Treehouse Hostage (1999) - full transcript
Timmy Taylor and his two friends, Stevie and Buddy capture escaped convict Carl Banks (Jim Varney) and hold him hostage in their treehouse over the weekend so that Timmy can use Carl as his current event project at school on Monday. The boys then find that Carl is mixed up in a counterfeiting ring that could spell trouble for them too.
Man: Come in, control.
This is sector 4.
We've got a runner.
[Alarm siren]
Man on P.A.:
Advise all personnel,
Anderson state prison
is on full alert.
Woman: All units report in.
Man: Cell block
"a" secure.
Second man:
Cell block "b" secure.
Third man: Cell block "c"--
wait! By the holding pen!
Oh, no.
Man: Tower 4,
do you have him on visual?
Story of my life.
Man: Code blue.
Release the dogs.
Second man:
He's over the wall!
Hit the lights! Lower!
Get those lights lower!
Move it, move it, move it!
Shut the outer gates!
[Muted video game noises]
Timmy Taylor...
I don't see
your homework assignment.
Uh...
Well?
Uh, so there was kato,
and my homework
clenched in his teeth,
and I looked outside
just in time to watch him
barbecue my book report.
And I had him cornered
in the kitchen,
I was about to grab him,
when he spit it down
the disposal.
And then kato snatched it
off my desk,
ran off to the backyard,
and buried it
god only knows where.
I tried to stop him,
I really di--
stop!
But I was just getting
to the good part.
I think I've heard enough.
Thank you.
This is the third time
in as many weeks
that you've failed
to complete an assignment.
Now, Timmy, I think
you're a bright boy,
and I have tried
to be fair with you.
Yet you persist in
these ridiculous excuses.
But, Mrs. Stevens--
no more buts.
You have a current event
project due this Monday
that counts for one third
of your grade.
Now, if you show up
empty-handed,
this time have no choice
but to fail you
and to hold you over for...
Summer school.
Too bad about
bummer school.
I'll be thinking
of you
when
I'm water skiing
at camp granada.
Shut up,
bazooka butt.
He's still got
till Monday.
I told you not
to call me that.
Besides,
I bet he hasn't
even started his
current event.
Did you see
principal ott back there?
He's really got it
in for you.
Don't remind me.
Shoot!
What time is it?
[Whirring]
[Whirring]
[Whirring]
Taylor!
Almost forgot.
[Ringing]
Ott: Taylor,
I know it's you!
I'm on to you,
you little brat!
Where are you?
I'm gonna--
get out of my way!
Taylor!
You come back here,
Taylor!
Get out of my way,
you little punks!
Get out of my way!
Radio: Here's
the pitch to sosa.
Hey, son.
How was your day?
Fine, fine.
Can we go now?
Wait, wait.
Get legs, get legs.
Yes! Oh, baby!
That's why Sammy
gets the big bucks.
Taylor!
Come on. Let's go.
I'm gonna get you for this,
Taylor! You hear me?
You better pray you ace
your current event,
because if you don't,
you're mine this summer!
You hear me, Taylor?
He's telling me about
this diet he went on,
and he thinks
that if I went on it
I would
probably lose weight.
Dispatcher: All units, 211.
Possible sighting of
escaped convict Carl banks.
Reported last seen
on lyndon Lane and 53rd.
Be advised suspect may be
armed and dangerous.
The house!
The house!
Come on, let's go.
Forget the glasses,
pretty boy.
We gotta go.
Ok.
1, 2, 3...
4, 5, 6.
1, 2, 3, 4...
5, 6, 7, 8, 9...
10, 11, 12, 13...
14, 15, 16.
[Brick shatters]
[Chuckles]
Come to papa.
1, 2, 3, 4...
[Footsteps overhead]
Scalise: You!
Nick!
Nick, he's out here!
He's out here!
There he goes!
Come on!
Jeez! What happened?
He came around this way
while you were in there.
What were you doing
in there?
Get in here!
Oh.
Radio: Full count to grace.
Here's the pitch from dreifort.
He swings!
Struck him out!
The cubbies lose again!
[Turns radio off]
So how did your teacher
take the news
about your homework.
Not too well.
It was all kato's fault.
Timmy, you've got to stop
blaming the dog.
But it really happened.
Dad, look! That man.
Have you even heard
a word I've said?
Excuses
are like armpits--
everybody's got them...
And they stink.
You follow him!
I'll take the front!
[Snarling]
[Barking]
[Barking]
Nice dog.
[Kato barking]
Ouch!
You little flea harbor!
Get off of me!
Come on, you lousy mutt,
let go!
Stop it!
Aah!
[Barking]
Uh, did I say lousy?
I meant sugar boy,
sweet boy.
[Blowing kisses]
[Barking]
[Carl grunting]
Ha ha ha!
Ya missed me,
ya little cat bait.
Whaaah!
[Clang]
I'm telling you,
it was him all right.
Yeah, he ran off
as soon as he saw US.
I don't--i have no idea.
I haven't even seen him.
Hold on.
Anything?
[Breathing heavily]
Listen, call the man.
Stall him.
Do whatever you have to do
to keep him there.
I think this might be just
the break that we needed.
Right.
Let's go.
Honey?
Reach deep into your hearts,
my friends.
[Changes channels]
Hi, honey.
Hey, honey.
Did you remember
to pick up my dress
at the cleaners?
Ohhh!
You're sister's wedding
on Sunday.
I'm sorry. I for--
I'll pick it up
tomorrow, I promise.
Hi, sweetie!
How was school?
Timmy: Not good.
Don't ask.
I tried talking to him
about responsibility.
"Excuses
are like armpits."
Well,
it makes the point.
He just doesn't
wanna listen.
Beth: Well, honey,
he's only heard it
17,000 times.
TV: His father warned him,
but he chose...
[Barking]
TV: ...He paid
a terrible price.
[Changing channels]
Good afternoon.
I'm Sam Blanchard.
Our top story today,
a jailbreak last night
at the Anderson state prison.
Carl banks disappeared
over the south wall
just after midnight.
The suspect is 45 years old,
6 feet tall,
approximately 160 pounds.
Banks, you may remember,
was arrested
for counterfeiting in 1996.
Police are offering
a $50,000 reward
for information
leading to his arrest.
If you or someone you know
thinks you may have seen
this man...
Dad, it's...
[Doorbell]
Timmy,
you wanna get that?
[Turns TV off]
Hey, dude.
Mmph.
Hey.
What's the matter?
Ott didn't bust you,
did he?
No, it's my dad.
He's just like
Mrs. Stevens.
He won't listen
to me.
Well, I got
just the thing
to take your mind
off it.
Janie Paulson's
showing off nail Polish
down the street...
And I think
it looks like rain.
Huh?
Heh heh.
Come on, let's go!
Janie: Ooh.
That's a pretty color.
This is cool.
Ooh. I like that color.
Janie: Ooh.
That's sparkly.
Wow.
Red leader,
are you in position?
Copy, blue leader.
Ready and waiting.
Hey, Stevie,
how come our clubhouse
doesn't look that cool?
Well...
Helps when your mom's
a graphic designer.
Helps when
your mom's rich.
We go on my Mark.
Janie Paulson,
I own you.
[Yelling]
[Yelling]
Incoming!
Oh, boys...
I knew we should've stayed
behind the fence.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to get Janie
if it's the last thing I do.
Well, look what
the cat dragged in.
Smile for the camera,
girls. Ha ha ha!
You're all wet.
Turn that
stupid thing off.
Yeah. No comment.
[Barking]
I told you
to cut that out.
What's the matter, kato?
You ok, boy?
Buddy, put the camera away.
Stevie: How'd they know
we were coming?
Maybe they're psychic.
Buddy: Maybe
you're psycho.
Shut up.
Buddy: You shut up.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
You guys.
Shut that thing off.
[Kato barking]
Let's get down
to business.
Vice chairman Stevie,
read the minutes from
last week's meeting.
[High-pitched voice]
Uh...
Let's see here.
We talked about
summer camp.
Timmy brought root beers,
and Stevie--
that's me--
paid his 10-cent fine
for leaving the clubhouse
door wide open.
Oh, yeah. We also
instituted rule 409--
no ice cream
in the clubhouse
on account of buddy's
delicate condition.
Hey, I can't help it,
doofus.
Bazooka butt!
Bazooka butt!
Hey, I told you
not to call me that!
Hey, guys.
Guys, come on.
Can we get down
to new business?
If I don't come up with
a current event, I'm history.
Cheer up. I'm sure
you'll think of something.
Buddy: Yeah.
Maybe that
escaped prisoner
will come
to your house,
take your whole
family hostage,
and kill you
in a violent blood bath.
Ha ha ha ha!
Hey, I saw that guy.
No way.
Big way.
We were coming home
from school,
and he was running down
Sutton street.
Then he hopped
over a wall,
and this cop started
chasing him, and...
What?
Cellular.
Oh, yes.
15th precinct, sergeant burger.
Can I help you?
Timmy: Hello, police?
Let me speak to
detective sergeant Nelson.
Sergeant Nelson,
line 4.
Detective Nelson.
[Voice distorted]
Yeah. I think I saw
that prisoner
you're looking for.
That's great,
great, great.
Can you describe him?
Tall, white skin,
bad complexion...
Ooh.
Overweight.
Ha ha!
Big belly, huh?
Ugly, and
he must be bald,
because he wears
a really bad hairpiece.
My goodness.
A bad hairpiece, huh?
Did I mention that
he's really butt-ugly?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he wears, like, this
really fruity white mustache?
Uh-huh.
Fruity mu--
[drops pencil]
Timmy Taylor,
is that you?
Is that you,
you little rascal?
Who do you think
you're messing with?
Don't give me a hard
time, do you understand?
Hang up this phone now!
Don't ever
call me again!
And you, you're fired
if you interrupt me anymore!
Oh, these kids
are something else.
We nailed him.
Yes. Way cool.
[Kato barking]
Goofy dog.
Kato, what's your problem?
[Barking]
Guys, come here.
Oh. Well...
I guess our security
system really works.
Help me get him inside.
Lower him.
Coming down.
Down more.
A little bit lower.
Ok, all right.
Spin him around.
Almost got him.
Almost got him.
I got his head.
Come on,
let's get him inside.
Yeah, ok, ok.
Come on, buddy.
Uhh.
I wonder
who he could be?
Maybe it's a bum.
What if he's dead?
What if kato killed him?
So is he alive?
Shake him.
I'm not shaking him.
You shake him.
What a couple of wusses.
Buddy, you dork.
So I guess he's dead.
Help me
turn him over.
[Stevie strains]
That's him.
That's the guy.
The criminal?
Positive.
[Hyperventilates]
Calm down, Stevie.
I have to get this
on camera.
Buddy, hand me
that mirror.
I saw this
on x files.
Saw this on x files?
He's alive.
Well, maybe buddy should
give him mouth-to-mouth.
[Kisses]
Shut up.
I got a better idea.
[Breaks wind]
Ohh, that stinks.
Oh, man. What do you got,
a demon in there?
Gosh.
I better go
get my dad.
Wait, wait.
What if he wakes up?
He could escape again.
Here, here, here.
Take that.
Ok.
Get his arm.
[Sniffs]
Dad.
Dad, dad.
Aah!
Ooh!
Hi, Mrs. Taylor.
Mrs. Taylor:
Tim Taylor,
how many times
do I have to tell you?
If the door is closed,
you knock.
Sorry, mom.
Where's dad?
Your father is upstairs.
