Touch the Sun: Peter & Pompey (1988) - full transcript

The fate of a young Australian boy is somehow linked with that of a young Roman boy who had traveled to Australia by ship during the time of the Roman Emperor, Nero.

[dark music]

♪ I walked the sands
of white in the sun

♪ and all my tears by
waves are washed away

♪ I tell those waves to
hurry up and kiss her

♪ As she sits alone
on west coast USA.

- West coast, USA!

- ♪ Mana hana
hana, mala he he he

- [Boy] Peter.
[ominous music]


- [Woman] Peter, peter,
come on you'll be late.

Oh dreamboat, you'll get
fired all over, come on.

[beach music]


- Bye, mom.

- Got your lunch money?

- Yes, mam.

- Coy and chips.

- Sure, mom, bye!

- Bye.

[car honks]

[ominous music]

- You're the new
boy, aren't you?

- Yeah.

- My dad said you
live in a caravan.

- So what?

- What's it like?

- I don't know, it's
like a house with wheels.

You don't like a
place, you take off.

- Wish I could do that.

- Yeah.

We move around a lot.

[car honks]

- [Older Man] Good
morning, Margaret.

And how you are?

- [Margaret] Very well,
thank you Mr. Barbuto.

- And how's the mayor?

- He's well, thank you too.

- [Mr. Barbuto] Waiting
for the bus, are you?

- [Younger Boy] Bus ain't
coming, Gus took sick.

- He isn't coming coming,
and don't forget your lunch.

Do you want a lift?

Gas is already spoiled again.

- Twenty cents for the ride.

- You must have a
back like a pretzel.

Sorry, mate, maybe next time.

- Peter.
[ominous music]

- Hey, wait!


- Peter.

- Wait, come back!

Come back, what's your name?


[scary music]

- Peter.

- [Teacher] Now,
your exam results.

Like the sacking of Rome.

47, 49, sloppy, a big
victory, sincere but useless,

99 and a half, your father says

you worked till 3
AM just to pass.

Don't overdo it,
Margaret, or you might

end up like Alexander the Great.

He wept because there were
no more worlds to conquer.

But altisima, the very highest.


- [Young Girl] Nice square
head, got 99 and a half.


- Hi, Altisima!

- Drop off, Wayne!

- Hey, did you really
get 99 and a half?

- What of it?

- Nunquam, like in the
school motto, is that Latin?

- It sure ain't German.

- What about this thing, I
need it worked out, translated.

- Why?

This would take me forever.

- Please, I need it,
you got 99 and a half.

Look, if it's too
hard, forget it.

- I could do this in my sleep.

- Thanks.

Did you do it?

- Yeah, is this
your joke or did one

of the seniors set it up?

- No, honest.

- Which book did you get
it from, Pliny or Virgil?

- No book.

- Then where did
you get it from?

Suit yourself.

- Who's Pliny, please?

- Pliny was a Roman,
he wrote Indices.

But the writer of this gives
his name as Pompeius Minous

which could be another
name for Pliny.

But it really means
little Pompey.

- Little Pompey?

- You made some mistakes
when you copied it out,

but it's lament, he's in exile

with his father
Pompeius Clutonious.

- Big Pompey?

- Sort of, his father's a poet.

They've been sailing for
many days, from Rome he says.

- Where's his mother?

- She died when he was
born, now he's very unhappy.

They're on a long journey,
they're really exhausted.

And so he sailed--

- [Boy Voice] Till night is
day and day is night again.

Thrice the moon
revealed herself,

and turned the
shining face away--

- That took a bit
of working out,

thrice, three times, the
moon revealed herself.

Three full moons, so
they've been at sea

for about three months.

- No wonder you got a 99.

- And a half.

- Where are they sailing?

- They've been exiled
to the end of the earth.

Because of a poem, his
father the Pompey's

wrote this poem about Nero.

- Show me.

- I really shouldn't,
it's for adults.

- Come on, I've been around.

- First I want to know
where you got this stuff.

- [Bus Driver] Come
on, don't doddle!

You tell your daddy
to fix that road,

them potholes are
wrecking my stride.

- Peter, hang on!

- I have to go, my
mom's waiting, see you!

So the great Nero plays violin,

to burning Rome, his
harlots, and his kin.

We cheer but we would
rather boo and hiss.

Earth's farthest shore
seems preferable to this.

Hey, hey wait!
[majestic music]

Hey wait, I know you're here!

Please come out,
my name's Peter.

- Ow!

- Great, just great.

- Are you always this rough?

Find a tomb, bet no
one's ever been here.

Who did you think I was?

- No one, you followed
me here didn't you?

- Of course not.

Well, sort of.

You found something,
haven't you?

- Go away, it's my cave.

- Look, maybe I could help you.

I spent all lunchtime
translating that stuff,

it's the least you could do.

- I said thank you.

- Come on, what's going
on, don't you trust anyone?

- Swear you won't tell?

How did it get here

- I'll need to take it home.

- No, give it back.

- Don't be so rude,
you'll never make friends

if you go on like that.

- I don't need friends.

- I'll only need it
for a week or so.

I reckon I could translate this.

