Toto and Peppino Divided in Berlin (1962) - full transcript

Antonio, seguendo le indicazioni della "Smorfia", dategli in sogno da una zia monaca "attraversa l'Alto Adige" e arriva a Berlino Ovest per incontrare il magliaro Giuseppe e fare fortuna. Ma Antonio e somigliantissimo all'ammiraglio Canarinis, criminale di guerra ricercato. Greta, figlia dell'ammiraglio gli offre 20 milioni per far finta di essere il padre e Antonio accetta. Ma quando scopre che lo aspetta una condanna a morte grazie alla testimonianza di Giuseppe, pagato da Greta, rivele la verità agli americani e riesce a convincerli con l'aiuto della... Smorfia. Ma ci sono sempre i russi che, catturati i due, vogliono fare decifrare i codici segreti americani. La smorfia e la zia monaca (defunta) danno una mano ad Antonio e i guai sembrano finiti, ma le sorprese sono sempre in agguato...

What's this, German dragoons?

Fraulein! Excuse me..
S'il vous plait.

- This strass, where is it?
- Ich weiss es nicht.

- Fragen Sien ihn.
- Fragenzin? - Ja.

Mr. Fragenzin, s'il vous plea,
this stras, donde is?

Das ist eine Wirtschaft,
kein Auskunftsb?ro.

ln Deutschland hat jeder seine Arbeit
und Arbeit braucht Zeit.

That was crystal clear.
Baffling language, this German!

- Mister! - What?
- That man said, in Germany..

..every man has his role,
and every role its man.

God be praised!
Now this is a German I understand!

- Are you from the south? - Yes.
- South Germany..

- Let me see the address, so we can help.
- Right on!

My friend from Naples gave it to me,
he will be number 1.

This is number 2. I am number 3.

My n. 1 gave me this note
for friend n. 2..

.. who his here in Germany. I don't
know him, and he doesn't know me,

that doesn't matter however.
So, I am n.3, to set things straight.

And I should reach this n. 2, who,
years ago, came here to Germany,

to Berlin, and earned some money
as a clothier.

It's that job that involves selling
cloths, fabrics, etc., house by house.

I would, with this reccomendation,
visit this man..

..he would instsru- instruct me into
that clothier trade..

.. so that I could make some money,
because he's bloody rich already.

I'd make that money, go back to Naples,
light a candle to St. Gennaro,

- ..and thank Him.
- I understand.

- Why don't we sit down?
- Let's!

- Listen, Mr. Lo Puzzo.

The lady here, her father
is Admiral Attila Kanarinis.

You must have heard of him.
A great soldier!

- My! Admiral Canarinis?
- Do you know him? - Nop.

I served as officer under Canarinis.

I know well his great moral
proklivity, his was great spirit.

- Cowards! - Who? Him?
- No, no.

Beer, uh? He who drinks beer,
age doesn't fear, remember that!


- Here you go.
- Jawohl.

A toast to Miss Greta!
And to us.

And St. Gennaro.

Can you imagine, a slanderous
accusation against ze old man resurfaced,

food stock gone missing
from maritime warehouses..

..of which zee Admiral
was in charge.

In all modesty, as far as
disappearing stuff goes..

..I am a master.
I am the Oscar!

The lady here is the daughter of the
Admiral, whose past is being tarnished.

- The poor lady cries.
- Come on, please, don't cry!

- You'll make me cry too, see?
- Such an absurd accusation.

Though, you must consider that
this felony has happened under amnisty.

Her father couldn't therefore
incur into a jail term.

Go figure.. In Naples everybody
was let go, thanks to amnesia.

Though, what scares me
is my father's pride.

This worthless sentence could impair
his feeble health. Do you understand?

I do, I do. What I do not is, why can't you
let me know my friend's address?

Mr. Lo Puzzo.

How much would you earn
with zee klothier job?

Depends. Fifty, sixty thou a month.
60 times 36, four years, you do get that..

It's a neat little bum.
I mean, sum.

Would you like to earn ten times
as much in a zingle week?

- Why even ask! Of course I would.
- Very vell.

20 years later, nobody can recognize Kanarinis. You, you have a striking resemblance.

Oh, really, do I?
What a coincidence.

If you were to give yourself in to the
Allied Forces occupying our sad, sad country..

..and were to declare yourself Canarinis,
we would offer you 100.000 marks. - 100.000?

- 100.000!
- Well!

And keep in mind, amnisty for
such a trivial matter is almost certain.

Ze amnisty is certain,
attourney Servatius confirmed it.

- Serwhat?
- Servatius!

- The name rings a bell.
- Let's make it 150.000.

- 150.000 marks? How many lire would that be?
- More than 20 million liras.

20 millions?! For that much,
I wouldn't refuse a life sentence!

As soon as I get out,
20 sweet little millions.

Alright, alright. Count me in!

- Prosit!
- Prosit!

No, General!
Your request is absurd.

General McLeod.
17 years ago we shook hands..

..under the Brandenburg Arch.

In the name of the ideals
which made us united,

we ask that you surrender
Admiral Attila Canarinis to us.

You see, the Admiral surrendered
himself to us on his own will,

we cannot betray his trust
in our justice.

Let's not get into your justice.

Recently two other nazi criminal
have fallen into your hands,

Professor Von Brunner
and General Wilfried.

You keep those two
and hand Canarinis over.

To each his own.

- I am afraid that is impossible.
- Then, what shall you do with him?

What would you do,
if we were to hand him over?

We would make him stand trial,
and condemn him, as he deserves.

- And that's what we'd do.
- He will stand by our Court Marshal.

Prosecuting attorney
will be Major Finley.

You will find him innocent so that he
can help you with your aggressive plans,

just like you did with Professor
Von Brunner and General Wilfried!

I won't take these insults!

- Good day!
- We're leaving!

But do remember,
our eyes are pointed at you.

And all the eyes of the men fighting
and dying for peace. Do svidanija.

We've been had.

We will have to renounce
Canarinis's collaboration, then.

We will need to judge him
honestly and harshly.

After all, he's a war criminal.
Let us not forget.






His face was
a mystery to everyone.


It's not him.

The prosecuting attorney's speculations
are not in our interests.

Uan moment.

Rossi Giuseppe.

- Italian?
- No, Neapolitan.

I swer.

You can speak Italian.
We have interpreters.

Also, I understands Italian.
Father was from Naples, like you.

I'll get this off then,
really, it's bothering me.

Well then, Your Excellency,
I am a sailor, or, well, I was in '43,

when I was on my battleship.
What a beauty it was.

It was in the Castellammare harbor,
in my Naples!

My beautiful Naples!

And the Germans bombed it,
sunk the battleship,

I end up prisoner,
over there, in the middle of the sea.

And suddenly, together with other
mates, chosen like me,

they bring us aboard a German ship.

Oh, mamma! Just thinking of it,
I feel my bones shivering!

Be strong. Go ahead.

- Well, actually, I have to go backwards.
- Alright, backwards we go.

We'd known that these guys used
the bodies of us poor prisoners..

as espionage vessels.

