Tower Heist (2011) - full transcript

Josh Kovaks is the manager of a high-rise condominium in New York. He is close to all the tenants, especially financier Arthur Shaw. One day Shaw is arrested by the FBI for fraud. Josh thinks it's a misunderstanding that can be resolved, but later he learns that the employees' pension fund - which he asked Shaw to handle - is gone. When one of the employees tries to kill himself, Josh's views of Shaw change. He goes to see him and loses his temper, and his job. The FBI agent in charge tells him that Shaw might walk, and recovering the pension fund is unlikely. She tells him that it's been rumored that Shaw has $20 million lying around if he needs it in a hurry. Josh thinks he knows where it is, so with two other fired employees and an evicted tenant, they set out to get into Shaw's penthouse to get the money. But they realize they need the assistance of someone who knows how to steal, so Josh asks an old acquaintance named Slide who he knows is a thief to help them.


Good morning, New York.

Today we are talking about
cheese until the sun comes up.

Specifically, bouchon cheese.

I like to pair this with a
nice '77 sauvignon blanc.

It's perfect for an intimate
meal or for a large gathering.

You will never go wrong
with semi-soft cheeses.

Let us go to Scott
in Crown Heights.

He has been
wondering about Brie.

dropped its noisy effort

to take over the New
York Stock Exchange.

It slunk away
saying it became clear

regulators wouldn't
approve a merger

of the US's two dominant
stock exchanges.

we have Barbara in the Bronx.

She's got a question
about cheddar.

Go ahead, Barbara.

JOSH: You can have my rook,
but I will take



FEMALE RADIO HOST 2: It seems investors
may be in for an equally wild ride.


SLIDE: Get that bike around back.
Come on, empty the truck.

Hey, it's the man in the suit.

What are you doing walking
on my side of the street?

Very funny.

Punk-ass bitches walk on the
other side of the street.

Same jokes as yesterday.

Walk by me again and I'm
going to whoop your ass.

Good morning, Mr. Shaw.
You are looking lean and mean today.

This is why I love you, Lester.

You're the best
liar in New York.

Morning, Mr. Shaw.

Everything is set
for your dinner party.

I'm sending up some bouchon paired
with a '77 sauvignon blanc.

Very nice.

If you don't mind my saying,
are you sure you want

Secretary Lowe and Janet
Ramsey at the party together?

They were mentioned
again on Page Six.

Jesus! I totally forgot
they were screwing.

Nice save, Josh.

What the hell
would I do without you?

You would have to
read the Post yourself.

No, I'm serious.

I am kicking the tires
on a couple deals.

I might buy a hotel
in Saint Bart's.

I'm looking for a GM.

I'm going to try
and steal you away.

If I could bring Lester,
we might have a deal.

(LAUGHS) Okay, deal.

All right.
Have a good one.

Josh, one more thing.

What is that, sir?




You got a security
report for me?

Not much, Mr. K. A car alarm, two
homeless and a really loud dog.

ROSE: Good morning, Josh.
Hey, Rose.

How was your weekend?

Good. I was here.
We steam-cleaned the garage,

had some killer take-out
from Punjab Palace.

You are a wild man.
That's me.


Hey, Odessa.

My work visa's about to expire.
You must find me a husband.

Okay. Can I have
my bagel first?

I need a man before these pricks
throw me out of the country.

All right, and what about Manuel?
He's a catch.

I tried.
He couldn't handle me.

Okay. Rose,
don't write that down.

KWAN: Morning.
Morning, Kwan.

We have birthdays
in 3714 and 4399.

The Jameson twins like the
cupcakes from Magnolia,

Mr. Causwell likes the hot
fudge sundae at Sardi's.

And Mrs. Hightower
landed three days early

from Cairo, be here in an hour.

Does Mr. Hightower know?

Josh, a word, right now.

Yes, sir, Mr. Simon.

Where's Charlie?
I got an empty concierge desk.

I think he's checking
on Mrs. Cronan.

Now that's bullshit!
Mrs. Cronan is at physical therapy.

He has got three minutes.

...can only be convicted if the
prosecution proves all the...

Miss lovenko.

Holy shit! What?

We do this thing, you and I,

where you pretend not to
study for the bar exam

and I pretend not to notice.

I'm sorry, I don't know what
you're talking about, sir.

See, we're doing it.
Doing what?

Right now, we're doing the thing,
where you pretend not...


I know the exam is coming up
this week, so study in my office

during your lunch break, okay?
Because I never use it.

Okay, but I'm not studying, so
it would not make much sense.

Wait. Shh! Hear that?

Someone is buzzing.

Hey, shush!

Everybody, shush!


Who's buzzing?

I hear it.
It's faint,

it's muffled, but I hear it.
Fess up!

Who's buzzing?
Come on!

Who the hell is buzzing?

It's me, my bad.
I had it on vibrate.

Josh, this is
Enrique Dev'Reaux.

He's our new elevator operator.

I didn't hire you.

He's a quarter Cherokee,
you know we need an Indian.

So give him a shot.

It's a pleasure to
meet you, Mr. Kovaks.

I've spent the last three
years working at the BK,

and I'm ready for
the big leagues.

BK? What is that?
A building downtown?

No, it's a Burger King
in Times Square.

All right.
Walk with me, Mr. Dev'Reaux.

The average apartment at The
Tower costs $5.6 million.

It's the most expensive real
estate in North America.

We have the best views, the
most advanced security system,

keyless entry, 24-hour
video vibration detection.

But you know what these
people are really buying?

White neighbors?

Us. The staff.

They pay for our full and undivided
attention seven days a week.

So there's no
cell phones, iPhones,

blackberries, texting, tweeting

They had a rule at the BK,
no sex in the storage room.

Same as your phone rule, right?

No, not the same,
because your dick

has to come with you
to work, Mr. Dev'Reaux

but your phone
can stay at home.

So don't hide it in your pocket
or tuck it into your sock,

don't tape it under your balls
or stick it up your ass,

because, eventually,
I will find it.

They never checked
my balls at the BK.

Sir, you can call me "Enrique" or "Lil'
Disco" or "The Puerto Rican Mohican

that's my hip-hop name.

JOSH: Morning, Judge Ramos.
How did you do?

I ran the Reservoir, 15 flat.


Where's Charlie?
I need my cigars.

I think he took Mrs. Cronan
to physical therapy.

I'll bring them up
the second he gets here.

Thank you.

BOY: Hey, Lester.
GIRL: Good morning, Lester.

ALL: Hi, Lester.

What's invisible
and smells like worms?

ALL: Bird farts.

We've heard that one before.

Have a great day at school.

Mr. Hightower.


Sir, that package you ordered from
Cairo arrived three days early.


It's on its way from
the airport right now.

Josh, can you
have the chauffeur

pick us up at the back, please?

Already done.
Thank you.

Darling, let's go.

That guy's daughter
looks like a prostitute.

We're all about discretion
here, Mr. Dev'Reaux.

Right, right.
How do you guys split up the tips?

We don't. We never
take tips at The Tower.

No, I don't really want to
talk about it right now.


Your brother's coming, I'm at
work and I can't talk right now.

You're 20 minutes late!
Where are Judge Ramos' cigars?

Right here.

Josh, I'm freaking out.

Can I help you?



We just went to the OB/GYN, the
baby is in the third trimester,

its head is six inches wide,
your sister has a tiny vagina.

Everyone tells me to stop worrying.
I said, "Stop worrying?"

In labor its head is
going to get crushed

or it's going to blow
out your sister's vagina.

(WHISPERING) Don't say the
"V" word in the lobby.

I called your Uncle Marty.

He said all the women in your
family have teeny tiny vaginae.

I've been covering
your ass all week.

Simon is
breathing down my neck.

What are you doing?
(SIGHS) I'm worried.

Did you hear what I was saying?
Simon is going to fire you.

Simon is not going to fire me today.
I got the red flowers.

Red flowers?

Yeah, it's Chinese New Year.

Mrs. Jin will be
down here any second.

It's crucial the first thing she
hears be something positive.

Her entire year depends on it.

Mrs. Jin.


Happy New Year.


Did you see that smile?

JOSH: Wanted to see me?

SIMON: Yeah.

Fitzhugh is refusing to leave.

We've never had a forced
eviction at The Tower.

If they drag Mr. Fitzhugh and
his family into the street,

it's bad for all of us.

Why don't you talk to him?

This is your
responsibility, Josh.

The bank comes in the morning.
Get him out.


