I said, "Look..."
It was half full still.

"...you don't want to drink this,
he's very sick, very ill."

"Oh, no! I wanna drink it!"
He downed the glass right there.

"I've got the Q-Virus!"

He planned to spread it
all over the world. That was his thing.

I was walking down a street
in New York, and somebody said,

"Are you Q?"
I said, "Yeah."

"Can you bring people
back from the dead?"

I went, "Er...only people I like."

And he goes, "Cool," and walked on.

There was a fan who, in 1973,
came up to Jimmy Doohan

and pulled out a hypodermic and
asked Jimmy for a blood sample.

A woman stood up in one
of the conventions and said,

"What's it feel like to be beamed?"

20 years later,
at a convention in New York,

and the same guy came up to him
with the hypodermic and said,

"Can I get a blood sample?" He was
doing the same thing 20 years later.

There's one gentleman who,
for about ten years,

almost the whole run
of The Next Generation,

has been sending something
in the mail every day to Star Trek.

Every day. But it has nothing
to do with Star Trek.

He sends us travel brochures...
And that's all he sends.

And postcards from his travels.

Or sometimes... Look at this one.

We've got a Victoria's Secret
catalogue that he sent.

Something about a mission.

A fruit trees and landscaping catalogue.

Caribbean, Hawaii, Canada, Australia.

He sends postcards about his lunch,
how much coffee he drank.

It's always to Star Trek,
but never about Star Trek.

We wonder who he is, where he's from,
why he's sending these things.

Over ten years every day,
that's a few packages.

All right. Let's go, please!

Exactly. OK, here we go!

- Rolling!
- And...action, please!

Maybe you didn't read the crew
roster, but my name is Dax.

I'm the new science officer
on this garbage scow

and you are in my seat!

And cut! Very nice.

There was a man confined to
a wheelchair called Jordan LaForge.

The man was given
six months to a year to live.

He attributes the fact that he lived
for many years after his prognosis

to watching Star Trek.

Finally, when he did pass away,

Gene thought that having somebody
in that place as Geordi

would be a perfect example...
a nice thing to do in memory of him.

Originally, Geordi was the ship's pilot,
so the blind man flew the ship.

I watched the original series
when I was a kid,

and I enjoyed it.

At this point,
I enjoy his enthusiasm more.

I enjoy the shows.
I enjoy the conventions.

I like dressing up.
I love dressing her up.

But I enjoy his fanaticism.
It's contagious!

And what makes you a fanatic
as opposed to a fan?

The fact I'm so into it, I do a lot
of collecting, I relate to so much of it.

I know a lot about it.
It's more than just a casual...

I enjoy the show, the concept,
I'm really into it.

This is the Trek room.

This is my room,
I can design it the way I want.

Although it does spill out
into the other areas of the house.

This is the bathroom, and
we've carried the Trek theme in here.

We have our Star Fleet towel set.

Our Federation blue tile here is offset
with these hand-painted Trek tiles,

the planets, the Enterprise
and one of the enemy.

We asked to visit Cape Canaveral,
Nichelle and I,

and we peered in a porthole and
there were astronauts working inside.

They turned around and looked
and recognised our faces peering in.

You should have seen
their eyes light up!

They came scrambling out of there,

and the first thing they asked us was,
"Can we have your autographs?"

We went to get their autographs,
and they were asking for ours!

Star Trek came along at a time

when the public was hungry
for that adventure.

It went a long way to stimulate
interest in the space programme.

Star Trek is a cultural icon,
it's part of the lexicon now.

As a psychotherapist,
I have Star Trek stuff in my office.

I use Star Trek metaphors
that everyone understands.

If someone has a defensive reaction,
I talk about the shields going up.

Everyone understands, even non-fans.

The front part of my office is
a straight forward surgical office.

My own private consulting room
is filled with Star Trek stuff.

I'm Denis Bourguignon.
This is my son Doug.

My wife Shelly,
and my daughter Kayla.

We're here in Orlando, Florida,
Denis's dental offices.

- Good morning.
- How are you?

Welcome to Star Base Dental.

We decided to go with Star Trek

because the episodes are
always geared with a moral.

They're good-doers, and we wanted
to portray dentists as good-doers.

- So, this is reception.
- Yes, where patients check in.

This is our holodeck,
where I do my work:

fillings, crowns, dentures,
things like that.

We were in a sci-fi store one day,
looked at each other and said,

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?"
and we said, "Let's try it."

Two weeks later, we bought up
everything we could find,

and, boom, we did Star Base Dental.

Our transporter's up on the ceiling.

It transports you away from here,
while we're working on you.

These are nice pieces over here.

These are my cement handprints
of the stars.

You're about a James Doohan size.
He's missing a finger.

A gardening accident.

This is the first theme office
I worked in, it's really neat.

It's different coming to work.
You don't know what's around.

He brings something different in
every time.

You wonder what's gonna be
on the walls that wasn't before.

The uniform I wouldn't do at first.
That was impossible for me.

- How long did you hold out?
- Almost a year. I was the last one.

- What made you turn the corner?
- He told me I had to!

She cried a few times.

We dress up at home in different
characters, and it helps our...

Relationship, yeah?
Like going out with different people!

I haven't done you yet,
I'm not tall enough, so he puts a wig on.

- Then I have to be Data. Or Quark.
- Sometimes Quark.

- How do the patients respond?
- Most of them like it.

The Star Trek theme is great. It takes
your mind off where you really are.