- Hello, Margaret,
this is Wayne.

I'd be honored if you could come

as my guest to the
Gamma Bicentenary dance.

And my dad would pick
us both up, of course.

It should be a great night,
just filled with fun.

Now you try.

- It's stupid, I hate it.

- You haven't got a partner.

- No.

- You still want that
trail bike for Christmas?

Well, do it, do it, Wanye,
with feeling, with feeling.

- Hello, Margaret, it's Wayne.

I'd be honored if you could come

as my guest to the-
- Gamma Bicentenary dance,

- and my dad will pick
us both up of course.

It should be a great night,
and just filled with fun.

- Good, good.

- 99 and a half.

- [Margaret's
Mother] And the rest?

- The same, 98, 99,
mathematics 100?

- I'm sorry.

- That's just what you
said the last time.

- I can't help myself,
when I do an exam

the answer just comes.

- My, my, Margaret, must
have got it from your mom.

She must have been
the smart one.

- Smart enough to hide it.

- If you were a boy, I'd
know how to raise you.

Clip round the ear, and
a few games of footie.

Teamwork, Mic, that's
what life's all about.

Be just the same
as everyone else.

- Yes, dad.

- Brains like yours,
they make people nervous.

Heck, it doesn't look good
for the mayor's own daugther

outsmarting everyone else,
not in an election year.

Magsie please, for my sake,
you fail at something.

- It could be a car,
could it be a car?

- Mom?
- Hm?

- How long are we
going to stay in Gamma?

- Don't you like it?

- Yeah, it's okay, could
we stay here till summer?


Oh mom.

- We'll see, we won't have
to do this forever you know.

One day, I'll have a
little shop of my own.

In one of those little air
conditioned arcades in Brosie.

Connie's Espresso!

- What's espresso?

- Coffee with froth,
millions of bubbles.

And maybe you're dad
will come back to us.

He'll be so sick of sharing
he'll want to move in.

You, me, and him,
Connie's Espresso!

- Do you think dad
ever misses us?


- It's late, Peter, go to sleep.

[bells chiming]

- [Boy's Voice] Lbera me.


- Hello, Margaret, it's Wayne.

I'd be honored if you could come

as my guest to the
Bicentenary dance.

My dad would pick us
both up, of course,

it should be a great
night and filled with fun.

Well, say something.

- I'm sorry, Wayne, I can't.

- You can't, why not?

- Because I'm going with Peter.

- I want to see
you, I hear you're

going to the dance with
Margaret Bainbridge.

You've been here for a week
and take over the town.

- No!

- You're not, you
hear, you're not.

- Try and stop me!

[kids screaming]
- [Students] Fight, fight!

Fight, fight,
fight, fight, fight!


- Hi, Gran.

- [Miria] Hi, Margie!

- Hi, Miria.

- How are you doing?

- Want a hand?

- Nah, finished, such
sad little faces.

Do you know they
cook them alive?

Still, your dad just loves them.

Wants them every night
when we get married.

Oh, imagine me, mayoress!

What's the matter, love?

- Two boys at school
had a fight over me.

- You, my honey
that's wonderful!

I always said you had
potential, didn't I?

My favorite color,
heartbreaker pink.

I was wearing that color
when I first met your dad.

When I was cheerleader
for the Ipswich Wombats.

Queensland, go, go, go!


- Thanks.

[mower starting]

- I want you to mow
every blade, you hear me?

Every blade.

- Couldn't you beat me?

All the other kid's
fathers beat them.

- No, you punched up a friend
of the daughter of the mayor.

You want his worship
to think you're a thug?

And after that, you
go straight round

to Peter's and apologize.

- But, Dad, it's raining.

- Well, that might help to
cool you down a bit, son.

- [Miria] We're the
cover, where's the cover.

That's it, turn it inside,
turn it inside, no!

- [TV Announcer]
30 seconds left.

They must get four points,
and here they come.

They're going to run
across to the horse-

- [Miria] Oh yes, go with
him, where's the support, yes!

Go, go, you did it!

[ominous music]

- Pompeilia.

- Oh, which one?

- What's with the face full,
you're only going to work.

- Oh I never know
who I might meet!

- Who is he?

- Now don't you
worry, Frank's a cop.

- A cop?

- He's very nice.

- So is Dad.

- Yeah, he was, but
nice ones slip away.

I guess it's a law of nature.

- What was he like?

- Don't you remember?

- I remember the tattoo.

- Everyone said he
was just like Elvis.

Nice ones always slip away.

- I'm sorry I hit you,
I'm sorry I hit you,

I'm sorry I hit you,
I'm sorry I hit you.

- [Margaret] Peter!

These Romans are smart, you
won't believe what I found.

This is hot Peter, really hot.

- Tell me!

- Wait till we get there first.

We'll have to look around...
and they say Latin's dull.

Does your face hurt?

- No.

- Looks sore.

- Yeah.

- So this is what happens
when you make friends, huh?

I'll let Wayne take
me to the dance.

- No, you think I went
through this for nothing?

- See anything?

- No.

- This is impossible.

- Well it says on
the map to look

for the wall of Pyramus.