Mr. Fitzhugh,
it's Josh Kovaks, sir.



Good morning, Josh.
Are you alone?


Hey, did you see what
the market did today?

Went up 106 points.
Ask me why it did that?


I don't know,
but I used to know.

That's why they hired
me at Merrill Lynch.

Mr. Fitzhugh, you know this
apartment is now owned by the bank.

They'd like you to
vacate immediately.

We told the kids that we
were turning the apartment

into a park.
Going green.

That's how we explained
all the furniture

being sold and the tents
in the living room.

Luckily, my children aren't
very bright, so they bought it.

But they have smart friends and
those friends are catching on.

Sir, the bank will be
here tomorrow morning.

I went to Yale 20 years ago,
and now I'm a squatter.

Can't wait for their reunion.
"Hello, nice to see you. I squat."

What about family?

No, I invested all their money.
They won't return my calls.

I'd sleep in my car, but they
repossessed it three months ago.

So, you see,
I have to stay here,

because we have
nowhere else to go.

It's illegal for you to be here.
You're committing a crime.

I understand that.

But we might be doing some
elevator maintenance tomorrow.

I'm thinking that the
elevators will be shut down

and those people from the bank will
just have to come back another time.

ARTHUR: ...because,
it's like you go down one.


Hey, Mr. Kovaks.

Mr. Shaw, I see you
met Mr. Dev'Reaux

This guy owns his own island with jet skis.
How cool is that?

He's our probationary
elevator operator.

He's still very early
in the interview process.

Why don't we finish the job
interview right now, Josh?

Suppose I ask you to pick
me up a cheeseburger,

Enrique, what would you say?

How do you like it cooked?

The thing is, I like a certain
kind of Brie on my burger,

and they only sell it at
Danny's Cheese Shop downtown.

Hm on my way

And the beef has
to be grass-fed.

The best butcher shop in New
York is on Bleecker Street, sir.


Josh, hire him.

Yes, that was my gut, sir.

And, Enrique, one other thing.

I like to get my own
burgers whenever possible.

I may have my own
private island in Belize,

but deep down I'm just an
Astoria boy like Josh here.

We come from
the same neighborhood.

That's right, PS 104. Go Lions!

My first real job was shoveling
horseshit at Aqueduct Racetrack.

Don't you ever let me forget it.

I won't, sir.

All right, go downstairs
and get a nametag from Rose.

Thank you, sir.
Thank you.

Why don't we hit it tonight, Josh?
Raise some hell.

We have to be back
here in nine hours.

Remember that time you danced
on that bar in Times Square?

I almost fainted.

That's a drunken dream
you had six years ago.

You were shaking your ass
up there like Tina Turner.

Running half naked on Broadway

telling tourists you were
Mustafa from The Lion King.

That's ridiculous.
It never happened.

I was waiting to tell you.
This is going to be my last year at The Tower.


In a few months,
I'm headed to San Diego

to spend a little
time with Lorraine.

I might even cruise around the world
with all the other old farts.


That's great. That's really great.
I'm going to miss you.

I'll be thinking
about you, Josh.

Here's your bus.

Be thinking about how
you danced on that bar.

I got it all up here.

I don't know
where you got that.

Circle of life, Josh.
Circle of life!




FEMALE RADIO HOST: Not many of you
kill your own Thanksgiving turkey,

but you might
want to consider it.

SLIDE: Shit, Rita,
get your ass back in here!

I ain't going to be
chasing you all around.

Goodbye, Slide!

Hey, hey, Rita, come on now,
it's 5:30 in the morning.

Not little shit like this.
Come on now.

I told you, I don't even
know nobody named Maria.

Yeah, well, she sure as
shit knows you, Slide!

It was a wrong number.

Then why did she ask
for you, stupid? Why?

It was a wrong number!
I just...


I don't know what
you are saying, bitch!

Lester, it's 9:15.
Why is Mr. Shaw's car still here?

Maybe he's sick.

JOSH: That black sedan has been
parked there for two days.

Why no boot or ticket?

I called the cops twice.

Do you remember
that morning robbery

at the International last year?

I want you to slowly lock the
door and clear the lobby.

Stay calm.

Lock it down.
Code Black on all doors and elevators.

Repeat, Code Black.

What's Code Black?

Are you serious? We talked about
it at the meeting last month.

Let me see the outside
of the building.

I think we're
about to be robbed.

There were four guys
out there with guns.

Where did they go?

Let me see the garage.

Why is Stillman here?
Laundry pick-up was yesterday.

Mr. Shaw asked us
to call him.

Someone spilled wine
on his tablecloth.

He's bringing it
down right now.

Wait a second.
Those are not the Stillman brothers.

Oh, my God,
they're taking Shaw.

This isn't a robbery,
it's a kidnapping.

It's a kidnapping!
Call 911!

Yes, sir.

Code Black, Manuel!
Code Black!

What's Code Black?

Hey! Whoa!

Hey! Stop!

Shoot at the tires!

I only have my Taser!



JOSH: Hey, stop!

MAN: Watch out!

MALE FBI AGENT 1: Move in!
Move in! Move in!

Don't move.

your hands in the air!


FBI, show me your hands.

MALE FBI AGENT 2: Let's go.
ARTHUR: Okay, all right.

Put them behind your back!

ARTHUR: Take it easy.

No, get off him!
He's the victim!

That's Arthur Shaw!
He lives in The Tower.

He was bringing his laundry down.
They kidnapped him.

This was not a kidnapping,
it was an attempt to flee.

JOSH: What?

Arrest him and get
him out of here.

Josh, do me a favor, turn off
the heater and cover the pool.

I hate to waste money.

Street kingpin Arthur Shaw,

number 138 on
the Forbes 400 last year,

was arrested today in Manhattan
while trying to flee the city.

Sources have confirmed
that he'll be charged

with several counts
of securities fraud

and an immediate asset freeze of Mr.
Shaw's holdings has been ordered.

Shaw's lawyers
have called the arrest

"another example of the
Wall Street witch-hunt,"

but sources at the SEC
believe the fraud

in this case could be
of epic proportions.

In this country you're
innocent until proven guilty,

so no matter what you hear about
Mr. Shaw being a liar and a cheat,

or his entire business being
some sort of elaborate scam,

we simply don't
know the truth yet.

I've got shoes
to polish, Mr. K.

What does this
got to do with us?

For the last six years, Mr. Shaw
was on the board of The Tower.

So we have to find
a new board member?


Several years ago at
one of the meetings,

he was asked to
do a favor for us.

He was asked to manage
all of your pensions.


And he did.

He took us on even though
it was a small account.

He agreed to handle it.

Who asked him to do that?

I did, Rose.
I asked him.

Mr. K, what's left
in the pension?

Kwan, all this just happened,
so there's no way of knowing,

and by the way,
this could be a mistake.

How much, Josh?
Tell us.

Right now, they're
saying that anyone who

invested with Mr. Shaw
has been defrauded,

and that more than
likely, it's all gone.

There is no pension.

Wait, wait. Wait a minute.
I'm sorry.

How did this happen?

The guy is the best in New York

and he promised he could
triple our portfolio.

So they're going
to get our money?

The guy had billions
of dollars, right?

Of course,
it's just a matter of time.

So we have to stay patient and be
positive, because it has to be there.

I heard on the news
when they arrested Shaw

that he only had $600
in his checking account.


Look, some of you may need
some time to process this.

If anyone wants to go home,

I will call in a temp crew
for the rest of the day.

I'm sure that this will all
be cleared up tomorrow.

Can I ask you
something, Mr. K?


Did he get your money, too?

Yeah, Odessa.

For the record,

I never asked anyone
to triple my portfolio.

Just an hour ago,

a federal judge released Arthur
Shaw on $10 million bail,

on condition he remain under house
arrest at his penthouse apartment

on Central Park West.

Mr. Shaw, I need
a statement from you.

You need to back off.

Can I get a comment
please, Mr. Shaw?

You need to back off.
Excuse me.

MALE REPORTER: Here! Over here!
Come on, Shaw! Right here! Shaw!

Shaw, can we get a picture?

Over here, Mr. Shaw!

CLAIRE: We're taking Shaw and his
attorney up to the penthouse.

I need Mr. Shaw's
personal security code.


That was my street address on Steinway
Boulevard in Astoria when I was a kid.

My client would like
access to the gym on 43.

Even serial killers get 15
minutes of exercise a day.

He has my permission
to jump out the window.

The rules of Mr. Shaw's
house arrest are simple.

Kovaks, no visitors without
prior permission from the FBI.

