Toto, Peppino, and the Hussy (1956) - full transcript

Antonio, Peppino and Lucia are three brothers who live in the country near Naples. Lucia's son, Gianni, goes to Naples to study medicine, but there he knows a ballet dancer. They fall in love and, when she goes to Milan, Gianni follows her. Informed of this and afraid that their nephew will stop studying, the three Caponi brothers leave for Milan to persuade Gianni to come back and continue studying and abandon the "Malafemmina" (bad girl). - stop by if you're interested in the nutritional composition of food
Totò, Peppino and the Evilwoman

(subtitles by Simone)

(revision by Claudio)

A liar woman has left me...

- You're always in between!
- Damn!

Did I hurt you?

Think about your health!

Health, what health?

Here it is: Mezzacapa ("Halfhead") Farm.
Even the name is unpleasant.

I don't like it too, but I don't know
why we have to hate him.

Because you never understand anything.

Mezzacapa is our neighbour, right?

His field borders on ours, right?

I don't like him.

All neighbours are unpleasant and hideous.

Check if he's at the window.


Be quick.

- Who was that?
- Don't ask.

Same story. Those two are the Caponi
("Bigheads") brothers. If I catch them...

He heard you.
He heard you.

Good morning, Peppino.
Good morning, Totò.

You put your feet
under the wheel.

Damn it!

I was waiting for you yesterday.

I couldn't come. My wife was sick.

No, you mustn't be late,
otherwise i'll change metayer.

No, why?

Then, you owe 60.
And 40 of the old bill.

That makes 100.

That makes 100.
Neat, neat: net weight.

Net weight: here 10,000 lire are missing.

Sorry, they were in this other department.

- Ok, ok. - And now, you owe me
12,000 lire.

- 12,000 I used to pay the vet for the cow.
- Yes, yes, I remember.

The cow died and so the two veals.
I've... I've said enough, I've said.

- One moment, I paid 12,000 lire, Peppino.
- He's said enough, you'll never see them.

- How I'll never see them?
- Tell me Nicola, what do you owe me?

Nothing, I already paid you in advance.

Ok, but now it's summer,
pay me this in advance.

Don Antonio, I already
paid you '56, '57 and '58.

- But '59 is uncovered.
- You like jokes, but I get angry.

Good morning, Don Antonio,
did you bring me a present?

Of course, turn around.

Close your eyes.

Open your eyes.

- Oh, it's beautiful! -You like it?
- Thanks, Don Antonio -You're welcome.

See you later, eh? Bye!

- It's 27,000 lire.
- 27,000 lire.

Plus... plus... plus...

- Give here.
- I was counting them for you.

I count them myself.

So we're even...
and with you, as well.


Oh, you're here at last!
I've been waiting for you for two hours!

And I can't close the luggage
without underwear.

- What you're looking at?
- Nothing... I was looking for you.

Ah... I know who you're looking for.

But you, my son, Mr. Gianni,
you must forget him.

You and all the girls around, right?

Let's go!

Madam, I'm a serious girl!

Maybe you are...

but you iron very badly!

Look at this... Is this ironed?

Well ironed?

My girl...

With this my son has to take his degree in
front of the biggest scientists of the world!


I'll take care of that.

Let's go upstairs, hurry up,
it's late.

And Gianni has to leave for Milano.
Come on! Come on!

Where are my brothers?

They'll make him lose his train.

- They're outside.
- Doing what?

You look like the National Bank cashier.
Counting, counting, but what d'ya count?

Beast! Spend your money! Have fun!

Life is short! Death can comes
any time! Look at me!

One can also live 100 years.

And then?

I've said enough, I've said.

By the way...

- Oh, sorry.
- By the way...

You owe 40,000 lire.

About that consignment of
oil of the last month.

- Consignment? Consignment is consigned!
- No, no, not for me.

Ok, ok. What's that?
You're in hurry?

You just said one can live 100 years.

But death can comes any time.

C'mon, c'mon, hurry up.

Hurry up, hurry up...

It depends on you.


Well, these ones, you take them with you?

Yes, I put them aside.

In the same place.

I put them aside.

Right, if somebody has found a safe place,
it's no use to change it.

Then, go!

You put them in the same place.

I put them aside.

Mine is a friend's advice.

And brother's.

And my advice is to go, now!

You put them there, do you?

I put them aside.

- Just go!
- I'm going.

Don't change the place!
Don't change the place!

- Go!
- You stingy peasant!

Dear brother,

here are your 40,000 lire.

Ah, very well.

One is missing.

- How's that?
- One is missing.

Here it is. A bit of distraction.

It happens.

- So, there's nothing left?
- We're even. - We're even.

- The game is over.

Now, I'd need a little favour.

- What? - We have
to start a new one.

You have to lend me 80,000 lire.

Hmm, not 80,000.

I can lend you these 40,000 lire.

Here they are.

- Distraction.
- It happens.

- Listen...
- You already owe me 40,000 lire.


Didn't I give them to you before?

I gave you 40,000 lire.

And game is over.

Then I asked you 80,000 lire,
but you could only lend me 40,000.

- How many lire are missing
to get to 80? - 40.

Then you owe me 40,000 lire,

It's simple. Maths is not an opinion.

My dear brother, you need
an accountant.

You're ignorant.

I'd like to know what you do
with all this money.

You need lots of money.

I'm not like you.
I'm a man who lives...

lives and knows how to live.

Modestly speaking I know
how to dress myself.

Some girls...
I enjoy myself...

The necklace...

Those dogs, he calls them girls...

One day you'll end up there,
I'm telling you.

- What does it mean there?
- I've said enough, I have.

You said nothing!

You see, for example,
you stingy man,

Of these 40,000 you just lend me,

20,000 are a present to our nephew.

- Understand?
- Bad idea.


Very bad. That's a young guy,
you're spoiling him.

Spoling him?

Look at me. I give him healthy things.

A nice caciotta cheese, and he's okay.

So he's in Napoli, downtown,

he wants to go to the theatre with a girl,

and he goes to the counter
with a slice of caciotta! Peppino!

So there they are!

Antonio! Peppino!

Gianni is ready, c'mon!

Hurry up! The train won't
stay there waiting!

Mom, relax, there's still time.

- Still time, What time is it?
- What time is it?

- Mine is slow.
- And mine is fast.

What time is it?

A quarter past five.

Here's a quarter to five.

- Let's meet us.
- Then it's five.

There's still an hour.

Beautiful son of mine, please, study!

Honour your father's memory!

He wanted you to become a
great doctor so much.

Don't worry, mom,
everything's gonna be alright.

Have a nice trip, doctor.

I'm no doctor, yet.

You will, you will.

With your...
I've said enough.

- What did you say?
- I've said enough.

- Bye Mariangela.

Because of hurrying I was forgetting
the passito wine.

Antonio, Gianni's bag!

- I can take it myself. -No, you must study.
Uncle Antonio e uncle Peppino will take care.

- Uncle Antonio e uncle Peppino.
- It's us.

The bottle.

- Did you hear? Uncle Antonio e uncle Peppino.
- We'll take care.

The boy must study.

Slow down!

A liar woman left me...

Did I hurt you?

But your head is always in the middle.
Think about health.

Check out, is he at the window?

- No. - Take.

- Keep it a while.
- What is it?

- What has he done?
- Nothing. He threw a stone.

Mezzacapa, we don't like him.

