Toto vs. the Black Pirate (1964) - full transcript

TOTO VERSUS THE BLACK PIRATE

Thief!

Thief!

Get him!

Stop him!

Thief! He robbed me! Get him!

What's happening?
- Get outta the way!

Where did he go?
- Dunno!

Apples! Pears! Watermelons!

All fresh fruit, gentlemen!

Let's go. Come on! Go!



Quick, quick, guys!

You know we don't have much
time to load. Come on, hurry!

Come on, this is no time to rest!

Come on, wake up there!
What are you doing? Sleeping?

Is this ours?
- No.

No?

Oh, it's rum.
- Ah, it's rum.

Load it!

Load it up. Hurry!

Hurry! There are guards about.

Up! Up! Let's go! Come on!

Long live the pirates!
- Long live the pirates!

Long live the Black Pirate!
- Long live the Black Pirate!

All at your stations! Let's go, move!



Guys, don't stop!

No sleeping! No sleeping! Forward!

What is this barrel?
Where does it come from?

I found it in the market.

OK, take it to the captain's cabin.
- I don't want to!

According to Article 131
of the pirates' code,

for every barrel of rum,
the crew is entitled… - Quiet!

Why?
- Don't be a fool with your speeches.

Don't you think there's too many of us?
Well, let's drink it among us, right?

I'm going to call the captain.
- Let's take it to him.

Captain?

If the wind holds up,
in two days we'll cross the Esperanza.

Will there be treasure
from the colonies on board?

My information service
is never wrong, dear Burrasca.

So how about drinking some rum?

Rum?
- Jamaican Rum.

Ah, with pleasure!

God, I can't take it anymore!

At the end of the corridor, on the right.

Thank you.

This way, guys!

Let's drink a pint of rum.

Nobody's last when there's rum, eh?

What kind of rum is this?

Is it already gone?
- Taste it.

It's sour.

It must have gone bad.
- Damn it!

Throw the barrel in the sea!
- The sea? No!

Who said no?
- I didn't speak.

Me neither.

Was it you?
- No.

It was Coccorito.

I didn't open my beak.

The barrel to the fish!
- Not the fish!

Who dares argue with my orders?
- Nobody!

I'll throw it into
the sea with my own hands!

Who moved the barrel?
- Was it you?

No, not me.
- Then who was it?

Well, the parrot…
- Watch out!

No, I mean the parrot spoke earlier.

Good day!

What beautiful young people!

Finally, I see some nice faces!

Where do you come from?
- The barrel.

And who brought you here?
- Him over there!

Me? I'll kill you!

Silence!
- Silence! Let the Marshal talk!

And who brought you on board?

It was like this: The Spanish soldiers…

Ah! Did the Spanish recruit you?
- Confess!

I don't like that guy.

Silence!
- No threats. No threats!

And how much did you get?

The first time, 6 months
and 20 pieces of gold. Oh, well!

You sell yourself for so little?

And who knows how many of us
he has reported, this filthy spy!

Me?
- Kill him! Kill him!

Excuse me, are these guys mad at me?
- Yes.

You've misunderstood, gentlemen.
Be patient.

I meant to say the Spanish
wanted to arrest me!

And 20 pieces of gold they gave you?

They gave me squat!

I had to pay them
20 pieces of gold as a fine!

Only God knows what I had
to do to collect the sum.

What if he was sent by
our friend, L'Olonese? Eh?

The friend that he said.
- Ah… good! L'Olonese, eh? - Who's he?

And are you good friends?
- Great friends!

How many days since you've seen him?
- Well, let me think…

30 days in November with
April and September. What's today?

28th.
- What?

There's one with 28.
2 days ago, it's been a year.

So you saw his right arm?
- Of course!

We're almost like brothers!
- No, no! His right arm. This.

His right arm.
- Ah, you were referring to the limb?

I cut it off 2 months ago with a saber!

Really? What a hoot!
- What's so funny?

I would've liked to have been
there to see the arm fly!

Sorry, I didn't understand. Whose arm?
- L'Olonese's.

And who cares about L'Olonese!
- What? Weren't you great friends?

Me?
- Yes.

I said I'm a friend of…
But no! I meant L'Olandese (Dutchman)!

L'Olandese? Even worse!
He stole my finest loot!

Really?
- Yes.

Checkmate!

Leave it! - This is cheating!
- No, this is mine!

Give it to me!
- It's mine!

Now then!
- Who's there!

L'Olandese sent you.

Who sent me?
- L'Olandese!

Who told you that?
- You! - Me?

Excuse me, did I say L'Olandese?
I did?

Sorry, it slipped out.
L'Olandese may slip out from anybody.

Did you ever let L'Olandese slip out?
- No! - Not him, but I did.

What can you do?
I wanted to say instead… - Go on.

He sent me, the thing…
- Who?

Which?
- Not the thing, the…

The parmes… the pecorino… no…
- But which?

Il Portoghese! (The Portuguese Man)
- Ah, Il Portoghese!- Damn!

We were like brothers
and he sank my best ship!

Really? Excuse me.
If I may say so, you're really jinxed.

You've a jinx on you!
Still, such a tall piece of a man.

He should be a commendatore by now.
Is he? - No!

He's not? You see, those kind
of things make my blood boil!

I become nervous.
I don't know but I could kill somebody!

This man makes me suffer!
So big and not yet…!

I must leave or I'll get too upset.
- Calm down!

Where are you going?
- Captain,

there's only one way to
make this filthy spy speak.

Torture.
- You're right.

What?
- You two go and prepare the table.

Oh, good! May you live 100 years!

I'm so hungry!
My stomach has been empty since…

You'll see.

You're so big but I'm so hungry,
I can't see you!

Shall we go?

Is the table set?
- Yes, Captain. - Good.

This? - Yes. - No cups,
tablecloths, cutlery to eat with?

You want a tablecloth?

Climb up!

OK, I'm going.

Is this a time to joke around?
We joke after a full belly, no?

And maybe even a few laughs?
- Yes.

Count me in!
- Get up!

What manners! What ways!
This man is cranky.

Done! All right?

What are you doing with…
- Go forward!

Don't push.
- Forward!

Still further!
- I'm there. - Further!

Impossible. - Why? - It's all wet,
there's the sea. It's full of water!

You'll end up there,
if you decide not to talk!

But I told everything.
- You told nothing! - How?

Enough with making fun of us! - OK.
- And if you don't say who sent you to spy,

I'll throw you to the sharks!
- The sharks?

Please, not in your dreams!
They have no muzzles!

Captain, he'll never talk!

You think so? We'll see.

You want to save your life?
- You hafta ask?

Then sing.
- Here?

Sing!
- Before all?

Sing!

At Marechiaro, there's a window…

Damn it! Damn it!

Damn it? This is the drums.
- What drums?

Great shot, Captain.
- May all spies end up so!

All of them!
Long live the Black Pirate!

Long live the Black Pirate!

Bless you.