Mr. Rossi, would you care to give a
clearer explaination to the Court..

..of what "espionagi vessels"

Not "espinach", "espionage"!

They made us swallow an odd kind
of small tubes, Your Excellency..

with inside a sort of

- A capsule.
- A capsule, with a micro-Phil inside.

- What?! - A micro..
- Micro-film!

And so they made you swallow..
What a tremendous, cruel thing!

These tubes with the micro..
filth.. fizz, inside..

then they poisoned you by injection,
and threw you into the sea.

Then other spies fished him out,
and opened him up mercilessly.

You have to believe me, they opened
him up like tuna fish.

And they opened them up to get the
tubas with the micro-Phil inside.

And I? I had been chosen for
this very purpose. Understand?

- So you received the mortal injection?
- Yessir!

- But how did they? In my wallet!
- How??

I'll explain. Since they were in a hurry,
they struck the needle into the wallet..

..which i was carrying here, on the right,
on the buccokt, what's the name?

- The bottuck. Bokkut..
- The buttock. - My bukkot, here..

..and they thought I was dead.
They brought me to the sea.

But I was alive.
Always the Virgin was with me..

..and St. Gennaro, always,
I've been faithful.

So I swam, swam and swam, and was
rescued by a Swiss ship.

- You were lucky.
- Lucky?! The tubas..

- Capsules. - The capsules I'd swallowed..
The microfilm, I had to get rid of them!

It was quite an effort, if I think of it now,
the blood drains from my veins.

Mr. Rossi, can you tell us
if you remember the man..

-.. who destined you to such
a inhumane task? - How I couldn't?!

How couldn't I! I've got that mysterious
son of a gun stamped right here!

And if he were to be in this room, would
you be able to point him out?

- Admiral Sparrowy?
- Attila Canarinis.

Canarinis! Yes!
There he is!

- Where? Where is this scoundrel?
- You! Look at me in the eyes, son of a gun!

- Criminal! - Are you stupid?
President, is he crazy?

This man wants to send
an innocent man to jail!

A pure, limpid soul! This is a misunderstanding!
You're getting the wrong end of the stick.

And I'm not an end,
nor a stick.

You! Who the hell
are you, anyway?

Order! Silence.

- What, you speak Italian?
- Yes. I am Italian.

I am Antonio La Puzza,
widower Nardecchia, from Acerra.

Class 1910, the iron class. This
is a blunder, a misunderstanding!

This is trying to send a pure man
to jail, an innocent, a saint!

Understood, Mr. President?
This Canary Admiral, Quail, I..

- Attila Canarinis.
- Canaris. I do not know him!

- Nor him, nor this sailor.
- So you don't know me?

Want to see me spitting
in his face? There!

Order! Order! Silence!

- After you.
- Thank you.

Let's see.. even if we do consider
what you told us this morning as true,

the two Germans, 20 millions, etc.,
would you tell me who you really are?

How many times do
I have to tell you, your Honor?

I am Antonio La Puzza,
widower Nardecchia,

born in Acerra,
class 1910, more or less.

You still claim that you are not
indeed Admiral Canarinis?

Admiral.. Admiral! How could I be,
when I cannot even swim.

You do understand that we cannot believe
you just like that, it would be too easy.

That guy, Canarinis, was a devil, even
capable of speaking Neapolitan, just like us,

to know anything about
our Naples!

And you would compare someone who's
heard a few things, here and there,

with a true Neapolitan, who's
been born and raised in Naples?

You understand, that's quite.. Well, you say
your father is Neapolitan.

Then you must know some things,
you must have picked them up at home..

while your father was speaking.
Ask me some questions.

Let's see.

Tell me: when did Caruso debut at
the New York Metropolitan,

- year, month, day.
- Come on..

- Eh, all of Brooklyn's Neapolitans know!
- Yes, Brooklyn's!

Then we might as well go back to Franceschiello, to the stone age! I beg your pardon.

I am a modern Neapolitan.
You must ask me today's questions.

After all, if the Neapolitan is Neapolitan,
you can tell right away..

..from the way he behaves,
carrying on without a single cent.

You tell me, Your Honor.. would you
be able to travel from Acerra to Berlin,

- with only 600 lire in your pocket?!
- Certainly not!

This is good.
Could be proof.

Though it is not enough.
Let's see.

Oh! I know that Neapolitans are
com- convulsive grotto players.

- Convulsive? Compulsive!
- Compulsive!

- Compulsive lotto players?
- That's it.

- Not convulsive grotto players!
- Do you know the Kabbalah?

- Yes, the Smorfia!
- The Smorfia.

Of course, I always carry it with me,
I know it by heart. Here it is!

- Let's see. Tell me..
- I'm in.

- Policeman, number?
- Policeman. Number.. Number?

- Policeman is number..?
- That's what I asked.

- Yes, no, I was asking myself.
- Right.

Policeman, number..

Yes, I mean.. it's that number..
Excuse me, mounted or foot policeman?

- Mounted!
- Mounted policeman..

- With uniform or undercover?
- Uniform. - Shoes on? - Yes.

Shoes, that's 22.

Shoes, 22. However,
what I asked for was policeman!

He's got the uniform, he's got the horse,
he's dressed, then he's got shoes.

Therefore, it's 22.

- 22..
- Simple maths!

Oh, alright..

- Then, caciocavallo cheese?
- 54. Two caciocavallo, 108.

- I'll ask you something, now.
- Yes.

- Relevant.
- Yes.

Tell me.
And look into my eyes.

- Number for duckie?
- 21? - Exactly!

- Pais?!
- Pais?!

This is one
of our own.

He's an authentic Neapolitan.

- What do you say about it?
- Dunno!

Now I'm free, free to go.
The misunderstanding has been cleared.

- Not really. - What?
- Your case is not clear yet.

- And when will it be?
- I don't know. 1, 2, 10, 20 years..

20 years? Have you gone nuts?

The wheels of justice
are turning.

Come on, pais?, couldn't we push them
a little, these wheels of justice?

Hey! Your honour!
Say 'hello' to your sister!

This is some trouble!
What will we look like to the russians?

Had we known, we'd
have given it to them.

We must save face,

Who might have set this up?
And why? Maybe Canarinis himself.

- The real one.
- It's likely.

He thought the Neapolitan would have
fallen for it, and be executed.

- Then, the real Canarinis might have lived
off in peace. - If just we could catch him.

It's not impossible, General.

All we have to, is let the Neapolitan
free, and then follow him.

Sooner or later, he will set us
onto the real Canarinis' trail.

Who's there?

Who's there? Who is it?

- A friend'

'Climb the ladder and run!
P.s. remember to change your clothes.'

White Panther 1 calling Green Swan, over.

- This is Green Swan, over.
- He ran off. We're in pursuit.

Good. White Panther 1,
don't let go of him.

Keep following. Take note of whoever
he meets with, and if necessary protect him.

- Roger. Over.
- Over and out.


St. Gennaro, in Berlin!

My dear St. Gennaro!
It is good to see you again.

St. Gennaro, you good old man..
Did you emigrate, too?