So, everytime we buzz around,
we throw him stones.

Haven't you become children, do you?

What children.

Anyway, it's him who throws, not me.

- Write! - Write!

- Don't shoot.
- Let me do it, let me do it.

How can you smile?
He could hit us!

He could hit you, not me!

Why me? You threw the stone!

- Are you bored?
- It's not bad, thanks.

I see, and you know why?

Because here there's too much crowd,
too much light,

and because we're not alone,
you and me.

I have been waiting for 30 centuries.

But I've been in Napoli since a month.

Exactly. Each day a century.

Listen, let's make it,
an English-style escape.

Come to my place.

Are you sure I'd enjoy myself
more than here?

I'm the best partner.

Sure, you're a nobleman,
you're rich


Yes, indeed!

Very haughty.

Hey, you two, did you really decide
to stay together all the time?

I'll wait you on the stairs in 5 minutes.

- It's my turn, now.
- As you prefer.

It's so crowded on this terrace.

- But you invited them.
- Yes, that's true.

And now I can't throw them away.

But I have a bottle of champagne for the
two of us, there, on the other balcony.

Can we drink it you and me,
totally alone,

under the moonlight?



Well... let's not be in advance
of our time!

Yes, good, let's not be it.

Remo, you're a very bad

You let anyone thirsty
and you don't care.

- Go and care of your guests.
- Gabriella, you're so boring.

- Well, what's up?
- I got bored.

- I wanna go away.
- What's wrong with you?

Ah... All these hands upon me...

Dear, try to be rational.

Gabriella... I dance samba only with you.

Stay near to me,

one more night,

you can never know,

how dear you are,

a caress is like the sky,
a caress from the moon,

a caress is like the sea,
a caress of the sand,

let me sleep.

- Good evening.
- Good evening,

I'm sorry, I didn't know that...

Where are you from?

Would you let me go away
through this room?

Of course not, come in.

Thank you.

So, you're a real, a real woman.

Very real, why?

Because I saw you appearing over there

and I thought

if I touch her, she disappears.

If you lead me to the door,
I disappear in a moment.

- I don't wanna disturb.
- Oh no, indeed.

You were playing.


No, I'm taking my degree in Medicine.

Oh, really?

I would let you cure me not even a nail.

And why?

You sing too beautifully
to be a good doctor.

Then? Do you lead me to the door?

With pleasure. But, tell me,
what do you do during the night?

Walk over the roofs?

Where are you from?

From a party I wasn't
interested in anymore.

- Escaped?
- Yes.

Then everybody will be looking for you.

- Not bad. This way?
- I'd love it!

You can go out through this room, as well.

But it's better the other way.

Can you wait a while?

Do you need something, Mr.Gianni?

Don't you sleep?

I've been trying for the last two hours.

A molar tooth.

Did you take a sleeping pill?


Have to take another.

But, won't it make me bad?

No, what bad, open your mouth.

Here it is. A bit of water...

Very well.

And now, take rest, I switch off the light.

- Thank you. -Goodnight.
- Thank you.

Excuse me, would you just wait
for a while before going?


See, this is not my house,

I come from the country,

I'm on board from these
my uncles' acquaintances.

They are a very moral family.

I can't have guests.

Did I compromise the little doctor?

Oh no, you can go if you want,

but grandpa is still awake,

and we have to pass
through there to get out.

I'm saying this for you, as well.


Let's wait.

Now you're thinking about this peasant
from the countryside

and lives here poorly and with no freedom.

I come from the countryside, too.

But, who knows,

maybe I've had too much of freedom.

Are those your uncles?

Yes, they are extraordinary men.

Uncle Peppino, the one
sitting is Uncle Antonio,

- and their nephew, Gianni.
- Marisa.

Then we must drink to our meeting.

Passito. Uncle Antonio
takes special care of it.

No, thanks. I drank too much
and I haven't eaten.

I'd like to drink to Uncle Antonio,

but I should eat something first.

In this case...


Caciotta? Wonderful!

I'm trying to understand
what kind of woman you are.

Really? Is that so hard?

Let's see. What could I be?

A student?

No, you're too refined.

A girl from the high class?

You haven't said a swearword, yet.

A model?

You would care more about your dress.

An actress.

I don't think so.
You'd be showing off.

A bad girl?

Oh no, no clue of that.

Oh, then it means that I'm nothing.

Oh no, indeed. Everything.

A complete woman.

- Do you like it?
- Being a complete woman?

No, the caciotta.

It's delicious.

Uncle Peppino would be proud of this.

- Uncle Antonio, Uncle Peppino...
- And Gianni.

And which is Gianni's speciality?

Well, if you want...

My health is perfect.

Your heart, too?

Unfortunately, yes.

No, put away that instrument,

I like more this one.

Or do the all family wake up?

No, they're used to.

Who's there, with the grandpa?

Mrs. Tina, the Cavalier her husband,
and their daughter Giulietta.

13-year-old and cross-eyed.

- And she's in love with you, of course.
- Who can guess?

When she looks at me,
she stares the radiator

Come on.

One voice, one guitar and a bit of moon,

what do you need more

to play a serenade?

To whisper of love,


sweet words,

for your beloved.

I love you, so much, so much,

I can't live anymore far from you.

One voice, one guitar and a bit of moon.

How sweet this serenade is.

Your mouth comes nearer,

and you hold me more tightly.

With you near I'm happy.

My love,

I can't forget you anymore.

My love,

I can't forget you anymore.

You promised me to lead me to the door.

Would you keep your promise?


Go and check if I can go away.

- Mr. Gianni!
- What's up? Oh, it's you.

You sang beautifully this night.

Thank you, but now go to sleep.

How beautiful your voice is.

Ok, ok, but go to sleep.


What is better than a beautiful memory?

One, two, three, four...

Keep on going, girls.

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Good morning.
- Hi!

What did you do last night?
They looked for you everywhere.

Can I know where you escaped?

- Good morning, miss.
- Good morning.

We're ready, we can start if you want.

Alright, I change my clothes and I come.
- Ok, come on, girls!

I met a young boy.

Handsome and irresistible.

- Nice, very nice.
- Rich?

Very rich. He owned a whole caciotta.

A student in Medicine.

Please, Marisa, don't get on my nerves.

Relax, I won't see him anymore.

Alright. Better like this.

Really better like this.

Who knows?

So, when I came back inside,
she wasn't there anymore.

A nice dream.

Why don't we use it to play
at the lottery?

Two coffees.

Hey, Raffaele, look at this.

Do you call this a dream?

So we have the evidences of the dream.

What do you think?

What do I think?

I think there are the typical features
of the disturber agent of the young man.

Raffaele, I must find this girl
come hell or high water.

- Let's put an add on the newspaper!
- Let's put it.

"Looking for...
I must find this girl..."

"Your son

rather than studying

gets lost with brothel

women. A friend."

Oh mother of mine, what a tragedy!

What we do now? what we do?



Madam, they're out!

Where have they gone?
Send someone to get them!

What a tragedy!

Look what a beauty.

How much did it cost?

2 millions and a half.

Who gave you the money?

- Don't ask. -How's 'Don't ask'?
- Don't ask.

How's 'Don't ask'?

We wanna waste time!

Let's waste it. I wanna know
you gave you the money.

I sold three pairs of oxen.

What oxen?

It ain't none of your business.

No, they are mine business,

I really think so, which oxen?


