Trading Mom (1994) - full transcript

Woman: Jeremy, you
haven't showered yet?

Elizabeth, hurry up.
I'm leaving in 10 minutes.

And, Jeremy,
your room is a mess.

- I want it cleaned by tonight.
- Jeremy: Yes, ma'am.

That goes for you too,
Elizabeth.

Elizabeth: Mom, have you seen
my red New York t-shirt?

Look in the laundry basket
in my bedroom.

Wake up, Harry.
No more warnings.

Wake up, lazybones. I have
to leave in 10 minutes, now.

Hurry up.

You know, Harry, you can't stay
up every night being scared



and then sleep in
every morning.

And please pick up this room.

I can't stand it any longer.

I mean it, Harry,
or no summer camp.

Mom, it's not here.

I've nothing to wear.
She never takes me shopping.

Love the do, Harry. Mom, will you
buy me a tent for my birthday?

I don't want cereal.
I want pancakes.

Harry, brush your hair. Talk
to me when I'm richer, Jeremy.

Oh, and, guys, we have to
do the garden this weekend.

- Mom, sign my report card yet?
- Mom, please, oh, please,

oh, please, will you
take me to the circus?

Where'd you put it, Jeremy?

I don't know, mom.
I gave it to you.



- Please?
- We'll see, Harry.

I hate cereal.
Ricky Turner's mom

always makes him pancakes and
eggs and bacon for breakfast.

Well, Ricky Turner's mother
doesn't have to work.

Now stop whining,
and start eating,

and, Harry, you promised you'd
clean the rotten eyeball's bowl.

Do it today, or let's
take him back to the pond.

Mom, I can't find
my red New York t-shirt.

Oh, and by the way, I'm going to
the mall after school with Erin.

- No, you're not.
- Oh, mom, please? Everyone does it.

Honey, you are
only 12 years old.

Get real, mom. I'm going
to be in eighth grade.

Oh, well, aren't you
just too cool for words?

Grow up. You're just
jealous 'cause I'm older.

- Blehh.
- Eww, gross, Jeremy.

Mom, I'm joining the
circus when I grow up.

- Harry!
- Mom: Aww, Harry.

Look what you've done.

Mom, don't tell me my shirt's

still in the dirty laundry.
What am I gonna wear?

Well, Elizabeth, you're
almost in the eighth grade.

You ought to be capable of
doing your own laundry.

Ah, I am already
15 minutes late.

Now, guys, I love you to bits,

but I'm sick and tired of this.

If I come home tonight and
this house is not clean,

nobody is going out this
weekend, and I mean it.

Elizabeth: Come on. We better go.
It's 20 after.

What's her problem?

Sometimes I think we have the
worst mother in the world.

Don't you wish we had
one of those mothers

who did everything for you?

♪ Ah, hickory-dickory-dickory
dickory dock ♪

♪ the mouse ran up the-up
the-up the, up the clock ♪

The clock struck 1:00,
and down he run, so ♪

♪ ah, hickory dickory
dickory dickory dock ♪

♪ I once knew a mouse
named bobo... ♪

♪ he was a cute mouse,
and this you all know ♪

♪ now bobo was the kind of mouse
who liked to play catch ♪

♪ so I'm-a bust
a funky rhyme of how ♪

- ♪ bobo got his fame, but ♪
- Yes!

♪ Ah, hickory-dickory-dickory
dickory dock ♪

- ♪ the mouse ran up the-up the-up the... ♪
- Hey, that's my cookie.

Was.

Was your cookie.

Got anything else good?

Hey, Martin, looks like your brother's
getting his butt kicked again.

Maybe next time, Turner...

hey, hey, hey!
What's going on here, boys?

He pushed me for no reason.

That's not true. He pushed
my brother down first.

Now you're the older boy here.
Violence is no way to solve anything.

Come on. Ricky, this
isn't your fault.

Look what I got
from my mom's closet.

Girl ♪2: All right,
let me have one.

Elizabeth Martin.

Hello. Mrs. Martin, please.

Mrs. Martin? Hi. This is Terrance
leeby, school principal.

Yes, I'm sorry to bother you,

but I'm afraid I need to make an
appointment for a home visit.

Yes, I know summer
vacation starts tomorrow,

but this is very important.

Men don't cry. I mean,
really, what would dad say?

You gotta be strong,
Harry, take charge.

What am I supposed to do if
a bigger kid picks on me?

Well, whatever it takes.
Just don't be a wimp.

Look, if you have to,
punch him in the nose.

Harry, ignore Mr. Macho here.

We've got much bigger
problems than that.

Jeremy: Yeah, like
mom's gonna kill us.

Harry: Maybe Ms. Cavour
can do some flower magic

and make leeby go up in smoke.

Elizabeth: You're such a kid.

Mrs. Cavour doesn't
do real magic.

She just talks to her flowers.

Harry: But her flowers grow
better than anybody else's.

Jeremy: Yeah, which means she's
got a lot more rose bugs

for us to catch and earn money.

- Jeremy: There she is over there.
- Harry: I see her.

- Jeremy: Mrs. Cavour.
- Harry: Come on.

Hello, Mrs. Cavour. Were you
putting a spell on the rose bugs?

Hello, children.

No, I couldn't do that.

That would be
like spraying them.

There's no joy
in an unequal battle.

I bet you have come
for your wages, haven't you?

Yeah, well, summer
vacation starts tomorrow,

and we could sure use it.

Especially since we're gonna be
in the doghouse with our mother.

Well, if you're interested in more
work, you can see I need the help.

Can't you just do some magic
to make the bugs disappear?

- Harry, stop it.
- Why? I think it'd be really cool.

Just kind of zap them,
and presto, they're history.

Jeremy: No, I'll tell you
what'd be really cool.

If we just kind of zap mom,
and presto, she's history.

Elizabeth: Yeah, I
could get into that.

Get rid of mom before
she grounds us.