- Yeah, what's that
supposed to mean?

- Pyramus and Thisbe,
they were lovers

and they spoke through a wall.

- [Voice] Peter.

- Found it.

[ominous music]

What does the map say?

- Seek it now, when
Neptune's heart is loudest.

- Who's Neptune?

- God of the sea.

Let's go back.

- No, we've got to keep going.

When Neptune's heart is loudest.

- Peter, peter wait,
don't leave me!

[enchanting music]

- SPQR, what's it mean?

- Sentus Populusque
Rmnus, the Senate

and the People of Rome.

- Rome!

- It's Latin, Peter, it's
a boat from ancient Rome.

- This is a special I wanted
to show you, do you like that?

- I think they're terrific.

- [Frank] Whatever you're
selling, I'll buy it!

- Hey, baby.

- Very nice.

- Well, it's yours on the house.

- Oh, no I don't smoke, don't
believe in it Mrs. Driscoll.

No, actually what I
want to talk about

is my daughter and your son.

- Oh there's nothing wrong
with Pete, he's a good boy.

- They told me
down at the council

that you don't have a license,
but it doesn't matter.

As the Italians
say, quid pro quo.

- Rome's a million miles
from Gamma, why Peter?

Why is that here?

They must have been the first,
the first white settlers.



Wayne, you scared
us to death, Wayne!

- It's a boat, Wayne,
a very old one.

- How'd you get it in here?

- It's ours so you're
not to go blabbing.

- I don't care about
your stupid old boat.

- [Margaret] Get off, Wayne.

- [Peter] Hey, be careful Wayne.

- [Wayne] Don't be such a sook.

- Wayne, get out!

- [Wayne] Lay off.

I reckon we could
sell this, you know?

Must be from pirates, we
could get a thousand bucks.

- [Man's Voice] Peter, peter!

- Get back!

- How did you know?

[ominous music]

- Nero Divinus, the divine Nero.

- [Wayne] Huh?

- Emperor of Rome, 55 AD.

- 2,000 years.

- That's old alright.

- That's impossible.

Wayne, they're not yours.

You musn't tell anyone, not yet.

We found this boat,
and it's our secret.

- We'll swear on
it, like Romans.

I wear the mask of honor...
well go on, say it.

- I wear the mask of honor.

- On my eyes, my lips, my heart.

- On my eyes, my lips, my heart.

- Listen.
[owl cries]

- In Roman times, a
daylight owl meant danger.

[owl cries]

- Queensland,
queensland, go, go, go!

[heavy breathing]

Queensland, queensland, go, go!

- Hi, where have you been?

- Nowhere special.

- I hear you've
been hanging around

with the mayor's kid
now, dad's really mad.

- Did the cop tell you that?

- Stay away from
Margaret, please.

- What's wrong with her?

- Nothing, she's a lovely girl.

Big house, swimming
pool of her own,

more things to make you
feel ashamed of living here.

Oh, you're too young to
eat your heart out, Pete.

It'll come in its own good time.

[radio plays]

[bell chimes]

- [Man's Voice] Peter.

Libera me, libera me.


- Libera me... save me.

[students recite poem]

- Mom says I'm not
supposed to see you.

- Dad's at it again.

- Do you really have
a swimming pool?

Libera me, it means to
save somebody, doesn't it?

- Libera me, it's
supposed to be the cry

of a soul in hell, why?

- I wish I knew.

[ominous music]

[thunder storm]

- [Boy's Voice] Their
hunger and thirst

became our companions,
our nets were empty

and the sky held no rain.

For mighty Neptune,
the god of the sea

had cast us adrift
from his mercy.

Then my father
became very angry.

- Oh gods by whom
we are abandoned,

spare us wretched
mortals and we,

in sacrifice, will
burn this boat

on the first shore where
it lands, this I swear.

- No, he can't!

- Hang back.

- If he burns the boat
we can never go home.

- What choice do we have?

We're dying, Habemus,
only the gods can save us.

- I wear the mask of
honor on my eyes--

- My lips, my heart...
poor things, poor Pompey.

[bells chime]

- No, stop!


[bells chime]

- Libera me, Peter, libera me.

[heavy breathing]

- Pete, what's wrong?

- Nothing.

- Do you want the light on?

- I'm okay.

- Night, Pete.

- Night, mom.

- [Mr. Barbuto] I reckon
those coins are gold, son.

Pure gold, and probably stolen.

So where does he get them?

The truth now, Wayne.

- Tell daddy the truth, and
then we can all go home.

- If you tell us
where you got them,

I'll let you play with my gun.

- On the boat from Rome.

- We think they're from Europe,

nicked from one of
them fancy galleries.

Of course, we can't
arrest him yet.

- Arrest?

- Smuggling, theft, larsony.

That'll be Interpol.

- What's Interpol?

- [Sargent Mulwright]
Sargent Mulwright.

- International police.

- And guttentag to you too, sir.



- [Habemus] Look,
over there, land!

[excited mumbling]

- Son, wake up, look, look.

The gods have listened.

- And in the morning, the
call of the laughing bird--

I didn't understand
that, must be wrong,

greeted our arrival.