All incoming and outgoing mail
gets vetted by my office.

All food deliveries, packages,

cleaning, repairs, all that has to
be cleared by the agent on duty.

You tell your staff
that this penthouse is now

a maximum security prison and
it will be guarded as such.

The FBI is in control of the
elevator and this floor.

What the hell is this?

ARTHUR: Agent Denham, that is
a 1963 Ferrari 250 GT Lusso,

owned and raced by the coolest cat
who ever lived, Steve McQueen.

This was his baby,

and now it's my baby.

You got Steve McQueen's car
parked in your living room?

And here I thought
you were an asshole.

I paid a million
for it 10 years ago.

I wouldn't sell it
for 10 times that.

We're 65 stories up.
How do we get it out of here?

You don't.

This car was taken
apart piece by piece

and reassembled
inside this room.

This car will eventually
be sold at auction

with the rest of
your belongings.

Only if I'm guilty, Agent
Denham, which I'm not.

If you leave this apartment for
any reason without my say so,

and you'll be remanded
into federal custody

and forfeit $10 million bail.

You have yourself
a nice day, Mr. Shaw.

Kovaks, will you come with me?

Josh, do me a favor, will you?

Yes, sir, Mr. Shaw.

Make sure you handle
all my food deliveries.

You're smart enough
to know I'm innocent.

I don't want the help
to spit in my coffee.

They wouldn't do that, sir.

Yeah, but you get it, right?

Do it as a favor to me.

Sorry, we don't accept
tips at The Tower.

Right, I'm sorry.
Sometimes I forget the rules.

CLAIRE: Why did you let
him get away with that?

When he made that crack about the
help spitting in his coffee.

You wanted to hurt him.
Hell, I wanted to hurt him.

Sometimes residents say things they don't mean.
It doesn't faze me.

Either that or
you got no balls.


I'm out of line.
I'm sorry.

I have balls, all right.

I'm sure you got
big balls. Whatever.

I don't have to
defend my balls to you.

I'm just saying the guy stole from
everyone who works in your building

and it looked like you
gave him a free pass.

Maybe next time I'll
rip out his larynx,

but today I chose to do my job
as manager of this building.

Okay, my mistake, Kovaks.

Just that most guys from
your block in Astoria

can't control themselves.

And most girls from Forest
Hills don't end up in the FBI.

That's where
you're from, right?



CLAIRE: This is where most white-collar
crimes are solved, the garbage.

When do you think you will
be getting the money back?

I'm not really allowed to
discuss the case with you.

But you're allowed
to clothesline me?

I was apprehending a fugitive.

He's only a fugitive
if he's guilty, right?


Aren't you the loyal friend?

I never said we were friends.

You play chess together,

you're the one who asked
him to invest the pension.

I get his mail,
I open his car door,

I buy his cheese.
We're not friends.

Let me ask you something,

If he's innocent,
where's the money?

How should I know?

The same way you knew
I was from Forest Hills.

You pay attention.

I just want to know what I'm
supposed to tell my staff.

Ls that too much to ask?

Tell them he's guilty.

Get on the car!

Hey! Hey, hey!

MALE COP 1: Come on, put
your hands behind your back!

SLIDE: Come on, man,
what's this about?

This is bullshit! Shit!
That's police brutality, yo!

Come on now.

Man in the suit,
you seeing this shit?

You're my witness.
Take a cell phone picture.

Take a picture, man.

No, my cell phone
doesn't have a camera.

If you see Rita, tell her I
said to call her brother.

Rita? Yeah, her brother's
a bail bondsman.

Tell her I said
to use that money

I gave her to get
her teeth fixed.

Come on now, what you got
to be pushing me like that?

gentlemen, the next Brooklyn bound

local train is now arriving.

Please step away
from the platform edge,

especially when trains are
entering and leaving the station.




Dr. Carr, dial 118, please.

Hey, what happened?

Lester tried to step in front
of a subway train tonight.

An off-duty
traffic cop was there

and pulled him back
at the last second.

They have him on
a 48-hour hold.

Where is he?

If you wanted a sick day,
all you had to do was ask.

Seriously, I need
you back at work.

I'm going to tell the
doctor somebody pushed you.

It was a misunderstanding,

I gave it to him, Josh.
All my money.

I asked him to
invest it for me.


A couple of months ago, I gave him
everything I had, my life savings.

Six years working the back door

at the Waldorf,
nine at the Carlyle,

three at the Pierre,
11 with you at The Tower.

That's 29 years
of opening doors.

$73,000 and change,
and I gave him every penny.

In a few months I won't
have money for rent.

I can't retire now.

All those years of opening
doors, year after year.

Truth is, people can
open their own doors.

Not the way you do it.


Lester, he's going to pay
you back every penny.

I promise.

Josh, please calm down.

Hold the elevator.

You can't go up there.

You're acting like a vigilante.
Move your hand.

I won't move my hand.
Move your hand!

Relax. You're not
using your head.

FITZHUGH: Hey, Charlie.
Hey, Josh.


So, they're evicting
me this morning.

My wife already took the
kids, wants a divorce.

So, if you need me,
I'll be living in this box

Can I ask you a question?
You're a Wall Street guy.

When did Shaw realize
that it was over for him?

Ten months, maybe a year.

I heard he was interviewing
lawyers over the summer.

So if he took someone's
money a few months ago?

Probably needed the cash
to keep up appearances.

Throw his famous Labor
Day party at the beach.

At a certain point, it isn't
about securities fraud,

it's about catering.

Drop Mr. Fitzhugh on 59.

I'm going to the penthouse.

Wow! This is
going to be good.


Don't get up. Whoa!
Where do you think you're going?

We're just going
to get the trash.

And the breakfast order.

Go ahead.

Takes a village.

Good morning, Josh, Charlie, Enrique.
How are you doing?

How was your Labor Day
party this year, Mr. Shaw?

Must have been something, huh?
What did you serve? Crab legs?

Surf and turf?

I've always tried to extend
you a certain courtesy,

but this tone you're using...

What tone? Who gives
a shit about my tone?

What are you, some
kind of tone master?

CHARLIE: Josh, come on.
I'm going to ask you one time, okay?

So you better
think really hard.

Why did you take
Lester's money?

He came to me, he asked me to
invest and I did. It was a favor.

Mm-hmm. $73,000? A favor?
Everything he had.

Did Lester ask you
to come up here?

CHARLIE: Mr. Shaw,

a few hours ago, Lester stepped
in front of a subway train.

Oh, Jesus.

ENRIQUE: Here we go.
What are you doing?

Josh, you need to listen to me.
The FBI is lying to you.

Josh, put down the club.

Christ's sake, don't do
anything you can't undo.

Investing money is a gamble.
It doesn't always pay off.

Mr. Shaw, do you care?

Josh, come on.
No, really.

Do you feel any responsibility
for what happened to Lester?

Of course I feel badly.

I had no idea he was going
to lose everything.

Lester has been a part of
my life for over a decade.

Then why haven't you asked me
whether he's alive or dead?

Josh, this car
is irreplaceable!

Not like doormen!

They make new ones
of those all the time.

Must be 50 new doormen coming off
the line in Michigan right now!

God damn it! Stop it!

Want some Brie with your burger?
Here you go.

Josh, don't!

Want me to come
work for you, huh?

Want to steal me away
to Saint Bart's?

Come on, let's go!
I'm ready to rock!

Mr. Kovaks, let me have
a swing at that shit!

No! Nobody touches
this car but me.

You think Steve McQueen is the
coolest cat that ever lived?

Guess what? Today, Steve
McQueen is my little bitch.






Don't worry, I'll have the
help come clean that up.

Let's go.

ARTHUR: Josh, aren't you
forgetting something?

My breakfast order.

SIMON: Do you understand
the shit-storm

that can be brought
down on this building?

Shaw's lawyer will shove harassment,
destruction of property

and civil rights charges
right down our throats!

Now, I don't care what Shaw did

or how much money
he's accused of stealing.

And you know damn well I got
murdered by that son of a bitch!

But a line has been crossed,
and a gang of vigilantes

will not be tolerated
at The Tower.

You're all fired.

Hey, wait, hold on.
Mr. Simon, they had nothing to do with this.

They just followed me up there.

I don't give a shit!

Mr. Simon, wait a minute, my
wife is eight months pregnant.

You should have thought of that
before you walked in that apartment.

We went up there for Lester!

Lester's job is waiting
for him when he gets out.

Meanwhile, the rest of you, I want
you out of the building right now.