Here we are!

Keep your hands off!

Not a move! Not a move!

It is because we are brothers, understand?

And then? I'm the elder.

And you sold the oxen to buy this tank?!?

How's the saying?
"Women and oxen from your own country"

Do you call this a tank?

This is a... a jewel of mechanics!

Let's face it:
is it only me not liking Mezzacapa

or you don't like him, too?

I don't like him, too.

But I liked the oxen.

And what does this mean?

It means that when Mezzacapa sees
that we have the tractor,

will be green with envy.

Yes, and meanwhile
the oxen are gone.

And you're disheartened?

You're the only last!

And I come to you speaking
about civilization,

this is civilization, it's progress!

And you want back the animals?
Look what a magnificence!

Don't touch!
Look what a magnificence!

- Ahhh! -What's up?
- What are you doing?

It was: "Ahh... Look the body!"

To keep mosquitos out of the dashboard.

-What? -Dashboard.

These are mechanical terms,
you can't understand them.

This is the mechanical-movemaking

- This is the engine.
- The engine.

Here you put the mixture,

- Here there is the carb... the bica... the bcarb...
- The bicarbonate? -Yes, the bicarbonate!

Does it work with bicarbonate?!?

- What bicarbonate! -The fuel!
- The fuel for the ca-ca-carburettor.

And what is this?

This is the compass.

With the compass we can go North, South,
South-West, Middle-East.

Where you want. Where you want.

- But do you know how to drive?
- I don't but it means nothing.

Why does it mean nothing?

Because everything is written.

You see, there is the inscription.

The way how to use it.

Well... Ah! It's not so easy.

It comes from Milano.
It's written in Milanese.

Well, let's call Mezzacapa.

Him? Never!

But he says he has been in Milano.

Nevermore. Get on!

-No, you get on! -Get on!

Poor beasts of mine...

It's so narrow here.

- It's narrow here!
- You have one leg too much.

Don't give me your shoe...
Where are you putting that foot?

I tell you it is narrow!

Should we ask to widen it?
To put it in the shape?

Don't move.

Peppino! Antonio!

Who's there?

Come home! Don't wander around,
she needs to talk to you!

Later, later.


Hold you tight.

Weight on the left!




Be still.



What happened to you?

Are you playing the Indians?

And do you think
there's time for jokes?

At your age.

Indians? What Indians?
It's a miracle we're alive.

A miracle?

- Why? What has happened?
- His fault.

He insisted to drive the tractor,
this animal.

- Me? -You know nothing,
you can only drive the pigs.

Since you are their facsimile.

What happened then?

Nothing important, nothing important.

You sent for us, what has happened?

Read, read this letter has just come.

A million they have to give me!
At least a million!

- Come in!
- Good morning M. Lucia.

Please calm down, what is happening?

To calm down... it is just a word.
With what they did to me!

Your respectable brothers...

- where are they?
- They are here.

Here they are.

Did you break your head!

You deserve that.

But, what happened?

What happened, an earthquake,
the H bomb.

These gentlemen have played
with the tractor,

and they have smashed down
a wall of mine!

Let's start to dot our i's.

We are serious persons,
we don't play with the tractors.

If this disgrace occured,

it occured, it happened, because

this disgraced brother of mine,

unable at driving, wanted to touch
a gear and the disaster happened.


is it our fault
if the wall couldn't stand the crash?

That's a rotten wall.

The wall wasn't rotten,
it was very compact.

Anyway, rotten or not rotten,
you have to pay for it.

Alright, alright, the one
who broke it will pay.

We pay, we pay,
what's that?,

the Caponi brothers have always paid,
do you understand?

How much are the damages?

How much are the damages?

How much are th..

Do you let me speak?

- Then do it!
- I'm the elder!

How much are the damages?

One million. You have
to give me one million.

One million?

Give him this million. Don't make
me see this Halfhead anymore.

Are we joking? Giving a million
to a halfhead? If so a...

a whole head, how much is it?
A billion?!? He's right!

A whole house, how much is it?
Let's not be exaggerated!

Are we joking?

What are we doing?
The black market of walls?

Alright, alright. Then,
if it isn't a million,

let's hear, how much will you give me?

You, you, instead,

make us a request, but a honest one,
a proper one, let's hear!

Tell! Tell! Tell!

Alright, then i'd tell...

I'd tell??

Where are we?

As if it is a golden wall!

Golden? I haven't spoken yet!

- We are exaggerating! -You've spoken too much.
- We are exaggerating!

Exaggerating, exaggerating...

Excuse me, you tell me to make
a honest request,

and did you make it?

- No, I was going to.
- And didn't you make it?

- Not yet.
- Then, why don't you make it?

-Well, let's make... -Let's make?

Gentlemen, you have to understand
that the wall has to be paid for.

We want to pay for it,
because we have always paid.

Take this out of my sight.

If a million isn't ok,
we can come to an agreement.

I speak. Ok? I speak.

Do we agree then?

Agree what?

How agree what? I mean,
do we agree that I speak?

Ok, let's hear.

It's not your word, not mine,

not my brother's, not my sister's,

200,000 lire and we're even!

200,000 lire? Are we joking?

200... This is a 50,000 matter,
and I'm saying too much.


50,000 lire? You don't
wanna pay, that's it!

Come on, come on, come on!
Deal done!

50,000 lire and we are even!

It was also a disgrace!

- It was a disgrace!
- It was a disgrace!

No, disgrace is only mine!

50,000, we make 25,000 each, ok?

Pay you in advance.

I don't have money right now.

Pay you in advance.

- Do I pay? -Yes, you.
- But you don't move from here, right?

- I stay here. -Do you stay here?
- I stay here.

But how if I move?

Then you pay in advance.

I pay. I go.

I really don't understand this brother
of mine. He's so ignorant!

No, I don't understand the two of you.

Here it is.

Mr. Halfhead, here are your 50,000 lire.

Remember, you owe me 75,000 lire,
I have witnesses.

-How? -I gave 50 to Mr. Mezzacapa,

your part was 25...

- Well, but you owe 40,000...
- That one is over now!

Over? It isn't at all!

Gentlemen, let's be clear. I take
these 50,000 only as a prepayment.

It means that when the wall is done,
we discuss again.

Alright, there's a remedy for everything.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye, goodbye, goodbye.

- Then: you owe me...
- Peppino! Peppino!

With these counting

you're insistent!

You're mortifying! You're a bore!

He is right, you're a bore!

- Now, we have to speak about much
more serious things. -Serious things.

Listen to this letter I
received from Napoli.

Listen to it.

"Your son, instead of studying,

gets lost with brothel women.

A friend."

A friend of yours.

A friend of mine?

There's written a friend, there.

Because it is without signature.

Ah, it is homonymous.

You spoiled him.
You, you spoiled this boy.

And what do we do now?

What we do? Poor boy,
we send him some money.

So, instead of dealing with a bad woman,

he will deal with a good woman.

He really has problems here...

he really lacks of brain.

What we do, then?

We have to call him back.

Yes right,

I've always thought it:

only the military career gives
an iron discipline.

No... Call him back to order
and to feelings towards the family.

Bravo! But how?

Let's write to him.

-Yes. -Let's send him a telegram.

And what do we tell him?

Let's think about it.

We should...

We'd need...

We could...

- I'm thinking.
- Think well!

"Careful: uncles are watching you."