[laughing bird call]

- I claim this land
in the name of Nero,

divine and absolute
master of the Earth.

And in the name of the Senate
and the People of Rome.

I call this land Pompelia.

- Is this our home now?

- The end of the earth.

- Look!
[dramatic music]

- Be careful.

- We are Romans, Ro-mans.
[mumbling between natives]

We have been sent
by Emperor Nero.

[natives scream]

Quick, back to the boat!

- [Teacher] Get
back to your class!

Didn't you hear the bell?

- [Sargent Mulwright]
You heard me, nothing.

Nothing Roman's been
stolen from anywhere.

Not so much as a silver shackle.

He laughed at me
[laughs], he said

you can't have a robbery
without something missing.

This will get back, this will
get all around the force.

Okay, son, we'll
play it your way.

You're going to tell
us all about this boat.

- [Peter] Margaret?

- [Margaret] Hi.

- Hi, did you find out?

- They went back to the
boat, look it says here.

We fled in fear
of the black men.

[natives speak]

- [Boy's Voice]
And here we stayed,

with fear and hunger
for many days.

The heat was great and
we still had no water.

Then my father became
sick with fever,

shivering and crying
and begging us all

to honor our gods
and burn the boat.


Without water my
father would die.

[sad music]

[water splashing]

[ominous music]

I looked at their
spears and I feared--

- I would never see
my father again.

- Well go on, what happened?


- Hi.

- [Mr. Barbuto]
Wayne, where are you?

- Thanks, pal.

- They had to beat
it out of me, honest.

- Okay, what's going on here?

Peter, Margaret?

- Margaret, does your
father know you're here?

- It can't be, good
lord it can't be!

- [Mr. Barbuto] What?

- It's fantastic,
this is amazing!

- It's just an old boat.

- And old boat that
will make Gamma famous!

Incredible, incredible,
they'll have

to rewrite our
history books now.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

- It's a miracle, that's what
it is, a genuine miracle!

It's fantastic!

- Oh, look, you'll have to be
a bit weary of those cameras.

No, I'm afraid until
we speak to the media

about just what's going on here,

come in front of a judge--

- The mayor, or should
I say the emperor,

of this sleepy little
hamlet is a former

Queensland football star
and 1968 player of the year,

Mayor Leo "The
Tiger" Bainbridge.

- Now if this boat's for real,
and that's a very big if,

Rosie, it would
mean that the Romans

were the first white
Australians, and
not the British.

As is sometimes alleged.

- Do you think it's authentic?

- Well, Rosie, as
we say on the field

we'll just have to see
when the scrum packs down.

- Wood from the boat,
wood from the boat!

It's genuine wood
from the Roman boat!

[kids playing]

- Wayne's selling fake
wood in the playground.

- Ah, here it is,
background research

for my book on Pompey.

- A book?

- I'm going to
publish his scroll.

I'll have it translated by
the end of the holidays.

- But you can't, it's a secret.

We made an oath.

- It was only a game,
Peter, don't you

realize what this means?

An authentic Roman diary,
and I translated it.

I'll be up there with
Pliney and Virgil.

- Pompey would hate it.

- Pompey's dead.

- Is he?

Libera me, save me,
what if he isn't?

What if he's in hell
and needs our help?

- That's spooky and it's stupid.

Now stop trying to scare me,
I want to get this finished.

- You're as bad as
Wayne, I trusted you

but your father was right,
I should've kept away.

- [Mr. Barbuto]
This way, professor.

- Thank you, it's
very kind of you

to let me stay in your house.

- Oh, not a problem at all.

I feel smarter just
standing beside you, Prof.

Now, about this boat.

- It is a fraud, of course.

They always are, UFOs, Holy
Grail's, Trojan Horses.

You know how many Noah's
Arcs were found last year?

16, two in Texas,
all of them genuine.

So you show me this
boat, and then I go home.


- Roman wares and
donuts for sale,

get your donuts here we go!

Donuts for sale, Roman
wares and donuts for sale!

- No photographs without
the mayor's permission, son.

And no, you can't go inside.

Peter, peter, come
on out of there, son.

That's a good boy,
out, out, out, out.

- [Wayne] Come on
now, donuts for sale!

- [Sargent Mulwright]
Barbuto, get out of there!

- [Connie Driscoll]
Peter, peter.

They're going to
bring in engineers,

they want to take
it to town. [laughs]

This will be great for business.

- I found it, it's mine.

- Oh, not anymore, Connie's
Espresso here we come!

- [Wayne] Get your
donuts, for sale!

[magical music]


- [Wayne] Hey, Driscoll!

- Get lost.

- Don't be so stroppy.

Look, I'll cut you in if you
like, 10% on the wood sales.

Well, you did find the boat
I guess, it's only fair--

- Go away, I don't want it!

- Thank goodness you're
here, you won't believe

what I just found--

- Go away, you've got the
scroll what else do you want?

- You're so pea-headed.

- It's my boat,
Pompey gave it to me.

- No one gave it to you,
but I'm sorry you're angry.

- No you're not,
you broke your oath.

- I've done more
work on the scroll,

I think you should listen.

- Well, I'm not interested.