It's not like any other dentists',
that's for sure.

Most people, even if they don't
like Star Trek, like the idea.

I've only had one person
who didn't like the idea,

but he wasn't happy about his bill
in the first place.

Afternoon, Preston. Good to see you.
Let's get you going.

Let's take a look here.

Number two...occlusal.

Number three, crown.

Shelly and I started in another office
about the same time.

She was the receptionist.

After a while,
she liked dentistry so much,

so I brought her back and
I taught her to assist.

We worked well together
and made it a bond for life.

We're together now forever.

I'm dressed as a NASA astronaut,
whose death was investigated,

in an episode called "The Royale"
of The Next Generation.

That was the original idea.
Then I kind of moved on,

kind of character-developed it a little bit.

Instead of it being him, it's his wife!

What is your interest in Star Trek?

Mainly Brent Spiner,

Lieutenant Commander Data on
The Next Generation, as you know.

I know him well. You guys call
yourselves Spiner Femmes.

Spiner Femmes? I like that.
I think there's a series in that!

My Brent page.

When somebody else discovers him
through my page, I feel good.

Let other people outside the Star Trek
universe know who he is.

This is where I keep, right down here,
all the important collectibles.

I've got videos, T-shirts, mugs.
The important stuff.

If there's an earthquake or fire,
I want this to be intact.

These are more convention photos
and more convention photos...

It goes on for days.
I put them in facing the same order.

Once I get through with these,
it switches to ones this way.

It saves having to turn the photo
album every two minutes.

Palm Springs Convention.
I took over 100 pictures there.

When I got them back, I took a picture
of all the pictures. Lots of enlargements.

I had a calendar made up
one year for friends.

That's my back right there.

It was a Texas stamp with a sheet
about the background of Texas.

I ordered it from the post office
and framed it for him.

I don't get much stuff any more,
'cause I said it wasn't necessary,

and it wasn't a good idea
people spending their money on me.

I expressed that we do OK,
and they should save their money.

It's not the money. It gives me a good
feeling. I do that for my friends, too.

I like to get unusual gifts for people.

After living here a year,
I found where Brent lived...

I can't see his house, but I can see
the hill he lives at the bottom of.

So when I'm stressed out,
I come out and take a "Brent Break",

and just gaze off in that direction
and daydream for a while.

What do you like to do at conventions?

- Ever heard of "filking"?
- No.

Science fiction folk singing.

- Could you explain that?
- I'll give you an example.

Episode of the original series
called "Space Seed",

which launched the second movie,
The Wrath of Khan.

There is a song called
"Vow of Vengeance".

It's Khan's vow.

Let's see.

The summer sunlight
The howling at night

The blood of friends spilled
On the sand

Amid some quick death

She breathes her last breath

And dies as I cling to her hand

Mere mortals you be

The truth you can see

You think you have right
But...

It's been a while since I've sung it.
You think...

Action!

- An alliance with the Borg?
- More like an exchange.

If we teach the Borg
how to modify their own probes,

they'd have a blueprint to create
a weapon to fight the aliens...

When I am asked to go to a hospital,
it's a specific boy,

and he's not going to be there
the next time I go.

It means a lot to him that I be honest
with him. That can change your life.

There's a woman almost
totally paralysed,

and she was able,
through an interpreter, to say,

"For the hour that you are on,

"I forget the body
that I am imprisoned in."

I got a fan letter from a young lady.

It was a suicide note.

So I called her and I said,

"Hey, this is Jimmy Doohan...
Scotty from Star Trek."

I said, "I'm doing a convention
in Indianapolis,

"I want to see you there."

I saw her. Boy, I'm telling you...
I couldn't believe what I saw.

That was definitely suicide.

Somebody had to help her, somehow.

Obviously she wasn't going
to the right people.

I said, "I'm doing a convention
two weeks from now in St Louis,

"and two weeks from then..."
She also came to New York.

She was able to afford
to go to these places,

and everything else, so...

That went on for two or three years,
maybe eighteen times,

and all I did was
talk positive things to her.

Then, all of a sudden, nothing.

I didn't hear anything,
I had no idea what was happening.

I really never saved her address, right?

Eight years later, I get a letter,

saying, "I do want to thank you
so much for what you did for me,

"because I just got my master's
degree in electronic engineering."

That's...to me, the best thing
I've ever done in my life,

and it brings tears to my eyes
every time I even talk about the story.

Over several years,

we've raised several hundred
thousand dollars for these charities.

This is what Star Trek does.
It's part entertainment, part philosophy.

This part of Star Trek
goes unnoticed to the public.

Have you thought of talking
to teachers and schools about it?

Can you organise that?

I teach kindergarten so it's hard
for them to grasp racial diversity.

So if you have a show like Star Trek
that shows different aliens

and different people getting along,
it illustrates that point wonderfully.

Star Trek has changed the way
that I teach science,

specifically space science.

By giving children an immediate
frame of reference

that they know and get excited about,
it inspires their imagination.

This is something
we've been excited about,

having Kate Mulgrew
portray the captain on the Voyager.

They feel it's the first time they can view
a woman in a leadership role

as a family, without having
to discuss what she stands for.

She is so obviously a woman
of authority and strength,

but she's not a witch with a capital "B".

She's just a person in authority.

I get a great deal of mail from women

who say they watch Voyager
with their daughters,

and how good it feels to be able
to point to the screen and say,

"See, you can be anything."

- What do you want to be?
- An astronaut.