Mmm.
God, that tastes horrible.
Where the heck am I?
Why does my butt hurt?
[Barking]
Oh, shut up,
you mangy rat bag.
Buddy: Hey, Taylor,
your mom's a babe.
The next word
will be your last, buddy.
Dad, dad,
you got to come quick.
[Turns up
volume]
Aah!
Timmy,
what are you doing?
Dad, we caught
the bad guy.
What?
What are you
talking about?
The guy from TV
who escaped from jail.
He's in the treehouse.
And we trapped him.
Boys, I am trying
to exercise here.
Dad, you got
to believe me.
[Sighs]
All right. Let's go.
Come on.
Need something
to cut this with.
No! Waah!
Not again!
Aah!
Timmy: Come on, dad.
Come on.
I'm coming, I'm coming,
I'm coming.
You know, I got a message
on our answering machine
from principal ott.
You guys wouldn't know about
a hallway prank, would you?
Wait until
you see this, dad.
It'll make up
for everything else.
Yeah, yeah.We could be
famous.
Timmy, I really don't
have time for this.
But he was
just here, dad.
Honest, Mr. Taylor.
He was just here.
That does it.
You don't do your homework,
you goof around in school.
But, dad--
and now you lie to me.
You are grounded.
Buddy, show him
your tape.
Yeah. That's right,
Mr. Taylor.
Buddy videotaped him.
[Sighs]
Mr. Taylor:
Is that Judy Robinson?
Huh.
I had no idea she was
in such great shape.
Son...
Are your parents aware
that you do this?
I must've not hit
the record button.
Sorry.
[Sighs]
[Kato barking]
Dad, come back!
Ahh!
Guys, come on.
Here we go again.
Come on.
[Barks]
Timmy: Come on.
He's heavy. Come on.
Buddy: Ok, right here.
Right here.
Down on the...
Ok. All right,
down. Ok.
Legs.
[Exhales]
Well, what now?
[Telephone rings]
[Sighs]
Detective sergeant Nelson
speaking.
Detective Nelson,
this is Timmy Taylor.
I'm sorry about
the earlier call,
but this time, i--
Taylor, you've made
your last prank call.
I'm calling
your father.
Making a bogus police report
is against the law, son!
These kids will drive you
crazy. I'll tell you what.
Summer school!
[Cackles]
I've got it.
Gentlemen, meet
my new current event.
Your what?
Come Monday, I'll wheel him
into Mrs. Stevens' class
and turn him in.
Have you blown
a microchip?
You can't keep him here
for 2 whole days.
Buddy's right, for once.
I mean, he's a grown
man. A killer, maybe.
Count me out.
All right,
so maybe you guys
don't want a part
of the reward.
Both: What reward?
Think about it.
He's a fugitive
from justice.
He's got to be
worth something.
What's the plan.
I mean, what now?
Timmy!
Dinner!
I better go.
Meet me here
at 8 A.M. sharp.
I wonder what
old ott the snot
will think of this?
[Bird caws]
We just need
a little more time.
That's all I'm asking.
Just a couple of days,
that's all.
No, no, no. I know
you're not Wells Fargo.
It's just...
We'll have the money
Sunday night--
all of it,
plus interest.
You have my word.
Hello?
What'd he say?
We have 48 hours.
You had better be right
about Carl.
Trust me.
It was him.
You think he came back here
for the plates?
Why else would he
come back here?
Yeah, but I don't
understand.
How's finding Carl banks
going to solve our problems?
I mean, we owe 50 large
to the Vegas syndicate.
Simple. We find Carl,
we get the plates.
We get the plates,
we print the money,
then we pay off
our gambling debts.
Yeah, like they're
not going to know
that the money's bogus?
Not a chance. Those are
the genuine article.
I boosted them
out of the Denver mint
about 5 years ago.
After that,
we're back in business.
First things first.
Find Carl banks.
[Door opens]
Who are you?
I'm Timmy.
I already know
who you are.
Pleased to meet you,
Timmy.
If you'll just untie me,
I'll be on my way.
Sorry, but I can't
do that.
I thought
you might be hungry.
So how'd you get
into my backyard?
Long story.
So you're
a criminal, huh?
They say
you're dangerous.
Don't believe everything
you see on television.
Why are you
doing this to me?
You know, technically,
this is kidnapping.
I could have you
arrested.
Technically,
you're right,
but seeing as how you're
an escaped convict--
whom you are
aiding and abetting.
Not exactly, since
I have every intention
of turning you over
to the police.
It's just I have to wait
a couple days.
Why?
Because I have
a current event project
due on Monday--you.
Me?
Kid, I can't be
your book report.
Book report?
You're the mother
of all current events.
The only thing standing
between me and summer school
is you.
Mrs. Taylor:
Timmy, bedtime!
We can talk more
in the morning.
I better go inside
before my mom gets mad.
I'm grounded
because of you.
Hey, kid,
you don't know what you're
getting yourself into here.
Oh, and just in case
you have any thoughts
of trying to escape
in the night,
kato--that's my dog--
yeah.
We already met.
He's quite vicious.
Night, Carl.
Kid, wait.
Ohh.
Timmy:
Good night, Carl.
Come on, sweetie,
lights out.
I was just, um, working
on my current event.
Ooh.
Are you feeling
all right?
Mm-hmm.
I'm just
a little tired is all.
Well, come on,
let's get some sleep.
Mom...
You don't think
I'm crazy, do you?
Well, you do have
a very active imagination.
Of course I don't think
you're crazy,
but I do want you
to do well in school.
Thanks, mom.
Good night, honey.
[Clock ticking]
[Ringing]
[Stops ringing]
Carl: Oh...
So I wasn't dreaming.
What's with
the reinforcements?
That's Stevie,
and that's buddy.
Pleased to meet you.
Would you mind pointing
that somewhere else?
Knock it off, buddy.
Ok, look,
enough of this nonsense.
Why don't you just
let old Carl go,
and I'll try to forget
this unfortunate
set of circumstances?
No chance, slimeball.
At least not until
after the trial.
Trial?
All rise for
the honorable judge frito.
This court
is called to order.
Bailiff,
call the first case.
Stevie: The court recognizes
state vs. Carl--
what's your last name
there, Sonny?
Prosecutor, you know
the rules--
no court TV.
Exception.
This could be the next
trial of the century.
Carl:
This is ridiculous.
The defendant
will answer the question.
What if I refuse?
Ow!
Ow!
You little...
Banks. Carl banks.
[Beeping]
Timmy: Carl banks,
it says here
you're charged with 2 counts
of attempted counterfeiting
and escape from jail.
How do you plead?
Innocent.
Well...
Guilty with
a reasonable doubt.
Your honor,
my defendant wishes to plead
reasonably innocent.
Very well.
The state may proceed.
Where were you
Tuesday, march 4?
How the heck
should I know?
You lie!
Objection!
He's badgering my client.
Chill out, buddy--
I mean, prosecutor.
Answer the question,
defendant.
I was at a restaurant
called Benny's.
Benny's?
Yeah. It's like
a Denny's,
only, for wiseguys.
Permission to
cross-examine, your honor.
Permission granted,
but with very little
latitude.
Thank you, your honor.
[Clicks tongue]
So, Mr. Banks,
what did you have
for dinner that night?
You kids are crazy.
I'm not saying
another word.
Ow!
Ow!
How old are you, kid?
10.
Well, if you want to live
to see a nice, ripe 11,
you will stop
jerking my shorts.
Answer the question.
Pizza, I think.
Aha!
Your honor, defense
wishes to plead innocent
on account
of the pizza defense.
The pizza defense?
You were
temporarily insane
on account
of the pizza
affecting
your brain.
Objection.
Object this!
Counsel,
approach the bench.
Before the court
passes judgment,
will the defendant
tell the court
who lives
at 4521 lyndon Lane?
It was in your pocket.
Isn't that the old
Johnson place?
Yeah, isn't that where
all those kids
were trapped
in the fire?
Yeah. Yeah,
that's the place.
So answer the question.
Who lives there now?
The guys
I used to work for.
It was the headquarters
for their counterfeiting ring.
But you kids stay away
from there, you hear me?
What else?
That's it. I'm not
saying another word.
Hey, where's my plate?
Uh, the court
requests a recess
to further investigate
the matter.
What have you done
with my plate?
The court temporarily
sentences the defendant
to the penalty box.
Penalty box?
Ok. My parents
went to get groceries.
That gives US
a couple of hours.
Stevie and I will go visit
the old Johnson house.
Buddy, you stand guard.
Heh heh heh.
D.j.: That was ocean
with I still love you
on Joe Willy's boss sounds
of the seventies.
Here's another
little ditty
sure to please all you
frank mcdonough fans.
Yeah.
You like music,
Carl?
[Rock music
playing]
I do...
Especially the oldies.
You know why?
Because it tickles
my funny bone.
You got
a funny bone, Carl?
I bet you do.
You see...
It's just a matter
of finding it.
Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha!
Stop. Stop it.
[Laughs]
Be careful.
We can't go in there.
We're going to be caught,
arrested, thrown in jail.
Got to be better
than bummer school.
Timmy, I got
a bad feeling about this.
Let's go back.
What are you
in such a hurry for?
Doesn't look like
anybody's home.
All right,
but if we get killed,
I'm telling everybody
it's your fault.
Let's go.
Whoa. Cool.
Think this is where Carl
does his counterfeiting?
More like where he goes
to dispose of the bodies.
What bodies?
Hey, aren't you supposed
to be defending him?
Oh, yeah.
[Laughing]
I know a guy who tickled
his sister so much once,
she actually peed
in her pants.
How about that?
Ohh!
How about you, Carl?
Your bladder must be
overloaded by now.
You must really
have to go.
You haven't gone
to the bathroom
in a really long time.
Heh heh! How about
this one, Carl?
Tales from the urinal
by I.P. Standing.
Ha ha! I just crack
myself up sometimes.
You know, kid, you don't have
both oars in the water.
Uh-oh.
Come on.
Hey, partner.
Come on.
Get up. Let's go.
We got work to do.
[Muffled speech]
You know, kid,
your parents ought to get you
into therapy real soon.
Now walk.
Where's my plate?
[Muffled]
I don't know.
You know what?
I heard about a guy
in the joint one time,
and they pulled his underwear
clean up over his head.
What do you think
about that?
[Muffled]
You don't scare me.
What?
[Normal]
You don't scare me.
Oh, yeah?
Well...
How do you like
the name...
[Electric whirring]
Buddy 9-fingers, huh?
[Muffled shouting]
What?
He put it in his room.
Good, good.
Now, up, up, up.
Walk, walk, walk, walk.
Step.
Up.
Uhh! Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh!
Let me go!
Let me go!
Get me down
from here!
Let me go!
Let me go!
Come on,
let me go!
Please!
[Whistles]
Come on, man!
[Kisses]
Hey, boy, come here.
Here, poochy.
Got something for you.
Hot dog.
You want another one?
There you go.
Too bad I don't have
any laxatives.
[Buddy groaning]
Buddy: Please, let me
down from here!
I'll do anything!
Please!
Hey, come here!
[Carl urinating]
Carl: Ahh...
Yes.
[Men approach]
Timmy, I'm scared.
Yeah.
Me, too.
[Rattles]
Quick, let's
get out of here.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Timmy:
There's no time!
Nick: We got a lot of work
to do. We got to move.
This thing
is heavy.
Gentle.
[Nick climbs steps]
[Inhaler sprays]
Hey, freeze!