Thanks, very nice of you.
- You're welcome.

Thief! Thief!
Help! Black Pirate! Help!

Damn you. You're a thief together
with that parrot of your mother!

No names! Thief and spy!
- Hush!

Look, I'll wring your neck!

Isn't there any parsley on this ship?

Parsley?
- I'll fix you. - Help!

Black Pirate!
- Now I'll fix you.

Shut up!

Burrasca! Wine.

Boss, another song.

Damn that frozen water.

How cold!

Ah, that's better.
Yes.

Excuse me.
- Help.

Eee! A ghost!

I am?

A ghost? Now I'll show you.

Ugh, I did it.

A ghost!

Captain! Captain!

Captain, there's a ghost!
- What nonsense are you talking?

Captain, there's a ghost…
- On board.

It's the truth. We've all seen it.
- Yes, it's true!

Stupid idiots!

If you can't hold your liquor, don't drink!

There he is! There he is!

How ugly!

Enough!

It's that idiot's usual joke!

Burrasca! Where are you?
- Here.

Give him the lesson he deserves.
- Let's give it to him!

Yes, give it to him.
- Take him!

I'll bash his head in. Where is he?

Where is he? Where are you?

Does this seem like a time for joking?

Help, Captain!

Stop, you cowards!

I'll kill him.
- There he is!

See?

That's done.

I told you, it's a ghost.

José! How did he get back here?

I knew it! It's him! The spy!

Get him!

Let's kill him! To his death!

Article 36.

Regarding hanging.

Lord, at this solemn time, listen to us.

You who are so good, welcome this sinner.

Even if he is a spy, a thief, a wretch.

Stop it! You'll bring me bad luck!

Let me die in peace. Right, hangman?

To you.
- Let's go.

Blindfold.
- No blindfold! No!

I'm a hero.

The noose.
- No noose.

You hafta wear the noose
or they can't hang you.

I got distracted. Sorry.

The convict has the right
to express a last wish before dying.

You have a wish?
- Yes.

Say it.
- Hang me, but save my life.

No more nonsense! Hurry with it!

What manners!

Hangman, pull me down! It's cold up here!

Impossible!

Another one of your devilries, eh?
- Every man for himself.

I'll take off your neck with my hands!

Article 5, paragraph 16,
comma F of the pirates' code:

The convict who escapes the penalty
in a miraculous or extraordinary way,

has the right to be pardoned.
- Quite right!

Captain! What will you do? Obey the code?

All right, damn you and everyone!

Listen, we're alone now
and you can tell me.

Who sent you here to spy?

Ah, this is an obsession!

How many times, must I say I'm no spy?

So why were you hiding in the barrel?

Political reasons.

Are you an anarchist?
- No.

Secret sect?
- No.

Dynamite?
- No.

Then who are you?

Listen, I'll tell you,
but I beg you, don't tell anyone.

Don't worry.
- With nobody.

With nobody.
- Your hand. What are you giving me?

Eh, my hook.
- Ah, sorry. Sit down.

In the morning…
I leave home to go to work.

To earn a living, bread.
And I insert myself into the crowd.

In the middle of the crowd,
I must make my way by jostling, pushing.

Sometimes, out of bad luck, I slip and
end up with my hand in someone's pocket.

I pull my arm back quickly.

What have I got in my hand?
A purse full of money.

I don't know whose it is,
the crowd's so big. What to do? I keep it!

What should I do?
What would you do?

And this misfortune happens
2 or 3 times a day. Cursed fate!

So, you're just a thief.

Hey, watch your words.
Young man, watch your words.

I'm not a thief. - No? What then?
- I'm persecuted due to politics.

Politics made me so.

What politics? - Got it?
- You're a petty thief like the rest.

Say, what difference is there
between me and you guy?

Tell me this.
- Hey, calm down.

Don't confuse yourself with us.
- What?

We are the aristocracy of theft.
We're organized.

We have a knights' code we respect.

I'm part of the knights' code.
What are you part of?

I'm part of the penal code. OK?

It's the same.
- The same?

If it's not the same, it's similar.
Listen, amputee, come here.

Amputee? A hook, please.
- I want to go.

I don't want to stay here.

Tell me what I need to do to leave!
- Leave? Easy to say!

It got stuck? To the magnet?

You can't leave.

Whether you want it or not,
you're a pirate too.

Then I'm forced to be a pirate?
- Well, why complain?

You've gone up socially.

Excuse me but here you eat, drink, sleep.

Every time we board,
you get your share of the loot.

After 20 or 30 years,
you can retire to a private life.

Respected with some nice wealth saved up.

That is, if you live.

Why is there also a hope to croak?
- Well the risks are many.

See this?
Don't mess with the Black Pirate.

That pirate! You don't know what
I like to do to that Black Pirate!

Yeah, right!

Listen up. What if I were sick?
- There's no doctor.

What if I get injured?
- There's no infirmary.

What if I die?
- They throw you in the sea.

Well, as long as you have your health!

Rather, think of weaponry.
Go and get a sword.

Where do I get it? You give me one?
- No, everybody here makes their own.

Go down to the forge.

Get a hammer, a piece of iron and make it.

At this hour? Now?
- Yes, now!

I've never been there before.
- Now, you're arguing? Go.

To Foggia?
- To Fog...

Yeah, Foggia! What Foggia?
- In Bari?

What Bari and Catania?
- Barletta?

No, to Naples! But, really!
- What? I gotta go to Naples to…

Who said Naples?
- It's not Foggia, if I go to Naples!

No, Sir, I didn't say go to Foggia!
The forge! Forge!

The forge below, the smithy…
- You said Foggia!

Did I say Foggia? - I'd make you…!
- Now, it's me? Hark at him!

Take any piece of iron, go below
and make that blessed sword.

It's the Esperanza.

Our friend's information was correct.

The treasure of the colonies
won't escape us.

Helmsman, approach!

Ready to board!
- Gunners, get ready to board!

Parino! Look!
It came out good. Have I done well?

Not bad. Where did you do it?

At the smithy, in Foggia.
- Yes, I see.

How did you do it? Where did
you get the iron? - I got it from here.

From the magnet. - What?
- This magnet.

Wretch! You took my magnet?
- Yes, Sir.

That was my lucky charm!
- So?

So? What will I do now?

Is it noon?
- An attack. A cannon blow!

Is it the pirates? Call the guards!

Guards? We're the pirates!
- Who do I call? - Nobody!

Take the helm! This is a trap.

On that ship is the whole Spanish army.

Let's get ready to fight! Let's die hard!

Have we approached?
- Yes.

Let's go board her!

Follow me! And show what you can do.

I can't do anything.
- Don't be an idiot! Follow me!

I'm the idiot?

Long live Spain!

Death to pirates!

Who goes there?
- Password?

On guard! Defend yourself!

One moment! This is a big mistake.

I'm not a pirate.
- Ah, you're not a pirate, eh?

Surrender!
- You!

Surrender!
- First you!