For real, Ms. Cavour, is
there any kind of spell

that can make bugs or anything,
even people disappear?

Well, the ancients believed that
the stars were our memories

and one removed an enemy by erasing
all memory of that person,

all belongings, all reminders.

Wait a minute. So we could
just kind of forget

everything about mom, including
her nagging and cleaning up?

Precisely.

Wow. Wouldn't that be cool?

Yeah, and imagine if
we even got a perfect mom

who never, ever punished us.

Jeremy: The ancients say anything
about how to make it work?

Elizabeth: Sure, dork-head.
"Abracadabra."

No, erasing memory
is a very dangerous game.

It's not one I would
play with, my dears.

That's easy for you to say. You
don't live with our mother.

Well, I believe
the ancients used to say,

"abit luna, abit Stella."

Roughly translated, that means,
"moon gone, stars gone,"

and then they'd say
whatever they wanted gone.

For example,
in your case, you'd say,

"abit matera," "mother gone."

And if it worked... and that's
assuming a great deal...

your mother would be gone,

and then you could go to the mommy
market and pick out a new mother.

You could go where?

The mommy market.

Jeremy, don't get any ideas.
She's pulling our leg.

Come on, we better get home
and prepare for battle.

- Elizabeth: See you, Ms. Cavour.
- Harry: Bye bye, Mrs. Cavour.

Harry: Do you think mom's
gonna take away TV?

Jeremy: She's gonna nail us.

Yeah, I don't feel like
facing her right now.

Jeremy: What a pain.

Mom: Who do you think you are?

You can't just go around
doing whatever you want.

And, Elizabeth,
cigarettes, really.

Well, that's it.

You're all grounded,
period, understand?

There's no camp, no allowance,

no TV, no nothing.

Now up to your room
right now, this instant.

- I am furious.
- But, mom...

don't "but, mom" me. Things are gonna
change around here permanently.

Now march.

Harry, I thought I told you

to keep your stuff
in your room.

I'm going to camp.
I don't care what she says.

Camp I can do without,
but being around her

for the whole summer,
forget it.

I'm out of here.

Yeah. No wonder dad left her.

Wish we didn't have
to be stuck with her.

- Hey. Hey, that's it.
- What?

Maybe we could try to make her
disappear, like Mrs. Cavour said.

- Please.
- No, really. Come on.

Everyone sit in a circle.
We gotta make it look SWAT.

But then she'll be gone.

Duh, but then we get
to go to that mommy market

and pick out a new mother,
a perfect mother.

Harry...

A mother that makes
pancakes every morning.

- Wow!
- You guys are brain-damaged.

Could you stop being
such a drip, Elizabeth?

You want to watch TV, see
your friends, go to the mall?

Yeah, if it works, we'll get
to do anything we want.

And when it doesn't work,
Mr. Magic?

Ooh, then I'll tell all your cool
friends you look like a jerk.

What do you care? If it doesn't
work, it doesn't work. Big deal.

Oh, Elizabeth,
stop being such a yuppie.

A what?

Jeremy: Come on.
Everybody hold hands.

Okay, how'd it go?

We gotta all say it together.

Harry: Uh, abit something...

oh, yeah. Abit luna,

abit Stella, abit matera.

Okay, everybody together.

Abit luna,

abit Stella,

abit matera.

Mom: Okay, kids, five
minutes to bedtime.

I don't want to have to
come up there.

So much for that bright idea.

Any more hocus-pocus
you guys want to whip up?

Looks like there's
a storm coming.

We better get to bed

before mom grounds us
for the century.

Harry: What... what's happening?

I... I feel confused.

Elizabeth: It's all empty.

What used to be in here?

I don't know. I can't remember.

What's going on?
Whose room is this?

The magic. We did the magic.

Elizabeth: Right, but
can you remember her?

Well, sure.

I mean, she, um...

We wanted to get rid of her.

Get rid of who?
What does she look like?

How did she talk?

I... I don't know.

I don't remember.

Do you guys?

Are you guys scared?

No.

Jeremy: No, we're not scared.

I mean, this is what we wanted.

We erased her. We're free.

We can do whatever we want.

We can get a new mother, right?

Right. A perfect mother.

Harry: Yippee!

♪ Whoa, I feel good ♪

- Pancakes. Oops.
- ♪ I knew that I would now ♪

Elizabeth: You're getting
this all over the floor.

♪ I feel good ♪

♪ I knew that I would now ♪

- Eggs. That's good.
- ♪ So good ♪

♪ so good, I got you ♪

♪ wow, I feel nice ♪

♪ like sugar and spice ♪

♪ I feel nice ♪

♪ like sugar and spice ♪

♪ So nice, so nice ♪

♪ I got you ♪

Yuck.

♪ When I hold you in my arms ♪

♪ I know that
I can do no wrong ♪

♪ and when I hold you
in my arms ♪

♪ my love
won't do you no harm ♪

♪ and I feel nice... ♪

Ohh!

I believe this is yours.

Is your mother home?

- No, she's not.
- Really?

We had an appointment.

Well, she had an emergency.

She had to leave very quickly.
I'm so sorry.

When do you expect her?

We don't. We got rid of her.

Tonight. We're
expecting her tonight.

We'll tell her you dropped by.

Okay. Thanks.

Have her call me tomorrow, will you?
It's important.

Elizabeth: Mrs. Cavour!

Mrs. Cavour, we need to
find the mommy market.

Yeah, we got rid of
our mother. She's gone.

Gone? I don't understand.

Where has your mother gone to?

We erased her like you
told us the ancients did,

and now we can't
remember her at all.

Oh, I see.

Yeah, and we can't cook very
well, and we need dinner.

Besides, we want a new
mother, not no mother.

Yeah, so where's the mommy market?
How do we get there?

Lily, germander, sops in wine,

sweetbrier, bonfire, columbine.

It's many years since I've
been to the mommy market.