Does that mean that you too
crossed South Tyrol?

You don't know how glad I am to
meet a pais? abroad! Madly glad!

I am so moved,
I'm shivering all over.

My St. Gennaro, you dear!
Between us pais?..

Listen, you've got to help me.

Because it's been a while since
I started looking for this one friend.

How silly I am! Speaking in Italian,
though we are in Germany.

I should speak German,
though I'm a little German impaired.

I make do.

Bitter! Sankt Jenar, helpe me finde
der frend, Josef Pajuk.

Would you do that for me?

Damn bats!



St. Genna', thank you.
Danke Sch?n! Bitte Sch?n!

Oonderbar. Sankt Jenar, auf wiedersehen!
Thank you! Cheers.

This must be it. May I.

White Panther 1 to Green Swan.
He went into Stotzstrasse 31.

Over and out.

- Who are you looking for?
- This man.

- 'Giuseppe Pagliuca'. Oh, there he is.
- Pepp?! Hey!

My. I thought I'd crossed
South Tyrol,

though I feel like this is
Porta Capuana.

- Where is he? - Up in the attic.
- May I? - Shoot.

- We must celebrate with plentiful pasta!
- Of course!

- Macaroni and clams! Hooray for Naples!
- Hooray!

Beautiful place, our Italy!
See Naples, then die!

- Neapolitan thighs.. How, you?
- Admiral?

- The sailor?
- Admiral Canarinis?

- The war criminal?
- Criminal my butt!

The criminal is you.
You were going to send me to jail.

- Don't raise your voice.
- Innocent! What'd I do to you?

- Keep your hands in place.
- Is it possible that we Italians..

...must always make ourselves
stand out whenever abroad?

Must always squabble
with each other?

Be patient. How could've I known
you were Neapolitan?

I thought I was doing a just deed by
sending a nazi criminal to jail.

- Don't let me talk no more! - Nazi, me?!
I am but a wretched man.

Then you must tell me why you were
over there, stannding the charges.

- What I was doing?
- Exactly.

They'd offered me 20 millions,

so that I declared myself culpable
for the theft of some tin cans.

Wait a minute. You too?

- Me too.
- Me too.

- Was it, wasn't it, a tall, blonde lady..
- Beautiful? - A beautiful lady..

-..with a tall man. - Ugly.
- A tall soul. - Yes.

- Me too.
- What, really?

- 20 millions against my conscience.
- Damn them.

He told me "You'll be a phoney witness"
and I "Is there any danger?"

"No danger. You will change your name,
your name will be Giuseppe Rossi."

And I said "What about the other poor fellah?",
she "He's headed for the gallows.."

Right! So you were about to
send me to the gallows for 20 millions.

Be patient.
Be patient.

- What matters is that they've got us both.
- Yep.

Got us Neapolitans! We in Naples
used to strip clean americans,

- and the niggers.. - Oh, those I never did
strip clean. Perhaps strip dirty.

Look at him!

What marvel are you up to?

- Please let go. I am jealous.
- Oh, no, really. Good, it's good!

Rag?. Nice.
Making some pasta?

- Yes. A couple tubes.
- So, these are tubes?

- They're from Torre Annunziata.
- I bet it's Gragnana.

Gragnana it is.

- So, today we're having pasta, eh?
- I am having pasta. - And I'm in.

- That's it, I'm eating.
- Pasta!

Yet another wonderful gift from
my cloistered aunt.

She told me "Go there, you will find a friend,
Giuseppe Pagliuca, he will help you."

- Why, do I know him?
- No, but she does know you.

- And where is she now?
- Dead.

- How then?
- Well, the dead know everyone.

Auntie, to help me out, visits
me in my sleeps and tells me numbers.

- Do you play lotto? - No. But I won't leave
my house without this in my pocket.

- What's that, a guide?
- Nah! It's the Kabbalah.

- The what? - The Kabbalah. The Smorfia.
- Oh, so that's..

Everything is written here: the numbers,
and what the numbers mean.

For instance, beautiful woman, ugly woman,
beautifu man, ugly man,

- gentleman, scoundrel, clean, disgusting.
- Thank you.

- Gentelman. Thief.
- Thanks. - It's all in here.

So, she doesn't give me lotto numbers,
that would be a sin, a vice.

Throug numbers i figure
out what to do in life.

For instance, in a dream she gave me an 8.
8 is clothier, or cloth.

24, journey, or travelling.

75, important capital of Germany.

Therefore I got: I must travel,
go to Berlin.

And this was confirmed by Pasquale
Imbrodo, who's not in here.

Pasquale Imbrodo..
Wait, I do know him!

- You don't, but he does.
- Where's he? - He's dead.

- Him too?
- The dead know everybody.

- You must be acquainted with a graveyard.
- Before he dying, he told me:

"Go to Berlin, you will find
Giuseppe.. Guagliaro"

- Pagliuca. - Pagliuca! "Then you'll see
he will help you, he's really generous."

"He's got a big heart,
he'll welcome you open armed."

"His own will be
your own."

"Day by day you will eat pasta
toghether, you'll be fine."

Ah, my friend, are you kidding?
The Salvatore Imbrodo days are over.

- God bless us, it's not a good time at all.
- What, really! - Absolutely.

The clothiers' golden
age is long gone. Sorry, just a sec.

- What?
- No, no..

Sorry if stick my hand in your pocket,
bear with me a second.

- This is mine.
- Is it? I found it.

- Where?
- Here, on top.

- Well, it's mine.
- Nobody was looking after it.

Nobody asked,
so I kept it.

- Don't do it again.
- Sorry, I wasn't paying attention.

- Don't do it again.
- No, no.

Now, with your own eyes you will
realize what being a clothier means.

- Go ahead.
- Thanks.

I wonder what that
Pasquale Imbrodo was up to.

- If I may, I'll go ahead.
- Please do.

- Why don't we drop the formalities?
- Indeed, we are fellow citizens.

- Do you mind?
- Not at all, my pleasure.

- You don't mind? - No, really.
- What's your name? - La Puzza.

- La pu-?
- La Puzza, my family name.

Antonio La Puzza,
widower Nardecchia.

- My good old wife was Nardecchia.
- Right. Explain to my friend here..

..what it's like to be a clothier,
today in Berlin.

Not good! You came too late.
Once, we were powerful.

All doors would open
in front of a clothier.

- Off their hats! - And women
would welcome us with open arms!

What's on the papers
is the truth.

Admiral Canarinis broke free.

Your claims are an offence
to our intelligence.

You have hidden and
employed him in your

- secret service organization.
- We don't need him!

Perhaps it is you, who wish
to employ Canarinis this way.

Our defensive department
is ever efficient,

- without the help of that criminal!
- If you are so efficient, find him!

We will! You can count
on that.

- Do svidanija.
- Goodbye. - Do svidanija.

General, what if they
do find him?

You seem to forget that the real
Canarinis is free, the other is fake.

While we look for the admiral,
the russians will look but for a clothier.

I don't understand, instead of
going to the city, we go to Pompei.

- Pompei, all ruins.
- It is more profitable in the suburbs.