All right, you kids,
what are you guys up to?
Uh, nothing. Nothing.
We weren't snooping
or spying or...
[Hyperventilates]
Breaking or entering.
Uh, we were just, um...
Uh, lost our...
Football...
Detective, sir.
Yeah? So where's
the football?
It's not
in the back room.
He means it's not
in the backyard.
I mean, we checked
in the backyard,
but it wasn't there,
so it must be next door.
Can we go now?
I think we better go inside
and call your parents.
Nick: Hey!
Come on. Quit
goofing off, partner.
Come on!
All right, you kids,
get out of here
and don't let me
catch you here again!
Come on.
I'm coming.
Let's go!
Jeez.
Jeez, man.
[Carl urinating]
Carl: Ahh.
[Stops urinating]
Ahh.
[Doorbell rings]
Taylors?
Up and at 'em.
Got trees to trim,
grass to mow,
hedges to shear.
Pay dirt!
Gardener:
I'm still waiting.
I'm still waiting.
Well, I'm just going to get
started on my own, that's all.
[Woman's voice] We're
not feeling well today.
Could you come back
tomorrow?
Nope. Nada. No can do.
I'll double your pay.
Can't be bought, Taylor.
Time is grass, and grass
is the only green I need.
I'll triple it.
In advance?
Just a minute.
I'll be right back.
* they say inside
of every girl *
* is locked
a precious, shining Pearl *
* like a flower
that waits for spring *
* the right touch
can mean everything *
* she must be reading
glamour 'zines *
Mrs. Taylor?
* now the girl's
a beauty queen *
* she's a plain girl
* mmm
* but she shop, shop,
shops so good *
* she's the same girl
* I never notice
like I should *
* it's amazing
such a looker *
* was the way
she was before *
* and all this time
I took her *
* for the plain old
girl next door *
* she must be reading
glamour 'zines *
* 'cause now the girl's
a beauty queen *
* she's a plain girl
* mmm
Mrs. Taylor?
Let's go--
weeds a-wasting.
Coming.
* she's
the same girl *
sorry for the delay.
How much do I owe you?
Well, let's see.
It's 3 times 40.
Now, if I did 40 lawns
in 3 minutes...
No, no.
Is it if I did--
if I did 3 lawns
in 40 minutes?
Math was never
my strong suit.
Here. It's over
a hundred dollars.
Just take it.
Heh heh.
Now, can I interest you
in some fertilizer?
Homemade--
full of nitrates.
Maybe some other time.
Heh heh!
[Barking]
[Thud]
[Growling]
[Barking]
Hey, isn't he supposed
to blow these leaves?
Beth: Our neighbors
complained about the noise.
That's great. Now we have
leaves all over the place.
Timmy!
Timmy, help your mother
with the groceries.
Timmy:
Hurry, Stevie.
If my parents
find out I'm gone,
they'll ground me
for life.
Timmy, come help
your father with the...
Groceries.
What a mess.
[Exhales]
Somebody get me
out of here!
Somebody get me down!
This hurts!
What happened?
Somebody help me!
He got the drop on me.
I wasn't going to talk, but
there was torture involved.
1, 2, 3.
Loud noises,
dismemberment.
I told him
about the plate.
You let him escape?
I am dead.
I am so dead.
Beth:
Tim Taylor,
get your butt in here
right now!
[Sighs]
Young man,
your room is filthy.
How do you think
you're going to finish
that current event in
the middle of all that mess?
Hey...
I've got an idea
for a current event.
Clean your room--
now.
Good-bye, camp granada.
[Gasps] Carl!
Mmm!
[Muffled screaming]
Chill out.
What are you doing
up here?
And why are you
wearing makeup?
Never mind.
Look, you got to get me
out of here
before your parents
find out.
So? At least
they'll believe me.
I can't believe
you tried to escape.
I'm an escaped prisoner.
What do you expect?
Look, if your parents
find out,
they will have me
arrested,
and if I am arrested,
you can say good-bye
to your current event.
You got a point there.
Let me think.
We need a diversion.
Guys,
he's still here.
Carl?
He's upstairs in my bedroom.
We got to act fast.
Yeah!
[Cubs game
on TV]
[Doorbell rings]
I got it, honey.
Timmy can't play
right now, buddy.
He's got to clean his room.
Did you know your car
has an oil leak?
Now, how'd that happen?
Rick, I'm right in the--
Timmy?
I just wanted
to give you a hug
and tell you what
a great mom you are.
You still have
to clean up your room.
Hey, and don't forget
you got your aunt Rita's
wedding tomorrow.
Sure, mom.
Ha!
What are you
so happy about?
Uhh! Aah!
Yes!
Oh, no.
Ohh.
Ahh.
Ahh.
Yes!
Stevie:
Hold still.
Ow!
Ouch! Ahh!
What did you use,
airplane glue?
How do I look?
Like a movie star.
Yeah? Which one?
Ever see
nightmare on elm street?
You kind of look like
my dad's butt
during a hemorrhoid
relapse.
Ha ha. Prison
was easier than this.
You shouldn't have
left, Carl.
Oh, sorry, I forgot
to apologize.
Look...
All you got to worry about
is summer school.
Boo-hoo-hoo.
I got a lot more important
things on my mind--
like staying alive.
You have no idea
who's after me.
Well, we got
a pretty good idea.
We checked out
the old Johnson place.
I told you kids
to stay away from there.
You could get hurt.
Or worse.
I know.
Timmy:
We found stuff--
some kind of
printing device
and empty ink drums.
Rolls of paper?
It doesn't prove
anything,
except that you are
who you say you are--
a no-good counterfeiter.
Look, do I look like
a criminal mastermind?
For Pete's sake, I got
caught by a couple of kids.
I'm a nobody. I'm just
a pawn in their game.
Ah, what's the use?
You wouldn't believe me
if I told you.
There were 2 guys there.
We think they might've
been cops.
They were cops--
not the kind
you want to run into.
They're
the boss' partners.
He keeps them around to
discourage the competition.
Look, you've got
to let me go.
I can't do that,
Carl.
Hey, I could pay you.
I could print up, 10, 20,
$100,000, if you want.
Isn't that
against the law?
Yeah.
I forgot about that.
Janie: Timmy Taylor
is a goober!
You got to come down
sometime, guys,
and when you do,
we'll be waiting.
Buddy:
We're trapped.
Carl:
Who's out there?
Janie and Angela.
They live down the block.
Batman had the joker.
We got Janie and Angela.
Timmy:
Kato, you traitor.
Oh, come on. Don't tell me
you're afraid of
a couple of little girls.
We're not afraid
of anyone.
Yeah, well, why don't you
go down and fight them?
Where I come from, we show
the girls who's boss.
With what? All we got
is balloons.
And the hose
is down there.
If I help you
get rid of the girls,
will you let me go?
No deal.
Ok. Uh...
Will you let me
out of this thing?
Hey, look,
where can I go?
Your dog is still
down there, right?
I can't go anywhere
with him around.
What do you say?
No tricks?
Scout's honor.
What do you have
in mind?
Ok, look.
* forget about
those comic books *
* and heroes on TV
* wanna see
the baddest dudes? *
* then listen close
to me *
* I'm talkin' 'bout
my posse *
* they're just
the coolest of the cool *
* when it's time
to party, girl *
* you know
we make the rules *
* you better just
surrender *
* you better call
your mom *
* go hide
under the covers *
* till you think
we might be gone *
* don't mess with US
* don't stand
in our way *
* we're rollin'
like a thunderstorm *
* and just might come
your way *
* don't mess with US
* don't stand in our way
* we're rollin'
like a thunderstorm *
* and just might come
your way *
[boys chattering]
Get ready.
They're coming down.
Carl: Say the word.
Now.
Aah!
Aah!
Boys: Yeah! Yes!
[Boys cheering]
* baby, that's when
trouble starts *
* we're comin' up
behind you *
* 'cause we've got
all the smarts *
* there ain't no way
to find US *
* we're nowhere
to be seen *
* we just might want
to surprise you *
* and listen to you
scream *
[playing harmonica]
Uh-oh.
We forgot rule 409.
What's rule 409?
No ice cream for buddy.
Why not?
[Breaks wind]
Carl: Ahh!
* we're rollin' like
a thunderstorm *
* and just might come
your way *
[pants]
[Carl playing harmonica]
[Kato howls]
[Harmonica playing]
[Howling]
* nobody knows
* the trouble
I've seen *
* nobody knows
jail must have been
pretty bad, huh, Carl?
Yeah.
Yeah, prison's
a really lonely place.
Didn't you make
any friends inside?
Can't trust anybody
in prison.
You've always got
to watch your back.
Good thing you're
so tough, huh?
Yeah. Yeah,
I'm really tough.
What happened
to you, Carl?
You remember the night
the old Johnson place
caught fire?
I was there. I was
one of the firemen.
Are you serious?
I remember that night
like it was yesterday.
Smoke was as black
and thick as coal.
Flames were lapping
all around my heels.
My men and I
heard screams
from the second floor,
so...
We ran upstairs.
Place was collapsing
all around US.
I kicked in
this bedroom door,
and I rushed in--
yeah. And then...
And the floor
collapsed.
Next thing I know,
I'm looking up
from the kitchen floor
down below,
I got a blazing inferno
all around me.
I couldn't move.
I'd never been so scared
in my whole life.
My men managed to get
the kids to safety.
By the time
they rescued me,
I was crying
like a baby.
I just lost my nerve,
I guess.
But you were
still a hero.
Yeah, some hero.
Anyway, i--i could never do
that job after that, so...
So I quit.
I had no job,
no prospects.
Pretty soon
my savings ran out.
I got desperate.
So, I...
Figured I'd try
for one quick score,
and that's when I fell
in with a bad bunch.
That's when
I started, like...
When you started
making funny money.
There's nothing funny
about it, Timmy.
It's downright
mesmerizing.
Every time we
ran out of money,
we'd just print
some more.
It was like having the world
at your fingertips.
Anything you wanted.
Fancy cars, jewelry,
champagne...
Women.
Let me tell you
about the women...
Sorry. Ha.
Ha.
Anyway, uh...
We were--we were living
a pretty grand lifestyle
till we started
getting careless.
Then the feds started
sniffing around, and...
That's when my so-called
partners set me up.
So what happened?
[Chuckles]
I got hauled off to jail
by the same crooked cops
I'd worked with.
But I outsmarted them.
I stole
their money plates.
I hid 'em in
the old Johnson place,
which is where we were
printing the money.
So you escaped
to get the plates?
Yeah. I figured i'd
print up enough money
to get out
of the country.
But before I could get
the second plate,
they caught me.
So I just took off
running.
Next thing I know,
I ended up here.
Some hero, huh?
Stupid's more like it.
[Whispering]
I've got a plan
to help you, Carl,
but first, you've got to
want to help yourself.
I appreciate you kids
wanting to help, but...
I think it's best I just
drop out for a while.
You know, disappear.
You can't just take
the money and split.
Why not?
'Cause then you'll
just be running away
from your problems.
What happens when the money
runs out the next time?
You could end up
robbing banks or worse.
Don't you see, Carl,
if you don't stop now,
it's never gonna end.
So what do I do?
First things first.
Don't get mad, get even.
You've got to nail the guys
that did this to you,
and that's where we come in.
We'll break into the house,
videotape
their whole operation,
then we'll grab the plates
and set up a rendezvous
with the bad guys.
Tell them you'll swap the plates
for some traveling money.
We'll alert the real cops
to be there at the exchange
and bust the crooks
once and for all.