I don't know if it's
still in operation,

but it used to be all the way
downtown in the old district

just beyond central square.

I can't imagine
that it's moved,

but it's only open for business

on Sundays from 3:00 to 5:00.

Mrs. Cavour:
Go down main street

till you come
to the open-air market.

Keep the clock tower
on your left,

and move west from it
along the market.

Halfway down the block

is a small cobblestone street.

Elizabeth: There's the
cobblestone street.

Mrs. Cavour: Take that right.
Continue on

until you come
to a small alley.

- Childers Lane, it was called.
- Jeremy: Look, it's there!

- Elizabeth: "Childers Lane."
- Follow that to its end,

and there you will find
the mommy market,

if you find it at all.

Thank you. Please
deposit your token.

Thank you.

Whoo!

Look... twin mothers!

Woman: I know everything
there is to know

about any...

Boy: Remember, you guys,
this is our last token.

You haven't tasted anything till
you taste my butter chip cookies.

Hi.

Boy: Can you bake a
chocolate cake too?

- Of course I can, honey.
- With thick frosting?

- Naturally, sweetie pie.
- Girl: Do you get mad

if the children pick the
frosting and leave the cake?

Woman: Why, sugar
bun, what you want

is a big plate
of chocolate fudge instead.

- Boy: Yeah.
- I want her.

Well, wait till
we've seen them all.

Girl ♪2: What kind of
cakes do you bake?

- Yeah.
- Youth: What can I do for you?

We'd like to get
one of these mothers.

Okay. What's your name?

Elizabeth, Jeremy
and Harry Martin.

I'm Edward. Welcome
to the mommy market,

established in 1742.

You mean the mommy market's
been here that long?

Well, not the way it is now.

It used to be called "parental
exchange, female division."

Is there a daddy market?
Can we go there too?

Edward: You can
go there instead,

but no one can go
to both at once.

It's always disastrous.

We better get a mother first.

We want someone
who can cook pancakes.

Well, we've got 'em all here.

However, before you choose
a mother, we have one rule

to which there's
absolutely no exception.

All families have three picks.

Woman: I mean, I'm the most
fun mom in this whole world.

We give each family
three of these tokens.

You have to deposit
one of these tokens

into that metal
turnstile over there

before security will let
you take a mother home.

We found that if children don't
find a suitable new mother

by the third try,
they never will.

So here are your tokens,

and good luck.

"Ad matrem per espera."

What does that mean?

365 gifts a year.

Yes.

Woman: And we'll put all
these gifts in the car,

and we'll take my cake.
Who wants to taste my cake?

Kids: Me! Me!

Woman: You like that, don't you?

Child: All of my favorite flavors.
Oh, chocolate.

Woman ♪2: Creativity, that's
the most important thing.

Aerialist: May I have
your attention, please?

Step, step right up!

Greatest show in the world!

Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!

Hey, kids! Whoo!

Come on, Harry.

- Whoo! Whoo!
- No, I don't.

Puppet: No, I don't. Let me go.

♪ He does nothing at all ♪

♪ He's just
a rock-and-roll boy... ♪

Policewoman: Come on.

Now there's a mother
who can teach you

how to take care
of yourself, Harry.

Don't even think it.
She's taken.

Ah.

Woman: Yeah.

- Are you serious?
- She's terribly beautiful.

Oh, I don't believe this.

Do you really like children?

Of course I do, darling.

What do you do with them?

Oh, with a girl your age,
I would have such fun.

I would teach you how to dress
to your best advantage.

Ohh.

We would have to do
something about your hair.

You're getting much
too old for that hairdo.

I'm sure Hank my hairdresser
could do wonders for you.

- He could?
- Come on, Elizabeth.

- Let's go to the next one.
- Can you cook?

Of course not, darling.

But I never go anywhere
without my chef Pierre.

Ohh, mwah. A true artiste.

Pierre can do anything.

Elizabeth, no.

Wait a minute.

I like her the best so far.

Are you kidding? Look at her.
She looks like Cruella de vil.

I hate her.
She smokes cigarettes.

I want the cookie one.

Edward on p.A.: Five minutes to closing.
Five minutes to closing.

- Look, I'm the oldest.
- I'm the biggest.

Either we take her, or we wait till next week.
What'll it be, boys?

Woman: And they lived
happily ever after.

She does have a cook.

Bet you he can make
pancakes for breakfast.

She's obviously rich, Jeremy.

She could buy you anything.

- Storyteller: Did you like my stories?
- Kids: Yeah!

- Will you come home with us?
- Storyteller: Oh, I'd love to.

Okay.

Um, excuse me.

Would you like
to be our mother?

Oh, that would
be divine, darling.

Call me mama.

Ah, there, chivas.

Wow. You mean we
get to ride in this?

Ah, surely you did not
expect us to take the bus.

Harry: This is
the biggest car ever!

Say, give me five.

Oh, yeah. Cruising
down the Avenue.

Jeremy: Oh, we are so rich.

Oh, do you have
any grey poupon?

He's always wanted
to say that, yeah.

- Ha ha.
- Yeah. Whoo!

I suppose this whole space
might do as my closet.

I'll take that one over there.

It's crooked.

Thank you.

Now do show me the house,
darlings.

Ta-da!

Nobody smokes
in our room, mama.

Here. Put it out.

- He's kidding.
- Ohh.

A real little boy's room.

Mon dieu!

What is that terrible,
nasty-looking creature?

It's not real...

- What? Where?
- ...ls it?

- I think she means Michael.
- That's Michael, my iguana.

No! No no no no no.

Don't take him out.

I don't think mama
cares for Michael.

Madame: Pierre made
madame's favorite,

poached octopus.

Eww.

I'm planning
an intimate little party

to introduce you children...

To 90 of my closest friends.

But oh, there's so much
work to do.

Where shall we start? Mmm!

Harrington, eat. Eat.

Ahem!