- Well, I am.

- Why, is there a
buck in this for you?

- Don't you care what
happened to Pompey?

Little Pompey was captured,
but they didn't kill him.

He was saved by his
fair skin and his bulla.

- Huh?

- The bulla, it was
a good luck charm

Roman kids wore
around their necks.

Well, I guess the blacks
had never seen gold before.

- This bulla, it had
an L inside didn't it?

- Maybe, why?

- Nothing, so what happened?

- They looked at
the gold and thought

he'd come from the
sun, "I was sure that

I was about to die,
and I grieved for my--"

- [Little Pompey]
Grieved for my father,

whom I would never see again.

[dramatic music]

[natives speaking]

[horn blowing]

And thus did we settle
on the shores of Pompey.

So far from the temples
and markets of Rome.

And the black men taught
us the ways of this land.

To hunt, and to fish,
and where to find water.

The days were
filled with wonder.

With wonder and delight.

[instrumental music]

And so we lived in exile,
here at the end of the earth.

But my father found no peace,
for the boat remained unburned

and our angry gods
did ever torment him.

There was shame on us all for
failing to honor his oath.

Father, father!

- No, no, look at me,
it must be burned!

- But we'll never get home.

- We promised the gods
or we shall be cursed.

Go, I command you!


- [Romans] No, not the boat!

- Go, go, throw
it, throw it, no!

[dramatic music]

And so did my father die on a
shore at the end of the earth.

The flames burn,
and all life passes.

I mourn him, reader,
my father who loved me.

But the gods will not
give back the dead.

And sons are left to weep
alone, pity me reader.

- Pity me and pray for me.

- This is stupid.

- You okay?

- Yeah, my dad went too.

He didn't die, he just left.

I write, you know, I guess
he never got my letters.

[police siren]

- Hey, no dancing with anyone
else or I'll bust them.

- Aw, just with Peter!

- [Frank] Well, okay sport.

- ♪ Oh the guys from
Kerns are something

♪ With their winking
and their kisses

♪ While the boys from towns
will love you night and day

♪ Now a Gamma man can turn you

♪ From a Miss into a Mrs.
while the surfing hugs

♪ From surfers they can
always get their way

♪ But the one I want
is smart and strong

♪ His skin as smooth as satin

♪ His lips to me
are honey sweet ♪

- When are they
bringing the boat in?

- Tonight, as soon as dad
gets word from Brisbane.

The unit's been doing
some tests on the wood,

please don't get angry, I
wouldn't hurt Pompey, he's dead.

- He might be to you,
but he's not to me.

- Don't, that's scary.

- It's true, all the
time now in my dreams

I see the boat and
him, and I know

what he'll say before
he even says it.

Libera me, but why, what
does he want from me?

- Get a move on, you're
holding up the line.

- Rome fell, you know.

- Yes.

- ♪ But the one I want
his arms are strong

♪ His skin is smooth as satin

- Now don't forget,
lit off the crackers

when they bring
the boat in, right?

- All set, Mr. Mayor, all set.

- Please, we haven't
spoken all night.

It's like I don't exist anymore.

I want it like the old
days, me and the tiger.

Just like it used to be.

- Sure honey, sure.

Any word on that telegram yet?

- ♪ I want a Latin lover
who can hold me tight ♪

- This is it!

Annaleigh, stop the music!

Testing, testing...
ladies and gentlemen.

Friends, can I have your
attention for a minute please?

[crowd whispering]

Now, I don't want
to stop your fun.

But there's something I
want to say to all of you.

Something that's going
to live with you forever.

And your children, and even
your children's children.

Ladies and gentlemen, friends,
the announcement is...

[drum roll]

Um, um.

- [Man in Crowd]
Let's hear it, Tiger!

- What's wrong with him?

- Leo!

- [Man in Crowd] Come
on, Mayor, spit it out!

- The announcement is...
would the unruly red sinute

move from out front before
it gets taken please.

[crowd boos]

- [Man in Crowd] Some
rotten junk, Mayor!

- Please, start the music.

- Leo, what did
the telegram say?

- Nothing.

- What's happened, daddy?

- What do you
think you're doing?

- They tested the
boat and they found

traces of varnish
and Julex high-gloss.

That boat's about as
Roman as the Pope.

We've been tricked, the
Gamma boat's a fake.

[wind blowing]

[radio plays]

- All roads lead to Gamma.

- [Radio Announcer]
Seems a certain boat

has gone up a creek and left us

all there without a paddle.



- [Miria] Wee! Who's a naughty,
naughty Ipswich Wombat, hm?

Come on, come on daddy, just
a little, little spoonful.

queensland, go, go, go.

- It was just the same when
he lost the grand final,

didn't budge for weeks.

- How's your dad?

- Miria says I
have to force feed.

- I'm sorry.

- It's not your fault, they're
going to pulverize the boat.

- [Wayne] Good riddance, too.

- When?

- Today.

- They can't.

- It doesn't
matter, it's a fake.

- The wood, the stuff they sent

to the unit wasn't
from the boat at all.

It was from Mrs.
Hennesey's back fence.

- What?

- I switched it round, I sneaked

into the Professor's room.