Mae Carol Jemison, the first
African-American woman in space,

became a scientist and an astronaut,

because she saw Nichelle Nichols
on Star Trek and said, "That's for me!"

There were two little girls
around eight or nine years old

when Star Trek first came on,

and one of them told me years later,

"I looked on that television,

"and I saw you.

"I saw this black lady,

"and I ran through the house
screaming, 'Come quick!

"'There's a black lady on television
and she ain't no maid!"'

And she said,
"I knew right then and there

"I could be anybody and anything
I wanted to be."

And so she decided to be a superstar!

Her name is Whoopi Goldberg.

- I'm Joyce Mason.
- I'm Evelyn DeBiase.

We host a radio show called
Talk Trek and Beyond.

One lunch hour at work,
and we thought about Trek.

It's something we do a lot of,

so we decided it would
be a great radio show.

I called the directory assistance
for the number of a radio station.

- She asked me...
- "Which one?"

I didn't know, so I said, "Pick one,"
and she picked out KAV.

We went over,
two weeks later we were on the air!

- First time.
- Seven years ago!

And we're still on!
It's been a lot of fun.

We didn't know what we were doing,
but... We still don't!

...convention on the air.

Evening, how are we doing tonight?
Welcome to Talk Trek and Beyond.

We're delighted to be with you.
We have a special guest with us.

- Denise Crosby.
- Denise Crosby! Yeah!

Are you ready?
Our listeners are dying to talk to you.

- John in Portland on line one.
- Hey, Portland!

- Hi, you guys! Hi, Denise.
- Hi, John.

Without"Skin of Evil", there could've
been no "Yesterday's Enterprise".

Right. Exactly.
There's irony in that, isn't there?

I always felt I had to die and get off
the show to get the best episode!

I love talking to you like this.

When the show originally aired,
my father passed away.

A lot of my friends were Trek fans
and around me at the time,

and we sat down and
watched that episode.

Strangely, at the end
with the holographic message,

it helped me a great deal.

Now I get to thank you personally
which I appreciate and still do.

John, I'm really touched.

So many times, people don't realise
just how important a show can be.

It can destroy you or, as in a case
like this, give you comfort.

Yes. Between the ending and
the holographic imaging and the clouds,

it was what I needed at the time.

I don't know how to say
thank you for that.

- Thank you for Talk Trek.
- Thank you for being with us.

There's nothing like a bunch
of Trek people sitting and talking.

They'll go for 24 hours or more.

That's why it's called Talk Trek,

because it's not just about Trek,
but it's a whole universe within itself.

Just like people talk French
and German, we talk Trek.

- What does your bathtub look like?
- It looks very green!

- Who's your favourite captain?
- Captain Kirk.

- Captain Picard.
- I'm a Kirk fan.

- Kirk, 'cause he was the first captain.
- The original, the prototype.

- Absolutely Kirk.
- Captain Jean-Luc Picard.

- Picard.
- Picard.

A very handsome man, Captain Picard.

- Who's your favourite captain?
- Data.

- Data's not a captain.
- I don't like any captains.

Who's gonna beat Captain Kirk?
Come on, he's a stud!

- I'd say Janeway.
- Janeway's a stud, too, but...

- Janeway.
- It's split between Janeway and Kirk.

- Kirk.
- Avery Brooks, 'cause he's cute.

- Who's your favourite captain?
- I am.

I couldn't pick one captain over another.

- The Emissary.
- The Emissary! He is most important.

But to place the others above
the Emissary would not be right.

When I got the job, everybody said,
"Oh, the Trekkies!"

In fact, they're very smart.

One has to be smart to connect
science with the imagination.

That's what's interesting to me,
that a show could have fans

that span and bridge
every sort of classification.

Stephen Hawking, Mel Brooks,

Dr Marvin Minsky,
who's head of robotics at MIT,

or the Mercury astronauts.

Accountants, lawyers...
just people who enjoy the programme.

There's a preconceived notion
that they are peculiar people.

I haven't met anyone, Star Trek fan
or not, who wasn't peculiar.

We're all peculiar.

The word "fan" is
an abbreviation of "fanatic".

There are some people who fit
that category, who need to get a life.

But most fans are
pretty normal people,

who have a hobby and a sense
of the desire to escape.

They know it's a show,
but it's just fun.

We are the largest ship
in the San Diego area.

We do community service,
we go and visit children in hospitals.

- We're having a mini-golf tournament.
- Dressed as Klingons?

- You play, dressed as Klingons?
- Yes! For money for charity.

I'm Marc Okrand and I've developed
the Klingon language.

...our only greeting,
translates as "What do you want?"

For Klingon softball, I never devised
words for "You're out",

so they improvised with "You're dead",
"You're alive", which works.

I like the way Klingons believe,
their code of ethics and honour.

What I've done is tattoo
the Klingon insignia.

It took two and a half hours' work
with a home-made pen.

This is a Klingon Disruptor Pistol.

Two basic settings.
That's the stun setting.

Never have I heard it used in Star Trek.

Not just in the movies,
but people like to speak the language.

The Klingon Language Camp
we've had for the last four years.

It's a summer programme to learn
the language, customs of the culture.

How do you say "kill"?

They just came out with
the first edition in Klingon of Hamlet.

A team of scholars are working
on translating the Bible.

They've translated the theme songs
to Sesame Street, Gilligan's Island.

- Klingons are really popular.
- Very popular.