[Beep]
Ready with
the camera?
Rolling.
Ready, Carl?
This is Geraldo Rivera with
another one of al Capone's--
can it, buddy.
Ok, back when
I got framed,
this is where we--
I mean the scum
I worked for,
Nick, scalise,
and the head honcho--
made phony money.
You see...
First, you need a press.
You put the ink
on this,
you put your plates
in here.
So, that's when
they planted
the counterfeit bills
on me.
And that's
how I got framed.
You see, this head guy,
he's some bigwig
public official, so...
It would've been
my word against his.
I guess that's about
the size of it.
So, what about
the other plate?
Almost forgot.
Great. Won't they
be surprised?
Man: They most
certainly will.
Welcome back, Carl.
Ott the snot--
I mean, principal snot--
I mean...
Timmy Taylor.
I am surprised.
You two
know each other?
Boys: He's our principal.
They let you
work with kids?
It's the perfect cover.
Who would ever suspect
a grade-school principal
of masterminding
a counterfeit ring?
Which I almost had to
shut down, thanks to you.
But that's all about
to change,
if you'd be so kind as to
hand over the other plate.
I don't have it.
Search him.
Nothing.
My Patience is
wearing thin, Carl.
Ok, ok.
It's right, um...
Over there.
Run, kids!
Get them!
Ott:
Get 'em!
Buddy: Wait! What
about my camera?
Timmy:
Forget the camera!
It took me 6 years
without Christmas presents
to get that.
Timmy:
Just come on.
Buddy: Oh, man.
You're gonna
pay for this.
Get him out of here.
We got work to do.
Come on!
Timmy: Hurry up.
Come on, let's go.
Stevie: I'm going
as fast as I can.
Well, step on it.
That was close.
You're telling me.
I thought we were
toast for sure.
Oh, yeah, like we
aren't already?
Come Monday, ott wears
my butt for a hat.
Who's gonna believe US
over him?
Maybe the cops will.
We tell them our
story and then...
Then what?
Without the tape,
they'll think
we just made it up.
Would you guys stop and
get serious for a second?
What about Carl?
He's dead for certain,
and it's all my fault.
Me and my stupid plans.
[Cell phone rings]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
Taylor,
I know it's you.
What do you want?
You know what I want.
The plate for Carl.
You're in no position
to bargain.
Summer school is the least
of your problems.
I can make life
very unpleasant for you.
What, you think you've had
hard homework assignments?
I'll make sure
you're old and gray
before you ever step foot
out of the fifth grade.
I don't care.
No Carl, no deal.
Now you listen to me,
you little...
Ok.
Big putts miniature
golf course.
2:00 tomorrow
by the ninth hole.
Be there, or you will never
see your friend Carl again.
Well?
Well?
We trade for Carl,
tomorrow afternoon.
Excellent.
Excellent.
[Squeak]
Guys,
where's the plate?
I didn't touch it.
Don't look at me.
Timmy: Kato!
Aah!
Uhh!
[Birds chirping]
Guys, wake up.
I already went to
the bathroom, mom.
Mom.
We can't let ott the snot
get away with this.
What are we
gonna do now?
We're gonna save Carl,
bust up
the counterfeiting ring.
But first...
We grovel.
[Girls laughing]
Hi, Janie.
You look really lovely
this morning, Janie.
Yeah.
Yeah, really lovely.
Really lovely. Ha.
You, too, Angela.
Yeah, you, too,
Angela.
What are you doing here,
Timmy Taylor?
Did you come over
to apologize?
Timmy: Absolutely.
And to invite
you girls over
for some cake
and ice cream sometime.
What do you want,
Taylor?
Your mom's a graphic
designer, isn't she?
We need her
to help US with--
she's not here today.
She had to work.
Timmy: What?
In that case, you're
still a couple of--
my mom did show me how to
use her computer and stuff.
Yeah, well,
you know--
I could maybe help you...
If I wanted to.
Uh, maybe we
could make a deal?
Janie: Article 5,
paragraph "b," page 12.
The party of the second--
that's you boys--
agree to transfer
all rights
to Friday nights
at the Taylor treehouse
to the party of the first--
that's me and Angela--
for purposes of
slumber parties.
Enough already.
Can we just sign?
Oh. There's one
other thing.
In front of the whole
school? No way!
I'm afraid
that's a deal breaker.
Buddy:
Dude, come on.
Well, all right.
But just once.
Let's rock.
* I see you always working
* on your secret strategy
* I know you got
a plan, boy *
* but the plan
just might be me *
* I only need
a little cooperation *
* you just might like
our destination *
* come on, baby,
let's rock *
* come on, baby,
let's rock *
* come on, baby,
let's roll *
* come on, baby,
let's roll *
* come on, baby,
let's rock *
* come on, baby,
let's rock *
* come on, baby,
let's roll *
perfect.
Timmy: Ok, I'll approach
from the south to make the drop.
Buddy, I want you
to watch my back
and cover our blind spot,
the windmill hole.
Stevie, I want you
in position by hole 9.
When I give the signal
to buddy...
He'll signal you likewise,
then you call the police.
Got it?
Got it.
Got it.
All right, gentlemen,
we have 3 hours.
Synchronize watches.
[Sighs]
If there are
no further questions--
there you are, son.
Come on, it's time
to get ready.
Ready for what?
Your aunt Rita's
wedding.
It's 2:00
at the country club.
But I already went
to her last 3 weddings.
I've got to...
To what?
To...
Work on my current event.
And what is your
current event anyway?
My current event?
It's, uh, um...
I don't believe it. You
don't have one, do you?
Well, it's too late now
anyway.
You're going to
the wedding.
Now, hurry up.
[Door closes]
What are we
gonna do?
Yeah, Timmy,
what about the plan?
Just be there.
I'll think of something.
Honey, you look great.
If you get cold, I'll
come back for your wrap.
Ok.
All right.
You look so handsome.
You need to straighten
that tie, sweetie.
I'm not sure if this
cummerbund goes up or down.
Do you know?
[Beeping]
For your sake,
you better pray
those kids show up
with that plate.
[Stringed instruments
playing the wedding march]
She looks great, huh?
Minister: Friends, we are
gathered here today
for a joyful occasion--
the union of 2 people
in holy matrimony,
bonding for life,
sharing
and committing
to each other...
Psst. Dad.
I got to go to
the bathroom.
Can't you hold it?
I've been
holding it.
All right, go.
Make it fast.
Minister: Bobby and Rita,
recall with me the day
you came to my office
and we talked
about marriage...
Timmy: Buddy.
Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go.
Come on! In here.
You sure this
is gonna work?
Yes.
Here's your program.
Hold it in front
of your face like this.
Stevie, you're with me,
come on.
It's about time.
What are you going
to tell Vegas
if these kids don't show?
[Whistles]
Do you have it?
Where's Carl?
Come on.
Give me the plate.
Carl first.
Same time.
Hello, police?
That's close enough.
Let him go.
Come on.
I'll drop it,
I swear.
No.
Eee!
Let's get out
of here.
Yeah. Yeah.
[Cackles]
[Blows]
Ohh.
Get those little--
get 'em!
Aah!
Did you make the call?
Yes. They're on
their way.
Go! They're coming!
Got-gotcha!
Hey, guys.
Come on.
Oh, yeah! Boy!
Boy! Oh, yeah!
Hey, let's separate.
No, it's too risky.
Don't argue.
Hey, look, I appreciate
everything you've done,
but get lost!
Go, go!
Stevie: Oh, yeah!
Boy! Ha ha!
Yeah!
Hey, fellas,
I'm over here!
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
Now kiss the bride.
[Stringed instruments
playing recessional]
Aah!
Rick: Timmy!
Timmy!
Then who--
what happened?
Who's that?
Who's he?
That's her nephew.
That's her son.
Is that the nephew?
So long, Carl.
Nick: Hold it! Stop!
Hold it, Carl!
Say your prayers, Carl.
[Siren]
Freeze! All of you!
Hold on a second.
We're cops.
Now, wait, wait, wait.
I'm just reaching
for my badge.
Here.
Oh. Oh, he's clean.
We got a report
somebody spotted him.
I guess we must have got
here just before you did.
He's a liar.
Shut up, you!
You're coming with US.
Ask him why
he's carrying
a counterfeit plate
in his pocket.
I'm telling you,
they're dirty.
They're the ones
you should be arresting.
We--we caught
the suspect
trying to print up
phony bills.
Hey, hey, uh, why don't
we all go downtown,
and we'll talk this over?
Aw, now, look,
I can explain.
Listen! You can
tell me all about it
down at the station.
Let's go.
Come on! Come on!
Let's go!
[Tires screech]
Doom.
When we get out of here,
you're gonna wish
you'd died a slow death.
Ahh.
All right.
I want you
to come with me.
Mmm!
Taah! No, no,
not you two.
Him.
Ha! Hold on
a second.
All right!
We took a look around
the old Johnson house,
and just like you said,
we found this.
Now, that tape
corroborates your story.
And just as soon as we
round up this ott fellow,
we can finally put a lid
on this counterfeiting ring.
It's about time.
Hmm. Now...
Here's the deal.
You agree to testify,
turn state's evidence.
In return, you can enter
the witness protection program.
Oh, we'll suspend your
sentence to time served.
You, sir...
Why, you'll be a free man.
So as I have clearly
demonstrated,
it is possible
to clone a sheep
in the privacy of
one's own bathtub.
On a personal note,
I wouldn't recommend
that you try it,
because, uh, cloning
can be kind of stinky and...
Well, uh, rather messy.
Thank you.
Thank you, Stevie.
That was
very informative.
Let's see. Who's next?
Timmy Taylor.
Aren't you forgetting
something, Timmy?
Your current event,
perhaps.
I don't have it.
You didn't complete
the assignment.
No, I did,
it's just that...
Let me guess...
Your dog ate it.
No. Actually,
principal ott did.
Well, he didn't eat it,
but he was the master
of the counterfeit ring
with Carl,
the counterfeiter.
But he wasn't really
a counterfeiter.
He was actually
a nice guy.
And I caught him.
Carl banks.
The guy from TV--the guy
who escaped from prison.
He was my current event,
and he would have
been here today,
except that principal ott
caught him.
Maybe even killed him.
Enough of this nonsense.
Timmy, I'm afraid
you leave me no choice
but to give you an "f"
and to make you
repeat the course work
during summer school.
[Siren]
Student:
What's going on?
What's that sound?
Is there
a Timmy Taylor here?
Timmy Taylor,
get on down here!
Passport?
Isn't that
the guy from TV?
Oh.
I think you're right.
Is there
a Timmy Taylor here?
Student: Timmy Taylor.
Word is that you lost
your current event project.
Well, boy?
Ha ha ha!
I brought him back
for you.
[Laughing]
Here you go, kid.
And I didn't
print that one.
Whoa. $50,000.
Hey, everybody, have I
got a story to tell you.
Aah!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
Yeah.
Taylor.
[Whispering]
It's time.
Not now!
Ugh.
Ew!
Ew!
Proving that a little homework
goes a long way,
10-year-old Timmy Taylor
came to the rescue
of local law enforcement
agencies this morning
in what police are calling
a double sting.
He helped them
in blowing the lid off
a major counterfeit ring.
After the arrest warrants
were handed down,
police later revealed
that banks himself...
Oh, my god.
Was instrumental
in the sting...
He was telling
the truth.
And will now enter
the witness protection program.
[Barks]
Captioning made possible by
trimark home video
captioning performed by
the national captioning
institute, inc.