Do you understand something of this?

Maybe they knew you became a Don Juan.

Don Juan...

At your place, you host
blonde and mysterious women,

while I, with all the villa,

I lack of first matter.

The only person I meet

is me in my underwear in the mirror.

I'm so shocking.

Tell me,

your parents,

when do they come back?


Because if we should find her again,
you could...

lend me the house.

Of course...

it's a matter of price, you know.

Listen, Gianni, why don't you tell me
about that girl from the roof?

In the meanwhile I go away.

Have fun of me.

She has become an obsession,

until I can't find her, I...

Do I mean nothing to you?

How stupid you are.

With all the girls walking on the road,
you fall in love with a roof-walker.

Who the hell she may be?

-A student. -A student.

-No, no. -She isn't.

- Or a model. -A model!
Is a model ok for you?

No, no.

A cat, a roof ridge.

No, a girl from the high class.

On the roofs?

Yeah, on the roofs.

- Then an actress.
- She may be an actress.

Yes, yes, she may be.

Maybe my grandma.

But she is an actress!
It's her!

It's her! I swear!

Word of honour, it's her!

-Is she this one? -Yeah!

You will dream of me,

I will dream of you.

And in the dream thousands stars
will shine there in the sky,

if you'll look at me,

and then you'll kiss me.

I will dream of you.

- You will dream of me.
- She is good, isn't she?

Good, good.

And her mother, how good she has been!

And we will live the most splendid reality.

And we will live the most splendid


- Brava! -Here we are:
run home and prepare everything.

Listen, I think you're illuding yourself.

Tell me if you don't wanna
give me your house.

No, I lend it to you but I don't want you
to waste it just for talking!

Don't worry! Leave the key
on the right of the gate

and go to sleep at my pension.

What a wonderful night I'll have.

Tomorrow I'll make you
the anatomy exam!

- Brava! -Extraordinary!
- Here you are at last!

How beautiful you are.

Do you know that you were even
more attractive tonight?

-Really? -Really.

Don't you say hello to me?

Dear, you are here! Welcome back!
Did you like the show?

Sincerely, I liked you.

Do you have dinner with me, don't you?

Excuse me, didn't we agree that...

No, no, I come first!

- First? -Calm down,
because I'm very busy tonight.

That's right. Tonight we have a diplomatic
dinner with that impresario from Milano.

Oh yes. I forgot about it.

You must excuse me
but I really can't come.

Marisa, we make a bad impression!

I? You make it.

As manager, one more, one less...

But... but what shall I tell him?

Tell him what you want.

Now go out you all, because I have
to change and I'm in a big hurry.


help me, I have an appointment
and I don't wanna be late.

"What is better of a beautiful memory?

A pizza together tonight."

This was the best week in my life.

But it's not over like this.
I come to Milano with you.

Oh Gianni, what a joy!

It's wonderful! But your
studies, the university?

I'll bring the lecture notes to Milano, I'll study,
then I'll come back to Napoli for the exams.

Another thing, Gianni,

I'm not a practical girl

but I don't think you're rich.
How do you manage it?

This beautiful house must have cost
a lot to you.

No, no, it was a deal with a friend.

Here I am, I am here...

Who's that guy on the boat?

He passes every day and looks here.

He seems he's spying on us.

No, it's one of those sea wanderers.

Poor him!

- Let's give him something.
- Yes, if you want so.

Oh, here we are.
The daily call from Gabriella.

Excuse me, honey.



Yes, Gabriella, it's me.

I'm fine, very fine.

Of course it is still on.

Listen, would you mind your own business?

Do I come to theatre?
Do I make my duty? Yes.

So don't bother me.

Yes, yes, you can tell the manager, too.

Be damned the day I gave you that key!

Is it possible that I have to come
to my house through the sea?

How boring you are!

Next Monday I'm off.

Great. Where do you go?

To Milano with her.

To Milano? And who gives you the money?

Yesterday I met a family friend. No, a
family enemy. He lent me 300,000 lire.

Lucky you!

Did you bring me my clothes?

Yes, here it is.

Catch it!

130, 140, 150.

Here you are. This is my part,
the rest is my brother's.

Here it is. These are my 150,000 lire.

Very well. Plus 150 it's 300.
Here the bill.

What a shame, what a shame!

Shame... why do you complain?
I've always told you that he's a... a...

- What?
- I've said enough.

When you say ' I've said enough',
you make get angry.

This ' I've said enough'
makes me get angry.

Because you say, you say
and you never say anything.

Do I never say anything?
You call this anything?

You call this anything?!

Stop that. Let me sit.

Listen, Mr. Halfhead,
where did you see my son?

Madam, I've already told you,
I've seen in Napoli.

It happened by chance.

One night I was walking along via Caracciolo,
when I heard someone calling me.

I turned around and there was your son.

He came out from an expensive restaurant
together with a beautiful girl.

I got closer and he
introduced me to the girl.

- Mezzacapa -he said-this is
my girlfriend. -Girlfriend?

Yes, girlfriend.

We took a coffee together,

and at one point he called me
in a corner,

and he asked me 300,000 lire.

What could I do?
Not giving them to him?


I know you since a long time.

I know you as honest people.

- Sorry.
- No problem.

I had to lend him those money.

Of course, I made him signing a bill.

Listen, I go to Napoli.

- But where... -I go.
- Where do you wanna go?!

What do you think, that Napoli
is just down the corner?

Why do you go to Napoli?
Do you think it's like...

I've said enough.

- It's useless you go to Napoli.
- Why is it useless?

Because... there's no one left in Napoli.

Has it been evacuated?

Has it been emptied?

I didn't mean that.

I meant that your nephew
isn't in Napoli anymore.

- Because he followed the lost
women's caravel. -What?

Women in Napoli lost their caravans.

No, what have you understood?!

The lost women's caravel is a vaudeville.

Understand? The lost women,
in Napoli, looked for the villains.

In Napoli, women lost their caravans
because of the villains.

What are you saying, for God's sake?

Haven't you understood?

Mr. Halfhead, you must
be objective with us.

These subtle sentences
don't convince us, ok?

Let's speak clear.

- Clearer than th...
- Clear!

Who lost these caravans?

Nobody lost them.

The caravel is a show,

and Gianni's girlfriend is a singer.

And I mean seriously.

If I can speak freely,

this girlfriend

is a beautiful girl.

Tall, blonde, well-rounded.

She has beautiful legs.

How did you manage to see her legs?

Me? Only me?
A half of Napoli saw them!

At the theatre, it's normal,
you pay the ticket,

you sit on your chair and you see the legs.

Oh my God!

What are these? Legs on payment?

Calm down, calm down.

No, no, now you have to be objective.

- Poor son of mine.
- Calm down, Mrs. Lucia, calm down.

Listen, Halfhead,

you said they left.

Where did they go?

To Milano.

Then, let's go to Milano now.

- Are you crazy?
- Why?

You can't go to Milano like this.

To get to Milano you need,

at least, four days on the sea.

Maybe more, because then...

He has said enough.

What are you saying, please,

sea? What sea?

You go to Milano by land.

On foot?

On foot...

Which country are you living in?

On foot!

Easy to say...

You know where Milano is, don't you?

In Calabria!

In Sardinia, I made a mistake.

Calabria, Sardinia...

Milano is the capital of the North.

We know that.

Try to imagine, this is the "Boot".