Um, the carpet cleaners are coming
tomorrow, they start on 44. Okay?

Bye, Joshie.

Good luck with the bar.

I don't know what
you're talking about.

All right. Let's go, everyone.
Back to work, okay?

JOSH: Hey, Charlie, wait!

Wait. I'll call Sasha,
all right.

I'll tell her you
tried to stop me.

Please, don't do me any favors.

And, Josh,
don't pretend to care now,

I know you always
wanted to fire me.

That's because you
stink at this job.

So I stink? I stink?

The guy who made Mrs. Jin
smile on Chinese New Year?

Mrs. Jin is Korean.

She's what?

That's why she was smiling.

She's not Chinese,
she's Korean.

And you believed her?

Yeah, she's Korean.

All right, Josh,
maybe she's Korean.

Why are you whispering?
She is Korean.

What's important is that she
appreciated the gesture I made,

and that's more than I
can say for some people.

Thanks for getting me fired.


Hey. Thank you
for coming down.

Yeah, no problem.
You got something for me?

Yeah. I probably shouldn't
even be doing this,

because it violates
everything I believe in,

but I have to get my
employees money back, so...

This is Shaw's travel schedule
for the last 10 years.

It's his guest registry.
Names of judges, politicians

tail number of his plane,

hull identification
number of his yacht,

names of his race horses
in West Virginia...

Gill's Pride and Sunny Day.

Yeah, we have all that, Kovaks.

And eventually they're gonna
sell his planes and his yachts,

and his horses, and the bank
is going to take it all.

You guys were his
smallest account.

I'm sorry.

It's okay.

Thought I'd give it a shot.


you wanna get drunk?


I've got to be
honest with you, Kovaks.

The last time I drank this much at
a bar I made out with a fireman.

How long ago was that?



You know, you surprise me.

I saw the security tape of you
beating the shit out of Shaw's car.

That was badass.

Yeah, well,
badass is my middle name.

Nope. Your middle
name is Marvin.

I know that from
your file. Marvin.


All right.

That's my dead grandfather
you're laughing at.

What else is in my file?


I know the year your
parents got divorced.

Your SAT scores.

You don't know my SAT scores.

540, math.
480, verbal.

I retook those.
Your scores went down.


I have to tell you something,

and I really shouldn't
be telling you this,

because it violates
everything I believe in.


We still haven't
found Shaw's safety net.

All these guys, they keep some cash
close by in case they have to run.

Shaw clears out all of his
accounts three months ago,

20 million and change.

But when we bust him,
the money isn't on him.


$20 million?

There's a chance we'll
get lucky and find it.

And if we get lucky,
maybe you can get lucky.

I'm not lucky.

You just have to be patient.

I don't really have
time to be patient.

Well, if you're
tired of waiting around,

you can always try
the old-school approach.

What's that?

Grab some pitchforks and a couple
of guys and storm the castle.

They'd never see you coming.

I have to pee.

Ooh! I'm gonna...
I have to go.

Whoa, whoa.
You can't drive.

I'm gonna get a crab.


Listen, you violated
three federal laws

when you beat up
Shaw's Ferrari.

So what?

So a lot of guys down at the
bureau want to buy you a drink,

and so do I.







Sorry, Mr. K, I can't let
you into the building.

No, no, I just have to grab some
stuff out of my office, okay?

I promise
I won't attack anyone.

I can't do it.

Or should I tell Mr. Simon about
you and the cougar in 2813?

Two minutes.

FEMALE CASHIER: Hi, welcome to Shake Shack.
What can I get you?

Hey, Mr. Kovaks.

Welcome to Shake Shack.
What's shaking? We shake all day.

You like working here?

I cry at night.

You said you know
electrical engineering?

FITZHUGH: I'm on the
phone with the police.

They have a cruiser
in the area. Go away!

It's me, Mr. Fitzhugh.
Can you open the door, please?


Why are you
staying in this motel?

I'm thinking of becoming
a male prostitute.

I think I might
have a better idea.


Sasha told me you took a job.

Oh, yeah. I'm using all the skills
you taught me as a concierge.

Thank you very much.
Hey, no spitting, blue shirt.

BOY: Suck it,
douche bag!

It's not a bad job.
Only problem is

I need 40 hours to
get on the insurance,

it's hard to get shifts, but if
I don't get on the insurance,

it's probably gonna
end up costing us

around $20,000
to have the baby.

So we'll probably
have to sell it.

I need your help.

So you're saying you wanna rob
$20 million from Arthur Shaw.

Which you think he's hidden
in a secret wall safe

inside his penthouse apartment.

An apartment which he's
not allowed to leave

and is guarded by three FBI
agents, 24 hours a day.


And you wanna do all
of this in a building

with the most advanced security

and surveillance
system in the world.

A building which we've all been
barred from ever entering again?

Yes. How do you
guys feel about that?

Well, I've really
enjoyed myself.

Thanks for the crackers.

Mr. Fitzhugh, I know the
money is in that safe.

How do you know?

Because in 2003,
Shaw remodeled.

He spent like 10 million to blow out
the kitchen, move the living room.

He even brought in
some guy from China

to do a whole feng shui thing.

But he left one wall standing,

dead center in the
middle of the apartment.

That's where he put the safe.

Maybe it's
a load-bearing wall.

No. No, it isn't.

We have the same
wall in my place.

We took it down
when we first moved in.

The FBI can't find the money,
because he hid it in the wall.

I know it!

So you guys in or out?

Mr. Fitzhugh?

Come back to me.

Mr. Dev'Reaux?

You know how many weeks I'd have to
work at the BK to make 20 million?


Charlie, come on.

Look at us.
We're basically waiters.

That's what we do. We bring people stuff.
We don't take things.

You and I know the
movements of every person.

We know the schedules,
deliveries and codes

for every door and window.

We've been casing the place for over
a decade, we just didn't know it.

We didn't know it, because
we weren't doing it.

But we were.

Okay, where do the Lippmans
keep their passports?

In the freezer.

How many in vitro fertilizations
did Miss Hansen have

before she gave birth to Jonah?

See? We know everything!

What's the pass code
for Mr. Shaw's elevator?

I just press the PH button.

Come on, man.
I need you.

Yeah, you need me, because
you've got these idiots.

You think we're
getting our money back?

You think Lester is
getting his money?

I talked to the FBI.
It's gone!

So all this is about getting
it back for Lester?

Yes! And Rose and Miss lovenko
and Manuel and you, you jerk!

Come on! Let's storm
the castle together.

Oh, like when they went
after Frankenstein?

No, it's a different
kind of storming.

It's a storming where the
peasants take everything back.

From like
the feudal lords and...

I'm in.

Holy shit! I'm in.

Holy shit! I'm in.

Well, now we're
undefeatable, aren't we?

Josh, we're not criminals.
We don't know how to steal.

It's okay,
I know someone who does.

Crack four!


You must have been saying
your prayers, Slide.

You made bail.

JOSH: Slide.

Thought you might need a ride.

JOSH: I haven't driven
my Nova for a few months.

Did you know that in Spanish
"No va" means "it doesn't go"?

That's why they didn't sell
many in Latin America.

I didn't realize Rikers
was on an actual island.

I thought it was more of a...
I don't know, like a...

You know, like the way Puget
Sound is actually an inlet.

But they...

You hungry?
Can I buy you some lunch?


Slide, what are you doing?

Tell me why you bailed me out!

Take your foot off the gas!

Answer the goddamn
question first!


Red light!


All right, what's going on?

You wearing
a wire or something?

Some kind of police
undercover shit?

No, I'm not a cop!

Then you brought me out here for
some kind of freak shit, huh?

You want to stimulate my nut sack.
Ls that what it is, punk?

No! Jesus!

Then what the hell we doing out here, man?
I don't even know your name.

I'm Josh Kovaks.

Man in the suit.
We talk almost every morning.

How come you
bailed me out, man?

I need help with something, and I
thought given our relationship

you might be willing to help.

Relationship? I ain't got no
relationship with your ass!

Our history!

What history? I see you walking
by every now and then.

I say, "Hey, what's up,
little biatch?"

Just another
passer-by going by.

Just another nigger walking by.

You don't remember 1971?
Mrs. Saltzburg?

We used to get dropped off at her
apartment every morning for day care.

In 1971 I'm six!
How am I supposed to remember some shit?

Come on, Darnell,
Mrs. Saltzburg!

Heavy-set German woman,
short goatee.

Man, you call me Darnell one more
time, I will beat you to death.