Madame.

Ucch! Ohh.

Bye bye, little fishies.

- Jeremy: Here she comes.
- Harry: Finally.

- Come on!
- Hurry up, Elizabeth!

Come on, Elizabeth.
We gotta have a meeting.

What's up?

Hurry up.
We gotta have a meeting.

Hang on, guys.
I think that the treehouse

is, you know,
more for kids your age.

Elizabeth, don't try
to grow up right now.

This woman is
seriously bad news.

She flushed Harry's tadpoles
down the toilet.

I raised them from eggs.

Harry, I'm sure
she didn't know.

All of 'em, even the big fat
one, the rotten eyeball.

That's not all, Elizabeth.

Look what I found in the rag drawer.
Say the password.

- Rose and sword forever.
- Come on.

My favorite t-shirt.

Elizabeth!

Harrington! Jeremy!

We have an appointment.

Come down at once
from that horrible eyesore.

I'm going to have that
thing torn down next week.

Ugh. Disgusting.

Bonjour.

Watch it.

Pardonnez-moi, monsieur.
I know not.

Yeah, okay.

Is Mrs. Martin home?

Who? Oh, uh, the madame.

Um, she is out
with the children.

Would you like
to leave her a message?

Yeah, you give
the madame a message.

Tell her I'm coming by
tomorrow morning

and that she'd better be here.

Ooh la la. Heh heh heh.

Madame: Hank, it has to go.

She's much too old
for that hairdo.

Oh, I want the length off.

I want something
with sharp angles

and I don't want to discuss it.

Hank, don't even
think about it.

Ha ha ha ha. Relax, darling.

And harrington over there

just needs cleaning up.

Cavour: What am I going to do
about you morning glories?

What'll I do? What'll I do?

You just won't stop, will you?

Hello, Mrs. Cavour.

What's the matter?

I'm going to have to take strong
measures against these morning glories.

They... they want the whole
garden to themselves.

Tell me, children,
did you find the mommy market?

Children, what have
you done to yourselves?

We found it, all right.

We haven't done anything.
It's all mama.

- Who?
- Mama.

Elizabeth picked
a real winner of a mother.

She's a nightmare, and we're
all gonna die of lung cancer.

I said we could wait.

Man, I never want to go shopping
again as long as I live.

She's horrible. She wanted
to tear down our treehouse

we built by ourself.

She's really gross. She
wears a big white fur thing

and smokes cigarettes
all day long.

Oh.

I see the picture.

Well, only experience is going to
help you find the right mother.

But I can see the difficulty
you're having with this one.

My grandfather always
used to tell me...

Which means "watch out for
people who like fur coats."

It's clear your mama
doesn't like animals.

I cannot stay
in this house any longer

with that creature loose in it.

I must go back
to the mommy market

and find some other
little children

who don't keep monsters
in their bedrooms.

There's some cold octopus
in the refrigerator.

Oh, my darlings,

you will... mwah mwah...
easily find

another mother... mwah mwah...

at the market.

But for goodness' sakes,
warn her

that's she's coming to a house

with a monster loose in it!

Chivas, vite, vite.

Of course, madame.

- Chivas!
- Sorry, madame.

Oh, no. Perfect timing.

Wait a minute. Wait.
Just one minute. Wait.

Never mind.

I'll handle this.
Hello, Mr. Leeby.

I hope you didn't have another
appointment with our mother.

I haven't been able
to reach your mother.

She doesn't return my calls.

She hasn't shown up at work.

- Now where is she, kids?
- She's out.

- I want the truth.
- She's out.

We'll tell her you dropped by.

Well, who was that woman
in the limo?

That's our interior decorator.

Um, mom's redoing the house.

I don't know what's
going on around here,

but I do know you're trying
to cover something up.

Now you tell your mother if
she doesn't call me tomorrow,

I'm getting in touch
with social services.

Attention, shoppers,

if this is your last token,
don't blow it.

There are no more turns.

All children should have pets.

Success is
the most important goal.

Boy: What are you
making with those cans?

I'm not making anything.

They're there for
intellectual stimulation.

That is the greatest gift we
mothers can give our children.

- What is?
- Intellectual stimulation.

She looks like some teacher just
dying to bum out some children.

Hi.

Cleanliness is
next to godliness.

She looks like a real gloom.
Let's get out of here pronto.

I can't get too much
of the outdoors.

I love doing things with kids.

What other things
do you do with them?

Oh, all kinds of things,
baseball, touch football,

fishing, hiking, bird walks.

Do you like iguanas?

Love 'em. Fascinating species.

Do you play basketball?

You bet I do.

Here. Have a marshmallow.

- Thanks.
- Can I have one?

- I want one.
- Can I have one, please?

She's awesome. She would never
tear down the treehouse.

She's everything we
could want in a mother.

Now, Jeremy, we have to
use our heads about this.

We have to all want her.
What do you think of her?

Mmm. Good marshmallow.

Look, we gotta get somebody fast.
Leeby's gonna be back.

She likes iguanas, Elizabeth.

Face it, Elizabeth.
It's two to one.

Okay okay. We'll ask her.

- Is it time to go?
- Um, excuse me.

We'd like you to be our mother.

No, I want her.

Timeout! Let's count out
like good sports.

Eeny, meeny, miny, moe,

catch a tiger by the toe.

If he hollers, let him go.

I choose this one

right here.

Why don't you call me "mom"?

Can't have this nonsense
between me and the outdoors.

Ah, there.

Now I can settle in.

Well, ah, whose frilly pillow?

Get rid of it.

That's my college
field hockey team.

The year I was center forward,

we were undefeated.

Ah, taxidermy is my hobby.

I consider these
my masterpieces.

Meet Michael my iguana.

Oh, he's really neat, Harry.

We'll have to get you a mate for him.
Then you can breed them.

No, thanks, mom.
Michael's plenty.

Sometimes I even
forget to feed him.