Up here there is the North,
down here the South.

Ok, we are those who stay under the boot.

The Southerners.

North, South,

I said I was going to Milano
and I will!

If you want come with me,
otherwise I'll go alone.

My son has got to study.

My son has to leave that woman,

Bless... bless... bless...

Peppino, we have to go to Milano
with our sister.

She can't go alone.

Ok, let's go with her.

Instead, we'd need someone
who gives us advice.

Going to Milano is not easy.


What am I doing here, then?

Everybody calls me "the Milanese".

Halfhead, let's speak clearly.

Have you ever really been to Milano?

How haven't I? I made my military
service there. In 1931.

But what I mean, Halfhead,

what the Milan people said
when they saw you?

What should have they said?

I mean, when you walked by the road...

This stranger...

Let's not be silly,

they didn't notice me at all.
In Milano?

You have no idea about what Milano is.

They speak, they speak, don't they?

Do they speak?

Milano is a great city.

They walk, they walk like us, don't they?

Do they walk? There's a huge traffic.

Indeed, you must be careful.

Crossing the street is a
dangerous thing, there.

We'll never cross it!

We won't even move!

I must say that the
weather isn't like here.

There's a more rigid weather.

- Wind, snow...
- Cold?

Cold, the storms.

The storks.

There are storks?

- On the road?
- On the road.

On the road, everywhere.

They go inside the buildings,
up the roofs...

Water, wind and fog!

Fog... fog...

This frightens me.

Anything else, but the fog...

In Milano, when there's fog, you can't see.

Good Lord!

But who saw her?


This Fog.


But, if people cannot see
when there's Fog in Milano...

how can you see Fog is in Milano?

No, it's something you don't touch, ok?

Don't touch?

- It's something that goes inside you.
- Don't touch her.

But, apart this Fog,
I won't touch her for Christ's sake,

if we have to meet with our nephew,

and with this singer,

how do we see them?
How do we find them?

Right, I haven't thought about it.

It's easy. The singer
has her name on the poster.

Understand? In Milano,
when there is the fog,

they put their names on the posters.

"If you want to meet me, I'm here!"

- A kind of signalling.
- Signalling.

You see the name of the singer,
you go to the theatre.

What is her name?

Miss, this is from Grand Milan's direction,
with many congratulations.

Are you happy, my dear?

I'm so happy, my love,
but you shouldn't have done it.

Should not? You make me study all day long,
tonight that is your birthday...

For you, miss.

Thank you.

Who's the sender?

That gentleman over there.

Who's he?

I don't know.
It's the first time I see him.

But he sends you flowers, doesn't he?

Dear, you often forget I'm a showgirl.

But you make me remember it.

Gianni, please.

Here they are, our doves!

I didn't miss them.
Was it you who invited them?

Me? Are you crazy?

Come, come, follow me.

You wanted to be alone, didn't you?

But you can't escape from us.

We sit even though we're not invited.

Waiter, another table.

May I? How are you, Marisa?

- Fine, thanks.
- Twentytwo!

They are 22 like the other years,
aren't they?

- One single cake wouldn't be
enough for yours. -Evil you are.

I have a present for you, too.

A proposal for South America.

Don't spoil my birthday
with the same proposals of yours.

We only miss South America, now.

And we only miss that she puts
a spoke in our wheel.

I come to America with you
only if he makes me get angry.

So, let's hope for the best.

Doctor, are you singing for us tonight?

Why not? Give me the guitar.

There is one that really suits
with what is happening now.

Love was keeping me in chains,

but I said it was enough
and I got free.

The sky looks blue anymore.

The sun looks bright anymore.

And my heart is singing from happiness.

That girl, that girl,

She is telling me she wants to leave me.

She thinks I'm swallowing a bitter pill.

She thinks I'll go crazy
and shoot myself.

That girl, that girl,

She doesn't know the favour
she makes me.

I'll find a prettier one

and alone she will be.

That girl, that girl, that girl!

Yesterday I got a letter

from the usher's daughter.

She writes she's not happy.

She'd like to make peace with me.

But I am enjoying my freedom.

That girl, that girl,

She is telling me she wants to leave me.

She thinks I'm swallowing a bitter pill.

She thinks I'll go crazy
and shoot myself.

That girl, that girl,

She doesn't know the favour
she makes me.

I'll find a prettier one

and alone she will be.

That girl, that girl, that girl!

What are you doing there?

Nothing, I'm breathing fresh air.

What should I do?

By the way,

Bring some money with you

because we'll have to face
mad expenses in Milano.

Hotels, travels, trains.


I'll bring everything I have.

But bring yours, too.

Bring mine...

Mine, I arrived late.

To the bank?

No, to my bank.

Listen, would you lend me some money?

I must confess you something.

I don't know how.

I have less money here, less!

- How is that possible?
- I don't know.

You always keep it as...
Where do you keep it?

That's my own business,
but I have less.

I had a million first.

Do you know how much is left?

700,000 lire.

How do you know that?

You can see it:

that is a 700,000 lire package.

So, I miss 300,000 lire.

It's a logical thing,
a logical consequence.



You don't keep yourself up to date.
You don't read the newspapers.

You don't follow the stock exchange.

Currency devaluates.

Yours had a 30% devaluation.


Currency devaluation.


Why is everybody laughing?


- They smile.
- Of course they do.

- Did you ever look at yourself
in the mirror?

Dear Peppino, you,

Milano style dressed,
are ridiculous!

And you don't, do you?

What's the point with me?
I follow the trend.

Anyway, Halfhead said it was cold
in Milano, that there was the fog.

So what?

Where is this fog?

What did Halfhead say?

When there is the fog,
you don't see.

There is the fog and you don't see her.

And you don't touch her.

Anyway, I feel hot.

Don't be silly, it's cold in Milano.

But I feel hot.

It must be a hot cold.

Listen, let's go to the hotel,
I'm dying from this hot.

We go, now we go, even though
I really don't feel all this hot.

- Don't you?
- No, I don't.

It can't be hot in Milano.

Here is the wine. And the oil


And bread.

Hang up this caciotta.

Here's the pasta.

Wheat pasta.

Will it be enough for three days,
what do you think?

- Let's hope so.
- They are four kilos.

Give me the bag with the linen.

I've already taken care of that.

- Where's my dearly departed husband's
portrait? -It's there!

What's in here?

Our underwear.

Underwear? Out! Out! C'mon!

Out, out, out!
Walk around the room!

I think we set up everything.

I tell you what,
now that we are in Milano,

why don't we go and see
this famous Colosseo?

No way with the Colosseo.

You have to take care of my son's problem.

I'll take care of it, as I told you.

I go and speak with this
girl, two words that...

I've said enough.


What do you mean with this 'I've said
enough' and you always say nothing?!

What do you think?
That speaking is enough?

What idea did you get?

You think she's a woman worth nothing?!

That's a woman of high rank.

This problem needs money,
a lot of them.

And we have brought money with us,
by luck.

- I have brought.
- You have brought.

Did you bring that basket?

We make this, in that basket,

we put all the money,

then we write a nice covering letter,

and we bring it to her.

I wanna come with you.

No, you go and take some rest
because you're tired.

Lucia, go! Let us do it,
we are the men!

Lucia, are we men or are we not?

Aren't we men?

What did your brothers come for,

Man, paper, inkpot and pen, c'mon!

Come on, let's write.

Did you write?