Anto', there's not much you need to know.
"Was kost" means "how much".

When you mean "please",
it's "bitte".

When you'd like to say goodbye,
you say "auf wiedersehen".


Or "bitt spiz with me"
is speak to me.

- And what should I say? - To me, nothing.
- But you said I had to..

- Bitte.. bitte pizze with me.
- Slow down. - Are those for sale?

No, I'm just passing by,
he's the man.

Just a second.
It is just a coincidence.

- Don't worry. We really appreciate
Italian clothiers. - Do you?

- Then we've got authentic Persian carpets!
- Anto', stop a minute.

We've got Scottish socks,
from Scotland, authentic.

Beg your pardon, you're passing by
then you're not? Bitte, spiz with me.

I'm not the one interested,
my friends are.

- Get in car.
- Yessir, ja. - Spiz me.

Get in. My friend, bitte.

Philip to Schulz. They have been
picked up by a car. We'll follow.

- Mantain radio contact.
- Don't lose them.

They are after them. Let's
keep the distance. Go.

- Where are you taking us?
- To a very gentlemanly house.

- Gentlemanly? I hope so.
- Because we got really gentlemanly stuff.

- What about the prices?
- Don't worry, I'll speak.

- Don't worry, they are honest people.
- We don't accept foreign checks.

In Italy nobody even
recognizes a check.

Don't be foolish,
they pay in marks.

Be careful: they have to
be nice, big marks, no small ones.

- Yes, nice big marks!
- I said you can relax.

Come on.

Go ahead.

- Danke schen!
- Danke schen!


- Where's the bell.
- Ring! - I am ringing.


- Guten Morgen.
- Morgen!

Go in.

Damn it!

- Bitte, wollen Sie..
- They told us that here..

- Bitte Fraulein. - We also
have magnificent carpets.

- Would you let me speak?
- Look, I was explaining. Speak.

- Well..
- I know already.

Heh, she's got
a killer pair.

- Please.
- I noticed.

- I go call lady.
- Ja. - Ja.

Have a look! This
must have been Kesserling's house,

or Hitler's, either one.

- Listen, you great gourmet,
did you check the fraulein? - I did.

- Which do you like best, the 48, 23 or 38?
- Why even ask? All three.

We've got to sell all our stock now,
may the Virgin of Pompei be with us,

we can go
back to our city.

Sankt Ienn?,
helpe us alle.

- My German is improving, isn't it?
- I'm missing a pair of socks, do you have them?

- What do I know. - You don't?
- Even my shoes are falling apart!

My lady says, meanwhile
drink zomething.

Take off your hat!

They're offering us something.

- Danke schen!
- Ja.

- They're very kind. - Don't let your
guard down, we have to sell everything.

- I know.
- Remember it.

- Sprechen Sie Deustsch, Fraulein?
- Ja.

She said: "Ja". What are you doing?
Putting socks in my pocket?

- Thief.
- Must have been another oversight.

- Excuse me. Sprechen Sie Deutsch, ja?
- Ja.

Uhm, well.. just
a word!

I don't remember how you say
"excuse me" in German.

It's awful, isn't it, when you
don't know the language.

I'm out of practice.
What's "excuse me" in German?

- Bitte.
- Oh! That's the only word I needed.

Bitte, fraulein. We want know
if frau master..

wish zomething other,
like unterwear.

Pajamen, knickeren,

- soks, slipperen..
- Ich weiss es nicht.

Die Dame des Hauses hat mich
zu lhrer Disposition gestellt.

Halt! Attendez.
What'd she say?

- She said she's at our disposal.
- Such kindness!

What sort of place is this?

- Perhaps it's a sixty-one?
- No, no, this a respectable house.

Anyway, I'll get on with it.

- Sprechen Sie Deutsch?
- Ja.

Us, me unt me kameraten, Richard,
vanted to know if

- here in REICH you know any
Frau Merlin. - Ich verstehe nicht.

- What'd she say?
- I think she said "I don't understand".

- Looks like.
- Please, eat.

- Danke, danke!
- Eh, danke. Eat!

- Is it olives? - These not olives.
These complete meal.

- Comment, Fraulein?
- This is a complete meal?

- Ja, synthetic meal.
- Did you understand? - No.

These frightful Germans,

the German scientists invented
the last invention.

They put a complete meal into
a capsule and you save the chewing.

Nein, not for me, nein.
Mein kamerat, dunno.

But je pr?f?re, jawohl, the
bread rollen ? l'antique,

with the fromage, col cas,
mit salam. You grab it and it's gone.

Let us not be materialists,
we are in West Germany,

- there is progress here.
- But I am ancient!

- Come on, eat!
- No, German olives are disgusting.

- Nein.
- Very well, then I will.

Slowly! No chewing, swallowing.

- Langsam. Piano.
- Swallow.

- That's enough!
- Anto', Sparrowini's daughter!

- The Quail's Bird!
- No, Canaris's daughter!

- I zuggest you don't make sharp moves.

- First you treat us nicely.
- And now? You menace us?

The capsule you swallowed was
prepared by my father. - Anto'!

They made me swallow
another micro Phil!

No, the capsule is full of explosive.
As soon as you move, boom!

- You will disintegrate. - No!
- Don't move. You'll disintegrate.

Hans, schnell.

Next time you
will play it cool.

What are you doing? To me?
I don't even know him!

I chanced upon him in Berlin,
but i don't know him.

But we, we know you very well.
Let's go.

We're coming too!
Are you leaving us here?

Don't move,
or we'll blow up.

Blowing up toghether, I don't even
know you, what am I doing here!?

Dear St. Gennaro, why, why?

Stay right where you are!
Come on, hurry up.

- Let's go upstairs! - At last,
you'll tell us where your father is.

Breathe slowly.

Oh, thank goodness! Psst!
Hey, young man!

Why are you standing there
like two mummies, leave!

He can't move..
Don't move.

Stand still, for God's sake!
No sharp movements.

The pill might blow up at any movement.
Watch your mouth!

Don't say certain words.
P, K and B are most dangerous.

Because P goes pop, K goes
kapow, and B goes boom, and we go too.

Vile man! What need was there
to pair me with this scoundrel?

He blew up, well, it happens!
One less!

- What's up?

No, I don't understand,
don't mumble!

- Telephone? And where is it?

I'll get it.

I'd forgotten about
this thing.

- Little by little. Right leg first.

Don't move. Right leg
ahead, like this. Emulate.

Now the other leg,
bring it forward. Slowly.

Give me your hand,
I'll carry you.

Slowly, slowly. Like that.

One, two.

One, two.


- What?

Your belly hurts?
It's just the fear.

- A MASSAHE. - Are you crazy?
A massage on your belly?

Why had I to wind up
in Germany?

I couldn't even
stand Kesserling.

By goodness!
Don't sneeze.

I'll eat your nose out!
Become a cannibal, right here.

- It's gone? Let's continue.

Mamma mia bella!

My dear Nardecchia,
my dear wife!

- HO? - My wife.
Peace be with her.

She's up there, perhaps
protecting me.