You don't remember
Inch High, Private Eye?

Davey and Goliath?
Remember Witchiepoo?

H.R. Pufnstuf.
You got freaked out by her?

Remember that kid came over

and he stole my inhaler
and I couldn't breathe?


I do remember you!

You the little seizure boy that was
having them seizures all the time!

No, I never had any seizures!

They were minor
spasms of the throat.

And I remember you would start
foaming up at the mouth

and your eyes would go crooked.
It was very scary!

There was no foaming.
That was you!

A lot of people have
asthma when they're kids.

It's not a big deal.
I outgrew it. No. Seizure Boy.

You'd be on the floor rolling all around.
You was having seizures!

Asthma doesn't cause
seizures, all right?

Oh, really? Then how come nobody
wanted to play with your ass?

Nobody wanted to
have naptime with you,

nobody wanted to do coloring
with you or nothing.

Because of your little seizures

and didn't nobody
want to catch that shit!

I'm gonna ask you
one more time, punk.

Why did you bail me out?

Because I have a job and I thought
that given your skill set

maybe you could help us out.

What kind of skill set is that?

Taking things that don't
necessarily belong to you.

Oh, little Seizure Boy want
to try to rob somebody, huh?


What you trying to steal?

$20 million.

Let's go get something to eat.

Hey, guys,
this is my friend Slide.

You kidding, right?

These ain't the guys you wanna
try to do this job with.

Yes, this is Charlie and
Dev'Reaux and Mr. Fitzhugh.

This is a joke, right?

This guy is
the big time criminal?

Hey, what you say?

All right, guys, take it easy.
He's totally qualified.

He's been arrested
a bunch of times,

he pays no income taxes, he's
got two Doberman pinschers.

So let's show him some respect.

So now we're like
The Doberman Gang?

Like the what?

It was a movie. They trained
Dobermans to knock off a bank.

Ls that the one where Gregory
Peck was attacked by those dogs?

No, that's Boys from Brazil
with the cloned Hitlers.

Oh, shit. You guys ever
seen Boys Don't Cry?

When Hilary Swank
plays that dude.

That scared the shit out of me.

Wait, Slide. Sit down and
talk with us for a second.

These guys ain't
got what it take.

I can look in
their eyes and see it.

First sign of trouble, they're
gonna be shitting in their pants.

They will not.
You don't know them.

You want me to prove it?

All right, listen up,

y'all got 15 minutes to go out
there and steal me something.

What do you mean?

You heard what I said.
In this mall, right now, each one of y'all

go out there and individually
steal $50 worth of merchandise,

come back and put it on the table.
Then we'll talk.

Okay, 50 bucks,
no problem. Come on.

Can I go with you, Josh?

No, you ain't going with
Josh, you go by yourself.

Everybody going by theirself.

Anybody can't
handle this, is out.

Okay. Guys,
we can do this.

It's just shoplifting.
You got 15 minutes, let's go.

And put your wallets on the table.
I don't want nobody cheating.

I don't want y'all to go buy
the shit and say you stole it.

All right, come on, let's go.

This is a part of our Sexy
Little Things collection.

Oh, yeah, that's great.
Love that. Yeah.

Would you like me to
ring that up for you?

No, I think I'll just
live with it a little first.

These are very
pretty Bella earrings.

They're from our
Timeless Collection.

Do you have any studs?

Yes, several.

Right here.

Do you have any hoops?

Sir, all of our earrings
are on this display.

Do you have a catalog?


I might have one in the
back, let me check.

How do those feel?

They feel a little tight.
Do you have them in a half size up?

Yeah, let me check the back.

Hey, them two pairs of
drawers don't cost no $50.

JOSH: $12 scented candle.

Okay, we'll get
to work tomorrow.

Wait a minute.
We all just proved ourselves.

How do we know you can
really pull this off?

You each stole
$50 worth of shit,

I stole $264 in cash.

Rule number one, never give
your wallet to a thief.

Later, bitches.

What are we doing up here, man?
My balls are snow cones.

Can I get my jacket?

SLIDE: Everybody
shut up, right now.

In a robbery,
things can change quickly.

It can go from hot to
cold, just like that.

You have to be ready to
adapt to the situation.

You have to be able
to think on your feet.

I was on a job a few days ago where
my homie got shot in the face.

He's kidding, right?

Get shot in the head,
it's over.

If you get shot in your head, it's over.
If you get shot in your face,

the bullet will go in your cheek,
then come out the other side.

Then what you gonna do, sissy?

Die. I'm gonna die.

I saw a television show once

about a guy who got shot in
the head with a nail gun.

He couldn't even remember
how to chew anymore.

He had to put
everything in a blender.

Yo, he couldn't
figure out how to chew,

but he could
operate a Cuisinart?

I don't think he
operated it himself.

All right, could we just focus, please?
It's 16 degrees!

That's right!
Let's focus!

Now, earlier today
I taught you all

how to pick a lock
with a bobby pin.

I want y'all to
practice on this door.

I've got bobby pins for all of y'all.
Here's your bobby pin.

This is your bobby pin.

Here's your bobby pin.

This is your punk-ass
bobby pin. Take it!

You unlock the door,
you won't freeze to death.

I'm gonna be inside
having sex with Rita.

Who's Rita?

JOSH: To get in the building, we
have to avoid seven exterior cameras

and six doormen who work at two
entrance points in rotating shifts.

Once inside, we'll be faced
with four security officers,

who monitor a bank of
12 internal cameras,

as well as two
floating security guards,

who vary
the patrol route each day.

If we make it
through all of that,

we still have to get
through this gauntlet

of employees to
get to the elevators.


Yeah. Who's that
girl in the red dress?

She got the kind of titties
I like to play with.

That's Mary-Ann from sales.
She's a lesbian.

Okay, that's irrelevant.

is a lesbian?

She was married when
she sold me my unit.

She makes lesbian sex with Lynn
Rutherford from accounting.

Lynn is a lesbian?

Wait, I'm lost.

How many lesbians total
do we have to avoid?

None. We're not
avoiding lesbians.

I don't avoid lesbians at all.
I seek lesbians out.

Lesbians got
the nicest titties.

Straight women, they have guys

pulling and yanking on them
and sweating on them.

Lesbians get touched
delicately by other lesbians.

It's nice.

Did anybody take in
what I just said?

Well, it seems like there's
a gauntlet of lesbians.

No. The...

All right,
I'm just gonna keep going.

JOSH: 1:27, NYPD makes third
pass in front of the building.

The parking enforcement officer

only works the west
side of the street.

She got a fat ass, too.

All right, baby, I'll
call you after lunch.

I'm in a restaurant with Josh

and a couple of other guys
across from The Tower.

Yeah. I love you.

What are you doing?
It's supposed to be a secret.

I can't tell my wife
I'm having a lunch?

We're not having lunch.
We're casing the front of the building.

Now they can trace
our steps back to us.

I didn't tell her what
restaurant we were at.

You said, "The restaurant
across from The Tower."

I didn't say which restaurant
across from The Tower.

Geez, a hamburger's $24.
We can't afford to eat here anyway.

Hey, we can order
whatever we like, because

(WHISPERING) lunch is on me.

This is the main
electrical room.

You can override the elevators from
here or shut them down completely.

Mr. Dev'Reaux, who took some courses
at DeVry Technical Institute,

is gonna be our
point man on this.


I went there to go get my
master's in electronics,

but somebody said, "You got
to go to college first."

I was, like, "Yeah, it
wasn't in the brochure.

but you understand what...

Absolutely. I weld stuff and I'm,
like, you flip it on and off.

It's all about power.

Hey, man, how is this supposed to be
right if you made it out of Legos?

Well, the dimensions
are completely accurate.

Yeah, who's this
little nigglet? Webster?

Man, you might as well use
Lincoln Logs or Tinkertoys.

I got your ski caps.

JOSH: What?

No, no, no.
Ski masks. Masks.

Yeah, but the guy said that these
were the warmest ever made.

With pompoms?
You serious?

You're such an idiot. I need a mask.
It has to cover your face.

Josh, let's say
we get the money

and make it outside, then what?

Slide is the only one with
no connection to The Tower.

So he's agreed to hold
the money for a week.

Are you crazy?
You're gonna give this guy $20 million?

He's a crook!

What you say? Say it again.
I didn't hear shit.

Speak into the microphone!
JOSH: Hey! Hey!

Why don't you
say it again, punk?

Come on, Slide, no guns.

You running things now, huh?