- Then the boat's for real.

- Yeah.

- Quick, let's go!

- [Wayne] Come on, Peter!

- [Margaret] You let
me destroy my book,

you stood there and let
me drown it, why Peter?

Why did you do it?

- [Peter] Can't you see
what the boat's doing?

It's turning the town
into a great big circus.

- [Wayne] What's
wrong with that?

- [Peter] That's not
what Pompey wants.

He needs help.

- [Wayne] You're the
one that needs help.

[dramatic music]

- Stop, stop please,
stop you can't!

- Stop, please you have to stop.

The boat's not a fake!

- Sorry, love, council orders.

- You can't!

- I'm warning you,
kid, I'm on me orders.

This boat's gotta go,
get out of me way kid.

Do you hear?

- No!

- Okay, kid, it's you or me job!

- Peter don't!

- He's going to squash you!

- Libera me, libera me,
libera me, libera me.

- Peter, peter!

- Libera me, libera me!
[lightning crash]

- Libera me, libera me!

Libera me, libera me!

- I'm scared, who is that?

- It's Pompey!

- Libera me, libera
me, libera me!

Libera me, libera me, libera me!

[crashing storm]


- [Margaret] I saw
him, Peter, I saw him.

- [Wayne] You're a
weirdo, how'd you do that?

- [Margaret] It was
Pompey, you were Pompey.

- He led me to the cave, he
wanted us to find the boat.

To look after it for
him, but why, why?

- When I was a prop forward,
our coach used to say

"play honestly, honesty
is the best defense."

It was true for the Wombats
and it's true in life.

So I'm going to ask
you to be honest, son.

Then I'm turning
you over to Frank.

- [Connie Driscoll] No!

- Keep out of it, Con.

- We all know Lenny, and
he's not a drinking man.

- A cyclone attacked me.

- Shut up, Lenny.

So, what the heck have you
two been doing with my boat?

- [Connie Driscoll]
Nothing, Pete's a good boy.

- I switched the wood shavings.

- [Margaret] It was all my idea.

- Magsie?

- It's true, daddy, I
taught him to do it.

And Wayne helped, too.

- No... okay, just a little bit.

- Chlorine makes it shiny.

- Oh, it's lovely, Leo.

- Yeah, well you only get
married once or twice.

[phone rings]

- [Grandma Agnes]
Leo, Leo, there's

a phone call from Brisbane,
it's that professor!


- Queensland,
Queensland, go, go, go!

[marching band music]

[crowd cheers]


[crowd cheering]

- They love them, they
love them, you can see!

[Roman music]

- And in honor of those
first white Queenslanders,

I am proud to unveil these plans

for a Roman temple
and bubbler complex

for the Gamma War Memorial Park.

In the immortal words
of Julian Caesar,

"Veni, Vidi, Vici," I
came, I saw, I drank.


I love this boat,
friends, this tiny ship

which braved the
oceans is just like me.

Just like us, a battler
on the sea of life.

And because of this boat,
Gamma and all who sail in her,

us, friends, us, will
sail on to victory.

- Vulgarity, thy
name is Bainbridge.

- And I make you this
promise, friends.

I will work myself senseless,
day and night if necessary,

to launch the people of
Gamma on this journey.

I thank you.

- ♪ I want a Latin lover
who can hold me tight

♪ Say non tamera
baby it'll be alright

♪ I'll kiss that ipso facto
homosapians each night

♪ And we'll work on
my declintions till
the morning light

♪ I'll know my Latin lover
and he'll Latin love me too

♪ He'll read to me from
Pliney till I say I do ♪

- Bring your head through a
little bit more, that's it.

- Wait a minute, here you go!

- [Film Director] Big
smile, Dolly, action!

- From the sea that kept
your Roman boat in tact,

comes Gamman, a dramatic
new concept in skincare.

Made from authentic Gamma water.

New Gamma moisturizer!

Preserve your face
for 2,000 years.

- [Radio Announcer] And
that was Latin Lover,

this week's bullet
performer on 4GA Gamma!

- [Wayne] Ten, twenty.

- [Radio Announcer]
After the break,

we'll continue with hits
of the ancient world.

- Always keep Henry's
face on the left, son.

- Ten, twenty, thirty, forty.
- [Interviewer] So, Wayne,

in your own words,
how did you feel

when you interfaced
with the boat.

- Oh, uh, good,
good and everything.

Well, I knew it was there,
I've been searching for years.

- [Interviewer] You knew
about the boat, then?

- Uh, yeah, well I've
had this feeling.

And my dad always
says, go with the gut!

- [Interviewer] Mayor
Bainbridge, how do you feel

standing here in the very spot

where the Roman boat people
first came to Queensland?

- Margaret--

- Dad's not here, he's
out with the boat.

- Well, I'm really not one
for deep thinking, Jared.

That's not what
Queensland's all about.

But yes, I think--

- It's you I wanted to see,
I thought you might like

to have some of my
makeup, you know,

for when you get older.

I've been promoted,
head of Avon sales

in the Solomon islands.

- The Solomon islands?

- Yeah, isn't that terrific?

- [Margaret] You're
leaving Gamma?