T-take your hand
off mine.

Put it on the table.

- I don't know anybody in Berlin.

Her holiness..
What's her number?

- Oh, the police!

Slowly, or I smack
the deceiver on your head.

- What's the number?

7 7 1 1 7 7.

No, no, no!
For the love of God!

Thank God,
nobody's home.

Ah! Anto'

My head is still hammered.
I can feel my ears whistling.

You? My throat hurts.
I wonder what it is? It hurts.

- Stop pulling.
- Darn it!

- Look!
- Turn around.

When you point your mouth,
it's like you were aiming a gun.

- There could be some charge left in you.
- Don't be silly! - Let me feel.

- Ah! - What?
- There's some excrement left.

Come on! The capsule's flown
out, otherwise we'd be dead.

- Slowly. - Yes, slowly.. slowly,
we took eight damned slowly hours.

- You wed me up!
- What'd I do?

- You wed me up.
- Are you crazy? A liar, too.

- So I did wed you, uh?
- You fed me up!

Speak properly.
You've forgotten Italian.

- Whatever.
- What a face.

- Ouch.
- I've got legs.

- Come on.
- I've got legs!


- It was a vacuum, a hollowness.
- You don't know how to walk.

Cover it with something,
shame on you!

Wretched me, I crossed
South Tyrol for this!

- Slowly, you're hurting my hand.
- We've become siamese twins.

This attack we have had..

.. toghether. Such
a pitiful thing.

And you call this home.

- Home, home..
- Here we go.

- Say.
- What?

- Shall we get rid of these?
- Yes, yes.

They're a shame,
and bad omens too.

Bring bad luck.
They have to go.

- We need a tool. Got a saw, a pincer?
- No.

- A hammer? - No.
- A screwdriver? - No.

- We need a blunt instrument.
- There's a knife. - Uh?

- Let's try the knife.
- Give me the ring.

- Uh? - Give me the ring.
- What ring?

- While you took the knife,
you took the ring. - I did?

- This one perhaps? - Yes.
- You call this a ring?

- I did it for your comfort.
- You're a thief.

- Do you go to sleep with your ring on?
- You're a thief. I dread you.

I dread you.
Carefully, you'll hurt me.

- Here we go..
- You're hurting me!

Are you made
out of marzipan?

How do we sort this?

What are you doing?

Tell me one thing.
Tell me truth:

you, you don't really
like this hand, do you? You don't.

- Why?
- Do you need it? No.

- Why? - Because this
calls for extreme measures.

- Would the necessity arise..
- Oh, come! Please shut up!

- Then, keep your handcuffs.
- Right. - And don't be a nuisance.

- Let's go sleep.
- Let's. First though, I must do.. something.

- Why?
- Because each of us minds his own business.

- Where is it? - It's there.
- Let's go.

- Oh!
- You want me to come along!?

So you wanted to
keep the handcuffs?

Good heavens! Was it you?
It was a surprise!

It was a surprise!

It must have been the
impact from the explosion.

I'm going.
Mind if I go do something?

- Go, go!
-Yes, I go.

- No, that's the wardrobe.
- Oh, right. Don't get mad.

- And where is it?
- Over there, with the glass.

- This one? - I had it made
on purpose, it even says so.

But I don't know German.
Don't get mad.

Here we go.

- Peppino! - Uh!
- Peppino! - You scared me.

- The room. It's dark.
- The candle is there.

Is it? Sorry,
don't get mad.


- There's no.. - There's a bucket.
- I saw it, but there is no water.

- There's sawdust!!!
- Yes, but don't get mad.

A little kindness goes a long way.
We're not pharisees.

I want this, I want that.
Bloody nuisance!

Everything smooth as oil.
Where's that.. ah.

Oh, yes.



In nomine..

St. Gennaro, please make me
financially successful here in Germany.

- I crossed Sud Tyrol.
- HEY!

- I'm not dead! - So what?
- What are you doing? - My orations.

- And you have to do it here?
- I usually do it in bed.

- Piss off!
- Alright, I won't say them.

- Is this hospitality?
- What a jinx.

Forgive him! Forgive the paupers
in spirit, for he is one.

- And where should I go?
- Just go.

But where? You took the whole
bed. Where do I go?

- Let me sleep.
- Move aside.

More aside. More.
My, it's stiff too.

Oh. Sorry.

- Hey, what are you doing?
- I would need..

- Wha.. - What?
Don't tickle my feet!

- Gimme the blanket!
- Then take it. You're uncovering me.

Mamma mia!
What then, with this blanket?

Greedy! You're greedy!

- What do we do?
- Don't get mad.

Let's see, we'll
split it in half.

This your half,
this is mine.

- This would be my half?
- And this one for me. A strip.

- Hold still. - I'm tired.
- Hold still. My feet stick out.

Must be shortened.

Away with your legs.

Hold still,
won't you?

Peppi', there's a draught,
somewhere, but where?

- It's an ancient building.
- It's blowing. - It's been bombed.

- Hold still.
- Do me a favour: let's sleep.

This thing.. what is it?

I rest my head.

I can't find my peace.
I'm used to my bed.

I can't sleep like
this, sorry.

Good night.

Who's there?
Who's there?

Who's there?

Is it you?

You scared me
to death.

- I'm in pieces.
- You're still here?

I've never slept so awfully
as in your bed, and I've slept..

The humidity!

Boy, it's freezing
in here!

- Your sneezing isn't pretty.
- I'm devastated. - It's humidity.

- This kind of places..
- The sun of Naples..

..does miracles.

- And I..
- Naples, Naples.

- I, who crossed South Tyrol
- The sun of Naples.

And here, the humidity.

Beg your pardon. Sorry.

- What are you doing?
- Don't you know? It's dark in there!



- Peppino! Look what's in there.
- I put it there myself.

No, look on the paper. There
is my picture. Russians are looking for me!

Russians are russians! They scare me!
Are you kidding? I'm beating it!

"Famous nazi monster Admiral
Attila Canarinis

escapes from US prison.
The Soviet Union seeks his pasture

..his capture, dead or alive."

Woah! I had him sleep in my bed!
Am I compromised now? Anto'!

I had to come all the way to Berlin
for all this trouble? Good heavens!

- Peppino! - Anto!
- You scoundrel, what have you done?!

- What?
- Does it look funny to you?

- You walled me in tonight so I wouldn't run off!
- Who did? - You did!

I didn't!

- Anto', I've got a doubt. - A dobt?
- A dobt? Speak Italian!

Let's try this door.

Anto', we're screwed.
The Russians want you, dead or alive.

- Don't drag me into this!
- And I crossed South Tyrol!

- What time is it?
- My God!

Why do you care?
It's 7..

- Lemme see the clock.
- It's 7.

- Lemme see..
- It's 7!

- Lemme see the clock!
- It's not a good moment. Here, look.

- This clock..
- .. is yours.

- You're a thief.
- What do I know, it was on the ground.

- You're a thief.
- Nobody was looking for it.

In a dramatic situation
as we are, you go around stealing?

- Let's try that exit.
- Is there a safety exit?