Man in the suit got
it all figured out?

No, man in the suit doesn't
have it all figured out,

but man with the gun
needs to understand

what man in the suit is trying
to accomplish here, all right?

Why you talking like that?

You were talking like that!
Why can't I talk like that?

What you think, this is a joke, Josh?
We gonna just walk in there

and roll this dude for $20
million without a fight?

Look, no guns End of
story, all right?

What if we run into some shit
in there we don't expect?

Trust me, there won't
be any surprises.


FBI lady and two cops.

Shit! We haven't
done anything yet.

We're plotters. We've plotted.
That's a crime, right?

Ls that a crime?

Everybody, just relax.

You relax!
I'm out on bail.

I'm gonna go in the closet.
I'm coming with you.

JOSH: Guys, it's okay, I
think she's here for me.

CHARLIE: Go find
your own spot.

Hey, Agent Denham, what a surprise.
What's with the police?

Josh, Arthur Shaw
is gonna walk.


The judge is gonna dismiss the
case next week at his hearing.

They're acting
like he's untouchable.

That's it? He just
gets away with it?

That's not it.

He's threatening to press
charges against you.

He wants you to
answer for the Ferrari.

So they're here to arrest me?

He says he'll drop the whole
thing if you apologize.

A sincere apology,

that's what Shaw wants.

And if I don't do it?

Then these gentlemen
will read you your rights.



You know what's considered the greatest
move in the history of chess, Josh?

A man named
Frank James Marshall

was losing to a man
named Levitsky in 1912,

world championship in Helsinki.

And it looked like Marshall had no
chance until he moved 23 queen G-3.

He deliberately
sacrificed his queen

and the move was so
shocking and surprising

that Levitsky
never got over it.

He lost the game
two moves later.

And the move became known in the annals
of chess as the "Marshall swindle."

I'm a very good chess player,
but I'm no swindler.

What you did to my Ferrari
was the move of a small man.

But now it's my move, and I'm not
sure how I want to play this.

All I'd like
to say, Mr. Shaw,

is someday I'm gonna find a
way to make things right.

I don't care what I have to do,

I will find
a way to pay you back

for everything
that has been done.

Good, because I know how
difficult it must be for you

to lose a service job
like this at your age.

And one day when all this is ancient
history, I hope you can come back,

maybe not as a building
manager at first,

but somewhere where you can
start over, earn our trust.

A doorman, for instance.

Now go home and practice
your chess game.

I'll study the
"Marshall swindle sir.

Anybody can sacrifice
their queen, Josh.

The real trick is
getting away with it.

Thanks for the ride.

Any time.
Oh, God, wait a minute,

before you go, this is for you.

It's a present.

It's the footage of you beating
the shit out of Shaw's car.

I took it from the security
camera in his apartment.

You committed larceny for me?

Let's just say, I misplaced
three minutes of footage.

Thank you.
I'm touched.

You're welcome.

Are you working
on Saturday night?

I'm always working.

Call in sick.

You're asking
an FBI agent to lie?

I'm asking an FBI
agent to dinner.

I'll see you Saturday night.


What the hell is that
in your hand?

It's a present.

She gave you a present?

I don't know
about the other guys,

but I don't want you seeing
the federal agent anymore.

I'm not seeing her
until Saturday night.

Oh, my God!
He's dating her.

Relax, my social life and my
criminal life are totally separate.

They're not separate
if you're dating

the FBI agent who
busted Arthur Shaw!

FITZHUGH: Shouldn't we be
avoiding law enforcement?

I never saw
an episode of Matlock

where the criminal
banged Matlock!

Well, it don't matter.
Ls this the safe?


Then we have a really
serious problem.

You saying you can't open it?

No, I'm saying I never worked
on a safe like this before.

I usually break
into strongboxes.

You never said it was a real
safe made out of steel.

We're going after $20 million.

What did you think
it would be? Wood?

What kind of thief
can't open a safe?

Well, generally
I rob balconies.

Like a cat burglar?

That way I never get charged
with breaking and entering.

And I never steal
nothing over $1,000,

because in New York
that shit is a felony.

What do you get?
Like potted plants?

No, bitch! I don't be
stealing no potted plants!

I steal mostly
satellite dishes.

I got a friend of mine who be
hooking up illegal DirecTV.

Hey, can your friend
hook me up?

This is a bunch of horseshit.

Your thief isn't even a thief.

Hang on a sec.
You can figure this out, right?

No, I can't figure this out.

I'm serious. You have to
find a actual safe-cracker.

JOSH: Where am I gonna
find a safe-cracker?

I don't know. You have to start
thinking outside the box.

Shit, you got to find somebody with
some safe-cracking history. Think!

So, Odessa, I think we should
address the elephant in the room.

What the hell you just call me?

No, no. I'm talking about
the anger you have for me.

How you blame me for
losing the pension,

which is the last thing
I ever wanted to happen.

I know you're
a good man, Mr. K,

even though you ruined my life.

JOSH: Which is why
I invited you here.

When I hired you,
I made a note that

you worked for your
father in Kingston.

He was a locksmith.

Yes, the best in Jamaica.


Did he teach you
how to open locks

and doors and things like that?

There ain't no lock
I can't get by, Mr. K.

I was just wondering, do you
think you could open this thing?

That safe has a six-number wheel
pack with a double-action fence.

Very tricky spindle.

Probably take me
15 minutes to open.

Fifteen minutes?
Could you show us?

What's in it for me?

JOSH: 2:42,
Lester at his post.

Couple of NYPD officers
at the falafel cart.

Wait a second.

That's Charlie.

What's Charlie doing here?

Yeah, why is Charlie
going into The Tower?

What did you do?

I went to talk to Mr. Simon.
He called me, said he had a job for me.

He wants me to be
the building manager.

He asked you to be
the building manager?

Yeah, he offered me
your job, so I took it.

That's ridiculous!
You're not qualified.

But it's not ridiculous
for you to rob $20 million?

I can't believe how
irresponsible you're being!

You really think that you're
gonna just stroll in there

like Robin Hood and his
band of merry doormen

and outsmart the guys
with ear pieces and guns?

Why is that so hard
for you to believe, huh?

Why can't you just be
my skinny Friar Tuck?

Come on!
Who's Friar Tuck?

Friar Tuck is the guy
who helps Robin Hood!

I can't do this, Josh.

You put one foot inside The Tower,
I'm gonna call in a Code Blue.

It's black.
It's Code Black!

You call it black,
I call it blue.

Maybe I made up new codes, because
I'm in charge of The Tower now.

I'm warning you, Josh, come
near, it's a Code Blue-Black.

ODESSA: First thing you do, you
have to find the entry point.

You have to use your fingers
when you find the entry point.

It's all in the touch.

You married?

Say what?
You married?

No, I ain't married.

What's up?

Just taking a poll.

Taking a poll?

I'll take your poll.


Why did you call me here?

I got a call two hours ago

from Judge Hollingsworth's

They're moving Arthur's court
date up to Thanksgiving.


The judge wants to avoid
a media circus on this,

let him walk as
quietly as possible.

It's an act of contrition.

By the way, Agent Denham,

I'll be pressing charges against
Josh and all his accomplices

the moment I step out of court.

Come on, he did what you
asked, he apologized.

It's time everyone
paid for their mistakes.

I agree.



There's something
that you need to know.

They moved Shaw's court date up to
Thursday, and he's coming for you.

You'll be in jail
by the weekend.

That really messes up
our plans, doesn't it?


Josh, you need to
get yourself a lawyer.

Take care.

Great news, it worked.

We're good for Thanksgiving.

My sister will be
taking the Q train

to my uncle's
house in Brighton.

She cooks for him every year.

How am I gonna know
what she looks like?


Got it.


"I know some of you
believe I'm the reason

"Paul McCartney didn't buy
an apartment here in 2008.

"Maybe I did get
a little confused

"about the meaning
of the word 'wanker.'

"Maybe you heard about
the Mrs. Jin incident.

"I know that I'm
not Josh Kovaks

"But today I am your leader.

"And today is Thanksgiving, the
toughest day of the year for The Tower.

"Forty-three parties, close
to 500 guests, 30 caterers,

"all of Garage 2
blocked until 4:00

"Today, you might say,
is our Super Bowl.

"Today, you might say,
we will not lose."


MATT LAUER: The start of Macy's Thanksgiving
Day parade is just moments away.

Three million people will line
the streets of this city.

Fifty million more
will watch from homes

all across the country
and around the globe.