Surrender!
- So, it's neither your word or mine!

Let's both surrender, OK?
- Fight!

I will! And don't tell me to stand still
or you'll know what I'll do?

What?
- Mar your skin and give your scar a twin!

To arms!
- Fight!

On guard!

That's 2. Who's next?

Captain!

Captain!

What are you doing there?
- Let's hide, now that we can't be saved.

Then at the first port, we'll try to slip…
- Wretch! Come out from there!

But the Spaniards are everywhere,
we'll be lost. - Get out of there! Out!

A pirate doesn't give up.
We'll die fighting but we'll die hard!

Very hard. - Come with me!
Let's show them who the Black Pirate is!

We'll win!

36…

37…

38…

Who's next?

God, how heavy you are!

There you go!

40 and 41! How tiring!

Is there anyone else?

Long live…
Long live the Black Pirate!

Damn it! Turn back around!
Let's return to the cove!

Yes, Captain!

Hey, did you see the half moon?
- No, I can't see it. Here.

You can't see it, it's day.
- That's what I say. How can you see it?

I'm not looking for that. - What kind
of half moon do you want? - Mine.

Are you Master of the Moon?
- That's not what I'm talking about.

I'm talking about…
How do you call it? The meat chopper!

Nope, I didn't see it.
- You didn't, eh?

And that? - Which?
- That one at at your side.

This here?
This is a scimitar, a short weapon.

That's no short weapon, but the half moon.

I found it in the kitchen!
- Where else would it be?

Gimme it, I hafta cook.
I gotta chop the meat. - With this?

You use this on the meat?
- Yes, why?

That surprises you? Meat, onion, all.
- Actually, stop there.

What is it?
- Stay there, don't move.

Damned pirates!

Crew members! Sailors!

Cabin boys, ahoy! And personnel!

Listen to me!

Silence.

Are you all here?
- Yes!

After my heroic gesture,

that was worth saving your life,
ugly stinkers like no one else,

our captain, the so-called Black Pirate,

had to by law,
pro… pro… promote me to officer!

And therefore,
by virtue of this, I demand from you

the maximum devotion!
- Yes!

The maximum respect!
- Yes!

The maximum obedience!
- Yes!

No!
- Who said "no"? - Me!

Oh, gosh darn it! Throw him in the sea.

Done?
- Yes!

Thank you!
- You're welcome!

Thank you!
- You're welcome!

You're welcome! - Thank you!
- Don't mention it!

This ship sucks!

And I'm not used to living
in dirt like you!

So I demand,

that within 5 minutes,
this filthy boat becomes

shiny like a mirror!

Is that clear? Or not?

No more chatter!

Let's get to work immediately!
Hurry! To work!

March! Go!

Come on!

Hurry!

Go!

Quick! Hurry up!

Lazy! Idle!

Burrasca?

Here I am.

Call that idiot José.

What's he yelling about?
Who does he think he is?

It's gone to his head.

Send him down immediately!
- Yes, Sir!

Do you take my shoes for a spittoon?

Admiral Sir!
- Don't be funny.

Go down, the captain wants you.

Where is he?
- Down in the hold.

Let's go! Hurry!
- I hate this guy!

What?
- No, nothing. Forget it.

May I?

Come on down, my dear.

Captain, do you have any orders for me?

Now then…
look, I wanted to tell you… that…

… the weather is…
- It's fine.

The wind… the ship…

Wind is wind.
- Burrasca!

Here I am, Commander!

He fell down!

Who is it?

Captain, it's me: Lieutenant José.

One moment!

Take your time.

I'll wait.

I await anxiously.

One moment, eh?

I'm here!
- I'll be right there!

I'm here!

Come in, José.

May I?
- Come in, my dear.

Captain, you called me?
- Yes.

Yes, Sir? - I was thinking that
a promotion to officer wasn't enough.

By Jove! You're penitent, eh?

You've been decorated?
What campaign was it? - This one?

The Polesine campaign.
- The other?

An Alpine rescue.
I've earned it this summer.

Not enough for a hero like you!

As you wish. - So I thought
I'd give you this amphora as a gift.

No!
- Yes.

But this is gold.
- Gold!

But how, am I worthy?
- You're worthy!

But Captain, it's not possible.
- It is!

If you insist…
- I insist!

If you insist, I accept.

Captain, I thank you.

Believe me, this amphora will
make me explode with joy!

I truly hope so! I do.

But no, don't!

Thank you.

Oh, Captain, listen.
- What?

I've an idea. A magnificent one.

Yes? Spit it out.
- Have a seat. - No, no!

But it's something long.
- No! Hurry!

Very long!
- No!

It's something from 30 years ago.
- What? - Quite complex…

Listen. Tell me if you like it.
- I do!

If you don't like it, say so. - I like it!
- I won't be offended. - I love it!

Sit - No, standing.
- OK. You really want me to tell you?

Yes, yes, yes! - Right now?
- Yes.

I have an idea.

As the mates are envious,
they may steal this from me.

So, you know what I thought?

I'll leave this amphora with you.

And I'll come to pick it up in a month,
when we land.

No!

Take it away immediately! It's an order!

Come on.
- Take it!

Yes.
- No! That's an order!

It's an order?
- Yes. - I'll obey.

Captain! Believe! Obey! I'm outta here!

Captain.

Captain!

Captain, José stole this…
- No!

What the hell!

Give it a try!
- Two doubloons on the captain.

For me, two against the captain.
- Against.

Ready?
- Ready, Captain.

So, another round?

Yes, who's next now?
- Me. - Go.

Who's betting? - Two for the captain.
- Double for me!

Me too!
- Double or nothing?

Two against the captain.
- Against!

Good, come on! Come on!

Come on, bet!

Two on the Captain.
- Ready!

We're ready, Captain.
- Good.

Go.

Well? Why so shocked?

I can miss now and then, no?

Come on, who's next?

It's your turn.
- Are you an idiot? We're joking.

Captain Sir, I cannot.

Why not? - Because when
I was a child, I had measles.

What? Refusing?
- Yes.

No, you can't refuse.
Our laws won't allow it.

These laws!
- Go on.

Don't make the captain mad.
- Who cares?

What are you afraid of?
He never misses.

What about earlier?
- Pure chance.

Enough nonsense! Put him in there!
- Go ahead, guys.

One and a half on the Captain.
- Move it!

Put yourself against the pole.
- Scum!

No. I want to choose by chance.

Which-one-should-I-take?
This one. OK?

Here, aim.

Are you ready?
- Very ready, aim!

Today is not a good day! What bad luck!

Captain!
- What is it?

Somebody from San Juan is here.

He finally showed and
will have to deal with me.

Where is he? - In the room.
- Let's go!

No, Sir! I won't pay anyone!

Damn you and your information!
A fine ship you recommended!

Calm down.
- Calm? It was full of Spanish soldiers!

You made me fall into a trap!
- Calm down!

We can still take
the treasure of the colonies.