Safety exit?

Perhaps the exit
from the vestry..

Anto'! What are you doing?
Come here!

Don't leave
me alone!

Hurry up Anto'!

- I crossed South Tyrol for this!
- Get your feet moving!

- This sorry place! - Hurry up!
- Light, over there! A window.

Let's go.

Don't rush.

- Do you know them?
- Hey you! They have a jumping sheet.

- Over here! - Here, bitte!
- A sheet for two.

- Did you see the jump?
- Oh, come on! It's our turn.

- Here! - Here!
- What? They're leaving?

This is a sabotage!

The police!

- What's with the police?
- The guards!

- They stopped shooting.
- We have to jump.

- They stopped shooting.
- Easier said..

- Without a sheet, it's a bit high.
- It's high, but all you need is a little courage.

- You, you've got courage. Go ahead!
- Then go, go.

- Not me. - I'll watch your shoulders.
- Don't be silly!

- I'm polite, you go ahead.
- Let's not be formal, you and I.

- I insist, really. - Jump down.
- Alright, I'm going.

- Hey! Who's that?
- The Popoffs.

- Who?
- The communist police.

I caught him while he
was trying to run off!

Los! Los!

Come again?

- Well, that was that.
- Did you go nuts?

- Why?
- Well, shouting like that!

- I did it to thwart suspicions.
- What if they had gotten me?

Please! I wouldn't
have let them.

I knew it was the Popoffs
trying to break free.

Still, I don't trust you.
We must jump.

Mia mamma!

- Those are real bullets!
- Mamma mia! St. Gennaro!

- Anto'! - What's up?
- Com'ere. - What's up?

Oh, you're early Hans.
Change of guard is in ten minutes.

But since you're here
already, all the better.

- Jawohl.
- Jawohl.

Es ist besser so,
gehen wir in die Kaserne.

- What did he say? - Not a clue.
Anyway, it's good.

- I'm scared. - Move it!
- I was going to collapse.

What do we do here?
Know anything?

- Come.
- Let's go.

Oh bother, where are we?

- Americans are over there.
They're friends. - The light!

The explosions!

- Are they done? Who's shooting?
- It's the americans.

You said they were friends!
Now they shoot?

- Of course, we're dressed like this.
- Oh, right.. like Germans.

I'm getting undressed.
Off with this thing.

- Let's hide somewhere.
- The hat..

- Let's wait for dawn.
- Until dawn, here?

- Move it.
- And where do we go?

To the wall. Move it
Anto', move it!

- Too tall.
- Who? - The wall.

Perhaps you wanted
a tailored one?

- I know. Now go!
- No, you go.

- You go.
- You go, I'll watch your shoulders.

I have to..

Let's not..

Let's not be formal, between
the two of us. It's politeness.

- You know what it is? Cowardice,
and you, you're a coward, I'll go. - Go, go!

- Go! Look carefully! What
are you doing? - Not here.

It's not the right place.
Look if somebody's coming.

What are you doing here?
Does this look like the time to..?

This is the time!
Push me up!

Say, it before then,
will you?



Turn around!

I'm from Berlin.
I fled to be here with you,

in Russian paradise.
Long live Russia!

Long live Russia!

What are you doing there?
Line up! Come on, Hurry up!

Move it!

- Anto'!
- Anto'!

How did you
get here?

The wall. I was in the East.
I decided to take a jump for freedom,

so here I am in the West, but it looks
like I took a running jump. What about you?

We're also here
because of the wall.

- Did you try to run off?
- No. When they built the wall

those from the East tried
desperately to come over.

They were jumping out of windows,
while people with sheets helped them.

We thought we could sell bed sheets
as jumping sheets, and make loads!

But people jumping out..
the sheets were worn.

We had casualties, injuries,
legs, arms everywhere..

- It was you!
- No, it was him!

It's you again!

- You!
- It was him!

I'm having a great time.
Better prisoner in the west,

than shot dead
in the east.

This is a fixation! I'll repeat,
Admiral Canarinis broke free.

- We don't know his whereabouts.
- Wrong! We know where he is.

With this slideshow we will
prove that our accusations are true.

- Ready? - Ready.
- Slide 1.

It's him!
No doubt about it!

It's just a likeness. That
man cannot be Canarinis.

Cannot be? Isn't that
the courtyard of your prison?

Slide 2.

Here you can see
Canarinis doing the nazi greeting.

Lies! Canarinis is not in
our prisons. These slides are fakes!

If you don't believe our photos,
let us check your prison then.

Otherwise, the whole world
will know of this ignominious fraud.

It's clear this is
just a misunderstanding.

I say we do this
check, straight away.

- Most certainly! Shall we?
- Just what we wanted.

- What do they want? - I don't know.
Why did they round us up?

- Perhas they want to reward
somebody for good conduct. - Right!

Let us be honorable. Remember:
we are Italians abroad.

- Please.
- Here, General.

Here, it's him!

- Well General, is it him, or not?
- Look at him.

His usual merry
and military composure.

The criminal's grit,
the eagle's eye.

- This one, an eagle's eye?
- No, he's talking to you.

- To me? Really!
- I swear I had no idea he was here.

In the name of detente,
you can have him.

- Colonnello, take him away!
- Da! Step backward!

Turn around!


I declare the Canarinis
identification seance open.

- I didn't understand. - Sit down!
- Oh, you meant "sorry". Alright.

Do you admit
to being Admiral Canarinis?

What, admiral?
Who's this admiral you speak of?

How many times do I have to tell you?
I am Antonio La Puzza,

widower Nardecchia, from Acerra,
born 1910 and something.

I crossed South Tyrol
to come to Germany.

- Do not persist, it's useless.
- No Sir.

I am the victim of a catch.
We're seeing a major judicial mishap here.

And let us not commit any,
for we shall suffer the consequences.

Now then!

Answer: are you perhaps not the
mysterious leader of the nazi secret service?

- Nein! Nicht! No! Not at all!
- We've got evidence..

- .. that will crush you.
- You don't have a choice.

- Your days are numbered.
- Oh, then I'd like to speak to my lawyer.

There must be a public defender.
I want to speak to him!

You're doing it already.
I am your counsel for the defence.

You are? Then, I'm in trouble.
Saint Jenarov, help me!

If you will not stop
denying you are Canarinis,

- we will bring in a witness.
- I'm glad.

Your life will hang
onto his account.

So we can clear this
misunderstanding. Go on.

Oh? Peppino Pagliuca.
Long time no see!

Who could have thought?
Peppino! At last, it's you!

- Be quiet. - So nice to see you!
- Silence! - He can testify..

Let him speak! Silence!
Do you know this man?

- Yes, of course, how couldn't..
- I said silence! Let him speak.

- Do you know this man?
- Seriously?! We slept toghether!

I saved him from the capsule.
Then we sold cloth toghether.

- Silence! - Tell them when
we sold that cloth. That was fun..

Your Excellency, he doesn't
let me speak.

- Would you?
- I beg your pardon?

What do you know of
what I am to testify?

- Formalities again?
- Shall I remind you have already identified..