- It's an interesting phenomenon.
- You said that with a straight face.

Klingons are popular
because they're fun.

Klingons allow us to express
a certain aspect of our personality

that we're not allowed to do in public.

I want to get the sour cream
and chives potato.

- With cheese or without?
- Without.

Without cheese. Just combo? OK.

Would you like super size
with two large fries and a drink?

$9.56.

- Ever served a Klingon before?
- Yes.

- You've served Klingons before?
- Yes.

When I was six, January of 1989,

I attended my first convention.

And here is a picture from it.

One day, I got a phone call at home,
and Gabriel at that time was six.

The school says,
"Would you pick up your son?"

I said, "Is he hurt?"
They said, "No.

"He's wearing his Star Trek uniform
and his pointed ears,

"and this is not
the right attire for school."

It was a Catholic school.

They made me pick him up,
which was funny.

It took him years to understand that
he couldn't go to school like that.

I was supposed to wear
my plaid pants and tie.

- Another interesting thing...
- I'll get that.

Hello?

Peter, this is the worst time to call!
Go away! Bye.

Around this entire section here,

we have my collection of autographed
Star Trek action figures.

Over here, I have the collection
of the four captains.

Sisko here might look a bit messy,
because I shaved it with a knife,

as it's his new look this season,
and I painted on a goatee.

Over here, I put up a chart
of my Datas,

illustrating the change in uniforms
in the past few years.

We start here with Data

in the first/second season jumpsuit,
which caused the actors backache.

Then, the third through seventh
season two-piece uniform.

Then the Generation's
jumpsuit version.

And now, the grey-shouldered
First Contact garbs,

which, of course, I'm wearing now.

I normally dress up as Data.
One lady thought I was Data.

She came up to me with her baby
and said, "Will you touch my baby?"

I've been asked to bless people.

One wanted me
to sign the interior of his car.

To marry people.

"Wow! He touched my baby!"
and she ran off screaming.

One wanted me to help him ease
his way into death. Odd request.

Maybe we should've told her
I wasn't Data.

The Mark and Brian Radio
Programme, 95.5 KLOS.

There is a Star Trek convention here.
Trekkies from all over the world.

In celebration of that group,
we give you the Star Trek theme.

- I'm a little dizzy now.
- We'll take a commercial break.

- Do you have a favourite episode?
- The original?

- Of course...
- The original?

He shouldn't even be in this.
He doesn't even dig Star Trek.

I like Star Trek.

You're like, "Who are those guys
with the pointy ears?"

Star Trek's a way of life, man.
It teaches us all.

This background
was rendered by me.

It's the Nemesis station
from Star Station Nemesis,

the film project our club is working on.

This is the screenplay
in computer form.

This is where it was written
with all the modifications.

This script is basically the back story
conceived for the club.

I translated the outline rewrote
into the 172-page screenplay.

What you're about to see are
some of my fledgling opticals.

There's a considerable amount
of detail that went into it.

This is a pan-up shot that I did.
There's flickering I'm trying to remove.

I've been tinkering around
with a Romulan Armada shot.

I rendered the sequence in two parts.

This is the logo for the movie trailer
showing at the next meeting.

Gabriel and Travis had an idea
to make a movie for our club.

Gabriel designed new uniforms
specifically for the movie.

- For your approval.
- There's yours.

We're still in process.

You have to decide
which one to wear tomorrow.

Yeah. That'll be a tough choice!

This costume I designed
out of fifty conceptual sketches,

and this is my favourite
from my film project.

It should be noted that
this is only a prototypical version.

The collar on the completed version
will come to here,

but she cut it short.

It'll have shoulder pads
and will be all wool.

This has some wool and
some polyester components.

The first version looks nice.

My friend does custom tailoring,
so he does my uniforms.

I have a dress uniform,
I have a couple of T-shirt tops.

This is a jumpsuit.

This is normal attire for me.

We don't feel we look different
'cause we've been doing it for so long.

Sometimes, I leave work
with my uniform on.

People will be staring at me,
but to me it's just natural.

I go out a lot in the uniform,
and I find it a positive thing.

I sometimes get people smiling,

they'll say something
or give me a Vulcan salute.

I've never had a negative experience.
I enjoy it.

Occasionally, people have asked me,
"How long are you gonna do it?

"Don't you have a life?"
But this is part of my life.

- Hi, Steve. How are you?
- All right.

As long as I'm able to do it, I'm going
to do it. It doesn't hurt anybody.

It makes a lot of people feel good,
and that's the point of things.

I'm going inside here to search
for new Star Trek memorabilia.

I spend around...maybe...
$300-$400 a year on merchandise.

But, if I could, I'd spend a lot more,
way over $1,000.

The reality is Star Trek fans devote
more time, energy and finance

to their object of affection
than any other group.

I'm a die-hard Star Trek fan and
I'm trying to get everything before I die.

This is the Data Redemption red
Playmates doll that's very rare.

I got it for $25 at a convention
and now they're worth $250-$300.

Not that I'll ever sell mine!

These dolls are numbered.
They look for the lowest number.

I'm about to trade for these figures
worth about $100 apiece,

because they were limited to 10,000
for the rare Thomas Riker figure.

I'm getting the better deal, because
the production number was lower.

It goes for more on the secondary
market than this set.

- These are from Huntsville.
- The only place to get them.

Some were numbered over 10,000,
but that was a mistake.

- Interesting. Thank you.
- Those are the legs from Spock.