At San Juan, in the fortress underground.

Then I'll attack the fortress
and level it to the ground!

I will kill!
- Don't be so impulsive!

Try to listen to my plan!
With cunning, it'll all be easier. - Go on.

Doesn't count! We'll do it over.
I'll shoot.

What are you doing?
- I'll shoot!

You're a retard!
- José.

Where are you going?
- To the captain!

Come here!
- I hafta report to him!

Come here, I said!

He found his protector!

May I? - What do you want?
Who said you could enter? - Captain Sir,

as long as you were shooting, I was there
because you're almost infallible.

But I won't let Burrasca do it.
- Go to hell! Out!

Did you hear? - Can't you see
I'm talking to a gentleman? - This?

How many times must I say
that I don't want to be…

What are you looking at?
- The ring's nice.

Should I steal it?
- Steal it? Out!

I'll kill him and...
- I'm working here!

I'm working on your behalf!

Out!
- Yes, Sir!

Out!
- OK, no need to get angry.

Damn it!

Now then, do we agree?

Damn it. One of these days…!

That guy!
- Well?

What happened? What is it?

I can't take it anymore.
I'm tired of being forced to be a pirate!

I was not born for piracy!
- So?

Can you tell me when we embark?
- Why?

At the first port, I'll run away.
- Easy to say. But what do I know?

You should know what the head boss
has in his head. Do you know?

I do.
- Really? What?

The head?
- What's in his head?

A head. There's his head.

I know he has a head!
But what's inside?

The head.
- Whose head?

The boss's head.
- Not outside, inside.

Sawdust.
- The boss!

Silence!
- Silence!

He's got his head!
- Of course! What did you expect?

You know, at times... If only!

Guys! I need a volunteer.

It's about going to San Juan.

What did he say?
- San Juan.

I've been there.
- You know San Juan? Really?

Like my home. - Really?
- San Juan Tediù.

What's that?
- San Giovanni a Teduccio, no?

No!
- Tomatoes as big as this!

That's another city.
This is a wonderful city.

Full of fun and of beautiful girls.

Bunch of cowards, nobody comes forward?
- Nobody comes forward?

Me!
- No, are you crazy?

No, don't go there!
- Me! I'm your man!

Ah! José…

I don't trust him.
- Quite right.

You'll go with him.

But I…
- Shut up!

You volunteer!
- Voluntarily.

Well done, José!

Follow me!
- Follow us!

I'll follow-up.

Follow them.

Come in.

Here we are.

Now then, pay close attention.
- Yes, Sir.

Tomorrow, the governor of San Juan

will give a reception for the engagement
of his daughter Isabella.

Ah, Isabella is getting married?
- You know her? - No.

How do you know her name?
- You told me.

When did she tell you?
- Now. - Who?

You. You just said that…

What?
- Not her. You.

Him!
- Him!

You, you… hallelujah hallelujah! OK?

Captain, it's true, you said it.
- Me?

You said that Isabella
is having a reception.

The governor, Isabella's daughter

is having a governor because

the daughter of…
the governor's daughter is marrying…

Isabella's daughter
is marrying the governor's father!

Who is she marrying?
- How do I know!

You're asking me?
- No!

She'll marry whoever she wants!
- Stop insisting!

Want me to guess?
- One moment! Stop!

Go ahead! - Let's go.
- No! Where are you going?

You said, "Go ahead."
- With the speech!

Explain then.

You two are invited to the reception.

Oh, that's a kind thought!

Good.
- There's one problem.

How do I introduce myself
to a party of such importance?

With these clothes?
- What do you mean?

You'll go as the Marquis of Mendoza.

How can I fit into this
Marquis of Mendoozy's clothes?

Is he fat, tall, short?
- Mendoza. - OK, same thing.

What will he do, if I wear his clothes?
- You're so stupid.

You think the Marquis has only one suit?

Eh! So many fools, so many gentlemen!

Many Marquis… many Mendozas…
have one suit!

You Burrasca are more stupid than him.

Yes, people have been saying.
Didn't you know? Get a clue.

Because the Marquis of
Mendoza doesn't exist.

Is he dead?
- No! he doesn't exist!

By Jove!
- I was saying,

you'll go to the reception under cover.

Both of us?
- Both.

And we'll fit?
- Where?

Under a cover?
- Cover?

He's taller and under cover…
- No!

You'll go to the party pretending
to be the Marquis of Mendoza!

And Burrasca will be
the Count of Betancourt! - Good!

I'm happy.
- Him?

With that face? The Count of Betancourt?

Why what's wrong with my face?
- Forget it. - Go on, speak!

Speak, what's wrong with my face? Say it!

Enough!
- Stop! - Yeah, stop!

And don't make him mad!
When he gets angry, he gets shorter!

Then instead of a head,
we got a headache! Speak.

Stop, I said! Silence!
- He said silence! - Good golly!

It's a terrible thing!
- Stop! Silence!

If only I could…

We'll set sail at dawn.
And I will land you on the island.

You'll remain hidden until sunset,

then dressed as gentlemen,
you'll enter the castle.

When the party will be at its peak… No!

You'll go down below and open
the door shown on this plan.

OK.
- Which plan? - This one.

Is this a plan?
- Yes.

I've thought a plan was something else.
- Stop it! This is the plan. A map!

This is a map? - Yes.
- It's a bit small for a map.

This is a mini map!
- This is the door!

This is a mini… - It's a door!
- A door? Fine.

I'll come in when you open the door…
- Yes?

with all my men!
- Got it.

I'll take the treasure that's here.

By Jove!
- Is it clear? - Very!

Oh! Finally!

Ah, I forgot.
- Eh?

Try not to get caught, eh?

Because they don't take prisoners.
- No?

They never have.
- No prisoners? That's so nice!

It shows that they are good people.
- Oh, no. I know them well.

They, to make you talk,
tie you to a wheel.

So what?

How long can they keep us at the wheel?
15 minutes? 30 minutes? 1 hour? 2 hours?

At most. Just a bit of sweat!

No! They tie us over the wheel.
Belly up.

Then the wheel turns, turns.

I like that. It's like Luna Park!
I'll revel in it!

But under the wheel
there are nails that long.

And every time it turns,
it takes off pieces of flesh.

That I don't like.
- And then, the wheel stops.

It stops? And it can't turn for two days.

It stops. They take your hand…

They say goodbye. We go.
- Your feet.

And they pull out your nails,
one at a time.

What do I care? I got ingrown nails.
They'll be doing me a favor.

After they do your nails…
- We get a shave?

They get hot sticks.
- And do you know what they do with them?

After shaving, only a perm.

No, they put them in your ears!

Guys, let's not joke around.

I had mumps as a child and
I don't like that. My ear is delicate.

And at this point, what would you do?

I'd scream, "Help, people!
They put a beard in my ears!"

No!
- No!

You must be silent! - Mute!
- Like the tomb! - Like a fish!