- ..this man, at the American military trial.
- I protest! This is an attempt to influence..

.. a witness, who has already shown his
perspicacity in being vile.

- Defense, put that on record!
- No put! I didn't hear clearly.

- Oh, he's deaf even! - Please get
your dignity toghether, Admiral!

But I am not Canarinis! How many
times do I have to tell you?

This is what the witness will tell us.
Tell me! Who is this man?

Calm! Be calm,
everything will be alright!

Well, yes, I do know this man.
He's Admiral Canarinis.

Oh, is that so? You.. I mean,
Herr you, what do you say?

- I'm telling the truth.
- Very well, the farce is over then.

Enough with the farce!
You want me to be Canarinis?

Alright then, I am! Satisfied?
But this guy, do you know who he is?

He's my most trustworthy person,
my aide, my right hand man!

I was the mind, he was the hand!
Show your hand.

- He knew more than I did!
- Watch your words! I don't know you!

Oh, so he doesn't know me!
That's his confession, right there!

No, I meant to say I do not know him
as La Puzza, widower Nardewhatever.

Don't soil her memory.

- But as Admiral Canarinis, I do know him.
- Oh, do you? - I do.

And I, as Admiral,
knew you

and you had the honour of
knowing me. Admiral? Please!


- I will kill him!
- He's threatening me!

- Be quick about it!
- It takes time. We're two.

- The hole is one.
- Anto'!

- I want to confess something.
- There's no priests here. They're atehists.

No, I mean, if I knew it was going
to end up like this,

- I wouldn't have betrayed you.
- I know, I know.

- You thought they'd only shoot me.
- No, I didn't think they'd shoot you.

I thought they'd throw you
in jail, but shoot, never.

Anto', I beg your

I forgive you,


You, have this.

- What's that?
- To blindfold your eyes.

No, we're going to die
open faced!

I want it!
I don't want to see your faces!

- Are you crazy, dying blindfolded?
Are you a coward? - No. - No blindfold!

- You don't want it?
- No!

- Then prepare to die as men.
- We are men! Remember that!

Quick, get me
East Berlin.

Send an urgent message
to Colonel Chapov,

from the Supreme Soviet.

- How do you keep so calm?
- Whilst there's life, there's hope.

- Anto'!
- My God!

- Load!
- Widower Nardecchia.


I have an urgent
message from the General.


Remember: we save you life,
because you can be useful to us.

- Thank you. - Better be clear about
this. Do you want to save you life, or not?

- Why, didn't you decide yet?
- Not us! It's up to you to decide.

- Do you want to save your life?
- Is there any question about it?

Oh! Very well! Collaboration!
I knew we'd find an agreement.

- This very good for you.
- Thanks.



- Taka sit! Taka sit!
- Oh, takasit! What'd you understand?

- Talk a feet?
- No, takasit, it's Russian.

- So, what do you say?
- Yes, well, you know..

- You must decipher that.
- Just a moment.

- Decipher this.
- What's that?

- Must be the Russian multiplication
table. Decipher! - Like I understand any of this?

- Are you in a hurry?
- Russian is not really my..

- Admiral Canarinis! - Yes.
- You know the secrets of all ciphers.

- Yes, you know, now and then..
- This is the proof.

This book was found in your pockets,
when the Americans handed you over.

- Do you know it?
- That's La Smorfia!

Call it whatever
you like. Look.

- Bombardier 38, spy 13, soldier..
- 11. - Music. - 32! - No, 45!

No, 32! It was 45 before, now 32.
Beg your pardon, Your Excellency.

Very well! Canarinis,
you know everything by heart.

Do you know that Americans are still
running espionage flights all over East Europe?

- And he didn't want to believe it!
- I knew nothing of it. - Come on!

However, we haven't been
able to localize them lately.

We have intercepted many
radio messages with this cruise,

but they are ciphered.
We don't know how to read them.

- We would need somebody in the know.
- Yes. Somebody that who would be..

- And we already found!
- Thank God!

- You!
- Him!

- I?
- I?

Why me?
Professor Pagliuca, perhaps!

- Professor a damn!
- He's my aide!

Do as you will! But you must.
Otherwise, RATATATATA!

Does this suit you?

- So.. what do you say, Admiral?
- Well, cheri, I accept.

Whatever floats the boat.
We'll do with it.

There's some cold dishes and canned
food there, if you'd like something else..

- If we could have something hot..
- A nice Russian salad..

- It's cold in here!
- Da, da, da!

- He says we're getting da salad.
- I'll be leaving now.

If you need anything,
just press that button.

- Don't touch! - If you plan
to play any trick, very dangerous for you.

You are constantly surveilled
by special device.

I'll let you work now. Watch
the clock. Tomorrow, I'll be here,

same time, to see if you have
worked out our problem.

Your life is on the line!
Do svidanija.

- What'd he say?
- He said "two Sweden yam".

It really struck me when he told you
"I'll be back tomorrow at four"

"and if you haven't done what
has to be done, you'll be a goner, Peppi'".

- The blood drained from..
- No, you too.

- Why me?
- He said "two Sweden yam". Two!

Do I look Swedish to you?
Perhaps you are, and don't be rude!

Damn! We're done for! Damned
be the day I met you!

My words,

I crossed South Tyrol,
just to meet somebody like you.

- Yeah, crossed!
- Vile! Coward! Aren't you ashamed?

Don't you know you're Italian? Italy
gave birth to illustrious men.

Fermi! And everybody! And the others?
Lucrezia Borgia, Giovan Battista Vico,

Cimarosa, Alessandro Mazzini,
Sansone, Bottecchia, Guerra.

I know, but we are just
two poor clothiers.

Who says that?
You are their progeny!

Who can say that in your blood
there is not a drop of Lucrezio Caro's?

Or Michelangelo Buonarroti's? You
could be a Buonarroti without knowing.

Let's just get to work.
Here's La Smorfia, here the code book.

- Paper and ink.
- My legs hurt.

Take your feet off. They're watching.
We'll look like cavemen.

Always making fools out
of ourselves.. Take them off.

- Are you talking to me?
- Yes, they're watching.

Very good!
They started already!

Let's hope they
won't take long.


- Did you get that down?
- I did, I did.

Reread, would you?

- As before, we have eastern coast.
- Cost? - Eastern cost.

- How much does it cost?
- What do I know? You said it!

- No, I said "a stern coat".
- Oh.

- Then.. I'll make an amendment.
- Yes, you do that.

- And you think the Americans would
write a message like that?! - Of course!

They're capable of anything!
The Russians too.

But do you understand that the Russians,
the big honchos here,

they want to know the
route of them spy planes?

We told them,
"behind the door"!

- And what does the goat, the tarantella,
have to do with it? - Why should we know?

I crossed South Tyrol to meet
you and go through all this.

Oh, please!
Please stop that!

- Don't cry!
- To think my last days are..

- Don't cry. Jinx! What are you looking for?
- A hankie. - Here you go.

- In a foreign land..
- And what about me?

- This hankie is mine - Is yours?
- You're a plunderer!

I found it on the table.
Nobody was looking for it! What now?