We don't need
a whole lot of 'em.

Nonsense. If you get too many,

you can stuff some of 'em.

I'll teach you how.

All right,
watermelon seed fight.

Me and Harry against you guys.

Aah!

Ha ha!

Oh, look.

Look at the size
of that raccoon.

We can catch him and stuff him!

Elizabeth:
Wait, mom, don't hurt it!

- He has a family.
- Run, raccoon! Run!

Perfect. I can rig a special
trap to bag an animal that size.

Swahili natives taught it to me

when I was on safari
back in '82.

- Mom, he's just a helpless raccoon.
- Shh!

Excuse me. I was... whoa!

Beat it, buster,
before I call the police.

- Mrs. Martin?
- Maybe I didn't make myself clear!

Believe me, you haven't
heard the last of this.

Mom: Hit the deck, kids.

The sun's been up for hours.

Only dudes and softies
sleep late in the morning.

Now move it.
We are going camping today.

What smells so good?

My best griddlecakes.
Now up and at 'em.

When'd you come in here, Harry?

Last night. I was scared.

Wimp.

So heavy.

Elizabeth:
Here, Harry, let me help you.

Elizabeth, give Harry
back his sleeping bag.

Campers must learn to carry
their own equipment.

But he's tired
and he's only six.

Ah, we'll stop and rest then.

It's not much further anyway.

All right. It's just up there.

Here we are.

Well, let's get to work
and kick back.

Elizabeth, you and Jeremy
take the hatchet.

Cut some pine boughs
for our beds.

Harry, you start gathering
wood for the fire.

Ah, I brought us the biggest
steak you ever saw.

Um, mom, I gotta go.

- Go where?
- To the bathroom.

- So go.
- But where?

Where? Out there.

But I gotta go number two.

So go, Harry. Use leaves.

Ah, Elizabeth, Jeremy.

L-leaves?!

Mom, I can't sleep.

The mosquitoes keep biting me.

Get down under
your sleeping bag then.

Then I get all sweaty.

If you're going to be a camper,

you have to be a man, Harry.

Spread your ponchos over your
sleeping bags and go to sleep.

We'll be back as soon
as the weather changes.

Let's sing a rousing marching
song to give us some pep.

♪ Tramp tramp tramp,
the boys are marching ♪

♪ Cheer up, comrades,
they will come ♪

♪ In the prison cell I sit ♪

♪ Thinking,
mother dear, of you ♪

♪ And our sweet and happy home
so far away ♪

♪ tramp tramp tramp,
the boys are marching ♪

- ♪ cheer up, comrades... ♪
- Whoa!

Harry! Wait, mom.
Harry needs help.

- ♪ They fill my eyes... ♪
- Mom!

- ♪ Though I try to cheer my comrades... ♪
- Mom!

Jeremy: I got more scratches yesterday
than I did in my whole life.

Thank god for bad weather.

Yeah, but for how long?

One sunny day, and we have
to go back out there.

- You guys up there?
- Yeah. Hi.

Wanna play a game of kickball?

- Okay.
- Cool.

- Well, girls get...
- Okay, I want...

kids, what's going on out here?

- We're playing kickball.
- Super.

Kickball's a favorite of mine.

Elizabeth'll be captain
of one team.

I'll be captain of the other.

We don't use captains.
We just play.

Well, then it's high time
you learned to do it right.

- My kickball.
- Harry,

you, you, you and you
on Elizabeth's team.

Jeremy, you're on mine. I'll take these
kids here and their little brother.

We let the kids
who are under five

be on both sides,
because they like

to be up to bat better
than in the field.

If they're old enough to play,

they're old enough
to obey the rules.

Oh, that little one there's
too young to play.

But he always plays.
It's his favorite thing.

Well, I'm sorry. This is
not a sport for a toddler.

Well, if he's not playing,
I'm not playing either then.

Come on, Luke. Let's go home.

We've gotta go.

All right now, let's play ball!

- Hey, I'm catcher.
- I'm third base.

- I'm second.
- Lily, you're up first.

Ah.

Strike one!

Strike two.

Mom, you're
throwing it too fast.

She can't kick it like that.

Strike three. Out.

Move over. Next man up.

I didn't get my turn yet.

- Yes you did.
- No I didn't.

I didn't get my turn. When?

You're not fair. That's not
how Elizabeth pitched.

If you're going to play,
you have to do it right.

Three strikes, and you're out.

But she always gets a home run.

Not unless she kicks
it good and hard.

You're ruining it all.
Come on, Lily.

Let's go over to Sally's house.
We can play

- with her brother.
- Yeah, let's go.

We can play it the right way.

- Yeah, me too.
- Let's go.

Huh.

Well, I can see you guys
need some serious training.

Let's start with push-ups.

Everyone drop and give me 20.
Drop!

One, two, three, four, five.

What did we do wrong?

We thought she was the
exact opposite of mama.

She seemed wonderful at first.

You made
a very natural mistake.

You thought because
she was interested

in different things than mama,

she'd be a different
kind of person.

Well, down at the roots,
they're the same.

The same?
What do you mean the same?

There was never anybody
more different.

Mama seemed to only care
about how you looked, right?

- Yes.
- Hey, wait a minute.

Think about it.
How did mom pick us?

- Eeny, meeny, miny, moe.
- Yeah. So?

It really didn't make any
difference what kids she got.

Yeah, all she wanted
was the winner.

- Right.
- So we don't have to worry about hurting her feelings

when we tell her to go
back to the mommy market.

And I think you better
tell her right away.

You need to have a quiet day
by yourselves

before you try another one.

I'm scared to try again.

This is our last chance.

Yeah, what are we gonna do if
we don't pick the right one?

Ms. Cavour, do you think we're
ever gonna find a mother?

Well, I think
the mistake you make

is being fooled by all
the fancy trappings.

These are zinnias.

Good mothers are rather
like zinnias, dependable,

but they can surprise you.