Then I'm sure,
that those bastards

will resort to the last expedient!
- Got it? - The cut!

Your clothes?
- No! - Your hair?

The cutting of the head!

And I wish they'd cut off your head!
- Right.

Then I would laugh!

What are you laughing at?
They cutting off my head?

I wanna see, when they chop your head off,
what you'll laugh with!

Because then I swear,

that for every head that falls,

your companions will
have the satisfaction,

to see 100 heads
of Spanish soldiers fall!

Captain! I don't care about
the satisfaction my companions will have!

I'm keeping my head! Got it?

I am the master of this head!
God gave it to me! And woe…!

Shut up!
- Got it?

This is the underground map,
this is the invitation! Get ready!

That guy there…! If I only could…!

Give him a punch in the head!

The Viscount of Castille!

Count Rodriguez
and the Countess of Majorca!

Don Barreco de la Puerta
and Doña Emanuela de Castros!

Ticket, please. - Season pass.
- The ticket, please.

Which ticket? - Yours.
- You got a ticket?

You have one?
- Who'd give me one?

Do you have an invitation, please?
- An invitation?

Did you invite anybody?
- No, the ticket to get in to the salon.

A ticket to enter? A paper ticket?

No, aluminum!
- No, we've no aluminum ones.

Of course, it's paper!
- This one?

Show it. Show it.
- Excuse me. Huh?

Show it. - Here?
- Where else?

Wouldn't it be better back there?
- Why?

It would seem impolite.
- No, show him.

And you won't get offended?
- No, it's my job. - Excuse us.

What happened?
- I'm sorry. Excuse me.

I got a callus as big as a watermelon!
- Move over here.

"Corridor map…"
- Excuse me! So sorry!

It was a misunderstanding.
- How you make me look! See?

You must excuse him.
He's a little ignorant.

Dear Marshal, one must be patient.
- I'm not a marshal.

You're not a marshal? You hear that?

Not a marshal?
And this isn't a marshal's baton?

No, I'm the mace bearer.
- Mace bearer!

I thought I recognized him! Mace bearer!
- Give him that other ticket.

The one in your sleeve.
- This one? - That's it.

So sorry.
- May I announce?

Yes.
- Of course he can announce.

You see how precise he is?
- Excuse me. Sorry.

The Count of Betancourt
and the Marquis of Mendoza.

No, that's us!
We're the count and marquis.

Let's go. - You first.
- No, no.

It's good manners.
- Come on, he must stay here.

He must announce people.

The Count of Betancourt!
- But who is this Betancourt?

That's me, silly.
- Please.

Where are you going? Are you mad?
- After her. - You mad?

She smiled. - Out of politeness.
- Marquis Mendoza?

Marquis of Mendoza?
- Mendoza.

Mendoza in the parlor!

You're Mendoza.
- Me?

Aren't you him?
- Not me.

What? - Yes, he is.
- Not me. I'm the Marquis of…

Mendoza.
- Mendoza. He knows.

I know he's the Marquis of Mendoza.
- Will you follow me?

Certainly. - I knew it.
I knew it was going to end this way.

Your face gave us away!

Inspector Sir, I didn't do anything.
- Me neither.

I'm the Master of Ceremonies. - Then
let's have no more ceremony between us.

Believe me, I'm innocent. - Me too.
- If he did anything… - I didn't!

You look like a thug.
- You didn't do anything.

But you didn't greet the governor!

See, what a mess! You didn't greet
the governor! - Neither did you!

I was distracted. What must we do?
- You must pay him homage.

Pay him… Can't we send him a postcard?
- No, Sir.

Please come this way. He's awaiting you.
- Shall we go?

Who's waiting? - The governor.
- Didn't you hear?

Shall we go? - Shall we go?
- Shall we? Is it far?

No! Over there.
- There. - Follow me.

No, because my foot…
- We were hit by…

Bow. Bow.

Not like that. Bow your head.
- I can't.

Why? - My head is heavy,
if I bow, I'll fall forward.

Then just a little bit.
- Like this?

Marquis of Mendoza.
- What?

The Marquis of Mendoza!

Mendoza? The Marquis of Mendoza!

Pablo! Come here! Pablo!

Yes! You're the son
of my old comrade in arms!

A hug? Yes, a hug.
You've grown up so much, dear!

Like the weeds!

Come and sit by my side.
And this gentleman?

I am Betancourt.

He's Halfshort.
- Please, sit down.

Count Halfshort.
- You were a year old, so little,

when I saw you for the first time.
- I remember!

Sorry?
- I remember!

I remember!
- Ah, do you remember?

Yes. Is he deaf?
- He doesn't hear well.

You have a good memory.
- Fine. - It's been 29 years.

That would make you 30.

But you look twice as old.
How do you explain this?

Well, you know… There's a reason.
- What?

There's a reason! - Whose?
- Here, here… when I was born.

Because I was born.
- To my misfortune.

I meant that I was born at 8 months.

What?
- I was born…

At 8 months!
- Yeah... that is...

Your Highness, he was premature.

I was premature.
- Ah! You play the guitar?

No, but he blows his own horn.
- Earlier, I used to play the horn!

Now I've fun with
his sister's double bass!

Ah, he plays the double bass?
- Yes, he does.

No, he meant he was born at 8 months!

Don't shout.
- Don't shout. You think he's deaf?

Is he deaf? - No?
- He's a broken bell.

How do you explain it?
I don't understand.

I'll tell you right away.

The year I was born,

was a hump year.
- Leap. - What?

The year I was born was a hump year.
- Leap. - Cheap.

Creep? Creep?

No, I meant the year I was born.
Not you! It was a hump year. - Leap.

Cheap. - Creep.
- What's with this "cheap"? - Leap!

Well?
- A leap year!

So, every year of mine counts for two.

Ah, there was also a shrew.
- Shrew? Who said that?

You said shrew.
- No, I said two. - No, you said shrew.

You said two shrews. - One shrew!
- Two shrews!

Three horses, four donkeys,
a calf, a hen, a pig and a cow!

Fine! Shut up!
- The cow!

Be careful.

Pablo, tell me about your family,

your brothers, your sisters.
Are they grown up?

All grown up. - And papa?
- Papa grew up too. He's fine.

Papa? And how tall is he?
- Papa? About four feet.

Is he a dwarf, excuse me?

Right, he's no dwarf! I got confused.

No, I meant that papa grew about
4 feet more than he was before.

And how tall did he get?
- About 11.5 feet!

Me and the father of this young man…
Young? Of this old man…

… his father.
- An elderly young man.

… we've always been peers. - True!
Dad always said you were from Algiers!

What?
- You're from Algiers!

Who said so? - Papa.
- That I am Catalan?

From Algiers.
- Catalan!

Now I'm the deaf one!

His Highness said peers, that is,
of the same… - Province!

Of the same age!
- Yes.

But listen, you when you were a boy,
at one year old, you were so cute.