- Yeah, do you like it?

- It's lovely, thanks.

- Now you'll smell
like Princess Di, ey?

- But daddy can't
manage without you.

- Oh, Margaret look, as long as

he's got that boat
he'll be fine.

He won't even know I'm gone.

- [Interviewer] But the
boat is a foreign vessel,

and under the
constitution that means

that the property of
the federal government.

- He was some man, you know.

- They'll always
be a ratbag element

trying to spoil the
fun, now we are not

going to have a bunch
of left wing radicals

come right wing extremists
crawling all over our boat.

- Look after him, Margaret.

- Why are you leaving?

- Oh honey, please don't, if I
cry my eyelashes will uncurl.

- [Interviewer] Why do you
think the boat came to Gamma?

- That's a good question, Jared,

it took a wrong turn at the
equator and ended up here.

Thereby being Queensland's
first ever tourist.

- Pete, what do you think?

- [Peter] Ours?

- Ta-da!

We'll never tow that, mom.

- Oh we don't have
to, I was thinking

we might stay here
for a while, huh?

- What about finding dad?

Connie's Espresso?

- Oh, we can't leave
Gamma, not now.

Those Romans are not
plastic, they're gold.

And I've got the franchise,
we're doing it Pete!

We're making our fortune.

- [Margaret] Miria's gone.

- Yeah.

- Go after her, daddy,
it's not too late.

You know how much she loves you.

[phone rings]

- Hello, yeah, Ron,
that's right, America.

All 55 states, and three
weeks in Disneyland.

Of course I'll be going
with the boat, too,

but there's a couple things
I want to know right now.

Can you check, does
the boat float?

- [Peter] America, they can't!

- [Margaret] Well, they are.

- [Peter] Where are we going?

- [Margaret] To Mr. McHugh's
house, I need help Peter.

Something's happened to Pompey,

but I can't make it out.

- Amazing, amazing.

Why haven't you handed this in?

- We can't, please
don't ask us to.

- What's he saying?

- Well, he's a terrible
speller, just dreadful.

Let me see, what heart
is bleaker than mine?

What eyes have seen such sights?

Look, he's put the me in twice!

Oh dear, dear,
what a bad mistake.

- Was he sick, he has a fever.

- Sounds like Malaria,
they must have

picked it up on the way,
probably Africa or--

- Please go on.

- I heard the black moon
call and hurried to the sea,

the smoke was rising
from the waves.

Where the boat had been moored,

now there was flames,
I watched this fire

and believed that at last
mighty Neptune had been honored.

But later I learned
the terrible truth.

The black men told me,
for they had seen it.

Flavius and the slaves
had taken our boat

and hidden it away
in a secret place.

They'd burned a raft instead,

hoping this would
trick the gods.

[natives speaking]

But the gods cannot be tricked,

and they turned on us in anger.


And soon all had died,
the sons of Rome.

Thus I was left alone.

By day I search for the boat,

ever mindful of my
father's command.

But the hills kept their secret,

and the cliffs remained bare.

Then one of the black
men gave me a map

drawn by Flavius.

[natives speaking]


- [Little Pompey] No, they'll
find the boat! Set fire to it!

I failed to burn it,
and the angry gods

wracked my body with fever.

And so Pompey leaves you,
pray for him, reader.

Exiled on Earth and
dishonored in heaven.

Twice shamed, forever lost.

[dramatic music]

Bury them on the road in
the way of our fathers,

they found me in my tomb
when the flames went out.

Thus Pompey burns,
burns forever.

Save me, reader.

- Save me.

- Save me.

[crowd yelling]

- My dad says they're
going to throw you in jail.

- Thanks.

- Here, it's a Roman raisin.

- Wayne, he's on
a hunger strike.

- [Wayne] No one's looking.

- I can't.

Look, I'm not going to eat,
I'm not going to drink.

Passive resistance.

- You're crazy.

- It worked for Ghandi.

- [Wayne] But that
was just a movie.

- You tell him from me,
I'm at war with America.

I'm going to stay here forever
until they give me the boat.

- You can't fight the Yanks,
you don't even have a gun.

- [Wayne] Are you sure
you haven't cracked up,

my dad says--

- [Peter] You saw
it, you saw Pompey.

You think he wants us
to give up his boat?

- Caused him nothing
but trouble, and us.

- You've done alright out of it.

- Yeah, well I don't
see my dad much anymore.

He's always down at the factory,

or with his accountants.

When he does come home,
well, he yells at everyone.

Guess that means we've
got it made, huh?

- [TV Announcer] In
a scene straight out

of Crocodile Dundee a
feisty little Aussie

declared war on the US,
and to prove his point

he's on a hunger strike.

The final ironic twist today,
local boy Peter Driscoll

chained himself to
the Gamma senetat,

as a protest against
the boat's upcoming tour

to America this fall,
telegrams of support

have been received
from Green Peace

and Shirley McClaine who
claims that in a previous life

she was actually
on that Roman boat.

But for now Peter's on his own,

chained and hungry
at the town senetat.

Where he plans to stay until
the boat tour is cancelled.