This is sector 4.
We've got a runner.
[Alarm siren]
Man on P.A.:
Advise all personnel,
Anderson state prison
is on full alert.
Woman: All units report in.
Man: Cell block
"a" secure.
Second man:
Cell block "b" secure.
Third man: Cell block "c"--
wait! By the holding pen!
Oh, no.
Man: Tower 4,
do you have him on visual?
Story of my life.
Man: Code blue.
Release the dogs.
Second man:
He's over the wall!
Hit the lights! Lower!
Get those lights lower!
Move it, move it, move it!
Shut the outer gates!
[Muted video game noises]
Timmy Taylor...
I don't see
your homework assignment.
Uh...
Well?
Uh, so there was kato,
and my homework
clenched in his teeth,
and I looked outside
just in time to watch him
barbecue my book report.
And I had him cornered
in the kitchen,
I was about to grab him,
when he spit it down
the disposal.
And then kato snatched it
off my desk,
ran off to the backyard,
and buried it
god only knows where.
I tried to stop him,
I really di--
stop!
But I was just getting
to the good part.
I think I've heard enough.
Thank you.
This is the third time
in as many weeks
that you've failed
to complete an assignment.
Now, Timmy, I think
you're a bright boy,
and I have tried
to be fair with you.
Yet you persist in
these ridiculous excuses.
But, Mrs. Stevens--
no more buts.
You have a current event
project due this Monday
that counts for one third
of your grade.
Now, if you show up
empty-handed,
this time have no choice
but to fail you
and to hold you over for...
Summer school.
Too bad about
bummer school.
I'll be thinking
of you
when
I'm water skiing
at camp granada.
Shut up,
bazooka butt.
He's still got
till Monday.
I told you not
to call me that.
Besides,
I bet he hasn't
even started his
current event.
Did you see
principal ott back there?
He's really got it
in for you.
Don't remind me.
Shoot!
What time is it?
[Whirring]
[Whirring]
[Whirring]
Taylor!
Almost forgot.
[Ringing]
Ott: Taylor,
I know it's you!
I'm on to you,
you little brat!
Where are you?
I'm gonna--
get out of my way!
Taylor!
You come back here,
Taylor!
Get out of my way,
you little punks!
Get out of my way!
Radio: Here's
the pitch to sosa.
Hey, son.
How was your day?
Fine, fine.
Can we go now?
Wait, wait.
Get legs, get legs.
Yes! Oh, baby!
That's why Sammy
gets the big bucks.
Taylor!
Come on. Let's go.
I'm gonna get you for this,
Taylor! You hear me?
You better pray you ace
your current event,
because if you don't,
you're mine this summer!
You hear me, Taylor?
He's telling me about
this diet he went on,
and he thinks
that if I went on it
I would
probably lose weight.
Dispatcher: All units, 211.
Possible sighting of
escaped convict Carl banks.
Reported last seen
on lyndon Lane and 53rd.
Be advised suspect may be
armed and dangerous.
The house!
The house!
Come on, let's go.
Forget the glasses,
pretty boy.
We gotta go.
Ok.
1, 2, 3...
4, 5, 6.
1, 2, 3, 4...
5, 6, 7, 8, 9...
10, 11, 12, 13...
14, 15, 16.
[Brick shatters]
[Chuckles]
Come to papa.
1, 2, 3, 4...
[Footsteps overhead]
Scalise: You!
Nick!
Nick, he's out here!
He's out here!
There he goes!
Come on!
Jeez! What happened?
He came around this way
while you were in there.
What were you doing
in there?
Get in here!
Oh.
Radio: Full count to grace.
Here's the pitch from dreifort.
He swings!
Struck him out!
The cubbies lose again!
[Turns radio off]
So how did your teacher
take the news
about your homework.
Not too well.
It was all kato's fault.
Timmy, you've got to stop
blaming the dog.
But it really happened.
Dad, look! That man.
Have you even heard
a word I've said?
Excuses
are like armpits--
everybody's got them...
And they stink.
You follow him!
I'll take the front!
[Snarling]
[Barking]
[Barking]
Nice dog.
[Kato barking]
Ouch!
You little flea harbor!
Get off of me!
Come on, you lousy mutt,
let go!
Stop it!
Aah!
[Barking]
Uh, did I say lousy?
I meant sugar boy,
sweet boy.
[Blowing kisses]
[Barking]
[Carl grunting]
Ha ha ha!
Ya missed me,
ya little cat bait.
Whaaah!
[Clang]
I'm telling you,
it was him all right.
Yeah, he ran off
as soon as he saw US.
I don't--i have no idea.
I haven't even seen him.
Hold on.
Anything?
[Breathing heavily]
Listen, call the man.
Stall him.
Do whatever you have to do
to keep him there.
I think this might be just
the break that we needed.
Right.
Let's go.
Honey?
Reach deep into your hearts,
my friends.
[Changes channels]
Hi, honey.
Hey, honey.
Did you remember
to pick up my dress
at the cleaners?
Ohhh!
You're sister's wedding
on Sunday.
I'm sorry. I for--
I'll pick it up
tomorrow, I promise.
Hi, sweetie!
How was school?
Timmy: Not good.
Don't ask.
I tried talking to him
about responsibility.
"Excuses
are like armpits."
Well,
it makes the point.
He just doesn't
wanna listen.
Beth: Well, honey,
he's only heard it
17,000 times.
TV: His father warned him,
but he chose...
[Barking]
TV: ...He paid
a terrible price.
[Changing channels]
Good afternoon.
I'm Sam Blanchard.
Our top story today,
a jailbreak last night
at the Anderson state prison.
Carl banks disappeared
over the south wall
just after midnight.
The suspect is 45 years old,
6 feet tall,
approximately 160 pounds.
Banks, you may remember,
was arrested
for counterfeiting in 1996.
Police are offering
a $50,000 reward
for information
leading to his arrest.
If you or someone you know
thinks you may have seen
this man...
Dad, it's...
[Doorbell]
Timmy,
you wanna get that?
[Turns TV off]
Hey, dude.
Mmph.
Hey.
What's the matter?
Ott didn't bust you,
did he?
No, it's my dad.
He's just like
Mrs. Stevens.
He won't listen
to me.
Well, I got
just the thing
to take your mind
off it.
Janie Paulson's
showing off nail Polish
down the street...
And I think
it looks like rain.
Huh?
Heh heh.
Come on, let's go!
Janie: Ooh.
That's a pretty color.
This is cool.
Ooh. I like that color.
Janie: Ooh.
That's sparkly.
Wow.
Red leader,
are you in position?
Copy, blue leader.
Ready and waiting.
Hey, Stevie,
how come our clubhouse
doesn't look that cool?
Well...
Helps when your mom's
a graphic designer.
Helps when
your mom's rich.
We go on my Mark.
Janie Paulson,
I own you.
[Yelling]
[Yelling]
Incoming!
Oh, boys...
I knew we should've stayed
behind the fence.
Yeah, yeah.
I'm going to get Janie
if it's the last thing I do.
Well, look what
the cat dragged in.
Smile for the camera,
girls. Ha ha ha!
You're all wet.
Turn that
stupid thing off.
Yeah. No comment.
[Barking]
I told you
to cut that out.
What's the matter, kato?
You ok, boy?
Buddy, put the camera away.
Stevie: How'd they know
we were coming?
Maybe they're psychic.
Buddy: Maybe
you're psycho.
Shut up.
Buddy: You shut up.
Ha ha ha ha ha ha!
You guys.
Shut that thing off.
[Kato barking]
Let's get down
to business.
Vice chairman Stevie,
read the minutes from
last week's meeting.
[High-pitched voice]
Uh...
Let's see here.
We talked about
summer camp.
Timmy brought root beers,
and Stevie--
that's me--
paid his 10-cent fine
for leaving the clubhouse
door wide open.
Oh, yeah. We also
instituted rule 409--
no ice cream
in the clubhouse
on account of buddy's
delicate condition.
Hey, I can't help it,
doofus.
Bazooka butt!
Bazooka butt!
Hey, I told you
not to call me that!
Hey, guys.
Guys, come on.
Can we get down
to new business?
If I don't come up with
a current event, I'm history.
Cheer up. I'm sure
you'll think of something.
Buddy: Yeah.
Maybe that
escaped prisoner
will come
to your house,
take your whole
family hostage,
and kill you
in a violent blood bath.
Ha ha ha ha!
Hey, I saw that guy.
No way.
Big way.
We were coming home
from school,
and he was running down
Sutton street.
Then he hopped
over a wall,
and this cop started
chasing him, and...
What?
Cellular.
Oh, yes.
15th precinct, sergeant burger.
Can I help you?
Timmy: Hello, police?
Let me speak to
detective sergeant Nelson.
Sergeant Nelson,
line 4.
Detective Nelson.
[Voice distorted]
Yeah. I think I saw
that prisoner
you're looking for.
That's great,
great, great.
Can you describe him?
Tall, white skin,
bad complexion...
Ooh.
Overweight.
Ha ha!
Big belly, huh?
Ugly, and
he must be bald,
because he wears
a really bad hairpiece.
My goodness.
A bad hairpiece, huh?
Did I mention that
he's really butt-ugly?
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And he wears, like, this
really fruity white mustache?
Uh-huh.
Fruity mu--
[drops pencil]
Timmy Taylor,
is that you?
Is that you,
you little rascal?
Who do you think
you're messing with?
Don't give me a hard
time, do you understand?
Hang up this phone now!
Don't ever
call me again!
And you, you're fired
if you interrupt me anymore!
Oh, these kids
are something else.
We nailed him.
Yes. Way cool.
[Kato barking]
Goofy dog.
Kato, what's your problem?
[Barking]
Guys, come here.
Oh. Well...
I guess our security
system really works.
Help me get him inside.
Lower him.
Coming down.
Down more.
A little bit lower.
Ok, all right.
Spin him around.
Almost got him.
Almost got him.
I got his head.
Come on,
let's get him inside.
Yeah, ok, ok.
Come on, buddy.
Uhh.
I wonder
who he could be?
Maybe it's a bum.
What if he's dead?
What if kato killed him?
So is he alive?
Shake him.
I'm not shaking him.
You shake him.
What a couple of wusses.
Buddy, you dork.
So I guess he's dead.
Help me
turn him over.
[Stevie strains]
That's him.
That's the guy.
The criminal?
Positive.
[Hyperventilates]
Calm down, Stevie.
I have to get this
on camera.
Buddy, hand me
that mirror.
I saw this
on x files.
Saw this on x files?
He's alive.
Well, maybe buddy should
give him mouth-to-mouth.
[Kisses]
Shut up.
I got a better idea.
[Breaks wind]
Ohh, that stinks.
Oh, man. What do you got,
a demon in there?
Gosh.
I better go
get my dad.
Wait, wait.
What if he wakes up?
He could escape again.
Here, here, here.
Take that.
Ok.
Get his arm.
[Sniffs]
Dad.
Dad, dad.
Aah!
Ooh!
Hi, Mrs. Taylor.
Mrs. Taylor:
Tim Taylor,
how many times
do I have to tell you?
If the door is closed,
you knock.
Sorry, mom.
Where's dad?
Your father is upstairs.
Mmm.
God, that tastes horrible.
Where the heck am I?
Why does my butt hurt?
[Barking]
Oh, shut up,
you mangy rat bag.
Buddy: Hey, Taylor,
your mom's a babe.
The next word
will be your last, buddy.