So chubby and rosy, but with the
passing of the years I see you've become…

I'm being honest, rather homely.
If we want to tell the truth,

you've become ugly.
- Why, you're handsome? - What?

Have you ever looked in a mirror?
- What?

In the mirror?
- Yes.

And you never spat on your face?
- Yes.

Thank goodness, or I would have.
- I always look in the mirror.

Really? And how do you like it?
How do you like it?

Where? On the island?
- Yes. - Very well!

I find myself well.
- Excellency!

Yes, coming!
- No, Excellency.

They called me.
- No, he said "Excellency"! - Coming!

Who is it? Who is it?

Sit down, take a seat.
- It was me.

It was he who called you.
- How dare he?

I apologise, Excellency.
I just wanted to say that,

while he was growing up, he got wearied!

Ah, he got married! Good!

You got married, dear? Good.
You had any children?

There was a moment that I thought…

False alarm.

You're married?
- No, he isn't married.

And poor Genoveffa?
- She's fine.

What?
- Very well.

She got married too.

There?
- There.

She had 4 children.
- There?

Here or there, it's all the same!
- How? She's dead!

She died?
- Died. Then she got married.

No, she had 4 children!
I saw them at the baptism!

What are you saying? She died.
- I'm confused!

Excuse me, but which
Genoveffa are you talking about?

Of your poor Genoveffa, your sister.
- Ah! That one!

I was thinking of Genoveffa, the Ugly!
His sister.

Again with my sister!

Where are you staying?

Ah no, I'm not staying anywhere.
- Why not? - I don't sleep by habit.

We've already got accommodations.

At the inn… of… the whatchmacallit?
- Which one?

The whatchamacallit's inn.
- What?

This inn is that one, near that…
- Oh, no!

You did wrong. You heard him?
- An inn?

My castle is here at your disposal.

You'll be my guests.
- Thank you. Very generous and magnanimous.

Are you crazy? Thanks, Excellency,
but we have some appointments.

Two apartments? Very good.

One for you and one for him.
- Yes, two. Shut up.

We thank you from our hearts
but we can't accept it.

Why? However you long want to stay, stay.

2, 3, 4 months.
- And I ask, does one eat?

A lot? No?

It's destiny.

We must go to a tavern.
- No, Pablo, no, Pablo. - No, eh?

Then we'll get a filled roll.
- No, Pablo!

This is a question you shouldn't
need to ask. We eat there.

You eat then?
- And how!

It's a governor's house!
- You eat well then?

Please. All governors…
- Eat well?

Excuse me, gentlemen. Excellency,
it's time to give the announcement.

Wha… What?

You don't remember, Excellency?
The announcement.

The guests are all here.
The garrison captain also arrived.

Who are we waiting for?
Isabella is impatient and I am too.

Come, let's give the announcement.

Gentlemen. Excuse me, I'll be right back.
- By all means.

Did you see that fat man?
- Shut up.- He had that ring.

That ring in the inn.
- Shut up, let's go below.

Below? Where do you want to go?
Let's stay here to enjoy the show.

Fine ladies, noble knights,
gentlemen officers,

Unfit for service.
- This day is a happy day for my family.

I've the pleasure,
more than the pleasure,

I've the honor to announce the engagement
of my dear daughter Isabella.

Here she is with the noble
Don Carlos of Aragon,

of Velasquez, of Samiento, of Rodriguez.

Of Disgusting!

And now, let's start the dance.

I can't dance!
- Right because you'd be dancing now?

They'll start… - Wait.
- Excellency? Are you happy?

Are you happy?
- Yes, I'm happy.

What undeserved luck!
- Who are you talking about?

Don't you see her over there?
- So?

That beautiful girl has
to marry that sack of flab!

I could break his head!
And he's a traitor!

What do you care?
- Wretch!

What do you care? Let's go below.
- What are you going to do below?

Don't you remember anything?
- What? - The door.

Who's bringing it? - The Black Pirate.
- He's bringing the door?

Why should I care if he does?
- No, we gotta open the door for him.

Can't he open a door by himself?
- That's what we came to do.

What do I know? Him! Damn it!
- Let's go.

Sir?

I beg your pardon, Sir.
- Ah, well… yes.

I've the feeling we've met somewhere before.
- Impossible.

I don't think so because I've never
been to Somewhere. Maybe him?

Me?
- No, I meant in another place.

Really?
But I've never been to Another Place!

And yet I would say so.
- If you're friends, why don't you say so?

Who knows him?
Sorry, I don't know you!

Wanna see I'll spit in his face?
- Fine. I was mistaken.

It was a mistake…
- My apologies. - See you later.

Walk!

I'll explain later. You know who that was?
- I don't.

Keep walking!
- Where are we going?

I'm telling you, we hafta get away!
They've recognized us! - What's up?

They've recognized us!
- Who? - That guy… the one who…

Who?
- The one who was scarred. - Well?

The one who said he saw me
somewhere else. - So what?

And do you know where it was?
It was on the ship, during the battle.

He had a scar and I threw him overboard.
- Who cares?

We must run!
- We must go below.

Impossible! They'll arrest us!
- Look, orders cannot be questioned!

What beast is that?

It's a mouse! - So?
- Mice scare me!

You're a pirate and you're scared?

I'll call him.
- No! Don't call him!

You made him run away!

Oh, my God!

It was enough for me to see it that
I already felt… as if it were about to…

as if I had a beast in my pants.
- It's there. - It's what?

What did you say? - As if I had a beast
in my pants. - Aren't you in your pants?

Don't joke, please!
Look in my pants, please!

Look. Look good. I feel a strange itch.

I am looking. Don't move!
- Look! And look! Look well!

There's nothing! You're fine.

Are you sure?
- There's nothing. - Thank God!

Now it's worse than before!
I feel something biting me!

Take off your pants and look inside!

You go and look if someone comes.
Don't let anyone in.

There's nobody.

Look, because I'm too scared.
- Now, I'll look myself. OK?

See if anything's there.

Look carefully.

What did you do?

There was a hole.
- What do I do now? - You can't leave.

I can't.
- Not in your undies. Heavens!

Well? - I'll take care of it,
- How? - I'll find a needle

and I'll sew it, okay?
Stay still and don't move!

Be quick, please! I can't go out like this!
- Don't move unless I come. Got it?

Hurry.
- Leave it to me.

Hurry up.

What if someone comes?

Pardon. I didn't see a thing.
- Where are you going?

Excuse me, you don't expect me
to play the third wheel? Young man!

Sir! I won't allow you to
compromise this young lady's honor!

Oh, really? I'm the one
compromising the young lady's honor?

In this case, it's you!
- Sir!

Don't say anything to my father, I beg you.
- Why should I?

Oh, thank you, Sir! You're very kind.

Is he a dumdum?

You see, Sir, we love each other.
And we want to get married.

Really? Ah, good! Good! Congratulations!

And what about that sack of flab?
- But I love him. Manolo.

NoNo? I didn't understand.
- I love him: Manolo.