When the parade begins,
all eyes turn to the sky

as the largest balloons in the
world soar above this city.

It's a sight that brings out
the child in all of us.


Hey, Josh,
here's your sister's phone.


She's really hot, by the way.

Watch your head,
Mr. Shaw.

Where's Slide?

He's supposed to be here.


They're on the move.

JOSH: Wait a sec.

Oh, God.

What is it?
It's Slide.

Is he coming up here?

Shit! ENRIQUE: What is he doing?

He's wearing my suit.

He stole my suit.

He's heading for The Tower.

Well, that's not the plan.

How do you forget a plan?
Didn't he write it down?

He didn't forget it.

All that time he
spent with Odessa,

he thinks he can open the safe.

I don't understand.

He's going for the money.

Didn't I tell you
he would screw us?

What are we gonna do?

We stick to the plan.

We go on Snoopy.

Holy shit!
You guys are not gonna believe this.

That girl that moved into 4811?

She's in French
Playboy this month.

And in French Playboy,
they're even more naked.

Mrs. Goshen is looking
for a Turkish loose tea,

an orange pekoe or mint melody.

Well, just send her
an assortment, Rose.

"I'm at Lenox Hospital
my water broke."

It's happening.
Rose, cover for me.

I'm having a baby.
I'm having a baby!

Excuse me.
I'm having a baby.


Guys, check it out.

MAID: I like Snoopy.

Yeah, it's Snoopy.

DOORMAN: Snoopy!
BOY: Snoopy!

It's Huang's birthday!
Everybody come and sing.

Ron, Manuel, come and sing.

Come on, everybody.
Everybody come on, come on now.

Everybody come on now.



So what happened
to Mr. Larkin?

We had to fire Mr. Larkin.

He was involved with some
illicit sexual behavior

that we at Chase Manhattan
just will not tolerate.

If you wanna wear a black leather
hood and whip your own ass,

work at Bank of America.

So you'll be taking over
his account, Mr. Davis?

Yes, I will.
Working holidays?

We've been very
patient with you

with regard to the Fitzhugh foreclosure,
but the bank is ready to sell.

And we'd like to personally
offer you a finder's fee

if we can move
the remodel along.

A finder's fee?

We just started demolishing
the apartment.

The place is gonna
look like new.

It's going to be one of the
finest units of the building.

I'd love to see it.
Can I see it?

Here you go.
There you go.


Well, looks like the staff
is having a little party.


We were supposed to
be in that elevator.

Come on.

We have to go up.
Let's go.

ENRIQUE: All the way
to the top?

So, as you'll see, this entire
apartment is being redone.

All new appliances.

Floor-to-ceiling windows.

Hardwood floors.

Oh, hardwood floors.
That's nice.

Tell me, are you gonna
do the closets over?

Yes, right this way.

Oh, yes. This way.

This is the master
bedroom closet.

It'll have new sliding racks.

And what beautiful doors.
Are these doors made of mahogany?

SIMON: Mr. Davis?

Excuse me, Mr. Davis.
I'm locked in the closet.



Sorry, no cleaning now.

It's okay, I'll come back.

Do you want some cake?

We're celebrating
a birthday downstairs.

No, thank you.

It's amazing cake,
are you sure?

I'm allergic to chocolate.

I break out in hives.
I can't touch it.


You should have
tried the cake, man.



JOSH: Odessa,
did he take the cake?

He's allergic to chocolate.
I had to beat him.


ENRIQUE: Oh, Shit.

The maid has gone rogue!

JOSH: Put him in the chair.

FITZHUGH: Very spacious.

Got it! Come on.



This is incredible.

I have to hand it to you,
Mr. Kovaks, you were right.

SLIDE: Move away
from the safe.

I ain't gonna say it again.
Back up!

Are you serious?
What are you doing?

Hey, Josh, I'm a thief.

I keep telling you I'm a thief,
but you don't want to believe it.

I know exactly what I am.
You're the one that's confused.

Now back up before I
pop a cap in your ass.



Yeah, no.

Look at my face.

You see how serious I am.

I'm pretty serious, too.

Are you ready to die, bitch?

That's my suit.

Yeah, I got on your suit and your
drawers and socks, too! So what?

I want my suit back.

I will blow your face clean off your face!
Now, back up!

You think I'm gonna let this shit get away?

ODESSA: You don't
have a choice.

I brought my own gun.

Now put your shit down,
nice and slow.

You mess with me, you're a dead man.
Now drop it!

SLIDE: Okay, all right,
all right, all right.

I'm putting it down right now.

Take it easy.

On the ground,
you punk-ass bitch!

Bitch, on the ground!
We had a plan! Take it easy.

We had a plan!
Fitz, calm down.

Come on now. Shit!
Fitz, take it easy.

Be cool with the gun, man.
Okay. All right.


I'm relaxed, you relax!

You sissy... You bitch!



FEMALE ANNOUNCER: Ladies and gentlemen,
America's queen of comedy,

Joan Rivers.

And here's Kanye West.

what are you doing back?

Rose, please.
I feel like my head's gonna fall off.

I raced over to the hospital, she's not there.
I can't find her.

I get into an argument
with 15 doctors.

I said, "Where's my wife?" They
said, "Your wife's not here."

I called my Uncle
Marty in Brighton.

I say, "You got
to get over here.

"She's not here.
Nobody can find her."

He said, "What do you
mean no one can find her?

"She's in the television room,
watching television."

I said, "Are you kidding me?
Put her on the telephone."

He puts her on the telephone.

I said, "What are you doing?
Your water didn't break?"

"No." "Your vagina's
not dilated?" "No."

I said, "Why did you
send me a text message?"

She says, "I didn't send you a text message.
I can't find my phone!"

Have you seen Josh?

Manuel, will you show me
the penthouse hallway?

MANUEL: These FBI guys
are always falling asleep.

Where is Mr. Simon?

He was showing Mr. Fitzhugh's
old apartment to some guy.

Manuel, do you think something
strange is going on?

They cut Miss Piggy
from the parade.

I think that's strange.

Well, it's been nice
meeting you, Agent Denham.

You know, I'm still trying to decide
if I should go after your badge.

Either way, no hard
feelings on my part.

Maybe we could have dinner
sometime, my treat. Huh?

Can I help you?

We have a meeting
with Judge Hollingsworth.

Judge Hollingsworth
is down in D.C.

He goes down every year to spend
the holiday with his daughter.

Are you sure?

There's no one here today, ma'am.
It's Thanksgiving.

What the hell is going on?

Back in the car.

Wait, no. Wait a second.
Back in the car.

Wait a minute!

Three, four, five,

six, seven, eight.


You open it, Mr. K.


FITZHUGH: Oh, my God.

This can't be real.

SLIDE: Empty! After all
this shit, it's empty.

Man, what kind of...

Give me my gun back.

This is over.
Give me my gun...

I might need it to get out of here.
I'm not giving it to you.

Stop bullshitting and give me the gun.
No! I don't want to.

Give me the goddamn gun!
Fitz, give him the gun!

Give him the gun!
Guys. Guys!

What the hell is
wrong with you, man?

You gonna kill
somebody in here!

ENRIQUE: What the hell, man?

Give me that crowbar.

Did you find something?

What is that?

ENRIQUE: Real gold?
FITZHUGH: Holy shit.

The hood is solid gold.
Do you have any idea what that's worth?

It's not just the hood
It's the whole car.

This is where he hid the money.

This car must
weigh 2,000 pounds.

Sixteen ounces to a pound,
that's 32,000 ounces.

The current price of
gold is $1,872 per ounce.

Josh, it's about 45 million.

ODESSA: Jesus!
$45 million?

Give or take 10 million.

Give me that crow bar.
Lam going to break a chunk off this bitch.

Are we going to chop it up?

How we gonna do that?

Why don't we take
the whole thing?


What are we gonna do?
Roll it out the front door?

It's not gonna fit.

It is too big.
It won't go through the door.


And the doors in Fitzhugh's
apartment are torn out.

Too bad it is six floors down.


How much you say it weighs?



It has to be green,
because green means go.

It's moving.

This is crazy.

Josh, this is really crazy.

Okay, all right.

JOSH: Got it?
SLIDE: Yeah.


All right.

Hey, do you know of any reason

somebody would want you out
of your penthouse right now?


Mr. Shaw, I think
you're being robbed

This is a bad idea.
Really? Which part?

The part where
you screw us over

and try to take
everything for yourself?

Even when you were
six you couldn't share.

Maybe I just
didn't want to share

with your silly
seizure-having ass.