- How do you know?
- I'm on the internet.

I'm keeping those for myself.

My folks would get mad
because I'd talk about it all the time.

I love the wonderful Star Trek stuff.

I'm 27 years old, and I still collect
and love it just as much.

The Super Phaser Target Game,
pretty hip for the early '70s.

Star Trek: The Motion Picture:
The Pop-Up Book.

The hottest thing when I was a kid!

And these are Star Trek
1984 drinking glasses.

In 1989, with Star Trek V,

the special offer was for
a futuristic marshmallow dispenser.

So I sent for this thing,
and here we go!

It's still intact, like mint in a bag.
This stuff has overtaken my house!

One of my goals is to build a great
big shelf where I can display it.

When we started doing
the Star Trek cruises,

the fans came for quality time
with the stars.

Each fan has their picture taken
with all of the Star Trek celebrities.

What's the passport?

It looks like a US passport, but it says
United Federation of Planets.

We filled it out. You pick them up
at the conventions.

I went to Honduras and Belize,

and they just stamped me in.

In fact, I even have one...

Scary. US Immigration.

February 7, 1994,
they stamped me in.

Coming is Jimmy Doohan's
director's chair.

My wife is flying in with that today.

- That'll be for sale?
- Yes. Here's the sign.

- That's worth what?
- $375.

I don't know if it's worth that.
We hope it is!

It's hard to put a price on that.
It could be worth $1 million!

Whatever you collect,
you can find here.

At a typical convention, you'll find
a plethora of Star Trek merchandise.

Here we have some gorgeous
cardboard stand-ups. I must get one.

A nice collection of various novels.
A set of figures I just traded.

Ship diagrams and blueprints,
bookmarks, jewellery.

Uniform adornments, software,
plates, CDs, lithographs.

Calendars, phasers, model kits.

I love building the model kits.

I've just put the finishing touches
on Voyager.

The nacelles fold, as you see,
on this series.

One little problem
is this is coming apart.

The Voyager doesn't
have saucer capability.

I became a dealer because
I read too many Conan books,

and I got interested
in swords and armour,

learned how to make armour.

Then we went to gun shows and
carried the armour on the table.

In 1991, the 25th anniversary
Star Trek cards came out,

and I got all excited and
bought a few too many boxes,

broke them all for sets
and there were sets left over,

so we took them to the gun show,
put them next to the armour,

and they all disappeared and
people asked me for this and that.

The armour moved farther off
the edge of the table,

and now these and those
have taken over everything.

My company is doing cookie jars.

They're 30th anniversary
Star Trek cookie jars.

I've collected 759 autographs in five
years of the Star Trek characters.

This is like Christmas,
ripping open all these packages.

She got me hooked on the cards.
I'm addicted.

- All you have to do is buy one pack!
- And you're addicted!

I've been in printing for 11 years.
I work in the bindery department.

Many people think she's strange
and wonder what she's really like.

Honestly, she's very well-educated
and intelligent.

She takes her job responsibilities
very seriously.

But people think she's not
very intelligent, whereas she is.

Bobbi is a little bit eccentric,

but it's a good quality eccentricity.

Customers do think
it's strange sometimes.

Everyone's got their quirks,
and we work around and with those.

When I first came here, I was meeting
everyone and getting names.

For Bobbi, they said,
"This is the Commander."

Commander! Do we have enough
80-pound rich gloss?

- Yeah.
- OK. Thank you.

- Commander.
- Yes? Which job?

When I first called her "girlfriend",
she didn't really like that.

- I said, "What do you prefer?"
- My rank is Lieutenant Commander.

"'Commander' is what I'll call you!"

She started telling me
about Star Trek that she was into.

She was commander
of some spaceship locally.

Did she explain
what she was wearing?

Yes, one's a phaser
and it beams her up.

The other's something else.

I've never got a negative response.

Some customers recognise me
from the trial but don't say anything.

Has it encouraged you
to watch Star Trek?

Actually, yes.

Only because you want to understand
what I'm talking about!

I'm not a Star Trek fan,
but I get into it because she's into it.

My favourite fan letter I received,
I opened it up,

and there was a marijuana cigarette
glued to a piece of cardboard

and a photo of a very
delightful-looking young girl.

And she said, "You have
turned me on so many times,

"I thought I would return the favour."

I kept that one.

I've saved some great stuff
that fans have sent me:

ink drawings of Chekov,
Captain Picard, Saavik, Dr Crusher.

A woman named Jean Cluge
drew me in a Davy Crockett motif.

This is from Blowing Rock,
North Carolina.

"Tasha and Sela together again."

This is a kind of King Arthur,
Knights of the Round Table motif.

Sela, looking tough.

A lot of times kids send me things.
A nice Lucite box.

This is Tasha, done in needlepoint.
It's my favourite.

This is a very imaginative pose!
At first, I tell you, I was shocked.

Then, I've kind of grown
to appreciate it.

What was weird was not just
how they got my naked body perfect,

but yours was almost specific!

Are you filming?

Star Trek is unique in that
we are the only television show

that has an open
script submission policy.

We will take scripts from anyone.

I once had a fan come in
dressed in a Star Fleet uniform,

who called himself Ensign Jones.

All of his stories had to do with Ensign
Jones taking over the Enterprise,

or Ensign Jones goes
to the Klingon home world,

or Ensign Jones travels through time.

I write in the original Trek genre,

involving the characters
of Kirk and Spock.

I write "slash" on the internet.