If you NoNo love him
why do you want to marry him?

I love Manolo!
- Yeah? You love NoNo, then love him...

the fat man, Don Carlos.
Very nice. Congratulations!

Little girl, you need to slow down.
Don't be so… - Sir! - What?

You go too far! You're insane!

Look, if I'm nuts, you're the King of Nuts!
And watch what you say!

No, Sir, you don't understand.
I love him, only him.

I am Manolo!
Manolo Nicolas de Pizardo.

Nicola? - De Pizardo.
- Then I know you! - We've met?

Look, I wanted to say so earlier.
How small the world is!

And where did we meet?
- In Rome! At the Piazza Venezia.

Nicola, the policeman with the whistle?
- No.

You wanted to give me a ticket.
You said, "Do you agree?"

You're confused. That wasn't me.
- Then your father? - No way!

Grandfather? - Not even in your dreams!
- Don't you have any relatives in Rome?

Even half a relative?
- Look, I'm Manolo de Nicolas de Pizardo.

Fine.
- Cadet.

Cadet.
- Upset? I didn't say anything.

I'm a cadet!
- You're upset? Why?

I'm not upset! I'm a cadet!
- But then… ah, a gazette!

No, Sir. Manolo means he's the youngest
descendant belonging to a cadet branch.

Ah, now I understand.
He's an upset branch of a cherry tree.

See, Sir, being in the condition of a cadet,
I cannot inherit the title of Count.

Her father promised her to Don Carlos.
- Don Carlos, the fatty? No! No, by hell!

Just great! I'm the one who'll oppose it.
From the first moment, I saw that fat man,

that bag full of flab, I didn't like him.

How do you say it? It's un coup de foudre !
- What?

Coup de foudre : A strike of the scimitar!
- You don't like him?

Especially after I saw the ring!
- What ring?

It's a long story, I'll tell you later.
- Sir, you're nice. One can see that.

You can tell I'm nice?

And one can you see you're nice too.
So nice, you know?

Sir, help us if you can!
- For heaven's sake!

I'd do anything I could.
But how could I? How?

But, maybe, maybe…

Sir, dare we dream?

It's a small hope... Still simmering...
It's not yet... Not yet...

I could go to your father and tell him
that the ring… the thing… Yes, yes, yes.

Yes, I'll tell him. - What?
- Don't worry, I'll explain it later.

Yes. But promise me, however things go,
that my head stays on my head?

Why? Are you in danger?
- In danger? I'm in big trouble, my girl!

If you help me, I'll protect you.
- Really?

Word of honor? - Word of honor.
- Put it here! I'm going. Move aside.

Oh, Sir! Sir!
- What?

Speak loudly to my father
because he's a little deaf.

He's a little deaf? I've had no idea!

Cadet? - I'm not upset, Sir…
- No, I was saying, goodbye, cadet.

Happy Easter!

Have you seen the governor?
- No.

What's the matter?
Look, there must be a mistake.

I'm not me, I'm somebody else!
But I gotta talk… to the governor!

This must be a misunderstanding.
Heavens! You're making a mistake.

Guards Sirs, you must listen to me.
I'm no embezzler, I'm no speculator!

Wait a minute! Wait!

What's happening?
- Wait, Captain!

Captain! Captain, there's trouble.
Let's set sail and save ourselves.

What's the matter? Why are you in
your underwear? - Ah, yes, I'll explain.

So, José was arrested. They'll hang him.
- Idiot! I should've known!

I managed to escape by a miracle…
- You're an idiot too!

I'll never give up the treasure!
Gunners get ready!

And you, go find a pair of pants!
Everybody else on land with me!

Go on land!

Silence!
- Who's that?

Idiot.

Damn it!

What would I do to him
who put that bench there!

Wretch.

Who is it?
- It's me Isabella. Hurry, run away!

How can I? How?
This damn ball at my feet!

I thought of everything. Here.
- The key?

Let's go.
- Like this? I can't run.

It weighs a ton.

Be quick.
- Yes.

Yes, as fast as I can. There.

There it is. There.

There it is. There.

Done! - Damn it! My ankle!
- What is it?

I wear a size 42 chain.
- Yes?

And they gave me size 40.
I need to get it custom made.

Hurry, we must fly.
- Yes, fly.

Do I leave the ball here?
- Yes. Hurry!

Let's be quick!

And these guys here?
- See them? That was me!

You poisoned them? - No, drugged.
- Let's kill them.

No, you can't - Why not?
Let's kill them, we'll have tons of laughs.

There's no time! Let's go.
- It won't take long. We'll kill them fast.

Hurry, let's go!
- Where are you taking me? - To my father.

To do what?

I kept my word and now it's your turn.

You said you could prevent
my marriage to Don Carlos.

Ah yes, I remember.
- Then let's go. - OK.

Gun shots.

A gun? It's a cannon shot!
Hurry! Let's go!

They're attacking the fortress.
- This must be that damn Black Pirate!

If he were here…
- Let's escape from here.

But we can't! - Why not?
- A One-Way sign!

No, let's go!
- What do you mean "go"?

For the beard of Jehoshaphat!
And now?

This way!

We're stuck, there's nothing left to do.
- Darn it, it's true.

While there's life, there's hope.

Damn it! What a catastrophe!

Isabella! Up there, there's a way out.
Let's try to reach it.

How do we get up there?

Ma'am! I'm a squirrel.

Wake up, Excellency!

We must abandon the fortress!
Perhaps all is not lost!

His life is precious.
If we can reach the garrison,

we could organize a counterattack!
- Don Carlos, listen to me!

Excellency, wake up!

Don Carlos, listen to me,
let's defend ourselves!

Is that you, Don Carlos?

The pirates attacked us!
They mass landed! The castle's in danger!

The castle has a ranger?
Why wake me up for that?

He's going back to sleep!

Listen! Let's try to defend ourselves!
Maybe we still can! - We can what?

Come in!
What a way to knock on the door!

Excellency, try to understand:
We must fly!

Pie? Where is there a pie?
- Pirates are attacking the castle!

Pirates!
- Pirates?

They've invaded the castle?
Why didn't you tell me?

I've been trying for an hour!
- My daughter, Isabella?

I don't know where she is.
Maybe they captured her.

She was saved? And the treasure?

Treasure? Should we think about that now?
We must save ourselves!

Let's attack
- Let's attack.

My sword. Make the trumpets ring!

Call my officers! Let's go on the attack!
- Attack!

Come on, attack!
- Attack!

Ready?
- Yes.

Hold it tight!

Can I pull?

The rope is hurting me!
- You're right!

There's a spike! Grab it!

Hold!

Come up!
- How?

Like me!

And how do you do it?

Hands and feet in the holes!

How do you mean?

I put my hands in a hole!

And my foot in the other!

Got it?
- No!

Never mind!

Stay still! I'll pull you up!

Got it?

Yes!

Tyrolean?

No, I'm Neapolitan!

You are sure you can prevent
my marriage to Don Carlos?