Dad, dad,
you got to come quick.
[Turns up
volume]
Aah!
Timmy,
what are you doing?
Dad, we caught
the bad guy.
What?
What are you
talking about?
The guy from TV
who escaped from jail.
He's in the treehouse.
And we trapped him.
Boys, I am trying
to exercise here.
Dad, you got
to believe me.
[Sighs]
All right. Let's go.
Come on.
Need something
to cut this with.
No! Waah!
Not again!
Aah!
Timmy: Come on, dad.
Come on.
I'm coming, I'm coming,
I'm coming.
You know, I got a message
on our answering machine
from principal ott.
You guys wouldn't know about
a hallway prank, would you?
Wait until
you see this, dad.
It'll make up
for everything else.
Yeah, yeah.We could be
famous.
Timmy, I really don't
have time for this.
But he was
just here, dad.
Honest, Mr. Taylor.
He was just here.
That does it.
You don't do your homework,
you goof around in school.
But, dad--
and now you lie to me.
You are grounded.
Buddy, show him
your tape.
Yeah. That's right,
Mr. Taylor.
Buddy videotaped him.
[Sighs]
Mr. Taylor:
Is that Judy Robinson?
Huh.
I had no idea she was
in such great shape.
Son...
Are your parents aware
that you do this?
I must've not hit
the record button.
Sorry.
[Sighs]
[Kato barking]
Dad, come back!
Ahh!
Guys, come on.
Here we go again.
Come on.
[Barks]
Timmy: Come on.
He's heavy. Come on.
Buddy: Ok, right here.
Right here.
Down on the...
Ok. All right,
down. Ok.
Legs.
[Exhales]
Well, what now?
[Telephone rings]
[Sighs]
Detective sergeant Nelson
speaking.
Detective Nelson,
this is Timmy Taylor.
I'm sorry about
the earlier call,
but this time, i--
Taylor, you've made
your last prank call.
I'm calling
your father.
Making a bogus police report
is against the law, son!
These kids will drive you
crazy. I'll tell you what.
Summer school!
[Cackles]
I've got it.
Gentlemen, meet
my new current event.
Your what?
Come Monday, I'll wheel him
into Mrs. Stevens' class
and turn him in.
Have you blown
a microchip?
You can't keep him here
for 2 whole days.
Buddy's right, for once.
I mean, he's a grown
man. A killer, maybe.
Count me out.
All right,
so maybe you guys
don't want a part
of the reward.
Both: What reward?
Think about it.
He's a fugitive
from justice.
He's got to be
worth something.
What's the plan.
I mean, what now?
Timmy!
Dinner!
I better go.
Meet me here
at 8 A.M. sharp.
I wonder what
old ott the snot
will think of this?
[Bird caws]
We just need
a little more time.
That's all I'm asking.
Just a couple of days,
that's all.
No, no, no. I know
you're not Wells Fargo.
It's just...
We'll have the money
Sunday night--
all of it,
plus interest.
You have my word.
Hello?
What'd he say?
We have 48 hours.
You had better be right
about Carl.
Trust me.
It was him.
You think he came back here
for the plates?
Why else would he
come back here?
Yeah, but I don't
understand.
How's finding Carl banks
going to solve our problems?
I mean, we owe 50 large
to the Vegas syndicate.
Simple. We find Carl,
we get the plates.
We get the plates,
we print the money,
then we pay off
our gambling debts.
Yeah, like they're
not going to know
that the money's bogus?
Not a chance. Those are
the genuine article.
I boosted them
out of the Denver mint
about 5 years ago.
After that,
we're back in business.
First things first.
Find Carl banks.
[Door opens]
Who are you?
I'm Timmy.
I already know
who you are.
Pleased to meet you,
Timmy.
If you'll just untie me,
I'll be on my way.
Sorry, but I can't
do that.
I thought
you might be hungry.
So how'd you get
into my backyard?
Long story.
So you're
a criminal, huh?
They say
you're dangerous.
Don't believe everything
you see on television.
Why are you
doing this to me?
You know, technically,
this is kidnapping.
I could have you
arrested.
Technically,
you're right,
but seeing as how you're
an escaped convict--
whom you are
aiding and abetting.
Not exactly, since
I have every intention
of turning you over
to the police.
It's just I have to wait
a couple days.
Why?
Because I have
a current event project
due on Monday--you.
Me?
Kid, I can't be
your book report.
Book report?
You're the mother
of all current events.
The only thing standing
between me and summer school
is you.
Mrs. Taylor:
Timmy, bedtime!
We can talk more
in the morning.
I better go inside
before my mom gets mad.
I'm grounded
because of you.
Hey, kid,
you don't know what you're
getting yourself into here.
Oh, and just in case
you have any thoughts
of trying to escape
in the night,
kato--that's my dog--
yeah.
We already met.
He's quite vicious.
Night, Carl.
Kid, wait.
Ohh.
Timmy:
Good night, Carl.
Come on, sweetie,
lights out.
I was just, um, working
on my current event.
Ooh.
Are you feeling
all right?
Mm-hmm.
I'm just
a little tired is all.
Well, come on,
let's get some sleep.
Mom...
You don't think
I'm crazy, do you?
Well, you do have
a very active imagination.
Of course I don't think
you're crazy,
but I do want you
to do well in school.
Thanks, mom.
Good night, honey.
[Clock ticking]
[Ringing]
[Stops ringing]
Carl: Oh...
So I wasn't dreaming.
What's with
the reinforcements?
That's Stevie,
and that's buddy.
Pleased to meet you.
Would you mind pointing
that somewhere else?
Knock it off, buddy.
Ok, look,
enough of this nonsense.
Why don't you just
let old Carl go,
and I'll try to forget
this unfortunate
set of circumstances?
No chance, slimeball.
At least not until
after the trial.
Trial?
All rise for
the honorable judge frito.
This court
is called to order.
Bailiff,
call the first case.
Stevie: The court recognizes
state vs. Carl--
what's your last name
there, Sonny?
Prosecutor, you know
the rules--
no court TV.
Exception.
This could be the next
trial of the century.
Carl:
This is ridiculous.
The defendant
will answer the question.
What if I refuse?
Ow!
Ow!
You little...
Banks. Carl banks.
[Beeping]
Timmy: Carl banks,
it says here
you're charged with 2 counts
of attempted counterfeiting
and escape from jail.
How do you plead?
Innocent.
Well...
Guilty with
a reasonable doubt.
Your honor,
my defendant wishes to plead
reasonably innocent.
Very well.
The state may proceed.
Where were you
Tuesday, march 4?
How the heck
should I know?
You lie!
Objection!
He's badgering my client.
Chill out, buddy--
I mean, prosecutor.
Answer the question,
defendant.
I was at a restaurant
called Benny's.
Benny's?
Yeah. It's like
a Denny's,
only, for wiseguys.
Permission to
cross-examine, your honor.
Permission granted,
but with very little
latitude.
Thank you, your honor.
[Clicks tongue]
So, Mr. Banks,
what did you have
for dinner that night?
You kids are crazy.
I'm not saying
another word.
Ow!
Ow!
How old are you, kid?
10.
Well, if you want to live
to see a nice, ripe 11,
you will stop
jerking my shorts.
Answer the question.
Pizza, I think.
Aha!
Your honor, defense
wishes to plead innocent
on account
of the pizza defense.
The pizza defense?
You were
temporarily insane
on account
of the pizza
affecting
your brain.
Objection.
Object this!
Counsel,
approach the bench.
Before the court
passes judgment,
will the defendant
tell the court
who lives
at 4521 lyndon Lane?
It was in your pocket.
Isn't that the old
Johnson place?
Yeah, isn't that where
all those kids
were trapped
in the fire?
Yeah. Yeah,
that's the place.
So answer the question.
Who lives there now?
The guys
I used to work for.
It was the headquarters
for their counterfeiting ring.
But you kids stay away
from there, you hear me?
What else?
That's it. I'm not
saying another word.
Hey, where's my plate?
Uh, the court
requests a recess
to further investigate
the matter.
What have you done
with my plate?
The court temporarily
sentences the defendant
to the penalty box.
Penalty box?
Ok. My parents
went to get groceries.
That gives US
a couple of hours.
Stevie and I will go visit
the old Johnson house.
Buddy, you stand guard.
Heh heh heh.
D.j.: That was ocean
with I still love you
on Joe Willy's boss sounds
of the seventies.
Here's another
little ditty
sure to please all you
frank mcdonough fans.
Yeah.
You like music,
Carl?
[Rock music
playing]
I do...
Especially the oldies.
You know why?
Because it tickles
my funny bone.
You got
a funny bone, Carl?
I bet you do.
You see...
It's just a matter
of finding it.
Ha ha ha ha
ha ha ha!
Stop. Stop it.
[Laughs]
Be careful.
We can't go in there.
We're going to be caught,
arrested, thrown in jail.
Got to be better
than bummer school.
Timmy, I got
a bad feeling about this.
Let's go back.
What are you
in such a hurry for?
Doesn't look like
anybody's home.
All right,
but if we get killed,
I'm telling everybody
it's your fault.
Let's go.
Whoa. Cool.
Think this is where Carl
does his counterfeiting?
More like where he goes
to dispose of the bodies.
What bodies?
Hey, aren't you supposed
to be defending him?
Oh, yeah.
[Laughing]
I know a guy who tickled
his sister so much once,
she actually peed
in her pants.
How about that?
Ohh!
How about you, Carl?
Your bladder must be
overloaded by now.
You must really
have to go.
You haven't gone
to the bathroom
in a really long time.
Heh heh! How about
this one, Carl?
Tales from the urinal
by I.P. Standing.
Ha ha! I just crack
myself up sometimes.
You know, kid, you don't have
both oars in the water.
Uh-oh.
Come on.
Hey, partner.
Come on.
Get up. Let's go.
We got work to do.
[Muffled speech]
You know, kid,
your parents ought to get you
into therapy real soon.
Now walk.
Where's my plate?
[Muffled]
I don't know.
You know what?
I heard about a guy
in the joint one time,
and they pulled his underwear
clean up over his head.
What do you think
about that?
[Muffled]
You don't scare me.
What?
[Normal]
You don't scare me.
Oh, yeah?
Well...
How do you like
the name...
[Electric whirring]
Buddy 9-fingers, huh?
[Muffled shouting]
What?
He put it in his room.
Good, good.
Now, up, up, up.
Walk, walk, walk, walk.
Step.
Up.
Uhh! Uhh!
Uhh! Uhh!
Let me go!
Let me go!
Get me down
from here!
Let me go!
Let me go!
Come on,
let me go!
Please!
[Whistles]
Come on, man!
[Kisses]
Hey, boy, come here.
Here, poochy.
Got something for you.
Hot dog.
You want another one?
There you go.
Too bad I don't have
any laxatives.
[Buddy groaning]
Buddy: Please, let me
down from here!
I'll do anything!
Please!
Hey, come here!
[Carl urinating]
Carl: Ahh...
Yes.
[Men approach]
Timmy, I'm scared.
Yeah.
Me, too.
[Rattles]
Quick, let's
get out of here.
Ow! Ow! Ow!
Timmy:
There's no time!
Nick: We got a lot of work
to do. We got to move.
This thing
is heavy.
Gentle.
[Nick climbs steps]
[Inhaler sprays]
Hey, freeze!
All right, you kids,
what are you guys up to?
Uh, nothing. Nothing.
We weren't snooping
or spying or...
[Hyperventilates]
Breaking or entering.