They're really
quite extraordinary.

- Jeremy: Mom.
- Yeah.

I'm up here

setting a trap
for that raccoon we spotted.

Mom, come on down. We gotta
talk to you man to man.

Oh, good. What about?

We feel that we don't
suit each other,

and we think you should go
back to the mommy market.

Nonsense. We haven't had
a real camping trip yet.

We don't want one either.

Ah, don't chicken out
on me now.

We've hardly
gotten off the ground.

Mom, be a good sport and
play the rules of the game.

Yeah, don't be a poor sport.

You're right.

You're right.

I'd never want it said
that I'm a poor loser.

Well, I'll just
gather my things,

go inside and be on my way.

Ahh.

Cheerio.

I hate your picks.

You both pick really
gross, horrible mothers.

Do you guys ever try to
remember our real mother?

Why? Do you remember
something about her?

No.

I was just trying to.

All I remember is

that we wanted
to get rid of her.

You know, I'm getting scared.

This is our last pick
at the mommy market.

What if we pick
the wrong mother?

Oh, Elizabeth,
I just want a good mother.

I want one I like.

Don't worry. I'll
pick one you like...

Someone really extraordinary.

- Wow!
- No.

- I want her.
- Forget it.

We'll blimp out like
that other little girl.

- Ooh, chocolate.
- Come on.

Oh!

Do you teach kids to juggle?

Why, of course.

Children are soul of circus.

What if they don't
wanna be in the circus?

Uhh. Who would like
to join circus?

Me me me!

Ah! Mwah mwah mwah mwah!

I want her. She seems nice.

Please, I'm not even
discussing her.

Yeah, but I didn't get a pick!

You said we'd get one I'd like.

Now it's my turn,
and I want her.

This is our last shot. We gotta be
careful and pick someone really good.

Well, if you don't like
her, I want the cookie one.

Harry, stop being such a baby.

We gotta use our heads about this.
This is serious.

I am serious.
I'm not being a baby.

You're not fair.

Everyone I want,
you don't want.

I'm not picking anyone you want.
Look what you got us.

It's my turn
and I wanna pick too.

And, Elizabeth,
she's extraordinary.

She juggles.

This is our last token.

- Sure about this?
- Yes.

Please deposit your token.

Hah! Ohh! Ha!

Ah, since we're all

going to be part of troupe,
why don't you guys

call me my name, Natasha.

Okay, let's go. Hurry!

Ah, there they are.

That's our bus. Ah, mwah.

Been with us 20 years.

It's gone everywhere with us.

Us? Who's us?

It's too high.

Pretend you are flying.

Elizabeth.

Work with me.

Come over here.

Perfect.

Don't move.

Whatever you do, don't move.

This is ridiculous.

We've got a three-ring
circus in our backyard.

Elizabeth, we gotta
get rid of her.

Okay, we'll tell her
to go back. That's all.

But then we'll have
no mother at all.

Natasha: Ladies and gentlemen,

boys and girls, may I have
your attention, please?

Tonight in our center ring...

Natasha, look at me!

No, big guy! No, don't do it!

My bike!

Natasha: Okay, little guy,
we've got the bed here.

Okay, now we must practice
the double somersault.

Okay, go.

- Oh! Very good.
- Natasha.

Ah, why you kids
not practicing?

We've got a show to do.

Natasha, look, we're sorry,
but we'd like you to leave.

And we want you to take
everybody else with you.

Ah, what is this?

We're about to go on tour.

Yeah, vell, ve don't
want to go on tour.

And we want you to get out.

Ah, don't be ridiculous.

- Right, big guy?
- That's right.

Right. Okay, little guy. Okay.

Man, we're stuck with her.

Natasha: Very, very good.

- don't bet on it.
- Yeah, very good.

Okay, go.

Very good.

More gas, Harry, the long one.

The long one.

Now remember, just go around
the block a couple of times.

- We know.
- We just want to get them

- out of the house.
- We know, Elizabeth. We know.

And be careful!

Wake up!
Someone's stealing the bus!

Someone's stealing the bus!

- Natasha, get up!
- The bus!

Someone's stealing the bus!

The bus, it's over there!

Okay, Harry, I'm gonna
try and pull over now.

Not so much gas.
Harry, start to brake.

I am.

Harry, I said brake.

Harry. Harry, hit the brakes!

- I am.
- Harry!

Hit the brakes, Harry!
Hit the brakes!

Stop kicking me.
Which one's the brakes?

Aah!

Are you okay?

Yeah, I think so.

Come on.

Come on!

Hey, where are you go?

- Let go of me, you big...
- Where are you going?

- Let go of me!
- Hey!

Harry, help!

- Yaah!
- Hey.

Way to go, Harry.
And I called you a wimp?

Natasha: Open up!

- Open up!
- Should we open it?

- We've come to get our stuff.
- We have to open it.

- You wrecked the bus.
- We didn't mean to.

We have a show to do.
We're leaving.

Look, I'll open it.

Elizabeth: We're sorry.

How could you?

Huh? How could you?

Jeremy:
Well, you wouldn't leave.

It was our bus.

Our beautiful, beautiful bus.

We are going back
to the mommy market

and looking for kids
who understand...

That the show must go on.

Always the show must go on.

Get our stuff.

See what I mean,
Dr. Richardson?

What are we gonna eat tomorrow?

Yeah, and who's gonna
take us grocery shopping?

And who's gonna tuck us in and
make sure we eat and everything?

We can't go back
to the mommy market,

so who is gonna
take care of us?

Harry, stop it. Just stop it.

They're back.

Children?

Children, open the door.

Children.

Children, open this door!

I know you're in there!

- I know you're in...
- This isn't the way.

We need to contact
the proper authorities

and get them into foster homes.

Foster homes?

It's all my fault.

I used up our last turn
on a stupid mother.

Now I have no mother at all,

and they won't let us back
at the mommy market.