Absolutely!
- He's a tough nut!

If he were here!

Be careful!

Damn him.

Just naming him makes me fall.

I can't do it, I'm too tired!

Sit down!

How?
- It's easy.

Look! Do as I do!

Shall we go? It's getting late!

How frightful!

It's slippery!

Let's hurry! Otherwise, we'll waste time!

What are you doing?

No! Pay attention!

Just look: My head is spinning!

Put your hand on my shoulder.
My shoulder!

Yes.

No, there.
On the other side, on the right shoulder.

Right! That's it, like that.

Gosh darn it!

All this because of that fat guy!

Filthy, disgusting!
If he were only here! I wish!

Come on!

We're almost there!

Here we are.

We're safe.
- Finally, we did it.

I feel so buoyant.
- Boy aunt?

Boy aunt?
- Boy aunt?

What did you mean?
- What did I say?

Boy aunt.
- No, my aunt's not a boy!

Look!

The pirates invaded the castle!

Oh, God!
- Let's run to my father! Hurry!

Come on! Hurry!

Victory!

Forward!

Stop!
- Where are you going?

Go along and keep quiet. Leave it to me.
Captain Sir!

Look, what a lovely specimen
of prisoner I've taken!

Why should I care? Give me the map.
- What map?

Don't waste time, we gotta find the treasure.
Take it out! - He has it! - Me?

Not true! The captain gave it to you!
- At first, then I gave it to you!

You put it in your pants.
- It's not true, Captain!

Captain, not in those pants!
The ones he took off before. - Imbecile!

Why did you take them off?
- Because… - Who knows why…

Damn it!
We're wasting time!

Stay calm.

I swear I'll stay. - The Spaniards
may have asked for reinforcements.

Are we waiting for the entire
garrison to fall on us? - Let's wait!

We're waiting for my foot! - We are?
- Enough! - Yes, Sir!

I want the treasure!
I don't care about anything else!

Find it!
- Then she can leave?

Go with her!
- I will as there are many creeps about.

One moment!

Captain?
- Yes?

This is the governor's daughter.
- Rat.

The governor's daughter.

We already have the treasure,
this is a precious hostage.

But her father doesn't care about her.
- He'll have to come to terms with us!

He hates this daughter.
- That's to be seen. - Who knows why?

Let's go on board!
- One moment.

Flying… Go, baby!

Mercy!

Is that you, José?

Did you hurt yourself?
- Damn, what a blow!

What a blow to the head!

I broke my head.

Check, there must be a cut.

No, no.
- Maybe a small cut?

I knew you wouldn't desert me.

You're an angel but I didn't think
you'd fall from the heavens.

Of course, if I'm an angel,
I must come from the heavens.

But I don't understand why
you closed the window just as I…

…was landing.
- But I never would've imagined.

What? That I'd come to save you?
You had to! Give me a hand, hurry!

Don't stand like that.
- What can I do?

Let's block the entrance!

Here.

What an effort. Now we must
think of fleeing, leaving immediately.

But how?

Let's go down from the window.
- But how will we leave the island?

Swimming. - Swimming?
The continent is 30 miles from sea.

Well, we'll take breaks.
- Impossible.

Impossible? No, when we get tired,
we'll float on our back. Come on.

Pull! Pull… Let's go.

Now you, step over
the window and go down slowly.

Is it safe? - Leave it to me.
I'll hold real strong. Go.

But then who'll hold you?
- When you're down, get back up right away

and hold the rope for me
and I'll go down. - Good.

Isabella! Isabella, answer me!

What are you doing?
- What will we do?

Open the door!
- Every man for himself!

I'll save myself.

So scared of me?

Why?

Or was there someone with you?

Who broke the window?

It was a gust of wind.

Ah, the wind?
- Yes.

Little one, you can't escape.

And why would you want to?

I don't want to do you any harm.

And I don't think I'm such an ugly man, no?

Can't you hear everyone having fun?
Don't you see how charming the night is?

No!
- What?

You're beautiful. Young.

Abandon yourself to the sweetness of life.
Come here.

My father will make you pay.
I want to see you hanging from the gallows!

From the gallows? Me?

Damn it!

Stop! What? Do you think
the ones below are better than me?

Well done! You're energetic.

I like difficult women.
But you won't escape me.

Isabella.

You're more beautiful than ever!

You're also strong.

And I like strong women.

Isabella, why are you doing this?

You want to drive me crazy?

Wait...

And get this outta here!

What's under there?

Then there was someone!

Come out! Come on!

Ah, it's you?

How dare you mock me?

This time, I'll disembowel you!

Split you open! Crush you!

I'll cut you to pieces!

I'll kill you!
Defend yourself, you coward!

Don't you see I'm unarmed?
- Here, my hero! Kill that bandit!

Yes! Your last hour has come.
I waited a long time for this moment.

Defend yourself, bastard! To arms!

Run away!

Damn!

Stop, coward!

Your last hour has come.
- Why? What time is it?

Time for revenge.
- I don't want revenge on anybody!

It's over for you, understand?

Let go.

You understand?
- Coward!

Damn you! Come here.

You come down.

Fine!

Come down!

You come up.
- I'm coming.

Here I go!

I told you to come down!

Here I am.

Take that!

Help! Water!

Water!

Help! Water!

Water! Water!

My sword.

Give me a sword.

My sword!

Come here, dog!

Come here, dog!

If I catch you…

My sword?

Pardon!

Excuse my feet.

The Spaniards!

Save yourselves!
The Spanish soldiers are coming!

Let's go!

Run away, Josè!
- No!

What are you doing?
- Nasty fat man!

Now you'll be unmasked.
I know everything about you!

Stop! Stop everybody!
- Excellency!

I defeated the Black Pirate
and captured his right hand man!

Liar! Not true! Excellency!
- Later.

Later? Now! - Seize him!
- What?

Father!
- What, my son?

No, up, up!
Up there, the girl.

My father! Father!

This man has defended my honor!

Right! Me! With all due modesty.
- Really?

Well done! You did this too?
- What did I do? I saved her.

Shoot him!
- Shoot me?

Father!
- Isabella, what do you want? I'm here!

Governor. - Who is it?
- There's Isabella.

Father, didn't you understand?
It's not him you must shoot.

But him! - The fat man!
- He's a traitor! - And scum!

Take him away! - Away!
- One moment!

What happened?
I don't understand anything.

It's simple, Excellency. He's a pirate spy!
- What?

He's a pirate spy!
- Him!

Him? Pontius Pilate?
- Yep, Pontius Pilate.

And who are you?
- Who I am? What?

Who are you?
- Mary Magdalene!

Now, I understand!
- Ooh! Governor!

What the hell? You never understand!
Your ears don't work at all!

Move away!
- I want to go back to my house.

I have a business there.

Thief!

Thief! Thief! Stop him!

Thief!

Hurry! Hide!

In the barrel? Do I look crazy?

Thief!

Thief! Stop him!