Uh, we were just, um...
Uh, lost our...
Football...
Detective, sir.
Yeah? So where's
the football?
It's not
in the back room.
He means it's not
in the backyard.
I mean, we checked
in the backyard,
but it wasn't there,
so it must be next door.
Can we go now?
I think we better go inside
and call your parents.
Nick: Hey!
Come on. Quit
goofing off, partner.
Come on!
All right, you kids,
get out of here
and don't let me
catch you here again!
Come on.
I'm coming.
Let's go!
Jeez.
Jeez, man.
[Carl urinating]
Carl: Ahh.
[Stops urinating]
Ahh.
[Doorbell rings]
Taylors?
Up and at 'em.
Got trees to trim,
grass to mow,
hedges to shear.
Pay dirt!
Gardener:
I'm still waiting.
I'm still waiting.
Well, I'm just going to get
started on my own, that's all.
[Woman's voice] We're
not feeling well today.
Could you come back
tomorrow?
Nope. Nada. No can do.
I'll double your pay.
Can't be bought, Taylor.
Time is grass, and grass
is the only green I need.
I'll triple it.
In advance?
Just a minute.
I'll be right back.
* they say inside
of every girl *
* is locked
a precious, shining Pearl *
* like a flower
that waits for spring *
* the right touch
can mean everything *
* she must be reading
glamour 'zines *
Mrs. Taylor?
* now the girl's
a beauty queen *
* she's a plain girl
* mmm
* but she shop, shop,
shops so good *
* she's the same girl
* I never notice
like I should *
* it's amazing
such a looker *
* was the way
she was before *
* and all this time
I took her *
* for the plain old
girl next door *
* she must be reading
glamour 'zines *
* 'cause now the girl's
a beauty queen *
* she's a plain girl
* mmm
Mrs. Taylor?
Let's go--
weeds a-wasting.
Coming.
* she's
the same girl *
sorry for the delay.
How much do I owe you?
Well, let's see.
It's 3 times 40.
Now, if I did 40 lawns
in 3 minutes...
No, no.
Is it if I did--
if I did 3 lawns
in 40 minutes?
Math was never
my strong suit.
Here. It's over
a hundred dollars.
Just take it.
Heh heh.
Now, can I interest you
in some fertilizer?
Homemade--
full of nitrates.
Maybe some other time.
Heh heh!
[Barking]
[Thud]
[Growling]
[Barking]
Hey, isn't he supposed
to blow these leaves?
Beth: Our neighbors
complained about the noise.
That's great. Now we have
leaves all over the place.
Timmy!
Timmy, help your mother
with the groceries.
Timmy:
Hurry, Stevie.
If my parents
find out I'm gone,
they'll ground me
for life.
Timmy, come help
your father with the...
Groceries.
What a mess.
[Exhales]
Somebody get me
out of here!
Somebody get me down!
This hurts!
What happened?
Somebody help me!
He got the drop on me.
I wasn't going to talk, but
there was torture involved.
1, 2, 3.
Loud noises,
dismemberment.
I told him
about the plate.
You let him escape?
I am dead.
I am so dead.
Beth:
Tim Taylor,
get your butt in here
right now!
[Sighs]
Young man,
your room is filthy.
How do you think
you're going to finish
that current event in
the middle of all that mess?
Hey...
I've got an idea
for a current event.
Clean your room--
now.
Good-bye, camp granada.
[Gasps] Carl!
Mmm!
[Muffled screaming]
Chill out.
What are you doing
up here?
And why are you
wearing makeup?
Never mind.
Look, you got to get me
out of here
before your parents
find out.
So? At least
they'll believe me.
I can't believe
you tried to escape.
I'm an escaped prisoner.
What do you expect?
Look, if your parents
find out,
they will have me
arrested,
and if I am arrested,
you can say good-bye
to your current event.
You got a point there.
Let me think.
We need a diversion.
Guys,
he's still here.
Carl?
He's upstairs in my bedroom.
We got to act fast.
Yeah!
[Cubs game
on TV]
[Doorbell rings]
I got it, honey.
Timmy can't play
right now, buddy.
He's got to clean his room.
Did you know your car
has an oil leak?
Now, how'd that happen?
Rick, I'm right in the--
Timmy?
I just wanted
to give you a hug
and tell you what
a great mom you are.
You still have
to clean up your room.
Hey, and don't forget
you got your aunt Rita's
wedding tomorrow.
Sure, mom.
Ha!
What are you
so happy about?
Uhh! Aah!
Yes!
Oh, no.
Ohh.
Ahh.
Ahh.
Yes!
Stevie:
Hold still.
Ow!
Ouch! Ahh!
What did you use,
airplane glue?
How do I look?
Like a movie star.
Yeah? Which one?
Ever see
nightmare on elm street?
You kind of look like
my dad's butt
during a hemorrhoid
relapse.
Ha ha. Prison
was easier than this.
You shouldn't have
left, Carl.
Oh, sorry, I forgot
to apologize.
Look...
All you got to worry about
is summer school.
Boo-hoo-hoo.
I got a lot more important
things on my mind--
like staying alive.
You have no idea
who's after me.
Well, we got
a pretty good idea.
We checked out
the old Johnson place.
I told you kids
to stay away from there.
You could get hurt.
Or worse.
I know.
Timmy:
We found stuff--
some kind of
printing device
and empty ink drums.
Rolls of paper?
It doesn't prove
anything,
except that you are
who you say you are--
a no-good counterfeiter.
Look, do I look like
a criminal mastermind?
For Pete's sake, I got
caught by a couple of kids.
I'm a nobody. I'm just
a pawn in their game.
Ah, what's the use?
You wouldn't believe me
if I told you.
There were 2 guys there.
We think they might've
been cops.
They were cops--
not the kind
you want to run into.
They're
the boss' partners.
He keeps them around to
discourage the competition.
Look, you've got
to let me go.
I can't do that,
Carl.
Hey, I could pay you.
I could print up, 10, 20,
$100,000, if you want.
Isn't that
against the law?
Yeah.
I forgot about that.
Janie: Timmy Taylor
is a goober!
You got to come down
sometime, guys,
and when you do,
we'll be waiting.
Buddy:
We're trapped.
Carl:
Who's out there?
Janie and Angela.
They live down the block.
Batman had the joker.
We got Janie and Angela.
Timmy:
Kato, you traitor.
Oh, come on. Don't tell me
you're afraid of
a couple of little girls.
We're not afraid
of anyone.
Yeah, well, why don't you
go down and fight them?
Where I come from, we show
the girls who's boss.
With what? All we got
is balloons.
And the hose
is down there.
If I help you
get rid of the girls,
will you let me go?
No deal.
Ok. Uh...
Will you let me
out of this thing?
Hey, look,
where can I go?
Your dog is still
down there, right?
I can't go anywhere
with him around.
What do you say?
No tricks?
Scout's honor.
What do you have
in mind?
Ok, look.
* forget about
those comic books *
* and heroes on TV
* wanna see
the baddest dudes? *
* then listen close
to me *
* I'm talkin' 'bout
my posse *
* they're just
the coolest of the cool *
* when it's time
to party, girl *
* you know
we make the rules *
* you better just
surrender *
* you better call
your mom *
* go hide
under the covers *
* till you think
we might be gone *
* don't mess with US
* don't stand
in our way *
* we're rollin'
like a thunderstorm *
* and just might come
your way *
* don't mess with US
* don't stand in our way
* we're rollin'
like a thunderstorm *
* and just might come
your way *
[boys chattering]
Get ready.
They're coming down.
Carl: Say the word.
Now.
Aah!
Aah!
Boys: Yeah! Yes!
[Boys cheering]
* baby, that's when
trouble starts *
* we're comin' up
behind you *
* 'cause we've got
all the smarts *
* there ain't no way
to find US *
* we're nowhere
to be seen *
* we just might want
to surprise you *
* and listen to you
scream *
[playing harmonica]
Uh-oh.
We forgot rule 409.
What's rule 409?
No ice cream for buddy.
Why not?
[Breaks wind]
Carl: Ahh!
* we're rollin' like
a thunderstorm *
* and just might come
your way *
[pants]
[Carl playing harmonica]
[Kato howls]
[Harmonica playing]
[Howling]
* nobody knows
* the trouble
I've seen *
* nobody knows
jail must have been
pretty bad, huh, Carl?
Yeah.
Yeah, prison's
a really lonely place.
Didn't you make
any friends inside?
Can't trust anybody
in prison.
You've always got
to watch your back.
Good thing you're
so tough, huh?
Yeah. Yeah,
I'm really tough.
What happened
to you, Carl?
You remember the night
the old Johnson place
caught fire?
I was there. I was
one of the firemen.
Are you serious?
I remember that night
like it was yesterday.
Smoke was as black
and thick as coal.
Flames were lapping
all around my heels.
My men and I
heard screams
from the second floor,
so...
We ran upstairs.
Place was collapsing
all around US.
I kicked in
this bedroom door,
and I rushed in--
yeah. And then...
And the floor
collapsed.
Next thing I know,
I'm looking up
from the kitchen floor
down below,
I got a blazing inferno
all around me.
I couldn't move.
I'd never been so scared
in my whole life.
My men managed to get
the kids to safety.
By the time
they rescued me,
I was crying
like a baby.
I just lost my nerve,
I guess.
But you were
still a hero.
Yeah, some hero.
Anyway, i--i could never do
that job after that, so...
So I quit.
I had no job,
no prospects.
Pretty soon
my savings ran out.
I got desperate.
So, I...
Figured I'd try
for one quick score,
and that's when I fell
in with a bad bunch.
That's when
I started, like...
When you started
making funny money.
There's nothing funny
about it, Timmy.
It's downright
mesmerizing.
Every time we
ran out of money,
we'd just print
some more.
It was like having the world
at your fingertips.
Anything you wanted.
Fancy cars, jewelry,
champagne...
Women.
Let me tell you
about the women...
Sorry. Ha.
Ha.
Anyway, uh...
We were--we were living
a pretty grand lifestyle
till we started
getting careless.
Then the feds started
sniffing around, and...
That's when my so-called
partners set me up.
So what happened?
[Chuckles]
I got hauled off to jail
by the same crooked cops
I'd worked with.
But I outsmarted them.
I stole
their money plates.
I hid 'em in
the old Johnson place,
which is where we were
printing the money.
So you escaped
to get the plates?
Yeah. I figured i'd
print up enough money
to get out
of the country.
But before I could get
the second plate,
they caught me.
So I just took off
running.
Next thing I know,
I ended up here.
Some hero, huh?
Stupid's more like it.
[Whispering]
I've got a plan
to help you, Carl,
but first, you've got to
want to help yourself.
I appreciate you kids
wanting to help, but...
I think it's best I just
drop out for a while.
You know, disappear.
You can't just take
the money and split.
Why not?
'Cause then you'll
just be running away
from your problems.
What happens when the money
runs out the next time?
You could end up
robbing banks or worse.
Don't you see, Carl,
if you don't stop now,
it's never gonna end.
So what do I do?
First things first.
Don't get mad, get even.
You've got to nail the guys
that did this to you,
and that's where we come in.
We'll break into the house,
videotape
their whole operation,
then we'll grab the plates
and set up a rendezvous
with the bad guys.
Tell them you'll swap the plates
for some traveling money.
We'll alert the real cops
to be there at the exchange
and bust the crooks
once and for all.
[Beep]
Ready with
the camera?
Rolling.
Ready, Carl?
This is Geraldo Rivera with
another one of al Capone's--
can it, buddy.