You gotta help us.
Is there any way

we can go back to the mommy
market and try one more time?

What's the use?
I hate them all.

- I just wish we could find our own mother.
- Me too.

If only we could remember
something about her.

Mrs. Cavour, why can't we
remember anything about her?

Well, that's
a typical manifestation

- of the enchantment.
- The what?

The enchantment, sorcery.
The name doesn't matter.

It's what's taken
your mother away.

I don't understand.

Why can't we remember her?
Where'd she go?

I told you erasing memory
was a dangerous game.

Of course you don't remember.

Memory would break the spell.

That's the way
with enchantment.

But if you did break it
and got her back,

you'd remember quite clearly.

She isn't lost, you know.

She's only misplaced.

But how can we break it?
There must be some way.

Yeah, how can we get her back?

Yeah, where is she?

The only way you can break
the enchantment

is to pick your mother,

really and truly pick her.

Wait. Is she at
the mommy market?

How do we recognize her?

Will you make some flower magic

so we'll remember her?

Oh, you'll have
to make your own.

After all,
she's your own mother.

How do we do that?
We don't know any magic?

Well, a spell isn't essential,

but it can't hurt
to have a nice one.

Why don't you see what happens

if you say the names
of wildflowers?

I can't think of any.

Well, think of where
they grow in the woods

or in the swamps in the spring

or the fields in the summer.

- Daisies!
- Good.

Violets and buttercups.

Oh, I know. Lady-slippers,

- pink ones and yellow ones.
- Daisies.

Harry,
you already said daisies.

I know. I like daisies.
I want them in again.

Oh, devil's paintbrush
and skunk cabbage.

Take that back.

No, your mother
isn't perfect, you know.

Skunk cabbage is one of the first
flowers to bloom in the spring,

and I for one am always
very glad to see it.

Black-eyed Susan.

Wild roses and water lilies.

Forget-me-nots.

I think that will be
quite adequate,

and it certainly
sounds like you.

I'm sure it'll be a help
to you remembering your mother.

But don't get discouraged,
and remember,

ad matrem per espera.

That's on the tokens.
What does it mean?

It means it's hard work to
find out who your mother is.

He's not looking. Come on.

Harry, don't worry.

We'll get Michael back.

We have to get a token.

I don't wanna do it.

Harry, would you rather
have an iguana or a mother?

Oh, Jean-Pierre.

Oh no, Jean-Pierre.

Oh, Jean-Pierre,
you are an animal.

Okay, now! Come on!

You guys keep watch.

- What's going on?
- What's chasing the kids?

- Shoot.
- Hurry up. Come on.

They're coming this way!
They're coming!

Security's coming.

Michael! Where's Michael?

They're scaring Michael.
We gotta find Michael.

Harry, come on!

I know those kids. They
don't play by the rules.

- I'll handle this.
- That's mine!

- Moms are chasing the kids.
- The kids are pretty fast.

Stop them!
Those kids are thieves!

- Whoo! Look out below.
- Whoa!

Uhh!

Whoa.

Elizabeth, Jeremy, harrington,

you are finished.
This is the end

- of your uncouth little game.
- Hey! Help!

- I've got you now.
- Let him go.

- Help! Please!
- Let him go.

- Help!
- Elizabeth, catch.

Help!

You kids were advised
of the rules.

Stealing a token
doesn't make any difference.

You have no more turns.

Now go on, get out of here.

You broke the rules.
Understand?

You can never come back.

Yes, I know.
I've got the papers

from the social
services department.

I followed the kids
into this area.

They're somewhere around here.

Let's search the area,
and if we come up empty...

- Stay back.
- ...We'll head back to their house.

It's leeby with the police.

They're finding foster homes
for them right now.

I've got some pictures.
I'll show you.

Come on. If our mother's in
there, we've gotta find her.

- I don't care what happened.
- Elizabeth!

Where are they?

It's gone.

Elizabeth, it's gone.

Edward: You broke the rules.

Understand?
You can never come back.

What's gonna happen to us?

Are they gonna send us away?
Huh? What's gonna happen?

What are we gonna do,
Elizabeth?

Yeah, what are we gonna do?

We can't go on all alone.

You gotta do something, Elizabeth.
Please do something.

What am I supposed to do?

I don't know what to do. What
would you want me to do?

Stop asking me.

I'm not your mother.
I'm just a kid.

I don't know!

I'm sorry, Jeremy.

I'm feeling really scared,
Elizabeth.

I know. So am I.

No, I just want
a mother who knows me,

you know, who loves me.

I just want my own mother.

Me too.

We have to try to remember her.

We just have to remember her.

Daisies, daisies, daisies.

Why isn't it working,
Elizabeth?

Daisies.

We're never gonna remember her.

Know what?

Let's make up a memory together

about a trip
we took with our mother,

someplace special.

How can you make a memory about
someone you can't remember?

Well, we could just imagine
how we'd want it to be.

Okay, but make up
an exiting one.

Yeah, one that happened
yesterday to all of us.

Yesterday's kind of hard.
It just happened.

Elizabeth, we're pretending.

Yeah, we went to fox hill
pond and I caught a fish.

No, we didn't.
We went to the beach,

the real beach by the ocean.

Not me. I went to the woods,

where I'd never been before.

I found a secret waterfall.

I know. You know what we did?

The reason why
it was such an adventure

is because we couldn't decide
which one we wanted to do,

so our mother decided that
we should do everything.

- She did?
- Yes.

Mother woke us up really early,

and we got to the beach before
the sun had even come up.

There was no one there but us,

just our mother and us.

It was like being
on the edge of the land,

on the edge of the sea,

the edge of the day
all at once.

It was really cold
that morning,

so our mother bundled us up
and made a fire of driftwood.

Jeremy: And then we all
played with the waves,

racing them in to shore.

Harry: Yeah, and our feet
got really freezing,

but we didn't even notice

'cause we were
having so much fun.