-A moment! -C'mon, start!

Paper, inkpot and pen.



- Where is she? -Who?
- The miss.

What miss?

You said 'Miss'

Did a miss come in?

- Come in!
- Beast! Miss!

It's the letterhead

of the letter.

What was wrong with that 'Miss' you wrote?


We come... we come... we...

with this letter of mine to tell you

'Totellyou' one single word: totellyou!

To tell you one single word.

-That. -That.

-That. -That.

-What? -One 'that'?

One 'that'!

-That. -That.

You will forgive us if they are not enough.

-That. -That.

You will forgive us if they are not enough.

But 700,000 lire

semi-colon, are

are for us, expecially 'cause this year

one single word


there has been a big
pestilence of the cows,

as you surely know.

Dot! Colon!

Yeah, let her see we abound.

Abbondantis adbondandum.

This money are for

This money are for

This money are for your comfort.

Write faster.

-Co-m-f... -For your comfort.

I thought it was 'for your comfit'.

Don't interrupt me that I lose the thread.
I've it all in my mind!

I thought it was the comfit.

From the sorrow

from the sorrow you shell have

shell have

shell have

yes, it is, it's feminine.

Shell have for the reason why


I don't know

What you don't know?

-Why what? -What?

The reason why! The sorrow because!

It's the adjective for sorrow, isn't it?


you must leave

our nephew

because his uncles,
that's us ourself personified,

What are you making, a slog,
that you dry your sweat?!

That's us ourself personified,

send you this

because the lad

is student who studies

that has to gradate



that has to keep his head
screwed in the same way

that means

in the right way.

Dot, semi-colon, dot, semi-colon.

It's too much.

Let it be.

She won't say we're from the countryside,
that we are stingy.

But it's too much.

Yours unfaithfully

yours unfaithfully,

hurry up,

the Caponi brothers,

that is us.

Open bra!

Open a bra and say 'That is us',
the Caponi brothers.

Did you open the bra?

Close it.

Here it is.

Did you wanna add something?

I think there's no need.

Fold it. Come on!


Close it. Let's go!

- Lucia, we are going!
- We're out!

Be careful!



Are you going out?

Yes, I'm going to the theatre.

I have the dree rehearsal.

Do you come back here before the show?

I'm afraid it's not possible.

Then I'll come to take you
when it's over.

No, better not,
you waste a lot of time.

Is there some particular reason
you don't want me in the theatre?

When the show is over, I come back
and we go to dinner together.

Listen, my love,

you don't tell any lies, do you?

Lying to you?!


-Bye. -Bye.

Beautiful, isn't it?

What is it? The town hall?

The town hall? What are you saying?

This may be the Scala Theatre of Milano.
[Scala = Ladder]

And where is it?


The ladder.

It will be inside, won't it?

- Beautiful, it looks like it's real.
- Looks? It is real!

This is Etruscan style.

It's a half oval. A half oval.

This country is so big,
that I can't find myself.

What do we do?

We should find someone to ask
for this Marisa Floriani's address.

Let's ask that soldier over there.

That one? Are you crazy?

He could be an Austrian general.

What's the problem. We're allied.

Are we? Yes, that's true. We are allied.

- Excuse me. -Ouch!
- Stay far.

Excuse me,

- do you live here?
- Yes, please.

- Do you live here?
- Yes,

I live here, why?,
did you think I was German?

You are German? I told you he was.

- And what do we do now?
- Let me speak, don't worry.

- Do you speak it? Of course, I
had a friend prisoner in Germany.

Let me speak,
otherwise I wander from the point.


- Nojo...
- What?

He understands!

- What did he say?
- I tell you later.


voule... voulevam... voulevons


Nojo voulevan savoir l'indiriss


You have to speak Italian
because I can't understand you.

He speaks Italian! He speaks Italian!
Congratulations! Bravo!

Excuse me,

Where did you think you were?
This is Milano.

Yes, precisely, I know.

We would like to know

to go where we have to go,

where do we have to go?
It's just an information.

- Listen,
- Sir, yes, sir.

If you want to go the sanitarium,

- I will lead you.
- Yes, sir.

I can't believe.

Where are you from? Bergamo?

He didn't understand a word.

Do you know what we do?

This is the main square.

Let's sit here and she will pass by.

Are you crazy? This isn't a village.

This is a big city.

- What do we do then?
- Come with me, trust me, come with me.

What is that?

That may be the Titus' arc.

- Isn't it dangerous?
- No, it isn't.

It is so tall.

Excuse me, who are you looking for?

Miss Florian.

You're here, at last!

Listen you got to iron this,
Last changing room, n.10.

Quick, girls, it's late!

This time we'll be fined.

I'll make him a smile
and he won't fine us.

- All because of you.
- Easy, easy, let's go.

At last you came, what happened?

Come in.

May I?

The ironer. Come in, come in.

Come inside.

You'll find everything over there.

D'you know what I'm telling you?

Everyone has his own ideas.

Yes, but in the end there's
only one thing that matters.


If you don't have anything better.

Falling deeply in love must be
a real disgrace for you.

I think it's a fortune.

Excuse me, who is Miss Florian?

It's me.


No, nothing.

I think the iron is hot now.

Yes, yes, it is.

Hi Marisa.

A telegram from New York.

The producers will probably come tonight.

I appeal to you.

I've already told you
that I won't come to South America.

Ok, ok, we will see.

Marisa, would you ruin our careers, too?

Anyway, do me a favour,
be kind to them.

Induce them to sign.

I will finish them after.

Marisa, please, we depend on you.

Alright, what a drag!

Please, the tulle petticoats
must be very stiff.

Alright, you'll be attended, Miss.

What a nice Milanese accent!

We, people from Napoli have a good ear.

We need just a few hours
and we learn.

Anyway, I adore the people from Napoli.

But I'm from the countryside.

Them expecially.

Maybe it's because I've a special reason.

Are you engaged to
some young man from there?

Did I guess?

Some nice, very rich, generous young man.

All true.

He's the best man in the world,

Only he is not rich, he's a student.

A student, o Lord,
what are you saying?

Sorry, but I am an old woman,

I could be your mother,

why do you want a moneyless
student to marry?

But I earn enough for two

Now you wanna offend that poor young man.

Do you think he'll accept
to live with your money?

Then we will live with his few.

It's so easy to say...

Marisa, would you lend me your greasepaint?

- You always need something.
- That's it...

So, you could leave everything for him.

The theatre, the luxury.

When you fall in love, madam...

You're in deep trouble, my dear.

Either you ruin him,
or you ruin yourself.

Sorry, but I'm speaking from the heart.

I'd like to know why people
thinks we are special.

Why? Can't I fall in love and marry me
like all the other girls?

Miss, you're really nice,

but, see, there is a reason.

For example, can you roll out the dough?


If your husbands gets
an ink stain on his jacket,

do you know how to wash it?


Have you ever made a washing?

No, I've never made it.

But I'll learn, and a lot of other things.

And there's one thing you reasonable
people will never learn.

What really loving each other is.

You can't even imagine it.

I love my boyfriend more than my life.

I could even be a maid,
for his love.

Ok, don't get angry.

I've spoken this way cause I'm a mother.

Miss, there's this gentleman,
do I let him in?

Ambrogio, I've told you
not to let in anybody.

But this is an Earl.

I told you no one, except Mr. Gianni,
but he isn't coming tonight.