All right, you know what?
That's it!

I don't want you talking to me
for the rest of the robbery.

JOSH: Okay, take it up.

All right.

JOSH: All right, lower it.


JOSH: A little more.
A little more.

Okay, stop!

Grab it, Fitz!

You have to reach
out and pull it in.

I really don't want to do that.
I wanna go home now.

Home to my old life.

Do you have any idea
how happy I used to be?

My wife and I flew
first class to Greece.

We swam naked.

We ate lamb.

Stop acting like a bitch
and pull that shit in!

He's freaking out.
We have to get down there.

JOSH: Shit.

What are you doing?

That's it, we popped.

We are not popped.

What are you doing?

I'm gonna shoot this guy in
the foot when he comes in

and you are gonna slam
the door in his face.

No, that's a bad idea.

You shoot the FBI agent in his
foot, he is gonna come in here

and he is gonna shoot a
nigger in his ass. It's over.

All right, great.
You give up then.

I'm out of here.

I can do it.
I'm no bitch.



I can do it.

It's kind of like sailing.

SLIDE: Keep moving!

Easy! Easy! Easy! Easy!

I'm not going out there.

' Got it!

' Got it!

Oh, no.


Yo, we got a dangler!

FITZHUGH: Help me!

Fitzhugh is dangling!

JOSH: Fitz!


I'm gonna fall!

Josh, help me!

I don't want to die.

JOSH: There's a rope.

Grab the rope!

I can't!

Listen to me.

Take your hand off the car
and grab the rope!

It's your only chance!

JOSH: Yeah! Reach out!


It's too far!

JOSH: No, it's not!

I got you. I got you.

I got you. Come on.

What are you doing, man?

We're stealing the car.

FBI, you got to let us through.

Can't. The parade is coming right
at us for another half hour.

You're gonna have to go around
the entire park. I'm sorry.


SLIDE: Holy shit!


ENRIQUE: Fitzhugh!
What's happening? Are you okay?

Come in. Fitzhugh!



Where are you?
The roof!

We need to swing
the car over to the window.

CHARLIE: Dev'Reaux, I'm gonna
try and reel the car in,

but I'm gonna need your help.

I'm starting to
get kind of queasy.

Fitzhugh, get the rope.
We're gonna hook it.

I'm gonna call Ralph.

I'm getting ready to call Ralph.
Who's Ralph?




Hi, guys.

God damn it, Josh.

You realize what you have done to me?
You have ruined my life.

Do you understand that
I'm a part of this now?

And for what?
So you could steal a car?

Yeah, worth 45 million,
made out of gold.


It's worth 45 million?

Give or take 10 million.

JOSH: All right, come on.
Let's push it into the elevator.

I don't think it's gonna fit.

No, it won't fit
in the elevator.

But it doesn't have to.

I'm stopping the elevator
right under you guys.

Okay. So what do we do
when we get it downstairs?

We'll think of something.
Check the glove box.

Keys have to be here somewhere.

I don't see any keys.

Holy shit!


Can you take Lucy
on a walk for me?

My feet are swollen,
and there's a goddamn parade.

You know, now is not a
great time, Mrs. Cronan.


give her one of those liver treats
that you keep on your desk.

Yes, ma'am.

Thank you.


Agent Claire Denham
requesting backup

at The Tower on
Central Park West.




JOSH: All right. On three.
One, two, three.

CHARLIE: Come on.

SLIDE: Easy, easy, easy!

JOSH: Okay, it's stable.

That wasn't so bad.




What's happening?
Why are we moving?

It's security!
They're overriding me!

(WHISPERING) It's the lobby.




Fitz. Take her!
Take Lucy! Here.

What? What?

Okay. I got her.

No, no. No!

JOSH: Stop, stop, stop, stop!


I think they're gone.

We need to get out
of here right now.


We got to use the truck.
Where are the keys?

Under the sun visor.

You leave the keys?
In New York?

It's a stolen car.

You brought a stolen
car to a robbery?


JOSH: Lester,
you still there?

Yeah, I'm here.
I'm holding four cabs at the north door.

Slight change of plan.

There's a white truck parked on 60th
and Broadway, keys on the visor.

You got to back it
up to the elevator.

Hm on my way

Mr. Shaw, tell me
about this safe.

It's empty

Doesn't matter if
it's empty or full.

A hidden safe
was never mentioned

in the inventory
of your apartment.

You neglected to inform us,

which is a violation of
your parole, therefore...

Where is my car?
Where is my goddamn car?

I hereby remand you to federal
custody until your real court date.

You just forfeited $10 million.

You think I care
about $10 million?

You think I care if I spend
a few nights in jail?

We both know I'm going to
be out by the weekend.

But you let that car
leave this building

and I promise you
won't get off so easy.

Take him away.
Lock it down.

This is Agent Huggins.
Lock down the building.

Show me the garage.

Okay. Yes, ma'am.

They got the car.
Come on! Come on!

CLAIRE: There they are!

Here we go, baby.

(HONKING) Move out of the way.


Go. Go.


Get out of the way!


Careful. Careful.
Jesus Christ!

Freeze! Do not move!


Open it.

Son of a bitch!
It's a diversion.

Lester, they are gonna get hurt.
There is no way out of this.

I don't know what
you are talking about.

All I did is steal a truck
and try to commit suicide.

FBI AGENT 1: Mr. Fitzhugh? FBI.
You're under arrest, sir.


Please put your hands
behind your back.

FBI AGENT 2: Miss Montero,
FBI, you're under arrest.

Charlie Gibbs, FBI,
you're under arrest.

You have the right
to remain silent.

Anything you say,
can and will be

used against you
in a court of law.

You have the right
to an attorney.

Mr. Dev'Reaux, FBI. Show me your hands.
You're under arrest.

Show me your hands, Josh.

It was smart.

Thanksgiving, the parade,
changing the court date,

using Lester as a
diversion, lying to me.

We have reservations Saturday night
at six different restaurants.

I'll give you the names
if you wanna check.

That's okay, I trust you.

Where is my car?

Do you mean
the car made of gold?

Gold melted down
from the money you stole?

I haven't seen it.

They'll find it.

And when they do, my friends on the
bench will take no pity on you.

They'll make sure you go
away for a very long time.

See, you people
are working stiffs,

clock punchers.

Easily replaced and erased.

And just know that while you
are all sitting in jail,

I'll be right up
there in the penthouse

of The Tower,
doing what I do best.

We may be going to
jail for a few years,

but you, you're going
for the rest of your life.

How'd you figure that?

I found your ledger.

You know, the one that you stuck

in the owner's manual
of your Ferrari.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.

I'm guessing you don't
really care about the car.

You could care less
about 45 million,

but I bet you want
that ledger back.

Am I right?

What do you think you're doing?

Sacrificing my queen.

Okay, you and I are gonna
make a deal, Josh.

A deal that will make you and
your friends very wealthy.

Do you think that car has value?
Multiply it by 10.

In cash.

Dev'Reaux, will you
please remind Mr. Shaw?

I'm very sorry, Mr. Shaw, but we
don't accept tips at The Tower.




We've got FBI agents and
police all over the city.

We know about your friend
Slide from Astoria.

Your little trick
with Lester may have

gotten the car
out of the building,

but it's just a matter of
time before we find it.

Who is this?

Director Mazin.

I am Mr. Kovaks' attorney,
Miss lovenko.

I will be representing all
the defendants in this case.

And you're licensed to practice
in the state of New York?

I passed the bar
three days ago.

I'd like to request the immediate
release of all the defendants.


On what grounds?

These are Mr. Shaw's
hand-written notes

detailing his fraudulent
business practices.

There are names, dates,
account numbers.

My guess is you'll find
enough evidence in there

to put him away
for a very long time.

But this only happens
if my clients walk.

You've been a lawyer
for less than a week

and you're trying to bribe the
United States government?

Sharks are born swimming, sir.

I'll let everyone
walk but Kovaks.

As a first-time offender, he'll
probably get two years for the car.

Best I can do.

Nobody else will be charged?

evidence in the Arthur Shaw trial

has prompted a new plea
from the accused swindler.

Sources are now
confirming that Mr. Shaw

will enter
a guilty plea next week.

Are we gonna do this or what?


Welcome to the
penthouse, Mr. Shaw.

Look who's coming now.


PRISONER 2: Wait until I get
a hold of your wrinkled ass.

He looks good!


Are you Rose Demato?

Sign right here, please.

All right, thanks.



It's a gold wheel!