Elizabeth: The only sounds
were us running and laughing

and the sea gulls squawking.

There's something magical
about us being alone out there.

Jeremy: I remember mom

told us a story she made up

about us all
running away to sea.

Elizabeth: And then she told us

that every time
we got to watch a sunrise,

god was telling us a secret.

Jeremy: Later in the day,
we followed a little brook,

and its clear brown pools
weren't even knee-deep.

Harry: Yeah, and our
sneakers got all wet

and made squishy noises
when we walked.

Elizabeth:
We discovered this great rock,

where we decided to have our picnic
that our mother had made us.

Jeremy: But the best was
that beneath the rock,

there was this
terrific little pool

that had a magnificent
waterfall

spilling over an old stone dam.

Me and mom swam out first
to check out how deep it was.

Harry: No fair.

- How come we didn't go?
- Elizabeth: We did, Harry.

Mom just wanted to make sure
it was safe for you.

Jeremy: It was so beautiful.

We felt like we were the
first people there in years.

Harry: And then we all went?

Yeah, we came back
to get you guys.

Elizabeth: You did a great
job swimming, Harry.

Harry:
Yeah, I'm sure our mother

was really proud of me since
she taught me how to swim.

Elizabeth: She sure was.

Then after lunch,
we laid down and slept

'cause we had woken up
so early.

Jeremy: I doubt I slept.

I just stayed
under the waterfall

watching the sun
come through the trees

while the rest of you slept.

Harry: It was in the evening,

when the pond
was really smooth,

except for the bugs
flying so low

they hit the water sometimes.

Jeremy:
We were all really quiet.

Elizabeth: Yeah, mommy told us

we'd scare the fish away
if we talked too much.

Harry:
I was just reeling my line in,

and suddenly
I couldn't believe it.

There's a humongous fish on it!

Come on, Harry! Bring it up!

Pull! Pull! Come on! Pull.
Reel, reel, reel.

- Hard as you can.
- Hard as you can. Come on.

Come on. You can do it.

- My gosh.
- It's huge.

Look at this, Harry.
You got one.

Okay, guys. Hold up the fish.

Smile.

Okay, got it.

Terrific.

Jeremy: Except it was a
sucker, so you threw it back.

Harry: I don't mind
if I threw it back,

'cause that means
it's still alive.

Elizabeth:
It was a real beauty,

looked like
it was made of silver.

Yay, Harry.

We had a terrific day,

an absolute perfect yesterday.

She's out there
somewhere very close.

I can feel it.

I want her back so much.

I only want our mother,

our very own mother.

Me too. Me too.

Go to sleep.

Wake up, lazybones.

Mommy! Mommy!

I have to leave in 10 minutes, honey.
Now hurry up.

You can't go around
doing whatever you want.

Elizabeth, since you're
almost in the eighth grade,

I'm sure you're capable
of doing your own laundry.

How did we get here?

Harry, guess what I dreamed.

Harry, Michael's back!

- Look!
- Michael!

Michael!

Elizabeth, I remember!
I remember everything!

Come on.

Look at that.

Wow. Where'd those come from?

"I hope you slept well,
children."

Mrs. Cavour's voice:
These are for your mother.

Love, Mrs. Cavour.

- Harry: Mommy, you're back!
- She's back.

Oh, what's going on?

Mommy, mommy, mommy.
I love you so much.

Oh, those flowers
are beautiful.

What do you want for breakfast?

Name it, anything.
We'll make it.

Just leave it to us, and we're gonna
clean up the whole house, mom.

Now wait a minute. I meant
what I said last night.

You are grounded,
and there's no TV.

Last night? That was weeks ago.

Oh, come on.

Wait a minute.
What day is it, mommy?

It's Saturday,
and I didn't forget

we have a visitor coming
this morning... Mr. Leeby,

- your school principal.
- What?

Huh? You mean
he's never shown up?

Okay, guys, what are you up to?

Oh, mom, I love you so much.

We're never gonna do
anything bad ever again.

Well, we'll try not to.

That's good.
You're still grounded.

Who cares?
We'll still do the garden

and clean up the house
and do mommy's breakfast.

Oh, whatever
came over you guys?

Mmm.

What are you smiling...

where did that come from?

It doesn't matter.
You wouldn't believe us.

- I'm just so glad you're here.
- Me, too.

We have the best mother
in the whole world.

- Yeah, our mother.
- Oh, guys. Ohh.

What am I gonna have
for breakfast?

Fresh-squeezed orange juice.

- Pancakes.
- Bacon and eggs.

- We're great at pancakes.
- We're great at pancakes.

So what am I gonna
tell Mr. Leeby?

Tell him that we're
the best kids in the world.

Tickle torture!

- Whoa!
- ♪ Whoa, I feel good ♪

Hey, help! Help me!

- Somebody help me!
- ♪ I knew that I would now... ♪

Help! Hey!

- ♪ I feel good... ♪
- Somebody! Help me!

- ♪ I knew that I would now... ♪
- Kids! Help! Somebody!

- ♪ So good... ♪
- Hello?

- ♪ So good, I got you... ♪
- Mrs. Martin, help!

- ♪ Wow... ♪
- It's 9:00! Help!

- ♪ I feel nice... ♪
- We've got an appointment!

♪ Like sugar and spice ♪

♪ I feel nice ♪

♪ like sugar and spice ♪

♪ so nice, so nice ♪

♪ I got you ♪

♪ so good ♪

♪ so good 'cause I got you ♪

♪ so good ♪

♪ so good 'cause I got you ♪

♪ hey ♪

Mr. Leeby: Hey! Help! Somebody!

Hello! Mrs. Martin, help!

It's 9:00! Help!

We've got an appointment!

Hello! Help!

Help!

Somebody help me!

Mrs. Martin, I'm here!

It's Mr. Leeby! Hello?

Aah!