Are you married, aren't you?

I'm widow.

Did you know how to make everything
when you got married?

But we were of the same condition.

Who do you think I am?

Ny father was a village vet,
and he will be doctor, soon.

He will be it if he studies.

What do you think he's doing now?

I he doesn't study, I don't wanna see him.

Do you need it now?

My dress! Yes.

Is it okay like this?

Yes, good!

How beautiful you are!

Now I understand why that student
lost his mind for you.

I lost it, too.

I'd make any sacrifice
for Gianni's happiness.

His name is Gianni.

Good evening, miss.

How much I owe you?


Come, it's here.

I think it's here.

- At last!
- I can't walk anymore.

Yes, this is the stage.

Let's hope to find her.

Gentlemen, you can't stay here.

So sorry.

You can't stay there, too.

And you can't smoke.

And you can't go in.

And you can't speak.

Dear man, you are exaggerating, aren't you?

Don't go in, don't smoke,

don't speak,

I think this is too much.

Tell us what we can do.

First you have to tell me who you are,
what you want and what you look for.

What is this? A road block,
a frontier, a border?

Sorry, sorry, you're always behind...

There's more freedom in our country!


But maybe you are the people from...

- Abroad!
- From the South.

I'm so sorry.

Miss Florian is waiting for you.

I hadn't realized.

Where is Miss Florian?

At the end of the corridor, on the right.

Changing room n.10.

- Next time we will see in our country...
- Let it go!

Who are they? The producers
from South America?

Yes, it's them.

Don't be a troublemaker.

Good evening gentlemen.

Remember me,
I'm the one who dances on tiptoe.

- Where do you dance?
- On tiptoe.

She says she dances on tiptoe...
Lucky her!

And I'm the one that does
the splits in the 2nd act.

That does the splits in the 2nd act.

- What does it mean?
- Are you asking to me?

- Two plus two is... is?
- Four! -Four!

She says if you are thirsty
and want an olive.

-No, thanks. -No, thanks.

Enjoy your meal.

Buenasera senor.

Would you give me a cigarette?

I don't smoke.

If you want to take a puff...

Another laugh near the pipe.

you won't see much of me tonight.

They cut my part.

What did they cut?

The part, the part.

Which one?

The best one.

- It's a pity so young...
- I'm so sorry for you.

- Marisa, they are here.
- Who?

The producers, the SouthAmericans,
they are so boorish!

Ok, let them in.

Please, come in.

- Here we are.
- Please, adelante, adelante.

Adelaide! Adelaide!

No, please, do come in,
please, please, come in.

Muy encantada, please,
take a seat,

forgive the mess of my room,
but it's work, you know.

You must forgive my Spanish but
I was in Barcelona a short 'tiempo'.

But you speak a little Italian, don't you?

Sometimes yes, sometimes not.

Not the Latin, not the Latin.

- Well, miss...
- Well

A moment, I'll speak
because I'm the elder.

Miss, with no offense,
we are serious persons.

Persons that...
here we are.

I know, the vice-consul of Paraguay
told me a lot about you.

- Who's him?
- Paraguay?

Do you know this guy?

He must be someone we met by chance.

Indeed, nobody says bad things about us.

We were waiting for you,
we got your telegram.

Did you send a telegram?

- Who sent this telegram?
- I didn't! -Neither did I!

- Who sent it?
- It must have been someone for you.

- Who can he be?
- Mezzacapa!

He never minds his own business.

That one! You don't know Mezzacapa!

By the way, we want to deal with
the conditions, don't we?

Which conditions?

The financial conditions.

Here we have som...

It's not the right time,
not the right time.

Let's hear.

I have many expenses, the dresses,
the costumes, my life tenor...

Also the tenor?

Is there a tenor, too?

Ok, it means that we'll provide
for the tenor as well.

Did you bring some small change?

I will speak with the tenor, ok?

I wanted to ask you:

Are things quiet in the South?
No revolutions a-coming?

Are we joking?
Revolutions in the South?

Because I read in the newspapers
about some movement...

Even this they put in the newspapers!

- The journalists... -That is nonsense,
nothing to be worried about.

That has to do with our enemy,

So, you are interested in politics.

Sometimes, we break his windows.

Break his windows, but we're joking.

- And he shoots us. -He's a hunter,
so he shoots us.

And Gianni... you know.


What does Gianni have to do with this?

He does. Gianni is our nephew.

How? So you are...

Gianni's nephews.

Nephews' Giannis.

The nephew... We are the neph...
the nephew...

Gianni has a nephew...

And who is this nephew?

-Speak! -Speak!

Excuse him.

He makes me confuse.

We are Gianni's uncles.

Gianni is nephew to us.

-To me. -To the Caponi.

Gianni's uncles!

How didn't I recognize you immediately?!

It's not so easy, we are in disguise.

In civvies.

I wonder what Gianni will
say when he sees you.

You, you are Uncle Peppino.

And you are Uncle Antonio.

- And how is Mom Lucia?
- Fine, thanks.

I'm happy.

- Well, here there is..
- Oh, thanks!

Are they for me?


You are so kind, very kind.

Miss? On stage!

I'm coming! Sorry, but I must go,
I must leave you.

But sit here!
Sorry I gotta run.

Did you understand?

Did you understand?

She's on the run. I wonder
what else she has done.

Where does she go?

How do I know?

If you were not my brother,

I would beat you.


You didn't make me talk.

She didn't let us talk.
She did it on purpose.

She didn't, yes, she didn't.

What do we do now?

What do we do now? We go.
What do you wanna do?

Going, uh?

The basket with the money
and the letter is there.

When she comes in, after her flingery,
her fling, she comes back,

she opens and reads all the...

I made my point, ok?

And what are we gonna do?

We are in Milano.
Aren't we gonna have fun?

- And Lucia? -Lucia... Just half an hour,
a bit of fun and we go home.

I've seen that blond one there
winking to me!!

Be serious!

She locked us up.

How stupid you are! How stupid you are!

C'mon, cheer up!

Do you know what we do now?

We invite all those pretty
girls at dinner with us.

- Don't be louse! -All of them?
- All of them, shame on you!

In a town abroad, that's the way to be.
Being magnanimous to each other.

In your pocket, how much do we have?

We must come back home, remember.

We'll do it somehow.

No joking!

They are coming, don't speak,
never speak! Here they are.

Your plans for tonight, caballeros?

We want to have some fun.

Every night, after the show,
we have dinner at Grand Milan.

If you want to give us this honour,
we'll have a good laugh all together.

We'll have the time of our life.

So, go ahead, order a pretty nice dinner,
and when the show is over we join you.


- What are you doing? What's up?
- My hat, my hat!

It's the custom!

- Custom?
- Didn't she give you this?

- Do I have to put this on my head?!
- No, you put your hat on it.

She took it!

But she gave you this.

- And where do I put it?
- In your pocket.

Look at me, would you give one
even to me, miss?

- Please! -It's the custom.
This is the receipt.

Shut up!

Good evening, gentlemen.

Good evening. Do you know him?

-No. -He saluted me.

They are polite in Milano, salute him!
Good evening, good evening.

How many gentlemen?

-How many? -Gentlemen.

We don't know how many gentlemen
there are in Milano.

No, I mean you, you.

- Us? How many are we?
We are two!

We are the Caponi brothers.

I'm the elder, he's the second one.

A table for two, then.