- An Idea, Peppi'!
- I don't have one!

Why would I ask you,
you've got hot air in your head.

Not even hot, lukewarm.
The idea is mine, and I'm a genius!

So, listen! Do you remember when
I told you of my dead aunt, the nun,

the one from Monza?
The nun aunt of Monza.

- The nun of Monza is your aunt?
- Not that one, another!

It's my aunt, who died recently.
When she appears to me, in dreams,

she gives me numbers
and I can decipher anything.

- What I must do now, is to get in
touch with the dead aunt. - Don't worry,

the Russian Colonel will get us in touch
with her, and all our dead relatives.

Pessimist and jinx!
You didn't understand a thing!

- I have to fall asleep!
- Then sleep! Sleep!

Right, like I can sleep, like that. I'm
not a horse, who falls asleep like that.

- What do you need, your granny?
- Yes, I need a granny. A lullaby.

Wish to cooperate?

- Wish to cooperate?
- And what should I do!?

You must cooperate. Are you willing?
Otherwise we'll be killed, hanged.

Rope and soap round your neck,
a hood on the head, and SWISH

- What should we do?
- Cooperate with me.

- Sing me a lullaby.
- A lullaby?

- Oh, come on, come on!
- It's an habit I have.

- But you disgust me!
- You disgust me too.

I'm really sacrificing myself, sitting
like this, but if you won't, I won't sleep.

It's an habit.

- Sing.
- Grandma granny, grandma granny-oh.


- It's a habit. - Are you crazy?
- It's a habit of mine.

Spoiled brat!

Grandma granny, grandma granny-oh.

If I don't stick my finger in
the nose, I won't fall asleep.

- If you won't sleep, I'll gorge your eyes out.
- Are you cooperating or what? - Sleep!

- They sleep?
- Da!


Cloistered aunt!

Come! Come, aunt!

You're so beautiful,
cloistered aunt.


Here I am, dear nephew.
Sorry if I am a bit late.

Even though I'm a spirit,
it's quite a long way from Monza to Berlin.

And not simply Berlin!
You had me come to East Berlin.

You look for trouble Antonio,
and then I have to come and save you.

I'll show you some items now, and you
will have to find their cabalistic number.

- I'll try.
- Ssstt.. A pan, a coffee pot.

- Coffee pot..
- A hairbrush. - Hairbrush..

And this.. bap, bap, bap..
a carpet beater.

Thanks, cloistered aunt.

Don't get them wrong.


The aunt!
We're on to something!

He gave them
to me!

- The cloistered aunt, in a dream..
- Slowly.

- Solved everything. Where's la Smorfia?
- Over there.

- Write! - Write what?
- Write! Write! Write!

- Do we even need la Smorfia?
- Pan. - Number? Pan is 66.

- Hairbrush. - Let's see..
- Brush with hair. - 30.

- Coffee pot.
- 61.

- Sherbet beater. - Car.. Sherbet
Carpet or Sherbet beater?

- The one for beating clothes.
- You can't even speak, you imbecile!

Never mind. Write!
Did you write?

- 66 30 61 7.
- Where are the buttons?

Here they are. Damn it,
I'd like to call them all.

What was that?

Oh! Let's go,
right away!

This is it.

- Did you decipher?
- Yessir.

Here it is!

Oh! Good!

How did you manage
to decipher this paradigm?

- He did!
- I didn't! He's Admiral Canarinis.

- He did it all!
- How did you do it?

- Tricks of the trade!
- Da, da!

Then, the 30th is today.
61 flight direction,

66 the coordinates. Aha!
7 is the time. Here we go! - Very good!

- St. Gennaro, please save me!
- Go check. Everybody to his station!

- Go check!
- Go check! Jawhol!

- Ready, down there?
- Hallo? Space control

- Close all doors.
- Z4 to A12.

Hallo? This is base A12,
connection 4.

Targeting station here.
Coordinates 66, mark 61.

- Here we go! Do you want to check mark?
- Where's he?

- We'll have it soon, you can direct.
- No, no. You want to direct?

- I'm not too well.
- Please direct, General.

Targeting station here,
mark 61 is above you.

- Radar, ready? - Radar ready.
- Target 66, mark 61.

- So, what about mark then?
- What do you say?

- If he's a nice guy, let him in.
- What about mark!?

What, you're afraid of this Mark?
Is he two meters tall or something?

Why do we even care?
Let me!

Hallo, hallo?
Call me mark!

- Which mark?
- Mark 61! - Mark 61 it is!

Suppress Mark! Eliminate!
Over and out.

Mark incoming.

Radar, target mark.

Oh! Oh! Here it is!

You were very good, Admiral.
General Chelyuskin very happy with you.

- Congratulations!
- Congratulations! He did it.

- Mark eliminated.

Radar here. Unknown
airplane at coordinates 61-66.

I repeat: unknown
airplane at coordinates 61-66.

Unknown, but not for long!
What do you say?

- What do you say?
- Yes, yes.

- He says yes.
- He can't escape, he's locked.

- Jafol.
- Attention. Airspace control here.

We have targeting data.
Awaiting orders.

I repeat,
Airspace control.

We have targeting data.
Awaiting orders.

- Attention! Missile control here.
- Patch them through!

- Hello, missile control, do you
have the target? - We're ready.


We hit!

Very good!



Ah, very good,
very good.

I was just informed
the U2 pilot

ejected with
his parachute.

Very good! Now we even
have a prisoner.

Who shot down
my plane!?

We have a proposal.
Remember the last time we met?

Of course.
You wanted Canarinis.

And you kindly
gave him over.

- What did you do to him? Was he shot?
- Not yet.

We think that now,
it is up to you to try him.

You would hand him back?
On which conditions?

We want Von Brunner
and Wilfried in exchange.

- Never! - Oh, so it is you,
the bad guys preventing the detente.

General McLeod, perhaps
this is a good solution.

- Possible? - After all,
we simply exchanging prisoners.

- Yes, perhaps it is possible.
- Da, da!

Then, all we have left to do,
is to establish the rendez-vous.

Brandenburg gate,
the day after tomorrow.

- At dawn. - 6 o' clock.
- Ok! - Kharasho!

Hey, those are not Professor
Von Brunner and General Wilfried.

What shall we do?

Why, because those two are supposed
to be Canarinis and his aide?

- I say we..
- Me too.

- The whole world is watching us.
- Watching and judging.

What matters is the detente,
then let's make up and be enemies again.

Get them!

Let's get
away from here.

Do you want a lift?
Please, jump in!

Want to come?

- Thank you for the lift.
- Very kind. These days it's uncommon..

- Those guys just dropped us in
the middle of nowhere. - Goodness.

- We're going to the airport, and you?
- We too.

- Anto', they're going to the airport too!
- The icing on the cake!

- But we, we're going to Italy!
- To Naples! What about you?

- China, and you're coming with us.
- Are you kidding!? - Stop!

Don't try run!
Or we kill you two!

Because our great China needs
great brains like yours

to overtake
America and Russia.

- Anto', China!
- Oh mamma mia!