[reporters shouting]

- [Reporter] Is he a member
of Green Peace, Mrs. Driscoll?

- Come on, what's the
matter with you people?

Step back, you'd
think you'd never seen

a kid chained to a pole before.

Alright, Connie, he's okay,
don't get yourself upset.

Come on, he's over
here, he's alright.

Maybe you can talk to him,
come on step back please.

- And how long do
you want him to stay?

Peter, oh look at
you, oh goodness.

They've come with a van,
TV men from everywhere.

Asking all kind of questions,
what sort of mother

do they think I am?

They want me to
make you come home,

but what am I supposed to do?

Cut the chains and
drag you off, beat you?

You can't stand up.

That boat has made
us $12,000 already.

You think your dad
doesn't know that?

Hasn't seen us in the papers?

I know him, Pete, this
would bring him back.

Maybe this very second
he's coming here.

And if you make a fuss
we'll lose it all.

Oh Pete, don't wreck
it for us please,

don't ruin our one big chance.

- Poor little fella.

- Let's get on with it, Frank.

Come on, Frank!

- No!

- Come on, come on, get in
the car like a good boy!

- Shut up!

- [Peter] Help, help!

- Come on, out, out,
out, come on, out.

And don't do it again.

- [Connie Driscoll] Peter?

[ominous music]

- [Little Pompey]
Libera me, Peter.

Libera me.

[instrumental music]

- [Margaret] Wayne!

- He asked us for help,
but we never knew why.

He could never leave
here, because he
never burned the boat.

Forever in exile,
those were his words.

That boat's been cursed, and
so has this town for taking it.

It belongs to Pompey's gods.

- Mumbo jumbo, it breaks
all the laws of logic.

- You'll say stuff
with me, and you can't

even see what's going on.

- [Grandma Agnes] Margaret!

- Be there in a minute, Gran.

- Libera me, his soul in hell,
you told me that yourself.

Pompey wants us to free him,
he wants us to burn the boat.

- No!

- If you touch that boat,
it's like shooty skippy.

My dad was right, you
have gone trouble.

- Go on, agree with him,
but I know what I know.

We read his scrolls,
and now it's like

he's with me all the time.

- They'll never forgive you,
they'll send you to jail.

- He's waited
2,000 years for me.

- You'll never do
it, not on your own.

[instrumental music]

- What are you doing up, mate?

Go back to bed.

- Dad?

It's about the boat,
Peter and Marg--

that's our moisturizer,
it's supposed

to be the water from
the mountain spring.

- Yeah, sure, I'm just
topping it off a little.

- But you're not a cheat.

Not you.

- You think I want to be a
cook for the rest of my life?

- For 20 years, I've stank
of cinnamon and olive oil.

I'll tell you what I
learned from my donuts,

if you don't grab the
dough, you're left

with nothing but the hole.

[dogs barking]

- I wear the mask of honor,
I wear the mask of honor.

- On my eyes, my lips, my heart.

[ominous music]


- Quick, we've got ten seconds.

Got it!

Here goes.

Last one.

- That's it.

- We won't give up, we can't.

- Someone's coming!

- [Wayne] Fix it.

- Wayne!

- Quick, get in, what
are you doing here?

- I wish I knew.

- They don't fit.

- Don't you know anything?


[car starts]

- I don't believe it.

- Where'd you learn that?

- Miami Vice.

[dramatic music]

- [Sargent Mulwright] Hey come
back, you're under arrest!

- We can it now, we
won't get caught.

- Do you have the gold bar?

- Miami Vice?

- No, Sound of Music.

- Oh no!

- Ouch, my head, get
off, you're on my head!

- Everything fine?

- Okay.

- Quickest way, Wayne.

- Magsie?

- Daddy?

- What the heck do you
think you're doing?

Stop, come back!

Margaret, margaret!

[dogs barking]

[instrumental music]

[heavy breathing]

- Frank!

- Mayor!

- Who's taken the boat?

- And my distributor cap,
I'll bet it's terrorists.

They jumped me, man,
they come from behind.

There were six of them,
looked like tanks.

- Three kids, Frank,
including my daughter.

- What?

- Do something, quick.

- Too late, they've taken
it to do what must be done.

It's meant to be.

- Now what are you
on about, mate?

- The boat is
cursed, the children

have to do this to
save Gamma, and us.

- You better get us a
car, Frank, any car.


- Quick, hurry!

- Catch!

[horns honking]

- Race car, you idiot!

- Okay, here we go.

- Vini, vidi, vici!

- It's Pompey's.

- What about your book?

- It belongs with him.

- It's just like the bubbely,
the sparks of the bubbelay!

The greatest battle
in the ancient world,

the singers of courage!

[majestic music]

- We who're about to
die, salute the children!

- I can't.

[flames roaring]

[car honking]

- [Mr. Brisbane] Wait,
what are you doing?

Hey, bring that boat back!

- [Crowd] The boat, the boat!

- [Margaret] Listen!

- Goodbye.

- [Peter] It's Pompey,
he's saying goodbye.

- Flames burn and all
life passes, vale.

- We've done it, he's
free, vale Pompey.

- Vale.

- Vale.

[latin language music]