- You're talking about the K/S 'zines.
- The Kirk/Spock fetish groups.

The term means one character
with another, like Kirk/Spock.

We thought the studio would
put a stop to it, but they didn't care,

because it's small circulations.

We're all very normal ladies,
mostly housewives...

...who want sexual stories about Kirk
and Spock, but not with other women.

The mailing list is
completely anonymous.

Why is it important
that your identity not be revealed?

Because of the controversial nature.

We're living in a culture
that isn't as progressive.

It's important to avoid censure.

I write The Secret Logs
of Mistress Janeway.

It's about how Mistress Janeway
beats Tuvok with a riding crop.

That was interesting.

A fan made this
out of an X-Men figure,

repainted it complete with whip,
cat-o'-nine-tails, handcuffs.

Another fan wrote
a Klingon sex manual.

"There's no safe sex in Klingon."
"Is your daughter seeing a Klingon?"

"Initiating the mating ritual."

We both pushed each other
and wrestled...

That is part of the Klingon culture.

The female pushing or slapping
a man is like, "I find you attractive."

I threw it away, but they had made,
from latex, a Klingon condom.

It was ridged. Big ridges.

There are now thousands of K/S
scenes. It's too late to stop it.

I'm Daryl Frazetti and this is Bones.

We've been to a dozen
conventions together,

because he enters
the costume contests.

It's something fun to do together
and with the people we meet.

He's got a med-kit here, his props.

This is the original Trek scrub top,
and this is the science insignia.

And his DeForest Kelley pin
that he always wears for luck.

We're bigger classic Trek fans
than the other shows.

DeForest Kelley is our favourite actor.

He will sit there and watch television.
Some cats will.

Some actually respond to the phasers
or the ships going by.

We're here for this convention.

We're old friends
who met through Star Trek,

and it's our 13-year reunion
for the four of us.

We're so divergent in personality,
backgrounds and family styles,

and yet we have this common thread
of Star Trek keeping us together.

The first convention we went to,
we've forgotten what it was like.

We were accepted, and when
we went home, we had to act normal.

The one thing in this world
that I'd take to my grave is the fans.

They are so loving
and warm and tender.

If you go into a convention
and you don't know anybody,

you really do, because
they're all thinking like you are.

My family thinks I'm the odd one.
They think I'm totally weird.

But I found this club, so I guess
I'm not so weird after all!

It's great to go to a convention
and it's like a family reunion.

My wife and I actually met
at a Star Trek club.

I know many people that I'd never
have met without this club.

It's about meeting people.

We set up a recruiting table to get
new members to join the organisation.

Recruitment happens every moment.

Every time you see one of us,
in uniform or out, we're recruiting.

We belong to two
international fan clubs,

the United Federation of Planets
International,

and the Romulan Star Empire.

I'm Linda Thuringer, the Captain.
My Romulan name is Aoife t'Livett.

I am the Commander of the Romulan
Praetorian Guard.

Steve Menagh.

I'm the First Officer and my Romulan
name is Menhall tr'Hellan.

I'm the sub-commander
of the Praetorian Guard.

I'm the Security Chief and a member
of the Romulan Star Empire.

- My name is Teris T'No.
- I'm Chief Medical Officer.

At first, I was afraid to come,
but it was a lot of fun.

But this group is unique
and the people are educated.

They know a lot about science,
and it's neat to be with such people.

It's fun because it's the only place
I can think of that you can goof off,

and grown-ups goof off the same way
about the same subjects.

- Are you a Trekkie?
- Totally.

How do you say "Trekkie"?

...means "I'm a Trekkie."
"Traveller" is what it means.

- Are you a Trekkie?
- I am.

I am a Trekkie.

Not card-carrying or
the kind that wears uniforms.

He is a card-carrying Trekkie,
his credit card says Star Trek on it!

I'm a Trekkie and a Trekker.

Every serious fan
considers themself a Trekker.

- Trekkie? Trekker? I don't understand.
- It's a generational thing.

The Trekkie either saw old Star Trek
when it first came out

or started in with the reruns
in the '70s.

The Trekker primarily
started in with Next Generation.

Trekkers seem to be snobs.
"I'm not a Trekkie, I'm a Trekker."

Trekker sounds pretentious,
but it's preferable.

A Trekker is a Star Trekker.
They are walking with us.

The Trekker is motivated, in motion.

The Trekkie is neutral, benign,
harmless, who just wants to watch.

I am a Trekkie. Actually we're called
Trekkens, but I'm a Trekkie.

"Taking a Trek?
We're not Trekkies, right?"

Then we're watching the Trek.
But the Trekker comes with us.

A Trekker is somebody
who enjoys Star Trek.

They probably have
a small collection at home,

they go to Star Trek conventions
and sometimes dress up.

A Trekkie lives their life
according to the Star Trek laws.

I prefer Trekker, but I'm not as
adamant about it as other fans.

I don't like the Trekkie/Trekker labels
because of the negative connotations.

If you say, "I'm a Trekker,"
people make rude comments.

I'd rather be known
as a Spiner Femme.

I usually refer to myself
as a Star Trek fan.

I just forget about
the Trekkie/Trekker debacle.

I first met William Shatner
on the Tonight Show.

I got the name of the casting director
and sent her a package,

found out that
he was due to be a guest.

They wanted me to do a quick spot
with him. He was a gentleman.

My name is James Kirk.

I changed my name
because since I was little

I wanted to change my name
to something I would enjoy.