Ok, back when
I got framed,
this is where we--
I mean the scum
I worked for,
Nick, scalise,
and the head honcho--
made phony money.
You see...
First, you need a press.
You put the ink
on this,
you put your plates
in here.
So, that's when
they planted
the counterfeit bills
on me.
And that's
how I got framed.
You see, this head guy,
he's some bigwig
public official, so...
It would've been
my word against his.
I guess that's about
the size of it.
So, what about
the other plate?
Almost forgot.
Great. Won't they
be surprised?
Man: They most
certainly will.
Welcome back, Carl.
Ott the snot--
I mean, principal snot--
I mean...
Timmy Taylor.
I am surprised.
You two
know each other?
Boys: He's our principal.
They let you
work with kids?
It's the perfect cover.
Who would ever suspect
a grade-school principal
of masterminding
a counterfeit ring?
Which I almost had to
shut down, thanks to you.
But that's all about
to change,
if you'd be so kind as to
hand over the other plate.
I don't have it.
Search him.
Nothing.
My Patience is
wearing thin, Carl.
Ok, ok.
It's right, um...
Over there.
Run, kids!
Get them!
Ott:
Get 'em!
Buddy: Wait! What
about my camera?
Timmy:
Forget the camera!
It took me 6 years
without Christmas presents
to get that.
Timmy:
Just come on.
Buddy: Oh, man.
You're gonna
pay for this.
Get him out of here.
We got work to do.
Come on!
Timmy: Hurry up.
Come on, let's go.
Stevie: I'm going
as fast as I can.
Well, step on it.
That was close.
You're telling me.
I thought we were
toast for sure.
Oh, yeah, like we
aren't already?
Come Monday, ott wears
my butt for a hat.
Who's gonna believe US
over him?
Maybe the cops will.
We tell them our
story and then...
Then what?
Without the tape,
they'll think
we just made it up.
Would you guys stop and
get serious for a second?
What about Carl?
He's dead for certain,
and it's all my fault.
Me and my stupid plans.
[Cell phone rings]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
[Ring]
Taylor,
I know it's you.
What do you want?
You know what I want.
The plate for Carl.
You're in no position
to bargain.
Summer school is the least
of your problems.
I can make life
very unpleasant for you.
What, you think you've had
hard homework assignments?
I'll make sure
you're old and gray
before you ever step foot
out of the fifth grade.
I don't care.
No Carl, no deal.
Now you listen to me,
you little...
Ok.
Big putts miniature
golf course.
2:00 tomorrow
by the ninth hole.
Be there, or you will never
see your friend Carl again.
Well?
Well?
We trade for Carl,
tomorrow afternoon.
Excellent.
Excellent.
[Squeak]
Guys,
where's the plate?
I didn't touch it.
Don't look at me.
Timmy: Kato!
Aah!
Uhh!
[Birds chirping]
Guys, wake up.
I already went to
the bathroom, mom.
Mom.
We can't let ott the snot
get away with this.
What are we
gonna do now?
We're gonna save Carl,
bust up
the counterfeiting ring.
But first...
We grovel.
[Girls laughing]
Hi, Janie.
You look really lovely
this morning, Janie.
Yeah.
Yeah, really lovely.
Really lovely. Ha.
You, too, Angela.
Yeah, you, too,
Angela.
What are you doing here,
Timmy Taylor?
Did you come over
to apologize?
Timmy: Absolutely.
And to invite
you girls over
for some cake
and ice cream sometime.
What do you want,
Taylor?
Your mom's a graphic
designer, isn't she?
We need her
to help US with--
she's not here today.
She had to work.
Timmy: What?
In that case, you're
still a couple of--
my mom did show me how to
use her computer and stuff.
Yeah, well,
you know--
I could maybe help you...
If I wanted to.
Uh, maybe we
could make a deal?
Janie: Article 5,
paragraph "b," page 12.
The party of the second--
that's you boys--
agree to transfer
all rights
to Friday nights
at the Taylor treehouse
to the party of the first--
that's me and Angela--
for purposes of
slumber parties.
Enough already.
Can we just sign?
Oh. There's one
other thing.
In front of the whole
school? No way!
I'm afraid
that's a deal breaker.
Buddy:
Dude, come on.
Well, all right.
But just once.
Let's rock.
* I see you always working
* on your secret strategy
* I know you got
a plan, boy *
* but the plan
just might be me *
* I only need
a little cooperation *
* you just might like
our destination *
* come on, baby,
let's rock *
* come on, baby,
let's rock *
* come on, baby,
let's roll *
* come on, baby,
let's roll *
* come on, baby,
let's rock *
* come on, baby,
let's rock *
* come on, baby,
let's roll *
perfect.
Timmy: Ok, I'll approach
from the south to make the drop.
Buddy, I want you
to watch my back
and cover our blind spot,
the windmill hole.
Stevie, I want you
in position by hole 9.
When I give the signal
to buddy...
He'll signal you likewise,
then you call the police.
Got it?
Got it.
Got it.
All right, gentlemen,
we have 3 hours.
Synchronize watches.
[Sighs]
If there are
no further questions--
there you are, son.
Come on, it's time
to get ready.
Ready for what?
Your aunt Rita's
wedding.
It's 2:00
at the country club.
But I already went
to her last 3 weddings.
I've got to...
To what?
To...
Work on my current event.
And what is your
current event anyway?
My current event?
It's, uh, um...
I don't believe it. You
don't have one, do you?
Well, it's too late now
anyway.
You're going to
the wedding.
Now, hurry up.
[Door closes]
What are we
gonna do?
Yeah, Timmy,
what about the plan?
Just be there.
I'll think of something.
Honey, you look great.
If you get cold, I'll
come back for your wrap.
Ok.
All right.
You look so handsome.
You need to straighten
that tie, sweetie.
I'm not sure if this
cummerbund goes up or down.
Do you know?
[Beeping]
For your sake,
you better pray
those kids show up
with that plate.
[Stringed instruments
playing the wedding march]
She looks great, huh?
Minister: Friends, we are
gathered here today
for a joyful occasion--
the union of 2 people
in holy matrimony,
bonding for life,
sharing
and committing
to each other...
Psst. Dad.
I got to go to
the bathroom.
Can't you hold it?
I've been
holding it.
All right, go.
Make it fast.
Minister: Bobby and Rita,
recall with me the day
you came to my office
and we talked
about marriage...
Timmy: Buddy.
Let's go, let's go,
let's go, let's go.
Come on! In here.
You sure this
is gonna work?
Yes.
Here's your program.
Hold it in front
of your face like this.
Stevie, you're with me,
come on.
It's about time.
What are you going
to tell Vegas
if these kids don't show?
[Whistles]
Do you have it?
Where's Carl?
Come on.
Give me the plate.
Carl first.
Same time.
Hello, police?
That's close enough.
Let him go.
Come on.
I'll drop it,
I swear.
No.
Eee!
Let's get out
of here.
Yeah. Yeah.
[Cackles]
[Blows]
Ohh.
Get those little--
get 'em!
Aah!
Did you make the call?
Yes. They're on
their way.
Go! They're coming!
Got-gotcha!
Hey, guys.
Come on.
Oh, yeah! Boy!
Boy! Oh, yeah!
Hey, let's separate.
No, it's too risky.
Don't argue.
Hey, look, I appreciate
everything you've done,
but get lost!
Go, go!
Stevie: Oh, yeah!
Boy! Ha ha!
Yeah!
Hey, fellas,
I'm over here!
I now pronounce you
man and wife.
Now kiss the bride.
[Stringed instruments
playing recessional]
Aah!
Rick: Timmy!
Timmy!
Then who--
what happened?
Who's that?
Who's he?
That's her nephew.
That's her son.
Is that the nephew?
So long, Carl.
Nick: Hold it! Stop!
Hold it, Carl!
Say your prayers, Carl.
[Siren]
Freeze! All of you!
Hold on a second.
We're cops.
Now, wait, wait, wait.
I'm just reaching
for my badge.
Here.
Oh. Oh, he's clean.
We got a report
somebody spotted him.
I guess we must have got
here just before you did.
He's a liar.
Shut up, you!
You're coming with US.
Ask him why
he's carrying
a counterfeit plate
in his pocket.
I'm telling you,
they're dirty.
They're the ones
you should be arresting.
We--we caught
the suspect
trying to print up
phony bills.
Hey, hey, uh, why don't
we all go downtown,
and we'll talk this over?
Aw, now, look,
I can explain.
Listen! You can
tell me all about it
down at the station.
Let's go.
Come on! Come on!
Let's go!
[Tires screech]
Doom.
When we get out of here,
you're gonna wish
you'd died a slow death.
Ahh.
All right.
I want you
to come with me.
Mmm!
Taah! No, no,
not you two.
Him.
Ha! Hold on
a second.
All right!
We took a look around
the old Johnson house,
and just like you said,
we found this.
Now, that tape
corroborates your story.
And just as soon as we
round up this ott fellow,
we can finally put a lid
on this counterfeiting ring.
It's about time.
Hmm. Now...
Here's the deal.
You agree to testify,
turn state's evidence.
In return, you can enter
the witness protection program.
Oh, we'll suspend your
sentence to time served.
You, sir...
Why, you'll be a free man.
So as I have clearly
demonstrated,
it is possible
to clone a sheep
in the privacy of
one's own bathtub.
On a personal note,
I wouldn't recommend
that you try it,
because, uh, cloning
can be kind of stinky and...
Well, uh, rather messy.
Thank you.
Thank you, Stevie.
That was
very informative.
Let's see. Who's next?
Timmy Taylor.
Aren't you forgetting
something, Timmy?
Your current event,
perhaps.
I don't have it.
You didn't complete
the assignment.
No, I did,
it's just that...
Let me guess...
Your dog ate it.
No. Actually,
principal ott did.
Well, he didn't eat it,
but he was the master
of the counterfeit ring
with Carl,
the counterfeiter.
But he wasn't really
a counterfeiter.
He was actually
a nice guy.
And I caught him.
Carl banks.
The guy from TV--the guy
who escaped from prison.
He was my current event,
and he would have
been here today,
except that principal ott
caught him.
Maybe even killed him.
Enough of this nonsense.
Timmy, I'm afraid
you leave me no choice
but to give you an "f"
and to make you
repeat the course work
during summer school.
[Siren]
Student:
What's going on?
What's that sound?
Is there
a Timmy Taylor here?
Timmy Taylor,
get on down here!
Passport?
Isn't that
the guy from TV?
Oh.
I think you're right.
Is there
a Timmy Taylor here?
Student: Timmy Taylor.
Word is that you lost
your current event project.
Well, boy?
Ha ha ha!
I brought him back
for you.
[Laughing]
Here you go, kid.
And I didn't
print that one.
Whoa. $50,000.
Hey, everybody, have I
got a story to tell you.
Aah!
Yay!
Yay!
Yay!
Yeah.
Taylor.
[Whispering]
It's time.
Not now!
Ugh.
Ew!
Ew!
Proving that a little homework
goes a long way,
10-year-old Timmy Taylor
came to the rescue
of local law enforcement
agencies this morning
in what police are calling
a double sting.
He helped them
in blowing the lid off
a major counterfeit ring.
After the arrest warrants
were handed down,
police later revealed
that banks himself...
Oh, my god.
Was instrumental
in the sting...
He was telling
the truth.
And will now enter
the witness protection program.
[Barks]
Captioning made possible by
trimark home video
captioning performed by
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institute, inc.