No, we are waiting for
those girls of the...

Those that... those that...
the vaudeville, ok?

Those in fancy-dress.

I got it, I got it.

Then, in the upper parlour. Please.

It's that, it's that.

Would you gentlemen wait?

-We wait. -We wait.

Good night.


Marisa, have you seen
the Duke in the stalls?

I guess he's in Milano for us.

I've seen him, I've seen him.

My dear, if you used your brain,
you'd come at dinner with us tonight.

Don't you know he is crazy after you?

Please, Gabriella, stop
with all this stuff!

Do you know who came to meet me tonight?

Gianni's uncles.
Two simpletons, but very, very nice.

I left them here, when I was back,
they have gone away.

They were so confused.

They brought me a basket
from the countryside.

Look, it must be there.

Why are you laughing? What's the matter?

So when are this girls coming?
They are late!

Late... What are they,
the train from Battipaglia?


This is a luxury eatery.
We'll lose our life here.

We'll lose our life! We'll lose our life!

Peppino, I'd beat myself!


By all means,

in for a penny, in for a pound!

Indeed, a dinner for 6-7 people,
how much can it be?

2-300,000 lire!

2-300,000 lire? Are you crazy?
Who has them?

- Who has them?!
- Yes, who has them?

How much do you have?

- I have 20,000 lire.
- 20,000 lire?

You wretch, why didn't you tell me before?

Now we call the waiter and we make a deal
for a dinner at cost price.

Let's make this deal, first.

Let me do.



He comes immediately.

Good evening gentlemen.

Good evening, commander.

What do you gentlemen need?

We wanted to talk to the waiter.

Precisely, I am the maitre.

- What did he say?
- He is a metre.

A metre?
He doesn't look his highness.

Nice to meet you. Please, take seat.

Take seat, don't stand.

Thank you, gentlemen, I cannot.

You're the welcome, come on!

- He says he cannot.
- If you can't...

We do sit down, because we're a bit tired.

What do you gentlemen were saying?

- Can we speak freely with you?
- Please.

We have a meeting with some girls.

- So, we'd like to organize a dinner...
- I understand!

- A dinner that is...
- I understand!

I'm here to counsel our customers.
I am the counsellor.

You are the Councillor!
Very pleased to meet you!

May I, Mr Councillor?
Very pleased to meet you!

-My brother. -Bighead.

We are the Bigheads brothers.

- Take seat! Don't you want?
- Please, gentlemen.

We are sorry that you stand.

Then, a cold dinner or a hot one?

- Hot, hot, hot!
- A tepid one... -A hot one!

How many persons are you?

- Well, we are two males...
- And five females.

So, there's need of seven covers.

- Seven covers? -If we'd asked the tepid
one, there wouldn't have been need of them!

Listen, Mr. Councillor

it's not so cold in Milano.

Couldn't we eat without blankets,
in order to feel more free, fresh?

You must be joking.
You can't eat without cover.

Is it compulsory? -The rules...
- It must be a custom in Milano.

I'd suggest a tortoise soup as a starter.

- One moment... How... how...
- Tortoise soup, yes!

- Price?
- My brother is a price collector.

He always wants to be informed, you know.

How much is it?

1,300 by 7 is 9,100 lire.

A bit expensive, uh?

No, no, let's skip the soup.

One should always start with a soup.

Ok, let's make a nice bean soup.

Good! Great idea! Beans! For everyone!

Trust me.

I'll arrange a service you
won't forget, nevermore.


A service you won't forget, nevermore.

Yes, sir.

He'll really make us the 'service', uh?

- He will. -Have you seen his face?
So irritating. A real swine.

He threatened us clearly.

- How much do we have?
Make me see those 20,000 lire!


Let's see these 20,000 lire, in case...

They are only two, only two.

Sometimes they stick together.

Two, only two.

We'd need a miracle.

We'd need a miracle.

St.Antonio of mine,
dear St.Antonio of mine,

you who are such a miraculous saint,

you who do 13 graces per day,

do one grace for me.

Don't let the girls come here.

Here we are!

St. Antonio, I thank you!

Antonio! Peppino! We thought you were
the South American producers.

-Is dinner ready? -I could eat a horse!

And I am thirsty... A lot
of champagne for me!

Leave it down!

This is from Marisa.

She returned the empties.

No, no, there are the money!

And she asked me to tell you

she doesn't wanna know anything else
about your nephew and your dirty money.

Don't touch!

This is dirty money. Dirty!
Come on, let's eat!

Councillor! Waiter!

Vegetable soup! Tortoise soup!
Fish canape'!


Hello. 'Nuovo' Theatre, please.
The stage.

Hello, it's 'Nuovo' Theatre.

Excuse me, is Miss Florian still there?

She's left already.

Left? When did the show end?

More than an hour ago.

-Thanks. -You're welcome.

Come in.

What is it? Thanks.

"Gianni, don't ask me why,

but we must take our own roads.

Farewell, Marisa."



Hi, sit with us.

This stupid brother of mine

hid the money under a brick!

I went there...

- and I nicked all his money!
- You rascal!

There's not the sun in Napoli,
when you're not there.

Not the moon, not the sea, nothing.

- Shut up, I'm jealous!
- Well done!

You cut a poor figure of yourself.

If you had done to someone else

what you did to me,

this man would have killed you,

and do you want to know why?

Because over this world

women like you

shouldn't exist for a man

that is honest like me.

- Woman...
- Who's that boy? Do you know him?

- You're an evil woman,
- No, I never saw him.

You made these eyes cry

tears and infamies.

Woman, you're worse than a viper,

you poisoned my soul,

I can't live anymore.

Woman, you're sweet as sugar,

but this angel face

is there to betray.


you're the most beautiful woman,

I love you and I hate you

I can't forget you anymore.

Woman, you're the most beautiful woman,

I love you and I hate you,

I can't

forget you.

-It's Gianni! -It's a record!

Gianni! Gianni!

"Go and sleep because you are tired..."

"We are men..."

"We get rid of her"

And I trusted you, stupid me.

Look there,

look how they are reduced, look.

You came to Milano to save your nephew,
didn't you?

Lucia, don't shout, please!

I' ve got the apathetical colics.

Please, there's no shouting
with the apathetical colics.

We saved our nephew in the end, didn't we?

Nothing else matters.

It was all tactics.

It was a sort of strattregical manoeuvre.

We made a fling...

Why worrying? In the end, we are men.

I've said enough.

Shame on you!

Why shame?

How could I know
that I was popular in Milano?

Don't make me laugh.
You are old and potty!

The minor spoke.

Peppino, my liver!

It was all that alcohol we drank yesterday.

Curacao, Bernocchi...

Go to Hell!

However, we reached our aim.

We got rid of the girl.

Got rid?

The only words she deserved,

you weren't able to tell her.

You're really a good daughter.

And this one is like her mom.

Like her dad.

Come to your dad.

Our holidays are ending,
even this year.

Are you sorry for that?

In Napoli, you have no time for me
with the bloody clinic.

- But, sometimes...
- A pizza together.

Where is Gianni jr.?
I haven't been seeing him for an hour.

Those two madcaps brought
him on the calash.

Where do they go with my son?


They tell they have to teach him
the family traditions.

A liar woman has left me...

-Did I hurt you? -No.

How not?

Check out! Is he at the window?

Throw the stone, come on.

Strongly, come on, come on.