Something more befitting
my character.

I've had ridicule,
but a lot of people go,

"I wish I had the guts to do that,
just change it to something I like."

And I go, "You can do
anything you want in life."

I'm with the starship Riverside
from Iowa.

The town's famous because
Kirk says he's from Iowa.

About 12 years ago,
Riverside proclaimed to be

the future birthplace
of Captain James T Kirk.

So far it's been a boom to the town,
with a Star Trek Fest every June.

We get three to six thousand people
to the parade and carnival.

It's just a boom to the town.

- Jimmy, my boy!
- Happy birthday!

We've been having
this party for years.

Every year it gets to be more fun,
more people come.

It started off small and
now younger people are coming.

This year we had a girl come.
I foresee it going on and on.

It's a fun bonding thing we do.

Every year, I whip up
my famous Romulan concoction.

- I won't reveal the ingredients.
- I like the Vulcans, they're logical.

That's why I like Spock,
he's very logical.

At the conventions,
there's a lot of Klingons,

and being a Vulcan,
it's nice to stand out.

The Vulcans are obviously smarter
than the Klingons as well.

I drove down through Calgary today
to look at the Enterprise,

the model we have here
in Vulcan, Alberta.

I'm impressed with the beautiful job
they've done.

It's great that in Canada

the town of Vulcan has adopted
the Star Trek theme.

We enjoy having people
from around the world

to talk with and share their stories
of Star Trek.

I'm visiting Vulcan
because of the convention.

Obviously it's a Vulcan community.
My heroes are Spock and Tuvok.

Some people have fake Spock ears,

but I have the real thing.

As you can imagine,

it's been 30 years
of an amazing experience.

I was at a party many years ago
that Paramount was giving,

and a lot of movie stars were there,
and the place was packed.

I felt a pair of hands on my shoulders.

And somebody whispered
into my ear and said,

"I recognise you.
You had your ears fixed."

And it was John Wayne!

Everybody was doing ear jokes
in those days.

I got a kick out of that.

There's a great deal of my personality
that is Mr Spock.

I try to function on logic, intelligence,
not get carried away with emotion.

I consider myself half Vulcan.

I did draw the line at having my ears
surgically altered to points.

It was too expensive.

I'll tell you the real truth...

I...

...if I had the money, I'd do it.
I don't march to the regular drummer.

- You'd go through the pain of...?
- I really would.

And it's not so much...

Yeah, I really would.
I like to be different.

This is a unique way
of being different.

It's a non-invasive, non-harmful
way of being different.

Even if I have pointed ears,
I can still function in the world.

It just makes me more different,
and in a positive way.

But I won't be getting it tomorrow.

I would hope he couldn't find a doctor
willing to do that, personally!

This is Computer.

Hi, Computer. This is my dog.

All this stuff that Star Trek predicted
is coming true.

The talking computers, they're better
now than in the original series.

People are intrigued by the speculative
technology on Star Trek.

My buddies would have Farrah
Fawcett posters in their bedroom.

I had the blueprints for the Enterprise.

I started to build this from the episode
"The Changeling",

where the computer robot is going
to destroy the Enterprise.

Another project is
the Romulan cloaking device.

I've started it here, as you can see,
this is the main power generator.

This is the round part here
of the actual cloaking device.

I think I can modify it
like in "The Enterprise Incident".

I can modify it for use
on a Federation ship.

I've built a lot of stuff,
like a communicator, a phaser.

The one that's the coolest
is Captain Pike's chair,

after he was crippled
from radiation burns.

This is Captain Pike's
total life-support unit.

It encompasses the entire body
except the head.

It supports life and
takes him wherever he needs.

The beautiful simplicity of it is that
you can ask a yes or no question,

and for "yes" it's one blink,
and for "no" it's two blinks.

So if you ask me a question,
I can answer with a yes or no.

It's motorised,
so I drive it around parades.

Hi. Is Craig around?

He set aside some parts for me.

An HP 12-volt unit,
some transistors and a relay.

I talked to Craig
about my Nomad project,

and he said I could use
the 3.9 ohm resistors or the 2.70s.

Could I get away with the 2.70s?

My next project is to build
a dilithium chamber,

and I'll build some anti-gravs, too,
and maybe an M-5 computer.

I'll connect my house with Jeffries
Tubes. I've lots of projects to do.

Star Trek has had
a lot of impact on the future.

We have cellular flip phones,
nuclear-powered engines

that'll take us to Mars.

All science fiction now is true.

Star Trek has always
been a fun part of my life.

It motivated me to go
to the Air Force Academy.

It encouraged me to study.

As Star Trek took place in space,

it turned my interest to things
such as astronomy and astrophysics.

As a result, I got my bachelor's
and master's in astronomy,

and I now work as a data analyst
for the Hubble Science Institute.

I really liked Spock's logical mind,

and that pushed me into
a logical field, computer science.

It's unbelievable, it's had such
an effect from an educational angle.

It's affected all of us,

all the actors have received
so much mail.

I get a lot of mail from parents
who tell me,

"We appreciate your positive
role model for our son."

I very much support the future
that Gene projected

as far as elimination of hunger
and elimination of poverty.

Star Trek has a really neat message.

The whole infinite diversity and
combination is very attractive.

I wish the world would grasp it
as beautifully as the fans have.

People of all races, religions,

political backgrounds, sizes, shapes,
are all equal at a convention

and nobody is ostracised
because they're different.

That attracts a lot of people, because
elsewhere they don't have that freedom.

This weekend was great,
because I went to the convention,

picked up some great stuff,

met some cast members,
talked to them, shook their hands...

The most wonderful thing.

I also got to meet many fans
very similar to myself.

They're great, gorgeous people,

who know how to place Star Trek
in the proper context

with the rest of their lives,
and that's a unique gift for fans.

I met a very wonderfully talented lady

who was a political cartoonist,
an English lady.

But when she saw Star Trek,

it gave her a vision, not of a world
necessarily that she could live in,

but it gave her an understanding

that there were people
who were thinking those thoughts.

Most people like Star Trek

because it expresses issues
that can't normally be expressed

in today's society without somebody
coming down on you.

My father grew up
in the Nazi era in Poland,

but he was protected
as a German citizen.

When he came to the US,
he realised his principles were wrong.

When we watched Star Trek, he'd say,
"This is the right way to think."

Like treating people as equals
and with respect.

I hope that everybody
can get along in the future.

We struck a chord
with the youth of this country,

particularly those who came back
from Vietnam and the hippies.

Plus it came at a turbulent time,

when the future of society,
the planet, was up for grabs.

For the first time,
people on television saw themselves...

...men and women, as equals.

I like the hope and the chances
it gives people.

Especially gay men and women,
in a world that's not accepting,

there's a dream that one day
there will be acceptance.

Gene Roddenberry offered a vision
of hope and that we'd have a future.

Not only did we not annihilate
ourselves on this planet,

but we are going forth.

What progress!

With a sense of adventure!

Gene said there'll be a tomorrow,
a better, kinder, more gentle world.

He talked about the things
that bugged us in the '60s

and disguised them,

because the network would never
let us talk about politics or war.

We couldn't mention
the black/white problem,

so we painted Frank Gorshin
half black and white,

and his adversary was
half white and black.

It looked so ridiculous that
everybody said, "Hey, we get this."

My basic prediction here

is that Star Trek will become
the blueprint for the 21st century.

The philosophy, the ideals,
the Prime Directive,

they'll all be a genetic map
for a better future, a better mankind.

My feeling is that
we had a great time for 30 years.

There were tribulations and trials
as well as triumphs,

but the consensus is
of a very positive nature.

I don't want to be one of those people
still talking about it 20 years...

It's 30 years after the fact.
God, I am one of those people! No!

At these conventions we'd say,
"It'll last another few years,

"and that'll be it," you know?

Ten years later, we were saying,
"Well, it'll last another few years."

Twenty years later,
"God! It'll go on for ever!"

I don't think it will ever die.
Something like that can never die.

You've got a phenomenon,
this is our 20th-century mythology.

That's big.

I don't know, I hope it lasts for ever,
it's a good thing.

As long as it's thoughtful,
it's a good thing.

- Remember, live long and prosper!
- Goodnight.

I want to thank all of you.
I want you to know I'm a Trekkie, too.

I love Star Trek,
and all I can say is this...

Glory, glory

Hallelujah

Star Trek's truth is marching on

His truth is marching...

Ladies and gentlemen,
live long and prosper! A-huh!

Thank you!

Thank you!

I am a big Star Trek fan,

I got beat up most of my life
for being a Star Trek fan,

usually by sports fans,
which is ironic.

Someone that's really into football
will wear the uniform around town.

If I put on my Klingon uniform
and go to Safeway, I'm a geek.

"Excuse me,
these yams have no honour!"

"We boldly go
where no man has gone before."

When they get there,
there's someone waiting for them.

James Kirk as an archaeologist.

"Bones!"

The Prime Directive is
you don't tamper with cultures,

'cause you're so advanced, you get
that one thing you need and go.

He didn't pay attention
to that at all, man,

"Your Bible is a lie!
Everything you believe is wrong.

"Freak out! I'm the bloated
God-being from the sky!"

There's always that one minority
that gets beamed down and disappears.

"OK, James, Bob, Bones...
and Rodriguez."

Rodriguez is dead!

When they get down, Jim goes,
"Rodriguez, check behind that rock.

"Regular cast, stand over here!"

Of course, there's a brain-sucking
plant behind the rock.

Rodriguez should say,
"You check the rock.

"I lost two cousins on this show
last season!"

Remember the three brains
with the gambling problem?

"I bet 400 on the newcomer!
Where are you from?"

"Earth." "What's the spread
on the UCLA game?"

One day, you'll have Klingon comics.
Worf as a comic.

"Thank you.

"It's a pleasure to be here
at the first Ice House on Klingon.

"Remember in school when
your teacher would anger you,

"forcing you to kill him?

"My father would be so proud,
he'd hold my hands in flames!"

"Scotty, how are the engines?
And don't use a metaphor!"

"Aye, sir.
The circuit clutch is cross-wired...

"...like a Christmas tree
on the Fourth of July!"

"No, Scotty! How are the engines?"

"Aye, they're overheated, sir...
like a supernova in August!"

"No, Scotty! No metaphors!"
"Can I use a simile, sir?"

"An allegory? An anecdote?"
"No!"

"The Klingons are here!"

...a 14-year-old kid,
never kissed anyone,

and there's a holodeck on the ship.

If I had a holodeck...

...when I was 14,
I'd never have left the thing!

"Where's Weinhold?"
"Holodeck one."

I'm climbing out of a giant...

"It's time you saw Counsellor Troi."
"This is Counsellor Troi!"